Mean Boys - EP 196 - Beach Babes (feat. Kyle Clark)

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

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Mean Boys podcast. Me and Connor hanging out. Yeah, Tom's going to be here, but he drove back from Las Vegas on Memorial Day, which I think is probably the mathematical worst day to drive back from Las Vegas. So Tom will be here this time next year. Yeah, well, that's like the row of houses he buys in Monopoly, but for driving back from Vegas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like Tom went to go buy one pair of socks on Black Friday. Yeah, or a Mexican flag on Cinco de Mayo. You know what I mean? Just no fucking forethought. And yesterday he was like,

oh, I'm going to stay another day. And I was like, should I tell him? And I was was like surely he's thought about it i can't believe you thought that out loud yeah i just i was thinking like well i would think that it'd be way worse the monday the holiday that's of course everyone was planning to drive back what a rational cosmic animal wouldn't know this yeah so no tom on the intro today but only tom on the episode yeah only tom no me on the show. I guess Tom and me. Just only Tom alone.

Yes, I think I was doing something, writing jokes for Viacom. There you go. Something fulfilling. Yeah, yeah. And I couldn't make it. Slurping that corporate D. Yeah, yeah. I was up in the ivory tower, you know, reading a big list of things I'm not allowed to talk about. But me and Tom had our old buddy Kyle Clark in for a nice laid back,

real chill Sunday afternoon energy kind of episode. So what Keith's saying is it's not very good. It's not a hit a minute one, but it's pretty fun. The middle segment's got a fun little run where we talk about hardcore porn and Roger Corman movies. Oh, okay. Look, if you like Kyle, you're going to get a lot of fun Kyle content here.

Gotcha. Yeah, if not, hang tight. I'm sure we'll get someone next week. No, Kyle's great. Listen to his album, Absolute Terror, on his own record label, Radland Records. Speaking of which, thank you, everybody who bought Partylicious.

Oh, yeah. You guys are awesome. Everybody who listened to it, a bunch of you guys tweeted at me that you liked it. You guys have been tweeting jokes from it that you like, which I find very dumb and heartwarming. Yeah. I peaked at number four. And hey, stop pirating Keith's album.

Stop pirating the transcripts of his album. I peaked at number four on the iTunes charts. Yeah. That's insane. That's great. Would have been better, but The Lonely Island and a famous drag queen put out albums that day. God dang it. Sandberg.

It's always him. And I'll tell you this Friday. Number four. And by today, I checked number 72. One of the nuts and Stelma and Louise has said drop off. Been so sudden and expected, man. I think even walk like an Egyptian had a couple weeks. Yeah.

At the top of the shelf life of open milk in a hot room well hey it was a nice shelf while we sit yeah on it but uh yeah last one i did didn't even fucking make the chart at all so this is uh it was cool yeah yeah so so thanks guys for all the love yeah and while we're sucking dick for sucking our dicks yeah thanks for all the love for uh historical roast oh let me go find but i really you know what i was shocked by i didn't really i was reading tweets about it throughout the day off and on. Right. And I really didn't see anybody saying anything mean.

It was all pretty nice. And I was like, wow. I was really blown away. The only negative comments I found were from our own subreddit. Oh, no shit. No shit. We got, I guess I shouldn't say it. Yoshatron wrote, this was more cringe than funny.

All right. And this next guy wrote, I got to tell you, I've waited for this for so long and I just watched the first episode. Netflix says this is politically incorrect, but the virtue signaling is too much for my taste. Disappointing. Reply to that. Oh, that whole comedy click is a bunch of West Coast woke idiots. I honestly can't stand it. Quit acting so high and mighty.

You wouldn't get to play all your dumb games if white people weren't super assholes back in the day. I don't quite know what's going on there. I will say I find this especially hurtful because I was the only writer, the executive producer and the star of the show. You know, and it really all came down to my specific creative vision. I also really felt attacked. I love that we now have this weird pot of people who think we're just super woke liberal elitists. I don't know anything. That's the thing.

If you understand it, every time we get a job, we're terrified someone in a position of power will listen to anything we've done on Mean Boys. Oh, that. And yeah, I mean, I used to think I knew things. I've got to the point where I'm like, I've got no idea. I have like five decent premises about humanity, and none of them have really worked out all the way through. So I don't fucking know. Yeah, I could boil it down to maybe like, I don't know, stealing's bad, but not really. Is it bad?

Don't kill anybody unless they killed you. Yeah. Yeah, by the way, all the people on Twitter have been very – most people on Twitter have been very nice about Historical Roast. If you Google Historical Roast review – Oh, really? There are two published reviews, and they say we are the worst show ever made. Whoa. What outlets?

Oh, they're on fucking dingdong.bullshit. Oh, okay. Some sub ain't it cool cocksuckery. I want to see what the AV Club says. I don't think we'll even get reviewed. Oh, I looked it up, and they don't give a fuck. Yeah, or something like that. Our IMDB rating is pretty rotten, too.

Oh, okay. There we go. More people go online to talk shit about things than they do to say nice things. And the fact that anybody- I just want some bad reviews to read for once in my life. We're going to look at this after this. Okay, yeah, yeah. It's probably Ready, Set, Cut or some bullshit.

Go read their review of Historical Roast. It's pretty funny. I know, but I want something from the New York Times that says something I did is bad. That would be fun to have. You know what was pretty funny today is going on the New York Times because they had What to Watch this week and a Historical Roast was on. Oh, yeah, I saw that. And then it was like, you don't have enough free articles. And I'm like, well, fuck you.

I don't have money to pay for this. Oh, yeah, I know. I did also. You know what's funny? I had the same problem. I just remember. I was like, I don't care about journalism. Yeah, exactly. How's that for your liberal West Coast

wokeness? I don't support the New York Times. I was listening to Legion of Skanks with Milo Yiannopoulos at the taco truck and I tipped out of guilt. So that tells you where I'm at in the political spectrum. You know what I mean? It's like I was still listening to it, but I did basically I'm wrong

to everybody probably yeah pretty much uh so yeah thanks for watching historical roast go give it a watch if you haven't i think it's fun uh if you like to maybe send a nice tweet i would it was a fun mostly because it was a fun show to work on it really was i'm unemployed again and they do more i would like to do you know just go hang out yeah that would be uh pretty tight um other than that it's all the usual business. Five bucks a month, weekly bonus content. Ten bucks a month, monthly goodies.

We are still, I know, woefully behind on sending out the big Patreon boxes. We have some pretty big Hollywood news that has come down the pipes that has left us very predisposed. And it will all be revealed shortly. And I think you'll understand. We do appreciate you bearing with us. Yeah, I know we've talked about Big Hollywood News before. This is probably the biggest Hollywood-iest news we've ever gotten. Yeah, this is when – usually when we say Big Hollywood News, we're being facetious about something, some sort of web exclusive we talked about in Glendale.

But this is actual – I have an accountant now. Yeah, I may have to incorporate. I may have to – I have to learn a lot of stuff. I have to figure out what a tax liability Tom is for me. Dude, seriously. There's so much shit where just people are now asking me about things. And I was like, you don't understand. I had planned on not knowing anything about that until I was dead.

Yeah, my whole deal was to fail enough that I didn't have to learn what an IRA was. Oh, god damn, dude. I forgot about those. I've just been going to be Googling acronyms for weeks. But the point is, we haven't mailed out the shirts or the big boxes yet. We are going to get that handled this week. We also are working on some new techniques and ideas for recording the show, so it's going to be a little more consistent,

and that shit's going to be going out better in the future. We're going to try and handle this better than we've handled past We Get Busy scenarios. Let's just say we're getting the team together. Yeah. Yeah, you know, we're rounding up the boys yeah our crack team of our one other friend yeah no and as for the shirts we've got i wish i could say our best man on it but we've got a man on it yeah and that man is tom yeah who again is some how lost between here and nevada currently so yeah i mean forward to getting, you know, half a pipe bomb and a shirt that's the wrong size in several weeks.

You're going to get one of Tom's shirts. I've sent out some of my shirts in the Patreon before. Collector's items. That's funny. I had, like, the Juggalo shirt I wore on stage, and I sent that to somebody because I think, I don't remember why. Maybe I'll put just a comrade in one person's shirt bag like a golden ticket. You might want to ask first. Nah, that's not funny. I mean, I guess if you put it in one person's shirt bag like a golden ticket. You might want to ask first. Nah, that's not funny.

I mean, I guess if you put it in a Ziploc bag, it's fine. But I mean, you're also asking me and not the guy to ask about this. Yeah, fair enough. Who do I ask? Can we ask my accountant about this? You mean our accountant? Yeah. How dare you?

You son of a bitch. Are you talking about my new friend Russ? Yeah. I want to make a deposit. Yeah, so a rather large want to make a deposit. Yeah. So a rather large one to my offshore account. My offshore sock. And the calming islands.

The point is, I know we talk about we're sorry, we're going to get it together a lot, but we really have an active plan. I really add the same dialogue with the fan base of this show that I've had with every relationship I've ever been in. Yeah. I can change. Look, I will in six to nine months start being on time, but you've got to let me ease into it. I don't just jump in the pool, lady. Yeah, but other than that, yeah, hang out on the Discord, the subreddit, all that jazz. Anything else?

I don't think so. Yeah, I don't know. Fucking thank you guys. Love you. We don't tell you that enough. Yeah, I don't know. Fucking thank you guys. Love you. We don't tell you that enough. Yeah, we really do love you guys. We're not going anywhere. You know, and thank you for floating us through the dry period so that we can now abandon you.

Yeah. We look forward to thumbing it in until the show withers into irrelevance. You're like that girlfriend we had in high school that was with us right up until we got the movie role. And now it is all cocaine and actresses get ready to get dumped for a supermodel pig children yeah no i'm kidding we're gonna be here yeah we couldn't leave you uh you're too you're too damn cute audience so uh with all that out of the way sit back relax and enjoy this week's episode with kyle clark Hi and welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. Grief is just temporary sanity.

I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... Punk Rock Big Bird. Accurate. Today's letter is X. Yeah, you do have a very... I don't know what it is.

I think it's how you stand that makes you more Big Bird-y. Oh, absolutely. I believe the most liked photo on my Instagram is me standing with Big Bird. Oh, is it? In the puppet museum. Well, you do, as a guy who's analyzed a lot of ways one can be kind of fat. I've really gone through the gamut from both ends. Yeah, well, yeah, you were just

hilarious ice cream cone fat for a while. Now you've slimmed down so you have big bird swag so it's just a straight line with a boop. Yeah, like I'm a pot belly stove. Yeah, you don't have junk in the trunk. You have junk on like the second level of a three-story home. I've junk in the hatchback. I've always described myself as Grinch fat.

It's all just localized right here in the right... The Grinch's build is a real attainable goal for a lot of people trying to lose weight. Yeah, if you don't try in any direction, the Grinch is where you'll end up. The Grinch has just a sexual dad bod thing that really inspired a lot of generations. Exactly. It's like, there might be

more dick in this pouch. There's one thing I'm thankful that I get fat evenly, except my butt. My butt will always... I have a nine-year-old girl's butt at all times, and I can't do anything about it. I would like that sound clip edited out of context and sent to me immediately.

Preferably with the sound of a haunted ice cream truck behind it you mean the one that was playing through our neighborhood right before we started yeah well here's the thing so we've always had the ice cream chuck but they've also upgraded and now there's a taco truck that just plays la cucaracha which is offensively mexican yeah it's fun because sometimes your neighborhood is just a parody of itself yeah like if i didn't have a witness and i said there's a taco truck that plays with cucaracha, you'd be like, oh, you're racist. You guys are leaving money on the table not shooting a parody of

the opening of Beauty and the Beast where it's like an offensive French town where you just have, hola, hola, hola, hola. What's up, fucker? Fucking Cholo and the Cheech. That's also our spinoff Mexican Drive Time radio show. If Mean Boys doesn't

pan out. Yeah, I feel like I said it before, I'll say it again. I think the gag is getting more aggressive because the gentrification is being turned up. Yeah, Tom's been getting mad dogged by the other Diamond Street locos. Yeah. Yeah. I should just be like guys, I was here when it was very dangerous. Don't worry guys, I'm a threat.

You know what's funny? People don't want to live near me either. Well, everybody, kill Whitey. When they see me in the front yard and they see, like, what house I live in, they don't give a fuck. He's suffered enough. Yeah, we're not in the new apartments going up. Well, yeah, because it's like battle axes and trash. We definitely have, definitely have an enclave

of white people madness that I think the gang does not want to fuck with. Have we talked about the podcast how Isaac stole my axe because he got terrified because a skittier ginger man came to the door? May I ask a question that I'm excited to ask? Which axe? The one with

more grip. The medieval one. Oh, grippy. Yeah, gri yeah grippy yeah one of our friends came to the house it's grippy and flash the world's swishiest man dad stanhope yeah solid i called it to his face that's amazing but fucking yeah he knocks on the door and isaac weaners out and just grabs a battle axe yeah and i know this because we were we were playing matted and then i look over i like, is that my axe handle? And it was just, like, under his bed, which is, yeah. It's also sad that I have enough weapons now

that I don't notice when they go missing. Can we talk about the fact that I love that you guys are just playing Madden for fun in your off time? Yeah, we're like normal guys. Is this like how i am entertaining the idea of starting jujitsu classes are we all realizing the furthest end of the nerd world is to become a jock honestly yes like is our is this the exodus from the nerd world like every like like post avengers endgame like well i guess it's time to go crack open a beer and beat

some of myself up yeah i'm just like, everyone's mom knows who Thanos is. That fucking door is closed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was never really a nerd, I don't think. No, you were just upsetting. Yeah. Yeah.

Which is a kind of nerd. Yeah. You were isolated for legitimate medical problems and not because, like, well, I think Batman's strong. Yeah. I do like Batman. Everyone likes Batman. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's the thing. I feel like back in the day you could just be like oh i know who hawkeye is and people would be like fucking or whatever it is you know they're like oh kate bishop's coming into the continuity and i'm like i want to be excited about that but i don't want you to be excited about it hence we all have teams now yeah we're all terrible people i went to horror trivia and made a reference to the the late 80s early 90s detroit pistons and afterwards i was telling my brother about he's

like i love that you're going to the nerdiest thing you go to and you're talking about sports references yeah i think that was gonna fly it was fun because one person got it but it was worth it because it was elric kane from the shockwaves podcast he was like oh man yeah i totally know what you're talking about oh man i was like man we're pulling from a weird reference where we both know i got the weirdest cool guy. We both enjoy 30 for 30 documentaries and the movie El Topo. Every movie you mention sounds made up to me. Yeah, you're on to my game now.

Yeah. Oh, man, what else? Have you seen Crux Flux? I'm like, I have no idea. Then why are those words? Crux Flux sounds like some exhausting board game your friends make you play, and you're just like, this sucks, but I don't want to ruin the party. I have a deck of just regular Flux cards in my bag right now.

I know you do. Like, I didn't know you did, but I know you do. I'm shocked that I've never made you learn how to play Flux when we've been trapped somewhere on the road. Yeah, it's a fun card game. I just picked two Kyle Soundy words, and you're like, I have the card game. It's because you understand the game too well. I've had nine different people threaten me with a Flux game.

It's kind of fun. I'm sure it is. I got the deck for free from a gay video game convention in San Francisco, and I was hanging with my best friend. More Kyle words I don't know. What is gay? Hanging out in an apartment full of a bunch of gays with a bunch of sexual tension just hanging in the air. friend and more Kyle words I don't know what some hanging out with in a apartment full of a bunch of gays with a bunch of like sexual tension just

hanging in the air so we just played hours of the game flux like we're in like a shitty version of a Jane Austen novel flux could be a sex position oh 100% yeah flux is the new verse like it just okay either yeah it's doggy style but you're both laying down on your back oh fuck that sounds awesome.

Wait. Hang on. You figure it out. That just seems like some sort of... It's like a judo move where you get stuck so you have sex. There you go. You're like, well, I'm already down here. Oh, man.

We're going to the red carpet premiere of that historical rose show that me and Connor wrote on tonight. So we stayed up until midnight last night just trying to dress Tom up like a fat dude version of Pretty Woman. Yeah, and what's hilarious is we settled on the very first thing I put on. Well, yeah, you were handed several... You decided to go with the shirt with the collar. You turned into an 80s pornographer so immediately.

Yeah, yeah. That's because in another life, that's all any of us is. Oh, 100%. I do think about sometimes, if I really put my mind to it, I have the hustle. I could get into porn. I am. Behind the scenes level.

It's why I can only watch Boogie Nights twice a year. Because any more than that, and I start looking at Burt Reynolds' character going, like, I get this guy too much. Yeah, like, this guy just loves art. Yeah. Fuck it. Mostly art, but also fuck it. I've never seen Boogie Nights. It's one of my top favorite movies of all time.

I thought it was a jazz movie for a long time. Not that point. More of a jizz movie. True. Oh, man. We're all fine. Or we call it solid jazz. I won't.

Your cum should not be solid. It should be more solid than sound. You're just coming jello-cute. You guys never cum cheese? Yeah, like it shoots out. You guys ever cum cheese? Oh, my gosh. Chatter. There's a lost Captain Cold or Mr. Freeze joke somewhere in there.

Yeah. How long is your cold streak? Well, my jizz curdled. Oh, Jesus. I have skim loads. Oh, Christ. I think we're all fired up. You guys want to get into the Mexican joke, Al?

Ay, so topical. Ah, so topical. Not really. This is the most daunting version of the driver. We all phoned it in. I'll take it away. I'll jump on this one. A murder victim was discovered to be the leader of a medieval sex cult

Medieval sex cult is also the new name For Alabama State Senate Take that Yeah we got him I think we fixed it I just got it in NPR sends their thanks I got you women An edible arrangement I'll go next

Texas Braces for a violent tornado forming Keith Carey claims he knew he sat down too quickly on tour oh man it's always fun when I hear somebody like throw out a joke I'm just like I wonder if this is gonna go that I don't have time to finish writing joke I have jokes punchline

I don't remember the last time I've done a slam on you maybe it was on tour really forming the joke. There you go. Forming the tornado of summoning it in. Yeah. Wait for some of the other things I pull off. Yeah, that's true.

That was your lead off course. Yeah, it sure was. The Harvard Lampoon is in trouble for publishing a photoshopped image of notable Holocaust victim Anne Frank. I think this should be a lesson for us all to be more respectful of historical figures, even though it does pain me to lose the upcoming This Ain't Helen Keller XXX in the process. Well, you know, if you lose other senses, you gain senses in your butt. I was pretty excited for the term notable Holocaust victim.

Yeah, that's a weird one. Well, yeah, sure, you went to the camps, but what have you done for me lately sweetheart the cast i like that that guy's also calling it wrong man notable holocaust survivor yeah no victim oh yeah i don't yeah it's true i guess you know eli wessel is a noted Holocaust survivor. Honestly, if she survived, she wouldn't be notable anymore. That was her whole selling point. Oh, Jesus. Never mind.

I'm sitting on a real dark road, but I'm trying to get it out. This ain't Helen Keller. Oh, man. A fraternity was suspended for forcing a dog to drink from a keg. Spuds McKenzie had his stomach pumped at a local hospital but died shortly after. Poor Spuds McKenzie. He partied too hard. Who is he?

He's a dog that liked to party in the 80s. Yeah, was it Budweiser? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I was imagining like Snoopy with a drinking problem. That's sort of what it was. That's pretty much it. It was a cartoon.

No, no, it was a real dog. It was a live-action dog that wore sunglasses and a drinking problem. That's sort of what it was. That's pretty much it. It was a cartoon. No, no, it was a real dog. It was a live-action dog that wore sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt. Like, look, in between the butt hole, they needed someone to... I thought it was just

one of those internet photos. No, real thing. Yeah, no, it was real. I mean, I don't think he actually came with the shirt and the glasses. He picked it up once he had money.

Man. And once he was, like, dating adult film star of the 80s, Ginger Lynn. Here's the thing. I love... Like, we talked about 80s porn. I would have loved to go back and work in ads in the 80s ginger lynn here's the thing i love i like we talked about 80s porn i would have loved to go back and work in ads in the 80s when every idea was still just i'm like i don't know put it put glasses on a dog and then you're a millionaire

yeah yeah i yeah that that shit i i can't not watch commercials and think about that kind of stuff there's there's a budweiser commercial from the 80s where they had a guy named booby jones or something like that who was a famous bowler okay and his fun group of middle-aged friends because you could still put fat Midwestern guys on TV. Yeah, it's like, hey, we're from Milwaukee. And I love that it's just like, all right, Boobie, tell – and I love the idea the executive turned to his ad guy and said, we said we wanted boobies in commercials, not boobie. You already paid this fuck? I tried to get two, but he's the only boobie on the market. I got what you wanted.

Oh, you're so fired, Johnson. Like, if you're the guy who developed the California raisins, you probably have enough money to go to that pedophile island where Bill Clinton hangs. But you also have to wear, like, one of those jackets with patches of the California raisins all over it. There's just a blank space. What happened to, I don't know, Shlomo Raisin? He knows what he did Shlomo Reyes And other notable

Holocaust victims I uh God I was just watching something And it was like From the animators Of the California Reyes And I'm like

Fuck that used to be a credit Yeah that's your lead off Who was like Who was really standing For the Reyes I gotta see what else The creative team Has been up to

Did you do yours No No Go for it Alright Is it California Raisin related? No. Pass, Kyle.

Tell your fucking joke. All right. A soccer referee died on the field in Bolivia. The LGBT community is rejoicing, saying, this is what you get for telling gay people what to do. All right. All right. No, guys, I'm a hack now.

This is my new identity. That's the opposite of hack. It's completely inaccessible You're more like James Joyce Look I've done many Tastes of soccer is fucking gay It's one of my go to wells Tom is retarded soccer is gay

Connor is a pretty little rich boy Those are our go to references A man in Alaska Has reported having his gun stolen at gunpoint the thieves were apprehended shortly after they were quoted as saying it just seemed like a funny thing to do we don't totally didn't think it would work man what a pussy an nypd cop was fired for attempting to put a hit on her ex-husband said the commissioner it's a disgrace to have an officer on duty who can't figure out how to kill an innocent civilian.

Man, we fixed abortion. We fixed the police. This is a big day for the progress. Yeah, we're saving the world. I fixed soccer. I fixed wind and teeth. I have a knife. I fixed wind.

A high school student lost 115 pounds by walking to school every day. Subway has approached him for an endorsement deal and a litter of children. A litter. They just opened the back of a van and there's just 20 of them. Well, that was the thing with Jared. You guys heard the story about why he actually lost the weight. Chasing those kids? Yeah.

There was a good school playground but way across there was he's doing a full rocky montage but on a children's playground to get fit enough to be a pedophile he was fat still eating at subway every day but it was this is the rumor but the uh it was right by his house and then he was like stalking the girl who worked there holy shit and then she transferred because she got weird out by him but then he walked further to the different subway. Wow. It's the rumor.

I don't know if that's true, but that's the rumor I heard from someone. It'd be weird if that one wasn't true. But the other ones were. Yeah. Holy shit, that's insane. Yeah. A group of upset cocaine enthusiasts helped the FBI bust a massive drug ring in the Midwest, trading in poor quality drugs. The cocaine enthusiasts were then rewarded with immunity from prosecution and a free

concert by the faint. That was just for Keith. Yeah. Because that joke is a time machine that takes us back to 2003. Yeah, and it was pretty okay. I was talking to my brother about that one. I was 10 in 2003. He was like, are you sure you don't want to change the band reference?

I'm like, nope, this is fun only for me. In my head, I'm like, nope, this is fun only for me. This will get a titter out of Keith. Move over, soccer joke. There's a new inaccessible sheriff. A man was arrested for flushing his grandfather's ashes down a toilet. He's being charged with trespassing in the Carey family burial plot. Seems where we go.

I've spilled one dead guy out of a closet. I'll spill another one in the toilet Yeah See wind That's what's generated by Look it's okay You have a knife Thank you That's the thing

We're listening politely Because I know you're armed with a knife What people don't know Is he's holding the mic in one hand And a knife out at us the whole time With the other This is weird He's been talking into the knife.

I've actually been reading my jokes off my knife, which is why they're so incoherent. A millionaire is in trouble for putting his plane on autopilot to have sex with a teen. The ghosts of the 9-11 hijackers appeared saying, dangerous game, that's how you end up in a field instead of a building.

Oh, Jesus. Just there like, look, we're already on the plane. Was that member of Al-Qaeda named Rodney Dangerfield? He pushes a button, his turban spins. He shows up in a fez

instead of a turban. He's like, oh man, I wore my wrong costume. This was for the Shriners. No respect. I tell you, my threat level color is clear. That's a good Rodney Dangerfield joke. I know. It's fun when you realize

your brain can channel certain comedians' like style of joke. We've got two more, right? Yes. Cool, then I get to dip into the bad one. Hell yeah.

Oh no, two more. Danish politician Joachim B. Olsen has been running campaign ads on Pornhub. Market analysts claim that this is the smartest advertising strategy since the Mean Boys shirt of the month club on Stormfront.com.

We're just saying, you can't prove our shirts like Jews. Like, you shouldn't be a Nazi, but if you want to be a Nazi and wear our shirt. I had to write Stormfront.com real careful in my Word document to make sure it didn't turn into a hyperlink. Dude, I went to Stormfront doing research for a Mean Boys thing one time, and then I realized, like, oh, I'm just a guy who went on Stormfront now. Hello, the FBI.

It's weird that that website is just allowed to exist. Yeah. I thought it was like Super Fox News. What is it? That's the white supremacist homepage. Yeah. Oh. It's like Reddit for white supremacists.

So Reddit. Yeah. Well, before Reddit. Yeah. I don't think the FBI cares about that. What, Nazis? Yeah. Not particularly.

Yeah, not at this point. Heinz took heat after it was found that the name of their new condiment, Mayo Chup, is also a Native American word that translates to shit-faced. Though to be fair, if you're Native American, pretty much everything translates to you being shit-faced. Ooh, I got a joke off for this. I'm excited. Oh, damn.

All right. Racism showdown. Heinz new product, Mayo Chup, a mixture of mayo and ketchup, has been causing a stir in Canada. The language of the Cree nation, Mayo Chup, means shit is on my face, which is the literal translation. The Heinz Corporation is planning to adjust the name to the less problematic. I want you to cum so is on my face which is the literal translation uh the heinz corporation is planning to adjust the name to the less problematic i want you to come so much that my face looks like

it has a beard made of cum which in cree translates to chill dude cree is what miss captain is hello lady general Hello, Lady General. Man, the cum beard, if you have the curdled cum, it just sticks right on. Like your Cumberham Lincoln. You get like a frothy, like a Seth Rogen load. Cumming's solid, really good. There's advantages. You can sculpt with it.

You can plow it. Do you guys remember Floam? It's like that, but full of human DNA. They have tiny embryos that look like Tom. I'm just picturing your cum just frozen, sticking out of your wing. You guys ever notice there's... Or like a melted candle piece. There it is.

Have you guys ever jerked off while driving? Well, have you noticed my window is cracked? Wait, you jerked it out the window? Just cracked it. Okay. St out the window. Just cracked it. Okay. Sturdy window. I'm stalling because this is not a good joke. Talk about your cum more, quick.

It's friendly. It's shareable. You can make fun shapes with it. This is a commercial for Dunkaroo. That's what this is. I've never had a Dunkaroo. Pretty good. McDonald's gave a hot chocolate

to a man with a deadly dairy allergy. Other headlines for this story were white man almost died for white shit then blames burger place widely. It's fun that widely saved that whole joke. It's rare that you see

an adverb fix everything. Yeah, the white man swoops in once again and saves the day. Wait, did they do hot chocolate at Dairy Queen? No, no, McDonald's. McDonald's, oh, never mind. I guess he ordered a coffee and then he was so surprised when they fucked up his order, so I guess this is on them. Yeah, at a McDonald's.

Yeah. Man, I went to a McDonald's. I was doing a road gig and it was like you have like the 20 minutes to stop at the bus station or whatever yeah and i went to a mcdonald's and i accidentally threw like a full box of chicken nuggets away oh no and i had to be like all right i don't have time to go back to the counter but i am gonna have to reach into this trash can and grab a thing of chicken nuggets out hopefully no one looks and i go in and i look and there are four people taking pictures i was like whatever i don't need the

respect of anybody in fucking wherever buttfuck blithe california i was uh uh recently dressed very nice heading to something and had a bag of trash in one hand and my car keys in the other as i was stopping to get gas and did not note that i'd thrown my car keys in the way instead of the trash. I mean, you're with a man who's thrown away his debit card because he thought it was half an order of chow mein. Your debit card does smell delicious. Yeah, I did realize it was. Ah, it's fake. I was.

I was weird waking up with all that chow mein in my pocket. But Stone Tom is an exciting new world. Just cargo pants with different noodles from around the world. And a lot of outfit changes. Yeah, like a bad drag queen. Well, that's it for the Mexican Joke Off. Everybody, the Mean Boys podcast will be right back with more right after this. And now, special needs Goodfellas.

Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a fire truck. That was Special Needs Goodfellas. You asked if cum is allowed, but the one you were rooting for was notable Holocaust. Because Holocaust is not a swear word. I don't make the rules. I just subvert them. We're coming in right on Holocaust is not a swear word. Mean Boys Podcast returns to play a round of one of our favorite games.

This game is called Price Check. Yeah. Rules of this game are very simple. I give you two things. You tell me which one is more. The first round of Price Check, this is the Big Chopped edition. Yeah. Rules of this game are very simple. I'll give you two things. You tell me which one is more. The first round of price check. This is the Big Chopped edition. Oh. Have you watched Big Chopped yet?

What the fuck is Big Chopped? Oh, man. We made a cooking show where Tom had to cook. Oh, yes. Okay, yes. I did watch this. My girlfriend brought it to my attention. She was like, hey, have you watched Big Chopped yet? And I was like, what the fuck is Big Chopped? She was like, sit down. I'm canceling our plans. Don't we finish watching this?

And then it was funny because I was just giving fun stories about the house because i was like you see that part they walked back there that's tom's bed and i stopped the video and she got very upset there was there well you know i'm not going to spoil it because it might be in the next one so yeah it's i'll tell you after the show there was a fun gag i had with that yeah but the fucking uh but the amount of people whose comments were not, this is so funny, or what a fun goof. We're just like, are you guys okay? What's wrong with you? What the fuck is happening?

Hey, how did you guys get to shoot in a heroin den? Yeah, like how did you get food on the ceiling? Yeah, and someone's comment I think was just, I knew it was going to be bad, but this is very all caps bad. Well, the part of the bad video that i love is that you're neither particularly skilled with a weapon nor culinarily so which one costs more a french cooking lesson at a school in la or a broadsword lesson from the sword fighting academy in la yes i'm gonna say broadsword because it's more specific okay and i feel like the asshole in

the utility kilt that runs that company like really greatly overestimates the value of his product. As do all people related to the utility kilt world. Again, nothing I hate more than utility kilts. And I know we have a very avid listener who makes kilts for a living. That's great. Wait, are they Scottish kilts? Because that's fine. I couldn't say for sure.

I glazed over when I saw the word kilt. Look, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. If he can show up to yell at me wearing the kilt but not a tool shirt. I will say he did show up to our Philadelphia show and then dunk on me really hard about the dog story which is a rough... Wait, why is it a thing you have to be dunked upon for?

Because it's a bad story. It's a great story. The show also happened to be across the street from a pet store. So it was a lot of that. And it feels weird to get fucking made a fool of by a man in a kilt. No, man, you still win that story. At the end of the day, you're still having sex with someone. You have a low threshold for victory.

You're goddamn right I do. That is the most optimistic take on his dog story I've ever heard. There we go. Somehow it makes me like it less. Because the support of it is so sad. At least you got to put your dick somewhere, fatty. Ooh, this is tough. Because I don't think the broad...

You said sword. I said broadsword lesson. Right. But I feel like that's a rich people habit, French cooking. You know? So that might be. I haven't. I got addicted to making croissants when I was 12.

I have a $5,000 a day sauce habit. This is a one-time class? Suck your dick for hollandaise. It's a one-time class? One-time class for both. I'm going to go French cooking. French cooking, $125. Broadsword lesson, $90.

Oh, shit. Oh, now I want to take that Broadsword class. People who look like me will go to Broadsword. People with rich stuff like fingernails and shoes. I thought it'd be like a Scientology or UCB thing where they just get poor people to give too much money. Yeah, I could see it. Well, yeah, because going to a French cooking class seems like something a poor woman does to try and feel famous. Yeah, like a learning annex thing.

Yeah, it's just like, well, he'll ask me, but I'm going to learn how to make something cordon bleu, and that'll show him. See, if you just said cooking class, I would have gone for sure the weapon. It was the French. Yeah. Right. That's a pretentious-ass word. French? God. Right. That's a pretentious ass word. French. God damn it.

You're at peak, Tom. All right. Which one costs more? The average cost of an abortion or the fine for killing Alabama's state bird? Ooh. Bird. Bird. Bird.

Abortion, $550. Killing the bird, $250. Oh, really? oh really kill some birds tom wow they really don't yeah i was thinking like hate abortion there yeah yeah oh no that's about the cost here too i paid for an abortion once have you heard this story is it uh i'm trying to remember because i knew the pricing on it for us during a scare once. I know, it's sad that we're all going through our roll with eggs. This is an average cost from around the country. Okay, but my problem is that my data might be out of date because it was from a while ago.

Right, yeah, the cost of inflation to kill a baby. Yeah. The girl didn't kill the baby. Is there a Tom Jr. out there? No, this wasn't Mike Hum. She asked for a favor, and I was going to kill myself soon, so I was like, I can take one more with me. That's the best romantic comedy meet-cute ever.

Man, there are nine Greek tragedies in that one sentence. What did she end up spending the money on again? A Cheeks Ahoy tattoo on her ass. Beautiful. God damn it. This is the mean boysiest thing that ever happened. All right.

Which of the following costs more? Did an owl come and give you an invitation to be the new host on the show after that? You have been deemed not worthy of the other thing. It's the opposite of

picking up y'all. She also, I think I've already said this, she named the kid Naomi. And it was because, I was like, why that? She was like, it's I moan backwards. Which is a thing she learned from Van Wilder. Is that? Yes. Is that really?

Yes. Man, not only did she name her kid My Kid Fucks, but she also did it based on Van Wilder. And then Jared from Somebody followed that That Kid Around for several years. I think she hooked after that, but I can't be sure. I mean, I think you can be pretty sure. I just like, I just forget it's a podcast and I like watching Tom just

reckon with the force of his past. Yeah. She, you know what, I'm gonna stop talking about this girl. That's the kind of fun story that, like, I feel like all of us are full of where you tell someone and then they don't think it's as funny as you do because they haven't had to cope with it for 10 years. And then you realize you just ruined the hangout. Yeah, like, and you just. Oh, I have way better stories for that. I could ruin any hang.

Yeah, most of your stories are funny to 10% of people and then terrifying to 9%. Oh, I wish it was 10%. Look, but it was enough to get you a record deal, friend, because I think all your stories are great. Yeah, I got a record deal on Red Land Riders. I can swing that. Luckily, one of the seven people you know started it. Hey, that's better than many unfunny comedians. That's better than many unfunny comedians that's better than many unfunny

comedians speaking of which next round of this is i love that because you're insinuating that i'm an unfunny comedian in that statement no no i'm saying you just missed it which of the following costs more uh keith carey's partylicious available on rad land records or larry the cable guy's christmas time in larry land oh that's such a classic though yeah it is the lower rated of his two christmas albums yeah wait he has two christmas you bet your black ass he's got two christmas once you make one nothing stops you from making two yeah yeah it's not like him to go back to the same well multiple times oh man i imagine i imagine it's the same songs on both i don't know why. Oh, no.

I have some of the songs here from the Christmas on Larry Land. Let me find it real quick. I'm sure that none of it's as funny as the Jeff Fox with the redneck 12 Days of Christmas. I mean, I don't know if that can stand up to farting jingle bells. One just called Comedian Muhammad. And then Liberal Commie Environmental Poem. Can you put in a soundbite of Greg Giraldo going, why are you so popular right here? I'm going to say that that is more expensive.

The Larry the Cable guy one. That being the one that's more expensive. I'm kidding. You guys caught me's more expensive. I'm kidding. You guys caught me in my loop. I'm going to go. Fuck, he knows about the loop now. Oh, no. Yeah, no, I think I'm going to go Mr. Guy.

Please, Mr. Guy. Mr. The Guy. Call me Larry the Chill Dude. Yeah. Means come be. More expensive. Yeah. It means come be. More expensive? Yeah. I'm going to...

I guess I know how much Partylicious sells for. Well, I would hope so. I'm going to say the Larry the Cable Guy one is less expensive. Partylicious, $9.99. Larry the Cable Guy, $5.97. There we go. There we go. Pretty accurately priced, I think.

You know what, though? I think that the extra money shows. Yeah. It's really in there in the fucking polish on there.97. There we go. There we go. Pretty accurately priced, I think. You know what, though? I think that the extra money shows. Yeah. It's really in there in the fucking the polish on there. Yeah. Plus, I do have a bonus track where I sing We Three Kings, but it's about beating up Islam or whatever. Or you do that Run DMC Christmas in Holosong, but all with queefs.

Hey, oh. Queefs specifically are more expensive than farts. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. You got to get them imported from the front. Yeah, they're mostly from Europe. My friend's mom, who raped a bunch of my friends, played a lot of Larry the Cable Guy on the way to hockey practice. I love.

Well, they weren't really my friends. They were more just... Yeah, I don't hang out with victims. Yeah, we didn't like each other, so. That's a new character in my reboot of The Mighty Ducks. Oh, shit. She played this, there's a song called. What's the fat kid's name?

Oh, Goldberg? Yeah, so they just walk in, just being molested. Goldberg! But then the kid with the glasses stays. The kid who I thought was convinced for years was the lead singer of Harvey Danger. I kind of buy that. Right? The Flying V.

It's just a bunch of horny old men. Oh, no. Yeah, there was a song called Donnie the Retard. And it was by Larry the Cable Guy. For a second, I glazed over it. I thought that was the name of one of the friends in question. I got even sadder somehow. No, no, no.

Yeah, they played it over and over and over. And it was in the tune of, what was that one Christmas? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Frosty the Snowman. Yeah, it was Frosty the Snowman. Well, that album was actually mixed to the perfect decibel level to drown out cries for help. All right. Which one costs more, a single dose of Molly or a single dose of PrEP?

What is PrEP? PrEP is... Oh, is that that butt opener? No, but sort of. Yeah, I mean, you're not technically wrong. It's not. You're thinking of poppers. Okay.

PrEP is a pill that you get to knock at HIV. Oh, that's the butt closer. Well, but then reopen it. The butt closer this year on TNT. It closes and says under construction, then reopens like the Cars Land. A lot of soccer in this episode.

It's a long wait for this. Well, cones are great, though, because they're narrow and then they slowly get... I've been saying cones are great for this. Well, cones are great, though, because they're narrow, and then they slowly get... I've been saying cones are great for a while now, and everyone gives... We've heard of the zone. Yes. We've also... I love that we've seen multiple people send in, like, hey, someone already did the cone

zone, so you can stop. Not my idea. They did a different branding of the cone zone, and that is... Or not different branding. The least successful one is that Burger Center in New York that used to be owned by Larry Cohn or Roy Cohn I fucked up my own joke that no one was going

to laugh at who's Roy Cohn Roy Cohn was a prosecutor who died of AIDS I thought you were going to say prostitute now I'm less interested I am going to say

wait oh we already did it huh what's the options AIDS medicine or or get AIDS medicine what Molly or PrEP oh oh okay yeah yeah AIDS medicine or Or get AIDS medicine What? Molly or prep

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah Have you seen him on Molly? It's fucking adorable I did it one time, you were there Oh, I thought you did it more times He's doing it all the time in Tom's mind Man, it's, yeah, I had way too good of a time And I could never do it again

Yeah, I don't recommend it Yeah, petted a cat, too hard Ooh, okay, I just, the one time I was ever on the drug that that was before it was that drug, I just kept thinking about how comfortable my pants were, and then laid on the floor while my friend and I just watched clips from the movie Rockers. I woke up at one point, and I was like, how long have I been singing this Bright Eyes song for? And it turns out the answer was, a while.

What's weird is the cat didn't nod. The cat had a, oh, I'm getting BDSM face, is kind of how hard you were. Yeah. Like, I'm coming, but it's painful. Somebody give me that as a sound clip. I forgot what it was

again. It's been 45 seconds. A dose of PrEP without insurance or a Molly pill. Oh, without insurance? Yes. PrEP. PrEP. Yeah, I said PrEP.

Okay, yeah. $43.30 for PrEP. $8 for Molly. Molly's affordable. I bought a sheet of acid for $5. I bought a tab of acid for $5. I bought a tab of acid for five bucks. Acid? It's never the cost. It's finding somebody with good acid. Oh, I didn't do the acid.

I lost it. So maybe that's... You put it in your freezer and it went missing? Yeah. So either... I'm guessing my brother fucking... For sure 100% took it because I've seen your brother? Yeah. Your brother took it and immediately turned into that guy. Yeah. It was like the American werewolf in London scene it because I've seen your brother. Yeah. Yeah, your brother took it and immediately turned into that guy. Yeah. Yeah.

It was like the American werewolf in London scene where he turns into the wolf, but he just, ah, tie-dye. I love the slow drip of meeting Tom's family. It has been my favorite game. Yeah. I have three tie-dye shirts and they're all my old brother's shirts. I do love meeting your family because everyone in your family is a different kind of weird person.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's what my dad always says. He's like, oh, me and your mom are weird, and then you guys all came out weird person. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's what my dad always says. He's like, oh, me and your mom are weird, and then you guys all came out weird differently. Yeah. Like, each time, it's a little surprising, and then you're like, this tracks.

Yeah. Yeah, every one of them, it makes enough sense, but I'm just like, how the fuck do you people know each other? Well, whatever a comedian... You do feel like strangers who found a tax loophole. Yeah, exactly. They're like, all right, everybody be cool and call this guy dad.

They were all sitting at a bar at the same time and all said the word compound at the same time. It's just like the world's only okay cult. I was like, they're not really hurting anybody. Yeah, except themselves. If I found out you guys secretly had a family band in the early aughts, I would not be surprised. Yeah, whatever comedians can we actually are the magnetic zero whatever my uh whatever uh comedian we're not that sharp whatever uh like a comedian meets my family the reaction is always like okay like they always have this tone of like it's so weird

that they aren't wolves like it's very like yeah it always like well this is my father a feral grizzly bear and my my mother, a loaded gun. Yeah. But she has, like, a wig on. And, like, lipstick around the barrel. Well, yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, she's a lady. Otherwise... His dad's not gonna fuck some ugly ass gun.

He's a 22 and a 10. Ugly ass gun is my new favorite thing. Yeah, Ugly Scott is... Ugly Ass Gun might be the episode. Somehow Larry Flint just started publishing a magazine called Ugly Ass Gun. Is he dead yet? Probably. Okay.

I hope so. It's not just rolled up the escalator from hell and just, I got it! He's the guy who ruined Michigan, right? Yes. Larry Flintwater. Which has also come. Larry Flintwater is may have jumped. Who's Larry Flint?

Larry Flint was somebody we've absolutely explained to Larry Flint on this show. He created Hustler Magazine. Okay. I thought that was Hugh Hefner. No, it's Playboy. Oh, man. I found it in a sweet-ass commercial in one of my 70s, 80s commercial blocks that was for a Playboy commercial when Playboy tried to go legit the first time.

And it's just shots of all these famous authors and cartoonists. They advertise an interview with Elliot Gould that goes in-depth. And the guy who wrote Roots sitting at a typewriter writing a short story for him. And our photographers take photos of the most beautiful girls and it's all just photos of a woman above the neck. Yeah, look at her big fucking brain. They're just like, look at all these smart ass things. The titties, you won't even notice.

Hey parents, if you find this under your kid's bed be cool. He's smarter than that. He could use this for a book report. Checkmate. Yeah, porn. We're kind of trying. Is there any smart guy porn? I mean, Playboy does have legit good writing in it. At times, they would have long-form interviews with Norman Mailer, which is the thing I'll explain later, Tom. Honestly, it was better about being smart guy stuff than it was at being porn.

Yeah. Yeah, Playboy porn sucked. I mean, it's just good nude photography. I mean, and here's the thing. I'm disgusting. I need to see organs. Oh, so you do go the full other direction. Oh, yeah.

No, I'm a Larry Flint. I stand for this. You're that fallopian tube, somebody peeing on somebody photos. Oh, yeah. I remember because I had Playboys when I was a kid. They just showed up at my house or whatever. And I was like, these are fine or whatever. And then my buddy brought a real porn mag to school.

And it was like one of those grimy ass like fucking ass tits my friend used to have a bunch of those there were two things in it that still make me laugh to this day one one of the spreads to show what time period this was there was a bill clinton and monica lewinsky spread in this hustler that ended with monica lewinsky on the desk of the old office peeing on bill clinton's chest yes that's the thing that sometimes i just think about and giggle about. And then it also had an ad, like, you know, one of those phone lines

that was like, my huge tits don't turn you on, maybe my giant dick will. I remember that exact ad! I was like, fair enough. Both are very impressive. Yeah. I don't hate either of them.

It was right next to the ad for 1-900-TEEN-BUT. Man, I... Dude, I... When I was super broke, like, as a teenager, just, like, trying to, like, you know, find anything

to jerk off to. I didn't have the internet yet. I would just, like, call different 1-900 combinations of dirty words, and I would just listen to the little, like, hey, I'm a dumb slut.

Give me your credit card and I'll phone fuck you. And I'd be like, I can come to how breathy they sound. They're not saying anything inherently sexual, but I'm like, oh, yeah, you sound like what sex sounds like.

It's pretty funny. I sometimes think back, I'm like, was all my use of imagination like that what turned me into a writer? Do I owe more to my gross parts of my brain than I think? Honestly, yeah, I think it makes you more of a, like, okay, I have to expand in my mind. I love how much you guys can bond over being old together. Oh, man. I am getting to the point where I'm older enough than Tom and Connor that I do have this weird sort of like, oh, you whippersnappers thing. A little bit, yeah.

Yeah, you're only five years younger than me, but it does feel like. You're five years younger? I'm 26. You're 26? Yeah, I'm going to be 31 this year, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I always forget that you're older or younger than I think, too.

Yeah. How old do you think I am? I just assume anyone I'm friends with is my same age. How old are you? I'm 32. Okay, that's not like crazy. Yeah, we'd have still been in high school together. That's the judge I use is that four-year gap on either side.

It would have been great if somehow I just found out you were 43. No, but I've had that. I found out a comedian that I think we all know is like in his late 40s, early 50s. Dave Chappelle. No. No, it's Chris Putros, who I love. And I've always thought Chris Putros was like 22. I've thought Chris Putros was 22 for the seven, eight or eight years I've known him.

He was like almost 50 and it broke my fucking brain. And it makes you reassess him. Yeah. Oh, man. But on the other hand, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Because you look great. Like, you look awful as a 22-year-old,

but when I find out you're almost 50, holy shit, what's your secret? Dude, Tom, that's what you gotta do. Just start telling people you're 40.

Yeah. You know, I did that for a little bit. I think they'd be like, wow, you look great, but it seems sadder when they find out how I live.

So there's a real yin and yang of sadness. If you're a 40-year-old living in the kitchen, go 10 feet over where you're heading. Then you're just still a comedian. Then you're you in 15 years. Yeah, seriously. Speaking of porn, this next one is very Kyle-specific. All right.

You did music for a porn. I did. Little Runaways 2. Little Runaways 2. What was it about? You did music for a porn. I did. Little Runaways 2. Little Runaways 2. What was it about? It was actually about a bunch of... Joggers. It was a bunch of vignettes about punk rockers.

It was all punk rockers having sex. There's a Clockwork Orange parody in there. Yeah. My God, of all the things to parody. Oh, it's people just fucking in that Cordova milk bar. Yeah. And I don't hate it, if I'm being honest. I have three songs in Little Runaways, too, from my band Lutheran Gun Club.

They hit us up where they were like, we really like this one song, and we would love to use it in this independent film. And we were like, oh, cool. And then they were like, yeah, it's an adult film. Is that going to be a problem? I'm like, not even a little friend. No, that's so much better. Can we pay you? What's funny is there's other Friends of Mine's bands who are also in it.

There are Friends of Mine's bands, too. Hiding Inside Victims are in it, and I love all those boys. And then I met a girl years later who did Hair for it. A buddy of mine is an extra in one scene. I have met more people who worked on this one adult film in the Southern California area. It's fascinating. And it's got the best soundtrack of any non-Tony Hawk game property ever released. So I believe – have I told the story that I need to acquire a new copy of the DVD because it was lost?

No. I don't have a copy of it and it kills me because I wish I did. But I lent it to somebody and they gave me Collateral. And the thing they gave me for Collateral has significance to me. So it's been this weird thing and I have never seen that person again but like they i lent them that to watch because they're like oh i want to see this but like uh uh i'm not gonna sit and watch porn with you in your room i'm like fair enough here you go and she was like hey uh i'll give you this in exchange and it's a book that's all short story erotica about men getting fucked by horses and it's the thing that made me a

comedian because the first thing i did in in the the class in my college where like you where i did stand up for the first time was i read excerpts from this short story summer of the studs yeah that's about a bunch of dudes who go on a horse trip and then one guy's a fancy new horse that fucks them all and another guy's sad because he's never going to be able to win over the guy he wants because he doesn't have a sexy horse that can fuck that good. It gets kind of sad in the end. I love it. I was going to say, the emotional stakes of that,

you feel like it just peters out to this thing. Can I tell you what I'm imagining this porn is? And I know this isn't it. I'm imagining a fancy setting, and there's four couples fucking, and then you are in the background with a keyboard playing a Journey song. That is correct. That is exactly what it is. I keep threatening, by the way, that if you guys want,

I don't know what the copyright is on that book, but as a Patreon exclusive, I would love to read the 40 plus minutes of that story. Well, we do care a lot about copyright law since we do get a, hey, stop doing that notice every time we post an episode from a ton of different places

where resources sound from illegally. Then we'll talk off mic. Man, you know who doesn't know about this show? Death Grips. The reason I bring up the porn is I looked up the filmography of Jim Powers. Yeah, my boy. All right. Is he like Flintman?

He's the director of a ton of porn. I got a fun Jim Powers story because I met Jim. He invited me down to the premiere, which was an amazing moment because I was sitting behind one of the ladies who was on screen for one of the scenes getting her audio commentary in real time about getting fucked on screen which what does she have to add just ow that hurt

she was I'm trying to think I wish I remembered more of it but there was so much to take in my brain was just like we gotta remember all this that was her

Gigi Elvis played which is the lead singer of the Bad Samaritans but he strips down and gets balls naked and plays but that was pretty sweet because the Bad Samaritans

are a good band and then I got to meet. But that was pretty sweet because the Bats of Perkins are a good band. And then I got to meet Ashley Blue, who was a real important adult film actress to my youth. And I remember telling her, like, oh, I hope you write a book one day. Because she had a blog at that point. She was out of the game. And she was just, like, a good writer. And she did write a book.

And it's the craziest book I've ever read. I wish someone else would read it because I need someone I can talk about it with. I need to borrow it from you. Yeah. The problem is I have it on Kindle. But I'll figure it out a way. I need to just next Christmas everyone's gonna copy a girl vert because like if you even your mom are somebody who seeks out crazy books what you do like this is by kyle clark standards maybe the gnarliest book i've ever read it's like the sluts uh is maybe the only other book i've read that's that gnarly and that book's fiction

yeah like that's just a fucking real talented gay author really going buck wild. This one is a real recount of insane things. Yeah, this lady's like, I just did all the shit you could think of. Oh, fuck it. And then on top of that she's an amazing writer. Which is, that is pretty cool to be able to get out and be like,

I'm also good at another. I was watching some of Little Runaways to prepare this segment. Did you hear any of my songs? Well, I didn't hear any. I don't know Lutheran Gun Club. Oh, yeah. That's right.

But what I did hear was a U.S. Bomb song. And what I found out is it's really hard to stay hard when you hear Dwayne Peters in the background. If you want to have a good time, try masturbating to your own voice as the background music. I mean, I've done that in general. All right. So here's the- I knew all of those references.

Yeah, sorry. We left you in the- No, no, no. You're going to know even less knew all of those references. Yeah, sorry. We left you in the – No, no, no. You're going to know even less about what we're doing. Hell yeah. Okay. So who has more? Oh, I forgot to tell the main point of that story.

Yes. Jim Powers. I had emailed him because my band was playing. I was like, hey, do you want to come out and see my band? Like, thanks again for the thing. He's like, oh, man, that sounds awesome. I totally would come. But I'm taking my son and his friends to Disneyland.

I was like, oh, you're a fun dad. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's not all loads. Sometimes you just want to go in a teacup, man. Well, who has more? Films directed by Jim Powers or films produced by Roger Corman? Oh, I'm going to say Jim Powers. That man's a fucking beast. Roger Corman is a legendary

producer of a bunch of wacky... This is the most me category. He invented abs. What's up? Yes. Corman. Yes, Tom. Okay, that most me category. He invented abs. What's up? Yes. Corman. Yes, Tom. Okay. That was a road. I'm frustrated because I don't know things. What are these names again?

Jim Powers is the man we've been talking about for 10 years. The porn director. I thought we were talking about Kyle. And Roger Corman is a famous producer. I know Kyle. For porn? I'm a fan of both. What did you say, Kyle?

I said I think it's going to be Jim Powers. Well, fuck you. It's the other one. That's entirely possible. I'm very torn. Roger Corman has produced 415 movies. Jim Powers has directed 859 movies. Most of them in 2005. And a lot of them in a series with, like, number 20. Yes.

Well, then that's why I knew it had to be up there because, I mean, he has the Bang Van, which is different than the Bang Bus, and I much prefer. Is it different in any quantifiable way other than that it is a van instead of a bus? I mean, the van is much less nice. Okay. But there is one of the volumes where they actually have a bus, so they eventually become that. But they are picking up people on the road. One of the ladies they pick up is a lady who's just wandering the street saying, Can't sleep, clowns will eat me, which is a fun Simpsons reference.

What a charming piece of mental illness and pop culture nostalgia to fuck. Yeah. What makes you think the clowns weren't trying to eat her? What's up? Fair. It's also a thing that they put on black t-shirts at Hot Topic around that same time I know that because I owned that exact shirt I was the worst kid

It's an It reference? No, it's from The Simpsons When Bart gets that bed that looks like a clown that Homer makes and it's scary Yeah But, you know, and that was Because I think he also had He had so many series A girl sat in front of me in my 10th grade English class, gave me a pass to adultcheck.com,

and that was mostly a Jim Powers-produced product. Well, I've got a few of his move titles up here. I Want You to Make My Ass Pregnant. There we go. Which is already confusing. Who Let the Black Man In, number three. Which I feel like after the first two times, you'd get one of those little...'s an anthology that was the original house the same premise i yeah that was uh that was the original working title of uh who let the dogs out jesus somehow that was the worst part

so what i put together here is a little lightning round game i've got 10 for each of you guys okay i'm gonna give you a movie title you have to tell me if you have 30 seconds on the clock, if it's a Jim Powers or a Roger Corman movie. Oh, this is exciting. All right. Kyle, you're going to go first. Ready? Black Vice.

Corman. No. The Babysitter 2. Oh, that is Jim Powers. Jim Powers. Naked Paradise. Corman. Correct.

Full Metal Babes. Corman. Nope. Oh. Overexposed. Jim Powers. Nope. Damn, I'm bad at this. Yeah, you are. I thought you'd be good at this. Nope. Oh. Overexposed. Jim Powers. Nope. Damn, I'm bad at this.

Yeah, you are. I thought you'd be good at this. Up Against Amanda. Powers. No. Fuck. Escape from Women's Prison. Now that is Roger Corman.

Sure isn't. What? That's Jim Powers, baby. Abduction. I'm going to go Powers. Incorrect. I thought you were trying to trick me. Body Chemistry 2. Powers. Incorrect. I thought you were trying to trick me. Body Chemistry 2.

Powers. Corman. Safari Jane. I've not seen enough of either of these people. Yeah, holy shit. The only one I've seen for sure is Babysitter's 2. Are you in that one as well? No.

You're the dad who's like, now watch my kid and don't do anything gross. I only have it written by credit. Additional material It's a story credit And I am after the ampersand Safari Jane, last one I'm going to say Corman So you got two right

So basically Porn or exploitation film is what this is You ready? Cockfighter I mobster. Powers. No. I cuckold.

Powers. Yes. This fuck's going to beat me with SAT class skills. Surf babes. Powers. Correct. Fist of the dragon. Powers.

No. Caged heat 3000. Powers. No. Meat grinder. Powers. No. I mean, yes. Hot in the saddle. Michael Bay. grinder. Powers. No. I mean, yes.

Hot in the saddle. Michael Bay. Yes. Teenage doll. Powers. And get that black pussy, you big dick white bastard motherfucker. Powers? Correct.

I couldn't remember the other guy's name. You still won, sir. Oh, what a fucking exhausting way to pull that off. The Mean Boys podcast will be right back with your questions right after this. Hey, Mean Boys and girls. Today's show is brought to you by Himalaya, a brand new podcasting app. Ooh, that sounds great. Tell me about it.

Awesome start. Can't wait for the next episode to drop? Well, be one of the first to listen to Mean Boys a day early, only on Himalaya. Himalaya is a brand new podcast. I covered some of this earlier. Where you can find every single podcast you love and some future faves. Oh, fuck. I don't even kind of talk like this.

Whether you're a podcaster or a fan, Himalaya's got your back. Discover personally curated playlists and show your favorite podcasters some love with Himalaya's tip jar. It's more like a quip jar over here on this show, right? Oh, yeah. Hey, if you're not our patron,

you should quip on over to tip us on the stuff You are not even approaching a sentence right now, bro. Quippity-tippet, bro. You can do it on Himalaya, which is great. We always appreciate that. Okay, Tom, close enough. Connor was on the road, and then I have a fever, so everyone's working out here.

Tell me more, Connor, please. This is a pretty funny ad. Connor, tell me more. It's the easiest to use, and we're adding cool new... I think this is only supposed to be like 30 seconds. We're adding cool new features every day. Go to your app store, download Himalaya. That's H-I-M-A-L-A-Y-A for most of our fans.

Yeah. Spelled like the country. You know what? I think that's a Doug Stanhope joke. So sorry, Doug. That's in China for most of my fans. I don't think Himalaya cares. No, I'm just saying for comedy fans.

I have integrity. But it was in the moment. It was an accident. And I owned up to it. You tell people when you steal. I love it. But enough about Louis. No, I'm kidding. And owned up to it. You tell people when you steal. I love it. But enough about Louie. No, I'm kidding.

And don't forget to follow Mean Boys once you're there. So, yeah, it's fucking cool. It's free. Easiest to use. Lots of features. I think I've read all this shit. Yeah, but it's cool. I got it open in front of me.

And honestly, it's a really nice interface. The Apple podcasting app grows to suck more and more each fucking passing day. I've heard so many of our fans complain about the Apple podcast. It crashes on me all the fucking time. It crashes. It's slow. It's archaic. And they have the monopoly and they've gotten lazy.

So Himalaya has swooped in. And it's pretty fucking slick. I'm looking at it right now. I got all my podcasts in here. The playlist thing I actually like. Because then you could say, like, these are all the episodes with the good Keith's mom stories. They're like, this is these are all the Gareth Reynolds episodes, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. Convenience. They're like, if I would love to see like, hey, here's all, you know, Tim Dillon's funniest podcast. I feel like, yeah, I'm a guy to four hour flight. Every other podcasting platform is stupid for not already having that feature on it. I think that's a great feature. I would.

Yeah. I'm gonna use the shit out of that. Yeah. No, it's totally cool. And they're supporting the show. and that's how i found out about it and i just liked it so that works out great uh you get too much transparency here anyway download himalaya give us a follow uh and we're actually going to put out the shows a day early on the monday ish we'll do our best. But, yeah, you might get some early shows. Yeah. If you follow us on Himalaya and the Vans,

are they going to be okay with that read? And the Mean Boys podcast is back. Take a look at your questions in the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Let's see what we got here. At Justin Kapla says, What's your secret to always sounding so positive and happy, Kyle? No one should be that chipper all the time. Oh, this is super easy.

I am maybe the most sad person you'll ever meet. I'm horribly depressed all the time and hate most things. So because I'm so negative, I'm constantly delighted that the world isn't a nightmare shit show. So just lower your expectations and assume that you should be treated like dirt all the time from everyone who's a monster. And when people show you basic human kindness it boggles your mind and makes you infinitely loyal. I'm the other version of that attitude. So be careful

what monkey paw you're wishing on. You are the of all my friends I think you're the one who has had the most like steep like public persona versus like secret guy. We're like seeing who you really were at a certain point was like seeing your dad cry. the most steep public persona versus secret guy thing, where seeing who you really were at a certain point was like seeing your dad cry. I'm like, oh, what the fuck is this?

I just thought you were just stoked all the time. You got to stay stoked, because otherwise the killing starts. Yeah, no, actually that was a real therapy realization a few years ago, that that's why I'm delighted by so many things. I just assume nothing will ever go right because I'm garbage and a failure. So anytime anything is kind of okay, it's a miracle. Yeah, so anytime I walk away from something, I'm like, oh, I didn't die and my life is ruined, so I'm going to chalk this up as a win. I totally get that, like, that mindset.

Yeah. That makes sense to me. It's, you know, like, you know, even when I walk on stage, every set every set i ever have i'm terrified i'm gonna be booed off stage and banned from everything yeah yeah you're gonna be booed off stage when you get off every girl who didn't want to have sex with you is gonna take away your key to hollywood it's uh yeah so it's just been been that's uh and it's weirdly effective though like because you then then genuinely like i think that what it's uh you know it's why people who are super entitled always seem so pissed off about everything. It's because they think they deserve stuff and don't feel like they're human garbage that should be thrown away.

I think there's probably some sort of happy medium between the idea of what I am. Look, my therapist, sure there is. Between humility and I am a worm, so I guess I can think this zombie movie was pretty good. Look, life is all about those little moments where you can look around and go, tight. One of the hardest I've ever laughed is we were talking about Infinity War. You were like, I want to recut it. They cut to Thanos just sitting in that shack after he killed everybody, looking out and just going, tight. That would have made me like the movie.

That would have made a movie I didn't like. But if they had done that at the very end I'd have been like I was wrong. This movie is great. And then at the end of Endgame

when he gets snapped right before he goes away he just goes not tight. No. Okay there's two versions that there should be. The version they would do

is like ugh lame. And the version I want where he's like gay. I want Thanos to be a He says gay and then gets cosmetically cancelled. I want Thanos to be a middle schooler I went to school with. He does look like a guy I went to school with. Like, I want that last scene right before he goes away when he says that for some reason he's wearing a shorties 540 shirt. Like the one that pulled up and said, fuck you.

But same setup. Not a World Industry shirt because he is a villain. Yeah, no, that was the shirt of the scrappy underdog. Yeah, that was the guy who was like pretty cool and said you want to Hey, weird guy

who's too tall for everything. You want to walk around with me while I sell drugs before school? I'm like, yeah, of course. I got no friends. Anybody who liked the water guy more than Flame Boy is a cop. Yeah.

Like that's the lamest choice you could make. I know none of these words. I feel bad. This happens every time we hang out with Tom. See, but the thing is it's not just with Kyle though. But also like most of these words. I feel bad. This happens every time we hang out with Tom. It's not just with Kyle, though. It's most of the time.

I'll flip over and do Tom stuff, too. It's just that somehow it never comes up on the podcast, because your podcast is the kind of show that brings up Tom Waits and Martin McDonough a lot. Yeah, if you guys want to yell at each other about Nine Inch Nails for a while, we can check my email. Oh, and we for sure will. Pro or anti? Oh, very pro.

Okay, we won't yell at each other. Yeah, we've had this conversation numerous times. You're always worried I'm anti-9-inch nails. Kyle, I don't remember things. Did you hear my worldview? I finally heard 9-inch nails as an older man was like, oh, where has this been the whole time? Yeah. Kyle's life is just a ska cover of the downward spiral.

Oh, shit, that is hauntingly accurate. Oh, I feel really seen right now. It's a knife. Holy shit. At Rattop says, if your entire vocabulary was reduced to one word or phrase, what would it be?

Duh. It's just duh. You're like a less eloquent Hodor. God, trying to think of like one word to capture all the emotions. The sounds of broken motorcycles. Pajama top. Just the lighting round sounds I make. Ah, man.

To get... I mean, because I feel like you'd have to pick a word and then just figure out a way to really Pokemon it up. Yeah, like what has the most versatility? I feel like yours will be one of the words I don't know like finkelberg finkelberg finkelberg i'm gonna go the exact opposite and i feel like the most versatile thing i can think of i'm gonna regret this answer later but probably like shit oh that was gonna be rad no no because like rad you can't really do a bad rad but like if something rad something is bad you can go shit but if something's good you go shit

it's just good you say it like snoop dogg yeah and they didn't say just like like letters like but so it's yeah that's that i feel like shit's the way to go oh you know what i know what mine is sushi worst case scenario people think i want sushi fair that's not a bad strategy that's a pretty bad i mean i feel like i just bring tom around more and go like hey who wants to get food and then make like bump tom yeah i guess we're getting sushi everybody i guess the reality would be pizza i think mine would just be yeah i was gonna use the same logic but for fuck yeah same setup yeah same setup. Yeah, but shit's funnier. So I'm going with shit.

You could do that with pizza, too. Pizza. Shit. Pizza. I can say pizza in a bad way, though. Pizza. He did it. Oh, my God.

Guys, I'm going to be fed the noise after midnight. I can make anything bad. Steven Salazar asks, how do you feel about Robert Pattinson playing Batman? I can make anything bad. Steven Salazar asked, how do you feel about Robert Pattinson? I'm a boy Steven. I love you, Steven. I don't give a shit. I don't know who that is. He came out to Alaska to see me

and Anna and Canaan in that Alaska festival. I ended up co-hosting Mrs. Rat. It was great because by the end of the festival, Cass just accepted that he's part of the festival. Steven's the guy from Denver, right? Yeah, and then I got to hang with him in Denver and he took me to that giant place that the end of the festival, Cass just accepted that he's part of the festival. Steven's the guy from Denver, right? Yeah, and then I got to hang with him in Denver and he took me to that giant place, that place that sells all of the meat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, yeah, Steven hung out with us at a movie theater, which basically meant me checking my texts, Connor actively leaving to go listen to the new Kanye album. Oh, he was telling me about that, yeah. I'm glad we made a good impression. Because I was like, yeah, oh, you hung with the boys. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Connor left, literally just to go listen to the new Kanye record by himself at one point. I'm like, yeah, oh, you hung with the boys. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah. Connor left. Literally, did you go listen to the new Kanye record by himself at one point? I'm like, so you met Connor.

Connor was sitting in the corner of a crowded bar listening to this on broken headphones. It's fun because meeting you guys on the road, I imagine, is like when you meet Iron Maiden. And you're like, why do you guys have five separate dressing rooms? Or you're like the police. Just like three guys who publicly are the best. And then behind the scenes are just like, give me one third of the bags of money. Yeah, fuck you, don't look at me. Don't look at me, Gordon. I actually am kind of way-

You can go fuck yourself for three days in a row. I'm way into Pattinson as Batman. I kind of like it. Did you guys see Good Time? I haven't seen it yet. Where he plays a real scumbag? Which one's Pattinson? He was a vampire in Twilight.

But then has since then done everything in his power to only be in weird movies that will alienate Twilight people. In a way, I'm pretty impressed about. Yeah. He made that weird space movie. Oh, was he Cedric Diggory? Yes. Okay. I don't hate it.

Yeah. I'm very pro-Pattinson. He became my boy Cronenberg's muse. He just keeps making weird nightmare films and stuff like getting real fucking weird with it and I think that like he'll be the opposite of Batfleck where like Batfleck was like a 50 year old guy made out of a side of beef yeah like I kind of like like a like a fucked up angsty Batman because that's what Batman is yeah I know it's funny when people are like oh he's just gonna be brooding I'm like it's yeah

that's what do you think Yeah, like what you're describing that you want, guys, is just the Hulk in a Punisher t-shirt. Yeah. That's what people think they want. Ooh, that would be good. Exactly. Like, I think it'll be fun

because I think like taking a different approach to Batman is what it needs. And like, I get why they thought Batfleck was a good version of Batman because like on paper, that weird Dark Knight-y Batman seemed like a good idea.

Yeah. And then we all learned the valuable lesson that that is better as a comic and not on anything else. Here's the reason I do answer the Batman thing, though. Have you seen Henry's thing he's doing right now? No. Henry Zebrowski has started a pretty serious petition to get Warner Brothers to cast him as the Penguin.

Fuck yeah. Holy shit. And it's the greatest thing I've ever heard. Oh my god, that needs to be a thing. Ed Larson rallied the call, but there is a hashtag right now, Henguin Zebrowski. Oh my god. Tweet at Warner, my God. That needs to be a thing. Ed Larson rallied the call, but there is a hashtag right now, Henwin Zebrowski. Oh, my God. Tweet at Warner Brothers. Tell them it needs to be Zebrowski.

Dude, he'd be so scary. Yeah, it's kind of a fucking perfect pick. Oh. Yeah. I would also accept him as some sort of husky riddler. Yeah. But the problem is then I just want all of Roundtable to be the Rose Gallery at that point.

So I just want Hold McNeely as the Riddler. And then just like Jack. And let us in his chill ass crock. Yeah. Who's just smoking a blunt and has some bad skin. Dude, I need a fucking track suit. Just like, yeah, don't worry about the eggs, my man. Oh, man.

And just Jackie Zebrowski as like a whole new version of Catwoman where we're just like, America gets the weirdest boner. Yeah. Like, we really want this. Hard and why? I love that we started with help our body and ended with also let's talk about wanting to fuck his sister. I'm talking about America wanting to fuck his sister.

Yeah, fair point. This is on America. I think we had one more question. We answered why shouldn't Connor kill himself already. Oh, for the money. At Mr. Madagascar 89 says, Coming out to L.A. in a few weeks, can I get a picture in front of the Mean Boys house

to show my East Coast friends? No. Gate open or closed? Yeah, I don't know that we can do that. Hear me out. We start one of those tour things with the bus with the open top that they do in LA. Okay. And we just take them to scumbaggy locations of all of our friends.

And do the TMZ tour, but for shitty mid-tier comedians and podcasters. Yeah, like, oh, this is the alley where Keith shit his pants before an open mic one time in 2014. And if you look to your left, there's Nicole Buchanan crying. I'm here for a tour. And if you look to your right, somehow there's also Nicole Buchanan crying. I was going to say, she's at every stop. She went to Astro Project, but not Out of Love. Just franchising out.

And then fires all of them because they make her nervous. They all fuck my boyfriend. Babe, none of them have. I don't like the way they're looking at you. They're looking at me like, you, they're you. Maybe, but we have to have a bag over his head so he doesn't know where we live. Oh, that's fun. Oh, yeah.

We'll pick you up. Oh, shit. Definitely do that. I got to bring out my weapons for the photo. Okay, yeah. Hang on. Dude, if you want to do an ISIS parody photo for this, I'm super down. Connor for sure won't be here.

But you know who could be here is that guy dressed as Optimus Prime from in front of Gromit's Chinese Theater. And you just call him Connor. Oh my god! Just see you in bootleg Optimus Prime. I kind of love this. And you're all holding swords. I will agree. I need a new profile

picture. Mr. Madagascar, if you're down for this, let me know when you're going to be in LA. We will meet you at a second location. We will put a bag over your head. We will take you to the Mean Boys house and photograph you in front of it. Al-Qaeda style. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, get in the DMs. I'm dead serious. That's amazing.

I'll bring my good camera to take that photo. You know what's great? He also... I'm not going to say it on the show. Okay, we'll talk about it afterwards. That is the Mean Boys podcast for this week. Kyle, thank you so much for coming by, man.

Thank you so much. Tell them where to find you. Oh, yeah. Oh, so I have a new record that just came out. And it's great. Absolute Terror. Thank you so much. I liked it a lot.

I'm real happy that it came out. I recorded it back in December at the Star Bar in Atlanta, where you boys just were. Which is the dopest fucking room in the world. Literally the greatest comedy venue on planet Earth. And I'm going to say the solar system. Fuck you, One Club on Mars. fucking room in the world literally the greatest comedy venue on planet earth and i'm gonna say the solar system yeah you one club on mars as the mars flappers quietly close doors um yeah it's uh and it's part of it's the second release yeah because here's the third second release off my new label radland records which is a label i started because i feel like uh the same nine

comedians are on everything in this business yeah and, it's fucking bullshit. And it turns out there's a lot of really good comedians out there. I've heard some of your evil plans for Radland. I'm pretty excited to see where this goes. It's real exciting. It's, you know, I just feel like comedy has lost some of its punk rockedness and I'm trying to bring some of that back. So my album, Absoluterica,

it's on everywhere where you can acquire music under any circumstances. To a much greater extent, my album is also currently out. Yeah, which will be out. This is out Wednesday? Next Tuesday. Oh, next Tuesday. Oh, so your album will be out already.

It'll be out out of hand. So, man, you could double dip and go get Keith Carey's Partylist and Kyle Clark's Absolute Terror. Yeah, pick up the phone. It's in the Roadland bundle. Yeah, you can get Solange Castro's A Journey of Self-Discovery and get all three. And the third record out, or fourth record out, is almost done and is looking like it's going to have potentially the grossest title yet.

And it's real fun. Can you say who it is yet? It's Jenny Hamilton. I can't say the title of the record yet because we haven't finalized it. I'll tell you guys off, Mike. Jenny Hamilton

is a butch lesbian from the Yukon territory in Canada. She's great. She's one of the greatest humans who's ever lived. I adore her and her record is

Mean and Filthy. It puts both of ours to shame. I adore her, and her record is mean and filthy. It puts both of ours to shame. I believe the position is filled. Oh, man, no. Like, she makes you seem fine. Oh, shit. All right. It's awesome.

Well, I guess I'm going to war with some dyke in the Yukon. Oh, she will eat you alive, friend. Yeah, she's great. She's a North American treasure. And I'm so excited that she's letting me put her record out. And we've got some big plans for some other people coming along. It's fun. Tom's going to do his.

Yeah. Posthumously, we're going to put together Connor records in a few years. Yeah. We're rooting through the files. Here's what we're going to do. Me and Connor are both going to die, and then you're going to put out my record, but we're going to say it's Connor's, so it sells more. Nah, but yours will sell either way.

What I need is to just bootleg all of Connors' phone sets, take them to Industrial Light and Magic or whatever Skywalker sounds. I have a third up. I know pretty much every word of Connors. I could transcribe it, give it to Grauman's Theater Optimist. Oh, man. Oh, that'd be pretty good if we just made a fake Connors and we put out like a Gallagher 2-style Connors record.

I enjoy it. It would give Conor such a compliment. We'd have to get Optimus Prime or J.P. McDade so that There it is. That's the fucking show. Beautiful. Thanks for listening everybody. Yeah man. Fuck everything. God is dead.