Mean Boys - EP 190 - Beef Sharks (Live in Kansas City)

Episode Date: April 18, 2019

Get a Mean Boys Ramones shirt: meanboyspodcast.com/merch Download the Himalaya app and follow Mean Boys: itunes.apple.com/us/app/himalaya-…d1275493456?mt=8 Fill out our tour sheet and get on our mailing list: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During

Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muskoka or down Toronto's bustling streets. From now until June 30th, lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Conditions apply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. What up, everybody? Mean Boys podcast. Back at you, Keith, Connor, Tom. Yeah, guys. With a live episode from Kansas City.

This was one of the best of the tour. It was a lot of fun. One of the best live shows we've ever done. It was a blast. Thank you to all the comics that were on the show. Even the one guy with the terrible attitude. And the dominatrix who, as you'll hear, thoroughly waxed Keith and Tom's asses. Oh, she went high.

And pockets and pants. Yeah, Tom's anus was destroyed. This is also Tom gets tased. Tom gets tased at the end of this one. Yep. Stun gunned. Stun gunned, you should say. Yeah, and you did go jelly and collapse on the ground.

I was supposed to catch you, but I mostly just had my arms out and watched you bonk your face. We've got the video of that, too. It'll be up in some capacity at some point. Yeah, we do have the video from this episode. It'll probably be signed up. When I got zapped, it was half going, my body being like, no, and half my brain going, get the fuck out of that. That hurts.

Yeah. If you fall, you will not feel this. So many Mean Boys fans. It was nice to meet everybody that you see on the internet over the years in real life, finally. So that was really cool. Thanks for... I think we got some... Did we get gifts at this one? Did we get some wacky gifts? Yeah, finally. So that was really cool. Thanks for, we got some, I think we got some,

did we get gifts at this one? Did we get some wacky gifts? Yeah, I got the helmet at this one. Yeah, you got the helmet. You got the helmet. I got the Newark County Landfill t-shirt. Oh, yeah. Which I think is very cool.

I forget the name of who gave me that, but thank you. Tweet at me. I really appreciate it. Shout out to the person who drove from Nebraska. There were a bunch of people who drove from like crazy far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was another far, I forgot the other state

that that helmet shirt guy drove from. Yeah, I forget too. But it was fucking far as shit. Came out of the woodwork. Yeah. I almost got my head cut off by a service elevator. Oh yeah,

Connor immediately almost gets murdered by a fucking elevator. I know, we hear the elevator coming, what I think is coming up and I look down and I'm like, I don't see it, why do I still hear the noise? they're like connor watch out and

i look up and i was like and had i had i waited another four seconds i would have been decapitated yeah and then it would be like well did we do the show that was pretty scary there was like a three to five second period we were just like staring at it coming down towards your head like it felt like you were just well it's such a situation you're like what do i do i know and then this is this is as the the infection is beginning to take over. So I'm dropping shit and moving poorly. And I have to sit down frequently. It's like the opposite of bullet time, where everything else is moving very fast.

And you're moving very slow. Yeah. So it was pretty much just like I was waiting around in water for the entire episode. But here it is. What else is going on? We're catching up on Patreon episodes. We're a little bit behind. We had two come out this week. There'll just be one that came out today, same day

that this came out. Go enjoy those. The last one we had with Ramsey, discussing all the fallout from the Kevin Spacey Didn't Do It Foundation for the Learning Arts prank. It was pretty bombastic and fun. Here's what happens to me on both episodes of this week's Patreon content. I get implicated in tax fraud, and then my room floods.

Yeah. So fucking. It's not a great time for Keith. It's a rough week, but hey, jetpacks. Enjoy the Reddit and the Discord. Fun chat rooms. Those are all linked up in the show notes. Fucking.

What else do we plug in this? Subscribe to our YouTube page. We're going to be doing more Big Chop soon. All the shows are up on YouTube if you're one of those freaks who likes to listen to the best stuff. Oh, and I should say, so the vlog, my camera had been fucking shitting in and out for a while, and then I left it in Kansas City. So that's why they're, yeah, that explains that.

So sorry I wasn't more active with those people who've asked me about it. Yeah. Yeah, no vlog. There'll be some on the... There'll be one from Galveston. Yeah. Which is probably the've asked me about it. Yeah. Yeah, no vlog. There'll be some on the... There'll be one from Galveston. Yeah, which is probably the most bloggable one. Yeah, we shot some guns and had a good time. Yeah, that's true.

That is where the fun shit happens. But yeah, we'll be doing more shit on the YouTube. We'll be going back out on the road soon. So fill out the tour sheet if you haven't already. Let us know where you're at. Because we're planning our next few road dates as we speak. Yep. Yep.

And yeah, I think that's just about it. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's live episode from Kansas City. Thank you. Make some noise for the Mean Boys Podcast. Thank you very much, everybody. Welcome to Mean Boys Live. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey.

I'm Tom Goss. And you're getting fucking tased later. Yeah. So, Tom, someone sent us a taser in the mail a few months ago to use for this. What happened to that? I slept in, played some Madden, forgot to pack it. So we had to go buy one in town, and we thought, Missouri, you've got to be able to get those at the 7-Eleven here. That's not going to be hard.

Your guys' tasers are like L.A. tacos. They're just at every street corner. Not what it was. Don't go to that taser truck. Go to the're just on every street corner. Not what it was. Don't go to that taser truck. Go to the good taser truck. And here's what's great. This is the most Missouri shit I've ever seen. We drove by a store that just said stun guns on the wall, but it was closed because it's Sunday

and it's God's day. You gotta keep the Sabbath not electrified, apparently. God is even ruining violence, which I think he invented. So we go to the Walmart. We go to the Walmart. We ask.

The three of us go up and ask, hi, do you guys have stun guns? And he says no. No three people worse to ask for a stun gun. Because I want to be clear. The guy does not say no. He goes no. Yeah. You ever get condescended to by a guy in a Punisher t-shirt?

He says no to you. So I said for you, no. Then we went to Bass Pro Shop, and Tom walked into a Bass Pro Shop, and then a million voices screamed, one of us, one of us. I'd never been to one. You were, like, blown away. Like, you just stepped into fucking, like like Ted Nugent's chocolate factory. Tom could not believe it.

I'd never seen a wall made out of deer antlers. I was fucking astounded. It's fucking redneck Ikea. You never looked at all those drawings in your notebook when you were a kid? Hey, those are words, and you should respect them. I have bad handwriting is the bad joke. Yeah, so that was, yeah, but we got it, and it's coming later. And it came with a sales pitch from what I can only describe as king of the hillside character

that works the cash register. And he's like, well, don't let the wife get a hold of this. You'll be doing dishes and eating pussy and all kinds of gay shit. It just had this whole... Anyway, I'll be opening for Bill Engvall in Huntsville next week. I'll be doing my, oh, so you're buying a taser material. I like that

guy's worked at that Bass Pro Shop long enough. He's like, oh, it's time for the taser stuff. Haven't done this in a while because I don't know if you know this, people in Missouri don't jog. Man, this is so cool. It's cool to be here doing a show in what I've got to assume is the building where every goon in a Batman comic lives. Oh, yeah.

There's a floor for each villain. The Joker's got the ground floor. Then you've got Scarecrow. Killer Croc has some bitch who hangs out with him. She's got four or five. And I guess they subletted this for a Pinterest corporate headquarters. Ooh, a chalk mural. That's fun.

We should do that. This is a great room for your most boring friend to get married in. It's in mason jars. We're going to make it. The show started 90 minutes late so all the white ladies could finish taking Instagram pictures. You're welcome. It's so fucking out of the way of everything else. It's so different. I felt like I was walking up Redneck Hogwarts.

It was very unique. And Tom did run very fast into a wall that did not teleport him onto a train. And Tom's IQ is nine and three quarters. Three digits, baby. You count them. You're too dumb for the room.

Fuck you guys. Nine nine three four divide them how you want fuck you guys you guys showed the fuck up you got we you've earned the tasing this is honestly this is so heartwarming he said it to you but he pointed at me we really we really appreciate it. Well, yeah, I mean, you're the one who sacrificed, I don't know, we might fix you is the other thing, and then you'll be fired. And I do want to tase your ass out of a job. And I do want to point this out. You guys know we've been talking about this for months. You guys want to know

when Tom looked up the side effects of a taser? About 48 minutes ago. Yeah, so we'll see. There's a bunch of videos of dudes who look like this guy falling on the couches. It's pretty great. You're watching larger men

die. They don't have my resilient skin. I'll be fine. I'm pretty sure Tom isn't even carbon based, so I don't know. I'm gaseous. You even carbon-based, so I don't know. He's some sort of... I'm gaseous. You're more of a reptilian fog.

Yeah. Well, guys, I think we're all fired up. What the fuck do you say we get into the Mexican joke-off? All right. If you're unfamiliar with the show, we scour the web for the kookiest news stories of the day. We write some jokes about them, but to keep us honest, we like to bring a special guest to the stage. Yeah, we do. We bring a dominatrix to beat the shit out of us when the jokes don't work.

So here's the deal. If the joke is good, please laugh. Be cool, because she gave me a test of what it's going to feel like, and it really sucked. Oh, is it going to hurt like a taser? No, it's not. Then shut your fucking... No, I'm kidding. No, it's going to hurt like exposing family trauma for two hours in front of no Colt McCannon.

That was fun. Is it going to hurt as bad as me trying a new food? Now, that's the real question. You fucking soft bitch. Anyway, give it up for your guest, Dominic Schneider. Very funny lady. Give it up for Susanna Lee. Susanna Lee, everybody.

Feel free to grab that mic. Grab a mic right over there. Okay, cool. She's like, I don't need a mic. I came here to hurt Twink. Yeah. Well, where's Twink, guys? Is he behind me?

All right. God help us. Who wants to start? Oh, my God. I got A-O'd. How dare you? All right. Yeah, we'll go where you want.

We're going to do what you tell us. That's kind of how it works. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, you're running the ship here. That can be arranged. All right. You look like you're about to go. Now, pray to you're running the ship here. That can be arranged. All right. You look like you're about to... Now, pray to me!

Here's the problem. I sure didn't think they weren't going to do it. So now I just feel like I'm in that dream journal I don't talk about. Oh, man. I know at least one of you has written this in a fucking fan fiction forum somewhere deep in the fucking Pirate Bay corner of the internet. I guess we're doing this now. Usually we don't get our needs told after we stop recording. This is a new...

Alright. No, it's if we bomb. If we bomb, you hit us. If we do good, we're safe. Don't worry. You'll know when to do it. Hey, man, shut the fuck up. She's probably the best equipped dominatrix we've had

so far, so I'm going to go ahead and say Tom goes first. Okay. An American tourist in Australia was randomly selected to be ravaged and beaten. Damn, dude, about time Australia gets a TSA. Oh, no. Jesus Christ. Uh-oh.

Do I have I say my name or something? What happened? You could talk into the microphone. Ouch! Oh! Yeah, that hurt.

Oh, shit. Oh, man. This is the first time where you don't know when it's coming because we're facing... Yeah, I don't like that we're doing

this ISIS style. I didn't really... I didn't have a vote in this fucking gulp a new study claims that the amount of Americans having sex

is at a record low which is weird because it sure feels like we're all fucked I'm safe really better than the TSA? Yeah, you got no sound.

I got that laugh. That's a laugh. It sounded like, hey, man, fuck you. Look, I overcommitted to this lady I met once. Yeah, here's what you did do. You used one of the stories I had for one of my good jokes, so now I have to replace it with a shittier one and get hit, so thank you.

Ha-ha. All right, guys. A man charged with biting a woman in the face stated he believed that he was half man, half dog at the time of the attack. This condition means that Keith Carey still wants to fuck 100% of him. Have you guys ever heard the story about Keith and the dog?

No! No! Clap if you've heard it. The last episode you made me do this on hasn't even come out yet. I know. Right, so they haven't heard it. I fucked a lady while she watched a video of a dog fucking a different lady. Yeah, you know what's up.

That's my girl. Son of a bitch. Did you not know she was a dog lover? To be fair, so was my girl. So is your current girlfriend, if you ask me. Jesus, look at you. All right. Are you opening for the taser salesman next week?

All right, Tom, you're up. Oh, God. This may be the dumbest joke I've ever written. Really? Yeah. Oh, God. This may be the dumbest joke I've ever read. Really? Yeah. Go back to serving artisan coffee. I don't need your guff.

An 18-year-old birthday girl died when her parachute didn't open. On the brighter side, she's 18 and she's down. That's pretty good. Oh, fuck. A budget airline closed down unexpectedly, leaving hundreds of broke travelers stranded. In related news, ah, shit, who wants to drive us back to L.A.? Nah, that's a hit. Yeah, that might be a hit.

All right. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. My view is not good. I don't like... Look, I'm not not a little hard. The arteries or the dick? Go ahead and punch your

500 times I've made that joke card and get a free whatever. Alright guys, I don't know if you read this but Nazi graffiti was found in a government building in Oklahoma and Oklahoma's governor said in a statement, I am proud of the fine people of our state. This is the first time we've used that stuff for painting here.

They're huffing it. They're trash. Just be funny. Are you going to curb-stomp me like American History X? What are we doing here? I'll put my hand down? I use that. Oh, fuck!

Well, man. Guess I'm doing it like this for a little while. All right. Okay, okay. I'm so glad this is the one we're filming. A woman drove her van into the ocean with her children in the car. She was heard yelling, y'all said I could never figure out how to surf. Well, who's surfing now?

I think he gets a pass on that one. Yeah, I think you guys were just confused out loud. I don't know if that was... How does it hurt more now than when it happened is what I want to know. That's whoa. The first all-female spacewalk mission was cancelled because NASA did not have safety equipment in small enough sizes.

When asked for comment, NASA mission commander Dice Clay said, What are we supposed to do? Let the aliens meet a bunch of fat chicks? Oh! I'm glad Keith's getting hit, but you guys are wrong. That's a good Dice Clay joke. And here's the deal. I've committed to a good Dice Clay joke. And here's the deal. I've committed to a real Dice Clay theme

for the next couple, so I'm in a lot of trouble. Oh. Yeah. I'll take it. Oh, my gosh. Oh! Oh! Happy birthday

to you There's candles coming out It's about to smell like an Arby's in here, fam Happy Oh, fuck The chest hair Gucci, Gucci, Gucci It's stuck in there like another nipple

Oh, my God Who milked Keith? You guys It's stuck in there like another nipple. Oh, my God. Who melts Keith? You guys... Yo, I look like a sexy cake. I'm never getting a dipped cone at McDonald's ever again. I'll tell you that. Oh, it's hard already. Well, let me feel.

Whoa. That's the... Ow! It is hard. It feels a lot more sexual than your regular skin. I'll say that. Okay, guys. Laptops will soon be allowed to stay in bags

thanks to new TSA technology. And that's amazing news. Now when I fly, I won't have to take my laptop out of Keith's mom. She's... Oh! That's the most satisfying thing that's ever happened in my life. You just channeled like four years of aggression into his dumb gay back.

My front is the gay side. It's all gay. It's all gay, babe. It's all gay. It's all gay, baby, baby. Oh, this shit went in my pants. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, I got wax pubes, baby, baby. Oh, this shit went in my pants. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, I got wax pubes.

Anyway, continue. A paralyzed lacrosse player walked again for the first time. It's estimated in three years of physical therapy, he will be able to once again rape effectively. All right, safe. Wow. The stereotype that they're bad people. A woman was sexually harassed on an airplane.

Said TSA agent Dice Clay, yeah, I got demoted to the TSA on account of all that fat chick talk from the last joke. Oh! Shit! Shit! What? Am I back? Okay.

Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Wow. That's for flinching. Oh, my God. This bitch is hardcore. That's for flinching. A man was arrested for trying to steal the train tracks at Auschwitz. They stopped him before it came loose and he didn't become the true king of Stormfront.

That's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. A man, you guys know about men, a man got his penis stuck in a cat while trying to have sex with it. When asked about the details, he said, did I wear a condom?

The cat is the condom. I'll never have to wear a shitty latex condom again. I can go around fucking any lady, just rock cat her. You know what? There's a lot more to this joke I'm just gonna take I was hoping to build some momentum I'm gonna get hit hard oh she looks like she also likes cats too Oh, my God. He did his ass hair. Oh, my God. Tom just took some wax to the ass crack.

I do, too. They're delicious. Well, if you love them so much, why don't you write a better joke about them? I feel like I shit my pants. All right, you fucking monsters. The cat did not enjoy it. Both members of British band Hers were killed in a car crash in Los Angeles.

Traffic cop Dice Clay said, Hers got in a car crash? This never would have happened if HIMS was driving. Yeah. All right, guys. The governor of Kentucky signed a bill making sex with animals illegal in the state. Keith Carey still plans to marry half of that guy

that bit that lady in the face on the steps of the colonel's mansion this fall. I mean, it was pretty good, but you should probably hit him one more time. Yeah, probably. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Okay, all right.

We got to be out of here at a certain point Holy shit This is the surprise that gets you guys Well that's it for the Mexican joke I have wax in my asshole We got a great show for you You guys are probably the best crowd I've ever had Your first comic coming to the stage Is the man who put this all together.

Wonderful dude. Give it up right now for Steven Taylor. Steven Taylor, everybody. Mean Boys Podcast is brought to you by the Himalaya podcasting app. Himalaya is a great podcasting app. I mean, of all the apps where you podcast, it's by far the one that sponsors Mean Boys. They've got playlists they've got uh uh you can subscribe to your favorite shows you can they're all on there you don't have to go

oh but is it on there is it not it's not a title situation yeah i mean you know they've got a great interface it's really helpful for users they also mr ear here which is a plug in the podcast so insistent that we do this bit and then never knows what direction to take it in. It goes towards your face because that's where you perceive sound. You can even tip your favorite creators on Himalaya. So go to the App Store right now, download the Himalaya app, and subscribe to the Mean Boys while you're there. Yeah, subscribe to listen to it. All right.

On Himalaya. No need to do a lot more of this today. Shut all the fucking way up. Yeah, subscribe to listen to it. All right. On Himalaya. No need to do a lot more of this today. All sound of mountains. Shut all the fucking way up. Yeah, shut your fucking mouth. Himalaya, podcast app that thinks Tom sucks. Make sound. Shut the fuck, shut your fucking mouth.

We're going to play a game. We've got a quick shout out. We've got a Newark County landfill t-shirt. The most deep cut ass reference. I'm very happy about this. Thank you. What's your name, dude? Alex.

Alex, thank you so much, man. Dude, Alex, it's so nice of you. We haven't done that very happy. Thank you. What's your name, dude? Alex. Thank you so much, man. Dude, Alex, that's so nice of you. We haven't done that bit in like four years. It's fucking... We'll bleep your name out on the show. He also gave me one of whatever this is. It's a pith helmet. What?

Those bullet holes? Wait, are those bullet holes? Yeah. What is this? That's an American Civil Defense helmet. American Civil Defense helmet. Made in China. Well, you made it with a hammer.

I got drunk and hit myself with a hammer. That's that dead helmet. Okay. All right. And how did Bugs Bunny get you to do that? It looks too natural, yeah? You know? Just like, whoa, what Team Fortress 2 skin is this? Well, guys, we're going to play a game.

We're in Kansas City. As you guys definitely know, you have a sister city, Kansas City, Kansas. So we're going to play a little game called Missouri or Kansas. I'm going to tell you something horrible that happened. And you guys got to tell me if it happened here in Missouri or in however you say Kansas racially. I don't know. I think it's just Kansas, but there's two more Ks at the front. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. All right, guys. So a man ran outside of the house naked wearing a dog collar, and police uncovered a torture dungeon of a serial killer. Missouri or Kansas? Well, based off of everything that has happened so far in Kansas City, Missouri, I would guess that that happened here. Yeah, that's the review of this show tomorrow.

Yeah, that was... Wait, so he ran outside naked. Yeah, there's a guy... The police saw a guy running naked through the streets wearing a dog collar. And thought that was worth investigating. Yeah, and they found the torture dungeon of a prolific serial killer.

Oh, wow. Was he the killer, or was he a guy who almost got serial killed? He was a guy that almost got serial killed. Good on him. Good on him. You've got to appreciate the hustle. Yeah, well, first of all, everyone knows you double-check the leash, dipshit. I mean, that's serial killer shit day one.

I want to say Kansas, because if I were a serial killer, that seems like the state you go to to really be ignored. Yeah. Kansas is second Kansas. Kansas is like Rhode Island where I feel like even Obama forgot about it for like three, four weeks at a time. He'd be like, oh shit, is anything? No, still nothing. He's like, yeah, of course it's nothing. Alright. It's my biggest Kansas. State anything? I'm going to go Kansas

on this. Alright. I live in Kansas. Tom Goss? Oh, I think it's Missouri. That is Missouri, everybody. Have a little civic pride. I get in Kansas. Tom Goss? Oh, I think it's Missouri. That is Missouri, everybody. I get you guys. I understand you. That was about two miles away from where we're staying tonight. Oh, fuck. Good omen.

Next one. A Kansas City Catholic school rejected a child for having gay parents. Now, this is the homophobic showdown we've been waiting for. For years. Who hates the hardest? Oh, man. Now, you're the local. You have any insight here?

What do you think? I mean, I know which one it happens, and it's also the one that it should have happened in. It definitely makes the most sense that it happened here. I'm going to say. It should have happened in neither of them. Okay, touche. The people in glass cardigans shouldn't throw faggots. That's all I'm saying.

Why don't you throw in those unless you're in ISIS? They got a pretty strict all-black robe policy. You'd show up and they'd be like, we fixed you the ninja costume. It's not that hard. All right, well, that was Missouri. You gave it away. Don't do that next the ninja costume. It's not that hard. Alright, well that was Missouri. You gave it away. Don't do that next time. The other guys got a guess.

It's alright. You're chastising him for playing the game. No, I know, but I'm saying if you know, say, I'll hold off just for future reference. Sorry. This is what everybody really tunes in to Mean Boys for. Hot rule enforcement. Aw yeah, litigate the shit out of this bed.

Come hit me again. Three firefighters were found not guilty of calling a child the N-word at a Hooters. Is that Missouri or Kansas? Wait, there was a... Wow. Did you work there?

She's wearing her I Love My Firefighter Husband t-shirt. Oh, no. Is Missouri more racist than Kansas? Yes, queen! Look at this crowd. Yes. This is uncomfortable. I'm not saying it's

okay either way. Okay. But did they just like see the kid and they were like, ah, one of those! Or were they trying to get him out of a fire and they were trying to convey urgency? I'm just saying, if you told me, get out of the building, it's on fire, I'd be like, what? I want more information. But if you were like, get out of the building, end word, I'd be like, okay. I'd have questions downstairs, but that's where I'd ask them.

That's all I'm saying. Yeah, they didn't really give a lot of context. I'm going Missouri on this one. She seems very confident. It was on one of those websites where it's like, Fox 75, you know? So, okay, you're going Missouri. What do you think? Yeah, Kansas doesn't have any money, so there's no way they have firefighters. I'm going to double check. I think we're going to say Kansas doesn't have any black people.

All right, Tom, go ahead. Due to diligent detective work, I'm going to say Kansas doesn't have any black people. All right, Tom, go ahead. Yeah, due to diligent detective work, I'm going to say Missouri. All right, well, you're wrong with your detective work. That was Kansas. Oh, you betrayed me, Hooters lady. Yeah. I trusted you. On the plus side, Missouri, we did it.

Stop trying. It's fixed. We don't need to progress anymore. All right, guys, this next one's my favorite. A traffic accident killed 11 million bees. Kansas or Missouri? A hundred-acre wood. So were there like six million driving one car and five million driving the other one?

Well, yeah. Some of them made the peanut butter and some of the bees made the chocolate. And then, you know, it just kind of worked out like that. some of them made the peanut butter and some of the bees made the chocolate and then, you know, it just kind of worked out like that. Yeah, they raised the peanut butter cups. Man, that accident is actually what made

Ellen Page gay. A lot of people don't know. Dead bees? She's all about the bees. Is she? Yeah, she's like, she made that whole movie like, what, the bees?

You know, or something like that. I think you had a fever dream about this. No, I just thought more people knew that Ellen Page was passionate about the dwindling number of bees on the world. Why do you know that? I think you had a fever dream about this. No, I just thought more people knew that Ellen Page was passionate about the dwindling numbers of pennies on the world. Why do you know that?

I think Connor saw the poster for the Umbrella Academy and did a lot of filling in in his own mind. And this is where we ended up. I'll tell you why I know that. I can't sleep at night. I stay up late reading teen news. Yeah, I can't either, and I know nothing. I don't know why that. Well, now that you've got this helmet, you might retain some of that information

from the late-night Wikipedia. You should be smoking like a pipe and talking about the white man's birth, and that's what... Save the bees! That's a pretty good Rudyard Kipling joke, everybody. All right, so 11 million bees were killed, Kansas or Missouri?

I'm going to go Kansas. All right. I feel like Kansas has more fields. And that's basically... There goes the logic train. Yeah. You know what? Fuck you.

I'm thinking. I think Kansas has more fields, therefore more bees, therefore I'm going to say Missouri. All right. It pains me to say it, but that took place in Missouri. I'm not happy about it. I'm sure you aren't either. And that's why, bitches. All right.

And this is the last one. The championship round. This is a true story. A man successfully sued the police for, quote, excessive taser use. I mean, that's about to happen in Missouri. We're not going to bring in a cop to do it. Tom, I dare you to figure out how to call a lawyer. You ask Siri.

He's like, I don't know what happened. I keep getting Grover every time. This is bullshit. By the way, I love the billboards around this town for Jungle Law. The weirdly Photoshopped Seek Freedom Roy reject. Just posing next to a photoshop of a rhino it's very amazing

yeah Jungle Law is that song Beluga sings to Mowgli when they're going to the village right you know you know him Beluga

isn't his name Beluga it's Belu no there's a Beluga is a whale my dude what's the what's the cat's name no Bagheera Bagheera

you know what here's you wanna oh now y'all know Rudyard Kipling you wanna know theyard Kipling. You want to know the worst thing? I called him Beluga because that's the name

of one of the kinds of Yeezys I own. So if anyone would like to tase me... All right. What do you guys think? What do you guys think? Kansas or Missouri? I think everybody in Missouri. Every episode of Live PD I've seen in Missouri

has somebody getting tased excessively. Yeah, okay. Getting a fault to Missouri. Yeah, I kind of Live PD I've seen in Missouri has somebody getting tased excessively. Yeah, okay. It's a fault to Missouri. Yeah, I kind of feel like that would be both. It doesn't really seem like there's a little bit of tasing. Maybe it happened on the state line. Like he got tased and can't come back to Missouri. I sure hope there is.

Here's another thing. I have not seen a lot of healthy people in this state. Do you guys even conduct electricity at this point? Is it not just like tasing a brick, you know? We built in so much natural rubber that we're grounded at all times.

First of all, I can say it. It's our word. Yeah. Rubber is your word? My nipple is saying It's rubber, and you know that. We're going down

a weird rabbit hole here. We are. Call me a rubber lover. Okay, so what do you think? Kansas or Missouri? How do we get back on track? I'm going to say fucking Missouri. All right, guys.

It's Missouri, and it's about to be Missouri again. Later when we talk. Oh, yeah, you guys seem stoked. Oh, man. Well, that was Kansas or Missouri, you guys. We got more, but it wasn't going that well. One more time for Stephen Taylor, everybody. One more time for Stephen Taylor, you guys. And got more, but it wasn't going that well. One more time for Steven Taylor, everybody. One more time for Steven Taylor, you guys.

And Tom's hat. We got another great comic coming to the stage right now. You guys are going to love this guy. Give it up right now for Aaron Naylor. One more time for Aaron Naylor, everybody. Having a very antagonistic run in. You really got the Mean boys audience experience because you did crowd work one by one

and watched everyone avoid eye contact furiously. Yeah, avoiding all the eye contact too. I could hear just the muscle spasms of people going, no! Are they behind me? There's nine people in the room. I want you to know that my ass cheeks are sealed together right now.

Like a letter from the Victorian era. There was a clump of wax that formed. Wait, let me just crack this up. Oh, no, you don't. My dearest Elizabeth. I am mad at you. It's been a fortnight since the sun doth shine upon me. Like if I have discovered the most peculiar smell.

All right, guys. We're going to be doing one of our favorite segments. This is New Names, ladies and gentlemen. This is where we take a common thing and we just give it a better name. You know, an example from the past would be Bass Pro Shop. I think it should be called KKK Mart. You know, stuff like that.

And we've got some fun ones here for you today. Can I take it away? Yeah, please. I wrote one outside. Due to the fact that it's now full of poop and candle wax, Tom's asshole is now called Liberace's tongue. All right, well, I mean, I think that's a little unoriginal. So due to the fact that it's now full of wax and candle wax,

Tom's asshole will now be called Bath and Body Twerks? Also not that good. I think we should leave my asshole out of this. I think we should start calling whales hoppity beef sharks. Oh, that did not work. Alright. That sounded like a racial slur, even though it wasn't.

That sounded like something they said to that kid at that Hooters from the game before. Jesus. Aaron, what do you got? I think they should start calling air mattresses sex dolls for chubby chasers. That's the Keith Carey model. You can just tape a picture of my face onto it.

Oh, man. The farts I ripped on the shitty flight into this city, the Kansas City queefs. Yeah, Keith did light it up pretty good. Yeah, I took a dump on an airplane for the first time today. That's a true story. Thank you. I'm very proud.

We shall overcome. I'm on the no-fly list now. It was a fucking disaster. Oh, yeah. So, anyway. I spent four days in Texas and then shit in a tube. I'm a war criminal. Okay, guys.

New name for Wesley Snipes' dick. A blade plug-in. He played Blade. He's plugging it in. What's not to like? You guys are going to love this one. Cookies are now flavor frisbees. Yes!

You got Jason Mewes from the future and no one else. We're starting a band together. What a great venue where everyone I seem to think works here has the worst possible attitude. This is awesome. I feel like I'm at the post office doing a show. New name for lightning bugs?

Electric Bugaloo. That's adorable. Don't saveoo. That's adorable. Don't save it. I'm trying. Can we start our own podcast? I'm over these guys. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah, let's call it the Fat Way. I'll give you a hat. We're gonna do this, yeah. The Fat Victims.

Tom's ready to get yelled at by a new guy. Kansas City will now be known as Keith Carey Bird because it goes both ways and it's fat as shit. Damn. All right. I like it. Yeah, new name for diapers. Poot roll-ups. You're rolling up poots in there, guys. Come on.

He's played Blade. He's plugging it in. Come on. You guys just don't get it. Way's played Blade. He's plugging it in. Come on. You guys just don't get it. Way over your heads. You know what I love about this segment is when it doesn't work that good, it really reminds you, oh, we just, bad puns. It's a thing we flew across the country to do.

Yeah. There's a whole, we had a whole Google sheet that led to this. Gonorrhea is now called the mash rash. I think it would have worked better if you didn't. Fuck you, Connor! Fuck you and your dumb face! Oh, good one. You got me, dude.

Suck my waxy asshole! Oh, man. I can't wait. Tell a long story with no ending, fuckface. Go for it. Does this remind you of something Ryan did in Chino 12 years ago? Who's Ryan? Your friend.

He doesn't have any friends anymore. Can you just do this on Grown Up Bobby Hills podcast? I don't really like it happening on my show. New name for feral children? Free children. That's good. I was looking at the gas station pills that are supposed to give you boners that are organic.

Whatever plants they put in that that make you horny are now called ferns with benefits. You ever read the fucking ingredients on those? It's just like horny goat weed. I don't know. Horny dextrin. They just make up shit. Horny yellow five.

Yeah. I saw one that was called sensuality blend. All right, guys. New name for five guys. Four guys. I have some five guys. Four guys. I have some bad news. Nipsey Hussle wasn't alone outside that store. And one of the Five Guys Burger guys got shot.

It was a bit I was going for there. Kind of an outside-the-box one. Meeting Louis C.K. is now called the door jam? Hoop earrings are now something to latch the other end of these handcuffs to. What? We'll take the children. We all just feel like a weird version of Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man in our head, trying to figure out how that connects. Yeah, well, that's like a really lame saw, where you're like, all right, I guess I've got to be like one of those guys who did the plugs too big.

Beto O'Rourke is now called Senator Cool Stepdad. He's just like, if I teach you how to do a kickflip, will you vote for me? All right, new name for Keith's stomach, the barrel of the bottom. Yeah, I rolled right into that one. New name for wearing a condom while fucking a sex doll, a cum dunkin'. Look, he's the only one I care about anymore, and it got him. Man, cum dunkin' sounds like your special move in a Street Fighter game. Come Duncan!

New name for my niece, Hadley Blaine Buckler. Any other name? Oh, shit. Well, that's new names, everybody. One more time for Aaron Taylor. Thanks for doing the show. Thanks, man. We got one more comic for you,

and then we're going to play one of our favorite games up here. You guys know this lady. You saw her poor shit up Tom earlier. Give it up for Suzanne Ali. I want to acknowledge an upsetting realization I had. The whole time we were doing the opening segment, I was like, the energy's definitely different than when we usually do this dominatrix

thing. And I thought it was because it was more intense or weird or something. Here's what I realized backstage. Susanna looks upsettingly like my mother. Oh, fuck, yeah. Like, go on my Insta and find it. It's weird that you live in Kansas City and you know what my mom looks

like. That's really weird. But right? Holy shit. It's scary. Yeah, I have to jerk off and go to therapy now. Like, I don't know. Yeah, and the crazier thing is that these four chairs here all look like Keith's dad. The only difference between Susanna and my mom is Susanna was nice to me after she hit me.

Oh, she was nice to you? How'd you get that treatment? I'm a good son, Connor. Your mom was nice to me after she hit me. Oh, she was nice to you? How'd you get that treatment? I'm a good son, Connor. Your mom was nice to me. Yeah, now, you met her at 25 when you could probably take her. And I say probably, not definitively, because Christ, the woman just looks like a skeleton with a knife. Well, I mean, she's sitting right here.

You're kind of shitting on her, too. Look, man, I boxed myself in on this riff. Anyway, thanks for staying on stage for this. Yeah, you'd I boxed myself in on this riff. Anyway, thanks for staying on stage for this. Yeah, you'd be nice to the can't-have-her-kids-anymore gargoyle. I'm kidding. Alright, I made a round of one of our favorite games. This is one of the oldest

games we do on the podcast. We don't do it a ton anymore, but we like to do it on live shows because we think you guys would enjoy it. It is a game of porn comment or Yelp review. And the rules of the game are the name of the game. I'm going to read you a thing. You tell it. It's a game of porn comment or Yelp review. And the rules of the game are the name of the game. I'm going to read you

a thing. You tell me if it's a Yelp review from a local establishment or a comment left on a Pornhub video. Yeah. Number one, quote,

I wouldn't come there. Ooh. How is come spelled? Not telling you. Either it's C-O-M-E or C-U-M. Damn fine work, detective. Is both an option?

What's up? Do you have a larger talk-toon dog you report to at times? Fuck, dude. First of all, I want to say it creeps me out when people talk about coming and they spell it like they're going to your house. You know what I mean? When you say, like, oh, I'm coming so hard. Like, I've sexted a girl and she was C-O-M-I-N-G,

and I'm like, boner's gone. I don't need this uptight pussy. What the fuck are we following? Come on, lady, you're going to be going. Yeah, you keep strunk and white out of our foreplay, woman. I'm going to say that's a y'all preview. Okay, Tom, your thoughts? Oh, man, I'm just trying to imagine

what kind of porn would warrant that response. Have you ever played this game? It's all like fudge shits on a midget's head. It's not like we do this with hot stuff. But, yeah, most people watch that to jerk off to it. Yeah, I mean, there's cum in most porn. Now, Popeye's, that's scary. So I'm going to go ahead and go Yelp.

We got two for Yelp. Susanna, what do you think? What was it again? Was it I wouldn't come there? I wouldn't come there. Porn. Porn. We got one for porn, two for Yelp.

The Grand Sant... The correct answer, that is a Yelp review of the nearest McDonald's to where we're staying in the way down, which currently has a rating of 1.5 stars. Oh, we also ate at that McDonald's earlier today. Yes, we did. Yeah. Number two, quote, I don't get how people

can act so aggressive with strangers. Porn or Yelp. Oh, my God. This is either some upskirt videos on the Metro or something

somehow worse that happened at a Wendy's somewhere. Fuck. I can't... I don't want to be that aggressive with strangers. I don't get how want to be that aggressive with strangers.

I don't get how people can act so aggressive with strangers. Well, they do upload some of those full movies to Pornhub because they don't check those that often.

So maybe there's Jackass where they go to Japan is my guess right now. Connor has seen four movies. Three of them are

well, Jackass 3.5. I don't know if you count that one. I'm going to say that that's a porn comment. Yeah, I think't know if you count that one. I'm going to say that's a porn comment. I think that's a classic white lady, this Sears is not Sears enough kind of complaint. I'm going to go Yelp.

Susanna, what do you think? I'm going to go Yelp. That is a Yelp review of the second closest McDonald's to where we're standing. Which is currently rated even lower than the closer McDonald's at one star. Wow.

Just one flat? Yeah, one flat, dude. Number three, quote, milk makes you fat. Milk makes you fat. Either way, rude. Yeah. Vegans are getting on Pornhub now. Is there gluten in this butt?

We're not spreading this message well enough on Instagram comments. We gotta start harassing people that are hard. Is fat spelled with a P? Nah, it's spelled the Christian way. Because they could be talking about dad ass.

You could also just call asses fat with an F. Yeah, but then it goes back to your whole thing. Don't spell cum that way. Don't spell fat that way, right? I'm not. I didn't finish high school. What do you want from me? I wouldn't call anyone's ass fat with a P

because no one wants to fuck someone from 2008. Like that. Well, that's's i stumped him that's about where i'm from i like when the bottle rocket that is tom just fizzles out mid-flight milk makes you fat i'm gonna say it's got to be porn it's one of the it's been too long without a porn and this has got to be something gross. Okay. Yeah, maybe she's like feeding a baby and then you just watch the baby grow up. Oh, it's like one of those videos

where they show a picture of somebody every day. Yeah, you know what? I think this is an inspirational video of a baby growing up from breastfeeding on Pornhub. Wait, an inspirational video of guys jacking off to breastfeeding on Pornhub? You added the jacking off. I think you can put

anything your heart sets on for Pornhub. Wow. Did you tell him go in with the flow on this? Yeah, you're going

with the safari helmet because you walked into the wilderness of that sentence with a machete and a dream. Yeah. And the dream says porn.

All right, so we got two for porn. What do you think? For all the same reasons. Thank you. No, I we got two for porn. What do you think? For all the same reasons. Thank you. No, I meant it's Connor. Porn. That is a porn review from Granny Splattered With Cum.

I was right. How fat was this granny? She was like the normal size. It was with a P. All right, number four. Grease it up. And that is up spelled with one, two, three, four, five, six, seven Ps. Ooh, grease it up.

That's like the Jamba Juice Keith goes to. Can I get a bacon booster? Yes. Can I just go ahead and cast my vote for porn with seven Ps? Porn, yeah. This has got to be like a Jiffy Lube that got closed down because of a seven Ps. Porn, yeah. This has got to be like a Jiffy Lube that got closed down because of a stabbing. There's no other explanation. I'm going Yelp.

We've got a Yelp and a porn. Tom, tiebreaker. Man, I'm torn on this one. What's torn? You're going to be when that wax comes out of your ass hair. Oh, dude, it hurts so bad. I'm going to say Yelp. That is a Yelp review of the Cracker Barrel.

Speaking of Cracker Barrel, am I right? Am I right? My ass hurts. All right. Next one, and I'm yelling it because it's in all caps. You're choking the D. You're choking the D. You're choking the D.

No punctuation, all caps. Churches get Yelp reviews? It could be the D. You're choking the D. No punctuation, all caps. Churches get Yelp reviews? It could be the demon. They do. Fuck. Did someone have kinky sex at a basketball game? I'm trying to think of what business has something you call the D. Any idea?

Duncan. Any ideas? Dunkin' Donuts. You're choking the D. They're limiting menu options. You're choking the D. They're limiting menu options. You're choking the D. I'm really trying to come up with something here, guys. The show's been going for too long.

Don't worry. The taser's coming soon to save us. I'm going to say that's a Yelp review. All right. Yeah. You know what it is? I can't think of what that would be a Yelp review for, so I'm also going to say Yelp review. Sure.

Why not? For the same reasons as a Yelp review. Sure, why not? Oh, for the same reasons, Yelp review. Thank you. Trick question. That's actually a tweet at the Kansas City Chiefs for firing linebacker Justin Houston. Alright, I got two more. This one has a fill in the

blank, so one word is left blank, and based on that you've got to figure out what it is. I can fit six hot dogs in my blank. Oh, wait, you're not going to tell out what it is. I can fit six hot dogs in my blank. Oh, wait. You're not going to tell us what it is? No. If I told you what it was, it would give it away.

Well, did you write it and it's belly button? Because I've seen that thing. And there's an echo. I'm going to go ass. You know, just straight down the middle. I mean, yeah, mouth, butt. Urethra would be, that would be unique. And a hot dog in a hot dog.

Yeah. Well, then I feel like, well, then if you poke yourself in the belly button, it'll shoot out like a Nerf rocket. You guys got dogs yet? I'm going to go ahead. That's very inside baseball. I'm going to go ahead and That's very inside baseball. I'm going to go ahead and say that is... I forgot it.

There are two options, Tom. Urethra. We got one for porn and one for urethra. Susanna, your guess. Is urethra an option? I vote for urethra too. I hate to say this they're pretty close

I can fit six hot dogs in my pussy that's from Pornhub and also that's not even that much of an achievement they're soft, they're malleable you can mush them up and cram them in there don't look at me like you've never thought about the physics here's the question though can you say chubby bunny once they're all inside

because if you can you gotta chubby bunny once they're all inside because if you can't you got to take a shot and last one i ain't feeling that little kid coughing oh oh man that's probably this is like a this is like a homemade sex tape of a single mother the walls are thin the lights are out and she can't afford NyQuil. She shot up the NyQuil money. And you just hear Junior a couple of rooms over just hacking away while, you know, her boyfriend is doing the same.

I'm going to say that's got to be a porn comment. Everyone got really upset about this one. Either way, I'm sad. I... This is going to sound weird. I hope it's porn. Wait, what kind of coffin is it? Because if it's... C-O-U-G-H-I-N. Oh, okay. I intentionally left

that vague. Thank you. I'm going to go with Yelp. This could be like vampire solo scene number six. What is it? Yelp. Because if not, this could be like vampire solo scene number six. What do you say? Yelp. Yelp. Yelp. Where are you at?

Porn. All right. That is a porn comment from a video of something called Backpage Ho Enjoys Dick, filmed right here in Springfield, Missouri. Wow. That's it for Porn and Yelp. One more time for Susanna Lee. Susanna Lee, everybody.

All right. It's time to close out the show. I think there's only one way to do it, you guys, more time for Susanna Lee. Susanna Lee, everybody. Alright. It's time to close out the show. I think there's only one way to do it, you guys, and I hope you'll agree. The Tom Goss lightning rounds. Maybe with a little bit of actual lightning. Yeah. We'll start you off without the...

You control your destiny with the tase. Yeah, you tell us when you should be tased. And give me a few seconds so I can videotape it. Okay. Yeah, so for anybody who doesn't know, we yell words at Tom. Tom has to very quickly figure out how to explain those to the world. I've written down some. You've written down some.

We'll also throw to you guys at some point. If you come up with a good one, shout it out, and Tom will do it. Yep. So let me know when you're ready. I'm ready. You ready, Connor? I'm ready. Tom, what is a safari?

Oh, oh, oh, a travel hunt. Mark Twain. Okay, a boat poet. A candle. Okay, a dwindle-down lamp. The Kansas City Chiefs. Oh, the AFC Losers. Liposuction.

Suck it for stomach. Krav Maga. Jew karate. We have an episode title. Friendship. The non-fuck couples. Aircraft carriers. Oh, um, uh, uh, uh, plane nests.

Salsa music. Oh, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, hip sounds. Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas? Yeah. Oh, uh, rat dogs. Tornadoes. Oh, um, uh, uh. Oh, spin tossers.

Yoko Ono. Oh, fuck. Ah, lady. The human anus. Oh, sealed. Smart cars. Smart cars. Fuck.

Nerd wagons. All right, Tom. Name seven things that are illegal to buy. Okay. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. We're at a cool zero so far. Heroin.

All right. Me. People in general. Ferrets. In some states. Kidneys. Girlfriends. Again, I'm going to say that goes under the subcategory of people.

The world. And... Oh, fuck. Guns if you're Tom. Thank you. There we go. Tom, name seven famous animals. Oh, Air Bud. Air Bud 2. Tom, name seven famous animals. Oh, Air Bud.

Air Bud 2. Air Bud 3. Air Bud's family. That pug they kept throwing in the river from Homeward Bound. Oh, I can do living ones too, huh? What? That hippo from that Madagascar thing. Fuck.

Seabiscuit. That's seven. All right, Tom, name seven things you proved us wrong about. Okay. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything.

Okay, what else? Something about potatoes. Hannibal. Time. What? That you'll be alive? Life Podcast networks Memory

Fuck Pants I said I didn't need to buy them Uh, what, what, uh, the memory, uh, fuck. Um, pants? I said I didn't need to buy them, and I was right. You guys gave them to me. Uh, shit, what's something else? All right, fuck this. Name seven kinds of helmet. Pullet.

Hard. Medium hard. Football. Rugby. Uh, hockey. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, special. Uh. Football. Rugby. Hockey. Special. And hat.

You said that like you were reading the cast of SNL. Musical guest. Motorcycle. Name seven gods. Oh. God. Little God. Jesus. Zeus. Hades. Oh. God. Little God. Jesus.

Zeus. Hades. Thor. Loki. Satan. I'll allow it. All right. You guys got any lightning rounds for Tom?

Shout them out. Any word. Baby teeth. Baby teeth? Front. Back. Off. No, no, no. Baby teeth? Front? Back? Off? No, no, no.

What is it? Oh, what is a baby tooth? Yeah, you can't name seven of them. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Incisor, molar, front, the other front ones, bottom. Oh, baby teeth are the grow back munchers. I think they probably played a show here at some point Anybody else got one? What was yours?

Seven rappers Name seven rappers 50 Cent, Eminem T-Pain Hobson Matt Lamar Vanilla Ice and Kendrick Lamar

my favorite that was just a list of names also Candy wow dude and then we had somebody what is an orgasm Tom oh body body body explosion And then we had somebody. What is an orgasm, Tom? Oh, um, uh, And by the way, before we do this, thank you guys so fucking much for coming out.

Yeah, we hope you guys had a good time. It means the world to us. I'm so glad we get to do this here in front of this fucking amazing crowd. Give it up for yourselves one time and for the last of Tom's. And again, Tom has never felt the sting of the stun gun before.

Yeah, let's really get that jagged metal accessible to your neck. Yeah. Yeah, I know your logic is sound, dude. Oh, shit. Do you want, okay, do you want, Keith, could you go over there and try, you film and I'll catch. Okay. In case, because Tom's my boy and I can't,

you can't have another concussion. That might be the one that fixes you. Here's... I kept... I was going to talk to somebody at the microphone. The idea is that I... He's going to tase me, then I'm going to fall into Connor, and this is how Connor dies. It's kind of funny.

Oh, fuck. Okay. All right, try to stand, but if you can't... No, I'm going to try. Hit me in the shoulder. All right. The one that's not the flashlight. Hit me in the shoulder. All right. The one that's not the flashlight. Oh, shit.

I want to catch him, but I also want to see it. Fuck. Oh, my God. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm good. That just hurts just hurts Holy shit that's our show everybody Alright guys on the count of three Fuck everything God is dead One two three

Fuck everything God is dead Good night everybody I'll see you next time.