Mean Boys - EP 191 - Jesus Bushes (Live in Nashville)

Episode Date: April 23, 2019

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Yeah. Okay. Hey, everybody. It's another episode of Mean Boys with our live episode recorded at the Springwater Supper Club in Nashville, Tennessee. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. The oldest bar in Nashville. Yeah.

And it showed. Yeah, it is. You'll hear us talk about it, but it's fucking gnarly in there, and I love it. That bar ruled. Disgusting. It is a filthy place. Here's how you know that bar is bad. Bird Cloud wrote a song about it.

Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah, that song, Spring Water, is about that bar. Thanks for coming out, everybody. Thanks to our guest dominatrix, who also let us sleep in her house. Yeah. With whatever those people's names were. That'd be Paul and Chandra Korn.

That's right, Paul and Chandra Korn. Yeah, very cool people follow him. I see them on Twitter all the time. Yeah, and also follow Paul, because he's a comic book artist, and he's doing a real fucking funny thing right now called Waifu Apocalypse that is basically about a world where Japanese anime body pillows come to life and start murdering their owners. And issue two that he's working on right now, Mark Malloy may be a character. I've granted him a brief outside-the-universe licensing right to use Mark Malloy.

Very prestigious stuff. But don't just hand those out. So that's really cool. He sent me some of the dialogue he wrote for it, and it's actually really fucking funny. Like, he getsoy. Very prestigious stuff. But don't just hand those out. So that's really cool. He sent me some of the dialogue he wrote for it and it's actually really fucking funny. Like he gets it.

Oh, nice. The first issue's really great so check that shit out. We'll tweet a link to it. He was also the guy I got to see him play a video game as me as his character

which he built which was very weird. Oh, yeah. He was playing Tom in I think Monster Hunters or whatever that game's called. Yeah, I think that's what it's called. Yeah, and it was just like Tom

with a big hammer fighting brontosauruses. And then you were like a cool sidekick monkey or something? Yeah, I was like his little pet cat that would follow him around and help him out with little errands. And I was elsewhere. Yeah, Keith did not make the cut. Yeah, I was his main character in Hot Dog Eating Simulator 2019. Yeah, you were the brontosaurus. Which was great because you went back and stayed with him for a few more days.

And I have to figure that was stewing within you the entire time. I don't care how much fried chicken you people buy me, I'm still furious. I don't want to be an adorable little cat. Here I was thinking

that I loved being an adorable little cat sidekick. Yeah, but no, shout out to everybody who came out in Nashville. Speaking of Nashville, I don't know if we've properly given Will

a thank you for fucking driving us around the country. Yes, I think I mentioned it on one of the bonus episodes, but Will fucking rules. Yeah, we got schlepped around in a van by an awesome dude named Will Carter. Plays in a punk band called Stuck Lucky. Go listen to their music.

It's fucking awesome. Shanking with a handgun is a- Skanking. Skanking? Yeah. Whatever it is, it fucking, it pops. Yeah, you know that famous ska dance, the shank? Yeah, you know how those ska guys are always going, put it down, put it down, put it down.

Yeah. No, shanking is what you do when you listen to Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. That's the dance that goes along with Italian music. I also like that band, but they didn't drive us around. Yeah, no, Frankie Valli was busy being, I think, pretty dead. Yeah. Oh, really? Probably.

He looks so sad. Yeah, he's a good singer. Yeah. Oh, I'm good. Yeah, so thanks, Will. Yeah, Will's great. Yes, it was a lot of fun. What else is going on in Mean Boys universe?

All of our leftover tour stock of T-shirts, which is not very many. Thanks for picking those up on the road, guys. Yeah. They're up for sale on the website. Those are something like $24 all in shipped. Nice high quality shirt with a smooth fucking graphic on it that won't fall apart in the wash. They're nice T-shirts. They are. We did it up big for these guys. So if you want one, go grab one fall apart in the wash. They're nice T-shirts. They are.

We did it up big for these guys, so if you want one, go grab one. You can have them. They're all yours. We've got small, medium, and large available right now. Our fat guy size has sold out pretty hilariously fast, but we'll be restocking those at some point. Yeah, we'll be stocking those soon. And the koozies from last month's Patreon rewards are a bit late.

Still haven't gotten here yet. Shouts out totally promotional.com. Uh, but, uh, the second we get those in, they'll be, uh,

they'll be shipped up and sent out along with the, uh, t-shirts for a $25, uh, reward subscribers. And this month we are, uh, doing a sticker pack.

Uh, we got a nice boy sticker. We got a big chop sticker and, we got a Mr. Ear has a posse sticker. Yeah. God damn it. Yeah. So, it. Yeah.

So you can have all those for just $10 a month on Patreon or $5 a month if you want to hear weekly bonus content. We're catching up. I know we missed a few, but we had some fun episodes in the last few weeks talking about Tom's new jorts and Ramsey Bedawi coming into the studio to defend his scam charity that he made Keith the head of. Yeah, it is genuinely throw $5 a month just to go hear what fucking Ramsey did to me. Yeah.

I think we'll actually post a clip of that in this episode, too. Yeah. We'll do a little teaser if you want to go check out the full thing on Patreon. And you can leave us an iTunes review.

We haven't decided on our next goal, you know, or if we've just retired the goals, but if you feel like it, go say some nice stuff. It helps us out. It makes the show look good.

I mean, I feel like it is your turn to come up with something. Well, what if I've decided that I don't care anymore? What if, let's just say hypothetically, just here out of obligation, waiting for the release of Death, and I'm not really that concerned with...

Okay, I guess it'll be a different kind of soup. Guys, guys. For 600 iTunes reviews, Connor's heart will grow two sizes in one day. We'll teach Connor the meaning of Christmas with 600 iTunes reviews. There's not enough puppies in the world. But go leave us a review if you haven't already. It does help us out quite a bit. It legitimatizes the operation.

Yes, and hang out with your fellow listeners over on the Reddit page. Our Mean Boys are the Discord. Discord.com slash gobbledygook. That's all linked into the show notes. And yeah, follow us on all the social medias and shit. We have more tour dates coming down the pipe soon. I got a couple of things I want to announce real quick. I'm doing a bunch of touring in May.

If you're in Tucson, I'm going to be at LAS in Tucson on May 3rd and 4th. If you're in Fresno, I'm going to be at the Chico's that next weekend. And if you're in Seattle, I'm going to be headlining Club Comedy in Seattle. I think it's on Capitol Hill. Memorial Day weekend, that Friday and Saturday. Four shows, late show, early show, both days.

Come out to those. Come say hi. I want to meet you guys. Yeah. Real quick. April 30th, I'll be at the Irvine Improv. And then May 3rd, I'll be at the Irvine Improv. And then May 3rd, I'll be doing a guest part at the Velveeta Room. I'm being awesome for a couple days. Oh, hell yeah. And then, yeah, that's it for now. There's more announcements in the woodworks, boys and girls.

It's going to be good. In the woodworks. The works of wood. Comedy team. Yeah. And I'll be in Reno. Just spiritually forever. And after that, I will not be doing comedy anymore

because I have to force my fingers down my throat to get my shitty act out of my mouth. It's making me too actively disgusted with myself. So you're really going to want to come out to those shows in Reno if you want to see my farewell tour. I will be smoking through the entirety of my performance. And so really just come

to Thursday early show. What if Dave Chappelle hated Dave Chappelle? I will be released from my contract for smoke related violations. Do you want to borrow my pipe? No, I don't. I don't want to touch your stupid pipe. Here's the episode from Nashville.

Oh, Nashville. Welcome to Mean Boys Live at the Springwater Supper Club. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpad. I'm Tom Goss. And we are here in scenic behind the McDonald's. Yeah. Wow.

This is like the bar where Francis went when he went to Alaska and Malcolm in the Middle. It's fucking terrifying in here. I think the only place that responded to our booking emails was the oldest building that is here. I fucking love it. Yeah, it's pretty dope. Here's how I knew this was going to be a great bar before we pulled up Will, the guy who's driving the van.

He goes, hey, if you've got to take a shit, you should take it at the McDonald's. And I did. And they took one look at me and they're like, you're from next door. Go on in. No, I went to the bathroom. The bathroom's nice. I just, I had to shit.

I'm tall and it's so small. I had to shit sideways. You know, like I was like, like if the bowl was a harmonica and my ass was my mouth, I had to kind of do it like European style. Yeah. Fuck, yeah, this is great

because I've always thought Civil War ghosts would really enjoy the Mean Boys podcast, and then we get a chance to finally find out if it's true. Do you guys still have the pinball machine from The Accused, or have they gotten that out of here? Yeah, I had a great day today. I woke up, my face was swollen a few thousand miles from home, and I'm covered in weird cystic acne.

That's what happens when you sleep next to me. That's on you. First night I shared a bed with Tom, I woke up covered in sores. I don't know. You guys can do the math yourselves. The other biblical plagues are yet to come. Look, I had a bad dream, and that's what happens. Yeah, so our crust punk bus driver, Will, tipped me off that you guys have fucking doctors inside the grocery store here.

Which, I can't tell if that's progress or just fat laziness. As a coastal elite, it's hard to tell them apart. And I got to find out that my health insurance is not good enough for the grocery store doctor. That was awesome. Did you try your Safeway rewards card? Yeah. It was like getting a credit card to client at like a 7-Eleven.

It was just fucking humiliating. But I went to a place next door and I'm all lathered up with ointment. So, yeah, that's kind of the end of that story. I finished the funny part. You look beautiful. Thank you, Tom. Yeah, yeah.

It's been a wacky tour. A lady in Kansas City poured a melted candle up Tom's butt. She did, yeah. I don't know if you guys can tell. I'm a little hairy. I'm incredibly hairy. Even the next day, I still had clumps of wax

just ripping out hair in my asshole. I just pictured the waxed hair in your ass looking like the opening credits from Fight Club where it's zipping through the brain. It looked like she was trying to bronze him. Like you were trying to make a commemorative mold of his ass to put up on the shelf. I posted a photo and I think 13 people messaged me

like, does that cum on your back? And I was like, no. How would that involve the podcast? I don't think anyone could come that much. It was a whole cup candle that was fully melted, and she just dumped it, you know? Like, it was just like a shot she didn't want. It was horrifying.

It looked like I jetted myself. It was fucking crazy. Yeah, and how long did you get out? You didn't get out at all with a shower. I think it's all out now, but yeah. I think is the operative word there. It's like somehow we invented ass dandruff and we...

Oh yeah, when I even took off my shoe, I took off my shoe and just clumps of wax just fell out of my fucking sleeve. It was so fucking much wax. There's just hair attached to my underwear with wax just pinned up. This isn't funny. This is just gross.

This is not... Yeah, we're three minutes in and we're all very vividly imagining Uranus. Yeah, this is... Look, I could show you guys my ass. It won't help the fucking... Yeah, this is a... Yeah, that was still not as weird as the other stuff we did, which was shoot BB guns with three transgender women in

Indiana. So... I mean, go cross that. Find that on the scavenger hunt. I dare you. I'll give you a month. I don't think you're going to get there. The best thing we did in Indiana is we went to a strip club called Fatty Patty's. Well, hang on, hang on.

It's called Patty's Show Club, but Keith Ray, you may know Keith Ray from the show, found out we were going to Indiana. He goes, you got to go to Fatty Patty's. And we're typing it into Google Maps like idiots. We're like, where's Fatty Patty's? Oh, right. He's a piece of shit.

Yeah. Okay. So here's what happens. Which, by the way, sounds like what your grandma thinks they're called in SpongeBob. She's like, oh, yeah, he's making those Fatty Patties. No, Grandma, shut up. And we go in at Prime Strip Club hours, four in the afternoon on a Tuesday.

Yeah. And there is one other guy there. There is one girl. I've never seen... You ever see somebody, like, sarcastically clap? That with her ass cheeks. Good for you. Yeah, they had a still-operational cologne machine

in the bathroom, which I did not use. And I bought a beer as they all went to the bathroom, which I did not use. And I bought a beer as they all went to the bathroom, thinking we would all buy a beer and be in this terrible place together. And then I turned around, and they had all left me there. I don't know why you thought that, because three of us do not drink, you know?

You are the only person on the tour who drinks. From my perspective, Connor went in the bathroom, Connor comes out of the bathroom, I go to the bathroom, I go out of the bathroom. I go to the bathroom. I go out of the bathroom. Connor and Will are gone, and I see Keith just smiling with the beer in the corner of the bar. She was looking at me. I don't know what to do.

With what, her butthole? She was looking the other direction. It must have looked like we were casing the joint for some sort of $48 heist. This is the best part, though. The girl's in there, and her song ends, and it goes silent in the strip. And then she just looks out to nobody

and goes, I can't dance no more! I don't have another dollar! So they make the strippers pay for their own songs. And she goes up to the other guy, and she goes, can you give me a dollar? And he just goes, nah. And that was

fatty patties, man. It sounds like she lost money on that shift. Yeah, I mean she got to hear whatever that song about butts was. And you know what? Probably the most infuriating part of it to me, not even fat. No fat chicks to be seen. We were told they were going to be hilariously

fat. And they were just normal thick. And we texted Keith. We're like, you lied to us. And he goes, stay there. The biggins will come. Yeah. Yeah, but I expected to stroll right in and Scrooge McDuck dive into a corn-fed single mother. And

I was misled by rumors and false advertising. No justice, no cheeks. Yeah. So if you're in Indiana, please do not give regular patties your business. Standard fucking patties. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh, man. Well, I think we are. What do you say we get into the Mexican joke-off, everybody? All right. Now, you guys know the show. Normally, we read topical jokes written in the news. If they're good, they work. If they're bad, we get shit on.

We do it a little different at the live shows. We have somebody beat the shit out of us. Now, we posted a call for a dominatrix on Facebook. Shockingly, nobody responded. So we're going to do the closest thing we can, which is the lovely Chandra, who's letting us stay in our house, is going to help us out with this one. Chandra, get on up here and how about a round of applause for Chandra, everybody.

Here's the microphone. I cannot explain the glee in her eyes when we go, to help us out with this one. Shandra, get on up here and how about a round of applause for Shandra, everybody. Here's the microphone. I cannot explain the glee in her eyes when we go, ah, we don't have a dominatrix. And then she goes, I got a yardstick. I know. It's a podcast, not Catholic school. What are we doing here? I use it for sewing. Use it for sewing?

Well, tonight you're going to use it for discipline. And it's going to be a lot of fun. What's your first impression of having the Mean Boys stay at your house? Guys are a lot cleaner and very kind. Well, fuck you then! Shit on stage. I know, people think we're going to be Gigi Allen. It's a fucking podcast.

I get tired. I eat a lot of cheese. I don't know. I'm the edgiest podcaster in the world because I can talk to a girl. We're going to be beat dicks and sleep in the bus. We can't really... It's an art form exclusively for dorks. We only pee on our own television.

Here's what I'm getting at. We don't like you, but we're just being polite. That's basically what it boils down to. I like Tom. I got one! When you go to see me, I'm going to put all your husband's Gundams in my butt. You're just going to have to figure out

which ones are which by the old process of elimination, alright? Alright, guys. You want to take it away? You really dug yourself a nice hole with the way you stick. Alright, guys. Plastic bags are set to be banned in New York City. No word yet on what Tom Goss will use

for shoes when we go there in June. Nah, I'm probably getting hit. Yeah, you're getting hit. Yeah, probably. Again, the joy in the eyes is the upsetting part. We don't even have a stool to bend over. Oh! That sounds like it sucked way worse than we anticipated. Yeah.

And it really is appropriate in the South because that sounded like it sucked way worse than we anticipated. Yeah, that was another feel like it. And it really is appropriate in the South because that sounded like a good old fashioned caning. You know what I mean? Like like some shit that fucking what was that one racist senator who always came? You're going to have to be much more specific. That was a president. John McCain. Andrew Jackson. No, not Andrew Jackson.

The other dude. George Washington. Shit. You got the really racist one. You know, he was hilariously racist. Obama. I'm just throwing names out there. I don't know.

Tom, what have I told you about InfoWars on the bus? A company has started selling the first marijuana that's certified kosher. Stone Jews plan to use this weed to celebrate their favorite holiday, Kronika. Shit. John C. Calhoun is who I was thinking of. Just so you guys know, I got there. You got the grundle.

The grundle? Is that when you get Keith and Tom for the prize of one? Just a gunt bundle? Can you get off my mic cord, fat ass? Thank you. Piece of shit. Fucking hate you. Tight. Enjoy your face. Fucking hate you. Tight.

Enjoy your face, Rod. Love. Oh, dude, well, at least... I don't know. I could... I'm still beating you, but... I'm over here. The film Bohemian Rhapsody was released in China

with all the gay parts removed. So, anyway, Vine is back. Ah. parts removed. So anyway, Vine is back. Tom is safe. I am safe. You got slow clapped like an autistic kid dunking at the end of a basketball game. I made a touch funny. It's always funny watching you do well at this because you just look

shocked. It's just surprise. Yeah, they look shocked too. You look like the kids in Petereter pan when they realize they can fly you're like what the fuck i didn't suck no way all right guys a harvard fencing coach is under investigation for shady real estate dealings this case is more than just white collar crime it's albino collar crime it's a fencing coach. He's doing real estate stuff. Come on, guys. That's really, really white-collar.

We don't do fencing here. Do you guys do fences? Isn't that a play about the South or something? Ooh. This is not great. The President of the United States claimed that windmills give people cancer. In related news, Chris Christie has endorsed a scientific study entitled Vegetables. Do they turn you gay?

I didn't like it, but they did. I thought it was bad, but I mean, I guess it's a democracy. Two men were arrested for taking turns shooting each other. One of the men explained, it's like rock, paper, scissors if the game improved the gene pool. All right, I'm going to get hit. Yeah, there we go. We did not do enough rock, paper, scissors, gene pool manipulation

before you were born, Tom. Paper. Ah, okay. She's getting backswinged. Yeah. That was the inside of one cheek, and I don't know how the fuck that happened. At least have the decency to say four before you do that. All right, guys.

An Illinois school has removed the stalled doors in its bathrooms following threats of a shooting. The principal said in a statement to parents, we are taking every precaution to avoid a stool shooting. There's poop. In the bathrooms. You're doing all your pooping in there. I'm crushing, so...

I think I'm fine. Yeah, get him back. All right. That was so much fun for me. Oh, shit. That was my back. Goddamn, woman, control yourself. Of course none of our fans have any fucking hand-eye coordination.

Fucking aspie dweebs. All right. Amazon. Amazon is under fire for selling baby onesies printed with sexually explicit phrases. Their top seller is a onesie that says, if you can read this, the guy molesting me fell off. Well done.

An actor killed two college students to do research for his character. I've heard of getting a good headshot, but this is ridiculous. Oh, fuck me. Okay. All right, all right. Wow. There we go. Yeah, you know, it's funny.

When we bomb a lot and we keep getting hit, the magic kind of wears off. Usually we're funny for longer stretches. It's not even really that amusing. And it doesn't hurt that bad. So it's like, I guess you might have to break the yardstick is what I'm getting at. Because we need to get some enthusiasm going in here. And Lord knows we didn't do it with our comedy writing.

So doctors removed 70 magnetic balls from an 11-year-old's penis. He told a doctor he put them in there because he was hoping to meet a girl who put magnets in her pussy and then, quote, wait for the magic to happen. How big is this 7-year-old's penis?

I don't know. 70's a lot. Yeah, they're like little BB-sized balls and he just kept shoving them up his pee hole and then he was like mom my tummy hurts

and they took him to the hospital and he's like I put a bunch of magnets in my dick and they had to take them out one at a time

because they're all stuck together and then I was reading the article and it said the last 10 or so all connected in a line so we could just

pull them out in one go well they had to take them out one at a time and then if you hit the sides his nose goes...

Yeah. A Taco Bell manager was arrested for choking a pregnant employee. His lawyer pled insanity, saying at the time of the attack, his client had gone completely Doritos loco. Shit. Oh, fuck my ass. I'm glad that you inspired her to ultraviolence

before that. Yeah, that's right. Bitch. My cheek is still rippling. PETA released an ad with a cow breastfeeding a man. Upon seeing this, Keith Carey loudly exclaimed, fuck that!

Mom only bottle fed me! Every time I hear the word cow come out of one of their mouths, I just glaze over. It's great because she's not even fat. No, she's aggressively thin. Just canonically she's fat. I think she's cute. No, that's not okay.

She looks like a Halloween skeleton covered in Target makeup. Like she's not... I don't know which of these I like less. Tom wanting to fuck my mom or Connor saying my mom's unfuckable. Well, I like to think she's unfuckable because of friendship, you know?

Created a firewall between my sexual urges and your fucking tasty mom. All right, guys. Julian Assange is set to be expelled from the Ecuadorian embassy in just days. In the intro of his podcast, he begged listeners to fill out a Google form and let him know if he could sleep on their couch. Really, really pathetic stuff. Poor Julian. A woman stabbed her boyfriend in the face

at a Bryan Adams concert. When asked for comment, the woman said, I got my first real switchblade. Used it to commit a crime. Now I'm in prison doing six to nine. I committed to singing for you pigs. Yeah, and it wasn't amusing, so you got to get hit in the butt.

You didn't even get it. Oh, you did that time. Whoa. That's on me. I got the same clap for having back fat that you got for telling a joke. Man. That is a beautiful sound when wood

and haunch connect. I love it. That was like your upper side butt. That wasn't even your regular butt. It's so great that you have an ass that comes out of the top of your pants that we can hit. Okay. I did that one. A burglar.

You guys know burglars. A burglar disguised as a unicorn was finally caught. This was discovered when the detective Figured out the unicorn was a horse The whole time You know what I knew that one was going to bob But I liked that joke so fuck you guys Hey Tom were you the detective

Shut up Alright well that's it for the Mexican joke One more time for Chandra everybody Thank you for the help We got a great show for you Yeah we have a couple great comics from National coming up Well, that's it for the Mexican Joke Off. One more time for Chandra, everybody. Oh, my God. Thank you for the help. We've got a great show for you. Yeah, we have a couple great comics from National coming up. We're going to be playing some of your favorite games from the show right now.

Give it up for Chance Willie. Chance Willie, everybody. The Mean Boys Podcast is brought to you by Himalaya. Himalaya is a podcasting app, and I know what you're thinking. You already have a podcasting app. But Himalaya, especially engineers. Hear me out. What if you had a different one? Yeah, what if you had a different one yeah what if you had a different one a better one shut up mister it's more in tune with what users want it's got a great interface you can find all your favorite shows already on there your ears love tunes you can you can i'm just

gonna blow through mister here you can subscribe to your favorite shows you can support them directly they have a tip jar function that's really fucking cool. It's a great app. They're putting in a lot of good work. It's fantastic. I love it. I listen to it on its great interface all the time. Yeah, you can comment on podcasts. So if you're running out of places to bicker about the arbitrary goings on of people whose lives you'll have nothing to do with ever, that's another place for you to go. Bickering is a noise.

Playlists are something that's available to you if you wanted to, you know, maybe make a girl a playlist of all the different shows you enjoy so that she can block you across social media platforms, including LinkedIn after she hears one fucking minute of one episode of whatever entertains you. A podcast mixtape. Yep. Yeah, that's what it is. You can go grab that.

The link's in the show notes. Give it a download and go follow Mean Boys while you're at it. Himalaya, a better way to podcast. Mr. Ear. Thanks, man. Good set. Yeah, it's Willie. Very funny dude who kind of looks like the bad guy on an episode of Degrassi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look like Drake and Josh's Coke dealer. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, we're going to play a game from Mean Boys called Price Check. If you're not familiar, basically the rules of this are very easy. I'm going to give you two things. You have to tell me which one costs more. Okay.

It's just that easy, and each one has kind of a theme. For example, first round, this is shit you shouldn't put in your mouth edition. Which costs more, a box of handgun ammunition or an eight-piece Nashville hot chicken combo from KFC? Okay, can I just put a disclaimer? box of handgun ammunition, or an eight-piece Nashville hot chicken combo from KFC. Okay, can I just put a disclaimer? You can put the ammunition in your mouth, just not if it's loaded in a gun.

That's the problem. Tom, why are you chewing on bullets like they're doing Revolutionary War surgery on you? I'm just saying, it's the only problem if you shoot it into your mouth. Yeah. But if you just put it in there... Tom's thinking, like, okay, if I could just spit them out

hard enough, it would have the same effect. Bugs Bunny did it and he's fine, so I don't think. Yeah. Hmm. I'm going to say,

I think it's probably Nashville hot chicken is more expensive. Wait, how many bullets? A box. I didn't count them. A box of what kind of bullets?

The cheapest ones on Walmart.com. So didn't count them. A box of what kind of bullets? The cheapest ones on Walmart.com. So it is the chicken. Oof. I mean... How spicy are these bullets? I'm going to say the bullets. All right, so we have one for bullets,

one for chicken. Chance, your thoughts? Did you buy a box of bullets? I didn't buy it. I was going to say, you buy a box of bullets? I didn't buy it. Oh, okay. I was about to say, you bought a box of bullets and you're leaving town tonight? Yeah. Should we let them go? I'm going to say hot chicken.

I'm going to say hot chicken. The handgun ammunition, $17.99. The eight pieces of chicken, $21.99. Whoa. Oh, shit. Yeah. What the shit? For chicken?

Yeah. You can get chicken anywhere. Why the fuck are they... The $23 for eight pieces... Go ahead. Go ahead. Does that... I didn't Why the fuck are they the $23 straight piece? Go ahead. Go ahead. I didn't set the price point. Tom's right.

Does that come with sides? Because if not, how many sides? It comes with two sides. Does that include premium sides? No. It's standard size. No? Standard size?

$23? They throw in a drink? I don't know, man. Look, you came with the chicken. You explained the rules. If you tried to eat that with no drink, you'd kill yourself with salt poisoning like a Japanese samurai committing suicide.

Number two, all weird, dumb, patriotic shit edition. Which one costs more? A set of National Mint commemorative 9-11 memorial gold coins or a 36-ounce ribeye steak at Kid Rock's big-ass honky-tonk rock-and-roll steakhouse? I have a question on behalf of Tom. Do the coins have chocolate in them?

If so, dark or milk? Hmm, steak at Kid Rock. Yeah, I've heard tell of this Kid Rock honky-tonkery, and it's been made out to be quite the crass display of calories and Americana. My favorite thing about the Kid Rock place is I Googled it looking this up, and it was just 100 news stories

about the city of Nashville fighting them for putting up a big neon ass, and then the city of Nashville losing. Yeah, conceding. Wait, is the sign a big neon ass? It's a guitar shaped like a lady's ass, yeah. Whoa, that fucking... Okay, now I've changed my opinion on the man.

We were going to go to a place in town called Donks. Are you familiar, guys? From what I hear, and for the coastal elites listening at home, it's basically an ass hooters, which sounds amazing to me, but I couldn't go because my face was full of poison. This is how we convince Conor to go on the road is we just put a trail of asses to every city like E.T.

That's how we got it. You're going to have to do a little bit of M&M's to get this cowboy to go to Jacksonville. It's like Indiana Jones with the plane on the map but it's just Conor's face towards different ends. I've got to say, the dots are connecting on how you got herpes.

No, I wish it was herpes. I have a weak immune system. If you get herpes from being cool, I got this from being a white guy that works indoors. It's not exactly the same. Well, Mr. McSpadden, we looked at your medical chart over here behind the fish counter and it turns out

you have a case of nerd mouth. Yeah. Zing. Zing. Somehow that's the most hurtful thing. You fucking got him. Yeah, wow, dude. Fucking pow. Doc Holiday

over here, fellas. What the show is. I'm gonna go ahead and say that the Kid Rock steak is more expensive. No, it's the 9-11 coins. 9-11 coins. What's the average size? Because people love 9-11. It's a big, very popular.

Yeah, it's a big hit with the kids. It's my second least favorite holiday. Number one? Easter. He doesn't like when things fall. He doesn't like when they rise. That's Tom's whole deal. Yeah, I'm very anti-bread.

It's a thinker. When does bread fall? Go ahead. Tell me when bread falls. When you need it. You got to like push it down. That would be dough. It's not yet bread.

You know what? I think I'm thinking of cookies. I think you're thinking of souffles is what you're thinking of. I'm thinking somebody should guess. I'm not done correcting Tom's bakery opinion. How much steak goes into a steak sandwich? I don't know, but this is 36 ounces of steak. All the information you need is present.

Right. Well, I just don't eat steak, so I don't really know the size. But you know what an ounce is. Yeah, yeah. 36 of those. All right, so how much does that cost in cocaine? I'm gonna say this poor guy is so fucking confused.

He's just like, are people listening to this? I got things really sad, but fuck, okay. You guys are holding me hostage while you do some sort of weird bargaining thing. Chance, you got any thoughts while Tom mulls over numbers?

They're both priceless. He can't put a price on freedom, baby. That's my thought. That's my thought. 9-11. 9-11. 11. 9-11.

11. I just remember how in the South we are and realized we shouldn't do that. The first and last live podcast of the Springwater Shepherd Club. Oldest bar in Nashville shut down last night. We got two for 9-11.

You know what? Don't stop believing. I'm going to go with the steak. The 9-11 coin, $69.95. That 36-ounce steak, $79. Wow. $79. Just because Kid Rock his name is on the building?

Yeah. Wow. Again, I didn't make the rule. This country. Maybe we deserve to have those coins made, if you know what I mean. Maybe we had it coming. All right. Anybody here a wrestling fan?

No, it doesn't matter if you are. WrestleMania is this weekend, so this is the Chris Benoit memorial round Which costs more Three ringside tickets to Wrestlemania Or the average cost of cremating three bodies Is he the guy who ate his kids? What? No you're thinking of a Greek god

Okay Wait you thought there was a cannibal wrestler? Are like half of them cannibals according to their story? I don't fucking watch the game. You want me to call it a sport? Get the fuck out of here. Ooh, okay. Cremating a body.

Do they go by weight? I think they go by weight when they cremate. Oh, no. You're saying average. Yeah, which I have bad news for you, friend, and it's dish related. I got to say WrestleMania tickets. Those are fucking, that's premium shit.

That might be in the tens of thousands. All right. I don't understand the wrestling. It's a play that involves falling. That's all the whole fucking thing is. But people do like it. And people don't like dead people. So I'm going to go Wrestlemania. Flawless logic.

I've had to bury a lot of friends and family members. I'm telling you that it's a great deal to cremate somebody. You really? Fucking steal. I've cremated a lot of acquaintances. You guys peeped a thousand yards there during that joke.

That was haunting. You guys peeped a thousand yards there during that joke? That was haunting. You drilled a hole right through that fucking hundred-year-old wood at the back of the bar. Is Sound of Silence on the jukebox

or are we all just hearing it in our heads right now? I have cream... Oh, fuck. I'm sorry, buddy. We got WrestleMania. All right.

The cremation costs $3,300. Ringside tickets to WrestleMania $9,003.15. Yeah. Wow. Called it.

So if you've got to bury anybody, just a little tip. This is a My Anus edition. I got brutal constipation in Texas to the point where I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. Connor actually bought me medicine. It's the nicest thing he's ever done for me. So which one is more? The amount Connor spent on constipation medicine for me in Texas or the amount I've spent on Taco Bell on this tour?

All right. So before you guys make any deliberations about the prices, look at this man. Which works for both of them. No pun intended, but weigh the gravity of these amounts. You understand what I'm saying?

Think about how hard it is to unclog and how much he needs for fuel. Operating keys, it's like having those Volkswagens when they lied about the emissions. It's just way more than you think it is. It's like if the monster truck Gravedigger was your normal car. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to guess. I know how much I spent on the constipation medicine. We've only'm going to guess, I know how much I spent

on the constipation medicine. We've only been to Taco Bell, I think, twice. But that is... I don't... I generally, just out of empathy for you, tune out your order.

I think I, like, my brain trauma forgets it, so I don't worry and stay up all night panicking that you're going to have some sort of chalupa spasm. So I will guess the constipation medicine. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing.

I remember that one big order that we all ordered. I remember how much that was, but I think everyone got like $2 purchases but you. Yeah, Tom was like, yeah, I'll get two stuffed cheesy beef wraps, and I was like, yeah, I'll get one steak quesadilla, and then Keith unfurled a scroll.

At the same time, Connor bought your butt pretty much everything but a doctor, so I don't know. You should have seen how much he was fucking sweating. The dude was just fucking... No one's surprised by that just fucking He looked like he was working out It was fucking crazy I've seen Keith sweat a lot

I've seen him sweat while doing nothing a ton This was the most he's ever sweat while just sitting still So I was like fuck I got him like a Basically like a chemical ass plunger You know I think it's the butt tonics.

I love that you guys are so gross that you have like an ointment budget when you guys go on the road. I'm gonna go with the Taco Bell. Hurtful. And I'll tell you why. Constipation meds, $41. Taco Bell, $8. Fuck both of you. You pieces of shit.

You made up a fatter order. I don't believe you. I have receipts in my wallet. Do you know how bad he is? You don't have the receipts, okay? You're not writing Taco Bell off on your taxes because you don't do them. Two more.

This is the Nashville Predators round. Which one's more? Yeah, hockey! Hang on. Which one's more, the rookie salary for Predators goalie Pekka Rinne or the average cost of bail in Tennessee on a sexual assault charge? Wait, wait, wait. Well, I don't know.

Let's ask the 14-year-old realtor over here. It's not fucking Florida, all right, guys? We have... There are rules here. I'm confused. Pekka Rinne's current contract or is rookie season? How could that possibly... It's rookie season.

Okay. That could definitely change it. That changes it by millions of dollars. Yeah. Yeah, idiot. Why don't you stop being so unreasonable when we ask questions about the game? The game we take very seriously and we keep scoring for and there are prizes at the end. Remember when I had to explain the concept of 36 to Tom a minute ago?

It was the amount of steak visually, you know? Because an ounce is a weight. Just guess, because the next one's funnier. Okay. I'm going to say the contract. I mean, bail, I don't know. Well, bail is, what is bail? I don't really know how it works.

Now that I think about it. Are you guys one of the southern states that don't arrest people for that? Because I'm glad that you do. I think that's illegal everywhere. Wait, is it bail for a sexual assault charge or bail in general? Sexual assault charge. Oh, then sexual assault charge. All right.

I'm going to go. There's crime and punishment. You know, we're in the bible belt Everything's higher I know how much a rookie contract typically is Except the tits I don't think I think it's a rookie contract

It's a shame we don't have more regulars here Because I know that they would Absolutely know I'm going to say Pekka I'm going to say PECA. I'm going to say PECA. PECA. $520,000 for PECA. Oh, he got a shit rookie contract.

Cost of bail, $100,000. So he did five times what that is. Yeah, wow. Wow. All right, and the last one, which is more, the total amount we made in pre-sale tickets on this tour or the cost of renting three midgets for a public event. And this is from a website

called Midgets for Hire. And they have a lot of suggestions for what you can do with your midgets. One of them, use it to propose to your girlfriend. So here's a suggestion I want to make. Next year, we don't go on tour, and we just hire three midgets to hang out at our house, because that sounds

like a lot of fun. We fleece the fans and escape to Mexico. How do you use a midget to propose to your girlfriend? Do you put the ring in his mouth and then hold his head and open it up? I think you just tie it on a pillow to his head like a dog. You stack him up, you put him in a trench coat

and then you pretend to... You make him eat it and then while you're eating the midget her fork hits it and she goes oh my god oh my god I can't you get on one knee he gave me Jared you get on one knee you open the box a midget

pops out holding the ring I think that's the best way it's too much work we all know they shit jewelry I mean what are you I guess you're just that's you're really just renting the midgets to, like, laugh at them, you know? I mean, the website seems pretty clear that that's the gimmick, yeah. They pretty much hate poking these weird things. That's really the tone of it.

That's fine for Tom, but these people, I mean, they didn't do anything wrong. You say people. I meant little people. There's still people. There's still people. There's just half a person. Oh, that's the line? Yeah, I gotta assume... You rent them by the hour?

No, you rent them by the pound. You should rent them by the inch. It should be really expensive if you want a real tiny. It's a flat rate to rent one for the evening. Okay. I'm going to go with three midgets. All right. I'm going to say, you know what?

What state is this business based out of, or is it national? I didn't look. It seems national. Seems national. Wow. I can't believe they have enough. I can't believe anyone. I guess if you're a midget, it's probably, what other job are you going to do except It seems national. Seems national. Wow. I can't believe they have enough. I can't believe anyone.

I guess if you're a midget, it's probably what other job are you going to do except be a punchline for cruel bachelorette parties. Or us. Yeah, us, too. We're no better than them. I'm going to say whatever the other thing. Oh, pre-sales. Yes. Okay.

I'm going to go midgets because it's definitely the last time I can ever say it on stage. We did the name of the website. Did us LA comics come here to ruin your wokeness in Nashville, Tennessee? I didn't say it with a hard T. I meant midget. All right. The amount we made in pre-sales, $2,050. The cost of renting three midgets, $2,925.

We're about $900 more than this. One more time for Chance Willie, everybody. Chance, thank you so much, man. You're awesome. Thank you so much, man. Thanks for hanging out with us. You guys, we're going to bring another great comic up to the stage right now. This guy's super funny. You're going to love him.

Give it up for Zach Townsend. Zach Townsend, everybody. Zach Townsend, you guys. Yeah, go ahead and grab that mic, man. Yeah, let's get you a microphone. So did you start doing comedy when you raped your way off the lacrosse team, or what happened? This is the most, you're the most, you have the most alpha energy to you, you know? Does that impact your interactions with people?

Do they expect you to be a douche? You do look like an alpha beaker from Muppets. Yo, for real. Me, me. That's how much of a dunce I am. I got a haircut for a podcast. I bought new shoes for my mug Meep meep. That's how much of a dunce I am. I got a haircut for a podcast. I bought new shoes for my mugshot later, too. Do you even manamana, bro?

That's fucking great. We're going to play a game that I wrote. I started writing this during the constipation incident. Because this is a thing I Googled while I was in crippling pain. And I don't know why I googled this. I don't know what comfort I sought to find from this information, but I googled how wide was Elvis' butthole when he died. And as it turns out, that information is out there.

I have a question. After you read this, did you, like, do the thing in the mirror? You're like, almost there. I had no step two to this little research project. Well, I happen to know because it was the inspiration for the song Hula Hawaii. He actually saw his own death in a mescaline trip and was struck with inspiration. All right, so that's the first question. This is all things with dead musicians.

This is Nashville's Music Town. How wide was Elvis' asshole? So he was constipated. Do you want my answer in ounces? I'm trying to think. Technically it's colon and it's just the overall dilation of the butt area. Okay.

Yeah, I'm trying to think how wide could shit possibly get. You know, because even on my worst day it's never been a Coke can. You know what I mean? Like it's called a turd cutter for a reason. It applies force to the turd cutter for a reason. It applies force to the turd and makes it a certain diameter.

So I guess it seems like physics would say and poop can only get so hard I'm going to say three inches. It was also too thick to pop. You've got to remember that. Also a Cardi B album. I'm going to...

What do you mean Too thick to pop He couldn't get the shit out Whatever the width was No buddy we're not going anywhere I guess I thought You thought a colon could just explode Cause a poop grew in there

Like a little shit baby I mean Maybe thought a colon could just explode because a poop grew in there like a little shit baby, you know? I mean, maybe. Hot riff, bro. Maybe if you're dehydrated it could just burst it. Ours is three inches. Three inches. You know what? No, keep speculating.

It's gold. So how much... No, I'm kidding. I'm going to say... You know what? I'm going to say... know what I'm going to say I'm going to say Well I know I know I know a girl

Oh my god I know a girl Is a weird start To any sentence Related to this Well no people People can take a big dick First of all

No you don't Okay It's your mom And we told you She doesn't count This is the worst episode Of The Price is Right Ever

We should all be spaded How wide is a dick? How wide? I'm going to say four inches. All right. Final answer. Zach, five. I'm not good with numbers.

Can we get the lady with the yardstick back up here? Wait, are we talking about the diameter of the colon or the circumference? It's a very different kind. I don't know. I dropped out of high school to do this. Well, then this is hardly a fair game, so I'll change my guess. I don't know. Whatever.

What do you think? I'm going to go with the prices. He went three. I'm going to go 3.5. All right. 3.5 is so specific. Six fucking inches. I was right.

Holy shit. Oh, fuck all of you. I said six. You said four. Oh. I think I might be wrong, but you definitely didn't say six. Well, I thought six loudly. Six inches.

That's a whole tangerine. Fuck. So I got some more dead music. Bring the yardstick up here. I want to use this as a visual aid. Oh, God. Okay. That's not real. That much poop, ladies

and gentlemen. Still too small for porn, though, so not that impressive. That actually, this makes me think, just because I think you would die well before this, that it's probably three inches, that this is probably circumference, so if anyone can do a little fourth grade geometry

and tell me that I'm actually right while we're playing the game, I would appreciate it. That's right. Break out your calculators, everybody. All right, another dead musician numbers thing. How many sets of fingerprints were found on the gun Courtney Love used to murder Kurt Cobain? Ooh.

Do I have to say allegedly? Is that a thing? I don't know I don't know It's funny I was putting together Some of my jokes for something And I realized

I've written like Three different jokes About Courtney Love Killing Kurt Cobain That have been on TV And I don't know What my agenda is I'm not even really

That passionate about Bringing her to justice It just amuses me That this woman Killed her husband. I guess I find it shocking. I'm going to say three. It's feminist OJ.

It's really what Courtney Love is. Feminist OJ. Don't you mean the pussy juice, huh? That'll wake them up in the morning. Am I right, fellas? Fellas? Where are the fellas? Fellas!

They've abandoned me! Yeah. We got three. All right, I'm going to say three, yeah. I was debating three. You know what? I'm going to really throw an X-Files wrench in this. I'm going to say zero.

Oh, shit. Whoa. Whoa, Tom just blew his own mind. Yeah, holy fuck. It looks like Elvis' ass in there. Zach, thoughts on that? I like his answer. Three white guys, which equate to

one black guy. If I don't like that math... We're not measuring dicks. Well, I don't know. I'm not familiar with this Tennessee math. I don't have that little black carpenter's book with the conversion tables that you probably get

in elementary school. I swear to God, for a second, I forgot Nashville was in Tennessee. I was like, we're in Kentucky. What the fuck is he talking about?

Been a long tour. The correct answer, four sets of fingerprints on that gun. Hey, wow. All right. How much was George Michael fined for trying to fuck

that cop in the bathroom? Here's the thing. I know George Michael from Arrested Development. Not that one. I think you're talking about a different George Michael. Who is George Michael? He's a gay singer who got caught in the 90s trying to fuck an undercover cop in a bathroom in Beverly Hills. I just had a weird flashback and realized I've lived a lot of lives.

Because I remember listening to some of Michael Cera's folk music on this MySpace music page after i saw him in juno a movie i really enjoyed man and now i'm wondering how i've ended up like this it's really really strange i guess uh hmm so i don't really so what happened here what was the thing he went into the bathroom trying to blow a guy okay yeah the cop was in there trying to do some sort of gay sting and the cop was in there trying to do some sort of gay sting, and the cop was like, you want to do gay shit? Well, gay sting is just called sting. We've been over this. He plays the lute.

He's not straight sting. I mean... And he's like, I'd love to do gay shit. I'm George Michael. And then the guy was like, I'm a cop, and then arrested him

and fined him X amount of money. Okay. All right. When did this happen and where? 1998. A bathroom in California Okay, California 1998

1998 Yeah, bring me that yardstick, I gotta do a little ass math I'm gonna say 20, I don't know $4,000 Alright, well I'm still imagining Michael Cera I'm gonna say $75,000 $75,000.

What? That's so much money. I've never looked into gay fines. I don't know. They used to kill people for that. I don't know the rules. All right, Zach, you're gay fine. What?

I'm going to go $100,000. I think it's $100,000. Damn, you guys are really overestimating how gay as shit California is. $810. Damn. Wow. $75. He didn't kill a guy with his dick.

Hey. That's insane. You can put that kind of money in Elvis' asshole, dude. You can fit that into that big. I don't know. I don't remember how pro-gay LA was in the 90s Not enough I say

We gotta crack down on this Emphasis on crack You gotta love a homophobic speech From a man in a pink fanny pack Where else am I supposed to keep my vape juice If it makes you feel better I'm glad I was wrong Yeah me too $75,000 Where else am I supposed to keep my vape juice? If it makes you feel better, I'm glad I was wrong.

Yeah, me too. $75,000. Well, here's a much less life-affirming one to close it out about gay shit. How much did Michael Jackson's estate sue HBO for after that documentary came out? Oh, fuck. This has got to be a lot of money. $420,000.

No. Yeah, man. We played Michael Jackson's Moonwalker at a barcade in the town. of money. 420 dollars. No. Yeah, man. The leaving. I mean, that's got... We played Michael Jackson's Moonwalker at a barcade in the town. We were in Cincinnati. And, God, that game sucks. Yeah. Tom's attack button didn't work, so he just looked like a guy

in a suit that was lost. And he just looked like I had a friend who was just like, I'm afraid of fighting. Please protect me. Trying to find the H&R Block. Good God. Yeah, and every once in a while, he'd do a dance move and a monkey would help him. It was honestly probably what Tom thinks is happening

most of the time. Yeah, pretty much. What was the question? I'm going to say it was $125 million. How much did Michael Jackson pay to be on film? That was a good movie, right? Leaving Neverland? People liked it.

On what? Like, not if you wanted to watch a Marvel movie, but like... Yeah, okay, so I'm about to say some horrible things, but I was molested

so no one can blog. I was reading a review of that movie, and it was saying that in one sequence, Michael Jackson molested a boy, he's bent over, and he's masturbating to his asshole while he's holding a cutout of Peter Pan. And I'm like, why do you cut him out?

Why can't you just leave it on the page? Who needs to get safety scissors involved before you're molesting somebody when you're like, I want to just see Peter Pan. I don't want to be distracted by the sky he's flying in front of. Okay, because here's what I thought. I thought it was like one of those cardboard cutouts, like when you go to the fair where you put your face through

and you're like an old-timey cowboy. Oh, fuck. But it was just his ass through Peter Pan's head. If he had a big cardboard Peter Pan, I don't know. I don't think he was strong enough to hold that up because it would take a lot of grip strength. There was a paper cut issue there, too.

I was imagining something else when you were saying that. I thought you were going to say he puts his dick where Peter Pan's dick would be and then walks up to the child. Like a reverse glory hole? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Well, I'm glad we worked through this.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, you got a number? I'm going to say... $75 million. All right, all right. I'm into 75 say $75 million. All right. I'm into $75 tonight, guys. Look, anything over $200, I don't know what it's worth.

I have a limited budget. I know how much cigarettes cost. I know how much it costs to rent out a kitchen. Toothpaste, I'm aware. This tour is the first time Tom found out a van is not reserved only for royalty. Yeah. A guy can have a van. Yeah.

No, it's, yeah. Zach, you got a guess. I'm going to go $810. Great answer. $100 million. Connor was the closest. Hey. And that is it for the Elvis butthole game.

One more time for Zach Townsend, everybody. Thank you so much for coming. Plenty more show to come. We have one more game we want to play before we get out of here. It's one of our favorite games here on the Mean Boys Podcast. We want to play a little game of Tom Tomperdy. You guys, everyone here know

what the Tomperdy is? Yeah. Filibuster. I need to find the page. Great. We never once have we improved any system of doing things. We're like, we did it that way once, and we got through it, and that's good enough. They find it fresh, okay? And actually, Paul, do you want to come up and play with us?

Yeah, sure. Yeah, get up. Yeah, we're going to have Paul come up and play. It's more fun with three people. We won't use his government name. But, yeah, we're going to have Paul come up and play. It's more than one with three people. We won't use his government name. But yeah, we're staying with Paul. What made you want to have the Mean Boys stay at your house? I just have very low self-esteem.

Yeah. And you're like, I deserve to have bacteria all over my pillowcases. Pretty much, yeah. You just walk in, go, sorry, my face is broken, and then disappear. Yeah, you immediately started. Pretty much as soon as we got there, we chatted. It was within four minutes you were telling me about how good you are at rhythm games. Looking at this man and the concept of rhythm seemed like they would be complete strangers. Okay, do we want to do it?

You guys, does everyone know? We know what it is. Yeah, yeah, it's like Jeopardy, but I'm wrong. It's like Jeopardy, but Tom doesn't know how to communicate. Anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are the categories? Your categories are music legends, things that go up, what's that smell, and fast food.

Ooh, okay. What's that smell for 100? We buzz in by saying bear cum. All right, what's that smell for 100? We buzz in by saying bear cum. Alright, what's that smell for 100? Body oil change. Bear cum. I think that's Connor. D, uh, soap.

No! Bear cum, piss. Correct! Oh. You're changing your body's oil. It's pee. You'll learn the music of Tom. I was thinking of the oils changing your body's oil. It's pee. Okay. All right. You'll learn the music of Tom. I was thinking of the oils that come out of your body and how you have to wash them off.

Well, that would have been sweat, but the hint was smell. Oh, yeah. You dumb hoe. What's that smell for two? Everyone knows sweat doesn't smell. What's that smell for 200? I love that you still hold up the notebook even though there's no functional reason to do so. Sad dairy.

Uh-oh. Bear cum. Cheese? What? Blue cheese? Correct! Fuck you. Oh, God.

I guess that is a more pungent cheese. Things that go up for 100. Things that go up for 100. Float balls. Bear cum. Oh, you got it first. Balloons. Correct.

Fuck. Got it. Throw the board. Things that go up for two. Sky bullets. Oh, shit. Bear cum. Bear cum.

Airplanes? No. How? Bear cum. Bullets? Regular bullets. No. Oh, shit. Does Regular bullets? No.

Oh, shit. Does anybody know? Points! Yes, it's now at midnight because... We're not allowed to. Points got canceled. Yeah. There's no baggage attached to that at all. All right.

Let's do things that go up for two or three. 300. Things that go up for 300, three. 300, things that go up for 300. The inside meat. What? Bear cum. Vomit? No.

Bear cum. A bird? What? I don't know. Fuck you. Fuck you what? No. Okay, I don't know.

The inside meat. What app is that that Keith has a profile on? Anybody? Yeah, it was Boner's Points! What is it? I guess it's not always... I guess he goes inside something.

None of these things always go up. Do you people have any idea how demeaning it is that this is my job? Do you know how much I hate myself because this is what I have to do? People are jealous we get to do this. And those people are sadly misled. Fast food for 100. Fast food for 100.

Small Italians. Bear cum. Little Caesars. Points. Oh, fuck. Fast food for two. I'm going to run the board on this shit. Shape Mexico.

Bear cum. Taco Bell. Correct. Wait, why is it shape? It's always in octagons and shit. Oh, I thought it was because a bell is a shape. Bear cum for three. Or fast food for three.

Fast food for three. Flesh buckets. Bear cum. KFC. Points. Thanks for not even waiting for Tom to deliberate on who rung in first. I think he should be deducted all of his points for this. Fast food for four.

Fast food for 400. Daywalker burger. Bear cum. Wendy's. Correct. Yep. It's a ginger lady. And Tom has not seen anything except for South Park from the mid-2000s.

It's a good show. Fast food for the next one. Fast food for that one. Hetero Deadbirds. What? Hetero Deadbirds. Bearcum. Chick-fil-A.

Correct. You guys seem unstoked on this whole thing. Music Legends for one. Music Legends for 100. None of these are going to be real legends. King Toilets. Oh, Bear Cum. Elvis.

Sam, it's hard. Yeah, Keith. Easy there, fucking hotshot. Okay, a little quick on the draw, trying to win this game that doesn't matter for nine people. It's a little bit sad, if anything. Oh, I guess Music Legends for two. Is that too fast?

Sorry, I'm great at my job. You're not doing your job. You're interfering with the integrity of the game. Incest keys. Oh, Bear Cum. Jerry Lee Lewis. Points. He fucked his cousin and he played the piano.

He married his cousin and then fucked her. Didn't fuck her before marriage. He made an honest cousin of her. Yes. Honest Cousins is the barbecue place next door. Every time you get a blowjob from a hick in a bar like this in Tennessee, in a way, you're fucking a piano. Connor controls the board.

I guess music legends for next. Candyman Word Cram. Candyman Word Cram. Oh, shit. Bearcum? Sammy Davis Jr.? No. Okay.

No? What, you think it cuts chocolate? He did a song called Candyman. Oh, okay. Candyman. No, I wasn't like, a black guy, fudge. Surely Tom would make this connection. Bearcum, Elton John?

No. That's Rocketman. I was thinking Sammy Davis Jr. I got nothing Eminem Oh Oh he does fucking Does do a lot of words

Oh man Again Tom's whole scope of Human media South Park and Rap God That's pretty much All he's got I'll take other things you enjoyed when you were 14 for $400. Heroin man itchy brain.

Oh, Bearcum. Kurt Cobain? Correct. Yeah, I feel like I kind of blew this game by doing that game. We should have worked together on that. Let's close out Music Legends. Headband guitar man. Bearcum. I'm going to give it to Paul. Headband Guitar Man. Bear Cum. Ooh.

Yeah, I'm going to give it to Paul. Thank you, Paul, for waiting. I fucking... You cheated is what you did. I went completely blank. Axl Rose? No. This is what happens when you trust the system. Jimmy Hendrix.

Correct. Thank you, you fucking idiot. Hope you enjoy having those Gundams all poopy in the system. Jimi Hendrix. Correct. Thank you, you fucking idiot. Hope you enjoy having those Gundams all poopy in the morning. Connor controls the board. Oh, what do we got? Things that go up for 400. God forbid.

Things that go up for 400. Air with attitude. Bear cum. That was close. Cotter. Thank you, Tom. I fucking hate this bit. You know what?

It was gas. Helium's close enough. You know, some gases are heavier than air, Tom. Shut up. Is that what you're going to say? You can still throw it up. You can take a handful of gas and throw it. By that logic, anything is a thing that goes up. I mean, you're not wrong.

No, you are. God who controls the board. Things that go up for 500. Heat diarrhea. Heat diarrhea? Oh, shit. That's just diarrhea. I know I'm wrong.

A fart? No. Oh. Heat diarrhea. Does wrong. A fart? No. Heat diarrhea. Does anyone have any idea? No, but you're in the right direction. What's up? Volcanoes?

No. Calder? Magma? No, that would have been with lava. Jesus Christ. It was smoke. Smoke. The crowd who paid to see you do this has turned on you. I like, by the way, you caught a very good nerdy little glimpse of Paul who's like,

actually lava and magma are different. Because I guess you still remember your fucking fourth grade science book, you little nerd. I don't know. I tried to dumb it down for everybody. There's just no winning with you guys. Let's do, what's that smell for $300? What's that smell for $300? No, that's a Facebook friend request.

What's that smell for $300? Canned lunch cows. Wait, canned lunch cows? Yes. Oh, fuck. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I got nothing.

Does Tom think that spam is made with cows is what I'm thinking? No, no, no. Goats. Oh, someone said that. Did someone else say that? I said sloppy goats. Oh, no, it was goats. Cool.

Wait, so canned lunch cows. How often do you smell goats? Whenever you're near them. This felt horrible. What's 400? Whoopie waft. Bear cum. Fart.

No. What? Whoopie waft. Oh, I know it now What is it? Bear cum Fuck stink Yes, correct

Oh I was thinking I was thinking whoopi cushion Thomas started doing this thing Where he calls sex whoopi Like he's a fucking old maid From the 1800s And it really bums me out

Because it's not charming and cute He's just like whoopi Non-consensual whoopee. I'm like, that's still the tone of his eyes. I'm still stuck on the fact that he thinks the number one thing about goats is that they smell. Like, everyone goes, oh, you smell worse than a goat. Have you ever been near a goat? They smell horrible.

I'm sorry you guys are uncultured. Goats smell horrible. There's a goat farm right by my parents' house. I've never noticed the smell. How close did you get to the goats? I can hear the owner of this bar racking a shotgun. Let's wrap this up. Let's fight about goats some more.

What's that smell for five? Nature carpet. Bear cum. Grass. Nope. But right area. Bear cum. Dirt? No. What the fuck? Is it moss? Grass. Nope. But right area. Bearcum. Dirt?

No. What the fuck? I don't know if they're related. Tom, you wrote the game. Moss is different than mold, right? It was mold. Oh. Man, this is the most anyone's been disappointed

During this game It's pretty Mold doesn't even smell that bad It depends on the mold Yeah, if it's on a goat, forget about it We got any more? There's the final solution Okay

Yep, that's the Final Solution. Okay. Okay. We gotta change that name. Yep, that's the Final Jeopardy. I feel like I should preface this every show, because this is going on the Internet for everybody to hear, that Tom did not know what Final Jeopardy was called, so he called it Final Solution.

All right. The category is anatomy. You guys got your wagers? Yeah, it's all of it. All right. Yeah, everything. Mountaintop. Mountaintop, and it's anatomy. It's anatomy. It's all of it. Mountaintop. Mountaintop and it's anatomy.

It's anatomy. It's a body part. Okay. This has to not be a thing we do. The people that don't know what's going on, I feel so horrible for. The guy that just walked in was like, what the fuck is this doing and why do I have to hit my son for probably liking it?

Alright, so we all just guess what we think it is? I'm going to say tits. I'm going to say specifically a nipple. Okay. Yeah, I was thinking nipple. It was specifically a nipple! Wow. I think you get partial credit though. It paid off.

Oh, you're cheating. That's it. One more get partial credit, though. Looks like all that not waiting paid off. Oh, you're cheating. Oh, that's it. One more time for Paul, everybody. That's Paul. Thank you guys so much for coming out to the show. We had a great time with you. Yeah. We want to do a little lightning round or something?

Yeah, sure. Fuck it. You guys want to do a lightning round? All right. All right. Shout them out if you got them. I'll start. Tom, what is Tennessee?

Tennessee. Fucking Arkansas hat. Cucumbers. Cucumbers. Oh, unpickled pickles. What is a jukebox? Jukebox. The sound slap.

You got to smack the jukebox. Christmas trees. Christmas trees. Fucking Jesus bushes a vending machine oh fuck oh shit

food cars no that's you're thinking of a taco truck I am this kind of looks like a car with no wheels right oh no This kind of looks like a car with no wheels, right? What? No.

God, I love watching them reject your logic. All right, monster trucks. Oh, uh, uh, fucking, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. I like that you're tapping your foot like you're playing harmonica. Like you're a horse trying to run. Crush you vehicles. Horses. Horses. Oh, fucking old school motorcycles.

Acne. Oh, fucking chill herpes. Neon. Oh, zesty light. All right, name ten things That we've done Seven things that we've done wrong on this tour so far Okay me

Keith Ray with the gun The other people with the gun Alexis No there was no gun Are you fighting with me? I'm really Fucking Actually that one No there was no gun Are you fighting With your son Fucking I don't know why

Will volunteered I mean it's good But I don't know What's in it for him But that's more on him Than us Fucking So yeah you're still at three

Keith's food habits Clock butt Fuck Connor's face And Smoked outside in Cincinnati That was a bad idea Oh yeah we got harassed by a lot of homeless people

We sure did Tom name seven electrical devices Okay iPod Vibrator We sure did. Tom, name seven electrical devices. Okay. iPod. Vibrator. Jukebox. Fucking Tamagotchi.

Light-up sneakers. Shit. Car. Fucking, oh, Jesus Christ. Fucking the lights. It was electrical products, right? Yeah, it was electrical products. I know them.

Phone. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, no, you said iPhone, and then... He said iPod. Oh, okay. You got any more? All right, Tom, name seven things you can get at Taco Bell. Okay.

Napkins. Roll-up. Some sort of freeze thing. Burrito. A Crunchwrap. Some sort of Supreme. Yeah, maybe a taco? Change! You can get change.

And water! Wow, a bonus one, everybody. That's the Tom God's Lightning Round. Thank you guys for coming to the show. We've got to get out of here. Let's all say it together on the count of three. Maybe we won't, actually, because we're here. No, we're going to start. Yes, all here. Uh, no, yeah. All right.

Yes. All right. One, two, three. Fuck everything. God is dead. Good night,

everybody. Bye.