Mean Boys - EP 202 - Big Rhonda (feat. Real Rich)

Episode Date: July 9, 2019

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no frills delivers get groceries delivered to your door from no frills with pc express shop online and get 15 in pc optimum points on your first five orders shop now at nofrills.ca hey everybody welcome to the mean boys podcast uh oh wait that's what we do in the the main show not the intro to the show this is the intro with Realistic Richard. Okay. Just fucking get this over with. We're plowing through. This is an episode we did with Real Rich, one of our old homies from the Orange County Comedy Theater. My God.

Yeah. Real Rich is a gangbanger. He's had a colorful life. And despite our best attempts to shape the show with any kind of a real narrative or through line, it became clear pretty early on that we should just let him go. Yeah, we ask about two questions in this show, and then it goes completely off the rails. Yeah, your guys are going to like that episode.

This one is a genuine emotional roller coaster. Our guest laughs, he cries cries there's a musical cue yeah we learned a lot about the mexican medical system oh yeah uh you're in for a real treat not since keith ray have we uh had our dicks blown back by this level of vagrant storytelling more insane than keith ray yeah if you're a fan of aids get in for a real bucket of fun. Yeah. What's going on, boys? Tom's recording his debut stand-up comedy album. Yes. Oh.

And as soon as I mentioned it. He lost his cellular telephone. Yeah. My phone is charging. Well, I know what it is and where it is. I know what it is and where it is, too. But, Keith, why don't you tell them? August 17th.

Well, it's fucking smooth. August 17th. North Bar, Chicago, Illinois. 8 o'clock? Yeah. 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock show. Tickets are on sale now.

If you guys are in even the remote area of Chicago, go to this show. Me and Connor are both going to be there. Kyle Clark's going to be there. We're not going to be able to do Mean Boys touring stuff for a little while because of the fucking new job. The daddy job. You're going to have to wait until the TV show is canceled. You don't have eight months to wait so like if you seriously though if you're within a few hours come on out tom's fucking ready to go with this album yeah yeah we'll hang all night we'll have some fun it'll

be a big mean boys party yeah no i it's gonna it's gonna be a lot of fun uh and then also uh another date out of state you want want to come and appreciate it. Sorry, I had to ride a little while to arrive at that. August 4th. Yeah, me neither. You know what? I was on a roll. Sometimes you've got to roll with the roll.

August, this is a bad plug. Why did I make it take longer? August 4th, I'll be in Austin, Texas. So if you live very far from Chicago, watch me run the same Same fucking 45 At the Hotel Vegas In Austin, Texas at 7pm Ticket links aren't up yet, they will be by the end of this week So come on

Out for that I like the time performance in venues named after cities they're not in Because that means he actually might have a chance Of plugging them correctly Well, North Bar, Chicago is north True California is also north of some stuff You might have a chance of plugging them correctly. Well, Chicago is north. True. Yeah.

California is also north of some stuff. Yeah, I mean, that's how a globe works. North is sort of a relative term. Chicago, well, we're all north of the equator. Okay, all right. Okay, we're zeroing in on something. I've got to perform south of the equator. Australia hit me up. Yeah, and then I have a bunch of other local dates in California that you should that you should come out to too oh yeah uh fucking july 27th las vegas i'm doing the filth factory

come out to that yeah yeah and everybody knows exactly what that is and where it is if you google filth factory it'll pop up factory is great stand-up show midnights at the stratosphere hotel and casino in the comedy club inside their venue which I admittedly don't remember the name of, but I remember the shocking amount of detail. Oh, the L.A. Comedy Club. Oh, the L.A. Comedy Club. Yeah, see, I was testing Keith. If you can remember my details. Plugging your dates is a three-man job, Tom.

You see? Yeah, that's why I panicked when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. You always look like you're panicking. Yeah, I mean, that's also true. It went better than when you do. You're the only person I've seen who's having, like, falling dreams but awake. No. You fell three inches. It's better than when you do. You're the only person I've seen who's having, like, falling dreams but awake. No. You fell three inches.

It happens a bunch. But I'm running the album here in California, too. So go to my Facebook or fucking Twitter or whatever if you want to see me near California. Or in California, I mean. If you want to see me in California, go to my social media. Go to my house. All right. Well, now that you've all turned off the episode, jump on the Patreon if you haven't already.

$5 a month gets you access to weekly bonus episodes. And my God, the weekly bonus episode this week, some plans get hatched. Oh, yeah. If you've seen some memes popping up involving 9-11 and slam dunking, you may want to pop over there and see what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. We got a little bit of a publicity stunt brewing.

Yeah, more will be announced soon. No, it's not quite eating soup, but yeah. The last couple bonus episodes are definitely worth checking out. Maybe the hardest I've laughed, but this most recent one, plans have been hatched. Here's what I'll say. Me and Tom were discussing this publicity stunt outside the movie theater last night, and I genuinely said the sentence, not as a bit, I'm just worried we'll get beat to death in a public park if we do this.

Yeah. Well, yeah. Now, and by the way, they have done the math on, let's just say, the height of your fucking bullshit. Uh-huh. And my calculations were correct. Uh-huh. No, they weren't.

We don't know how long my arms are. Based off of your guesstimations, which have never been correct... We're going to do the final calculations. Oh, as opposed to yours. We're going to do the final calculations this week. By next episode, we'll be able to fully announce what we're doing. Connor looks so upset when I said that.

It wasn't even your math. It was Alexis' math, which, by the way, Alexis, I thought we were friends. This is bullshit. Yeah, well, girls can't do math. What do you want? Look, fucking... What else do, Alexis, I thought we were friends. This is bullshit. Yeah, well, girls can't do math. What do you want? Look, fucking what else do we have? I think that's it.

Defensive and progressive. Yeah. Just buckle in and enjoy the show, ladies and gentlemen. Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. The best way to get the summer body of your dreams is to die right now. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Connor McSpadden. And I'm...

Who Eminem thinks he is. Like, you are the only person who's ever been on this podcast who looks like they live on this block? Yeah. Did Tom and Ramsey tell you that both times before when I came for podcasts, this is my third time here, me and the neighbor had a talk. Like a talk or like a talk? The first time was cordial. We had a talk.

Like you saying we had a talk, that's like saying you hooked up. It could go, it could be kissing, It could have been anal. When you say had a talk, this could be so many things to me. We're 45 seconds in. This already might be a felony. Yeah. What happened?

Oh, no. It was friendly. It was like I pay respect to the neighborhood. I didn't know what neighborhood I was in, but when I pulled up, I knew I was in a neighborhood. It wasn't even in question. Let's show up with a jello bar. Oh, yeah. No one gets here and is, like, charming.

No. I love right here, though. Like, people hate it, and I completely agree why, but also it's so awesome. Everybody fucks with me here. I haven't had a problem. Andy Dick walked down the street and was like, what's up, boys? Oh, you saw Andy Dick? Fuck yeah. He keeps popping up in this neighborhood. We don't know if he lives here or if he's just buying dope here. problem and i think walk down the street and we're like what's up oh you said fuck yeah he keeps popping up in this neighborhood we don't know if he lives here if he's just buying dope here like

i don't know what it's two different times apparently right yeah yeah well we've got the story we've heard is that he lives in his ex-wife's shed right as this is confirmed fact from us and other sources we've seen it and his wife is away on vacation so he is staying with that wife yeah so i guess he can't be home alone i like which fair andy dick is a genie that lives in a pair of shoes over a power line like that's really what it is i've never met the man except for that right that i can remember um he seems like though like that's a good person i mean you think that but you weren't there the night he tried to roofie Connor. I'm not mad at him for that. Connor.

I wasn't thrilled with him. Now, Connor, wait. No. I actually had heard that you was a bisexual, right? No, I'm not. Just me. This is part of Brian Moses' misinformation campaign. Everyone thinks both of them are.

Well, I never came at you like, motherfucker. No, no, yeah, no. I heard that a long time ago. I was just like, well, look at him. It's just, I don't really know where that... But I've seen, no lie, I've seen Connor. See, I've seen Connor when he was a lot younger. Oh, yeah.

But when I was about to tell him. That's never good. That's never the start of a good story. You knew pre-puberty Connor. No. No when he was a lot younger. Oh, yeah. But what I was about to tell you. That's never good. That's never the start of a good story. You knew pre-puberty Connor. No. No, he was still. Well, yeah, he knows me right now. He's known a lot.

Yeah. We never went to each other's house. No, we'd go to open mics. Yeah, we'd see each other around. I've watched Connor. I'm not trying to be the old man. I've seen him grow and all that. Right.

I've seen Connor's pussy level go up, too. As have we. I was laughing one time. I was like, oh, look at that. Well, you're tall, right? Yeah, I'm tall. I've seen a lot of men naked in a lot of showers. Look, this is what I'm going to tell you.

Where would you have possibly seen? Oh, YMCA, I'm'm a lifeguard you're a big you're a big gym rat rich you love the y the whole white thing is a myth what white people are white people are people dick small thing sure it's true it's true about fucking every race right yeah it's basically a a gut to a slim ratio. Slim ass tall white boy, like you would bet eight to ten, whatever the numbers is. Oh, I don't like that. I'd put an eight on it. Yeah, that's a bad bet.

Connor's dick has been very publicly seen. Yeah, it's been around. Well, what do your ladies say? Well, maybe you did and you just missed it. It's very possible. You know what I get a lot? Mine's all over the place, dude. I usually get a good review and's all over the place, dude.

I usually get a good review, and I really am like, you don't have to flatter me. Oh, it's big. It's good. The one I get the most is it's a nice size. It's a good... You got top average dick. I get a lot of Goldilocks zone comments. You don't fucking take it.

You know what I've garden for more than one girl when they see my dick for the first time? Just them going, all right. I can work with this. Not excited. People react to your dick

like they just found out there's no coke, but Pepsi will be fine. Yeah, we're at the continental breakfast and it's like, they're out of yogurts, but they got a waffle machine.

All right. That's not a big following, so obviously, if what has the Continental Breakfast, and it's like, they're out of yogurts, but they got a waffle machine. All right. It's not a big following. So, obviously, if you would, has just been set up, the whole fucking Mean Boys world is waiting for the PS, the resistance. Oh, am I big? Oh, Keith's dick has been more out there than anybody. My dick is, it's common knowledge I have a big dick. Yeah. Yeah.

How old do you think I'm this confident and this gross? Like... He get a lot of pussy, too. That's the gold behind the money of Keith Carey. You know what I mean? The world bank of my dick is backed. Every quip is backed up by an inch of growth. It's all down there.

Yeah. No, he's slanging. He's slanging. So you were just saying that you've seen my pussy game go up as you've known me. Oh, yeah, Tom's pussy game gone up from none to pretty nice looking ladies. Yeah, he does all right. No, I do okay. I've seen you show up with a couple times.

You went on up the number scale. Yeah, yeah. I don't know where you're at now. We ain't bumping into each other in a while. The situation with me and pussy is just like, as a kid, it was like my life was like, this was never supposed to be an option. Right. You know what I mean? So every time it's even on the table, it's just like, you almost have to do it for the 16-year-old guy playing Yu-Gi-Oh cards at lunch.

You can't imagine ever saying no to pussy when you're not getting any pussy. And I do a lot, and you guys have both gotten pissed off at me about this on various- Well, you also kind of complain about it. Well, hang on. Kinda? Yeah. Fuck you, kinda. Yeah.

Here's Connor after getting laid. Only nine women have just been trying to fuck me. Oh, who is me? You get very upset because all this pussy is parading towards me. My life is very different. Man, except for fucking Brad Pitt and Jason Mimoso and shit. What?

Is that what the episode title was? Every one of us has felt that exact fucking thing. Remember when you couldn't? That is equated every fucking time. It always pops up when it's like you're in front of somebody you probably shouldn't, but you're like, ah, but I can't say no.

Hey, don't lie about it. No, I've gotten better about controlling it and being like, all right, let's think with the top head here. See, I've gotten a lot of that Arby's pussy where I'm like, ah, it's here. It's open. Okay. Arby's. The minute you find out somebody likes you is when it really, when you start averaging.

Because that's the rarity to find out a woman likes a man. Right, exactly. The second you find out any of them like you, no matter who it is, you start playing that mental game. You're like Columbus. You're like, if one, how far could I travel? That's right.

You start crunching the numbers. You start extrapolating. That's right. Well, hey, maybe that girl at the coffee shop really did. We have a lot of very socially awkward fans. If you had to give them, because you're the most confident man I've ever met in my life. If you had to give our fans advice on how to get laid, what would your process be?

Because real rich is nothing if not a guy who knows exactly who he is. I think you've had as many divorces as I've had girlfriends. I didn't even know that about you Oh yeah Let me say this right here I've never had a problem Finding the women that would like to be with me From high school on The thing is

You go through So we all feel the same guys Me and Keith feel the same Because we have to get their approval no matter what right and it all stems from junior high high school oh yeah you're in the club 21 years old remember when fucking michelle snyder broke up with your ass no not broke up with you when you was handing a bus driver money because it was the last day of fifth grade right and that's all you could figure to do because you figured out you liked her right the day before right that's what i did okay that's very specific we've all because you figured out you liked her right the day before. Right. That's what I did. Okay.

That's very specific. We've all gone through some bullshit like that. So just don't get scared. You know? And the way I found out to really pick up women, I was well into my 20s. And I could already really. Well, I had a weird story. I had a wife that was a stripper that we was also swingers. You know, coming from you, it's not that weird.

We was also swingers. Oh, shit. Right here. Okay. Numbers. Yeah, well, that's... You're playing with a corked bat, motherfucker. The way I fucking figured out how to talk to women back then was I went to a gay nightclub.

All right? Oh, shit. out how to talk to women back then yeah was i went to a gay nightclub all right oh shit we used to go to gay nightclubs with the strippers because it's a better vibe in there right you're not gonna get i used to get escorted out by security a lot yeah and you have that vibe to you yeah and uh motherfucking it was more fun right and i'm not i've never no matter what been like what my mama was gay you know i'm saying obviously if you heard my story, you know, I've been fucked. When I was a kid, I was molested. Sorry, that's not a thing to laugh at. It's just the way you said it.

It's not the same thing. Yeah, yeah. But from that, one of the things I've extrapolated in life is, oh, you're going to judge another man by that? I'm going to fuck off. Yeah. Fuck off. That's ridiculous. Yeah, I wouldn't be like gay because you got molested.

It seems like a bit of a reach. You know, I would, but that's where Keith and I are different. Well, you also got molested, you mo. An ape would think you was a lesser man for what you choose to do. Like Spartans, the whole deal. You could bring up a million things. My son is gay.

One of my twins is. He was at Pride. He was on a pink flamingo. I hit heart. Oh, no shit. Yeah, one of my twins is. He was at Pride. He was on a pink flamingo. Fuck yeah. I hit heart. You know what I mean? Now, how did you find him a lowrider flamingo? Because I want to see that shit.

I had to go to Pride. Like Angeline's Cadillac. That's fucking badass. What else? I dated a lesbian. Okay. Turner. It's like you're flipping a lesbian. Okay. Turner. Like you're flipping a house.

Rich's friend just nodded and gave a thumbs up of approval. He knew her. Wow. You already set up nine stories I want to know more about. So the thing is, what I was saying was, the way I really, really, really learned how to do it. I bought a knife. With a tall ass, like six'7", drunken black man. Okay.

Put his arm around me, which I felt that, god damn, I'm small. You're like, what? I feel safe. And fucking came around and put his face in my face with his nasty ass drunken breath. I wasn't offended by any of it. In fact, I was flattered. Yeah. And told me, you have the most beautiful eyes.

I just want to take you home right now. I didn't enjoy it. I wasn't offended, but I didn't enjoy it. The way he did it, it wouldn't have mattered if it was for me. That felt like assault. That's how I learned. Brothers out there, Bean Boys fans,

just say hi and see where it goes because that's the bestest way for reals. Yeah, I got the same advice. I was coming back from Vegas with two of my dad's friends. He had had a little medical episode out there. I went to go see him in the hospital, and they drove me back because I had school the next day. And it was this cool old, like, 50-year-old guy.

Did well in business. He had dreadlocks. He was wearing sunglasses. Just, like, kind of dude who's like yeah i've done all right for myself in life and he's uh just sitting looking out the window in the back seat and he says you want to know the secret to women connor and i was like yeah cool black guy my dad knows of course right and uh he goes just be nice to him and i was like fuck it's one of those things that sounds like a cop-out, and then you learn,

and like, oh, that really is it. Yeah, just one dreadlock of wisdom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, my dad's cool friend just told me to hit him, and that's not working. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm sorry. He does sound pretty cool.

Just beat him. Yeah. We just, we got too sincere for too long. My essay told me one time, I'm not fucking lying. This motherfucker was one of them. Straight from Mexico. Right. Not even from Mexico City. From Mexico, you know, where like.

From like deep Mexico. From La Bamba, Mexico. Yeah. Remember? Oaxaca, you know, like down there. Like where I got AIDS. I did. Wait, what?

You got AIDS? Yeah. You have AIDS? I don't have it. They haven't cared. No, what? You got AIDS? Yeah. You have AIDS? I don't have it. They haven't cared. No, they don't. So Magic Johnson just walk around healthy. Wait, you'll play right now.

Wait, you have HIV? No. They gave me a pill, homeboy. Wait, hang on. How did you know that you had it? Because I don't think that you... I made a big mistake down in Mexico drunk as a kid that's how I found out okay I don't want to I'm not trying to pry I

really you say what you're comfortable saying but I'm just you got to understand our curiosity here when you say I had AIDS usually you can only say that if you are now dead I don't want to the laugh. I'm glad I got the laugh. I don't want to lie to nobody. I didn't officially catch AIDS. It was under the table. So they had like a plan B pill for AIDS. Is that what you're saying?

Look, I did what I did. And I knew I could feel the AIDS in me, Connor. I could. Okay. I knew I could feel the AIDS in me, Connor. I could feel it. Yeah, yeah. Whenever Magic woke up that day, I felt the same way. A little morning sickness. You know, women know their bodies, and I got to figure AIDS is similar to a baby.

You have a weird mouth, and you're like, well, here we go. Here we go. Tell me. Tell me if I'm wrong. I go to this doctor. I'm going to guess, yeah, you're wrong. You went to a doctor in La Bamba, Mexico. Right, right.

I go upstairs to my boss's room. If they have a cure for AIDS, that's not where it is. I go upstairs to my boss's room. I'm all fucked up. I'm crying. And he's like, no, no, no. We've all got it before. So now you're in some sort of village of the damned where everyone has AIDS.

Look, I don't care what y'all believe. This happened to me. I believe that you. I don't not believe it. I'm wrapping my head around it. I can tell you the year, everything. It was either the latest part of 96 or the beginning of 97. Okay.

I get this job. They say we're going to a Boeing factory in Mexico. Right. End of story of 97. Okay. I get this job. They say, we're going to a Boeing factory in Mexico. Right. End of story. Yeah. Okay, well, there's the details we wanted. I choose,

I'm married to a stripper. I choose not to go to a strip club the whole fucking time. Well, yeah, it's like. On the last fucking night, after some crate, all this, I got jumped,

everything. Okay. I saved a woman from getting beat up by her husband and the Walmart was mad at me. Man, you're a fucking misunderstood guy. You really are. So you rescued a woman in a Walmart. I did. No, in a Walmart parking lot.

We're driving, right? And this motherfucking lady is getting the shit kicked out of her on the ground. Oh, shit. And I tell the home the dude's driving that I'm working with, stop the fucking van. Right. I got mad. I got out of the van. They. Oh, shit. And I tell the home, the dude's driving that I'm working with, stop the fucking van. Right. Like, I got mad.

I got out of the van. They stayed in the van like bitches. Yeah. Right? And I go fucking, I stop, I pull homie off. I was like, no, fuck you. I don't give a fuck. Right.

And he, the way he reacted at me wasn't like somebody out here would do like, fuck you, that's my girl, none of that shit. He looked at me like I was an alien. But they all did. They called me El Diablo. It was insanity. It was insanity. Okay, so they could read your tattoo.

I went to Mexico, saved a woman, became the devil, and killed an alien. They would call me that and spit on the ground, and I'd promise on my son. Fuck, man, that's heavy. I didn't even know him. That's crazy. I didn't even fucking know him. Just on-site El Diablo. I got a curse?

Right. I got a curse. No. I got a curse, Keith. It's fucked up when they say something to you in a different language and you're like, oh, I know what that means. Yeah, that's bad. It wasn't like something you went home and Googled it and I thought it was a thing.

If somebody yells shit at you in Spanish and it's not the name of a food and you know what it is, you're in trouble. Hang on. Is the curse how you got AIDS? No. Okay. Just checking. What, thinner? Actually, I never thought of that. Well, maybe.

Yeah, maybe. Okay, so you rescued the... I'm trying to build a narrative here. So I rescued this chick, right? Right. Yes. And I fucking walk her... You are a Mexico gangbanger AIDS spawn. Yeah. So El Diablo strikes again. I walk her into, right? Right. Yes. And I fucking walk her. You are a Mexico gangbanger aid spawn. Yeah. So El Diablo strikes again. I walk her into the Walmart.

Right. Right? She can barely fucking walk. Okay. She's cussing me the fuck out in Spanish. Obviously, I don't understand Spanish. Yeah. But you get the tone.

But I understand. She doesn't want- You can see the fuck you in someone's eyes. Like, I'm kind of dragging her, but I'm not. She's going with me. So you're rescuing this lady, Wes. Like, I'm kind of dragging her, but I'm not. She's going with me. So you're rescuing this lady, Wes, so then you're kind of kidnapping her. And at this point, I've been there fucking a month, and I don't know if they all just all think I'm the devil or what. I haven't eaten because there's nowhere to eat.

And fucking, I take her and fucking into the Walmart, report it to, well, what the fuck do you do? I don't got the Mexican 911, and this might have been before cell phones. I can't remember. I think it's Nueva Uno. 96, 97, maybe. And the Walmart and her proceed to start cussing me the fuck out. So the Walmart is on her side and anti-you, even though she stopped it. What I gather is that she's property.

What the fuck are you doing? Oh, shit. And I'm just like, you know what? There is no more I can do here. Wait, she's property of the Walmart? Of the husband. I thought it was like the Walmart is also selling pussy. That's awesome.

They were like, you're trying to be a good Samaritan. They're like, oh, no, no. We've got a whole system here. So I start walking out. He started living in only because he scabbed his knee when I got him out. I didn't fucking know. They write you up for shoplifting.

Police. That wasn't even thought of. That wasn't even in the narrative. I can't believe that didn't occur to anybody. I walked out. He looked at me cross-eyed, but I was over it and went back to the van. Anyway, so we go to this doctor. Now, I had seen La Bamba.

That's actually, you know, a movie that everyone watched back in the day. Right. And I seen that Snake Witch Doctor shit. There's a scene in La Bamba where they also go to a Mexican doctor after a Mexican brothel. Ah. And fucking uh... So there are brothels in Mexican Walmarts?

Hang on, did you fuck somebody in between all this? Yeah. That's kind of what I thought that story was. How do you catch A's? I wasn't slamming down. I don't know. Maybe you hit the guy so hard his blood got in your knuckles. We just found out there's more ways than I thought because curses seem to be pretty...

It's the only time I've ever been with a prostitute. Okay. She tricked me. I don't drink. I'm not a big drinker. Right. How'd she trick you? She's pouring this liquid

known as Petron. That's what she's telling me. She's telling me Petron. Nobody ever fucking heard of Petron back then? Yeah. It's an orange juice bottle with a spout.

Dude. Dude. So I tasted it the first time. It's nothing. Right. Oh, she. It was like, I found the one I like.

Yeah. I'm throwing these motherfuckers. Because she keeps pouring them. This is the first time that type shit ever happened to me. Yeah. And you fall into the trap. And then eventually, you can't even really see when you're going back and do what you were doing. Right.

You know what I'm saying? But I did it, man. I ain't going to lie. That's my life. So she's got your hand. I wish I did not do it. Yeah. Hey, dude, I'm not here to judge you on that, man.

No condom. None of that shit. Maybe not your smartest move, but I did not do it. Yeah. Hey, dude, I'm not here to judge you on that, man. No condom. None of that shit. Maybe not your smartest move, but I'm sex work positive. Bad move. Don't do that. I mean, I would set a Mexico policy of unless I'm breaking the seal on the plastic cap, I'm not drinking it. You know?

That would be where I would. That seems like a fair point. You know? Airport rules. Now, hindsight 2020 for sure. Because if I'm hanging out with a Mexican hooker and she gives me a drink, I'm like, well, this is pretty funny. We both know if you and me are in a Mexican brothel, we're going to find the worst decision

we can make and make it because it's the funniest story later. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's- That's who we are. You have to. Yeah. So you go to the doctor. The money's on the house over there.

Yeah. You want to leave it on the- Stay away. Stay away. I like a guy that leaves it all on the field. And I try to do that in my life as much as I- I did. Right. Oh, no. I did. They got way. They got way. I like a guy that leaves it all on the field. And I try to do that in my life as much as I can. I did. Right.

Oh, no, I did. Sure, yeah. I'm going to tell you. I got started. We can sit here and talk pussy stories for 24 hours. Well, that's exactly what we're doing. Welcome to the Mean Boys Pussython with Real Rich. I've matured.

I have vagina stories for 24 hours. Motherfucking. So you get AIDS. Yeah, you're at the dog and you feel you're like, where were we? So I go to my boss and they're like, no, we all got it. Uh, come on. Yeah, no, no. This is nothing.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everyone's so fucking casual. Right. I'm like, are you fucking, I watch the news. Yeah. You're seeing a lady with a fucking scrape before me. I have AIDS. Yeah. You're seeing a lady with a fucking scrape before me. I have AIDS. Yeah.

You know? So. Wait, hang on. It's your boss or the doctor that says we all have it? Okay. At this point, the boss. Okay. So you go to the guy you work with and you say, hey, boss, I have AIDS.

That's the only English-speaking person there. Who would you go to? No, it makes sense. Yeah, Keith, riddle me that. You can't say it. You look for the first authority figure. Where's my dad? I got AIDS.

You're hopping on Google Translate in 97 to go hit the streets and do some research. I'm not questioning a single decision you've made. I'm just making sure I'm keeping up. Okay, so this motherfucker, everything's so casual, like I'm saying. No,. So, this motherfucker. Everything's so casual, like I'm saying. No, just get in the van.

Go down to the strip mall. It's a goddamn strip mall. Okay. And it's not an L.A. strip mall. There's fucking literal the sagebrush in the wind passing by. There's no tumbleweeds. A bodega and a fucking, I don't know. I don't speak Spanish. A cucar a fucking, I don't know. Yeah. I don't speak Spanish.

A cucaraceria. I don't know. And fucking, that motherfucking Clinica. There you go. That's where we went. Yeah, you'll figure that one out. So, you're going in and it is exactly like La Bamba. It's different, but exactly like La Bamba. It's like, it's half doctor, half witch doctor.

Right. They, there's like a stethoscope and a rattlesnake you see for every they're both around the doctors look I'm gonna have to stand up for every for everything that a real doctor would do

they're also like brushing fucking things around me yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like here's a Tylenol also we killed this chicken. It couldn't hurt. Yeah, I don't speak Spanish. I'm basically acting like I'm acting right now. Like, oh, great. You're fucking putting some bush around me.

Are you fucking serious? Bush is how I got here in the first place. Your tango La Queen guy thing. The whole time, the doctor's cracking the fuck up. C-AIDS, yes. You? Yes. Centuria Johnson.

I'm like, oh, great. Everybody's cracking up. Right. My boss is like, just relax. I relax. Partially. They almost treated him for hepatitis, yes. Which would have been better.

Listen to me. Every one of those diseases is in this. And I'm going to tell you why after. All of the sex was transmitted. Transmated. I knew what you meant. That's the part I'm going to push back on. I'm not making fun of you.

No, I encourage it. So, at the end of the day, he gives me a pill bigger than a football. Fuck. Imagine an aspirin capsule. Right. Capsule. Okay?

The crunchy kind, not the liquid gel shit. Yeah. Okay? But the size. Like, you know how you see the Reese's and then you go to 7-Eleven and see the Reese's? Yeah, yeah. Like that comparison. Oh, shit.

This thing. Okay. I had to hit it with a machete. Okay? Because that's all I had fucking access to. I'm hitting, I'm working down there.

I'm staying in a motel. Right, yeah, yeah. With an Italian restaurant. And I'm fucking, they served me something with claws. That's what I'm saying. I didn't eat. I was, I was,

nah, I didn't eat. Nah, I didn't eat. He said, they basically told me, I don't give a fuck what you have. And yes, you have AIDS. They kept saying that, so I tell people the truth. Did they do a test? No! Because I eyeballed it? They knew the lady.

Oh! They knew all the ladies. Right, but it doesn't transmit 100% of the time. They knew all the ladies Right but it doesn't Transmit 100% of the time They knew all the ladies Okay And might have AIDS At the Aquarius Sure Lupe with the eye patch

Or no eye Lupe Yeah This was at the Aquarius In Mexicali Okay I'm sure they'll appreciate The plug In Mexicali

Or the one across it I always forget Anyway Cause there's a town Across the border From Mexicali That's what the border from Mexicali. That's what you call it. Mexicali and the other thing.

I can't remember. Whichever side of Mexico was the town we was in. Gotcha. We were at a Boeing factory, which is slavery, by the way. Oh, shit. Dude, I could tell stories about this for two and a half hours. Right. Just going to Mexico.

But I ate the pill. Okay. Yeah. It took me two days to eat that pill. I don't like the taste of aspirin anyway. Okay? And now it's got machete rust on it. When you eat this pill, after a certain amount, you throw up most of the pill.

I went and told the fucking Clinica. He just said, just eat the fucking pill. That's all they told me. The fucking bartender I talked to said, just eat the fucking pill. Right. Everyone knows about the pill, but when you're on this side of the board, you don't know about the pill. How is this not, and you're fine now, you don't have AIDS.

Okay, I'm going to tell you exactly what happened. Did you ever get tested by someone who didn't have a snake? Yes. Okay. Multiple times. Okay. That is a fair point. Okay.

Now. Okay. What happened was, in between that time, time I was like I said With my stripper wife A swinger Right I was single Had another

Wife girlfriend type thing Right Fucking Broke up from that Okay And in this span of time Is about 10-12 years

Oh wow Okay Never Not once ever Not meeting someone On the bus stop Blah blah blah blah blah once ever. Not meeting someone on the bus stop. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, actually, this is from someone on the bus stop, but before

this time. So, let's get our bus stop timeline straight. Yeah, let's get the bus. I've met multiple women at a bus stop. And, uh... And, uh... Fuck yeah.

You fucking ruled. Yeah, man. So anyway, I eat the pill, and I keep... Hey, white girls on Instagram, are you really out here? This is what's out here. This man is out here. This is the mayor of downtown out here. I used to be a catch.

So... I don't like this negative soft talk, bitch. You got wisdom about AIDS pills and confidence. I'll buy a season pass for this show on iTunes. And I didn't wear a condom. I never wear a condom.

This is AIDS girl or buttstock girl? Any of it. I've worn a condom twice in my life. And it didn't work out, so I was like, I'm worn a condom like twice in my life. Okay, gotcha. And it didn't work out so I was like, I'm just going to have to judge.

Wait, what do you mean it didn't work out? They don't, okay, I'm at an in-between size of a regular and a magnum. I know exactly what you're talking about.

Yep. There you go. Yeah. So, the magnums are made for 12 inch. Yeah, because I'm,

girth-wise, the magnum fits perfect but then I have like sort of the droopy like little thing at the end that looks like a cool rapper's hat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's in the Cosby kids. When I was you guys age I was at like nine. I'm at like I want to say

if I'm at my most because I'm 44 right now. Right. You know, it's just different. I just want to know if it's shrinking or getting bigger. No, it goes down. Oh shit, okay. But not a lot. You know what I'm at my most, because I'm 44 right now. Right. You know, it's just different. I just want to know if it's shrinking or getting bigger. No, it goes down. Oh, shit.

Okay. But not a lot. You know what I'm saying? I'm like an eight. Okay, that's not bad. I'm like, I'll ask my wife. Yeah. Motherfucking.

So, I eat the pill. I do all that stuff. I never even get a fucking cough, a hiccup. Right. Nothing. Yeah. A hangover. And you said you felt.

I've been handcuffed outside of a stripcup. Right. Nothing. A hangover. And you said you felt I've been handcuffed outside of a strip club and taken home to a house where these women had the orange porno tapes on VHS. You remember the orange ones? No. The orange VHS means it was gonna be everything on that tape. See, orange VHS meant Nickelodeon kids movie. I was about to say

orange VHS meant three episodes of SpongeBob. I don't know, maybe you're fucking the Rugrats of the movie. I've been a lot of shit. You know, always just looking for love. Yeah. And nothing. And then one time I met this lady on a bus stop. Right.

13 years later. She had come out of a mental institution. Sitting there in a gown. Oh, my God. Sitting there in a gown. Sure. And I hadn't. I was.

It was a difficult time in my life. I'm at a bus stop. I could go into what happened that day. But here, I'm going Sitting there in a gown. Sure. And I hadn't, I was, it was a difficult time in my life. I'm at a bus stop. I could go into what happened that day, but here, I'm going to just break it down. I feel like she's having a pretty rough day, too. I'm going to just break it down. Yeah. Yeah. Lady gets out.

I'm sitting at the bus stop. She's chit-chatting me. I can tell she's older than me, and she's done meth. This is for sure. Right. Because I know. I always know. Yeah, you can tell.

And motherfucking, her titty popped out. Okay, that's a twist. Like, independently of the rest of her. Just, hell, I don't care. And I moved, you know, my shit moved. Bah. And I was like, just a titty. And I ain't even a titties dude.

But it happened. And fucking, so we took the bus to my house, and she ended up moving in. Whoa. Because she got $1,600, Dub's on the spot. She got $1,600 a month off of just prescriptions. Yeah. It was a guaranteed thing. She's like, she's telling me all this on the bus, and I need somebody to move in that day.

It was kismet. Yes. It was karma. Yes, I was about to say. No, that was our spot. That was Angel. Nigga. Can you get your story straight, Dub?

You know what? I've realized why Dub's here. It's just a fact check. You need someone to go guess that happened for some of these stories. Sometime. But I got lots of witnesses. No, the football is here today. I definitely want some backup before I get into that.

You want to go to the clinic? I'm making it a mission of my life to go to the Clinica. I'm going to see if the WGA insurance covers the Clinica. Look, I like to live my life. I suggest you go down there and fuck somebody. I think I'm probably straight on that. The reason they got that pill is because they have to. Yeah.

And I'm pretty sure that the pill exists. It's probably AZT, along with a lot of other things. It's just one big-ass pill. Right. And I probably didn't have AIDS. Yeah. But it's funny as fuck that everyone's telling me I had AIDS. I thought I had AIDS.

They give me a pill and it says Cure's AIDS. Look, if you were going to tell me one person got AIDS and walked it off, it would be you. It would be me. It would be me. Yeah. But that wore off from fucking Angel. Right. And I got gonorrhea the second time I've ever had anything 13 years later.

Okay. And fucking. This is from Bus Stop Diddy? Yeah. Okay. And they tested me for everything because I walked into Planned Parenthood. Because you know what it was? I was driving home from work

And my penis itched It's like two days later My penis itched First time it ever happened Right Well no You know how you like And this was not a just

Oh I gotta adjust This was At first it was Oh yeah I'm sure It was exactly like that But then you're like When you have to adjust from something Just being at the end of your shit

Yeah It's like when an earthquake happens And you think a truck's just driving by And you're like, wait a minute. Yep, yep. Exactly. And I'm not even lying. It kept itching on the drive home. Because it was a long drive home. It was a two hour drive home.

From out here to Orange County. In four o'clock traffic. Could have been worse. Could have been on the bus. I'm on the four or five. I'm like, no. I'm a man. I know the stories. I unzipped my shit right there in traffic. I don't even wear underwear. Never.

Took my shit, and I squeezed the tip. And a little bit, it was clear. A little bit of shit came out. I said, oh, that's it. Time to die. It's over. Because I couldn't remember. Time to go to Mexico, dude.

The one thing was, I couldn't remember if to go to Mexico dude The one thing Go get another football The one thing was I couldn't remember If that's the one You can't Need someone to Tom Brady One of those pills Up the border

And fucking hook you up That went through my mind Right For real But I went to Planned Parenthood And he got caught Gone to Rio You dumb motherfucker

And then stabbed me In the arm real hard Oh shit And I go Why'd you stab me so hard It was a lady And she said You'll remember that won't you

Wow That shit's cool Cause it hurt It put me to my knees Oh shit. And I go, why'd you stab me so hard? It was a lady. And she said, you'll remember that, won't you? Wow. That's your school. And I was like, because it hurt. It put me to my knees. Oh shit. Oh yeah, dude. She put it in a spot in my shoulder.

Oh wow. Somewhere that she knew. Yeah. She was laughing. And I was like, dude, I had never felt pain like that. Like, maybe I have. It was really hurt bad is what I'm trying to say. Right.

Someone told me I got gonorrhea. That I gave her gonorrhea. That I had picked it up and was like, you piece of shit. It ended up being a mental ploy. She's fucking with me. She was trying to get back together with me. It was a lot of shit. But long story short, I didn't have it and I had to get that shot.

And it's fucking, it's like cottage cheese they put it. It's so thick, the shit that they inject you with. Yeah, it's a big ass shot. And it feels chunky. And it's like, fuck, that's great. Wait, someone tried to recourt you by claiming that you gave them gonorrhea? Yeah. Was this Christmas lights? Yes. Yeah, I figured. That seems like a her maneuver.

Christmas lights are horror. You know, you'll really put up with a lot after you've had five of you get in your fuck on a pile of Christmas lights. Yeah. I've amazingly never gotten an STD. I know. Yeah.

It's weird that you got a gold star streak. Yeah. We're just shocked. Well, you know what I'll say. What's up? You're in a relationship right now. I am right now, yeah. You're in a relationship right now.

No. No. No. No? No. You ain't got so many pops over at 2 a.m.? Like, well, Tom's there. And what, fuck in the kitchen?

I don't... Tom lives on our kitchen floor. I fucked him worse. I mean, that's fair. You have a curtain now. The world is your oyster. Well, you gotta... From what I understand, it's gay bars and bus stops is where you gotta go if you're on the market.

Which, I can't think of two places you make more sense to me. Oh. The home. Dub chimed in with something. What happened? Dub hit Rich with a request. Yes, Dub came with a request. This is the real Rich Freebird, I think.

This is one of Dub's favorites, I guess. Do it. I've been homeless multiple times and picked up eights and nines. I don't know why. He wanted me to tell you? Yeah. Come on.

I fucked in the living room. Yeah, I'm not charming. Yeah, you are. You got to fucking believe in yourself. I believe that I confuse people. So we had a radio show a long time ago It was a lot like this A very lot

But it would be from It would be me It was a three person deal I thought it was a Raiders show No that's because MC Ram was on it all the time And he loved the Raiders MC Ram from NWA Wait what?

The ruthless villain, Tom? I'm sorry? You know all the ones you've heard of? He's with the other one. Okay, yeah. I don't think MC Ren's listening to our podcast. I think I can avoid the beef here. Oh, you're fine.

Ren's a bad motherfucker. Okay. Ren is a bad... And if you ask a true NWA fan, and if you go back and listen, because you know what? I kind of felt the same way. Yeah.

And then I went back and listened to some of my favorite songs. I was like, no, that was Ren. Yeah, he's really good. No, Ren gets short shrift. He's... I mean, look, he doesn't have... Ren gets...

He got fucked. He didn't have the breakout of like Dre and Ice Cube, and he didn't have the legacy of dying fucking easy. It seems like Dre and Ice Cube are assholes, too. It seems to me like they don't have a lot of like Dre and Ice Cube. It seems like Dre and Ice Cube are assholes too. It seems to me like they don't have a lot of loyalty.

Yeah. Am I wrong? Where's Yella? Right? He was making porn last week. We can't find something for him to do. You know what I mean? It's like you guys kind of did this together.

It's like you're in a position where you got a lot of bones to throw. I get upset if I can't help out people that I started with. They're just like, hey, a nice gesture. Let them know I'm fucking thinking about it. If I ever became a billionaire, I'm going to let Tom live in my house if he needs to. The kitchen. Yeah. If you got a billion dollars worth of headphone money,

you can say he produced the song on Compton even though he just kind of showed up. I want to switch the tables here for a second. I want to interview, because I have heard a number of your shows, watched a number of your videos on YouTube. Especially for the news thing. The Mexican news. The Mexican news today is

fucking the Q&A. That's the big news out of Mexico as far as I'm concerned. I didn't remember it was called that. I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, that's a big news out of mexico as far as i'm concerned tom i didn't remember it was called that i'm like what the fuck oh that's the news thing that's what i called it in my head yeah when y'all do that i'm like oh they're doing the news thing because a number of podcasts is gonna come up again yeah are they doing the news thing i kind of like it okay um i thought you called it the topical thing though it's not. Nah. Okay. Y'all stretch for it a lot. Yeah. I'm like, because y'all are brilliant.

Both of y'all, man. Hey, fuck you, too. I'm coming down to where you work it like the age out of your mouth. Tommy, too. No, for sure, Tommy, too. I'm fucking with you, Rich. Because I done seen Tommy do the one thing that y'all can't do. Is that one thing I told you about that I want to do where you come really far? Where they just say a word and you say, what's your definition?

A lightning round. I want to do that. You want to do lightning? Oh, man. Wait, you want to give it to Tommy or you want Tommy to give it to you? Whenever you tell me a word and what I'm doing. We might have to add that segment to the show. I told you a long time ago.

You did. You did. I don't know if I'm really worried about the news thing when we've got football-sized egg pills. No, the news thing is getting done. Okay. No, because I wasn't scared of that. And fucking. No, you worked hard on it.

You sure you did. I worked on it. That's how real rich is Mill U. No, and we're the same way, man, because my standards from my life, too, so it's a fucking adjustment. I have great respect for you two. I was saying this story before. Sounds like it. Okay, let's put it all out.

I almost knocked both of y'all out at two different times. I don't know. You should know. I don't remember what you're talking about, but I definitely believe I had a comment, and I'm sorry. I actually, and like Rich're talking about, but I definitely believe I had it coming. And I'm sorry. I actually, and like Rich, come on, man. Come on, man.

Come on, man. You in comedy. You know what I'm saying? What did we do? I want to know. We was at one of Marty Mac Fly's things in fucking East LA. Right. It was a crowd in there.

But it was kind of like you're at a municipal center, I think it was. Something like that. Yeah, yeah. And Connor was the bomb. His whole set was, because like I was saying before, when I came into the comedy thing, there was the whispers of Connor. We was all in the same circle, except for you wasn't there really, but you came down a couple times.

Right. To the Orange County. And, but me and him and and and and back in the day i was like oh that's like uh evan's side dude you know i'm saying i thought you was like you and evan was like this yeah yeah we were close um and um that's my boy evan is my boy i'll whoop a motherfucker's ass for evan um so i'd be right there watching and acting like i was gonna to jump in. I would. I've seen when they said that

and so you're going to pay special attention to them. And Connor, what I've seen when I've seen Connor is I say this is a young man that said I'm going to do this and I don't give a fuck. And you could say, I've seen it in one minute. It didn't matter if your jokes

was good or bad or none of that. Some was good. Some was what they was. You was a kid. You was like, what, 20? Something like that, yeah. What are you now? 26.

21, I believe you were. 21, 20? 20 years old. And no, from the first second, I was like, this motherfucker, no matter what happens in this world, I know for a fact he's going to go to the death. And I watched you. And I seen where you drive to. Oh, yes.

And I seen what you do. Yeah, yeah. Y'all think you like my little kids and shit. Because I seen y'all in these clubs when five years ago, it was a five-year relationship. Yeah, yeah. And it stick up for you. It's the way it is. There's a lot to that I can say, too.

And then you, I saw at the spot. But I knew Conor was going It's the way it is. There's a lot to that I can say, too. And then you, I saw at the spot, you know, but I knew Conor was going to be the shit. Right. So you almost hit him? Homie? No, I'm going to get to that.

Okay, okay. He's softening the blow. I'm going to get to that. It's going to make me look bad. And one day, I swear to God, this house is going to be a comedy monument

because the talent that's lived here. This house is going to collapse in three weeks. Maybe. Or get eviction. You know what I'm saying? It is going to collapse in three weeks. Maybe. Or get eviction. You know what I'm saying? It's going to be a monument to bad zoning.

Oh, no. If they found this place, if they looked at this place, they would already be condemned. That looks like a rape room door, right? The Mean Boys have a rape room door. Yeah. Rich got flashbacks when he saw that deadlock. He was just like, I know what those are for.

So one day, Connor... I went up before Connor because that's usually he saw that deadlock. He was just like, I know what those are for. So one day, Connor, I went up before Connor because that's usually the way that would go. Even though when I first started, like, motherfuckers were like on my shit. They were like, oh, that's motherfucking funny. No, and you're really, I mean. You made a split. You're fucking funny, man. You're funny. I'm not getting anywhere, though, y'all.

I'm like, I don't get booked. I do not get booked. If you book a show and you're listening to this, I swear to God, book real Rich. Rich is great. Evan booked me. That's it. Are you not entertained? You don't think he could be funny for ten minutes in your fucking bar?

You don't want to hear what else he has to say. I want to know what the fuck is the matter with you. You know what I mean? So this place, it was crowded, And they gave Connor his spad time. And Connor went out there and gave his heart. Right. And you could tell how hard he works in his jokes. Like, what I do, every one of my jokes in the stand-up, that's why it takes me a while to write shit.

Because it has to be from my life. Yeah. I'm not the guy that can just sit there and write the Mexican joke off. Right. I can make shit funny. I can do the Mexican news. He and you are true writers. Thanks, man.

I commend you for sure. For sure. You're going to be somewhere. I just don't know what that's going to be. I know for a fact you're going to be looking back at this like, motherfucker, look at my fuck you. Suppose it's worth pointing out I work in the same place Connor does. I do believe that somehow you gonna be there too brother somehow

i don't know how i just don't know how but look this is the best fortune teller i've ever been through in my life this is this is this is great i suggested a guest to come in and then suck your two dicks. Thank you. Puck yourself with compliments. I really did. Who's wrestling fans? A little bit.

Buddy Roberts. Not that deep. Fabulous Freebirds. Okay, that's all right. Motherfucker. You got to look him up. Mean Boys fans that know the fabulous free birds i want to tell you and i'll tell you this there are a lot of them motherfucking connor's michael hayes keith is terry gordy and tom is buddy roberts the one that makes it all work and if you look at a picture of them you guys are have a formula

right here that's gonna succeed i promise you that i know things yeah no there is a there is something where you if you don't make it to kevin hart status it's not going to be a lack of heart or trying i'm telling you that emotionally right now as a man i know you kid i seen you from day one man oh thanks man you like the young athlete that's like oh oh, basketball's my thing. Yep. I might be playing in the EuroLeague, but I make 165 grand playing in the EuroLeague, and I live my life, didn't I, nigga? I might have to go down to Australia with the fucking criminal ball brother. This is Buddy Roberts. You know what?

At least he's got a fucking amputee. Show them all three. Show them the... I hope to God the other two are, like, ripped to shit. I don't want to look at Terry Gordy. Oh, that's hurtful. No, pull up all three. I don't know what I'm Googling.

The Fabulous Freebirds. Okay. Oh, fuck you. Hey, sorry. I can fuck around. You listen. I'm so cover. I want to see you make one of them mean things where your faces are the Fabulous Freebirds.

Promise me that. We don't make the Photoshop. You make the Photoshop. Okay. Hang on.. We don't make the photoshops. Okay. I promise you. All right. That's about right. You're the flamboyant one with the hair.

He's the motherfucker that works his ass off. Well, kind of. That's you. And I'm the other one. You're the big, strong fatty. I'll tag it. Look. Listen. Another one. You're a big, strong fatty. I'll tag it. Look. I thought we were done talking about my dick. Look.

Listen. You guys ain't the fighting types. But if either of you two was to get into an altercation, it would be Keith that walked up and went, Look, motherfucker. I might not whoop your ass, but you're going to leave my homeboy alone right now. Because you're the biggest one. Sounds like me. It's got to be.

It's got to be. Well, Tom would just kill you with his fist. Tom is secretly very strong and very violent. Connor can't even take an elbow to the ribs. No. No, I cannot. Well, to be fair, that is a fucking painful way to get hit. I feel like Rich is about to give us a lesson on the definition of pain. I don't get out of bed for anything less than a stabbing.

So Connor had a bad set. Okay. Yeah, I did. But it wasn't a bad set. It was the people. Right. And I recognized, and he got so mad at himself. He's like, and you can see his mind working when he's walking around.

You can see it, brother. In his mind, he's like, I'm fucking doing all this shit. Fuck these motherfuckers. You know, he had to go off. You know what I'm saying? Right. He was going to his car. And I had talked to some people about this.

They was like, homie, that's just Connor. Yeah, no, he does. And I was like, you know what? You're right. You're right. And I was like, hey, brother. And he was like, fuck you, real rich. It's so great to say fuck you and then use someone's name. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Sorry, man. He was already passed, obviously. He was already out the door. He was like, not a whole block away, but he was far away. Yeah, I was making my exit. He was like, fuck you, Rich. He got in the car. Like, you know when Homeboy get in the car and crying Friday?

Yeah. You know that's what he did. You know that's great. Fuck you, Rich. And I was mad at him for telling me that, but then I was like, nah, nah, man, what the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah. Now you.

Ah, shit. I believe. If it wasn't with him, it was with somebody we know. Okay. And it was the premier. Now, I've told you this before. Fuck all that shit you see on TV. I saw Keith Carey

in Vandy Roast Battle is a big part of the Roast Battle being successful at the very least at the very least where is his shit nowhere

now this is what I see not all three seasons of the show I love what's happening because you're you're giving me these props as though I've never done anything, but I've done some stuff. But this is what I've seen.

This is what I've seen. I think you just really like Connor. It was the night of the premiere. Okay. And we was at the comedy store because I always go on Show of God. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to do my Show of God thing.

Yep. Was this the first season? It was the premiere. Now, let me just tell you what I've seen with my eyes. Yes,. Yep. Was this the first season? It was the premiere. Now, let me just tell you what I see with my eyes. Yes, it was the first season. Okay. And it was the night. I might have a story explaining why I was being a dick.

Oh, no. You don't have to, brother. It was my fault. Okay. All right. Mine was on me, so this should make you feel good. I didn't even expect to see y'all. I didn't even know it was that night.

I seen the billboards. Robin on it with the thing. Everything. And I walk in there. You guys is outside smoking a cigarette. I'm coming in. Hey, what's up, homies? We was all good. I was like, it's your big night. You're like, no, no, stop it.

I insist, please. Oh, Rich. Rich, Rich. Authentic Richard, please. It's basically the way Connor reacts to me every time we see each other in Hollywood. Right. Oh, Richard, hello. Orange County, we do the homie hug.

Yeah. When we're at the store, you know what I'm saying? Oh, did I do that? I'm sorry. I hate people that do that. Oh, Richard. I'm trying. You'll never know the struggle.

Keep your distance. Oh, I love this. I'm like genuinely like, oh my God, they fucking did it, right? Oh, Richard, thank you so much, but it's not us. It's, it's Master Ross. And I know it ain't that dude. He didn't have this idea. This wasn't his shit.

He was doing that thing. He was in the roast, but no, no, no. Right. And I came, I went in to go, because you got to go get it to show up. Now, for a long time, I had like a spot. They were like, no, that's rich. Yeah.

And I was going to whoop a motherfucker's ass. So I did a lot of the conversation, y'all. It's just, I don't know what to do, you know. Y'all know. You'd be surprised um um so fucking uh i come back out to smoke a cigarette oh i left my weedman car and my coat and fucking because i it's sunday night i gotta be working for tomorrow i was doing blow i got to lie to nobody fuck it man that's what it's there for i don't do it no more because i'm too old all right start fucking up my nose yeah

but three years ago, when you were 41, spry. You were ready to go. Like a year ago when I was 43. A week ago? Nah. I'm always honest about drugs. I know. I'm fucking around. Just real quick, can you just, without

getting into it, tell them what day of the year you used to do meth every year. Just real quick. I'm just, without getting into it, tell them what day of the year you used to do meth every year. Just real quick. If it's fucking Arbor Day, I'm going to shit my pants. People always think I'm a meth head, and I don't blame them. I've got a lot of meth stores. I have done meth in Phenomenon. Right.

I just kind of assumed. I come from the meth capital, Las Vegas, Nevada. Yeah. If you argue with me, I will win. We've done this. I've gone through it. Just tell them it's a special day. No other town in the United States runs off 24 hours

off a meth. They win. And it's the best meth you can get. It's still the real meth right now. The meth that's out here in the world isn't the same. But, Tommy... It's where they grow the grapes. When I was doing meth, I would do it once a year. And I usually do it on Thanksgiving.

Because all my family's dead. And my sons usually would be with my ex-wife. Right. So there's me on Thanksgiving not wanting to face that shit. Yeah. I don't know if y'all have done that shit, but it's literally a vacation. Yeah. A horny-ass fucking vacation.

Yeah. And that's a heavy day. And you might need some meth. Yeah. Since it came up, I want to fucking rock Black Friday. I wanted you to tell them that tangent, but go back to the story where you should have punched Keith. Oh, I shouldn't have punched Keith. I'm fucking with you.

Out of jealousy and being coked up and all that. Right, right, right. So fucking, like I said, so then I see, so when I'm walking in, you guys are on cloud nine. Yeah. I mean, cloud nine. And I've been there. I have succeeded. Every Thanksgiving.

That's funny. That's what they call it. Yeah. That's what they call cloud nine. When you smoke meth, it's called cloud nine. All right. All right. So as I'm coming out.

No. As I'm coming out, As I'm coming out I see Or as I'm smoking a cigarette In the outside patio Yeah Which I wish I was there for If I was there the night of the shooting I'd be famous right now

Right I would've stopped that I would've slapped that motherfucker You would've wall burnt that shit I'm the only one looking for that shit all the time Anyway I believe it dude I fucking believe it

You see my shit When they I'm always the bouncer At every open fucking mic. Oh, you are, yeah. So fucking... I seen Jeff Ross pull up in the bomb-ass red car right outside. He was doing his thing, flaunting.

Look at me. Convertible. It shows out. It's fucking Sunday, cuz. What are you doing? So he gets out. The only thing inaccurate is there's no way Jeff could lift his arms that high. Right, right.

And I ain't disrespecting him. I need you, Jeff Ross. You need to hook up with me, homie. We need to hook up. Heck of a sales pitch you got going here. But when I see him, he was like, yeah. And fucking, I came out and you two, I swear it was you

two. I know you were there for 100%. Right. But it might have been somebody else. It wasn't Robin. Whoever's from that circle that might be your ass, fucky. Oh, I wasn't there. So you guys were like you were having this meeting like, oh my god, fucking what the fuck, we're not even gonna be. This is the meeting. Like, oh, my God.

Fucking what the fuck? We're not even going to be. This is the premiere. Like, dude, we here for this. Like, look, I got my black shirt on. Motherfucker. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You guys was ready, man. And I seen the tears in your eyes. And same thing. Sat tears in the eyes. And I'm like, hey, man. Fuck, man. You're like, not now, Richard. You will never understand.

I remember. Well, dude, because here's what had happened. And I walked off. I was like, yes, sir. You're like, not now, Richard. You will never understand. I remember. Well, dude, because here's what had happened. So, like, I... And I walked off. I was like, yes, sir. No, I know. And I remember this. Now, here's what had happened.

I had filmed for season one of Rose Battle. And it was like... This is fucking... We're doing E! True Hollywood Mean Boys right now. I fucking like it. It was the only thing I'd ever... I need a cigarette. Yeah, let me tell you.

Let me just explain this. And then we'll take a quick break. Go smoke. We'll do Mexican news. No, no, no, no. We're going to do something else damn Mexican news. Oh, okay. All right, Dad.

Fucking. Well, no, but I was like, okay, this is the biggest fucking night of my life. This is the biggest thing I've ever done. I had also just broken up with somebody. It was a rough fucking go. I've been there, brother. And I go in. This man, his life is changing, and it really hits a fucking pinnacle today.

And we're watching the episode, and it goes, and I'm like, when's my part coming? When's my part coming? I got cut out, and no one told me. Like me in the NWA movie. Yeah. Wait, what? Were you in the NWA movie? Am I lying?

No, he's not. Did I go around telling everyone I'm in the NWA movie? Yes. Am I even in the out cuts? No. So you get it. But I had literally just seen that happen. I felt so fucked.

It was no one's fault. That shit happens. I know that now with more experience. Same thing as Connor, man. I was putting my nose in somebody else's business thinking that we had this kind of relationship. I should be stepping in. What's the word?

Consoling. If I knew you like I know you regardless, I should be stepping in condone... What's the word? You know, man, if I knew you... Consoling. If I knew you like I know you now, I would have loved to talk to you. I mean, straight up, if anybody had walked up on me, I would have had the same, like, fuck off.

No, I got y'all back, man. Y'all don't even know. Yeah. Let a motherfucker talk shit. I'd be like, that's my boy, motherfucker. I appreciate it, man. I think we need to adjust

what we're saying right now. Yeah. Let's move on. Oh, shit. Evan, Opie. Somebody say something about Opie, I'll knock him out. Robin Tran. That's the one person you don't fuck with

because that's the weakest, frailest one. You know what I'm saying? That's my girl. That sounds fucked up, but if you know Robin, pretty frail. It's not because she trains, it's because she's Robin. If you fuck and touch a hair on Robin's head, I'm around. And there's not a lot of them, but if you find one and you touch it.

That's why I tell her. I know there's not. You being friends with Robin is like those videos where a lion is friends with a baby goat. I love Robin. It's just like two animals. I love Robin. Jesus Christ. Scoop Blox.

Yep. What? Scott Black. Oh, okay. You fuck with Scott Black, you fuck with me okay no i love scott rob rob jergensen we all remember rob i remember rob we remember fuck with him he that's the homie me and rob actually hung out me and rob actually hang out outside okay okay what's she doing i haven't seen him in a minute man he doing his thing okay i'm gonna leave that there

all right all right all right doing his thing i killed the guy and we'll be right back you know what i'm not fully informed I'm just Facebook informed yeah so I don't want I don't know that's my boy my man

he's been there for me a couple times yeah nah nah somebody fuck with y'all and I'm there nah thanks man

what was your line in the NWA movie what was your part I didn't have no lines I was I was an extra standing cause I got there through Rand.

And I was standing in every scene of the Detroit scene where they shoot me and my brother. My brother was there with me. It was a funny story that happened down there too. And man, we must have shot 35 scenes where the camera was right there. When I watch everything, I can tell you what was going on right there.

You know where you are. You just know you're like an inch out of the front. Dude, that shit happens all the time. It's the worst. It was what it was. I didn't get paid. It was a hookup from a friend. Right.

I just had to be in it because that's my shit. Yeah, totally, yeah. Dude, I would drop everything to be an extra in the NWA movie. Right? So, yeah. Yeah. All right, well, shit, let's go smoke a cigarette. We'll come back and fuck around more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mean Boys Podcast, as always, is proudly sponsored by Himalaya. Now, Connor, what is Himalaya? Well, Keith, Himalaya is a podcasting app. I'm just a simple country podcast. It's not one of these big city apps that takes your download for granted. It's a mother and father operation, I assume. Each podcast is brewed in an old oak barrel.

An age to perfection on an RSS feed made out of oak. The levels are balanced and the chews are blue. I'm back! Mr. Ear here with my new friends, the drums. Well, I miss when we were having fun doing this bit. Wait, the drums? What? Yeah, you two are drums.

Like your drums? Yeah, you got it. Oh, my God. So, yeah. It took you three years, but you finally added anything to the Mr. Ear canon. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to tell everyone my last- It's a free podcasting app that'll be linked in the description of this show.

You can just- All your favorite shows are already on it. It's not like a will they won't they fucking Ross and Rachel thing. It's boom. They're all right there. All there. You can make playlists of your favorite shows. There's a liking and commenting functionality. I don't need a hype man.

I don't need flavor flame for this paid read Tom. Functionality. And yeah that gives you another space to comment and post which is what you millennials and Gen Z kids crave. Yeah, you fuckers love interacting. Yeah, letters. It's fucking great.

It's quick. Load's good. Light, easy to use interface. Load's good. Does sound well. Podcast neat. It's a lot of fun. Smooth and efficient, like a cold like a, with some cold 45.

Just like Grandpappy used to make before the war. Yep. If you want your home-brewed podcast, go to Himalaya. It's delicious for your ears. Sure. Tell them Mean Boy sent you. Yeah. That was approved by Ear.

Mr. Ear. Mr. Ear character. If y'all don't get me in. Bless you. To Comedy Central. Some way, somehow, and you too, Robin, I'm just going to have to go there with every black dude I know

and politely ask for me, hello? Oh, no, don't pay attention to the Nation of Islam back there. I would like a meeting with whoever does the Comedy Central. We'll trade you a bean pie for a sitcom. I only need 5% of your time. What made me do this was I was really depressed for my radio show not working out. Right.

Being this close to fame, brothers. Yeah. Hey, what's the country I'm famous in? With the nasty players. You got to say it into the microphone. I was famous in Russia, but in Ukraine. Not Russia. In the Ukraine, I'm famous in? With the nasty players. You got to say it in the microphone. I was famous in Russia, but in Ukraine. Not Russia.

In the Ukraine, I was famous. I brought gangster rap to the Ukraine. You did? See your video. Okay. I thought this was a dash cam footage. We are going to link the video. Yeah, I got you, man.

I don't have any declarations about the show, Rich. No, I got you. You got the fabulous free birds. We're photoshopping the heads. We don't. We can't prove the AIDS story. We 80% with the AIDS story. Now, you're telling me there were 80%?

Me, the doctor, and my boss believe I had AIDS, but there was no blood test. Yep. And, you know, I got to figure they weren't that diligent about the record keeping. The snake is on the fence. I'm pretty sure the hooker is on my side too. Yeah. I'm pretty sure she's dead. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. So we were outside. Oh, yeah. And Rich's buddy Dub just goes, should I tell him the one about Big Ronda? And we immediately ran inside to turn the microphone. Real quick, is this a Dub and Real Rich story?

Oh, yeah. Dub, come Rich story? Oh, yeah. Dub, come over here. Yeah, yeah. Come over here. Get over here, Dub. Pass the rock to Dub. I have a jizz on there. I'm tapping out for a second.

Just clean those sheets. You're fucking... This is Dub, everybody. Hey, so we're living together in Huntington Beach, and this dude doesn't have a car. He never does. So... I was very sad. I was very sad. I was very sad.

There's a note on my car one day. Hey, I think you're cute. Call me. All right? Yeah. So I call. I think in the back of my head is probably Rick. No, you're fucking up this whole thing.

No, no, no. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. All right. There's a number that Doug brings up from the car. And I see it. And I kind of know who it is, but I'm not sure at all. I've been bumped into some people in this complex.

Oh, and her daughter had come up to me and goes, but I had never seen her. And goes, my mom just digs the fuck out of you. And I'm like, huh? Okay, I didn't hear about that. You send in an emissary to do some groundwork for you. Yeah, weird to send your kid. Very weird. Interesting.

How old was the kid? Hey, my son ended up making out with her. Is that when he turned gay? He was 14 or 17. No, it's his twin. Okay, all right. But back then. Wait, you have the identical or the identical and one is gay?

One's gay, yes. Wow. So that fucking story. That's incredible. Well, from day, from day, from two years old, me and his mom knew. And we just looked at each other like, okay. Yeah, what are you going to do? When people say it's not from birth and all that shit. yeah i'm saying no just we gotta stop talking i'll knock

you the fuck out yeah like i'll cry i bet it i bet i bet it did make it easier to tell him apart i bet that was nice early on this is well the one in the boa is easier to track down the ball. And I would never disrespect my son. No, I'm not kidding. I don't think you would. I just thought that was cool. I thought that was an interesting fact. No, I'm proud of him, man.

Yeah, of course. Well, first off, let me just say something. My sons are the strongest people I've ever met in my life. They have cystic fibrosis. Oh, fuck. John is a very, if you know what that is, and they, I'll get emotional. I'll cry. Right.

So it is what that is, and they, I'll get emotional. I'll cry. Right. So it is what it is. There's a lot of, see, that disease affects your stomach and your weight. And this is no disrespect. It kind of makes you the size twinkish type person. Right. And there's just a lot to it. And I even, there's a very famous Gigi Allen type person that had it. Okay. That I read his, I don't know his name.

I read it in a tattoo shop and I read it. He's one of the craziest dudes I've ever... He would have a... Because the disease makes you crazy. It's very hard. Oh, yeah. They're doing good. He came downstairs one time. I came home and he was five. He came running down... Oh, dad five. And he came running down the stairs

in a complete Lycra cat suit. Dressed like a little kitty cat. Dad! I mean, come on, I knew. That's the best shit I've ever heard. Every time his brothers would play stuff, he would be Pink Ranger. If there was Marvel superheroes on the game, he would be one of the girl ones.

It just is what it is, man. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is what progress looks like, is a dude like you being like, yeah, but kid's gay, fucking whatever. Like, let me tell you. I got a gay brother is exactly the same. Hey, I'll do Big Rhonda real quick.

From a very old age. Yeah. We got away from the issue. Which twin kissed Big Rhonda's sister or daughter? Jordan. Okay. Jordan. But before Draven came out.

Draven is Ronda's daughter? No. Draven is the twin. Jordan and Draven. Gotcha. One named after Michael Jordan. One named after the crow. Gotcha.

Gotcha. Gotcha. And the one named after the crow is the one. Which is crazy because they always had Jordan's shoes yeah yeah they came out with draven shoes didn't know shit draven shoes it was no those are harder to find now i don't know if they caught on their skateboarder shoes i believe okay um uh so i'm like I got to name my kid Vance. At the time, we was both single. Right. Right? And Dub sometimes gets sad.

And I've had a lot of friends that get sad. Like, I'm doing numbers here, and you live with me, and I talk to this girl at the store, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, hey. We got one of those. I think she's going to call. Oh, yeah. Tommy's your Dubby We got one of those. Oh, yeah. Tommy's your WP.

Fuck all of you. Essential personnel. Was I that bad? I realize I brought that up in time. I didn't even have a microphone to retort. Essential personnel, baby. Somebody's got cat ammo, right? I was very depressed at that time.

We both was, right? You're not doing the numbers Richie's doing. Right. And I was like, man, my boy. Look, they left you a number, right? And so Del was like, fuck yeah. And I thought it was going to work because I had seen Big Rhonda. She was Big Rhonda.

You don't get that name because you're normal-sized Rhonda. No, I didn't know you'd seen her before. I love you. Can we describe Big Rhonda a little bit? Because I have an idea. Big Rhonda was a nice person. She wasn't that big. Okay.

First off. Are we talking above or below 300? Oh, below. But she had been at 300 and had so much money that she got plastic surgery. But it made everything look crazy. Okay. I know what you're talking about. You get that fun house mirror body.

She was older. Was she older? She was like my age. I can't remember no more. She was older than me. I can't remember no more. So everybody older than you. So it just wasn't what I was. Nah.

Right. Not for you. Yeah. I get a lot of these. Yeah. I'm like, here you go, Dub. You know what I'm saying. Dub calls her up, man.

And he's like, hey, how you doing? I'm just this number on my car. Like he's trying to sell her a subscription to the goddamn LA Times. I like that Dub has a Richard Pryor white guy voice. Hey, how's it going? Hello, it's me, Dub. Are you that bald guy? And I just hand the phone to Rich.

But she comes over, and I'm going, oh, God, thank God it wasn't me. Yeah. Hey, let me tell you something. Big Rhonda took care of my kids financially for a good six months. What a fucking insane twist. That is not what I thought the next sentence would be at all. This is just normal for me. No shit.

I got a lot of love for Big Rhonda. She was a very good person. Yeah, yeah. She had a big heart. I forgot the other thing I was going to tell y'all. Tell these guys what happened the first time you fucked her. You don't remember, do you? Rich is about to say, the first time I fucked Big Rhonda, I'm going to lose my mind.

I'm blowing him. Okay. And I guess he's sitting on a couch. I don't know. Right. Anyway, she just gives a kind of a look down there, and he's like, yeah, okay. Just starts eating his ass.

Ten minutes, probably, nah, probably an hour or so in the meeting. Wow. Yeah. Sorry. That's what he told me. That's the kind of generosity where you help out the kids, though. An hour. If someone's, like, i've had my ass eaten

by one girl we knew each other three months yeah she had there was a long interview process right that's like that's gay speeds oh yeah to get your ass eaten in the first hour yeah like what a gesture yeah what y'all want to talk about well uh well you had you had you all right man man? Yeah, no, I'm good. I was thinking about something. He didn't remember. Y'all know how war motherfuckers have flashbacks and shit? You just had a non-flashback? I got like pussy PTSD. So she was PTS in my D.

We'll be talking about one story and another story hit me. Oh, yeah. We'll share with the class. Oh, man. We could go on for 10 hours. I believe him, man. We got to focus the class. Oh, man. We could go on for 10 hours. I believe him, man. We got to focus. You got a few orders of business.

You wanted to talk about your Cartoon Network plans, your Comedy Central plans. No, I don't want to talk about that. Okay. All right. I don't know if that's going to work. I ain't even done. We're making cartoons and shit of my stories. Oh.

Like you see with DJ R.A. Tone. Yeah, you got to fuck him. But I ain't met with them yet. He says that we're going to meet with them. That was us just talking. Yeah. All right. I know those guys. They got to do it. Comedy Central.R.E. Tung. Yeah, you gotta fuck him. But I ain't met with them yet. He says that we gonna meet with them. That was us just talking. I know those guys, they gotta do it. Comedy Central, yeah, either I'm gonna go in there with as many black people as possible, or y'all gotta

get me in and just tell a man when you're there. Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this. I said I'll never do this. Shut up. Rewind now. We'll talk to Jeff Comedy Central. Wait, hold on. Stop. They barely let us show up, man. I just fucked up. I'm just saying, we play him a clip of that AIDS football story, and I say, you got no ideas of where you could go with this?

I think it kind of writes itself. I feel bad, because I promise I'll never do that to you. You're fine, man. You're fine, dude. You're fine. You said you had a reason you were here, though, like a plan. Yeah, you had a plan for us. I want an interview.

The Mean Boys. Give me 10 minutes of interview time. 100%. The floor is yours. So I've been here numerous times. Katie's podcast, Ramsey's podcast, Tommy's podcast. Mine's the only one that's been released, but yes. I'm also going to start calling you Tommy podcast.

Tommy podcast. I like that. We already had a picture for this episode, right? Right. Right. So, motherfucking, for the listener, you're not, whatever you picture, it's ten times more shit going on here. I am an experienced man, and I've seen at least 20 people live here, first off. This place is a historic monument for both crack and Hollywood.

I'm pretty sure it burned down in a fire at one point. Yeah, yeah. This house already burned down in a fire at one point Yeah This house already burned down Tom doesn't sleep I don't know if he told you how hard it sleeps Oh yeah The rent I always ask about the rent when I come

Because this ain't cheap Right Can I give the number that I know? I want to know your number But I'll tell you Yeah I got no problem The number that I've heard is right around 27 For the whole house?

25 for the whole house 25 for the whole house Yeah You know the guy I know the guy He's a weird guy Now I know this because I've heard is right around 27. For the whole house? 25 for the whole house. 25 for the whole house. Yeah. You know the guy. I know the guy. He's a weird guy. Now, I know this because I've been prying. I'll tell you beforehand.

Okay. All right. Right. God is sleuthing. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm just interested. I like it here.

Yeah, I know. I really like it here. I do, man. Yeah. And I believe in what you're doing. This is, you go back to the 80s. You keep your overhead low and you work on your craft. Yeah.

You know? You see what I'm saying? You ain't got to get like, you ain't got to go do construction like me. Dude, no money, no problems. Yeah. Y'all got a big advantage over me. I get up four in the morning when I'm working. You'd be shocked how many pizza places there are in Central California that have a little

bit of an entertainment budget. Y'all doing it. Y'all doing it. I'm so proud of y'all. Thanks, man. And it's all of y'all. Opie's the black mean boy. You know what I'm saying?

All of y'all. Opie's the black mean boy. You know what I'm saying? All of y'all. Ramsey, the motherfucking Puerto Rican mean boy. Fucking Katie, the white girl mean boy. You know what I'm saying? Robin Tran. Et cetera. That's the mean boy, too. Mean girl, too.

You know what I'm saying? The mean. She's a mean one. I'll tell tell you that what was we talking about you were gonna interview us for those of you listening for those of you listening like 2700 can y'all make that on the radio i mean we're 2500 that's a lot of money so i've always been interested in the struggle right but also the comic depth that is here in the reality. Like, I'll look at shit. Like, when he told me the layout of the place, I was cracking up.

He's like, well, Connor has the master bedroom and the air conditioner because, well, Connor works at Comedy Central. So in both status and rent money, Connor is gone. Yeah, he's big dog. Well, I'll tell you it was it wasn't always that way but you're probably the most fucking responsible i you know what fucking sucks is opie was the guy that figured things out and was the grown-up and then now i'm like oh i was looking around going i guess it's me yeah when they moved out yeah yeah he lived in that room

on the other side of this wall he didn't take take that over. You know what I'm saying? Oh, Ramsey, he was below me somehow. No, hook my shit up. Yeah. That's why I was tagging you. No, when I moved in here, I mean, it's funny. I got pictures of when I just moved in. It was fucking desk, bed. I had a shitty chair.

That was it. That was my... I had a pile of clothes in the closet. I was like a monk. It was like jam cell shit. It was like very, very bad. All this shit y'all doing, I know it's fucking fuel from this place

because I was looking at just a bottle of dish soap and I've lived life. I know roommates. I know males. And I can look at your dish soap and be like, hey, what was the argument

of who bought that shit? There wasn't really an argument so much as we'll just go eight months and be like, oh yeah, no one's bought soap. And I'm like, who washed those dishes

right there? And soon enough, Tom was like, well, you know, I washed those dishes this morning. I said that. I said I had a dishes this morning. I'd say that. I said I had a conniption that morning about the dishes.

That's some fucking sitcom shit right there. Y'all living it. It's not bad, though, man. It balances out more than you think. Motherfucker, one dude's paying $100 for a cot in between rooms. Well, I think if we split it evenly, I think it would be around $400 each if we completely split it evenly. How many people live in the house? Seven?

Seven. It would be like three something. Yeah. So $350, something like that. Which is about what I pay. Yeah, yeah. I pay $550, and then the other guy pays $550, and everyone else pays somewhere in the middle. Hey, $550 is good.

It's pretty good. It's a good amount, and you know, you make it at work. Yeah, a decent part of town, like decent close to shit. You need a name, though. What, for the house? It's the Pacquiao Palace. We got a house, yeah. It's decent, close to shit. You need a name though. What, for the house? Pacquiao Palace. We got a house, yeah. It's the Pacquiao Palace.

The Pacquiao Palace. Because we're in historic Filipino town. And we have a possum named Pacquiao who... Like four Filipinos within a 20 mile radius. Yeah, exactly.

Everybody else fucking SAs and black dudes. Yeah, neither historic nor Filipino. I don't know that I've ever seen a Filipino in this neighborhood if I'm being honest.

It's so great for where you guys have to go. Yeah. Oh yeah. You know what I'm ever seen a Filipino in this neighborhood, if I'm being honest. It's so great for where you guys have to go. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? You're here, and that's access to every fucking where. My favorite assessment of the neighborhood was Jamel Johnson. I did a gig with him down in San Diego, and they came and picked me up, and he was talking

about hoods. He was like, I'm obsessed with hoods. And so I was like, Connor kind of lives in the hood. And I was like, I don't know about that. It's pretty safe. And he goes, no, you're in the hood. And I was like, I don't know about that. It's pretty safe. And he goes, no, you're in the mix. You're in the mix.

Well, there's never not something insane happen. The other night, we were just getting outside having a cigarette and a knife fight broke out. Oh, yes, yes, there was. Look at this Richard Ramirez

looking motherfucker has a knife out and he's just yelling like, I am death! And we're like, oh, he's in the... But he does that and we're like,

that dude's scary. And then four just fucking cholos just square up. And you watch this guy realize, oh, he's, but he, like, does that, and we're like, that dude's scary. And then four just fucking cholos just square up, and you watch this guy realize, oh, maybe I'm not death at all.

That pissed me off because I ran to grab my battle axe. I couldn't fucking find the axe. I tripped on the curtain out of the fucking, whose side,

who were you gonna attack? I just, just in case they approached me. There was a locked gate. Yeah. Yeah, the people could

hop the fence and get that fat guy. Unity! a bad idea you're a knife fight to have a weapon oh hell no thank you but now when you idiot is there yeah please get there there's no weapon yeah now what if the police you've never seen them anywhere around here the closest there's ever been to police in this neighborhood is they filmed that movie Chips here. I swear to God. This is Diamond. What's that?

Oh, yeah. Oh, Diamond Street. This is a neighborhood. This is an SA neighborhood. And I, again, would like to thank them for the good work they're doing trying to stop these apartment complexes. Yeah. All right? And I'm a big fan of their organization.

A fucking mural on the side of your liquor store and there's no waves and skateboards, you're in the hood. It's over with. If you've got saints from Central America, it's not like, hey, look at this fun California scene. If you can't park because of construction but nothing's going on, you're in the hood. This is way better than you might be a redneck. You might be in the hood. I could buy a whole coffee table book of these. Well, I used to say back in the day.

If your neighborhood got three white people and 27 roosters. Multiply the liquor stores with the churches and you know you're in the hood. If you get above 20. Fucking hoodonomics with real rich. Yeah. So what's up? Let's do a. You want to do a Mexican?

We're letting you drive right now, man. I know, I'm driving. So I's up? Let's do a... You want to do Mexican food? We're letting you drive right now, man. I know, I'm driving, so I'm supposed to be interviewing y'all. So you're taking care of the majority of another dude.

You're in the mix. Yeah. Opie and Ramsey coming in and out. They moved. So they're out of the... Oh, they'll be back. I don't know.

They're doing pretty good. I believe in them. Ramsey might be back. Pauly Shore has had a lot of these. This is a comic flop house. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, be proud of it, bro.

I am proud of it. I love it, man. They'll be back. Yeah. If not them, some other motherfuckers. It's like when we have a famous comic con. It doesn't happen that often, but the reaction is always like, this is like before I made it Fantasy Camp.

Where it's like, oh, fuck, dude, the sink is so gross. so gross this is awesome well that's a good sign of all these people who have careers like we want to have or like oh this is what i did and then i fucking got to go be jeff or whatever i'm like okay cool we're doing yeah it's cool the sign from above and they get a kick out of it blessing from god it's no me and tom are out there smoking a goddamn cigarette. Right. And Andy Dick walks by. Hello! And Andy Dick, a known albatross for success. Andy Dick has no business being here. Am I right or wrong? You could say that about any building and you'd be correct.

If you've tracked the trajectory of Andy Dick, this is about right. He's got royalties. If Joe Rogan making royalties, He'd make royalties But who's syndicating News radio though True that

You know what I mean Does he have a piece I mean come on I'm sure he does I hope he does He's gotta have Something coming in Yeah

I've heard crazy stories About royalties I don't know Oh yeah It's ape shit I'd give my fucking Left finger to be in Here comes the boom

You know what I'm saying Shit Give me some of that Delta menu money You know what I'm saying shit give me some of that delta menu money you know what I mean I ain't got to go to construction no more I can just pay regular rent and eat food and shit and smoke weed the rent's paid the best movie you could have picked

here comes the boom Kevin James wrestling the fifth most well known Kevin James vehicle do you know do you like know someone that was in Here Comes the Boom, or did you just pull that out of thin air? No, I heard a couple of people talking, a couple of different UFC fighters talking about what they just get paid

just to show up and help out and shit. Okay. Like I'm saying, plus if you was actually in the cast, like, you know what I'm saying, you get that TBS. Tell me when Here Comes the Boom came out, you didn't go, that will be on TBS. Oh, yeah. And you said, here comes the boom.

That song? Yeah. Okay, and we're back. And Rich has written his jokes on his driver's license suspension for him. We're going to do the Mexican. Yeah, we're going to do it. Yeah. Oh, and he whipped out the tank top to really.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're the tank top to really. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're not talking to me. I forgot I didn't have my. Yeah, our batteries died. So we are. Can everybody hear me? Yeah.

Yeah, we got one, two, three. Okay, there we go. Love y'all. Cool. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're back after a technical issue. And it's time for the Mexican news, everybody. Hi, so topical.

Rich, you want to go first or you want to go last? I want to go... As any open mic, I want to go second. All right, cool. Okay. I'll go first. I'll jump on the grenade here.

He's gracious of you. Mine aren't very good this week, but I'll start here. An animal shelter used prison inmates to comfort frightened dogs on the 4th of July. In related news,

demand for prison commissary peanut butter is skyrocketing. That's a nice theme to, yeah. Yeah. Thursday in California, there was a 6.3 earthquake. A man texted his wife to come home, and she never came back, not worried about the earthquake. He was mad about that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So the next day when there was a 7.1,

he just texted her, fuck you, you're a fucking cunt, bitch. She was home in three minutes. What? You know, that felt like a cryptic piece of advice. I feel like there's a message in that joke that maybe I didn't pick up on. That's like comes on a fortune cookie that comes in a tin or a meth. Like, that's fucking...

Am I supposed to do it again? What's up? No, you're good. Yeah, I think I got it. Did you understand? I got it, I got it. Okay. Can you repeat the joke?

I got you. Yeah. I was ready for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You always on delay. Alright. Thursday in California. There was a 6.3

earthquake. A man reported that he texted his wife to come home because it was an emergency earthquake. She never came home. She scoffed at that. Ah, little earthquake. The next day there was a serious 7.1 earthquake. So he just

texted her, fuck you, bitch, cunt. She was home in three minutes. Did I do it better? Like the lean back, low-tied skin. Are you listening, Comedy Central? They're not. This is the type quality. You landed that shit like someone was about Are you listening, Comedy Central? Yeah. They're not.

This is the type quality. You landed that shit like someone was about to play a keyboard sting. You know, like Paul Schaefer was going to be. On my last one, I only got four. On my last one, I got music. Oh, shit. Don't queue my shit up now. Fuck yeah, dude. Hey, I highly suggest a hetero life mate.

Jerome. I have two. hetero life mate. Jerome. I have two. Jerome from the time. You know what I'm saying? No, one that holds the mirror for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't do... This man shaved my back.

I know a little something about... This man has seen my penis. All right. All right. Well, if we're going to play bro poker, then... Y'all win. Y'all win. I raise you.

If that's our grade for friendship, play bro poker. Y'all win. I raise you. If that's our grade for friendship, these two guys have more friends than anyone else I know. They're sure to text everybody. Have y'all ever been in a strip club and been paid to dance naked for the strippers after the strip club closed and then put an American flag

in your butt crack? I put an American flag in my butt crack, weirdly. You have't. I put an American flag in my butt crack, weirdly. You have done that, yeah. I've had a candle in my ass. I think I put it there. On record. I think I did. Yeah. In the wave. Yeah, yeah. When we were the All Mean Boy Wave. So we got 25% of that story. No, I've seen you naked with the American flag a lot. Yeah. You a patriot,

my man. Thank you. Yeah. See, I don't have it. I don't watch conversation. I don't have it. It's on the internet. You get it. It wasn't on TV. It was only on the internet. I want to see y'all's. I really want to see y'all's The Drunken History.

The thing y'all working on. I want to see. Because I like Drunken History, so I know y'all's going to be. Yeah, it's fun. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's on Netflix. All right, guys. I called PETA Pata.

You've really thrown off the rhythm of the show. I love it. You're coming at it with a drunken boxing type approach, and I really appreciate it. All right, PETA has petitioned Caldwell, Idaho, to rename their local street Chicken Dinner Road. They went on to add, you'll probably want to rename Winter Winter Avenue because the bit won't work anymore. That's good. A hunter, you guys know hunters, a hunter got a 12, damn it, fucking notifications. A hunter got a 12-year ban from hunting and fishing for wasting bear meat. He apologized, saying next time he will suck the whole cock.

Never just a tip. That's pretty good. A man died a slow, agonizing death after eating a live gecko. On the plus side, his family did save 15% or more on life insurance. See, I like Tom's joke because that makes me think that maybe the Indians invented eating ass. They were using every part of it. They were like, fuck every part of the buffalo. I have chief lick starfish.

He gave me his courage. I felt it was the least I could do. In Saudi Arabia, the government was criticized for making women wear a hijab and then going ahead and letting Nicki Minaj perform at their biggest stadium. Well, the Saudi crown prince was quoted as saying, look, the Koran doesn't account for fucking surgery. Alright? All the exposed parts aren't really flesh. Loopholes.

You know what I like about the joke? It implies that Muhammad loves loopholes. And I really... I'm into that canon, you know what I mean? It's totally fine under Sharia law, as long as you jerk off towards Mecca yeah

you just gotta be respectful make sure it's been blessed and you're fine that's the one I had to write Ramsey for yeah you did research for this which is

honest fucking flattering alright guys the new sex toy app tells women how many calories they burn while masturbating so now you can know whether or not

you can eat the cucumber when you're done it's called the will this fit bit yeah So now you can know whether or not you can eat the cucumber when you're done. It's called a will-this-fit bit. Yeah. I would like to know, like, I've jacked my way to a hot dog. You know? I don't know if that's better or worse.

Like, oh, God, I burned 300 calories jerking off. You get on Zoloft, you get up to five. I'll tell you that. Michigan State Department of Natural Resources is scolding a man for tying his wedding ring to a fish. They clarified saying, you don't marry that fish. That fish is a big slut. A big, big slut. Billy Big Slut Man.

Was he proposing with it? Was he like? No, it was actually. The reality is it was his wife divorced him. And he goes, well, fuck her. So he tied it to a fish and threw it in the lake. That's kind of cool. And the state of Michigan said, dipshit, don't do that.

Yeah, that's not nice. We're not lucky and all that. The fish. Yeah. Now he's got a new ring. Yeah. You can probably sell it. You can pawn rings. He's a fucking fish.

The fish is like, you like it? It's pretty nice. Real gold. It's in the parking lot. The U.S. soccer team won the Women's World Cup. This is not to be confused with the White Women's World Cup, which is actually a mason jar. I like it. I like it.

It's a jar of mayonnaise. Lesbian mayonnaise. Eat it with the... Lesbian mayonnaise. Fuck. We've had quite the mayonnaise controversy because someone was saying, like, white people stop trying to own mayonnaise. All right?

Because that's just like the same color as you, so it became a punchline. But it's like, don't take our. It's the same as rock and roll. We stole it for so long. Yeah. It became our thing. That we just kind of, we've had the car for long enough. They're not looking anymore.

That is a unique part of Mean Boys history where a black man told us white people were stealing mayonnaise valor. It's a fucking total myth. They don't like crafts. They like Miracle Whip. When you say they. Black people. Okay. You think black people are walking around with dry sandwiches everywhere?

No. Mayonnaise? They don't. They keep everything pretty lubed up. Elbows, sandwiches, it's all smooth. It's a big fucking conspiracy. I just assumed it was cocoa butter, but I don't know the rules. That would be a nasty sandwich. Probably.

It's my turn, huh? Yes. Okay. A 20-year-old Indian man. By the way, I hate to interrupt you, but I'm shocked that didn't remind you of a story of a guy you knew named Cocoa Butter. Reminded me of my brother. Anytime somebody says Cocoa Butter, it just reminds me of my brother.

Okay. What was your brother's name again? Jojo and Pete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. Jojo, Coco. It works. Yeah, yeah. That's why.

My dog. My dead dog's name was Coco. And he looked just like Keith. It was a little bit. Remember Coco? He ruined my life. You don't remember Coco? Coco was a weenie dog that we got from the shelter.

Yeah. Because this wasn't going to survive on the streets, this thing. It had a pot belly, and it couldn't walk. It's dragging on the three fucking needles and shit. Yeah, yeah. Just sparks every time it's walking. Not yet. Standing by with the musical cue.

It's my teller. Wait, is it this one or the next one? The next one. Okay. All right. It's my teller. Wait, is it this one or the next one? The next one. Okay. All right. I'm ready, though. A 20-year-old Indian man wakes up at his own funeral this week, which was fucking astonishing.

You're at your funeral. Wake up. When they quoted the man, they asked him if he was upset. He was like, fuck no, dude. The same people that pronounced me dead didn't realize I paid for a cremation. Well, that's the word. You wake up and you're just like, oh, shit, shit, shit. Oh, you got gypped, dude.

Yeah. All right, guys. A man who won a Supreme Court case in the 80s for the right to burn the American flag was arrested outside the White House on 4th of July for, you guessed it, burning the American flag again. He was quoted right before the rest of the scene. Ugh, now do you recognize me? Alright.

Rescuers, not the cartoon. Rescuers have used bra clasps to help injured turtles with their broken shells. Some are calling it a creative way to help animals, but I'm telling you now, when these older men start fucking these turtles they've groomed, don't forget I told you so. Ha ha ha. Alright. Speaking of which, Epstein just went down.

I don't have a joke about it, but I'm shocked. Yeah. The final boss of pedophiles has been dethroned. All Tom's jokes are about fucking something. They're also about animals. You need to look into that one. I've got a notification that a friend of ours who I've talked to maybe four times in my life is trying to sell me weed for some reason. How much? $4 a a gram two dollar delivery fee

dad take it if you need weed i will tell your friends okay all right well if you know about i'm not gonna blow up a spot on there oh we know it's a girl what uh look at tom Can I get the Wii? Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. Just from the video, Gary.

I'll do this one. Spider-Man Far From Home opened this weekend. It's about a teen boy who goes to Europe to fight his ultimate nemesis, the Pope. All right. All right. This is my musical one. Okay. We'll throw the mic over to Doug for the phone. Super mega rich rapper.

Well, what's wrong with you? Stop. You got to pause. There ain't many. God damn it, Dub. What the fuck? You told me to play it. Go to the car.

Fucking Dub. Wait for your cue. Go to the car. Cue him in. Cue him in. Cue him in. We got it. All right. You rewound it. When I get to this part. Cue him in. Cue him in. We got it. You remounted.

When I get to this part. Hang on. Dub. Hang on. You ain't even on my shit no more. Just stop. Just stop. God.

Wow. Everybody always asks me, they're like, why you couldn't just have another radio show? We got Dub on the ones and twos. It's concerning. Dub's on the threes and fours. Dub is security. Okay. Yeah.

Okay, here we go. You're just going to play it right now, and it's not even the time. Just don't do it. I feel like you hit me with it, and I'll press play. Here, I'll hold this mic up to you, Rich. You handle the music one. I got it. I'm good with everything. Somehow I feel like neither of those is going to be in the microphone. No, you're good mic up to you, Rich. You handle the music one. I got it. I'm good with everything.

Somehow I feel like neither of those is going to be in the microphone. I failed him today. No, you're good. I love you, baby. Super Mega Rich Rap Star 50 Cent was in the news this week for disowning his own 21-year-old son. When asked why he would wait until the kid was 21 to disown him, 50 responded, I've been patiently waiting for the DNA to be tested.

It's been 21 years and I'm just not convinced yet. That was it. Now I feel like it's a big fucking thing. Your job fucked it up. I do everything. Man, well, you know what? You put too much pressure on it.

He told me to press play when he started the joke. I said when I start to the singing part. Don't twist his words, all right? I wouldn't do that. When I am speaking in the car and smoking my weed and singing my R&B songs, you are to listen.

And I love you. Okay. Alright, God. Well, I don't know how I'm expected to follow that. Scientists have reported California swimming pools showing an epidemic of the diarrhea-causing toxin Cryptosporidium. Experts have dubbed this poop water.

My question, if that's poop water, what are we supposed to call Tecate now? Because they can't both be the same thing. Okay. All right.

April the giraffe. You know what? Actually, Doug, can you start playing music again? Yeah, you know what? DJ's choice. Yeah, okay. Can you start playing music again? DJ's choice. Yeah, okay. That's not 56.

I don't know, whatever it is. It's two pairs. It's hip, and it's low-d. All right. All right. April the giraffe is being given birth control after birthing five children. Some are pleased with the decision, while others are just happy they started up a turtle grooming program. You want music? You want music, Keith?

Thank you, Dub. I'm very polite. Dub improved that joke, and I'm not going to yell at you in my car. Thank you. It was dangerous. There's too many to compare with us, guys. That's it, right? That was it.

Yeah, that was the Mexican news, everybody. And I think you guys all have a good handle on what's going on in the world after that. Yeah, I think we've... A lot of animal shit. Yeah. I think it's probably it. I think that's about showtime, man. This has been one of the fucking most fun times I've ever had.

Rich, thank you so much for coming on. We will have you back. It's going to be an instant hit. As long as your AIDS doesn't flare up. Let's hope not. I'll come to the live thing and smack Tom up and shit.

Oh yeah, the dominatrix, real rich. Wait, hang on. You're going to be doing the method man torture. I've got a fucking pot soldering iron. Before we wrap on. You're going to be doing the Method Man torture. Like, I've got a fucking post-soldering eye. Yeah, yeah. Before we wrap it up and we get to plugs, do you still want to do lightning round? Oh, the real rich lightning round? Do you guys want to?

That's the thing where we tell Tom a word and he tries it. Yeah, I want to try it. Sure. All right. You want to give it a shot? All right. I'm going to hit you. Do rags.

Head accessory. Microphone. Mandatory. A head accessory. A microphone. A mandatory. Convertibles. Useless. Scooters. Useless. Big Ronda.

Mmm, heart. Jelly. Big Ronda. Connor. Burger King. I'll take it. It looks like they used to have a campaign where the Burger King I'll take it He looks like They used to have a campaign Where the Burger King was young

All right You scare me He also looks like a deck of cards That one I might need some Look at him for Hey Mean Boys fans Go get a deck of cards Look at the Jack

The King The Queen They all look like Connor. Interesting. He's kind of right. Let me just turn to the side here. Look, he looks like a nickel. All right, pay phones.

Mandatory. Mandatory. Prison. Hard. Wow. Prison and Big Roger. I got this card the same way. fucking fucking uh no heart and hard prison you uh fucking fun times have for all oh man kettle what what prison the man kettle yeah oh you're doing dueling lightning yeah let's do

that you do it too. Yeah, fuck it. We'll throw some at him if you think about it. All right. I'm not doing it right now. All right. Karate. Oh, kick gymnastics. All right.

Fucking the dude that I order my food from. Jumanji. Oh, Robin Williams trap. Mormon video games. All right, fireworks. Oh, Mexican candles. Fucking dog harassers. That's my ex.

Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? No. We haven't done it in a while. I did it like two episodes ago. Have you? Yeah, next time. Okay, well, next time. All right, let's do a couple more.

Fucking, god damn, I've been laughing so hard, I'm tired. Yeah, yeah. Mexican candy, like Lucas. I don't really know what those are, if I'm being honest. You know what I'm talking about, the salt shit? Oh, yeah. Fucking death in your mouth. There's not one good one. I don't really know what those are If I'm being honest You know what I'm talking about The salt shit Oh yeah Fucking death in your mouth There's not one good one

Yeah Half of them say they cause cancer Mexico's graded a lot of stuff Candy not one of them They're graded soda They never figured out How to make a chocolate bar At the Clinica

They have a sign That they have to tell them Don't eat this shit At the Clinica At the Mexican doctor Yes Fuck dude Well shit You're gonna die Yeah They have to tell him, don't eat this shit. At the clinic? At the Mexican doctor? Yes. Fuck, dude.

Shit, I just had a good one. You're going to die. Yeah. I'm not a fan. Goddamn, I just had a good one. Fuck me. Yeah, I'm telling you. The Devil.

Oh, yeah, I've heard. Break dancing. Fuck it. Mantops. Okay, all right. Like cradles Yeah yeah yeah Black ballet That's it

Yeah there we go That's the show everybody There we go Thank you Rich Where do people check you out? Man I just do the anchor bar And anything that is Evans Things that he does

And you know That's it man What about social media? I'm on Facebook But it's my slave name, Rich Holland. Okay, yep. If they don't say Real Rich, they won't do it no more for me. You say it.

They won't let you have the phone with the names. You could be fucking Carrot Top or any other bullshit. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But if I... You got grandfathered in. I send them signs and flyers and things. Everything say Real Rich.

They say, Fuck you. Twitter Real Rich. 750. And also, you know, Instagram too. I take a lot of pictures by graffiti. Oh, fuck yeah. That's the show.

Thanks everybody. Outro Music