Mean Boys - EP 223 - Cocaine Bacon

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Send us an email at [e-mail] Leave us a voicemail at [phone] Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: http://instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Enjoy our Discord server: http://discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the Mean Boys subreddit: http://reddit.com/r/meanboys Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. I love the taste of doom in the morning. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden. And I'm... If Forrest Gump was a Ramone. Hey, ho, I'm Connor McSpadden. And I'm... If Forrest Gump was a Ramone. Hey, ho, I'm slow. But he only stumbles into Tom Goss' 90s world events,

so he's meeting Bill Clinton and, you know, like the Barenaked Ladies and stuff. What do the Ramones look like? He was just in a Gap commercial. I mean, it's this outfit. It's the torn-up jeans is really what did it. What are the Ramones? He was just in a Gap commercial. I mean, it's this outfit. It's the torn up jeans is really what did it. Yeah, it's getting more torn.

And this is the only pair of jeans I like. It's really frustrating. You're getting close to back. It's like we've been doing the show again for like a month. And already you're starting to revert to you're losing pants. Like you're going back to old school Tom amount of clothing. No, you have like Tom has a Sith rule of one with the pants where he can only have one pair of pants that really works for him at a time.

Well, there was a point where every time I saw him, I'm like, you're wearing multiple different kinds of pants and they all end at the right spot. Like they're not like too long. So you have weird hobo cuffs. Yeah, well, I keep losing pants to work and I don't know what to do about it. That's, I mean, I, you know,

I don't have a good answer for you. Well, how are you losing pants? If only they gave you some kind of compensation at this job. Which could be traded for pants. Perhaps you could barter for dick coverings. Well, yeah, so this one ripped here, but kicking people out,

I've had several pairs rip in the crotch. I just... Bragging. You've definitely fought more than I have in your life but I've been in some fights uh-huh and the amount of times I've lost pants to a fight is like zero yeah so I just don't however you're attacking people I do it different I'm not attacking them that's the problem number of pairs of pants Keith has lost to just standing yeah all right think of this all right my job all right what I'm kicking people out think

of them as chairs you sat in too quickly i am to people who molest bartenders but you are to furniture i did okay here's a fat sentence i blew out the crotch on a pair of oversized overalls recently why were you wearing overalls i uh so i told you this i don't think i told you about my wacky haunt adventure no you but you filled in right uh yeah so i'm gonna keep details vague here for reasons that will become clear uh i got hit up by somebody i know who's working at a haunt thing and they were like hey they're super low on staff they need somebody to work for one day can you do it didn't Didn't pay hardly shit, but I was like, I'll go do it just because that seems fun to me. And in my head, I was going to be in a maze with my friend and we were going to be wearing

cool masks and tag team scaring people. And I get there and they go, OK, you're going to be one of the jelly ball zombies. And I was like, what does that mean? And apparently what it means is, do you know what a jelly ball gun is? No, it's an airsoft gun, basically. But like it, but like slightly less powerful and what they did is they had like a bunch of fat people in overalls and masks and we just walked into like this shooting gallery where people 10 at a time could unload like airsoft machine guns on us and i was like should we have some sort of like safety

padding and they go like yeah probably get in there and it was i i went to do it and i'm like oh this sucks like this is not at all i can't scare people i'm literally just standing here getting shot in the fucking neck and then i couldn't leave because i didn't want to make my friend look bad so i just had to spend an eight hour shift i didn't even get a scary mask yeah you literally got to play as the zombies you kill in the Last of Us. Dude, it fucking sucks shit. This sounds like a rage room for that kid in school.

Oh, it felt like school shit. They literally every time there were teen boys, they were like, yeah, try and not expose your crotch because there's a bunch of kids in there. And they really were like, yeah, we're gonna shoot. But I kept slipping because the whole ground was mud and at one point I ripped the dick on these big overalls they had me in. Did anybody breach the hole as you get shot in the dick?

Yes. So, did you? Oh, yeah. No, I was taking them in the nuts. I got them in my mouth a bunch. Like, the gear they gave us did nothing. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, it was not ideal.

I can't believe they didn't care about the jelly roll zombies more. Well, I showed up and she goes, you're the jelly ball zombie. And I was like, that's fucking rude. Like, I know I'm big, but I'm not the fattest person working here. I can't believe you took the dick in the mouth and this wasn't on Grindr. I'm still here. Well done. Yeah, I didn't realize that that's where you're getting hit.

That fucking sucks. I thought where you're getting hit that fucking sucks i thought you were just getting hit in like the neck because i saw that that uh um the photo of you yeah i was like well at least he has a mask that was most of the problem but i caught a few in the nuts for sure especially when the whole form because the problem is they tell them when they give them the gun they're like all right you can shoot until you're out of ammo do not aim for the face or crotch and when when you say that, all anybody does is aim for the face and crotch. Yeah. I can't prove I wasn't aiming for his shoulder.

Yeah, and I was like, I don't think any of these 20-year-old girls in orange vests who are working this booth are going to, like, call you out on it. Well, yeah, they don't have dicks. Yeah. I was literally just watching the staff get high while I was getting shot.

I'm like, this fucking, this sucks. Everyone who's supposed to help me is on drugs. What am I, five again? And then I went to smoke and they were like, tried to yell at me like, you're not allowed to smoke anywhere here. And I'm like, you can't fire me. This isn't my real job. I chose this. I had a passion for getting shot

in the dick by people who couldn't afford to go to Not Scary Farm. I'm here doing Chuck Palahniuk style research for a project that doesn't exist. This is gonzo journalism from my weird form of autism well what did you learn about your beloved characters i learned that it would be fun to be one but instead i had to be a fat target the guy i was working with so it was like they put us in teams of two and the other team of two the girl on it pretty immediately faked an injury so she didn't have to go out anymore which was smart she's like oh my ankle hustle yeah bitch's ankle worked fine when i saw her in line for the cinnabon truck but all of a sudden it was real sore when it was time to get shot was she fat

do they only put fat people there were three fat people and then one like very attractive in shape guy who really felt like he got demoted like i think he pissed someone off because he was like i'm normally on scare, like brigade. Like, that's not the real name, but like some like the A team or whatever. And I'm like, well, I don't know what you fucking did, but now you're here in the dregs with us. Yeah. The team.

But the guy who was like my partner was number one giant. Like, he weighed like 200 pounds more than me. And he was like a foot tall. And he was like one of those big motherfuckers. He was also like, and I'm not saying this to be a dick, but he weighed like 200 pounds more than me and he was like a foot tall with me he was like one of those big motherfuckers he was also like and i'm not saying this to be a dick but he was like slow like mentally like he was he was autistic where he was like right at that line between just like guy who likes anime and guy who's gonna make it your problem like that kind of level and i was like i don't love the optics that they were just like let's put the the mentally challenged guy in the get shot tank like that feels like something that would be outlawed by circus law what few laws they have yeah exactly they're strict i think circus law

means he has to get shot that's true or he has to eat the head off a chicken i don't know what the rules are usually out of a cannon but it's like maritime law but it only applies when you're near bales of hay if you're near at least six bales of hay, then circus law could apply. The jury is a bunch of clowns who all get there in one tiny car. That's funny.

That was my fucking haunt adventure. It sounds like a bad time. I was so happy for you because I'm like, oh, this will be fun for Keith. That's what I thought. I Ubered there and back. I literally spent more getting to and from this event than I got paid. Yeah, which is.

Also, they have not paid me. Oh, really? No, and I don't think they're gonna. I mean, you should fucking hit them up. Well, you got all that experience rattling around. Yeah, I know. Well, I mean, what they really pay in is exposure. Yeah, exposure to the toxic chemicals they're shooting into my fucking mouth.

Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty. I mean, it's brutal, but it's pretty funny. Yeah. No, it's pretty good. Yeah. That's what you get for working. That'll teach me to have a dream.

Yeah. Well, it just goes to show everything you think could be good Is actually bad How was that not the quote we started the show Yeah fuck my thing Alright we're restarting I can't do death grip noises Yeah if your mouth can make death grip noises

You no longer get to go to heaven You look like you only make death grip noises, you no longer get to go to heaven. You look like you only make death grip noises. I'm sorry, what was that? I like beef. That was closer than most people get. I stand for it.

The reverse inhales are really selling it. Tom's fucking ATV gland swells up when he makes that noise yeah they are really good live yeah they're fun we've seen them twice now yeah i love like them them we barely saw him the second time but uh what's an atv gland the gland that makes you enjoy out off-road vehicles yeah it just generally activates his whole monster energy new metal vibe okay yeah if the yeah if the gland gets milked you get a goatee yeah it's next to the mandula puddle of mudda

i saw i saw a thing uh like after we went and saw because they were at riot fest and i saw something that was just somebody online said death Grips had the worst smelling crowd I've ever experienced yeah I propaganda yeah lies and propaganda we all smell great yeah I don't know fucking who is that one uh uh Mr. Puddles or who is that what the the guy that we didn't see because my ankle exploded oh Mr. Bungle yeah it's a band it's not just one guy exploded. Oh, Mr. Bungle? Yeah. That's a band. It's not just one guy called that. Well, usually Mr. refers to one person, so that's on them for a bad name.

But they didn't sound like their crowd smelled great. No. I've never, yeah. If I'm going to smell through hearing, that's about the worst smell I could imagine. Yeah, also ICP played at that thing. Yeah. Yeah. They don't smell like the makeup.

That's a time you're grateful you can't smell with your eyes. Yeah. I did enjoy... Trying to get COVID on your way to the pit. I forgot to say this in the pocket. It's not worth repeating, but it makes me giggle every time. Whenever we were talking about seeing ICP, I'm like, I'm more of a fan of their cover band, Icy Poo.

And I said it. However many times you said it, it wasn't enough. And then he just kind of looked around like, huh? Get it? P is different than poop. Yep, yep, yep. One and two. It's satire.

Yeah. One and two. Should we do the joke off? Let's fucking do it. Hi, so topical. I'll take us away this week. A Florida GameStop employee killed a man attempting to steal Pokemon cards. The thief's last words were, shoplifter used hardened.

It's not very effective. All right. I'm curious about this one. A British university. That's right. All right. I'm curious about this one. A British university. That's right. All right. A British university is offering. I wrote offering twice.

A British university. Oh, my God. A British university is offering a master's degree in magic and the occult. They clarified it's worth a lifetime of student loans, not loan-biosa. This is fucking terrible. It's terrible. It's a long way to the top if you don't want to rock and roll as well.

Yeah, that's probably the worst one. They also offer a master's course in not writing that joke. The university. Look, if university. I didn't write university. I don't know why I said university three times. Nobody told you to do that. No, I didn't tell them.

I told them I'm about to say a different word, and that one's just like, no, dude, we're fucking going. My tongue's going rogue. Yeah. All right, guys. A Maine family has been allowed to keep their emotional support chickens despite a city ordinance that prohibits them. Now, if you ask me, taking a pet from their owner is just foul.

Oh, my God. That's the best one I have this week. Oh, God. Climate scientists say the U.S. Midwest could become a dangerous area for a phenomenon. Ah, fuck, shit. Damn it. I'm contagious. I'll be expelled from the university. Climate scientists say the U.S. Midwest could become a dangerous area for a phenomenon called moist heat stress.

They say the only area of my fuck, the only area more affected by moist heat stress is your mom's pussy. God damn it. Did all of our tugs get fatter? I don't know what's happening. I mean, I always talk poorly, but this is... No, I'm truly ashamed of myself. I always knew this place was built on some kind of burial ground. A man swallowed a bag of cocaine when he was stopped by the cops. He lived and plans on driving 160 miles per hour as soon as he's released.

All right. A 55-year-old Midway man faces drug and sexual indecency charges after a deputy spotted him having sex with a stuffed animal. What, said the man. I'm stuffing it. Fucking filled the bear. Yeah, just stuffing that animal, you know. Weirdest part is the bear Yeah Just stuffing that animal You know Weirdest part is

The bear was on top You guys never been To the Build-A-Bear twerk show? You never done Cowbear? He squeezed the little voice box No kissing on the lips Why would you make it realistic? Like I want it to be

A sex worker But one that I can't afford Yeah You sew on your own Little scars you make it realistic like i want it to be a sex worker but one that i can't afford yeah okay you sew on your own little scars this is yeah they have a cesarean scar on the fucking teddy bear yeah can you direct me to your saddest eyes i give so many hand jobs and i don't really have hands uh doctors are developing a bionic prosthetic hand powered by ai however progress remains stalled until one of them is brave enough to try using it to jerk off like if you have the robot

hand how long do you wait you really don't know if it works until you do that i would argue yeah that's what i'm saying but it's like i don't know i don't want to be the first guy who finds out oh it'll rip your foreskin off like degloving a hand. I wouldn't let a robot jerk me off. But if you are the robot... But you're not looking at the other side of this where you could be the first guy to ever get a robot handjob from yourself.

That's a good point. Do I risk my dick to be the Neil Armstrong of getting jerked off by a machine? Yeah. Why am I saying that the answer's not definitely yes? Unless it's strong strong enough to unless we've seen footage of it ripping the skin off of a strawberry and a grape and what do you know i'm like yeah the two strongest things you can rip the skin off uh you know something i'm like where's all this de-skinning uh coming from i mean it's a robot it doesn't have... It's power. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it might not be de-skinning. It could just fucking like just squeeze it like a grape. Oh, like melting through the fingers? Yeah, your head pops. Oh, God.

You got like knuckle marks on it. That's why I want to see how strong it is in general. Like it might not even have enough strength to do what we're worried about. I guess eat a hot dog first and see how that goes.

It does that and still tells you to leave money on the dresser. Oh, if it could take a banana out of its thing. There you go. That's the safe test. Unbruised, yeah. Okay. You sold me.

Let's go fuck some robots. Dude, I saw Terminator too many times. I'm going to be good to the machines. Look, they tried a lot of stuff in Terminator and it never worked. Nobody ever tried fucking the robots to see be good to the machines. Look, they tried a lot of stuff in Terminator, and it never worked. Nobody ever tried fucking the robots to see if that prevented the apocalypse. I mean, we just wanted some. I'm just trying to bust a Skynut.

All right. Come on me if you want to live. A man punched another man to death because he got a hole-in-one playing golf. He triple bogeyed on the punching, but the man's head was a par three. Punched him to death? Was it a one punch or did he go fucking gorilla mode on him? He punched him a couple times.

The guy was old. Okay. You old piece of shit. That'll teach you to be better than me at golf. I'll show you how we mini-golf on these streets. You 90-year-old cunt. Did you say regular golf or miniature golf? Regular golf.

Okay, in my head it was mini-golf, and it was just somebody killing a grandpa next to a windmill. Yeah, yeah. Keeps hitting his body. Oh, I died near a cuckoo clock. Didn't even work. All right, a Missouri man set a 38.44 mile world record for longest distance traveled by pumpkin boat. If you want to see grown men squeeze life out of a pointless vehicle, tune in to the

new episodes of the Mean Boy podcast. What the fuck is a pumpkin boat? It's exactly what it sounds like. It's good. This guy hauled out a big ass pumpkin and turned it into a boat for some reason. Is this man also a delightful cartoon mouse on his way to re-find his family because that's who would sail in a pumpkin no he looks like a guy who grew the world's largest pumpkin in the first place all right well that tracks and then had the gumption to make it into a boat like he he looks

like the guy that you would see at axe throwing but he has a membership oh he's way too into it yeah he's like i'm gonna use this on big foot one day uh the national museum of women in the arts reopened after a 67 million dollar remodel the remodel was paid for by the national association of boyfriends pretending their etsy shop is a real job stumbled that's a full-time job pretending that an etsy shop is a job a lot of a lot of smiles i've had to do that before all right this one's pretty bad uh this is oh boy a man stabbed his brother's friend because he wouldn't let him smoke weed in their house the rights the spinoff show is titled 420 reasons why that's pretty good okay yeah one one amazon allowed its driver's urine to be marketed on the platform as an energy drink. When asked why, they said, they're not working hard enough.

All right, last one. A group of kidnappers tortured a man in the bathroom of an Airbnb. To add insult to injury, the host charged him a $50 cleaning fee for not washing the blood off the towels. That's funny. Okay. I like this one, which means it's not going to work. A Florida horse trainer is imprisoned for grooming a 13-year-old. You could profile him because he had a giant white horse with a tinted saddle.

Damn it. I knew that was going to happen. I like this. Fuck. Well, I was waiting for a grooming a horse, grooming a child joke, and it went a different direction. You know, I tried to make it work, and it all felt clunky, and then I thought of a tinted saddle, and I started giggling to myself. There you go. Which is proven wrong.

The wrong instinct. Right. I got to move away from what I think is fun. I hate what I'm about to say, because it feels like a very Tom question, but is a saddle really the window of the horse? No, it would be the butt, but I don't know. I was going to say the eyes, but yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, they always say the butthole is the window of the horse no it'd be the butt but i didn't i was gonna say the eyes but yeah yeah you know they always say the butthole is the window to the soul well fucking a horse can't have a tinted eye i guess it can't have a tinted saddle either they can't have a tinted butt

so does it have a supreme sticker on its ass like what is it like how do we how do we make it tint the horse i i don't. The joke is it was like it was a child molester fan, but a horse. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. Man, I like... Or shits out candy. I thought that was a cutesy joke about child molestation.

It just didn't go the way I wanted it to. It also didn't go the way I wanted it to for that kid, but... Jesus. The horse, ambivalent. Speaking of kids having a bad time, Montana Highway Patrol training exercises resulted in tear gas wafting over a Boulder elementary school.

That'll give them something to cry about, said the teacher going through a divorce. That's solid. He's going through a divorce. Yeah, he's having a hard time. The horse. The horse divorce. Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah. Mean's going through a divorce. Yeah, he's having a hard time. Dehorse? Dehorse divorce. Yeah, of course, of course.

Yeah. Mean boys will be right back. Does he usually go to the bathroom this many times? You actually think he's in the bathroom? Doug, I know you're new here, but typically if someone uses the bathroom five times in an hour, they aren't peeing. Wait, and he can just do that? He's the CEO. He can do whatever he wants.

We like to say American runs on Dunkin', but Jeff runs on cocaine. But he handles it well? No. He fires someone every board meeting because he's always gacked out of his mind. I hope you brought good pitches. All right. I like my sugar with coffee and cream. Okay, stop stalling.

We gotta go before I have to go to the bathroom again. Pitches, pitches, pitches. All right, new triple-decker panini. We get three paninis and we see... Wrong, wrong, wrong. Too many numbers. This is in fucking math. New food, new food, new food.

Sir, your nose is bleeding. I was eating ketchup. See, evidence. This is mustard on my shirt. What you got? Tell me. I was thinking of. See, evidence. This is mustard on my shirt. What you got? Tell me. I was thinking of a new ham. Ham?

What are you, Jewish? Yes, but that doesn't even make sense. It does make sense. Get the fuck out of my office. Dunkin' Donuts doesn't have time for your little slow brain. New guy. It better be good or you're fucking fired. Go.

Let me take that again. Um, uh, uh. Go, go! Okay, okay, I was thinking of something with bacon. Shut the fuck up! You had me at bacon. What? We're Dunkin' Donuts.

From here on out, we're dunkin donuts from here on out we're selling ingredients the mean boys would like to give a shout out to dunkin donuts real product snack and bacon it's food for monsters we'll add little elastics you can attach to your head like a fucking horse they don't do that but they should fuck off voice in my head america runs on duncan and the mean boys podcast is back to play a round of a game we've not played in a very long time. I don't have to say that before every game because we haven't played. It's is this domain name taken? And this one, this is usually you do this one, but I was excited to dick around on GoDaddy.

And the first one feels kind of appropriate for what we were talking about in the joke off. Fistass.horse. Oh, definitely taken. Definitely taken. With the lore of Mr. Hands around, it's taken. There's no fist in Mr. Oh, definitely taken. Definitely taken. With the lore of Mr. Hands around, that's taken. There's no fist in Mr. Hands, to be fair. No, but if you're watching. I guess a hand could be a fist.

Yeah. It's called. I'm sorry. If it was Mr. Fist, would you get the connection? His name's Mr. Hands. Please, Mr. Fist was my father. Call me that guy who fucked that horse. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's. I mean, that was a very popular, well, popular is the wrong way to put it. It was a very watched video. It was the Barbenheimer of raping an animal. It really was. Yeah. So I'm going to say definitely taken. Okay.

With the, is this domain name taken? There's like, you don't necessarily have to have the will to build a website. You just have to have the will to buy a domain name which is a lot easier thing to do right so fistass.horse what is this business who is going to this website these are all valid questions none of which matter for the purposes of this game so i think it is is not taken. Fist Ass.Horse is not taken, but it can be yours for $39.99. See, they're starting to price out these. Don't you ironically buy this.

You better have real Fist Ass.Horse business. Yeah, this bit's not worth $40. I also wrote something else about Fist or Horse or something, and it recommended Fist Ass.Horse. Oh, really? I didn't know.horse was an option. No,.horse is one of my favorite extensions. Yeah, we've talked about.horse on this podcast before.

Okay. Many, many years ago. Meanboys.sucks, available or taken? Oh, I hope it's available. We're not popular enough for that to be taken. That's available. Oh, I have enough private haters to say it's taken. That is available.

Ninety nine. Ninety nine. Well, really? Yeah. It's worth sixty dollars more than fisting a horse. Wow. That money's way off. Yeah.

Yeah. Horse fisting is harder. If you're going to start a mean boys hate site, why not do it as fist assed out horse instead of. Yeah. You know where to go. Anybody listening to this who has $40? Alright, here's one.

Flamingo.garden. Oh, that has to be taken. I am 0 for 2 so far, but I was very confident with the other ones. No, here I'm actually, there's somebody with a business in a flamingo garden. Exactly, yeah. There's like a reason for this to be a website.

I'm going to say that's taken. That is available, $39.99. Wow. I guess there's not as many flamingo gardens out there as we thought. Wow, so they're more flamingo garden, the place in the real world, than on the internet? What? What did you just say?

There's more real of that thing. Tom, English is your first language. Well, usually, the rule is if it's a thought, it's on the internet. But not only is this a thought, it's a location that you can visit. And it's not on the internet. It's not on the internet. You sound like you're trying to explain Narnia to somebody who's never read a book. Well, that's...

Well, in the way I am, because it was a garden where they not only had flamingos, but you couldn't smoke. Yeah, you couldn't smoke. All right. Palestine.land. Available or taken? I mean, it's taken by Israel. Yeah. Yes, please.

Well, Tom took the only joke, so I'm gonna say taken palestine.land is taken uh here's another mean boys by banksy another mean boys specific one soup.gay oh gays love their soup is there is there we should start that as a stereotype yeah the gay people love soup you know these fucking chowder packers well because it's the softest of meals you know and they're kind of the softest of buttery soft people yeah no it tracks yeah i thought you were getting something so it's easy to fuck around it kind of vibe i wasn't getting into the viscosity dynamics of its sexual use. Yeah. The homoerotic uses of bisque.

I'm not versed in gay. Just I see his chewing is straight and soup doesn't require any of that. Gays are going to suck at chewing. Me and my big heterosexual teeth. Could a gay guy eat this peanut brittle? I don't think so. Well, he wouldn't be very happy about it.

He's like, I like the nut part, but the rest of it, no. All this crunching. This is time I could be sucking cock. Chewing is straight. Fellas, is it gay to drink lunch? Well, the results may surprise you. So is ice cream bisexual? Where it's like you can bite it, kind of, but it's sort of a liquid.

Yes, ice cream is bisexual. Okay, tight. I would say it's trans because it starts hard and then becomes something else entirely. Okay. We're going like Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit. Yeah. Fucking the first guy, I guess. Yeah, it's the same thing.

It's just evolved. It's its true self. There you go. If we put Robin Tran in the freezer, she becomes Robert again. Hey, guys, I froze my dick back. What the fuck was I going to say? Oh, do gay people have the same... Whatever you're about to say.

It's probably going to be yes. Do they feel hot and cold? Is feeder porn the same? Is a big deal for gay people the way it is for some straight people? I mean, there are gay, yeah, you're talking about, like, making people fat and being into how fat they are? No, no, the porn where it's just people, like, they're, like, force feeding you and then fucking you. That's literally what you're talking about, Tom. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a thing. Oh, I didn't know they, I mean, I didn't know they continued doing it over time, like, they were captive. They do it, there's just a lot more soups involved when they yeah well yeah yeah there are people who are into the feeder thing where it's like a whole lifestyle thing where it's like they've done tv shows and stuff where it's like oh this is my wife and i just feed her all the time she weighs 9 000 pounds but that's the thing the gay culture too uh i mean i haven't gone super down the the ham hole there but uh yeah i gotta figure it is

um i'm gonna say it's not taken i could google gay feeder porn but i don't really want to i see you're saying not taken what did you say i'm gonna tell you say taken soup.gay is taken fuck yeah i told you i told you they like soup i know i want to dispute you but I think you might be correct. Okay, I think gumbo is a straight soup, though. Yeah, that's a heterosexual soup because there's more chewing involved. Yeah, gumbo feels like a hate crime. It all goes to chewing.

Yeah, well, the chewing is the straight part. Comechuggers.info available or taken oh dot what info do you need about chug and come i mean i don't know i guess the amount i mean i would love it like a porno website where it's just a regular casting couch kind of thing. But at the end, there's a graduated cylinder where you spit all the cum back into it. There's a record of all the Stacey Swallows with the most fucking... I've seen porn where they do

everybody comes in one big thing, like the big martini glass or one of those like a kitchen, like a serving cup where they just sort of collect it all and it's like, look how much cum that is, but they don't actually scientifically measure it. Yeah, and then they make the girl drink it, and it always makes me nauseous.

I always feel so bad for the girl. Yeah, I'm sure she didn't feel not nauseous about it. Yeah, it's weird that, like, one person cumming in a mouth doesn't weird me out, but, like, I don't know, a whole, like, spit bucket of it fucking really gross weird me out but like i don't know a whole like like spit bucket of it fucking really grosses me out yeah three different flavors you know yeah it's it's yeah it's i also didn't like suicides at the soda fountain it's like the same thing it is not the same thing

you got root beer in my coke is not the same as you drank a liter of semen. It's going there. It's in the same direction. My thing with cum is it always seems like a good idea to have it in your mouth until you have it in your mouth. And then you go, wait a minute, that's cum. And it's not as fun as you wanted it to be. Yeah. No, it doesn't seem fun at all.

It's fun cumming in mouths. Well, yeah. That seems great. Yeah, that part's rad. How'd you know it's fun if it just seems great, Tom? Huh? It's just been a long, long time. Oh, that's second long. It's pretty bleak.

All right, cum cowboy. I'm out here moseying on these planes. It's just been a long, long time. What was it? Cumchugging.info? Cumchuggers.info not taken yeah i'm also gonna say not taken that is available three dollars 99 cents fuck yeah i got one on the board that is too cheap if horse fist ass dot horse or whatever the fuck it was there's no logic to the price

points on yeah dude like i feel likeinfo should be a more valuable domain. Because it's informative? Well, most of my Googling is for info. I mean, sure, but... But what happens when I need horse-ass info? But would you go to info.info or info.com? Ooh. Siri, take me to info.info.

We cannot take you to the center of the internet. You have the only Siri that makes an active choice to not participate. Your Siri just sighs and goes again. Did you mean to do anything else? Alright,

two more. Dog.sex. Available or taken? Taken. I think I did more. Dog.sex, available or taken? Taken. I think I did dog.sex. It's very possible. Yeah. I think dog.sex is taken. Haven't you been to that website?

There it is. Dog.sex is taken. Yeah. By what? I'm not going to it. Again. Are they inseminating dogs? All right, I'm going to it.

It's one of these things where you better, you well if you're if you got that website there better be some actual dog sex going on on it oh it's just it's just being held i don't like that it's like dog.sex and the first like related search is emotional support dog registry oh yeah how emotional yeah that emotional support dog is going to need an emotional support dog. And last one, Jews control the dot media. Oh, that's got to be taken. Yeah, that's too, well, that's either too funny or too on purpose. It's either too funny or too serious to not be taken.

I think if you're buying that website, you're definitely not buying it because you think it's a goof. You're like, I have to get some dot info out about these people. This was a big day like KKK headquarters. They got a dot media. What? Oh, we could do all the fuck. Blacks control the... Gary, we can finally do the bit. All right.

Yeah. I want to say it is taken. That is available really? $8.99 and I know sometimes on this game

we've told our fans to go buy these websites don't buy that one yeah I can't believe how cheap that is I think it's a test because if you want to be a part of the media

you better not buy it yeah it would be funny to just put in like just make a like a streaming service for a bunch of like TV shows starring Jews.

Just all Jews all the time. Yeah. That's not a bad idea. Yeah. Just Seinfeld and Nathan Fielder and. All those other Jews you can think of. Yeah. A bunch of other ones.

If you're Sarah Silverman, that's a funny website to launch your next special on. Oh, yeah. That's a hilarious way to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we crack that, Sarah. You you're welcome i'm sure you're thrilled yeah all right that's it for uh is this domain intake and uh mean boys will be back right after this hello i'm ron desantis as governor of florida i've been waging a war against the pedophile cabal that is the Walt Disney Corporation. Many Floridians have

asked me, Ron, you're our wise broad-shouldered shepherd. Isn't there a way we could enjoy a day at a theme park without the elite trying to prey on our children's innocent holes? Well, now there is. Introducing DeSantis Land, Florida's newest amusement park and woke-free zone. Forget the fondling fingers of Disney because DeSantis Land is the premier destination for white, Christian, heterosexual family fun. Enjoy a ride with the dreaded butt pirates of the Caribbean. Yo-ho, yo-ho, we're coming for your kids. Grab a fresh baked churro without having to worry about accidentally touching a Mexican Parents can enjoy a thrilling spin on our new Joe Biden economic collapse tower of terror Uh-oh, he's expanding welfare benefits for illegal immigrants

While the kids stop by the Magic DeSantis Castle for free gay conversion therapy If you think it's a small world now, wait until we use 200 volts of electricity to zap the Broadway out of your fancy sun. Duh, I like football now. Atta boy, go Dolphins. As the sun sets, enjoy a scenic tour of Republican Fantasyland. Wow, a white Detroit. Oh look, honey, it's a federal abortion ban! Mom, Dad, over there! It's a transgender swimmer having all their gold medals taken away! Ooh, get a picture? And for the first time in the history of the world, watch a parade performed exclusively by heterosexual dancers.

They're terrible, so you know they're straight. That guy just tripped over his own feet! What a pussy-loving son of a bitch. But Mr. DeSantis, I want to meet Mickey Mouse and Goofy. Firstly, please don't touch me. Your hands are very sticky. Secondly, who needs stale old Mickey? DeSantisland has plenty of lovable characters

for you to meet, including the white little mermaid, Henry the no-homo hippo, that buffalo shaman from January 6th, and everyone's favorite Supreme Court justice, Brett Kavanaugh the Pooh. So come on down. We're conveniently located off I-4 between Gatorland, USA, and that weird Jesus-themed park, DeSantisland, because you can't spell fundamentalist Christianity without fun. Tickets on sale now. Availability subject to Blackout, Mexican Out, and Gaze Out And the Mean Boys podcast returns

Take a dip into the Mean Boys mailbag It's the Mean Boys Mailbag Fuck everything God is dead Send us an email or give us a call Have you ever heard the one about Keeping the dog?

It's the motherfucking mean boy's Petaloo bag Let's see what we got in the voicemails here What is the phone number again? Oh yeah, we should 804-818-6326 That sounds right Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's

804-818-6326 The least confident plug of all time But I'm pretty sure it's 804-818-6326. The least confident plug of all time, and I'm pretty sure that's right. It's in the show notes, right? It's in the show notes. Yeah, check the show notes. Or just call a random number and leave a voicemail for the Mean Boys. Yeah, just call all the phone numbers that there are. You'll figure it out.

Hey, what's up, Mean Boys? It's Big Meek, your third biggest semi-retarded fan. And when I say third biggest, I do mean by mass. I am currently lost in a Civil War battlefield hiking trail. Fuck if I know I'm in the middle of the forest, surrounded by Confederate flags. Which is the third, third, third least comforting flag you want to see in the middle of a forest. So, now you know. I got a question for y'all today.

Apparently, there's a ghost out here who haunts these mountains. You know, he's always a Civil War ghost, of course. And he's always trying to find his way back home, carries a lantern, all that fun stuff. So, what would be the worst place for y'all to haunt? Being a ghost that haunts a mountain sucks because you're a ghost and homeless. Yeah. And hiking all and homeless. Yeah. And hiking all the time. Yeah.

You're like, I couldn't haunt like a cool posh hotel somewhere. I got to be the fucking forest guy. There's still got to be a 35 degree incline wherever I want to go. Well, also you have to sit there most of the time. You're like, well, I hope some people decide to climb this place

so I can do my ghost duties. I got to hope people get more and more into the outdoors as time goes on. After the COVID boom, I've been kind of fucked. I love the idea that if you're a ghost, you have unfinished business you have to do before you move on.

So this ghost desperately needs slavery to come back before he can go to Confederate heaven. States rights! I love your describing all the Confederate flags yeah i love states rights i love you're describing a confederate uh uh you know all the confederate flags and you go third third like you're chris rock yeah um no chris rock on my mountain well i'm just like the dead will rise again what are the two flags you want to see

like less i mean don't tread on me flag and a swastika i guess i even don't tread on me being worse than the confederate flag is a weird ranking yeah it's not it's a bit isn't it it's right up there in terms of guy who's gonna want to talk to you about some shit you don't want to talk about yeah i feel like confederate guy if confederate flag guy is gonna shoot some people don't tread on me's going to shoot anybody who comes by the mountain. Yeah. Yeah, Swastika's number one, and then, you know what?

Let's fucking, let's say Australian. It's like, what do they know? Yeah, why are you here? It's scary to see a gay pride flag in the wood, because you might run into some bears. You got to lock your pussy up in one of those big boxes so they can't smell it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The bussy crates. You got to hang yourself up in a tree to keep your own bear box. What's the worst location to haunt? He's acting. I'm wondering if it's like a Little Caesars. Just like someplace the same things happen every day even when the people change nothing really changes yeah people don't even eat there so

you don't have time to fuck with them everybody's already afraid so that there's you know you can't really yeah people are only there for five minutes they walk in they walk out whoo no. I guess what is your end goal if you're haunting? It's like to be left alone or do you just want people coming in to fuck with all the time? I think you want to cause terror. Okay. Okay, if we're going with that. All right, to cause... I mean, I know the worst place.

Okay. Titanic. Everyone's already dead. Yeah. You're a ghost but you can't swim yeah and if you're yeah look there was a bunch of doors none of them swam to one i'm guessing that that yeah they're just a ghost hanging out you know other than the submersible the one fucking time in the last hundred years you kind of you fucked and and like that when the boat actually existed they were so

like hardcore about keeping the rich people and the poor people away from each other. But it doesn't work with ghosts or whatever, so the rich are just hanging out with these poor Irish ghosts. I mean, once you're dead, you don't have any money anyway, so they're all poor. That's true. Yeah. Fucking broke-ass ghosts. Get off my boat. Fucking welfare queen-ass phantasm.

Yeah, I make more money than you ghosts. Get out of my face. Tom G I make more money than you ghost. Get out of my face. Tom Goss makes more money than a ghost. I said this sentence has been true for an embarrassingly small portion of your life. It's a good rap lyric. All right, let's hit this one. Hey, Mean Boys, this is Sam. I don't know why I'm telling you my name.

I shouldn't do that. I was just calling because you guys were talking about drinking piss. And I have a fun story about drinking piss. I don't like how breathy you are on this particular topic, Sam. Hey. It actually happened when I was in high school. I was like 15. And me and my boyfriend decided we were going to lose our above-the-neck virginity if you get my drift.

I lost my neck virginity. Jesus Christ. Yeah, my neck virginity. Jesus Christ. Yeah, popped my throat timing. Yeah, that's how my tonsils got popped that night. And I think we sat there for about 45 minutes with him just, you know, teeth and gums all over my shit. And I finally decided that it was over with. But it's really hard to fake that sort of thing, you know teeth and gums all over my shit and i i finally decided that it was over with but it's it's really hard to fake that sort of thing you know i was 15 years old i was very awkward and so

i just mustered out the tiniest little drop of it i'm so curious and this this story about your dick getting sucked by a chainsaw where does the the piss come in? That's what he's telling you. Okay. He pissed in his mouth. Oh, that's what he said? He's faking the cum by pissing. Oh, my God. In his mouth.

And it did get him to stop. My friends love making fun of me for that one. So I thought I'd tell you guys. I hope everybody's doing well. In the Mean boys universe i uh i was doing okay since the show ended i went to jail i got laid off four times so just really standard standard stuff um for one of your fans nothing too weird right and uh fuck. God is dead. Forgetting that horrifying snort

in there at the end. I've peed in someone's mouth during a blowjob by accident. It was not on purpose. I had been drinking. Oh yeah, and you got your loose urethra. You love dunking on my big dick hole. Yeah, your dick hole is like a butthole, dude.

It's fucking crazy. I've heard it fart. Yeah. Sounds like a horse. Yeah, Keith, the only person who can queef with his dick. One of you said that me peeing sounded like a baby throwing up. I think that was you. That was me, yeah. It does.

But no, I was getting bored, and I was just like, oh, am I coming? And I'm like, oh, no. And I did it, and I did it a little and pinched it off, and I was like, oh am i coming i'm like oh no and that's and i did it and it was like i did it a little and pinched it off and i was like maybe she didn't notice and she super noticed like yeah gross yeah i'm not proud of it i do i do think that the funny the funniest moment for me personally on this show is when you brought back up the piss cup on the show and connor goes honestly i can't believe you're bringing this up again. I hadn't talked about it on the show. Yeah

no it's just it is hilarious that it keeps coming up. I brought it up twice once when you guys said no and once on the show. I've never peed in someone's mouth. Yeah I don't recommend it. Yeah I've also ever peed in anyone's mouth? I've accidentally drank my own

piss of course. Well yeah yeah Who hasn't done that? Yeah But even then I was like This doesn't taste that bad It's such a clear Like I've never fucked Like virgin move

To be like Well I'll pee a little And pee's like cum You won't know the difference Yeah yeah yeah And her boobs felt like Bags of sand Exactly

Was that 40 year old virgin thing? Yeah No I definitely When I was younger Thought that sex Was just sticking your dick in not moving for a while and then pissing in them what did you think the hanging out was for some people it is yeah the hanging out well you're like not moving for a while or did you think it was just insert pee pull out you insert you wait so you have to pee you don't even breathe you're just sitting there with your dick in somebody just

chugging water yeah and then you yeah and then you pull out make small talk put a movie on yeah and then if she doesn't want pan or you put on a condom that's how i thought it worked now i was not given i've never taken a sex ed course i've i learned. I didn't go to fuck university. I did learn from context clues. That is not how you do it. I hope you learned before you tried. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

No, I taught my couch good. They're like, why does the couch smell like piss? We don't have a dog. I taught my couch good is one of the worst things you've ever said Yeah I mean I learned how to fuck by fucking my couch And even I don't You don't like hearing it out loud like that Yeah everyone fucks their couch

But it sounds like you fucked your couch Against it's will You had the only Cenniet couch who could say no Hey mean boys This is Hurricane You had the only semi at couch who could say no. Hey, mean boys. This is Hurricane Kayaking Suicidal Pirate Guy. Oh, hell yeah.

Hurricane Kayak Suicide Pirate. I would have called in earlier, but I just got out of rehab for the second time in three months. They take this real culty approach of stealing your phone while they tell you how to live life real quick i just want to say if you're going to rehab twice in three months you should probably get your money back from the first rehab yeah they did a really bad job that doesn't seem fair so uh i just wanted to call in and say that you guys being back is usually the best thing that's happened in my life since the charges against me were dropped it has jesus it has more but it's not oh man uh sorry i thought i set my house on fire but uh i don't know i was gonna ask how do you guys uh avoid falling into the very enticed pit

of addiction because it really seems like something all three of you would be susceptible to and from what i understand you pretty much managed to avoid it. I don't front cigarettes because anything you can do in an AA meeting is not a real drug. So thank you again, Connor. Your special is great. Your podcast certainly exists. Keith, I'm just glad you're still fat. Don't you dare take steps to better yourself.

Take it from me. It's not really worth it. All right. dare take steps to better yourself. Take it from me. It's not really worth it. All right. Love you guys. Fuck everything. God is good. Uh, to catch up,

Connor, uh, cause I don't think, I think he wrote in. That was not a show guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He,

uh, he got drunk during the hurricane in Florida. And then instead of going, uh, inside, decided to kayak got uh realized it was a mistake and him his buddy stowed away on a boat and then drank the guy's booze and smoked his cigarettes and stuff but yeah the guy dropped his charge it was this great gauntlet of like him like leaving his voicemail and be like or comments on the patreon be like man this bullshit i don't even do anything wrong i'm clearly innocent and then we'd see the headline it was like local

man clearly commits fucking boat crime cops say to toy um in terms of the addiction thing i i i don't i don't know man i'm the wrong person to ask probably probably. Right. Yeah, I mean, I used to, I don't think I'd ever call myself like an addict necessarily, but I was definitely more fucked up when I was younger. I think, I think truly it was just like, I spent so much time around that shit as a kid that it was, I pretty quickly got over it and was like, oh, I just have no interest in going down this road. I have enough fucking problems as it is but uh i'm like i'm shocked that i didn't end up like a full on like alcoholic or drug addict honestly like it runs in my family it runs in my genes i

definitely have the brain for it so like i wish i had a better answer for you than i just fucking matrix dodged the bullet. Well, if you're getting out of rehab twice in three months, it sounds like everything maybe is not working for you. So I would suggest maybe trying something that you haven't tried yet. Maybe that's AA. If you thought, oh, God, I want to do anything but that. Well, maybe now you're at anything but that.

Yeah, I mean, AA will always sound fucking terrible if you're an addict because the part of your brain that's an addict doesn't want to stop being an addict like so the idea of quitting is going to sound the shittiest in the world yeah what one thing that that helps me with my uh laundry list devices is when i can work out a bunch, I fucking, it kicks up the serotonin and dopamine. So I can get in the gym every day. I don't really feel like drinking or I smoke way less. And that really helps me personally. But that's, anything other than saying that

is me giving unqualified advice. Right. I know you're right about what you just said but that makes me want to do drugs like just like how about instead of doing heroin you do push-ups like you know what i mean it's such a well i think i think that's the bummer of making good choices they're so much less appealing than the terrible ones yeah but it's also like i don't know getting obsessed with like if you have addiction you probably have some sort of obsessive compulsion you like to obsess over a thing or part of your brain does and that's what leads

you to escape that's what leads to those different things so if you can obsess over something that is and don't do boring work like skateboarding people that that's a way to exercise the thing and get good at uh that's going to release fucking chemicals in your brain that's going to make life. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like it doesn't happen. For me, it was martial arts.

So you should smoke meth and skateboard. Yeah. And then you could be my dad. But yeah, that's the thing that does help me is just going hard in like a healthy thing that you enjoy that you can just fucking throw yourself into yeah and i mean look if i have any advice i know you were asking more about us than about yourself but if i have any advice it's like it's very easy to look at addiction and look at like you know getting clean or whatever is this straight line of like i am bad now i am good

like there are two binaries. The reality is it's going to be a lot of two steps forward. One step back. You're going to get clean for a while. You're going to fall off the wagon. You're going to continue fucking up as you figure out how to fix the things inside of you that are the root of the problem. So, you know, do your best to stay safe.

Give yourself grace and don't hate yourself when you struggle. And fucking keep working at it, dude. Yeah, get really into Beyblades. Yeah, that's essential. Yeah, people who love Beyblades don't usually drink. Yeah, I never see the Beyblades guy and go, I bet he's got coke. Like, become a nerd. Dungeons and Dragons.

I love the idea of somebody who's just like a full-on, like, strung-out, like, tweaker, but is also like a giant nerd. Uh, yeah. Just fucking doing key bumps off a replica Star Trek phaser. Hey, mean boys. Uh, it's me. I, um, I've been writing a lot. I don't know if y'all want me to recite any poetry. Please let me know.

I'm dying. Yeah, if you do, I'll you back and uh recite some poetry i could do like one or two or three or like a lot of poetry if you if you really want it is this a threat yeah everything god is dead goodbye one or two or three or a lot homie one is a lot like that one is a lot of poetries one is 500 too many poetries yeah i i love this call me back if you want me to read the poetry yeah we can't we didn't call you yeah was this was you also introduced you said hey it's me we could technically call him back but we're not going to no yeah this are you sure you didn't mean to leave this in, like, an 11-year-old girl's voicemail? Like, this is a middle school-ass pitch you're giving us.

Yeah, it's got tinted saddle vibes. Yeah, for sure. All right, we have a follow-up. Hey, Linn boys, it's me. Hey, I just left you a voicemail about poetry, and I forgot to remind y'all that I read y'all's poem already once in Dallas when y'all were on tour. Oh, yeah, I do remember that. Remind me? He read a poem for us in Dallas.

I don't remember anything past that. I just remember him doing that. Oh, was it good? I remember him doing that. I don't remember it. I remember him doing that. Oh, was it good? I remember him doing that. I don't remember it. I kind of remember that. Look, I don't think it set the world on fire, but also that's more me not being a big poetry enthusiast.

I successfully did not remember it. I'm sorry. We've had to unlock it. Yeah, no, I kind of remember this now. I think he only started the poem for me. I think I had to do something. Okay. That sounds like something you I had to do something. Okay. That sounds like something you would get courted into.

Yeah. All right, he continues. In Dallas. Since then, I got divorced. I'm sad. And I'm glad that you know I'm sad, so you won't talk to me while I'm trying to get a drink. Hey, it's Zach. I was on the scene in the way back, but now I'm making a scene. Well, that's my only act.

Don't talk to me. You don't want to know. I'm lost in a dream and washed away with the flow. They'd forget me if they ever remembered. Yeah, I'm sad. And I'm glad that you know I'm sad so you won't talk to me while I'm trying to get drunk. I'm drunk. Standing over my sink and I've sunk. Yeah, into my drink. I know this shit is junk, but it makes me feel punk.

I taught myself to tie a noose. I should have used a belt because I tied it too loose. If you felt what I felt, you'd probably know because I'm sad and I'm glad that you know I'm sad so you won't talk to me. Now, I can't help but notice that your point, I'm sad,

do not engage with me, is undercut slightly by you leaving a voicemail with this poem after we in no way said, yeah'm sad, do not engage with me, is undercut slightly by you leaving a voicemail with this poem after we in no way said, yeah, sure, do that. Yeah, blah, blah, black sheep, have you any bars? No, sir, no, sir, you're a retard. No, thanks for sharing, man. Yeah, a fucking Aesop head full of rocks over here. That was so personal.

I felt like I just broke into your live journal. Like, I didn't need... Like, I'm so uncomfortable knowing that. Yeah, look, the rule is, you know, you can say whatever, but don't be weird if we make fun of you. Yeah. Sorry that you're sad, that you're glad,

that you're mad at your dad. The only way I could tolerate that was by pretending it was Lin-Manuel Miranda who was, in fact, sad and mad at his dad or whatever the fuck. Right. Yeah. I know you could rhyme sad and glad so many times. I mean, you can legally, like technically.

You can do it infinitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sorry you got to. I kept waiting for the poem to take a turn and be like a goof or whatever. I was waiting for comedy. Keith fucked a dog and Connor is gay. And it's like, oh, no, he's just really going through a hard time. Yeah, sorry you got... I kept waiting for the poem to take a turn and be like a goof or whatever. I was waiting for comedy. Keith fucked the dog and Connor is gay. And it's like, oh, no, he's just really going through a hard time.

Yeah, man. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I don't know any happy people who write a lot of poetry. I'm just going to say it. Maybe your wife wouldn't have left you if you were a better poet. I'm kidding. Yeah. She definitely would have.

Yeah. Yeah definitely would have. Yeah. Yeah, that sucks. It sounds like the divorce is not treating you great. You sound like you're doing considerably worse than the rehab guy earlier. Yeah, yeah. You know, rehab guy, thing you get really into, keep sober, poetry. Yeah. There you go. after we talked about how

bad poetry is yeah you could um no that's uh i thank you for sharing with the class and uh yeah i think i would have received that better if it had if it was in a smoky room and somebody was playing a bongo and he's kind of snapping doing slam hands i'm sad that i'm bad skibbity beep bop a dab if my joke off was better i'd definitely be more receptive to whatever i kept thinking it was a joke and then it kept not really being a joke and i just my heart kept sinking lower and lower yeah stop reading our itunes reviews um yeah i hope i hope things get get better bud yeah yeah i don't even he was so he sends another poem i'm happy it's not crappy yeah i'm friends with my pappy yeah uh fucking i don't i don't know what to do because i already dunked on the guy pretty hard but i also genuinely were

why did everybody who listened to the show get divorced? It's weirder that this many people who listened to the show were married. And this was the glue. Well, I assume they all got married after Mean Boys. And I'm like, well, I got to commit to something because Mean Boys didn't commit to me. That's so bleak. If you're listening to Mean Boys, call your ex right now yeah they want to hear from you yeah yeah play this voicemail yeah don't worry restraining orders restraining order

make that phone call baby uh allegedly yeah yeah um yeah that was a poem yeah that was a poem and that was a podcast yeah where um where can people read your put no i also enjoyed that he fucking called us it was like can i do it and then he just did it anyway yeah yeah nobody ever asked permission for a bad idea no no it's nice that he did because he would have gotten the answer no yeah yeah yeah um cool all right well that's uh that's the show this week i think yeah uh october i almost plugged fucking uh halloween and then i realized this will come out after it happened i almost did hope you guys had fun at halloween yeah uh november 5th i'll be at the comedy mothership in austin texas roast battling uh katie kincaid very funny comic out of chicago uh so if you want

to hear me call a nice woman fat and gross uh that would be the place to do it i'll be uh training a new a different new guy at work yeah i'll be on my 15 minute break tonight at 9 45 uh yeah uh yeah i'll be there i'll be there what does this come out tuesday yeah i'll be at work so you can come on come on say hi yeah i i've decided not. I have too many enemies, so I'm not releasing the name of the place I work at. That's a good call, and I'll just say this right now. If you find the bar Tom works

at, if you fight him and wrestle his pants away from him and give them to me, I will let you be on this show. I will offer that up as a bounty. Yeah, now I'm definitely not saying it. Because I'll be in the middle of... Because you're afraid of challenges. Yeah, well, I'll be in the middle... Don't worry, I definitely won't leave a series of clues, hints throughout the show.

I'll be in the middle of kicking somebody out, and the next thing I know, someone's just pulling my pants down. I love the idea of you being hunted. Yeah, I'm going to need a stronger belt. Anything to plug? Nope. All right, cool. That's it. Fuck everything. That's it. Fuck everything.

God is dead.