Mean Boys - EP 224 - Hall-O-Mean 2023 (Live from Hollywood)

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

Recorded live at Third Wheel Comedy in Hollywood, CA with Fifi Dosch, Andrea Guzzetta, Kyle Clark, Joe Kaye, Paige Wesley, and Jordan Leigh. Send us an e-mail at meanboyspodcast@gmailcom Leave us a voicemail at [phone] Follow us on Instagram: http://instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Enjoy our Discord server: http://discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the Mean Boys subreddit: http://reddit.com/r/meanboys Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, it's Keith. You are about to hear Halloween Live as recorded October 20th at Third Wheel Comedy in Hollywood, California. Thank you to them for having us. Thank you to everybody who came out to the show. Thank you to our guests Kyle Clark, Paige Wesley, Joe K, Jordan Lee, Andrea Gazzetta, Fifi Dosh. Follow them on all their social media. All the links will be in the show notes. It's a live show. Audio's a little wonky, but it's pretty good, and it's definitely worth checking out. We also have video of this one. It should be up when you're hearing this.

If not, keep an eye on the Mean Boys YouTube because it'll be going up super soon. Also, it's a live show week. We'll be coming back with a couple new episodes to finish out the run next week. However, we may have a little bonus treat to drop for you later this week, so keep your eyes on the feed. And in the meantime, send us an email at meanboyspodcast at gmail.com

or leave us a voicemail at 804-818-6326. All right, everybody, enjoy Halloween. Let's welcome the Mean Boys! Hey everybody! Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. Trick or treat, smell my feet. Seriously, does anyone want pictures of my feet? Comedy is going very poorly.

I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden. And I'm... The world's most polite punk rocker. Sir, looks like you dropped your glasses in the pit, sir. Thank you very much. Let me get the door to the port-a-potty for you, ma'am. Would you guys please mosh now? How about some social respect?

We've got enough to do. The distortion's overrated. Fucking, holy shit, it feels really weird. We're doing a live Mean Boys. Yeah! I've been nervous about this all day because I was like, fuck, we haven't done this in like, you know, four years. And I was like, I don't know if we remember how to do it. And then we were all

upstairs taking turns making fun of a guy who killed himself a while back. We're good to go. We compared him falling off a building to looking like pizza. We're fucking good. It wasn't that weird because it was what every live Mean Boys show has always been, which is 16 dudes not talking to each other.

The autism buffer in the seats is alive and well. But it's like a friendly not talking to each other. It's like, hey, look at me not talking to this guy. He's not talking to me. Is this a rock show at a county fair? Because there's a lot of train enthusiasts. There's more of you than I thought there would be. And also more than we deserve.

So thank you. Thank you guys for being here. I think we deserve 17. But call me crazy. I thought the show was pretty good. Yeah, we thought about doing this in a building not surrounded by crackheads with shopping carts.

Every time I do a show here, I'm just like, this is a lovely venue and everyone not inside the building has a knife. Yeah, one of our guests was like, before she even left, was like, I braced myself for an alley, knowing you guys. We've upgraded to walls.

And yeah, we really let her down with the, I think they have air conditioning in here now. It's like, it feels temperate. There's different colored lights, but it looks on purpose. We were upstairs in the green room. We're like, no one drew a dick or wrote a slur yet. There's a very festive and expansive arrangement of snacks that hasn't been rifled through or fussied with

or pilfered from in the slightest. I thought every one of us had comic brain act up where we saw the table full of candy and we're like, I want to take it but it feels like a trap. You're going to grab it and the net's going to

pick you up and make you get a real job. It's so funny, we took four years off this stupid show. We come back for the live show and we're sitting here going,

wow, this building's fucking crazy. We also weren't expecting this nice of a building. There's war in the Middle East. The president doesn't know his name and we're just in here like, whoa, this guy has overalls.

Hi, Orion. I spotted a meanie up front, an original Mean Boys meanie with an original Mean Boys Ramones sticker. I'm going to start the bidding at $50 right off this guy's head. You know what's great about that one? I know I made that one because it's on upside down.

Tom was so upset with himself when he put the meanies on upside down. He was just like, I just wanted to help Connor. I just wanted to do good. I'm actually going to make the most perfect on-brand collector's item of all time. I haven't to do good. I didn't actually want to make the most perfect on-brand collector's item of all time. I haven't seen you that upset with yourself

since you couldn't get people to vote at the Glendale Public Library. Well, past failed jobs I've had. Tom and I had a job signing people up to vote at the Glendale Public Library and my strategy was trade homeless guys cigarettes and make up social securityale Public Library. And my strategy was trade homeless guys' cigarettes and make up

social security numbers for them. And Tom had a very different strategy of doing what the guy at the place told him to do. So at the end of the day, I had like seven and Tom had like two. And I'm like, well, I'll give you three and then we'll both have five and they'll be fine. And he's like, that doesn't make me any

better at it. It was so funny because you'd do that, but then you'd also like, there were multiple people who'd be like, that doesn't make me any better at it. It was so funny because you'd do that, but then you'd also like, there were multiple people who'd be like, hey, you want to vote? And they'd be like, oh, no, no. And you'd be like, well, I guess some bitches just hate democracy. Okay, I guess I'll register

with you. Well, you have the energy that you're going to be like, do you want to vote yes on proposition? There's a lot of fertilizer in my van. I think the 16 people here in the audience are proof that somebody in the world wants me to sell them an ideology. We'd start the world's least effective cult.

What is a podcast? What are we doing? It could have been more effective. We've worked our way up to an equal number of people to chairs. That's pretty good for us. There's one quadrant of the room that's depressing to look at, which is new for a mean one.

You think you scare me? I've done one-third chairs. Oh, two-thirds chairs. I've done three-quarters chairs. I've done three-quarters chairs. I've done nothing but chairs. Can't stop me from performing. You can't take away my dream. Oh, I forgot about your art project. Yeah, those chairs fucking loved me.

Well, fuck, do we want to bring out some guests and get this show going? I think we should. Thank you. In fact, I would say we're all... No, you have the line. No, no, no, you do it. I don't want to do it.

No, you do it. Let's just kiss really quick. Are you kidding me again? What the fuck is happening? No, we're all fired up. Let's get into the Mexican joke-off, huh? All right. No, we're all fired up. Let's get into the Mexican joke-off. Huh? Alright. We needed a little bit of help for this one.

Yeah, we have a couple people to bring up for this, because as is tradition. Has anybody here never been to a Live Mean Boys? Woo! Okay, a few of you guys. So if you've never been, every Live Mean Boys we have a dominatrix come out, and we have a special dominatrix tonight who is a frequent guest on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Andrea Guzetta.

Woo! Andrea is going to play tennis with Carmelo Soprano. Yes! I'm so excited. Andrea trying out for, not the good porn version of Barbie, the other one. You look like you're about to teach children erotica. You do. This is, you're what's making America trans on the news right now. Will you guys open your present please?

Okay, if you've been threatening us with this, maybe you have to open it. This was made by Paige's hot husband and decorated by myself. Sorry. Is it a really big bone? Oh my God. This shouldn't be this hard It's a meme boys Finally putting that art degree to use

First of all it has like little things Like glued to it Which aren't going to feel great Yeah those are decorative sparkles But also I thought they would hurt more. It's festooned with cane sparkles.

After this with a shiny thing in my butthole. It's going to be your clear eye for the Spanish Inquisition. Do we want to bring in our other guest here, Jacob? Yeah, I think we should. We all require the same type of answer. I'm so fucking excited.

She's back. Make some noise for Fifi Doss. Hello, everybody. The radical mean girl returns. Andrea, where do you dumb people at? Build-A-Bear? You push the little button in their belly and it says, Harder, Daddy?

Alright. You just look like you walked into Claire's and said all of it. There it is. There we go. Right on time. Let's leave you guys ran out of riffs to alarm. Alright. Who wants to go first? I'll take it off first.

Ladies and gentlemen, a Wisconsin man known for his Halloween yard decorations died while hanging them up yesterday. Upon discovery of his corpse, the neighbors noted, wow, he's really outdone himself this year. The wife's just like, move him, eventually.

A father died. All right, you've been spared the panel for now. Mattel is paying a 22 year old $200 an hour to play the game Uno. In a related story, you're never going to be able to afford to fix that tooth that's been hurting for a while. A Florida woman woke up to her maintenance man in her bed. He wasn't being creepy, he was just trying to fix that pussy. Oh, that's a bad one. That laughter sounded inclement.

I need you to bend over. Okay. I need some people to come back. Woo! Ready? Oh, boy. Oh! Made a good noise.

Oh no, I hope my jokes work. Yeah, I'm a switch. Lawnscapers mowed around a dead body on a front lawn because they assumed it was a Halloween prop. Yeah, the best Halloween prop of all time. And that's a pat. Okay. That didn't feel really very good. I'm worried about taking the backswing on that to the face every single time.

I led with my best one. This was not a good week. I don't know if you've seen what kind of shenanigans Hamas has been getting into, but it's really fucking things up for monologue writers. Their silly belly shit is really getting to us. You know how many goats fell in the well that I didn't learn about this week? Because of those jokesters. Speaking of which,

a Belfast man hung a Palestinian flag on a mountain the same day Hamas slaughtered 1,200 people. If I wanted to watch a tone-deaf Irishman think his obnoxiousness is somehow endearing, I'd watch Conor McSpan's life from Tucson. I love that everyone just heard Irishman. You people don't deserve me and my terrible comedy.

That was the longest Mean Boys joke that has ever worked. How dare you. You have a lot of bad adjectives to you. What can I say? Well, you know, there's pale and spiny. There's a lot of... Yeah, the list goes on. All right.

Doctors in Gaza have been forced to build makeshift morgues inside of ice cream trucks. Fun fact, in the Middle East, Neapolitan ice cream is referred to as the three-stage solution. I didn't get that. The ball swung back and almost took some collateral damage. Story of my life. I feel like... Get out of here.

Each thing you want to think of. I couldn't see your ball swing back. It looked like a donkey kicking, but out of its ass. I feel like pound for pound, Keith has somehow less butt than everyone else. I do have Hank Hill ass. I'm all bone. You got more padding than me. My ass is great.

A woman, you guys know women. Sorry, it's like, no, we do not. A woman had a stroke during sex and her date didn't do anything because he thought she was on drugs. The man complained, oh so you're gonna have a stroke but you don't give me a stroke? Alright, fucking hit me. We should put the mic here. Oh yes we should. Now it's

stereo. It sounded like the Kool-Aid man going for it and not making the break. It was incredible. It was incredible. It's all on one cheek. I don't know why. I'm going to be just like,

this hurts. You almost said this ass hurts more than this ass. A horrific stench led officials to a Colorado taxidermy office where 189 bodies weren't being properly stored. What also led them was the sound of necrophiliacs singing 189 improperly stored corpses on the wall. 189 improperly stored corpses on the wall. 189 improperly stored corpses.

You take one down, you fuck it a bunch. 188 improperly stored corpses on the wall. The new longest joke, everybody! Thank you. Outstanding. I'm still very angry about the last one. A Kansas teacher's TikTok videos were taken down

in which he farted into his sixth grader's faces. The video constitutes a big loss for the app as Mean Boys fans have one less thing to jerk off to. Your coprophilic pedophiles is what I'm saying. Can I tell you an incredible fact about that story? I swear to God this is true. That teacher has been on Mean Boys. Copper-philic pedophiles is what I'm saying. Can I tell you an incredible fact about that story? Please. I swear to God this is true. Do tell.

That teacher has been on Mean Boys. What? What? That's Steven Taylor from Kansas City. Yeah, that's up. Yeah. Are you kidding me? No.

He just farted on a kid for TikTok. I don't know. Farting on my kid in school. Call me Republican. But I'm a little not about it. Teach them all 48 fucking genders, please. But farting, that's in the bedroom.

Still with a kid, though? What? Britney Spears says she aborted a baby fathered by Justin Timberlake in the early 2000s. She wanted to keep the pregnancy, but Justin convinced Britney to kill that baby one more time. That's up to you.

You only kill a baby once That can't be abortion Hit my supple ass Well you know You've got points for accuracy on this show That was more ham hock than ass You gotta bend over more I couldn't have stretched my toes

Keith has what might appear to be ass is actually haunch. It's actually like an upper back area. What about that somewhere different than you thought it would be? No cheeks, just two tailbones. Like some dinosaur they didn't think was cool enough for Jurassic Park.

This is what Mean Boys has instead of chiropractors. All right. A model was reportedly tortured, scalped, and drained for blood. This is what Mean Boys has instead of chiropractors. Alright. A model was reportedly tortured, scalped, and drained for blood. So yeah, I wonder if she's still modeling. I did not think that one was going to work. Oh my god. Wow. Nicely done, Thomas.

A man was arrested for faking a heart attack 20 times to avoid paying the bill at restaurants. When authorities caught him, they said, Mr. Carey, your highly believable charade has gone too far. As believable as this totally was, every chili's in the tri-state area.

A California cyclist was killed yesterday after some lumber fell off a passing truck and struck him. The man's final words were, I get wood when riding a bike, but this is ridiculous! I'll take it as I want it. Jesus Christ.

Yellow. The Guardian published a list of animals that work human jobs. These include rats that sniff out landmines, ferrets that perform electrical work, and the team of mentally diseased birds that write Tom's jokes. Like, yeah, stick this parrot in wherever a gas leak is. And now get us through this segment.

A man was arrested for faking a heart attack 20 times. That's what Bill. Keith Carey is calling him a real life Red Robin Hood Tom Goss doubling down More inside baseball Instagram has said sorry for adding terrorists to certain Palestinian users' bios They had to apologize to Ramsey but that way twice for making him take it out

By the way, full disclosure Ramsey was supposed to be here tonight But he got called into work last second Now, I'm not saying that this whole crowd After the show should go to a January 6th Style run on the comedy store I'm certainly not saying that In my official capacity as the CEO

Of the Kevin Didn't Do It Foundation. You guys do your own research. Make your own choices. Yeah, you can't be doing that. It's October 20th. You're safe. Oh, because of January 6th? Yeah.

I should have quit when I was ahead, guys. The Tom Goss story. Whose turn is it? Oh, is it me? I'm sorry. Okay. The Tom Goss story. Whose turn is it? Oh, is it me? I'm sorry. An 1100 pound hog was named world's heaviest pig the other day.

The award did not... Keith, what's the matter? Why do you assume it's about you? An 1,100-pound hog was named world's heaviest pig the other day. You know, Keith, I think you have a problem with assuming the worst out of people. I think maybe if you come at things with a more positive attitude, you might manifest more love in your life. That's all I'm trying to say.

Don't you agree, everybody? Yeah, I've been trying to get him on this issue for quite some time. This is worse than death. An 1100 pound hog was named world's heaviest pig the other day.

The award did not go to Keith Carey who was instead later to be found masturbating at the fried butter stand. Do you want me to quit again? I'm officially voting against whatever they say. There will be no more of that. Oh my God, J.K. Rowling was right. Well done.

A South Carolina man has created Pepper X, the world's spiciest pepper. The last time science was used to make something that destroys anuses that hot was when Fifi transitioned. That was nice. Hit my... That was both tailbones. Good news, guys. I have a worse Pepper X joke. All right. All right.

All right. Pepper X is the throne that Carolina Reaper is world's hottest pepper. This was discovered when Hugh Jackman led Pepper X to safety from a pack of pepper thieves. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Hit him in the face.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Twice, then. Pepper X. Wait.

You've got to stand forward. Yeah. I don't hate Hugh. You'd knock you gotta stand forward. Yeah. You'd knock me into the crowd. Oh! Wow. That's so nice. Fucking hell. That had a crack to it.

Oh. You know what else I was thinking about baseball? The feeling of my ass is going, going, gone. Oh, I can feel it. I'm looking at all these jokes, and I don't want to do any of them. Yeah, I just had the same thing come. The Council on American Islamic Relations was canceled today due to bomb threats

for the 47th year in a row. All right. Hit me in the ass. Oh boy. Oh, cheese and crackers. Ow. Take that 2005 ass joke. Well, that's the Mexican joke off.

Thanks for joining us, Rob. Thank you, Josh. Thanks, Rob. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here.

Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys know, you love. Everybody, give it up right now for Kyle Clark! Hey, guys. Keep it going for Kyle Clark. Making respecting women gross again. Tom is upstairs trying to learn how to work the coffee machine in this place.

Well, it is 9 p.m. Tom, 8 a.m. I gotta wake up. So Kyle jumped in. We're gonna play one of our favorite games. This is New Names. New Names! The clip's playing exactly quiet enough to be upsetting but not loud enough to read.

Who made the nightmare sound? Who wants to take it away on their name? Really glad I walked through Skid Row with my laptop so we could do that. That was very important. I'll start because you burned through one of my first ones which is the real conflict in Gaza will be renamed The real reason Ramzi Badawi isn't here. Alright, so holding hands, you know, you guys know it. It's called wrist sounding now.

What? It's a wrist sounding note from the audience. Look, it's a sounding when you put a thing in the clean room. That's a pun that never should have been made Because it had to be made So Kyle, hold my hand Ew, gay So your hand is the pee hole And his hand is the cock

Oh, I'm thinking of a different thing Okay, let me restart the pee hole, and his hand is the cock. I'm thinking of a different thing. Okay, let me restart. Okay, holding hands is like wrist-talking. That didn't help at all. I can't believe it didn't work the second time. I'll go. It's Halloween time.

Let's go this way. Never mind, I won't go. It's Halloween time, guys. Here's a new name for taking a really... Whenever you take a really good shit, that will now be called winning the poo. No bother.

No white, no bother. How come that got more than wrist stock? I want to know. Because it was a better joke. Different explanation. Can you make this you guys being racist at whatever Tom is?

No way. We get there. And someone tell me what I am, please. All right. It's Halloween time. I've been watching the Friday the 13th movies.

Auschwitz will now be called Camp Kristallnacht. Look out, those horny Jews are fucking by the beach. Guys, it's Halloween time. And everybody knows that during Halloween time, dentists are no longer dentists. They are, of course, tooth cucks. Guys, it's Halloween.

And from now on, butts will be called turd pussies. That's a good one. This show could be called turd pussies, and it wouldn't be uncorrect. Shit, you're turd pussy woman, we're almost there. You're farting up the escalade.

It's a lot of square footage in that vehicle to fart up. It really tells you about the density and the strength of these farts. Alright, because and only because it is Halloween time. New name for the plastic surgery office,

Breast Buy. Yeah, you gotta take her to the Genius Bar because it's like, they're big, but she's still not hot. What? You guys, it's Halloween time. So in that spirit, teabagging will now be called

Horny Horny Hippos. Gobble up those marbles. Little nut pig. Well, everybody. I'm not sure if you guys have felt it this season, but it is Halloween time. And I don't know if you knew

about me and Keith, we were both big fans of haunts, and I think that this time of year there are new Nicknames that we should be giving to haunt fans, so I'm going to give you guys two options, either Boo Pigs or Startle Sluts. Oh, I like Startle Sluts. So do I. Make me a little afraid for like two seconds. Do you want to get matching Startle Sluts back tattoos?

Do I get Startle and you get Sluts? Yeah. And then when we come together, nobody wants to go to Universal Studios with us? This is already true. This conversation has made me want to ban Halloween, like the mayor in Footloose. I want to be racist against people that like Halloween now. Me and Kyle took Tom and Jordan to Universal Studios Horror Nights last year, and literally the review from both of them was like,

we would love to go to that again, without Kyle. The only fun quote was this isn't about fun for me. You bring a weapons-grade intensity. It's the only thing I still love. I was hobbling around that stupid fucking park with a slipped disc in my back,

and I told Kyle, I was in a lot of pain, and I told Kyle, I can't go on a ride because I have a slipped disc in my back. And I told Kyle, I was in a lot of pain, and I told Kyle, I can't go on a ride because I have a slipped disc. And he goes, you'll be fine. Do the Transformers one. And I look to Keith, I go, will that be fine? And he goes, no. I couldn't, you know, stop being weak.

There were people watching. I was walking through the maze like this, and all the us people just kind of, like, stepped away from me. And if Tom is acknowledging he's in any pain, he's in a superhuman amount of pain that would break you psychologically. Once I saw him dying in a gutter and he was like, I got this. Whose turn is it? Yours.

Oh yeah, so it's Halloween. So because of that we're going to call volcanoes godsits. it's Halloween. So because of that, we're going to call volcanoes Godzits. That's cute. Yeah, that's what they are. That's all on Godzits. Wait, are we only doing three? No, no, no, I was just... Oh, you're just making me sit in this.

I didn't know if it was done petering out yet. I didn't want to be rude. I needed to peter in first. Drown in the pus of your C-minus work. Well, I got a new name for the chiropractor's office. Ass Pro Shop. I'm tracking yours and realizing you drove by some stores. You were like, oh shit, I didn't write new names.

Passed by any strip mall. We're like, yeah, I got it. I actually Googled list of stores. I've written with you on several things and I've watched you Google stores. Sometimes I forget about vitamin plus. You know? You're not going to believe this. Nutritional supplements.

So what's the plus part then? They should just be called vitamin. Vitamins, period. I also don't even think Vitamin Plus is a store. Well, then you're fucking terrible at Googling, Connor. I was thinking of GNC. You guys don't fight. It's Halloween. In this pre-Thanksgiving season.

And in the spirit of Halloween, conservative talk radio will now be called NP Hard Art. Next year the new Saw movie, Saw 11, will be called Saw, the Die Day After X. Thank you. Can we have Andrea come hit Kyle? I'll take it. The paddle said no. I know.

I feel like I had another look too stoked. Ooh, I hope this joke bombs. If I do it fourth, I won't look like a little creep. We're gonna call intimacy close to me hate. Jesus. There's nothing Halloween about it. Then we're gonna call a therapist. That'll be the rest of the show, is working through that.

I did no warm-up on that one. Well, you know, I tried to warm you guys up, but you kept staring at me. Okay, so we're going to run the rest of the show. God says, poo-poo-pee-pee, I'm dead inside. You got this slow fastball where you're like, yeah, and you love this horny fear. That's what it is. All right, new name for Spanish child molesters,

yo grabba grabba. See, I also googled list of children's shows. New name for a body hanging from a noose? A mandalere? You know, because it's Halloween. Well, it is Halloween, folks. But it's most important to remember that when you're riding in your conservative

grandpa's car that you're slammed in the back of this Magilla you love. I had one shot. I was saying it alone conservative grandpa's car that you're slammed in the back of this Magilla you love. Oh my god. I had one shot. I was saying it alone earlier in the day. Like a goddamn king speech. Make America dig through the ditches and burn through the witches

again. Put a hat on. Put a hat on. Oh, so we're doing highbrow. In that case, belching is now called mcturdy. What? Like a McFlurry cow. McTurdy seems like what you would guess

Connor's last name was. I don't care for that kind of humor. That's why I don't do it on the show. But if you ever meet a hockey player and he's a huge dick, you could call him a Zamboner. You know, I like positive, wholesome comedy like that. Doesn't tear anybody down. You guys... Oh, yeah, tell me.

You guys know what queer bathing is? Yeah, that's what like Harry Styles is like, maybe I like boys, buy this magazine. I don't like queer bathing,

I think it should be called a false fag operation. You guys, that's it for new names. One more time for Kyle Clark. You want to bring up the next comic? All right, I got it. Your next comic coming to the stage,

one of our favorite people in the world. Give it up for Paige Wesley. Paige Wesley, everybody. When she was saying, okay, you're obsessed with cereal, it's always good there, what kills you, is this why I'm obsessed with the Grimace?

Yes. That explains so much. It's also why I love pizza. Like, it's going to take me out. I'm going to choke on a Hot Pocket. I already know. This is why I don't like anything. Deep, dog.

Moral. Deep. And from that, Brandon's going to bring you the next segment. Guys, we do sketches sometimes on this show. You guys remember,

you fast forward through. Carnock's not in this one. Pass. Yeah, and here's the thing. We have a lot of requests for Mark Malloy, for Carnock, for all sorts of...

And no one requested the best sketch, Mean Boys History of Cinema. So obviously that meant everyone was afraid to ask to do Mean Boys History of Cinema. Which is what we're going to be doing right now. Wow, that was reserved. Reluctant. Do you want to explain this? What this was, during the first snark week,

someone forgot to write a sketch. I wrote one in five minutes. We had done 14 podcasts. This was the 14th in seven days. Wrote in five minutes, and then we fought for, I think, three hours about whether or not we were going to air the sketch. And the compromise was that I would do all the voices, and then they would do the sound effects, and we'd do it in one take.

And I wrote this mostly on Keith's couch between driving from Orange County to L.A. in about ten minutes. Yeah. Yeah. So in that tradition, let's do Mean Boys History of Cinema! Who's doing what here? Oh,

you're doing the, oh no, you're doing the first sound effects. I thought I already told everyone. You're doing the first movie, you're doing the first sound effects. I thought I already told everyone. You're doing the first movie. You're doing the second movie. And you're doing it for the next two. Already annoyed at the bit. Please continue.

Cueing inspirational music. I got something to say. I've caged a baby. My God. I've caged a baby Like, uh, does he matter much to me? Acoustic inspirational music? I've got to sing and stream with me Hello and welcome to the Mean Boys History of Cinema where we, Tom Goss, go through the history of the world's greatest films

and give you the background of how they got their names. For many years, people go, why is it called that? And now, thanks to my voice, you will have an answer. It's Halloween! So let's start with... So let's start with the cult classic, Jennifer's Body. I thought the punk noises were supposed to come in here. No, that was inspirational first.

Now do punk noises. Oh, okay. I got some music. I reaped the vividness. Oh my God, I'm Jennifer and I have a hot body I'm the other one I think my name's Nippy or something Wow, Jennifer, I really like your body

Shut up, Mumbus I almost sucked your boyfriend's cock or something I have a great body I hope a bunch of band guys don't put a Satan in me and it becomes someone else's body. Hey, we're band guys. You want to do weird stuff with your body in our van? Oh boy,

do I. Wait, Jennifer. They may take your body. Shut up, Muffin. You can't... We can't take... Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Shut up, Muffin! We can't take... Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, shut up, Muffin! You wrote it!

No, it was Diablo Cody. That's why her name is Mumbus. We can't take her body because it's Jennifer's body! Sexy! I just real quick want to tell everybody, I feel like you guys applauded like it was over. I'm scrolling through and there's a lot more.

There's what I can only call a fucking distressing amount of this bit left. Sexy! I had no idea that was the thinking behind Diablo Cody. But not everything is that deep. Let's take a look at the reboot of the century. Prometheus! Not a reboot!

This says space noises in reference to a film whose tagline is in space, no one can hear you scream. So I don't know, whoosh, I guess? We are approaching the planet where everyone dies. I mean... Thank you, robot guy.

I'm sure only good things will happen here. Me too, space person. Landing. Fucking spaceship down. Wow, what a smooth landing. All right, get out there. It's time to investigate them

since that's the theme of the movie. Dangerous alien noises. Oh, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm not going to investigate them. I'm pro-me. And I don't want to die. I'm pro-me. The us is an afterthought.

So you're anti-us? No, I'm just more pro-me than us. Is second. Oh, then we'll make two. I'll call you Prometheus. Yeah, get it! We did it again. Broke down the fourth wall. Now it's time for a quick story

about the Japanese. Thanks for that one. Ah, I'm a ghost. It just says super spooky ghost sounds, so I'm just going to go with like, hey, I'm not really feeling it. But it's more, it's like not you, it's me. I'm Japanese.

Go away, spirit. I'm a spirit away. Cut and dry. Let's keep on hard partying. A one-plus-player business of cinema. The origin of the Mean Boys podcast. Now this one, this just says audio noises. Which technically is all noises.

And all podcasts. And all podcasts. So I'm just going to go with a quick wah. Let's fucking go. I'm Connor and I want to start a podcast. I'm fat and don't understand. For the listener, the cue was fat noises. Which again for Paige is any sound.

Any sound. It could have also been a bus backing up. Like, boo, boo, boo. You just have these, you can just produce fat noises. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the sound of chewing. Or heavy breathing, just. Yeah, bag of chips, that's a good one. It's just fat ASMR, we should start this. Just a crack of the Sprite on loop. It's just your excuse to get closer to fat ASMR. We should start this. This is a crack and a sprite.

I'm Luke. It's just your excuse to get closer to fat people. I'm Tom, and I wasn't here yet. A comedy podcast. We say funny words, sounds into a recording, and make some dollars from taco shops. I don't know what you mean. Then we will call it Mean Boys

so people know what we mean oh I get it now that was the Mean Boys history of cinema why am I dumb in English? I know I'm fat you know you're the dumb one right? I don't remember it being that way

so Connor Connor had the idea I'm fat and dumb and you're the dumb one, right? I don't remember it being that way. So Connor had the idea, I'm fat and dumb, and you're just at large? I wasn't there. I don't know how it happened. Well, that was the Mean Boys history of cinema, everybody. One more time for Paige Wesley. One more time for Paige. You guys, your next comic coming to the stage,

Mean Boys favorite, make some noise right now for Mr. Joe K. Joe K, everybody. I love that the criteria for being part of the circle on this show is are you either queer, too into Halloween, or both? Yeah, pretty much. Those are the only two stipulations we have. Me and Tom, by the way, very neutral on on Halloween he flex Halloween enough for all three of us so much that we have to be like a Halloween thing I'm shaped like a jack-o'-lantern I have to try to get out of it've got the dynamic of the show.

Connor's like, I'm okay with you being fat, but you really ought to knock it off with this fucking Halloween shit right now. You can be as gross as you want, but you've got to like candy because you like it, not because of when it is. Yeah, eat candy in June, motherfucker. I'm done with this Halloween speak.

I want melty summer chocolate on your big perky lips. Also, Connor has a great point. I didn't even know how about a pumpkin, but you know, fine. Yo, this game's called The Ending Guy. Spooky. I am so fucking out of breath right now, Jesus Christ. From what? From existing right now.

I'm very out of shape. I, do you understand, 85 pounds in a year. That'm very out of shape. Do you understand? 85 pounds in a year. That's a lot of weight. That's a lot of boxes of honey buns. Joe, you look beautiful. Thank you. Guys, everyone tell Joe he looks beautiful right now. No, it's okay.

I just want to know, Tom, when are we going to finally fuck? Because I need that to happen. I've moved on. I've moved on. You had your shot. All right. I did. I blew it. Some real truth. All right. I did. I blew it.

Some real truths. All right. Number one. Did they die? A 50-pound rabbit beaver attacked a young girl swimming in a lake. What was your mom's pussy doing in a lake? 50-pound beaver. Okay.

So that's... Tom, I know because you know offhand. How much does a beaver Okay So that's Tom I know because You know offhand How much does a beaver Normally weigh Tom definitely knows it I actually I don't

I'm gonna say like 32 pounds That sounds right I would say like 20 Can someone fact check me I want to see how off I am Oh now you'll listen to me

Now I see you checking You're No fucking If I'm close I'm gonna Fucking fuck comedy I'm gonna get into animal weight guessing. No people! Cats only! Can you guys feel how much looser I am now that I didn't have to write this fucking segment?

Shut up! Okay, I was in the Yeah So that wasn't even A special beaver That was That was a middle weight beaver Why are they fucking Bragging about his weight

That wasn't a skinny Or obese beaver That was neither Connor nor Keith Why are they Bringing up his weight It was the me beaver That's exactly what it was

We're not educated About how much a beaver weighs So any number sounds big Was this a gay beaver. That's exactly what it was. We're not educated about how much a beaver weighs, so any number sounds big. Was this a gay beaver? Do we know? Are we aware if this is a gay beaver or not? I'm sorry. I tried something.

The irony is being a gay beaver, though. I get it. I know. Look, a gay beaver is called a pussy. There we go. Okay, so the beaver weighs one and a half years of Joe, so it's 85 pounds. And the child leaves New York going at 70 miles an hour.

How old's the kid? I don't know. Young. Young? So just like a teen girl? I think it was like a nine to ten. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, no.

Okay. One thing kids aren't good at is swimming. So I'm going to say that kid is dead. So, yeah, here's the thing. I don't think it's a big deal if you get attacked by a beaver. I think a lot of people get attacked. I think everyone thinks they're going to get attacked by a fucking beaver. Yeah, sure.

But if you just went to the news like, hey, ESPN, I got attacked by a beaver, they'd be like, get the fuck out of here. This isn't news. That's not news like hey ESPN. I got attacked by a beaver. They'd be like get the fuck out of here This isn't news There's still news there's sports news, okay Why are you nitpicking me? But if that bird beaver murdered a girl That would be news So with my that would be not be news logic, I'm going to go, she is fucking dead.

Just to be the odd one out, I'll say she's alive. The little girl is alive. The beaver is dead. Sick. Yo, that's the most metal in the world. Wait, she killed the beaver?

No, the dad ran out and beat the beaver to death. That's the phrasing from the article. And I feel like that's why 50 pounds is meant to be, because he wanted everyone to know he beat up a big ass beaver.

You know, you came here when I beat up a 50 pound beaver. Oh yeah, I'm going fist hunting. Let me show you what I was doing in the 70s. My dad did that once to a dog that attacked my sister. Your dad killed a dog? No, he just knocked it out.

Oh, okay. The dog was like, one more. It was actually a TK, the dog could have got caught. It was actually a crazy punch, so the Rottweiler jumped in the air and my dad saw it, like, out of the corner of his eye and just wham!

And just fucking knocked it out. This sounds like one of those made-up, like, my dad beat up a out of the corner of his eye and just wham and just fucking knocked it out. This sounds like one of those made up, like my dad beat up a Rottweiler one time. You know what happened on summer vacation? I swear. This is literally a plot point from the movie Bronson. Oh yeah, huh? Is that why you like that movie?

Because it reminds you of your dad? It reminds me of me, but now I see there's a connection between me and my father. Yeah, it's your mom's picture. It's a family movie. Number two, did they die? A Wisconsin woman's car malfunctioned, locking its own doors and setting itself on fire.

What kind of car? An on-fire one. That's a good brand. I don't have the horn. Mitsubishi's on- one locking yourself in your car I am paranoid about like Teslas don't have manual door handles so if the electronics

don't work and you're burning alive you're burning alive people love burning alive stories so I'm going to guess that she burned alive it's one of these things that's always hot like pair reading it's always hot, like pear or anything. It's always very hot. We're trying to figure out

if she's alive or the car. It is her that we're looking for. Okay, yeah. I think she got killed by that car. Yeah, she's dead. Oh yeah, she's dead as fuck. And I will say... And how much does she weigh?

Not a lot now. I will say, it's not nice she weigh? Not a lot now. I will say, it's not nice to imagine a lady burning to death, but the idea of somebody with a big Wisconsin accent just be like, oh, geez, oh, God. Talking about barbie barbecue. They just walked, Andrea. Oh, God, it's getting fucking hot in here. My culture's not your gosh-do-do-da-da-da.

We don't know what the car is, so now I'm imagining this happened with Herbie fully loaded. Herbie fully imploded. Yeah, Herbie doesn't... I'm just picturing a cheese hat melting. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry, sir. Your wife has become the jalapeno popper.

Your wife has become one hot dish. Got it? Okay. Thank you. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. You guys got to get on board faster. Did they die? A New York woman didn't realize white claws were alcoholic, so she had a couple during her shift as a school bus driver.

Oh. Oh. Oh. No. Oh. No, nobody died. It's hard to crash a whole school bus. I've been in multiple school buses that were crashed. But you're alive.

Yeah. I'm saying to kill the kids crashing. Half the size of a regular school bus. That lady was just dumb. This lady was drunk. Oh, shit. Where was this? A couple white clubs. I'm not even that worried about her driving my kids to school.

You basically looked at some alcohol. It's in New York. Yeah, I'm gonna... And it was filled with kids? The bus, yes. It's cool. You can't even get –

Well, kids don't live there. They get off the bus. I don't know what point – And you can drive past 30 miles an hour. There's traffic everywhere. It's like, are you going to go fast enough to kill 48 kids? I think she's fine. The kids are fine.

But someone else is fucking dead. And so I look at the same news you do to come up with this shit. So I feel like it would have been a bigger story if 48 people were drunk, driven to death. That's a fair point. So I'm going to say they're alive. Yeah, so I did, I've seen this story. So I know the outcome.

It's a bummer regardless. But no, she is alive. She lost her job? Yeah. She's alive. She lost her job. But do you want to go even further with the bummer of it all? Do you want to explain it?

I will tell you. So this woman has cancer and has been going through chemo treatments, and she couldn't taste the alcohol in the White Claws. So she thought she was just drinking regular-ass seltzer. Oh, she's a hero. Okay. Hang on. If you can't taste, then why would you even?

Specifically the alcohol she couldn't taste. Oh, so she has some taste? Yeah, you don't lose everything when you have it. I don't know, I don't have cancer yet. It's like a specific thing when you have like really, like when you're going through really radical chemo, like you lose some taste. Radical chemo is a good punk thing.

That's how great that is. Oh, shit. I think they were at Riot Fest, I'm pretty sure. Oh, shit. I'll do a couple more. An eight-year-old boy let a black widow bite him because he, quote, wanted to be Spider-Man. Yes.

Oh, man. A real modern kid drowned looking for Spongebob. Remember when that happened? I'll tell you who doesn't live in a pineapple under the sea. That dead child. Black widow's a pretty good spider. live in a pineapple under the sea. That dead child. Black Widow's a pretty good spider.

You've heard of it. It's one of the money spiders. I don't disagree with you, but you're talking about brand recognition or actual stats? Across the board, it's like the Jay-Z of spiders. It's got the business, it's got the name ID, it's got the body of work. I think Black Widow was really big in the early 2000s,

but better spiders have come forward and killed people these days. Most people, the brown recluse, bitch, okay, that's... That's a spider. You guys thought... That, look, I did too much comedy tonight, and that's the gayest thing that was said on the set. Look, I did too much comedy tonight

and that's the gayest thing that was said. I'm a brown recluse, bitch. Jesus Christ. You're my hero. That's a good spider. It's a good spider. What's the one that's like the size of a cat? The cat spider?

That sounds wrong, but yeah, let's go with it. My dad's always venting about spiders. He's the spider guy in the family. It'd be way harder to punch the dogs.

Oh yeah, the brown widow? There's a brown widow? There's a brown widow, yeah. Jada Pinkett Smith. I had a Pinkett Smith. I had a worse joke but I'm not gonna do it. On Kobe's wife? I didn't have a worse joke! Wait, Kobe was married?

Yeah. You thought he had his inspiring ass daughters out of wedlock? I don't know. He hooked up with that girl in Colorado. He's not teaching a fucking affair baby how to dunk. No one teaches an affair baby how to fucking cross over. The kid's alive. That's what I was going to say.

One more. An Italian cheesemaker was trapped when a shelf in his warehouse collapsed. Mamma mia. And they didn't notice the smell of the body for 15 years. That's an unfortunate meat of all. On top of

spaghetti, this guy died. See, the Italian part makes like look like it was a Canadian guy. I'm like, they make cheese, but not like the Italians. They make big-ass cheese. What? Have you not watched documentaries about Italian chefs, dude? They get fucking ham on cheese, all right? They go crazy for it.

I'm more impressed that you know also about Canadian cheese. Well, yeah, It's the same as in America. The lighter? Yeah. I'll assume that his cheese knowledge is starting to fall apart. No, I watched a documentary about a mispatch of Parmesan

made in Italy once. And it was like... That's the saddest thing I've ever heard in a podcast. It was like thousands of pounds of cheese So based on my Parmesan knowledge He's fucking dead Yeah I'm gonna say dead I'm gonna say he's alive just because I'd like to Note that there's more than one block of cheese

That has ever existed He is dead And the big factoid of it was Did you know Italian cheese wastes out there? Come on in, everybody! Come on in, everybody! Thank you! Alright, guys,

I guess I'll go back in there. So we got one more game to play. Before we do, I should have mentioned this earlier. We actually have a sponsor for tonight's show. I'm not going to do the ad read because there's a lot of sweat in my eyes. So instead, we'll bring up our sponsor. Why don't you take it away? Thank you.

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Thank you, Mataro, everybody. I believe the first time, the first character in Meat Boy's history. Yep, yeah. Full circle, everyone. Tom, what are we doing? You witnessed a very small and insignificant...

history. Oh, we're doing history again? No. No. Guys, we're going to close out tonight with a game that some of you like. Tom Tomperdy. We're going to have

guest Jordan go ahead and join us. And you know what? If all three of you get it wrong, throw your hand up if you think you got it. I will pick one of you. For anybody who doesn't know, Jordan, you might know her from This Is Not A Show,

mine and Tom's other bad podcast, from Podvanguard, and from Having Sex With Me a bunch. Yeah, no, we do it loudly and often. You sure do. So, today's categories are disease, things that are up, isn't real, question mark, iconic Mean Boys moments, and are they up, is it real? Iconic Mean Boys moments and are they gay? Are they gay? Oh boy.

As always, the rules of the game, you buzz in by saying Bear Cum. Yes, I'm going to actually get to it. Yeah, Bear Cum! Alright, Jordan, you've never played before. You are going to go first. Buzzing in with Bear Cum. Okay, let's you've never played before. You are going to go first. Buzzing in with Bearcum. Okay, let's take Mean Boys for 100.

All right, Mean Boys for iconic moments for 100. The Bark Bone. Wait, what'd you say? Bearcum. Story about me and the dog. Correct! 100 points to keep people... Oh, worth it.

Keep your own points I'll take Iconic Game Boy Moments 200 Alright, Kung Fu Math Oh, Bearcum Van Damme Academy Correct 300 Fuck, I don't remember my own show

Family Math Fuck Up Bearcum Keith's mom's abortions show. Family math fuck up. Bear cum. Keith's mom's abortions. That is incorrect. Bear cum. Connor's saying I'm going to marry your mom and be your uncle. Correct!

All right. Prison fight. Bear come. Banana Phantom. The Banana Riot. No. Okay. Go ahead and say it.

Does any bear have come? Putting you in a cage. Correct! Correct! The crowd competing with Keaton from 400. I'll take five. Five? The one where one of us

had a good idea. What? The one where one of us had a good idea. Bearcub. The episode where we announced we were quitting. No. The cone zone. No. I don't know. quitting. No. The cone zone. No. Oh, shit.

I don't know. Alright, it was when Fifi left. Fifi was close, but Fifi left specifically. God help me. Let's go with things that are up. Alright. For 100, the night sun.

Fair come. Bear cum. The moon. Correct. Connor controls the board. Things that are up for 200. Stomach throw. Bear cum. Vomit.

Correct. Grow up, yes. Things that are up for three. Alright. Good finger. Bear cum. Thumbs up for three. All right. Goodfinger. Bearcum. Thumbs up. Correct.

You're a goodfinger. Keith, keep track of my points. It can't be going for a while. It doesn't matter. Things that are up for four. All right. Rootquiet. Rootcum.

Stuck up? No. Rude quiet. Rude quiet. Rude quiet. We don't have to do a full one. Bear cum, cold shoulder. No.

Bear cum, shut up. Correct! You weren't here, right? Were you just telling me that? I was like, bear cum, I want to fucking go home. Bear cum, shut up, dude. You weren't here, right? Were you just telling me that or were you guessing? You guys are like, bear cum, I want to fucking go home. Bear cum, fuck off, dude. Bear cum, I don't know what this show is, but I hate it.

That was correct. Someone pick one. Things that are up, five. Things that are up for 500. Skyrats. Bear cum. Bat? No.

Bear cum. Pigeon. It was just birds. We were going to get very specific. Alright. Somebody else pick. I'm going to say, is it real for a hundred? Alright.

Is it real for a hundred? The Madmist. The Madmist? The Madmist. Bearcub. Seeing red? No. Pepper spray? No.

Rabies? No. The correct answer was ghost. It is a mist that's mad at you. Is it real for 200? Space Mexicans. Aliens. Correct.

Real three. The yay button. A or yay? Bear cum. The yay button. A or yay? Bear cum. The clit? Correct! Is it real for four? Alright, the deep heart.

Bear cum. The prostate? No. Bear cum. The soul. Correct! Okay, male G-spot was close, though. How is that the D part? The soul Correct Okay Male G-spot was close though How is that the D part?

The deep heart? Deep heart Oh The truth of this game is Tom Fox shit I was thinking it was a part that was D And prostate was going to be my guess Because that's where the D goes

500 for Israel Okay Israel for five was D. And prostate was going to be my guess, because that's where the D goes. 500 for Israel. Okay, is it real for 500? I thought you said for Israel. 500 for Israel. Can I get Palestinian for Duh, man. Duh? Duh. D-U-H? H-, man. Duh? Duh.

D-U-H? H-H, man. Fair enough. Tom on the show. Correct. The amount of times that I have listened to Tom's B-Boys, I just think people think I'm some kind of crazy person that I'm not actually,

and meanwhile he's just like, kind of hairs on fire I'm not actually. And meanwhile, he's just like, my hair's on fire. Yeah, punching my raccoon. I'll go with disease for 100. Disease for 100. Mike and Ike's on dicks and clits. Bearcub. Herpes.

Correct. I sounded way too happy about that. Hell yeah, brother. Disease is 200. Disease is, Ruth! Diseases 200. Diseases for 200. Forever roofies. Forever roofies. Coma?

No. Verica. Death? No. Verica is a sign of disease. Here's coma. Oh, God. Forever roofies?

Amnesia? No. Verica. Fentanyl? Was that Joe? Yes! Joe, how the fuck is fentanyl a disease? It's an epidemic. Oh, there's America.

There's narcolepsy. Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's, yes! If somebody walked in just at this moment, they'd be like, I don't know what church this is. They could not be in charge of anything. All right. Disease for three.

Disease for 300. Herdy patch. Hair cup. Rash. Correct! Disease, but that's fine. Disease for whatever is next. What is this for? 400.

Hot and sweaty, ready for Betty. Fair enough. Fever? Correct! That's the cutest thing I've ever heard you say. I don't know if I feel ready for Betty when I have a fever necessarily. Yeah, let's do diseases for five. All right, Mr. Potato Head Body.

Bearcub. Keith. Bearcub. Amputation. No. Zika? Bearcub. Leprosy.

Correct! What's left? Are they gay? Yeah, are they gay? I'd like to phone to Joe. Alright, are they gay for 100? Boat science. What? Boat scientist.

Boat scientist. Ryan Seacrest. No. It had Boat scientist. Ryan Seacrest. No. It had C in there. I don't know. I don't, I, I, the thing with this game is sometimes you need to lose the first one so you tell me what it is so I can track what you're doing. Scientology?

Beckham, maybe. No. Marine biology? No. What? What's gay about that? I think you love dolphins, you fucking homo. Correct answer was Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise. Oh. We're going to just go all the way down. It's exactly what we all thought it was. All the way down on both sides? Yes. Pac-Man pig chugger. Wait, how is he a scientist? Scientology. Uh, Pac-Man Pig-Chucker. Wait, how is he a scientist? Scientology.

Oh, okay. You said Pac-Man Pig-Chucker. Pac-Man Pig-Chucker. Chuck? Chuck! I don't think you're allowed to go around calling people Pig-Chuckers. At least to know what's going on in the news right now. I don't know.

I got nothing on this one. Pac-Man Pig-Chucker. Oh, boy, I don't know. I got nothing on this one. Pac-Man pig chucker. Oh boy, I don't even know enough gay people. Are they gay? I don't even know enough potentially gay people. Any guesses from the audience? Should have made this five.

Mel Gibson? No, it was Aaron Rodgers. Wait, what was the clue? Pat Ben, pig chucker. He chucks a pig. Yeah. He does chuck a pig.

Alright, 300. Morgan, oh fuck. Fair comment. Fair comment. the clue was chocolate shit face black guy. The clue was black god. Bearcub, KZ. Alright, 400.

Midget Avengers from the Jewelry Man. Midget Avengers from the Jewelry Man. Midget Avengers from the Jewelry Man. It's my favorite Captain Beefheart album. Lord of the Rings. Maybe he said Lord of the Rings. Are you saying it's the whole thing's... Bearcub, Frodo. Johnny Depp.

You guys are close. So it's a hobbit? Bearcub, Oompa Loompas. Further. It was Elijah Wood. Was one of the premen ever accused of gayness? I'm still stuck on that one. I thought he was.

I don't know. It was a lot about beaver weight, though. Yeah, I trust you about the size of cheese, the weight of animals. Gayness, that's more of a Keith question. Well, this has to be a category that's harder to track, okay. Let's close it out.

The Alaskan flip-flopper. Bearcow. Sarah Palin? No. Okay. That was my guess. This is from Alaska. What do you got?

It was Elliot Page. Oh. Who knows Elliot Page is from Alaska? You know. What? The movie, you know. Is it set in Alaska? No.

Oh, it's not? Alaska. No, the film is called, you didn't notice by the lack of all the snow? The movie's called Juno. Juno is a city in Alaska. There it goes. Alaska.

Juno. Flip-flopper. Oh, I thought, oh, that's even worse. Tom. All right, you guys ready for your final solution? All right, the hint is things to kill. Oh, boy.

Too close. Or the category is. Okay. All right. And your... No one kept score. Your clue is the big hope. Things to kill.

Do, do, do, do. I have one. Do, do, do, do. That's correct. Well, the Buddhist beatboxing league just came out of you. I'm stalling for you guys. Okay, I got a guess.

Okay. I guess life. Okay. Just based on your general cynicism. Okay. Pretty positive. The podcast? The podcast?

I would say dreams. Okay. The correct answer was dreams. Oh! I'm going to give it up for Keith Carey. What a lot of things to cheer. Holy shit. Thank you for joining us.

Thank you for having me. Oh, I didn't prepare that at all. All right, real quick. You guys want a couple Tom whitening rounds? Yeah. All right, we're getting out of here quick. Real quick, Connor, help me. Slap me.

No. Let's go! That got done. It really did that. All right, I'm going to say a word. You tell me what it is. Ready? All right, lightning round.

Hollywood. Oh, fucking Bad Magic Movie Time. Dwight Cooper. Oh, fucking Bad Magic Movie Time. Blake Hooger. Oh, um, Bad Finger Man. Blimps. Blimps? Fucking Sky House. Buffalo Wings.

Oh, uh, fucking um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Chicken Wings was excellent. Stop! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, 10. Two. That's really great. Reptiles. Oh, fucking ground birds. Arbor Day.

Is that when we love Earth? Trees. Fucking dirt dicks. Alright, Tom, name seven things you are afraid of. Oh, fucking claymation. It's not knowing them but not wanting you to know them. It's mostly claymation. Claymation seven times.

What was it, Gromit? What was it, Gromit, too? What was it, Gromit? Oh, myself. I don't have many fears, but they're really strong. Okay, name seven Halloween activities. Oh, trick-or-treating. You go to the place that goes up and down.

Roller coasters. Fucking, you give the go to the place that goes up and down. Roller coasters. Fucking you give the candy to the kid. That's trick-or-treating. Murder. Now you're at three. Running from murderers. You got a cat and mouse thing going on there.

Fucking. Oh, being slutty. Sh, being slutty. Shaming the slutty people. And then, do we pop up for apples? Yeah. I couldn't remember if it was Halloween or Thanksgiving.

I've never done it. I've got one more. Things you could have done with your life instead of doing this podcast. Ooh, end it quicker. Yeah, end it quicker. Fucking, it's, ooh, this is tough. You can tap your foot like Steamboat Willie. Yeah. Professional dancer.

Could have gotten really into arm wrestling. Probably would have gotten into a long hair phase. More karate sooner. More karate sooner. Oh, GED? GED? I don't know. Bobbing for apples, but also...

Oh, yeah, I can bob for apples. Holy shit. I think that's the show, guys. Oh yeah, you can bob for apples but bobbing for apples. Holy shit. I think that's the show, guys. Guys, thank you so much for coming. This was a blast. Alright. And do you want to say hi to me too and quickly because I have to go to work?

Alright, you want to give a big fuck everything God is dead on three? One, two, three. Fuck everything God is dead. Thanks, guys. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys.