Mean Boys - EP 20 - Rectal Dignity (feat. Nat Baimel)

Episode Date: May 20, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys Follow this week’s guest Nat Baimel on Twitter (http://twitter.com/natbaimel / @natbaimel) This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off���, “Children’s Book or Werner Herzog”, “The Explanatory Leprechaun”, “Ken Burns Civil War” and a game of “Which of the Following” with punk rock names. Our sponsor is “Shutting The Fuck Up”. Follow the show on Twitter http://twitter.com/meanboyspodcast / @meanboyspodcast and email us at [e-mail]. Visit us on the web at http://www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-money-store/id515449028) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Joe Dosh.

I'm Nat Baymel. And I'm... A lesbian juggalo! Hey! Hurts. It's true. It sure does. You're bad and clown-like. Yeah.

You should be disappearing into a hoodie and just look vaguely disaffected at all times. I look out of place when not holding Faygo. Exactly. Like your assistant manager just doesn't understand you and fuck the world. I wear a lot of wristbands because I've got a problem with cutting myself a safety pin. I buy stuff with my employee discount that my friends return without the receipt and then we use the profits for juggalo stuff.

I don't know if mine was self-indulgent t-shirts. Welcome Nat Bamel. Hi Nat. Hey Nat. I unironically like the insane clown posse. It's going to be a rough night for you. I have a friend who insists like no, no, no, they got a bad rap but some of them are very talented and he describes himself as a juggalo apologist.

Hey, as someone who's the biggest Kanye West fan in the world, I kind of get it. Okay, yeah. You know? Yeah. You're into what you're into. I think they're like Kanye, but they don't realize how genius they actually are. I mean, my opinion on their work is utterly uninformed. I'll give them that.

Yeah, I'm not going to pretend like I've done a lot of delving into the catalog. I'm going to be honest with you. I have. It's not good. Hey, I'm not going to pretend like I've done a lot of delving into the catalog. I'll be honest with you. I have. It's not good. Hey, here's the thing about my life. Someone, people have tried me on this. I dig Smash Mouth, and I could pull out some Smash Mouth deep cuts. I like the bad Smash Mouth, frankly.

Oh, yeah, no. I could fucking drop some Smash Mouth knowledge. Please do. That's early episode time. I like the silence where everybody was like, dear God, no. I'll take the bait. Go for it. Welcome to Mouthcast.

Go listen to Disconnect the Dots and then apologize to me later. Another episode of Talking on the Sun. All right, fuck this noise. Let's get another Mexican joke off. I'll start joke off. Ay, so topical. I'll start us off. All right. The gun used to kill Trayvon Martin has been sold for $250,000.

George Zimmerman said in a statement, It's ironic for me of all people to be rich. The Jamar button strikes again. I'll go next. In Chile, a naked man jumped into a wildlife enclosure in an attempt to be torn apart by lions. Meanwhile, in West Hollywood, a naked Joe Dosh walked into a leather bar in an attempt to be torn apart by bears. I have a showdown for that. Oh, shit. A naked man tried to commit suicide by jumping into a lion enclosure.

He survived, but the lions were shot dead by zoo authorities. Just another case of Africans being gunned down for acting in self-defense. Pretty good. All around. I got to give it to Connor, though, because I saw Keith's bear joke coming. Fair enough. Any damn way. A Christian group created a book featuring a defecating Jesus Christ teaching children how to toilet train.

The group omitted the last line of the book, and that is how Jew God was born. Oh, fuck. Nat, I think this naturally flows to you, not only in terms of her rotation, but just, you know, sheer rhetorical. And religious beliefs. The new Ghostbusters has been the subject of much controversy. Men's rights activists are upset at its female cast, while Black Lives Matter activists are upset at its glorification of shooting unarmed spooks.

Yes! Me and Keith were discussing the other day that spook is our favorite slur. Oh, it's so good. I used to have a joke about black haunted houses and how you could never describe one as spooktacular. Why did that sentence begin with the phrase used to? It's gold, Josh, gold.

Because I have a very similar joke on my album. That's why it's used to. Forever nap available wherever trash is found. A compound found in magic mushrooms called psilocybin has been shown to help treatment resistant depression. The leading researcher on the subject, who suffers from depression himself, Dr. Mario, said in a statement,

Wah! Just what I needed! Boo. Alright. A New York man suffered severe facial burns and had a hole ripped in his tongue when a vaporizer exploded in his mouth. The disfigured man will begin touring the United States as the Elephant Bro. I'm not an animal, bro! Come at me!

I can chill like everyone else. I played the doctor that took care of the elephant man in high school theater. The elephant man is dank. Mr. Gomm, I have bad news. His Slipknot posters were discovered Emodium AD contains an opioid Which is causing people to chug massive amounts Of diarrhea medication to get high Police are referring to the use of this drug as forever napping

Feel bad about what you worked hard on That'll teach me to accomplish more than either of you cunts Hey, it's not that hard to get something on iTunes As evidenced by this very podcast. Pretty simple, buddy. Check out Bustin' Skits, wherever bored Mexicans are congregated. A Florida woman claims to have seen

God in her baby's soiled diaper. Even more shocking, someone forced to raise a child in Florida actually believes there's a God. Oh, there's an ant on my screen. This is really the true fucking mean boys basement experience. A Texas teen

has shot a toddler for jumping on the bed. His mama called the doctor and the doctor said the child... His mama called the doctor and the doctor said the child was pronounced dead in the scene and your son will be tried as an adult i'm sad how good this is going so far i was looking forward to shitting on things but we got like a laugh mid joke on that one i know we've been doing this for 20 weeks what do we fucking learn a skill? We got to change these segments. We're getting used to them.

You absolutely jinx this joke into not working. An Egypt Air flight disappeared over the Mediterranean. Airline officials suspect the event is linked to the curse that mummy put on their company after they accidentally dug him up while they were building the Cairo Airport Cinnabon. Oh, my God. We got the punchline. There are 19 more words. I tried so hard. I wanted to get the Cinnabon.

Keith, I stopped listening after the third syllable. Just like you do in life. I set you up for that one. It's going to be your epitaph. A restaurant owner butchered a hog in front of onlookers at a Texas parking lot. This event is being declared the Keith Carey Gulf of Tonkin. God damn it! You had a Jew right there.

You couldn't do a pig joke in it I already said his god is Christ shit what do you want from me I love any story that begins with like a beached whale somehow I missed it too I was like where are we going with this one Joe word four I started pointing at Keith

and giggling in anticipation. A turgid seal corpse. Hearing that and waiting for the Keith slam was like the dubstep drop building up. Keith is fat. Can you go to the zoo without having PTSD seizures now? Oh, you'd shit and die. Just every fat animal. A snaggletooth wall...

No, I'm just kidding. Alright, but for serious, the German government created a website to teach Middle Eastern immigrants the ins and outs of sex in German culture. For example, in, scat play, out, not clitorises. Oh, my.

Dear. Well, you definitely caught on to one of our themes. No one can say you're not paying attention. It's so funny because Nat is like a decent human. Like, you know, if you lost your wallet, he'd mail it to you. And just it's funny watching him try to do this. I know. This is like Paul Reuben Pee Wee Herman getting caught jerking off in a theater.

You know what I feel like? I feel like you're like weird goth girlfriend that's like, could you just like cut me a little bit? Like for fun? Just come down to my basement. It's well lit. There's Spice Girls posters. Yeah, it's fine. I just like come when I bleed.

Yeah. ISIS has executed 25 Iraqi spies by dipping them into nitric acid. Finally answering the question, does who framed Roger Rabbit comply with Sharia law? That was sad when he killed the squeaky shoe. I know. And those human beings. I guess those Iraqi spies probably. I got one more.

Do you know what this is? Erevalient? I don't know what I'm talking about. Original Beastie Boys member John Barry passed away this week at 52. While no cause of death has been provided, medical experts say they saw signs of sabotage. Archaeologists in Australia have discovered the world's oldest hatchet and named Keith's mother the world's oldest hatchet wound. I didn't like it either. You know what?

I forget who said this to me, and tweet me, and I'll give you credit, but someone was like, all those slams on Keith's mother, and I saw her in real, I think it was Tom Glasser, he was like, she's actually really hot. The slam should be like, Keith's mom is so hot, how fucking hideous does his father have to be to create you? The answer is like, super gross. My whole dad said, my dad's side of the he doesn't listen to things you do is circus nightmares this joke off is particularly mean to keep just hair and floppy eyes point in directions they so many so many fucking like um episode titles for this one. Circus Nightmares. If you saw any of my uncle's teeth,

you would stop believing in God. I finished writing my jokes this week, and I was like, I don't have any for Keith's mom. I've let us down. We're going to be behind. Oh, don't worry. We got her.

Dude, I like the idea. Joe's like, yeah, I've got all these jokes for this writing packet. You're going to need to know. Here's a syllabus, if you will. Our friend had a real hard life. We're not real cool about it.

Listen to him on the David Taylor podcast. The Mean Boys Show Bible. Oh, we should make that. I might need to go on the website. Frequently Asked Questions. Rewrite Scripture. This is going to be the whole history of Keith's fictional mom. Ooh, yeah. All right, bonus episode. Oh, man. We should start doing the ball history of Keith's fictional mom. Ooh, yeah.

All right. Bonus episode. Oh, man. We should start doing the ballad of my mom. Anyway. Nat. Police discovered 300 pounds of cocaine hidden in plastic bananas. Officials noted that contraband found stashed up Keith's mom's ass was the first time a

fruit's been inside her since Keith was born. That would have been so much better if I didn't fuck it up the whole way through. Keith is leaving. Keith's out. Keith, come back.

I'm so angry at myself that I fucked it up. Keith has literally left to kill himself with cigarettes. Oh my God, Christ. That was pretty good. Wow, Nat.

You know, you think you can't follow five minutes of conversational Keith's mom bashing, but with a great joke like that. Oh, the entire time I'm just like, I've got this one. Saudi Arabia's national news channel has released a video showing men how to beat their wives. He advises they don't hit them in visible areas, so avoid the eyes and you should be good. Avoid the eyes. I get it. Yeah, okay.

Newark County land. I know, we need to get that sound drop. Can I do a retry? Sure. An Asian singer was stabbed 20 times before a performance this week. Doctors say in this case, J-Pop refers to her juggler. I'm out. Still not that good.

I have one more. Okay. An eight-year-old Utah child is the youngest girl diagnosed with breast cancer. She told the Utah Make-A-Wish Foundation, I just want to last four years until my wedding. All right. Let me try one more. Oh, wow.

I think we didn't close on that amazing joke. I know. Seriously. Nick Menza, the former drummer of Megadeth, has died. As his bandmates carried his casket to the gravesite, Dave Mustaine remarked, Now this is heavy metal. Fuck everything.

Whatever. I actually have another one, but I know when to quit when I'm ahead. Well, the important thing is we heard Keith's feelings. No, Nat, you bomb on this show. You go down with our sinking ship. You enjoy the good times, you enjoy the bad. Well, that was the Mexican joke. Tell your joke, Nat.

You're not getting off the hook with this shit. All right, fine. There's an ant on my face. Goddamn. Prince's family is planning a public memorial. His ashes will be scattered at an undisclosed location, while his fans' ashes will continue being scattered from their elbows. Oh, shit.

That's pretty damn good. Worth it. All right. You see? Yeah, I knew Nat could save this segment. You already did it. You tried to ruin it. That was like saving the one kid after his entire family's already been murdered.

Yeah, raise Robin. Teach him to be a superhero. Mean Boys will be back. Hi, I'm Paddy McPhee, the explanatory leprechaun. Many things on God's green earth require a great deal of explaining, and I'm here to clear you of your sinful ignorance on a number of subjects. As the weary penitent turns to

the Lord to give him rest, you too turn to Paddy to clear you of your disgraceful lack of knowledge. This week we will be discussing the Armenian Genocide, the great crime of the young Turks of the Ottoman Empire who drove to weep an Armenian people from the nation of Turkey like St. Patrick drove to snakes from the Emerald Isle. And though they were merely a Christian minority in a Muslim nation and not the Slytherin reptiles of the Morning Star, Thank you. as a threat to their internal security. Tensions grew higher in the nation of Turkey than in the city of Belfast waiting for a cask of whiskey to come of age. The Turkish government saw what they perceived to be an internal threat living all around them

and took preventative measures like an Irish mother protecting her newborn from wayward fairy attacks by putting a potato in a bowl of milk outside the door. But the Ottoman response to the issue was more barbaric than all could imagine. They marched over a million Armenians into the desert like a pack of pikeys whose caravan tires have gone flat. The sheer genocidal brutality provided the blueprint for the Holocaust, like the tears of the victims of Cromwell make the reign of Ireland the water me mother's garden

to this day. The many survivors have turned to President Obama, who refuses to recognize the genocide as it would jeopardize her military interests in Turkey. It reminds me of the time I came into Finnegan's Pub and told James McCullough, McCullough, I know you stole me soup packets out of me caravan while I was passed out. I want you to admit it to me now and if not, I'll have naught to do with you.

To this day, he claims I ate it in a drunken stupor, and I say, McPhee knows when he's had a soup and when he hasn't, you cunt. The lack of recognition of this monstrous crime haunts this obstinate people to this day and jeopardizes American hegemony on the world stage. I sympathize, for when I have a drink or two with me English friends, Patty's been known to go off on the potato famine. They say, Patty, Patty, you're carrying on, and I say, I need the whole lot of you to carry your mother down the street,

you famine-causing limey pofters. I'm Patty McPhee, the explanatory leprechaun, and now you know some things you didn't know before you bumped and shite for brains. This documentary is made possible through a generous grant from viewers like you. I'm Ken Burns. The American people have endured a great deal through its proud and sordid history,

and the generation who lived to see much of it are steadily passing on to join their ancestors in the next life. This is Voices of Generations Past. My name is Edith Blankenship, and I am 98 years old. I remember my grandfather, Augustus Blankenship, telling us at family gatherings about his time in the army fighting the Civil War. My brave, brave grandfather, Augustus, fighting to end slavery and preserve the Union. We have a letter from one of Augustus Blankenship's fellow soldiers.

Dearest Martha, though I fear that I might meet my end on the battlefield and never again feel your sweet embrace, you must know that I am proud to serve some of the finest, bravest men I've ever seen. With, of course, the notable exception of Augustus Blankenship. I can say without exaggeration that Augustus Blankenship is the most cowardly, craven buffoon I've ever laid eyes on. I have every certitude that every miserable spawn of his bloodline is a contemptible subhuman wretch fit for naught but suicide. Oh, I... Maybe he was referring to a different Augustus.

My grandpa was brave. He always said so. Another Union soldier had this to say. Illinois, if I live a hundred years, I will never see a sight as disgraceful as what I've seen today. As a Confederate regiment marched upon us, the scourge of our division, Augustus Blankenship, broke formation and knelt before the Southerners, weeping like a teething infant. As if it were not disgraceful enough, Augustus thrust his anus high into the air in a position of sexual submission and pleaded that the whole regiment

could have his rectal dignity if only no harm would befall him. I watched an entire brigade of secessionists ejaculate into Colonel Blankenship. So full of semen was his craven anus, I saw it weep seed like the eye of a tearful mother whose son marched off to war. Oh, my, my, my.

Though I feel this goes without saying, dearest, any descendant of Augustus Blankenship should feel naught but shame for the rest of her days and question all sense of self-worth as a lie. But all opinions on Corporal Blankenship were not so bleak. Yes, as sergeant of the 43rd Infantry, I look back with great pride on young Corporal Blankenship. Oh, good.

Many men gave many things in the defense of their nation. While some had the strength or their courage to contribute to God and country, Augustus had only his anus. nation while some had their strength or their courage to contribute to god and country augustus had only his anus and he gave his anus for the united states more than any other man ever could because of his utter lack of basic dignity blankenship distracted the confederates with his submissive sexual self-offering and we were able to get the drop on him and drive them from the field i looked down on young blankenship and son, if by God you do not survive the barbaric, penile savagery you invited on yourself with your

cowardice, yours will be another way of dying for your country. That's horrible. My life is a lie. This documentary has been brought to you by a generous grant from viewers like you. This is Voices of American Past. I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is Ken Burns!

Welcome back to the Mean Boys podcast, everybody. We are here with our good buddy Nat by Mel. We are going to be playing a new game this week, seeing how that goes. This is in the same vein

of Yelp or Porn Review that we've done before. This is a Werner Herzog quote or children's book quote. I think we have a quote for this. Aye, life is meaningless. So I'm going to read a series of quotes. It's up to you guys to decide if this is from a children's book

or esteemed crazy person Werner Herzog. Okay. So we will start here. Quote, the sad truth is that the truth is sad. Oh, fuck. God damn it. It's so wonderfully sing-songy, though. It feels like it could be a kid's book.

It could be from Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Weep. Oh, the places God's love does not extend. Just a landscape of gray rainbows. Horton He the void. I'm going to say children's book. I'm going to say children's book, too. I'm going to say Herzog. The correct answer is children's book.

Hey, what's that? From a series of unfortunate events. Okay. That's young adult. Fucking moody teens. Let's see. Next, okay. Yes. That's young adult. Fucking moody teens. Let's see. Next quote. Quote,

What would an ocean be without a monster lurking in the dark? It would be like sleep without dreams. Fuck my dick. When you pitched this to me, I was like,

all right, this will be a funny clash of ideas, but certainly not difficult to actually discern. And then I'm like, God damn it, this motherfucker.

I'm going to say Herzog. I'm going to say children's book again. Definitely Herzog. to say Herzog. I'm going to say Children's Book again. Definitely Herzog. That is Herzog. Winter Herzog, probably talking about fucking pancakes or something.

The syrup is the tears of the trees. Outside, outside there is a storm and inside there are mice. I'm going to say Herzog again. Oh, man. That seems chill.

Fuck. Somebody doesn't want to hear the sources afterwards. It also depends what the mice are doing. If the mice are going to be like, helping you enjoy the lovely time while the weather's crappy, that's a good kid's book. But if the mice are... They're like helping you enjoy the lovely time while the weather's crappy. That's a good kid's book. But it's like, you know, the mice are tying you a noose. You will end it and we will feast on you.

And if you use the power of teamwork, we can all die. That sounds like an excerpt from that fucking mouse Holocaust comic. You know? Oh, yeah. Wait, why does everyone know what that is? But me, I know because you're stupid. No, it's a comic about the Holocaust, but it's like mice. What?

It's like Fievel, but real dark. Nat, did they read this to you before bedtime as a child? In Florida? Yeah. This could probably happen again here. I will say, I'll say Herzog. Oh, no, children's book. Children's book.

I'm going to say Herzog. Children. That is Herzog. Fuck. From which film? I genuinely have no idea where that came from. Children's book. Say Herzog. Children. That is Herzog. Fuck. Ooh. From which film? I genuinely have no idea where that came from. It's just him talking.

I have no sources on the Herzog ones, and that makes it more fun for me. All right, next one. Children almost always hang on to things tighter than their parents think they will. This is about me masturbating in public as a boy. Shit. I'm going to say children's book. I'm going to say Herzog. Herzog. That's from Charlotte's Web.

What? Which is the Herzog of children's stories. Yeah. Life is pain and the spider dies. I'm glad that came up because my favorite comparison to make is Keith to Templeton at the fair. Yeah. At all times, but it's just norms and cigarettes instead of fucking fallen funnel cakes. This might also be...

Keith is some pig. Damn it. He's cum pig. I like the idea that with Keith, the spider just writes in the web, seek help. You're loved. Be blown away. Get out of the way.

You're in front of the snacks. A couple more. Sometimes it seemed to him that his life was delicate as a dandelion. One puff from any direction and it was blown to bits. Jesus. God damn, dude. Like everything about kids makes me sad. God, that's from the Berenstain Bears and the Abyss Gases

back the Berenstain Bears go to the 9-11 Memorial Clifford and the Big Red Wound I'm going to say children's book I'm gonna say children's book too children's you guys are all correct that is from bridge to Terabithia

I don't know how to pronounce it all right the last one quote Children's book. I'm going to say children's book, too. Children's. You guys are all correct. That is from Bridge to Terabithia. Terabithia. I don't know how to pronounce it. All right. The last one. Quote, every man should... They made a bridge to a black girl's house? Terabithia not got bridge down. I thought black girls played bridge.

I don't know. Quote, every man should pull a boat over a mountain once in his life. Now that's from Herzog. That's definitely Herzog. I'm going to say Herzog. That is Herzog. Way to piggyback off them. That is it.

All right. Well, hey, good game, guys. That was solid. That was fun. We'll be back after some bullshit. Are you depressed? Feeling lonely? Have you become increasingly isolated from all your friends and family and don't seem

capable of maintaining a healthy relationship? Then you may be the perfect candidate for shutting the fuck up. Shutting the fuck up is a scientific sociological breakthrough. Is it a pill? An ointment? No, stupid. It's a common sense solution to the majority of problems in your meaningless life. Benefits of shutting the fuck up include less day-to-day drama, more time spent on hobbies and less in online arguments and increased sexual activity because a first date isn't the time to bring up your contrarian non-negotiable stance on how you think breaking bad and game of thrones are overrated and anyone enjoys them as a simpleton try shutting the fuck up then just

smile and nod until they're naked best of all shutting the fuck up is covered by every health insurance plan including obamacare. Have strong opinions about Obamacare and feel like airing them at Thanksgiving? Wash down that cranberry sauce with a nice warm load of Shutting the Fuck Up. Listen to these testaments from actual users. I'm a vegan Bernie Sanders supporting CrossFit instructor. As soon as I started shutting the fuck up about my beliefs, my circle of friends grew to include people that didn't exclusively smell of lentil farts, or look like something churned out of a Portland human sausage grinder.

In conversations, I always just waited for my turn to speak. Like when my friend told me her grandfather died of cancer, and I interrupted to say that that reminded me of the time I boned this redhead, and she had a tattoo of the astrological sign for cancer. But ever since shutting the fuck up, I'm able to listen more. It's boring as fuck, but my passport to pound town is getting a lot more stamps. So, hey, when in Rome, right? See your local healthcare provider or visit our website to get tested and see if Shutting the Fuck Up is right for you. It's a quick test consisting solely of seeing how many posts you made about the new Ghostbusters movie this week.

If it's more than zero, then you qualify for Shutting the Fuck Up. All right, everybody, Mean Boys is back. If it's more than zero, then you qualify for shutting the fuck up. a topic very near and dear to my heart, but it was suggested by listener Caitlin, who actually sent me a very detailed list of subject matters to include in the game. So if anybody else ever wants to write most of the show for me, please do that and email it to me because that was really nice. This week we are doing punk rock names. Very popular in the 70s, 80s, and still today,

but we're all doing names from the 70s and 80s to when you're in a punk rock band, come up with a batshit, retarded, crazy name that usually includes some kind of horrible pun. So, fits right in with Mean Boys. Let's get started. Which of the following is not a real punk rock name? Question number one. A. Pauly Styrene. B. Durf Scratch.

C. Steve Ignorant. Or D. Frankie Nietzsche? Steve Ignorant sounds like a Johnny Cash song that Shel Silverstein wrote. Steve Ignorant, he didn't know a lot of things. Don't take your cunt to sound, son. Leave your cunts at home, Joe. Outstanding. Yeah, Steve, that does sound like a character we created.

Like Mark Malloy's cousin or some shit. It's like a PSA. Oh, it's me, Steve Ignorant. I'm Steve Ignorant. I'm going to grab these downed power lines. The storm blew the electricity off them. Spoiler alert, he played bass in the downed power lines. I got hit by a softball at Fenway. I don't know how math works.

All right, guesses, fellas? I'm going to say Frankie Nietzsche because that's just too pollinic to exist. Gotcha. Yeah, I'm going with Frankie Nietzsche. Keith? I know a couple of these, but I actually don't know the answer. I think it's Steve Ignorant. All right.

The fake one is Frankie Nietzsche. Using the popular format of take a nihilist writer and then make his first name goofy. Looking at you, Chuck Dukowski. Steve Ignorant is the singer of my favorite punk band, Crass. Ah, okay. Number two, which of the following is not a real punk rock name? A, Tommy Filth. B, Gary Dreadful.

C, Chuck Biscuits. Or D, Cliff Hanger. Chuck Biscuits get money. Chuck Biscuits would for sure be friends with Steve Ignorant. Oh, gotcha. And just the meathead, like, white, like, power, fat Albert cartoon. Chuck Biscuits sounds like something, like, white trash farmers call, like, cow shit. I'm from Chino.

I should know that. Chuck, hey, it's your cousin, Barry Biscuits. Mom and Biscuits. You gotta listen to this. Chuck Biscuits. Aren't those, isn't that just cornbread? I bet Cliffhanger is not only real, but that's his real name. I bet he just has shithead parents who thought that would be clever. Well, he would hate society for sure if his parents named him Cliffhanger.

Fuck, I don't know this one. I'm gonna say Gary Dreadful. I was looking at Gary Dreadful as well. I'm gonna say Cliffhanger. The fake one is Tommy Filth, bitches. Number three. Which of the following is not a real punk rock name? Steve Ignorant again.

Ah, you lazy fuck. Oops. All right. Well, this one is a three-rounder. B, Cheetah Chrome. C, Carrie Disease. Or D, Julian Grindsnatch. There's no way Julian Grindsnatch is real. I like Carrie Disease, or D, Julian Grindsnatch. There's no way Julian Grindsnatch is real.

I like Carrie Disease, though. I think Carrie Disease is just such like, I can picture you writing that. I can picture you like very lazily going, ah, it's funny enough. Me and Matt have written together on some projects before. Exactly. Some soft line Shane from Matt. He's definitely seen my good enough, send it through the pipes attitude. The Elm Expand C+.

Yeah, seriously. I'm going to say Carrie Disease. I am too. Niant? Oh, yeah, Carrie Disease. You fucks. Whatever. That was my favorite one because I think that's actually a good one.

If I became trans and learned to play bass better, I would definitely go by Carrie DeZees. What am I saying? If this podcast is going to fail and I'm going to have to start my life over. Question number four. Which of the following is not real punk rock? Name A, Mort Tishin, B, Poison Ivy, C, Johnny Good For Nothing, or D, Rat Scabies. Mort Tishin. From my time in the punk rockery.

The punk rockery. The punk rockery. Oh, rip-roaring it was. The apothecary of angst. I just like it because Mort is such a Jew name, so I'm just picturing, like, the Hebrew misfits. The man of shepherds? The misfits? I, the power who needs it. I want your skulls, but at these prices?

Oy, oy, my darling. I can literally do this until we fucking die. Me too. Oy, oy, my darling. I was crying on a Saturday morning. London Dungeon, you were at my mother-in-law's house. Hiram moments. Don't cry the boils, baby.

Rye, rye, rye rye rye my darling hey hey at midnight why aren't you doing Jew misfits points was that Mortara or Chris Hardwick

Mortara points what's the difference who cares Mortara or Chris Hardwick? Give me the Mortara points. What's the difference? Who cares? That was the most fun I've ever had. That was a Hall of Fame riff. Oh, my God. Fuck me.

Tears. Poison Ivy, who did the shits? I agree. I'll say Poison Ivy as well. Yeah. The fake one is Mort Tishin. God! We should have known.

No, we can actually, we own that. That's intellectual property. Mailing that to myself. Number five, all real or all fake. A, Dinah Cancer.

B, DJ Bone Break. C, Jeff Penalty. Or D, Lux Interior. Yeah, Jeff Penalty, savings and loan. We guarantee. No, Jeff Penalty or D. Lux Interior Yeah, Jeff Penalty savings and loan. We guarantee.

No, Jeff Penalty is for sure the hockey guy on a fucking Boston news radio station. The Jeff Penalty is the official name of the statue where they just slap you on the wrist for raping a girl in a frat. I was about to say. Oh yeah, no, we got the Jeff Penalty for that. You've earned five minutes in the fart box.

All right, well, Dino in the spaz is going to have to do another thing. Really carrying the car. Carrying disease is what I'm doing. I know, we should have

just lit the show on fire and laughed after the misfits. Yeah, that was very similar to the banana ass Mexican joke. I've hardly followed that nonsense. I'm going to say all fake. Keith?

Ask Nat first. I'm going to say all real. They're all real. DJ Bomb Break is the drummer for Axe. They're all real, boys. Very fun game of which of the following. And I think it is actually time now to open up the Mean Boys mailbag. Hoorah mailbag oh shit all right let's see what we got here uh this week's question uh what do your friends family girlfriends and boyfriends think about the stuff you say on the podcast or are

they as mean as you happy mean day that's actually a legitimately good question i know yeah fucking write us more questions guys thank you uh he has to be anonymous there's an option on the form to be anonymous if you're a little bit people think like know. Yeah, fucking write us more questions, guys. Thank you. He has to be anonymous. There's an option on the forum to be anonymous if you're a little bit. People think, like, I don't want to write to your podcast. You guys are going to be mean to me. No, we have hearts. So I'm single now, but I'll tell a story that you guys were both privy to, but I think the audience will enjoy this.

If you guys listen to this, you probably saw Dino and the Spaz, our short film we made. We've shot that, I think, two days after I ended a relationship to focus on my career more. And there was a moment where I was sitting in front of the bunker smoking a cigarette and looking at the script and went, my God, I left the love of my life to become the fart my stare did. And I wasn't even like, what have I done?

I was like, I deserve this. This is all I ever wanted. Oh, man. Yeah, no, that was a pretty... People were telling me, he's actually a pretty good actor. He looked really sad. And I was like. Oh, man. Yeah, no, that was a pretty... People were telling me, like, Keith's actually a pretty good actor. He looked really sad, and I was like, oh, if only you knew. I was just having a week. Keith was just

staring off into the moon, smoking a cigarette, just thinking, I get the farts I deserve. Yeah, like you needed to cry in a scene, and then someone shot you in the eye with a blow dart. Sometimes you muster the farts, sometimes the farts muster you. We mustered some farts for that. You're dying alone.

Do you have a boyfriend right now? No. Okay, no. Cool. Good question. Our mom's listening to the show. My mother... Yeah, my mom likes it.

My dad, I'm pretty sure, has made the wise decision to avoid it. But yeah, my mom's into it. I tried to explain the show to my mom. She basically was just like, I don't care. But yeah, my mom's into it. I tried to explain the show to my mom. She basically was just like, I don't care. And I'm like, okay, that's great. She was like, well, you're featured.

You're like the main character, really. Yeah, I was dating a girl for a little while, and I could not get her to listen to it for the life of me. Keith's mom is like the fucking Truman of the Truman Show of this. She's going to wake up realizing it was all about her. I cannot wait to bring my mom in for an episode and have her just shred you fools. Oh, yeah, that reminds me of our new promotion. We're going to be, for every 10 iTunes reviews, we're at 30 reviews right now.

So when we get to 40, so, you know, give us a review if you haven't. Every 10 episodes, every 10 reviews, we get to 100, releasing a bonus episode. This isn't going to be like a normal scripted episode like we do. It's going to be something similar to Nice Boys. Nice Boys is once a year on April Fool's.

We can't do it more than that. We'll get fucking AIDS of the cancer of the gonorrhea of our hearts. So, yeah, leave those reviews. We have a lot of very fun ideas planned for those bonus episodes. Anyway, Kress, I have to do all the Kress self-promotion because you guys absolutely have no mind for it. Yeah, we're too busy making art, but you handle the plugs. I know. I learned how RSS feeds work.

Do we have anything else in the mailbag? That was it for this week. Nat, you have a longtime girlfriend. Is she aware of Mean Boys? I've told her about it, but I specifically told her saying like, oh, my friends have this podcast that you should never listen to. I specifically said you wouldn't like it.

Hey, person, y'all, thanks, Nat. That's our street team. What a shitty question that was. She's legitimately as delicate as everyone thinks I am. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, Nat is just an impish man. I use just the exterior to hide all the dark thoughts beneath.

Yeah, he's like the living embodiment of a flaccid penis. You wispy little poof. All right. When you get a haircut, a mohel comes and sucks it off your head. Yeah. I think if you were going to, like, guess which of this table is, like, the true psychopath, you'd be a fool not to choose Nat, because all of our disgustingness is just out for the world to read, and you're just, you know, hiding under that fucking, you know, smile

in your Midwest goatee. Oh, yeah, Nat. Oh, yeah. Midwest. Why are you so friendly? He's got Hanukkah in his eyes you are the only Jew with like white supremacist facial hair

he's from Florida you know it just grows this way he's an Africanized killer Jew he's just cross-pollinized it with some alligator fucking DNA well hey thanks for joining us follow Nat on Twitter he's got much more

Twitter followers than all of us. At NatBAML. Very funny guy. One of my favorite guys. One of the first guys I wanted to get in here

and I think he did a great job. Yeah, thank you. Thanks, Nat. Follow Nat. We appreciate him. And I think that's it this week.

We got plugs? Yeah. I'll be at 3rd Street Live in Temecula this weekend for shows. So come to those. I'll be on tour for the next couple weeks with Kyle Clark, who we had on a couple episodes back,

the Black Rainbow Tour. We will be in Fresno Friday night, Tulare Saturday and Sunday, San Francisco Monday, Portland Tuesday through Thursday, and then next weekend we'll be in Seattle. And while Keith is on the road, we have fan favorite returning as our Joan Rivers guest host, Tom Goss will be here for two very special episodes.

Everyone gets excited when we leave. I think we're the problem, really. I'm going to be at the Madhouse in San Diego all weekend. Awesome. Nat, what do you got? I'll be up in Seattle June 14th through the 19th. Go to my website, natbaymel.com, for specific shows. Sweet.

All right, boys. Fuck everything. God is dead. Woo-hoo! sweet alright boys fuck everything god is dead woohoo ginger spice has got herself a nice little tummy