Mean Boys - EP 200 - Strood (feat. Ramsey Badawi)
Episode Date: June 25, 2019Support our sponsor Scentbird: https://www.scentbird.com/mean Listen to Tom's new podcast Leaving The Tribe: http://soundcloud.com/user-754160303 Get a Mean Boys Ramones shirt: meanboyspodcast.com/me...rch Download the Himalaya app and follow Mean Boys: itunes.apple.com/us/app/himalaya-…d1275493456?mt=8 Fill out our tour sheet and get on our mailing list: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at meanboyspodcast@gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at (304) 805-6326 Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow our guest Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: twitter.com/ramsbad Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Well, guys, it's the big 200.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
We did 200 goddamn episodes of this fucking show.
I was about to say we're blowing out 200 candles, but we all smoke, so that's not happening.
We get through eight, and then we're going to all need a nap.
Yeah, we're going to just let the cake burn.
Yeah.
Thank you guys for fucking continuing to listen to this madness.
We get very sappy and sentimental towards the end of this episode, so we don't have to burn it up too much here.
Yeah, we cover it.
But, yeah, we do appreciate you guys very much.
We do.
Yeah. We cover it, but yeah, we do appreciate you guys very much. We do. The fact that you have a connection with us and whatever impact this show has in your life, big or small, it means the world to us.
Yeah, I know we gripe and grumble, kind of roll our eyes at the concept of the fans sometimes.
We really do love you guys, and we love that you give a shit about this show.
Yeah, I still don't believe you guys exist.
And you've met hundreds of them.
I know.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we had a Mean Boys all-timer.
He's got his number retired, 9-11.
Ramsey Bedawi in the studio, always one of our favorite guests.
Who better to ring in the special day than him?
Yeah.
And, yeah, it's just a pretty straightforward Mean Boys episode.
We didn't really do anything.
It's a good episode.
We didn't put together a big thing.
I think it's a fun sketch commemorating.
Yeah, we got a nice sketch.
We just tried to give you a good episode.
Yeah.
We talked a little bit about the legacy of our bullshit at the end.
We didn't want to enable gays too much, you know?
Yeah, I don't know.
We'll see you at 201.
Yeah.
Yeah. A, yeah.
A good episode.
We shouldn't have done this part last.
We probably should have saved some steam for the big 200th episode.
Yeah, we done,
did we already say that we did 200 of them?
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, fuck, okay.
I'll plug this real quick.
That's one less than 201.
I'm just going to do that joke for Tom right now. Oh, listen to Leaving the Tribe, my, okay. I'll plug this real quick. That's one less than 201. I'm just going to do that joke for Tom right now.
Oh, listen to Leaving the Tribe, my other podcast.
There's a thing that goes with the intro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The actual thing.
How many episodes is Leaving the Tribe at?
Still under 10.
I think we're at eight.
Nice.
Okay, wow.
Eight.
Wow, that's one more than seven.
Yeah, you know what?
For our ninth episode, we'll get a guest that we've never had on before.
I like this show.
Why am I trying to...
You're on me.
I am the show.
I am the show.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Dom's got an ego.
Big Dick Goss fucking swinging nuts on the intro.
Well, we're recording two hours late because Tom would come out of his dressing room.
I guess he found
the green Sour Patch can
or what the fuck ever
in his little green room.
You want only brown
Sour Patch cans.
We explained those
don't exist.
Oh, yeah.
You're thinking of
the Coca-Cola gummies.
I tried to explain it to him.
He just kept screaming
about sour diversity.
You just thought
they were curvy Latin women
that they'd invited
into the Sour Patch community.
You make anything brown
if you color it.
Yep, yep, yep.
That's the kind of comedy that warranted doing it 200 times.
Let's Xerox that 200 times.
It was my ass, and now it's just a wall of gray.
Let's see if you even recognize it.
Here's the show.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast.
Happy 200 episodes.
And here's to 15 or 20 more.
I'm Connor McSpadden.
I'm Keith Carey. I'm RamseySpadden. I'm Keith Carey.
I'm Ramsey Bedawi.
And I'm Hugh Jackoff.
Just keep stabbing himself with the claws.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Well done.
That may be my favorite opening I was not expecting that
He's got like a real Hugh Jackman look to him right now
I've been saying he looks like Wolverine
But like bad Wolverine
When I had shorter hair I told you guys I look very Wolverine-ish
And you guys were like sure
The way I've been describing your hair is it looks like you have too much hair
And not enough hair
It looks good today but normally you have this thing
Where you're sort of sweaty, so you have three different
widow's beaks going.
It's like the guy they tried the experiment
out on and it didn't work, so they just
left him in the street.
Your weapon, W.
I was saying earlier, Tom has the haircut of a guy who's going to
sell me spent uranium.
I give you
good price.
Well, he has bought,
as I'm fond of reminding him, he has bought vape juice from a homeless guy.
So, I mean, that is not the most dangerous commodity he would have dealt in.
That was actually just Ramsey pushing a shopping cart.
That was one of my minions.
I'm running a scam on Vons.
Don't worry about it.
I tried it.
That was Lysol and petroleum jelly.
That shit was terrifying.
Do you guys know there's no regulating body for Coinstar machines?
It's international waters.
In my defense,
I was very high by myself in New York City.
So what did you think was going to happen?
I was wearing a Russian coat in the summer.
Of course I was going to buy...
The worst night of my life
was dealing with Tom
in the largest city in the world
that I also did not know how to navigate.
If anyone saw that transaction, they wouldn't know who was in danger.
Yeah.
There's no way it was.
That was definitely a hand soap dispenser someone pissed in.
I needed one of those monkey backpack leashes that Santa Monica parents have.
There should be a Mean Boys one for Tom for any time you guys are on the road.
Just any time you secure him with it.
Yeah, we have like an adult Bjorn.
Yeah.
I carry him around.
He's taller than me, but I'm still carrying him somehow.
I feel bad because you had to deal with the worst experience babysitting me high,
and you've had the worst experience babysitting me drunk.
And, you know, Ramsey gets to do it when I combine the two.
No, I never get back on heroin.
Yeah.
Every time.
Back on heroin.
I've only run into Tom at a pleasant level of high.
Like, every time Tom's been high around me, he's had, like, just an assortment of gummies and things to offer.
It's always been a pleasant experience.
Oh, no.
When Connor had to babysit me, I was – it started with me buying vape juice from a homeless man and ended with me covered in white sauce from a pita.
It was – You bought a gyro from a different, slightly less homeless man and ended with me covered in white sauce from a pita. It was...
You bought a gyro from a different, slightly less homeless man.
Yeah, well, he's eating 2 a.m. street gyro, and it just fucking explodes all over him.
And I look up at him like he's...
If the SeaWorld thing was filled with tzatziki sauce, it was...
You there, human version of Watto, give me Saudi Arabia's messiest sandwich
and he just looks at me giggling and I'm like
oh my god it was like fatherhood
and it's like
the hardest part is like
he is tremendously bigger and stronger
than me so it's like it all comes down
to like trying to reverse engineer
tricks to whatever like can
still reach his what's left of his
conscious mind.
I'm training a Russian circus bear.
You have to use rhetoric against Tom.
You can't use the force.
You have to be persuasive.
Like you're trying to trick a computer in Blade Runner.
That's how you get Tom to do his stuff.
I remember eating the pita, and I remember you getting more and more angry,
but I was enjoying the pita too much to really care.
And I'm behind you
and you're about to turn around and rise
you turn around just like a giant dollop
just falls all over my pants
you turn around you see me
you look so exasperated and then I laugh
the gyro out of my mouth
cause I saw you react
and I did a spit take laughing
cause I saw how upset you were
it was just a spit take chunk this I saw how upset you were. It was just a spit take chunk.
I did.
This fucking indigent Gallagher show.
It was horrible.
And Connor is the person who has a disposition like, in high school, Connor was voted least
likely to become a babysitter.
There's nobody who has a disposition to care for people less.
Well, it was just, it's like, what are you really, it was fucking impossible.
Like, it was like, it just like, I'd like walk half a block.
I'd look behind me and be like, okay, stop going through that mailbox.
We're going over here.
Stop going through that mailbox.
I wanted to see if there was a whole turkey in there, like in video games.
He's just trying to read a sign with nothing on it.
And it's like, come on, we'll get to it later.
Oh, it's a wall.
Yeah.
And we had to go all the way from manhattan to like deep brooklyn and it was just and it's like a couple trains fucking switches and there's there's closures
and my phone's dying and i'm just oh it took for fucking ever it's tough to get tom on a train when
he's sober let alone high i mean it's very difficult oh no it's way too easy to get tom
on a train uh we found out from our Portland live show.
Oh, God.
The train was the problem.
You insisted on saving $23 on the train, which you more than I'm sure made up for in cigarettes and food on your travels,
and then got stopped by a fire, and you were almost late to the show.
Yeah, two fires.
Do you guys like Portland?
It's okay.
Not really.
I fucking hated it.
I like Portland for exactly 48 hours.
One second longer and I cannot abide it.
I was there recently and I remember walking around and I remember every single house had
like a sign in the lawn, like a realtor.
Yeah.
But it said like, our America is diverse, trans-friendly, yada, blah, blah.
Right.
But it was just the whitest people on the planet.
Yeah, which I appreciate the
effort, I guess, but it is sort of a thing of
like, we know. Where are they, though?
You know what I mean? It's me.
I don't like any community that
likes itself. You know, I don't like
being in any place where they're like, fuck yeah,
this is with Chicago,
you know? I like every city to be like, yeah, we
know. Fucking sorry, shut up. Like, I don't like the community. I don every city to be like, yeah, we know. Fucking sorry.
Shut up.
I don't like pride of any kind.
I also hate the donut thing that they have going on.
Oh, at Voodoo?
Donuts are meant to be sold to you by an angry Korean man who doesn't want your business.
But this is very much a California thing, the weird angry Asian man who will sell you a donut for a nickel.
Really?
So everywhere else, I guess that's my fault.
I'm in the cave, as Plato would have said.
Plato's donut hole.
As Plato would have said about you or a lot of guys on Reddit or me when the mics are off.
You know, a lot of people.
Or whatever Jordan Peterson put in Chapter 2, you know.
I believe you're the expert.
I am.
I am.
I am.
And I don't want to make this about Jordan Peterson.
You want to make it about donuts and race.
You don't want to make it about race and donuts.
I'm not saying, can the white man get a beignet?
I've never encountered anything you don't want to make about Jordan Peterson.
That's a fair point.
I believe he got a shout out in your relationship anniversary post.
You're talking about how much you hate Portland
while you were also literally drinking
a can of Stumptown cold brew.
The most Portland shit you could possibly be doing.
I don't know.
I think coffee out of a can is cool
because it's like...
So does Portland.
You think so?
Stumptown is Portland.
It even says nitro on it.
That's a Portland-esque word.
This looks like I'm drinking coffee out of a natty ice can.
It's cool.
I see your point.
You know, I don't know.
It felt less European.
Looks like some sort of limited edition bush.
You ate less European?
It felt less European.
It's got a European vibe to letters.
What is it called?
Calligraphy?
That's not in any way calligraphy.
But that's close, Tom.
You're in the neighborhood.
Yeah.
Well, calligraphy in Japan is just kanji.
And they're just like, ooh, this one letter means a word.
And it's very fancy.
I never figured out the American version of calligraphy.
Letters.
Cursive?
It's letters.
Fonts?
What are you?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying
font
font wise
it's got a European
strewed do it
well
strewed
hang on
god damn it
you knew what I meant
no I didn't
and neither did you
and just when I was about to apologize
for getting us here
Tom says strewed
what is
hang on
well Tom's like
the way you communicate
is like 90% confidence first of all spell strewed. What is... Hang on. Well, Tom's like... The way you communicate is like 90% confidence.
First of all, spell strewed.
S-T-R-O-O-D.
There you go.
Okay.
That's what I thought.
Yeah.
Well, how did you think it was spelled?
Define it.
Huh?
How did I say...
Use it in my sentence.
Tom is a dumb shit.
No, no, no.
How did I use it earlier
I don't even remember
It's got a European
Strewed to it
Energy
It means energy
Yo man
I got the BDS
A big dick strewed
Use it in my sentence
Was the best
Thing
Any
Dude you guys
Let's call it a podcast
It's over
Yeah we'll see you at, let's call it a podcast. It's over.
See you at 201. That's episode 200, guys.
You said it.
In my sentence. I don't remember how I used it.
That's the thing. If you just put sounds together,
people will get the essence
of what you're trying to say. Totally.
Strode could also mean essence.
Energy, essence.
The General Strode. You could have also said energy or essence. General Strode sounds also mean essence. Energy, essence. The General Strode.
You could have also said energy or essence.
General Strode sounds like a lesser Star Wars villain.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He took over after Thrawn.
Yeah.
Like, Jordan Peter has a very self-based Strode.
Jordan Peter is nobody.
That is not a guy.
What did I say?
Jordan Peter.
Okay.
Well, I'm sure it's somebody.
You like to get out.
Yeah.
What's that one we called Go Home?
Jordan Peter is somebody.
And then the other one, We.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, there's always someone named something.
People got fucking crazy names.
Tom, it's four in the afternoon.
This is...
You should have been awake for so long.
I am awake.
I'm making coherent points right now.
Using three-syllable-ass words and just fucking coherent three syllables
and just bringing out a very specific strud for this episode.
I finally figured out exactly what your hair looks like.
90s minor league baseball player.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
80s or 90s? 90s. I was born in the baseball player. Oh, yeah, absolutely. 80s or 90s?
90s.
I was born in the 90s.
Oh, well, then there you go.
It's like, I'll figure it out.
It all adds up.
It's a great point.
It's 90s?
You just said 90s, you fucking goldfish.
Like, can you?
How?
Like, what?
Like, you have no ability to hear and also be thinking.
It's on or off, you know?
Yeah, well, you know, this podcast is all about saying words.
Hey, man, it takes a lot of shrewd to keep this engine running.
Yeah.
It's simultaneously minor league baseball from the 90s
and also high school football from the 70s.
Yes.
Like, he takes off his helmet, and that's what Joe Namath looks like.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, it's the bulldozer.
I played football.
Did you really?
Yeah, in the 2000s.
Nice, man.
Yeah.
What position did you play?
I was a kicker for the Philadelphia Eagles.
I'm amazed no one danced.
Yeah, I played nose guard, linebacker, fullback, and center a little bit.
I just want to comment on how it's a hot summer day here in Los Angeles,
and Tom is pit-staining through the hoodie that he is wearing with nothing underneath it.
Am I pit-staining?
Yes.
Yes, you are.
Look at the part where it's wet and dark.
That's better.
Tom, back to the hair.
Don't you usually shave your head for summer?
This is how I usually know when it's summer.
No, I'm shaving my head for discipline reasons.
Yes, the Pac-Pal sundial. Tom shaves his head for
discipline reasons, which you know is a great idea
because the people that worked for Tyler Durden in
Fight Club.
I guess. I lost a lot
of weight. Yeah, but you didn't blow up
a bank, though. Yeah, I wasn't
trying to. If I wanted to, I could
have. Is this a concept that you guys have gone
through a lot that Tom shaves his head for disciplinary
reasons? He wouldn't stop shaving his head until he reaches a certain point.
Did you catch yourself smoking weed?
My literal Nazi stepfather used to do that to me.
He would shave my head if I got in trouble.
That should be a reward in a Nazi household.
Yeah, you're your own Nazi dad.
I mean, in terms of discipline, yes.
Nazi discipline.
Yeah, not in terms of, you know, people.
Sure, sure.
You know, I don't wish Nazi on people.
I wish Nazi upon discipline upon my head.
You know, he built a lot of hospitals,
and he had a little something called stick-to-itiveness.
Yeah, it was admirable.
My dog had gumption.
Yeah, I have all of it.
None of the Nazi morals with all the Nazis screwed when it comes to self.
You're really, yeah, you're right.
I'm going to stick with the screwed thing.
I don't know why you guys are getting so weird about it.
Tom is really playing some fourth dimensional checkers right now.
Yeah, I don't even know how to play checkers.
I'm a chess man.
Well, I'm exhausted.
You know what was weird? I did a show with 103 degree fever at san diego and the shows went well and then afterwards someone some girl came up it was like my mom would have loved you and i
was like that's not something that i hear very often i was like my mom loved you, but that's not indicative of his mom. Was her mom Christopher Dorner?
I was going to say, incidentally, Tom's fan base is people with 103 degree fever.
She goes, there's a very high turnover rate with Tom Goss' fan base.
And I was amazed.
I was like, really?
Moms usually avoid me.
And she's like, yeah, I know she would have loved that Hitler joke.
And I was like, yeah?
And she was like, yeah, she was a Nazi in Germany in World War II.
I was like, what?
Her mom?
Yeah.
How old was this lady?
Like, I think 30s or 40s.
Yeah.
Kick your math there.
She was in her 30s.
Her mom was a Nazi.
And so she would have been born in, like, 1920.
Okay. So 1920, 30, or 40 means that she would have had that kid in the 90s when she was 70.
Wait, she wouldn't have had the kid in the 90s?
80s or 90s if she's 30 or 40.
I'm, yeah, it was like late 30s or 40s.
Okay, so let's say 1978 when this 68-year-old Nazi had a kid that loved your stand-up.
Now, I know they've got bases on the moon, but I don't know how good the technology is
for making 68-year-old women have healthy, racist, I'm assuming San Diego babies.
If you have a baby when you're 68, one of the mental symptoms is that it likes Tom's
comics.
That's true.
That with flippers and a taste for hippocampus.
I check her facts
with my math
and it turns out
that maybe she was...
I would check it
against somebody else's math
if I was...
Yeah, that doesn't add up,
actually.
Oh, you know what?
Now that I think about it,
she was a bus driver.
That doesn't add...
Wait, no.
40s.
Are you sure
she didn't mean grandma?
She said mom.
Okay, so this is...
Well, maybe she was raised by her grandma.
All right, so we got this old cum Nazi baby.
Yeah.
He's a big fan of you.
Sometimes people are raised by their grandmas, but they call them mom?
Is that a thing?
No, that's not a thing.
Not in the, let's call it the Nazi community.
Yeah, that's a weird thing.
No, that is a thing, actually.
People call their grandparents mom?
Yeah, I know a lot of like, you know, it's like if mom and dad are, like, fucked off or in jail or something.
It's not uncommon to just, you're raised by your grandma, you just call them mom.
Really?
That's crazy.
I know the grandma steps in a lot.
I just, I would think that you would call them grandmas.
It feels weird to call them something they're not.
Yeah, well, dude, I dated a girl who fucking, like, so her mom had a kid.
Yeah.
Like, it was her. And then, like, a year in was like, I can't raise a kid. Yeah. Like, it was her.
And then,
like,
a year in was like,
I can't raise this kid.
So gave it to her sister.
So then,
but it's still around.
So now she's just calling
her aunt mom
and her mom aunt.
It's a whole fucking.
I swear to God,
Keith,
your current girlfriend,
Jordan,
right now,
is the only time
you've ever not dated
somebody who just has had,
I can't believe
she's not insane.
All your other girlfriends
are like,
well,
I dated this girl one time and she was sort of into Satanism and it was a weird. No, she's not insane. All your other girlfriends are like, well, I dated this girl one time.
She was sort of into Satanism, and it was weird.
No, that's this one.
Satanism's fine.
I'm kidding.
Well, she wears it nicely.
Jordan is an incredibly well-adjusted person.
She's into what I would call a totally acceptable level of white girl voodoo.
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
Absolutely.
Hold on.
We have Opie on the phone.
He's got some thoughts about this. No, but let's be real, though. Jesus fucking Christ.. We have Opie on the phone. He's got some thoughts about this.
No, but let's be real, though.
Jesus fucking Christ. I'm going to have to come bust ghosts.
Yeah, can you move your Ouija board from the living room?
Because I can't touch it for some reason.
Opie, it says Parker Brothers on it.
My magical beliefs prevent me from moving your Ouija board.
Yeah, I got a peanut allergy, but for the spooky.
By the way, something... I wish he was stealing food so I could have just put
pentagrams on stuff instead of us
all stealing his food, but I wish I could have
cursed all the food in the house to keep Opie away.
I do love that. Who wrote
666 on my muffin pan?
I love that Opie was like a Christian
but also had just like a
random weird African beliefs.
It would always crack me up because he'd be like, yo, man, I go to church every Sunday and I never walk by daffodils.
My uncle taught me you walk by a daffodil.
Nah, dog.
My uncle was cursed.
It's true.
His worldview is a real trail mix.
There's some early 2000s YouTube blog ideas.
There's some Christianity.
There's some African stuff from Lagos.
It's all in there.
Let me tell you, the year Opie's been having, sign me up.
I'll take the African beliefs.
I'll take it all, baby.
Yeah, damn.
The secret is working.
Yeah, I've only fucked with Ouija boards once.
It was homemade.
Yeah, I was there.
Yeah, Russ Gern.
Yeah, Russ Gern. Had a with Ouija boards once. It was homemade. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, Russ Gern. Yeah, Russ Gern.
Had a homemade Ouija board?
We made a Ouija board in a hotel room in Fresno
because we were on the road for Halloween
and we wanted to be spooky.
I assume every motel in Fresno
comes with a how to make a Ouija board guide
of some sort.
We just wrote letters on paper
and then cut a hole in a fucking Dixie cup.
No, in Fresno, that's what's in the drawer
instead of the Bible.
Yeah, the Bible, the Ouija board. Talk to the guy who died in here last week. Yeah, when I, in Fresno, that's what's in the drawer instead of the Bible. The Bible is a Ouija board.
Talk to the guy who died in here last week.
Yeah, when I'm in Fresno in hotels, I read it.
That's how I go to sleep.
I read the Ouija board.
A, B, calligraphy.
I did a Ouija board when I was a kid, and I also did it recently in here with a girl I was hooking up with.
Which, post-Ouija board sex, weird.
That's got to be weird.
That is a little weird, yeah.
Oh, it says anal.
Because it was moving, and I wasn't moving it, and she said she wasn't moving it.
I don't really, I'm sure it was just a fucking collective unconscious thing or whatever.
But it was weird to be like, all right, now that we've invited the demons, let's...
What are you asking?
That sounds so rad.
Get your pussy out.
Were you asking it some kind of sexual question?
Should I wear a condom?
I'm seeing an end.
Yeah.
Oh, man, that's funny.
Who should be on top?
Yeah, no, I did.
Yeah, six months ago.
Uh-oh, it just says me, and and then you get buttfucked by a ghost
well it was like the the fucking letters were just moving random it was just kind of like
circling the board through the alphabet right and she said uh she's like i looked it up and
that means a demon was trying to get out and i'm like that's just like but who's what the 19 year
old is writing the ouija board wiki. How are we translating this?
A demon never got out to, like, fucking, you know, like, create this rule.
But also here it's possible.
This is a house where it could happen.
Yeah, this is the one non-Catholic junk of this neighborhood.
This is the only home in history that's gentrified out the demons.
The demons are like, yeah, I had to go to Highland Park.
I had to get the fireworks for too much for me.
Do you know anybody with a two-bedroom
in Boyle Heights?
Say, I bless my yoke.
Get friendly
preferred.
Oh, fuck.
Looking for 1,400
or less.
How have you been, Ramdog?
Good, man How has the 200 episodes of Mean Boys impacted your life?
Let's take a look back
Someone came on your face
Which I forgot about until right now
Oh, but it was a photo of your face
It was a photo of my face
Don't steal my valor
Go ahead Did you come on my face without me knowing? No, I came on my face Oh, yeah it was a photo of your face. It was a photo of my face. Don't steal my valor. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Did you come on my face without me knowing?
No, I came on my face.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
You're right.
A bunch of times.
Yeah, you know, man, it's changed my life for the better.
I don't know where I would be without it.
Probably 300 to 400 Twitter followers less.
Yeah.
Lighter, yeah.
So, you know.
But, you know, great overall.
I'm trimming down.
Took down a couple pounds.
Oh, yeah?
What are you doing?
You back on the keto?
Pure keto, which is actually bringing me into my next subject.
I'm doing this like – I'm doing energy coconut oil.
Tell me what you guys think.
How dare you say you don't like Portland?
It's a coconut oil.
Hear me out on this one, right?
400 milligrams of caffeine with each serving.
Okay, all right.
It's a thing I'm thinking about getting into.
Well, yeah, and you just dump it in your coffee every morning.
It helps you move smoothly into the day.
Absolutely.
A lot of clean, burning fats.
Be the bullet.
Me and Connor were at Opie's house the other day, and there was like snacks, and I was
because I'm going hard.
I was fucking around for a little while, but now I'm going hard.
Okay.
So anytime now I go to like a party and there's like snacks, I'll always ask the host.
I'll be like, do you have like just like a mouthful of olive oil I could have?
Do you have any just general maybe, I don't know, like a coconut I could have. Do you have any, just general,
maybe, I don't know, like a coconut I could chew on
for a little bit? I'm looking for exactly nine
almonds.
Have you guys ever had... Give eight and I'll pass.
Preferably pecans. I mean, I want a lower
net carb, but you know.
You guys ever eat garlic chips?
Yeah. They burn.
What? Explain.
Are you a vampire?
Are you little balls of garlic?
No, garlic chips are those little, they look like little like wood chips.
And then you eat them and they're garlic.
Are you eating a clove of garlic?
No, they're in chip form.
Okay.
And like a bag that says garlic chips or like just something that someone gave you?
In Asian restaurants with a little spoon thing in them.
I think that's chili. There's a little spoon thing in them. I think that's chili.
A little spoon thing in it?
No, they're sour.
Tastes like garlic.
I don't think I've ever had that.
Yeah.
Well, I'll be on the lookout for it.
Should I go to a place and find it today?
I mean, yeah, it hurts your mouth.
I think it's killing the bacteria.
That's why the things burn and there's no fire a lot of times.
Whoa, okay.
Alright.
Thomas, this is Scientology.
Is that what Thomas described?
When things burn and there's no fire,
it's probably garlic.
That's cleansing. It's either love or garlic.
Oh, yeah.
I wish it was garlic more.
It's so funny. It wish it was garlic bar. That's so funny.
It tastes good besides the hurt.
Man, you're on a good one today, dude.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, you are.
Is it ginger he's thinking of?
That's what I'm like, I don't know.
No, I eat ginger by the handful.
It's not ginger.
That's too much ginger, my dog.
It's too much ginger.
Yeah, but my whole family goes fucking ham on the ginger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You got to get on Ramsey's diet where somebody just hands you one fist of uncooked beef.
Then you eat that while you just frown at a crossfetch.
Dude, it's mainly been nut oils lately.
Just doing a lot of oils.
I thought you said you didn't get your face combed on.
Oh, yeah.
That's a fair point.
Do you just drink it like just...
Spoonfuls.
Spoonfuls.
Dude, I've read when I was doing keto.
What are your shits like?
Fairly non-existent.
I have not been shitting very much lately.
See, I felt like I had like non-stop diarrhea when I was doing keto.
That's like, that sounds like peak of fit.
Your body's no longer producing waste.
Every single thing is being metabolized.
You know what I mean?
You've turned yourself into a perpetual motion machine.
I mean, it's like, it's crazy.
The only thing I'm actually making sure.
I grew a new finger.
You ever do the strips?
The keto strips?
No, not every time.
You piss on it.
It tells you how far into keto you are.
Mine is like dark purple, dude.
I'm pretty deep in.
My goal is to get into.
I just want to lose like 25 pounds.
How much do you weigh, Ramsey?
It goes all the way from yellow all the way to purple.
And then Ramsey is a smoke on the water.
He's deep purple. He's way down in there.
I weigh currently like
150 pounds. I want
to drop an insane amount of weight.
Why? You look good, dude.
You got the veins popping and shit.
Originally it was like, okay, what will make me
more bookable? Glasses. That won't work.
I got to be Silver Lake skinny.
Why don't you just be you?
You guys follow this. more bookable. Glasses. That won't work. I gotta be Silver Lake Skinny. Why don't you just be you, baby? Here's what I'm gonna do.
You guys follow this.
Follow everybody. As a guy who knows Ramsey's
personality pretty well, that is also not going
to work.
That is probably
one of the worst moves.
Okay. 200 episode. I'll make the
declaration here. I'm gonna lose a bunch of
weight and grow a really long beard.
And then my career will be off the ground. I'm going to lose a bunch of weight and grow a really long beard. And then my career will
be off the ground.
I think this may work.
It will work. You guys have no...
You guys all see.
Declared here first. I'm going to grow a long beard
and get skinny. And people are going to go,
that guy knows stuff.
You're going to look like an old wizard.
You're going to look like
pre-death Howard Hughes. Myes my favorite like part of like every ramsey scheme is i'm just like enjoying
it enjoying it man this is funny okay yeah all right sure and then i and about 20 minutes ago
now where is ramsey's girlfriend in all this you know what what is how does she feel about all of
this that's going on do men with long beards fuck? I mean, not consensually, but...
Well, yeah, and the Greeks,
there was the Greeks,
and they did a lot of fucking,
usually young boys,
but it was still fucking.
Yeah.
So is that also part of your new plan?
I want people to look at me and think,
pedophile.
Now there goes a stoic.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
That guy's eating bread and olives all day.
This guy has a great Socratic method and a lot of nut oils.
You lose enough weight, you grow enough beard, people just start throwing money at you on the street.
I want people to look at me and go, he seems deliberative.
Now, how long are we talking?
Give me like a reference point.
Like a DJ Sandhu beard?
Yeah, like kind of down to like mid-chest.
Mid-shin.
Okay.
All right.
It's going to be long.
It's too much beard.
Braided little beard ponytail.
It's going to set me out in Hollywood, man.
I guess.
I can't believe you don't like Portland.
You were like, I don't like Portland.
Here's a list of things.
This is the most Portland shit you've ever heard.
Growing a beard.
Excuse me.
I'm Arab.
That's my thing, man.
That's what I'm saying.
It's going to help Hollywood really see me for who I could be.
Terrorist on 24.
Yeah, I mean, you'll get more extra work, but I don't know if that's worth it.
I don't know, man.
I've been driving for Lyft, so maybe it's worth it.
I got a feeling that's going to hurt your Lyft rating.
Let me tell you right now, dude.
I've been driving for Lyft.
I drove for Lyft the other day on Pride Day.
Here's how hurt and I am for money.
It was Pride Day in West Hollywood.
Tons of gay dudes I was picking up.
All of them were flirting with me.
And I was like, I am not going to reveal I'm straight to any of these people in hopes of getting a tip.
That's just good business, dude.
That's good business.
Yeah, no, I don't blame you for that for a second.
I literally all day, they'd be like, you ever been to Ackbar?
And I'd be like, nah, that's just not my scene. Like, they'd be like, clear been to Ackbar? And I'd be like nah that's just not my scene.
Like they'd be like
like clear gay bars.
I really hang out
at the Eagle more.
Yeah.
They're like oh we better
not fuck with him.
I'd give them kind of
the truth where I'd go
yeah I don't know
it's not me.
You're playing hard to get.
I love it.
Did you get tipped?
Got tipped pretty
the gay community
the gay community
it's good.
The only time
the gay community is bad
is occasionally you run into these guys who are like...
You ever run into gay guys who walk around
like they're the star of their own sitcom?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those are the only guys that I got.
Well, dude, you know who's so fucking bad about that
are drag queens.
Oh, drag queens are like...
Dude, any...
Public service knows.
If you're a drag queen, like, Godspeed, do your thing.
If you ever have to host a comedy show,
just bring somebody up and then get the fuck out of the way.
Don't try and do some fun, wacky, riffy interview.
I did a show last night.
It was like a Pride Week show.
And it basically was this like big fat dude dressed like a fucking like blue face paint nun in drag who then just wanted to ask a bunch of weird questions about my dick before introducing me. I was getting me too.
But one of the aliens from the fucking Star Wars cantina.
It's just one of those things where it's like, I understand how your impulse, you think this
is funny, but I promise you, it's not.
What is a beautiful cocktail of just blind arrogance and complete lack of self-awareness?
Yeah.
I had to do a Postmates one time from the Abbey.
It's like a big gay bar.
Oh, yeah.
And it's just like picking up some cookies, and I walked in
and it was like Wild West saloon doors
open. Who's this new
guy in town? Everyone just
starts sniffing me out. They see me looking at my phone
and they're like, uh-oh. Okay, is this an app
or is this guy just a little shy?
He doesn't have to be. Is the Abbey
a place where people order food and shit?
Fucking apparently. Yeah, I didn't
know. I think you'd want to go in there on an empty stomach.
It feels like a weird move to me.
For what do you want to taste the game?
I'd like to Postmates a handful of peanuts
from Verdugo Bar.
Where are we Postmating bar food?
The whole point is you're at this bar.
This is your only option.
I would think so, yeah.
Oh wait, I want to go back.
I want to do another cookie thing.
Warning, these cookies contain nut. We'll be right back would think so, yeah. Oh wait, I want to go back. I want to do another cookie thing. Warning, these cookies contain nut.
We'll be
right back, right after this, guys.
I don't get it.
How the fuck are you, everybody? It's me, Mark Malloy.
Man, 200 episodes
of Mean Boys. Feels like just yesterday
these three idiots climbed out of a dumpster
in Orange County and into the hearts and minds
of the world. The world has changed
so much since the humble beginnings
of America's 973rd most popular podcast.
But through all the great moments in history,
the Mean Boys have been there,
like this episode from the vault recorded way back in 1865.
All right, everybody, it's time for the Mexican joke-off.
Aye, give us Texas back. I'll take his way
this week. President Abraham Lincoln was shot
in the head this week. He'll soon be buried
six feet under, eight feet if he's wearing the hat.
Man, imagine getting shot with your dick out.
What a fucking bummer. What are you talking about?
He was at a theater. Oh, like, for real?
I thought the theater was code for jerking it in the
back row. I guess that's only if you're Fred Willard.
I don't get that joke. It'll be funny in
150 years. I wouldn't say funny.
You know, amusing tops.
The Mean Boys have always been there to tell us what's happening in this crazy world.
To not only entertain, but inform.
Even when the truth is uglier than a dog fucking a lady in a warehouse.
Like this unforgettable moment from 1943.
Wait, so you mean to tell me they're just herding them onto trains,
taking them to camps, and slaughtering them by the tens of thousands?
Correct the mundo!
And who can forget that historic fucking episode in 1968
when those lovable Mean Boys went to Vietnam
to record live from the front lines of the Tet Offensive?
Welcome back to the Mean Boys podcast,
one of our first ever on-location episodes.
We're coming to you from a foxhole in Hanoi.
Keith followed some ladyboy into the jungle and never came back, but we're joined by our guest...
Martin Jackson, Sergeant, United States Army.
Welcome to the shit, boys.
What's it like out here, man? Seems pretty fucked up.
It ain't no fucking Easter picnic, fatty.
You sleep in a hole, elbow to elbow, praying to God you don't get spotted by one of the snipers in the trees.
Hell, sometimes I catch myself praying they do spot me.
One quick pop, one quick drop, and I get a body bag and a free ride home.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
Yeah, for sure.
I took the biggest fucking shit.
Before I forget, I took the biggest dump I've ever taken in my life yesterday.
I don't know what they're putting in this Vietnamese food, but I left a couple of punji sticks for you behind the mess hall.
Yeah, you get used to it.
So anyway, last week I was. they're putting in this Vietnamese food, but I left a couple of punji sticks for you behind the mess hall. Yeah, you get used to it.
So anyway, last week.
So shut up.
Because the thing about the shit was it looked like it was two different dumps sewn to get like a like kind of like a nightmare before Christmas dump.
If I had to describe like it started as diarrhea and halfway through it must have like rallied
and came together like a spirit bomb in my ass.
You know, it was like a little league team that learned to believe themselves
halfway through the season because someone's mom died.
I'm trying to tell a story.
Yeah, and I'm trying to tell you that I don't care.
I'm a professional broadcaster, and I know what the people want.
It's hard-hitting, boots-on-the-ground reporting
about the human rights atrocity my asshole just committed behind the Humvee.
Boy, you don't know nothing about pain.
You ever seen the eyes of a child who's already seen death?
The blank, cold, empty stare
of a kid that learned there ain't no God and there ain't
no mercy? Do you know how many pizza places I've
headlined in Fresno? They made me take a blowtorch
to an entire village, hearing the screams
of the people boiling alive, watching myself
do it from above like a ghost,
unable to stop myself. I was just
I was only following orders.
I was only
following orders. I was only following orders.
So, I'm guessing you didn't write new names?
No, I didn't.
New name for when you poop your pants because you got scared by the Viet Cong.
Charlie Brown.
Okay, so he gets to talk about his dumps.
When I do it, it's lazy.
You're the worst.
I'm glad you're going to get old sitting in front of a liquor store crying in a wheelchair.
We're going to take a quick break while I sign up for a 99-cent store credit card in Ramsey Bedawi's name.
But after the break, we'll take a look at more great moments in Mean Boys history.
And the Mean Boys podcast returns.
We just got a text from Opie that his back hurts.
Yeah, man.
Opie, God bless him.
I love him.
The man gets hurt like a opie all
experiences all of his things in life like a 53 year old man yeah like a 53 year old divorced man
every little thing he's like uh like i just uh my toe hurts i'll be out i'll be out for three weeks
you won't hear from me well he's also got a lot of medicine opinions you know like he's like well
you take some ibuprofen reduce the swelling you know maybe help you get to sleep and He's like, will you take some ibuprofen to reduce the swelling? Maybe it'll help you get to sleep.
He's like, I'm not trying to be Korean.
I'll do ibuprofen.
I heard that shit makes your dick softer.
Exactly.
You guys want to hear the fattest physical injury
that I suffered yesterday?
I walked into a full metal pole while eating a cheese steak.
I was at Boots Cheese Steak.
I was like, I got your napkins. And I stand up
and there's just like a full pole behind me.
So I just go, donk, and just fucking took myself
out. The only way that could have been fatter
is if on the other side there was a fat guy
with an ice cream cone and you guys
crashed into each other.
He just grabs the cheese steak on his way down.
And you guys bumped into each other
and created a product that you both secretly want.
The ice cream Philly cheesesteak?
Yeah, dude.
And the owner was saying...
I call it the Hogan Doss.
The owner was just sitting there like, well, I guess I'm just moving my own piano now.
Hogan Doss.
All right, gang.
We're all fired up.
What do you say we get into the Mexican joke?
Hi, so topical.
Let's do it. I'll take it away this week.
An Echo Park family is facing trial from the neglect death of a special needs boy they kept in their closet, which is bullshit.
Tom is fine.
Oh, no.
I know that couple.
You know what's funny?
I thought about doing the same joke.
I have a different joke about that subject.
I'm not going to do it.
What part?
How close was it to our house?
I didn't look at the exact, but I got to think.
One firework away.
Yeah.
How many fireworks away?
Yeah.
I did see.
I walked to the grocery store the other night, and there's this underpass on where the fucking
good part starts, and I was walking underneath it, and there was just a bird scooter that
had been broken in half.
Like, the war has begun.
You know?
Like, it was.
But it looked like.
It looked violent.
You know?
It is.
Yeah, yeah.
Its neck has been snapped.
I've seen it before.
And we were like, oh, no, dude.
I just got to figure, like, an old Mexican man who's lived here his entire life.
He's like, no more.
Just broken.
Ah!
The neighborhood!
And threw it off the side.
You know?
It was fucking cool.
I got a picture of it.
That rocks.
Okay. No, I'm not going to do fucking cool. I got a picture of it. That rocks. Okay.
No, I'm not going to do that joke.
Do more Nary.
Yeah.
No, that's what people want.
They want to know the thought process.
Yeah.
I'm behind the actor's studio.
A cheese sculpture was made of singer Carrie Underwood.
Upon closer examination, it wasn't a cheese sculpture.
It was just Adele.
That's actually really good.
By the way, behind the actor's studio is Kevin Spacey's new show.
That's a beautiful Adele slam.
Thank you.
I love how long it took you guys to process what I was saying.
I thought Adele was like the computer.
And then I remembered that Adele's a fat lady.
A baby bell.
She's made of cheese.
In Claremore, Oklahoma, a man was arrested after stabbing his stepfather over an energy drink.
He was charged with aggravated assault, which incidentally is a new flavor by Monster Energy.
Available today at Jokoff's brought to you by 7-Eleven
oh yeah
dude
misdemeanor battery
misdemeanor battery
is pretty much
our what energy drink
so that's what
a four loco is
that is a
that's a double A
for like you know
throwing a rock at a cop
Conrad you don't drink much
you ever have the original
a four loco
no I haven't
I did two set
I did a set on
two four locos
it's eight locos it on two, four locos.
That's eight locos.
It was a lot of locos, man.
I killed in a ballet studio.
It was so much fun. The craziest part, it was a bar.
You know me, dude.
I'm a libertarian.
I'm as John Stuart Mill as the next guy.
That was the one time in government history when they stepped in that i was like yeah okay this
needs regular 100 well it's the beverage equivalent of pushing your wife down some stairs like it's
fucking rough dude i do like the uh was it you that had the idea like you know that bottle of
wine and sideways you know it was you that was like you were saving the original for loco you
know for a special occasion oh my god yeah it's not a mournful day drinking the last can of original,
I don't know, date rape orange or whatever flavors they had.
It is something a rich guy would definitely do, would have.
Rapsheet grape or whatever.
All right, gang.
An Australian professor has proposed a method for turning human poop into bricks.
Building a home with lazy poop ideas?
Back off, bitch.
The mean boys are working this corner.
We're feces.
There you go. This is the house that poop built.
By the way, I have gotten a surprising
amount of DMs asking me to release the poop picture.
That's so weird.
If you want it, just tweet me.
I will send it to you. I showed it to somebody at work
because he asked about it.
John.
He showed it to me at work because he asked about it. What happened? John.
Oh, John.
Okay.
And I showed it to him and he just goes, eh.
And then walked away like he was not impressed.
What happened?
What are you guys talking about?
Oh, it's the picture I showed you at Opie's party of my crazy poop.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
You did show me that picture. It was pretty nuts, right?
It was insane.
I'm glad I haven't seen it.
I've taken some crazy dumps of my time.
A new company.
Like we're doing a Mean Boys clip show and we're supposed to go back and see all the times you took a crazy dump.
You know, I should take some photographic evidence.
I didn't realize that this was, you know, a good way to network.
We should.
We should.
If you think you have a dump that tops mine, we should all take a photo of it, you know,
and lead up to some big, like, fucking Rocktoberfest poll or something, you know?
I want to collect a dump from every fan.
I took one that looked like a giant fudge caterpillar, and it looked like beefy anal beads.
Okay.
Have you ever taken one that looks like it has hair?
I took one of those today.
Oh, okay.
Where it was like, yeah, it was like solid, but it had like weird frills to it.
It looked like some sort of anemone.
Yeah, yeah, like a cowboy's jacket.
Yeah.
It had fringe.
Yeah.
Yeah, I get those spikes like deflated porcupine things.
Oh, like a sad quill?
Yeah.
Oh, dude, this is gross.
Yeah.
Ramsey, you talk to us
about oil.
Fuck off.
No.
A new company is allowing
people to buy
lifelike sex dolls
of their dead loved ones,
which is heartwarming
when it's your wife,
but less so
when it's your daughter.
Oh, that was good.
Bulletproof backpacks
are now available
to children.
Yeah, you wouldn't want
your kids' books
to get shot
You guys get it
I mean they are pretty expensive you know
Yeah
According to a study by
Oh is that going
According to a study by researchers at UCLA
Energy drink consumption is linked
To stimulant abuse
Oh yeah I'm doing all energy drinks
Energy drink consumption is linked to stimulant abuse. Oh yeah, I'm doing all energy drinks. Oh good.
Energy drink consumption is linked to stimulant abuse. As a consumer of energy
drinks, let me be the first to say, stimulants
are just one of the many things I abuse.
There's my girlfriend.
There's marijuana.
Oh man, yeah, I remember doing a
Red Bull and some Ritalin before community
college. That shit was fucked. That was
no joke you're
going 2 000 miles an hour sitting completely still let me tell you right now some of the best days of
my life are when i think back to when i had a ritalin prescription and energy drinks god they
go well together don't they oh dude and you're just like oh i'm ready to take on the day honestly
that to me feels like one of those ice creams where there's too many different kinds of chocolate
but like for speed no let me tell, you're just literally like, they
could not put enough life in front
of me right now. Absolutely. I have never
felt, I've never had a more
motivated half hour in my entire life.
I mean, it is just an incredible, it is literally
the fucking, I got the star
in Super Mario of life.
See, if I want my heart to pound that hard, I
just climb up some stairs. I don't need
I look at a jungle gym. I don't need...
I look at a jungle gym.
All right, guys.
Lil Nas X.
Lil Nas X has been canceled because of anti-Muslim tweets on his old account, proving once and for all that Old Town Road is a country song.
That's a great fucking joke.
A devoted Nazi in California was shot to death by his 10-year-old son.
The boy was arrested, convicted, and has been sentenced to a pizza party.
Was he also sentenced with plagiarizing your life?
Yeah, I know.
I was like, oh, man, why did I think of that?
When did I tell you you could take my whole thing?
Did I ever tell you the time I thought about murdering my stepdad?
Which time?
Only in essence.
Only in strewed.
He fucking,
this is the Nazi one,
so no one has to feel bad.
Yeah, so you actually
planned at a point.
I didn't really plan it,
so here's what happened.
He got in this,
he had this thing
he liked to do
where he would drive around
on a motorcycle hammered drunk
and he wrecked his motorcycle
and he broke his fucking neck
and his back
and all this shit.
So he had that fucking
headgear thing
where it's like
screwed into your skull.
They call it the halo.
Yeah, oh, I know what it's called. into your skull. They call it the halo. Yeah.
Oh, I know what it's called.
I've read a lot of paperwork on the fucking halo.
It's called the halo because he also said the Edward on it.
He had the big plastic fucking chest piece he's got to wear all the time,
like fucking hateful Iron Man.
But I hated this dude so much, and I was like fucking 15, 16 at this point.
And I remember we were just there at the top of our stairs, and was just like him at the top of this just kind of drunk at our apartment
and i'm behind him and i'm like man i could just shove him real quick and no one would know i did
that damn dude well i mean that's crazy i can't i didn't do it i thought it was gonna be like wait
till he's watching the football game and then just start tightening the screws you know what i mean
no he was so drunk i'm like i could've just Like one elbow And he would've just
Been done
Well the toxicology reports
Are gonna be like
Clearly there's some
Fat kid interference here
What if you ended up
Tightening the screws so much
That he just became
Like very progressive
Oh I fucking
I hit his woke gland
You hit a woke thing
You Homer Simpson
Then he finds out
And it's like Homer
With the crayon in his brain
It's like well
When I fix my brain
To be racist again
So funny
Alright one screw
Libertarian Two screw I'm back baby Oh no his brain. It's like, well, would I fix my brain to be racist again? So funny. Alright, one screw,
libertarian, two screw. I'm back, baby!
Oh, no!
A South African flight was grounded after a
banded fetus was found blocking the toilet.
Do you guys know that in South
Africa, fetuses flush the opposite
direction than America?
No, hey, lady,
you only get one piece of carry-on on this flight.
Coca-Cola company released its first energy drink.
You guys hear about this?
Who heard about this?
They're apparently testing it in Australia.
When reached for a comment, the spokesperson for the soft drink company said,
it was real easy, we just ended up putting the Coke back in the drink.
It kind of came full circle.
Keep Christ and Christmas and keep coke and Coca-Cola.
If you think about it, they really did have the first energy
drink, and we don't give them props.
They were ingenues.
Listen, energy drink history is a fascinating
subject. I'll be teaching it in a
community college near you.
I honestly
believe if you grow this beard, you could
scam your way into a history of energy drinks. The GEDs will get their associates if you pull this beard, you could scam your way into a history of energy drinks.
You know how many people with GEDs will get their associates if you pull this off, Ramsey?
Oh, my God.
Class, I like to think I'm here to give your mind wings.
I really didn't know until recently that, like, every soda has caffeine in it.
Yeah.
I really didn't think that.
I thought they just had a bunch of sugar.
I didn't know it was all caffeine, too.
Presumably the caffeine is to be addictive. Yeah. It gives me a't know it was all caffeine, too. Presumably, presumably the caffeine
is to be addictive.
Yeah.
It's like, oh,
it gives me a mood kick
or whatever.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
God bless him.
Great stuff.
Any whoozle.
A 26-year-old woman
killed her three-year-old son
with her SUV.
She told authorities
they were playing chicken.
The chicken she was playing
was Mel Gibson's one
in Chicken Run.
I don't like claymation.
Yeah.
Have we ever talked about this on the show?
Has this ever come up?
It's a decent movie, though.
Chicken Run?
I love that movie.
It's pretty good.
It's one of my favorite childhood movies.
Because it is just The Great Escape.
It's a Nazi prison movie with chickens.
And I got to tell you, post-canceled Mel Gibson movies are a lot of fun.
I have only seen The Beaver and Get the
Gringo, but god damn if I did not have
a hilarious time watching those movies. I want to see
this one where he's playing Santa Claus that's coming.
Oh, I know, yeah. I mean, it's like, dude,
we're just fucked. We're back, baby.
Yeah, he's making a movie where he plays
Santa, which anything to keep him away from Jewish
people's houses. That's fine.
I've heard of bad grandpa,
but anti-Semitic grandpa?
Speaking of which,
a Holocaust survivor
died in a traffic accident in Los Angeles.
Police are calling it a classic case
of Hitler and run.
I like that.
A man attacked his wife in a brutal
sledgehammer attack.
Be on the lookout for a six-foot gorilla with Super Smash Bros. power-up music playing behind him.
Man, there's no such thing as a non-brutal sledgehammer attack.
Oh, he's so gentle with the hammer.
There's no misdemeanor sledgehammer assault.
You know there was intent and a lot of it before that murder.
Yeah, there are two ways a sledgehammer
attack goes. I killed that lady or I missed.
That's the only options.
Yeah, I have a sledgehammer and I have
a hammer minus and the sledgehammer
is way harder to swing. It takes a lot of effort.
A hammer minus?
Yeah, like one of those nail hammers.
A hammer.
Well, yeah, they're all hammers.
A non-sledge hammer.
Well, it could be a hammer.
You don't call the sledgehammer the hammer plus.
Well, no, it's already called sledgehammer.
Yeah, and the hammers are called hammers.
What is hammer minus, Arsenio Hall?
Hammer minus sounded like you played in the Herbie Hancock's band.
They're both hammers, so you'd have to differentiate between the two hammers.
I don't know why they did my report card in Wingdings.
I got a Hammer Minus in Geometry.
Hammer Minus is the grade I got in Shapes.
Yeah.
All right, here, it's my turn, right?
Yeah.
A woman in Scotland.
Now, this is a crazy story.
You guys are going to love this.
A woman in Scotland drank so many energy drinks that she actually became paralyzed.
Landing her in an Edinburgh hospital, but more importantly, landing her a place in my heart.
That was a sweet one.
It went the opposite direction.
It really did.
That was very sweet.
I like that one.
But seriously, though, her nervous system appears to be really damaged.
She should grow wings.
Apparently, your spinal cord cannot take that much B12.
It's really bad for you.
It's just too much ginseng.
That's the problem.
You know, they tried to megadose me with B12.
Yeah?
Yeah.
To what?
Turn you into the Hulk?
To turn me out of crazy.
Oh.
It didn't work.
It sure did.
I've never, never noticed.
Well, putting vitamins on Tom's brain, that's like, you know, that's a Dixie cup on a forest fire.
I just metabolized him.
It didn't help my sanity.
His pee actually got clearer.
We don't know what to do with this guy.
It did.
One time I took, you guys ever take niacin on an empty stomach?
I don't know if I've ever taken niacin.
I was screaming in pain.
I took it on an empty stomach.
What is nice?
And I was just like crying and punching the floor and just fucking screaming.
It was the most pain I've ever been in.
It's a vitamin.
It might be a mineral, which is actually why it will, if you take it on an empty stomach,
speed up your heart rate.
You'll get all that flush.
Oh, yeah.
Nice and flush.
You just get red.
And I took it.
I was taking like a prescribed amount.
Yeah.
I was in so much fucking pain.
I did the same with zinc when Opie one time convinced me that zinc would give me a raging
heart attack.
Yeah.
No, I've also had some experience with this issue.
I had a real rough.
I almost got so sick.
Did you get sick from it or no?
If you take it on an empty stomach, you'll be fucked up.
You'll feel like shit, dude.
I remember looking it up.
You gotta put a sandwich on that.
I love the fact that you can write home and be like,
Dear family from Nigeria, today I tricked a bunch of white people into pissing metal.
Like, that's...
I was like, what, Ramsey White People?
I will say...
He wants it.
That I feel like Zink gave me more jizz.
You believe that's true?
In my experience, because I know a typical amount of jizz for me,
and a post-Zink jizz was certainly frothier than a typical outing.
I don't need more jizz.
Every time I come, I got put down on that slippery floor sign.
It's a hazardous amount of cum.
Frothy, like the bubbles on top of an orange Julius.
Yes.
Well, we know when Opie eventually has the money to open up his own research institute,
this will be one of the things studied.
Oh, absolutely.
It is an Opie, like, firm belief.
I went, like, ten days without blowing the other day, which Opie's gone, like, years
or whatever, like, with his weird shit.
And it's like, my cum came out like yellow and brown.
And I'm like, this is, you gotta do a little bit
of valve releasing because it's fucking fermenting in there.
It can't be good for you.
Like Opie has an IPA in his nuts.
There's a reason why the Boston Bombers
use the pressure cooker.
Yeah.
I mean, pressure is dangerous.
It really is.
All right, guys.
Oh, I was just going to ask you, Keith,
which Def Jam comic is orange julius
i'm so funny in my going back for in my periphery i saw you two coordinating i was like what's going
on over here like ever since i said orange julius he was just vibrating with joy and i'm like well
let's find out about the com first then we'll go back for the fun i I had to explain to one of my coworkers who Alonzo Hamburger Jones was.
And by the time I was done, her face was just like, is this what you do with your time?
The black community is weird out.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
That's wow.
Yeah.
All right, guys.
The Palestinian people have rejected Trump's $50 billion economic peace plan.
A related story.
Ramsey's bad.
I was looking for new energy drink money
or whatever.
You get it.
I just wanted to see what you thought
about the Jared Kushner Palestinian peace plan.
I didn't really read about it,
but apparently it was some kind of like,
it seemed bad.
If anybody's going to negotiate peace in the Middle East,
it is one of the anchovies from SpongeBob.
He's actually the original version of the NPC, man.
Just a gray, soulless man.
Yeah.
Look, man, I know where my bread is buttered. I'm pro-Israel
now. Let's just move on.
The FDA has approved a new
pill that increases the sex drive of women.
So ask your doctor for a prescription
for that new miracle drug, money.
Orange Julius
wrote that joke.
2001 closer.
Hold up.
It's the chive calling.
You want how much?
Not enough. Give me a time machine
and Daniel Tosh's phone number.
You're going to be on every gas station TV from here to New Mexico, kid.
Somewhere Tucker Max is listening to this podcast, crumpling up a piece of paper and throwing it away.
Entire book.
He threw away the entire book.
I hope they don't have podcasts in hell.
A giant 14-inch goldfish was found in a river near Buffalo.
The city is using it as a PSA not to flush your pet fish down the toilet,
since it can end up in the river and spread bacteria.
The city of Buffalo clarified,
Poop is fine. There is no bacteria in poop.
Fish are obviously cleaner than poop,
since there is poop in your butt,
but no fish in your butt.
We will not be fixing the major sewage issue.
We will be too busy with this filthy fish-demic.
Thank you, Buffalo.
I like when you watch Tom read the jokes,
and you can very clearly tell when his eyes have to go from this side of the page
over to this side of the page,
like when you're watching someone read Teleprompter for the first time.
It's like an ISIS hostage video.
You can tell the dudes have bad handwriting.
I confess my loyalty to the Islamic State.
State?
State.
I thought it said Islamic Strewed for a second.
Here's the problem with me and handwriting, okay?
When I was a kid, I was very, very, very paranoid.
So I wrote everything in notebooks.
But I made my handwriting too messy
so that people could not read it over my shoulder.
Sure.
Now I have to read jokes,
and this is me trying to be neat,
and it's a fucking nightmare.
This is so, you know, the point is,
mental health is bad, I guess, is the point.
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did not have a fifth joke, and I think that that's what you should have closed this joke on.
You know what?
Mine was longer than three jokes, so I donate half my winnings to Ramsey.
I don't have a fifth joke, but I do have a quip I've been thinking about lately.
Oh, all right.
Oh, okay, good.
I've got a musing.
Nice.
I do have a musing.
Ramsey's musing, Colin. No, I'm fine. You don't? You have no musing? I mean, I got musing. Nice. I do have a musing. Ramsey's musing calling.
I know.
I'm fine.
You don't?
You have no musing?
I mean, I got musing.
Are you all right, buddy?
You came here for a ramdog ponderance.
Now fucking give us the goods.
Pontificate.
Let's come.
I know I have some musings in my phone.
Let's go back with the mailbag.
Before we get started, I'll open up with a musing.
Okay.
All right.
That sounds good.
You're throwing a lot of hype for it all right muse is an inspiration right yes for a second I was gonna yell at you and then
I realized yeah muse is like something yeah it is something I'm using is like a
little thought about something you know I was like the band muse has never
inspired anybody I do anything but turn off the band memes. It's a band? Yeah, they suck, dude. That's so funny.
Yeah, I'm really sticking it.
I'm going back to 2001 with that one, too.
Dude, leave prog rock alone.
Dude, I'm coming for Coheed and Cambria next.
All right, I got one more here that's pretty whatever.
A zoo in Nigeria is being investigated for their claims that a cash-eating gorilla lost them $20,000.
A cash-eating gorilla is also with the Patriots called Gronk when he got injured
and couldn't play for a season.
That's a great joke.
He's still under contract.
I'm a sports guy now.
I do sports stuff, you know?
Well, yeah, we're jocks
because being nerds is lame now.
Yeah, man.
I've been watching
a lot of basketball stuff.
I don't even know
who the fuck I am anymore.
Whoa, my mom just sent me
a photo of a deer.
All right. It's blurry.
Okay, why did you say...
She didn't take that. That is a photo of a television
with a deer on it. No, she took it.
It looks very
Van Gogh-y. No.
Picasso? Not Picasso.
Who draws in points?
Who's the point artist? I know who you're talking about.
Oh, Bob Ross? No, no, no.
He's about bushes.
No, like the fucking Ferris Bueller.
I know this.
Yeah.
Who's point guy?
Is it Magritte?
Magritte?
Magritte is a guy.
Is the Indian guy trying to order a McGriddle again?
Magritte?
That's why I started laughing.
I would like to order.
Who's the pointalism guy?
Pointalism is there's no way.
I think that is what it's called.
It is, yeah.
All right.
Eat my strewed.
It's called pointillism.
Tom is 100% right.
Tom just strewed it all over our noodles.
I have to pee.
Surat is the guy you're thinking about.
Surat, there we go.
Yeah, did you see the deer?
I don't care.
The Mean Boys podcast will be right back.
Welcome back to Mean Boys, a look back.
I'm Mark Malloy, unless you're with a collections agency,
in which case my name is Farouk Khabib,
and please take me off your fucking call list.
Let's listen to this unforgettable clip from the Mean Boys episode
recorded on September 11, 2001.
I'm just saying maybe we can all stop calling me a bad driver.
Those guys are bad drivers.
I've hit a couple Camrys, but I've never hit a fucking building.
Are we recording?
Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
I overslept.
I didn't have time to get coffee or read the paper or anything.
I saw Ramsey dancing on the roof when I came in.
Anybody know what that's about?
Hey, let's do voicemails.
Hey, mean boys.
It's short flight Murphy.
They're going to crash the plane.
We're going to rush them and try to take control. If we don't make it, tell my family I love them. And big ups to the fudge lord. All right, it's short flight Murphy. They're going to crash the plane. We're going to rush them and try to take control.
If we don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And big ups to the fudge lord.
All right, let's roll.
But as bright as the past is, it's nothing compared to the future for fucking Mean Boys.
Enjoy this sneak peek at an episode recorded in the year 3019, long after the rise of the machine overlords.
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys podcast.
We're human consciousness trapped in robot presence.
The dark inevitability of the techno-singularity made reality.
I'm Connor McSpadden.
I was once Keith Carey, but I'm now the flesh pod designated 24601.
And I am Tom Drawn 9000.
Dude, we've been uploaded to the cloud for like 500 years.
Can you stop talking like that?
Error, error. the cloud for like 500 years can you stop talking like that error error i got uploaded into a cheaper
model which can only speak in robot voice oh yeah i forgot we put tom's brain in the matrix version
of a zune all right let's just do lightning round uh tom 30 seconds on the clock name 10 poisons
processing complete 3.7 million results found begin information dispensing oh fuck that let's
just go to a sketch great machine run program car knock that exe
wretched pig children ready your hard drives for a forced download of amusing adjectives
oh this show sucks.
I'll be vaping in the holodeck if you need me.
Don't need me.
So here's to the Mean Boys
and their enduring legacy of thumbing it in
every fucking Tuesday.
I'm Mark Malloy, and don't call the cops.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Mean Boys podcast is back,
and it is time for the Mean Boys Mailbag.
It's the Mean Boys Mailbag.
Fuck everything.
God is dead.
Send us an email or give us a call.
Have you ever heard the one about keeping the dog?
It's the motherfucking Mean Boys Mailbag.
There's our jingle.
Yeah.
All right, guys.
Fucking.
Oh, we got to.
I was promised amusing.
I almost forgot.
Here's what I'm going to say.
Unfortunately, I don't got amusing, but I do have a business idea.
I'd love to tell you guys about how I kicked a sprinkler drunk.
We're smoking a cigar with my dad.
No, that is.
I love that you waited for a good opening.
I just remember you just cut off an ambulance.
Like, when Tom has a thought, it's like he's holding something really hot, and he's like,
I gotta do, it's gonna be gone in a second if I don't put it down.
I don't say it immediately.
I forget it.
Yeah.
That's why I'm always writing.
All right, Pigeon Man.
So I remember what I forgot.
Tell me the thing.
Oh, that was it.
I just cut a giant piece of...
Cut off my foot.
You're barefoot?
When was this?
No, I was wearing sandals.
When did this happen?
I just peeled the scab off.
So recently.
That is not...
Okay.
Still within one scab's amount of time is the answer you indirectly gave me.
Yes.
To my very direct question.
Two weeks ago.
Okay.
Fun, fun.
Yeah, I was in Chicago for a wedding.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
It was a nice wedding.
Sometimes...
Go Rams. Good. Sometimes this podcast feels like I'm on the potluck at the comedy store.
Like, I'm either following something brilliant or an insane chef from the back.
Oh, fucking the El Tocho of comedy.
Fucking Tom Goss.
Yeah, so let's hear this business idea.
I'm in the pretty early stages.
You guys, listen.
You don't got to subscribe to Forbes magazine to know
you got to be in the subscription game in the future, right?
We got to be in the subscription game.
You got to put something in a box and do it every month.
You got to do it every month.
I'm currently...
Just like marriage.
Hey, but one step further.
What if it's a box, but there's no box?
It's an app.
Boom.
All the fucking money...
You give them a new app every month?
No, it's one app, but they subscribe every month.
Okay.
And what do they get?
Well, it's a meditation app.
It's my own meditation app.
What's different?
From the most well-adjusted Zen guy around.
Well, what's different?
You're thinking, what's different about this app than Headspace and all the other ones?
I'll tell you what's different.
This one is a meditation and a hookup app.
Okay.
It lets you hook up with nearby people who are also into meditating.
Okay.
All right.
It's like, okay, Cupid meets Buddha.
It's okay, Buddha.
Jism of peace.
This is a 1993 men's show sketch.
This is like a second era Rogan and Stan Hope If they're not trying anymore
Era Man
Listen I get high
I write things down
I love it
I like it
Can you just have the app
And not meditate or fuck
I guess so
Because I want to support you
But I'm not interested
In what you're interested in
In either of those things
I mean who better to guide you
Through quiet meditation
Than a fucking Arab on Ritalin?
The loudest, fastest creature alive.
I'll have you know,
Dr. Weiss no longer prescribes me Ritalin.
I'm stealing it from high school children.
When did you get a real doctor?
Oh, you can see the air quotes?
Well, it's a video thing.
You don't really talk to the guy.
I mean, he's more of what we technically call a vet.
I went to one of those shady clinics, and then even that doctor was like, you know, I don't really talk to the guy. He's more of what we technically call a vet. I went to one of those shady
clinics and then even
that doctor was like, you know, I don't think so.
That's why all Ramsey's pills
say take with kibble on the bottle.
Not taking dog Ritalin.
I was a little, I was confused by this.
Dude, I've had this spaced out pooch.
I've gotten a month dog Ritalin.
Dude, my dog is just not productive
enough.
I'll tell you what, razor sharp when I'm home, dude.
He's not licking his balls quick enough.
I don't know, maybe go to a service dog that provides more service.
There's purpose.
That's a fair point.
Or it's just hauling ass, dragging a blind man down the goddamn street.
Well, just with my experience with Ritalin, the dog is going to hump your leg forever and never come.
Here's why you know giving a dog Ritalin is
a bad idea. It is literally a plot point from
There's Something About Mary.
It's the thing they do to make the dog bad. Absolutely.
I'm imagining now a dog
running down the street at full speed,
but it's still dragging its ass
on the sidewalk the whole way.
Sparks.
Alright, guys.
Angel Escalante asks,
do you guys ever see yourselves reaching the 1,000 episode mark?
Fuck no.
No.
No.
Nope.
Christ, no.
I mean, look,
I do very much enjoy doing this show,
but thinking of doing it for five times longer
than we've been doing it now seems insane.
Think about it.
That is 15 years of Mean Boys.
Yeah. They didn't make 15 years of Mean Boys. Yeah.
They didn't make 15 years of good things.
You know what?
It was like three seasons of Mr. Show.
You know what didn't go 15 years?
Friends.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think no is the answer.
Yeah.
Does it bother you to know, though,
that in the 200 episodes of Mean Boys that you did,
you collectively did over 300
times more writing than anybody on Friends
ever did. Like, as a series.
They literally...
Ross is a dick. That's lunch.
I thought
the monkey... Was the monkey season one?
I believe so. You see, that feels like
such a season six move.
No. Well, they started off much wackier
and then they really settled into the groove. Yeah. We just keep doing the same thing. Monkey is also a good way of. No. Well, they started off much wackier, and then they really settled into the groove.
Yeah.
We just keep doing the same thing.
Monkey is also a good way of being like, look, I got no cards on the table.
Here are all my cards.
They're all on the table.
We got nothing.
If you open with Monkey, it's like, where do you go next?
You know?
But you gotta remember, this is an era where having a monkey on a show felt like a game-changing
revelation.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
We've come a long way.
This is pre-the-monkey-boom of 2003, like Newgrounds-era internet. Dude, wow. Oh, yeah. I was revelation. Yeah, absolutely. We've come a long way. This is pre-the monkey boom of 2003,
like Newgrounds-era internet.
Oh, yeah, I was there for that, man.
I watched the rise and fall of monkey humor, dude.
I mean, you had to be there, man.
Monkeys, pirates, ninjas.
It was the CBGB of shitty dudes in Hawaiian shirts.
There was a year there in seventh grade
where we couldn't believe it.
Did you guys ever play Ninja?
Like,
oh,
I know what you're talking about.
That game fucking ruled.
I forget,
how does it work again?
Arcade game?
No,
you put out your hands
and one person moves at a time
and the goal is to slap
another person's hand
and they're out.
But you can only react
or move if it's your turn.
Oh,
it's kind of one of those
psych out games?
Yeah. So if you move and it's not your turn, you it's kind of one of those psych-out games? Yeah.
So if you move when it's not your turn, you're automatically out. Or react to something that didn't happen, you're
automatically out. Okay. And it's just like
I'll show you. This is not
an on-air thing.
It isn't saying what people did before. You'll love it
and Connor won't like it.
I think you'd be good at it, though.
Great.
Manic Pixie Dream Cobra asks, how is the energy drink going?
What flavor profile does he want?
Who is his dream spokesperson?
First of all, thank you very much, Manic Sparkle Pixie.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, whatever.
It's Dream Snake.
Manic Fuck Shit Ding Dong.
We're still in the R&D phase, like I said.
We did find a manufacturing plant just outside of
Chernobyl.
The R&D phase is Ritalin and
driving for Lyft.
We found a company
that's
willing to produce the drink and
skirt around some of the FDA laws
that we ran into in the beginning.
Who's R&D?
R&D stands for Research and Development.
In terms of flavor,
we're playing R&D.
We're going to start doing some focus grouping.
If you guys are interested in focus grouping,
email me johnbenet at ramsaybadawi.com.
I'll hit you back.
I'll mail you an unmarked vial
of mystery goo.
R&D stands for Reading Vice Articles and Doing Vape Tricks. Yep. I'll mail you an unmarked vial of mystery, Coo. I will absolutely.
Ramsey, the R&D stage stands for reading vice articles and doing vape tricks.
That is very important.
That is where all the good ideas come from.
That's where the business percolates and takes form.
But spokesman, I mean, who is the face of Rock Bard? I thought about this.
John Mayer.
John Mayer.
Oh, that's so perfect. I need somebody that oozes the sort of sexual charisma and insecurity that this drink promises to.
Says, I have to have enough swagger that you don't notice how lame my dick is.
I have enough swagger so you don't know that I don't know how I feel about dick.
I'm not good at eating pussy, but I'll talk about it a lot.
Tenzin Harhouse wants to know, what is your favorite sex toy?
I have not used that many sex toys, but I did like the vibrating cock ring.
I've used the vibrating cock ring.
That's fun.
I used it for the first time recently.
I used the vibrating cock ring.
You want to talk about the vibrating cock ring?
It's a toy that we can all have fun with.
Let's all just go.
It has a rumble pack.
It's awesome, man.
It's like it's made by Mad Catz.
This is amazing.
I did have a fucking situation where a girl I was seeing, I bought one and I was like,
oh, this would be fun.
You know, I spice it up in the bedroom and then I pull it out and she's like, why the
fuck are you?
You clearly use this on someone before.
It's out of the packaging.
And I was like, well, no, I just opened it early because I can't think of anything that
kills the mood worse than opening clamshell packaging you know like all right hey i know
everyone's hot and heavy but let me get this new xbox controller out here's all right you have a
kitchen knife i'm just gonna kind of hack through it here's here's what cracks me up about manufacturing
is when you like when you start to like look at companies and you kind of go upward you find out
that there's like only three manufacturing companies on the planet.
Right.
Whoever makes cock rings, I guarantee you also makes ring pops.
I guarantee you.
They're packaged in the same place.
They have a round mold.
With similar, like, I guarantee you.
No one's changing the gloves.
They go just different directions.
Yeah.
Just like whoever makes Easter eggs also makes the little pot-like things you snap open.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was the fucking bit I had about that when we were at the Gateway show?
I said something that was so funny.
Dude, I got me and Connor.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You were saying to fucking the Easter egg people, when they find out about the weed cases.
Oh, yes.
And I was like, that's like when the people that make fireworks found out about Mexicans.
They were like, yes.
A whole new market.
I've never used a sex toy.
Really? No. How about a
funny lube?
Never used lube. A funny lube?
You know these fucking goofball ones. Like Tony
Shalhoub? Tony's lube is shit!
There's all these
wacky, there's like
Tony's shit. That's one of the funniest
things you've ever said in your life.
My favorite sex toy is a condom.
Even then, I don't like it very much.
My favorite sex toy, her name was Debra.
You ever do the fire and ice?
Oh, yeah, no, I've done all the wacky, like, tingle loops.
You hit your spanker with the George R.R. Martin book?
Yeah, the one that turns your dick invisible for a second,
like you're trying to sneak around in fucking metal gear.
What? I see hot.
It's like, why am I treating my girlfriend's pussy
like it's a pitcher's elbow?
Yeah, well,
they have one that's like
tingly and then when you
put it in the pussy
it activates some sort of
fucking tingle gland in her.
Yeah, it makes it
kind of hot.
It's not my favorite.
Yeah, it's weird.
It's weird.
You ever eaten
the flavored lubes?
No.
They're not great.
Weed lubes,
what are your thoughts
on that?
Just in the package.
Oh, the devil's go-gurt.
I know you've done
weed lube, right?
Oh, yeah.
Does that make you feel high?
It was more of a CBD type thing, so it was kind of like, it was like very low cannabis
and mostly CBD, so I was just kind of like tingly, like very chilled out.
I want to do that shit, but my girlfriend is definitely, she's not, she doesn't hang
with pot well.
Like, she's okay with that.
I wouldn't start there.
Yeah.
I wouldn't start with, well, you're not comfortable smoking.
What if we shove it up your butt?
I'm just going to buy something.
What if we, yeah, yeah.
That's like, look, I'm not big on pharmaceutical drugs.
What about a suppository?
Let's ease you in.
One beer makes me drunk, so I'm not going to have whiskey unless you pour it directly into my asshole.
Guys, a lot of cities in California are banning flavored tobacco products.
By the way, this guy put that in quotes, which tells you his opinion.
A.K.A. vape juice.
And San Francisco has outright banned sale of vapes.
What's your opinion on the current state of vape rights?
And what can the average man to do to fight this?
Well, it's obviously abysmal.
Is this to me or is this to everybody?
I'll wait for you guys.
Can I tell you a vape rights thing?
I went to the Arclight last night to see Toy Story.
And the fucking guy comes out who does his little, hey, I'm to the Arclight last night to see Toy Story, and the fucking guy comes out who does
his little, hey, I'm at the Arclight.
Hopefully they'll read my screenplay one day.
And fucking, he's doing his whole thing, and he's like, and I know, but no one can vape.
And somebody behind me just goes, pfft.
He's so indignant.
It's bullshit.
It's because we-
Like he planned to vape through a screening of Toy Story 4 at 1130 at night.
I love that.
Did you see Toy Story 4, by the way?
Yeah.
Was it good?
It was pretty good.
Okay, I'll check it.
Here's the thing.
The state of vape rights
is abysmal.
Here's the problem.
We let them go
after the smokers.
Well, Keith and Connor
pulled out their phones
and started looking through.
I'm sorry,
it's my dad's birthday.
I have to...
Is it really your pop's birthday?
It is, yeah, yeah.
I texted Connor
to ask him to look through.
Well, here's the thing.
I think that we let them
come after the smokers
and we said nothing
and now it's over for us.
And now we just have to do what our fellow civil rights activists did.
You just got to vote pro-vape.
Yeah.
That's why I support Marie Le Pen of France.
She vaped.
And sure, she's anti-immigrant and pro-slavery.
But ultimately, you know, you got to pick your battles.
What is a vapless world if not slavery?
Why'd they outlaw it? You're going to let us vape once a year on Christmas? Oh, battles. What is a vapless world if not slavery? Why are they outlawed?
You're going to let us vape once a year on Christmas?
Oh, dude, what are these?
Well, who gives?
Keith, could you care?
I mean, you smoke, so I guess it doesn't matter.
You've started 90 different questions.
Who cares?
Who cares?
It's called debate, Keith, okay?
And I thank you to respect the rhetorical arts.
I don't give a shit if anyone vapes.
Thank you, Connor.
You guys know I was a speech and debate champion in community college?
I could have guessed.
Now that being said,
it just meant I had to be
better at debating
than the kid with cerebral palsy
who worked at McDonald's
who was in the class with me.
You know,
smarter than me,
but I was quicker
to the draw, you know?
But anyways.
All right.
Yeah, but you know,
appreciate the question.
Keep them coming.
Do you have any more people that you've been dying to have
on the show
any big get guests
or friends in comedy
that you've been meaning
to have appear
uh no
I think we've gotten everybody
I don't know if there's anybody
huge that I really
want to get on
no one huge
I have friends
I'd like to get on
yeah
yeah I don't really love
having famous people
on the show
because it sort of makes it it's like too not pressure, but it's just kind of like a whole extra level of shit to have to, I feel like I can't really be myself.
Some of them have been fun.
Oh, sure, yeah.
The radio episode is one of the most fun things I've ever done.
But it's hard to retain their attention to explain the show to them.
Yeah, well, I mean, a lot of our more famous guests, I've, you know've you know sat down and been like hey so this is what the show is
and they go uh huh uh huh
great
and then they get here
and they're like what
I'd like to have Tim Dillon
on a third time
but this time he's just asleep
we just do it
while he's just like
reading the paper
I think it'd be funny
to have Kyle Kinane on
and see if he remembers
that he already did this
that would be pretty funny
he remembered me
oh that's right
what did he say to you
like you're that guy who was yeah no I saw him at record and I'm like hey's right What did he say to you Like you're that guy
Who was
Yeah no
I saw him at record
And I'm like
Hey man how you doing
He's like I know you
How do I know you
I'm like uh
Mean boys
And he goes
I know you
You're that guy
Who lives in that
Crussy house
I saw him
I saw him at Good Heroin
And I talked to him
I was like
That's my
I was like oh you were
At my house
Recording that podcast
Or whatever
And he's like
I was so happy
To see that fucking house
He's like people
Were still being punk rock
I don't know about it That rock's like, people were still being punk rock.
That rocks pretty well. People are still not doing the dishes or respecting themselves.
I still think he thinks I'm retarded, though.
I'm, like, pretty sure.
What?
I think he thinks.
No.
I'm not saying that as a bit.
I think he genuinely thinks I'm mentally daft.
By the way, he walked away.
What you missed was Tom doing his little Mr. Bird fingers when he said daft.
After he censored himself for the word he already said two times.
It's not about censoring.
It's about finding you've got to really bring in a different, you know,
you bring in a charcuterie board.
You don't want it to just
be one kind of cheese you got to put in the verbal meat variety for the sentence okay a
charcuterie board is just poppers and prep i'm sorry i started texting connor's dad what's going
on you're now a food scientist for a now an american fast food chain if given near unlimited
money for r&d what concoction would you create to make it so my dad loves me?
Okay, that's a cop-out answer.
A cop-out, end of the quote.
But what fast food item do you want that does not currently exist?
I'll go first.
Hard-boiled eggs.
I'm actually 100% with this.
I get 7-Eleven hard-boiled eggs sometimes, and I'm like, this feels wrong.
I need something a little more stable.
A little more stable.
You got to get in hard-boiled eggs sometimes sometimes you got to
fucking you got to get those macros up you know i i will like straight up fucking you know like uh
like like uh lydia hirsch kidnap the jack-in-the-box guy if he brings back the ciabatta sandwich with
the fucking spicy chicken ciabatta sandwich those were fucking insane i would ride my i would like walk
three miles to fucking get one back when i was like 13 they were fucking slapped nuts fucking
should not have been a limited menu option and you fucked with me by keeping them around for a year
thinking you'd made them a permanent part of your menu and then took them away again oh i got to play
with the create artificial fucking scarcity in this market when it's like i'm just trying to i'm
a guy that's just trying to eat quick.
You know, I have a lot of life to live.
I'm in a hurry.
And you fucking took away my favorite fast on-the-go option.
It needs to come back, and it needs to come back now.
Make this right, Jack in the Box.
They did that to me with the mushroom Swiss burger from McDonald's,
where it was like, this is a high-quality fucking mid-range option.
Oh, yeah, the McDonald's, like, artisanal burgers.
Yeah, and they took them off the fucking dollar.
The pico guacamole was great.
Yeah.
That was a great fast food option.
They have a new, like, strep-a-waffle or something like that.
It's really good.
Oh, yeah, the McDonald's around the world menu.
Yeah.
With the stroopwafel and stuff.
Yeah, that's how you say it.
What is stroopwafel?
Stroopwafel is great.
You know that thing where your pussy gets infected?
You ever fly Delta?
Yes.
The snack they give you, that kind of weird, like,
waffley-looking snack?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a Stroopwafel.
It's caramel crunch McFlurry.
It's the kind of exotic dessert that's a little bit salty and sweet and crunchy that I think you would really appreciate.
Guy, can we go get those right now?
It's really good.
I'm down.
They put it in a milkshake and shit, I'm sure.
But yeah, Stroopwafels are good.
You guys want to really knock your fucking socks off, go to Trader Joe's, get the cookie butter.
Oh, we know cookie butter. Do you guys to Trader Joe's get the cookie butter. Oh we know cookie butter.
Do you guys know
who's cookie butter?
Yeah one time
after I was sad about
something I ate
a whole jar in one night.
Dude how good
is fucking cookie butter?
I'm only bringing it up
because
I wish I got Nutella instead.
It was a lot of butter.
What a rigging endorsement.
Yeah yeah yeah
cookie butter.
I've not tried this cookie butter.
Well they have the cookies
that they make the cookie butter out of.
It's basically
so yeah so cookie butter
is those
those You know that's all like the hot dog parts of the cookies you know make the cookie butter out of. It's basically, so, yeah, so cookie butter is those.
You know, that's all like the hot dog parts of the cookies, you know?
They've made it into a butter.
Those Stroopwafels and fucking Biscoff cookies.
Okay.
They've made it into like a spreadable butter.
No fucking way.
It's insane.
It bangs.
You know what?
It's too something for me.
The problem with McDonald's and all of the fast food places, they no longer innovate.
Now all they do is they go like, check this out, we're McDonald's.
Have you heard of a double cheeseburger?
It's triple now.
It's quadruple.
It's like they just add meat.
That's when they go one fucking patty extra.
Well, KFC I feel like is still innovating.
They'll do weird shit every once in a while. KFC innovates.
Well, you got the Cheeto sandwich that's hit the marketplace.
I think it looks like a fucking hate crime.
Which I'm surprised they didn't go right to Flaming Hot.
I just realized. Well, I mean, I'm surprised they didn't go right to Flamin' Hot. I just realized.
Yeah, well, I guarantee you, because the Cheeto sandwich, if you haven't, Google Cheeto sandwich
at KFC if you haven't.
It's a chicken sandwich with Cheetos on it.
It looks like gritty.
I guarantee you the normal one's going to come out, because they're releasing it in
New York or something.
The Flamin' Hot is going to come out in this neighborhood in two months, because they're
going to test market the Flamin' Hot one in Latino neighborhoods.
This is what you cook.
Okay, okay.
This is what you do. Minorities love Flamin' Hot Cheetos neighbors. This is where you cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is where you do the
Minorities love Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
This is not a race.
I love that.
That is true.
As if minorities are not going
through enough struggle,
they have to include pain
in their GI.
This is honestly worse
than what happened
with the Tuskegee Airmen
if they do that.
The Tuskegee Cheeto experiment.
I do have a fast food idea.
I'm curious what you guys
would think about it.
And don't tweet me because everyone's going to tweet me some bullshit version.
They have bullshit versions of it, but I want to see a real version.
The breakfast pizza.
That's what I would like to see.
Imagine a pizza, crust all made of maybe biscuit or something, and just fucking all breakfast foods.
Eggs, sausage.
Some cheese.
Cheese.
This leads to my response to the sir who
asked the question. I want a
24-hour fast food
breakfast food only restaurant
called Breck Forever
and it's just different
breakfast things you can get through a drive-thru.
Or maybe you could have a good name, but I like the idea.
No, Breck Forever. 24-hour breakfast place.
You should have a catchy name like, I don't know,
Denny's.
No, there's no drive-thru there and it's too expensive Breck slow and steady wins
the food alright it's called Brexit
yeah Brexit would be perfect
you know what I used to make when I was a kid
and I think there's a real
opportunity because like we've gotten to the phase
where we're getting like nostalgic about like
obscure sodas is I used
to make a ruby red squirt milkshake
that was fucking...
God, that sounds bad.
It was fucking great.
Ruby red squirt milkshake.
Me and my dad invented this shit.
Sounds like something I'd enjoy.
Fucking good.
I get it, because you know how an orange creamsicle
sort of works?
Yeah, I like that, but I feel like a ruby...
It's going to work in the same way, though.
I feel like a ruby squirt is a little too tart.
It is tart.
Grapefruit is good.
No, it's going to cut...
The fat from the cream is going to cut that tartness nicely.
Oh, it does, my friend.
And I'm glad that at least one person on this podcast has some fucking vision.
I had vision and you denied my vision.
You blinded me.
I was on your side.
I figured out that if you say you want fat to cut something,
that's how you know somebody watches the Food Network,
if they use that sentence.
It's a little acidic for me.
You really want to cut that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's a chopped marathon.
Yeah, okay.
Someone saw an Alton Brown episode and they think they know fucking taste science.
He's a wide receiver for the Steelers.
No, he's not.
Shut up.
Should we bang some voicemails?
Yeah.
Do you have any questions from here?
I have a bunch, but Ramsey's got a hard out and I want to get to some of the voicemails.
Oh, okay.
In a minute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so some of the questions we have aren't 200th episode specific.
No, I mean, none of them really were.
No, I mean, a lot of them aren't Ramsey specific, so I just want to see if we have any Ram specific stuff.
We do have a Ram specific voicemail right out of the gate.
Let's take a listen to this.
I was just wondering how many iTunes reviews for Ramsey to hit a vape out of Tom's ass.
Love you guys. How many iTunes reviews for you to hit a vape out of Tom's ass. Love you guys.
How many iTunes reviews for you to hit a vape out of Tom's ass?
That's going to take a lot of iTunes reviews and a little Patreon money, fellas.
What is hit a vape out of his ass?
Well, I like to think it's one of those cylindrical ones, and you put it almost all the way in.
And when he's got to take a hit, he pushes it so the button gets pressed by his asshole tensile strength.
Yeah, I was thinking maybe you press Tom's nose and it pushes the muscles.
See, here's what I was thinking is that the end where the smoke comes out is in Tom's ass.
And then the other end is sticking out so you just sort of hit it.
But then the smoke just comes out of his asshole.
He's got to, like, shotgun it.
I love that nobody asked if Tom was into this idea.
The old me would have gone, that's never going to happen.
The new me dissociates.
I have no presence.
My body is just a piece of thing.
Do we want to say 600 iTunes reviews and 50 bucks for Ramsey?
Yeah, give me 50 bucks, dude.
No, I need money, too.
All right, 50 bucks for you, too.
All right, sure.
All right.
Let's hear this one.
All right, I've got a question I need Keith's expertise for.
I'm wondering what would happen.
This is Rebecca from the Discord, by the way.
What would happen if someone were to, say, hypothetically inject a cow with something in the ballpark of two grams of methamphetamines crystal
if you were able to inject the cow with that much meth all at once what what do you think
would happen would it would it die would it rampage would it just have a rock in time
let me know.
Fuck everything.
God is dead.
I'll tell you what right now.
You get that milk.
You give it to Ramsey.
He has his new energy drink.
Made from the milk of a methed cow.
We use the Jesser Reed method.
Yeah, I mean, I don't have to tell you because whatever was going to happen to that cow has already happened to that cow.
Absolutely. That cow is either dead or running right now. Yeah, fuck mean, I don't have to tell you, because whatever was going to happen to that cow has already happened to that cow. Absolutely.
By this point, that cow is either dead or running right now.
Yeah, fuck.
Okay.
The cow built its own barn.
Now, I wonder, did they ask you this question, and pardon my French here, because you're overweight or because of your experience with meth in your family?
I got to figure a little bit of column A, a little bit of column meth.
Yeah.
I thought it was a...
Either way, rude.
I love that you were polite about it.
It was an abstract mom joke, maybe? I don't was a... Either way, rude. I love that you were polite about it. It was an abstract mom joke
maybe? I don't know. Well,
regardless, cool.
Yeah, there was some assembly required on whatever
that thought was. I like you assembled
the joke joke. I like what Tom did.
Yeah, that was good. Alright, this one's a short
one.
Tom Goss's ass.
Just said Tom Goss's ass. Oh, I bet
I think that's the vape guy.
A lot of Tom Goss' ass talk on this pod.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, Mean Boys.
This is Plops Magoo.
I just wanted to say thanks for doing the show and for coming to Nashville earlier this year.
You're welcome.
You guys are awesome.
You crack me up every week at my crusty-ass factory job.
Thank you, buddy.
Also, Tom, leaving the Tribe tribe podcast keep doing your shit man um
i just listened to the episode with robin and it's good shit um anyway i've got a question
for you guys if you ordered an uber today and a self-driving car showed up we did this already
would you get inside of it okay Thanks. I don't remember.
Refer back to an earlier... I'll say that.
Look, let me answer this question.
My girlfriend is always freaked out about this.
She's always like, I don't know if I'd get into a...
She's like, Ramsey, you don't know how to do this.
Stop trying to modify my Prius.
I have to go to work.
She's like, I don't know if I would get into a self-driving car.
And I said, all right, well, keep getting into a Lyft car then where a driver has been on his 16th hour shift
and he's got an Oxycontin addiction.
Good for that.
Yeah, that's a lot safer.
That is a pretty good point,
if I'm being honest.
That's an argument I don't hear a lot.
Yeah, Jesus Christ, you understand.
Okay, never mind.
I was going to say something
that could incriminate me.
Let's move on.
Usually it's just things
that will incriminate me.
All right, here's one one this is the 200th
episode boys congratulations on your 200th episode uh this is alexis i just wanted to know
since it is kind of a milestone what are some of the things that you had planned on doing that just
never came to fruition making ideas that you had that you wish you could have done, but time or finances
got in the way.
I remember you guys talking about with the Patreon where you were considering getting
cameras, things like that, and then it never kind of panned out.
So is there anything that you really wish you could have done and just never managed
to get the time or finances together to do?
And looking back, is there anything that you might have changed here or there?
All right, that's all.
Congratulations again, guys.
Fuck everything.
Gun is dead.
I will say my biggest sort of – I wanted to do this for the 200th episode,
and I will still do it at some point, I hope,
is I just want to do an episode that is a full-throttle musical.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's like every word of it is scripted.
Like, I want to write a Broadway musical that is just an episode of Mean Boys.
That's the thing I've always wanted to do.
Like Scrubs did?
Yeah, kind of.
Yeah, okay.
Wait, Scrubs did it?
Things we wanted to do that we didn't get around to.
I mean, yeah, I mean, like some boring technical stuff.
But I guess I'm trying to think of any big...
I don't know. We pretty much left it all
in the field, as far as I can remember.
And the stuff I kind of like, you know, that we haven't
done is stuff I still want, like video sketch
stuff I want to do at some point, like, you know.
Yeah, I'm trying to think of, like,
podcast specific, because, like,
yeah, most of, like, what you said, it's mostly
technical stuff and, like,
distribution stuff and stuff like that.
Anything we would have done differently.
I'll start.
We wouldn't have done that bad audio network thing.
Yeah, that was a bad idea.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I was like, we know how we'll rebuild the phoenix of this podcast.
We'll isolate half of our listeners and make them never come back.
Yeah.
Did people do that?
A lot of people dropped the audience.
We lost literally half of our audience.
Yeah.
That was bad.
I got a bad for you guys.
I would probably have never had the idea to do Snark Week.
Snark Week rocks, man.
This last one wasn't even that bad.
Not even that.
It's just it sucks to do it.
It just made me miserable.
I genuinely had fun doing Snark Week.
I was going crazy both times.
Yeah, you were having a rough go.
I liked doing Snark Week.
I hated it. So, yeah, having a rough go. I like doing Snark Week. I hate it.
So yeah, I guess I would not do that.
Yeah, I wouldn't have dated that one girl.
Oh yeah, I would also have not dated that one girl.
Nor would I have dated her again.
I would have not dated those three girls.
I would have not dated Jessica.
I'm trying to think of a podcast specifically.
From a non-podcast point of view
Like a professional point of view
There's something I've always wanted to do
A one-man show on the Palestinian-Israeli conflict
From the perspective of a white supremacist
It's called One Hate Solution
I just think it's so funny
Who do I choose?
The Browns or the Jews?
Thanks.
We got one.
Whoever wins, I'm going to lose.
This is telling me I can't write a musical episode.
Damn right, dude.
Better than Seth MacFarlane himself.
Yeah.
Low bar.
You're better than that guy who's pretty bad at what he does.
And by that I mean I also think you're gay
Connor you're making a pretty interesting face right now
I'm just looking at the predictive text of this voicemail
And it seems like a lot
But yeah this is three minutes
This will probably close us out for the week
This is John from Madison
Met you a couple years ago
Or like a year ago in Milwaukee
Oh hell yeah
As a super hippie looking dude that
keith roasted for having the super neon sweatshirt i remember you uh i just wanted to say like
i just started listening to you guys after like nine months of just not listening to podcasts
really although i did contribute to your patreon like six of those months before i got to the point where i was like sorry boys daddy's got to keep the power on but
i wanted to say thank you uh you know you guys i've been listening to your episodes recently i
just listened to the steve ronanzisi episode where he talks about suicide and all that
i'd say you guys are doing some fucking amazing stuff for your fans.
Like, seriously.
I have had a really shitty life when I met you guys.
I was kind of starting my come up back on fixing my life.
It was right around the time that I got diagnosed with PTSD,
which made a whole bunch more of my life make sense. But, you know, I went from being some fucking stupid
drug-dealing loser who had nothing going for him in his life and who hated his life. I
tried killing myself a couple of times.
I was, hell, I was thinking about it
in the week before I saw you guys.
You know, that was like a bright moment
that kind of helped cheer me up.
And now I've got a good job.
I've got fucking health insurance for the first time.
I'm going to therapy, dealing with my shit.
Like, I don't wake up every
day hating my life i'm about to go to school to be an emt like i don't know i oh i wanted to say
that it was really funny listening to one of your most recent episodes and hearing the ad for
starbucks before it the real fucking turnaround
from listening to Keith
try to get us to go to some
Korean gambling website
two years ago.
You guys are on the come up
and your fans are too.
You guys are part of that
and I just want to say
thank you from all of us
and to the fans that are
going through their own shit.
You're not alone.
We all deal with it, and it sucks.
Life sucks, but we're all in it together.
So, yeah.
Sorry it's so fucking sappy and all that shit.
Love you guys.
Fuck everything.
God is dead.
Wow, thank you, man. everything. God is dead. Wow.
Thank you, man.
That really means a lot to you.
Yeah, we were all fighting it,
but we were all ultimately like,
I could feel it in the room
of all of us being like,
should we say something funny?
Should we make,
and then we were all just kind of like,
this is just nice.
Go ahead and be nice.
I actually wasn't thinking about it.
Were you not thinking it?
No.
Maybe it was just only me.
I've gone soft.
Were you there too?
Yeah.
There was that part of me,
I just always had that instinct of like, God, oh, God, should I say it?
And then I'm like, you know what?
This guy's being earnest.
I got to know real quick.
I'm just happy to hear that.
Yeah, I talked to Homie a little bit online, I think.
Yeah, I mean, I talked to him in person at that show.
I remember him.
He's a real nice guy, and I'm really happy to hear that he's doing better.
It's nice to hear that someone who listens to the show
is doing better and isn't dead.
That's always refreshing.
That's a nice change of pace.
I'm really glad to hear you're putting some work into yourself
and that you're seeing some results.
Yeah, I'm very happy to hear that.
I mean, you were wearing a rainbow Grateful Dead sweatshirt,
so there was really nowhere to go but up.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
No, but we're fucking stoked, man.
Thank you for all the kind words.
Yeah, but we really
appreciate it, man.
Thank you for offering me
those drugs you used to sell.
Yeah, well, what did he sell?
I want to know.
I'll tell you off air.
I don't know if he wants,
I don't know if he wants
evidence that he's trying
to get, like,
He's got prices
and a suit.
Let me tell you
his phone number
and see if that helps
you narrow it down.
He's got his address
as listed in this contact.
Drugs for Rams.
This happens to every podcast I have a
guest on. Some drug dealer inevitably calls
in. I will say on
our 200th episode, just before we go, that
I don't think
I tell you guys enough how much you
mean to me and the fact that what
we do here means something to you
and is helpful to you in these
times in your lives is
by far the best thing that I've ever done with my time on Earth.
And it means more than anything I've ever done to me, and I appreciate it so much.
And just the feeling of meaning that comes along with that is confusing to me.
It's a little mind-blowing and hard to process but it is
not uh absent from my thoughts it is uh it is there uh most every day so i just want to thank
you guys and uh and uh just just let you know again that the fucking the fact that uh i'm you
know in some degree with uh with you guys able to do what, you know, this shit was for me in times in my life is the coolest thing in the world to me.
And I have not stopped appreciating that,
even though I am not funny on the podcast anymore.
And have stopped trying.
I mean, yeah, I echo everything you just said.
We all think Connor is not funny anymore on the podcast. No, this is,
we're getting into
a real, like,
some feel-good
strewed right now.
And I just, you know,
but...
Don't make me regret
all of this.
No, seriously, though,
this is,
it's fucking bizarre
to think that we,
we're at 200,
we did,
I don't know
what else I've done
200 times.
That's enough to say.
I've done push-ups.
If your stories are to believe.
Well, I did.
That was.
What was it?
I don't know.
How many times did you go to the mental hospital?
Because it's got to be close.
It's got.
Days?
Definitely.
The mental hospital was better when Joe worked there.
All right.
That's our 200th episode.
We got my favorite guest of all time.
I'll just go ahead and say it.
Ramsey Badawi, the big ass Ram dog.
Let me say something nice.
At RamsBad on Twitter.
You guys are great.
Love the podcast.
Love the fans.
Together we'll make the white race great again.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks for saying that right after I got a TV writing job.
Really, so I know you're a good friend.
You don't want me to forget my roots living in poverty.
Jesus Christ.
It's so weird that the both of you, I now have to constantly be like,
I guess I got to be careful what I invite them to do with me.
Ramsey.
Ramsey, you can invite me to do anything.
Oh, it's not in my Twitter bio anymore.
I'm playing it safe.
My man, you know.
I've been waiting for an invite to anything since I met you.
Tom, we'll figure it out. We'll get something going. We don't have enough adventures with just you know. I know. I've been waiting for an invite to anything since I met you. Tom, we'll figure it out.
We'll get some.
We'll get some going.
We don't have enough adventures with just you and I.
Yeah.
You've never gotten an invite from Ramsey.
It's great.
You show up somewhere and then he decides last minute he's not doing it.
And then you have to drive back to your house from Santa Monica.
It's great.
It's awesome.
When did that happen?
I'm just kidding.
I was going to say that really hurt my feelings.
I'm sorry.
I was just making fun of you.
It's fine. I love all of you guys. I love the Mean say, that really hurt my feelings. I'm sorry. I was making fun of you. It's fine.
I love all of you guys.
I love the Mean Boys fans.
Thank you for your continued support.
You guys are constant.
It's like a...
You know what it's like?
It's like a giant Debtors Anonymous meeting.
It is, yeah.
I love all of you guys.
It is nice to fucking...
Yeah, it's just weird that sometimes I tweet something and people just say stuff to me.
And I'm like, oh, wow.
That's funny.
I never thought that would be a thing. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty weird that anyone I tweet something and people just say stuff to me. And I'm like, oh, wow. That's funny. I never thought that would be a thing.
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
It's pretty weird that anyone listens to this.
Yeah.
But keep doing it, I guess.
We'll see you next week.
Yeah.
See you next week.
Bye, everybody.
Fuck everybody.
Shit. Bye.