Mean Boys - EP 221 - Bunga Bunga (feat. Ramsey Badawi)

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

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It's already holding you. I'm Keith. Oh, no. Fuck you. Who are you? I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Conor McSpadden.

And I'm... Small but proportional. That's me. That's an accurate slam. There's a long conversation about shorts outside before the show. I made one of the boldest claims about his torso I've ever heard. I do imagine you'd just go into a Macy's and be like, what do you have for a man who is eight years old?

A man who is eight, but proportional. Not one of those weird eight-year-olds who's all out of whack. Show me your community college elf on a shelf section. You know the clothes that you put the Paddington doll into? Do you have any of those if he was like a skateboarder? How would you dress the guy you don't want dating your American Girl doll? Show me your

South Korean line, please. There should be a line of dolls for American Dirtbag dolls. Oh, yeah. For like, this guy always gives you a cigarette, even when he barely has any. Oh, this one's name is Chadler. He wears the same Led Zeppelin shirt, but he's a great sound guy. He knows which energy drinks you can buy on EBT.

He comes with a collectible vape pack. Mystery bag of powder, not included. Which energy drinks are technically medicine? Because that's something I should know. So all energy drinks qualify California under the SNAP program? Except for Celsius. Celsius will always send you back. Really?

That's a bummer. We are not technically food. I don't know what the deal is. I don't know if it's technically medicine. I don't know if it's cosmetic. I don't know if it's technically medicine. I don't know if it's cosmetic. It's a battery slash household cleaning product. And I've always said Celsius is the bourgeoisie

energy drink anyway, so I don't care for it. I had a minute where I was going to shows in LA and the store next to where I was going only sold Celsius, so I was just ripping two of those a night, and I'm like, this is wrong. Yeah, it's not right. It's not right. Everybody who drinks it thinks they're better than energy drinks. I'm not a fan of it at night, and I'm like, this is wrong. Yeah, it's not right. It's not right. Everybody who drinks it thinks they're better than energy drinks. I'm not a fan of it at all.

Sorry. Can you angle the mic towards your face a little bit? Like that? No, like towards the other axis, like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. Here we go. The meme voice. Oh, yes. You're sounding sharp. Yours is drifting away from you, which I find kind of funny. The microphone? Yeah. I'll keep it right here. Don't worry. I'm a professional broadcaster.

Yeah, take that, Keith. I've set the mic stand to lounge. The professional broadcaster who forgot about the Mexican joke-off until he got here. What are you talking about, dude? I wrote some sicky-ass fucking Mexican joke-offs. You did? Yeah. I wrote these.

These are actually written from the last... So a lot of people don't know about this, but I was going to do the last Mean Boys episode, but then it was canceled, so I didn't do it. Right. So as you guys remember, I was unbooked from that. So I have some Mexican joke-offs that I wrote from back then that I'm going to do today. Oh, wow. Okay.

These are the old school shit. These are old. Some of them probably prescient for the time in which they were written. Okay. Okay. But I hope they're good. I hope they still work. I'm excited.

Like a reverse Nostradamus situation. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm nervous. I'm excited. Like a reverse Nostradamus situation. Exactly. I'm nervous. I'm really nervous about it but we'll see how it goes. All right. Well, what do you say then? Let's get into it.

Let's start the Mexican joke off. Hi, so topical. All right. Ramsey should go first or last. Yeah, Ramsey go first. Let me go first. This one's a good one. You guys are going to like this one.

Um. You guys are going to like this one. A Canadian man ate 135 Carolina Reaper peppers in one setting. I meant to say one sitting. In one sitting. He said he wanted to know what it felt like to eat Keith's mother's pussy. You bitch. Damn. Her cunt is notably spicy. Her cunt is notably spicy.

Her cunt is measured in Scoville units. The only person who would eat their pussy you get diarrhea. Your mother's pussy is like Mexican food from a truck. Have you ever gone to 7-Eleven and taken the one clit challenge? There's something funny about reading an incredibly mean joke but but unconfidently, like you've never read it before.

Oh, yeah. It's been a minute. You couldn't handle sitting, but you sure handled Keith's mom's pussy. Well, I accidentally wrote one setting is the problem. It's a typo that I did. You wrote in a stumble. Yes. Just to really highlight how good the punchline was

That it could recover You know what's weird Is you can actually Buy my mom's pussy With EBT It doesn't have that Yeah It's not Celsius

It's unnutritious Yeah My mom's pussy Has empty calories You can get it As long as it's cold If it's hot No dice

You can buy my mom's pussy Two ways With EBT Or from a guy Alright I'll go You can buy my mom's pussy two ways. With EBT or from a guy. Alright, I'll go. A New Jersey man crashed his car through a police station while blasting Guns N' Roses. He sustained serious

brain trauma and will spend the rest of his life with special shudda-nudda-nudda-needs. When I'm going to the short bus. You're not good at math. Really sampling my joke to make a hit. You are the originator of shun-a-na-na joke. A 104-year-old woman broke the oldest skydiver record.

She released her parachute by flashing her tits. It's like a Looney Tune. One released her parachute by flashing her tits. It's like a looney tune. One of her tits is an anvil. I would love if tits were so floppy, just the floppiness of them slowed you down. Wouldn't get stuck in a tree just doing car dancing. All right, guys. A 13-foot-long python survived for five months eating cats in an Oklahoma trailer park.

Hey, my 13-foot python lives off pussy, too. High five. All right, I got another one. I got another one for you guys. You guys know all this. This is a little bit of an outdated story, so you guys are going to have to be with me on this one. So I don't know if you heard about this, but thousands of Apple customers are complaining that their new iPhones are

overheating. This is iPhone 12. This is iPhone 12. Real throwback. Yeah, it's a real throwback. That's what happened when you download the Mean Boys podcast, bitch. What? That's what happens when you download it. That was stanky. Is it because it's a hot joke?

Or a hot podcast? I'll be honest with you. I didn't love the joke, but I wanted to add a little toot to it to try to see if we could bring it back up. I liked the toot. The toot was good. I thought the toot really added to it. Yeah. I think it tasted more like toot than joke, if I'm honest. You may have over-seasoned.

I don't really do jokes anymore. I'm now kind of a toot dude. You're full LA. You've got your finger on the pulse of comedy. You know jokes are dead. It's a vibes based economy Vibes and ah sounds Is where it's at

If you can go ah a lot in the microphone Holy shit, you're going straight to JFL If you sound like a bad dolphin Enjoy your sitcom Yeah, a fucking roofie dolphin Is headlining just for laughs next year What's that Andrew W.K. song With the wah

Oh, that's Disturbed. That's Disturbed, brother. Wah! I can't do it. I guess you'll never be a podcaster, Pete. Yeah, Down With The Sickness. I actually, I remember way back in the day, I read the lyrics to that for a Mean Boys sketch, and it is a horrifying

song. Really? That's weird, because the title's so uplifting. Yeah. Down With The Sickness? Yeah. Well, it could be about like overcoming health problems, but it's not. How live you got from that? It's not at all. You listened to it and thought it was about... What's that band called again? Well Adjusted? Yeah, like

Down with Sickness. Up with Health. Hi, I'm some dick with a soul patch here for holistic healing. It's time for universal health care. If you're like me, you owe your wife money and you take a lot of supplements. All right. I'll do this one.

A man is suing Disney World, claiming that one of the rides gave him, quote, a painful wedgie. When asked for comment, Goofy said, oh, you don't want a wedgie? Then quit being a bitch. Bullied by Goofy. Yeah, Goofy rolls, dude. Yeah. I always liked when he had more of an edge. Yeah, yeah.

His son was cool, too, Max. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's probably doing all right. He's probably dead on fentanyl now, actually. He would be the Disney movie character that got too cool for his own good. Skating and shit when he was a kid. An extremely goofy funeral.

Yeah. You hear Goofy crying by the coffin. The gritty Goofy reboot. Goofy's throwing himself on the casket. He changes his name to Somber. There is no Gorsh. Gorsh is dead. Donald Duck's wearing a suit top and still no pants.

There is no Gorsh. There is no Garsh. Minnie is also now Mickey. She's a guy now. A lot happened. It's been a long couple years. There is no Garsh. Fuck everything. Garsh is dead.

Holy shit, dude. I have to follow this. All right. Two Japanese wrestlers in their underwear started an impromptu show on a bullet train. Keith Curry claimed this was some monkey paw bullshit, and if two hunks are going to have a shirtless spider in a public transportation, of course it's...

Of course. Of course. Of course it's in a country where they think I'm Godzilla. All right. That was good. You landed it's in a country where they think I'm Godzilla. All right. That was good. You landed it. It was a little long, but. When you say Japanese wrestlers in their underwear,

like, were they just, like, wearing normal guy underwear, or were they those sumo-like diaper? No, it was, like, WWE style, like, under, like, I don't know what the fuck they wear, like. Unitards? No, they were, like, the, like, wrestler booty shorts. I know what you're they wear. Unitards? No, they were like wrestler booty shorts. I know what you're talking about. Wrestler spanks?

No, honestly, you would have been really into it except for the fact they were Asian. Here's how you know Japan is better than America. Two guys fought on the train, and that was the news. Yeah. Two guys fighting on the train is a slow day on the train. It would be news here in the sense that it was like just two guys fought.

Like only two guys fought. No one died. If only two guys pissed on the LA Metro, we would put up a plaque. Oh my God. That's the opposite of 9-11. Yeah, yeah. The day that only two people pissed in the subway. Right. A drug dealing Texas Popeyes employee shot a customer while on the clock.

He was immediately promoted to nice shift manager. There's so many stories about Popeyes violence that I feel like they're seeding. I'm like, they know what the brand is. Yeah, I fully agree. We're Popeyes and we're rock and roll. Their commercial is just like that lady in the apron doing the knife hand thing. Want a chicken sandwich? I wish a bitch would.

All right. Here we go. Let's go. All right. So Taiwan has unveiled a new submarine to fend off the Chinese. It's called the Grade F Submarine. I'm proud of that one. I'm proud of fuck is that one, dude.

I really am. The F is for fuck. Speaking of the Asians, just keep it on theme. Yeah. A Japanese company unveiled a $3 million robotic suit that can be used for space exploration.

The company says this invention will revolutionize the... Ah, fuck, shit. Will revolutionize the way billionaires die in space. Would have been great if I told the whole joke. I want to call it, okay? The punchline is, this is ridiculous.

I'm going to try to Babe Ruth this. Okay, alright. A moose was shot because it was rampaging inside of a train in Stockholm. I've heard of moose tracks, but this is Okay. All right. A moose was shot because it was rampaging inside of a train in Stockholm. I've heard of moose tracks, but this is ridiculous. I'm here for it. I'm here for any this is ridiculous joke.

And the toad was right on that one. Thank you. I learned from you. Toad level on that one was A-okay. This is ridiculous might be the most toad-an-all punchline. Yeah. Aware, you know. It's the verbal equivalent of doing this With your face

For the listening audience, whatever you pictured, that's what I did Whatever Dennis Miller did After a joke Oh yeah, Dennis Miller, love that guy Huge Toot He's a Tootastic He's in the Toot Hall of Fame Toot Hall of fame, easily.

Him, Chester Cheetah. I have to say that our old Josh David Spade was like Chester Cheeto in human form. Yeah. He had that much raw swagger. Yeah, truly, truly. Alright, guys. A Florida Jack in the Box employee shot a family over some curly fries. She was immediately

transferred to the Popeyes in Texas. We think he'd be great. GM. Yeah, exactly. The orientation video to work at a Popeyes is just that scene from Full Metal Jacket where they teach him how to put the gun together. But it's a Glock 9.

All right, all right. You guys are going to like this one. I can already tell. A woman was arrested after police found a dead newborn left in a suitcase inside her doghouse. I mean, I've heard of the husband being in the doghouse, but the baby? This is ridiculous. Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.

Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. podcast is too much to breaking news terminal wetness among the mean boys three female listeners people cried when we first ended this show let's fucking go alright Australian

drivers reported seeing a dog behind the wheel of a speeding car when the dog was pulled over authorities discovered the car contained a large amount of explosives and directions to the annual mailman convention. A Missouri high school... Hold on, hold on.

I got one. I got one for that one. Okay, okay. All right. I've heard of self-driving cars. Self-driving dog? Wait, wait.

Finish it. This is ridiculous. Two, two, two, two. Jokes are kind of fun. That could be the name of this show. Jokes are kind of fun. Jokes are kind of fun. A Missouri high school teacher was fired after her porn site was found.

This was discovered when all of her male students delivered their homework to her inside of a dryer. I can't believe you're giving me a step B. All right, guys. A baseball fan brought his emotional support alligator to a Phillies game. When asked to leave, he said, that's no emotional support alligator. That's my wife. Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot.

That was toot, bro. I love that one. Alright, this is a little old. I don't know if people still use Lyft out there, but if you do, Lyft's new feature, I don't know if you guys heard about this or not, but Lyft has a new feature which allows women and non-binary drivers to choose their driver's gender.

But they still won't let me sort by race. What the freaking heck? That's maybe less toot. Nah, that's toot, bro. That was all rude. No toot, man. Nah, that was toot. The toot on that was Heil Hitler.

Cut to Ramsey's notes at a papology. I made some toot on that was Heil Hitler. Cut to Ramsey's notes at Papology. I made some tootinal statements while I was under the influence of an extreme amount of swag. My Celsius levels were too high off the charts and I just needed to say some shit. I would like to apologize to the non-toot community for my remarks.

Who amongst us has not said things like these after you've won too many rock stars? Absolutely. Under the influence of Toot. I'm just impressed that you had a whole women can't drive thing ready to tee up and you went, nah, let's go race. Nah, we go race, man. We go race around here. I do, I like that

well, fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. I like something. Probably my joke. Yeah, it was pretty good. All right. Here's a little toot. Michael Jordan's net worth has reportedly surpassed $3 billion, and for the first time, Jordan made Forbes' list of the richest Americans. Even more impressed, he also made their list of Americans with the deadest dads.

Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot. I love just for no reason taking it there. Tude is a bird that swoops down and picks you up out of the Newark County landfill. That's what it is. Tude would be a great name for an energy drink. Crack open a Tude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're rude without a Tude.

Dude, you're rude without a Tude? Yeah, let's go, dude. Do you want to be awake and dangerous? Then try Tude. You'll be in a whole new toad. You will have a whole new toad. Truly, yeah. This one's all toad, okay?

This is all toad? All toad. All right, we're ready for it. A flock of sheep. This is my toad finger. I like it. For those of you listening, Tom is flipping me off. What is this?

Oh, no, that's a flock of sheep have eaten 100 kilograms of marijuana. They have all started listening to Bob Marley, Ed Sheeran, and the comedy stylings of Sheep and Chong. Dude, dude, dude. Wow. Damn. I looked at that story for so long. It was like, I can't crack it.

And fucking Bob Marley was right there. Bob Marley. Let's go. I also like that your impression of Tude is just kind of doing slam poetry arms. It's pretty much, Tude for me is just pretty much A's hole, if we're being completely honest. The A's hole is made of Tude. Yeah, that's all Tude. Tude is sort of in the eye of the B-Tude.

B- betude. Betude. The eye of the betuder. I'm going to need some toot on this last one. I just got to follow that apocalypse. Alright, researchers in Brazil are investigating whether spider venom could help treat erectile dysfunction. Test subjects said, we'll stick with the impotence. Thanks.

Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. You know, well, I thought certain spiders that bite you, you will get a boner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of them have a boner for three days, like one of these Viagra commercial boners. This was a thing that I learned from Chuck Palahniuk, because there

was, this is before MRAs were a thing, but there was, in his book Rant, they were intentionally getting bit by black widows to get boners and going on marches for equal rights for men with their dicks out or whatever. I just feel like, don't we have Viagra? Yeah, but it's fine. What's it called if you're in Mexico?

What was it? Figro. I think it's Figrio. I think with everyone just watching porn and webcam models, I think erectile dysfunction is getting stronger.

You're right about that. I do think we need bigger and crazier solutions for today's new hot brand of impotence. Yeah, that's fair. If you get spider venom put in your dick,

does it get spider powers? Like, is it a Spider-Man? Like, it senses herpes before you fuck somebody? It can definitely shoot webs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thwip. Thwip quip.

Guys, that's great stuff, guys. I love this. We brought a lot of tood to the... This has been toodastic. You gave yourself nine yous to come up with a coherent way to end that. You went, nah.

You took it a little tood far. Yeah, I was a little tood far. I'm okay with that. You might get that. You went, nah. You took it a little too far. Yeah, I was a little too far. I'm okay with that. You might get a whole to-do out of it. Be careful. You might get me-too'd. All right. Well, hashtag me-too'd merch coming soon.

I've been awoken. Me-too'd, let's go. All right. On that note, the Mean Boys podcast will be right back right after this. Hello. I'm Chuck Butterson, CEO of Comanche Airlines. Over the past couple of years, videos of altercations between airline passengers have become a daily occurrence online. Air travel, once treated as an elegant affair, has devolved into an aerial thunderdome where drunk, entitled passengers indulge their most base and violent selves. Most of the major airlines have issued statements begging passengers to stop the

outbursts and maintain decorum on their planes. But here at Comanche Airlines, we're saying, fuck it. Banking on human decency is a sucker's bet, so we're officially leaning in and becoming the first airline to encourage fighting. That's right. From takeoff to landing, you're permitted to fight whoever you want, however you want. Want to elbow drop that dude in the MAGA hat? Or serve up a knuckle sandwich to the human pig whose gut's taken up your whole armrest? Go nuts.

We don't give a fuck. Technically speaking, the air counts as international waters, so the only laws that exist at cruising altitude are the ones we choose to enforce. And rest assured, our air marshals turn their body cams off all the way to LaGuardia. Start a fight, steal a bag, flush your service dog down the toilet. Whatever, dude, you bought the ticket, get butt nasty.

On Comanche Airlines, alcoholic beverages are both complimentary and mandatory. In addition, pure Colombian cocaine is provided to first class, while those flying coach are welcome to pay an additional fee for some real stepped on truck stop shit. The in-flight movie will be replaced with a deep fake video of the guy sitting next to you deep dicking your wife. In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. And in the event that shit pops off with that kid who keeps kicking your seat, it can also be used as a smothering implement.

Oxygen masks will deploy in the event of cabin pressure loss. If traveling with a child, make sure to secure your own mask before pointing and laughing at your child and calling them gay while they black out. Half our flight attendants are trained EMTs and half are paranoid schizophrenics, so good luck with that. So don't delay. Book your flight now to see if you've got what it takes to become TikTok famous on your way to Reno. Comanche Airlines. Fly the homicidal skies. And the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of one of our favorite games, which is the following. Before we get into that, can I actually say something really quickly?

Yeah. I actually would like to take a moment to tell the listeners something that I feel kind of bad about. The Mexican joke-off jokes that I just did. Yeah. Those were not all written by me. Really? Not all of them? Not all of them.

Did you get help on one of them? The one that you guys didn't like. That one was written by Connor. I have to fully admit. The rest, the ones that you guys loved, those were all by me. All right. Got it off my chest, boys. I mean, I don't have to ask you to leave, but I do appreciate your

candor. Just need to be honest with the listeners. I just wish that I could have lived up to my responsibility to write you jokes. I hear you, man. I hear you, and we all make mistakes. Let's just move on past this one. It's no one's fault. It's no one's fault. Except Connor's, but no one else's fault.

Aside from Connor, I can't think of who to blame. All right, well, this week's game of which the following actually comes to us from a listener. Dear Fat One, Gay One, and Fat and Gay One. Since the elections in the U.S. are drawing nigh, some people think that Trump might still have a shot at running. I compiled for you the following on things that Silvio Berlusconi, Italy's longest-serving and now-deceased politician, has done. Berlusconi was a

boisterous, hilarious, and poon-crazy businessman who finessed his way into politics and drove his country into ruin. He was actually Trump before Trump was a thing. Italy number one. Happy to see you all are back. Your biggest gay Italian immigrant fan from Chicago at Finance MOOC. Thank you. Oh yeah, we made fun of his voice a lot on the last

episode. Yeah. Berlusconi like spoke with his hips, you know. He was always like... I love Berlusconi, dude. I miss that guy. Like Elvis. He was awesome, dude. Alright, well which of the following is not something that Silvio Berlusconi has done?

Okay. A, promised the players of the soccer team he owned a, quote, bus full of whores if they won the championship. B, got caught with an underage prostitute from Morocco and excused himself saying that she was the, quote, daughter of a North African dignitary and he was just, quote, showing her around. C, entrusted one of his political teammates with the role of madam of a North African dignitary, and he was just, quote, showing her around. C, entrusted one of his political teammates with the role of Madam of a Brothel. Or D, when questioned by the media regarding a possible sex party with 11 different girls happening on New Year's Eve, he rebutted that

it was impossible, as 11 was simply too many, and he has fucked, at most, eight women in one night. This guy fucking rules. Even with one of these being fake, he rules. Yeah. God damn. This is how much he rules. I'm going to guess it's C, the madam one.

That's how much he rules. I think all of the other ones seem very fucking possible. This guy would never give a job to a woman. Yeah, exactly. The eight defense though, that feels real as fuck to me. Yeah. Yeah, and he's definitely not putting a woman in charge. If he's putting a woman in the brothel, it's like, yeah, you're working in the...

You're in the suck department. You're not doing the books. You're in our butt shit wing. Yeah, I think I'm... I buy Ramsey's logic on this. I'm going with the Adam one. I followed my man very hard.

But I may be wrong. What was B again? B got caught with an underage prostitute from Morocco and excused himself saying that she was the daughter of a North African dignitary and he was just showing her around. Jesus, by the way, what's underage in Morocco? Five years old? Is that who it is? Yeah, is it unborn?

I don't think it's five years old. It is unborn. I don't think it's 17. I want to say that one. Not because I think I hope everything else rules. That one's pretty fucked up. So I'm hoping out of hope. Out of hope you want it to be. Yeah. And by the way, what I said about Morocco, I'm not.

I say that just to remind the listeners. I can say that because I hate Moroccans. Well, in a shocking development, the age of consent in Morocco was actually 18. Oh, what? Now, that's as of 1993, so I don't know what it was before that. I mean, still, Connecticut, it's 16.

Yeah, true. And in Hawaii, it's 12. Ramsey, how do you know that? Let's move forward out of this one. Let's just say with great tude comes great responsibility. Yeah, Morocco killing it way harder than Indiana. Yeah. All right, so everybody guess?

Yeah, it's a B. Fake answer actually was D, the one about only he could fuck eight women in the night. The explanation, this is a trick question. The statement comes from a taped private conversation with a very influential Italian businessman. Berlusconi was however extremely notorious for his sex parties which were also known as bunga bungas.

Bunga bunga! I remember bunga bunga! Prostitutes attending these events were usually required to come dressed as nuns, nurses, or even as Barack Obama at one point. Okay, this is awesome though. Our Illuminati orgies are like pitched as like these weird somber eyes wide

shut affairs bunga bunga is how a ninja turtle fucks children you said bunga bunga like you remembered a band you forgot about from your child would you rather would you rather be accused of human trafficking or bunga bunga truly no honestly tom it really was I remember the joy Bunga Bunga brought me in 2012 dude I think Bunga Bunga is the front runner for

an episode I don't know the fucking rules a toad it's between that and me toad me toad is pretty

fucking good me toad is pretty good all right round two which of the following is not something Silvio Berlusconi has done

there is no Garsh also there's a lot of options. That's not a good one today. A. When asked what he thought about the U.S. electing the first African-American president, he corrected the interview by saying Obama was, quote, more of a light tan color rather than black.

I like that he thinks African is a color. B. During a session of European Parliament, told a German deputy that Italy was producing a film on the Nazi loggers' concentration camps, and that he would recommend the German deputy for a role he'd be very good at. C. After kissing the cheek and gallantly saluting every president's wife,

he simply fist-bumped Michelle Obama. Or D. When asked his point of view on dictator Saddam Hussein and potential similarities with Mussolini's regime, he stated that Mussolini was a much more benevolent dictator and he didn't kill anyone. At most, he would send people on vacation for an extended period of time. He was referring to concentration camps. Jesus Christ. How dare he try to fucking slam Saddam Hussein, fucking piece of shit.

Here's the worst thing this fucking guy did. He's not worthy to hold his coat. Two of these are related to concentration camps, and the Michelle Obama one might be the most upsetting. That's easily the most upsetting. That one's 10,000% true. It's got to be true, because that's almost too fucked up to invent.

I hate when people do the, like, you can't make that one up. That one is so perfectly real. It's so real. It does go to show that across nationalities and different continents, different countries, white people will always try and get a cool handshake from a white person. That's really what we want more than anything in the world. That's what I'm chalking it up to.

I'm looking for the handshake. It's a twoed infusion. It really revitalizes your whole existence. I go watch the movie, do the right thing. I want to do the cool holiday shake and they move. Oh, yes. I say west side. Motherfucker.

What up, my man? I prefer Tupac to a biggie. Say G-unit. Okay, I can't do the impression of how this would work, but if you're that Italian, when you say the M word, it ends with an R and then an A. Like you're kind of like you're saying Nigeria.

Yeah, you get it. Oh, shit. This one's a tough one. I think we can all agree Michelle Obama is, that one's real. That's one of the truest things I've ever heard. We're pinning that one to the real column. Yeah. Remind me of the first one again.

And then the second and the third. That's when he said A is he said Obama was more of a light tan B was recommending a German guy For a role in a movie about concentration camps And D Was the Saddam Hussein one And Mussolini was a much more benevolent

Dictator he just sent people on vacation I think the tan one Is the fake one Agreed too much Barack Obama stuff. Yeah, and the concentration camp B is a little bit of a sweaty fact, which leads me to believe it's not made up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Saddam Hussein is too real. That makes sense to me, too. It makes sense that he tried to downplay Mussolini. Yeah, my dad does that with Saddam. There you go. So I get that. Mussolini has a living granddaughter that's in Italian Congress.

Yes, exactly. Fucking really? And they're trying to distance themselves. She got in a Twitter beef with Jim Carrey. That's a real thing. Oh yeah, that's right.

Wait, why did she get in a Twitter beef? He painted some portrait of like Mussolini doing bad stuff and she was like, don't talk about my grandfather.

You killed your wife or whatever. Those are people who deserve to be hanged. That's fucking, yeah, if I was related to Mussolini,

I wouldn't be advertising it. That's fucking nuts. I was going to say D until I found out that there's still rule shit in Italy. I'm going to, yeah,

I'm going to say A. I mean, the Bushes, you know, the Bushes have done a lot of bad shit and they're still running shit in America. I'm going to say A. I mean, the Bushes have done a lot of bad shit, and they're still running shit in America. They kind of look at them like that. I'm going to go with A, too. You guys are not going to believe it. The fake one is C. Fist bumping of Joe Obama.

This guy's a very good wish the following may bring. Well done. The first two were like the ones that you thought were definitely real. Fuck. Well done, dude. Well Well done. The first two were like the ones that you thought were definitely real. Fuck. Well done, dude. Well fucking done.

I want that one to be true. The fist bumping Michelle. Just for the hilarity. If you're Michelle Obama and it happens, you're kind of like, it's pretty cool. We're striking out right now, I think. We're getting worked by this guy. Yeah, this is a fucking well-made game. He said, although he didn't go that far, Michelle is one of the few first ladies he didn't make

a move on. Like he didn't try to kiss her or anything. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Probably because he thinks she would beat his ass. Probably. That's probably what it is. Hey, I'm a two into you. That's what most of us think. We've all seen her

triceps. I'm not talking shit. I mean, the fucking lady works out. The lady works out. She's got great arms. She's got more upper body strength than I do. This is what it is. I'm a podcaster. Real talk, other than Tom, I don't think any of us could take Michelle Obama in a fight. No, I'll take her. With Tom, it would be close.

She's got reach on you. Everyone has reach on me. I have T-Rex arms. Yeah, she got guns, dude. No, I know. The problem is she's disarmy with her charm. That's the other thing. It's arms and charm with her. She's charmed in danger.

Charm arm sounds like a Pokemon attack. She's getting hit in time with an arm offensive. She's just telling you about organic gardening and how she dry cleaned the brown suit or whatever and then bam! Can you guys picture Barack Obama eating Michelle Obama's pussy?

Is it here? How about here? What about here? This is delicious. Let me be clear. Yuck. Michelle, you got to take a shower. It's gamey down here. Are you close to coming?

I agreed to eat your ass, not your dingleberries. I think it's time to change your underwear. Just because I'm not running doesn't mean you can stop shaving. I hope that you'll use the bidet. Then she gets that fucking massive arm and she's like, shut up and eat it. Eat it, you dumbass. Yeah.

All right. Round number three. She said the N-word and eat it. Eat it, you dumbass. Yeah. All right. Round number three. She said the N-word in that joke. She's allowed to in that joke. She was allowed to. I obviously would never, but. Which of the following is not the something Silvio Berlusconi has done? I like that you're putting more and more Italian stank on it every time.

A. Praised French President Emmanuel Macron for dating a woman who is 25 years older than him because old women are, quote, gross. B. When being questioned about the slow progress on rebuilding a part of Italy that was hit by an earthquake, he said that survivors should take this experience as, quote, going camping

since everyone loves camping. C, in an address to entrepreneurs and investors at Wall Street, he tried to convince the crowd to deploy capital into the Italian economy since there's a lot of beautiful women in need. D, underwent surgery to get an internal penis pump installed, which would grant his dick permanent partial turgidity. Permanent partial turgidity. Permanent partial turgidity. I feel like this one's easy, personally.

I was only able to achieve partial turgidity. I wasn't fully turgid. I'm going with A, and here's why I'm going to go with A. Guys like this love all kinds of pussy, right? Yes. They like old chicks, chicks medium chicks fat chicks he like it all so the idea that he would call a woman gross i don't buy he's a glutton for all kinds of women for all kinds you know he likes milfs he likes young hotties he's he's into all

of it when you're a pig with a problem you don't really have discernment of like that's gross and that's not gross see here's my counter art because I agree with you in terms of this dude will fuck anything left unattended like I believe that sincerely but I don't think suitcase at the airport exactly please keep your luggage nearby or it will be violated by the Italian

prime minister if it contains a thick layer of Alfredo sauce please report it to the TSA. No, but I think he'll fuck anything, but I think outwardly he's like, no, I can only tell them I fuck a day. Supermodel.

That is what's normal, yeah. I kind of hear you, except I kind of see this guy like kissing every woman's hair, arms and shit, and like smelling it, you know what I mean? I also think that's a prime passive-aggressive way to get at somebody you don't like. I really commend you for fucking that old hag. Yeah, you're right.

That's a nice backhand. You're making a fair point. My answer still stands. I'm going with fucking A. While I accept your answer, I think it's a fair point. It is a good way to get Macron. Macron is a bitch. Let's be completely honest about it.

How do you know all these history-sounding leaders? I'm pretty sure I got a, what was it, Benetori between the Haagen-Dazs and Ben and Jerry's. But you actually know these people as people. You don't know Macron?

Macron is like everybody knows him. I know Macaroon. Do you mean Macaroon? Dude, I want to go to Epcot with you where they have like all the models of the different countries and just stop everywhere and have you with a megaphone

explaining why their leader is a cock. I am Emmanuel Macaroon, the president of Candyland. I'll have a thought about every leader until we get to Saudi Arabia. Then I'll be like, this guy's cool. We are employing sanctions against the hot fudge swamp. That guy gave women the right to complain about not being allowed to drive.

He's a liberal. He's the most progressive guy we've ever seen in that MPS. He barely cut that guy into a suitcase. What was B again? B was when being questioned about the slow progress on rebuilding a part of Italy that was hit by an earthquake, he said that survivors should take this experience as, quote, going camping.

Oh, yeah. And what was the hot one with C? Chicks. Or D? That one was the one with chicks. We should help them because there are hot chicks in need. Yeah, the C was we need to help the economy because there's hot chicks in need.

And D was a penis pump. I'm going to go B. I got to go penis pump as much as I want it to be true. That's a little too silly. The correct answer, A. Suck my cock! Suck it!

You fucking homo! It's turgid! Suck my partially turgid cock! My cock. You got some full turgid-ing to do. Finance Mook writes, he didn't actually say that thing about women being old and gross,

but the Rolodex of prostitutes that he was caught with ranged in age from between 16 and 14, so he probably had some choice words for a 70-year-old woman. That's a very narrow and upsetting rolodex. God, I hate Europe. They went 16 to 14 instead of 14 to 16. No wonder he calls his parties bunga

bunga. He's using baby talk. Bunga bunga. Oh, the finger. Wow. Bunga bunga. I have a turgid pacifier for you. Oh, the finger. Wow. Bunga, bunga. Bunga, bunga. I have a turgid pacifier for you. I wouldn't kick her out of crib.

I wouldn't kick her out of the crib for eating baby food. For not knowing you had two crackers. Jesus Christ. Where did that come from? What bitch was ever eating crackers in bed? I've eaten crackers in bed. I do too. Yeah.

No woman should be here. I didn't say what depressed man. I said what post-coital woman. Yeah, you said that and nobody went, really? Dude, I've eaten a bucket of fried chicken in bed. It was one of the best nights of my life. I was going to say, you eat crackers other places? This is my sleepy time chicken.

Alright. I use raising canes like NyQuil. Take me to nap town, Colonel. Round number four. A witch of the following is not something Silvio Burlesconi has done?

A. When posing with other European head figures, he did the devil's horn rock on sign behind German Prime Minister's head of external affairs. B. Shoved down his throat an entire pickled herring during a ceremony What's a pickled herring again? A fish. That's a big shitty fish

It's a fucking gross European nightmare C. Pulled King Juan of Spain by his arm to tell him a nasty joke or D. While being on trial for prost, he defended himself saying that he's always been very passionate about beautiful women and that's better than being gay. I've never heard somebody plead no homo in a court of law. Your honor.

I love the idea of someone being on trial for fucking underage prostitutes. Starting with, I'm not gay. Okay. He pled no cock test. Your Honor, if it pleases the court. He did the tongue in the fingers thing for like an hour. The other lawyer is like, objection. The judge is like, I'm going to allow it.

Let's see where he's going with this. He's actually quoting the Italian Constitution. I do not think you're getting it. Oh, man. He calls his first witness in a stand. He just eats her pussy. I give her the

chacaroni. What about ruling a country makes everyone a pedophile? It's fucking insane. It's weird. It's like, you know how you get to a certain level of comedy and then you start getting into cars and then you get to a little higher and you start getting into MMA and there's 22 things

that happens, has to happen? Let's see. Yeah, you're right about that. I do think that's true. You get to a certain power level, you just want young blood inside of you. Well, it's like the one thing you, as the leader of the world, still are not allowed to do. So they're like, you don't tell me what to do. Well, let's get him into cannibalism. Why is it fucking under a dress?

Yeah, well. Has anyone else been picturing Wario the whole time we've been talking about this guy? Oh, yeah. I am now. I'm picturing a pencil mustache. I remember this fucking guy. This guy ruled. Honestly, I was picturing a pencil mustache. I remember this fucking guy. This guy ruled. Honestly, I was picturing an Italian Ramsey, but shorter.

I think you're about right. I was picturing a three-foot tall, just fucking blonde-haired, thin mustache. I'm picturing somebody who is definitely my weight and consistently wet. Look at that guy. That guy looks like the guy we're talking about. He's got, like, used car salesman vibes. He's got that wrinkly olive skin that's been, you know, tanned. Yeah, no, he looks...

He's making ten different faces, and they're all the least trustworthy faces I've ever seen. Yeah, all of his faces, he looks like he was designed by Robot Chicken. He looks so fucking... Every photo of him, it looks like he's staring at a 15-year-old's ass. He looks like he was designed by robot chicken. He looks so fucking Every photo of him it looks like he's staring at a 15 year old's ass.

He looks like he's about to offer some children $10 for Willy Wonka's secret recipe. Like what a fucking villain. Alright, alright. So this one, okay wait. Give me the cliff notes on what the four were. Alright, A is doing the devil horns behind the German minister of external

affairs head. B is shoved an entire pickled herring down his throat during a ceremony. C pulled the king of Spain aside to tell him a dirty joke. And when he was on trial for prostitution, he said that he loves passionate women and that he hates being gay. Have you heard the one about the man from the talk? He have an ear so long that he can fuck it. The pickled herring is so fucking funny. I want that to... It sounds the least likely,

but I need it to be real. It seems a little gay, though, to push it down your throat. That entire fish? That's a great point. That's where my head's at right now with that one. It seems a little gay. It's a fish, and that's what pussy tastes like.

So it might be the straightest. I'm not saying I agree, just that might be his. And pickled old pussy? Ah, yeah. But pickle cock also, like just an image of pickle. That's true.

I know what pickling means, but the word pickle. But it's a different language. I get to the girls into my bed and then I like to pickle them. Even though he's Italian, I'm pretty sure he's homophobic in English. So the question is, did the president pick a peck of pickled penis? I'm going pickled herring.

All right, Ramsey's going pickled herring. I'm going devil horns. All right. I'm going devil horns. All right. I'm going to... Oh, fuck. I'm going to go C. The answer, B, that was actually Chancellor Angela Merkel. The picture's pretty gnarly.

She goes fully pelican mode. Oh, let's go. Dude, what? What is his beef with Germany? I mean, they were on the same side. I think there's a little bit with... If I'm not mistaken, and maybe the listener will correct, but I think in Italy there's a lot of like,

we're trying to get away from them because of what they've done. And also, Oh, God. Holy shit. Sorry, I just wanted to pull up Angela Merkel keep throwing a fish. Jesus Christ. That looks like how QAnon people imagine Hillary Clinton eating a child's face. Yeah.

Just the gaping maw in the pantsuit. Also in Europe, Germany is constantly, like even to this day, Germany is at risk of taking over all of Europe again. They are once again. Economically though. Economically, yes. So they've made,

so there's a lot of, they've got a lot of countries over by the barrel, you know? This is a very like dumb American thing I'm about to say, but I always forget that other countries have opinions about each other that aren't us yes of course like the other thing with germany we i feel like we just check in every like 20 years and be like you guys doing hitler shit no all right deuces like and then we peace out but like it's weird that everyone else has their own drama going they've got loans to other countries they've got stipulations and they're dumping refugees in other countries

and taking them out. It's, you know, so other people don't like Germany for that reason in Europe. Right. Plus they talk funny. You smell like the Italians.

The pooping on your thing, we can understand. You poop on each other, that's funny. It's your business. But the way you talk, no. This is bad. This is bad.

This is bad. All right. Round number five. All is real or all is fake? Or all is void. Things that the VISA of Silvio Berlusconi has done. A, I think the only reason Oh wait No these are all things he's done

A. Used government money to pay for his mistress' abortion B. Commented on the North African immigrant crisis in Europe saying that our zoos are not large enough to house an entire continent Holy shit C. Locked himself in a remote convent

with 23 nuns. Or D. When facing allegations of being caught fucking a transgender Brazilian sex worker, he denied saying that, quote, she just had an enlarged clitoris. Oh, I like that. I can't even do bits about this guy where he's doing the jokes.

Yeah, he really is beyond satire. Can you read me the phrasing of the nun one more time? Locked himself in a remote convent with 23 nuns. Now, we know nuns, part of the Bunga Bunga party, they were like nuns, I think we've mentioned. Yeah, they were dressed like nuns. The Catholic Church may be the most well-known Bunga Bunga party in human history.

They've been doing nothing but Bunga Bunga since year one. We have to reassign you. You've been caught Bunga B bunga since year one. We have to reassign you. You've been caught bunga bunging in the Boston Archdiocese. Bishop bunga bunga. Okay, it doesn't say anything about sex,

but I do like the idea that he's just like bored one day. He's like, I'm going to fuck 30 nuns. I would cuck God. You know where you have bunga bunga in, right?

The bungalow. Right up the bunga hole. I'm going to go with all fake. I'm going to go with all fake. These have to be all real. They all have to be fake to me. Look, I think at least one of these is real, because whether we know or not, that dude has definitely used public money to pay for an abortion.

That one? Fuck, you're right about that one. You're fucking right about that one. God damn it. I'm back. Keith has convinced me. They're all real. The public money for an abortion is too easy of one. You're fucking right about that one. God damn it. I'm back. Keith has convinced me. They're all real. The public money for an abortion is too easy of one.

It's such a slam dunk. You'd assume he'd done it. Yes. Yeah. I mean, if Trump did it, which I assume he did. Yeah. That feels so tame compared to all the other ones. It does.

It's just quaint. It does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, but my money is like my money. I don't want to use my money. Yeah, yeah. Why can't anybody be this guy and also be like Jimmy Carter levels of help everybody?

You know what I mean? I mean, this guy is... You guys have read or seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He's A. F. B. Brock. Yeah, he's pretty much the president. I mean, honestly, he's beyond that president. Yeah. I've never seen the movie nor read the book.

Is it on YouTube? Probably. My favorite library. If it's not on YouTube, I'm not interested. Yeah, the book's better.

Thanks for watching War and Peace. Smash that like button. If you could condense this down to seven epic life lessons that I could

learn in 20 minutes. Could you rewrite this in the greeting part of a Celsius can? What's up, fam? Today we're going to be catching in the rye. Today I'm going to be reading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and reacting. Look, I would read Lao Tzu if they put him on Celsius cans. I wonder if you could get away with doing that. Just record like 45 seconds of you just going, whoa.

And then you just put it over audio books that you just upload an entirety to YouTube. This would honestly be a pretty funny sketch. This would be a better business plan than start a podcast at this point. Audio book reactions. Whoa, so there's the prejudice. I heard the pride. They nailed Jesus to a what? Oh, I get it.

It's the best ring. I wish I'd read enough books to jump in on this riff. Oh, so he lives in the year 1984. Why is it all futuristic? Oh, that's the animal farm. It's a metaphor for how pigs

aren't friends. Who's the lord of the flies? Earlier, when we were talking about Mussolini, I was thinking that Mussolini would be a really good name for the leader in the animal farm. Oh, that's real good. What farm has a moose? That is a really fair point.

It's a cow. Moo. The cow. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Ramsey. Mooselini. Ramsey fixed my joke. I'm going out to the moose farm.

Well, you know that moose milk you love drinking. That's got to come from somewhere. Yeah, moosel milk. It makes you really strong. Yeah's got to come from somewhere. Yeah, moose milk makes you really strong. Yeah. I'm with all real. I'm with Keith on this one. I think that, yeah, I don't think, I think we for sure did that,

but I don't think he's been caught. I think that is very subtle, and this is all fake. Differentiate yourself. Good, Tom. I like that. These are all fake, gang. Damn you, Keith. Damn you. I let you talk me into this, you fucking prick. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Tune up, Ramsey. Tune up. First of all, a lot of tunes. Second of all, the way you were just looking at your phone, it looked like you had pre-written yelling at me as you were scrolling through. And furthermore, hang on a second, they locked. You're a bitch and your mom's a whore.

Wow. Thank you so much to At Finance Mook for that game. That was baller. That was a great one. The real winner in this game is the Italian people. What a rollercoaster. That's more fun than any of the drum shit. Well, the Italian adults would be the real winner. That's a good point.

Yeah. Why does everyone hilarious end up being a pedophile? This guy, Bill Cosby. Fucking kids makes you funny. Yeah. It's true. I'm not saying do it. I'm just saying it's true.

I mean... Bill Burr has an eight-year-old in his rider. These fucking kids. All right, well, that was which of the following? Mean Boys podcast will be right back right after this. The Mean Boys are happy to give a shout-out to the unofficial product partner in essence, Tombstone Pizza. Tombstone doesn't understand we are kindred spirits because Tombstone doesn't want to be understood.

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in a pizza garbage accident. Boxes are for fucking homeless people, and you are fucking below them. You don't deserve love, and you don't deserve delivery You can walk to a little Caesars, but V tombstone, you know fucking exercise taste our pepperoni It's made out of Malaysian children. We don't have customers We have pizza pigs go to round table, but you don't deserve any fucking table. You will die someday Don't shy away from it. We're literally named after the marking of death.

Upon making the first Tombstone pizza, we screamed, I have become pizza, destroyer of worth. This is the pizza heat when you remember it's unacceptable to talk about Master Chief at social gatherings. Stop cutting yourself and eat Tombstone, you fucking loser. Tombstone pizza's the new emo. So shove it down your tooth hole And remember the government is watching you And if you eat enough pizza the TV will talk to you too Tombstone Pizza motherfucker And the Mean Boys podcast returns.

Take a look at the old Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call. Have you ever heard the one about Keith and the dog? All right. We got some emails this week. This guy writes, Dear Mean Boys and Ramsey, long time, first time. I won a contest for the first annual Worst Christmas Bonus in 2020 on episode 53 of the worst hour of the week podcast.

If Ramsey doesn't remember, that might be part of the problem. I don't enter many contests, but I'm worse at writing suicide notes. After working full time at Safeway every week during the pandemic, I discovered that my fellow essentials at our Portland's Corps will receive three scratch tickets. I won't get the chance to say goodbye to my grandma in California who has Alzheimer's and COVID. I get to live with the fact that her last words were to me, it was nice to meet you. But at least I get to look at this country in the eyes as it smothers me to death

while I have silver flakes under my nails. I never received the prize. Ramsey even told me to send in my art portfolio in August 2022 for a potential graphic design opportunity and I never heard back. On that note, my question for the panel is what's the worst prize you've ever received? Fuck everything, my mama died.

Jake in Portland. Okay, first of all... That was a gauntlet. That was a lot. That was a lot to put on me. I could have read that before I read it. Why did you kill this guy's mom? Or grandma, or whoever. First of all, you gave him hope and then never

contacted him. First of all, you ghosted optimism. You ghosted him almost as hard as his grandma did. As long as you guys have known me, you have known one thing about me. I love throwing frivolous contests that I don't have followers who want. This is one of the things that makes me me. Yeah. So how dare you try to throw that back in my face.

And secondly, I don't know if you know this or not, whatever the fuck your name is, but the worst hour of the week is no longer a podcast. So I don't know if we would need your graphic design opportunities. And with that kind of fucking attitude, no wonder I didn't hire you. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't toot. No toot shaming. No toot shaming? No toot shaming. Hey man, I'm sorry about that. Go ahead and just slide into my DMs and I'll talk to you about that. I'll ghost you again.

Send four more emails before I forget about this and don't respond. To be fair, follow through is the sworn enemy of toot. Like, you can't have... Follow through requires stability. Toot is all about being in the wind. It's being in the moment. That's what I'm saying.

What kind of guy has toot and follow through? I've never met it before. Yeah, that's like The Rock maybe. Good point, but The Rock, I would argue his toot is fake. Oh yeah, The Rock's toot is manufac. The Rock had toot. Dwayne Johnson does not.

Exactly. He's got to put on his toot fit. Summon. Can we edit this question out? I don't like this guy. No, I'm kidding. This guy's awesome. It was actually really sad.

He told me he won three scratchers. He was awarded three scratchers as a Christmas bonus at Safeway. That's pretty rough. That's so fucked. He beat a lot of horrible Christmas bonuses that we had sent in. Somebody else, they said that what'd they get? The runner-up got a good one. They got like a Wawa sandwich or something.

It was pretty good. It was good. It was not even one of the good Wawa sandwiches. What was the question they wanted to ask? What's the worst prize you've ever won? Worst prize I ever won? I won Wango Tango tickets. Oh, that's not good.

That's worse than Bunga Bunga tickets What year are we talking? What's the Wango Tango lineup? 2000 and probably No, it was probably like 1999 It's like Primo era Tango But I remember I went and it was a horrible experience

all the way through. I just went to go Were you like 10? I was probably like 10 at the time with my friend Anthony Gutierrez, who is dead, I think, now. Tight. Oh, that makes it mean, boys. He was trampled to death by Baja Men fans.

He had a little too much wango and not enough tango to catch my drift. Yeah, there was no medical services, though. What's the worst prize? Is that the worst prize? What, death? Yeah, probably. That's a bottom fiver.

I don't know. I'm trying to think of anything I've won. Yeah, I don't win much. You win sometimes. I'm trying to think of something I've won. Oh, I know what the worst prize I've ever won was. Life. Ooh. Dude. That was dark, dude. Dude. That was ever won was. Life. Ooh.

Tude. That was dark, dude. That was tude. That was heavy. That was philosophical, tude. Yeah, dude. I didn't know you were deep. Yeah, I do deep.

There's deep tude. There's such a thing as deep tude. It's not all just shallow. Yeah, I couldn't recognize how deep you were without the backwards hat when you said that. Fucking tude-losophy. I think, therefore, I do what I want. I like that Ramsey's being a tech pro about his tude.

Like, I listen to brown noise to help activate the tude centers of my brain when I'm really tuding it up. I'm a disruptor in the tude space. I actually have my blood drawn every month to make sure my tude levels are at... Yeah, I can't think of a good prize. I feel bad not answering the question, but... I mean, I won a comedy contest once, and I won a bottle of booze, and I don't drink.

So that was the worst prize. Oh, you know what? Mine might be comedy contest related. I might have told the story on the show before, but there was a point where I did, there's a club called Flappers in LA, if you don't know. And they do a comedy competition that I now understand is bringer-based,

but at the time I didn't realize. And I needed like 80 bucks to make my rent that week or I wasn't going to do it and I was so confident I'm going to go win this fucking thing and I showed up and the two people who actually brought people won and I won third prize which was a big bowl full of wings

and fries. So I got really mad and then punched a fucking like a light box in the parking structure so hard I dented it and fucked my hand up. Oh, I remember mine. I've told this story on the podcast before, but I did the blazing challenge at Buffalo Wild Wings. Oh, yeah. Mostly to win the shirt because I was running out of clothes, and I was also hungry.

And I did it. So the solution was to eat ghost chili pepper wings or whatever? Well, I was hungry. I also like spicy food. So I asked them, like, so I get a shirt if I do it? And they're like, yes. And then I did it, and they're like, oh, we're out of shirts. And I was like, fuck.

So then I came back, and someone offered for me to do it again. This is, like, months later. It's not that much longer. And I was like, I checked in again. I'm going to, like, make sure you guys have the shirt. I need the shirt. I need it. You should never need anything in a Buffalo Wild Wings.

And so. I'm grabbing the guy wearing a referee shirt by the lapels. Excuse me, sir. By the shoulder. It's like, make sure you have the shirt. Tom outside the window holding a sign that just says, we'll eat for clothes. It's good planning, okay? Two birds, one stone, okay?

Need food. That's not planning, Tom. That's the opposite of planning. Need food, need shirt. Need food, need shirt. One food, need shirt, one place, Buffer Wild Wings. And so the second time I'm doing it, I made sure I asked like three, like the lady was getting pissed at me. I was like, are you sure?

Last time I was here, I did this. You guys didn't have the shirt. She was like, you've done this before? I was like, yes, I can do it. I just want the shirt. was like you've done this before i was like yes i can do it i just want the shirt and so i'm almost done i have like a wing left and she comes back and she goes i'm so sorry we don't have the shirt and i almost started crying but also it was hot but i was fucking so pissed what i love about this is that you're approaching it like you're doing a service for them. You're like, I'll eat these wings for you, but you've got to do this.

It's supposed to be a game. It is a game, but I wanted my prize. All I got was a fucking headband. Which, when the fuck am I going to wear a sweatband from Buffalo Wild Wings? Oh, God. I don't wear sweatbands. I mean, when you're going the third time, actually. All I wanted was the fucking...

Did you ever get the shirt? No, I did the Blazing Challenge. I didn't even get the stupid fucking shirt. Are they still doing the Blazing Challenge? I don't know. There needs to be

a t-shirt for that. I did the Blazing Challenge and I didn't even get this stupid fucking t-shirt. Yeah, we'll go do that like for sure. I don't know. I think I cried the last time

I was in a Buffalo Wild Wings. You were there. Oh, yeah. Emotionally or spicily? I was in a Buffalo Wild Wings. You were there. Oh, yeah. Emotionally or spicily? You cried in a Buffalo Wild Wings and it wasn't spice related. That seems like a t-shirt. You're the only person who's ever

had an emotion at a Buffalo Wild Wings. No, that's not true. I ate at the Buffalo Wild Wings in the Mall of America alone at midnight and I've never been more depressed in my life. That is haunting. I was on the surface of the moon. I cannot stop laughing at Tom's shaking

of the fucking employee by the building. I also, when she told me that, I almost put my hands on my face. And her beyond not giving a fuck. She was so... I walked in with buffalo sauce on his hands already.

She was smearing it on her referee uniform. So annoyed at my persistence, and then she was like crestfallen when she realized that she fucked up because I seemed like I really needed the shirt because I needed it. So that's the worst thing I've won was the lack of shirt

from Buffalo Wild Wings. Also the Blazing Wings are very tasty. That's good stuff. Like I just eat them if it's the time limit and you can't drink anything while you're doing it. You know what Tom? You get that guy's prize that I was going to give him. Do you have any graphic design work that you need? No.

Well you got the job. Oh fuck. All right. Jeremy writes, hey, Mean Boys. Glad to see the pod is back. I'm not trying to be one of those guys writing in to tell you about how awful life has been since you left, but my wife did have two miscarriages in that time. I'm not blaming you, but you didn't go on any Johnny Cash Johnny Cash themed roller coasters is all I'm saying.

In all seriousness, I've enjoyed everything you guys have done since 2019. And these episodes so far have been no exception. Just a question for Tom. Have you told the Swallow Daddies that you're cheating on them with your hotter ex? Yes. Yeah. No, they know that I'm doing this. I gave them a heads up.

And they might be doing. I'm going to do it when I can. My schedule is just crazy right now. And I'm still doing that show. I just might not be on as regularly during this run because i want to make sure this is really good because this people way too many of you people care about this show so i'm i don't want to phone it in i i think i said this to you before but nothing would be funnier in the world that if like once you left swallow daddies it became the biggest podcast they're like once We realized the secret was

get Tom the fuck out of here. We really took off. I've heard of Mr. Carriage, but Miss Carriage? This is ridiculous. The dude is back. Please, Miss Carriage was my mother. Call me Rhonda.

Call me old Sally Empty Womb. Sorry for your loss. Yeah, sorry about your loss. That's very sad. Your milkshake children. Well, this is a... Much like Tom, you showed up twice thinking, well, I'm going to get what I need this time,

and then nope. Yeah, no, miscarriages are hard. Yeah, they really are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true, Tom. You really are bringing up a good point here, Tom. Well, I always feel bad when I make fun of a thing that I actually haven't experienced.

Sure, sure. Because, like, you know, you get molested, I'm going to fucking poke at you like the guy who molested you, you know, because I've been there, but I fucking don't want to, you know. Of course. I've never lost a baby to a roller coaster, so I don't fucking. And we don't a baby to a roller coaster, so I don't fucking.

And we don't know it was a roller coaster. And as we all know, losing a baby to a roller coaster is different than getting molested. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Antonio writes, welcome back. This is a classic Mean Boys email.

I don't know if you remember me, but I was one of the emails that you read in the last episode of your show. Parentheses, that one with the friend whose baby died. The one from the Philippines. Anyway, so glad you guys are back. It was actually my friend who told me you guys put out a new episode and I thought he was fucking with me. Anyways, I miss you guys so much and you're still up to right now with my favorite podcast. More power to you guys.

Thanks, Anthony. How many dead kids are on this episode? I mean, it's everybody's gotta, hey, just so you know. I also, yeah, A, you don't have to tell us if your kid died.

As long as you're okay with us making fun of you for it. Yeah, you can, but you don't have to. We're not cops. We're not to identify yourself.

Yes, exactly. I also don't know what's more classically mean boys that he's like, you remember me? I'm the guy with the friend whose baby is dead

from the Philippines and then I go, no, I don't remember that. Yeah. Hilariously, you're're gonna need to be more specific by the way my my manager has listed some episodes of mean boys and he threw on not knowing what it was uh that was mean boys thinking it was a recent episode oh shit and he's he's always like yeah i put it on and then i went i i was gonna have it as background noise i fall asleep and then like kind of tune in what was funny or not. And he he he had a lot of a lot of opinions.

I've just randomly received this text. Thomas, I think some of your fans of Mean Boys podcast might actually try and rape you if they ever get you alone in a dark alley or some kind of dark murder suicide like Romeo and Juliet. He fucking. Yeah. ever get you a load of the dark alley or some kind of dark murder suicide like romeo and juliet he fucking yeah no he thinks there's a bunch of he thinks you guys uh have a a guy in the uh your basement that you guys call tom which i thought was funny they have like a pseudo yeah no he sent me like 40 different texts but and i explained to him that you all are nice people um well some of you are nice people most of you are nice people

most of you are nice people yeah but it's it's fucking weird having someone from work realizing that you have this secret cult yeah it's very odd if you're listening and you're a graphic designer yeah i wish more of our like everyone seemed to have a rough time the last couple years, and I did too, and I wish most of you guys... I hope things get better. I don't. I hope your lives get worse. To be fair, I'm sure some good things happen to some people who listen to the show.

I think they wisely know we don't have anything funny to say about I got promoted at my job at the whatever factory. I hope you're wrong, Keith. I really hope you're wrong. I hope you're so fucking wrong. You hope everyone suffered? I hope everybody's had the worst time ever. I hope everybody who wrong, Keith. I really hope you're wrong. I hope you're so fucking wrong. You hope everyone suffered? I hope everybody's had the worst time ever. I hope everybody who listens lives in Syria.

It's been horrible for you guys. We use Syria's number one podcasting app, a grenade tied to a string. I've turned, and the final act of this episode, I'm now a villain. Yeah. Do you have any more emails or anything or should I hit the voicemail?

We've got some Instagram questions. Iroll20s asks, would you rather have a potato or a tomato shoved up your ass and would you change your answer if it was microwaved beforehand? Tell him I'd rather fucking have a potato up my ass

than listen to his stupid, retarded question. How does that sound? We don't have to tell him. You just do. Yeah, tell him. sound? We don't have to tell him you just did. I'm not going to tell him. War Ramsey. The Ram's dog toot is out of it.

I'll say it's not a question I've heard before. War Ramsey. You're not Ram's bad. You're getting Ram's worse. You're going to euthanize the Ram dog. Oh, you're Wario Ramsey? Yeah, exactly. Actually, I like Israel. Berlusconi is awesome.

I hate energy drinks. Saddam Hussein is gay. I love water. It's so good. You know, vaping is bad. Venmo me. By the way, I am back on Venmo for everybody to know. Oh, you got reestablished.

Yeah, all I had to do was establish a fake identity and sign on using my mom's phone number. This is a bigger comeback than me, boys. This is going to lead to your mom getting banned from Venmo. Your mom's not on Venmo. I mean, why the fuck not? Ramsey, at the podcasting hall of fame, in the past 45 seconds, you said retard and confessed to a crime.

This is really some top-shelf work. Tomato, because it gets all... You can turn it into paste as you're shoving it up there. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, tomato's soft, so it's really just... How much of it has to go up your ass. Most of it's going to turn into juice anyway.

But I guess my problem is what if you've got a nightshade allergy and is that where you want to find out you have a nightshade allergy? I eat tomatoes. I don't, yeah.

Okay. If they're good going in one way, I'd have a hard time believing they're going to be bad. Okay, fair enough. A potato is wide and hard. Yeah. Like that's,

and like, yeah, I don't. But what if the heat of your ass softens it up? You're baking it as it goes in? You put it in tin foil? Yeah, no, it's tomato and it's not even close. Oh, dude, I like this.

I guess if I'm trying to get some sort of sexual satisfaction out of it, you would hit the potato. You'd carve it into a dick. Yeah, I don't know what whittling if that's allowed. Mr. Potato Butt? He comes out in a full fucking potato head outfit.

He's got a mustache. I'm sorry, I'm putting it up my ass. I'm baking a potato up my ass. I'm running. Oh, Ramsley the Pets is here. I'm trying to get my body heat up. That'd be a good roast joke for an ugly girl. She's so ugly, she doesn't give blowjobs. She gives Mr. Potato Head.

Yeah, that's good stuff. All right, in a similar vein, at 666whack on Instagram writes, it's spooky season, so what two people would you want to human centipede to and what position? That's a fucking dumb question. I mean, I guess I want to be right behind the guy with the potato in his ass yeah it's because then i'm like oh you're blocked up like there's no poop coming to me and then lunch no it's laura popon twice and then i'm in the back there you go oh fuck i mean

look the back is the only spot of the human centipede you want to be on. Oh, we're picking the... Wait, the back? The part that eats all the shit? Yeah. No, because the... Look, okay, so I look at the human centipede like this. You're like, I want twice distilled poop. Yeah.

If I'm looking at a human centipede, I'm looking at how do I escape from the human centipede. If your lips are sewed to a butthole, you could just rip your lips off. But you could just rip your butthole. If you rip your butthole off, you're going to die. If you rip your lips off, you're just going to have fucked up joke amounts. You know what I mean? So I'm just going to do that and peace out. That's what I'm going to do. I'm just thinking about the hottest... I'm not waiting around for the poop.

I'm getting out of there quick. What's the hottest chick I can suck turds out of? I'm looking for a vegan. That's also what I was thinking. I like that nobody is considered the front. Oh, no. I'm not going to shit in Christina Hendricks' mouth. That's not very nice.

What about you shitting your enemy's mouth? I don't really have enemies. As a guy who just had strep throat, I had it two weeks ago. Same as vegan. I don't know if I want my lips on somebody's butthole. Ever since I got strep throat, I don't think I'm going to do it. Were you eating ass and that's how you got it? I got it at a pool in Arizona, I think.

So yes, eating an ass. Basically, more or less. So I think I'm going to put my... Huh, this is a tough question. Even though I think it's a retarded question, it's a tough one. Even though it's retarded and I hate that I have to answer this and whoever asked it, it's fucking true. I mean, a lot of retarded people are pretty

tough. Should be killed. I'm going to go ahead and not answer the question. Okay, good. That was... I felt the suspense for that. I want to be at the front. Yeah, I want to be at the front. Yeah, I'm going to be at the front. The question was who.

The answer is the front. Who would you like to be behind you with their lips sewed to your ass? I'm just going to say, yeah, we'll throw in Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, wherever they want to be. Really? That's what you want?

I'm going to ruin many young women's childhoods. They'd like to be elsewhere, would be my guess. Yeah. So that's, yeah. But I'd get to meet them before. There's not a cocktail mixer before you become a human centipede. You know who I want? You're a graded Leon the professional. Oh my god, yeah.

I love Swallow Daddy. The invitation. 515 to 545. Drinks mingling. 545 to forever. Surgery on your asshole. Okay, so they're going to be tied up and I'll still be able

to talk to them. They will be able to respond. Are you making the human center be? That was the prompt, wasn't it? I think so.

You'll be able to talk to them. They won't be able to talk to you, though. Yeah, but they'll be busy. Well, yeah, you don't talk with your mouth full. That's true. I decided that I'm changing my human centipede to it's me, Taylor Swift, and Kanye West.

Let them work it out. He's still complaining the position should have went to Beyonce. I'll be in the middle. I'll mediate between the two. I'm going me, Muammar Gaddafi. I'm complaining the position should have went to Beyonce. I'll be in the middle. I'll mediate between the two. I'm going me, Momar Gaddafi. I'm on him. I'm on his ass,

Momar Gaddafi, after he died. And... Because do they have to be alive? No. Perfect. So a dead guy. Can't shit my mouth.

Oh, that's kind of genius. Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. Chucky, brighter Chucky. Front and back. They don't poop. They're wood. I think they're plastic. Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. Chucky, Bride of Chucky. Front and back. They don't poop. They're wood. I think they're plastic.

They're plastic. I actually was watching Chucky 3. I like how Ramsay went dead and you went fictional. Yeah. It's a fictional movie. Well, then if we're doing that, I want Alf because he's a puppet. And Big Bird. Yes.

Exactly. And Willy. Alf and Big Bird in a human Exactly. And Willie Tanner. Alf King. Alf and Big Bird in a human centipede is a pretty funny visual. Usually you can't. This is ridiculous. Why does Ramsey have puppets coming out of his ass? All right.

We have another retarded thing to hear? What's going on? I swear to God, I'm going to pull this up just because I thought it was funny. Somebody showed up in the Mean Boys Discord this week and was kind of like, hey, somebody recommended this to me. I don't really understand what any of this is. And somebody explained what the Mean Boys community is and said, and this is Rebecca the bitch, and I'm quoting here. This is where all the queer autistic weirdos who were really into edgy comedy ended up when similar podcasts got weird in the Trump years. It's not even a statement that Mean Boys is like lefty.

They just had the dignity to not chase the worst trend in comedy. The boys chose the perfect moment in history to make a bare minimum effort to say retard less. Well, that was on me. It's Evil Ramsey who's talking. Yeah, War Ramsey. Yeah, it's War Ramsey. All right, we got any more Insta questions? Should I hit a couple of voicemails?

Let's play some voicemails. All right. I'm at work, bitch. Nice. Yes, he's back. Deep callback. Yep, that's a great voicemail callback. Is that the same bitch work, or is it a different guy?

I have four words of information. Well, you have the phone. Yeah, but I'm not cross-referencing it with fucking voicemails. Well, you could. Yeah, but I'm not. Okay, well. So the end. Some questions are unanswered.

All right, here's our buddy Nashville Will. We have such great rapport on this. Hey, guys. It's Will buddy Nashville Will. We have such great rapport. Hey, guys. It's Will from Nashville again. I was calling to say something cage adjacent. I'd like to propose once again the Tom Goss Chastity Cage Challenge. So whenever you guys want to come out, tour again, I would put $100 on the table to get Tom in a chastity cage.

I'll throw in $50 extra if you wear it through airport security. And I'll add $20 per day, per tour date, that you wear the cage. And I want to open it up to any listeners if they want to sweeten the pot for Tom. Because I know you're not in as much dire straits now, money-wise, but offer's on the table. Also, by the way, I'm driving your van, Tom, and rest assured that if I get a terminal diagnosis, I will make it my last journey to drive out to California and expire in the van. I just ask that you roll me into the ocean or something.

It doesn't matter about my loved ones, and you don't have to contact them. I'll just leave a note saying, Tom knows where I am. Also, I still owe you 1,600 buttons that you paid me for, and they're coming. We are coming. Yeah, I got to call you. Like I said, glad you guys are back. And, you know, Tom, think about it. There's a lot of achievements in cage technology for your penis.

Anyway, bye. So I'm on LockTheCock.com. This is a real website where you can purchase real male chastity devices. I didn't really understand what he was talking about. Okay, these are pretty involved. This is actually the Cock Taser. It's $30.

The Taser? Here's the description. Want to satisfy your hunger for power? Let the Cock Taser help you in the only way you know how. This powerful cage inhibits erections while sending electric shockwaves to stimulate your penis. It's like hitting two birds with one. I know you love that, Tom.

You love bird hitting? The Buffalo Wild Wings approach. The cock taser. So is this what he's talking about? Putting one of these cages on your cock? I mean, the electricity is a new element. So what we talked about is putting... We went on a two-week tour, me and Tom did, a little while back.

And it was like, all right, will Tom wear a chastity belt, like a cage on his dick, through the entire tour? Like he can shower, you can shower with them on, or we would even let you take it off to shower was the deal. So you have to wear it the rest of the time, including on stage. Which means that we can go do cage check. Yeah, well at first you were like agreeing to it, and then you started being like, well I'm going to take it off during the show. And we were like, no deal. Yeah, I forget exactly first you were agreeing to it, and then you started being like, well, I'm going to take it off during the show, and we were like, no deal. Yeah, I forget exactly how it went down. You were still getting back on your legs stand-up-wise.

You were like, I don't want to inhibit my art with this bit. Sorry, burp. Two burps. Yeah, no, away from the microphone, motherfuckers. Yeah, so I would from the microphone, motherfuckers. Yeah, so I would consider it, yeah. No, at that point I was like, I already felt unconfident getting on stage,

and I didn't want to add to that by also having a dick in the cage. I'm curious on the pricing on that fucking Electrify Your Dick. $30. $30? Yeah, it seems super fair to me. $30. Because now I'm debating,

do I do that for the joke off at Halloween? Yeah, it's probably something you're going to have to do because you do get... Oh, and there's a save. So it was $43. I'm not going to ask either of you to do that, by the way. Why don't we just get you a shock collar? That'll be more interesting.

Will it be more interesting than my penis being electrocuted in front of an audience of literally ten people? It's not a big shock, right? I would hope not. Yeah, I don't think it is. The package comes with five cock rings of different sizes.

You'll have the option to check what will fit best. The kit includes a brass padlock and a set of keys, plus locking pins and tube spacers for adjustability. Well, that's what my concern. Oh, I was worried about the lack of tube spacers myself. You gotta space that tube. The device works best with an electric massage

power box. Cleaning, however, will be a little bit tricky. Do not submerge the cage in water to preserve the conductive silicones in the cage's interior. Wipe it dry, blah, blah. Indulge yourself and discover more thrilling ways to achieve pleasure. Interesting.

Okay, fantastic. It doesn't say anything about the voltage level. That seems like the first and last thing it should say. You just can't put your dick in a cup of water while you're wearing it. Here's what I will say. I sweat. So what happens if you sweat? It was $43. It's on sale.

And it's now $29.99. So it feels like you're losing money by not getting this. Yeah, that's true. I'm bargaining twice the price. Yeah, from my standpoint, it's absolutely something you've got to consider. Because a $30 goof and a $43 goof are very different goofs. Very different. Yeah.

I think that would be too subtle for the joke off. Oh, for the ladies, there's a golden clitty short cage. Wait. You can put a little cage over your clitty. Huh. I need you to not call it a clitty, please. I need you to throw that Y in the fucking ocean. I cannot abide that.

Well, then I'm saying two Ts, you know? That'd be ridiculous. It's $89.99. This one's a little more expensive. Okay. Anyways, we'll... Yeah, you don't want a licky spady on our clitty clitty? Clitty clitty bang bang.

That's a decent... I think, Tom, you should consider this. You have an opportunity to make hundreds of dollars for something that the payoff is not that big. Yeah, I mean, let's see what happens with the pot. In Italy, they call it a bunga bunga cage. All right, here we go.

Hey, you guys were talking about sounding on this episode. Somebody, somebody's parents, what did they call it? Call it? Sorry, I'm fucking tired. I'm sorry, are we fucking boring you?

I had it done to me. That was actually his dickhole yawning from the sounding medical procedure they thought i had bladder cancer some shit so i went in there i had this big fucking tube thing sitting in a tub of i guess saline and that thing went right down my dickhole, and it kind of sucked. But what was a weird feeling was the initial, like, when it penetrates into your bladder, it makes you feel like you're pissing, and it also kind of felt like I was coming as hard as I ever had in my life. Interesting. But it also hurt really bad, and I passed out. Yeah. And they were, when I came to, they were like, oh yeah, that doesn't usually happen.

I was like, well, cool. Never doing this again. Don't recommend it. I hear ya. I say I love you guys, but it's more like,

I like you guys. Okay. See ya, bye. I like you guys. That's how come I had to tell you about my pee hole. I was with him 100%

until that last part. Now I hope he has cancer. When he took the love back? When he took the love back. I was 1,000, you guys hear me? I was with him. Evil Ram that last part. Now I hope he has cancer. When he took the love back? When he took the love back. I was 1,000. Did you guys hear me? I was with him. Evil Ramsay was away for a minute.

When you take the love back, that's like faking Tud. We don't do that here. We don't like that at all. It's stealing Tud Valor. It's stealing Tud Valor. Do you need real Tud or no Tud? I was so with him. I was like, man, that seems hard to forget that and have that fear.

Yeah, man. I'm sorry about your pee hole. That sounds like I mean, that sounds like a lot. This is everything I assumed about sounding, which is that it's dangerously pleasurable. Yeah. Like, it feels so good. It's like, oh my God, I'm going to ruin my life over this, aren't I?

Those are the things about, like, when things go where they're not supposed to go, they always, the feelings are very confusing. Like, you guys ever have a finger up your butt? Sure. No. You got a finger up your butt? Sure. No. You got a finger up your butt, it always feels like you're shitting. Oh, yeah. You're always like, I'm shitting.

Oh, wow, I'm so sorry. Well, if anything's in your butt, it feels like it's a mile into your butt, even if it's like this much. You know what I mean? Very much so. Your butt has no depth perception. Like, it's really... Your butt's a cyclops, is pretty much what you're...

An inch goes a long way. I don't know why I even bothered asking Tom if he's ever had anything up his butt. Tom was like... The straightest guy we know. Tom looked at me with such confusion as to how that can... There are medical reasons why your finger goes up your butt, Tom.

It's not all... I've had a prostate exam. Have you? Yeah. You're 30 years old. Yeah, I had it when I was like 19. I had gnarly hemorrhoids. Oh, shit. Me too. I suffer from a condition called elderly

butt. Yeah, I haven't had one since then. Yeah, if you shed enough blood, they'll put a finger up there. Yeah. Now, that should be on the shirt at Buffalo Wild Wings. But then you're also going to find out you like it. I guess it's always a medical procedure that lets you know you like something in the wrong hole.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Right? Well, that's how I found out. Somebody one time dropped a didge on me, and I liked it. Dropped a didge. But I couldn't tell you to do it. Dropped a didge. But I couldn't tell you to do it. I'm too sexually repressed to tell you to do it. Why not? I feel like if you're going to do it to me,

you have to force it onto me. You have to take it from me. Okay. That's part of it. It's like I want to be conquered. Absolutely. I will not give you permission ever. Your anus will not be negotiated.

Yeah, exactly. Annex my butthole. Please tread on me. Tread on me, mommy. Instead of a snake, it's a dick. It's like a ball gag. It's a dick with a ball gag in it. Fucking dying. twerk a ball gag? Is it dick with a ball gag in it? Thank you for sharing the sounding stories.

Let's open up. Any more sounding stories, please. It's a thing I never will do. Yeah, sound off. I know somebody in the Discord was like, I have actually made sounding porn. Really? Yeah.

Of course they have you know how thomas jefferson talked about slavery he was like it's like having a violent dog on a short leash that's how i feel about our discord i'm like afraid of it but it's necessary yeah i i just in general like i fucking i'm like so happy hearing from all everybody and like it's been like i've been so overjoyed having everyone come back at the same time i forget how scary some people are oh yeah uh all right let's hear from uh i think i know who this is jizz i biggity bob your favorite trucker slash biker. Fuck yeah. Trucking my way across the plains here,

leaving you guys another message, call it. And wondering if you guys were aware of how many friendships from the podcast that I still continue to maintain to this day, including fellow pig child Claire Higginbottom, Shortbus Murphy, Alexis and Ian, Andrew Hillary. You guys literally brought four autistic weirdos together and introduced them to each other than

the autism convention. Just thought maybe you guys should know that. There's a convention for it? Yeah, it's called the PonyCon. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that was really sweet, and I feel bad for saying that thing right before you... For ruining the tender moment. Yeah, that was really sweet, and I feel bad for saying that thing right before you.

For ruining the tender moment. Yeah, yeah. I shit, and then you said something sincere. No, that's really nice. Yeah. No, it is very sweet to see all the people intermingling. It's nice to introduce a bunch of potential lone gunmen to each other and just kind of take that off the board. No, I keep thinking coming back, I keep thinking about the Doug

Stanhope bit where it's like, don't join ISIS, join me. Okay, that's my market and it's like, we definitely we're this generation's version of that. We're the pool filter that catches you before ISIS. Yeah. Have you guys ever done Molly before? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to that boring ass question. I was wondering have you guys ever done Molly before? I wasn't paying attention to that boring-ass question.

Did you guys ever try Molly before? I have, yeah. Is it a good time? Yeah, Keith had a great time on Molly. You did not? I did not take it. I got very high and ate a wedding cake. My opinion is there's better drugs. I had a good enough time where I'm like,

better not go near that again. That seems like it would be a problem for me. I'm thinking about doing Molly. Yeah. You probably should do Molly. Hateful, tight, you know, like. Based on what I know about you and sort of some of the overlap

and like ways we are similar. Yeah. I think you'd enjoy Molly quite a bit. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sounds fun. I think Molly, people will be dropping dig 24-7.

You're going to have no problem. You'll be able to ask for it on Molly. You'll be like, call me Digimon on Molly. Molly digging. Give me the Digimon. Hey, baby, can you show me your Digimon, please?

Jamaican Ramsey getting anally fingered. Alright, let's do this one. Hey, Mean Boys. My question is, what do you think is the biggest name celebrity that would want to hang out with you if you were a meat? If I was a meat? Yes, if you were a meat. What the fuck did he say?

He said, who is the biggest celebrity you think would actually want to hang out with you if you met them? I think Lady Gaga would want to hang out with me. Show your work. I don't know why. There's just something about her vibe. I've seen her in her interviews. I feel like she'd be like, you're different, you know? And she'd hang out with me.

That's really it. Do a Gaga bunga bunga? No, nothing sexual. Gaga Gaga. Gaga Gaga. Gaga Gaga. Podcast finally devolving into the baby talk it ultimately always was. I don't know.

I think if I've learned anything from comedy over the years, it's that I find a celebrity annoying. All celebrities are the worst people I've ever met in my entire life. Every single one of them. I think me and Bill Murray would get along great until we got in a fist fight. Yeah. I agree. I think we'd get along great until you didn't. And then we saw each other in different sides of the mirror and start punching each

other in the face. I think I could be really good at enabling Kanye West on a dangerous bender. Oh, hell yeah. I'd be like, dude, yeah, build another school. What are they going to do? That guy right off camera at Infowars. You do it to him, yay.

I got this great thing. It's a net in Yahoo. You're going to say net in Yahoo. Did you see that? He had a literal bug-catching net and a Yoo-Hoo soda. He was talking about Benjamin Net in Yahoo and he was going, net and Yahoo. You know I'm on board for that one. Net and yoo-hoo.

You know what? Who I also think I'd get along with well is Mohammed Asaf, winner of Arab Idol season one. Well, yeah, of course, you fucking idiots wouldn't know who he was, but he's huge in the Middle East, dude. This guy has over two million followers. Did he do that? He did that one song that I know.

That's it, right? That's Mahmoud. Okay, okay. My bad. No, I'm talking about I'm Not Sad. He goes like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You know that one.

Yeah. Did you play some of that when we turned the house into the hookah lounge that one time? We did, yeah. I think his music was featured on that one chapter of Call of Duty I played. Very likely. Damn, I feel like his wife after trying to drive, because that shit slaps. I remember reading that in one of the Call of Duty maps, like Fallujah or something, the street signs

are all in the wrong Arabic language because they just didn't give a fuck. That makes sense. Star Wars language. Yeah, exactly. That definitely is right, yeah. Oh, the other funny thing that my man before we set up, he said,

I was talking to him once again. I'm fucking, it's very weird. My world's colliding. He goes, by the way, Bucky from Kentucky fucks and I want to fly him out here. We're worried about your manager's take on the show. Doesn't care for us. Loves a guy who rhymes. Yeah, loves that guy.

And then someone else. Wait till he meets the goon from the lagoon. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My other friend informed me that Buggy from Kentucky is actually a Hannah Montana character, which I didn't know. Huh. Yeah. I didn't know that either. Maybe that's why he took the name.

Maybe, yeah. I just didn't know we'd have a huge Hannah Montana mean boys overlap. Yeah, I wonder if they have a fudge lord, too. That's her third identity. All right. She's Hannah Montana's roommates with the void. Yes.

That was a good show, everybody. It was a great show. Fantastic show. Rams, what do you got to plug? New Don't Tell special's out now. Follow my YouTube channel, at RamDog3Gs. And then the rest of you...

The perfect amount. And then everybody else, if you're listening, I fucking hate you. I hope you die. November 5th, Comedy Mothership. I'll be doing Roast Battle out in Austin. And October 20th, fucking Halloween live. Will my dick be electrified? Who knows? Comedy Mothership. I'll be doing Rose Battle out in Austin. And October 20th, fucking Halloween.

Hollywood. Will my dick be electrified? Who knows? We just gotta get a full-on taser if we're gonna do that. Oh, am I gonna be at Halloween? I think I'm at Halloween. Am I? I think I am. Yeah, probably. Yeah. If you're coming, you are. I gotta tell you, I think 80% of the audience may be on the show.

Alright, well, you guys, check me out at Halloween. Or don't. I don't give a fuck. I hate all of you, I think 80% of the audience may be on the show. All right. Well, you guys check me out at Hallmean or don't. I don't give a fuck. I hate all of you. Nice. No, that's all. That's I mean, yeah, it's me. All right. Oh, fuck.

What, Tom? What is it? This Tuesday, I'm at the Clubhouse Grill in Placentia. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'll be at the Madhouse Comedy Club October 15th. You can check me out there. I'll be at the Hollywood Improv Wednesday, October 18th.

7.30 show sold out. 9 p.m. show still has tickets. You should definitely go to that. I will be at Halloween on October 20th. I'll be at Taco Mania October 28th. Wait, is that a real thing? It's a real thing. Oh, okay.

That's where I got digged. Is it a show or some sort of... You deaf don't want to dig me after Taco Mania. Gross. Just saying, that's the day I want to put a potato on my ass because I'll be in so much spicy shit who knows what will happen you know

and um okay I don't got any more yeah alright fuck everything God is dead of course

of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course I'm sending you grace.