Mean Boys - EP 219 - Chipples

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

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Shop now at nofrills.ca. Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. Sometimes the pit moshes you. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm the Hardcore Hedgehog. Yeah, me and Tom went to Riot Fest out in Chicago and Tom got his fucking ankle exploded. Yeah, nothing hilarious happened at all. Nothing. These are not the stories you're looking for. Dude, I felt so bad.

So we went and saw a bunch of bands and we ended up in the uh the pit for pennywise and tom was like pretty stoked or whatever and pretty like you know you're having a great time you're a tough guy and like i go into the pit with you and i see you for the first couple songs and i'm like yeah cool we're all hanging out yeah and then i lose track of tom and i'm like okay well that just happens sometimes oh yeah and then like the set i'm like okay cool they're covering no effects songs that's fucking weird and then they go oh yeah we're

gonna bring the singer from rise against one of Tom's favorite band is one of my favorite bands all the way from like sixth grade out to cover black flag song and I go I can't see Tom but I bet he's losing his fucking mind right now and that's when I look at my phone and see the text from Tom that says i'm in the medical tent and i go oh my god i have to help tom in like

seven minutes because you're not dead because you texted me so i want to hear fucking nervous breakdown someone had to hear rise against yeah it was such a but like it felt so rise above god damn it yeah it was such a fucking uh like a Above, goddammit. Yeah, it was such a fucking convergence of cool things for Tom. It was just like, we're bringing out the guy from Rise Against, and all of Tom's ex-girlfriends are here to say he was right, and his dick is huge. And you're like, nope, a fat guy couldn't stand up, so now I have to go to the fake doctor.

Yeah, I was fucking... It's like you got diabetes the day the cone zone was fucking officially a business i was so i was moshing it was like the third or fourth song and if for those of you who are not aware of pennywise their songs are not very long they're pretty it's pretty early in the set uh yeah they don't like the government or doing anything for longer than three minutes those are really the two things i know about pennywise. And they know dead guys. Yeah. Oh, that's the highlight of the whole fest for me. So they spit Tom. I go back to the medical tent, and the doctor is what I can only describe as, like, Connor.

Like, it's just like this, like. His name was Calvin. Yeah. Calvin was. Shout out to Calvin. 23-year-old blonde dude. He was 29. Was he really?

Yeah. He looked very. The point is, he didn't look like somebody who I somebody who I would want being in charge in an emergency situation. See, Calvin was exactly what I needed at that point. He looked like he was going to take a vape rip and go, dude, your foot looks gay. But I get Tom out and we're sitting in the grass watching the rest of the set because he can't stand up. And they start playing bro him. And Tom literally struggles to his feet and he's like

carry me and i'm like hobbling him towards the stage yeah i grab him by the shoulders and hop on one leg where one of the security guards who uh helped assist keith get to the back is watching in complete dismay as i hop on one leg while going she had a face that just like what is this white nonsense i like that his people's national anthem brought the fucking energy back yeah yeah i'm proud to be in a bro him uh bro him acts as an anesthetic for anyone whose neck is thicker than their legs yeah it works the same as advil it cures all motocross injuries so i don't know what happened but either someone fell or someone was tying their shoes,

but I was making a barrier, and that's when somebody just fell directly into the ankle. Ah, shit. I started fucking making... I don't really scream. I just make upsetting noises. Oh, we'll get to those. Yeah. making i don't really scream i just make upsetting noises oh we'll get to those yeah um and i am doing it right in a girl like there's a couple in front of me and uh the guy is just paying attention to the bro him the girl looks very concerned and then people keep pushing me

right after the guy's off and finally i limp to the because there's a little side barrier for them to get people out and i'm i get like i'm like, I think help, help, I think. And the girl's like, do you need help? And I was like, I think, I think so. Right. And then she like waves down the security guard and they just start all yelling, turn around. And I was like, what? Turn around.

I turn around and then just two giant men lift me up over the barrier. Oh shit. I didn't know this part. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how they get you is you turn around and then it is easier to control someone's back than front. Okay.

So you get reverse dirty dancing down to the pit. Yeah. Yeah. Into the barrier. They put me in a chair, which felt like it felt excessive because I had already been like lifted above the barrier. Right. Once you've been thrown, you don't really.

Wait, you mean they took you don't really wait you mean they took you over and then put you in a chair that was on the ground yes okay i thought they were lifting you like it was a bar mitzvah yeah bro him we do the bro him yeah no uh and then they take me the tent is it's like maybe 20 feet from the chair like i was like you just kept carrying me at this point and they're like fuck you or i could have just hopped right um but yeah no it's uh the the photos the photos my it didn't break but i thought it i thought it was broken for a minute it looked broken well yeah and that was it was like so we got out of the thing and it was fine but then like you leave this big park and you have to walk. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

A great moment is I was talking to Calvin and we hear in the bed. There's like a moment because we're talking the whole time. First about ankles and then about like music in general. And then we hear from the stage. Ladies and gentlemen, rise against make some noise for him. And we both like look at each other and i go are you fucking kidding me and he goes he's probably joking nah he was the most serious yeah because i wasn't paying attention to the music at all oh one more thing before we get out of the park they

were weird about letting me back to the medical tent i guess they thought i was trying to sneak backstage or something you look like you'd steal band-aids i just want those popsicle sticks yeah it still tastes like popsicles yeah uh but fucking plain oh they were like your friends back there what does he look like like tell me what he looks like and we'll go look for him and i feel bad but all i could i was just went he's short and he has a beard and he kind of looks like me but not as fat and he's short and she's like yeah let me see what i can and then 30 seconds later was like yeah i, I found him. Yeah, we've got 28 guys matching this description.

Yeah. Does anybody have a broken ankle, and it does not reach the ground? That picture you showed me, it was like electric. It was like pimp coat purple. It looked like you got bit by the grimace. Yeah. Well, she came back there, and she just looks at me and goes,

do you have a short friend? It would be very nice of her to not say obese. Yeah. But yeah. Do you have any squat acquaintances? Do you know somebody who looks like a poop? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

So you have to leave and then you can't get an uber out of this fucking thing so you got to walk like three quarters of a mile to the train station there was also the this weird fact because we wanted to see the insane clown posse just because oh yeah we missed icp that was the biggest tragedy of all well it's like i i have no interest in seeing like paying to see icp but they're at the festival i want to see the juggalos juggle right now i want to see them go fucking crazy you're dealing with the icp of your own insane calf puss but yeah we went over there and immediately like that's not gonna work and then there was a moment where i started feeling a little down because i was in a lot of pain and i couldn't like

see anything so i ate a pint of ice cream while you watched the postal service in front of a table of like five drunk women two of them were trying to hit on me and i wasn't into it at all uh and then just pounding cream where did you get a pint of ice cream at a hardcore festival they were selling it yeah okay they had a guy all right they were selling it and it was i thought tom was like well let me go into my havasack and i was hoping I wouldn't need this. In case of emergency, bust cream. Yeah, no, it was just this really drunk weird girl going,

you look strong, while another girl threw up at the end of the table. That's her holding her hair. And then her other friend going, can I have some of the ice cream? And me saying, ah, no. This whole pint is for me yeah this is daddy's medicine i was like i spent 16 on this i'm gonna have every bit of this ice cream i'm gonna eat the fucking cup yeah uh i have one leg right now and then it was just funny i stood up to throw in the ice cream yeah and then they saw me limping like oh like she literally like made an audible noise like she's like i didn't know you were crippled

i would have never asked for your ice cream if i knew your foot was fucked you look less strong now if you are weak if you had just put the ice cream on your shin you might be able to see an icp yeah we walked over to icp literally, I just hear somebody go, yeah, they were supposed to start 10 minutes ago and people are already fighting. So I'm like, yeah, we can't take Tom in there. Yeah. But we walk him the fucking three quarters of the mile, like the Civil War hopping to the train.

We get on the train. We finally go, OK, we have a whole nother day of this thing we want to get through. So we got to go find tom mccain uh calvin's whole thing was like so my medical advice is for you to not stand on this ankle at all for at least like three to five days right and i go okay well i flew out here from la so i'm not gonna do that and he goes yeah i kind of figured i appreciate your honesty he goes get get a crotch i was like i don't have one he goes goes, and I go, okay. And he goes, ha, perfect. And then he wrote you a prescription on a boogie board.

Yeah. He goes, you're probably going to drink. So just like, don't take Tylenol. I love Calvin, the teenager in a lab coat. Yeah. He was like two fucking children stacked up in a doctor costume. Yeah. Calvin just assumes like, you're going to, you're going to want to drink while you're

here. So just don't, he's like, you can take ibuprofen. Don doctor costume. Yeah, Calvin just assumes, like, you're going to want to drink while you're here, so just don't... He's like, you can take ibuprofen. Right. Yeah. I'm really concerned you're not getting enough weed in your diet. Yeah.

Dog, your four loco levels are hella low. Yeah. You're only at a half a loco. Yeah. We need a loco infusion. I take Tom to the fucking CVS to get a cane, and of course it can't just be a normal walk it's mexican independence day so there are just like low riders doing burnouts and 10 000 drunk mexican chicks oh yeah the amount of just like hot drunk mexican chicks

in short dresses was insane yeah uh for for no and they all look like they were gonna get hit by a car they all they all all of the energy for because it was also we cut we this was the end of it so everyone was fucking hammered there's broken glass all over the street all over the sidewalk like the fucking purge like right before everyone calls it a night it was the happy purge it was just like the splurge there's yeah there's no there's no rules if we're gonna drink and fuck right everyone's energy is i'm fucking hobbling over to cvs right and i don't know i can't i don't know how to i could have crawled faster than i was walking you were cartoonishly slow yeah and the worst part is like so we get up to the cvs and we're like all right buddy the

canes are here and it's just watching tom's do you know tom yeah and he just is like i cannot buy one of these because if somebody knows i needed any kind of help they'll think i'm a woman like tom's brain cannot process like i need medical aid i saw you trying like considering like can i just not get the cane and just be a fucking man well i'm just i see him looking at the same six canes on the display over and over again like none of these are alpha enough for me he literally he literally went like i need the black one which one is black well a lot of them were like curved and stuff which i'll be honest were more comfortable than the one i got but they looked for they were for old people you said the whole point is that it would help you. You want a young man's cane. Like, you're clearly a young man.

I know. Nobody will look at it and think, oh, he's actually an old lady. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, well, it's just, it's fucking, I don't want old lady accessories at the punk festival. Well, you have the PTSD of a war veteran. You might as well have the accessories, too. You might get some stolen valor pussy. no one cares about you everyone's doing their own thing yeah yeah no but i well no that's not true yeah you almost said i care about me

yeah no i i got a cane the cane helped i just like the curved one was just more like it was just smoother right but it also didn't have the same like uh fucking you know like it didn't look tough none of them look tough this really is a chick's decision do i want the black one or the curved one yeah i almost wish well this is the exact point i'm making is that like tom was like okay so tom is like walking in absolute agony like a fucking zombie with its leg bit off the whole way we get to to the Airbnb and I go, this Walgreens is seven minutes away for me, not for us, but for me. So why don't you go home?

You didn't say it that way, but you did suggest this. I was like, you go home and I'll go there. And you're like, no, I got to do it. And it's like, you're not making your life better. You're making both of our lives worse. Okay, but we got to celebrate Mexican Independence Day this way. Dog, I live in california every day is mexican independence day not when we cage the mexicans we california yeah no i don't

mean you personally with a fucking butterfly net yeah cal yeah but we go back uh to the fest the third day and uh we we get tom the there's like a little like handicap platform with chairs and shit that you can chill at. So that's kind of perfect because you go get a chair and I'm like, OK, I'm going to cruise around a little bit. I'll keep checking in. And at some point between when I leave him to when we're like getting towards the end of the night, Tom has gotten shit house, which I didn't do the entire weekend until this. Like I had a beer, but I was sweating so much like I nothing was sticking. Oh, yeah. I'd have a beer and I'd be like that did. I don't even feel like a slight, but I was sweating so much. Nothing was sticking. Oh, yeah. I'd have a beer, and I'd be like, that did.

I don't even feel like a slight. That did nothing. I was like cane drinking the whole weekend. We were sweating so much again. I was pretty fine most of the time. Yeah. There was a moment you were, I think, drunker than you thought. There were a couple.

Yeah, yeah. Which I was like, I wasn't trying to be like, no, buddy, you're drunk because you were fine. But I was like, you kept doing a thing, even when there wasn't music, where you bring your chin down and you would go like this. I've seen this Keith dance. If you were real drunk, your eyes would roll back as you did it, which was awesome. It was so fucking cool to see you in that place.

But it was kind of like... No, I'll take that. It's like they had two takes for what the truffle shuffle would be and that one was like so close but they went with the other one but it was yeah and i also like earlier in the weekend i was like you i know you had worked monday morning but yeah overall i was like yeah i be semi, you know, my plan was to be semi sober for most of the weekend just so that you could comfortably get as drunk as you wanted. You know, I'd take point. Right.

Even though you were even drunk, you're very good at working public transportation. Sure. But yeah, what happened was I had one beer. That's on Keith's resume. Yeah. Very good at drunk bussing yeah no you've been yeah uh you had one beer or I had one beer then you left then I had two of the strongest beers they had and I pretty much chugged them back to back and then watch what's that band uh

gaslight anthem yeah which were great or I think they're great if they're great the beer is great but i remembered loving them and i kept talking to another guy who had the same cane as me named carl yeah i mean with the k carl with the k and we spent like marks yeah yeah uh and we spent a lot of time talking about how getting the gaslight anthem was gonna be good and next thing i know i was drunk enough to be like i'm just just going to tell Carl he was right. I'm not going to bug Carl the rest of the night because I'm fucking drunk.

Here's my perspective. I come back from being up front for Gaslight. And also, it has rained in the morning, so the whole park is mud at this point. It made the ankle way worse. Well, yeah, and I see Tom is the level of drunk where he is trying to shake hands with security and thank them

for their service. I tried to buy beers, yeah, which I knew they wouldn't be able to do. And I'm like, okay, Tom is this level of drunk, has a broken ankle, a cane he does not want to use, and we have to walk a mile through. And we were, we had to walk. You know, I secure things

myself. Oh, I think I told, well, before that, we went to see a little know, I secure things myself. Oh, I think I told him. Well, before that, we went to see a little bit of The Cure. Yeah. Which I don't, I kind of remember. No, I kind of remember this. But apparently, I burped so loud, a group of four girls, they were not near me.

They were like 50 feet away. What was their reaction? They just went, wow. And then we started talking to this guy next to us and tom was just like we went and saw pop i loved pop and the guy's like yeah they're cool i also saw that and tom's like no just pop would not stop screaming about one band no matter how much this guy wanted to talk about other shit here was which i don't remember that but i do remember fine yeah i mean the cure is they're not really i like the cure they're not a band that i'm like oh i gotta see him like i gotta come on come on tom boys don't burp but i'm walking tom through this fucking neighborhood and it's the most bizarre shit in the world because he is alternating between

great mood tom and agonizing pain where, where he's walking around and like, he sees somebody sitting on their stoop and he's just like, do you live here? The guy's like, yeah. And he's like, thanks for letting us do this in your neighborhood. The guy just goes,

yeah. All right. He's like, I love Chicago. And then he just stops and he goes, he was doing werewolf scream. And by the third one, I had to be like,

Tom, if you do that on the fucking train we're going to jail you gotta pull your shit and then all of a sudden another block you're just like oh my god this is i love your accent how do you say chicago no one ignores a very serious injury quite like tom with the pancreatitis and everything i mean you just you have an incredible constitution for pain and fun yeah yeah no that's that's uh yeah that now you now you've heard what i'm like screaming yeah it was fucking terrifying because it's that high pitch just that it up it's a it's a downward scream i guess is how i'd say it i'm pretty pretty sure they opened for... What, Niners Nails albums? Yeah.

Yeah. No, yeah, which I kind of... I remember parts. I remember being... Part of me was like, I'm going to get drunk because I'm going to need to get drunk to get back on the train. Which in theory makes sense,

but as the guy who had to escort you, I was like, oh, we're adding a lot of elements here. So you're getting drunk like Civil War medicine, like having a shot of whiskey before they take this bullet out of my knee. Yeah. At one point, I don't know. Oh, I kind of remember. So the curbs are uneven.

I came off a curb. I was in a lot of pain and apparently chucked my cane. Oh, yeah. I forgot that you kept throwing the cane at the fence. I was like, Tom, don't throw the cane. And you just went, why? And then Tom, he goes, I don't fucking care about that fence. That fence is just a stupid, inanimate object.

And I went, oh, yeah, Tom, it is a stupid, inanimate object. Making fun of him because he said inanimate wrong. And he goes, I know what you're fucking doing. What am I doing, Tom? He goes, you're trying to fucking soothe me don't soothe me i hate being soothed i'm like tom i'm mocking you i shouldn't have to explain that to you he does hate being soothed though i know i'm being mean to him and he thinks i'm being kind when you want to comfort tom you got to say, this is going to get a lot worse.

Yeah. This is going to get worse before it gets better. This is not good. This is bad. He looked like Mr. Peanut leaving Vietnam with that fucking cane.

I also kept, I go from excruciating pain to the pain would ease a little bit. Yeah. And I'd be like, fuck this cane. I'd start dancing with it to kind of show it what's up.

Yeah, you showed the cane. Yeah, but it sounded like I was dancing quickly. I was moving the same speed but dancing with the cane. I was Steamboat Willie with arthritis. Fucking throwing it. I just wanted to find a big dude

and be like, I will give give you 200 to carry this man to the train fucking baby yoda this asshole yeah no yeah i remember yeah we got on the train and the only person who offered me their seat was a fucking lady right which pissed me off because she was with the guy who did not offer the seat and then i of course got very drunk like i'm not taking a fucking seat from a lady yeah because i'm hopping on one leg while holding the fucking i was like take the goddamn seat tom oh my god what was the big laugh i got again on the train oh yeah because the trains are super packed leaving that station after the thing and we get on and it's like tom actually has some room and we're about to leave and then they go we're gonna hold for more people and then tom just goes no

i'm pretty sure they went okay we're gonna drive there every once in a while there's a guy who's just the right amount of high at the movies who's actually nailing the previews right yeah when i had to get you on the train in New York City, when you got too high, we had to get from New York to Brooklyn, from Manhattan to Brooklyn. I'd never used the trains before. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

Sure. But every time we get on a train, Tom is so enamored by the bright lights of the subway car that he's just sitting there giggling and the doors are clothing and I'm pulling him by one arm. I'm trying to pull all 225 pounds of Tom off the train

and he's like, I'm in a shiny tube. And I'm like, we're about to get stuck in Bed-Stuy, you fat fuck. Get off the fucking... At some point, you and me have to get fucked up and make Tom try to wrangle us

yeah i think it would take two people to be one tom worth of inconvenience i mean yeah i could i could handle you guys tom could carry both of us off you know like fireman style like unruly bags of groceries just tucked under his arms literally fucking moving drunk people is a lot of my job. That's a good point. You have training now. Yeah. I'm in management of drunk moving incorporated.

I just think me being like a foot taller than Tom, him carrying me like a baby would be hilarious. Actually, you being taller makes it easier. Really? Yeah, because you have an easy leverage point with your hips. Oh. It's good to know that Tom has already thought about how he would pick me up. Keith, I just grabbed by the ear because I know he likes his ears. Yeah, I'm kind of weird like that.

Yeah, yeah. I'd say you're weird. I just know it's a good control point. This is like that run of Batman where they found out he had the secret folder on how to take down everyone in the Justice League. And I'll pull Ramsey by the beard. I'll steal Opie's muffin pan.

Alright, boys. I think we're all fired up. You guys want to get into the Mexican joke off? Let's fucking do it. Hi, so topical. All right. I'll take us away this week. All right. A church in Texas read an AI generated service.

It ended with Donald Trump. Shoot of one zero one one zero zero one one zero one. A Spanish soccer coach was fired after giving one of his female players a kiss on the lips. In a statement, Spain's national program said, this man violated everything that soccer stands for by engaging in heterosexual behavior. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. This man is in trouble for being a threat.

A gator with a missing jaw and teeth was found and sheltered in Florida. Meth heads in similar conditions complained they were not given the same gator with a missing jaw and teeth was found and sheltered in florida meth heads in similar conditions complained they were not given the same gator rights the gator rights you got to read you got to read people their gator rights before you take their away you have the right to remain scabby all right the number of babies born with syphilis in mississippi has risen tenfold. The state has a new program to response to this issue called M.I.S.S. My peepee burns.

Is that I'm assuming a baby is born with syphilis because their mom has syphilis. Yes. And not just like, I don't know, they're partying in there. Yeah. There was not like fucking dirty fucking. What do you call those? A speculum or forceps? Syphilis forceps.

The little pinch hands. Yeah, yeah. You know the little salad tongs for baby skulls? Yeah. You got to squish them up. I got fucking fucked up by one of those when I was a baby. Oh, that's why you're so precious about your ears. Yeah, no, I have like a fucking weird scar on my head.

I think that might be where the twitch comes from. Oh, really? Yeah. Not funny, just a fun thing. No, it's just some keith lore not where i got my syphilis though i got that shit on the streets the hard way yeah uh an indonesian tiktoker was imprisoned for blasphemy after saying a muslim prayer while eating pork she was arrested by the islamic food crimes unit boko haram no no no no no no Something something a la snack bar. Yes. An arrest was made on a man who

vandalized two LGBT murals. The man defended himself saying, it's not a swastika, it's two weird dicks making an X. I'm just too straight to know how to draw. What? I got lost on that one. That's fair. It was too long. It was a gay guy. He just wanted to draw dicks.

He was too straight to draw. He drew dicks, but he's too straight to draw. Soccer's gay. There we go. It lacks the subtlety of my soccer is gay joke. Yeah, well, on the same note, there's been a sudden influx of pirates off the coast of San Francisco.

Not to be confused with the other kind of pirates on the mainland. Yo homo. Dancers at a North Hollywood strip club unionized. This was after a strike organized by sex work labor rights leader Jackie Hoffa. A high school band conductor was tased by police when he refused to stop playing music. Finally, a story about a cop being a hero.

All right, guys. The black high school student in Texas was suspended for two weeks for wearing twisted dreadlocks to school. Yet, Connor McSpadden was allowed to wear dreadlocks to school with no issue. Really makes you think. I had dreadlocks for like three months i'm i'm fucking devastated that i don't have pictures of this i was about to ask the mcspanning dreadlocks damn how old were you when you had dreadlocks i was probably 14 or 15 how how good of dreadlocks are we talking we're talking my cousin did these in his garage so not good at all

there was like there were some of them were better than others okay yeah some of them were like that's a dread and some of them were like that is going to just turn back into hair in a week okay oh he was a buffalo soldier i can't do an irish accent oh he was a detainees but the buffalo soldier i gotta say you ended at swedish head injury no one was more surprised than me when the black girls at jack in the box were hitting on me i was like i'm taking your i thought you i thought you were gonna be mad at me i think it's got to be like this guy must know something we don't know to be disconfident to pull off these dreads yeah maybe um all right lauren bobert was kicked out of a performance of Beetlejuice, the musical for, among other things, giving her date a handjob.

This horny couple goes to many Broadway shows, including Les Gisarab, Mouth Pacific, The Pound of Music, Hung Frankenstein, Diddler on the Roof, Girth of a Salesman, Sweeney Rod, The Demon Fapper of Meat Street, Cramilton and Spider-Man, colon, turn off the dark parentheses. But his webs are made of cum. And that's why all those stuntmen fell and got paralyzed. She also vaped. The way she acted, I was like, if you didn't suck as a

person, I'd kind of be on your side where she kicked out of Beetlejuice off-Broadway for vaping and jerking a guy off. Yeah, that is a very white trash. Yeah, that's like a crime you're not allowed to commit while wearing sleeves yeah and again that's like the most like i don't know what culture is way to get culture like let's go to broadway and see

beetlejuice yeah which is like the opera for her like let's go to paris and see what weird snacks they have at mcdonald's well what's is they said Beetlejuice three times and she showed up. Yeah. A man was shot by the police after shooting his rifle in the air in celebration of a new Florida gun law. Fine print dice clay states he should have read the irony clause in the new law. You will be shot if it's hilarious. Oh, fine print dice clay. Yeah. Oh! Fine print dice clay. Yeah, I like fine print dice clay.

It's the attention to details. Hey! I do the slow version of the fast voice at the end of the fucking commercial. Hey! Yellow lights are a gray area situation. All right. Read your iPhone updates updates side effects include diarrhea

yeah i mainly just wanted to say the headline of that article was fucking hilarious to me so fucked this is great also what look i get that people like guns and they get all horny about whatever if you're shooting a gun in the air because you're allowed to keep having guns, that is Yosemite Sam levels of gun love. It's like it's beyond Simpsons cartoon of what would happen if someone's celebrating a gun law getting passed. You can't even be mad that the cop shot you. No.

Also, was the cop in the air? Like, what happened? No, he didn't shoot the cop. He just was like, woo-hoo, pow, pow. The cop's like, he's got a gun and then shot him i mean that's good like what goes up must come down i'd be so paranoid to shoot a gun every time i shot a gun in the air be like well i just killed a baby just kill another baby like that's where my brain goes i'd just be worried it's gonna come straight down and hit me which i know is not how bullets work

but if you're really good at shooting them yeah probably if it's shot exactly up and there's no wind i mean it's not gonna go that far you shoot a plane oh i guess that uh like i was i just saw the story the other day that uh when the airplanes land like locals will just shoot at them and they have to like pick bullets out of the bottom of airplanes all the time wait where is this just everywhere there's an airport apparently you should go to like guantanamo you shoot in an airplane yeah just just the fucking pot shots at a plane it's not a fucking bird no and there's like people in there and shit it's a whole deal like what is the are they going to be stoked if they blow up the plane i mean not to virtue signal but we're against shooting planes

here on sorry what were we talking i got a pretty great. What were we talking about? I got a pretty great text. What are we talking about? What's the great text? It's not up to you. What? Why tell us? Is it my turn? We're done.

I think, no, I think it's my turn. No, I still have it. Yeah. Oh, I thought we did five. No. I think that was four. Well, then never mind. All right.

This one might be good. Planned Parenthood has resumed offering abortions in Wisconsin after more than a year. As usual, 30% of their clients are just suffering from cheese-based constipation, not pregnancy. A recall has been issued for Kraft Singles. Speaking of recalling cheesy products, if you didn't care for Connor's last joke, please return it as it is unfit for human consumption.

All right. Why I oughta. Let's close strong. A woman shot and killed her boyfriend while the couple was playing a game they called Pointing Guns. Sounds like she won. Did you just go to hilariousgunshotwounds.biz

for your news? I just went to Florida Death. Florida Death is a good Google search. Yeah. Pointing guns. That was what she called it. It's like Yahtzee for morons. Holy shit.

Well, that was a Mexican joke off. The Mean Boys podcast will be right back right after this. How the fuck are you? It's your boy, Mark Malloy, The pride of South Boston and the plaintiff in several ongoing slip and fall lawsuits against Dunkin' Donuts. And I'm gonna win too. Doesn't matter how much fucking codeine was in my blood.

A wet floor is a fucking wet floor. Now look, I wish I was coming here under happier fucking circumstances, but I gotta address some serious shit. Y'all know me, I'm a diehard Patriots fan. I bleed red, white, and blue. Even though our god king Tom Brady Pieced out to his private island to drink Giselle's pussy juice

Out of a fucking pineapple But at the Patriots game last week One of our fans got punched in the fucking head By some shit stain So hard he fucking died I swear to god kid, it was bananas That man was a loyal Pats fan And he deserves to be remembered forever

I'd say his name right now But my time on the public library internet ran out and they get all fucking raggy when you ask for more. Anyways, turns out the guy who punched him was a fucking Dolphins fan. Miami Dolphins. What a fucking joke of a team. Might as well call them the North Cuba Rape Whales. Jesus fucking Christ. Now the media is trying to cover it up saying it was a pre-existing condition, but that's a load of bullshit.

The fucking Dolphins got to pay. That's why, as the unofficial king of all of Boston, except for all the bars that don't let me into no more, I'm officially declaring war on the entire state of Florida. I'm serious as a fucking heart attack. It's going to be a full-scale invasion. We're coming down there to wreck fucking shop we'll go slammy on miami we'll stamp on tampa orlando catch these hands yo nothing rhymes with jacksonville but i'm gonna find the man headbutt him till his fucking brain turns into a puddle

now you might be thinking oh look out mark they're crazy in florida they do meth and butt fuck alligators and blah blah fuck, fuckity blah. You think I'm fucking scared of a bunch of sunburned twinkers jerking each other off in front of a waffle house? Fuck no. I'm from fucking Boston. We invented being garbage. Mark Wahlberg blinded an Asian with a fucking two by four for looking at him funny. And he's one of our good ones. Who's going to stop us, huh? Ron fucking DeSantis. I'll shove my fist up his pudding cup and work him like a fucking Muppet. Little bitch boy scared of fucking Disney.

Look, I don't fuck with Disney neither. On account I got kicked out of Epcot for getting drunk in tiny Japan and chasing a kid around with a samurai sword. But still, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to fuck Ron DeSantis' wife, even though she's busted. Seriously, look her up. She looks like a version of Anne Hathaway they found shitting in a hole outside of Chernobyl. And I'm going to do it dressed like Donald Duck, too. I'm talking dick out, wearing a sailor hat,

yelling at my nephews to wait in the car. Let's go, baby. Show me what that fucking Mickey Mouse do. So strap the fuck in, Florida. The McGehard's coming. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go see if Ben Affleck's drinking again so I can convince him to wear a suicide vest

next time he goes down to J-Lo's fucking beach house. Until next time, this is Mark Malloy saying so long and Florida can suck my dick from the back. And the Mean Boys podcast is back to play around one of our favorite games. Did they die? Yes. We've been on this one a long ass time. Rules are very simple. I read a news story. You guys have to guess whether or not this person died okay all right number one an oklahoma man is accused of thrusting a flagpole through another man's head at a sonic burger according to tulsa police did they die one of the most american things that's ever happened i hope it's one of the sonics where they actually still do the roller skating for the because imagine having to panic like you think there's about to be a murder spree but you're also on wheels yes i gotta get out of

here i imagine the two guys from the commercial just quietly talking while this is happening in the backgrounds oh my god this is crazy mini corn dog um fuck also what was the flag the american flag okay i don't know if it was like, this was a McDonald land, like invasion attacks. Yeah, was this a civil war? Why were they fucking... Mayor McCheese fucking annexed to the Sonic. The Burger King is expanding his territory.

It's like Game of Thrones for fat people. I'm gonna say he lived, because it seems like he would die but i don't know i i think there's a protective layer of like baconator fat around the head of anybody in a sonic well yeah i mean if he had like one of their shakes in front of his head as he got stabbed those things are pretty thick and that would reduce impact. That's like how they, like at Dairy Queen, they just turn the blizzard upside down to prove it's thick,

but here they just stab it with a fucking broadsword. Look, I think, I think, I think he's dead and if he's alive, he wishes he was if he could think.

Miraculously, we're told the victim will survive his injuries but will likely lose an eye, the release said. Damn. Okay. So that guy is alive. I guess it went like through the jaw and out the left. Oh, he went diagonal. victim will survive his injuries but will likely lose an eye the release said damn okay so that

guy is alive i guess it went like through the jaw and out the left diagonal oh yeah he went crossways through the head this guy found the only uncool way to wear an eye patch all right number two teens filled themselves in a car laughing as they planned to run down a 64 year old man on a bike did they die oh he lived and they died i'm already gonna guess okay so they're following an old man in a grocery cart there it's an old man riding a bike and the kids are like let's run him down yeah let's fucking get him hi i'm johnny knoxville and this is a murder exact yes oh yeah um you don't even have to be very smart to know if you're gonna go commit like a thrill kill don't tick tock it yeah don't vlog it yeah i'm gonna i'm thrill kill i don't know is that what we call it as opposed to one of those

boring kills i didn't make that up this is from your white lady serial killer research. 100%. Yeah. I'm going to say alive, but somebody is severely injured, which is what I answered last time. But fuck, yeah. This story is actually extremely sad. He did die.

Oh, just him? Yeah. And another guy they killed earlier that day oh which they didn't film uh but yeah they are just like laughing in the video and they will be upgraded to uh murder charges and both teens will be tried as adults as i was making this game i was like this game is sad why don't we why don't we do this it's a really hard game to make fun. Okay, so they got caught.

We got some fun ones. Yeah, they got caught. Okay, that's good at least. Yes. No, they're at TikTok Large. Car just drives through the studio. Keith notices a car following him as he goes to get cigarettes later. Oh, no.

It's going 10 miles an hour. It just runs me over slowly. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that is sad yeah all right number three back to the fun stuff a woman in michigan dropped her apple watch in an outhouse then climbed inside it to fish it out did they die one more time a woman in michigan dropped her apple watch in an outhouse and climbed inside it to fish it out. So she basically went into the poopy part of the port-a-potty. What a terrible time for AI to be evolving. What if that's the moment your watch goes senient?

I am able to feel and perceive poop. Is this death called bobbing for assholes? Yeah, I think she's super fucking dead this is like slumdog millionaire for people you don't feel bad for um i'm gonna say she's alive i think they they yanked her out of there she did not die authorities did not reveal if she sustained any injuries or if she got the watch yeah which kind of fucked up authorities let us to give us some closure well they don't want other people diving in there for the Apple Watch. Oh, yeah.

They don't want people to know that it works. Why would someone shawshank themselves for a fucking Apple Watch? I mean, they're expensive. They're expensive, but I know other people have died this way. I'd pay $350 not to be covered in shit. I agree. I'm just saying, if that's your whole deal is you have an Apple watch yeah but then you have the the feces apple watch right i mean you can wash it sure i mean how waterproof are they they're pretty waterproof yeah okay are they shit proof are

they that's a bigger issue yeah seriously all right boys sir, there's a peanut in me. Number four. Two bears, and by that I mean actual bears, on an Alaska military base, raided a Krispy Kreme donut van that was stopped outside a convenience store during its delivery route. Did those bears die? Did the bears die?

Yeah. Oh, I hope not. Because the only way it feels like they would have died is if, like, I almost said the military killed them they fucking drone strike two bears eating donuts yeah fucking winnie the poof sarah palin comes behind a helicopter and just bang it's like in a movie they visit her on a ranch they're like we need you for one more job i told you i was retarded i mean retired

um shit i hope the bears are alive but i feel like they're probably dead all right some ranger rick asshole came by and the elephant got them yeah i think they got shot with a tank those bears are alive boys yeah power bears the bears eventually came out and wandered in front of the convenience store and gas station a bit before heading into the woods. And they got some donuts. If you see that, even if your job is kill those bears, you kind of got to go, aw. You know what I mean? You walk away.

You let that happen. Did they eat a bear claw? Did they call it just an us claw? Yeah. An us claw. They also ate the driver, and his kids are orphans now. Yeah. claw. They also ate the driver and his kids are orphans now. Alright, a man stole sodium nitrate from his work and used it to

poison the child of a woman he was in love with who didn't love him back. Did they die? Wait, he used what to poison? What? Sodium nitrate. I guess it's very poisonous to children and people. Children and people? Both children and people, yes.

I'm just making sure I'm understanding the prompt. He poisoned the kid of the woman he loved because she didn't love him. Not because the kid didn't like him. With very little information on the article about whether the kid had any strong feelings towards the guy that poisoned him.

I just wanted to make sure I wasn't like, this fucking kid doesn't want to hang out. I brought you cookies. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't like, this fucking kid doesn't want to hang out. I brought you cookies. Yeah. I brought you a baseball bat. Yeah. I love that. Oh, you don't want to go see the new fucking Marvel movie?

How about now, poisoned? Yeah, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to say, I'm going to say it's a dead kid. I almost hope it backfired on him and he died. Well, yeah, of course. I mean, I guess I hope no one died, but... No, I think if you're poisoning kids, I'm okay with you dying. I guess that's fair. Yeah.

Sorry, sorry. Not to be too right-wing. Sorry, I'm too fucking fascist for Keith with kill child murderers opinion, but... Oh, shit. I'm going to stay alive. One of those kids is dead. He actually killed the kid's friend, and the kid of the lady that he was with survived. Just some other kid?

Just some random kid that was coming over for breakfast. Oh, that sucks. Totally smoked, yeah. It's pretty brutal. What did I do? So does she like him now? Because now he'll be like be like hey saved your kid passing a little note to it do you like me yes no maybe our baby yeah i just don't understand the move of like okay i guess without this kid in the way of course you'll have time for well maybe maybe it's one of those like sociopaths things we're like well she'll need to come back to me because she's going to be grieving and she's going to need emotional

support that's what i'm thinking like he's like he's like there's just not enough room for me in her life i feel like if you're a guy who is going to the level of i'm going to poison a child once the kid's poisoned everyone's going to know you were the guy who did it you know what i mean like she's not going to be like we'll hang out now like i think she's going to figure it out pretty do you think it was creepy eddie the guy that did it you know what i mean like she's not gonna be like we'll hang out now like i think she's gonna figure it out pretty do you think it was creepy eddie the guy that won't leave me alone yeah i wonder if it was sodium jeff yeah i mean it fucking i mean pete i mean the poison is the the kind of like that's the the way you kill someone with and it's like i don't i mean this is where all the murder mysteries come from who poisoned the butler you know basically this turns into a game of clue it's time to bond with

her he's like we're gonna find this guy yeah it's yeah clue it's a great board game he's trying to create his own episode of forensic files he just didn't quite get the plot right he didn't he didn't want the part where he gets caught and has been in custody since his initial arrest. Look, I'm trying to make this cutesy. You're talking about a sociopath. I don't know why you're looking at me this way, Keith. I'm not looking at you like anything. I'm just doing the podcast.

Mm-hmm. All right. Next one, number six. A woman ate some tilapia infected with a flesh-eating disease. She was diagnosed with a virulent vibrio vulnificus, often called the flesh-eating bacteria. Did she die? Can I hear the name of the disease one more time?

Vibrio vulnificus. Okay. For the listening audience, Tom just turned into a toad. His leviosa, that leviosa. Wait, so she ate tuna or tilapia and then fucking... Yeah, she ate tilapia and she got some crazy immersive virus. Got starts with V aids or whatever it was called. Ah, shit.

Damn. Ah, I'm going to say alive, but something worse happened to her. I think I lie, but she has some disease when I puke poop and poop puke or something. Oh, boy. when you puke poop and poop puke or something oh boy um yeah i feel um i'm gonna say dead dead all right that woman is alive but she's now a quadruple amputee who lost her arms and legs and he's right on oh So she's become a fish. Wait. They had to cut off her arms and legs?

Yeah, yep, the full Monty. Is she a butterfly? Did she eat with those? I like the idea that they're like, all right, we just have to cut off the limb that's infected. And then they don't check the paperwork, so they just cut off the wrong leg. And they're like, all right, try again. And they get it wrong three times. i just wonder if she's still eating fish

i'd probably swear off fish yeah i think if i if they cut off my arms and legs i'd probably eat like a bullet or whatever like i'm probably probably not going back to that restaurant you gotta hope the restaurant at least gave her like a gift card or something though oh yeah the tilapia joints yeah put you on the hall of fame yeah you get a free t-shirt slash dress because that's all your body is now yeah free covering we have a people tarp for your wife that tickled me even though it's sad yeah well she couldn't but she could still be probably very easily tickle her oh yeah what's she gonna do yeah i guess she technically doesn't have armpits

anymore when your main mean of conveyance is barrel rolling yeah when you basically live the same life as one of them hot dogs at the roller at 7-eleven all right last one number seven two women were arrested for drunkenly tossing a baby back and forth quote like a toy at a bar in daytona beach florida standing about four feet apart from each other that's a florida bar mitzvah you know what's funny i spent a lot of time trying to figure out a mexican joke off for this i saw the headline but i didn't see how it ends so they were just they're they're tossing the old people pig skin. Yep. Okay. Fuck. The people pig skin.

That baby's got to be dead. I'm trying to come up with a way where it's not, but. It is alive, but some people who tried to film her got hit by the girls. Yes. Thomas, correct? Yeah. The incident happened shortly after midnight on Thursday at Coyote Ugly Saloon. That's why I was trying to... And all the chicks are wearing bikinis while they're doing this.

Holy shit. The photos are really, really funny because they're holding the baby. They're like... But the news channel that I saw, they're blurring out their bikini butts. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we could watch baby violence, but heavens's Debetsy is not a cheek. The baby sustained a broken arm, and you can watch that in 4K, but you can't see a butt.

Other than the injury part, the idea of just being a baby, being sort of tossed around a fun bar by naked women, does kind of sound like what I hope Heaven is. That's the boss baby I want to see. Yeah, that's a lovely way to be alive. It is funny that I was like, oh, I got thrown around a lot as a kid. I didn't think it was weird. But they caught me. That's where Jimmy Buffett is reincarnated.

Also, I want to go back. Yeah, you probably got thrown. Did you get like the, wee, like the Upsy Daisy thrown? Yeah, and like swung by the arms and caught. Yeah, that's different than like an overhand throw. How do you have these baby memories? I remember being two years old, being of things. Yeah, that's different than like an overhand throw. How do you have these baby memories? I remember being two years old, being thrown around. I don't know.

Okay. All right. But I do have them. I remember it stopped when I got dropped. Yeah, that'll happen. I guess this did too. This baby's getting a little dense for horseplay. Yeah.

Well, that was did they die everybody that was fun we haven't done that one in a long time i like that walk down memory lane yeah yeah well he's alive lady ain't got no legs not fun for these people but uh fun for us no but some of them lived yeah yeah some of them lived to waddle another day yeah oh do you think you could do if you had no arms and legs do you think you could learn how to do a cartwheel i mean i don't i don't think it's a matter of learning i think it's a matter of physics i think it's a matter of how long your stumps are well like no no stumps core strength i mean even then though but you but you don't have a landing point for a cartwheel

you do you have your like abdomen and you could use your head well but i'm saying like if you're doing a cartwheel uh you're like sort of your, like, abdomen, and you could use your head. But I'm saying, like, if you're doing a cartwheel, and you're, like, sort of starfished out, it's like you're turning because your hand is going to be the next point of contact that's going to, like, lever you up, right? Shoulder to head to shoulder. And then you use that neck and core strength to hoist yourself.

I understand conceptually. I just don't know. See, some people... Your head is just going to roll on the fucking ground. Some people have something called abdominal muscles, and I'm saying that they could use this. It's a foreign concept, but bear with us. I mean, we could tie your arms and legs together and see if we could do a fucking cartwheel.

Well, no, but if I'm not using my arms and legs, they would get in the way to try. We could hog tie you. Still, they would get in the way. and legs, they would get in the way to try. They could hog tie you. Still, they would get in the way. Like, the legs would get in the way. Cut your arms and legs off. Or I could eat fish. I do eat fish.

And I have my arms and legs, proving I have a better life than this lady. Proving I am the king of cartwheels. Quadriplegic cartwheel. Google.com. Google's like, I don't want to talk about it ask Jeeves there's a video going that seems to pretty it seems making a pretty big meal of how

they have to get out of bed so I'm guessing no really really playing the world's smallest violin with their teeth there yeah I think we should leave this one there that's fair Really playing the world's smallest violin with her teeth there. Yeah. I think we should leave this one there. That's fair.

And come back right after a short break. Good luck to the lack of appendaged. Here at the Mean Boys Podcast, we take mocking authority seriously. And we noticed with our hiatus, we have not had a chance to address the 46th president of the United States, Joe Biden. We would like to point out that Joe Biden has been a disappointment as the leader of the free world. He's responsible for such terrible things as high interest, rising gas prices, he's always squinting, a divided country, ballooning debt, I can't find my car keys, a leader with possible dementia, too much authority when COVID happened, sometimes I come too quickly, there's too much cocaine. Too much authority when COVID happened. Sometimes I come too quickly.

There's too much cocaine. Not enough authority when COVID happened. He made all those horcruxes. Not enough cocaine. My heel clicks when I walk. I've seen more horses with big dicks. My favorite shoes are anti-semitic now. I didn't like the last Star Wars movie. I'm serious about those horse dicks. I get irritable sometimes. I spilled coffee on my Spider-Man shirt It was like an anaconda that swallowed a pig President Biden, we expected more This is our America We wanted flying cars and pussy vending machines And also more regular vending machines We the American people have been let down by the things you've done

And it's our right as Americans to blame you for all the shit that's our fault I don't know where Brandon is supposed to go Fuck you, Mr. President. And in case we don't come back, fuck the next one, too. He'll probably fuck us worse. Oh, he will for sure fuck us, like, way worse. Or she. Ooh, she might fuck us.

Nice. Gwong. And the Mean Boys podcast returns. Take a dip once more into the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call.

Have you ever heard the one about keeping the dog? It's the motherfucking Mean Boys mailbag. As always, you can send us an email. You can leave us a voicemail. What's the voicemail number? 818-804-6326 bam or mean for all you non-simpletons out there uh do we want to start with the voicemails or do we want to start with the other instagram stuff we got some instagram questions here from page

wesleyan page page wesleyan what the page wesley writes not a question just thought you all should know that my husband was excited for the bbw highway song but then also clarified that he feels like bbw highway as a site could use more diversity and seems to focus on the same few women all the time so apparently you can be hipster about anything even your fat girl sex media uh i prefer my diabetes on vinyl you haven't heard a big hammy pussy until you've heard it on 8-track. Yeah. It's like way higher fidelity. Well, aren't there, I would imagine... By the way, no word back from the good folks at BBW Highway yet.

What? They have been contacted. I don't think they're into it. Fucking cowards. Aren't there just fewer BBW porn stars? By mass, no. There's a lot of them. Yeah, there's fewer than probably regular porn stars, though no there's a lot of them yeah yeah there's fewer than probably regular porn stars though i mean for sure it really depends on your definition of the word

star i think yeah i mean well a star is anyone who's done one video okay yeah yeah porn moon then i don't all right this one comes to us from Matt. Hey, Mean Boys. I saw you guys in Philadelphia a long time ago. You spray painted my dead dad's old jean jacket. I remember that. That's one of my most fucking treasured memories of doing this show. Yeah, that's a truly special time for the Mean Boys.

Still looks a little like mine, boys. Mine boys are your boys. When you stopped recording your podcast, that was a pretty low point in my life. Ripping cigs, drinking too much, wildly depressed, sleeping on a friend's couch, didn't know what to do next. Now I've quit smoking and drinking. I'm getting married in the spring and I'm about to earn my PhD in chemistry

by next August. The only part of my life that has gotten worse since then is that I now live in Ohio. I'm not saying your show is making me depressed, but I guess we'll find out by the end of these 10 episodes. For real, love you guys. Glad you're recording the show again. Thanks, Matt. Oh yeah, break up, drink, smoke, and move back to Philly. Yeah, you got seven weeks to get

addicted to meth. No, that's fucking... I'm glad you got your shit together. Yeah, good for you. Honestly, it's nice to hear that someone who listened to the show is doing better and not worse and or dead. Sure.

Hey, mean boys, this is the buffoon from the lagoon i died i fucking descended to the ancestral lagoon but yeah yeah that's i'm happy things have gotten better tommy gosh jeff wants to know i want to know if tom's made any headway on the cone zone idea uh i've continued talking about it so here's here's, I finally, it took, it took my dad. I was talking to my dad about it. Okay. Cause we were getting ready for the return and I don't know how I didn't

bring it up to him sooner. And I explained the concept to him. He goes, his response is cause he was, he was a chef. He's also a construction guy. He's also just into weird architecture. Like he just builds shit.

The two, you think of the structure where you're like, so he knows cones. He built, no, he just builds shit. Really, the two... I like that you're hitting a destruction word. So he knows cones. He builds... No, he builds things and flavors. Like, this is right up his alley. This is while I was having a turkey waffle burger that he made.

Okay. It was very good. And he hears my pitch on it. You can't do anything normal over there at the guy's house, can you? Can I just have a sandwich? Nah, it's got to be like Willy Wonka, but bad.

It's going to be a turkey burger and a waffle. It was one of the best turkey burgers I've ever had. But yeah, he heard my pitch on the cone zone. He goes, I'll fucking do that. He goes, that's easy. He goes, they don't think you can do that? And I go, no, it's been a thing for years.

And he goes, I'll fucking show them. And then you waddled away. Dude, if you open the Goss and Goss family cone zone, that's a billion dollar industry. I'm going to have to take back everything I've ever said about you. Yeah, I'm hoping that by the end of this run, we did talk about logistics. I will have started a business.

No, I will have cones for you to sample. No shit. That is the hope. That's the hope. Okay. Well, we heard it here first, guys. Cones on making a comeback. All right.

From a fellow named Xanapan. Another Tom question. Xanapan. Ooh. If Tom is interested in winemaking or beer brewing, I'd be happy to help out if you'd like. I've been home brewing for about 10 years, and I've only had one or two batches, and I've turned out well.

Wine is also super easy to make from kits they sell, and you really don't need a lot of equipment. This guy really wants you to get in his weird hobby with him, so he has someone to talk to about it. I pitched this when the wine thing came up last episode. We got to do Big Chop 2 Big Stomped, and it's you making wine with weapons. Yeah, with one ankle.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I am thinking about it i am also taking a small hiatus from drinking gotta cleanse cleanse the the good old liver medoodle uh for a minute oh if you say it cute it makes it better yeah it doesn't feel like ned flanders in rehab yeah no that's that's the thing if there's little, you know, little cute flair to it. It doesn't feel dark, you know. That's like that kid who got poised poised.

I think the little... He had bye-bye snacks. Yeah. I think Tom's problem is he confuses his body by either, like, living the most unhealthy lifestyle possible or training like an Olympic athlete. There is no middle ground. There really isn't with me. No.

Yeah. You're never just like, I had tacos for dinner and a salad for lunch it's real all or nothing it's either i broke my leg and i'm eating a pint of ice cream or i'm getting up at 6 a.m to jog behind a truck we got a question here in the email for keith long time first time and all that i never sent this during the original run of episodes despite wanting to frequently frequently. Keith, buddy, as someone who worked at Disney at the same time in the same area as you, you've got to probably provide more identifying details in your Disney stories.

I don't expect or necessarily want you to call people out by name, but give me something that gives me an idea of who you're talking about. Unless it's about me, then feel free to put my shit on blast. I'm so curious who this is. It's a fellow named Cameron. Oh, what's up, dog? I work for one of the Vegas strip shows now,

and I was about to write you all to offer the trio comp tickets to my show for the sole purposes of heckling the soul out of our quote comedian. He is a fucking hack at best and also a complete living nightmare to work with backstage. But he got fired today in pretty epic fashion, so offers off the table. Oh, I want to know who it was. Yeah, I really do, too. Though I have heard this is rumored replacement is not much of an improvement, so I'll circle back.

It's probably a friend of mine. It's probably someone that at least one of us knows. Anyway, be unstoked. Y'all are back, even if only for a limited time. I don't give up names of people from Disney stories, partly because I don't remember everybody because I don't keep in touch with a ton of those

people, and partly because I'm like, I don't want to fuck anyone over by giving out information that's going to cause their life to be worse like yeah i'm not going to get into which stories woof woof that people have maybe identified uh people from and contacted me but i keep shit vague for a reason yeah this is out of consideration yeah uh that said i will absolutely go to vegas and ruin uh your comedian's life no questions asked dude let's go all right next question from the email from mike hey mean boys glad you guys are back at least for a little while unpops did a forever drive where adam sold

a hard drive with every episode ever on it and i was wondering if that's something you could do put all the mean boys patreon pod pop apocalypse and not a show on it since there are a few great episodes that have been taken down if you don't want to do that mass scale, I'll pay to ship a hard drive to you guys and throw you some money as well. If not, no worries. Glad you're back, Mike. It's an interesting idea.

Yeah. Something we might be down to do, I think. Yeah, that is an interesting idea. That would be kind of cool, just the complete master works. Yes. The cost of the hard drive would be infinitely more than the worth of what was on it the files you can already download well i guess some of you can't download

yeah that's true some of it is fucking uh lost to the ether some of our friends are successful yeah fucking dicks yep pieces of muffin pan all right frank writes welcome back if there is a tour jack reef new york has a spot time to perform they were short bus i already have the dominatrix ready to whip your asses good to know that was a fun show i my favorite shows are the ones where the staff stopped doing their job to come and watch me perform that was that was yeah like the line cooks and stuff and uh the vague kitchen people all came out and were laughing. Vague kitchen people.

Yeah, that was a fun show. All right, and last email. Sketch idea from Evan. This might be stupid as fuck, but it came to me and won't get out of my head. Goss of Thunders. The Avengers try to call Thor and they get Tom. That's actually not bad.

That's a good, that's better than what I came up with this week. You have the sledgehammer and it's just like, oh, does it shoot lightning? No, it's just like a big hammer. Yeah, I work out with it. I kill dirt. I kill dirt. That guy's bow and arrow guy and you let him be here.

That's a fun one. We should just write all the suggested sketches at some point. Maybe. A very special bad episode. Yeah. All right. Let's get into the voicemails a little bit. Hey, Mean Boys.

It's Chris. I'm super excited you guys are back. I just got one simple question that's probably been asked already. But is there any chance that PC is going to be involved with this reunion? I hope so. I'm excited to hear all the episodes you guys do. Peace out. Yeah, I haven't reached out to

Fifi. We haven't hit Fifi up yet. Yeah, we haven't talked to her yet, but we'd love that, I think. Yeah, our policy has always been doors open anytime Fifi wants to come hang out and fuck around. Yeah. All right. Hey, boys.

It's Alexis. Hey, so glad you guys are back. So my question for you is who is the most famous person that you feel you've pissed off since the show ended? Love you guys. Welcome back. Bye. bye oh that's interesting the most famous person we've annoyed since the show ended i kind of got into it with lenny kravitz's manager

okay because i fucked something well somebody fucked something up it wasn't me the most famous person i've annoyed is still john ham with keith the night of roast battle 2 oh he was so fucking over it. Yeah, Keith and I met Patton Oswalt. And we were all geeked because we're like big Patton Oswalt fans. And Patton happened to like, he was familiar with our work on Roast Battle. So he was like really nice. And we're pretty over the moon, you know.

Like one of those guys, this guy we looked up to, you know, knew what we were doing. And we get back in the fucking House of Blues where they're taping it. And we're like, oh, like geeking out a little bit. Right. And we realize that we're not alone in the room. Jon Hamm is in the fucking House of Blues where they're taping it, and we're like, like geeking out a little bit, and we realize that we're not alone in the room. Jon Hamm is in the corner, literally sitting and sipping a whiskey like he's doing an impression of himself, scowling in the dark,

and he goes, what are you guys so excited about? And Keith doesn't really realize who he is, and he goes, we just met Patton Oswalt, and Jon Hamm goes, you guys are that excited about meeting Patton Oswalt? Like as a dig? Yeah. And I said, I'm really more of a Breaking Bad guy and I just left mine yeah I'm trying to think of the most uh fucking Rob Schneider seemed not into my shit

we worked on uh a thing and it was kind of like the thing I had written and he had to film it and every time I would go what if you did this he would kind of give me a look that was like what if you shut the fuck up because i've been rob schneider for a really long time so i was like yeah good point i'll i'll put all my good ideas in the trash where they belong yeah i'll defer to your killer instincts yeah yeah i mean i don't really spend as much time around famous people um but probably the same night as the pat and oswald story i didn't really know i don't think i annoyed him i don't think it even registered but there was i was at the the after party and i i was really drunk and i was with my ex-girlfriend i go that guy looks

who looks like dave chapelle swim on a couch made out of Asian bitches. Like absolutely an earshot. And she goes, that is Dave Chappelle. But he didn't really mind. He was busy swimming. Yeah. Oh, I have one, actually. I was judging Rose Battle a few months ago. And I go up there, and it's like we're waiting for the battles to start.

And they go, all right, hold this chair for, I forget who it was, some other fairly known comic, but not a super famous person. And I go, oh, okay. And I sort of turn. I'm i'm not paying attention i turn back to the chair and somebody's sitting there i'm like i'm gonna have to tell this guy to leave and i feel weird and i'm like hey that guy looks like quentin tarantino and then i went wait nobody looks like quentin tarantino that's quentin fucking tarantino so i had to judge rose battle with him uh and as it turns out when you make a foot joke to his face he doesn't seem super into it like he wasn't seem super into it. Like he wasn't a dick about it, but he gave me the look of like, that'll be all.

Oh, I had a card Rampage Jackson at work. Oh, shit. Yeah. He very much looks like Rampage Jackson. Sure. He was actually really, really cool. I didn't exactly get into it with him, but I really deeply bummed out T-Pain. Oh, yeah. You were telling me about this

yeah i just bought a i just started writing for tv shows so i bought a pair of yeezy wave runners which was a hot new sneaker a couple years ago and i was feeling like a million bucks walking around the big old fucking dolby theater you know doing my thing writing the show and i gotta go work with t-pain because he's hosting and he's wearing the same exact shoes that i have and i'm like fucking perfect and i walk in the green room and I kind of give him a, huh, huh? And he looks down at his shoes like he's wearing two dog turds with shoelaces. And I never saw him wear the shoes again. And then he became T-Hurt.

He just burned them like a flag that touched the ground? I think he did. He was like, the whites have gotten to these already. These have been soiled by honky mediocrity. Yeah. All right, let's play this one. Hi, Mean Boys. This question is for Tom Goss.

Tom recently found out about sounding. I just want to know, how many times has he watched videos about sounding after he found out about the term? Thank you. So do you want to explain what's happened before I go through the next few voicemails that are going to be related?

So that is a friend and co-worker. And I know that we bonded because I knew what sounding was because he likes to bring up sounding to new people who work there. Right, just to bum people out. Usually the response is, well, what's that and that

he enjoys explaining to them as they look horrified i knew what it was and also described pretty pretty uh you don't think i know about sounding i hear everything uh you look so heterosexual it seems impossible that you would know about something so gay and so arcane right well it's not just for gay people objects aren't gay objects are objects something so creative i guess more accurate i guess there is nothing gay about it inherently yeah i mean unless it's like a male spoon but i don't know how do you do that that's a fork yeah exactly you guys have never sounded right no no okay me neither i i don't even i don't even open the hole up there i don't i don't want any any dirt getting in yeah somebody who listens to

this show has to if you're a dickhole poker sound off like i want to hear from you guys this person has probably seen a video of this person doing that oh you've seen this person who may or may not work with you i mean no I haven't seen him sound. Well, no, but a video of it. I thought that's what you just said. Maybe I missed something. Oh, yeah. I mean, we've shared fucked up videos with each other.

Oh, but not of him. Yeah, not of him. I'm not saying it's crazy. He's the one who's bringing up dick pushing. Yeah. Well, it's more dick pulling. I guess so. Or no, it's more dick.

No, it is dick pushing. But pushing towards yourself. Sound off in the comments all right now i do want to point out that we have a few voicemails coming because there was a point recently where tom went oh the work people found my the voicemail line and then my phone kept busting yeah it was funny because before a different work person told me like oh yeah you can bring up where you work on podcasts you know just you know right blah blah blah and then uh uh they listened to some of the first episode of mean boys and they were just like ah i don't go it's not for

you uh all right here we go hey we checked out your band they're fine yeah you guys have any songs that don't suck shit this is a question for tom just always looking at him i wonder wonder how his relationship is with the lady people okay so they want me to explain this my bar thought i was gay for a while because you knew about sounding and one of the guys kept trying to like it was funny because like uh he brought up like yeah if you're if you're seeing a girl or guy that's fine too feel free to bring a man on a day off like we'll make sure they feel welcome but yeah girl or guy like and it started there and then um finally they and i did like didn't flinch which a lot of bros in

orange county probably i've seen dudes kind of flinch it like then the concept of that doesn't i you know i'm not in the guys and then finally he just asked me goes uh so tom are you uh are you into men or women i go no i'm into the lady people which sounds so much like a gay guy trying to cover. I like their vagina meat. I think it's yummy and cool. I'm really into breasts. I love a good vulva. So yeah, we always bring up, they always go like, so are you talking to any lady people lately?

I had a heck of a weekend. I touched so many chick nipples. Chipples. Chipples. This is a question for Tom. Which Pokemon would you fuck, marry, and kill? In detail, please. Thank you.

Okay, so here's a question. Fuck, marry, and kill. Does this person understand that that's one of our signature bits? So what if what of a co-worker's wife dm like it was just like okay what kind of questions do people usually ask and i go just dumb hypotheticals usually uh like fuck mary kills with pokemon and what i think she did is she just told everyone to call in and she gave that to somebody and they didn't understand the prompt so they just repeated it word for word.

No, but it's fuck, marry, and kill. So this is one that we're all into. And the answer is ditto because then you can make them look like any guy you want. There you go. Yeah, any guy. Yeah, or a girl if you want. Long standing thing. If you're going to fuck a Pokemon, you're doing it gay.

Yep. All right. We got one more from your fucking work pod. No, I think the answer is like one of the ones that looks human to begin with like a guard of war a champ the guard of war just looks like an old chick this is what you'd fuck marry and kill you'd do all three of them yeah yeah yeah oh jinx because it's it's it's yeah blackface yeah looks like a girl progressive and then you also she she can put spells on you, but you have to kill this person.

Yeah, progressive. Tom is racist. I just realized that... Killing black face. I just realized I picked a psychic Pokemon. If you have a psychic Pokemon, they can read your mind. They know when you're lying to them. That's not great leverage in a relationship. You should want to fuck the dumbest Pokemon. Yeah, Ditto.

Yeah. Or not Ditto. Diglett. You know what? the one that's just a little dick sticking out of the ground. I would fuck ditto, but I would have him not transform. I would just fuck the big pile of purple poop. I love you just the way you are, baby. Spats was right.

Horny flubber. A lot of people don't know, if you fuck diglet, it evolves automatically. Your dick is a rock stone. Alright. This question's for Tom um I'm just wondering do you not talk to me because uh my husband scares you it's a valid question why don't you try and fuck this guy's wife well because every time I talk to her he comes up to me he goes are you trying to fuck my wife I'm just saying look Dave clearly you're doing a bit this is how you win the bit yeah this would be a bad way to this is this is a no the answer is

no all right you have to one up you got all defensive because one time i talked to you because i was hammered and then uh the last time i tried to talk to you i walked over and was right into a dog fart and you didn't give me any warning so there's your answer all right old old uh old homie of the show calling in here hey guys it's will from nashville hey i gotta call you back for a limited time or hopefully uh you won't be as jaded and just uh continue doing the podcast you know know, for however long. But I'm hoping you guys come down on tour soon. You need to go to Gatlinburg, and hopefully Connor will be impressed by the knife museum tour I gave

that Tom, Keith, and Nicole were not impressed by. I was, you fuck. Just glad you guys are back, and whatever. Yeah, fuck it. That was the night after I ate too much Waffle House and threw up. Yeah. I felt so bad because, yeah, we went down to fucking Gatlinburg and Will took us to the Knife Museum.

It's the fucking Knife Superstore, basically. Yeah. Slash museum. And I feel bad because this is not my wheelhouse or whatever, and I'm trying to be a good team player and be like i want to go see this thing fucking will's excited about at a certain point i'm like yeah they all look pretty sharp man like i don't know to tell you no it fucking you would you would like it cotter you would i think you'd be stoked you'd like all of gatlinburg i think yeah i'm not knives are cool i don't know i probably probably have the same opinion like i

just want to like samurai sword type shit. There's like every blade you could imagine. Gotcha. Except Blade Runner. If I were 12 years old in my Let's Go Get Ninja Stars era, I would have had fucking nine boners walking through this place. Some of us never left that era. Like I said, fucking come down. Once again, the night before, you suggested I eat the entire loaded hash browns.

Yeah. And then I ate all of the loaded hash browns. Okay. Then I threw up next to a police station from eating too much. Yeah. So I was still in like a bad place physically while touring the museum. I also enjoyed their pepper spray collection. A brief history of thwarting rapes.

Yeah, that's an exhibit. I do want to go back to Gatlinburg to go to that weird Jesus Medieval Times thing they have. Oh, I've heard of that. Yeah, it's like a dinner theater adventure, but with Bible stories. I'm like, fuck heckling the comedian in Vegas. That's the show we should go heckle.

You know how every third hot sauce is like Django's butt fucker ass explosion i imagine the pepper spray museum is like there's there's a lot of those like billy's i anti-i-raper yeah the you know who melter 9000 yeah uh all right let's play this one hey this is your one and only emo-gendered slut from Houston, Texas. Figured I'd do my first voicemail ever. I didn't really start getting into the Mean Boys community stuff until right before it ended. And, you know, ended up following along with This Is Not A Show and started to interact a bit in the last year of that.

So I was pretty down whenever that ended. But since that happened earlier this year, I've definitely had some fun times. Right after that happened, I ended up meeting this really awesome, cute guy while partying at a Wren Fest. And we've had all kinds of crazy gay adventures since then, which has been pretty great. He recently got me a necklace with this cute little campfire charm on it, which is perfect because if anyone like my mom asks, they can be like, oh, because, you know, we met each other while out partying at this camp around. But it's more specifically by the end of that night when we met, I had,

I was like going down on him and bent him over next to a campfire to eat his ass. And so we get to giggle about that and decide who gets the second story. There's a lot more to it, but man, that was crazy fucking nice. Crazy. I don't know that there's that much more to it. Hey, adventures. shows um yeah i guess my question is have you ever had like any little gifts or of symbols or something that like you and another person had you know like a a public meaning and

then your own meaning for or otherwise have you just gotten any like kind of cute thoughtful gifts recently i have one from friend of the show, Dave Cyrus. I was giving him a ride to, I think we were actually all hanging out. And I was giving him a ride in my car. And as he got out of the car, he had been excited because he just found a big collection of silver dollars in his grandpa's basement. And he just like unloaded them all for a bunch of money. And he had one in his pocket. And it dropped out in the car.

And he couldn't get it between the seats. And he was like, I guess that's yours. And I was like, Dave, you don't understand. This is going to be a family heirloom. I'm going to say, son, you know what this is? This is a Jewish man's coin. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get one of these? So now every time I see Dave, I bring the coin,

and I throw it in his face like I'm Superman or Batman with my kryptonite ring. I have your power, Shekel. and I throw it in his face like I'm Superman with my, you know, Batman with my kryptonite ring. Right. I have your power, Sheckle. And it sits in a place of pride in the shrine in my home. That's awesome. What was, sorry, I got your own personal Jesus stuck in my head, but Crazy Gay Adventures.

Somebody eat your butt by a campfire. Reach out and touch dick. I liked it on the way to a question it's just a just in the meandering on the way to the question it's like i ate this guy's ass at a rent fair you know yeah what was the question oh no that song is by depeche load if you've gotten any thoughtful gifts lately or if you have any gifts that have a secret meaning with somebody i love how that the first the story wasn't really attached to the question which i kind of love i guess it kind of was um what gift did you the gift of ass i guess it was the gift of ass i i fucking uh so jordan made me this it's over my calendar there this little embroidered thing with all the asses and the legs and she gave it to me i was like that's awesome and it took embarrassing

long before i realized if you hang it the right way which i did not it says i love you oh i just thought she just sewed me a bunch of asses and pussies i was like i've never felt more seen by a gift um i mean the fucking being able to go to riot was pretty fucking yeah yeah that was fucking then i ate your ass when your ankle was broken yeah you couldn't escape all right do we want to save some voicemails for my ass cool next week yeah i think we said we have so many but yeah we can save some for next week all right cool well that's the uh that's the show gang anything we got a plug leave us a voicemail at 818-804-MEAN or send us an email meanboyspodcast at gmail.com we have a subreddit our mean boys and a discord server both are linked in the show

notes below yeah discord's been fun i forgot we had the fucking naked uh mean boys fans channel in there oh yeah there is a channel of people just sharing nude selfies yeah so if you want to if you kind of like the show but you want to show somebody your dick and or boobs fucking come to the discord you could also not do that yeah you can also yeah you can also go talk about trading card games yeah you have lots of options i'm happy for all the dicks i didn't really want to see them but i'm happy for you all october 20th uh halloween live in hollywood third wheel comedy uh tickets are on sale the links and all our shit uh those tickets are actually starting to move we're like halfway sold out right now cool yeah so uh pick them up while you can uh we're also fucking send us if

you have an application to be the dominatrix for that show hit us up oh yeah we do need a dominatrix don't we yeah because uh my my rolodex of chicks what like hitting you is limited now uh cool yeah i think that's it yep yeah cool Yeah, because my Rolodex of chicks that like hitting you is limited now. Cool. Yeah, I think that's it. Yep. Yeah. Cool. Fuck everything.

God is dead. Bye. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you