Mean Boys - EP 214 - Pussy Balls (feat. Robin Tran, Keith Ray, & Isaac Hirsch)

Episode Date: October 23, 2019

Come to the last show at the Pacquiao Palace: https://www.facebook.com/events/461098034494265/ Listen to Tom's new podcast Leaving The Tribe: http://soundcloud.com/user-754160303 Get a Mean Boys Ramones shirt: meanboyspodcast.com/merch Download the Himalaya app and follow Mean Boys: itunes.apple.com/us/app/himalaya-…d1275493456?mt=8 Fill out our tour sheet and get on our mailing list: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] Follow our guest Robin: twitter.com/robintran04 Follow our guest Keith: twitter.com/queefray Follow our guest Isaac:twitter.com/IBHirsch Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Guy jumping out the windows, 9-11. Happy 9-11, everybody. Yeah, model. Thank you for tuning in Got a great gangbang Gastaparu Coming down the pipes with Adam Todd No that's the one that's still lost Not him Isaac Hirsch

Isaac Hirsch And Robin Tran Three of our favorite dudes Three of our favorite shades of dudes. I'm going to go the other way and say my three favorite trans people. Yeah, absolutely. Either way, he's trans fat. He's trans civilized.

Yeah, you'll see. Always fun hanging with these guys. We got a lot of stuff on that one. Fuck. Okay, we went right into this. I should have warmed up first. Yeah. That's like trying to fuck

when you're not quite hard yet. You're like, no, I'll get there. No, yeah. I'll get hard inside. Stays ropey. I'll get hard inside the pussy. That's always worked. Yeah.

You're like, I don't know, play with your boob or something. Yeah. All right. So let's address a couple things. Number one, we're working on finding the Adam Todd Brown JMS episode. I know.

Look, guys, I've turned the whole apartment upside down i'm being real meticulous i don't see it it might still be in this apartment it might it it's somewhere yeah there's like three places it could be in true mean boys fashion everything has gone progressively shit here as this death run of episode oh it really has first one. Second one, the equipment was fucked. Third one went missing. This one came out, which you'll hear if that's better or worse. This one's fine, which is probably...

No, this one's pretty crazy. This episode will kill your parents. By that sort of trajectory, somebody is going to get murdered at Halloween. Oh, yeah. Well, that was probably going to happen on the block anyway. Do I know who I want it to be?

No, I'm not going to name Max Beasley. But the important thing is someone will be murdered. We've already gotten a very stern text from our former roommates informing us that there will be no tomfoolery at Halloween. And we're at the disposal of all trash. So, yeah, we're getting that ready. We're getting some chairs. We're getting it all set up. It's going to be a big old party. But, yeah, we're getting that ready. We're getting some chairs. We're getting it all set up. It's going to be a big old party.

But, yeah, the Mean Boys, one last time. And we can confirm some of the guests we know are coming to Halloween. Yeah. Joe K., Robin Tran, Nicole Buchanan, Ramsey Bedawi with some sort of secret plan. And Gareth Reynolds is going to come hang out. Oh, yeah. I'm very excited about. So, fucking let us know if you're coming into town.

Hopefully, by the Saturday, I'll have a couch. I'll be able to put somebody up if we know each other, kind of. I know Shortbus is looking for a couch. Okay, yeah, I could put up Shortbus Murphy. Frankly, I'd be, what kind of a man would I be if I didn't? You'd be me. Yeah, other than that, leaving the tribe Patreon. Yeah.

It's rocking and rolling. Yeah. I've already done some bonus content with some new guests and stuff. Please continue to subscribe to that. It's fun. Yeah, I released an episode of my old podcast, Who Told You That, this week and the week before that. Oh, yeah, I haven't been able to announce that. We did an episode with Keith Ray and Real Rich.

I know a lot of you guys wanted that. So you can go look at that on the page. And now go see why you were wrong. Go hear the event that prompted my girlfriend to text, there's dudes in our house. It's a lot right now. What else? There was another thing. Oh, so there's been some confusion

on the Discord and on the Reddit. I want to be clear about what's happening. This is the last regular with guest studio episode that you're about to hear right now. Then we're going to release Halloween. Then we're going to do one more Just the Boys studio wrap-up episode. So you've got a couple more episodes to look forward to. Yeah, there's a few more. And then the last episode, which, look, if I find that thing in two months, I'll put it out in two months. It's a good episode.

It was really good. I'm fucking bummed. I had a lot of stuff I said I liked on it. God willing, we find it and it'll come out. had a lot of stuff I said I liked on it. God willing, we find it and it'll come out, but we'll put it out the second we find it. But in the meantime,

you got a couple more after this. Don't get too sad yet. Yeah. Other than that, hang out on the Discord and the Reddit if you want. There's still people kicking around. Go be part of the

post-apocalyptic wasteland. Yeah, go grab your tickets for Halloween. It's going to be a blowout. There's no tickets. Just show up. Yeah, no, Greg, you got to have a ticket. All right. Make sure to's going to be a blowout. There's no tickets. Just show up. Yeah, no, you've got to have a ticket. All right. Make sure to get

a ticket of a different event. Yeah, don't give anyone money for Halloween. You can bring any kind of ticket, whatever it is. There we go. Bring your own. B-Y-O-T. You get a parking ticket from a garage in Syracuse from six months ago. We demand some sort of tribute to enter. I love it. Bring some trash

to leave at the house. Make us suffer. Yeah. Enjoy the show, guys. Alright. Hi, and welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Don't cry because it's over. All right. Hi, and welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Don't cry because it's over. Cry because everything else will be over soon, too.

I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Ray. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Robin Tran. I'm Isaac Hirsch. And I'm... That Kevin they needed to talk about. Oh, we need to talk about Kevin? Yeah.

Is that a movie? What is that? It's a movie? What is that? It's a movie about a school shooter. That's a good joke for anybody commenting on the IMDB forums. Real cinephiles will enjoy that gentle burn. We never got around to talking to that Kevin. Yeah, I knew it was on the to-do list. Man, we got some heaters in the building today.

Isaac Kirsch, Robin Tran, Keith Ray. Favorites of the Mean Boys universe. Thanks for having us. There's a lot of pressure, man. Wow. This is what happens when you try to get someone a nice introduction on a Mean Boys show. You guys are too nice and happy now. Give us 45 seconds.

Look, our fans have already given up on us, and we've already given up on you. There's no pressure you Your fans have given up on life What are they going to do with their tattoos now? We had one guy be like How am I going to explain this tattoo to my mom? And I'm like It said fuck everything, God is dead

Us existing wasn't going to help that conversation Yeah, nothing's ever helped by going No, no, no, it's from a podcast What was your explanation for the tattoo going to be? Tom Goss told me to do it. It's just like that Tenacious D song. We'll have to laser off the D tattoo. I feel like people are going to give Tom credit for things

the way the Son of Sam guy gave credit to that dog for telling him to kill people. At some point, you're going to just be a prophet of doom for people. You're going to be canonized in the sainthood of a religion that doesn't exist until ten years from now. Well, I'm going to just start my own spinoff religion, and I'll be all right. You mean a cult? Yeah. That's what spinoff religions are.

Scientology is really just the Jeffersons. I really miss... A spinoff religion. This is our Pope, Frazier. I was talking to Isaac about it before. I really miss the old neighborhood gang, and I really wish they'd take on our new neighborhood gang, which is the Hollywood Scientologist.

Oh, yeah. Because those fuckers are fucking weird. I've almost run over like six hypebeasts. Like six 19-year-olds. Oh, yeah. I was walking home from the parking lot last night, and some ladies were just like, this spunky black lady just grabbed my dick and went, you want me to grab your dick?

And I was like, what? Yeah. Funky or spunky? Spunky. Whatever word applies the most. she was spunky when he was done with it.

And then the taco dude was just looking at me like, fucking crazy. I hope the taco dude actually was selling tacos and that's not just what you call Mexican. There's a black guy

selling tacos. I have a lot of mexican friends that'll like go out and people assume they speak spanish and they don't tom has that with homeless people where they just yeah they assume that you're on the same wavelength i bonded with no one who lives in this area i've bonded with plenty of people who work in this area because i like we we make eye contact like yeah what the fuck is happening you're always with the graveyard shift security guy here. Yeah, Elvis.

He has to deal with you walking in and out of the building 20 times at 3 in the morning. Yeah, no, me and Elvis, we've been kicking back and shit. He's from Nigeria, so he's my new Opie, I guess. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Oh, my God. His name is Elvis. It's not how people work.

That's a Nigerian move to be named Elvis. Yeah, Elvis just got to Nigeria. Oh, also, we were talking about this outside. I said I was about to start up a story, and then Keith rattled off, I don't know, nine different other beginnings of stories that was not what I was trying. One of them was when you shit yourself in a bar.

Is that one of the tangents you thought? No, I shit myself on the way home from the bar at 8 a.m. Get it right, Tom. Don't fucking twist the man's words. The story that I don't think you've told on this podcast that I think you need to tell is when you started doing, I think it was chloroform in the basement,

and you decided... What kind of game of clue is this? It was chloroform in the basement with the third hook. It was in a barn. Definitely no professor. It was in a barn. Maybe it wasn't chloroform in the basement with the third hook. It was in a barn. Definitely no professors. It was in a barn. Maybe it wasn't chloroform, but you and whoever you were, I think it might have been Austin,

decided you were going to black out the windows. Uh-huh. Black out the windows. You don't even remember this. No, that was in college. Yeah, no, but it's... We spray painted our windows black. Right, but tell them the part that you guys didn't think through when you were spray painting the windows. Oh, that it wouldn't come off?

No, that you spray painted the inside of the windows, so then you guys just fucking got high. It stunk like fucking spray paint. Oh, you told me that you guys all passed out spray painting the windows because there was no ventilation in the room. No, I don't remember. No, we passed out. Why are you denying things that actually happened? You're telling a story of massive paint inhalation and wondering why

he doesn't remember the details. Why doesn't he remember? Because it worked. Okay, because you're confused at two different stories. I promise the stories are not that different there was one winter i went home because a friend of mine's dad died yeah you know it's a redneck story when it involves a season he died of oxycontin overdose and sorry buddy it's all

right like it's better than living in indiana uh that's the thing like they talk about this fucking opioid crisis and stuff and it's like if that was my life i'd want to take a forever nap too hey you know so wow it's like who is this slick new keith ray broadcaster who's uh slipping in plugs well it's true man i mean if all your life is is going to a different fast food restaurant every day and going to the factory so you can make enough money. When you say different, there are 12 options in town.

Yeah, you got a nice rotation of fast food chains. Then you go to the factory so you can pull home just enough to support those window lickers you call kids. It's like fucking... I know this country song. It's not a happy life. You want to fucking pop some pills?

I get that. But anyway, I went home because he was real sad about his dad passing. So you say the cause of his Vicodin problem was Wendy's. When it really comes down. Great tangent. Yeah, I kind of lost my place there for a second.

It was the huffing, the spray paint. How do you divert from this story to a sad harmonica solo? I spray painted my windows in one of my several dorm rooms that I had freshman year of college because I had an all hands party because

chlamydia was going around really bad at my university. What is an all hands party? It's just hand jobs. Ball State University was the number one party school in the country the year I went to my freshman year of college.

It was the number one hand school. Have you ever finished the story from beginning to end? Well, I'm getting to. So people were fucking like crazy. You see, Robin, stories are like articles in his culture. Yeah, I'm going to do some citations at the end. So everyone's fucking. Yeah, and so chlamydia started going around real bad,

but you can't get chlamydia with your hands. So we just had a part where there was a lot of molly. I mean, it's true, but it doesn't sound true. What is the male to female ratio at this party? I think it was four to three. Okay, that's better than i thought no girls to guys though oh yeah okay i really thought you just had a gay circle jerk and you were just doing a long way no no and then uh but then there's a it's a completely different year

like probably three years later i was going through like a depression and my buddy was real sad about his dad passing away. So I thought, you know, we'll, we'll, uh, I'll go home and live with him and help him get a job. Cause I'm really good at getting jobs. Uh, not good at keeping them. Cause like, you know, I got fired this morning. So, uh, I've had like 60 jobs in the last three years at some point you gotta realize

it's your fault getting back to your story you were throwing a hands party for your buddy to cheer him up this is a lot like the last three days where I've been putting together Ikea furniture in the dark but yeah he's confusing the time it was like really it smelled real pain but he's confusing the time we, it was like really, it smelled real painty.

You're confusing the sentence. And with the time that I used to huff chloroform because we found like some hundred year old cough medicine in somebody's basement. Okay, so this was like aged. This was Wyatt Earp's chloroform from a private cellar that you had. Yeah, dude, Pinex. You can look it up. It's got glycerine, chloroform, and alcohol, and opium in it. I think that's what they used to make the Joker.

Yeah, Pinex. It was real dark and thick like somebody left a bottle of Jager in the sun. When you huff it, does she show up and say, That's the power of pinex baby oh man I love that lady from that company I love the pine salt lady too but that kind of doesn't have

much to do for years I thought her and the Campbell's chunky lady were the same lady that's Donovan McNabb's mom yeah they're both the all steak guy is he like a... He's a very famous football player's mom? Yeah.

Campbell's Chunky lady. Yeah, yeah. At least her spiritual successor is going strong in the Popeye's Chicken Lady now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You have no train of thought, like, whatsoever. No, he just... He just... He jumps... There's just past or future. He jumps.

There's just a present moment. I have this OCD with stories, and I'm still trying to remember the first story. You're on your ninth story. The one story's over. What? We threw a party where everybody got jerked off and got finger blasted, and that was the story. Robin, what more could you need from a story?

I'm sorry. A hands party. The other one was about when we got that chloroform. We've been hoarding it and slowly using it for years now. Hang on real quick. Do you guys know in jazz when a jazz soloist goes off and then it feels like all the other band members

just went home because you just kept going? Everyone's taking their phones. Yeah, I'm sorry if this isn't the most interesting. No, this is great. Look, I know you knew the show. It's called Mean Boys. We're going to be mean sometimes.

Yeah, why am I apologizing to you pricks? Ask me over, you know? Anyway, yeah. So, I was trying to, like, my whole idea. Because I figured you have to learn how to do chloroform. You're not just going to be a man to fish. You're not going to be doing the rest of his life. What is there to learn?

I thought it was put in rag, insert rag. You've got to learn to breathe. It's not pure chloroform. It's cough medicine that has chloroform in it. So what you want to do is you want to kind of let that jar hover underneath your nose for, you know, we call it whiffs and dips. So you, like, smell it it and then you take your pinky and you dip your pinky in it. I've done shots of it,

but that's a good way to pass out early at the party. Yeah, drinking opium, chloroform, glycerine, I believe you listed in the ingredients. And alcohol, all mixed into the... Man, cough medicine used to be way better than it is now. That's a great transition.

Cowboy night, Will. Yeah. But then you're going to start to get a tummy ache. You're drinking what Sherlock, what fucking Sigmund Freud was addicted to. Yeah. You know? You're on some kind of Red Dead Redemption style bender.

Once you do three or four whiffs and dips, then you're going to're on like some kind of red dead redemption style bender once you do like three or four whiffs and dips then you're gonna need to like hit a joint because you're gonna start to get a tummy ache so you hit that weed and once you're done coughing from the weed that's when it all goes beer you know like and you're looking for that beer moment like oh of course yeah yeah yeah yeah. When the record slows down. Yeah. That's my favorite

Tony Robbins book, that bureau moment. Speaking of records, Robin, you've gotten up like, what, four times in the last four years

and got three specials? What was your... Yeah. I looked at a microphone last week. Anyway, now I'm on show time Oh you guys making fun of me On this podcast was great

You know like Kate was like You gotta listen to this podcast With Real Rich on it And they make fun of you And I go Oh what do they say And it

You know like Rich says something like If anyone touches A hair on Robin's head And Connor goes And there aren't very many of those And I realized that that was Kate's way of trying to tell me,

hey, you're balding. She uses this podcast to have the hardest conversation we've ever had in seven years. It's all Connor's fault. It was an hour and a half argument. It was the most disrespectful way I could break the news.

Just cast off as an aside like we all know. Like, Lord knows there's nothing there. Man. That was the most difficult. So that was a more difficult conversation than becoming trans. Yeah. I'm balding. I was in denial of it.

But Connor and all the laughter was correct. You don't have to have a dick. So, you know, Robin, does comedy hurt people? Does it go too far? Is that what you're trying to say? No, it's good. No, I'm going to have a dick. You've got to have hair. So, you know, Robin, this comedy hurt people. Does it go too far? Is that what you're trying to say? No, it's good. No, I'm going to get a wig. She's just saying, like, look, I know you're coming out at all,

but your dick seems to be thinning out less than your head is. So you can reverse that. There's still a whole penis and less hair. We've got to do something. Grab a ball and kind of just swoop it over the top Yeah, just to dome over You gotta duct tape it to the dick like you're splinting a finger Yeah, exactly

You get a popsicle stick, you let it ride My friend knows somebody got that shit botched What? They went down to Mexico to get their Taken care of You can say dick Yeah, I guess I don't know what to Mexico to get their taken care of. You can say dick. I don't know why, boys.

We gotta let him tell us. Only if he uses Eagle Scout code for the rest of it. He got his cock inverted, but they left the balls, so now he's got like a pussy. He's got a pussy with nuts, dude. That's the funniest thing ever That's amazing

They call it the best of both worlds Oh yeah, I got a shallow pussy And a weird nuts head Hello fellas You ever go to your friend's house And they got like half the kitchen floor done Because they're doing another kind of pile In the corner with the breakfast table

And it's like, ah yeah it's like after like six months it looks like shit she's pissing all over her balls every day the amount of piss on those balls is nuts you gotta was there a conversation with the doctor like can you take a little more off the top

well supposedly she can get it finished for like more money or something like that. Oh, man. But that's an awkward place to stop. Yeah, that's how they get you. They would upsell you like that. It's like your trial membership to being a chick is expired.

They used one of those cheap collectible card techniques to have you get rid of all of your genitals. Yeah. I stumbled a lot over that fucking goddamn sentence. It's like if you mowed somebody's backyard and then said, I'll mow the front for twice as much. You know what I mean? It's like McDonald's Monopoly where you can find some of the pieces for like,

it's really easy, and then like Park Place you can never find. That's the balls. It's like the two ball Monty. You know what it's like? It's like someone turned your dick into a pussy and then left your balls. That's what I was going to say.

Let's not forget about that. There's a pussy with balls. God's most horrifying creation. There's so many genders. None of them are like, I prefer out of all 48 or whatever, Robin, there's none of them that's like, yeah, give me a pussy but keep the balls.

No one is choosing that. Oh man. speaking of how there's like 48 and stuff i've been i've got a new hobby where i talk uh where i kill all 48 i talk uh i talk young boys out of being pan i'm like just be bisexual like Like, God intended, you know? I know, right? Isn't it? So isn't there no point in calling yourself a pansexual other than to try and sound more interesting than you actually are? God. It's like, Isaac, how's the house been?

That's great. Keith sounds like an uncle will sound in 20 years. Like, these are going to be Thanksgiving dinner conversations. I love the goalposts for progress in movement. You want to fuck dudes and chicks, that's fine, but quit fucking zimbs. years. These are going to be Thanksgiving dinner conversations. You want to fuck dudes and chicks, that's fine, but quit fucking Zims. There ain't no such thing as a Zim. He's an invader, and he's

pretty good. It's cool to play dress-up. It doesn't have to be on your driver's license. You know what I mean? I'm just glad. Your story began with, I talk young boys, and I'm just glad that's where it went. That's a good point.

I was having a young boy hand party. Down in the third shower at the YMCA. Bill Cosby would tutor the young Asian models or whatever on how to act. Keith Ray's got a jug band in his office. And he's like, no, you need to be lightning fast across that washboard if we're making it to Nashville. He's the road manager for the country bear jamboree. Yeah, if that was the runaways where he was raping them and keeping their record contract money. It's like, Keith is that, but for the animatronic bears trucker pep pills and the one that plays the stand-up oh yeah no does

for joan jett's wired out fucking grizzlies fuck yeah well all all three of us i do i do want to hear all three of us moved out of the house isaac you still live in the house oh yeah my mom just asked me for an update from you. Yeah, people want to know, what is the house the Mean Boys have vacated? The house is much cleaner. Yeah, the house is already much cleaner. Connor's room has been painted lavender. You guys left behind just a staggering amount of trash.

And maybe, to be entirely fair to you, it could have been people generations before you have left this trash behind but we're trying to actually clean everything up finally and it's just sort of like there's like a mythological amount of trash by the door to the basement it's like you can't even you can't even open it all the way

oh yeah I'm coming down this week and I'm going to get all that shit squared away there's the shit that you own but then there's the shit that nobody owns it's just garbage that's like behind that door and that's it i'll help figure it out oh yeah there's a lot of stuff uh there's a funny that it's already cleaner it is much cleaner it's safe to assume that all the gallon water jugs are toms oh yeah those those are full of piss are mine. He stayed at my place in Texas for, what was it, three days? And there were like four gallon jugs of water.

Speaking of which, hang on a second. Tom is just always prepared for an apocalypse to break out wherever he is. Yeah, Tom always looks like he crossed the border from Mexico three hours ago. His complexion's dark. He's wearing breathable clothing and he's towing around jugs of water. This is the fanciest jug I've ever seen you have.

It's like if Fiji made jugs. It has twice the electrolytes. It fuels your performance and also they hurt soldiers or something. It looks like detergent. It has twice the electrolytes and fuels your performance and also they like hurt soldiers or something. It looks like detergent. You know, it looks like you have a big bottle of Tide. Oh, the Wounded Warriors? Oh yeah. Official partner of the Wounded Warriors.

Hurt soldiers? Is that what you call it? Every jug you buy, just kick a fucking 10% of the money goes to the Ouchie Brigade. If you buy three jugs at once, we'll go find a shot one and just put our finger in the bullet hole. So Spenny's in my room. Yeah. I'm in Spenny's former room.

And I'm so glad to be out of the living room because I love living in that living room or entryway. I don't know what you call it. But the one enduring memory I'll always have is that one night I went to sleep. I got home late, and everyone communes in that room, and they hang out, and they play my PS4 or whatever, and I went to sleep,

and I laid down in bed, and I just went, ouch, and I laid on an empty bottle of Jack Daniels that someone had just left. They put it under the blankets. They had tucked it in. Keith, what were you doing there keith ray you don't understand from my perspective to see you with a jug that nice because the

jack daniels made me remember when you were living in oliver hardy's hat closet and you lived on a shelf a plywood shelf and all that was up there was the dirtiest like rape mattress i've ever seen it's a twin it's still at still at the Pac-Pal. I got to take care of it. And then a fucking bottle of Jack and a sword. And I was like... There was also a big jug of mixed nuts and the lid was missing. Which my landlord gave to me

because he felt bad because he was sleeping in my bed one night when I came home. So he gave you a bunch of open-air pistachios. All the things that he would... Okay, so after Tom came home and saw that brad was asleep in his bed and was like fuck this place i'm moving out brad was like well you guys gotta talk to tom uh brad's our landlord he was like you gotta talk to tom uh and try and get him to stay he's a good

guy and i'm sorry and he just kept bringing like more and more gifts back for Tom and leaving them in Tom's space. And me and Hassan would just take those gifts. We were eating cashews all the time. Tom was never around. He gave Tom a bunch of weed. We were like, we're going to smoke all this weed. I remember giving you guys the weed because I didn't smoke weed at that point. Yeah. I remember giving you guys the weed because I didn't smoke weed at that point. Yeah, but he just kept bringing little penances for his malfeasance, and then we just took it.

It was great. Yeah, well, I think I gave you most of it. I'm sure you guys also jacked some of it. Well, it kept going even after the last time you were there. Even after I moved out, he still kept leaving me guests? Yeah, I mean, as far as I remember, he just kept kind of leaving shit up there for you and

whenever he's coming back or whatever. Yeah. That dude's fucking weird. Yeah. Should we tell some fucking jokes? I was about to say the same thing. All right, Mexican Joke. Mexican Joke! Hi, so topical. some fucking jokes? I was about to say the same thing. All right. Mexican joke. Mexican joke. Ay, so topical.

Solid. Yep. I'll take it away. A soccer team in Mexico banned a fan for life after he groped a woman in the stands. They said there is no room

in sports for sexual assault unless you're really good at sports. Then we'll make some room. I don't have anything. Okay. You want to read some of mine? Yeah, read this joke about Lizzo.

All right, we'll just do three. The Lizzo one? Yeah, yeah. Which one's that one? It's the one that starts with, has Lizzo's name in it, you fucking idiot. Okay, let's see.

It's Lizzo, you leso. Yeah, okay. This is Connor's joke. Okay, I don't like black Oh wait hold on That's not a joke That's a statement Was it licorice?

Lizzo has been accused of plagiarism Over her song Truth Hurts Even worse Tracy Morgan said She copied off His diabetes test That's the funniest joke I ever wrote Yeah it was a good joke Rob and said she copied off his diabetes test.

That's the funniest joke I ever wrote. Yeah, it was a good joke, Robin. Afton Williamson, star of ABC's The Rookie, has quit the show after alleging sexual harassment. I, for one, promised to support her by continuing to not watch The Rookie. No. Damn, wow, Isaac really just reading the NBA stats during the show.

I look over and I'm like, Anthony Davis, PPG, okay, looking good. Alright, gang. Shaq donated a wheelchair-accessible house to a child that was paralyzed during a shooting. Shaq said he really could relate to the kid because he got paralyzed every time he tried to shoot a three-throw.

It's a sports joke about Shaq. Thieves. I gave all my good stuff to fucking... He's been retired for years now. Yeah, that was the upsetting part of the joke. Old pussy balls over here. Giving you all the heat. Thieves. People who steal. Burglars stole

22,000 apples from a Michigan orchard. Apparently they won't see a doctor for a long time. Oh my God. Fuck you. Yeah, that's a good amount of... It sounded like you were reading a spelling bee. Thieves.

People who steal. Coming from origin. Fucking dumb shit topia. Adverb. Adjective. Tom sitting at a table in front of 365 apples. Just getting the head start on my big checkup next year. On a recent flight, model and singer Aubrey O'Day was asked to remove her designer fuck t-shirt.

Which goes to show you these fashionistas have the depth of a koi pond and people still really like titties. Should have ride the flight shirtless. I don't know. Not good. I mean, it sounded wise. It sounded like it was soaked in backwoods wisdom.

You pivoted into a voice I can only call Swamp Yoda. A man walked 351 miles to hook up with a teenage girl before being arrested. It took so long to walk there. By the time he got there, she was already legal. Yeah, no, read this Jeffrey Epstein joke. Took so long to walk there, by the time he got there, she was already legal. You want to read another one? No, you guys go. Yeah, no, read this Jeffrey Epstein joke at the bottom there. Okay.

Jeffrey Epstein's $55 million house will be on the market soon. It's going to cost more like $60 million by the time you get done having it ghost busted. The price of ghost busting is insane. Dan Eckhart shooting a laser at the ghost of ghost busting is insane is that is that is that the children he fucked who came in death is that what ghost bust you wouldn't believe how many fucking ghosts are in there dude there's fucking ironically busted made them feel bad henry the eighth was probably getting his ghost dick sucked in there i actually didn't write any jokes for this. I tried to use rejects from the last time I was on the show, and there's a reason that one didn't make the cut last time.

Fair enough. All right. Well, fucking Jesus. I didn't have that many good ones to begin with. Okay. Well, I'll find some for Isaac. In the meantime, Scarlett Johansson said that Colin Joe's proposed her in a very James Bond way, by which she meant she thought it was fine, but she was really

hilling that for Idris Elba. She wants to fuck a black guy. Oh, hey. She needs the money. She needs a chocolate sausage. Sausage. I guess.

Whatever. So a KFC employee, someone who worked at a Kentucky Fried Chicken, sometimes attached to a Taco Bell. Not this one, but you know, KFC. She stole a customer's credit card to buy roller skates. And upon hearing this, Keith Carey shed one tear and whispered, I have a sister.

Why did you look at me the entire time? You're a cross for me. Because you're beautiful, Robin. Why can't you accept that about yourself? Why do you have to hate yourself? Why can't you let us love you? I'm sorry. Hey, dumb whore.

Yeah, you fucking... You think we call you old pussy balls because we don't like you? Is that what you think it is? Old PB? Barely a hair. There's barely a hair on that head also. Yeah, you never wear that bowling shirt

I got embroidered for you. It says it right across the breast. Beautiful. says it right across the breast beautiful uh kamala harris was recently quoted as saying uh donald trump jr wouldn't know a joke if he was raised by one to which he replied had i grown up black in your district i wouldn't have had to worry about that. Ooh, good social commentary. That was deep, man. You said that in such a sinister way. This is Keith Ray writes for Totally Biased. W, come out, though.

I could have gone a different way. I'm working on my Samantha. You had the tone was, I'm about to murder all the Jedi. I was second-guessing whether or not that made DT Jr. fucking sound good. And I was like, oh, I don't want to do that. He's a fucking numbnuts criminal. Martin Scorsese said that Marvel movies are, quote, invading theaters. Usually when an Italian guy that old uses the word invading, he's talking about the new Puerto Rican neighbors. Alright, Robin, read the first one.

An Alabama man was hit by an ATV driven by his own dog. Typical women dog drivers. You should get on the road! Alright, I have one more bad one. I'll give the good one to Isaac. You can give the bad one? No, no. Yeah, well, you got a good one.

Isaac, read the Hugh Grant joke. That's a good one. Hugh Grant said in an interview that movies and theaters are way too loud now. He used to have sex with black hookers, so he knows a thing or two about loudness. I don't think he's understanding all the risks. Hear Isaac say this without reading it. Sure. or two about loudness. Hear Isaac say this without reading it. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know why you'd think such things, Isaac. I'm genuinely jealous of how well you guys can, like, sight-read jokes. You mean you're jealous that we can read? I'm not that good

at reading out loud. You can read without your fucking vocal cords Falling down a flight of stairs Every time I read I feel like I look like a blind dude Trying to navigate down a hallway Alright so here's my leftover joke Over 6,000 pounds of pork products

Were recalled in Tennessee Road trip Keith Carey died at that pork factory. He never became the mayor of Porkville. Connor McSpadden became the new owner and renamed it Keith Pork Products. He laughed about it every morning. An old Tom Goss swept the floors with pussy balls.

Using his fucking boss as a swimmer. Yeah, I was thinking about adding some music And doing a whole epilogue to that joke But I kind of improvised it Because you get lazy bums Took my jokes So a Texas police officer An officer of the law

Who lives in Texas Keeper of the peace in Texas He went on to do a welfare check On a lady And shot her And according to him She will no longer be needing welfare Picked her up by the bootstraps

Of the coffin Found a solution Technically over What do pallbearers in the south do for fun, Keith? What? Karaoke Oh my god Hey Not a spooky joke for kids You know who told me that joke? All bears in the south do for fun, Keith. What? Karaoke. Oh, my God. Hey, that's a spooky joke for kids.

You know who told me that joke? A racist detective. That's a redundant thing to say. Yeah, yeah. I knew it from back in my hometown. Racist detective. Heckerwood Holmes. Yeah, yeah.

How do you know a girl? No, I'm not going to do that. Oh, Jesus. My last joke. As soon as I heard a gender, I was like, uh-oh. My last joke's out of Texas, too. Galveston, Texas has recently been enduring a rash of vape lung, which was a surprise to me because who knew you could vape meth?

Good old Galveston, Texas. I said this on the Patriot episode. I had you and Real Rich on for a Patriot episode. But we spent so much time when I was touring through Texas and I stayed at your place for a couple days. We spent so much time chasing what you thought was your girlfriend. What do you mean? She was my girlfriend.

No, no, no. But every time we chased, it was just a Mexican on a bicycle. Not a woman. It was always a man. Oh, yeah. Well, no, because. But every time we'd chase, it was just a Mexican on a bicycle. Not a woman. It was always a man. Oh, yeah. Well, no, because that's the thing. So when your girl is the kind of girl that'll just take off on a bicycle and be gone for a week or so at a time, and you've got to drive around and look for her. I've done this exact same thing with my mother.

Yeah. I meant to be on the lookout for a child's bicycle she stole from a hawaiian kid in our neighborhood oh man the stolen bicycles yeah that's a whole economy that tweakers have oh yeah trade your bike get a little bag then later you know you steal another bike while you're all high on this new bag and then oh man now now you have something stashed away that you can later trade for another bag or a bag of smokes. It's all $5 exchanging. I've been putting some money away.

I've got five, six bikes in the backyard. That's like buying a bond for a tweaker. It's more like a CD, a solid investment. investment i uh i was gonna start a new because you guys remember when i used to just take different pictures of the saints people had in their front yards and put them like a little story about fryer tuck on my instagram no claiming that all the anyway we talked about it once or whatever but anyway uh i was gonna do this the stolen bicycles of galveston just pictures of all the stolen bicycles at this tweaker pad where my chick used to live. And then I realized they might come to me thinking I stole the bikes.

No one's ever looked more like a bike thief, dude. Yeah. It's unfortunate. I walked away from that relationship like I do most. What's the word? Are you okay? Most of the time, things get really difficult.

I just up and move across the country. This got really depressing. Whenever you talk, it feels like you're leaving a voicemail for God. It was a busy six months I was gone from la man in that time i fell in love i had to mean i had to maintain a side chick because my fucking girl was in and out of jail all the time uh we uh miscarried a child wow you know i ended up in a situation where I had a pussy and balls. Inopportune, to say the least. I'm pro-choice and everything,

but sometimes miscarriage is murder. You know what I'm saying? What did she do? Try and do a cartwheel and miss? No, she fucking... I mean, she snorted crystal until my baby died. And that's some bullshit. I was really psyched about having that baby.

We'd already named it. If it was a boy, it was going to be John Ray, because that's what we name all the boys in my family. Okay. And if it was a girl, we were going to name her Firecracker. So we could just call her Cracker for short. Be like, get Mom and Dad a beer out the fridge, Cracker. You know, we were really excited about that. Oh, that's so adorable.

Yeah. Anyway, my question for you guys is uh which pokemon do you guys think you're most like this is the bandana from indiana you guys have a good one what's the one whirlpool dude that's a cool one polywhirl there we go dude we're fucking we're we're lame bro a bull now that's a watching machine I went to go give Isaac a friendly tap on the arm And I was like be careful

Don't shatter his shoulder Don't bruise my fucking spring roll Don't dislocate Isaac telling him good job Isaac's lucky Cause he's like that I thought we were gonna go to break but we got another 20 Let's go Oh were we gonna take a smoke break Trust me I will not be Well, Isaac's lucky because he's like that. Oh, I thought we were going to go to break, but we got another 20. Let's go.

Oh, we're going to take a smoke break? Oh, yeah. Trust me, I will not be. By the way, you didn't know which gender that miscarried baby was going to be. Don't be offensive. Could have been transgender. I'm kidding. I'm sorry.

You know, you are right. Robin, Robin, here's the thing. She was smoking. Keith, everybody, she was smoking meth while she was pregnant. That baby was definitely coming out trans. I was going to name my child a name based on its gender. I was going to do that. But I will say this. If later in its life it did come to me and tell me that it wanted to change its gender and thus change its name.

I would let it be M-80. As long as it changed its name to the other name that we had picked. Or else you're out of here. I mean, really, it can go by whatever it wants now that it's living on the street. Keith Ray

presents Marie. It has all the freedom it wants out there you know it's free though yeah yeah i was looking forward to being a dad are you fucking kidding me i'm fucking perfect dad material you didn't tell me about the meth carriage i'm sorry that was my son, dude Hey, maybe not Fucking asshole The meth carries You got a new car?

Again, no transgender The child identifies As medical waste Yeah Holy fuck Well, I think I've laughed about it Since it happened

Do you have a Toilet flush sound effect? Guys The B-Boys podcast Will be back after this break have a toilet flush sound effect? Guys, the Mean Boys podcast will be back after this break. The Mean Boys podcast is coming to an end. But it's not the end of the road for Connor McSpadden, Keith Carey, and Tom Goss.

These three titans of mediocre internet radio are all hard at work on spinoff projects to wean you off of the mean teat. Tom Goss' new podcast, Leaving the Tribe, is already a hit amongst Mean Boys fans, except for the ones who found the show via the Real Ass podcast who think that Tom is, quote, a gay retard. Let's listen in to a special episode of Leaving the Tribe featuring a familiar guest. Tom Goss here. For this episode, I decided to do something pretty special i decided

to interview me from uh five years ago and uh tom how you doing oh i'm good i've been i've been got these new shoes they're like pillows for my toes and i feel nice and kind of just wiggle them around like a little baby in a blanket okay um so what was uh what was your your childhood like lots of bats baseball bats batman bats the the bird and then there's a lot of just kind of looking around some one time at a fair and i was like i wish i could fly like that little rat thing and my parents were like hey we're not gonna be here forever we're going back to the house like the road can be my house okay um what yeah that's most people's reactions but that doesn't mean you can't do nothing with the thoughts that you have out of my mouth into your head

cool that's good fan service. But what about Keith? Without Mean Boys, where will he go to laugh at his own jokes like that fat dog from Wacky Races? Let's find out. Welcome back to NPR's Views from the Back Row, a weekly deep dive into the world of contemporary cinema. Here's your host, Jimbo Kimble.

Hey everybody, I'm Jimbo Kimble. Welcome to the show where we watch movies. Me and Jimbo, Jimbo. Lights, cameras, shut the fuck up! I don't see Joker, move back clown. He don't like Batman. He not gonna do it in society, so he gonna go bang, bang at the TV show. But I got guests.

Hey everybody. From the Nashville stylestyle movie critic, Alligator Dave. Alligator Dave ain't got no, never mind the old new bit, clown movie. That word of man gonna come to the movie with his gun. He gonna go rat-a-tat-a-too-ee on your blood all in the popcorn.

Alligator Dave don't believe in no guns. You want to kill a man in the movie, you do it all nature-like with your bare hands. Get on behind him and look out! You gonna get choked out like a gator on the dango bio that was views from the back row up next wait wait don't smell me with tammy gash followed by this american knife with tyler dawson references and last but certainly not least let's take a look at the newest creative endeavor from connor mcspadden oh uh yeah i didn't do it you sure didn't until next time this is keith stock

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That's a good new show. Download and share blueprints with your friends. A 3D print of crime with Himalaya. Oh, joyous day. New features like tip jars, subscriptions, locking the doors of the library, and more. You get funky with bike locks. We're going to go ahead and... Oh, I just realized that was an inside reference

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Be able to comment on podcasts. Be able to like podcasts. Be able to tip podcasts. Pretty much anything you do with a podcast, you can do it on Himalaya. Every time I get sad about Mean Boys ending, I remember the amount of times I'll have to deal with this is now limited. Mean Boys will never die. I'm going to start the new Mean Ears podcast over on Himalaya Podcasting App.

Go ahead and check it out. You done? Never. Quong. And the Mean boys podcast is back after a spirited conversation outside that we cannot talk about on the air

now Keith dropped a good one which was like we had an arrangement he was like while we were together I fucked 50 other chicks in 6 months I was allowed to fuck other people while she was in jail she was just in jail a lot and I was running through wait staffs the whole time yeah i'll fuck two and a half benigans worth of yeah from bus boy to hostess i covered the

whole shift i turned tricks on marty grahl for drink money uh-huh yeah i came up with this hustle see oh wait oh fuck yeah this is pretty good i ran i ran out of. I ran out of drinking money like three days into Mardi Gras and the grawl must go on. Of course. Normally when they say that they're talking about Tim McGraw. For Keith Wright, every Tuesday is Fat Tuesday.

The grawl. That's how I was living then. So I decided what I would do is... It was only Fat Sundayay by the way so i had to i had to come up with like a hustle right because like i don't come off like your average gigolo you know what so what what i thought was like i don't know about that i'll go down to the local average gigolo i'll go down to the i'll get all sluttyed up, and then I'll go down to the gay bar in town. Keith, I have to pause right here.

What does sluttyed up look like for you? Cut-off shorts, wife beater, kind of a free-flowing shirt over that. He was wearing Daisy Dukes at all the bars we went to together, and every bar we went into, the bartender would scowl and go, Oh, it's Keith. I thought you were a gay. Your version of evening dress is truck stop regular. Yeah, I do rock some cut-off jorts on a regular.

It's just, you know, if it's good enough for Lemmy, it's good enough for me. So anyway, you go down to the... Thank you. Dabbing it out. It's not an audio podcast. But so my hustle was, I was like, okay, I'll go down to the gay

bar. You following, Robin? Yes, I'm listening to the whole thing. This actually is going pretty well. I'll chat up the fag hags, because they are down there. You don't have to say that. Well,

you know the women that hang around gay dudes? I'm sorry, I could say it. No, I'm kidding. They got like a t-shirt that says faggag on it. Please go on with the faggags. So I realized that because nobody really talks to them. Like I'd been there for a couple drag shows and stuff.

Yeah. And just out partying. Yeah, the Pussyballs Review. just out partying and the pussy balls review. I, uh, and I was like, well, these women aren't getting, uh, one of their three basic needs met, you know,

cause women need food, shelter and attention. So like, they're not getting any attention cause these guys are too busy, like hitting on each other and getting, uh, their freedom on and stuff, letting their freak flag fly.

And they're, uh, they're ignoring them. And I was like, so I'll chat them up. And sure enough, like this lady, she was buying me drinks. And we were talking. And like a few minutes later, she goes, hey, you want to get out of here? And I was like, it's $20 to blow me. And she was like, okay.

So we went into the women's room there at the gay bar, and she blew me for probably a half hour. And not a single knock at the door. Surprisingly, very little traffic in the women's room at the gay bar. We might as well have had a hotel room with no bed in it. What you're describing is a bathroom bathroom which was where you were getting your dick sucked for 20 it was just a hotel room with no bed and and she paid me and then she left and i went right back to the bar like double or nothing motherfuckers you know yeah so i'll

get me a gatorade it's gonna be a long night yeah I was like all jazzed up from the blowjob. I was drinking Bloody Mary to keep my electrolytes up. I was super excited. I was like, it worked. I can't believe it worked. So I went back to the bar and I started chatting up this other lonely late 30s chick. And I had all the energy and liquid charisma in the world going. And she was like, you want to get out of here?

And I was like, it's 20 bucks to blow me. And she goes, okay, your car or mine. So we left the bar and we go to my car. And she blew me. And then she paid me. And then she asked me to walk her to her car. And I was like, okay, of course. That's $40.

Because I'm a gentleman hooker, you know? Yeah. You're like a TJ hooker. You look out for people. So I go walking her to her car, and she goes, oh, man, my mom's going to be real mad at me and i was like what are you talking about this lady's like i don't know in her late 30s right like what do you mean your mom's gonna be mad at you and she's like because i spent that 20 bucks and i was like what does she give a shit and she goes well she handles my check and that's when i realized I didn't so much have my second lady, John,

so much as I just kind of conned a retarded girl out of 20 bucks in some dome. You can't put that on the podcast. I don't want to be a part of this. This isn't even the first time we've talked about having sex with a paid woman this month.

No, that's true. I didn't have sex with her, okay? She just blew me and paid me for it. She killed Keith's baby. The mouth baby that they would have had. The beautiful mouth baby. She was going to barf up, baby firecracker. We were going to get her dressed up in a beautiful paisley sundress and take pictures outside the Anheuser-Busch factory where i was going to get the 10th stamp on that card i've been collecting since my fifth grade field trip and i was going to become a dad so i'll tell whatever i want to do on the podcast i just i

mean i'm not it's not a brag it's just a no no no one thought it was we didn't get that stop turning tricks man was she looking was she she looking for pennies in your dick? No, that's what he paid her in. She was high-functioning retard. Oh, okay. Well, that's good. She probably worked a cashier job. Can you use a different name for me on this podcast?

I think the big difference is that Robin is disgusted by what's going on, and I don't even understand what's going on. This is so boring to me. Keith just told a story about how we met, and that's... If you don't follow this story, Keith might be about to make another

20 bucks. Okay, so this story takes place in a moral gray area, but it's a very, very dark shade of gray. I don't think nearly black. Look, that young lady wanted to suck my dick

so much that she was willing to pay for it. Whether she's retarded or not, can't she just, doesn't she have a right to spend her money? Will we get mad

Are you trying to be woke? What are you doing? Will we get mad at her if she bought $20 worth of mints? What are you doing? Will we get mad at her if she bought $20 worth of mints? The story itself was bad enough. The defense of it is indefensible. Isn't she allowed to want to suck some dick in her car? Isn't she a free child of God? She's a consumer.

She consumed a lot of stuff. It's called the free market, Rob. Read a book. You're trying to appeal to my wokeness. How dare you? That's the thing, man. I've been off... You know you're in a bad spot when you're saying this mentally

disadvantaged woman that sucked your dick for 20 bucks is a free child of God. That's what Jim Jones says on the stage. We're all free children of God. That's what Jim Jones says on the stage. These were all free children of God. Well, that'll teach

your mom to let her off the leash. If someone calls you a free child of God, they're about to give you peyote in a van. You can't molest an adult.

Oh my God. Or can you? I guess you can. Shit. Well, I wasn't thinking about like people that are paralyzed from the neck down and shit it's double jeopardy if they were molested as a child you can't molest him again it doesn't work that way you can't no no but you can't get pregnant in a hot tub it doesn't work it's definitely not molestation if the kid's on top. You know what I mean? Can we go back one line too far?

Keith read Hop on Pop, and he got a very weird takeaway from the book. Alright, guys, we're back to the Mean Boys podcast. You guys can edit everything before this. It's time to play. For the listeners who can't see us at home Robin has been masturbating throughout this entire story Robin is rocking like a super villain At the end of a Batman movie

Oh no, oh god, oh no Which of the following Which of the following is that a crime Keith committed? And now for an especially woke which of the following.

A, 47 chromosome pimping. Well, this comes to us from listening to the show Zach Clifton. He says, hey, mean boys. Big fan of the show. Sorry to hear it ending, but I know I'll always appreciate

the work y'all created and look forward to seeing what the boys will be working on in the future. Probably very little after this episode is released. In true Mean Boys fashion, I waited until the last possible minute to send this Witch of the Following I've been thinking about since early summer, so here it is. Witch of the Following are not real, authentic

big dog t-shirts. Oh, fuck. Such an unfair advantage. Which of the following are not real, authentic, big dog t-shirts? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, I've got such an unfair advantage. You are the guy who owns the dog who is the big dog. I've definitely been in those t-shirt shops. What? Really?

In India? I like those, like, t-shirts that are just, they don't make any... I don't like them when they make a political stand, but it sounds like they're trying to. We don't call 911. I really like that because you can interpret it both ways. Oh, yeah. Either no snitching or we have a gun. Yeah, exactly.

It's either Second Amendment rights or we're going to use our Second Amendment on you. Every Big Dogs T-shirt to me does just translate to, hey, Mexicans, scram! Yeah, Keith owns the one discontinued Big Dogs shirt where it's the Big Dog going, hey, rack, fuck you, and he's holding a middle finger up. Suck my pussy balls.

Yeah, woke dogs t-shirts, you know? These colors don't run. It's the rainbow flag. Let's start with round one. These colors run pretty gay. These colors don't run. They prance. These colors run wrist out.

Round number one. Boomer street wear. Which of the following is not a real big dogs T-shirt? A, a T-shirt that reads, Gray pride. We're old. We're tired. Get off our lawn. wear which of the following is not a real big dog's t-shirt a a t-shirt that reads gray pride we're old we're tired get off our lawn over a surly looking big dog dog two a t-shirt that reads i wish my wife was like my government at least then i'd be getting screwed oh my god three a t-shirt that reads so when's this old enough to know better supposed to kick in

oh god four a t-shirt that reads, you can't hang with the big dog if you still pee like a puppy. I'm going four. I think that it's the second one that's not real. The getting screwed by your government wife one. I think it's actually number one.

Damn. This is a tough game. This is divisive. No one's taken C. I originally thought it was B or D, but I'm going to go C out of diversity. All right. The correct answer, two. Wish my government screwed one. Yeah. Damn it.

You know how I knew that one was fake even before I knew? They don't do politics. Well, no, they do politics, but they're all vaguely right. We make a good team. A lot of big dog shirts are, get a load of this cool ass flag. We fucking love this shit. Troops are dope. All right, round two.

Absurd Patriotism Edition. Which of the following is not a real patriotic Big Dogs t-shirt? A, a t-shirt that reads, land of the free, home of the big, over a large Big Dog dog. Oh, my God. B, a t-shirt that reads, the few, the proud, the big,

depicting a platoon of big dog dogs raising the flag over Iwo Jima. Oh my god, I love that. That's gotta be real. C, a t-shirt that reads, We'll still run you down, Boston strong, over a big dog with the little dog wheelchair thing. Oh, that.

That cannot be real. That's the fake one. That's fake. A t-shirt that reads, Freedom isn't free, depicting the big dog dog posed That's the fake one. A t-shirt that reads, Freedom isn't free, depicting the big dog dog post as Rosie the Riveter. That one's definitely... The last one's definitely real.

I dated the Rosie the Riveter dog. What is the first one? When women were making battleships and stuff. Like, hey, I'm empowered. I'm a woman. Check that shit out. Which one did you want?

One again? Yeah, can I hear A again? A was a t-shirt that reads, land of the free, home of the big, over a large big dog dog. I think it's either Iwo Jima or Boston Marathon. I've actually seen the Iwo Jima one, I'm pretty sure. Two and four are real.

If two and four are real and it's between A and C, then I'm saying C's. I think three is fake. Yeah, I'm going three. I'm going to go A. Diversity in letters. Three. He said three, too.

Oh, yeah, it's the Boston Marathon. Yeah. That's too much. That one's a little too intense. All right, round three. Big dog shirts for women. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Give me a bone. We should make big cats, but they're all gay. Yeah, I fucking love brunch. Which of the following are not big dog shirts marketed towards women? All of these have terrible font choices. A, a shirt that reads, watch your mouth because big dog moms have 360 degree hearing. B, a shirt that reads... That doesn't mean anything.

That's so garbage we know it's real right off the bat. Oh, yeah. B, a shirt that reads, That doesn't mean anything. That's so garbage, we know it's real right off the bat. Oh, yeah. B, a shirt that reads, I have PMS and GPS. I'm a B-atch, and I will find you with a sassy B. Goddamn. Okay, fuck. I saw a T-shirt that was like the rules of being the trucker's wife, and it was a list, but there were nine rules,

and I'm like, just make it ten. There was like three shitty ones anyway. What the fuck is nine rules? Four of them were Bruce yourself for the hit. C. A shirt that reads, all aboard the hot mess express in pink

cursive. Or D. A shirt that reads, mine your own biscuits and life will be gravy. Here's the problem. It's B. I know it. Here's the deal. It's B. I know it. Here's the deal. This is in all of Mean Boys history. This is the first game where every single one feels too dumb for our fans to send it.

Right. Yeah. Which is such a low bar to limbo. Yeah, that's a tough limbo game. What's one again? A was a shirt that says, watch your mouth because big dog moms have 360 degree hearing. I'm going to go with A. That's too clever for someone to write.

I was going to go, that's too dumb for someone to write. What does 360 degree hearing even mean? Everyone has 360 degree hearing. Yeah, that is kind of how that works. I'm going with 3 again for some reason. I say A. I'm going B. Alright, we got A, B, and a C. Robin, your thoughts? 3. I'm going to go D., we got A, B, and a C. Robin, your thoughts? Three.

I'm going to go D. All right, the correct answer, A, the 360. Yeah, baby. Damn it. Bullshit. Isaac, surprisingly knowledgeable about the white trash t-shirt industry. I grew up near Ocean City, Maryland. I know a few things.

Here's the thing. I don't know where that is, but the fact that Ocean is in the name of the city, you know it's fucking Oceanside. Imagine shitty Atlantic City, New Jersey. I thought Atlantic City was shitty Atlantic City. I thought Reno was shitty Atlantic City. No, Ocean City is the shittiest of them all. Are there casinos in your hometown?

They just started adding them recently. Maryland finally passed a law allowing casinos. After I moved, the fucking idiots. God damn, they could have made so much money for me. I just like to know where their casinos are. This is my favorite part about Galveston, his hometown, is gambling is illegal, but no one cares. You just slot machines in the bars and the gas stations. Round number four.

Which of the following is not a real or fictional character who has been turned into a dog-man hybrid for a big dog show? Oh, yes. Oh, shit. A, George W. Bush. Of course. B, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Had to be. Dwayne the Dog Johnson.

Yeah. C, the entire cast of Duck Dynasty. Of course. Duck Dynasty. Or D, SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeDog SquarePants. Yeah. Shut up, Tom.

Tom's going to get an email the day after this job that's like, hey, do you want to be the CEO of Big Dogs Limited? Tom, were you saying those from knowledge or you were just immediately rationalizing how that could be the case? Rationale. He just added the word dog to a name. What is it with Bush? George W. Bush. Dog Bull U? Yeah, George Doggy Style Bush.

I mean, they're not clever. It could just be Dog Bush, honestly, and that would probably be how they do it. Oh, George W. Roof. That's fine. It's not even that much better. My rationale is that all of the other three are real people, and SpongeBob probably has an army of lawyers,

so I'm going to say D, because I don't think they could get away with that copyright law. I thought the same thing, so I'm picking D. Somebody angrily storming into the same thing, so I'm picking D. Somebody angrily storming into the office of Big Dogs. Cancel everything. SpongeBob's chewed up way more than we thought. Do you know who I am?

Were you doing Patrick there? I just got a letter from the Fairfax district of Bikini Bottom. Not looking great. I'm going to go with Duck Dynasty. I think it's too controversial. I'm going SpongeBob. More than George W. Bush, the war criminal.

The dog is Burke the N-word. But that's their demographic. Their demographic is people who like Duck Dynasty. That's true. Oh, yeah. All right, don't yell at me. I'm not. I'm kidding.

It's either The Rock or SpongeBob. I'm going to It's either The Rock or Spongebob. I'm going to say Spongebob. I think it's Spongebob. Here's the problem. Spongebob, if you look at the demographic, yes, the people who wear Big Dog's t-shirts, they're not going to like Spongebob, but their kids are. None of them like whatever race

The Rock is, so I'm going to go. But they're all WWE fans. Oh, fuck. This is where it gets complicated. The one of the good ones clause. Don't forget about the one of the good ones clause. WWE lifts racism

to people who... I'm going to go The fucking Rock. Okay, the correct answer. George W. Bush. What? He never got around to Bush. Here's where I fuck this.

That was the one you didn't have a dog pun for. Man, the pun is not there. They were just like, man, we can't come up with a pun, George. We'll have to call you back when we get to it. I understand. We have the dog Chaney t-shirt instead. Tell you what, here's what I'm going to do. I'm. We have the dog shiny t-shirt instead. Tell you what, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to make 9-11 happen.

That'll give me another term, give you a few more years to figure it out. Okay, sounds good. 10-4. He's so hurt by it, that's why he started painting. He's like, I can't be on the t-shirts. What if they made George Bush big dog shirts and that's what they gave to Katrina survivors? Oh my God. Who says I don't care?

All right, round five. All real or all fake? Are these real factual accounts of some of the business practices of Big Dog Sportswear or are they made up? A. The idea for the clothing company centered around a big dog

was conceived on a raffling expedition where one of the founders was given a big pair of swim trunks and proclaimed, man, these puppers are big. Two. The company has never made a Big Dogs T-shirt depicting Donald Trump. Three, the company canceled a business deal to buy up another bankrupted T-shirt company explicitly because of 9-11. Or four, Big Dogs once directly responded to Twitter personality at Drill after he tweeted a picture of a t-shirt saying, listen here

bud, America deserve 9-11. Those are all real. They're all real. I remember the Drill thing happening. I'm going to go with all fake. I think he's trying to get a writing job with you guys. With all the 9-11 stuff. You're getting under my sinking ship,

my friend. Holy shit, those are fucking great. 9-11 really is the age of the straight community. It's just the ultimate threat. What? How do you figure? First of all, you know straight people can get AIDS, right? Oh, no, I know.

But straight people never talk about it. That's the only thing straight people can be like, hardship is 9-11. Gay people had no effect from 9-11. Look, we've... I think your point is unraveling. They kept all the gays contained on the floor right below where the plane hits.

No, the gays were all removed mysteriously for a special fire drill that only they were aware of. A fire island drill? I thought you were saying because AIDS also isn't real. Is that what you're saying? I heard during 9-11 there were gay guys popping their boy pussies on roofs in New Jersey. Oh, yeah, there were.

They're all real, by the way, is the answer. Yeah, big dogs does not disappoint. Damn it. Yeah, that's it for which of the following? Yeah, we'll be right back with your questions in the mailbag right after this. It's time for the Mean Pulse Court. Let's meet our defendants. Keith Carey, Connor McSpadden, and Tom Goss.

They stand accused of criminally lazy comedy, shoddy business practices, and gross technical negligence. Will the judge find their case new and noteworthy? Or will they receive a one-star review from Johnny Law? Find out now on the Mean Pulse Court. Hey, cunts. It's

me, Tyler Dawson. They let me be a bailiff. It's not that bad. It's like being a cop, except kind of gay, because I don't get to shoot that many kids. Anyway, get your dicks out of your butts and please rise for the judge. Wretched pig children! It is I, the flayer of the mortal flesh.

The jaws that grind your pathetic meat to pulp. Number one on Evil Forbes magazine's list of 666 powerful demons under 666. Carnock, the bloodfeaster. Can we sit? I'm wearing three different shoes right now. Sitting is a right reserved for kings. You will kneel. Oh, jeez. What are we, Keith in an airport bathroom? Yeah, what are we, shut up in an airport fuck you? Seal your semen-soaked sausage silo, slave.

Today this wretched courtroom shall bear testimony from your very creations. The fruit of your loins mature to wicked adulthood. Your own work shall now become your reckoning. A veritable parade of dudes most foul. Yeah, seems like a long way to go to explain we're just ripping off the Seinfeld finale. Keith always overwrites the Carnock shit. Okay, yeah, fuck me for having a little flair, man. Yeah, just because it's long doesn't mean it's good.

Hey, is this one of those food courts? I'd fuck my dad's pet goat for some Saboro right now. The next person to do schtick shall be castrated with a blunt rock. Call forth the first witness. Say your name. Tammy Gash. rock. Call forth the first witness. Say your name. Tammy Gash.

Excuse me. These boys should be locked up for life. Keith owes me 83 cents for shitting on his chest. Hey lady, if you wanted to make full price, you should have eaten some fiber like a fucking professional. It's called sexonomics, you fucking goof.

Next witness, state your name. I am the Fudge Lord, atomic father of the Milky Way galaxy. I am the Fudge, and the Fudge is the light. And without the Fudge, there is only the darkness. I am the Fudge and the Fudge is the light. And without the Fudge, there is only the darkness. I am the Fudge Lord. Ere your grievance against these vile buffoons. I am the Fudge Lord. Tom Goss has partaken of the Sour Patch Children.

They are heralds of the fallen son of the Fudge, Beelzebubblegum. This is heresy punishable by banishment to the Fudge Skins. I am the fudge lord. Uh, objection. Doctor Judge, fudge is bullshit. It's just chocolate chips that went to college. Your tongue flows with the tangy lies of the enemy.

You shall be torn down to atoms and rebuilt in the holy image of the fudge. So sayeth the fudge lord. Fucking hell. Order, order. Only the bloodfeaster possesses the authority to theatomize the female at whim. Dude, this is taking forever. Permission to do the next few as a montage? Indeed! Begin the montage!

State your name and you're complete against the Mean Boys. Acehole! Two names! Six letters! One name! Fuck you! Conor McSpadden! Stole my idea! Sweatpants at a wedding. We had the Mean Boys on Far My Store in the spaz to celebrate ba-ba-ba-ba-boob's timbre. And they bullied intern Jimmy into suicide. That's right! It's funerals this Tuesday at the Paris Motor Speedway,

and the first 100 fans through the gate get a free angel intern Jimmy ba-ba-ba-bobblehead. They let me die even though I too special. When these Nazi boys visited the Eto Squeezebox, they abused the take a butt plug, leave a butt plug policy. He's saying they brought him into this factory in Russia and there were all these video cameras and lights set up and this lady. We know this one. Next. I signed an eight yearyear contract with the boys for the Adventures of Clinton and McGill when I thought the old battle axe was going to be president. But as soon as she lost, these no-good sons of bitches left me out in the cold lonelier than an Epstein Island girl on her 18th birthday.

Yeah, I'm every chick in a sketch. It's usually Connor just kind of going high every once in a while. Keith does it, but it doesn't work because he smokes too much. Usually it's Stacy or Jennifer or some shit like that and I'm never the funny one. I'm always just there

to be annoyed while some dude does something funny. Maybe I could have a joke someday. Objection. Woke pandering. So stay!

Enough! I have heard the tales of your treachery, mean boys. Do you have anything to say before I hand down my ruling? Yeah, we had a great

closing speech planned, but Connor lost the SD card it was on. Yeah, there's a lot of nooks and crannies in his mom's cunt, so Yeah, my mom's pussy would eat you alive and you know it. Her shit's got knuckles and teeth. Yeah, hopefully they're not your teeth or she'll die of blood loss. Hey, you guys. I'm in the fudge scape. It's

beautiful here. Did you know the real God is actually a chocolate rabbit? Swear to God, would've never guessed. I sentenced the three of you know the real God is actually a chocolate rabbit? Swear to God, you would have never guessed. I sentence the three of you to the most fiendish punishment imaginable. Ten more years of mean war! No! No! Bloodfeaster.

Mystery here. Comfort Ninja Inflatable Lounger. Case file number 69420. Goss, Thomas Albert, admitted to state mental care after throwing a table at a sailing captain. For three years, Mr. Goss has simply stared into a snow globe, muttering incoherent madness to himself.

What world exists inside his tortured imagination? What thing does he see reflected in the glass? The world may never know. Crazy shit, man. Crazy shit. Ladies and gentlemen, the Mean Boys podcast returns. It's time to answer your questions, all that and more in the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag.

Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about keeping the dog? It's a motherfucking mean book mailbag. There's our jingle. Always a great mailbag for this crew in the house. What do the people want to know, KC?

First of all, we've got one that just says, will you guys lose this recording as well? Because we lost the last episode. Yeah, fuck, dude. Well, that SD card will turn up. And when it does, I'll get the episode out. Because it was a really good one. I'm fucking, yeah, we feel bad about it.

I have no idea where it could fucking be. Have you seen the Photoshop that someone did on Reddit, Cotter? No. Someone turned you into Indiana Jones. Stealing the SD card. Stealing the SD card. Oh, me. That's pretty funny.

That is pretty funny. That sounds good. I know. I'm fucking, I'm so sorry, guys. BonerLord96 says, see if you can pull out another insane Keith Ray story. I think we pulled it off. How would we not do that?

It's hard to keep them contained. You know what I mean? You're the Kim Newton of nonsense. Just hurtling over. Here's a good one. Jhowlerart says, how does Gossgoss 6 like having an actual room again? Does he ever miss kitchen life the way some ex-cons miss prison?

Yeah. No, it's weird. Like, sometimes I shut the door. I'm like, this is too much privacy. Yeah. It is jarring to me. Tom's just taking a shit in the sink

and he's like, I don't know anything else. He's like, no one's taking a dump three feet away from me while I try and jerk off stealthily. Yeah, we can't use the whole toilet. He's making wine in there. It's nice to be able to jerk off without having to sit on a toilet to do it. How's your jacking career?

I should have jerked off once it's moving in there. What? Yeah. Get it done soon. Tom doesn't jack off that much. Yeah, I don't. He comes in waves. The way It comes in waves You come in waves Tom buddy what you told me about your process

Like I'd get in my bed and I'd get warmed up What And then I'd finish off in the back He romances himself Yeah yeah You get the motor running Dude here's part of the philosophy It was right above Keith's bedroom, and if I was about to come when I ran to the bathroom,

he wouldn't know if I was pissing or cumming in the bathroom. Why would I care? I'm downstairs. I know you don't. I wouldn't have heard anything. You could have just come on your window like you were throwing gack at it, and I wouldn't have cared. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just a paranoid dude.

Dude, you got to just fucking shut the door and get the devil out what the fuck are you talking about like you didn't live in a house full of fucking mormons dude we were all jerking off at the same time he's always got to put stuff in a holy roller terminology where it's like you gotta shut the door and get the devil out man exercise the day and it's like it's weird i have i have my own kind of christianity you know so it's like like i like i believe like i believe in jesus feels like a matching sneakers in the woods you know what i mean wait how does that work it's real easy like jesus had some good ideas and the ones that were good i really like and the ones that weren't so good i completely ignore and i don't think that he had any kind of actual...

I don't believe that he was a fucking magician who can walk the fucking water. None of that's important. What's important is the concept of loving your brother as you love yourself or sister. Yeah, you don't have to do it. Yeah, you're doing a motivational speech after all the stuff you've said.

Yeah, well, because we have to... You love your brother or your sister. Whoever's got 20 bucks. If there is a God at all, God is love. Oh, my God. God is cheap love in the bathroom of a Galveston gay bar. Yeah. Hey, I made those middle-aged ladies days.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. You know? No, I know you did. You know? You know, I once masturbated to porn that I felt so bad about that I. You said. You made eye contact with me. Yeah. You know, I know you did. You know, I once like masturbated to a porn that I felt so bad about

that I... You said, you made eye contact with me and then you point towards your chuck and I thought, to you? What?

I was like, what the fuck? That's where I thought it was going to. One time, no, I prayed for the first time since 9-11.

I felt so bad. What was the porn? Yeah. You gotta tell us. Let's just say that there is a disclaimer beforehand saying we are not real mother and daughter. Oh.

Oh. Okay. Dang. I was thinking like Pascal subsluts or something like that. I'm sorry. What? Pascal subsluts. Yeah.

Please move it away from me. You don't fucking know. Oh my God. Pascal? You're saying it like it's a very awful person? The French mathematician? No. He's an English dude.

He made some much more gross wagers. Isn't it in the Max Hardcore sort of realm? By the way, there are guys that always go, Connor, I love when you do the Pascal's wager jokes. So don't say that for nobody. There's like three nerds in the Discord that will be like, oh, yeah, it's going to be bad. It's just like this guy who always wears a tuxedo bad start okay that's never good like like kind of like the undone

richard gear version tuxedo you know where you're taking the bow tie like a james bondage thing going on yeah and then he just abuses women in his apartment ah well you know no the worst part about the point i jack off to is that i don't jerk off to the scenario. I look into the eyes of the actresses and I can see that they don't want to do it. And you like that they don't want to do it? Yeah. I'm just like, oh, this must be ruining their lives. You could probably jack off to Lights Out with David Spade.

Oh, I do. Oh, I do. Oh, they're not putting Keith on again? Yeah. I stumbled across... Brian Simpson's so fucking funny. God damn. I stumbled across an incest porn recently,

and they were two different races, and I was like, well, I'm out of the reality here. That's like watching the Avengers, but the Hulk is still Mark Ruffalo in a mocap suit. Let me get this straight. I am pro interracial sex, but to... Not in my incest form!

Like, what? Unless it's like a Milano and like a, you know... I'm sorry. The kid has to be half and half if you're going to pull that off. Okay. Gotcha.

I mean, you're not supposed to say that word, Keith. That's a slur. It's absolutely a slur. Oh, shit. Yeah. It's way, way dated. No, no, no, no. Milano is straight up a cookie.

The word he means to say, he's not saying. No, the word he's saying is accurate for what he's saying, but it's also a slur. Are we not thinking of the one with the T's instead of the N? The T's, yes. Yeah, but that's not what he's saying. He said Milano. Did I say Milano? No, he said the word.

I thought Milano was fine. I didn't know that's a bad word. That's fine. That's a cookie. Can we go with halfsies? Or something? Here's the genuine problem. We can't differentiate your T's and N's. We don't know what you're saying.

Let's not get Keith on that. We've got to move. When you talk about Winnie the Pooh, it gets dangerous. I don't even say the word bigger. I say more big. You know what I mean? At FedBot. Says, who is the worst guest you've ever had?

Keith Ray today. Yeah, the worst guest. I don't know. I wouldn't put anybody on blast like that. I would. Joe DeRosa. He meant well. He just had no idea what we were doing.

It just wasn't really his scene. I would, Joe DeRosa. You guys can put disclaimers. I don't have a corporate job. I still love his stand-up. Actively should have guessed. I don't give a fuck. Like he listens to the show.

No, I know. Still a nice guy. Tweet at Joe DeRosa. Don't do that. It won't do anything to our career. It'll just make it awkward. Also, not all my opinions I have are the things I say are because I have a corporate job. That's not 100% of it.

I just don't personally want to... Probably me. I'm probably the worst guest when I was doing a bad job on the show. You know what I mean? Yeah, I changed my answer. I think it's me because I've been on the show for about an hour now and said three things. And one of them was telling him not to say shit.

Well, to be fair, I mean, Keith's really going Globetrotters mode on these wacky anecdotes. And you had a lot of stuff to read about Kyle Kuzma's recovery. At Dark Cone, he says, favorite keep this fat Connor is gay or Thomas stupid jokes. I mean, you know,

like a chill ester all and personal pan pizza sexual or all the bad ones that I did a million times. Robin has told the best fat joke about me ever told the 9-11 one. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I don't want to do it. You don't have to do it. You don't have to do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, do it. It was, what was, okay, what was it? It was the Rose Bowl.

Oh, on 9-11, Keith gets a flight to crash into the World Trade Center, which means he's personally responsible for killing the two people who took his seat. It's a beautiful joke. Great joke.

He got me on Comedy Central, yeah. Yeah. That was fun. I kept trying to write a joke where Keith gets emotional when he thinks about how many honey-roasted peanuts were destroyed that day before the airplane, and I could never quite get it to sing.

You know, I got unfriended for that 9-11 joke I told about you, but not because it was 9-11, because I was fat-shaming you. Wait, somebody got mad at you about that? Yeah, because I was fat-shaming you. Oh, what? After I spent the whole... Like, I literally called you a slope. I know, I know fat shaming. I literally called you a slope.

I know, I know. I'm sorry, but I found the joke to be tasteless, and I thought it was rude to my friends, so I had to... It's so funny that I didn't get in trouble for all the trans jokes. No, no, it was the fat joke. Your fat shaming is tasteless, and I love things that have taste. Oh, yeah. That's pretty much what we got

for the mailbag. Okay. I think we got... Do we have any emails or anything? We might have some emails. Hey, guys. I'm a huge...

This email comes to us from Black Lion, subject line, Farewell to the Boys. Hey, guys. I'm a huge fan. I love the podcast and had been trying

to get in contact with you guys. I want to leave a voicemail for you guys, but that would be way too expensive since I'm in the Philippines. The Philippines. Ooh, wow.

The actual Pacquiao Palace, not far away. Do you live there, or are you on the run? Yeah, I don't know. Oh, no, just sex tourism. Nothing weird. I don't live... It's a tax shelter. This is actually Ramsey's shell corporation. Yeah, I'm not a freak. I don't live in the Philippines. Anyway, just want to let you guys know how sad I am that one of my most favorite

podcasts is going to be over. I was planning on finding you guys since I'm going to be going there in December. I won't even make it to the last live show. It sucks. Anyways, I do have a question. If you guys have a chance to do a tour in the Philippines and I let you stay at my condo, would you have gone? Yeah, man.

Look, we'll all go on the road together and shit still. I mean, we're all buddies. Who's booking us in the Philippines? I don't know. Us, maybe. Hey, dude. I'd love to. My name's Keith Ray.

You can hit me up at Queef Ray. I will totally do a show in the Philippines. You need to change. Hey, dude. I'd love to. My name's Keith Ray. You can hit me up at Queef Ray. I will totally do a show in the Philippines. You need to change your Twitter, dude. I'll stay at your condo, and I'm all about doing a show. They don't even check for DUIs in the Philippines. Dude, I will go. I'll come see you anytime, bro. I also will do your show in the Philippines.

You can find me on Twitter, at Queef Hirsch. Yeah, dude, hit me up. I will be there as soon as January 2nd, if you want to DM me. I'm going to do shows everywhere. I'm lining up some Canadian shit right now. And that's right by the Philippines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a different country.

But no, if you're in yeah no i'll absolutely it's on you get my ticket i'll be out there he says uh and if they do the the tattoos with the bamboo rod uh probably thinking of is a uh you're thinking of the prison john mccain was in oh hey it's funny but when my dad was uh on leave from killing people in Vietnam, he went to the Philippines. Not in the war, recently. Yeah, yesterday. In the 80s. He was like a breather.

He was taking a break, and they went to the Philippines to get prostitutes, and all the prostitutes kept pointing at different hookers that would walk down the street and stuff and they'd be like you think she pretty and uh i'm sorry i probably shouldn't have done that accent anyway oh that's what that was you're not very good at it so i think you're saying they'd say yes and then they'd giggle to themselves because those prostitutes were like Robin. You know? They had Comedy Central credits? Oh, okay. Yeah. You didn't have to say, like, Robin.

And that's how my dad, like, learned to cope with his homophobia back in the 70s. He was like, well, I guess, you know, like, I would have fucked them, you know? They were pretty. What's tagalog for pussy balls?

Here's what's really upsetting. Are you looking it up? I was trying that all the way back in. I knew exactly where that was going, and I went, okay, they all probably know where it's going. Like Robin. And you said, like Robin, and you did it to try to not be offensive, but it was the most offensive way. I just can't believe all these prostitutes were balding. You got one good one in, dude.

It took an hour and a half, but I'm back, baby. That's the buzzer beater We're putting in The special needs kid In the last ten minutes We came And let them do He says

And if you did What Filipino food Would you dare try If you know any I.e. chick fetus egg Grilled pigs blood chicken feet Anyway I would love it If you guys could get in touch

Or at least If this could reach you guys You guys really changed My way of thinking And let me know that No more how fucked up And stupid life is It would be a waste

to kill myself. Instead, listen to how you guys lived in a shithole and make the best of it. Aww. That's very sweet. It's never going to get better. Dude,

the Philippines is honestly probably nicer than what we were saying wherever you were in the city. You said condo, so you're beating our ass. Singapore is its own thing, man. It's its own thing.

Yeah, Singapore is in Singapore. Oh, really? It says, thank you so much for the laughs, for the unintentional lessons, and just about everything. For the record, all of you guys are the best mean boy in your own right. Love you guys. Thank you very much. I wanted to kill myself for years, and now that I don't want to anymore, I have no sympathy for people that do. That's a very Robin maneuver.

Now that I don't have the problem, anyone with it is weak and lame. I'm going to read an article. I've actually never wanted to kill myself. I always thought it was lazy. I'm really great. Anyway. I've been feeling good for 20 whole minutes, and I think I figured everything out. Yeah.

It's the Robin story. Here's why balding actually makes you more of a woman. I don't think anybody with hair is problematic. Chapter one. You bitches are waxing your heads anyway. All right? You're wearing wigs. You're are waxing your heads anyway. All right? You're wearing wigs. You're fucking,

you're coming to my side of the street. I'm an innovator. I want my fucking 10% on that. You know, I made fun of your hair once, Connor.

That was our first fight we ever had. Do you remember? Oh, no. I'm sure it was. Yeah. How old was I? 1920?

Yeah, you cut your hair. I said, you look like gay Hercules. And then Connor starts going like, oh, yeah, well, you're just a fat fucking piece of shit. No one loves you, and you fucking asshole fucking piece of shit.

He just went on for like 10 minutes. Yeah, he does that. And then I went, and I punched the fucking towels and Max Blooms, and that's when we... Oh, yeah, I remember that. I'm sorry. You apologized without looking at me in the eyes.

Because you're fucking autistic, you psychopath. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That fucking balding joke I did in the Real Rich episode was great. You know it was great. It was great. It hurt your feelings. I did. We're old buddies.

This is what old buddies do. You have more options with wigs, Robin. Come on now, pussy balls. Look at the right side. The part that bothers me about this all is that Hercules looks like gay Hercules. It's true. Redundant. Yeah.

All right. Hi, guys. I've been listening to the show for a few months, and I'm sad to hear the show is ending. I'm bipolar, and although I take a ton of medication, I still suffer from major depression. Your YouTube vlogs really gave me some joy when normally nothing can break through the depression, and your podcast brightened my day every time I tune in. I understand why the show is disbanding, but I wanted you to know that your show gave me relief from what can be a debilitating disorder.

You guys have impacted the world in a positive way, and that's something you can be proud of. Thank you for everything. Actual love, Anonymous. Robin is going to explain why you're actually a little bitch right now. Really quick, if you could. I'm on medication now, and you need to swallow at least like two bullets Jesus Christ

Get him Robin Wow That wasn't nice This whole episode has just been like Rocky vs. Apollo between you and Keith and Keith's got you on the rope and he's like I'm gonna be the biggest dick on and Keith. And then Keith's got you on the rope and he's like,

I'm going to be the biggest dick on this fucking show. And then Robin's like, nope. Kill yourself. Everyone's gay. You are retarded. You should die.

I am the biggest cunt. Hold my dick. I'll be right there. I still got balls. I still got balls. She's running up the stairs and they get frozen to the steps

like Joe Dirt. Oh, fuck. Hi, Mean Boys. Just a quick question. If each Mean Boy were turned into a Batman villain, what would your gimmick be

and what kind of crimes would you commit? That's a fun one. Keith would be the penguin. Yeah. What? That's already one. Yeah.

You're going with ones that, oh, well, then clearly he's that dude that, like, you know who Tom is? Tom's that guy. He's my arch nemesis. That dude. The dude that's, like, that's Poison Ivy's helper. You know what I'm talking about? No, I don't. You mean a plant?

No, the fucking... The dude... Bane. Bane, that's his name. Clearly you're Bane, right? He's the only one who can't do a Bane. We haven't done Banes in a minute. Oh, yeah.

When you guys saw the Joker, did you guys feel like it related to you? Because that was genuine. No, you're mentally unwell. It was the most honest depiction. It's a red flag, Thomas. It was the most honest depiction of falling into psychosis I've ever seen. That was great. If you could be psychoanalyzed by the guy who made The Hangover,

you probably need more therapy. He shouldn't be able to get it. We've got a pretty good one here. Hey, Mean Boys, long-time listener, never stopped since. I remember when I first found your show and found it hilarious, recommended it to a friend, and totally forgot about the skit with Joe Dosh with Dr. Martaro, which is kind of harsh because he had recently lost his child.

But anyway, we love your show. It just goes to show that being behind the facade of a fully functional member of society lies a dark, empty abyss in which pure, unadulterated nonsense is one that keeps it filled for the day. Okay. I do have a question. I loved one of your segments where you had

a voice effect and you give out dictatorial decrees like citizens from now on blah blah blah. I was wondering if you will have it back. Minifestos. Yeah. Anyway, I'm from the Philippines and we're coming to California by December hopefully. Oh, it's Philippines guy again. Anyway. Unless we have two Philippines guys. I refuse to believe you have two Philippines guys. No. Yeah. I find it hard Philippines guy again. Anyway. Unless we have two Philippines guys, but... I mean, it seems unlikely. I refuse to believe you have two Philippines guys.

Yeah, I find it hard to believe that. Well, thanks again. Yeah, I just wanted to thank you for all the laughs and great podcast for the last three years. While I will miss Mean Boys, I look forward to your new projects. I love leaving the tribe, so I can't wait to see what else comes from that.

Oh, thanks. This podcast is something with my depression, even just bad days at work when I need to laugh. I'll keep my paper towel on going after November, but I was wondering if that would you consider making blah, blah, blah. Okay. Why don't you guys write a book? I'm sorry.

Yeah. No shit. That was long. I stopped paying attention to it and started thinking about how of the three people sitting on the couch, Robin sits the least ladylike. Well, I think it's a shirt halfway oned like he's in an R&D band. What the fuck are you doing, dude? I was hot when we

came inside. Oh, man. Yeah, so there's a bunch of weird... We're getting weird press inquiries in the email for people trying to get their music artists on the show. Oh, yeah, I saw that. We're not gonna do it. Yeah, people's managers and stuff were like, you should put our new singer on the podcast. Yeah, you should make them record the mailbag jingle over and over again.

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Well, all right. I've been repping this doo-wop group, guys. They're actually supposed to be here any minute. It's kind of a surprise thing. We're repping an anti-Italian band.

They're called the Don't Wop. Don't Wop. Hey, do you know where that comes from? Do what? No, the term wop for Italian people. Without papers. Oh, I thought it was that's just the sound it makes when you hit your wife. Well, you got to hit your Italian.

You throw your wife against the wall to see if she's done. Wop. Jesus. He looked around the room for approval Oh man I really wanted to end on some Italian hate You know what I'm saying Womp womp I was talking at work

I want to start calling womp the W word I do don't use the W word Well that was a fucking great show Isaac, Rob and Keith Tell the people where they can find you I'm on the Twitter at IB Hirsch and Iith tell the people where they can find you oh i'm on the twitter at uh ib hirsch and i perform around la sometimes so you can look that up and i might may even post about it i just deleted all social media from my phone though so probably not wow okay um i'm robin

trans 04 on twitter i don't have any shows coming up but um I didn't want to send you an email. Stay tuned for an apology tweet. Oh, yeah. I am still robertstran04 at gmail.com because I'm a lazy piece of shit. And, yeah, that's it. Just find me online. Yeah. Keith? I'm on Instagram at Queef Ray.

And I'm on Facebook. I'm on Bumble at Buttplug McGillicuddy. Instagram at Queef Ray. I'm on Facebook. I'm on Bumble at Buttplug McGillicuddy. I'm trying to put together a tour of clubhouses and various trailer parks throughout the country. If you follow me on Facebook or whatever and want to be my friend,

I still have space for friends on Facebook. My Facebook is not sold out. Tickets still available for the Facebook. You can find out where I'm going to do my shows and stuff. I've got one tonight, downtown LA. Oh, did I tell you guys about

being in downtown LA like two weeks ago? I have heard of downtown LA. I got jerked off by a hooker with a broken hand. Whoa. And she gave me half off. She gave you half off? She goes, usually I charge $10 for a hand job,

but my hand's broken, so I'll do it for $5. More of this gold on Keith. She should charge $20. She's playing injured. Capitalism is really evil. You should have seen what I did for $20 last time. What I did is I charged her $20

to suck my dick. I really Tom Sawyer'd the fence with it. Well, I was almost done and she goes, you can come in my face for two more dollars. I was like, I got a couple of Washington saved back for that. You're doing crowd work at this podcast. Oh, we were wrapping up.

I like that Keith used his plug section to plug this hooker. What's your name? We'll go find her downtown. Shanice. Shanice? And what are we looking for if we're looking for Shanice? You know. A broken name.

What did you say? I said you know. If you're looking for Shanice, you know what she is. After she jerked you off, did you sign her cast? Have a great summer. She didn't have a cast. Oh, God. Oh, man.

But one of her fingers was bent back. It was a really broken hand. Is that what made you cum? No. She was uncomfortable with the silence, so she just started singing, Ooh, child, things are going to get easier. Stop looking at me.

And that's what made me cum. Oh, okay. That's the most haunting thing I've ever heard. Do you guys ever have a song with a hooker? If we don't end this podcast in the next 30 seconds, we're all going to jail. Yeah. Every fucking story you tell is this, like,

arthouse movie about fucking drug addiction and poverty. Oh, my God. There's always, like, so much, like, music to it. It's always horrifying. Harmony Corrine presents Keith Ray. Oh, that reminds me of that one time I was with a nine-year-old.

Yeah, based on the novel Skull by Stonewall Jackson. Alright, that's the show. Thank you very much, everybody. Fuck everything. God is dead