Mean Boys - EP 210 - Bahama Comments (feat. Kerryn Feehan)

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

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Hey everybody, another Mean Boys podcast. That's right, that's what you got. Les Traps. Yeah. That's French for the trap. Les Traps? Les Traps, yeah. Les Traps.

Anyway, fucking... Get that French shit the fuck off a Karen Feehan episode. Yeah, Karen Feehan does not abide Europeans. Yeah, she doesn't. She hates all nations. All the islands. Especially America. Karen Feehan, one of our favorite people in the world, joins us for today's 9-11 Spectacular.

Yeah. Released on 9-10, hopefully. Yeah. We've seen your tweets. We know we're going to get more anyway, but we'll just tell you, we tried to get Steve. Steve was totally down to come do it again. Scheduling didn't work out he's busy dude shockingly he has more important things to do with his life than record a 9-11

podcast in a fucking crack house yeah but he is going to come later this month uh we've locked it down so you guys will be hearing from ran as easy we'll stock we'll do our 9-11 spectacular late yeah we'll really end up doing it'll it'll be a 10 11 or 11 11 or 10 12 or 10 13 9 23 it'll be any any assortment of possible numbers the point is uh steve's not here but karen is we love karen follow her on our social media uh check out all her shit listen to her on the chip chipperson podcast where she is uh she didn't want to use the term sidekick but i know she's over there a lot she's killing it What do we have to talk about On this little intro

Well our Patreon We have a Patreon We do have a Patreon Tell them what they get on the Patreon Five dollars a month You get bonus episodes We get bonus episodes Yeah we talk about art and death

Yeah this last one The human spirit With Andrea Gazzetta's a fucking twosie Yeah Sometimes people come in And they tell a story About some sort of murder Or how they

Stole a plane and crashed into one of those Towers Andrea Gazzetta did 9-11 And you find out for $5 a month on Patreon Which tower? Yeah That's what you're paying for for Patreon That's how good she is

She crashed into both towers and still was able to come to the podcast. She rebounds her own shots. You know, anybody who says women can't, you know, drive. I was going to say drive, but then I'm like, I guess that's the wrong word. But yeah, five bucks a month. Hang out with your fellow Mean Boys fans over on the Mean Boys subreddit, Mean Boys Discord. There's always some fun shit happening there. Our social media, Mean Boys fans over on the Mean Boys subreddit, Mean Boys Discord. There's always some fun shit happening there.

Our social media, Mean Boys podcast. Yeah, Mean Boys podcast and all the other social medias. If you're in LA on 9-11, I will be at the Hollywood Improv doing the Gateway Show at 10 o'clock. That's a show where I do a set sober, then I get real fucking high and I do another

set. I'm bad at drugs, so that's always a fun one. Yeah. Other than that. Try to think if there's, yeah. Oh, yes, sir. Hey, just keep watching Lights Out with David Spade. We're back on the air.

Other than that, I think that's probably it. Yeah, I think so. Keep it 20 Easy Breezy. Please enjoy this week's episode with the always delightful Karen Feehan. After party section of the audience. No, we're not even fucking recording. God damn it. Hey, everybody.

Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. fuck shit ass karen looks like a dead backup dancer or something fuck she tried to get my attention uh it didn't work even though her voice stinks she reframed the whole beginning of what she's happy i know i'm just sweet okay i forgot to press the button Hi everybody I walk right by him I stepped on his stupid small foot I know She just dragged her big famous dick down the red carpet Knocked him out with it I know and everyone knows you gotta be hung like a horse

To do red carpet interviews for the Caramount Network You gotta have miles of cock To land that Sought after gig Kevin Costner on the Yellowstone set Paramount Network. You've got to have miles of cock to land that sought-after gig. Kevin Costner on the Yellowstone set just pulls out a tape measure to make sure you're qualified. Yep. That checks out. Nine and a half inches for Karen Feehan.

Karen million-dollar-foot-long Feehan. Yeah, they don't call it Karen Freehans. You've got to put them both to work. Jesus Christ. You need two hands and a foot to jerk her off. All right. Now, look, is this as good as the three minutes of beginning we did that weren't recorded? No.

But I'm just trying to get some energy going. Our friend Karen Freehand is here. Thank you so much for having me, you guys. Our 9-11 super-sode in lieu of Steve Rant is easy. Oh, yeah. That was, yeah. Yeah. He's coming. That was, yeah. Yeah. He's coming.

He's, you know, he's recuperating. He's, I don't know. What is he doing? Is he just busy? Does he have any great excuse? I mean. Probably just pretending to travel, right? I think he maybe realized what a dumb idea it is to do this three years in a row.

I know. Like, the hard part is not getting him on 9-11. I prepped him on lights out the hard part is getting him during fantasy football season right that guy's in like three leagues oh this side i bet the sunday had a lot to do with it yeah what a rough time that he has to publicly be like around during the worst time for him to be publicly around oh that's true i mean because he you know he's a sport it's like the one time he should burrow into the fucking center of the earth and hang out for a little while.

That's the only time the phone's ringing. Yeah, it's like, see you in October, everybody. Damn. How long are you in L.A. for, Karen? I'm leaving in an hour. Oh, that's right. I forgot. Jesus Christ, I'm an asshole.

We just had a five-minute conversation. You're a real piece of shit. True garbage. I forgive you. Thank you. This is the conversation that you missed on the red carpet that you missed out on, that you were bummed about. I know.

Hey, Kelly, great to see you. I also love that Karen is the only person who vapes more disrespectfully than you are. You guys are dueling vapes right now. When you exhale, you swivel in the chair, which feels... It's like a power move. I know. Like you're revealing yourself in a Hypebeast James Bond movie. You need furniture to get involved to show us how uninterested you are.

My body just is doing that. Because you're next to me. That's always nice. I have resting bitch all of it. It's like, what's the opposite of magnetic? It's magnetic, but you flip one around. Repulsive? There you go.

It's like subconsciously trying to escape. Yeah. You know, you're always, like, being aware of the exits. No, I love it here. It makes me feel so clean. Right? Is this... Is your apartment, like, a shithole, too?

Or what's your deal? No, well, now I have a boyfriend, and he's rich, so his apartment's dope. Oh, yeah, I saw that on Instagram. You guys seem cute. I'm so happy for you. No, you're not. I am. I love him.

Well, if he makes you less of the rest of the world's problems, you know what I mean? He's really jumping on. You guys call people cunts. We were doing push-ups on the street together. It'd be like if Kim Jong-un got really into Beyblades or something. I'm like, I don't care. I'm just glad that's taken up all his time. There's a wonderful man who's jumped on a grenade for the rest of society.

He loves me. No, I believe it. I mean, gross, but cool. He really grabbed the nuclear bomb and jumped into the sun to save the rest of us. I'm curious. Has it, like, calmed you down? Or do you guys just, like, go beat up minorities together? No.

I don't know. Yeah. No, I think it totally has calmed me down. I really do. It's like he takes up this percentage of my time and energy. It's like a healthy hobby. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

Because when we saw you in New York last year, it was just like, we ran into you on the street and it was like five seconds before you called someone a cunt and attacked his manhood. It was one of my favorite things. I'm not cheating on you. I loved it was he doing pull ups

he was doing pull ups on a that sounds like a giant fucking asshole it does yeah I agree with you no I'm thinking of the guy that asked you

for a cigarette and you were just like suck my dick welcome to the big city like I think it really does illustrate the difference between New York and LA

it's like we both would have called that dude a cunt but me and you would have waited until we were a block away and be like you see that fucking c's like we both would have called that dude a cunt, but me and you would have waited until we were a block away. I'm like, you see that fucking cunt? Yeah.

And you were just like, you are a cunt right now, sir. I don't know. I've survived so many years there. I have no fear. Yeah. I mean, it's just people just being. I do like that people are just like, there's no room. So it's like I just got to be myself out in the open.

You have no time. There's no patience. I get in fights in Starbucks all the time. This guy came. I was ordering my coffee. I'm in the middle of a set. You have no time. There's no patience. I get in fights in Starbucks all the time. This guy came. I was ordering my coffee. I'm in the middle of a... I'm tall. It's out of my mouth.

This guy's behind me yelling at the cashier, do you guys have chocolate croissants? And I turned around and I looked at him. I was like, no, no. And then I looked at the cashier who was about to answer him and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do not answer him. You tell him to take it up with his fucking boyfriend, all right?

What a gay thing to be rude about. Yeah. Do you have any chocolate croissants? I have to know now. Do not fucking answer him. And then he gets to the back of the line, and then he continues to yell at me. He goes, I'm getting my coffee. He's like, hey, I wasn't cutting you.

And I was like, I know. He's like, I came yesterday and they didn't have any chocolate croissants. What the fuck is New York? Fuck this loser. Well,

then go somewhere else. I know. I was like, I looked at him, I was like, I don't fucking care. I was like, you were taking his attention

away from me. Yeah. Very rude. With your little gay breakfast emergency. Also, New York's a big fucking place. I bet someone has

a chocolate croissant somewhere else. It's like, I'm sorry there's a line here, you fucking big baby. Give them fucking lines. Society doesn't fucking wait because you need a sweet treat. Oh, my God. Yeah, queue up, bitch.

Welcome to the Big Apple. Motherfucker. It's Karen Feehan. Nothing pisses me off more than when someone tries to cut me a line. It honestly should be Karen's voice. I'm sorry to interrupt. It should be your voice at the airport. You know how you fly into LAX and it's Eric Garcetti going, welcome to Los Angeles.

You should just be like, all right, listen up, fuck face. No cut seas. No telling me your little stories. Keep your fucking hands to yourself. You're responsible for your own fucking pastries. Welcome to fucking LaGuardia. We're not thrilled about it either. You can have a cigarette.

When I was in high school, this fucking dude caught me in line, and I told him, like, hey, man, you caught me. Get behind me. And he just ignored me. And so when he got his food and turned around, I just slapped it out of his hands onto the floor. I gave him a warning. Like, I don't know what the fuck else he wants.

Yeah, I think that's a totally fair response. Yeah, I do like that you just disarmed him. That's prison rules, dude. Yeah, it's high school, man. It's public school. You didn't go to private school? Yeah, right? When I worked at Disneyland, I saw fucking two dads getting a fist fight over cutting in a line once.

Shut up. Yeah, it was like this guy, clearly not from America, didn't quite understand the rules of what was happening here. Yeah, punch him. Was just like, it's okay. Fuck that idiot. Him and his kids were literally just like, it's okay, I go here now. And I just kind of pop in the middle. And this fucking big, dumb, tank top dad. The head bro!

And starts throwing fucking fat hands. Oh, what, he's going to cut me and my dumb kids? Yeah, exactly. We kicked him out. We were just like, you can't fucking punch. Oh, yeah. And that guy, I didn't mean the subtext. He's like, you know how many fucking hours I had to work in the auto zone to take my

shitty kids to this dumb gay place where everything's 20 bucks? You just flew here on your magic carpet full of oil or whatever you have. There's a lot of tension underneath that exchange. I want that version of Aladdin where it's backed by Halliburton.

Oh, yeah. Just the twin towers and then here comes a carpet. Yep. Happy 9-11. There we go. Make a wish. Does it ever bum you out when you go to Disneyland and you look around like, oh, these are the people with money?

These rascal fucking jowly, like, it's fucking really upsetting how dumb everyone there looks. Because you took me last week. I was like, everyone here looks like a fucking just like complete dipshit. And they have to have enough money to come here and then not starve when they leave. Yeah, but they save up that money.

Or some of them get in car accidents on purpose. Yeah. Wow. I think my family is the best. You date Luis Gomez for six months and you just assume, like, oh, that guy's just fucking stopping short to get some Disneyland money. You just faked a slip and fall in a Walmart.

What are you going to do next? I'm going to Disneyland. My mom did get in a car accident, and we did go to Disneyland quite thereafter shortly. Not much. Holy shit. Dude, okay. She came out on Christmas morning with like five like airline tickets too, but she still had her neck brace on.

She's like, we're going to Disneyland. Damn. That fucking rocks. I know. I'm just picturing somebody with a neck brace just on a teacup. Just ow, ow, ow. Yeah. She never left the resort.

She made my dad take us everywhere. She's like, I'm going to be chain smoking. Leave me alone. Yeah. I had a weird realization recently that I have dated two girls who have gone on a my mom has cancer trip to Disneyland. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Man, it's like the popular make a wish and I have a type apparently. I don't know why that doesn't surprise me at all. Like working class people. I know you have experience with tumors. Why not me? Like working class people saving have experience with tumors why not me like working class people saving up for a vacation always makes me sad yeah you know where it's always just like oh man we worked we worked all year so we could drink out of a cup shaped like a frog like what like what are we doing with our lives everybody like when i was at old navy there's this dude

like i brought him up before he just saved up all his money all year so he could go to a bowling tournament in Las Vegas. And he wasn't even like a serious bowler. He just kind of liked to go and hang out and have fun. And it's like, maybe a house, you know? We could like a car, a different job, an education. Any asset. Yeah, I feel like you think poor people are just living in a cardboard box saving up to go to Disneyland.

They probably have a house. No, this guy, you live with his fucking mom. No, I know the bowling, I'm talking about the Disneyland. No, I mean, yeah, I'm just, I'm always like, oh, so this is the big thing. Anytime, like,

someone is, like, a big event they're excited about, I get sad for them. Yeah. Myself included. Like, it's just, it bums me out. Like, okay,

we're all putting it on this, huh? I don't know. Do I get excited about events? I don't know. Why don't you get in touch with your own feelings? What did you say? Can you guys tell me how I feel?

No, it just occurred to me. Am I hungry? I think there's just so much fucking adrenaline and pills from when I was younger. I don't know if, like, the excitement. Same with, like, fear. I hardly ever get scared. Can you not identify feelings? Feeling shapes.

He struggles with a lot of stuff. Fear. It sounds like a black and white television of emotion. I mean, some real classics. Yeah. Like if he looks internally, it just looks like scrambled porn. It's like, all right, I think that's love. And there's an elbow.

A lot of cum shots in a roll on this one. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of way put on vacays and a lot of cum shots in a roll on this one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of way put on vacays and a lot of those fucking hotels and like,

oh, this is a cute log cabin. It's like, yeah, and there's like mouse shit there. I don't know. There might be. Right? Yeah. Yeah, rustic is code

for a lot of cum and fucking vermin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, historic hotel, shitty hotel. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

It was for Jessica and I. We went on the road one time after we broke up. Who's Jessica? Jessica Michelle. Oh. And we for Jessica and I. We went on the road one time after we broke up. Who's Jessica? Who's Jessica? Jessica Michelle. Oh. And we just stayed in this like historic hotel. You were going to break this thing wide open.

Yes. I was like, you know, in Wade's world, he's like, who's Anthony? Who's Anthony? And there's just two people that don't want to fuck in a tiny bed sharing a toilet that doesn't flush. Oh boy. It was hilarious. Yikes.

Yeah. I'm still Yikes. Yeah. I'm still waking up. Yeah. Let me completely It's one o'clock in the afternoon or as Tom calls it the morning.

I didn't fall asleep until six. Why? It's so funny that we had a long night of drinking. You just played Madden and somehow you look

the most hungover. And then my girlfriend was nearing the end of her shift so I stayed up and it ended up being an extra three hours. Oh, is she a doctor? She's a special needs stripper.

Gets brought in on a short party bus. Oh, God, yeah. That's why they had to put the ramp in the club. They have, like, grips on the pole. Coming up to the center stage, yeah. That's why they had to put the ramp in the club. They have, like, grips on the pole. Coming up to the center stage, wheels. Also, what have I ever... She's popping a wheelie and that pussy. What have I ever been coherent before, like, three?

No, I'm very aware. Yeah. This is pretty good for me. You're all done there, man. She's, like, time zones ahead, too. When does she get off work? Have you had to stay up until like 5 a.m.? Yeah, well, she gets off at like 7 a.m.

Oh, fuck. Wow. Damn, who would have thought? Tom and a graveyard shift worker. I know. I can't. It's so strange. I never would have thought.

I would have accepted Tom and someone who lives in a graveyard. That seems a little more on brand. I can't wait until you guys are bringing children into this perfect schedule you have for a time. Yeah. When do they sleep? When do they eat? Well, we'll split time. She'll go to nightmare work with Mom one night, and then she'll come live in the fucking

spider dungeon with Dad. Hi, this is Tom Goss. Meet my nocturnal brood. You have five kids, and they all look like Bat Boy? Right. I was just going to gonna say they're like fat bats yeah mole people whoa

his girlfriend's very thin they would be like I didn't know that average size I didn't know that you know sometimes fat just wins yeah they're dad bod bat kids

I like sometimes jeans just like you're like oh the dad has got the fucking quarterback like a friend of mine from high school

it's like the dad and his two sons and his daughter have the exact same fucking face. It's creepy. It's just a chick with an accountant's face. He's got this

just white, square-headed, middle management face, and it's like, alright, let's put that on top of a pair of tits. It's a real disaster. I need to get tampons on the way home yeah my siblings are like blonde and thin and fucking that's true you are the outlier in your family yeah no i'm the i'm the dark sheep i know it's like tom and then just three billabong employees yeah that's exactly what it is gotta share his fucking last name with yeah no they they all look like they could work at Hollister. I mean, my sister's a yoga teacher.

They have, like, basic bitchery jobs, too. Yeah, your brother does, like, surfing or some shit? Yeah, he's a surfer. He owns, like, a van, and, like, he just, like, he learned to cook in the van, to go to the van after surfing to eat and sleep, rest so he can go back and surf without going home. Yeah, like he's got a book of van crockpot recipes. They're beach trash. My siblings have become beach trash.

Fuck, dude. And then you just look like you eat seagulls. So I'm just like... Raw. He jumps out of the air like an orca. You're just Ozzy Osboarding fucking birds down by the pier. Buffalo sauce on it. Probably not that bad.

Buffalo seagull. Stealing all your picnic food. Have you guys ever seen a seagull eat an entire sandwich in one bite? No, I haven't seen that amazing thing. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. Is this porn for you? Yeah. No, this is how I lost a sandwich.

Wait, you got... Wait, shut up. That's happened to me too. That's happened to me too. With a clam strip roll. Yeah. What? I thought you were about to say,

but with a Puerto Rican. I wasn't so much the beach as it was my house. You lost it all. Yeah. but wait you've both lost a fight with a bird those things are pterodactyls they're fucking big seagulls are like the size of my chest sometimes

I was like who opened this umbrella over my head oh fuck there goes my sandwich terrifying my fucking sandwich is out I walk three steps to pick up my towel I turn around Seagull

in front of the sandwich one bite eats the whole thing you see the sandwich expand its neck fuck it's going down like it's fucking Kirby

yeah flew away with looked like a brick in its neck lands and then Papa Zantac in the sky.

What's really weird is he spit out the pickles. He was a picky seeker. Dude, I saw a kid get all of his fucking fries taken by a bird while we were in, I think, Seattle. It was in Seattle. We watched that kid get gang fucked by seagulls. I know. It was just like, you're in our neighborhood, bitch. And they just took all this kid's fries and I'm like, welcome to the world, kid.

Birds are fucking gnarly. Have you seen the videos of the birds that drag the billy goats off the fucking mountains? No. That sounds metal. Pull this up. Oh my god, it's gnarly. They come out of nowhere. Dude, I fucking love birds.

What about my side? Nature is wild. Yeah. Like these videos, these birds are huge. And you see them coming and then you snog these. Nature is wild. No, that's fucking true. I agree with you.

I'll be your backpedal to be an asshole. Bird, billy goat. I know you just woke up, but you're being so cranky. I'm just kidding. God, Tom, you're very rude. I don't care. No, yeah, they have a baby billy goat, and they drop them off the sides of mountains. Holy shit.

Like they're crows cracking walnuts. Yeah. You know? It's like, imagine. Yo! Like. What the bodies hit them for? What the bodies hit them for?

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. You know, why are they doing that?

No, they just do that for fun He comes back up He's like Woohoo Give me another one It's like bowling Yeah of course he eats him You fucking idiot

I do like that They're just killing for fun Right That's what humans do I do like that he just goes When they get bullied at school On Condor Knoxville And welcome to Jackass

Wow man That's life in the big city Huh goats That's how it goes Don't climb the mountain If you can't handle the bird Classic metaphor I think we can all

Apply that to our own life Yeah don't be water If you're not a fish Where did you meet Your boyfriend He sent me a message On Instagram After seeing me on the

Chip Chipperson podcast And yeah then we fell in love I mean that's always been It's the comedy dream message on Instagram after seeing me on the Chip Chipperson podcast. And yeah, then we fell in love. I mean, that's always been, it's the comedy dream is to fuck somebody from the Opie and Anthony subreddit. That's really, that's what you're looking for. Listen, I love my fans. I mean, you did the same hustle where

like a fan came crawling around and then fell in love with him. It's weird. I love him so much. That's great. You know, because you probably want someone that like you know is a little bit i i go through cycles of like wanting a really abuse or getting a really sort of abusive boyfriend or whatever which i enjoy from time to time as my past has proved you want to work out i don't know what i don't know what to say but then i'll get a really nice one and then i'm really happy with a really nice one that's awesome oh yeah it's a nice really nice one. That's awesome. Oh, yeah.

It's a nice salty and sweet. You got to like, you know. Salty and sweet, yeah. You let the fucking insanity sing, and you're getting a different result with the same thing. You need the darkness with the light. Right? It's like, have you ever tried? Because I have no idea.

I'm just trying to be a gay lord. Because I have a girlfriend that's nice to me, and sometimes I'm like, you know, I do miss getting really just treated like shit. Shit. We do this once a week. That feels's nice to me, and sometimes I'm like, you know, I do miss getting really just treated like shit. Shit. We do this once a week. That feels more natural to me. Has she started kind of being mean to you a little bit? Like, I sort of, like, bully mine into it, where, like, now he is kind of mean once in a while.

But sometimes it'll be, like, a little too mean. I'm like, hey, wait a minute. Remember when you were nice? Whoa, hey. That's no fair. It's like getting bit by your emotional support dog. I know. I'm just, they do these, like, pure psychological That's no fair. It's like getting bit by your emotional support dog. I know. I'm just, they do this like pure psychological warfare for no reason.

Yeah. I'm just like, what can I fuck up today? I'm bored. Let's burn stuff. Right? Does he ever ask you like an annoying question? Like, what's Chip like? You know?

Oh, no. He would never. Oh, that's good. He's not that. He's not that. They don't have a guy that's like, could you tell Jim Florentino really like the Cranky Acres where he calls it a deli or what, you know? That'd be so crazy if they were that into it.

Say like four months in, they're like, you haven't introduced me to Chip yet, so I don't want to date you anymore. What do you think I'm in the game for, Karen? Right. You're old. I had the same thing with my girl where she gets starstruck

by the weirdest fucking people. Because it'll be like, yeah, it's like, you know, like, oh, you know, I met Dave Chappelle. And she's like, I don't give a shit. Right. But here's some, like, ninth level person from an independent podcast network. She's like, oh, my God. Really? You know Dipshit Magoo?

Yeah. I'm like, Chris Rock dropped in. Just say Kyle. No, I didn't really care about Kyle. Chris Rock. I'm talking sub Adam Todd Brown. Whoa. Chris Rock dropped into the stand the other night, and I went upstairs, and I grabbed

my boyfriend. I'm like, what? I was like, it's Chris Rock. That's it. Did you watch his set? And he was like, meh. I was like, all right. See you later.

He's like, I'm going to go finish my hummus. I'm like, all right. What a white thing to do. Yeah. I know. I love it. Chris Rock, there's hummus afoot. I know.

I love it. You have Dave Smith's phone number? Oh, God. Right, exactly. Oh, my God, I love the flat tax. Libertas. Dave Smith, the fourth funniest skank out of three. Because the third's Tim Dillon. Well, if we're doing that, the third's Louis.

I'm sorry, Louis. I would never say that about you. I'm not fight Tom, you coward. Oh, yeah, you should. I told him to do that. Yeah, you should definitely fight Tom. I know, but if only Tom was famous enough to fight Louis J. Gomez. I know.

Someone who, what I told about, no one knew who he was. And when I say no one, I mean literally no one. Except for maybe one or two people who went, wait, is that Big Jay Ockerson's body? It's his buddy guard.

His buddy guard. My little buddy guard. My buddy. That's funny if someone's got a short body guard. Have you seen the picture of Jason Momoa

with his body guards? No. You've never seen, if you Google Jason Momoa body guard, it'll pop up. You've never seen people more underqualified for their job. There's all these dudes like a foot

shorter and a hundred pounds less than him, just following him around in suits. It's like, I think he's gonna be fun. He just wanted to get some homies on the payroll. At that point, just get one fat guy with a visible gun. That's all you need. I think I'd make a great bodyguard. I think so. I feel like you would get distracted very easily.

Like, I feel like I could distract... That's why I wear sunglasses. Can't see the shiny shit. And again, I think if the shit went down and you were focused and in it, I think you could stop anybody from getting murdered, but I feel like I could distract you with a laser pointer. Like, I think bodyguards... I feel bodyguards are responsible for a certain amount of logistics that I think may be annoying

to you, but I think actual bodyguarding. Yes, I have had a GPS. Yeah. Well, you're like a good driver, so it's like, if you had, like, another guy that was, if you, you'd need, like, a bodyguard assistant, you know, that would be like, alright, the door's closed at nine, we're gonna get, we enter off of, you know, Hayward or whatever, like,

if you had that, you would be, like, a good, you'd be 80% of the bodyguard team, and then you'd have like a PA. This is Jeremy. He's our bodyguard's brain guard. Yeah. Whose body would you like to guard, Tom?

Ew, gross. You don't really have any preferences. Oh. Anybody? Anybody? If you could work for any famous person, who would you want to work for? I mean, here's the thing. Why do you have to rephrase the same question?

Well, because I didn't know if he got it. Because you asked it and smoke came out of his fucking ears. Honestly, honestly, I think most famous people would be horrible to work for, now that I think about it. But you could let him die. So, I mean, you could do a service for the community. You could, right? I don't know.

Like, what about Hobson or something? One of your fucking, your fucking you know hopson is not popular enough to have a body but he would think that he is you know what i'm saying the only person who might kill him is tom like apparently george lopez had like crazy like four bodyguards and they're like really but that's just mexican shit right i don't know you know what they just appear around you? Yeah. You know who I think I could... One of them was a rooster. You know Mexicans, they love bodyguards. Like, what is this?

They got illegal drugs on them all the time. You know who I think I could protect and get along with? Build the wall. Great connection in his current state

is Mac Miller. No one would hurt him with me defending him today. So, Tom, we covered this earlier. You want to work in a cemetery. Tom just wants to be a haunted mansion guy. I would make a great

grave digger if I owned a shovel. I like that you think they have to bring their own shovel. Tom has been sledgehammering a hole in the ground and it's going better than you'd think. He shows up to the interview with a shovel. Oh yeah. No, I haven't. I was wondering if the house sledgehammering a hole in the ground, and it's going better than you'd think. He shows up to the interview with a shovel. Oh, yeah. No, I haven't.

Wait, what'd you say? I was wondering if the house sledgehammer, or my sledgehammer is better. The house sledgehammer. I just haven't seen it in a while. Yeah, I don't know. It's probably been stolen. Probably. Well, Karen's got to the airport.

What a $40 hammer. So I think that's going to do it for our first segment. The Mean Boys podcast will be right back. What's wrong? This week's episode of Mean Boys is brought to you by the Himalaya podcasting app. Oh, shit. Really? Yeah.

Now, Himalaya is a great way to listen. Of course it is. Mr. Ear here to tell you about the Himalaya podcasting app. On Himalaya podcasting app, you can go and listen to a whole variety of wonderful sounds. I just want you guys to know I worked late today, and the whole Uber ride back, I was like, I have to go home and be with Mr. Ear. But they don't want to hear about that.

They want to hear about the Himalaya Podcasting app. Tell them anything functional about Himalaya. Great functionality. Playlists. Liking. You can like a podcast that's right you can put a virtual symbol on sound we know for sure that that's true of course of course anything that i assume to be correct is correct you can comment you can tip and not like a like a tip of a finger money you could give money they have functions for you to give your money somewhere else mr ear has become less of a character at this point now it's just you talking in a weird high-pitched voice i'm not tom I know. I'm Mr. Ear.

I get the fucking conceit of the ad. Yeah, and I'm here. I'm sorry. I'm here to tell you about Himalaya. Fuck you. Himalaya is a wonderful podcasting app. Do not let my foolish partner tell you otherwise. You can download it right now in the app store.

We're over there. All your favorite podcasts are already there. Go over. Get Himalaya. Listen to it. Enjoy it. Love it. Named after a mountain.

That's their official slogan. And the Mean Boys podcast is back, and it's time for the Mexican joke-off. Hi, so topical. Yeah. Is this what I wrote for? Yeah, this is the thing you wrote for. Karen Fianna, in a shocking turn of events has written four jokes. I blew you away.

I don't know who the fuck you are or what you did with the woman we once knew, but this is... Right? I'm a new... Like, do you think it's my boyfriend? Maybe. I don't know. It's changed my whole work ethic. I suddenly care.

Like, I respect you guys. Yeah. You just seem a lot better in general. I don't know. You seem happier. I'm getting a good rogering every other day. Rogering? Good God.

Oh, my God. You are old. I haven't heard that. Yeah, he fucking peels off all 12 layers of my bloomers and has at my womanhood. I know. Is it the fucking Sid Caesar show happening over here? That was like... He enjoys fondling me. Fondling's fine. Rogering is weird. I know. Is it the fucking Sid Caesar show happening over here? He enjoys fondling me.

Fondling's fine. Rogering is weird. Yeah, fondling. Rogering. Yeah, good rogering. He's like Scottish. He's like Irish and UK. So he says stuff like that sometimes. Okay. You don't know which country. I think I've pointed the dart at Europe. He wants to roger your bum. country. I think it's pointed the dart at Europe. I hope it's not right. He wants to Roger your bum.

He's from funny voice town. We don't know which part. When I have tantrums or whatever, what I think is

when I express myself and I'm upset. You talk about yourself the way a mother talks about her two year old.

Yeah. I think I'm just letting everyone know or whoever I'm talking to that I'm unhappy or whatever, but he calls it kicking off and I think it's so sort of letting everyone know or whoever I'm talking to that I'm unhappy or whatever but he calls it kicking off and I think it's so cute I like that

he's like you just fucking kicked off over there it makes me want to do it more it sounds charming as shit I want to date this man and then we got kicked out of the subway alright guys I'll take us away Kristen Stewart wants to play a gay superhero, begging the question, is America ready for a female cock man? I'm going to give it to you because mine are so bad.

You know, there's all these females. Can we handle a lady Thor? There's a cock man. There's a gay superhero. She's playing the female version. There's a lot of parts there. A raccoon got drunk off a fermented fruit. Upon hearing this, Keith Carey clarified this must be an old story.

He hasn't done gay shenanigans in a year now. My turn? Yeah. I'm going to hit a lot of fouls on this one, boys. Me too. A U.S. Air Force crew made a refueling stop at a Donald Trump resort on the way to Kuwait, and on the way back, they made a defueling stop in his mouth. Because he sucks their dicks.

The Air Force, to completion. Oh, I thought the Kuwaitis. Yep. Okay, does that make more sense? I don't know. No, I like Donald Trump sucking their dicks. That makes me like him a little bit. All right.

Dude, did you see he tweeted he called off his secret meeting with the Taliban? And I was like, wait, what? Not going. Not going. He was going to have a secret meeting with Taliban leaders at Camp David, but he's like, I had to call it off. And I read that and I was like, good? Also, it's not a secret meeting if we know about it.

Not anymore. Not anymore. I mean, he always does that shit, but I was just like, that's a weird one to throw out. Yeah, because I don't even know exactly. I get that we had a red phone to Moscow during the Cuban Missile Crisis, but we can just hit up the Taliban. You guys want

to come play some volleyball? Talk this shit out? I didn't realize that was an option. Let's have a schvitz together. I got little Caesars on the way. Let's fucking pound this thing out. Look, let's say Epstein's gone but his legacy lives on come to camp David I'm probably fucking up some details here but didn't he tweet that the hurricane

was gonna tear through Alabama or something like that and everyone was like no and then he like penciled in on it he just sharpied the fucking thing in I'm so glad I just know what Bella Hadid's doing now because of work. I just have no idea anymore about what's happening.

I don't know who Bella Hadid is. I think she's in the Taliban. She's Gigi Hadid's sister. She's fucking hot. It looks like she's reconstructed hips, though. I've been writing jokes about these Hadid people for like a month and a half. I still don't understand what any of them do. You said Bella Hadid, and I know this isn't who it is,

but I was imagining Mia Khalifa. Am I far off? I mean, those are two different people, so yes. I don't know, yeah. I don't know who Mia Khalifa is. Oh, shit. Oh, really? Do I?

I don't know. Yeah, she did that. She sucked a dick in a hijab, and everyone got all freaked out. Oh, yeah. You did better. No, yeah. No, she did porn and got death threats from ISIS.

Yeah. You can believe it. It was fucking rad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because she has scribblies on her hands. I know her. Wait, scribblies? Well, didn't she have the...

Well, it's because she wore the hijab. Oh, I thought it was also because she was a... It's pronounced tan job. She had a... I think she had a Islamic tattoo. Sorry, I've got to give that joke back to Jeff Ross. I'm sorry. All right.

Comedian Kevin Hart was injured in a serious car accident. He suffered severe damage to his neck, his back, and compound fractures in his pussy and his crack. My neck, my back, my pussy, and my crack. I get it. Goes hard. Well, guys, sad news. Zooey Deschanel split with her husband of four years, citing adorkable differences. You know, he liked mason jars.

She was into Edison bulbs. It wasn't meant to be. May I have another blue ribbon for my hair? I know. Who's going to get all of our Native American yarn art? It's going to be so complicated. Everything's mixed up. We'd been sharing a froroyo rewards punch stamp.

They've got to bring in an arbitrator just to split up glasses. Yeah. Donald Trump said he canceled his secret peace talks with the Taliban, which makes sense because, you know, in secret, the Taliban is for sure talking about peace. The Taliban. One, it wasn't very good to begin with. Yeah.

Amazing. Bernie Taliban. It was a good joke about the Taliban one it wasn't very good to begin with that it also yeah Bernie Talbot it was a good joke about the Taliban yeah I say Taliban yeah you did look the fact that that's my first Bernie Talbot right is that yeah okay CNN headline reads

the future is uncertain for 70,000 Bahamans left homeless by Hurricane Dorian. But what we do know for certain is that nobody fucking cares. You're actually just reading your diary. These are not jokes. It's always funny when you hear, like, oh, they're called Bahamans. Yeah, that was my thought, too. Like, what a bad name.

And also, they, like, worked for free for the Fyre Festival, so I don't care about that. I thought we should call them the Baja Men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, they didn't work for free. They got stolen. They had labor stolen. Oh, yeah, they got ripped.

Yeah. Yeah, well. No, they were the... And at, like, some point, if you're, like, not getting paid for your work, you should, like, say something. It's their fault for not typing up? No. I mean, yeah.

I love that you had the Dear Diary idea of you just going, Dear Diary, Jamaica, fuck you. I like Jamaica. Yeah, right? All right, this one sucks. A bunch of middle schoolers fed their teachers crepes that they jizzed in.

Finally, a school shooting I can get behind. Mine, too. Joker won Best Film at Venice Film Festival. Now, let's not get carried away, because this year's winner in Venice for Best Place to Sleep was on a boogie board outside covered in piss. So, I don't... Everyone's like, who cares what they think in Venice about anything? You know, it's the country. Like, it's in Europe, right?

Really? I thought it was in Venice. Like, Venice Beach. No. Okay, well. No, you fucking retard. Nothing's funnier. Well, that's a little better, then.

I guess that's cooler. They had an international film festival a mile away from here. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Man, I don't know if you saw, but the, I swear to God, the runner-up winner behind the Joker movie was Roman Polanski. Yeah, I know.

I stared at that story for like 10 minutes trying to think of a joke. Welcome to the Fuck All Women Film Festival. All of the diddling jokes got burned with Epstein. It's the Joker and the diddler teaming up. God damn, fuck you, dude. You did 90% of the work.

I just turned it into a lazy pun. Sure, alright. A man was jailed for putting hidden cameras in the toilets of the James Bond set. People thought he was a pervert until he found several different plots to destroy the world in nine different pussies. Savior. Like a cartoon, like circle-shaped bomb just crammed up someone. Yeah. That's funny.

You're up. Oh, I forgot. This week in countries I someone. Yeah. That's funny. You're up. Oh, I forgot. This week in countries I hate. Guatemala. Guatemala, suck my clam. Okay, so in the news today, someone asked me if they knew where the Starbucks was. I know where you can shove a fucking chocolate croissant. I gave him detailed instructions on how to kill himself in front of his family.

This episode is throwing me off because every other time you're here, we just shit on you and you love it. And now that you have a boyfriend, it's the first time you have self-esteem. And I feel like every time I say something mean to you, I feel like... And it's so good it's infecting you. Yeah, no, it's like, well, I had to gear myself up to like okay call her stupid or whatever here's what I love about what you just said you're trying to be very nice

what you said is hey a man put self-respect in you that's fucking true remember when you were empty and lonely somebody piped some worth up you

look I said it she thought it I like the new and improved Karen Fee no I do too I like old Karen too I like I mean both I just I just liked improved Karen Feehan. No, I do too. I like old Karen too. I like, I mean, both are the Karen or old Karen.

I just liked old Karen better. We like you both ways. I just was expecting a different, a different. Let me tell my joke that I wrote on the Lyft ride over here. Yeah, do you. Asshole. I'm doing my recital. I know, yeah.

This is really good. Karen called to write on an application on her telephone to come do the podcast. Trump was recently asked about the status of Hurricane Dorian and remarked, it's my favorite car in Back to the Future. That is good. That was worth the pouting. I like that you just changed you to Donald Trump for the joke. Shut up, Connor.

Now I'm part of the resistance. This is a new woke Karen. I just opened CNN and did my best. That's all we're all doing. Trader Joe's is selling a new line of Halloween succulents. It's a jagged bush growing out of a spooky skeleton. Karen Feehan is suing for copyright infringement. I love it because it's about me.

Yeah, I could not do one about you. Well, researchers found a two-headed rattlesnake that's being held in captivity because its condition makes it hard for the snake to survive in its natural habitat. Karen Fee hands gigantic puss. Two-headed rattlesnake? Yeah. It's the best rattlesnake that's ever been in there as far as I'm concerned. And both heads are like,

listen, doggy. We're bringing Milo in. One talks about CBD, the other one talks about MMA. You've got a nice division of labor. Zach, come in and do cleanup. Thank you. The Trump administration is allowing a trophy hunter to bring black rhino parts back into the country.

Upon hearing this, Karen Vian went, went, black what what? As soon as I heard the word black. Right? Yeah, my shoulders started going, yeah. That's right. Oh, yeah. You know, Karen, you got a microphone.

I know. I forgot because my shoulders just dropped to the ground. I couldn't hold it anymore. Somewhat your dad just felt a wave of disappointment and couldn't explain why. Hold the black stick up to your mouth and defend yourself from this hurricane of black cock jokes that's coming your way. Might as well be Alabama, ladies. What was the end of it?

Caribbean. Wait, black what what? Look, as soon as it... Tom is now plagiarizing turkey commercials from 2008. Put my hand in the what what. Pull out the what what. Remember that? No, I don't.

Everyone was doing that around the water cooler. I don't have a Rolodex of turkey commercials in my memory. Are there turkey commercials? It was something about a lady

she was preparing a turkey and she's on the phone and she's teaching her how to do it and she's like, I put my hand in the what what and pull out the what what. And, you know, that's what I thought of.

Yeah. Do you have one more or was that four for you? I have one more. Do it. I think. Oh, this... I think you wrote five then.

No, I didn't. Shut up, nerd. Yeah. Fuck you, Tom. Okay, so this... This kid, he got bullied for his homemade

University of Tennessee T-shirt and when asked about it he said I hope they like my homemade pipe bomb better that wasn't good that's not bad just like mom used to make Taco Bell is discontinuing the Doritos Loco Taco great now I'm going to have to

get them on the black market like abortions in the 50s just meet a guy in an alley and he's like, you want to be a star? Then we put this taco in you. I know, yeah. It's like there is going to, there's now a weird fast food aftermarket. Yeah. Like fucking Yeezys or something.

Like they made more shells than they sold. Someone has just an industrial warehouse full of Dorito tacos. Wait, why did they discontinue it? I don't know. Because they got some sort of self-respect? I guess because the rare Dorito birds in South America are becoming endangered. I have no idea. Sorry, I brain farted for a second.

Did you say they're banned or they just discontinued? They're banned by the government, actually. Okay. You almost fell in. He's seizing. I've seen you eat a lot of these. What would that mean? Yeah, I agree.

No, we're just making small talk. But you love those, Keith. Oh. Those are like your favorite. Those are your favorites. I'm just making sure you're all right. I mean, I'm going to take it one day at a time. I know.

The Chick-fil-A thing, the Doritos. It's like, what is like... I don't like it because it's like these promotional items are always better than the actual fucking menu. Like Jack in the Box did this shit to me all the time in the 2000s right we brought it up discontinue it yeah they'd make a great chicken sandwich and then they'd fucking take it away no it's it's genius because it's a they may they'd spend more money on a better product that gets more people in there because it tastes good and then it's you're more likely to habitually go there for the shit that costs nothing for them to make well it, it ain't working on me, Jack in the Box.

Bring back the chicken ciabatta sandwich. You're not getting my business until you do. This is the same economics of, like, cocaine and crack. Yeah. It is addictive, though. It's poor people food. Right. No offense.

You give them the good stuff, and then you get the fentanyl-laced shit after that. It's poor people food. I love you lobbing that one down from your ivory tower. And where do you eat, Karen? At Paramount Network. I eat on television. Yes, I scoop. And I throw up in baths.

Have you ever had the craft services on deep cable? It's great. Do you know what a Nutri-Grain bar is? Yeah, you're not shoveling pasta out of a trough like I am, you fucking swine. I'll have you know I'm the queen of Channel 300 and something. Yeah. You can't find us of channel 300 and something. Yeah. You can't find us and we don't care.

Yeah. I know you're in the bad neighborhood of cable. Like if cable had like was a physical location you would be you'd be working at our house.

We're hanging out in a bunker with crackle. Good luck. People avoid it at night. I know HGN's standing outside the gas station asking you for a cigarette. You probably see Keith Olbermann out of every once in a while.

You know, it's like you're way down there. Thanks. Yeah, you can see the foreclosed building. Are you shitting? You're not going to talk shit to me, asshole. Put him through a fucking wall. I know, yeah, there's a building that used to be a CISO and now it's a Vaughn's. Oh, he can do the job.

I can't do it. I was trying to help. No, I was giving her shit, not you. Okay, well, that was a great Mexican joke off. I think we'll be right back right after this, everybody. You think? Antonio. Okay, so we look when we do the ads.

Sorry to break the fourth wall. We read ad copy. Yeah, Himalaya actually sends me all the Mr. Ear stuff. Himalaya writes those out verbatim. Yeah, we're not talking about himalaya and i don't think we should on another no we shouldn't we shouldn't here's the point of being the first line is it's a new season antonio brown is on the raiders and here's the thing this is how unpredictable sports are he's not anymore he's on the patriots now yeah and my friends that i play fantasy football with predicted

a couple weeks ago that antonio brown would end up on the patriots and that's the kind of side bets you can make on my bookie it's crazy he would have made so much money if he put down that bet that's the thing fucking football is bananas now yeah it's crazy pants wild west shit happening out there and there's money to be made and if you want to make that money my bookie is the place to bet on football every weekend I mean they've got better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period you said that's what a side bet

is a prop bet yeah prop bet okay I forgot that my character was the guy who knows we had to give the the person who knows less about football to the guy who knows how to read out loud. That's really what it is. We showed the word sports to Connor and he turned into a bunch of bats.

Yeah. And then I tried to get you to read a paragraph and blood came out of your holes. Yeah. So this is how it's going down. But this year they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest. Whoa. And the S and the C in super contests are both capitalized, so you know it's a good contest. Yeah, that's...

That's not cheap to capitalize both letters, dude. That's both very super and very contest. No, but it really is. The first place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000. It only costs $100,000. That's a pretty great deal. Yeah, that's a fucking great deal. And all you got to do is you pick five NFL games against the spread every week.

You climb the leaderboard, and you score your share of the huge cash prize pool. Okay. That's honestly, dude, I wish I would have known about this earlier. I would have actually. I want to play fantasy football. Yeah? Yeah. I think it's.

I don't know. I kind of like football now. I'm, like, becoming a jock just based on video games. We should go in together under my bookie. I don't know. I kind of like football now. I'm becoming a jock just based on video games. We should go in together on a MyBookie. With your money and my knowledge, we can make some money. This could be WeBookie. Yeah. That's what our team is called.

Yeah, WeBookie. WeBookie. But the website is called MyBookie. We're offering a lot of confusing terms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. MyBookie is where WeBookie is. And look, if you boogie with MyBookie, all you got to do is boogie on over there, and they'll match up to your $1,000 first deposit bonus.

They will double that shit. You just use promo code MEANBOYS to activate that offer. So you visit my bookie online today. That's M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E. And don't forget to use promo code MEANBOYS when creating your account to claim the bonus. My bookie. Bet. Win.

Get paid. Not named after a mountain. Oh, and the Mean Boys podcast is back, and it's time to answer your questions, listen to your voicemails, all that and more in the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead.

Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? It's the motherfucking Mean Boys mailbag. Oh, my God. The mailbag, of course, overflowing for the return of Karen Feehan. Overflowing? America's sweetheart. I think we'll start here. I got a DM from somebody who wished to ask this question anonymously.

Oh no. Go good. I would like to ask Karen. I haven't been tested. For autism or? Take a guess. Yeah, for general pussy issues. Literacy? I would like to ask Karen bad bitch tips on how to be without a man,

especially one that gives you good dick. Too afraid to ask publicly, though. How to be without a man? This lady wants to know how to be a bad bitch without a man. Oh. I think she finds you confident. You should just tell her it's impossible. They're the source of our powers.

I'm just like, go to the gym. Yeah. Fucking wear makeup. Take pictures of your ass at Equinox. It's just like, have confidence. Be charming and cool. Hey, be cool. And witty.

I don't know. I'm not really that like... I get it. I'm faking it. I'm not really that bad of a bitch. I think we're all kind of faking it. Yeah, yeah. That's a profound-ass shit that Carrie just said. Yeah, we're all kind of like just faking it. I don't know. I mean, I just feel like you have like a

cock-withering glance. Like you can really make men feel impotent. You've got that confidence, which I love when women, when you can just, you know, you ever see a woman say something like,

get a guy good, and you just see like, his dick is just not going to work for like a week. Like, I feel like you've got that quality, which I feel is very good.

But it backfires sometimes. You guys know the bagel boss guy? Yeah. He kicked me in the shin. What? What? Pretty hard.

Don't you mean he punched you in the shin? I stepped on him like a little mini pitchfork. He just flung himself into my shin. He kicked. He had his arms folded and kicked me. I forget what I said to him or something. I don't know.

I asked him if he represented like the lollipop. Lollipop killer. I don't know. Something mean. And then he kicked me right in the shin. Jesus. So, yeah. Sometimes it took.

Did you hit him back? No. I just was like. I just ruined a podcast. No! I think that's fair. If you're like, hey, I got hit by a dude. Arrest this midget.

He's kicking me. Yeah, put him in time out. Yeah. So no, yeah, but I mean, yeah, it's sort of like being like mean, I guess, is only kind of cool if it's funny. If you're just being mean sometimes which i am sometimes honestly i am yeah i mean yesterday shit was coming out of my mouth that was so fucking rude like there were there were seat fillers in our seat when we like and i just had to stand for two hours in these shoes that i couldn't afford also but um so i'm standing

there in those seat fillers and'm like, I was just fucking working for two hours. I want to sit down. I was like, oh my god, I would hate you. And this poor guy was like, I don't know, man. For sure. But he was eating the food out of my Alec Baldwin box. Oh, motherfucker. And I was like, this fucking slob. What does he mean?

I said it's the two extra seats. I'm like, that's another mini bottle of water and some chocolate balls for Connor. Lucky Connor. The Alec Baldwin box. I fuck with Kim two extra seats. I'm like, that's another mini bottle of water and some chocolate balls for Connor. Lucky Connor. The Alec Baldwin box. Her name was Kim Basinger. Karma got me good. I lost my fucking wallet.

I have no clue where it is. I got to call like three different fucking douchey places I can't afford to go. That fucking blows. I know. That sucks. I don't know when it's fucking. I took out 300 bucks just earlier that day. And I don't know if Vidal, my Uber driver, would really be that

honest about it if he found it. At least you had $300. That's a good point. Here's a fucking crazy one. At Josh Mang1 says, got any fun jokes I can bounce off the urologist while I get a testicular biopsy? Whoa! Biopsy is when they take a little

sample. A little sample A little sliv Yeah Is he gonna do it on each ball To keep them even You know Or is he gonna have like One side of his hair

You know Yeah I get that That must hurt so much you guys Does it hurt I think it's cracking up In a wonder ball You must have been tested For something Tom

No my balls are fine It's my brain that's broken Oh I gotta hope they put you To sleep for something like that. Oh, yeah. Oh, I would say. My friend had like a little bit of her leg like chopped off when we were in like eighth grade.

Whoa, what happened? She had like signs of like endometriosis really early on, like cysts on her uterus. Okay, it was medical. I thought you just fell on one of those roast beef cutters. She sucked on the seesaw. I'm like, you can't play anymore. You're always getting hurt. Did you stomp? And they hurt They just get the turkey knife

And go alright let's just a little bit of white meat I don't fucking know what they do That hurt my pussy Actually every time you get a pap smear They take a little bit of your skin But if it's from way inside Your cervix or whatever So you're not going to miss it

It hurts But doesn't that shed naturally? What? You're thinking of snakes. No. No, the uterine lining. I know it. I know it.

No, but they're like tenuous. I don't know all the details. No, but it's like not just like the lining. It'd be funny if you would go to the bathroom and be like,

someone left their fucking pussy in the air. God damn. This just became the ultimate podcast because she tried to explain how a woman's body worked and we all talked over it the same time.

Sorry. Welcome back to the Joe Rogan experience. It's too complicated. It would be great if, like, you could, that would be a funny joke, like, you just get, like, leave a snake skin in the toilet and be like, Karen Feehan took a shit in our house. You know what would be really funny? Just hide a map, like a treasure map way up in there.

Something going over the smear, like, I found a clue. Yeah, I mean, I would just say a little, just a treasure map way up in there. So they're going in for the smear. They're like, I found a clue. Yeah. I mean, I would just say a little, just a little off the top, Doc. Yeah, I think that's the move for your balls. Like just some good old Bugs Bunny shit. Yeah. I think for a biopsy, you have to stay away. Like they numb it, but you have to stay away because I think they have to ask.

Like, I think it also depends on what they're looking for and where the biopsy is. But I think they'd be like, do you feel this? Is that? Oh, Jesus. I think they have to see. I think it depends on the thing. I also could be completely speaking out of my ass. Having some tool around your balls just under local anesthesia sounds like a nightmare.

What kind of small talk do you make if you're that doctor? I don't know. I mean, I definitely like. Small talk for a small hole. Cha-cha-cha. I'd play some iPhone games or something. Is he playing Angry Birds trying to ignore your balls being cut open? I mean, you're going to want to be focused on something else.

Like, Jesus. I would just be like, hey, while you're down there, maybe put one more in there. Let's get weird with it. Yeah, show me the ones with dogs. Yeah, I'm looking for a double stuff scenario. Yeah. What else we got? Did Lance Armstrong get like a prosthetic ball when he lost money?

I think so. I don't know if it's biopsy, but I know there's a kind of surgery where they can't put you to sleep because they have to ask you what's going on down there. If any type of nerve thing, probably, yeah. If you have to be awake because if they're fucking around with nerves. Yeah. Right. Other than that, I. If you have to be awake. Because if they're fucking around with nerves. Yeah. Right. Other than that, I think they can just knock you out.

At Jade Nicole says, not really a question. Just saying Karen Feehan is hot as fuck. Thank you. You got that? That's a good listener. Yeah. You should send him some merch. That's a lady.

Which I realize is inconceivable for our show. See? You're welcome, guys. Oh, no. We have lady listeners. They're just terrified to speak. They're like, guys. Oh, no, we have lady listeners. They're just terrified to speak their mind in front of the bed.

Not this one. Ryan Colby says, has Chip ever asked you a question that actually disgusted you or has he done something so awkward you didn't know how to react?

No, me and Chip are really, we get along. He doesn't, like, make me that nervous. Okay. He did at first when I first would go on

because he would be like, all right, Russia, ten minutes, go. He's like, alright, Russia, ten minutes, go! He's like, fucking, oh. But no, I... That's who we want to weigh in on the Mueller report is Chip Chipperson. He's got ideas. I don't know who that is. It's this Jim Norton character.

It's very funny. That's pretty much it on the tweets. Do you want to hit the voicemails? That was overflowing. Look, I whittled through a lot of the tweets. Do you want to hit the voicemails? Yeah, let's hit the voicemails. That was overflowing. Look, I whittled through a lot of the ones you're not going to get. Do you want to talk about who the best James Bond was? Idris Elba. I wonder why. So woke.

Black Rhino. Is that a secret? You think that's buying back your fucking Bahama comments? Shit. I ain't going to unbuild the wall from earlier. All right, let's hear what they have. I forgot I said that. I sell comic books and

prints and stuff at anime conventions and things like that. The artists that I work with live up near Dayton, Ohio. So I called them after I heard about the news about the shooting up there to make sure they were fine. And they were fine. They weren't anywhere near it. Over the course of the conversation they were fine. And they were fine. Weren't anywhere near it. Thank God. But over the course of the conversation, they were like,

have you seen the guy, like pictures of the guy? And I'm like, no, I didn't really look into that. And they're like, yeah, we sold stuff to him. Like we saw him like maybe a year ago at a convention in Columbus. Whoa. We sold him some stuff. He talked about his band a little bit. And I was like, oh, shit, that's right.

So I guess my question is, have you guys ever been incidentally involved with someone who's done some truly dark shit? I don't know. Maybe that'll prompt some conversation. I dated Louis J. Gomez. Oh, man. That's fucking weird.

Here's what I'm going to say to that. All right. He's now dead. Get your stuff back. All right? No one's claiming it. There's free comic books. You obviously like dead stuff.

You know the shooter left his anime to somebody in his manifesto. Those fucking hobgoblin stills can still move. Nobody needs to know. The closest one I can think of is my mom used to hang out with Il Duce, who was the guy who probably killed Kurt Cobain, which is pretty cool. Wait, I thought Kurt Cobain killed himself. Oh, wait. Quotes, quotes, quotes. He was for sure murdered.

Well, Karen. Can we get into it? Do we have time to talk about this conspiracy theory? I don't. It's like one of these. You ever have something like this? There's like four Netflix documentaries with different information. I would watch You Be Mean to Tom for five hours. That's great.

It's my favorite. Because you do it so much better than we do. We're old hat. We need new blood in the being a bitch to Tom world. It's one of these things I've had explained to me. And I'm like, oh, that sounds right. And I can never remember the fucking details. I'll watch of these things I've had explained to me and I'm like, oh, that sounds right. And I can never remember the fucking details. I'll watch the documentary.

Sometimes you can say, we'll send you a link or whatever. You know what I mean? I get it. I get it. I'll catch up. Right. Yeah. I'm stupid. I get it. It's old news. The main argument if you want to hear it. No, no, no. I love Kurt Cobain. The main argument is no one would have the amount of heroin

that was in his system. No one would be able to stand up and shoot their head off with a shotgun with their toe on that much because it was a lot of heroin. Right. And then there's a bunch of other details that point to other people. I mean, I've lifted cars up when I was hammered. You what? Are you serious? No.

It says a lot about you and your overall moxie that I believed that a lot. See, and we call me the dumb one. I've scaled buildings. I've climbed up two flights before, like the outside, like fire escape style. See, now I don't believe you, but this one's probably true. No, but I was in a full-on brown blackout. See, yeah. No, what happened is you got hammered and then climbed on top of a car and thought it was the two-story building.

Karen, we know you are a human-insect hybrid. I've never gotten Spider-insect hybrid. I've never gotten Spider-Man drunk before. I got up, and I remember this lady helping me in. I knocked on her window or something, and she opened the window for me, and I fell into my apartment. I swear to God.

That's fucking wild. And I was way sick, because I forgot my keys. I used to do that all the time. Right. So you thought, why not fucking parkour my way back home? I also jumped up where I live now because I had a little relapse about a year and a half ago

or so and I got hammered and lost my keys again and I climbed on top of a garbage pail thing to get up to my balcony. Don't drink anymore, but if you're gonna just pin your keys to your jacket like a retarded kid's mittens. That's really if you don't drink anymore, but if you're gonna, just pin your keys to your jacket like

a retarded kid's mittens. I can't wait. That's really what you want to do. I can't wait till we fingerprint ourselves and can just open

doors with our hands and stuff. Government, take my thoughts. I don't give a fuck. How do you usually open doors? Your feet?

What's the move? Without the apparatus of a key or a knob or whatever. Like sci-fi status like they can scan your hands. I know.

I was just calling her dumb, you guys. Jeez, I'm aware. See, I don't trust that shit to not glitch with me. You guys have seen how technology just fucking haywires around me. Like your DNA is going to crash the computer. Well, there was the vape thing where you just, I was like, you handed me your vape and it just started flashing a bunch of colors out of nowhere we'd never seen before. No, no, no.

That'll happen with Tom. Shit like that happens all the time to me. And I don't entrust a computer to have. Don't tell him more about me. That's like Tom did the verbal thing of when people share that Instagram like the government can't look at my. I don't let the computers aren't allowed to look at my hands and now I'm going to say that and upload it to a computer

for a living. As if you're the missing link that the government is looking for like that they really want to read your mind. What we've learned is he's a human EMP like if we could put whatever's in Tom's cells into some kind of algae we might be able to do some sort of like biochem electro warfare with our enemies.

I'm Emp. My superhero name, Aaron Feehan, fell asleep during that. I'm resting my eyes. You said like three syllable words, so let's not falter. Learning. Powering down.

Night night. Wake me up when we're yelling at Islanders. She doesn't hate specific Islanders. She only hates specific Islanders. The hockey team. Yeah, the drown during spring training, that one. Yep. All right, guys.

Yeah, we got another voicemail. Yeah, I'll tell you one more. You do? I like the predictive text. People always say, hey, mean boys, and this one just says Amy Morris. Amy Morris. Amy Morris. All right.

Hey, this is San Antonio, and I got two things just real quick. A couple weeks ago, I drove up to Austin to see Tom do his stand-up. Oh, thanks, man. I kind of heard through different podcasts run by L.A. comedians that Tom is, like, secretly amazing at stand-up. Secretly? That was the truth. It was just... There's no secret.

Tom's really good at stand-up. No, I... Yeah, Tom hates when people find out he's good at stand-up. People have come to my shows before and were like, yeah, you were doing jokes and stuff. Because they expected me to just like, I don't know what they expect me to do, lightning round? Like, you're going to come up and just stand up confusion? Yeah, I don't know what they think I'm going to do. You guys see Tom's show?

Yeah, it was great. He pooped his pants and yelled about a falcon. I don't know how, yeah. See, they have the opposite where they find out I'm secretly pretty mediocre at stand-up. No, I would like to mediocre at stand-up. No, I would like to see a one-man show where just, like, Tom has to, like, put together a toaster. I'd just be fixing kitchen appliances. Yes, exactly. Tom builds a desk live at the fucking Bowery Bar.

There's a kiddie pool in the middle for dramatic effect. I'd pay $20 to go see Tom puts together IKEA furniture for an hour and a half. I mean, look at where I sleep. There's a half a curtain half a curtain rod. There's an active safety hazard because I try to have a barrier for my room. Yeah. Alright, anyway. Thanks for coming out.

Sword Sharp stand-up comedy at its best. It was just laser-focused samurai sword sharp stand-up comedy at its best it was just laser focused samurai sword sharp stand-up comedy at its best um so i guess well this guy sounds like a laser shot comedy um the second thing stand-up comedy is like a year ago i heard something in the news that I thought would make for a great Mexican joke-off joke, and then y'all never did it. And I just realized I could call and say it.

Took you a year to figure that out. The courage. So President Trump announced the formation of a new military branch called the Space Force. I know he hates aliens, but this is ridiculous. And that's my Mean Boys submission. I love that guy. Fuck everything, but trust in the Lord. Wow, man.

I love that guy. It took him a year to write that. Write a Space Force joke. He wrote it a year ago. It took him a year to say it. I mean, I can't say too much as a guy who's pitching pizza rat jokes at every fucking job he gets. You are pushing pizza rat like you're his fucking manager. He's coming back, dude.

What is your connection? Why do you always say that? He just loves pizza rat. He just resonates with me, you know? He has one in the kitchen. The strength of character, the hard work. Yeah. He's diligent, you know? I like that the, the hard work. Yeah. He's diligent.

I like that the pizza was way bigger than him. I find that funny. Yeah, it's real Sisyphusian. Damn. Woof. That is a big word. Woof. Woof you.

Got it. Oh, I didn't say woof. Oh, I thought you said woof. No. I'm used to that. Yeah. No, thank you for the kind words, man. I always appreciate it when people let other people know i'm not horrible at stand-up because for whatever reason that is a presumption

i get occasionally what i think part of it is that there is no until your album there's no evidence no i know and that was that was you don't put you don't put videos up which i get why you do that but i have literally tried to book you for shows and they're like there is literally no evidence this man has ever done stand-up comedy. I know, and I've put up a couple videos since then because I've lost – I wish that was the only booking I've lost because of that. But yeah, no, I appreciate – I'm trying to keep it on the DL and then not DL. So we're entering the NDL phase of the DL. I will not have this happen for any longer. so we're entering the NDL phase of the deal

I will not have this happen for any longer I'm on the plane later I'm going to think about that so I can go to sleep speaking of bookings Karen's got to go get into a fight at LAX let's wrap up this show thank you so much for coming by what do you got to plug K-Dog thanks for having me I'm at the stand in New York City

every Monday night and other nights there just check the website and you know listen to me on the Chip Chippers podcast follow me on Instagram at Karen are you a co-host on Chip Chippers podcast no Chip would never have a co-host I think that's really cool you'd

plug someone else's podcast out here well that's it for the show I'll remember not to plug Keith and Connor and not you on this when this comes out. Oh, that was my next question. Do I follow you? No. No. See you guys.