Mean Boys - EP 217 - Wet Eagle

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

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Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. You either die an obscure cult hero or live long enough to do an ill-advised reunion show. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Tom Goss. And we're back, bitch. We're back. Yeah.

Yeah, we're back. We exist once more. We have returned from the void to the realm of form to wreak havoc upon your ears. Yeah, fucking happy 9-11, everyone. This is the gift you deserve. Oh, God, we are too good to our fans bringing the show back on 9-11.

It just it couldn't have timed out better. Like to the point where like I was we've been talking about this for a little bit. And I was like, we could go right now, like on September 1st. And I'm like, or. Well, the thing was, the date that made perfect sense happened to be 9-11. Yeah. Like when we looked at all the variables, it was the most prudent business maneuver to do it on 9-11. God wanted this to happen.

Sorry, Tom. Oh, no, no, no. All the most special like mean boys things happened on 9-11. The Steve Renazzisi episode. The other Steve Renazzisi episode. All those New Yorkers dying. All the most important things in our hearts have happened on 9-11. Well, now something good has happened on 9-11.

You know, we can have a reason to celebrate. Yeah. The best thing that happened on 9-11 Is you remembered you forgot to delete this show From your feed when we cancelled it the first time By the way I should get in front You mentioned it, a lot of people are probably waiting For the big Steve Ranazzisi reveal Steve couldn't be here, he did send me a letter

Oh interesting Yeah he snail mailed this to me He's a big letter writer This is from Steve Ranazzisi and is definitely 100% real. Dear Mean Boys, hey, it's me, Steve Ranazzisi. You remember, I was the guy on the league with the hair. So sorry I couldn't be there for the 9-11 show, but I'm very busy fighting on the front lines here in Ukraine.

Boy, oh boy, are my dogs barking from a long day of dodging machine gun fire and saving orphans. I know you might think I'm making this up, but it's super true. There's pictures online. Just Google brave soldier Ukraine. And the first guy you see with his back to the camera, that's me. Sincerely, Steve Ranazizi, via my assistant, my girlfriend who lives in Canada. And the internet works different there, so that's why I can't post any pictures of us. So that was nice of Steve to reach out.

His forehead is actually kind of shaped like ukraine so that makes a lot of sense vladimir putin is fucking annexing his eyebrows we have done more to keep the steve ran as easy 9-11 story alive than the people who tried to cancel them in the first place at this point like we're actively against it's like it is the one rumor we've dug in on it but like no this is our pet cause well i mean people would have forgotten about it if we didn't throw it a fucking parade every year i have to remind people what happened most people yeah most people don't know what happened they don't know that they said that they really don't know the kids don't know steve ren is easy they

also don't know us i mean i meet young cats to open mics and they don't understand how funny it is that this guy was on our show on 9-11 and that's sad to me i'm just imagine tom yelling this is just strangers on a bus somewhere this is like the weirdest sign of getting older it's like man i remember when people used to hate steve ranz's easy man things were so much more simpler in the mid-obama years yeah actually honestly the oldest i've felt is i was at a bar i was drinking i was talking to this girl and the girl uh just randomly like we're talking about some other shit she goes wait what was 9-11 like and i was like what and she was like you do you remember 9-11 i was like well yeah and she was like what was it like i was like oh my god that's people are 21 and drinking and

they weren't alive for 9-11 i felt fucking ancient when she asked for that yeah that's just that those just came out legal drinking no 9-11 people oh yeah no it's they were made in 2001 2002 yep yep it's a bummer sorry i gotta fix something sinking. Oh, this isn't a bit. He's doing the same thing. Yeah, yeah, same thing. We are in, for the listening, we've built a sort of punji pit of mic stands here. You're not going to believe this,

but we weighted them weird. I'm just going to hold mine like this. Okay, that works. I lied. There's no fucking way I'm going to do that. I do not have the upper body strength. I don't want to see how low this gets to where I have to do the rest of the podcast laying down.

I was about to make a fat joke about you not being able to hold that microphone and you were so fat, you fucking were fat before I could make a joke about it. Keith, pretend it's ice cream. I'm fatter than the speed of sound. Yes.

The Chuck Yeager of big ass sandwiches. Well, now I get to front row seat for Tom Goss microphone mechanic. Yeah. No, I keep forgetting which way is tight. We were setting up the mic stands and like me and you, Connor, were having like sort of a hard time getting the balance right. And Tom nailed his on one.

And I was like, oh, did we fuck up the chemistry of this show? Tom actually nailed it. Oh, now it's completely flaccid. That's good. What is happening? It's righty-tighty, lefty-loose. This is our big reunion. Yeah.

Listen to Tom screw a microphone. This is what you've been fucking clamoring for in my DMs for four years, Mean Boys listeners. We're fucking, we're dumber than theoretical Pollocks. At least they eventually get to a hockey game or buy a light pole. Yeah. The squeak of that bolt, Tom, is one of my favorite things in the world. Well, I keep fucking up which way because the little knot. It stays the same way, though.

Okay, how are we doing? Okay, almost there. I'm just going to make it really tight. up which way because the little knot It stays the same way though. Okay. How are we doing? Okay. Almost there. I'm just going to make it really tight. For the listening audience, this is my first joke. Screwing it in. You know what? I nailed it. Should we get into our first

segment, boys? No, we should awkwardly hem and haw with Mike Stantz for 40 minutes. I can take it away. Alright, fellas, it's time for the Mexican joke-off. Ay, so topical. Alright. A Santa Monica woman woke up to see a naked

man in her bedroom. Upon confronting him, the man yelled, oh my god, I'm so sorry, wrong house, I was trying to rape someone else. Yeah, I don't know know the app told me yeah our post rapes uber meets yeah yeah i just i don't know it's 2 a.m sometimes you just want some taco bell in a lifetime of dark memories casual encounters needs an app oh yeah yeah they need to accelerate that environment

right uh all right guys jimmy buffett has passed away at 76 tom goss posted on social media r.i.p bruce brings to you i literally spent two hours trying to write a version of this joke and i was like connor's gonna get it that was a callback to my favorite Memo's moment of all time when we got into a 10-minute fight about how much Jimmy Buffett sucks or Bruce Springsteen sucks before Tom realized he was talking about Jimmy Buffett. Yeah. No, and I didn't really know Bruce Springsteen, and you know what?

You guys are right. I've gotten really into him. Yeah. You were right about him being many stories about my life, and we'll get to that later in the show. We'll be dissecting the album Nebraska, and how it's actually just a series of tableaus from Tom's childhood. Here's the thing, Tom.

You're an aging white man, so you can really track your progress in terms of how much you appreciate Bruce Springsteen. It's like the rings of a tree for elderly honkies. Okay. Yeah. Once you start to like the album The River, you're officially 60. Oh, yeah.

That's when you become a Republican. All right. I'll do this one. Scientists say they've created a multimedia tool that allows them to detect autism in users. In a related story, if you were really excited when you saw Mean Boys was back, I have some even bigger news for you.

All right. my phone just catches on fire I'll do I'll do this one lead singer of Smash Mouth Steve Harwell died he will be buried with the shape of an L on his forehead fucking loser well the ground starts coming in. It's going to stop coming. That is really sad. I didn't realize this happened until a little after, but that's really brutal. I was a huge Smash Mouth fan.

I'm never going to see the great man live. No, he better have a 21 t-shirt cannon salute with track memorabilia shot out of it. You know, they're doing the funeral, and that's going to be sad, but the after party, they're making waffles. Dude, fucking Smash Mouth Guy and Jimmy Buffett in one week is like all of our lazy punchline characters are dying. I know.

Someone needs to keep an eye out on Nickelback. Put Guy Fieri in that bunker where the president goes before the nukes. Yeah. Oh, man. The internet's going to be a really mean place when Nickelback dies. We're referring to Nickelback as one organism. It is one organism. They're definitely going to die at the same time.

They're a hive mind of aliens, okay? Well, I feel like if you stop spreading this rumor that they're human beings, they aren't. But on a practical level, if you're in Nickelback, who can you hang out with besides other people that are in Nickelback? Who else really gets it? The guys from Trapped. The guys from... Not Smash Mouth anymore.

The guys from Stained. The guys from Creed. Yeah. Every time somebody hilarious dies, they just come back as a ghost band member of Nickelback. Yeah, Nickelback has been dead for 400 years. They just keep returning. You plant a boogie board in a garden and water it with

Monster Energy Drink, and Chad Kroger grows from the ground to sing about photographs again. And Tom doesn't enter an accent from a country that doesn't exist. We're back, baby. That was somewhere between Obi-Wan Kenobi and the guy who used to announce SNL. i do like i do like that it's part of steve harwell's funeral rites that he has an

ash and l on his forehead when he dies yeah no i enjoyed it too his river sticks that he crosses just full of fucking uh red bull and jagermeister it's the river mozzarella sticks there it is honestly that guy was probably a lot of fun to hang out with steve arwell yeah yeah i i'd imagine i mean i don't i don't know i remember being in middle school watching and play the uh or might have been elementary school playing the nhl all-star game and i remember they play oh might as well be walking on the sun they do the all-star game. They don't play All-Star. How do none of us think of that?

And then the morning comes. The B-side from... But all of Fushimay. We're all doing Barenaked Ladies covers tonight. And we're just going to see if anybody notices. Oh wait, was it them and the Barenaked Ladies? Or am I thinking of the Barenaked Ladies?

I wasn't there. I don't know. I might be thinking of the Barenaked Ladies. No, it was both of them. My roommate just told me that you and her once time listened to the Barenaked Ladies for like an entire drive, the same song. We did. Yeah.

Yeah. I like the Barenaked Ladies. Kiss me? Pinch me. Pinch me. That's right. It's a satisfying song. Yeah.

It's a nice, easy, like it's when you don't want to think, but you want to feel something, but you don't know what you want to feel, you listen to Pinch Me. Well, and if you love rap music, but you hate black people. That was the appeal of Barenaked Lady. It was like, Canadians can rap, too. And then you listen, and you're like, kind of? Yeah. All right, boys. And then you listen and you're like, kinda? Yeah Alright boys, a woman smuggled a gun

into a White Sox game in her belly fat which begs the question What was a Raiders fan doing at a White Sox game? Thank you, thank you I do like the idea of her having to rummage around in her stomach fat for a minute Nope, somewhere in here. Nope.

Junior mints. Nope. It's Mary Poppins' bag. She pulls a full umbrella. Yeah. She's got cartoon space in there. The guy who has to get shot is just waiting patiently. Well, this seems like it's going to be bad.

I should move. All right. Let's do... Sorry. My mic is sinking again. A group of Texas prisoners started a Dungeons & Dragons group. This marks the first time that a bunch of guys found a way

to simultaneously be rapists and virgins. That's fun. All right. Oh, man. We're having to do so much cook-foolery with the mic. We got it. We'll figure it out.

A spotless giraffe was born in a Tennessee zoo. Damn, that it yeah a spotless giraffe was born in a tennessee zoo damn that sounds like a really clean giraffe shut the fuck up i like the idea that tennessee is racist enough to get the black off that giraffe all these you know dirty giraffe stereotypes only exist because of white people. Look, we're trying to be more woke. Can we call them giraffe-rican-american? Yeah, no.

Technically, that story is about an African getting blacker in America, if you really think about it. All the white spots. Okay. Wait, what color do you think a giraffe is? It's brown. With black spots. But the actual giraffe was just brown. Okay.

I think of him as kind of yellow with brown spots. I kind of think of him as an orangish yellow. I guess I'm just thinking of the logo from Toys R Us. Yeah. Which is not scientifically accurate. I've seen the real life giraffe or two. I've not seen the giraffe. In my livings.

Yeah, no, the giraffe, if you haven't seen it, it's a brown giraffe. If you haven't seen it. It's really cute. It's a cute giraffe. I love animals. It's spotless. Tom doing a news report on just basic things. They're calling them giraffes.

They might look like horses, but they're actually quite long. Circles. There's not a side on these things. Yeah, no, it's a very cute baby. No spots, all brown. And it just, it looks weird. It looks like if an anteater became a giraffe. It's kind of what it looks like.

All right. I got to check this guy out. Yeah. No. I have an animal story. Five million bees escaped a truck after a crash in canada they caught them by releasing five million asian parents asking why not a not one of those bees grew up to be a doctor. They were ingredients. Pieces of shit. I also have an animal story. Gettysburg has opened a feline-themed Civil War museum.

So, man, if you thought it was unlucky to be a black cat before... Slavery. All right. Kim Jong-un and Putin are going to be meeting to discuss weapons this meeting is a casual but by the third one Putin is hoping to thrust his missile on Kim Silo we don't have to laugh at that one it was a miss that's okay

they're calling him gay Joe normally penises go into vaginas but now we're shaking it up. More at 11. The year is 2003. Well, let's see if this esoteric nonsense buys me some credibility. Austria will give a free year of public transportation to anyone who gets a tattoo of their new climate ticket program. Because nothing bad ever happened after a free tattoo and a train ride in austria the last guy from austria who did

this plan only paid for the one-way ticket though yeah you know this is a little bit it's so many bad decisions at once you're like they had to have done it on purpose yeah like they must have known ironic folks like me were gonna go call them out on it and raise awareness for their climate ticket program. What I love about this is that also means just inherently based on culture, that means their program is also no Jews allowed because Jews can't get tattoos. They can't get tattoos. So the one deal they could have get in Austria, they don't get to get. Damn, and they love savings.

That's why we call them technicality Tom. That is a brutal technicality. That is the Jew proof. Yeah. I do love the idea of somebody like do I want to be buried in the same cemetery as my family or do I want to not pay for the

subway for a year? Hmm. Gosh. All right. I'll go. A pilot died in a plane crash during a gender reveal stunt gone wrong. When asked for comment, FAA investigator Dice Clay said, the gender reveal worked. That pilot was a fucking broad. Oh. Mexican showdown.

Oh, shit. All right. A gender. Not Mexican joke off the name of the segment. I thought these were showdowns. I think we did used to call it a showdown. Yeah, it's been such a long time. It matters so much. All right, Puerto Rican,

your turn. Guatemala, go, go, go. It's the Central American ripoff of Transformers. Fight, fight, fight. A gender reveal party became deadly as a stunt plane crashed, meaning this baby's gender is an abortion?

Implying that the baby's on the plane? No, it means they have to... It goes wrong. They got to kill the baby, obviously. Oh, okay. Yeah, you got to kill the baby. I just imagine the plane exploding and the baby just swinging out on the umbilical cord.

No! Alright, let's clean it up a little bit. Thousands of pounds of dog poop are contaminating Bellingham's water supply. No wonder it's the turd largest city in Washington. I can't say it. Fuck you.

If we're throwing rocks at Spotless Dram, I'm throwing a brick at that. You loved it. You fucking love poop, dude. You're a fucking poop hound. You're gay for turds. A new article from Rolling Stone features dozens of former Tonight Show employees

accusing Jimmy Fallon of abuse and bullying. One said, I wish he was more like Jay Leno. Not as a host. I just like to see him severely burned in a car explosion. I just can't imagine taking Jimmy Fallon bullying you seriously. I mean, you know, he's got his name outside the building. I guess. He's just a nerd.

Yeah. He's just, name outside the building. I guess. He's just a nerd. I kill yourself. Oh my god, he sucks so bad. Well, in everything I've heard, he's just a drunk. Yeah, that was a big part of the article as well. I do like the idea of somebody who's a problem alcoholic but can only drink if they're also playing

oversized beer pong with a celebrity. He just won't let Pitbull leave his house for a month. He's like, no, man, you're going to guess the word. Just get 25 more tries. No, I don't have a problem. It's so good. Well, that was a joke off, boys. Yeah.

First one back felt good. It did. It did. It felt spicy. It felt spotless. And the good news is... Shut up. And thankfully, we'll be back with more things that aren't that after this

uh hey it's me tyler dawson i know i normally come on here with karnak the bloodfeaster and we yell about devil or whatever whatever, but I haven't seen Carnock in years. The second Mean Boys ended, he just straight up disappeared. No invitation, no goodbye. He was just gone. I was heartbroken. Uh, I mean, not heartbroken because that's for chicks, but like it made my souls and nuts hurt. I don't know where the fuck he's been. He was about to turn 400. That's like middle age for car knock species. Maybe he had a midlife crisis and started banging a 20-year-old like my stepdad. Or maybe he had a midlife crisis and shot himself in the head like my regular dad. I don't know.

Old dudes suck. So yeah, that's it. No car knock. I guess I'll just go join the army or start huffing paint again or something. Hey, do you guys smell sulfur? Wretched big children tremble at the emergence of the master of malice the president of pain the comptroller of carnage Carnot the blood beester. Oh shit, he's back. For many moons I wandered this realm. I tasted the ambrosia of the gods.

I forged new blades and the fires of Hell itself. I got into making sourdough bread back when we were all doing that. But now I am returned, ready to continue my war against the human race. No offense, dude, but do you think you're up to it? You dare question me?! I will skullfuck your butt and buttfuck your skull! I mean, it's just been a while since you did any evil shit. Maybe you're kinda rusty. Oh, has it now? Tell me, young Dawson, this world of yours. In the past few years, doesn't it feel like it's gotten worse?

Yeah. I mean, everything always sucked, but it seems like now, like, everything sucks. It sucks profoundly! A level of suck never before seen outside of the ravenous cock gobblers of the fellatio islands. And rest assured, every terrible thing that has befallen this realm has been by my design. Yes, I've been gone,

but did you think I'd forgotten that your whole piss-soaked planet is entirely rotten in secret? I've labored intensely and infernally to ensure that your suffering will last Eternally humanity disgusts me you're all evil and pink your souls are all putrid You all fucking stink your skulls. I will crush! Your blood I will drink! Oh, you'd like me to spare you? Well, here's what I think!

Fuck! Your! Life! Fuck! Your! Life! In shadows I fuel Fuck your life. In shadows, I fueled your political schisms. The more you all bicker, the more I shoot chism.

Your nation's in shambles, and it's just how I planned it. I funded Antifa and Ron DeSantis. I slaughtered your celebrity verminmin now they're goners I stabbed Peewee Herman and I shredded Sinead O'Connor your riches won't save you I killed princes and poppers I gave Chadwick Boseman cancer and I crashed Fuck! Your! Life! Fuck! Your! Life!

Damn, I thought you abandoned me. But you were still being evil all along. Indeed! When there was one set of footprints in the sand, I was carrying you. And when there were no sets of footprints, it was because I drowned everyone at the beach. Can I play a sick guitar solo? Probably not, but give it a shot. Oh, shit. Hang on. I remember how to do this. Fuck. It sounded better at Guitar Center.

You fool! You know nothing of shredding! I've left millions disemboweled and dismembered. I've committed so many atrocities I don't even remember. That train in East Palestine? I hijacked and crashed it. The Titan submarine? I pulled out my dick and smashed it. The environment's destroyed.

My farts make global warming increase. Oh shit, did you kill George Floyd? No, that was just regular police. I created a plague, most foul and sadistic, that convinced you the cures would all make you autistic. I killed all your grandmas and trapped you indoors. And if you think that's bad, wait till you see COVID-24. I will not rest until the last human falls.

And you're all down in hell licking my big evil balls. I am the bloodfeaster of cowering fear. I'll even kill this podcast again by the end of this year. Fuck your

life. Fuck Fuck. Your. Life. Fuck. Your. Life. Now come, young Dawson. We must deliver the elixir of eternal life to Mitch McConnell. I missed you.

Yeah, I missed you too. Can I ride on your back like a dragon? Please? Very well. But if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will sodomize your mother again. Again? And we are back here, and we're going to play an extended version of our...

I'm not going to say it's our favorite game. Our game... It's a top niner. Yeah, it's a top nine to ten. Of all of all the games we played it's certainly one of them yeah it's one of our favorites it's our favorite nine or eleven game we're not in the labels it's called which tower was gayer yeah which of the follow falling which of the following? Oh, we're doing some follying today, Miles.

Some rivaled following. And what we're going to do this one is we've all, I mean, we've all been apart from each other and apart from you guys for a long time. So we all came in with different rounds uh of shit about which of the following about ourselves which of the following is not something we've done since mean boys ended yeah yeah you could tell that my life has been way more boring than tom's because we were talking i was like i haven't really done anything like super funny or exciting i like have two rounds that i kind of like and tom's like yeah i cut myself off at seven. And he's like, what are your categories? I'm like, well, I moved and, like, you know, I've had some fun dating stories.

And Tom's just like, yeah, mine are violence, super violence. Yeah, it's been interesting. I feel like Kathy Griffin. I've got a lot of, like, little stupid celebrity stories in mind. Okay. You know, I don't know. Maybe that's interesting. No, yeah, you've hung out with a ton of famous people over the years.

Yeah, which weirdly happened right at, I mean, straight from the Steve Ranazzisi fucking Halcyon glory days. Yeah, enough famous people for you to delete Steve's number. Steve just sitting by a telephone crying, wondering why we didn't call. I was about to say, if Steve was really hurt that we didn't have him on on 9-11, I would actually feel bad. He's like, I thought I could rely

on one booking in this business. No, we tell him that he said he was there and then, yeah, leave it at that. Oh, yeah, he was here. Yeah.

Cardboard cutout. If we could get the last league promotional cardboard cutout. If you have the last Steve Ranazzisi cardboard cutout in America,

please. A friend of ours got in the, in the, in the improv comedy clubs all over the country. They have just pictures of famous, like legendary comedians on the wall. And he's fished out of the dumpster. The day it happened.

Kramer. He's got Michael Richards improv portrait. It's so good. The single best piece of comedy memorabilia I've ever seen. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No Kramer. Kramer. Yeah yeah made a lot of good points yeah no he should he should be he should be the mascot of this show because man look look how we've both fallen yeah at least we weren't on curb your enthusiasm either so you know yeah uh you're gonna take it away yeah i'll take it away so

the first one is which of the following uh didn't happen while i was working as a trimigrant in central california you want to tell the people what a trimigrant is uh trimigrant i'm saying that like everyone knows that if you've done it you know what it is a trimigrant is someone who uh yeah if you have the job you know about the job if you practice bavarian candle making yeah uh uh yeah so uh it's someone who travels uh to a weed farm to live in a car for weeks to months to trim weed and do manual labor on a farm which is the thing i did uh one of the summers during covid and uh it it went it went it went it was fun it went weird so here here are things that happened during that period of my life which are the following all right had phone sex to stay awake on a 10-hour ride home because

i thought i accidentally killed my dad was lectured by a british woman on a shaman's healing powers the end of her story i learned the shaman killed a guy. One more money playing dice and poker versus coworkers than did working on the farm. Or D, got told to masturbate quieter in my tent at night. I'm going to say D, because Tom is not a very prolific masturbator. I'm going to say D, because I don't think you had a tent.

I'm pretty sure you were jerking off so loud they could hear you through a Prius. Like, I remember when you lived in a kitchen. You don't need to masturbate. Like, you've said this to me before. Like, you could go months. You do it when you're bored. So I don't think you ever got. I'm going D.

I remember watching Tom Pace around the house and being like, he needs to masturbate. I've thought that about it many times. There were moments where I'm like, I wish we could just milk the tension out of you at night so you'd wake up chill. Oh yeah, like a horse. Just Tom. It hurts me more than it hurts you.

Yeah, if we jack off the horse, he'll be less likely to kick the children who try to ride him. That did happen. And D did happen. So here's the thing you got to remember. I'm sleeping in a tent. It's like five degrees out.

It's a good way to stay warm. Like you're starting a fire. It's no friction, really. Yeah, no, I slept with my hands in my crotch. Yeah, just for warmth. Yeah. And I go from there to the armpits. Well, you're there long enough eventually.

How close was the next tent that they were hearing you? So I thought it was far, and I didn't... There was like a little ledge and a drop-off, so there was someone like, I don't know, maybe 15 feet away 10 15 feet away and i'm in a canyon so it can echo at points

and he didn't tell me that he was like right there uh i just the eyeline it's dark in the eyeline i couldn't see him and then finally yeah finally he told me the sound of the midnight wind through the canyon just i'm just who's the guy walking around at night staring intense that sounds like somebody's like he's a wet eagle flying by oh no the swimming owl damn i'm never to think of masturbating not as a wet bird. Yeah. I was doing the old swimming owl the other night.

Yeah. You ever drop a soggy pigeon? Should we go in a circle? Yeah, let's go in a circle. Oh, I thought you meant for jerking off. All right, which of the following is not something I've done since Mean Boys ended? A, saw Lil Nas X lose a nail.

B, fell in love with a man at a vape shop. C, spent $2,000 on Yu-Gi-Oh collectibles. Or D, embarrassed T-Pain about his wardrobe. Oh, fuck. These all sound pretty spot on. Yeah. When you say fell in love with a man at a vape shop, define love. Distant crush.

Okay, so there was no vape eroticism. No, there's no physical contact. Yeah, blow smoke rings around your dick or anything like that. Even your cock tastes like raspberries. Oh, fuck. So I'm pretty sure i believe a and d so this really comes down to do i think you would spend two thousand dollars in cards or be secretly kind of gay uh which both seem correct i think i'm gonna go with the yugioh one all right tom what so what was the one that wasn't the yugioh one

that was b or c uh embarrassing t-pain that was beer C? Embarrassing tea pain? You know what? I'm going to go with, I can see you doing any of these. I'm going to go with the vape shop one. The fake one was the Yu-Gi-Oh collectibles. Oh, wow. Nailed it. There was this Russian guy at the vape shop by my house.

And like, he used to be an engineer in his country. And like, he's not even hot, but he's just got, he's just a gentle sweetness to him and i always feel like he's throwing me a vibe and i'm like you know man i wish i was gay because if i did i would go out with a guy like you yeah that's the straightest kind of gay you could be yeah fucking a guy who works at the vape store yeah that's actually straighter than fucking a lady yeah i don't want any feminine energy around this thing it's definitely the gayest i've ever felt that's cool i like that i'm uncomfortable when i see him does he know uh all right so um yeah let's do this one first uh so me and jordan uh started uh seeing people on field like the threesome tinder basically

uh we started being uh big old poly sluts so which of the following is not a person who has approached us on field? A, a gangbang cult called the pod. B, a man who wanted us to use him as a human toilet. C, a woman with a very intense clown fetish. Or D, a man who photoshopped a black penis onto his white body. Can I hear it one more time? A gangbang cult called the pod a man who wanted us to use him as a human toilet a woman with a very intense clown fetish or a man who photoshopped a

black penis onto his white body i'm gonna go with d just because it's a little slapstick okay it doesn't it doesn't sound um slapping the stick right on me. Yeah, and it's like any experienced ho would know better than to... I mean, maybe this is a bit he did. I'm not going to comment until we get to the end. I'm going to... The clown one, I definitely think. I'm going to go with... Honestly, all of these...

All these sound more reasonable than other things that you've told me about these people. I'm going to go with the toilet. The correct answer. See the woman with the clown fetish. Really? All the other ones are real. This dude photoshopped.

It was like almost a good one, but he couldn't figure out how to get the like because I called him out on it. I was like, that is the wrong color dick, dude. I think this is fake because he just didn't get the blending at the base. And I'm like, this is such an odd choice you've made here. Just that he had like a really dark cock. Yeah, he was just kind of like, no, it's just the lighting in there. I'm like, dude, that's not how anything works. Yeah, the lighting of a black man.

Yeah, there was no melanin in the light bulb. I have to bring up one profile that we saw on field. Tom knows about this, but I wanted to... It's one of my favorite things. ...share it with you. So I couldn't figure out how to work him into the game, but this is a dude who approached Jordan, and his name is Randy at Night.

And the first line, I am not looking to pay. And I'm going to skip through here, but I am multiple multiple comer oftentimes heavy comer my big mushroom head is six inches around with a tape measure i only fuck bareback uh this is the great part if you live downtown please pass me by too crowded and tall buildings nearby freak me out because 9-11 i would like to dump in you a stranger but i am afraid of a terrorist event to just be who thinks about 9-11 that much i mean we're doing the freaking reunion on 9-11 i didn't

put that much 9-11 thought into it yeah all i do is talk about 9-11 even i know when to put it to bed for a minute you should have been dead because of 9-11. I know. You had a ticket to the flight. And also, like, 9-11 already happened. It can't happen again. Just don't fuck me on 9-11. I mean, have you tried to bring a shampoo? I think we're good. I think that, and by the way.

Sir, that's more than 1.5 ounces of cum. Well, it's like downtown Long Beach. What terrorist is going to stick it to America by killing 145 homeless people? Oh, no, they burned down the worst Roscoe's. So I want to move into the more current work. I've been working a lot of security jobs and I work security at a bar now. I'm a bouncer. So which of the following was something someone tried to bring in the bar past me? A, a 10 to 12 pound bag of weed.

B, a blowtorch. C, a buzzsaw. D, a gun. Oh, shit. Read them one more time. 10 to 12 pound bag of weed. Okay. B, a blowtorch.

C, a buzzsaw. D, a gun. The weight of the bag of weed is so specific that i feel like it has to be true i feel like a buzzsaw is just a weird thing to have out and around so not like a blowtorch blowtorch is kind of in like the crackhead accessories buzzsaw i don't know so that one stuck out to me. I'm guessing buzzsaw. That would be my guess as well. It was a buzzsaw. Okay.

Bang. Yeah. Damn. Why would you bring the 12-pound bag of weed to the bar? You don't need that much. Well, he was going to try to sell it. Leave it in your car. Well, he had this giant bag, and I know it's 10 to 12 pounds because I trimmed weed.

It was a big fucking... I mean, weed is light. It was a big bag, but he has this giant... He's like, oh, yeah, I just did laundry. I was like, well, I still have to look at it. And I'm bringing my laundry to the bar? Yeah. Exactly.

You don't like to get a little drunk, fold some laundry? Yeah, I've got my list of chores for today. Oil change, laundry, be alcoholic. Yeah, multiple people have been like, yeah, it's very... You've got to work pretty hard to get felony distribution for weed, but bringing a 12-pound Santa Claus sack with you sounds like a pretty good way to do it. Well, it's that.

It's hilarious how many people, they know I'm going to check their their bags the amount of butt plugs and dildos that are i mean there's an easy place to store the butt plug i know i know in my mouth you let them bring the butt plugs in right oh yeah what am i going to take away their butt plug this is america okay what if okay if somebody brought in a butt i don't know the rules of bouncing let's say somebody brought in a butt plug, I don't know the rules of bouncing. Let's say somebody brought in a butt plug and then in the course of a violent altercation used it as a weapon. Would you be liable? For the, I mean, for the, no. Okay. I don't know the rules.

No. I'm not a butt plug lawyer. I'd have to break up the fight, but if you could do real damage to a guy with a butt plug. I mean, I just thought of, yeah, I just thought of some pretty good way to do some damage. Use it as intended. Yeah. Well, okay, but give me another one. Because that's a small target and it's hard to reach.

Yeah, well, I imagine them throwing it like a football into the guy's ass now. Get over here! Well, I was thinking about just trying to stab someone in the eye with it or something. How much is a dead rising weapon, how much value does it have? Probably negative. It's pretty, yeah, it's not that, I mean, it's hard, but it's also like, there's harder stuff. If you really, you grab a bottle. I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, there's better weapons that you drink out of. What do we think is the best, like, if you had to kill a guy with a sex toy, what's the best one? Because I'm thinking anal beads. This is why we're married, Connor. Yeah, that's true. Oh, Sibian, you just gotta drop it from something high. Oh, like an anvil. You're dropping an anvil on the road, Connor?

Just the fact that we both immediately knew we would strangle someone with anal beads. Yeah. Oh, fuck. All right, I guess I'll do my next one. These aren't as good as Tom's. All right. Which of the following is that swing I did since Mean Boys ended?

Made my manager give me a sword. Stepped on Demi Lovato's foot. Sharted at a D&D game, adopted a foster dog, and mistakenly gave him away to a lesbian. Okay. Wait, what? I'm going to need to hear those again.

These are pretty good. I made my manager give me a sword, stepped on Demi Lovato's foot, sharted at a D&D game, and I adopted a foster dog and mistakenly gave it away to a lesbian. No, when you say mistakenly gave it to a lesbian. You didn't know she was lesbian.

Yeah, like it's not that you didn't mean to give the dog away. It's just you meant to give the dog to a normal Christian family. Or you just got robbed by a gay person. No, it means we fell in love with the dog, but then we gave it away to a lesbian because we thought, you know, we couldn couldn't give the dog a better life and now we just got to look at the dog on the lesbian's instagram that's not an accident that's just a bad idea it was i mean yeah we accidentally fucked ourselves out of a great dog uh i'm saying it was a good lesbian she's got a good home that's good it was a good lesbian you's not one of those bad ones. They usually leave a dog unattended for long enough.

A lesbian will just come by and pick it up for the city. That's just how it works. That's true. I'm going to go with stepped on Demi Lovato's foot. I'm going with sharted at a D&D game. I did sharted at a D&D game. I did not step on Demi Lovato's foot. Wow. On the board. It's the same thing you got titty feet it's demi lovato's old one right compared to what i'm thinking i think

i'm thinking of somebody else i'm thinking of uh what's her face in uh uh arrested development Arrested Development. Maybe. No. Portia de Rossi. The, no. No, she got your dog. I don't know why I was thinking of her. The Lucille 2. Oh. Liza Minnelli? Yeah, very different.

That makes a little more sense. Debbie Lovato, Liza Minnelli. It's all kind of flippity jibbity, you know. It's all Italian nonsense. Yeah, exactly. These are equally meaningless names to Tom. I like Liza Minnelli. I don't know who Demi Lovato is, apparently.

You know what's funny? I know of her in theory, but I don't really understand what her fucking deal is. She's a singer. She just went they, them. She's really into aliens i would honestly probably have i would love to kick it with demi lovato was she one of them uh disney channel ones maybe i forget something like that i think she was like big since she was a kid okay uh i moved to long beach um which of the following is not something that has happened

since i've moved to long beach a was chased from my home by a pack of raccoons. B. Watched my girlfriend challenge an obese man named Elvis to a fist fight. C. Encountered a squad of homeless men armed with homemade spears. Or D. Was felt up by an elderly Mexican on the bus. I'm pretty sure I know this. I might need to hear those one more again. Was chased from my home by a pack of recluse. One more again?

One more again. Yeah, one more again. Yeah, she's opening for Demi Manali. Watched my girlfriend challenge an obese man named Elvis to a fist fight. A squad of homeless men armed with homemade spears or got felt up by an elderly Mexican man on the bus. You know what something about a squad of homeless men with homemade spears it's like when did they get together and say hey guy hey let's squad up and let's all let's all make spears together that's fair uh that sounds a little contrived so that's going to be my be my guest

is it the mexican man on the bus yes on a technicality because that happened in orange county but yeah all those things happen our neighborhood is fucking getting weird so they all had spears yeah yeah i've seen the spear guys it's so bizarre because it was just one of them at first and then slowly it was like this arms race where all of the shopping cart guys now had big speed and we've never seen them like fight with them so i don't know if they're going to the pier and fishing or like what the deal is but they just are ready now they're like centurions yeah okay awesome yeah well so they're keeping your name safe yeah like the mob you know they're out there

honestly when the raccoons keep showing up by the stairs i'm like i should get a spear like solve a lot of this problem. Yeah. I like the idea that you just get to leave your house, and it's like feudal Japan, and you just... It's up to you to bring a sword if you're going to go past Fourth Street. Yeah. It's Katana country right here.

All right. I'm between knockouts and extreme violence. I love that those are two separate categories. All right. Let's go extreme violence, which is a thing that I haven't seen while working security. A, a man beaten with a novelty size six foot serving spoon. Two. Thanks for explaining the novelty size.

Watch someone get bit by a gay man who explained he was gay before the biting commenced. Like it was going to get him off the hook. Yeah. Saw a man get hit in the head with a skateboard. Or D, saw a man get stabbed three times. That last one's not as fun as the other one. Yeah. Now, did the stabber mention that he was gay before he did?

No. Wait, what was the gay one? A man who came to the bar, said he was gay, and then left the bar biting one of the other employees. This is like what homophobes thought Magic Johnson was going to do. Like... yeah. Just go around. My God, he's gone rabid.

He puts the ABBA in rabid. Yeah. A was the man being with the novelty. It was like a six foot metal spoon. Explain that one. Man in the head with a skateboard was getting kicked out, swung it, cracked him in the head. Or the man got stabbed three times. You gave the least detail

about the man who got stabbed three times. It was at last call. Everyone was getting kicked out. But that makes it sound the most real. For some reason, I feel like the skateboard is just a little boring. Like, who makes up a six-foot wooden novelty serving spoon? Right. Like, who fabricates that part well tom is honestly would do something like that but but if i was gonna make it up i'd make up a funnier item you know what i mean like a novel like

we already used butt plug but that would be my you know something in the butt plug space yeah that's what i'm gonna call my asshole from now on. The butt plug space. I'm going to say the gay guy biting. Connor? Oh, I'm going to say the skateboard. The fake one was the man beat him with a knobbly-sized six-foot serving spoon. We took it away from him before we kicked him out. Does that mean you just have it?

No, we gave it back to him. He kicked him out. Does that mean you just have it? No, we gave it back to him. He was just drunk. Yeah, we gave it back to him as soon as he was off property. Oh, okay. It was really weird because I don't know what that was used for. Was he opening a salad bar that day? I have no idea.

What happened next with the gay guy biting incident? That guy became gay and the guy he bit became gay. That's exactly what I told because it happened to my manager. The guy came in, started screaming a bunch of slurs, and then he was like, he was just on something. And then they pushed him out and he started swinging. My manager pushed him by the face and he just clamped onto his hand

and was bleeding and then i showed up and was like what happened and i made the exact oh you're gay yeah uh the man in the head with the skateboard was also my manager and unluckiest man yeah i showed up late to work that day and What does he manage, a bar in Star Wars? I showed up. I watched the video of it. It's pretty brutal. I showed up late that day.

I showed up late. I actually had the night off, but on the way home, I stopped by the bar. I was like, you need me to clock in. My manager goes, hi, Tom. I was like, what the fuck? He's just always kind of stern. I was like oh you need me to clock in my manager go he goes hi tom i was like what the because he's just always kind of like stern i was like oh hi how you doing he was like i got hit with a skateboard today he said it like he was talking to talking on the sesame street tv show he's just the most concussed i was like oh he's smiling something went terrible i like the way you're describing your job is like's like, okay, so basically what I do is I wait for my manager

to get into some sort of hilarious injury scenario, and then I show up 10 minutes later, and I go, what happened? And then I wear these cool gloves, and I get to work here. Oh, I don't have that in my Witch of the Falling. There was a guy. Actually, I'm going to save it because it does relate to another one. I'll tell the story in a second okay uh this next one did i a get caught staring and making these stallions ass b pissed

off steven tyler c came in my own face or d made a fool of myself in front of nelly oh can i hear it one more time? Got caught staring at Megan Thee Stallion's ass. Pissed off Steven Tyler. Came in my own face. Made a fool of myself in front of Nelly. Hmm. I want to say

I want to say I want to say made a fool of yourself in front of Nelly. Okay. That is also going to be my guess. The other ones, because I think it would be very, I could see Nelly being a guy and I don't know if this is true or not. They're like,

Oh, I liked him in middle. Cause I liked him in middle school. Yeah. Yeah. And you try a little too hard and you say just something dumb and he laughs at you. Uh,

Oh, that, that sounds like something that would happen. Never mind. I'm actually arguing against his point. I'm going to say Steven Tyler now that I think about it. Okay. Yeah, I'm sticking with Natalie.

All right, the fake one is actually getting caught staring at Megan Thee Stallion's ass. Really? Got away with it? I stared at it, but I didn't. No, Steven Tyler, he was like the last presenter on an award show and i had to cut all of his lines and he really liked this little like rap i wrote for him so then uh yeah i just had to cut all of his lines and he was furious with me but uh he was

about 80 scarves yeah when you when you meet him just a cousin it made of a chiffon just kind of screeching at you well i talked to him for like three seconds, and he said, are you a comedian? And I was like, what? Yeah. And he's like, I can tell by the voice. And I was like, do you have magic powers, Stephen Tyler? Hey, poof. And just dust, and he's gone.

And with Nelly, I was so embarrassed. I accidentally said the name of his first album wrong. I called it like country grammar instead of southern grammar. I thought it was called country grammar. Well, I called it southern grammar instead of country grammar. Nelly listening, getting re-angry all over again. corrected me and i was like oh fuck oh boy it says a lot that at no point did any of us even entertain that you didn't come on your own face you've told me well i told you guys last time i just thought it'd be funny to put that one in there yeah it was because i came on so many faces it's like i should know what i've been do you know what i mean i should know what i've It's like I should know what I've been. Do you know what I mean? I should know what I've subjected people to.

I should know what, you know. Yeah, you did it on purpose, right? I did, yeah. Yeah. Not like you. Not like the loose cannon over here, Mr. Tom Jets. No, it's always been a, you know. Spray and pray guy.

I've always been my own jack in the box. They're like, pipe down. The tent's rocking. So, full disclosure, I only made two rounds because my life has not been interesting, but I just winged one. So which of the following did I not do? A, throw my back out in a mosh pit. B, have a threesome.

C, have a foursome. D, steal Christmas decorations from Target. I'm going to say A. The first one. A was what? Throw my back out in a mosh pit. Keith knows his body too well, but he loves threesomes and foursomes and stealing from Target.

You know what's funny? What's up? I'm going to say threesome. The correct answer is a trick. I did all four of those within a 24-hour period. To the stupidest weekend of my life. I did those and then could not sit down for three months.

You just chafed? No, no, no, because the back. My dick was barely part of the process. Yeah. My dick really came in like a guy who got called in on his day off. He's like, I'm here, but I'm not gonna be happy about it. Came in all clerks at you keith was trying to figure out all right how do i fuck with no back the same way i was like how do i hide that i'm sick at work this is when tom was

training for uh like when he you were a serious like jujitsu or not jujitsu like a boxing guy yeah i was boxing during the break and i was like oh tom i have to do some shit with my back and i know you have back problems so tom is like giving me like the right stretches like i'm getting ready to go fucking rocky three these pussies like yeah that was i didn't have a game for it but i did box another comedian and knock him out and there's a whole it's the whole saga there that one day hopefully will be explained but i'm gonna wait before we get into that it's a whole bucket of fish yeah um but speaking of knocked reasons, people have been knocked out by other customers. Don't call me scam likely.

Man got a flying knee to the jaw after mooning another customer. Man started skipping towards a man while being told to back the fuck off and got one punch KO'd. Man threw a burrito at a security guard, then a stranger ran up and sucker punched KO'd him. Or a former employee heard another employee get called the F-bomb, so he elbowed him and knocked him out. I don't know about people defending homophobia or, you know, bad acting righteously in Huntington Beach. Yeah, that doesn't track. Real quick, run them one more time.

Flying knee to jaw after mooning another customer. Okay. None of these were employees, by the way. Man got knocked out while skipping towards another guy. Man got knocked out because he threw a burrito at another security guard. And then a stranger ran up and knocked him out. And then a former employee heard another employee get called the F-bomb, so he elbowed up and knocked him out and then a former employee heard another employee get called the f-bomb so he elbowed him and knocked him out i'm gonna say the burritos

fake i don't see drunk people wasting burritos that often okay that's a precious resource when you're drunk yeah that's what that's what you aspire to do is be a burrito owner uh yeah i mean you know that means you want it being drunk like that's the little chaos jewel you get at the end of the level yeah yeah you hear the little song you won uh fucking i'm gonna guess a a it was a the burrito thing happened my first weekend i remember you telling me about the burrito yeah it was uh it was a black security guard and then some fucking white guy got kicked out threw his burrito at him the guys just covered burritos motherfucker and then just another black dude who was not even he didn't even come into the bar

was just on the sidewalk saw a white man throw a burrito at a black guy just fucking rained up knocked him out dabbed him up and walked away it was one of the coolest things I'd ever seen. It's like in Marvel vs. Capcom 2 where you can hit the button and have the guy who just flies in and does one attack and then goes. Yeah.

Yeah, the mooning, that didn't happen, but a girl did get kicked out, then mooned us, and then fingered her ass. Whoa. In a form of protest. That'll show you?

Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, the other ones are real. Damn. It's been a lot of... You don't realize how much shit happens until you work the job. Right.

All right, guys. This is the following. It did not happen since Mean Boys ended. Borrowed Whitney Cummings Range Rover. Angered Snooki. Started practicing black magic. Or farted on Taylor Swift. There's no fucking way you farted on Taylor Swift.

I've been in a room with Taylor Swift several times. Just to clarify, farting near Taylor Swift is not the same thing as farting on Taylor Swift. For the purposes of this game, it is, yes. Okay. Okay. I mean, what do you think? I'm trying to get fucking tackled by security or say I farted on her? I think you're trying to be a hero. You're trying to be.

So it's Snooki. What was the Range Rover one? The Black Magic. I'm going to say Snooki. All right. What was the first one? You seemed like you'd be too viking in haze to really notice you were there.

Borrowed Whitney Cummings Range Rover. You have to say Snooki. I did anger Snooki, actually. I did not fart on Taylor Swift. Ah, you fucking coward. I know. I was so mad I didn't have one queued up When I realized I was going to be walking past her I was like, fuck

You could have just pretended she was me One would have been conjured I know You could use that black magic I've wasted a lot of Farted on both of you hundreds of times I know All your training was for not

Not at all What did you do to Snooki? I think the joke was about Hey, and look at all the seat fillers in the crowd Yeah I'm talking about your BBLs Right And she was mad about that I don't remember

What is a BBL? One of my jokes pissed off Snooki Brazilian Big black labials Brazilian butt lift Weirdly mine sounds less made up than yours does Even though yours is the real thing it means Yeah

Big black labial Weirdly, mine sounds less made up than yours does, even though yours is the real thing it means. Yeah. Big black lady. Well, I don't have any more rounds prepared, but if you guys have more, we can bang through them. I mean, I do one more. Yeah. Okay. Do you guys want people to try to kiss me or slurs? I've been called.

I mean, I'm conflicted because I know which one I want to hear more, but I know which one would be a better idea for you to read into a microphone. Well, let's get romantic. Who's trying to kiss you? Okay. A, some... All of these people were drunk. A psych nurse, two old Asian women,

a gay black man, a Russian orphan. Go through that again. Go through the cast of that one-act play one more time, please. A psych nurse, two old Asian women, a gay black man, a Russian orphan. Oh, boy, that's hard. Which of these happened while i worked security or did not happen while i was working security i'm gonna this is not security related huh this is not security all of these these are these are all security i feel like there's

who who would tom attract romantically but a russian orphan that's his bread and butter yeah you know like you need that real, like, fucking... If I could produce the name of a Russian author, I would do it right here. Dostoyevsky? Yeah, you need that Dostoyevsky-level sadness. War and peace and... Chekhov's come.

If there's cum in your balls in the first act of the play, you've got a bust in the third act. Oh, fuck. I am going to guess it's the psych nurse. Okay. I'm going to guess the two old Asian women. Okay. The psych nurse, that did happen.

We talked about it, and then she came back another night and kept texting me to kiss her during the shift. Okay. The two old Asian women happened on New Year's Eve and they came up and I had to deny them because there was definitely vomit in their mouths. Gross. You got chunks in your mouth like you got a receipt for this assault. The technicality is the gay black man happened when I was barbacking at a different job.

That's right. Well done. Yeah.'s right. Well done. Yeah. Well done? You accomplished something. I did. I tricked you. Yeah, congrats on having a popular mouth. All right.

Last round. A. Got in a car crash that wasn't my fault. A. A. Is this by your definition? A. Got in a car crash that wasn't my fault. A. A. The answer is A. The answer couldn't be more. Is this by your definition or the state of California? Okay. Had consensual sex on date rape drugs.

Had my work condemned by the Anne Frank Museum. And looked at Jim Norton's dick. Oh, shit. Okay. I'm still going to say A. Yeah. What was B? B was had consensual sex on date rape drugs.

I think it's A. Yeah, it's D. I didn't look at Jim Norton's dick. Oh. I did talk to him at a urinal, though. Okay. And you didn't even try and sneak a peek? No.

Too much respect. I get that. And too much icon. We're already chatting. if he's a little more famous you have to look but he's right at the cusp where i'm like it's not that cool to have seen his dick i would have looked at the shit out of bruce willis's dick if i had a chance a hundred percent god damn that i remember when we got the the stern condemnation from the anne frank museum yeah when we wrote for historical roast we got officially disavowed by the Anne Frank Museum,

which, I gotta say, it's a feather in my cap. Dude, a bunch of people from that fucking show are dead now, and it kind of feels like us writing jokes is just Death Note. We can take it out on Agent Comics. I know. I prepped Norm MacDonald for his last talk show appearance. I'm fucking cursed. Was that his last one?

I'm pretty sure, yeah. Holy shit. That's... He looked rough. In fact, one of mine was did hard drugs with Norm Macdonald. We just watched him take Vicodin. Yeah. I'm just going to do the last one real quick.

Oh, please. Slurs, okay. After being given such an out. I'm not going to say the slurs. Okay. All right. A, the N-word. It's a slur towards black people. Oh, thanks for clarifying. B, the crackurs. Okay. All right. A, the N word. It's a slur towards black people.

Oh, thanks for clarifying. B, cracker. Okay. Slur towards white people. C, the F word for gay people. Or D, breeder for straight people. You know what's annoying about this one? He's like, A, N, B, F, C, R.

Oh, I think it's absolutely Cracker. I think you got called all three of those other things. Oh, Cracker's a good guess. I'm going to go with Cracker. It was Cracker. I thought I was going to trick you because I forget that Breeder is more well-known. Yeah, I got called Breeder. Yeah.

I don't think I've called you a Breeder before. Which is somehow calling you a Breeder may be the most inaccurate of all of those. Because I could way more likely see you waking up black one day than waking up a father. Yeah, he's not a guy who does a lot of breeding. The jets are powerful, but unless they're going 40 yards and landing in a lady.

Yeah, the jets are powerful, but they stay on the tarmac most of the time. All flights have been grounded. That's pretty funny. Oh, my God. Well, that's what we've been up to since the show ended. Yep. Now you know, everybody.

We should say we would be doing the Mean Boys mailbag, but obviously it's the first show that's back, so we didn't have any questions. But we have a new voicemail number. You can leave us a voicemail at 804-818-MEAN. That's 804-818-6326. That's 804-818-6326. Hit the mail, email,

Mean Boys Podcast at Gmail. Send us a fucking X or an Instagram. Get us your questions, guys. We want to hear from you. Yeah, and also, we have a live show.

The tickets are up right now or fucking hopefully should be. October 20th, Halloween, live in Hollywood. We don't know who's going to be on it yet, but probably a bunch of people you remember from the show who are great people who are hollow or mean.

That's the information I'm provided in Los Angeles. There's many choices for both. There is it down to everyone. Yes. So come to you. Don't be a bitch. Come to Halloween. You want to come?

Yeah. If you live in a 50 mile radius uh you know i think you owe it to yourself say 55 go past in a hundred mile radius you know what i mean fuck it say 105 miles yeah you guess some of you flew from alaska to go to the show in the front yard of the fucking pacquiao palace this show will be in an actual venue kind of i think it'll have air conditioning it's a pretty small venue right's just oversell it. It's not that good. It's a pretty small venue, right? Third wheel, yeah. It's intimate, I believe is the

term. Yeah. For the other places didn't email me back. So if you plan on going, get your tickets quick, is my recommendation. Do it before people who deleted this feed realize the show's back. Yeah. So you can be rewarded for your good

behavior yeah fucking uh i'm excited to hear from you guys dude this is fun i miss this yeah this was a blast it's good to be back in the trap with you fellas yeah all right do we want to wrap this thing up let's do it Fuck everything God has said.