Mean Boys - EP 189 - Kangaroo Fight Videos (feat. @IRollTwnties)

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

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time. Visit your local Chevrolet dealer for details. What up, everybody? Mean Boys podcast. Back at it, an episode with Superfan Harrison out in Australia. Yeah, Skyped in. I just had a fun chat with him, you know, just shouting Australian stereotypes at him while he just, you know, groaned. Well, he charmingly showed up his toy collection. Yeah, just like, you ever, I don't know, see a prisoner? And he's like, no, really?

And you're like, all right. What about a dingo? Near or a baby? Maybe. And nothing like that. I do have a lot of magic the gathering cards. Froggies and Furbies or, you know, Red Robin. I don't understand.

That was mostly valid. You know how Jews have those, like, letters that are like the real guttural Torah reading letters? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Australians have their own vowel they just use for everything. They all turn into an R. Yeah. What? What?

It's every single one at the same time. But it was super fun. Check out Harrison. He's promoted for Impact Pro Wrestling, I think. Some kind of wrestling thing. I'll put the link to it in the show. Yeah, he'll talk more about it later in the show. But fun surprise there.

Yeah, so that's fun stuff. You know what else is fun? We're going on tour. Wow. As of when this drops. We are? Yeah, we are leaving for Houston, Texas tomorrow. Oh, we are, yeah.

Yeah, here's where we're going. Houston, Austin, Plano. Technically, yeah, Plano, but pretty much Dallas. Yeah. Kansas City, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Austin, Plano, technically, yeah, Plano, but pretty much Dallas, Kansas City, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Nashville, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Orlando. You said tomorrow, and I went, oh, no, I'm not ready at all. Yeah, so we're almost there, guys. Thanks for grabbing tickets online.

They are cheaper online if you want to grab them. They also do relieve a lot of anxiety we have about nobody showing up. Indeed. Yeah, which most of the shows we're feeling pretty okay about at this point. Yeah, and most of the time we're vindicated with, you know, but yeah. And look, I don't want to name Nashville's, but maybe some of you. Oh, no.

Fucking Houston is also pretty sparse. Oh, is it? Yeah, I talked to the guy. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, so I don't know. We might just not be the kind of act for Houston. Maybe not. Why don't you use it at a blast? They should come out.

Yeah, that doesn't make you popular there, nor does it make us popular. Houston love me. Houston ain't listening, bro. Yeah. And if they are, they have decidedly voted nay on this. It seems like that meant more to you than it did to Houston. Listen to some of these numbers.

Your little one-night stand. Well, that's the first I'm hearing that information, and it's a pretty big bummer. But if you want to help alleviate that bummer, meanboyspodcast.com. Pick up your tickets. We are going to be tasing Tom out on the road. Yeah, we do. Thank you guys so much for getting us the 500 whole iTunes reviews, which is a lot. That's, you know, like I don't want to make a fraction of what percentage of people that listen to the show had to leave a review.

But it's in the double digits. Yeah, that's a lot of you guys. We appreciate it. And, yeah, that was fucking a lot of good stuff. I mean, this one, I mean, near and dear to my heart. I did sex with Connor and he made me write this review. Hashtag Taze Tom. Well, thanks, fella.

That's a lady I know. I'm glad getting Taze got. Well, thanks, fella. That's a lady I know. I'm glad getting Taze got you laid, buddy. Yeah. Well, I mean, she always tells me that you're the funniest one, which is great. Which is always weird for me to hear, because I mostly just ruin the show. You guys carry most of the comedic weight. And I'm like, all right, tell me about kangaroos. I just feel like if you know what a horned toad is.

If you've got a vested interest in a guy getting hard, don't tell him his friend is funnier. No matter what, however he defines his self-worth. Yeah, it's a rough thing to hear. Yeah, we got the taser. The taser has dried out after we accidentally put it in the shower, so it's ready to go. Ready to zap. Tom, how are you feeling about it? It's coming down the pipes.

It's a sure thing. I'm ready. Dude, I'm not afraid of no electricity. Yeah, Tom came up to me the other night, and he was like, you know, I'm worried about this tasing thing because we said we'd do it, and I thought he was going to be like, oh, okay, like he thinks it might cause some health problems maybe with his pancreatitis or his other numerous medical issues. He goes, well, no, we said the most pre-sales, but the most pre-sales isn't a podcast city, and I don't want to cheat everybody out of the tasing. The most pre-sales is a podcast city. Right.

I thought it was. Well, now it is, but at the time, I think Plano was in the lead. Okay. Kansas City is not. So that's what a man of the people Tom is, is he was like, I got to get tased twice, or else I'm not giving the people what they want. Yeah, that's true.

So he's holding up his end of the bargain. Yeah, that part is not for sure, but what is for sure is it will happen at least one time. No, I think we're committing right now that Tom's going to get electrocuted at every show. I wasn't trying to even do that. I was just trying to say, you know, how Tom is a good podcaster. He's the man of the people. That's why he's going to get electrocuted at every show.

I'm willing to get electrocuted. And unfortunately, the people want you to get shocked, bitch. Yeah, I've never been electrocuted. We're going to have to do it like how an old person pricks their fingers and they alternate, you know, get their blood sugar. We're like, all right, we'll get Taze the calf in Austin. We'll do the shin in Houston. Yeah, find a clean fold. The knee in Plano.

Yeah. We're going to do the undergunt for Kansas City. They get the wettest spot. Yeah. So that's happening on Patreon this month. Our $10, I don't know, fucking pay pigs will be getting a koozie that says Partylicious on it. And a fun Coca-Cola inspired font. So you can keep your hand warm and your drink cold. Partylicious.

Partylicious, that's the name of my album that will be coming out at some point. Awesome. Because maybe your boy forgot you got to make a cover for these kind of things. Ah, covers. Yeah, well, you know, aren't you having all these important business meetings about it up in Simi Valley at Kyle's mom's house? At fucking Radco. Yeah, the Radlands Records headquarters, you know? It's kind of like the same story as Rick Rubin, except it never went anywhere.

Last time we were there, Kyle told a story about his day. Or actually, I don't know if I can tell this story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, nothing happened. So, yeah, Barkees album, you know, do a weekly bonus content. You guys did the, you know, you did some cool stuff. Tom did a preview episode of his Leaving the Tribe podcast. Extremely popular.

It's been blowing up my Twitter mentions, and I had nothing to do with it. I need to find all the artwork problems have been increasing. If anyone, I'll figure this out later. We also did me telling Tom Bible stories, which was pretty fun. By the way, I've seen your tweets. I know the sound levels were fucked on that. I fucked up the levels on my mic, but we will definitely do that again, and we'll make sure we have Connor the adult to make sure everything works.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, no, I think people like both of those. So that's happening. We just did a catch-up show. That was fun. But Tom's trip up to Canada, you know, I talked a lot about meeting Monster from The Masked Singer. So, you know, everyone had some juicy, juicy gossip. But, you know, I think that's pretty much all the business, right, guys?

Yeah, jump on the Reddit, the Discord. Give us a subscribe on YouTube. Yeah, just crack the 1,000 YouTube subscribers. Thanks to Big Chopped. Hell, yeah. Yeah, jump on the Reddit, the Discord, give us a subscribe on YouTube. Yeah, just crack the thousand YouTube subscribers. Oh, shit. Yeah, thanks to Big Chopped. Hell yeah. Yeah, Big Chopped. Yeah, so if you haven't seen that,

go check it out. It's great. Yeah, watch Big Chopped. Big Chopped got me booked on a stand-up show. I don't think Mean Boys has even done that unless we put it on.

I don't think so either. I think we have. You've never gotten me on any goddamn shows. Yeah, no rules. It's gotten my emails to Hot Tub ignored. No, I don't know.. You've never gotten me on any goddamn shows. That rules. It's gotten my emails to Hot Tub ignored. No, I don't know. Never emailed Hot Tub.

All right. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's episode with our friend of yours, I Roll 20s, a.k.a. Harrison, all the way from Australia. All right. Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. Get really good at jumping through windows because God's going to keep shutting those doors. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden.

And I'm... Everyone who's ever yelled the N-word on Xbox Live. Oh, that's uncomfortably accurate. Yeah. Within 30 seconds, I'm like, there's a bunch of Funko Pops, and you're drinking a Monster Energy, and this dude has definitely drawn a swastika on college. Yeah, you got, like, the two book on each ear for headphones. Those things are huge.

Yeah, well, you know, when I'm playing Call of Duty with my bros, and I've got to make sure I can hear where all of the... Did you just say bros with every single vowel? And an extra R? Brins! It was E-A-U-O-Y and then S. Let me just sip this really loudly into the microphone. You look like what Ramsey Badawi thinks he looks like.

Like you're his spirit animal. What? A white man with chemicals in his mouth. Just, you know. Yeah. You look the way I thought Australians imagined us. Just very white, headphones, only games on your bookshelf. Like that's the kind of.

Are there books on there? They're all books all right well well yeah because i believe video games are the new literature much like our guest today harrison well when you live in 2019 everything's digital so for this audio podcast let me let me show you yeah no take us oh shit okay we're being whisked away cord's too short no never mind i like. New bit. Court's too short. I like that because it started off, when you live in the future, and then it's like, ah, I didn't get the long one. I don't have the tactical.

Oh, yeah. That was the equivalent of a dude about to do a real cool Kama Sutra sex move and then realizing his dick didn't reach. You've got to stop by the ride of your hood. Yeah, no. We have everything except for good internet here. Australian internet is worse than... I think we got measured

as worse than Slovakia. And I'm pretty sure that's a made-up... Slovakia's uploading a lot of child pornography. They really need to keep the servers strong out there. Yeah, well I imagine that the space above Australia is kind of like Mexico for satellites. Like, you're not going there unless you're trying to buy cheap coke or lose women.

You guys don't have anyone else on your board? So is New Zealand like your guys' Mexico, or do you guys just not, you guys are just your own thing? We have Thailand, Thailand and Bali. Okay. Wait, Australia owns Thailand? You don't own Mexico. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? Wait, no.

I thought you said we have Thailand. No, that's their Mexico. Oh, that's your Mexico. Yeah. Yeah, we have New Zealand, which is our Canada. And then we have Thailand, Bali, Vietnam, which is our Mexico. You have a cooler Canada and a cooler Mexico, if I'm being honest. Yeah, they're right.

We filmed Lord of the Rings there, bitch. Yeah, I guess you're in Ireland, so your Mexico is just sharks. Yeah. It's where all the sad old white men go to get mail order brides because they can't find white women to suck them off. I don't know if we need to call them sad. I mean, it sounds like they're just – Hey, man, it's a global economy. We're outsourcing the work now.

Yeah. Oof.ourcing the work now. Yeah. Oof. Oof, indeed. Well, actually, there is something I did need to call out. So I was listening to the Patreon episode, the one that came out like this week. Okay. Canadian Pussy Destroyer or something like that. Enough about Richard Eden.

Am I right, guys? He didn't make a deeper joke? And I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. So, Keith, you said Australians are really into Americans, American accents. That's what I've been told. Nah. Oh, really? Sorry to disappoint the international fuck expedition.

Well, I don't know if I believe this is coming from an Australian man who might be trying to spin a counter-narrative right now. No, they love Australian accents. You don't want me to come over there and swoop up all the good pussy, you know? What you need, actually, you might honestly, out of the three of you, Connie, have the best shot because you just need to be European

but not English. Oh, okay. I guess you guys don't like the English. Well, I'm part, I. Well, I'm in England's Palestine, so if anything, I'm a brother in arms. No, no, you come over here, you're Irish or Spanish or some shit, you'll clean up. Yeah.

Wait, what do I look like? A koala. I don't know, Tom, indigenous? Yeah, I think I could look friendly to Australia. I made the observation that Tom has the complexion of a handsome pirate, you know, where he's sunbaked, but it's still appealing. Oh, yeah, for sure. Like, he's going to rob and pillage your ship, but he won't probably murder you. Yeah, the scurvy is healing.

Yeah. Yeah, I've never worn sunscreen since I was, like, four. Okay. Yeah, I think that's what— You worn sunscreen since I was like four. Okay. Yeah. I think that's what... You said that like it was an achievement. It is. Well, something will definitely kill you before cancer, so you're fine.

Yeah, that's what I got. That's a good point, actually. Yeah, I'm still bathing. I'm very excited to find out how I die, because it's going to be exciting. So are we, man. Did you say you're still bathing? Baiting. Baiting?

Yeah. What do you think you mean? What do you think that means? A baiting death, and I still haven't figured out how it's going to happen. Hey, Harrison, how do you bait death? You got any ideas? You don't wear sunscreen. I mean, do you, like, swallow batteries?

Is that... I did try to blow up a battery once. Oh, I guess baiting, like... What? No, you just hit something with a hammer. Yeah, I just... Well, I thought I could blow up the battery if I hit it enough with a hammer. What? No, you just hit something with a hammer. Yeah, well, I thought I could blow up the battery if I hit it enough with a hammer. Was this like a fun time thing, or was this like a real last-ditch suicide attempt? No, I was like seven, and I was just like, I want to be a scientist.

I'm going to blow up a battery with a hammer. You scratched off, like, cut wrists, take too many pills, and the last one was just Wile E. Coyote. This is what happens when you don't have time to socialize in school. Your lunch is just like, I'm going to blow up a battery. It was a giant battery. It was like an E battery. Tom would have so many friends if only he had the time to socialize. I mean, you could like Die Hard 3 and go down to like the wrong part of town

wearing a billboard saying like racial slurs. Better do it. Is that the one where he flies in the helicopter? No, that's... He does that in all of them. That's the only Die Hard I've seen. If you're narrowing down Die Hards by helicopters, that's like Flavor of Love cast members by HPV diagnosis.

It's really not going to thin the herd at all. Yeah, it's that or... It's the one with Bruce Willis in it. Ah, there we go. Yeah, he was in the one at all. Yeah, it's that or, you know, it's the one with Bruce Willis in it. Ah, there we go. Yeah, he was in the one I saw. Amazing information. I never watched Die Hard. Oh, what? No, I didn't. You're the target demographic.

Yeah, I wrote a whole TV show about him and I was like, it would be funny if I did all of this having never seen any of the Die Hards. So, a point of pride for me is – A white man who thinks he can stop a school shooting. Like, that's you. Oh. No, I would run away.

I wouldn't be a hero. I'd stop a school shooting. Because, I mean, like, you know, I mean, all these kids have unlimited potential. But I'm like, I'm doing okay. You know, what am I giving this – you know, I'm on the right track. You're running down the hallway just yelling insults at him over your – you're gay. Keep going. Yeah.

Would you stop a school shooting? Do you have the fantasy? I used to have the common teenage white guy fantasy of like, well, I want to kill myself, but I'd feel bad for my mom, so I'd like to rescue a child prostitute and it's some kind of taxi driver scenario and die a hero. Yeah, no, I never... My parents loved me, so I never wanted to kill no i never i my parents loved me so i never wanted to

kill myself um yeah my parents love me too i'm just sadder than you bro get on my level yeah weird flex oh no this is definitely like some weird black mirror shit where if everything went wrong i could have been conor mcspadden oh yeah and i could have been some guy in the middle of nowhere the bunch of funko pops bunch of Funko Pops. Excuse me. These are Funko Pops my girlfriend bought for me. Wow, dude, your girlfriend sucks. What are they?

We have Captain America, Wolverine, and Deadpool. Because I have no personality. Those are good basic Funko Pops. Is a Funko Pop a doll? I just bought these from a guy at a CVS in fucking La Puente, so I can't really tell you shit. I want you guys to show off your suburban treasures. About your collectibles. What other cool shit do I have? Is that a dentist lamp?

Yeah, you do have a dentist lamp, which leads me to believe that you're carving up hobos for sexual daily interactions after hours. You ready for me to never get laid if this ever comes out again? I play Warhammer. Oh, so that's for painting. Yeah, painting and cutting shit up and that sort of thing. Nice, dude. You got any minis?

You want to show us some sick minis? I'm down. You can see the look on his face. This is a meaniring right now. It's all right. No, dude. I have bros that do a lot of modeling, so I know a little bit about it. While he's looking for these, I will say we were talking about the diehard fantasy.

When I worked at Disneyland, there was like, oh, shit. See, that's the kind of detail that only a big maglite can fucking, you know. She's got big hands. Yeah, that thing looks like, I guess it's kind of a lady. Is that a lady or is that like a lich or something, right? I'm losing you again, Connor. Oh, that's like a lich, like an undead. It's a lady.

Yeah, a chaos sorcerer lord. Oh, silly me. Male or female? Yeah. Yes. No, male or sorcerer lord. Oh, silly me. Male or female? Yeah. Yes. No, male or female? Yes. Yes.

I think once you get to the... Yes is not the answer. Male or female? There are only two genders of chaos sorcerers. Well, I feel like once you become a sorcerer of all of chaos, a by definition incomprehensible, unfathomable concept, at that point, you're not really concerned about your genitalia, you know?

My preferred pronoun is chaos sorcerer. There's specifically a chaos god who is both male and female. She runs our Discord. Yeah. Yeah, that's the chaos sorcerer that killed a guy with its car, right? On PCH? Yeah.

A lot of chaos. Secret God. How's the Warhammer scene out in Australia? That's the whitest thing I've ever heard in my life. We can talk about Magic the Gathering. That helps as well. There's the whitest thing I've ever heard in my life. We can talk about Magic the Gathering. That helps as well. There's a sword in your corner. Oh, there is.

That looks like a LARP sword, too. Yeah, that's... Here we go. Let's establish some more white boy credentials. That's from when I cosplayed. You know what I'm looking at? I'm looking at my bedroom if I had finished college. This is just the shit that I would have, like, kept doing and gotten better at. If you had a bachelor's and a home for your eyes, this is what your life would have been.

Were you homeschooled? No, no, I just never made it. Well, we call it university. I never made it through. College? Yeah, we call it college university. And I didn't make it through the course because I didn't want to do the job that I was studying for. I was studying to be a teacher.

And there's just so much shit that they put teachers through before you even get to a classroom that I wasn't willing to do that for the rest of my life. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I felt that way about math tests. That made it sound like there was some sort of like, you know, Avengers Accords where you have to register and get a microchip in your dick. Yeah.

We you do get registered. We do have that. But you have to. So you get 15 percent off it like Arby's, right? Or no? No, we don't even have fucking Arby's. That's the thing that I want to do when I get to the States. We have four fast food restaurants.

That's it. Really? What are they? You've got you got McDonald's, KFC, Red Rooster, and we call it Hungry Jack's. I think it's Burger King for you guys. And that's it. They call it Hungry Jack's? Yeah.

That's what I call it. I don't know why. Hungry Jack is some old guy that fucks BBW's, whose website I'm subscribed to, I'm pretty sure. I donate $6 a month to his Patreon. Hungry Jack's. Chubbusters. What's a red rooster? A red rooster?

That's what he said. He said rooster, you dumb shit. He said rooster. That's my accent, you racist fuck. It's not racist if it sounds. You see a race. You don't hear it.

Yes, Amos and Andy. We're racist. Oh, I was doing Amos and Andy in the living room the other day, which is the gay radio show from the 40s. You get it. Yeah, no, Red Rooster's shitty KFC. Okay. It's like bad chicken.

What of the four do you have a fried chicken place and a worse version of the fried chicken place? Is that like all you can grow out there is chickens? No, I don't know how Red Rooster is still in business because there's only a handful of them and they're never busy. You could even say, hey, shut up, get ready for some gold here. You could even say there's only a handful of them and they're never busy. You could even say, hey, shut up. Get ready for some gold here. You could even say there's only a hen full of them. We'll be right back. How do I close the chat?

I don't know, nerd. You're the one with the swords and the fucking action figure light. I bet you know how to figure it out. Okay, let's measure who has more swords in their household. That is a fair point yeah that's true oh it's me yeah we got like two ahead and like seven people live here i finally got the sword out of my room and into your room yeah and now they occupy 30 of my my room it was funny

yesterday we like we tried to clean the pacquiao palace and we like scrubbed out the kitchen and it looks really good in here and then you turn, and it's just Tom's refugee camp full of knives and empty cigarette boxes. Something I need to clean out, yeah. Yeah, you're living the Palestinian dream, honestly. Yeah, I feel like if someone migrated from Syria, they'd be like, this is better, but not worth the flight better. I feel like they'd be bummed out. You mean three whole walls and lethal weapons? Sign me up.

I've got a limited understanding of the Palestinian dream, but from what I can ascertain, it's winning a large lawsuit related to who invented the Doritos-flavored vape juice. You just kill me, Subrams. I think that's what they all want. Get Ramsey on the phone. Find out what it is. I don't know. You think Ramsey's I think that's what they all want. Get Ramsey on the phone. Find out what it is. I don't know. You think Ramsey's phone works all the time? That's a 50-50 shot at best, guy.

Yeah, we're going to just start mailing out Ramsey's fucking credit card bills as Patreon merch. Yeah, you know. By the way, fun Ramsey side story. I got a letter from the California Board of Commerce that that non-profit he established in my name, I aggressively owe a bunch of money to now. Oh, yeah. No, that's been going on for a while. Yeah, but Ramsey has straight up fucked my taxes, I think. How much do you owe?

I don't know. They're being, like, undefined, but they're like, you owe us money six months ago. Wow. That's a little ominous. Maybe they'll just close the foundation, which I think is a shame because I think – We're going to spread the word that the arts are great and Kevin Spacey didn't do it. Are you familiar with this Harrison I should ask? Beg your pardon go again. I'm sorry I'm trying to resize

this window because it's weird. Oh sorry are you familiar with the fact that Ramsey had set up a non-profit in Keith's name called the Kevin Spacey didn't do it learning foundation for learning arts or something like that? I know it was discussed I didn't realize it actually happened. It happened before it was discussed. I didn't realize it actually happened.

It happened before it was discussed. He actually did it, and I was like, well, I don't love this. He's like, don't worry, it's just like a paperwork thing. You'll never hear anything about it again. And now, about once or twice a month, I get a letter from the California tax board saying I owe them thanks. Of course you do.

Yeah, so I'm mildly concerned. You ever do any good pranks with the boys, Harrison? I'm losing you, Connor You ever do any good pranks out there in Australia? Me? Ever do a legally damaging paperwork goof? I'm trying to think of what I've done Myself, personally, no.

I can think of a couple of times when we had our final week of school when you graduate is your muck-up day. So you just go in and you just fuck with them. The school that I went to has a bunch of cow paddocks out the back that the school owns that we use for like cross-country running and stuff like that. Wait, did you also go to high school by a dairy? Because now the parallels are becoming way too

fucking intense for me. I ran the mile every morning next to a molten lava field of cow shit and I also made LARP swords and fucking

painted miniatures. So now you're just creeping me out. This is the black mirror shit. Yeah. I said i'm smart and not funny well dude funny oh yeah that's true talking to a guy who's been writing sponsored content for taco bell and alexa for the last the more the more i'm staring the more it's

like oh connor's meeting connor this is very weird yeah uh yeah so they did manage to get a cow to the second floor of the science building. I don't know if you've worked with livestock recently, but they don't do well with going downstairs. So that's about the only decent property. It wasn't even property damage. That's so weird because Keith lives in the basement. Nice open runway for that, you fucking hack. You guys are throwing each other assists now?

I don't know. Maybe someone else could say anything. Talking constantly. So do you ever, like, prank a kangaroo by jumping in the pouch? Because that's what I would do. No, no, you've got to ride the emu. They're faster. No, if Tom jumped in a kangaroo pouch, he would turn inside out and he'd go back to his home dimension.

Yeah, it's like that when you strap the vans to the back of the cat and see which one lands on the bottom. It just spins forever. Wait, what? So you know how vans shoot the shoes? Right, shoes. They always land sole down when you throw them. No, I don't throw shoes. I didn't know.

I've not heard this. I've heard it about buttered toast, but you know. Yeah, well, that's the old person version. So kids these days are into vans yeah kids these days love internet you know fucking uh paradox jokes about about skateboard shoes from 2006 and cats it's awesome obviously yeah and then the cat always lands on its feet so you strap the two of them together and then which one lands? And you make perpetual motion. What does this have to do with kangaroos? Do you see kangaroos?

Not where I live, but where my grandparents live and stuff. Yeah, they get wallabies all the time. Wow, this is hard-hitting stuff. Look, you ever see a fucking kangaroo? I got kangaroo questions, man. I've only known it from zoos and Winnie the Pooh, and I like them. I was curious. The problem is with kangaroos is every single kangaroo is more jacked than I will ever be, and I'm jealous.

Uh-huh. We went on a whole bender where we watched a bunch of kangaroo fight videos, and they all looked fucking yoked to shit. Oh, I forgot about that. Why the fuck did you guys shut that down? If you bring that back, I'll about that. Why the fuck did you guys shut that down? If you bring that back, I'll send you an Arby's, personally. Because the good old days when you could go on the Ed Sullivan show with a kangaroo and abuse that animal for America's entertainment was fucking glorious.

Because it was just Sammy Davis Jr., or whoever the fuck, famous guy, just putting on some boxing gloves and going toe-to-toe with a clawed, jumping beast made of nothing but sinew and animosity, and it was fucking amazing. And they'd have all these old-timey 60s TV sets, so it'd be like, you know, you expect Donny Osmond to walk out in a leisure suit, but instead it's a fucking animal

that's being made to do people things. Yeah, it's a thing that is truly suffering and violent. It's fucking great. I don't know, it's the same reason you busted that guy for running dogfight rings. I didn't. First of all, I'm not a snitch.

Look, I support Michael Vick's extracurricular activities because he's my favorite player in Madden 12. I've been hearing sounds in this neighborhood that can only be explained

by cockfights for years and I've not dropped one single dime to the LAPD. Thank you very much. You've got to get into that cockfight. I know it's happening.

The chickens are consenting so it's fine. Well, yeah consenting, so it's fine. Well, yeah, I mean, that's the only way that they're ever gonna make it out of that neighborhood, is they gotta get an athletic scholarship in the cockfighting circuit. Or become rappers, I guess. Every single one of them thinks they're Sylvester Stallone in Rocky. I'ma make it. I'ma make it out of here. Yeah, it's fucking cocky.

Dude, I was in downtown LA on a date last night, and I saw this guy in a sweatsuit jogging with a labradoodle, and it was just like gay Rocky. It was like regular Rockies in Philadelphia is definitely not rooting for him. Yeah. We're all fired up. Should we get into the Mexican joke off? Yeah, man.

Ay, so top Yeah man You got some You got some jokes? I've got I mean You can call them jokes I will Yeah You know

I think that'd be nice of me Yeah I'll It's alright I give you money You have to laugh at me Yeah there we go Let's make this real sad I figured out the formula

I wasn't gonna bring it up But yeah That is kind of what happened That made me feel like A prostitute That was trying to be like, you look good, and you're just like, yeah, you say that to everybody. And I was like, well, fuck me then. Yeah, whatever. No eye contact.

Put it wherever. Yeah. All right. I'll take it back. Doctors have repurposed the Netflix algorithm to detect cancer. Patients are upset that during chemo, a screen comes up once an hour asking, are you still dying? Wait, what?

How do they use the Netflix algorithm for cancer? If you watch more than three episodes of Guy's Grocery Games. If you finish the Umbrella Academy, they beam a tumor into your dick. They notify Cedars-Sinai. A New York man bit off a bouncer's finger.

If he was a real New Yorker, he would have folded the finger before he ate it. God damn it. I like that one. You got to follow some tough finger jokes. Here we go. Okay. A UK woman suffered a stroke after an oral sex orgasm caused her brain to bleed.

The person who caused the orgasm is now legally the only person in the world who can refer to their pussy eating game as mind-blowing. That's pretty good. I like that. I ate some pussy the other day and the lady said it was the best head she'd ever had and then I've been crushed by the expectations every

subsequent time. You just arrived at the taco truck. The lady said the pussy was good but I don't know. It was kind of salty. No, she said that I did the best head. And every other time I've gone down on her, I've just been trying to remember what I did. And I'm not in the moment.

I'm just doing a terrible job. So I completely psyched myself out. You nailed the kickflip once. And now you can't do it now that the other kids are watching. Yeah. Don't give us too much positive reinforcement. You're going to freak us out, you know, in my opinion. I understand completely.

All right, guys. These suck. A defrocked New Jersey priest who molested boys is now teaching English to children in Puerto Rico. This is disgusting. Nobody from New Jersey is qualified to teach anyone the English language. That's our of our... That's our... That's our Perth.

A locomotive crashed in Barcelona. Angry white people? Yeah. What about white people? Continue. What the fuck did you say, bro? That's our boys, dude. Whoa.

A locomotive crashed in Barcelona, injuring more than 40 passengers. I guess the old tongue twister's right. The pain in Spain's all mainly on the train. That's not bad. Thank you. That's clever. Thank you, Harrison. Here's the problem.

Connor looks at me with abject disgust whenever I tell a whimsical joke. Here's the problem with me. I'm tired. Whoever's before me, I'm just trying to figure out what joke I'm doing next. All right. So I hear your joke. Good. No, I'm glad.

Yeah, I'm glad. I'm sorry, buddy. You didn't miss much. You can do it. I'm good. Bad karma. A cow was spotted next to an Indiana Chick-fil-A. When Chick-fil-A was asked if it was an intentional publicity stunt, Chick-fil-A responded,

no, that cow is just super homophobic. Cricket. Wait, what happened? Is this about when they banned him from the airport? What? They banned gays from the airport? No, they banned Chick-fil-A from the Philadelphia. I think a cow wanted homophobic chicken.

Yes. Am I getting this? There was a cow next to Chick-fil-A, and people were like, oh, Chick-fil-A, publicity stunt. And then Chick-fil-A was like, nah, dude, it's just a homophobic cow. Cow and homophobic chicken. That was like the bad courage of the cowardly dog, right? Back on the car. Oh, you probably don't even have the same.

What cartoons do you guys watch? Do you have like. It's not the moon. Did you grow up with like Argus and Fletch or some shit like that? As soon as you move like across the side, I lose you. And then I'm getting like gurgling noises. Sorry like that. As soon as you move across the side, I lose you. And then I'm getting gurgling noises. Sorry about that. I'm also getting my cock sucked right now.

We called you dumb. Okay, yeah. Hi, Tom. Indiana Chick-fil-A sounds like an archaeologist that doesn't like gay people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does. It does. Anything Indiana sounds pretty homophobic, honestly.

All right. A Melbourne teenager is making headlines worldwide after cracking an egg on the skull of racist piece of shit Senator Fraser Anning. He joins the ranks of other unlikely Australian heroes, such as, yeah, I've got a smoke you can have, girl. And no worries, I'll bring the ute around and help you move on the weekend, lad.

That's not bad. You guys got a low bar for heroism out there. It's like, wow, that guy saved two people. There's never been that many people in the same place before here. Yeah, well, we're all really spread out. You have to drive for like three hours to meet them. Our entire country is basically the Midwest.

Yeah. I like that you say lad, but it's not ironic. Like, that's just how you talk out there. Yeah, right, mate. Yeah, yeah. If you say lad in America, it just means that you got red-pilled on the bodybuilding forums. Yeah, yeah. For the most part.

Yeah, you're going to throw your fedora on and yell at some Stacys. Yeah, well, Papa John's has announced its new board member, and it's none other than Shaquille O'Neal. In his new capacity within the pizza company. Shaq Diesel will now be referred to as Herman Cain, but big as shit this time. He's big ass Herman Cain. I am familiar with Shaquille O'Neal. We get that over here. I don't really know Herman Cain. We only just got steel. Man, strap in. Kazam's coming next year year It's going to blow your mind A Nashville man

Blamed his imaginary friend For a car crash Speaking of imaginary friends In Nashville We've only sold four tickets To our show At the Springwater Supper Club Yeah

Because everyone thinks It'll be a great idea To use different emails To fill out the forms So we come to some place And lose a bunch of money And never go back So shouts out

Alright This one's for you Yay to fill out the form so we come to some place and lose a bunch of money and never go back. So, shouts out. Alright, this one's for you. Yay! A kangaroo ran up and punched a paraglider who had just landed. Afterwards, the kangaroo threw up a blood sign and screamed, 100 Acre Woods, motherfucker! I saw... That's the best video,

because it's just this dude chilling, he's coming in, he lands, and he's just like, oh, there's a video. Yeah, there's a video. I've seen it. We only get it over here. It's like Australian. Yeah. Yeah.

The Internet flushes backwards. And so he's just coming. He's just, oh, look, it's a kangaroo. And then the kangaroo just comes. Oi, fuck off. And then the kangaroo just comes up and smacks him. Yeah, it's what now? That's great.

I think every paragliding should be ended by some sort of animal punching you. I think that's a fair. It's a random animal each time. You never know what you're going to get. How was vacation? Well, I got cock slapped by a beaver. How'd they get a boxing glove on a hippo? I don't know, but fuck that guy.

Here's the rules. Before you jump out of the plane, you've got to spin a big wheel, right? Yeah, yeah. And you're just like, and it's getting closer and closer, and you're like, fuck rhino, you know? And then the cow says, thwack. And then as soon as it lands, they kick you out. And your last moments, you know, you're either like, oh, I'm going to safely fucking stomp this squirrel, or I'm going to get, you know, fucking, you know, you know, butt fucked by a crocodile.

So I'm going to do my joke and then I have to go feed my cats real quick. So... All right. Cardinal George Pell was... Cardinal George Pell was sentenced to six years in prison for sexually assaulting two boys, meaning he will most likely die behind bars,

which is ironic because six-year-olds is what got him into trouble in the first place. Wait, I don't get it. He got six years in prison and he molested six-year-olds. One more section of Satan. Wait, how old is he that he's going to die in prison in six years?

No, he's going to get beat to death. Oh, okay. I thought he was like 90. He's going to die in prison in six years. No, he's going to get beat to death. Oh, okay. I thought he was like 90. He's going to take an exercise bike to the side of the head. Jesus Christ. You're just picking up exercise bikes? What the fuck? Everyone in Australia is the thing.

Yeah. Yeah, so we've had like six criminals, which is weird because we're a country of convicts. And so really famously, one of the biggest drug dealers in Melbourne got beaten in the skull with an exercise bike in prison. Oh, shit. Yeah, I actually read that genetically because of how your country was created. If you put a blank license plate in your mom's pussy, you could just pop out the letters.

Look at the fucking spinning the hand, like, wrap it up. Go feed your fucking dumb cat. Actually, I have to pee. I'll be right back. All right, yeah, well, Tom's I have to pee. I'll be right back. Well, Tom's gonna go pee. We'll take a break and we'll reconvene. People of Jerusalem, I, Pontius Pilate,

your governor, stand before you with a choice. These two men have been condemned to death. To my left, Barabbas, the thief, the murderer, the bloodthirsty scourge upon your people. And to my right, Jesus of Nazareth, the thief, the murderer, the bloodthirsty scourge upon your people. And to my right, Jesus of Nazareth, the prophet whose teachings have so enraged your elders. Today, one of these men will walk free, and one will face execution upon the cross.

So it is to you, Jerusalem, to decide. Who shall be spared, Barabbas or Jesus? We want Barabbas! We want Barabbas! Um, excuse me, Mr. Pilot? Order! Order! You there, simple peasant, who are you and what do you have to say? Herb Zensman. I own the fish market in East Bethlehem. Just a question, not to rock the boat or anything, but could we kill both of them? Both?

Yeah, I mean, personally, I don't see why we need to kill just this Jesus fellow. He seems like a nice enough guy. But hey, the crowd wants it, and I'm not here to ruin anybody's day. But Barabbas killed a bunch of people. I think he ate a baby. It just seems like he could also get crucified. Perhaps Barabbas has reformed. Oh, I mean, sure, there'd be a different story, Mr. Barabbas.

Is there any chance you've learned from your mistakes? Unchain me and allow me to drink the blood of all free men. Now, you see, that's what I'm worried about. I see your point, but my hands are tied. One of these men must be spared. Again, I'm not following your logic. Look, man, we already put three crosses up. It looks fucking dope.

It's, like, symmetrical, and it's right where the sun sets. It's going to look bitchin' painted on commemorative plates in 2,000 years. And another cross is going to really fuck up the feng shui. I don't see why we couldn't just put up another cross across the way. You trying to buy a cross lately, Herb? They're expensive as shit. Not to mention the only carpenter in town. Well, you know.

I will skin your children and make a coat from their flesh. Right, well, but for what it's worth, my two cents, I'm going Jesus here, and I hope the crowd will take a minute to reflect before... We still want Barabbas! We still want Barabbas! Very well.

Release Barabbas! And he's already killed three women. Ah, fuck, I hate working here. The Mean Boys Podcast is brought to you by the Himalaya Podcasting app. Yeah, fuck, I hate working here. The Mean Boys Podcast is brought to you by the Himalaya Podcasting App.

Yeah, ooh! Wow, dude. Mr. Ear here to tell you about Himalaya, a podcasting app that you can listen to with your ears. Whoa, it looks like there's someone getting out of a squad car.

It's me, Office of Podcasts. Satan, go away It looks like there's someone getting out of a squad car. Oh, no. It's me, Officer Podcast. Satan, go away. I'm here to tell the people about Himalaya Podcasting. I noticed you didn't start the game. I noticed you're interrupting me, fuckface. Himalaya Podcasting. The list of many a podcast. I'm writing you up for being bad at improv.

Too bad we're in an audio format. You can't read that shit here. Three counts of aggravated not passing the ball we're at the audio format once like six years ago and it's like the only new phrase he's learned since his brain went hard after all the drugs got poured in it it's like every single mr ear ad it's him going it's great audio formatted for the ears, which I am, which it goes into. Yeah, I am, which it does go into. Sound from an ear.

You know you can trust me because I'm an ear, and I listen a lot. It's got a great layout for you touchy-feely people. It's got a playlist function. If you like lists, it's got a tip jar. If you like jars or tipping, it's got everything. And you can listen with everything. You can listen to Mr. Ear on Himalaya, the Mean Boys. It's got subscriptions.

You can subscribe to things on Himalaya all free. Can I make an observation? It seems like you are just panic-throwing words related to the concept of podcasting into a blender. Words are for ears. What's so wrong with that? As long as you can enjoy that crystal clear sound. I couldn't have said it better than that. What's wrong with that? What's the podcasting police's policy on brutality?

Aggressive. We are super into it. Yeah? Yeah, I'm going to take some of those Joe Rogan make you strong mushrooms and beat this man to death. Oh, please don't. That's how my father became a cauliflower ear officer podcasting. Yeah, Joe Rogan. He's that guy who stomps on mushrooms.

Yeah. Yeah. He's always kicking his way through Davey Fields. The Mushroom Kingdom. You know, Joe Rogan's mouth. If you suck so many dicks, you call your mouth the Mushroom Kingdom. Anyway, I'm still off as a podcast. It uploads fast.

Yeah. Okay, so that's everything you need to know about Himalaya. Thanks for checking it out. Go give it a download. There will be a link to download it in the App Store in the show notes. Go give the Mean Boys a follow and let them know we sent you. Is there any place to let them know we sent you? Not really.

Twitter? You know, if anyone asks, you'll just let them know. They responded to all those tweets when we got banned from it for a minute. Oh, yeah. That's pretty funny. So, yeah, there you go. Check it out. And the Mean Boys podcast returns.

Just a reminder for everybody who skipped the intro, we're going on tour starting this Thursday. Go to meanboyspodcast.com. Pick up your tickets if you're in the South or in some parts of the Midwest. Harrison, I put together a little, like, sort of sampler platter of some of our more popular games from the podcast,

and these are all Australia-themed. Of course they are yeah i mean and look i didn't dig deep or come up with any clever hard-hitting references we've already tapped out kangaroos but i think i've hit the other four cultural landmarks you people have yeah of course what else do you guys have well let's find out let's start this is a couple rounds of price check you guys tell me which one costs more reverse toilets and that's about it yeah it's kangaroos and backwards yeah uh h Jackman, that's another big one. Yeah, but Hugh Jackman.

He's here now. Yeah. You guys had him. We still own him. Yeah, we drafted him out from under your ass, too. Yeah, yeah, he got good at things and came here. We said... Yeah, it's the one piece of culture we have is that muscular guy who sings good.

Yeah. And Russell Crowe, that muscular guy who sings bad. Yeah, and they're both here. And Russell Crowe, that muscular guy who sings bad. Yeah. And they're both here. And Mel Gibson, you know? We don't have Russell Crowe. The every man that speaks the truth. Mel Gibson was born American.

Calm down. Yeah. No, you can keep Russell Crowe at this point. Yeah, fair enough. He owns a football team. Does he really? You mean soccer? He owns one of our rugby league teams.

Oh, shit. Wow. Where did he find the 45 bucks? So the team that he owns is the Rabidos. The Rabidos? That sounds like a Mexican sneaker company. And they're basically as successful as the Cubbies. Hold on a second.

The speaker came out. Sorry. Talk again? My bad. Yeah, yeah. One, two, one, two. We're good. You're good.

You're good. As successful as the Cubbies. They haven't won a premiership in something like 50 years. Oh, shit. Where do you go when you win the premiership? It's like, we're going. Well, you just won the premier rugby championship. Where are you going? We're going to that one nice park in Sydney. We're going, well, you just won the premier rugby championship. Where are you going?

We're going to that one nice park in Sydney. We're going over there. Where the drinking fountains only got a little gum in them. However, I'm too lazy to do the right accent, but you get it. So this is a price check. You guys tell me which of these is worth more. Which costs more, a postcard autographed by Steve Irwin or a pet stingray? It's got to be Steve Irwin.

He's dead. He's beloved. Does a stingray come with the tank and the food? This is just the stingray. They just put a stingray in a box and mail it to you. Okay. And the stingray was available online? This is some real national tragedy, so just give you a moment to process.

Your hero is dead. That was your james dean dude this is your guys's 9-11 yeah did you guys really think he was gonna live much longer he was he was wrestling alligators or crocodiles yeah we didn't get alligator no he but he knew what he was doing right like he was doing it really though because oh no stingray has no idea crocodiles he was doing it properly. Did he really, though? Oh, no, Stingray has no idea. Crocodile's here, it's fine. Yeah, it wasn't called the Stingray fucker, you know? I honestly, I wanted to be him for a while as a kid.

The Stingray? No, no, no, I wanted to wrestle alligators and shit. Hey, you can once. Yeah. That's true, you don't got to be good at it to try. You've got to be good at it to win. So for 600, I change virtues. You just do it?

Oh, for 600, Tom has to canoodle with a stingray. Yeah. He has to spend the night in a scuba suit in a tank full of stingrays. And then he gets to live in the fish tank full time. Yeah. And then the big stingray goes, no, you're more Stingray than we are. And I become their leader. That was very inside baseball.

It's definitely the postcard. Okay. You know, I'm going to go with Stingray. All right. Connor. Oh, I said postcard. Postcard, $1,297. Pet Stingray, $1,287.

Wow, that's really close. $10 less. Razor close. Another price check. Which one costs more? A two-ounce bag of human urine or a 12-pack of Foster's beer? Oh, interesting. Shots fired.

How do you feel about Foster's? What's the everyman's take? It's garbage trash beer. Is it popular, though? Is it like your're Bud Light? All of our beers are super regional. So each state and each city drinks its own beer, and we don't like anyone else's beer. Interesting.

So where I am in Brisbane, in Queensland, we drink 4X. Thorax? 4X. So X, and then X x and then x you know you're in trouble you know you're in trouble when you're measuring your liquor and like hobo ceramic jug you know so it's basically dos dos eckies yeah yeah except good yeah um shots well it's not it's those people can't stand it but yeah so we drink 4x up here um Victoria drinks Victoria Bitter VB. New South Wales drinks Fosters.

Adelaide drinks wine because they're wankers. I'll say. Yeah. Wait, what is... Explain what a wanker is, Tom. Okay, Tom. So I need you to take out your penis. No, no, no, but you... Never mind, never mind.

I'm about to get reverse Lou your penis. No, no, no. But you... Never mind. You're about to get reverse Louied. Yeah, yeah. Wow. If you can get Louied over Skype. Man, my Nazi stepdad used to drink Fosters, and he thought that was like... That was his fancy time beer. Yeah. Oh, my God.

It's a piece of shit beer. And if your anniversary beer is Fosters... I remember we would get them when we'd go to Universal Studios and be like, I'm on vacation. Really? Yeah, it was such a weird... It was a weird and specific... I was like, why do they sell that here? Why do you think that's nice?

Isn't that... Wasn't the only hook, like, it's got a big can that won't fit in the cup holder. Yeah, have a big cup of inconvenient bullshit. Although I suppose if you're drinking beer, you probably shouldn't be putting it in a cup holder, as those are mostly found in cars. Let's see here. You could only be buying pee to get past a drug test. It's a site that specifically sells clean urine to pass drug tests. Right.

And I will say this pee also comes with the sneak attack filter it out system. Yeah, and that's worthwhile I mean, that's worthwhile. That's, you know, to get a job. So I've got to say the piss is worth more. I would choose piss as well. Yeah, the only reason I would be leaning towards the beer is maybe, like, import tax to get, you know, shipped over. But no, I think it's the piss.

How much does a six-pack of Fosters, anyway, like, what, like, six bucks at four of you punch a baby? What are the rules there? Well, a 12-pack of Fosters is $27.48. A small bag of human piss, $59.95. Yeah. Piss, piss, piss, piss. Well, what you're really paying for there is not having any friends.

Because, I mean, if you don't have any friends you could borrow some piss from. You've lived a bad life. Yeah. Oh, honestly, it's a you know, if you don't have any friends you could borrow some piss from, you've lived a bad life. Yeah. Well, honestly, it's a reusable resource, right? Like, you just get your bag, get your little sneaky tube set up, and then you just need to refill the bag. Yeah, but that's the issue is getting the clean piss. Yeah. Oh, man.

Because if you're a guy who needs clean piss and is willing to order it off the internet, you don't have friends who have clean piss. Yeah. Well, the best part is that you've got to put it in the tea kettle before work to warm it up so it's believable temperature for the guy at the lab. You know what I mean? So your whole apartment reeks of piss and you got to throw that pot out. I was taking a drug test for a job one time and in the lab I saw like down the hall a guy getting caught doing like the fake meter hustle. Oh, no kidding.

Yeah, he got popped. So one of the things I used to discuss at my old job was what shitty X-Men power would you like to have? Okay. So here's a D-grade X-Men power for you. You can identify the chemical makeup of any urine and what's in it, but you have to drink it. That's terrible. Oh. Yeah, exactly.

There's, like, no benefit. I'm pretty sure Keith can already do that. Yeah. Well, yeah. What is the end result? Like, well, I drank this cup of piss, and now I know pretty sure Keith can already do that. Well, yeah, what is the end result? Like, well, I drank this cup of piss, and now I know that guy had Jolly Ranchers. Like, it doesn't help me at all. Have you ever heard a story about Patrice O'Neil finding out he had diabetes because his wife told him his piss tasted like birthday cake?

It's kind of a similar thing. I'd want to be able to, like, shoot piss out of my eyes like a horned toad. Self-defense. Is that a thing they do? No, they use blood. Oh, Jesus. You of my eyes like a horned toad. Self-defense. Is that a thing they do? They use blood. Oh, Jesus. You guys don't know about horned toads? So it's nothing like a horned toad.

You just, just different colors. You color swap. Sure, yeah. All right. We'll move on to. Sorry, guys. Tom Goss and the Zoo Books of the Damned. I can feel everyone just slowly turn their chair to face away from me.

The problem is that I don't know that much about animals, dude. Yeah, horned toad is learning. He is correct. Like, can confirm. Yeah. You know about the frog? Those are probably like squirrels over there, right? You know what?

That's pretty genius because it's called a horned toad, but they're actually a lizard. Yeah, you said frog. Never mind. It wasn't genius. Not one part of any of that was genius. Wait. A horned toad is technically a lizard, not a toad.

Wow. No one's challenging you on this. Great. You guys know I'll learn about blood eyes? If we look at you for long enough, you'll just panic and start talking about wizards. That's your defense, man.

You guys know it goes bad when I start talking about Pokemon. That's what I'm really out of the scene. Please give us a thank you. Dear God, horn or yelp? Is this a porn comment or a yelp review? I'm just glad we clarified that. We would have gotten so many letters from the horned toad defending community. We're still, someone's going to tweet us like, well, actually, the lizard is technically half a frog.

We don't care. I thought the horny toad was what we just called Keith. There it is. We don't care. I thought the horny toad was what we just called Keith. There it is. I like to party. It's okay when Australian Connor does it. Australian Connor has done it nine times a day for seven years. I don't know. We kind of made it our job.

I know. I'm being bristly about it, as is the bit. Porn Comedy Yelp review. Quote, blown away by the talent of the performers. I don't think I've ever seen an Asian male before. Oh, this has got to be like an Australian zoo. I'm going to say

Yelp review. Because they're like an Asian male, like a tiger. You know what I mean? Something like that, right? Because there's different kinds of... They exist, but they only exist in several very specific locations. Like you've got your shitty Chinese takeaway. You've got a bakery and laundromats.

Wait, are you talking about tigers? But then you're just talking about where to find Asian people in Australia. Which you knew the hotspots pretty quick. I got to give it to you. So I don't know if you guys get it over there But there's a particular kind of Vietnamese bakery That does, it's called a banh mi Yeah we got the banh mi

Yeah, lit, it's so good Oh it's so fucking good I lived in like the Vietnamese chunk of Orange County for a while And that was my shit like every day Yeah I've never eaten it I think that has to be porn That has to be a dude like whoa big dick china and then that's like the thing i was thinking i was like i don't think i've ever seen an asian dude porn star they're infrequent yeah they are

infrequent i think that's more impressive than a you know an asian tiger or something yeah i'm gonna go i'm gonna go as man meat porn yeah welcome back to the Howard Stern Show in 1983. Why aren't there more Asian guys in porn? Robin? I think this is Keith coming in with a head fake here. I think you want me to say it's porn. I think it's a Yelp review of, like, Canberra or something. That is a Yelp review of the Sydney Opera House.

There we go. Wow. The one building we have. What was the Asian male in reference to? An Asian dude singing opera. Oh. Yeah, honestly, that's pretty rare. To be fair, I've seen more Asian dudes do porn than I have do opera.

Yeah. You know what's interesting is... I haven't watched opera for nine hours a day since I was 13 years old, so I might not be the biggest expert. I was going to get into Chinese singing facts, and then I realized that the audience could not care less. Did you know Chinese people could shoot blood out of their eyes when they feel threatened? When startled.

It's also the secret sauce on the banh mi. Now I'm thinking about just based off your little Asian and where to find them cheat sheet, like it's the strategy guide for Pokemon Gold I bought at Target back in 2002. Watch the grass until a wild Thai appears. No, I'm just thinking of Steve Irwin going like, all right, we don't want to startle him. We'll come up on him with a little treat. I got a fortune cookie. And we're like, Jesus, Steve, what the fuck?

It's just a chunk of bamboo. That guy works in the same building as your network. All right. Porn or Yelp comment. Quote, that's a beautiful koala. Porn comment. That's got to be an Australian chick and some guy thinks he's being clever, calling her pussy a koala.

I know white guys too well. Two hairy gay dudes. Is that a term out in Australia for gay, like hairy gay dudes? Is that like a little bear? Would Tom be like a koala since he's like 5'3"? Am I a cub now? I mean, he is now. Now, what?

Yeah, you're a cub now. You were a bear. You downgraded a cub. Are koala babies cubs? I think they're just... I don't actually know. I like that we just assumed you would know every piece of koala information. I was very excited to learn more about your animals

and you don't know as much as I wanted you to. Most people in America don't know everything about a wolf. I don't know everything about a wolf either, but I educated myself. We just have bigger touchstones. I know everything I need to know about 9-11 and hot dogs. This guy should do his civic

duty. I actually think, and this harkens back to our thing is I think koalas are one of those things where they're not actually a bear. I think they're something else. No, they're marsupials. They all have syphilis. Chlamydia. Oh, chlamydia. We call them joeys. Ah, okay. Chlamydia?

Oh, the joey. Oh, you look bad. Oh, I got a bad case of the joeys. Oh, that'd be great to call Chlamydia the joeys. The joeys. That's a very cute name for it. Chandler. Yeah, the koalas are always going on auditions and, you know. Eating big sandwiches like you do.

I'm going to say I want that. I think it's Yelp. I want it to be a porno of just a koala eating out a girl's ass, but I don't think that's what it is. I think I'm going to go Yelp review of that red rooster place. All right. That is a Pornhub comment. It's not of a video of a koala eating a girl's ass, although I did find that video.

Are you serious? A stuffed koala, not a real one. This is a different video of a lady farting on a stuffed koala. Oh. Yeah. Could you film that if you hollowed out the koala and put your tongue through it's like the hole in its mouth you cut with scissors you know oh like do like a face mask

like koala situation yeah something like that yeah that'd be cool like one of them i think that's actually a hate crime over here to do that i think it's true i think it's like the koala as a concept is one of your senators i think i could be like a like an like an imagineer for porn you know because i've honestly i've got a pretty good idea for my own kind of like uh fantasy porn I think I could be like an imagineer for porn, you know? Because I've honestly got a pretty good idea for my own kind of like fantasy porn site that doesn't exist. And I think like if I created it, it would be quite successful. Got him expanding here. Hard at work in the analmatronic laboratory.

Yeah. And I think I could honestly write pretty good scenarios and all that stuff. I've been actually thinking about it. I don't know. We should just start making porn. I don't know what this we is. That's kind of my idea. Alright, fine. You go solo on this. Guys, let's each start our

own porn company. First one to $1,000 wins. And the queen herself will drop the soap. It's gonna be Tom because he's got that like special market corner. Yeah. What's special about it? Go on. Turn to your right. Oh, He's got that, like, special market corner. Yeah. What's special about it? Go on. Hmm?

Turn to your right. Oh, special market. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. The special market. You know, toys are us. All right.

The helmet emporium. Fucking mitten co. Yeah. This is a round of Witcher the following on weird australian notes pinned to your shirt depot clue mark is there is there like a special needs fetish for people is that tom yes really i've never looked it up and of course yes that's called slow poking you think people are boring you think that people are born diseased and there aren't people that are also born wanting to fuck them?

Nothing isn't going to make someone come a lot. Yeah. That's a lady farting on a koala. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's not the only koala anal-based video I found. Uh-huh. Yeah.

If they're like bug chasing, but for slow people, like seeking out the... Like they're trying to catch downs? Yeah. Is that called snail chasing? Is that what it is? Snail trailing. Snail trailing. Fucking yuck, dude. Yeah, cover me in chromosomes.

There was a really fat like 53-year-old comedian in Orange County we started with and a friend of mine just was like, yeah, one time I hooked up with her and she came by dragging a pussy across my back like a slug. It was weird.

They're both ugly people and I can't fucking get the image of that happening out of my goddamn head. Fucking Cronenbergian. Yeah, just her slowly like, I'm almost there. Just like coming on a shoulder blade. I think that's actually going to be in the next Hellboy movie, like one of the monsters that comes out. It's just that. It better be. Doug Jones in his

bravest role yet. Which of the following is not a weird, real law in Australia? A. If a urinal is not available, it is legal to urinate only on the left rear tire of your car. B. Children may not buy cigarettes, however technically they are allowed to smoke them. B. Children may not buy cigarettes. However, technically, they are allowed to smoke them.

C. It is illegal to cough on a kangaroo. Or D. It is illegal for two people to dress as Batman and Robin. Hmm. Ooh. I'm going to say cough on a kangaroo. Harrison, do you know this?

I have a good idea of what the right one is. I'm waiting until you cough on a kangaroo. Harrison, do you know this? I have a good idea of what the right one is, so I'm waiting until you guys have your little moment. Okay, you don't have to be so condescending about it. I'm waiting for you to have your little moment over there. Enjoy your fun and games, mean boys. Yeah. Chugs monster victoriously. It is I, the hobby store riddler.

Professor Minecraft! I have acrylics of every color and viscosity waiting to be dispensed. Look upon my tiny ogres and weep. I know which one I want to be a real law the most. I want it to be the coughing cigarette kids one. Okay. Yeah, the coughing wasn't mentioned in that one. No, no. Yeah, I guess that's the most. I wanted to be the coughing cigarette kids one. The coughing wasn't mentioned in that one. I guess that's the future.

The cigarettes can smoke cigarettes. Or kids can... Cigarettes can smoke cigarettes, man. Love wins. I'm going to say kids can smoke cigarettes. I'm pretty sure Tom's correct there. It's the cigarettes.

Never bet on Tom being correct The correct answer was Coughing on a Kangaroo Oh, wow I might have done some crime You've been outstralied, my bitch Dude, let's move to Australia Looks like you gotta send me all your Funko Pops Alright, I'll just throw those on the pile

I'm like a rare hunter If you lose to me, you have to give me your rarest collectible I do have I guess Uh oh Hang on, where'd it go? Just a picture of Harrison It's mean boys, I gotta do a visual

Oh, that would be scary My folks did just go to Australia Oh, hell yeah Garbage Lord. Fuck yeah. Blue Eyes White Dragon. No. Different guy.

We're all Blue Eyes White Dragon. I don't even know what that card does. I've been out of the game a long time. It's a five-star kitchen. But, meh. Yeah. You have to tribute to summon it. It doesn't even have a special summon ability.

So it's medium. It's just called Garbage Lord, which is fun. Yeah. Wait, you have a special summon ability. So it's medium. It's just called Garbage Lord, which is fun. Yeah. Wait, you have a girlfriend? Yeah. Like a real one, not like a pillow one. Well, look, we have a little bit of a motif in terms of the Mean Boys fans

and what their girlfriends tend to look like. So if I may ask politely, what is her circumference? Well, she's a size 12. You don't have to answer that at all. I just like every time we're waiting outside the gig and a skinny white guy walks up with a BBW girlfriend, we go, that's one of ours. And we've never been wrong. The exact same things happens in the Magic the Gathering community. Really? Is it still a thing with trading card game tournaments where there's the white guy with

the Asian girlfriend who's wearing sunglasses and acting like he's got everything in life figured out because his girlfriend is Chinese? Well, that one, not so much in Magic the Gathering. Because if you're playing card games, you're not going to the laundromat. You're very stinky. Have you guys heard about Crackgate? Crackgate? Crackgate? Yeah.

So it was the big scandal in 2016, 16 or 17 in the Magic community. We had some other scandals going on over here in the States around that time. So you're familiar with what Grand Prix's are, right? Tom's been to them. He slept at one of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I made him fly around.

So they're open to everyone magic tournaments, right? So they had a Grand Prix in Richmond. And so this guy goes around to everyone he can find who has an exposed plumber's ass crack and just poses next to them. I've seen that picture. Yeah. And then he poses with like the praying hands and squats next to them i've seen that picture yeah and then put he poses with like the praying hands and squats next to them wow and it's disgusting like the worst kind of humanity and he gets banned for a year too just bullshit they banned that guy that was so funny yeah and

then and then a year later when you shouldn't put pictures of people's asses on the internet it's not nice it's not their face? Well, that's why they bang it. It's harassment, though. It's like the same thing as if you were washing next to a fat person at the gym and you posted a photo of them and said, look how fat they are. I feel like if your ass is just out there. Which, by the way, I don't know why I'm the one championing ass crack shaming here. Yeah, this is weird.

You become body positive. I think if they're just asses out there, if you're not polite enough to cover your crack for long periods of time. Well, yeah, you're not always aware, though, either, you know? It's not like you're cognizant of it. Yeah, but it sounds like if you look around... And even if you are, it's like, I don't know, I don't really think you should post pictures. I'm sure I've done it, but I'm like, I don't think you should post pictures of people on the internet that just aren't

consenting to it, so... Yeah, but they're identity... Alright, thank you, Connor. It doesn't matter. What's your point, Harrison? Oh, just who's asking if I heard of it, or if we heard of it. Oh, yeah, no. And so, it's funny. That uh that's about the most oh and then a guy might have been a sexual assaulted someone that was the other scandal we had oh well back to crackgate i don't know if anyone's taken mike lawrence uh going to see the justice league and collecting his tickets off the scoreboard because when he bent over to get the tickets out of the slot i saw like 80 of it yeah

i saw the whole you guys are married now in some countries yeah yeah well guys uh that was uh that was the australia uh sampler platter uh i think we'll be right back uh with your questions and all that in the mailbag right after this guys in new york city in the year 2031 a man named tom goss had the opportunity to travel back in time to stop Hitler. Tom, you'll be traveling to 1891. Adolf Hitler will be two years old. You are to kill him at all costs. Do you have any questions?

I have to go to the bathroom. Hold it. Where am I? New York, sonny. I need to get to Germany. Ah, what for? I have to get to Germany. Ah, what for? I have to kill Hitler. Hitler? Who's that?

Well, right now he's a baby. He wants to kill babies! No, not babies, just one baby. He's still talking about the baby he wants to kill. For the punishment of attempted murder of a child, you will be hung until death. Do you have any last words? I still have to go to the bathroom. And the Mean Boys podcast

is back to answer your questions and all that and more in the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about keeping the dog?

It's the motherfucking mean postman who'll break. All right. That's where the sexy theme song goes. That's sexy. I'm familiar with it. It's very good. Let's see. At God's Little Retard just says, I pissed the bed last night.

Cool. Oh, yeah. I think that's one of Tickle Taint Milk's many different accounts. Because sometimes he'll tweet us something and then he'll have his bots auto like it And he'll just get six likes And I'll be like oh that was quick And I'll be like oh they're all him Yeah he has a weird horde of digital spider people

Which is the internet version of having a tea party With your stuffed animals kind of It's a little weird I peed my pants from the outside the other day I tried to pee behind I tried to pee behind the dryer You mean you peed on your pants Yeah basically I took my thing out to pee behind the dryer. You mean you peed on your pants?

Yeah, basically. They got to pee, and it was right after I had sex, and my stream was clogged or whatever, and it just all went sort of spray up and in. You dynamite cigarred your penis? Pretty much, yeah. It was a shotgun piss. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Bugs Bunny put his finger in the tip, and It was a shotgun piss. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah.

Bugs Bunny put his finger in the tip, and it was all bad news. I've told the story about drinking my own piss on the show before, right, Harrison? I'm losing you again, Connor. You're drifting. I told the story about drinking my own piss, right? Have I? I don't remember. I think so.

Is it a Gatorade bottle in the car? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a safe bet, really. You can just assume that for most of his stories. Yeah, it spilled out on my pants, so I pissed my pants via my mouth. It was a whole punchline. At Matty Hallman says, are y'all dog or cat people?

Slash, have you had any pets in your lifetime? You're obviously a cat person. My girlfriend is a cat person. Gotcha. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, I do love my fuzziness. So does she wear the suit all day, or is it just for special occasions?

That's good. That's really good. You should, like, ride or something. Crick. You're realizing via webcam how sensitive I am secretly. Yeah. No, okay. So it's weird to live in a world of monsters

and have such a tame pet. Do you like the cat? I like the cats a lot of the time, and then usually at about 11 o'clock when they're running up and down and keeping me awake, I want to drown them, but I can't do that at this point.

It'll be too obvious. I don't think it's a dog or cat thing. Wait, the suicide note. There you go. It's not a dog or cat thing. It's just about how you season them that really brings out the top. I like dogs more. Tom, did you go to Vietnam again? I like dogs more.

I'm allergic to cats, but I do love dogs. Did you go to Mel Gibson, Mexico, Tom? My girlfriend wants. Mexico. My girlfriend wants to get a dog so bad when she moves in here, and I have to keep explaining to her it will not survive a week in this house. I'll get a dog with her. I also don't want one, if that's. We're not getting one.

That helps. Yeah, no, I'd shut the dog thing down thoroughly. Look, I can't find a lady to cuddle with in the kitchen. I'm going to get a dog. I think Tom, I would. You are not going to cuddle my dog. No, it would be my dog. Yeah, I'm going to get a dog. You are not going to cuddle my dog. No, it would be my dog. Yeah, I would let Tom get a dog, but not Keith.

Wait, what the fuck is that? I have a door. I can put it somewhere else. Tom's dog immediately becomes your dog via the transitive property of Tom loses the dog. I know, but I think Tom needs a dog more than you. I don't need one at all. Yeah, I agree. I know, I'm on your side here. Yeah, you. I don't need one at all. Yeah, I agree.

I know. I'm on your side here. Yeah, well, why don't you get your fucking bitch in line? Oh, Jesus Christ, man. I don't know. I'm not the one with the bringing some bitch around, getting all these crazy dog ideas. I want to get a dog.

I like dogs. Here's the compromise. Connor and Keith get a dog together, and then me and your girlfriend get a dog together. I mean, no. The problem is you'd have to make sure he gets like a really big stocky dog. Because if you give Tom like a Shih Tzu or something, you're 100% going to have the, I cuddled it too hard and now it's not moving.

Yeah. The Lenny'd. Yeah. I had, when I started dating Jessica, we'd choose house sitting for the couple that had like a tiny ass dog And I kept just falling asleep on it And almost killing it His name was like Checkers or some shit

And I'd be like Stop moving there I like medium sized dogs They're my favorite If they're too big they just Giant poops And if they're too small This is a large rat that just runs around

You gotta get in that sweet spot. Yeah. Tom wants a minivan of dogs, you know. You want a Keo Sorrento you can pet. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty much it for the mailbag. We didn't get a ton.

Oh, Jesus. Well, now I feel like we got to do some voicemails or something. I mean, we must have some emails. Yeah. It's almost like you put a boring guest on and no one comments. Oh, we got this one. It's Louis Benitez. What would be your wrestling gimmick?

Oh, that's interesting. Are you a wrestling guy? I mean, no offense. It seems like you might be. Okay, so I was saving this until the plugs at the end, but I am part of the promotions and creative team for an independent wrestling company here in Australia. Get the fuck out of here. That's so um i'll chuck it in now so uh mean boys fans if you're

listening if you live in brisbane gold coast sunshine coast northern new south wales anywhere around there uh come out to impact pro wrestling australia that's ipw australia we put on a great show uh once a month first saturday of every month in Narang on the Gold Coast. I can let them know you're coming because of me, because of Harrison, and I'll get you in for free. It's family-friendly, but it's still entertaining. Two and a half hours of really great wrestling. And if you're international, get onto our Facebook page,

Impact Pro Wrestling Australia. My gimmick is I'm a reporter. So I go around, I do the interviews, I do the promos, that sort of thing. So I work under the name Chad Harrison. So get on there and tell them that you want me to get in the ring. Because I'm trying to get booked. Because I want to be an actual wrestler as part of the show. And so if there's some interest on there from people, just say you want me to get punched in the head and you want to see me

get beaten up and then that'll work well i can do that this fucking guy's got it coming everybody dude if we ever go to australia i'm putting it down right now tom v harrison oh do you think do you think i could i they'd let me in the ring uh it i i reckon because you've done like fight sports before right yeah yeah i played nothing but collision sports growing up and then i did uh tie yeah yeah so basically i need you need to learn to do everything exactly wrong so the thing with stage fighting you know yeah exactly so like instead of actually hitting the guy you almost hit the guy or you hit him badly

right so like you know when you okay so obviously you know when you throw a punch you make a fist and you hit them with it yes in wrestling you don't make a fist yes so you use a loose hand and you slap him right so you just have to do everything wrong and you'll make a good fighter makes a great wrestler.

Yeah, I could do that. Oh, shit. We're going to teach Tom how to wrestle. I just need to get jacked. The good news is that Tom's not great at doing things right. All right, Tom, beat him up and then you'll go in there and do fucking pilot guy ballet. I learned how to WWE good it just turns me into a professional

UFC fighter that's Ronda Rousey have you ever seen anything like super gnarly happen like go wrong in a wrestling situation not at any of our shows so far there's a bunch like there's that was a great interview question hey have you

ever endangered your performers in the audience at any of the events you're trying to profit from I said has he ever seen anything in a wrestling case yeah not in person I've seen tons and tons of videos of guys just like spiking their necks coming off the stage and shit like that in terms of gimmick

Tom Goss already exists in wrestling it's Mankind wait what? that's actually really accurate i don't know it's a mcfoley character it's yeah he has a sock puppet and he wears like a hannibal lecter mask oh that'd be cool yeah yeah um i kind of expect could be like a really really really really budget version of the Miz. Like the arrogant Hollywood type, but he's not actually from Hollywood. The Jizz.

Oh, okay. Yeah, Hollywood adjacent. I always thought of myself as sort of like a sensitive man's edge. You know what I mean? He's kind of a bitch, but still kind of pretty, not that tough,

and just less of everything. Yeah, instead of fucking on stage, just eats out on stage. Because he's taking care of her. Oh, that's my finisher. Oh, he's lighting the candle. Oh, shit, he's turning on Say It Ain't So by Weezer. It's the big spoon.

Wait, who's the guy who fell off the thing in that one video we watched? Mankind kind. Oh, yeah, I was going to say, I'll be him. Yeah. You guys beat me to it. Yeah, I want a fat guy 9-11 a cage i want to get kick fucked through a fake building yeah um have you guys seen the oh and uh tom goss would just i've already done tom you two separate people uh keith would be Oh hang on

Let me just google something real quick You guys vamp Oh you guys cover for me I'm doing recon I'm trying to think There was like a big You know what There were a lot of big guys

No no no Like for me I would come in dressed as a clown No one would see it coming. Sure. All right. I don't understand wrestling. Here's Keith's finisher.

He just describes movies you're never going to watch to you until you kill yourself. Just trying to figure one that wasn't a fat joke and that was all I could do. No, it works. It was something. Yeah. So there was a wrestler in the WWE and independent called Brodus Clay. So big, hefty dude, tattoos, and he came out with the shaved mohawk as a thug. So it was this big bruiser character.

And he didn't really get over. He was okay, but no one really liked him. But then after he refused to go to Vietnam, he changed his name to Moons Over My Hammy Ollie. It's not bad. So then he rebranded himself as Tons of Funk. And so he had just come out and he'd just be in his wrestling singlet. And it'd just be playing, nobody tell my mama. And he'd just dance in the shitty fat guy dance in the middle of the stage.

And he was hugely over. So Tons of Funk, Brodus K. Yeah, he sounds groveliciousicious to be keith man hey speaking of fat people i uh when i was opening for dishwalla uh oh these guys rock there's a band my dad used to play with when i was a kid called thousand pounds and they just really sucked and i was like why did they call themselves that and my mom was like well because there's three really fat guys and together they all weighed a thousand pounds. And then they were like, oh, okay.

And then my uncle told a story that he walked in on them all crying and fighting in the green room we were in at the venue. And the guy was like, I told you I can't get that night off at the warehouse. Well, how are we going to do the gig? And just fat guys yelling at each other in their shitty bringer show band called Thousand Pounds. Made me happy uh we got some

emails yeah what do we got from the emails uh this guy i'm i'm just shocked this happened this guy found the podcast from the roast of april o'neill and wants to know if there's any more of those which means there's a community of people that's just keeping up with the day-to-day content of the wood rocket company which i feel like it would just be whoever happens to like Blondes and Ninja Turtles gets in on it. I've talked a little to Leroy. We are going to do another the Mean Boys porn roast at some point. We're just working out the details on it.

Yeah. Did you watch the roast video? I did. I did. Well, I watched the video. It wasn't the worst video. Yeah. Yeah. I just minimized you guys in full screen. Yeah, no, i watched it it was like as funny as shit yeah they cut the part where we awkwardly showed our dick pics to those ladies and they were both like whatever yeah oh we got good reviews well yeah they said they said

mine was like it was big but it was unpleasant whereas yours had like showmanship yeah they compared mine to a documentary like it was real, but it was gritty. What's your dick like, Harrison? It's fine. Slightly above average. Does the circumcision go the other direction? Sorry, now I'm imagining your dick as the mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers.

I'm just imagining your dick just popping around. One weird thing in the eye where the hole should be. Yeah. It has another smaller man inside of it. It's becoming a socialist icon and left its Twitter accounts. I'm reasonably happy with my penis, yeah.

All right. I like that. Works. That helps. Yeah. Ooh, shots fired. Got you a friendly cat lady and a nice apartment. Yeah, man.

Yeah. All right. Well, I think that's all. I was going through the emails, and I forget how many emails are just people being really mean or just trying to get us to talk shit about more famous comedians. Yeah, I passed by a couple of those. So, yeah, I think that's the questions for this week. Is there any burning questions you have for your mean Boys now that we're all here together at last?

I think we pretty much got it. So if – when and if would the Mean Boys make the Mean Boys Australian tour? Can I drive the van? Absolutely, yeah. Of course, man. Do you have a van? I will. Yeah, then yeah.

Yeah, a thousand percent. I can buy... So, Tom, Tom, you can rent vehicles? I'm going to buy that football team from Russell Crowe, and I'll buy a van. And I'll still have enough left over to buy Red Rooster for everybody. I don't know what your economy is made of, but... It's mostly fighting. You just have to sort of Mad Max your way to get what you want.

I think I do well out there. Yeah. Hey, who's fresh? We got to arm wrestle for some guzzoline, or we're not going to make it to Perth. I feel like either Australia would like me, or I'd have to fight every single Australian. I don't think there'd be a middle ground. It depends. Honestly, you'd get...

So, you guys have hillbillies and rednecks, right? Yes. Yeah, we have bogans. Burgers? Bogans. Bogans. Is that a Star Trek bad guys, right? Bogans?

Like dickwigs? Yeah, so that's our version. So they hang out in usually the western suburbs. They really like Bathurst and race cars and that sort of shit. Oh, okay, yeah. They're the people who actually drink Fosters. So I think you'll get super over with the Bogan crowd, and then you get to the inner-city,

like, lefty-leaning hippie types, and they'll fucking hate you. Fair enough. Okay. I feel like we speak lefty-hippie enough we can get by with those people. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like the narrative has become that I'm some kind of right wing guy, which I don't, you know.

I don't think that's actually. I disagree with. But anyway. Yeah, you can drive the van. It's a. Wait. What? Oh, sorry.

He said I would fit in with the Bogans. And then, yeah, you'd say anything about you guys. So you guys will have to hang out with the hippies. By the way, do they like Trump, the Bogans? Like monster trucks? Oh, he said Trump. Oh, Trump. We sort of do our own thing.

We've had seven prime ministers in the last two years because they keep on kicking each other out. What about that one guy that went for a swim and was never seen from again? That's real, right? That was one of them? Yeah, that actually happened. We lost a prime minister. I'm going to go boogie boarding, and when I get back, I'll fix the law. And then he just disappeared.

I was doing this whole bit about Australia andia and nuclear war and i found that out and i also found that that one of the recent guys was just known for being able to skull beers at an alarming rate i've seen the videos they could just put them down yeah yeah there's uh there's another one of i think it was like a third or fourth like last prime minister and he can't bowl like playing cricket like he tried to bowl and he just... Just fucking sucked at it. Gumby chucked it. Yeah. And it's just... That's just not... You can't do that. They fucking... They fired him for throwing like a girl.

Yeah. It was awful. Yeah. So Harold Holt was the prime minister. And he went for a swim in... I think it was Melbourne. And he just went out. And just never came back.

Yeah. And two weeks later, Tom Goss washed ashore in America. Coincidence? I think not. Have you guys asked New Zealand if they've seen him? Well, there's actually one of those bullshit conspiracy theories that he was a Chinese operative. And so he was there to destabilize our government. And so he actually swam out to a Chinese submarine, got picked up, and is now living like outside

Beijing. I thought he died because he got a stomach cramp because he was hungry even though he just ate lunch. I thought that was... All right, here's... That's what Big Ocean wants you to think. Well, you've been hanging out with Tom for 76 minutes, and you already just named it. Oh, yes.

Big Ocean, I think, is space, right? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Void Ocean. You know what I'm picturing now? Ramsey Badawi landing in Australia, looking at his phone. He's like, I can't get any reception. I thought they loved cricket out here.

All right, buddy. Thanks for coming on. I think that'll probably do it for us I know you gotta get to work I think right yeah we're still having the same issue

where you keep I can't eat I was just saying I think that probably about wraps this up I know you gotta get to work I know you gotta hard out pretty soon

yeah yeah so I don't have work but I gotta go do training and sit in a cafe and listen to someone complain at me sorry buddy yeah in America we call that work yeah have work, but I go do training and sit in a cafe and listen to someone complain at me. Sorry, buddy. Yeah, in America, we call that work.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to say... It's education adjacent. I probably won't tell them what I actually do, because they're not going to approve of this. Yeah, well, no, we're not telling anybody. Oh, yeah. We're going to run your voice through one of those modulators, like they're interviewing

Oh, sweet. Yeah. So, yeah. We're going to run your voice through one of those modulators like they're interviewing a murderer. Oh, sweet. Yeah. So, yeah. Darth Vader sounds like a bitch. Yeah. All right, man. You actually just, like, transcript everything I say and have Tom re-record it? Yeah, exactly.

I will do that, but only if I can make it a Bane impression. No, I do. His accent. Oh, it's a red rooster. You eat the chicken fried. That's it, right? Keep going. You're nailing it. Magic brand pricks.

It sounds like you're trying to talk with a smaller, dumber guy in your mouth. He controls the little levers and makes his hand go up and down and up and down. And you smack the man. He's like Jamaican Bill Cosby. Monty Python. Other culture, the potatoes. And you eat them with the shark. I don't understand the other places that aren't here.

It's just more me talking poorly. I quit this podcast. All right. That's our show, everybody. Thank you to our guest, Harrison, and for you guys for tuning in. Yeah. So do you want to do Fuck Everything, God is Dead with us? Let's do it. All right.

Let's see how close. Let's see the time delay in real time here. One, two, three. Fuck everything, God is dead with us. Thank God.