Mean Boys - EP 2 - Live From The Bunker

Episode Date: December 31, 2015

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week the boys square off in "Mexican Joke Off", play "Which of the Following" and "Porn Comment or Yelp Review", share some "Weird Tears" and Connor gives us the straight dope on a beloved American culinary icon in "Connor's Conspiracy Corner". This week's sponsors are Dr. Mortaro and Bitch Fest 2016. Email the show at [e-mail] and follow us on Twitter @meanboyspodcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So come down to Motaro's Baby Coffins. Dead children are our business, and business is good no matter how much you weep to God, it were not so. All right, everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Conor McSpadden, Joe Dosh, the rest. Hi. We're all here. Fuck yeah. I'm Keith Carey. These bitches is bitches.

Good one. Way to validate his total depersonalization of you. Yeah. Okay. We can't even make it to the introductions on this show without getting tabby. No, we can't make it. No, well, we can't make it withoutalization of you. Okay. We can't even make it to the introductions on this show without getting catty. No, well, we can't make it without making fun of you. I mean, Connor and I have been making it through unscathed pretty fine. By the way, we were recording from our new location, which is in a terrifying basement in Echo Park.

I have never come so close to not fitting through a door before. If you're watching on Periscope, you can see this fucking creepy murderer art hanging behind Keith Carey. I feel like Brendan Desi's drawings are going to be behind these photos. Here's another fun thing. There's only one light bulb in the entire room. It's a bare exposed light bulb, and it has hearts on it for some reason. Which means that there's definitely an underage prostitution ring going on in here because they're the only people that could fucking stand up in this low-ed monstrosity of a room without hitting their noggin if this room looks

like somewhere you fucked a nine-year-old once call into the mean boys hotline the phones are off the charts it really is like a lateral move from the bunker they found saddam in like yeah sans the styrofoam roof and the desert around it i mean it's just i feel like saddam probably had snacks in that one so yeah we've downgraded i mean i saw that he had like a little like rv kitchen you know and like a cot this is just complete just like storage space like i feel like that used to be a nordic track or something or just it looks like a murder studio like dexter would come down here and just like yeah there's literally podcasting equipment and then one third of an exercise bike. There's also one bongo.

A single bongo. Oh, there's a story with that. There's a Jamaican boy without a father somewhere. There's a purple bag nailed to the wall. I'm terrified to look at what might be in it. Definitely full of feces. Best case feces. Yeah.

All right. Well, you know, enough about our surroundings. We've got a show to do. But enough about us. I think we just have time to get into our first segment, the Mexican joke-off. Hi, so topical. All right. I had a rather porous showing last week, so I think I'll start us off.

Please, dig yourself out. Yeah. People were outraged by New Year's Eve surge pricing for rideshare services uber and lyft one disgruntled man said the last time i paid hundreds of dollars to be inside something for 15 minutes on a holiday i was crying in the bosom of a panamanian sex worker on christmas eve jesus christ that was a fucking russian novel just went on and on and on i'll go next that was a real keith carey i mean literally i mean literally like i saw where it was going

and then it just... Don't put your shitty joke on me. I have my own shitty joke. Tell your own too long joke. The FDA recently lifted its long-time ban on gay blood donors saying they'll now accept blood from homosexuals who have avoided sexual intercourse for a full year. The gay community

responded to the news with a resounding cry of, nah, we're good. Oh, wow. Yeah. Way to way to show me. I didn't say I was going to do well. I just want to fail on my own merits. Way to be the terse, but worse.

Fuck you up your rhyme hole, you shit dick. All right. Pressure's on Joe. Dig us out of this hole. Here we go. All right. Hoverboards have been reportedly bursting into flames. The cause of these fires are defective battery casings and a god who hates abominations.

Damn it. That was much better than both of ours. I wanted to hate that joke so much. Oh, I could feel it. I could feel it off of the both of us. I still dislike you as a man and a haunted ventriloquist dummy. I mean, the name of the segment. Ghost Cunts.

Oh, that's coming after the biblical apocalypse. Ghost Cunts. The only podcast that's released on fucking papyrus that engulfs in flames in your hands when you try to look at it because you're in the fucking hellfire. Sheets made out of baby skin. Jesus fuck. All available in this room. We are in a bunker.

I mean, how are you doing the line of notes on your album? I mean, I'm doing it right. Anyway. Malaysia will start holding anti-ISIS assemblies for school children. The program will feature mascot Ahamed the ski mask eating dog. Like, logically, I know it's garbage, but it feels like a joke. We've lowered our standards. Dude, I really thought I was like, man, I'm going to steal the show in Mexican Joke.

I'll show them. Every time I'm confident about one of these, it goes incredibly poorly. Well, the name of the segment is very apt because it really is a standoff. But instead of like bullets, it's like icy glares. Like, if we work together, this could be so much better. But we're working against each other. Yeah, yeah. Cooperationist for the week.

God help me. Hillary Clinton said in an interview this week that if elected president, she would research Area 51 and the possible existence of UFOs. Her husband, former President Bill Clinton, added, let me know if they want to get anally probed. Then proceeded to high five the interviewer, put on a pair of sunglasses, and skateboard out of the room. I got producer Ramsey. That means it was good. Yeah, I like, you know. Joe, some of this can be chalked up to you not having joy in your heart.

You know, well, hey. You've got to give us something there. Hey, fucking coldness gets results. Anyway. Is that on your father's business card? Telling jokes to you is like invading Russia in the wintertime. It's even got a watermark.

Anyway, the Texas milk industry is in jeopardy after Blizzard killed thousands of dairy cows. Keith Carey will maintain a candlelight vigil for lost family members. Can I tell you, I wrote the almost exact same joke and didn't do it. I thought it would be overkill. Yeah, that would have been embarrassing.

That would be like showing up to a wedding wearing the same dress, the same Keith's mother. Well, we read the same headlines writing these stories. I'm sure we're having the same thought process of like, all right, what obese animal is in the news this week? Like, I usually start by writing a Keith is fat joke and that gets the ball rolling it's a nice easy one like how a gentle wind gets my body rolling I don't know if a gentle wind could move your girth

you could fucking anchor a cruise ship Katrina can blow you over yeah on the fucking stage of the comedy club you hack you fucking fleshy Sisyphean boulder joe like what ancient tome do you get your adjectives out of like every week you've got like a new it's just because i read books you dullards that's that's all it is yeah i've you're a fucking uneducated fucking inlandland Empire dummies. We get your reference.

The mayor of a small Mexican town was assassinated one day after taking... Oh, I fucking read the emphasis wrong. Try it again. Try it again. I read it one day. Insert more references to Greek mythology so you can pretend you're better than us. Do it, Joe. Oh, God.

The tale of Gilgamesh. No, I'm kidding. The mayor of a small Mexican town was assassinated one day after... Third time's charm. Can I just make a prediction? There's no way this is worth it. Try it again. Try it again.

You got to get it out. Yeah, this feels cruel. This feels like a scene in Whiplash, but with jokes. The mayor of a small Mexican town was assassinated one day after taking office, making her the longest serving politician in the history of Mexico. Why would you try it again? It's funny because your joke was bad. You tried really hard and it wasn't good.

Dude, the irony is there's nothing I love more than watching people try really earnestly and fail. And my own medicine is bitter. New York City is planning on replacing all their pay phones with Wi-Fi hotspots, which is great news for the budget-conscious porn addict on the go. That was 80 on the go. That was Abrison, the voice. On the go. On the go. Are you giving a World War II era cinema news twist?

Yeah, I'm trying to speak Joe's language, which is shit from pre-1940. VJ Day has come and gone. Now the boys are on the go with their porn applications on their telephones. Operators, put me through to the pussy line. Is that the bus that you're going to take home later tonight? To the pussy line?

That barely works. A New York City man was crushed to death by a falling elevator last Thursday. His last words were reportedly, Fourth floor tragedy. Oh, but I'm going to catch shit for the voice. I enjoyed the voice. I know you did. And it worked on like your fucking third time the charm.

That was actually a good joke. That fucking challenger of an explosion of a joke you tried to lay down. Oh my God, I remember this from 1980. Joe, what's gotten into you? That's literally from the year I was born. I don't know what year the space shuttle blew up. What do we got? Two more?

I wasn't shitting. You were shitting on me. Just go. Okay, yeah. We got two more. I'll be counting the gillicuddy. Jeez. ISIS has released a video showing the brutal execution of five British spines.

This is the worst tragedy to face UK intelligence since Quantum of Solace. That was a bad movie. That was a bad movie. That was a good joke. I mean, it's not making me laugh, but I agree. These are what, like, when I write these, I'm just like,

this is like Conan O'Brien B-sides. Don't explain away your failure. Keith, go. I wasn't explaining it away. I was expounding upon it. Quentin Tarantino's new film, The Hateful Eight, is drawing controversy for using the N-word 65 times.

The director apologized, saying, quote, should have gone for 70. I like it. I like it, too. That was the one I liked the least. Oh, really? I don't understand this game. Dude, you'll never be able to get a gauge on these. A man has created an app which will note on a map

where pet owners are leaving dog feces. The app can also be used to locate where Connor will be performing stand-up in your area. It doesn't really even make sense. Well, it's because

your act is shit. Yeah, your jokes are like poop. The labor of your life. Oh, you didn't like it either. You're just siding with him because you're... No, I'm riffing.

It's called improv, faggot. Okay. See, this is why you can't trust bisexuals. They'll fucking turn on you. Yeah. Yeah, you fucking... You fucking sexual turnglobe.

Benedict Cumberbatch. I'm sorry, what? You fucking unconglomerated fuckmongrel. My dick is freelance, man. Oh, my God. You're like whatever Tibet is for genitals. Oppressed? I mean, hopefully.

Alright. Closing it out. A child has racked up a $5,900 bill on his father's iPad with in-app purchases for the game Jurassic World. In related news, his father's accrued $7,200 in toddler mortuary fees. Yeah!

That's really good. Oh, I got one. Finally. Just take the compliment. Oh, fucking cunt off, all right? You said cunt eight times. I've counted. We're not even through the segment.

That's going to be the article. Seven minutes in. Mean Boys Art Breaks Cunt Record. Cunt Record. When we start doing... Cunts Break Cunt Record. When we just start doing... Cunt Record, that's by Atlanta Sports. You remember start doing live shows. Cunts break cunt record. When we just start doing live shows. Cunt record.

That's by Atlanta Sports. You remember the South Park movie where they had the counter? Yeah. Yeah, when we do live shows, we have to have a cunt counter. And when it gets to 100, we drink champagne or something. We just drop balloons. Yeah, we'll figure it out. All right, I got one more.

Bill Cosby was indicted for an alleged 2004 sexual assault charge. It took him 40 years and over 30 rapes, but he finally found a way to make every woman in America sleep a little easier. That's funny. I read it on Facebook already. Yeah, I know. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the show. I literally stopped paying attention halfway through.

It's too bad. You missed out on a pretty good joke. Your jokes are like a movie you take a nap to. That was like, that was a four second joke. Yeah, your jokes are like movies they show on planes. That was a four second joke. Yeah, I your jokes are like movies they show on planes. That was a four-second joke. Yeah, I just saw heat on Southwest. Fuck you to death.

A drunken man was jailed after assaulting a bartender who changed the tavern's music to Christmas songs from Black Sabbath. Keith described meeting his real father as a Christmas miracle. I liked it. Oh, you're just salty. I mean, not about the situation, just your body in general. Connor liked it, and I set up so much bomb karma for myself right before I told it, so it had to be good. Dude, bomb karma's a good name.

That should be the name of this fucking show. Bomb karma. All right, guys. Well, that was a truly tense Mexican joke-off. That was a hateful eight of jokes. Yeah, we should do eight jokes a piece just called the hateful eight. Alright, this week's...

Oh, yeah. Moving on to our next segment. We've got the game to play. Which are the following? A little bit different this week. We're going to be playing Which of the Following, where I give you three real things, one that I made up. You have to tell us which one I made up. You're playing against the house. If you get more than three points, you beat me.

This week, we are doing Twitter handles for people that follow the porn star Gianna Michaels. I've included some photos for Joe. Keith, I assume, is probably already familiar. Sure am. So let's get going. It's pretty self-explanatory. All right, question number one. Which of the following is not a real Gianna Michaels Twitter follower?

A, at TheRealDirtyBoy1 Boy spelled B-O-I B. At Elijah Hood C. At Best Pussy Blog Or D. At Vegas Renegade See, this just is like... I'm in love with this game already. This is such an Inland Empire Long Beach style game. The fact that people

on the coast have the nerve to make fun of rednecks when there's this fucking trash along the coast. People really do. You don't know where

these fucking people are from? Oh, no. You're so fucking... I hope that when you go back to South Dakota you get lynched. Three of these are from Chico

or I'll eat my hat. Oh, my God. I'm pretty sure you mean Chino. Whatever. Yeah. Shut up and lose my game. I'm going to guess... Elijah Hood. I'm pretty sure you mean Chino. Whenever. Yeah. Shut up and lose my game. I'm going to guess.

Elijah Hood. I'm going to guess at. So I actually think Best Pussy Blog might follow me. I have a few porn stars who actually retweet me a bunch. Humblebrag. I'm going to say at the real dirty boy one. I'm going to say. I'm going to say Elijah Hood because I don't think Twitter was in existence when the Lord of the Rings movies came out.

Okay. The fake Gianna follower is Elijah Hood. Sound reasoning by Joe. All right. Question number two. Which of the following is not a real Gianna Michaels Twitter follower? A. At come the number four me PLZ. B. At Snappy Gomez.

C at Dingers Deep. That's also from Lord of the Rings. That's where they had that big battle at the end of the second one. Or D at Big Daddy Rob 74. The Balrogs are not fasting as deep. Oh my God. The Snappy Gomez sounds like one of those weird urban dictionary euphemisms,

like a hot car or something. Oh yeah, that's like when you put your thumb in her pussy and your middle finger in her butthole and you try to snap. No, it's when you're fucking a Mexican girl and you put like a clothespin on her clit. God, you savages. Oh, dude, I don't like where this has gone at all.

Why did God decide you two should breed? Anyway. I am going to say... Well, that was too dark. Go fuck yourselves. I am going to say Snappy Gomez

because that has that kind of like vaguely vaudevillian tone Connor has sometimes. I learned it from watching you. Snappy Gomez is fucking Joe's radio personality. Snappy Gomez! That's your racist Amos and Andy thing

for Mexicans if you're on the radio in the fucking 1920s in California. The last three on here sound like a morning radio team. It's Snappy Gomez, Big Daddy Rob, and the Dinger. Dinger going deep on the draft. Why is that not the podcast? They're giving away two tickets to Conor McSpadden and Truckasaurus.

Dude, I'm opening for Truckasaurus. I don't want to spoil anything. That is the first of two Truckasaurus references there are going to be on today's episode of Beat Voice. Dude, well, I think Fuckasaurus might be in question three. Conor McSpadden and Molly Hatchet. Alright. I'm going to go with Snappy Gomez.

Just to be contrary, I'm going to say BigDaddyRob74. The fake Twitter follower is ComeForMePlease. Really? Someone ought to snap that domain up. Somebody Snappy Gomez that domain up. Oh, dear. Snapping him up. Number three, which of the following is not a real John Michael Strutter follower?

A, at father underscore of father score. Oh, I said father score. At father of four, with underscores in between. Sure hope it's that one. B, at naughty kid 99. That's one of the four. C, at cock at fuel. Or D, at dumb motherfucker well father of four has to be real

because it is truly a wretched world that is tragic yeah oh boy i'm gonna go with i'm gonna go with cockat fuel uh i am inclined to agree i will say cockat fuel as well the fake jenna michael's fear follower is Father of Four. That makes me feel really a lot better. Yeah, I thought of that, and I was like, I don't feel good that I thought of that. I like that question. That was a weight off my heart. That's a real dark bummer that we all just dodged.

Dark bummer is the name of one of the DVD compilations of John's work in England. Number four, which of the following is not a real Jonah Michaels Twitter follower? A, at Bobby Manila. B, at HornyCock420. I can't believe there were 419 other HornyCocks. C, at TheHoodedShaft. Or D, at OfficialShitMuncher. I have some questions about some of these names.

Who regulates the shit munching industry? Who certifies you? I imagine it's someone who goes by the name Shit Muncher, gains some notoriety. Someone took the Shit Muncher handle on Twitter, and then they had to clarify. They have like a little brown checkmark next to the name on Twitter. This guy walking around the internet, he's not the real deal, folks. No, like some people would be like, at Real Charlie Sheen or whatever. He's not the real deal, folks. No, like some people would be like, at real Charlie Sheen or whatever. He's that official shit muncher. At real shit muncher

was taken. I don't know if there are any Batman fans listening, but Jason Todd, the original Robin, actually became the hooded shaft after his death was faked. After the death of his foreskin? That's a joke for four people. Yeah. Which is twice our audience. Seriously. Three of them are here.

God damn it. Official shit muncher is too perfect. Yeah. But I think it's got to be. I'm going to say the hooded shaft. I am too. The fake Twitter follower is official shit muncher. I knew it.

That's good. Dude, this has been my favorite game so far. I really had fun looking at these. This is making me feel better about humanity, like this podcast. Johnny has like 400,000 followers. I only looked at like 1,000. We could play this game for eons. Number five, as we all know, all real or all fake.

A, at badjefferson69. B, at scarygaryxxx. 69. B. At Scary Gary XXX. C. At Come Blog Denmark. Or D.

At Manny Bananist. Something's twatting in Denmark. Come blog me. I can make old-timey references too. Oh, mighty.

Fucking Come Blog Denmark. They're mighty. I can come blog Denmark. They're reviewing jizzing on wooden shoes. Clog my clogs, volume 12. Clog my clogs. Oh, captain, my captain. Dabble it up with tulips.net. They sell tulips in Denmark, guys. Tulips, one comp.

That's better, goddammit. I gotta go with, you know what, I gotta go with all real. Just to be contrary, I will say all fake. All fake. I think you guys both lost, though. But who really lost? I wrote these in my parents' basement. The real loser here is Scary Gary.

I mean, I really gotta take loser here is Scary Gary. And then recorded them in Ramsey's basement. I mean, I really got to take the user handle Scary Gary XXX because it just makes me laugh. All right. Well, that's been a first good run of the show. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. The Insane Clown Posse and Planned Parenthood are teaming up to bring you the entertainment event of a lifetime. Due to a booking error at the Pomona Fairplex, these unlikely allies are bringing the first combination,

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You know, I really think we should take a moment to be grateful that we're only two episodes in. We've already got multiple sponsors for this podcast. Most people, it takes them a while to find an audience. It's a marketable brand. I think it's really a testament to our... We're very likable. I described us as the ISIS of podcasts recently. You know, how they got that great advertising budget for ISIS. No, I mean, just people doubted us.

They just took it over. We just appeal to distraught youth. Really? I think the crossover between people that are at risk for joining ISIS and people that would enjoy the show is a perfect circle. That Venn diagram. Maybe we could tap into some of their market. On a kind of related note, we're going to move to our next segment, one very near and dear to my heart.

Guys, this is Connor's Conspiracy Corner. After being discharged from the U.S. Army, noted Southern racist Harlan Sanders held an unimpressive string of odd jobs, from selling life insurance to serving as a midwife. Bitter and down in his luck, he wondered how he would make his mark on the world. A contemptful man, he cursed the Negro for his misfortunes, yet as he grew older, he found his body unfit to take up the torch and cloak to defend the honor of the white man. In his frustration, he turned, of all places, to the kitchen.

Knowing he lacked the keen mind to editorialize about the genetic inferiority of the colored man, as well as the upper body strength to hoist a cross soaked in kerosene onto a front lawn, Sanders meticulously blended 11 herbs and spices into the most diabolically delicious and effective form of tar baby bait since white women first let themselves go. To legitimize his research, he opened a ramshackle cafe across the street from a gas station, a front for his laboratory of hate.

He adopted the white seersucker suit as a symbol of his pride, and under the alias of Colonel, he distributed his instructions to white power organizations across the country. Along with a detailed recipe for his infamous chicken, he included instructions that it would be served in a bucket, which, when emptied, would be unwillingly used by the Negro as a drum to alert his tribe to the sumptuous trap.

Once their frenzied feasting was in full swing, a company of well-armed clansmen would gallop into the fray and trap them in a large net. Now ensnared, the mob would find their hands too greasy to free themselves. This slippery hate crime would serve as the inspiration for the slogan, Finger Lickin' Good. KKK leaders scoffed at this cartoonishly bigoted, Looney Tunes-style plan, and once again, Sanders found himself a lonely man relegated to insignificance. It wasn't until nearly 20 years later, after half-heartedly maintaining his

roadside cafe, that he was hit with a bolt of inspiration on how to make his mark against the African-American community. The first KFC franchise opened in Utah in 1952, and as decades wore on, the colonel's artery-clogging, diabetes-inducing chicken became more accessible to black Americans than ever before. The colonel may have lost the battle, but with over 200,000 African-Americans dying of heart disease in America each year, his war rages on. Our next segment, everyone, is called Weird Tears.

This is a segment where we discuss moments from film or books or any kind of fiction that made you cry that is a very, very strange moment to cry at. I have a scene I'd like to share that does bring me to tears every time I watch it. It's the scene in Mad Max Fury Road when Nux climbs on and Martin Joe's rig and he offers to pike on the spine. I'll get it back for you. And Joe says, no, I should put a bullet in her skull.

Stop the rig and I personally will carry you to Valhalla. And he just and then he sprays the thing on his face and you will ride forever shiny and chrome. And then he jumps onto the rig and then just immediately blows it. And then he just calls him mediocre of all things and then walks away that scene will bring me to tears of all things and it's in the middle of an action sequence it's not like an emotional lull and the movie joe is crying while porcupine cars are exploding at this point is it gonna remind you of your childhood you're being pasty and trying your best yes that's precisely it i mean i don't know the wasteland of mad max is much more eventful than Is it because it reminds you of your childhood, just being pasty and trying your best? Yes. That's precisely it.

I mean, I don't know. The wasteland of Mad Max is much more eventful than South Dakota. I've paid therapists like $90 an hour who could not have put it like a succinctly good. It's just you, Keith. That was on the money right now, yeah. Any kind of thing with like dad figures and like fuck. And the worst part of it all is he doesn't say like,

wow, you fucked up. You are the biggest piece of shit all is he doesn't say like wow you fucked up you are the biggest piece of shit war boy in the whole wasteland he calls him mediocre that's so much worse it's like you don't even matter like you're not even like you're not even like enough of a fuck up to like carry in my mind forever you're just nothing yeah uh this this moment actually involves keith oh um because we we went to go see Dark Knight Rises together. Oh, you fucking took mine. Oh, really? Damn.

We can just tag team on this one, because this is, I think... Yeah, the end of that movie I thought was great. It's my favorite of the Nolan Batman movies. Brought me to tears, and I was like weeping. Which part? The night it premiered. Just the end with fucking... Alfred.

I'm trying to remember. Michael Caine. Yeah, that whole sequence was great. You know, everyone needed him and him coming through. And, yeah, it was all very well done, sacrificing himself. You know, so we're quietly quieting a little bit. We got our composure together. Walk into the theater.

The two girls we were with check Facebook, and they're like, oh, my God, did you see a bunch of people got shot right right during a showing of this movie and me and keith are like dude not now all right we just we literally meet him and our buddy uh john casso we all held each other and just cried a little bit and we're like he did it because he nailed like three movies and in the background they're like a bunch of people are dead and we're like dude I'm barely getting over Bane man yeah did you ever see

the Adam West Batman movie that one where he's carrying that big bomb and he can't get rid of it because he's like the nuns long time ago

oh the Dark Knight Rises scene that inspired Keith's Mexican Jokoff performance solid work yeah it does have the same ending

as the Dark Knight Rises the Dark Knight Rises is not my favorite. In fact, it's my least favorite of those three movies, but it's still really good. Yeah, that's my favorite. That was a valueless statement. I want you to know that.

Yeah, no one's tuning into Mean Boys for fucking movie reviews. They want ISIS jokes and racist conspiracies. You've created several segments on this show already to just have an excuse to talk about Mad Max Fury Roads. Don't talk to me about meaningless statements. Well, they went somewhere, you fucking list-making cunt. The amount of lists this kid makes on social media. Here's my top five movies of 2015.

No one cares. You Long Beach Zero. What, you rank things? I have like 60 likes on that. I don't care. Because a bunch of populist cunts were like, I also enjoyed several of those films. I don't care. I just put it.

You know what's funny about that? You can corral the Long Beach Zeros in your room. You know what? It's funny that you mentioned that. We all agree with each other. Sorry. I was just thinking about that today. Like, I used to be like, oh, I'm going to post my list of year-end movies and then have

a spirited debate about film. And I posted that status today and then realized I don't want to talk to anybody who commented on it. Okay. So I'm not going to have opinions about it. You got your justice. I'm going to be sad and cold and broken like you two. Is that better? Yes, I'm glad you joined us.

Join the introverted country. We can all live in the fucking ice castle together. In our dark toy box of despair where we sit unplayed with forever. Andy's not coming back. Buzz is dead. We are mixing up our Disney workforce here. I started Frozen. We ended up at Toy Story. Oh, I didn't see Frozen. What? I mean, I'm friends with Joe. I started Frozen. We ended up at Toy Story. Oh, I didn't see Frozen. Well, there's a bitch.

I mean, I'm friends with Joe. I get it. The Cinderella movie, better than Frozen. The Cinderella movie was a tragically underrated Disney film. What, the new one? Yes, the live action one. But I'll tell you what, like, you know, bisexual person. You know, in Mad Max, you know, in Mad Max where the cinema, they did that thing with

the cinematography where Max was always in the center of the frame. I'm certain that Cinderella did the same thing with Richard Madden's bulge. It's out of control. It's extraordinarily egregious. I think he might be a biased viewer. No, I swear to God, in every single scene he's wearing these spandex fucking like horse riding pants.

And they just got like dick centered. And then he's on Conan talking about how like, oh yeah, we had to tape my package down. They did not do a very good job. Or fucking like Richard Madden is part giant or something. And if you need to tape your package down, go to Packagedape.com. Use promo code Joe. Joe is applying for a marketing job at Disney right now. Go see Cinderella.

You'll see a big old dick. My point in all this is saying is I would like Rob Stark to give me a good colon widening. Back to you. Well, that was weird tears, everybody. I think we've got another game to close out the show. I think we do. We do indeed. I've got a game tonight.

This one is very simple. We've had a very porn-heavy series of games. I'm going to read you guys a series of comments from the Internet. The name of this game is Porn Comment or Yelp Review. And it is harder than you would think. So I'll read you the comments and then I'll let you guys fight it out over which one you think it is. We'll start with this one.

Why does everyone spit on each other? What the fuck? Damn it. It's gonna be hard. I gotta go with porn but that could have been any Yelp anywhere. Oh that's like a Yelp review of an Orange County punk rock venue. That's like a review of Chain Reaction. I'm going Yelp review.

The first point goes to Joe. That is from a porn comment. Oh, God fucking. I feel like they should know why people are spitting on each other. Is that hot? Well, I mean, if you're spitting on a gooch. The fucking general manager of that porn should reply to that go because it's hot because they love it i think

it would be great if porn companies like hired pr guys to go talk to the creeps in the comments on x videos by the way is there anything more pathetic than when you're on yelp and you see like the manager of a store like report like grovel to a bed. Oh we're sorry you had a bad experience you fucking worm. It's it's pretty brutal. There's this bar in Redlands called Redlands Underground.

It has like two stars and the only picture is of the owner holding a piece of notebook paper that has sharpie on it. Fuck Yelp. And he's doing a double middle.

Well somebody else holds the sign. It's fucking great. Yelp is basically like a plastic kid steering wheel that actually drives the car. Yeah. That was also funny when I read it on Facebook. Let's give a petty tyrant power of direction.

Yeah. Number two. Quote, there were flies all over. It reminded me of the pet commercial with Sarah McLaughlin. I hope this is a porn. I'm going to find this one. Also, this fits with my childish dictator persona for Joe. I feel like if you could fap to a Ugandan village like you would. My whole thing was sex.

They're murdering each other for drinking water. This is good stuff. My whole thing with sex is as long as somebody's getting debased. I don't care who's on the bottom, but they better be all the way at the bottom. But enough about me. I'm going porn. You're saying porn, you're saying what? Yelp.

The correct answer is Yelp. Yeah, that's right. Fun fact, that is a Yelp review of a pumpkin patch. As are a few. It was a pretty great review of that pumpkin patch. With the women you're into, I feel like a couple of these are going to be a pumpkin snatch. What kind of dark-ass pumpkin patch is it when it could have been like a fucking Docow Butts 5 or something?

Number three. It took over a week to recover. I could not walk or wear underwear or function. Oh, my. Oh, shit. I mean, that doesn't really make sense. Is he talking about masturbating to this video? Like, this video was so good, I couldn't walk or wear underwear.

You know what? It could be a trick question, because this could be like a Yelp review of a porn store or some kind of porn item. I feel like it's a Yelp review of... I'm going to note, I didn't do that. The old sneaky turn-cloak bisexual. I feel like it might... The snidely whiplash of boners.

I like how Joe Pansy Was like a dick dastardly Wacky racist villain But it's with genitals Instead of driving cars Pussy and treachery You just take a You take an old timey mustache

On Put it on a vagina To trick everyone Um Gotta be Yelp I'm saying Yelp Yeah I gotta say Yelp too Uh the correct answer is Yelp

It was a Yelp review of a salon. Oh. Oh. Well, I need... What led to this? Poor waxing. There's also a pretty hot quote in there about a bloody labia. We'll send you the link later.

Dude, are they... They're not playing at the Fairplex? Bloody labia. Bloody labia. Dude, don't reveal the magic behind the curtain. This bitch... No, whatever. Fuck it. I'm not doing the bit. Bloody lady. Dude, don't reveal the magic behind the curtain. This bitch. No, whatever. Fuck it.

I'm not doing the bit. Fuck her. This bitch is a night of summer. You need to toughen up. All right. Let's do this one. Quote, you got me fucked up if you think I'm prepping my tacos on this bullshit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, I'm sure Keith jerks off to someone eating tacos on a fat chick. Oh, I know. Just feeder porn. You know, there is feeder porn. Sure is. Oh, yeah. There's this video of this Japanese girl that just rolls around in food that everyone's been sharing.

Have you seen those? No. Where she just puts chocolate syrup on her bed and then she just fucking fucking does the hokey pokey on top of it and yeah, it's real creepy. Keith jerks off to feeder porn that he films into a mirror.

He jerks off to himself eating. I thought it made sense. No, yeah, we got it. Gentlemen, I'm looking for guesses. Oh,

um, uh, I gotta say Yelp again. I'm gonna say Yelp too. The correct answer is porn Oh boy Oh dear Alright next one

What context What was the video I need close I don't have the whole quote here But it's actually from a video Where they're fucking on a kitchen counter And this gentleman Thought it was absurd

That they would have sex On the kitchen where he makes food What autistic person is like You can't fuck there That's where the food goes Fucking goes in the bed. 100,000% of the people who comment on Pornhub are autistic as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll do three or two more. Two more because I don't want to drag this out too long. Quote, like all trains, it fucking sucks. Damn it. This is truly a Sophie's Choice right here. Oh, God. I love this so much. Has there ever been a Holocaust-themed porn?

Yes. There's a whole genre of film from the 70s that were all Grindhouse movies that were like concentration camp pornography. Have you guys never seen these? No. Do me a favor. Go home and Google yourself

Ilsa She-Wolf of the SS. I have yourself a real fun night. Absolutely not Googling. Well, then enjoy not having fun. Well, there was that hot Nazi lady from the third Indiana Jones movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

She was pretty. Put it right in her twat seat. Oh, my God. I'm going to guess just to stop this riffing. That is a Yelp review. I'm going to go riffing. That is a Yelp review. I'm going to go with porn. That is a Yelp review. Of a subway stop in New York City.

You went far and wide with these. I don't fuck around, sir. When I make a game, I make a game. I scrolled through 500 Twitter followers for a big booped lady. All right. The last one, and I think I have to close on this one. Quote, that was a disturbingly unsafe cow ride. Again, that was a disturbingly unsafe cow ride.

Is this describing your bed? I feel like it has to be. I like that you guys raced to make a joke about me being fat. What I really, really... No, I made a joke about you. I mean, someone around here has to race, all right? Never... Yeah, it does get old, all right?

Sure does. Try for 27 years. It'll come back again, Connor. I have faith. Would you like me being disappointed in my own poor joke writing? What I really wanted to do was look into your eyes and say the same Keith's mom is fat joke. Oh, that would be beautiful. And then you guys just light comes out of one of your mouths and goes to the lady in the

trance spaghetti moment. I'm going to say Yelp review. I'm going to say Yelp too. The correct answer is Yelp review. Ah, yay. That is a callback to the same Yelp review of that pumpkin patch from earlier. Dude, this might just be something I read on the podcast. I don't even need to be a game.

I once read a Yelp review of a girl that got taken to Skate Express, a roller skating rink, for her birthday and just had a terrible time and proceeded to explain exactly why she had no fun and it ruined her birthday. And I just giggled like a schoolgirl. I'm going to find it. I'll bring it in next week. T, this girl was sad. It was just like, she sounds kind of cunty in the review.

Everybody on Yelp sounds cunty. People writing positive reviews on Yelp sound cunty. I'm reading this and I'm like, I mean, I kind of feel like it sucks, but you probably deserve that shitty birthday, you know? I think it's time to blow out the candles on this episode, boys. Oh, girl. Dude, I'm not going to bring much to the table, but I can do some fucking overly

ham-handed transitions. We can segue. Yeah, that's it for the show. Thank you guys for listening. Please email the podcast with any questions. Meanboyspodcast at gmail.com. Follow us on Twitter at Meanboyspodcast. Please rate and subscribe on iTunes.

It only takes a second. It would really help us out. I don't even really know why. I just heard every other podcast say that, so I assume we should say it too. It probably does. Fuck you. What else are you doing? Yeah, seriously.

And that's it. Anything else to add, boys? I think I'm square. I think Keith is round. Fuck everything. All right. I was going to plug a show, but I guess we're not plugging stuff on our own podcast. No one's going to plug your thumb up your ass.

No one cares about your fucking shows. Good night, everybody. Fuck face.