Mean Boys - EP 197 - Penis Size Shaming (Robin Tran)

Episode Date: June 4, 2019

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Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. What it do? We got a brand new episode today with our old buddy Robin Tran joining us in the studio. Always love to have Robin around. We go through some of her old blogs. Yeah, this is, man, if you like hearing somebody squirm at their past work. Speaking of which, Historic Arose on Netflix now. Hey, sorry, Netherlands. Yeah, please forward us all bad reviews.

So, look, I want to just turn into Lenny Bruce reading bad reviews on the show. You guys will really like that. I'm very horny at the disdain the media has for our work. Very much so. You can check out Robin's one-hour special, Don't Look at Me, on Hulu. So, yeah, go watch that. A whole hour of Robin. Robin's a very good comedian.

It's very, very funny. I haven't seen it, but, you know, I feel comfortable giving my endorsement even having not seen it exactly i've never seen her do something that i'm like well that's not something i'd watch yeah and i robin will definitely listen to this because she's very vain and uh hi robin remember when you were here yep man what a crazy time oh it was wild oh man memories uh we finally we've actually put all the stuff in the envelopes for the patreon the uh the big boxes it's all going out yeah if you haven't sent us your t-shirt size and you're in the $25 tier, you've got a little bit of time left to do that. I sent out an email to everybody

that didn't fill out our Google form. So go ahead and respond to that. Check your inbox. And those are coming to the mail very, very soon. You guys know the deal with Patreon. $5 a month. Weekly bonus content. $10 a month. Monthly goodies. Appreciate all your support. Really helps us.

We haven't posted what the goody for last month is going to be. We will. Figure it out real soon. We're working on it. We will be able to announce very soon why we've had no time to do anything. And I promise it will make sense. Yeah. And boy, I am not used to having a full-time job. It's so funny how just a normal adult

amount of work that is incredibly low impact is catastrophic to my i gotta be somewhere for seven hours a day the whole organizational lattice of my life has imploded with a normal human amount of humane union work yeah i forgot i forgot about the concept of the week mattering i i have to know what day it is now i haven't been I haven't had access to that information in like five years. I have to wake up. Dude, and it's like,

we have to be someplace that's 20 minutes away by 10 a.m. and every day we barely do it. Every day it almost doesn't happen.

And that's all because of your support on Patreon. So thank you for turning us into man-children incapable to function in civilized society.

You infantilized us. Oh yeah, dude. We're a couple of poopy little baby boys. Yeah, and you are the blue pill we deserve. Yeah, and you are our glorious mommies sheltering us from... I'm going to suckle at your teeth. The horrors of growing up.

Yeah, mmm, milk. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. So squirt some milk on our mouths over at patreon.com slash meanboys. What else do we have to talk about? Jump on the Reddit, the Discord, mingle with your fellow Mean Boys fans. All linked below in the show notes.

There's some fun, yeah, a sexual rendezvous story that I heard about first on the Discord comes to light in this episode. Oh, that's true. I forgot we had a couple of voice... Spoiler alert, someone gets fingered in the voicemail section. Yeah, we had a couple of voicemails come together, you know, serendipitously.

Yeah. And by the way, if you'd like to leave us a voicemail, do that at 304-805-ME, and that is 304-805-6326. Bling. For all you fucking simpletons out there. I feel like that's everything. I think you guys get the gist. You get it. I think you know what's up.

We say the same things in this part of the show every week. Yeah, we didn't even say back in the trap. We didn't, no. How could we forget? But we're back in the trap with Robin Trap. We didn't, no. How could we forget? But we're Back in the Trap with Robin Trap. You can't call him that anymore. Yeah, you can't call him that. This isn't Slash B

back in 2009, buddy. I love Robin. I love you guys. I love everybody. Not a fan of Praxis, so here's Robin Trapp. Hi, and welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. I've been lying about being a drunk so people don't think I'm depressed.

I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Robin Tran. And I'm the only white guy in the Wu-Tang Clan. It's called athleisure, and it's not a crime. I know it's called athleisure. I can't think of a game that's gone by in the past

several months that you have not said athleisure. I don't abide athleisure slander, alright? Now, athleisure, for both of you, because you're probably too stupid to put this together yourself, is a portmanteau of athletic wear and leisure wear. I know nothing about athletics. And the future of clothing.

I know nothing about athletics, but a lot about leisure. You're nailing half of this. Are you saying I'm too dumb to be lazy correctly? Is that what you just said? That's what I was getting at. Frankly, I'm shocked you picked it up so quickly. I also love that you left Robin out of that insult. You're like, this bitch gets it. No, I didn't know what I was getting at. And frankly, I'm shocked you picked it up so quickly. I also love that you left Robin out of that insult. You're like, this bitch gets it.

No, I didn't know what that was. Well, you could have figured it out. You're a very successful blogger. So I know you have a great command of the English language. That's my old life. It's not my current life anymore. I know. You say this shit like you were a cop that was just like, man, after there was a shootout,

I had to do it, but I wasn't the the same sense that's actually my dead career yeah yeah you dead jobbed me i told you guys have i told you guys i'm afraid that those blogs are going to come up and and bite me in the ass when you have every time i talk to you yeah i'm so afraid how are the blogs gonna come get you the blogs are no it's you? It's the opposite of getting cancelled. But it's like... The one that I wrote about penis size shaming is anti-feminist.

And I wrote about how I have a small dick and we deserve rights too. It's very nice. And I'm like, oh, dick. You got a big dick for a girl. Like, you have on the overall mathematical average. I do think it is.

And to defend Robin, I do think that that Georgia thing with you got to be at least five inches to vote is fucked up. I think it's voter suppression. It's disgusting. This is 2018, not 1818. The cuck bill. You're in the 99.999% of women with dicks in terms of size. You're the Steve Jobs of lady with penis. I think you're killing it.

I will say, I think I sucked on a few clits that were at least close to Robin's dick. Oh, God. How early is it for that? Jesus Christ. 45 seconds into the show. What do you think was going to happen here? It's 2 o'clock. Have you not had your coffee yet? It's time to podcast.

I'm so lazy that I had my first gig in a month last night and I'm exhausted. And now you're back in retirement. Oh yeah, I know. You know I retired when I was 27 by accident? I decided that I retired and I didn't tell anybody.

You got fired is what you got fired you told me no I guess I just said I was like let's let's let's not tell anyone that you're gonna stop working forever and hope that no one notices I think I was always a job at Kia or when you got fired no before it be even before that like I was like 27 and like for like three or four years, I just didn't do anything. Yeah. Here's what's hilarious. Oh, sorry. You've absolutely told me in person,

I think you're mistaking online with people right now, because you told me personally this. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm tired? Oh, my God. Yeah, I think you told all of us. No, I had a podcast with a guy named Nathan Camp.

He was a good friend of ours back in the day, and we'd go, we'd talk to other comedians in Orange County. And we went and did Robin. And we were like, you've been doing comedy for like three weeks or something. And you're like, I think I'm going to retire. I think it's like my best day. I'm never going to be able to get that magic back. I can't recapture.

My early stuff was so much better. And you've been doing comedy for literally less than a month. By the fifth time I ever spoke to you, you were a grizzled 20-year-old. Yeah. Well, on my first date with Kate, I told her, I think I'm going to quit. And she called my bluff. And she's like, well, why don't you just quit then? And I just said to her, I said, I can't do that to the world.

This is going to bite you in the ass more than the blogs ever will. I know. That's just the kind of question you ask when you just want attention. You know what I mean? God damn damn it the world deserves my reluctant genius oh i guess the people need me you know there's a bad signal it's just a penis with a line through it and it's like i gotta go you're welcome society robin quits comedy and crime goes up 12 in los angeles how did that even happen? Yeah.

You know what's funny? I completely get that instinct because six months in the comedy, I wrote a joke about whale jizz that I'm sure you guys remember. Oh, yeah. I remember it was the joke that I had to beg somebody to unbang you. Yeah. And I swear to God, because I had six months in the comedy and one of the thoughts I had is like,

this was like lower on the list but I was like I'm never going to write anything better than that whale jizz joke that was one of my genuine thoughts you know what's so funny is your suicide attempt like six months in is sort of the first time I kind of heard the scuttlebutt about this Tom Gossela like you really wrote a suicide attempt the way some comics

would write getting on like the comics to watch list of variety no I remember that we drove down you did that welges joke right before he brought me up at madhouse at the the infamous just worst host set ever yeah uh no i just brought you up to straight up booze because that's where i say give it up for the charge they go and i go i actually fucking hate the chargers i'm a bears fan they start booing me and they just said i brought you up for connor mcspan yeah bottles like the goddamn blues brothers. They were pissed.

Yeah. You're like, he was on first comic sitting and... Well, Keith once brought me up as he goes, this next comic is going to drop some fucking science for you. Yeah. You don't realize how your little party-licious verbiage affects people, Keith. I've been telling you this for years. Yeah, I remember that. Science. Look, I went through a very whimsical period with my this for years. Yeah, I remember that.

Look, I went through a very whimsical period with my early open mic. Yeah, that was a thing. You did drop science. She's serving up a big, tall stack of laugh jacks, so get your syrup ready. You're right. Everyone hates fun.

Thank you for finally acknowledging I'm correct about that i'm just saying if you couldn't dig out of the hole if this person's gonna drop some science maybe that's not my fault i don't burn that car down i remember i said something and everyone and i was just like well what happened there and everyone in the car got quiet and then you were just like that's when i tried to kill myself and i was like oops do you remember that at all oh i do i remember i remember what i said i don't remember what you said but i remember everyone got silent at the same time it was the only time anyone was silent that entire car ride yeah because it was like you me damien and opie and

we were just having a great time it's scott blacks too oh it's scott blacks that's right yeah yeah no i mean scott at that time just kept looking at each other and pointing at you guys and whispering, the cool kids, and then we just continued to listen. I don't remember what it was you said, but I was also like, I think everyone else got way more uncomfortable than I did. I was honestly revealed someone did it or relieved that someone didn't know it right then. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's one of those things where it's like when I have a few things whenever I whenever someone's like I had no idea about I'm like, oh, thank God. I thought everybody knew.

They will shake, you know, now I saw another Tom in the audience of historical roast. There's one of you. I've been saying that finding all the Toms in the audience is like finding the hidden Mickeys at Disneyland. If you collect them all, you get a prize. But yeah, you're in the Cleopatra one and you're wearing the toga. Oh, no, I found it. I was debating putting it between to see if anyone else could find me in the other episode but uh yeah uh no that's like violent waldo yeah no it's uh it's but someone told me like i saw you another one too you're wearing a headband and you're all egyptian and bald and i was like okay uh there's no real end to this story

i guess it wasn't really a beginning there was it There wasn't really a beginning or an end. There wasn't. I'm just talking. It also wasn't really a story. You kicked over a loose bucket of consonants and hoped for the best. Yeah, man. Yeah, I'm a bucket of vowels. And yeah, those vowels say go watch Historical Rose because I'm in it. Yeah, it was my-

No other reason. I watched some of it with my mom last night. I hadn't really had time to watch it yet. And she just kept asking me questions. And I was like, I don't remember anything. She was like, well, what happened there? And I was like,

I don't know, fuck, something. Yeah. I've just enjoyed going through the Twitter and like most of it is very positive and seeing the ones who are saying

they're canceling their Netflix subscription. Right. It's over the Anne Frank episode. Yeah. Yeah. Somehow the Netherlands wasn't super stoked about it.

Yeah. A lot of people are mad. A lot of Jewish people are mad about that. Fucking boppity booppity countries. I really thought you were going to say fucking Jews. You're thinking of the family guy thing for Italians. That's on the whole other side of Europe. Everywhere in Europe that isn't England is boppity booppity,

and I stand by that decision. Everyone that doesn't speak english i i tom just became maureen le pen's new campaign manager i firmly believe it's okay to be racist towards european countries and i'm gonna stand by that oh i'm with you dude yeah yeah i mean they're the only countries you can still be racist to and you should i think australia yeah they're just they're just fucking uh europe's inbred cousin. They're one and the same. It's funny.

I was like, Ramsey was talking about how, like, you know, whenever he sees, like, all these, like, Hamas or something in Palestine or, you know, the IDF. It always just breaks his heart. And whenever I see, like, a sectarian Catholic Protestant violence in Ireland, I just get mad because I'm like, how stupid are you that you think that there is a God that cares about you? Just you, a guy who has to live in Ireland. Just these fucking sad ghouls that have to haunt this wet rock in the Atlantic. You're a horrible... What about this says anyone cares about...

If you live somewhere bad, you should never blow something up for the God that put you there. I know, yeah. It's just, I'm like, guys, God does not love us. Like, I would get, like, a holy war for, like, Beverly Hills. You know what I mean? Oh, sure, yeah.

Ireland really is the Ohio of Europe because no one gives a shit about it, but everyone from there thinks it makes them cool. It fucking, I don't understand. You're overestimating the amount of Ohio pride there is. Oh, there are people from there. Anyone with a low from ohio won't shut the fuck up about ohio oh yeah i know you're talking about but uh yeah it is beautiful i liked it but it's like it's not beautiful but it was it's the kind of place that i enjoy like i love overcast weather you know it's overcast right now and i'm like oh i'm gonna go for a walk it's beautiful you know but it's like it's fucking grim you know what i mean it's just bleak, depressing, Blade Runner skyscapes.

So it's not good. Have you ever been out of the country? No. No, I was living in Orange County my whole life in Garden Grove. So it was around a lot of Vietnamese people. Yuck. Too many. No, that was their name.

Let's undo some blogs. What was your old joke about Asian women smelling that you had? Oh, no, that wasn't even a joke. I said, like... No, that was a hate crime. Yeah, it was just bad. That was just an opinion, I said. I don't like Asian girls because they something something and because they smell bad.

That was the entire joke. It wasn't even... No matter what the something something is, it really can't possibly... I'm sorry. You're worried about the blogs? No. Well, I can just say that was... You know how Batman has that kryptonite ring in his belt for whenever he goes to fight Superman?

That's what I have with Robin, but with her jokes from 2012, when she was on the tribe. There were some bad ones. I enjoy that you opened this podcast, but I'm worried about the blog, about the small penis biting me in the ass in the future. Let's go ahead.

And then right now you're just like, I called all Asian women smelly, but I don't understand how that could backfire. I'm going to go ahead and Google Robin Tran. Not all Asian women. Not all Asian women. Just most of them. All right, I Googled Robin Tran small penis feminism. There's four million results. You're the only person who that's not Googling an insult.

You're Googling their work. Look at the picture of that poor guy. You know, the stock photo guy. What a power. Stock photo of the guy who's holding his head

in shame. That guy made $80 to be the face of having a tiny dick. I also like, they make a vanity URL for articles. So this one is

everydayfeminism.com slash 2016 slash 03 penis size shaming harmful. Let's, you know, let's do... I was defending Hitler in this article.

I was so woke that it wasn't woke anymore. Like, yeah, you make fun of Hitler, but you don't make fun of his small dick. He deserves better. Well, that's like

a whole thing now when people are like, don't fat shame Donald Trump. I'm like, get the fuck out of here, hippie. I've changed my mind. This is very opaque and indescribable. It reminds me of my favorite anarcho-punk band, Crass, put out a song that was like,

if there was no government, then what would people eat and all this shit? And it was basically them just being like, I don't know, maybe you kind of need a government. Yeah. You know? It's one of these things where it's like this weird sort of like 3D picture where you look at it, you can see two old people or a young face. So let's read here. It was recently reported that Adolf Hitler may have had a micropenis. Holy shit. where you look at it, you can see two old people or a young face. So let's read here.

It was recently reported that Adolf Hitler may have had a micropenis. Holy shit! That's why I won, Robin! That's your thesis. You've got a link there, a hyperlink to a daily news article. Hitler had a micropenis and one descended testicle. Which means it's dead, right? So it basically looked like his dick had a stroke. That means he had one nut that just stayed up in his body.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, I thought descended meant it would go really low. No, maybe. I thought like he had one that just stayed up in his body. Robin, you wrote the article.

What's a descended testicle? Oh, I wrote for a feminist blog. That means I didn't know research. All right, let's move on. I don't have to fact check. When I saw the news... Fact checking is for the patriarchy. This is so embarrassing. Oh have to fact check. When I saw the news... Fact checking is for the patriarchy. This is so embarrassing.

Oh, I love this. When I saw the story show up on my Facebook news feed, I knew I was going to see a lot of jokes with a punchline based on the idea of inferiority complexes and, quote, compensating, was basically that having a small penis is inherently disgraceful and something to ridicule. I knew a lot of people were going to make a good joke. I want someone to read this in Martin Luther King's voice.

I was running out of time. Do not mock Hitler's tiny penis. But what I found was especially disheartening was how many jokes I saw from outspoken feminists and progressives. That actually does sound like him taking on the white liberals and their penis shaming. You're the leave Hitler alone guy. I know. Hasn't he suffered enough? I was running out of things to feel bad about myself about, and I'm like, what else, woman?

How? There's so many. Small dick. That's the one. Ableism. Ableism. Yeah. Unfortunately.

That's Adolphism. Unfortunately, I see ridicule about penis sizes in feminist circles far too frequently. So many this shouldn't have been. So maybe. Oh, there's a typo in this article. Oh, that's the worst part. Yeah. Well, the woman wrote it.

It was a very small mistake, so we should forgive it. Even though Adolph Hitler deserves all of the hatred in the world, backpedaling. It doesn't mean... You waited until paragraph two to be like, by the way, I don't like Hitler. Easy, easy. It's paragraph four. This could have been literally on Stormfront until now. It doesn't mean that it's acceptable to ridicule anyone for something they can't control. Something I feel like feminists of all people should understand.

And I know, and this is bold by the way and I know from experience the deep shame that comes from having a small penis yeah and I want to did you decide or did the website decide to put that one sentence in bold it was not my idea

that is the website quietly going hey everybody look at this lady's bullshit dick Robin actually had it in comic sans. For most of my life, since I didn't want anyone to know about me, I would join in on all the jokes that were made about guys with small dicks. But between my feelings of shame and my discovery of feminism, I've since found these types of jokes to be mean-spirited and in poor taste. I like that you discovered feminism like Marco Polo. I think the Vikings actually discovered feminism first

and then you just planted your flag there. I've come with a shipment of equality and spices. You planted your little citizenship test flag. You planted your flag, but it's one of those little flags they put on top of a cheeseburger at a Fourth of July barbecue. And I'm especially disappointed. I also just real quick want to point out to the listening audience who might not know, this's one of those little flags they put on top of a cheeseburger at a fourth of july barbecue yeah uh and i'm especially disappointed i also just real quick want to point out to the

listening audience who might not know this is one of my favorite robin things because she was writing for a blog called everyday feminism after she had been a woman for like four months like it was just very funny to me how immediately you just got a job as the queen of women yeah well there's no website called 120 Day Feminism. Oh, man, I needed the money, guys. You know? I was out on my luck. I was pretty fired.

No, I get it. I get it. You thought I was going to be so mad at you when you were doing this. I actually called Connor on the phone and said, hey, I'm writing for a feminist blog. I hope you can forgive me for this. Do you think I'm a hypocrite? Like we're just like some women punching hate money. Like Connor's a cool dude.

I know. Yeah, man. I eat pussy. I think feminism is great. This article is bad. But feminism is all about it. I mean, we're not even even we still got so much what are the four reasons here's here's here's what i'm curious about is there a different icon for small

dicks besides hitler have we had an open celebrity with a small penis yet oh i think i think we do and they're on the podcast right now mr rude sounds like someone doesn't watch all the hulu original programming i mean here's what this this means rob you could be the first famous trans person and give people with small dicks hope the first famous trans person or in comedy um i'm sorry sounds like someone is trying to erase j edgar hoover's legacy my favorite trans icon besides hitting that person with their car caitlin jenner's not very funny and i don't yeah it's true that was uh i feel like that had been done you know yeah yeah still that old guy at the farmer's markets bit uh it is demoralizing hearing these mockeries from people who usually take a stance against patriarchal ridicule and well i think it's high

time for as italics all people to drop the insensitive small penis jokes i especially think that feminists should be standing against them now this article isn't meant to be an attack on people who make these jokes i don't believe you're being malicious in fact i believe that most of these jokes knew how harmful these jokes most of these folks most of these folks knew how harmful these jokes come on were especially insofar as how they would have rhymed folks and jokes especially insofar as how they actually reinforce ideas of toxic masculinity and rigid gender roles that would stop so here are some reasons why penis eye shaming is anti-feminist anyone care to guess this is my least favorite

david letterman top 10 i don't even remember what i wrote. All right. Number one, it uses the idea that someone isn't manly enough as an insult. I agree with that. There we go. Okay. And I get that in theory. Yeah, you know. Now, penises and male identity shouldn't be closely tied at all, since anyone of any gender can have a penis. Yeah.

But because... Boy. Care to elaborate? No, it's a very annoying thing to have to be reminded of all the time. Yeah, I get that. All right. I feel like I'm going to be like, I'm here too. It's such a bummer. I'm sorry.

If you hate this, we could stop if you want. I do hate it, but you can keep going. I don't care. Why don't we clip? I at least want to know the other reasons. All right. Because the prime. Okay, yeah.

Blah, blah, blah. Hitler is good. Blah, blah, blah. I actually wrote that. Yeah. Is there a part that says a small dick can also make good whoopee? Or did you? Is that?

No, I did not write that. Imagine a human being writing those words on paper and then someone gave them American currency for it. No, you did come close to one of those reasons, though, I think. Oh, number two, it implies that sexually pleasing a woman is the most important quality in being a man. That's what I said. Yeah. I said it in fucking, you know. Which I do agree with because everyone knows it's hitting a woman.

That's how you know you're a man. Yeah. Every time you hit a woman, you's how you know you're a man. Every time you hit a woman, you actually grow a half an inch. Chris Brown just has his height marker against his door jamb. Why do you think you never see Alec Baldwin in shorts? Number three, it taunts people for something they have no control over. Yeah, ableism. See, I kind of think that's a defense of taunting.

I guess things that I have no control over, I don't really mind if someone makes fun of me about them because it's not my fault. You know what I mean? I think that's kind of the beauty of it. I would take that way more personally if it's somebody joking about a thing I do than just like, ah, you're fat. I'm like, what are you going to do. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think that's kind of the beauty of it. It's like, I would take something way more personally if it's a, if somebody joking about a thing I do than just like, ah, you're fat. I'm like,

what are you going to do? Yeah. Yeah. Everyone knows you have no control over your weight. No, but I do, but like,

I, you know, I completely, there's nothing I can do. I am genetically predisposed to be fat. It's just, it's part of the thing.

Like I work on it, but it's, I'm always going to be kind of fat. I know. You know what I mean? Like that doesn't bother me. Right.

You should write a blog about this. No, I'm kidding. It's. You know what I mean? Like, that doesn't bother me. Or you should write a blog about this. No, I'm kidding. It's not a choice, like, being bi. Use Keith in the fruits and vegetables side of the grocery market. If only there was something that I could... Why? God! There's nothing!

Hopeless! Shoving over a cart of oranges to get into the loose bottle of Nutella. Yeah. All right. And finally, number four four because Hitler is good no no wait Hitler makes me super horny it's a reductionist attack on bigoted people now I don't know a lot about

baking so you're gonna have to explain that to me I think that if you make fun of someone for having a small dick then you're being lazy like you know like when someone is racist you're like oh he's probably got a small dick right it's like well maybe he's got a big dick and that's why he's so confident to be racist that was my whole point in this in this well you're you're making up every day it's like am i really committed to this whole hate mexican thing he's like go get him slugger yeah well you

know i mean you're wildly confident with what is allegedly a very small dick so if you had a big dick I'm kind of afraid of that world you know what sort of like Incredibles 1 villain you would become I don't know I don't think I'm that confident well I'm arrogant but I also think I'm a

piece of shit so it's a little more duality there but you are pretty and justifiably so confident especially in your in your in your abilities in comedy yeah i am a genius yeah jade's laughing out there my girlfriend's laughing at me i do think you have to like it's one of these sort of things where it's like you kind of have to let everyone know you think you're a genius before people start even considering it you know yeah hey when i first for the most part no when i first met connor i asked you what what was your what was your goal in comedy and you said to be the best comedian in the world do you remember saying that uh no but it sounds like something

i'd say yeah so yeah and what and what did you and what what what was your goal to be better than you to fuck somebody or something yeah that was my goal was to meet someone and fall in love and i did it so i'm like i gotta find another reason to do comedy what does comedy have to do with that oh you know just like that's the only way i can find somebody is to be funny because i didn't think it worked i mean yeah it did it did yeah i just i never i've never thought of it that way see i i always think I don't find it because of my comedy. So that's just a refreshing. That's true about your comedy. Your comedy definitely is like an electric fence for love.

And I have seen people see your comedy and then become attracted to you. And that worries me to no end for those women. Yeah. Yeah. Which, yeah. The sexual equivalent of putting a fork in a light socket. to you and that is worries me to no end for those women yeah yeah which which yeah your sexual equivalent of putting a fork in a light socket no yeah you're gonna look cool but you'll probably die you're acting like a verbal windowless van i mean it's intriguing but i don't know if you want to go puppies aren't there yeah yeah there's no windshield either you drive it blind do you still keep up with anyone in the blogging community, Ram? Oh, they all like

I wrote a post on Facebook and they all got mad at me And I think I got cancelled by them What was the post? Oh god, it was like about I changed my mind, Hitler's dick is bad It was about the Alabama stuff Oh, okay I think you read it

It was about, hey trans people Let's not make this about us kind of thing Yeah, I did read that And I got like, trans people, let's not make this about us kind of thing. Yeah, I did read that. And I got like, well, no, we have to make it about us. And I got kind of, I don't know. This is kind of boring. I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, I get what you're saying, though.

It's a tricky deal. They don't really like me. One of them called me an adultist once. What does that mean? I made fun of people, parents. Because you don't choose to be a parent. I mean, you choose to be a parent so we can make fun of parents. people parents because like you don't choose to be a parent I mean you choose to be a parent so we can make fun of parents and then and then someone it's a good point and one of the bloggers got mad at me and said you're making fun of adults

you're being an adultist and like blocked me what the fuck okay now we're just saying stuff yeah I don't even I like I like ableism you remember the first time you heard ableism and you're like what and then you're like oh okay I get it yeah yeah like I like ableism you remember the first time you heard ableism and you're like what and you're okay I get it. Yeah. Yeah, but the adultist but you can't yeah, I can't make fun of poopy pantsy babies Yeah, we're gonna dumb gay, baby I was making fun of Louis CK for making fun of how people don't like him because he's a parent on an airplane Right and then my thing is like well fuck you you chose to be a parent. So fuck your joke It was a joke. I just made a joke and they're like well, you you. You chose to be a parent. So fuck your joke. It was a joke. I made a joke. And they were like, well, you know, some people, their identity is being a parent.

That is in no way protected under the don't fuck with this. Yeah. So, yeah. No, I don't keep in contact with it. You guys know how all the parents got genocided back in the day. Yeah. We were just hanging parents for no other reason than they had. Yeah.

That fucking makes. Yeah. I don't follow that yeah yeah yeah well you just moved to la you live in culver city you liking it i love it yeah way more than garden grove i like it because it's not the suburbs anymore you know like there's your creature of the suburbs much like me are you it's a big adjustment though like parking and shit you know i haven't driven my car since i moved here yeah you're you're you're not a big driver i remember i was with you the first time you live in orange county your whole life and you i was with you the first

time you ever drove on the 91 freeway which was like and you said it like it was like hey it's a wild night i'm doing a fireball shot but we're going to do a gig you're like hey fuck it you know what let's get crazy let's take the 91 to the tattoo shop show. I watched you cry one time driving your car because you got lost for three minutes. Oh, yeah. I was driving. It was on. We were leaving deep piazzas. Yeah, yeah.

It was 7th Street turns into the 22. Yeah. And I started crying. And I was hitting my window like, Keith, what are you doing? Why did you make me drive in this direction? I don't want to be clear. I didn't make you do it. I know.

In no way. I was justified. My driving fear doesn't make sense because I don't want to be clear. I didn't make you do it. I know. In no way was it justified. My driving fear doesn't make sense because I don't know if I told you guys, but the higher the freeway number is, the more scared I get. I'm not ready for level 405. Yeah, no, the 805 scared the shit out of me. I'm like, it's close to 1,000. Yeah.

It's like driving in hard mode. Like it's the Black Diamond of freeways, you know? Like it's the Mad Max one Where there's just trucks with fucking knives Just trying to run you off the road Hey Kate can we get a place in Glendale I feel comfortable on the 2 I can do the 2

Or PCH I know Malibu's a little out of the price range But that would be ideal That's so fucking funny We had to give you the Bray improv It was like our first time we ever performed there And I went to go pick you up and I got into a car accident on the way over And I like you know like And my hood was kind of fucked up

And as we're driving up to 57 to go to Bray To go do the show the windshield flips up Cracks my windshield The hood flips up cracks my windshield And I can't see anything I'm on the freeway And I've never seen someone more alarmed in my entire life I feel so horrible like i traumatized you no but the thing is is that connor's car breaks down and it's like a block away from my place i could have easily just picked

him up and driven him right and you know he offered that i'm like no you can still drive me with your broken car it was kind of my fault you know because i was more scared of driving myself than you were driving in a death mobile. Yeah. Yeah. And then and then I had to tape the hood down with duct tape that was on some of the LARP swords in my backseat. Man, those LARP swords really have saved a lot of lives. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Because Keith used one as a cane when I took him to the hospital. And then I also dropped something in my engine when I was like putting coolant in it. And I used I used one of those to stick it out with a MacGyver move. Yeah. Being a fucking nerd kind of saved everything. Yeah.

You guys saw Rocket Man? Oh, yeah. I took Tom to see Rocket Man. Yeah. Here's what was great. Number one, Tom showed up in this opening night at the Vista Theater. It's a very gay part of town. People were very excited.

Tom shows up in tap-out shorts and a fucking hoodie. Well, he looks like he's there to protest the concept of a rainbow. Nobody has ever looked less like they belong. I also want to say before we get too into the story, I love Elton John. I grew up on his music. I probably like Elton John more than

I do. You look like you only liked the time he did Stan with Eminem. You look like that was the only Elton John you approved of. We go in and we sit down. I'm like, I don't know if you've seen the trailers for the movie or if you've seen it. I've seen it, yeah. So, like, what the trailers don't really tell you. Oh, no, no, go ahead.

It is a musical ass music. Well, and we're out. We're getting ready to go. And Keith goes, you know it's a musical, right? And it's the first time I go, eh. And Keith goes, I think it's mostly straight play with a couple musical numbers. I think it's toned down on the musical. And I'm like, okay, I still want to see the movie about El Jod.

I like El Jod. And we get about a minute and a half in, and it is one of the most profoundly gay things i've ever seen in my life i mean that is about like a minute and a half in yeah he is doing a musical duet with his childhood self with the neighborhood is dancing in the background yeah and that's where i lean into kathan go i think this might be a lot gayer than i thought it was the best thing is that happens and we have the opposite reaction where i take my seasickness pills i get super excited because i love musicals and i'm like oh they're really doing it and i see The best thing is that happens and we have the opposite reaction where I'm just like... I'm going to take my seasickness pills. I get super excited because I love musicals and I'm like, oh, they're really doing it.

And I see Tommy, he's just making a face like he just found out he has six months to live. He realizes he's in this for two hours and there's nothing he can do. It's a phenomenal movie. It just wasn't for me, but I think it's accurate to Elton John. But yeah, the whole time I was just like, just say the words. I want to hear the words. I know the songs already. I want to hear the words. I know the songs already. I want to know.

You know, but it's a great movie. It just wasn't super up my alley, but it seemed very accurate to his kind of vibe. So fucking, yeah, there was, as soon as I realized. Was Billy Elliot a musical? It was, yeah. I liked Billy Elliot. Elton John wrote the music for that.

Oh, really? Well, there's a lot of T-Rex songs in it. Yeah. And I like it because it's this Irish kid who hates that he's good at dancing, and I I liked Billy Elliot. Elton John wrote the music for that. Oh, really? Well, there's a lot of T-Rex songs in it. Yeah. And I like it because it's this Irish kid who hates that he's good at dancing, and I could relate to him. Yeah. I thought that was a good one. Oh, I thought he was good at boxing.

What are you possibly thinking of? What's Billy Elliot about? A guy who's like... I'm going to pump it back three steps. Here's what I think is happening. I think you're thinking of the movie Cinderella, man. No. Which is about an Irish person who boxes. No, no i know that movie i've watched that movie a

bunch yeah yeah no i thought billy elliott was isn't it the adam sandler movie i thought i've only seen the trailer by the way cinderella man is what tom calls the show the bachelor i thought billy elliott was about this kid who he just wants to be a dancer but he's all boxing and shit and then finally he's like dancing in secret away from his father maybe is he a box i don't know maybe he is i haven't seen in a long time i saw it once when i was like 12 right yeah i mean this is just based off the subtext of the do-do-do-do commercials where they spliced together. Oh, that one? Tom is, what the fuck are you talking about?

What about this amazing Chinese finger trap way of talking where the more information you give, the less you understand? You know, because it's usually, it's like, oh, keep going, we'll narrow it down, and everything opens up five more doors of what you might be talking about. No, there's the commercials at the beginning of movies sometimes where a globe spins. You think of a trailer? Oh, no, wait. The globe spins and then it goes do-do-do-do. He's talking about the Universal production logo.

Oh, yeah. You mean the production company? You thought it was a commercial. Yeah, and then they splice together a bunch of different commercials and it's like Billy Elliot. He's like doing the splits in the air and then it cuts to like fucking toothpaste and Colgategate smiling or whatever did not happen again there's no person well colgate is a name but he says and colgate is smiling right okay well i should have thought

of an actual movie watergate was no that wasn't a movie? That was the one. You think about Waterworld. I got games on my mind. What's another gate film? Waterboy. That's a movie. No gate. No gates. Yeah. Mark Maron says lock the gates

in that one movie. So you saw a movie where they spliced, or a commercial where they spliced together scenes from separate films. Right. And you know that's the premise

of what you watch. Yes. And you saw them show Billy Elliot do one thing and then a man box. And even though you know these are separate films. Which I guarantee was probably a black guy that looked nothing. What's up? It was the same kid. watch yes and you saw them show billy ellie do one thing and then a man box and even though you know these are which i guarantee was probably a black guy it looked nothing it was the same kid

well that's true you can only be in one movie so it definitely wasn't the same well maybe you just watched a career retrospective of whoever was in billy ellie oh to the doo doo doo doo music i don't know tom it's that's not the music i think it was was before Cinderella, man. Do-do-do-do. Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba. What? Do-do-do-do-do. What are these sounds? Da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da. Tom is now tap dancing.

You guys can't see. Do-do-do-do-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba. Here comes the movie, and there is the toothpaste. This is called white man scatting, and you guys should get into it. Can we turn Tom off and turn him back on again? Get the paper clip. We're going to hit the reset button. Get me to the green blinks.

Yeah. All right. Well, on that note, the Green Boys podcast will be right back with more right after this. It's Pride Month, and Kellogg's is a proud supporter of the LGBT community and every brave dollar of expendable income they have. That's why we're thrilled to pander to the queer community with our new Pride Month limited edition Rice Krispies. How's that sound, Timmy? Fine, I guess. I'm just hungry. Well, I just might have a few cartoon friends here

who can make your morning a little more fabulous. I'm Snap! And I'm Crackle! And I'm poppin' that pussy! What do you think, Timmy? I just wanted breakfast. You don't need breakfast, little man, because I'm a whole snack. Jesus, Pop, dial it back.

I'm loud and proud. Nobody cares, but quit doing that with your ass. He's like eight. I think this is a felony. Yes, queen! Sorry, kid. Pop hasn't been the same since he got back on coke. I can quit whenever I want. I just like to party. How is the milk brown? Rice Krispies aren't even chocolate.

I douched with your breakfast, bitch. Yeah, fuck this. I'm going to see if Keebler's hiring. Pride Month Rice Krispies. Butthole stuff is the only thing we know about gay people. And the Mean Boys podcast is back. So, Robin, there's a hack for you to... Oh, no.

Let's pull back the curtain on this. How do you write soulless corporate... How do you sell out? You find the word. Because I'm going to definitely have to do this at some point. Oh, yeah? Oh, God. You know...

You have to go full Kilstein. You know, you use words that are legitimate gripes. I know you said micro-addresses, which is... Micro are legitimate gripes. I know you said micro-addresses. Micro-addresses. Micro-addresses. No, a micro-address is when you live in a house, but you live in the kitchen. Yeah. Fucking 1265 and one quarter.

Yeah. Keith called it a hack. I guess implied it. All right, well, we're all being thrown under the bus. Yeah, so you just write a lot of whatever the thing of the day is. The buzzwords, you know? I guess implied it. All right. Well, we're all being thrown under the bus. Yeah. Yeah. So you just write a lot of like, you know, whatever the thing of the day is. The buzzwords, you know.

I feel like microaggressions would have caught on more if we just called it politeness, you know. Because I think as like chili eating guy from the middle of the country, you just go, that's dumb. Right. It's too many syllables. But if you just called it manners, I think they go, oh, okay. We just called them ladyboy manners. I think we... Which, by the way, is also where RuPaul lives.

Bitch, beat me to it by half a second. Oh, it was going to be the same one? I was going to do it's Robin's new apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I just think it's an issue. See, I think I would be good with branding for whatever side. I could work for either.

But I think I would be good with how do we get the people into this? What do you mean, like Don Draper of bad ideology? Yeah, yeah, I think I'd be good at that. What is whatever side, Maiden? Oh, just whoever, you know, the Republicans or Democrats, whoever wanted to hire me. I think I'd be good with messaging. I don't think, like, bad sides have ever had a problem with branding. You know what I mean?

Wait, what? Like, I don't think, like, the right wing has ever had a problem with successful brands. I gotta figure the swastika is the only symbol more recognizable than the Coca-Cola logo at this point. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I actually wonder. The swastika also used to be a good thing before the Nazis. Right.

The Buddha. Tom is the deepest guy in ninth grade. Hey, you know what? I graduated high school. I gotta relive my years. I mean, 1939, goddammit, it was great. I know, back when they were just building the hospitals and fucking with Poland. Who cares? It's Poland.

If you ever asked me, should there be less Poland, I'd say yeah. Do we want to do more out-of-context Hitler-supported or do we want to swing over to the Mexican joke? In context Hitler supported. Out of context. Not when somebody edits the shit out of this.

I haven't listened to the show in years. All right, I'll take it away for the Mexican joke off this week, speaking kind of in the wheelhouse of what we're talking about. The Anne Frank House has publicly disavowed the netflix series historical roast calling it quote tasteless satire in related news isis has disavowed the mean boys podcast calling it quote kind of lazy and not as good since joe left really the podcast did definitely take a turn for the worst when isis was defeated it really took away one of our biggest uh things we thought it was friendship but really isis had a lot to do with it you know what i mean isis was the fourth friend on the show and we don't say that enough isis in a way was our sound guy you know what i mean isis was the glue producer isis

in the booth yeah isis was also in the episode with cleopatra on historical roast now on netflix you're welcome sick i forgot i was watching that song last night and it was like one of these things where again like all these stupid things i pitched just trying to be just trying to make you and keith laugh where i was basically just doing a tenacious d song about fucking your ass and shitting out your bones and then they left it all in and i was like there was a point where they're like she was singing it and i was like wait like every time it didn't get cut i'd be like all right fucking whatever your problem and then doing it on stage and i'm like oh this will surely be gone in editing and then i'm at home watching it on netflix with my mom going

son of a bitch i guess that's how i feel every time i remember diana pulls out those poppers i'm like this really seemed like a joke somebody was gonna kill yeah yeah i actually have a show down oh shit uh the anne frank house is mad at historical roast depiction of anne frank now i've done some uh some research and they actually have no affiliation with the actual person anne frank they're just a bunch of creeps who speak for and publish her diary without her permission i don't want to throw around the term pedophile lightly but someone should keep their eye on that shit she's like four so i's like four. So I'd like to congratulate the historical roast people for sticking it to the groomers of Anne Frank.

She's like four. You're just calling the Anne Frank house a bunch of pedophiles. And frankly, I'm glad someone finally had the courage to say it. Been milking this kid for too long. Oh, yeah, made her stay in an attic. That's nothing bad about it. Nothing better ever happens in an attic. Oh, yeah, you train a teenager to keep secrets.

Good for you. I think Soon-Yi would have some thoughts about that. If anyone's squatting in the Anne Frank house listening to this show, I did not write for the historical rose, so you can't get mad at the writers. You got to get mad at me. Ta-da! I love that you think anyone

from the Anne Frank house is listening to this. They stalked her. They may stalk us. What do you think that is? I did steal some material from your life, which I forgot about, in that ISIS song when I said, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, rockin' everywhere. But I more so stole that from your hip-hop dance crew yeah Buddhist hip-hop yeah I know we got really

close to trying to make Shakespeare say the Michael Bay of horse times yeah you guys should have no I didn't want to I don't want to jack your line because I don't know what else I would have used that for I don't either but I I don't know man I didn't think they were gonna do that like it with that angle I mean texted you and angle. I would have texted you and asked you. I would have bought the joke from you, but we got paid minimum wage to write the show. You guys did. Minimum wage is speaking kindly. I'll show you the math we did later.

Alright, guys. A 90-year-old former city councilman is under arrest after driving his car through a pride parade in Dover, Delaware. He told the police he mixed up the yass and brake pedals. Lin-Manuel Miranda made a surprise visit to a high school production, to which Moby replied, oh, it's okay if he visits the high school. Man, that Moby shit is just... I love how immediately Natalie Portman was just,

no, asshole, and then he just kept backpedaling with no push yeah yeah i didn't realize that she didn't want us to talk about us dating yeah oh i didn't actually date her oh i'm going away for a while that's the last thing he said yeah i'm going away why did he bring it up like how did it come up in the first place he's writing his book he's like man me and natalie were dating but it just didn't work wait who's this okay portman and moby and then natalie portman was like that absolutely didn't happen we hung out three times and Natalie were dating, but it just didn't work out. Wait, who's this? Natalie Portman and Moby. And then Natalie Portman was like, that absolutely didn't happen. We hung out three times and you were a fucking weird old dude.

Really? Remember Eminem and Moby had a few? Yeah. You just gotta have those stories to sell books, you know what I mean? It's weird. We were hearing about that the other day from someone who's just like, they're like, yeah, did you fuck anybody else? Because I'm not seeing this going to the bestseller list. Yeah, you need one piece of scandal to try and fucking make a copy.

Isn't Moby like 15 years older than Natalie Portman? Yeah. Yeah, that's why people say it's creepy. She was 18 and he was like, yeah, that many more, like 32 or something. I have a tough time relating to it because when I talk to a girl that's 22 and I'm just like the fact that she knows different Pokemon than me makes me feel like a pedophile. I'm just like, oh, God, you don't remember Pogs.

I can't do this. I don't really know Pogs. Well, then you and Connor can't fuck. Fat ass white girl. You don't remember Pogs? Yeah, I do. I had Pogs. Did you really?

Yeah, yeah. You were born in what, fucking 1995? 93. 93? That's like tail end of the Pog revolution. I had a big bag of Pogs. Yeah, I'm not disputing that I don't think it's just stolen valor

Robin you're up I know you were hoping we were going to skip you No I just went That's how good it was Snoop Dogg set the world record for making the largest gin and juice At 47 he also set the record for oldest dog. They're not all going to end with like, man, a kid got fucked by Hitler.

He's fine. That's the Mean Boys joke. You can tell your goddamn uncle. Your old uncle. I meant to say kid, and I don't know why I said uncle. Yeah, you know, everyone loves, hey, uncle. Gather around, uncles. That's the one stereotype of the uncle, is how don't know why I said uncle. Yeah, you know, everyone loves, hey, uncle. Gather around, uncles. That's the one stereotype of the uncle is how innocent they are. I am my niece's kid. What?

You said uncle. An out-of-control. I'm going to say uncle on this riff. Da-da-da-da-do-do-do. An out-of-control cruise ship rammed into a tourist dock. In other news, Ari Lang has taken his new boat for a joyride. He can't drive. He's always on coke.

There you go. He just seemed like the most likely person to steer a cruise ship into a dock. Yeah. Unless it's gay. So do you, honestly. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but no one's giving me a boat. All right, guys.

Missouri's last abortion clinic will stay open until at least Tuesday due to a temporary restraining order from Planned Parenthood. We here at the Mean Boys podcast stand to the last abortion clinic even though their Twitter isn't as funny

as the last blockbuster. A foul ball injured a four-year-old girl at a baseball game. And many are saying it was the most exciting thing that happened because baseball fucking sucks.

Everybody's thinking it's a big baseball. I had nothing. Yeah. I really can't. I don't get baseball, man. I like baseball, man. It's fun live.

It's a fun hang. It's a fun hang. No, it's not. It is. Because people just say like, oh, let's go get a baseball game. It's a day at the park. Let's not even watch the game. You just like drink all the suns out.

You know? Yeah. That's great. I love doing that. Yeah, but you can do that alone in your room. You can watch the game, and if it's a boring game, you hang out with your friends, and if it's not a boring game, you've got to go to the game. Yeah, and it's also-

You can also go to Dodger Stadium for like nine bucks. Here's what's great about baseball. If you're there with a bunch of people and you want to socialize, you can, and then if you want them to shut the fuck up, you go, ah, I'm trying to watch the game. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm glad I started that awesome riff.

Let's go to the worst one. A new study shows that medieval diseases are infecting the California's homeless population, though I don't think that's why my mom calls Crenshaw Boulevard the Black Plague. I didn't do what my mom did. What a whimsical set of jokes you had back to back. You had the doggy jokes for kids i wish i had a racist mom i could use as a vehicle for stuff i just want to say secretly make up an uncle dog you just paid your your mom to it's just some lady that you pretended to have

oh yeah she's an unpaid extra yeah okay doop doopop-a-doop-a-doo. Okay. Slipknot singer got a ball hernia from hardcore vocal warm-ups. Blowing out a testicle is the closest anyone has gotten laid listening to Slipknot. All right. Okay. That's the real thing. Yeah, he was singing so hard he blew up his nut. That's pretty cool, if I'm being honest.

He had a hernia. Yeah. I mean, that's like the Tenacious D movie where the microphone light's on fire. He came too hard. What was great was he just tweeted about it. He's like, oh, I hurt my ball, guys. Be safe. And then every music journal was just writing articles about it

and his whole Twitter is, guys, no, fuck! How many people do you think have actually fucked a Slipknot? You've fucked a Slipknot? You've fucked a Slipknot? Yeah I like Slipknot In what?

Who? Remember that juggalette I lost my virginity to? I remember distinctly Slipknot being on the playlist Wait, you lost your virginity to Slipknot? Was it in Iowa? What's up? Nothing No, it was in California

No excuses It's an album title Oh, okay, I don't like Slipknot Oh, okay Did you lose your virginity to Slipknot? I mean, it was That's the other funny thing about robin it wasn't playing i just remember hearing it at some point i love that it's just robin only likes like edgy white guy music from 1998 i gotta be honest i think we had robin's taste of music is very similar yeah we've had long in-depth discussions

about eminem yeah yeah love eminem And shown each other different deep cuts that we didn't think the other person knew about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

Well, here on the Hey Guys Remember Eminem podcast. Yep. Yeah. All right, guys. New findings from the George Washington University show that Russian trolls stoked the anti-vaccination debate by spreading misinformation on Twitter, proving once and for all that vaccines made us all retarded. Twelve people were shot at a Virginia Beach Municipal Center, prompting thousands of people

to Google, what the fuck is a municipal center? Yeah, I really have no idea. Is that like where the trash trucks go? I feel bad. I kind of just missed this shooting. Like, at this point, they're like Marvel movies where it's like, I'm going to come in for the big ones, but I can't keep track of every one. Yeah, this was the Ant-Man and the Wasp.

Yeah, call me when Thanos goes to the Pulitzer Club. Yeah. And ISIS really was the Iron Man of all this you know and now it's gone I don't know where I'm gonna I know they'll pick up the slack somehow but I just don't know that Tom Holland could do all these shootings alone like I feel like that New Zealand church shooting was sort of the Captain Marvel where it's like you want this to be the big one but I'm not it felt forced yeah don't poochie this school shooting yeah that felt very felt very focus-grouped, that one. You know, Syed Farouk, that was the surprise hit.

Yeah, that was the Guardians of the Galaxy. That was the Guardians of the Galaxy, where no one was like, wow, this guy really did it. Syed Farouk. Man, I know I've told this story a million times, but there's nothing funnier than eating pussy and that song comes on. And then laughing into a vagina and being like oh did i blow air in it like those fucking for the you gotta slap the ass for that was suck on your clit there we go pride month has officially begun and many major corporations are celebrating the lgbt community this is true chick-fil-a is actually mailing

out coupons for half-off chicken sandwiches they They're only valid at KFC, but it was still there. You should have seen Keith's performance. He looked around the room. Dude, here's the thing. I know that joke's funny, but I knew if I didn't Leno it a little bit, it wasn't going to work. Yeah, I was going to say, Kevin Eubanks just dying over there. Mentally ill Miami man was sentenced to 18 years of 18 years for impersonating a Saudi royal proving anyone can impersonate a Saudi if they behead with enough confidence in Cologne

I fucked that joke up I liked the Anne Frank one earlier you know what I liked that one better too yeah honestly I was mostly excited about that one another Eminem album I like. There you go. I hit my one.

I was like, let's just get them consonants for these other bits. Get them letters, fam. All right, guys. The principal of a Catholic school was arrested for visiting a strip club during a field trip. He's launching a countersuit that includes charges of wrongful arrest and over 25 dress code violations. 25 dress code violations. 25 dress code violations. June is Pride Month, which means you get to find out on Facebook which ones of your straight friends are actually bisexuals.

That one's for Keith. Thanks. And finally, let's do this one. Bootleg versions of American fast food restaurants are popping up in the Islamic country of Jordan. So if you thought Papa John's was racist before, strap in. Oh, man, that sounds fun, man. Papa Jihad's?

Papa Jihad's. I'm into it. It sounds like you're like Tony Hawk trying to start a Papa Jihad, bro. Elton John's biopic Rocket Man was released. Biopic. I'll say however the fuck I wish. A less gay version was released to tone down the gay propaganda in Russia, and it worked. Rocket Man is actually what made America so gay.

Before it played in America, everyone was straight and cocaine was a soda ingredient. You nailed it, Russia. Keep on fucking your beach ball, throw it to bear ladies, and send it to kettling your hot chicks to countries with Taco Bell. Damn it. Okay, all right. I was taking, you take a big swing.

You said a lot of things. I sure did. How many cut-up magazines did it take to paste that joke together? One. You know what? Here's the thing. I can see the through line of what you were trying to go there.

I sure was trying. You lost confidence halfway through. The car started, like, ran out of gas. Yeah, well, no, it was. I ran out of breath. I needed cigarettes. Here's what's great. We talked about it.

He's like, you know what? I got to start writing jokes like how I do stand up, and that way I don't have to read so much. And then I read the whole thing. That fucked it up. Dude, I still can't read out loud at all. I'm trying to read Robin's article. First of all, it was poorly written, so that made it difficult.

It was a slog. Okay, guys. The head chef of prestigious restaurant Fontainebleau resigned after an Instagram post surfaced of him wearing a Proud Boys hat. Further research unearthed a video of him marching in Charlottesville chanting, Olive Oil. A woman named Courtney Walden suffered third-degree burns all over her face and body and said, I am so blessed. God has done so many good things for me.

Word on the street is she caught fire making out with a burning bush. Sorry? Wait, what was this? I know. Was she a lesbian? I don't know. Burning bush is what was i know was she a lesbian i don't know burning bush is god you know she's like thank god oh okay i mean here's here's my thing i really wanted that joke to be good i

know because then i think it would have been hilarious to point out that we've gotten to the point where we were just mocking specific burn victims i know i was trying to make fun of her and i just couldn't figure out how to... You guys, please join ISIS. ISIS was around. This show was something special. You know, every week, I was doing the same Wile E. Coyote joke. It was awesome. I genuinely think kettling your hot ladies to countries with Taco Bell is a great line.

Oh, kettling. Yeah. I thought you said kettling. No, kettling. Oh, okay. You enunciate any letter ever. Let's be honest. You might have said kettling. No, kettling. Oh, okay. You enunciate any letter ever. Let's be honest. You might have said kettling.

Look, I may have said kettling. Which is a new thing that the teens are doing where they sit on a stove for Instagram. You have the speech patterns of a Street Fighter character who's like dazed and has the little stars around his head because he got fucked up too bad. I think kettling is when you fire out popcorn kernels out of your urethra, right? What Malaysian strip club did you see that in? is when you fire out popcorn kernels out of your urethra, right? Yeah. What Malaysian strip club did you see that in? I don't... Look, just visualizing that is rough. Well, you got to see it to believe it.

Okay, Tony Robbins. He's a bad man. Yeah, he's like sexual harassment. Yeah, he got all... I'm writing an article about it right now. Me too, then you can't too, or whatever. Are you really? Me too, then you can't do it or whatever. Are you really? Me too, then you can't do.

A can me too attitude. Now, his Netflix movie is a pretty interesting watch, though. It's very weird. And you don't think that he's the kind of guy that says fuck just based on all the billboards. So when you see him say fuck all the time, that's kind of the weirdest part of the movie. Yeah. And he also has a weird like one foot by one foot pool he jumps in it's like it's like a like an in-ground jacuzzi but it's like one it's just like big enough for

a guy and he just dunks in there and comes out so it's just his shame hole yeah it's very very weird he has just this little one guy sized pool that's weird yeah like i want to make sure i'm not social with anybody like what what how can you take advice from anyone that has that but that guy either knows nothing or knows everything oh it's similar to the guy with the one man pool the jordan peterson thing where it's like if you just like take anyone's advice like you'll pray it'll probably benefit your life if you attach some significance to it it doesn't mean that it's all good stuff that's why yeah confidence is more important than substance have you watched devon cost is a fucking uh jordan peterson no i haven't i want to it's pretty great he does he does look like

him with his salt and pepper yeah he's just like i was at the grocery store and a debate about feminism broke out it's him just cleaning a bit like a dirty room and he just keeps finding guns in the kids bed it's uh it's pretty tight yeah i mean the jordan peterson books it's like i don't know why you're making your bed no one else is ever going to see it you know yeah jordan peterson is a guy who i know very little about and i don't need to know anything else i really i making your bed is fucking stupid it's just going to be unmade yeah well a waste of time i get the idea that I mean, that's like an AA thing, too, of like make your bed, like do one thing, like to start a productive path. Yeah, habit maker.

Yeah. Well, productive implies that it serves some greater purpose when you are just going to leave for 12 hours and then come back and unmake your bed. Yeah, but that's the whole point. You're doing anything that is a productive stuff, even if it's a small, overall meaningless stuff. If you are losing control of your life to drugs and alcohol do not make your bed you're here first i'm your new i'm your new salt and pepper god okay if you make if you make your bed how do you like lay in bed all day then that's the point oh yeah yeah yeah because that's what i love that's what i do coming at this from the point of view of people who are massive

depressive oh no i just like you fucking retards trying to make your bed and go outside. What are you gay? I just see no purpose for it. It just doesn't add anything to your room. I don't think that's because I'm depressed. I don't like wasting my time. You know what I mean? Okay. It'd be like before you pay for anything, fold the money into a paper crane.

Why am I doing that? Here's why you want to make your bed. If someone goes in your room You don't want them to see all the cum on your sheets And that's why you put the covers over You put the secret cum shield Said Tom sitting in a pile of my cum Not even on the bed

It's just stacked so high You can sit in like a beanbag chair Oh, Jordan Peterson's water fucking Oh no, it was Tim Robbins I'm just pict like a beanbag chair oh georgian peterson's water fucking oh no it was it was uh tony rott tim robbins i'm just picturing a beanbag made it come now this is my this isn't love sack yeah so tom sitting on the movie theater floor that is my bed all right guys that was it for the mexican joke off we'll be right right back you know you know what i was gonna we'll be back after this you all laughed at us, guys.

Everybody thought Himalaya would never have a significant portion of the market share. But what happened today? How could Himalaya possibly stand up to the Titans? Yeah, the monolith. How do I reference what we're saying without saying the name of it? The offshoot of a fruit-brand branded technological giant who a lot of reviews of us got left on to get tom electrocuted yeah that thing like the opposite opposite of uh what's the opposite of a song uh uh i don't know but tom speaking uh no we need a poem yeah the opposite of me poems. No, you poems.

Look, you know what I mean? The point is we're here to talk about Himalaya. Himalaya is a great podcasting app. Yeah, that for some reason gives us money to do this. Athling. Himalaya has already got all your favorite podcasts on it. There's a link to download it in the show notes. And it's got a light, easy-to-use interface. Very quick loading times. Yeah. You know, there's... It really is. It's a link to download it in the show notes. And it's got a light, easy-to-use interface. Very quick loading times.

It really is. It's efficient. It knows what you want. It knows how to give it to you. It knows what you want, and it pries open your mouth and crams it down your throat. This podcast app consensually fucks. Yeah, this podcast app... I'm using words like pry and cram. I feel like we need to...

Have you listened to our voicemails? We have an audience that likes to be pride and cram. We do have a cram enthusiast. Yeah, they do. They do enjoy being stretched. Yeah. Well, get gaped with all the fine offerings that Himalaya has to show your butt. Prolapse your ears with thousands of shows.

Truly. I can throttle all the holes in your head full of whatever Ben Shapiro thinks. Yeah. It's got a playlist function. You make playlists of all your favorite podcasts. Say, for instance, you're very lonely and you need something to do. That's a great way to do that.

Yeah, it's a great way to while away the hours. It's got a like and comment feature. It's been proven by science that liking releases endorphins. And comments is a great place to argue. And maybe you leave a comment that gets more likes than another person's comment. You can feel superior to them. And then you win. Then you leave a comment that gets more likes than another person's comment. You can feel superior to them. And then you win.

Then you're the smartest boy. Yeah, that's some joy that you can acquire and take with you throughout the day without leaving your bed. You know what I'm saying? You know,

these are all the millennials have left in this world. This is really the only blood we have left to bleed. Yeah. So what we're saying is life is meaningless and get on Himalaya.

Yeah. So, yeah, give it a download, guys. And the Mean Boys podcast returns to take a look at your questions, your tweets, your voicemails.

It's the motherfucking Mean Boys Mailbag. It's the Mean Boys Mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call.

Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? It's the motherfucking Mean Boys Mailbag. Yeah. There's our jingle. Give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? It's a motherfucking mean post-medical break. There's our jingle. That's where that goes by our buddy Andrew Hillary. Shout out to him.

Samuel Andregas on Facebook asked, Did you ever do a show somewhere that you didn't think you'd do great but still killed anyways? Everywhere I've done well. For the Red Hat Society in Oklahoma. It a uh an old lady christian social group oh yeah they were filthy yeah they were fun i love it when i was talking about fucking old ladies for like 45 minutes it was great yeah well i mean and that seems perfect for them they're just the horny and ancient and then a moderately attractive young man comes in and reminds them that they have pussies yeah yeah they loved it so yeah yeah no really anytime i do well i'm like oh this is

the crowd that enjoys this yeah i whenever i perform in orange county i think yeah or like i did an irish bar and i killed like i had to do half an hour right i started comedy with you you did 500 irish bars that's the only place we performed for three years. If it didn't start with an O or a Mick, we weren't doing time there. Different, every once in a while, a Clarny's if you were lucky, you know? But like not, like I performed at the same Irish bar like last year and I yelled at the crowd to be funny and they just fucking hated me and I bombed for 10 minutes. And then I got rescheduled to do a headlining gig there. Oh yeah?

Yeah. Well, I don't know how many times you've done road shit or anything. I've never done a road gig. Well, that ends that tangent. Didn't you guys go to a pizza place where you signed butts a long time ago? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What was it?

Visalia? Visalia, yeah. Yeah, we did well there. Yeah. They were so desperate for anything to come to the city. Oh, I did very bad there you guys all did we need something that's not meth or books that's where i was born vasalia yeah oh my god yeah to larry county well yeah that was where i did a show that was right when i was first starting to kind of like talk about being by on stage and i did it and it just record scratch in the room oh and this guy came up to me afterwards and he was trying to be nice he's just

like hey man you were pretty funny i just you know if i can give you a little criticism i never said record scratch in the room. Oh, wow. And this guy came up to me afterwards, and he was trying to be nice, and he's just like, hey, man, you were pretty funny. I just, you know, if I can give you a little criticism. I never said yes, but he just did it anyway. And he's just like, I think the crowd would appreciate you more

if you didn't talk about, thinks about it, being like a faggot. Like, you wouldn't be a good actor. What would be, how do I put this politically correctly? Quit doing faggot shit, faggot magoo.

What about Dukes of Hazzard, but it's two southern poops that fight crime? What? It looks like them Duke boys. They're just two poops that drive a car together. How does that relate to anything he just said? It doesn't at all. The cutter was done with that story. Yeah.

They got a younger sister named Corny. Corny Duke. I just don't know how that... The sheriff is a toilet named Boss Clog. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there you go. They drive the General P. There you go.

Anus is just anus. Yeah. Oh, there's a characteramed Enus in the show? Yeah This is all coming together You guys We got the best Channel 101 pilot

Of 2006 If we play our cards right Look out Dan Harmon We're coming to disappoint Yeah What else we got More questions In the mail bag

Yeah What's your go-to Comfort This is at Josh Mag one What's your go-to Comfort food? Maybe not the classic Genre of dish But something you can Cram into the old cock holster and take a much-needed nap.

Okay, period blood, because I know I'm giving back when it gets in my mouth. Oh, God. There is comfort from someone else's comfort. It does make you feel noble when you eat a period vagina. You know what I mean? Yeah. It does make you feel like a good guy. I'm going to tell a story that we may have to end up editing out.

I'll get permission later. I was just in Eugene, Oregon with my girlfriend. We were on our way to Seattle, and she was on her period, and we went to bed, and we woke up, and she had just bled through the sheet and the top blanket, so there was just a mob hit level of blood staying on this bed. Oh, that's why you call her Pussy the Horsehead. blanket so there was just like a mob hit level of blood stain on this bed and we had to get oh that's what you call her pussy the horse head but we had to get like this 50 deposit back so the

old lady who ran the motel who was being a huge cunt the whole time we were doing it she had to like come and make sure we didn't ruin the room or anything so i had to go in there and like my whole plan was like all right i'm just gonna sweet talk her and then i realized she's gonna see this blood stain so i just sit on the blood stain while she's doing it. She hands me $50 and I'm like, cool, later. And I literally ran out. I did like the Dukes of Hazzard in the window. Like, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, yeah.

Nice. Yeah, so we ruined the bedspread and hornswoggled our $50 back. Beds don't matter. Cool. No, my favorite, but it's been discontinued, was the Taco Bell slash Pizza Hut pizza with breadsticks. Yeah. You know, in a large Sierra Mist, you know.

It was a good amount of trash food. It was a perfect amount to just, like, you know, you just want to feel something, even if it's constipated. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I totally get that. Where you're just like, at least, it just, and it feels, it's just this brick of carbohydrates. So you're like, oh, I feel warmer, you know. It's like, keeps you company in there. Yeah, Taco Bell's pretty great.

I do the cheesy bean and rice burritos. And if it was the beginning of a bad time, I'd go to two. And I've gotten all the way up to nine. In one sitting? Yes. Well, they're smaller than. Nine is a lot of anything to eat. I ate 31 tacos in Austin and won $100.

If you ate nine salads, I'd call the police. Tom, when we went to do gigs in oklahoma in the winter time and we went to the boxing ring we've been bombed for 10 people we're driving back and uh he goes to this mcdonald's and he's just like he just pulls up to the drive-thru and rolls the window down just like hi i'd like eight biscuits please yes you heard me correctly you count this was after he counted up a pile of change in cigarette butts. He was like, I have eight biscuits worth of monies. Mine's mac and cheese. That's my favorite food in the world.

I actually prefer mac and cheese when I'm in a good mood. Okay. That's your celebration food? You're like, you know what, honey? It's a special occasion. Let's pop the champagne. I'm so unhealthy that I consider McDonald's healthy fast food because I look at the calories. And a Big Mac is like 560 calories.

And I'm like, oh, that's healthy because a Burger King Whopper is like 720 calories. So I guess I'm eating a Big Mac and I'm like, I'm being healthy right now. You're technically right, but you're also impossibly wrong. I know. I had a Big King XL from Burger King. It's 980 wrong. I know. I had a Big King XL from Burger King. Yeah. It's 980 calories. Jesus Christ.

And I'm like, I should go back to Big Macs. Yeah. I think I'm back in the gym. But the gym is a treadmill and the treadmill just has Big Macs on it and they're being funneled into your mouth. Big King XL sounds like a black guy

that fucks fat chicks, you know? Big King XL, a subsidiary of the Dog Fart Network. Yeah, yeah. There's a black guy that specializes in BBWs, and his name is Man Fury, all one word. And I'm like, that's pretty cool. Where you sound like one of these weird, obscure Justice League Unlimited guys. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's a Rob Liefeld character, Man Fury.

Oh, yeah, Man Fury. You know, he hangs out with the questions. Yeah, exactly. All right, let's pop over to the voicemail line, fellas. I just wanted to say thanks for doing the show and for coming to Nashville earlier this year. You guys are awesome. You crack me up every week at my crusty-ass factory job.

Also, Tom, leaving the Tribe podcast, keep doing your shit, man. I just listened to the episode with robin and it's good shit um anyway i've got a question for you guys if you ordered an uber today and a self-driving car showed up would you get inside of it thanks fuck everything god is dead uh thanks man well first of all i'm excited about self-driving cars because I a long time ago thought a really good racial slur for robots would be clinks. And it gives me a chance to start... I'm not getting in a

car with no goddamn clink. Goddamn clinkers. You're a fucking clink. Ain't no daughter of mine dating some clink. You know? I know me. I would be very mad. Well, kind of. I'd be very mad, but I'd probably get in the car. I'd throw it.

Because at the end of the day, if I'm getting an Uber, I have to be somewhere. Yeah, I'd be excited. I'd get in the self-driving Uber, no questions asked, really. I feel like I would have better conversations than with most of the Uber drivers in Los Angeles. Well, here's my thought if I get in the self-driving Uber. I'm like, worst case, I get hit by something and then I sue Uber for $100 million. Yeah. Yeah, you'd be in there trying to, like, you know, throw banana peels in front of a new Mario Kart shit.

I'm trying to Mario Kart myself. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, best case, I don't know, I can jerk off in an Uber. I'd get in it, but I'd never go, I'd never order an Uber again. Also, thank you. How much is the jerk-off fee? Because we'll definitely have cameras, you know what I mean? I don't know.

I think if it's a cell, who's being harmed? As long as I come in a receptacle. The guy taking it after you? No, don't come on in a car. Come in a rag. I know, but come. I bring a rag. You spill cum. It's not something that's never spilled.

Maybe you spill cum. I am a professional. You have spilled so much cum. Yeah, but not what I needed to not. I don't know about that. That's when you spill it the most. You're tense. I got, there's ways to contain.

You're fucking, you get psyched out by the pressure. There's ways to contain. You just hold it close like a catcher's mitt. I know how to cum into things. Do you? Yes, I do. Because you seem befuddled by the concept. Oh, my God.

Thank you for listening to Leaving the Tribe. I'll tell Robin. I'll tell Robin you enjoyed that episode. I'm right here. Oh, yeah. You're on this one. Hi, Robin. This is Alexis, by the way.

Hi, guys. Just wanted to know if, Robin, if you've run into any TERFs, like, either online or in public, and sort of what's your strategy for dealing with them harassing trans people, et cetera? Because I've had to deal with it quite a lot, and I just want to know what somebody else's strategy for it might be. All right. Fuck everything. God is dead. Bye. You guys know what a TERF is?

Yeah. It's like a gang fight. That's the steak part of the lobster dish, right? Honestly, Tom, you're kind of right. Trans-exclusionary radical feminists. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's like cisgender women that don't think that transgender women are actually women. They think that you're men wearing dresses.

Right. I don't know. I haven't really dealt with them because I'm kind of a traitor to trans people. So they don't really see me as trans anyway. How are you a traitor to trans people? I'm just not trans enough. I don't have enough transgender friends, you know? Like, I wrote that post about, like, hey, trans people, let's be quiet.

You know what I feel like? You're allowed to have an opinion and not be excommunicated from your community. No, hold on. I don't know that Robin deserves a community, you know? I told Tom this. I feel like I'm like Carlton Banks, but for trans people. I'm like, come on, guys. Let's be likable.

Let's not. No, let's be huge dicks and fix nothing. I don't think that's accurate. Why isn't this abortion thing about me, a lady without a uterus? That's not accurate because Carlton's fun. That's true. Trans people will not be allowed to have fun until 2030 when we have a special election. Carlton isn't bumming everybody out with his little Facebook essays all the time.

I don't do that anymore. But no, if you're dealing with a TERF, I don't know. Just ignore them. Just block them. I don't really deal with people who try to fuck with you or fuck with the community. My advice is be so brilliant at something and just be famous like me and then everything will be okay.

We'll edit the air quotes in and post. Let's see Robin's Twitter followers here. What are you doing? Robin has 1961 screaming fans. That's not bad. They're screaming. They are screaming. That's ugly.

All right, and then another one. Let's see what we got here. You showed that up right in here. I had a friend that calls in once in a while and posts pictures of her ass on the Discord. Made that guy cry. It was great. I'm calling specifically to yell at Tom, not for the usual reasons,

but it might just be that I'm an idiot, but there's no way I can find the RSS feed for his fucking podcast, and it's a good podcast, and I'd like to listen to it, but I'm a plant that doesn't use Spotify or iTunes and I can't subscribe to his podcast. Why do you subscribe to his podcast? And I can't imagine this is hindering a lot of other

people. I just want to know how we got those scars. But I do. And because my sad sister made a guy cry, I feel like I get that privilege. Thanks for making a cool cry. I feel like I get that privilege. Thanks for making a cool podcast. God is dead. See y'all.

And fuck every year. Probably. That was upsetting. I have a couple things I want to unpack here. Number one, did he say that his sister posts her nudes in the Discord? Yeah. Okay, I think I know who your sister is. Your sister's very cool.

I don't know you. But if you talk about your sister, and that's the voice you're using and the next sentence is so i fucked my sister i feel misled wait did he fucking say no but everything about his tone and bringing up his sister being naked in the first eight seconds made it feel like we were going down a weird rabbit hole why were you whispering a gentle question about an rss feed i know yeah also why were you leaving that gentle question about an rss feed i know yeah also why were you leaving that on the voicemail what entertainment now you think they'll read from us explaining the intricacies of how to post a podcast on various formats i love to hear this guy just like hi

spectrum my wi-fi is not working i'm trying to watch master chef jr trying to look at pictures of my sister's asshole on a podcast discord. Yeah, she made a guy cry. I tried turning the router on and off. Yeah. If you were, so this is the only reason I think that might be happening, and this is very brief, but if you're listening on Himalaya, there's a different Himalaya feed, which has all the episodes. Boom. Yeah.

There you go. If that's not the problem, yeah, if that's not the problem, fucking tweet me or something. Yep, and definitely don't leave a voicemail. This is Bill from Florida. Calling a bit late about it, but I just wanted to say you guys were awesome down there in Orlando. Oh, thanks, man. Thanks, bud. And firstly, had a great time at that show.

The wife left more confused than anything afterwards. I think she laughed the hardest when Tom got tased again. But just had a couple quick questions. The first is, with all the political shit in the news and various forms of media, do you think we might be getting a return of Carnock and Dawson for 2020? And, yeah, I think that'd be kind of cool. And, yeah, just listen to the new episode with Francie and Isaac. And that shit had me fucking rolling on my way through fucking Georgia just now.

I got to tell you, when I see a voicemail in the predictive text that says, hey, it's Bill from Georgia, I expect a little bit more, you know, Florida Bill. I'm like, oh, it's going to be a classic. And he's like, hey, I really like the show. I hope those guys come back. The last episode was good. I'm like, where are the crocodiles?

I expect nothing but wildlife and venereal disease if you call from Florida. Yeah, make your compliments quick and your traumas robust. That's all we ask of you callers. Yeah, I mean, what happened? We used to have Florida listeners that would call them like, I work at the human remains warehouse off of the 666 freeway and blah, blah. It used to be. And now it's just like, hey, the RSS feeds aren't working.

And we bring those characters back. But yeah, just to answer very quickly, Carnock 2020 is not happening. I think I milked every ounce of what if Carnock ran for president that I could in 2016. We'll do Mark Malloy 2020. Carnock will be back in some capacity. Yeah. So, all right. Jesus Christ, let's try to find a funny one here.

Not to be sorry, guys, but, you know. Oh, Short Puss Murphy. There we go. There we go. We'll go out on this one. I'd like to second the question. Go on, then. I want to say thank you to you guys.

So, last week up in Ottawa, Ontario, me and the lovely Tess from the Mean Boys Discord met up. Oh, yeah. We had a little dalliance. We were going to go back to her place her roommate was home apparently her roommate was not cool with the idea of a strange random dude showing up so just a fun thing and i could be wrong here but i'm fairly confident remember the sister we were talking about earlier that's the girl he's talking about oh hey continue continue and if you're a breathy voice RSS guy, you may want to turn the podcast off. This rocks.

There's nothing creepier than calling it a daily. I thought it was somebody else. I thought it was somebody else. I could be wrong.

All right. Let's go. We spent like close to an hour driving around greater Ottawa where apparently there are just no dark alleys or abandoned parking lots. What the fuck, Ottawa? What are you doing with your shit together? We are in the Northeast. And we just end up pulling up by the curb in front of her house and getting into the backseat.

Took me right back to high school. Got a little head. Gave her a little finger blast and drove myself home. It was a good time. Got a little head gave her a little finger blast and drove myself home it was a good time got a little head gave a little finger blast and get down tonight yeah lovely lady

we told our friends on the discord about it so figured I'd call in and thank you guys for aiding and abetting some sketchy sexual practices amongst your fan base. Fuck everything. God is dead. Yeah.

Wow, man. Tight, man. You know how I remember watching some interview with one of the guys from The Doors, and he's like, yeah, this guy came up to me. He was in his 20s, and he was like, yeah, my parents met when my dad walked up to my mom and said, hello, I love you. Won't you tell me your name? And he's like, I couldn't believe that I was responsible for creating a human life. Now, finger blasting someone in a driveway, I think it's just as cool. Yeah.

I don't want to know that it was a little finger blast. Yeah, a little. Just like a little light finger blast. When you dip your binky in the coke just to make sure it's pure. Yeah. Yeah. But for puss. I want Tess to call in and tell us if... Was it a good fingering?

Yeah. Was it? I want to build this romance via a series of voice mail. From what I know of his webcam bongo playing, Shortbuzz Murphy has some pretty fat fingers, so I imagine he was hitting all four walls. Oh, dude, you got fucking cum stubs. You're ready to party, dude.

Yeah. Cum stubs. That's what they give you when you go to the Tiki Theater on Santa Monica. Cum Stub. Solid. Well, that's the show, everybody. Unfortunately, that's the show. That's the show.

Robin, thank you for watching. I talked for two-thirds of this. I know. I'm kidding. That's good. You have a good part. You have anything you want to plug? Watch your special on Hulu?

Yeah, on Hulu. Yeah, look it up. Robin Tran or Comedy Invasion. The Z. Invasion with A-S-I-A-N. Yeah. I didn't come up with it. And I'll be at Clusterfest.

Oh, yeah. June 21st through the 23rd. Do you want to give Any more information About that at all Or just No just look it up Buy tickets or whatever

It's Comedy Central's Clusterfest It's a bigger deal Than her surly tone Would imply Yeah It's the biggest show I've ever been booked on

Yeah Whoa What the fuck You're saying it like You have to go Renew your fucking car We're right here Oh yeah

And also just On Twitter and Facebook RobinTrans04 Yeah Cool Okay well Thanks for tuning in everybody We'll see you next week Fuck here oh yeah and also just um on twitter and facebook robin trans 04 yeah cool okay well uh thanks for tuning in everybody we'll see you next week Bye.