Mean Boys - EP 222 - Me Lady (feat. Robin Tran)

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

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Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. You don't know what you got till it's dong. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... Diversity Bingo! Yay! I can't believe it. Asian, lady, trans. And I'm... Diversity bingo! Yay!

I can't believe it. Asian, lady, trans, lesbian, probably some sort of neurodivergent, I assume. Yes, I actually am very autistic. Oh, really? Surprise, right? Robin does not understand sarcasm. It's kind of awesome. Yeah, no, I really don't.

Right? You've come to the best place. Yeah, I'm a four... i called myself a four in one and i'm like it sounds like four in one yeah everyone else is like well we've been calling you that you got four in one that sounds like the name of like an immortal technique style new york street rapper like four in one but it's also four in one because he's like dominican yeah he was like too hard for the wu-tang clan yeah he was he had too Dominican. Yeah, he was like too hard for the Wu-Tang Clan. Yeah, he had too many lyrics about cannibalism for them to accept him into the clan. Too many.

Yeah, too many. One isn't enough. I like the idea that in New York somewhere there's just like a DMV but where you apply to be part of the Wu-Tang Clan. It's like fill out forms. The kill the bees certification process. The Department of Wu-Tang Clan.

Can you read this eye chart for me? C-R-E-A-M G-E-T-T-H-E-M-O-N-E-Y G-E-T-T-H-E-M-O-N-E-Y D-O-L-L-A D-O-L-L-A Y-A-L-L Can I go now?

You guys went to Not Scary Farm last night. We did. Without me. I know how much you love crowds and whimsy. Being called gay by juggalos. Oh, we haven't gone to that. The last time I went to Not Scary Farm, I was wearing orange dickies and a lime green vest

and an addicts t-shirt. And a bunch of clowns followed me around and called me homophobic slurs the entire evening and he called me a raver and i was like they're misgendering me because i was dressed punk yeah i love that you're madder about the raver part than being called a fag yeah i've been called a fag before you're like well i get it i've never been called a raver i don't know what that feels like. I've never been called any of those things. Well, you don't really look like a raver. Oh, okay. I'm just

picturing Robin doing a glow stick dance. Oh, look, they're really shiny, guys. Honestly, I could... There is a world where you get really into that stuff. Yeah, no, I think if I didn't transition, I'd just be a raver. Yeah. Yeah, just a raver guy.

Well, you're already a raven lunatic. Oh, thanks, Connor. Okay, so my biggest discovery at Scary Farm is me and Tom got pretty drunk. And if you're ever planning on going on a roller coaster, go on it with drunk Tom. Because a normal human goes on a roller coaster and like screams or just like goes, what? Like, you know,

I don't know why Tom did this, but every roller coaster we went on, he just turned into like a Midwestern mom who was concerned. Okay. Okay.

Oh, no. Oh, boy. Okay, no. No, okay. Upside down going 60 miles an hour and above all of the sound I just hear Tom going, oh, gosh.

Oh, wow. It's so fast. That's how I sound when I'm like really fucked up and I have to take a really big shit. I'm like, oh boy, here we go. Okay, come on. Okay, come on, cork it up. My grandfather has dementia

and that's pretty much the only time he forms a complete sentence is when he's taking a shit. Oh, I thought you were going to say on a roller coaster. Like, wow, this is a cool grandpa. We try to keep a little excitement in his life. We tell him he's going to heaven when he climbs up the... Welcome to Six Flags Magic Hospice. No, when he takes a shit, he talks to it like James Brown.

Like, get it. Come on. Get up. Let's go. Come on. Get it out. Let's take it to the bridge. Let's take it to the bridge. Can I take it to the bridge?

He just poops out memories. She's a very keen mind girl. She's like, oh no, my daughter's middle name. Very funny. I didn't know I made those sounds either. I think it was just because I was drunk. We were like three drinks in and both realized at the same time neither of us had eaten that funny. Yeah, no, I didn't know I made those sounds either. I think it was just because I was drunk. We were like three drinks in and both realized at the same time

neither of us had eaten that day. Yeah. Oh, nice. But yeah, on the roller coaster. Yeah, I think it was because I was drunk because usually I'll just like clinch up and get suicidal on roller coasters. Just going like, oh no, a bunch kind of helped me not feel that way. Yeah, that's good.

It's an improvement. Yeah. You should always get drunk on the roller coaster. Why am I not surprised the most fun thing in the world makes you want to kill yourself? Is this as good as it's going to get? Yeah, when I'm getting my dick sucked, I kind of just clench up and get suicidal.

You guys ever notice that when you cum, you think about the Holocaust? Not this week. Of all the times to not have Ramsey, we miss Ramsey by one week. Literally, our first two guests were a Jew and a Palestinian, and then this shit happened. Oh, I thought you were going to say, and then this shit,

and point at me. So watch out. And then old Sally, etc. over here. Yeah, based on the mean boys predicting the future, pretty soon WeHo's going to get invaded, so just... Vietnam versus WeHo's going to get invaded. Vietnam versus WeHo.

Actually, you remember the last when you guys did the live event in the driveway, and I prepared a set specifically for that event. When you did your concert at the Denny's. When you committed a misdemeanor in the ghetto I prepared a set specifically for this show

and it was going to be the most offensive set I can possibly perform and it was about holocaust movies and stuff and you guys didn't air it and I was really upset at the time because I'm like oh that was such a good and after this week I'm like thank fucking god they never air it I've deleted it from all sources of anything.

Oh, yeah. I think a lot of people are going on their Twitter and doing Control-F Jew right now. But we never aired anybody's sets. That was never part of the live show. Yeah. No, I'm glad. I'm really glad.

Yeah, I think the only one we aired is the first one where I just decided to go up and not do stand-up. I did lightning round, and we included it. And it went. I'm sure it went great. You're good at lightning rounds. I am, but there were three people.

None of them knew the show. So it was just kind of awkward. What show is this? This is the first live one we ever did. I remember. You guys thought it was going to be a full packed house and you guys are plugging in the mics. No, that was before that. Oh, it was before that.

It was in the improv space? Yeah, in Westwood or something. It was for that Trump got elected and we're mad about it festival or whatever. The one guy who went to the grocery store and just stopped by for some reason. Oh, yeah. No, I wanted someone's falafel. That shit looked great.

It basically was like a poorly attended bus stop is where we did that show. Yeah, pretty much. Same cross section of society. Yeah. Yeah. It was a fun one. Yeah. How have you been, Robin? I've been pretty good. I mean, I think, you know, going to Edinburgh was

like the worst experience of my life. So I'm just like... You're not the first guest to say that on this podcast. Yeah, I know. But I thought I was going to be... I thought I was all arrogant. I'm like, it's because they're all white Americans that don't prepare, I know. But I thought I was going to be, I thought I was all arrogant. I'm like, it's because they're all white Americans that don't prepare, you know? Right.

But no, it was the, I should have listened to all those white Americans. We're on to something. Yeah. There's a reason we keep winning. That's all I'm saying. 400 years of uninterrupted crushing

is not unprecedented or unwarranted. We're the Bill Belichick of races. You don't have to like how we did it, but check the scoreboard. I performed at a venue called The Box and I thought, well, that's good, because I can just do the joke in the beginning, which is like,

oh, it's something I wish I was born with. Really funny stuff, right? It's a perfect impression. Do they call The Box over there? What? Do they call a pussy a box? They call it that here. They laughed at it, so maybe they put two and two together.

I think they call it something dumb like, oh, it's the muffin pin or something. Yo, like that's my muffin pin. I mean, I saw pictures of this venue and it looked nice, you know, only on the inside. And so, like, I've been preparing for this for months. I get to the, you know, assembly festival and then I go to the front desk and i go oh can you show me where my venue is and they're like oh what's it called it's like it's called the box and they go okay so you go down this road and you take a right and it's literally a box i'm like what and so i show up and it's it's a fucking shipping container okay with just a banner that says b and then o and x

and i look at it and i go is this it and then And then my fiance is like, this can't be it. I'm like, no, I'm sure there's like a downstairs leading to... There's a building behind this garbage. It was just a shipping container and it was awful. Was it a nice shipping container? Inside? It was nice inside.

Then why are you complaining? Oh, I'm sorry. You're right. It was retroactively the best experience. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's a little fucked up to put the Asian comedian in a shipping container. It feels like a Looney Tunes version of human trafficking. Yeah. Like when we painted freedom on the side of a cliff. Yeah, well, she's a woman now. Time to put her in a box.

Send her to Russia. Time to give back for a change. She'll be performing in the kitchen. You could put in a box both literally and figuratively. You dumb emotional cunt. Get in this box. You guys are treating me better than Edinburgh did right now.

But I got COVID halfway through and the food in Edinburgh, in Scotland is so bland. Everything's the same color brown? Yes. I lost my sense of taste and smell for five days. I didn't even know it for two. I'm like, oh yeah, it tastes the same. Welcome to yeah i lost my sense of taste of smoke for five days i didn't even know it for two like i just was like eating i'm like oh yeah it tastes the same welcome to europe we flavor our foods with coke yeah exactly yeah flavor their foods with fried oil on that yeah yeah no but i'm doing good i mean i think i built a lot of stamina doing it so i'm actually saying

you know yes to these kinds of like like these shows used to stress me out just because it was like anything to do but now now I'm like, yeah, I'm looking forward to just talking to my old friends again. I feel like I've started roasting less, so I'm sorry to be sincere. Well, get ready for a malignant and intense experience.

We are not hanging out. This is a competition. Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. Prepare to regret. We bring in one woman and she ruins all the jokes. My only goal is that you leave here feeling like you're not enough. No, you can be a little sincere. We fucking miss you.

I haven't seen you, I think, since the last week, boys. No, we saw each other at the reunion of our dead friend. Oh, yeah. The reunion. Yeah, the old high school reunion. Yeah, we don't really do weddings, so it's funerals and podcasts. The old Max Blooms group hang featuring not Nathan.

Yeah, we need to kill one of the other comedians we don't like so we can meet up again. Oh, let's compare lists. Yeah, we didn't like the guy, but there's going to be a great hang at the fucking memorial so we gotta cruise yeah yeah well you gotta grind on the funeral circuit if you want to get better so yeah i know i i gave a speech and i did well and in my brain i'm like i killed at this memorial i'm gonna count that as a staged but it really well if it makes you feel less brain poisoned i

watched you kill and i was like fuck robin did really good. Now I got to try. I think we were all trying to one up each other, which is what Nathan would have wanted. Yeah. He would have hated that so much. That whole funeral. Talking about him and fucking sharing their feelings about him. He would have been he would have wanted to die. You know what I mean? Even more than he probably did when he was dying of cancer.

He's got his phone. Like, I'm Googling. Can you kill a ghost? One of my fondest memories is him like well i was playing chicken with him he was like if you don't leave the room i'm gonna whip out my dick and piss right in front of you and i was like bring it on bitch like whatever so he whips out one of those hand urinals and him just dead-eyed staring me as he fucking shoved his massive hog into this water bottle and just the racehorse piss that came out of him

at that point yeah you're gonna follow through on every dick related threat when the time the and just the racehorse piss that came out of him. At that point, yeah, you're going to follow through on every dick-related threat when the clock is ticking. Exactly. The clock is ticking. I mean, he's only got so many opportunities to sexually assault people. What's he going to do, feel weird about it? We had the most different fondest memory.

My fondest memory is when he said, let people love you. That's the complete opposite of what he did. the death factory that's like gandhi saying talk shit get hit oh man i just wrote i went so i'm all we did was talk about like deep transformers lore and i was like maybe we weren't as good at friends as i thought we were no that's what being nathan's friend was i mean me and robin went over there we just talked about succession the sopranos and barry yeah for like four hours right that's all we talked about yeah oh shit us guys hanging out you know yeah just the fellas just the fellas yeah i i didn't dress

up when we went that day because i was like i want nathan to see me when i was out you know yeah just the fellas just the fellas yeah i i didn't dress up when we went that day because i was like i want nathan to see me when i was at you know what he remembered i wanted to look the factory reset before i ruined everything you know robin broke out the old fedora from back in 2012 a cm punk shirt just pulled out of the closet like Batman's retirement uniform. I don't understand how you look better in a girly pink bow than you do a fedora. I know, yeah, I know. It's the two worst hats you could possibly have on your head.

Yeah, no, the two outfits is it looks like you have one outfit to rape yourself dressed this way. It's got to be tough when your personalities are trying to rape each other Doffing the hat, me lady Me lady? Well, there's the episode title I feel bad, you're like, I'm not roasting I have a bunch of roasts ready for you No, you should all roast me, that's good

It's the only way I can get hard anymore Putting the bow on feels like a Ms. Pac-Man level of lazy transness. He's got to distract the baldness. Female pattern butterfly clips. That's just where Harry used to be. Well, we're all fired up. What do you say we get into the Mexican joke off, gang?

Let's do it. Anybody feel into the Mexican joke off, gang? Ay, so topical. Let's do it. Anybody want to start it off? I'll go first. A group of Amish men were shunned after an emergency service alert outed them as owning mobile phones. Wait until they find out how they got so good at churning butter. Some Amish boys are jacking off. I wonder if there's step-Mamish porn He gets Hezekiah

I'm stuck in ye old churn Because my family is uncultured white trash swine We went to Amish country but we only went to because there's a town called Intercourse Pennsylvania and you can buy a bunch of bumper stickers that say I heart intercourse This is a family trip

You're like yeah I watched my dad do the finger in the fingers thing for like five consecutive minutes. But I was 10 years old, so no one would explain to me why it was funny. They'll be like, you'll know later. So I miss out on the whole experience. Right. I was just bored looking at fucking people with like black and white, you know. That's like age appropriate to find out what sex is to like 10.

I feel like. Yeah. At least conceptually. So they really were just like, we don't want him to enjoy this vacation this vacation no my cousin said one of the funniest things i've ever heard there's a there's an amish woman wearing like a long skirt and he goes her ankles are showing it's an amish prostitute when i found out what like that somebody told me when i was like nine or ten that i came from my parents having sex i was so offended like How dare you accuse them of doing that? I got mad at them. They're good upstanding citizens.

That's where the pee comes from. I was like 16 when I figured it out. That whole time I've been coming on storks. Being dragged out of a bird sanctuary. I forgot that storks are the baby bird. You just thought I was just randomly talk about coming on pigeons or whatever.

I thought you were just bringing birds into it for no reason like you usually do. There's always a reason. You just gotta track it. Shut up. No, it's my turn. An SUV driven by a man getting roadhead crashed into a UPS truck.

Both the man and the UPS truck were able to deliver their load. That's a really nice, clean joke. Thank you, Robin. I'm very impressed. You guys have gotten such good at writing. That's the most condescending shit I've ever heard. You said it so stupid. You guys have gotten such good at writing.

You guys have gotten so good at this. Robin's going to take a magnet and put that joke right up on her box. Okay, so if he didn't come, you've got to wonder if he's like, all right, finish before the cops get here. The reality is she clamped down on his dick. What? But they wouldn't say how. They said his penis was injured, but they wouldn't say how badly.

Like if it was hanging from a thread or if it was just bruised. Completely off. It was in her stomach. I have no idea. I read the article like three times. I feel like if it came off, that would be the lead headline. The lead story, yeah. Yeah. Well, they wouldn't say. So there might have been some privacy issues or something. Maybe.

It's like they hate monologue joke writers. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Hamas launched a surprise attack at a concert in Israel, killing hundreds. The massacre happened at the Middle East's biggest music festival, La La La La La La La Palooza.

Oh, boy. All right. I have a similar, talking about that story, too. Okay. Hold on. All right. After Hamas' attack on a music festival

killing hundreds of civilians israel has retaliated by cutting off all water food and electricity to gaza some people are afraid to make a joke about this oh sorry my mic cut out i don't know what what happened guys for everybody listening at home you didn't hear it but robin just said some really profound stuff we can recover the file would probably fix this whole thing. Yeah, my mic cut. It's like jazz.

You got to listen to the punchlines she's not saying. I have some real jokes later, guys. You're like, how much is this? I didn't want to say it until later, but Keith blew his load. Yeah. Israel stuff right away. Sorry. This one is appropriate.

Over 1,000 birds died in a single day flying into one Chicago building during migration. Tom Goss called this event his own personal holocaust. He felt a disturbance in the force. A man was caught beating a shark with a hammer on a Florida County beach. Tom Goss said, duh, is this how you make a tuna sandwich?

That was a good imitation of you. A rare self-slam. You really put some stank on that duh, my friend. Duh. Duh. Okay. I'm sorry for making it weird about the Israel stuff. No, I don't.

Go ahead. All right. Medics in Gaza say the Israeli military is targeting ambulances and hospitals. Said one proud Jewish mother, you know, my son just buried a doctor. Wow, that's good. Thank you. You guys want more commentary on that one?

I'm sorry, I'm just kidding. Jada Pinkett Smith revealed that she and Will Smith have been separated for seven years, which is even longer than the amount of time that her hair was separated from her head. Fucking just Kool-Aid mans through the wall. Robin Collins, she had work coming. That was pretty fucking good. Thank you. Yeah, thank you.

Is that enough commentary for you? No, I'm sorry. I just thought it would be funny to trap you guys with this. You know. Now twirl your bow like it's a bow tie. Can you make it spin around? She flies away. It would be funny to trap you guys with this, you know. Now twirl your bow like it's a bow tie. Oh, yeah. Can you make it spin around? It flies away.

A dead skydiver was found in the lawn of a Florida home. I wonder how he died. A 2,479-pound pumpkin broke a Guinness World Record for largest pumpkin. Keith Carey claimed, last time I put on orange body paint for Halloween. As soon as I heard the word pound. Really, anytime I hear a big number. I can assume. As soon as I heard the word pumpkin.

You should have known it. A Minneapolis police officer was outed as an OnlyFans model after pulling over one of her subscribers. And her OnlyFans is great because it's the only place you can watch the black guy unloading the cop. I have a skydiver story, too. A 104-year-old woman died in her sleep on Monday just one week after setting a world record for being the world's oldest skydiver on October 1st. The only way this story could be any funnier is if she died on October 1st. All right, that was long-winded. I think I got lost. Yeah, I missed it. No, she died in her sleep. It would have been funny if she died skydiving. That's what I said. Thanks, Connor. Can you edit this part?

It was a lot of information. Yeah, we'll replace this with some new thoughts about Israel. Thank you. A dead rat was found selling illegal vapes. Oh, I fucked this up. A dead rat was found in a shop selling illegal vapes and alcohol to children. Ramzi Badawi said, hey, I'm still alive. Israel and Palestine are at war. Robin Tran has stated,

I'm not sure how to make this about me yet. Damn. I've tried. I've written and deleted a lot of posts. Oh, shit. An England man claims he was encouraged to assassinate the queen by his AI girlfriend. You know what they say.

Listen to your waifu, get 25 delightful. That's one of the stupidest things I've ever written down. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is under scrutiny for spending $19,000 on a lectern and $20,000 on Burger King over the weekend. You know what I love about her is she's fat in a way where no one feels bad about dunking on her. What is 20,000 is like a half a million McNuggets. And just one weekend too.

Bitch loves McNuggets. The ex-CEO of Amber Crombie and Fitch is accused of exploiting men for sex, which explains his grandlehandle, Amber Crombie and Felch. Grandlehandle. Grindle. Grindlehandle. Grandlehandle. That sounds like a folk tale from Polish lore.

We have the grandlehandle. He is two feet away, and he will suck your dick in an alley. If you do not brush your teeth, the Grindle Hander will grind them off. Is the sound of flute music behind it? Yeah. Is there two more or one more? One more. Oh.

Okay. A man was robbed at gunpoint because he refused to buy the assaulter fried chicken. Robin Tran stated, I don't know how to make this about me either. Ron DeSantis is trying to soften his image by saying he would not have dinner with Holocaust deniers. As another concession, he said if Robin Tran wants to tour Florida, he'll make sure she gets one of the nice white people jail cells. Thank you, guys. This is such a nice. Aren't you glad you drove to Long Beach?

I love it. Thinking about you is way easier than googling stuff so yeah by the way i have not read the news in in years you know because i guess and then for research on this i was like this is the worst fucking week the worst two days of my life googling anyway um okay hollywood's hollywood writers are close to reaching a deal with studios to end their historic strike when finally their terrible jokes will no longer be on picket signs and back on Jimmy Fallon where they belong. Wait, so it isn't over?

No, it is. It's over, right? It's like over, over. They have signed the stuff. When I went and picketed, though, they didn't have a bunch of blank signs lying around. You had to find somebody who had a catchphrase that you were comfortable holding. So I had to use... Somebody was pre-writing?

Yeah, I had to use somebody else's shitty joke or whatever. Oh, shit. I didn't know that was pre-written like that. I like the idea that somebody was paying for that, and it was like a whole scab operation. Actually, AI wrote those signs. Do you guys know? They just wrote the one that said, give robots a chance. Yes.

Well, that was the mexican joke off uh mean boys podcast will be right back right after this oh you guys i'm so stoked what do we want to do first oh oh let's go to the wax maze roller coaster or food i'm hungry no no we got to hit one of the mazes before they get too busy oh shit wait there's a monster coming. Boo. Boo? Yes, boo. What do you want from me? You think I'm scary? No, not really. That's because this isn't really scary.

Real fear is seven years in a loving relationship, only to find out for five years she was fucking mad. I mean, that's sad, but it isn't really spooky. Well, I'm haunted by it. We want to get a churro? Yeah, dude, this seems kind of unprofessional. I'm sorry. The fear of being 36 and completely alone and unloved isn't good enough for you. And I have a mortgage.

All right, man. I'm sorry. What's your name? Beelzebub. Are you, like, in character or not? We are all in character, playing bit parts as time moves through us. We spend all this time thinking of decaying, but the real wear and tear of life is on your soul.

Hey, Beelzebub, where can we get a milkshake? Out by the front, back where you came, but there is no going back. Yeah, yeah, I get it, the time thing. We got it. No, we're exit only. So, uh, you guys want to hang out? Yeah. And the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of a game we haven't played in a long time called Price Check.

Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, you said ching. What kind of game is this? I don't know, but you lose. Rules of this game are easy. I'm going to give you two things. You just tell me which number is bigger, which one costs more,

which one is a higher number, that kind of thing. And the first one, by the way, I'll just say now, everything here is based on the important research where I Googled it once and then just trusted the first number I saw. Yeah. So I do not verify any accuracy. First one, as of when we started the reunion of mean boys which number is higher apple podcast downloads of the mean boys

podcast all time or u.s covid deaths mean boys podcast numbers well yeah no we didn't i did not follow this shit at all uh i'm gonna say covid or no i'm gonna say mean boys downloads okay i'm gonna say I did not follow this shit at all I'm going to say I'm going to say Mean Boys Downloads I'm going to say The COVID deaths Both 1.2 million We literally tied with COVID

Holy shit I hear the numbers were inflated We actually record this show in a lab in Wuhan Alright next one I went on Walmart.com we actually record this show in a lab in Wuhan. All right. Next one. I went on walmart.com. Which one costs more,

an engagement ring or a 10 foot long skeleton? What kind of, how nice of an engagement ring? Well, I'm on walmart.com. So how nice do you think? But the nicest one on Walmart or the cheapest one on Walmart? The first one on Walmart. Okay.

So it's kind of in the middle. Yeah. And what was the other thing? A 10 foot long skeleton. The first one on Walmart. Okay, so it's kind of in the middle. Yeah. And what was the other thing? A 10-foot long skeleton. Ooh. It's a nice skeleton. No, since it's a big skeleton, it takes up a lot of real estate. Well, okay.

So I think I'm going to go with the skeleton. Here's my logic. Everyone thinks they want to get married, but not everyone thinks they want a 10-foot long skeleton. I like this logic a lot. There's a lot of options. For the listener, Tom is pointing in two different directions.

And I don't know why. There's a lot of options to get wedding rings. A lot of different prices. There's only one 10-foot skeleton. There's only one 10-foot skeleton. Okay. only one 10-foot skeleton. Okay. So they're going to gouge you on it. They know you need that skeleton.

So I'm going to say the skeleton. All right. They know you don't need to get married. Well, an engagement ring and a 10-foot tall skeleton, I guess both make you feel dead inside. Am I right, fellas? Can you cue up TumbleweedSound.mp3? I'm going to say 10 foot tall skeleton. Like Tom actually convinced me with that sound.

No, I think if you need a 10 foot tall skeleton, you need it at whatever price. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like there's, there's, this is what I call the enthusiast dollar.

I mean, if you went to Jared, there'd be a different story, but Walmartmart it's actually jared's skeleton yeah uh the engagement ring 139 the 10 foot long skeleton 259 good job if you get in a 139 engagement ring you're getting divorced oh if you show it at the courthouse they just stamp you divorced immediately it doesn't cost anything like you know the the story about the lady who like i i cut off my hair to buy you the shit and he's like i fucking got these combs and now i can't use the other thing yeah like the gift of the magi i think

the gift of the magi they got a 200 engagement ring that broke ass couple like they you know hey hey keith can you tell me which walmart that was i need one for uh my fiance i i need you to know i love her very much but also nothing's going great right now Can you tell me which Walmart that was? I need one for my fiance. I need her to know I love her very much, but also nothing's going great right now. Did you do a broke engagement? Did you do like a, hey, this is a fucking acclaimed show. This had a quarter pounder with cheese in it,

but pretend it's a... You open it up. Lately, it's every kiss begins with March. Every kiss begins with March. No, they proposed to me, and all i give them back were empty promises oh god what's the thought that counts yes uh all right which has more views on youtube robin's youtube special or a video entitled me eating a taco in cleveland oh fuck you you know it's a taco i did not post my special some website posted it but i'm sure that you're you eat i would rather watch you eating a taco than that to be clear it's not me it's somebody saying me eating a taco it's the name of it it's just some guy eating a taco i still think that guy eating a taco is more than me me wishing i had one after robin if i posted a video of me eating a taco and it did better than your special,

after the amount of times you have posted that clip of you doing the 9-11 joke about me, I would text you every morning. I would ruin your life about it. I think it's the taco. Well, to me, a man eating a taco in Cleveland is captivating because taco in Cleveland can only be shitty. Yeah. The best taco in cleveland is taco bell and it's all downhill from there yeah it's like ground beef and mayonnaise it's bad so uh i think this is it's kind of a gross out reaction video it's gotta be the taco was was uh uh so you said you

didn't post it because you have a pretty big online following who was it like can we know that was like i don't i don't even know who it was but they posted my entire special on youtube it was one of those weird like like chuckle fuck dot tv or whatever like it was like some like fake streaming service is kind of what it looked like yeah okay because yeah no it's you is actually i don't know if it's okay to talk about that never mind um oh i want to know what this is yeah oh it's about you what is it about about? Oh, the fucking, was it Tucker Carlson or whatever trying to get you on his show? Oh, it was Gavin McGinnis. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, he saw, Gavin McGinnis saw a clip of me on Letterman doing stand-up, and he actually was, like, laughing and wanted me to do his show. Yeah. And I was like, God, if this was, like, two years ago and I had, like, no integrity or anything, I would totally do it.

But now I kind of have a little bit of it. I was like, ah, the Proud Boys is a little too much for me. But yeah, no. A little. A little too much. You're in the middle of the world's strangest Venn diagram of edgelords and bow owners. People who have a hair bow

and people who have a compound bow to shoot at Mexicans. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to go with Robin. People like Robin. And people like tacos, too, but tacos in Cleveland are bad. Yeah, it's the taco one. By a lot, right?

Yeah, Robin has 16,000 on that video. Taco Guy has 118,000. Oh, thanks, Keith. Sorry. No, it, Keith. Sorry. No, it's okay. You're not getting it as bad as Tony Hinchcliffe got it. Yeah. Basically, we were like, hey, thanks for coming over. This game's called

Tony, You Fucking Suck. This game's called Lick Our Nuts. It was like, is Pearl Harbor or your special get better reviews? The movie Pearl Harbor. Alright, the total box office earnings of the Marvel Cinematic Universe or what the Department of Housing says it would

cost to end homelessness in America? Oh. Wait, so Marvel versus homelessness? Yeah, it's all the money Marvel has made. Oh, that one definitely. Yeah, like getting rid of homelessness in America is like $40,000 or something.

We just, we don't have it. We just, it's not there. How much does one really big box cost? Well, if they start performing in Edinburgh, they'd at least get a shipping container. And I've heard it's pretty nice. It's just packed with... It's like playing Tetris with crackheads.

It's a shitting container. I'm going to go... This is the U.S.'s... This is what our Department of Housing says it would cost to end homelessness. I'm going to go with that. Okay. They make new Marvel movies every week. We just let homeless people die in the streets it's got to be marvel movies uh marvel 29.5 billion homelessness

20 billion yeah wow hell yeah but at least some of the marvel movies are kind of good uh all right i feel like most of these just ended up being kind of depressing that's no i fucking love depressing dude keep going that's every mean boys game you remember we played did they die and we're like this is what we do i know you guys all got more empathetic over the last four years including right and i've gotten less and it's we're meeting in a weird point in the middle no i know i yeah i feel like i've gotten more empathetic but i do think i've gotten like less less sympathetic i think i'm i'm more i'm more mean one-on-one now okay yeah i think because i actually care about my future now.

I'm one of those people. You know, I think I used to not give a shit. I'm one of those people who pretends they know the difference between the words empathy and sympathy, but actually doesn't. Sympathy is logical. Empathy is emotional. No, no. Empathy is a tool.

It's a skill. It's not even like feelings at all. It's just the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Oh, okay. So when I do a roast battle, I use empathy for evil. I put myself in the shoes of shoes. So when I do a roast battle, I use empathy for evil. I put myself in the shoes of the person I'm battling, and then I try to envision myself as them and try to hurt my own feelings as them in my own brain.

I have a similar technique, where I'm like, I need to really know what makes this guy tick so I know what makes him crumble. Empathy without sympathy. I only have cognitive empathy. I understand how you feel this way, but I'm like, my mom didn't die. Yeah, that's...

That's not... Without sympathy. Empathy without sympathy. That's just sympathy. I'm saying I have cognitive empathy. I'm not... Hey, I'm going to talk to you like your mom died, but I'm thinking about cars I want to buy.

I'm thinking about killing your mom. I'm thinking about all the cool shit I'm going to go to you like your mom died, but I'm like thinking about cars I want to buy. I'm thinking about killing your mom. I'm thinking about all the cool shit I'm going to go do without your mom. I'm thinking about Japanese vaporwave songs I want to listen to on the drive home. All right, this one doesn't have a depressing path. So I looked really hard and I couldn't find any prices for this in America,

but I found one source in India that would actually give a direct quote. So according to one Indianian hospital which costs more transitioning from a male to a female or a female to a male oh making a dick or taking one out it's got to be making a dick okay it's got to be ftm i will say jordan when i ran this by her and i'm not giving away an answer but she just went well it's got to be easier to dig a hole than build a pole it's like what fucking old dock worker am I banging right now it sounds like he asked the old

country prospector I'm like how is there an 1800s folksy wisdom about this well both of them cost your integrity so I don't so I don't think you're selling out your junk you're a gender traitor yeah you left the team robin i know i did i i said this to phoebe one time i called her a race trader i called her benedict arnold yeah

i think it's probably cheaper to go from woman to man you just kind of have to like stop giving a shit about why how you look or people's feelings and stuff which is free you just grouch your arm in there i love the idea that you go to the hospital they teach you to be a bad person you're gonna want you know you do all that listening you're gonna stop that right now yeah we're gonna vacuum the compassion part of your brain out and replace it with football facts look look i hate all men right type so i'm wow that was really mean. I was making jokes. That just got real, real.

Just because you're trans doesn't mean I'm not going to hate you also. So I think that's progressive of me to stay. They are men. Right. I said, when Elliot page came out, I was like, Oh,

I guess I don't like him anymore. Fuck you, bro. Uh, yeah, I'm more of a fan of her early genders. Um, you bro uh yeah i'm more of a fan of her early genders um um or his sorry whatever um that's how people should apologize for that one oh yeah or whatever i'd be a lot better

you could write up a notes app apology and hold it up to the microphone. I fucking, yeah, you know what I meant. So I'm going to go based off, you guys are all thinking about the mechanics. I'm going to go based off of India, okay? Oh boy. I know it's pretty rough to be. We're thinking about this in Ruples.

Yeah, I know it's pretty rough to be a woman out there, or it can be. So I'm going to say they're going to up the price of becoming a man to keep them out. Like you're signing up for being Indian deluxe? Yeah. Alright. The cost of male to female

$9,752. Female to male $6,095. It is way more expensive to become a lady. Wow, that's cheap though over there. It is way more expensive to become a lady. Wow, that's cheap, though, over there. Yeah. It's also more expensive to get ready and stuff. Let's talk about the pink tax. Women be shopping and chopping.

It's the thing where chick raisers are $9 and guy raisers are $7. Shopping and chopping. I'm stealing that joke. Oh, cool. Tight. Rad, you're welcome. There's that empathy. Who has more IMDb credits? Samuel L. Jackson or Ron Jeremy? They don't put a lot of porno

movies on IMDb. They don't put every porno movie on IMDb. Correct, but they every porno movie on IMDb. Correct, but they put way more of them than I thought. Also, hasn't he done a bunch of cameos, too? He's done some other stuff, yeah. We're talking about his serious work? Yeah. Sam Jackson has been in everything since, like, 1990. So has Ron Jeremy.

Ron Jeremy's been in every one. Since 1980. Most of them said yes. He's batting like 900 probably on a lifetime average. I'd actually, I'd love it if like Ron Jeremy became the next like Stanley but for serious dramatic Oscar movies.

Like the King's Speech just had that ghoul come out for a fucking five. He's in everything. Like he just isn Speech just had that ghoul come out for a fucking fives. He's in everything. Like he just isn't. How does that work? The Titanic's going down and you see the hedgehog

bouncing away. He's the shark, yeah. What's the Ron Jeremy cinematic universe? He's the shark in Titanic? Oh yeah, that's right. They didn't have sharks. He's the lack of shark

in the Titanic. I want to see your version where a shark took down the Titanic. Well, I was thinking I think I mixed up Titanic and Sharkn took down the Titanic. Well, I was thinking, I think I mixed up Titanic and Sharknado in my head. Sharktanic.

Sharktanic. This is, yeah, this is, let's remake that movie where a shark is attacking the Titanic. That'd be a way more fun movie. It's like a prehistoric shark from the bottom of the sea that's gigantic. It's like one of those dinosaurs that survived. Yeah, the mag or whatever.

Yeah, that's what really happened. No iceberg. There's not a lot of Titanic truthers out there. They're like, let me tell you the real story, man. The Titanic was flat. Well, the submarine knows that, right? That one's flat. I forgot the question.

Who's got more IMDB credits? Stanley, or not stanley fucking ron jeremy or sam jackson i gotta go sam jackson okay i'm going sam jackson yeah i think sam jackson samuel jackson has 200 imdb credits jeez ron jeremy has 1599 wow wow jesus yeah which i don't know who's moderating the porno subsection of IMDb. Probably Ron Jeremy. From jail? Yeah. Oh, he's in jail?

Oh, yeah. He super went to prison. Oh. Oh, he did? That's why I haven't seen him at terrible bar shows lately. He got arrested during COVID, and there's all these pictures of him on trial, and he's got the mask, and he's dying, and he just looks like a fucking Batman villain. It's really upsetting.

Do I have another good one? Yeah, the joke I did about they said yes to most. Too many silly diddles? Yeah. Mr. Jeremy, you stand accused of first degree silly diddlery. I mean, rape just sounds

very harsh. Yeah, you want to make it easy for people. I don't want to trigger anyone. How do you plead? I plead, your honor. That's the last one I had, so that's price check. That's not that far off from how Gen Z talks. Now it's like you can't say kill yourself anymore.

It's like unalive yourself. Your exaggerations are like Gen Z literal now. Yeah, my art replicates life. Yeah, exactly. Oh, no. I don't think I ever actually did this, but I always wanted,

instead of saying kill yourself, I always thought a better move would just be to link the WikiHow article for how to tie a noose. I like that. That's got a nice passive aggressiveness to it. It's got some subtlety to it when you tell someone to kill themselves.

I like the little cartoon drawings of it. Yeah, I've seen that page. I've seen the one about how to make the bag or whatever. Sorry, is the mic... He's got it talking to the front part. Oh, sorry. Really deep throughout it. Well, that was price check, everybody.

Mean Boys Podcast will be right back. Hello, welcome to John's Grocery. How can I help you? Hello, I am new in your country. I am looking for Hamas. Hamas? Yes, I love Hamas. You do?

Oh, yes, very much. Even with everything going on? My family and I have been big supporters of Hamas for many years. That's disgusting. How do you say different strokes for different folks, my friend? You can't just dismiss all this with a folksy rhyme. Do you have or not? This is Silver Lake.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure you won't find Hamas here. I thought this was supposed to be progressive, inclusive neighborhood. It is, but we don't have terrorist cells here. You are calling me a terrorist. No, no, no, just... I come in here looking for Hamas, and you call me terrorist. Progressive neighborhood, my ass. Well, what am I supposed to think when I come in here looking for Hamas, and you call me terrorist. Progressive neighborhood, my ass. Well, what am I supposed to think when you come in here asking for Hamas?

This is a grocery store. What's going on here? I come in here, I ask your employee a simple question, he calls me a terrorist. Gary, is this true? I never called him a terrorist. I just love Hamas. I want Hamas everywhere. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, Hamas.

You say Hamas? Yes. I just want to find some hamas in this country so i can feel at home is that so hard i'm afraid i'm gonna have to ask you to leave sir well then where am i supposed to find the mass i think you might have to go back to the middle east for that now that is racist how are you supposed to have a country without hamas i'm pretty sure hamas doesn't even technically have a country hamas is everywhere my friend watch your back yeah well hamas is not in my store sir not in this country then what do you savages put on pita wait a minute oh are you talking about hummus yes you say it funny phew

what a misunderstanding uh it's aisle three right by the salsa you can't miss it thank you my friend all right class weirdly enough that is the story of how the israel palestinian conflict Thank you, my friend. All right, class. Weirdly enough, that is the story of how the Israel-Palestinian conflict came to an end. Really? Yep. It didn't make sense at that time either. Gwang. And the Mean Boys podcast is back to take another dip into the Mean Boys mailbag.

It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email. this one comes to us from listener one email hello big fan hello from indianapolis specifically from washington street where patty show club is just doxing himself i guess fatty patties let's go oh fatty patties yeah hell yeah when i heard you guys were there here i lost my mind the mean boys at the shitty strip club where i was almost sold pills by a soft dough face man unbelievable almost implying he couldn't close the deal yeah like he's too too aspy to pick up some fucking oxy fentanyl is for closers i want to let y'all know that i love the show and i'm glad to know you're all fine thanks for coming back even if it's for a little unlimited time well we're mcribbing you

yeah you know to get you hooked you know i like how everyone is like oh the mcrib sucks isn't that funny that we're eating the mcrib ironically ironically? And it's like, you're actually eating it, though. This is not really a joke. You're literally eating the McRib. Yeah, the poison you're eating is not a bit. Your body does not know this is a sarcastic sandwich. Every year I do order. Yeah.

One time I was eating Junior Mints, and I accidentally swallowed one whole. And I'm like, so I just ate a Junior Mint, but I did not enjoy it at all. I took it like a pill like i got all the calories who suffered candy yeah yeah yeah are you a mcrib person yeah every year i'll like i'll get one i'll eat it i'll regret it but i'll be glad that i partook you know and i'm like oh you know if there's once a year you treat it like visiting your family for the holidays. Exactly right. Yeah, I don't know.

The sandwich is going to say some racist stuff. I eat the McRib more than I see my family. I've never had a McRib. It's not very good. It's not, but it's good because it's like going to go away soon, you know. I'm sorry because she's listening, but I'd rather eat my own mother's pussy than McRib. So would I. There's a Pepsi challenge for you.

All right. This next one, blazing t-shirt design and other crap. Hey, mean boys, read as much of this on the show or not. It's a long one, but at least we'd like the question to make it in if it's good enough to keep this blah, blah, blah. This email is coming to you from the guy who did such things as the grover that is why mean many of tom's failed podcast artworks and not meeting connor at the dc show when you're walking on the beach exactly oh i remember this dude this dude was rad when you're watching on the beach and you saw a few hundred extra mean boys downloads during the pandemic it was me because i had to live alone and not

make face-to-face contact with anyone for 400 days due to an underlying health condition all joking aside I really appreciate y'all keeping the feed and patrons up because your archive of nonsense and shenanigans was as well as the new shows kept me relatively sane while living alone with my now wife was getting her master's in LA and I was staying in DC to get mine since everything is kind of normal again it's been much better and most things people than most things people have emailed you about I got married this summer haven't lost any kids. And for some Tina's closure, the vegan Nazi I wrote in about got arrested for being involved with some January 6th stuff. So all things considered, I'd say I'm about B+.

Damn, that's one of those little, like when you read a comic book and they reference something and there's a little note in the bottom like, See issue 9 for Spider-Man's fight with Captain America. Yeah, we had a whole thing on this is not a show with a with a vegan nazi and that's crazy that it ended at january 6th i don't remember this she was like i love animals but not those jewish animals i don't i don't remember the exact details but i remember there was somebody who was a vegan nazi and it was like a three like it came up a few times. You mean a vegan? Got him! Yeah. You just pull a McRib out and you don't got a vegan? He made a t-shirt design.

It's pretty funny. It says, I survived the Buffalo Wild Wings Blazing Challenge twice, and all I got was no t-shirts. Can I see? Yeah. Holy shit. Oh, that's actually really good. I know what Tom's getting for Christmas.

Based on Tom Goss's exploits, to keep with the dumb graphic design thing I've done over the years, my main thing I'm reaching out about is the Blazing T-shirt challenge I made the other day. You guys say the word and I'll post the shirt

to an online marketplace for sale. We can have the proceeds go to the charity of your choice. Maybe something like Tom's Without Cages. Kevin Spacey didn't do it learning foundation for the arts some deep cut mean boys delaware that's a fake charity that ramsey signed up keith to be the president for dude that that scares the shit out of me still because i never followed up on it but he i don't know if

you are familiar with what ramsey did what did he do i think i've heard a little bit he started a non-profit called the kevin space you didn't do it foundation for the learning arts in my name but he also like filed actual tax paperwork and like like i got letters from the state of california that were like you need to name a board of directors so ramsey's pranks are like nathan fielder where it's not a it's a prank because it's real yeah ramsey's pranks are like enron's pranks it's like a legitimate case of fraud like a method acting of pranks but like when he did that i was just like broke and i of fraud. It's like a method acting of pranks. But when he did that, I was just broke. And I was like, ah, that's pretty funny.

I'm on food stamps. What are they going to do? Then I actually started making a little bit of money. And now I'm terrified that somehow that other shoe is going to drop. As you should be. I'm going to go to prison for the ninth best Mean Boys bit. I think Ramsey would. No, but why?

He didn't do it. So why was he? Your Honor. Yeah, I mean, Your Honor, I think he was. There No, but why? He didn't do it, so why was he? Yeah, I mean, Your Honor, I think he was. There's actually a very well, you'd have to go back and listen to the whole show and figure it out, but there's a very well documented case where you could just throw Ramsey under the bus directly. Oh, I would kick him under the bus. I mean, Ramsey kind of just put himself under the bus and said, hit that guy. Yeah. Now, after all my rambling here's a question i thought of creating a tom goss fact check twitter account back pre-reboot both to either

vindicate or antagonize whatever claims you had on the show mostly tom's though what's something creative podcast related or not that you always wish you did but the window of opportunity closed i always wish that we had a clips channel like we had someone go through and i've i'm always thought about reaching out to listeners and seeing if anyone would want to do it as a job to just go pull the best clips from mean boys so that we could have like just all these funny moments in seven minute chunks it would be nice because we i feel like we've a few times tried to do it where we've made one thing as a standalone video and then realize how much work it would be and just kind of it's gotten away from us but that's the thing i always wanted well you guys like do like short clips and then like kind of

like put little pictures and animations over it and stuff like that would be cool but even if it was just like the fucking just the audio of the highlight like the kevin spacey didn't do it foundation for the learning arts and then it's 20 minutes and it's us going through that whole bit yeah because we've got a couple we have like star wars or uh racial slur. We have a lot of the live ones. Yeah. Well, you know, I kind of need a job, you know, kind of rough out there. Yeah. So if anybody listening wants to do this.

Yeah. Send us an email. Thanks for the joy of the reboot. I hope you feel energized and motivated to continue after the 10 episodes. But if 10 is all you guys have in you, that's more than we were promised in 2019. And it fucking rules that you brought it back for a little bit thanks man yuck everything gorsh is dead i'm trying to think if there's another like big creative thing we never pulled the trigger on it would have been cool to do more video sketches yeah that would have been cool i had one pitch for uh for a live

thing that i i think i've pitched you guys twice and and both times you very much said no, and you were right to do so. Was it name that taste? No, no, no, it's the piss cup. Oh, no, I'm not drinking piss. I just wanted to, so normally at our live shows, we have a dominatrix hit us if we bomb a joke during the joke. Oh, yeah, I've seen those, yeah. So I just thought instead, what if we all pissed in the same big gulp cup, and if you bombed, you had to take a swig of the piss? Oh, no, that's awful.

Okay, well. I kind of can't believe you keep bringing this up. You're right. No one's going to take this funny. Yeah, but I never brought it up on the show, I don't think. Maybe not. I get mad when it happens in fiction. Like, when I saw Jimmy McGill drinking his own piss, I was like, I'm writing a letter to

Vince Gilligan right now. I can't believe how you can show this on television. Dear Mr. Gilligan. I've accidentally drank in my own piss. I was like, I'm writing a letter to Vince Gilligan right now. I can't believe I can show this on television. I've accidentally drank in my own piss twice. Peeing in water bottles in my car and then just getting them confused. It does not taste that bad. It's survivable. But I'm not drinking your piss. No offense

to you. I love you guys. That's fair. I wouldn't let my piss touch your piss. Well, that's a little... That was really mean, Tom. I'm pretty sure... He just rejected me. We've been outside before. We've pissed in the woods.

I'm sure our pisses have touched before. You guys are being real piss nimbies here. We pissed in the same toilet and probably didn't flush. I bet our peas have touched. Yeah, that's basically getting married. Yeah. All right, your piss can touch my piss. Thanks.

That's the gayest thing I've ever heard. Oh, shit. All right, we got a couple voicemails here. That's gayer than a transgender lesbian. That's pretty gay. Them mean boys are at it again. All four of them. I'll call myself a mean boy.

We got a call from our buddy Andrew Hillary. I'm about to embark on the most... What up, mean boys? It's Andrew Hillary. I'm calling in today. I do have a question. But first, I just want to say to all the pig children out there, I am about to embark on the most haphazard ramshackle tour across the country since, I'd say probably since, you know, the Mean Boys tours. But I'm going to be going all around.

And if anybody wants to come out and see me, I will teach you how to eat a wing or sign your fucking sword or whatever uh and uh yeah okay okay okay so i have a question uh what do you think is the funniest way to start a suicide note my uh my my answer is i hope this message finds you well all right fuck everything. God is dead. I think mine would be, what up, fam? Dear God, it's me, Margaret. JK, it's Tom. It all

started on May 13th, 1986. It's like a 150 page suicide note. It's actually just an autobiography Somebody's like Your body's still there And they're just like Can I just skip to the end?

Oh I know Well it's been one week Since you looked at me I've thought about the funniest way To kill myself quite a bit And I think the answer is I'm going to super glue My hands to my head uh and

i'm gonna tie a basically a noose of razor wire around my neck and then i'm gonna jump off a stool so it looks like i pulled off my own head that fucking rocks i just ripped it off with brute strength that kicks ass yeah so uh like man he must have been really sad and strong for a skinny guy that's pretty good. I've done this on stage, but my funny suicide is I want to jump off a building wearing a T-shirt that says Parkour World Champion 2020. That's a good one. You know, do you hear Norm or Donald did a joke about like, it'd be funny if you like kill yourself and you left a suicide note and you just like blamed it on some guy that had nothing to do with it. Blamed on your barber.

He just like lives the whole life like this and he pauses after the joke and he goes, that was not a funny prank. I should have not have said. Yeah. All right, we got another voicemail. Hey, Mean Boys. This is the power button with no power

finance move calling from Chicago. So I'm currently in Phoenixic San Diego for work, and as I'm frantic my way around what I can only describe as a human right violation of a city, you know, we lie into the understudy non-housed. I'm going to help a wander. How's Keith Mundin doing? Any fun mess shenanigans we should be aware of?

How did you take the pandemic? And also, whatever happened to the kevin spaces didn't do a foundation for the nonprofit that brand degraded under keith's name is it still in existence or not can't wait to see you at halloween love you guys and god fuck everything god is alive but definitely hooked up to one of those iron lungs Terry Shiloh style fucking terrifying love y'all that man is so Italian that the fucking the the the translate like the Google speech just gave up halfway through the call that That's what you figure it out. Did anyone watch the show Home Movies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sounds like the generic foreign kid on Home Movies. Oh, shit, you're right. Oh, hey, Mr. Brandon, I was wondering if I could be in your movie. My mom's doing all right. I couldn't have told the story about going to my brother's wedding on this show. No, I don't think so yeah i went to uh i went up to washington because my brother

got married and my mom was there and my mom had my other brother on like facetime the whole time and this is like a tiny wedding it's like maybe 20 people in the woods and we're all sitting right next to each other and she has my little brother on like voicemail or facetime from russia and he is just chain smoking cigarettes and screaming about how the wife he just divorced is a fucking cunt. Everybody else who is that like we are the only people who are Scottish family and everyone else is there for the bride. And they keep giving the look like, can you stop? And she keeps turning the volume up. And then at one point we had to leave the wedding early because she uh she really felt

like it was important to sing racist uh song parodies at the table which was frowned upon at the mexican wedding uh so she's she's still kicking yeah that's quite a kick yeah she handled the pandemic great because she just did not believe that it existed she i have a bit about what drives me fucking bananas that she just never bought a mask never got the shot never got covet and i got it three fucking times we think that how it works yeah uh but yeah no she's regrettably alive i'll get to work i'm starting to hear that keith yeah i'm sorry for your gain yeah my mom's not dead yeah all right well that's uh that's about it for the voicemail there's a couple more but i can't remember which ones we already played

because they're already it's the ones that are white have run played the ones that are white white like that oh maybe the app is different uh yeah i i think a bunch of them got clicked through because they're all like clicked red so i kind of got to go through and figure them out let me uh try this one i don't think we played this one mean boys what's up it's moneta how are you doing uh can i just say that you guys being back even for this short period of time has really brought joy back into my life at a very shit time now on to business i know this may be temporary but that does not mean we cannot plan for the future so i propose this idea to you what if by next year 2024 we can do some sort of contest. I don't know. You want money? You want votes? You want

Patreon subscribers? Votes for what? I'm trying to steal a member of, by the way. Anyway, if we could get a certain amount of subscribers for that, could you do the 2024 Gathering of the Juggalos? I know, I know.

You have been saying you're going to go for years. It's never happened, but why not this coming year? Okay. I can give you very, very good reasons as to why you should come. You could do such fun things as spin the wheel where you can get, in my case, a task where you spill a cone, you bring it back to the campsite and you get a beer pretty fun right or if you get one where you drag your bare asshole on rocks that sounds fun to it doesn't it you could also get pelted by raw squid or octopi or rancid milk as you wait for a show. Didn't that sound great? Well, anyway, thank you boys for being back. I'm going to cry when

the 10 episodes are over, and I will laugh as I rewatch and listen to all the magic you have brought us over the last 10 weeks. So thank you for your service, and Godspeed, boys. Well, thank you for the one question.

I'm glad we're as enjoyable as the rancid milk. That's always been the goal, to be more enjoyable than rancid milk. First of all, Manetta, never laugh like that into a phone again. The thing with the listeners sometimes is like, I don't know how popular you think we are. Yeah, you're acting like we could just go up to the Juggalos and be like, we're part of this.

Like, we're not even Juggalo famous. We're not Juggalo famous. Like, we are a barnacle on the battleship of show business. No, you guys got the COVID death numbers. Like, that's the big number. Yeah, eventually, because we have the same 90, like, people who really can't figure anything else out to do with their life re-listening to the show. It's like, yeah, the Jagoffs have 7,000 plays on spotify and i'm 2 000 of them right you know yeah i mean i look i do the gathering of the juggalos i just don't have the the wherewithal you guys go get us booked and we'll show up uh yeah and even then i'm like i don't want to even

then i won't it's just like mean boys it's, I don't know about doing it behind enemy lines for a bunch of random people that don't know what it is. Yeah, what do you think they're going to do? What's up, y'all? You want to hear some inside jokes and three guys talking? They're going to stab us to death, and no one's going to feel bad. No, they'd like us, and we don't want to admit it. They would find the Fudge Lord sacrilegious to their Juggalo pantheon.

They would love you. I think they would hate me and maybe eat Connor. I think that's the level that it would go. Nah, they'd love all of us. Weirdly, I think they like Robin better than all three of us. Another freak. Surely whatever that is belongs in the Dark Carnival. Whoop, whoop.

Yeah. All right. Let's, uh... I'm not playing back-to-back. It voicemails from the same guy. And furthermore... I like his rehearsed, like, I know, I know.

Like, he's interrupted himself. Right. I don't think it's an interrupted. I don't think it's a one-sided interruption. You know 80s movies where the villain starts monologuing? That's kind of how he offered us to work. You talking to me?

My favorite voicemails are the ones where I can hear the guy rehearsing it in his mom's basement. Like, Dear Mean Boys. I feel bad. Your microphone's almost in the couch. Oh, it's okay. I like this. Yeah, it looks awesome.

This is the emo gendered slut. I just want to talk about a crazy thing that happened. I was taking a bunch of shrooms recently, hanging out, and then decided to do a bunch of whippets. Which I've done before. It can get kind of weird. You can get, like, caught in time loops. But this time I just kept seeing the ghost of my dead cat that I lost years ago out of the corner of my eye and, like, hearing her. And, like, she was distinct from my other cat that is alive and in the house.

Like, they were just both there. And that was a pretty crazy thing to see. Still miss her. Uh, and then I think I just breathed in too much at some point. I got in my head that I might've seriously damaged my respiratory system, but I've been to the doctor cause issues and x-ray didn't catch anything. So I think I'm good there.

And yes, I'm taking thyroid medicine now so if I can ever remember to take one pill as easily as I remember to take a shit ton of shrooms hopefully that helps solve all my problems

but uh yeah you know watch out for these ghost pets. You can hear the turn signal. They're calling while they're driving. I'm like, why are you telling us this? What is your question? Because my answer is don't.

Hopefully it's a cyanide pill. I want you to know that that really was your cat, and she's really disappointed in you. No, I'm in hell because of your actions. I want you to know that that really was your cat, and she's really disappointed in you. No, I'm in hell because of your actions. I love that how many of our voicemails feel like a mad lib done by a suicidal person. Yeah. Ghost cat. I mean, I feel like we need to be

unofficially sponsored by BetterHelp just to fucking filter some of these voicemails oh they wouldn't let us sponsor we're taken away from their bottom line yeah I guess we create the problem sorry I'm trying to kind of remember which ones we played or didn't

do do do, do. Hey, Mean Boys. This is Bryce up in the floors in the north of Canada. Just wanted to let you know that shortly after Mean Boys ended last time, my restaurant caught on fire and fucking every time. Jobs 10 other people.

Keith remained fat. Anyway, now I drive a bus and and just to point it out there, if you quit again, you're going to be responsible for a bus full of burning people. All right, that was a funny way to start a suicide. It's also a very funny way to hold us emotionally hostage. I like that people are like, if you take the show away again, man, I'm not responsible for what I'm going to do. Okay, well, I don't want all those kids to die in Canada,

so I guess we're doing new names. We renamed them. New name for Mean Boys, a trap. New name for the FBI, help. Thanks. Thank you for your threat. I saw your restaurant burned down. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, that that blows that guy also sounds so canadian that i imagine him making that call from inside just

a shack on a frozen lake trying to catch a fish with a string this is only for robin but i'm gonna imagine because his restaurant burned down i'm imagining a canadian artie bucco yeah that's exactly the thing about artie bucco from the sopranos oh no you burn it down fuck Fuck everything. God is dead, Don. Come on. I think that catches us up, actually. All right. Well, that was the Mean Boys Mailbag. Robin, thank you so much for coming on the show.

You got anything to plug? Just Instagram, probably. You know, that's where I'm most active. RobinTrans04 on Instagram. Yeah, I got nothing going on right now, which what i like the best time to come but i i'm also very broke so hopefully people will feel bad and give me money i don't know no i'm very happy with my life now which is bad for like comedy you know right so anyway yeah no just follow me on social media i'm pretty funny on there i loved i love being on the show this is like the only podcast that i'll i do regularly so so i really appreciate you guys having me yeah of course anytime yeah i like that once every four

years is regular for you now yeah i work like once every four years october 20th uh if you're in la or if you want to come to LA we're doing Halloween live at the Third Wheel Comedy in Hollywood, California tickets are available now they're on all of our Instagram bios Austin, November 5th I'll be at the Comedy Mothership

doing Roast Battle tickets for that will be online soon October 27th and 28th I'm headlining Last in Tucson where I film my comedy special you can watch that on YouTube it's called Live in Tucson Conor McSpadden.

Check it out. Oh, wait. Actually, I do have a thing. Oh, shut up, bitch. No, I'm doing the New York Comedy Festival. I totally forgot. This is my stupid... This is the most Robin thing. Oh, dear. Oh, wait a second.

I forgot all my dreams are coming true. I got so distracted talking about how sad I am for my life being good, I forgot about this life-changing opportunity in my pocket. I'm doing the New York Comedy Festival. I'm headlining at The Stand on November 11th at 6 p.m. I mean, you can go on my Instagram. I have all my show dates on there. You got to do it at 6 p.m. because you turn back into a man at midnight.

Oh, fucking cinder fella over here. Cinder fella. Yeah, I actually have nothing unlike Robin, so... I'm sorry. We found a glass testicle outside the ball. Yeah, I'll be at work. I'm at We found a glass testicle outside the ball I'll be at work Bitch I'm at work bitch

I'll be headlining Fighting a drunk I'll be training the new guy Oh shit I think that's the show gang That's the program Alright Fuck everything.

God is there. I'm sorry.