Mean Boys - EP 226 - Facts About Bears

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

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another kind of bear tom name seven kinds of bears uh polar gri, grizzly, panda, koala, black, fucking, oh, boy, I'm drawing a blank now. Some guy named Greg. And then the slightly different classic Weeho. The classic Weeho, correct. Anyway, yeah, hi. Welcome to Mean Boys. to me boy sun bear there's a sun bear i was yeah that's that was the only other one that i could think of what's a sun bear uh it's chinese oh is that the one that looked like it was a guy oh red panda that's a different kind of panda well that's like strains of panda and that's i don't know we're getting different strains of

bears not to split bear hairs but they are different different species of panda well no grizzlies like sativa and well no they hibernate so they're indica in the cave yeah in the cave i feel like if we didn't talk tom would do an hour and a half podcast about bears by himself yeah probably tom give us a rundown on bears what what what kind of rundown are you looking imagine somebody knew nothing about bears uh-huh and you had to explain bears to them in like 30 seconds okay imagine man but they do not fear. They're... Right. That's the first thing. Off the dribble. Imagine human with courage.

They are larger than man. They like crawling more. Because up until now, I was just picturing a tall guy. Yeah. They can crawl up to 20 miles an hour. some of them faster. Many kinds of bears. Still picturing a large crawling guy. I am the world's biggest baby.

Who's not afraid of anything. Nothing can hurt me. Many of them climb trees. They feast off of salmon. Most commonly found in trees. Yeah. And berries. There's a gigantic man eating berries in a tree yeah

well he catches the salmon that flop from branch to branch you ever seen they never seen a big tree top fruit guy on their hind legs i think they usually stay between eight to ten feet tall but this depends on the species that might just be one kind that might be the grizzly bear koala bears different different deal okay they're they're a couple rulers you know tiny all have syphilis they be fucking uh yeah panda bears don't be fucking kind of the anti panda yeah panda bears you know panda bears are like vole cells they're like i don't even want to participate in the sexual marketplace yeah no and then people are really invested in making pandas fuck which feels like rape but no one wants to bring it up like if they don't want to participate in the sexual marketplace yeah no and then people are really invested in making pandas fuck which feels like rape but no one wants to bring it up like if they don't want to reproduce that's that's their prerogative but we put them in you think pandas are like watching

msnbc going the water levels are rising and you know it's like you ever read about hitler's ancestors and how they just agreed to like not have children and to just end the bloodline yes yeah it's like that for pandas there was some panda that did something really bad a thousand years ago and they're like we just got to get rid of us we're just after the michin lao incident of 1648 well you put you put these pandas in uh you know a fucking viewing tank uh-huh uh and then you go why don't you want to fuck somebody? They're a shy animal. You and I party differently. Yeah, well, they're not all dicks out for Harambe like Keith over here.

They're very private. They're Catholics, pretty much. Catholic pandas. Yeah, when they do fuck, it's in the butt. That's why they don't reproduce. Pandas love anal. Involved in something called butt soaking. It's on the website called panda.com you're gonna find out what's black and white and red all over oh boy uh also they're in movies you

know they put that one pan in a movie about that chinese kid an american kid and they just they want to hang out with the panda or wait what it? Sorry, I thought you were going to say Kung Fu Panda. What movie is this? Oh, you don't know about the live action panda movie? Coming this summer, it's white kid and Asian kid in Check Out This Bear. Yeah, no, the 90s had this whole era where it was like, okay. But it's like Homeward Bound with pandas. It's a real panda.

Yeah, kids plus animal equals money. your dunstan checks in your mvps what have you well those are like the comedy ones your earbuds oh wait this is like a sincere one yeah they also had the yeah the homeward bounds are they trying to uh free willy i remember fly away home fly away home so is this if this is like a non-comedy thing are they trying to make the panda fuck uh no they're trying to kids trying to reverse molest a bear like what is this movie um all right why is this title in a different oh the amazing panda adventure that's made up that's the joke title i would have come up with i believe you but i also don't well here's how popular this movie was. The original title was

in a different language, which means, and it was not Chinese. It was like French. It was Le Grande Adventure du Panda. So I think it's a French-Canadian panda in this version of it. But yeah,

it has a 30% on raw tomatoes. Remember when my initial pitch was to explain a bear in 30 seconds? in this version of it. But yeah, it wasn't as a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes. Remember when my initial pitch was to explain a bear in 30 seconds? And we've now gone to French Canadian Panda Films? No, the original pitch was... I bet if we just left Tom here, he'd go on a tangent for about an hour. And yeah, we're still on pandas. We haven't even gotten to the red panda or

the fucking black bear you know shrimp gumbo shrimp casserole shrimp cocktail red panda like a fox or some shit like i thought uh maybe i thought they were technically more of a fox but i don't know they just maybe they look like that yeah they could be gaslighting you red panda treacherous pandas. Are we all going to put this at the end? Oh, no, no, no. This is the show. Yeah, this is where we started.

Yeah. Well, we're going to stop now and be like, hey, welcome to Mean Boys. Yeah, do the whole bit. Where somebody's fat and gay. No, my opening line was going to be, welcome to Mean Boys, the only podcast ever delayed by Tom Goss' anus. But then I remember. I'm sure Swallow Daddy's has been delayed by your butthole once or twice. I was going to say, I've listened to Tom shit

through the wall before we did Not A Show. What do red pandas do when they get scared? Do they go roly-poly? No, they stand up and they wave their claws around in an effort to make themselves look more intimidating. So you can go, ah, red panda! Buy a car here! their claws around in an effort to make themselves look more intimidating yeah yeah

buy a car here look how fucking tall i am yeah and they're not hi i'm cal worthington's big ass red panda dealership holy shit they're fucking cute where where's this photo how dare you not lead with this photo i want to see him waving for the listening audience tom has the face right now that like a teenage boy has looking at an issue of maxim like not even horny just sort of overwhelmed by beauty look how fucking cute these are they're very cute i remember the maxim website oh dude that was the shit where they had like the hot 100 or something you know just the hundred hottest chicks on earth i ended up

with like i don't know where they came from but i ended up with like a stack of maxims like two years worth of maxims oh wow and that was really important jerk off material for a while the best best thing i ever jacked off to is in the back of a gaming magazine they had this thing where you could text in and buy cell phone wallpapers. And this was back when phones were like pixelated as fuck. It was like no resolution. So it was this pixelated chick on a beach, and it was like a quarter of an inch tall.

Oh, they're known as the lesser panda? That's so shitty. That's a terrible nickname. That is fucked up. That's a terrible nickname. That is fucked up. That's so mean. Sorry, I'm gonna Yeah, I cut you off, didn't I? I mean, yes.

I'm sorry. I also like that Tom has two identical vapes on both sides of his body. No, no, no. They're different flavors. You look like the billy combine them the billy the kid of getting popcorn along this is the stupidest shit i've ever seen i'm neither billy nor a kid well you know dual wielding lowers your accuracy but you can't uh argue with that fire rate you smoke from the hip yeah well i haven't had a cigarette today so okay is that like a

choice or just you didn't know time okay i'm trying to smoke my car oh yeah why is that bitches huh is this bitch related no it's just this it starts smelling just your own self-respect you i don't know if i'd say that but something towards there yeah see i want to smoke in any location i'm allowed to say i want to smoke in your car i do want to smoke in your car anywhere i am because otherwise when it smells like cigarettes i know i'm the problem but if everywhere smells like cigarettes it's not all just when i walk in oh i see yeah i'd like to pre-fart in a room is what i'm getting at. You'd like to DHL that fart. Yeah.

Sorry. Yeah. Gross. Yeah. That was fucking yuck, dude. Even like 48 inches from the mic, that was too much of your fucking bowels for me to... Right. Even a whole red panda's distance from the mic.

They're about that size. Well, now that we've understood bears. There's the last meme. Remember last time we did a last one and it was like a five hour tearful farewell.

And we're like, Tom, Google bears. I'm not confident in the mailbag no there's more shit on bears there's polar i know tom i didn't think you said everything there was to say about a bear yeah no and i could have kept going without googling i heard that polar bears are actually black under there are they that's what i heard that makes sense i think it was a teacher oh shit yeah that's real shit so i don't know huh tom tom i mean i've never shaved a polar bear how cool would a polar bear with mohawk be if it was an all-black polar bear with a big

ass white mohawk oh that'd be sick as hell down as i said you know somebody has drawn that to sell like some new flavor of coke you know how like the polar bears this one has fucking lime he's the battle pulling bear with call of duty points on the can modern warfare what are those call of duty mountain dews what are they what do you get like probably a cool gun who's the points makes your dick not work i don't know i i was paranoid that mountain dew actually had uh uh stuff intentionally to kill sperm because all the people drinking just like they're they're very they're very socially awkward people it would make sense to get rid of them mountain dew drinkers are socially awkward is that is that your thesis here yes i don't know if i agree i feel like most of the

the heavy mountain dew people i know are literally heavy mountain dew people it's like it's kind of fat gnarly midwest yeah they're more mountain than dew yeah they don't really like to do anything yeah i also feel like everyone i don't like i i remember the whole like yellow five kills your sperm or whatever but everybody i know who's really into mountain dew also has like four kids and they can't afford a kid. You know what I mean? Yes. So they'd be common.

I feel like, yeah, that's the people the government wants to sterilize. Yeah. They're doing a bad job. No, Mountain Dew is the official drink of having your wages garnished. We have a divorced friend that loves Mountain Dew oh in Oklahoma oh yes

one of the most divorced humans I've ever met a man I saw eat sushi at a gas station in Oklahoma could not be further from a body of sushi bearing water every time you tell me stories about this dude it feels like you were telling

a story about me but you removed whatever charm i have it's just like kind of sad no he's got his charm oh he's got a thing going on but it just feels like all gross shit i would theoretically do but i'd be like yeah boogie board or whatever and kind of buy it back you know my whole deal yeah you party licious it through hey waka waka yeah i'm non-threatening yeah you in this you wearing a purple shirt and you're really asking for a grimace comment this looks blue to me yeah that's blue i'm having a colorblind moment i'll put on something purpler if you want to rock this grimace it looks pretty purple to me you look like grimace colored we should paint you oh his entire the entire all of him i'm listening you've been painted like that

before haven't you uh not for grimace specifically but i did something for the sci-fi channel where they painted me blue like mystique yeah for the sci-fi channel yeah they did some like this is years ago i can't even find it online they did something they were doing live coverage of comic con and they did some bit where like it was will arnett was like operating like a place where they'll give you superpowers or whatever and they gave me mystique superpowers but it wasn't any of the transformation i was just a fat blue guy uh i thought it was gonna be you could transform into other people but those people would also be the fat versions of themselves no that's a better bit oh they're just like look at me i'm uh fucking literally the call like you

knew it was gonna be a rough bit because the like hey do you want this job text i got started with so not to offend you but oh yeah no i'm weirdly i don't know why i'm like damn sci-fi i know you had a sci-fi credit i've i've done a minor amount of work yeah what. What shows did that channel have? You Sharknado's. Telling you about Comic-Con, I guess. You know what's hilarious about Sharknado? Cops reruns for some reason.

I don't know. Yeah, those end up on every channel just like we got to pay the bills so people watch it. That movie was supposed to be serious. Sharknado? Yeah, they were like, you're gonna make it real serious and the writer was like i'm not doing that so he wrote it funny i had never uh i'd never seen it and i watched it recently because jordan's a big sharknado person and i was losing my mind because the whole climax of the movie takes place in the parking lot across the street from flappers i'm like i'm sorry i

can't engage with this movie even on an ironic level i've bombed 80 feet from where the shark is if you don't know flappers is a comedy club that used to be a macaroni grill in the most boring part of los angeles it it is funny to imagine like uh burbank being one attacked by a giant shark. Right. And then two open micers still trying to do crowd work on the shark. They're all just doing the same bad jokes. What, did you guys see that shark and aido outside?

Boy, that really aids it all over the 9-11 or whatever. Lame open micer bullshit. What do you put at the end of the movie? Fin. That literally is the last shot of the movie. They put up the Finn title card. Oh, really? Over a shark's fin?

Yeah. I don't know if they show a fin, but they do the gag. Yeah. Oh, wow. I just wrote Sharknado. You're a parody of a bad writer. You have to be the actual movie Sharknado. Bullseye as usual, I say. God damn.

Instincts get you to the top of the game. All right. Now, hear me out. We make a movie. We call it Bear-nado. Bullseye as usual, I say. Goddamn. Instincts eat at the top of the game. All right, now hear me out. We make a movie. We call it Bear-nado. But it's about a bunch of bears starting the national North American trade organization. It's about politics. The president of Finland just bleeds Latvian.

North Atlantic Treaty something. My mom's going to Finland. I don't know what NATO stands for. Don't judge me. You don't either. Nice ass Tamagotchi, Owen. Damn, Owen. That Tamagotchi fine as hell.

Yo, thanks, dog. Yo, what are you doing? Taking a little nap in there? Yeah, he chilling. Shit, dog. I've been feeding him every day. Hey, look at all this cool ass time i got you nah man it ain't nothing special oh man i wouldn't be crushing pussy that's true what happened to tamagotchi they all died every time i got you is dead yeah maybe one of them still you know what i mean there's one still kicking yeah i i miss when keychains were a thing you could kill oh yeah because the time sorry every once in a while you'll just say a thing that i have to

bathe and how haunting it is yeah no there's a reason you went in the middle distance when he yeah i miss toys that appreciated pain like oh okay they could die of their own shit love must have consequences without suffering there is no pleasure you can just keep feeding it and not clean up after it and then they could just die of sepsis from the fucking shitty environment i mean the japanese never actually explained how they die just that they did the japanese didn't kill the tamagotchis we did well they made them they made them and they gave them the capacity to die that's like saying if i shoot you god did it oh no no no

japan japan has tamagotchis it's tamagotchi too okay all right all right it's actually frankenstein's monster shut up i mean you're worse for knowing that yeah i was in japan if japan still has tamagotchis they're fucking alive like i'm sure somebody is like they have a minister of keeping the tamagotchi community going do you know who invented the tamagotchi the tamagotchi the tamagotchi bob rossi no i thought you had an answer no no i don't oh the japanese just the japanese as the people they all came together and brainstormed if if we were a little more popular and had a little more money it would have been fun to sell tamagotchi's where we did a digital version of you that you have to try and keep alive against its best efforts.

You got to press the button to take the knife away from him. Oh, no. Push X to lock the medicine cabinet. Sedate him. But if you do it too much, he dies. Press D to say, I haven't seen your belt around anywhere. I forgot to take my Tamagotchi shoelaces away. What are those scars?

He fell in a rose bush? Do you believe him? Meanwhile, Owen's like, I don't know what y'all talking about. My Tamagotchi alive as fuck. Yeah, man, he chilling. He's sleeping in the kitchen right now. Lamping, living large. Doing it up.

Hey, yo, fam, Owen's Tamagotchi got a job at a bar. This is a black Owen? Yeah, that's right. I know a dead black Owen. Oh, no, I'm... Cool. Well, the episode, The Last Mean Boys, is dedicated to his memory.

Yeah. He's kind of a piece of shit, if I'm being honest. Well, now it's been revoked. It's dedicated to the brave freedom fighter who took him out. That guy sounded worse. Okay, I kind of want to know the story, but I kind of feel like you shouldn't tell it into a microphone.

Yeah, probably not. Okay, cool. Well, Dead Black Owen, we have an episode tied up. well dead black owen oh shit i wasn't doing black owen i was just trying to channel the spirit of a guy who was really into his tamagotchi yeah well owen is always the white it always occurred to me as the whitest name and then i remembered i do know one and he was murdered i do think of it as a white name yeah it's a very white name. If you're a black guy named Connor, hit me up and I'll give you 20 bucks. Well, you know what? If you're

black, you could have the black people could have the whitest name and it works. If you meet a black Chad, that dude's gonna be like super black. I don't know about this. Is this like a boy named sue where you know he learns to

be tough because he has to be exactly okay see i just thought it was going like i don't know i've met a lot of black daves i've never met a white shaquille like i thought that's where we were going oh yeah no i don't i don't i don't i've only heard i've never met hi shaquille nice to meet you how are you doing shaquille johnson shaquille. Hi, Shaquille. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? Shaquille Johnson. Shaquille Johnson used Toyotas. O'Neal family properties. Well, do we want to tell some jokes? Yeah, welcome to Mean Boys.

Yeah, let's get into the Mexican joke-off. Hi, so topical. All right, I'll kick it off this week, because I did something a little different with mine. I've been super depressed about the news and the news cycle is pretty heavy and boring. So my birthday is on Sunday and I just looked up news stories from the week I was born.

Oh, that's funny. Yeah, I swear to God, this is the first one I found. On November 15th, after years of conflict, Palestine has officially declared independence. Glad that's all sorted out. Nice. All right. A man

drank bleach in the courtroom after he was sentenced to guilty. Unfortunately, the bleach did not clean his record. I've been sentenced to guilty. You must go on jail. A man was arrested for masturbating in an Iowa come-and-go gas station. He's been charged with public indecency

and being a hack. They gotta just have a sign that's just like, yes, we know what it means yeah um here's the points to ironic hats yeah that i should have bought when i was out there all right november 1988 the soviet union agreed this week to allow the teaching of hebrew though it's a bad sign that the first lesson in the national curriculum is in Soviet Russia, banks and media control Jew. A Colorado funeral home is in hot water after improperly storing 200 dead bodies. The home director apologized, saying he didn't know he couldn't store them on this dick.

That's what we call a non-Euclidean punchline euclidean like geometry yeah oh i thought it was no it was jazz euclid i clip we all scream i don't know i i do math it's a number jazz dude number jazz it's about the sense that joke didn't fucking make it yeah i mean i was between this dick or deez nuts but i this dick is technically more accurate you know when they put receipts on a spike you know i'm picturing it's like that like a stack of donuts yeah exactly or that kid's toy where you got to arrange the rings from small the onion ring tower at red robin yeah you guys all know that that's a thing a shared cultural keith already brought up the news cycle so i you know i'm not defending it or sorry i'm not making excuses i'm

just telling bad jokes yeah palestine didn't write that joke oh this joke yeah no this dick did what if taco bell in palest Palestine was like live Hamas? We have a two-state and a fourth-meal solution. All right. The two-side solution. Beans and rice. The two-side solution. Only at Palestinian Taco Bell.

Live Hamas. Fuck two-side solution. Only at Palestinian Taco Bell. Live Hamas. Fuck. Yo quiero liberty. Okay. Back to reality. One of the country's largest plumbing companies calls the day after Thanksgiving Brown Friday because of all the toilets clogged by holiday

turkey dumps. In the Kerry household, it's just called Friday. I do be taking ripper shits. And your friends be taking ripper shits. That's true. I timed you, Tom. You were 42 minutes driving late and nine minutes shitting late. All right.

It's November 1988. Major League Baseball's Cy Young Award was given to pitcher Oral Hershiser. Oral narrowly beat out his competition, Anal Hershiser and Handstuff Hershiser. Nice. That might be the earliest thing I remember as a kid being like, wait a minute, that's a sex joke. When I realized that guy's name was Oral. Oh, that's so funny.

Oral? Oral. It was Moral Oral. Yeah. Yeah, Moral. Moral. uh moral oral yeah uh yeah moral oh couldn't think of a good joke for moral oral couldn't think of a good joke for this next joke either a mass a mass uh not a mass a man that is a mass technically okay well fucking technicality killed the cat. A man in Western Virginia tried to bring a loaded gun onto a plane. Next time he should have taken the country road with the gun.

He should unload West Virginia. It was a stretch. Was he from West Virginia? Yes, I said that at the beginning. I thought you said he was from Virginia. You know, when people do song parodies, they usually sing the same song that they're parodying. Also, what's that gloss over? Oh.

Actually, I wrote it as Western West Virginia. And somehow I missed both Wests. I said it. I wrote it twice. I said it nice. Not. I did I said it. I wrote it twice. I said it nice. Not not. I did not say it. Fuck.

I woke up like an hour and 15 minutes ago. I need more coffee. Somebody dropped their Tamagotchi in the bathtub again. I hit my head on the mic stand. Oh, my God. Keep going. Quick, tell us more about this. Alright.

Escaped circus lions terrorized an Italian town for five hours before being caught. Meanwhile, bearded lady Robin Tran still roams the streets. They let me out of my enclosure the transgender enclosure uh the first internet virus infiltrated computer systems at the pentagon that's how fucking old i am uh the hackers access many confidential files including a folder labeled what nancy reagan's mouth do mostly Mostly lie. It seems like it was mostly suck a lot of dick. Did you see that article?

No. It came out last year. It was this whole bombshell thing of everybody being like, did you know Nancy Reagan chugged cock all the time? Oh, she celebrates Sluttoberfest. Sluttoberfest? Sluttoberfest. Do tell. Oh, I've just been waiting for a Sluttoberfest thing,

but I didn't have an opportunity to use it all october so i'm using it now we had an unusually chaste october i was about to say why are we doing this in fuckvember yeah uh yeah well then we won't even be recording for dick summer yeah no we'll be back for man on manuary. What was the question? No, I don't know. I don't know about what Nancy Reagan mouth do. Oh, she just sucked a lot of dick.

Oh, yeah. Like her husbands are just like and others. Good. Apparently she was well known around like not in D.C., but like around like the Hollywood area is being like she blew everybody. See, that's how you really make America great again. She'd blow everybody? We need the first lady sucking dicks on Hollywood Boulevard. Not the current one.

Nancy, give me neck. Mr. Gorbachev, drain these balls. Slob this knob. The gipper's got a dripper you're up bud oh it's me yeah oh nope i rejected that sound oh okay all right a plane took off before passengers realized two passenger windows were missing. Wow, I guess that's why you call it window pane. Well, you know that's also an M&M lyric. I sure do.

That's the fucking... Why is Robin in so much of this? God damn it. Music mobile Sean Diddy Combs has been sued for rape and sex trafficking in light of the allegations he has once again changed his name to sean diddly combs that's pretty good uh all right um where is it here we go a mexican radio station erroneously reported that boxer mike tyson had died in a car crash. Thankfully, authorities were able to locate Tyson by following the trail of women in Tijuana with black eyes.

He hits women. That's a lot of people who go to Tijuana. Are women punchers? Yeah. Yeah, you either go for the cheap chiclets or... I don't think anyone's going to Tijuana for the food. I mean, maybe. There's better places Tijuana for the food. I mean, maybe. There's better places in Mexico to get food.

Probably. Yeah. Now, everyone that talks about Tijuana always talks about Hong Kong. Oh, that strip club place, right? Oh, okay. Yeah, brothel. Interesting. And they all seem like...

You know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's end it bad and do a joke yeah let's do something more uplifting yeah i don't think i want to go poke around a teo on a brothel yeah yeah uh yeah something more uplifting a man who killed a couple and then chewed on their faces is in facing jail time it's like really sad because he doesn't know that like eating a couple is like really fat. It's okay. All right. Swing and a miss.

Swing and a miss. You know where you can store that joke? On this dick. On this dick. I thought it was going to be the Newark County Land. Oh, damn it. Oh, boy. Scientists have created a monkey chimera using two completely different sets of dna

and they're calling it tom goss tom double ape goss it really set me up for that one oh boy that was a great joke off we learned a lot about pandas. Yes, we did. And we'll learn a little about sun bears, I think. There you go. You know, I don't know much about sun bears. What if we just ended the show right there? It's like the Sopranos finale. What the fuck?

Is that it? Was that the rest of the show? The show is meaningless? Yes. It's Italian. I'm sorry. I just looked over. You said it's Italian, and then all of the smoke in the world came out of your head.

All right. Well, I think that's the joke off. We'll be back right after this. Oh, I thought we already took a break. Oh, my God. Tommy Two Vapes. Quong. And the Mean Boys podcast is back to play our new favorite game, Porn State Game Thing.

Oh, what did Connor come up with last night? Porn State Game Thing. I realize Intel right now. Titles are hard to do. Go for the ride. Porn State Game Thing. Porn State Game Thing. Porn State Game Thing. Porn State Game Thing. the ride porn state game thing porn state game thing porn state game thing porn state game thing

porn state game thing doodoo doodoo oh i fucking love spongebob all right all right uh basically every year pornhub puts out a map with of the united states with the top googled or top porn hub search porn search by state okay so i'm gonna give you guys a state i'm gonna give you three choices you don't have to tell me what the top porn search is in that state okay so in north carolina is it a big black ass b femdom or c hentai north carolina north carolina i'm surprised that none of them are Or C, Hintai, North Carolina. North Carolina. I'm surprised that none of them are gay. Yeah, you'd see. On this dick.

Tom just ascends through the ceiling. Behold! Ah, fuck. Big black ass is my initial go-to, just because it seems like something you would be shameful there. Don't forbidden fruit. Yeah, exactly. That sounds better than shameful

be ashamed of your large black enjoy your shame ass no you know what i mean it's like oh we're all fucking racist but secretly we want this thing yeah or maybe it also could be that they're trying to overcompensate they're like i'm a very tolerant guy and i like people like asses so i mean i don't appreciate that no no but i'm saying they're looking at the thing they're proclaiming not to like it could be one of those things too like see we got rid of them statues and now we're progressive look at all this ass i look at it's big and it's black and ain't nothing wrong with that tom i want this version of you to be the president this is my favorite thing in the world it's a form of like really obscure virtue signaling where you're like look at me i'm reach across the aisle grab a cheek

could a racist fap it to that juicy black ass i don't think so uh senator goss this is a meeting on school lunch budgets i'm just saying i'd well fucking put a little black ass in them pails femdom seems unlikely only because i've seen the women in north carolina and they all look like they could take me like they're all brutal picking you some some broad-shouldered broads yeah you have access to overpowering women if you're there um what was the third one hentai yeah hentai is the dark horse because i feel like everyone is jerking off to way more technical shit than we thought. Yeah, that is true. Every year it's just like, oh, it's 90% of the porn is cartoons. Like I said, the Japanese are taking over.

They replaced the Tamagotchi. Tom, can you stop being silly? We're trying to do serious science here. Yeah. We're trying to play porn game. Respect porn state game thing. Porn state trying to play Porn Game State Thing. Respect Porn State Game Thing. Porn State Game Thing. I always said there should be separation between

porn and state. We'll call it Porn Game State Thing then. Is that fine? Porn Game State Thing. That's not as good. It's Porn State Game Thing. I kind of like Porn Game State Thing. Which one was it before? This is the fight that

makes us never talk to each other again. Throw the recorder out the fucking window. Fuckers are dead to me. The thing goes with the hands. I think it's big black ass or whatever. You are my family. I also think it's big black

ass. Guys, your powers of deduction are unparalleled. It's Big Black Ass. I know, ass. Praise the ass. All glory unto the ass. Porn state game thing. Porn state game thing.

We tried real hard. Not really. Why are we just now coming up with this? I don't know. This seems like something we could have milked every year. This kicks ass. We got a great song. We got a great theme song.

Spongebob, show me that big black ass. And we got a pretty good Patrick Star. That's really fucking good. I got one impression. Colorado. Okay. A, BBW. W. B, goth or c leather oh okay for a second i think you said bbwb like that was the whole thing big black warner brother

no that's tyler Tyler Perry's production company. Madea is Batgirl. Shit. It was BBW, Leather, and what was the third one? Goth. Goth. I'm between Goth and Leather, because I feel like a bunch of kind of like, sort of not quite hippies,

but sort of crunchy-ish types are there, and I can see them being into Goths, but Leather feels like it's like cowboys see they got they got they got what i said is not actually i immediately wanted to argue with you so much that i was going to make a point that did not make sense it was not my argument i'm going with leather they got a lot of cows up there you know you don't have to have a resource to look at a picture of cows up there. Did you know... You know you don't have to have a resource to look at a picture of it, right?

Yeah. Well, leather, a lot of people... You can only Google things you own. They don't have your inventory. They don't have a lot of big black asses in North Carolina. No, yeah, they do. There's a lot of black people in North Carolina.

Are there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think. I'm looking it up yeah what's what is a lot to you uh i think it's like a good portion of the population or at least in the city sounds like i don't know seven all right it does say 2.2 million that can't be right that could be why would that why i think

that's the whole population of the state oh 22 percent of the north of north carolina is black okay that's pretty yeah that's there's a lot of black people i guess i guess there's certain parts of the south that i think of as like black parts of the south and certain parts that i think of as like white parts of the south uh-huh yeah i have that same thing the carolinas i think the white people think of all of its white well sure but you know what i mean like i think of it like like uh atlanta i think of it as a very black place you know but georgia is a very i'm not saying i'm correct i'm saying this is how my brain has categorized yeah mississippi i weirdly think of as like part of like you know the black south uh-huh this is a weird road we're going yeah

geographically racist it's okay welcome to carbon san diego you chat yeah well this game was fun for about 10 minutes um i'm gonna say you know what There's a lot of skinny people out of Colorado. I think I've noticed. Okay. I'm going to say BBW. It's W, but okay. Okay. BBW.

Okay. Keith? Oh, I said leather. The answer, goth. That's really weird. Fuck. Why is that? Also, what is is goth porn what do you mean you know like a goth person white white face black lips like if they were to fuck it would be that

that's i know that was a subsection of porn i mean they don't have to do the monster mash beforehand like well then what's got about it oh they look all spooky in like what like tom you you just i don't know how to explain the thing to you it's it's like pussy but creepy yeah spiders in it and stuff i don't know i don't mean lightning strikes do do do do fap fap california is our next date okay do they like avocado a do they like a big booty okay b asian or c latina oh i'm going asian i'm going asian all. This is really interesting because I'm in California. Which of those three things is closest to your wheelhouse? It's weird that any of them seem super far away.

I mean, I've dabbled in all three categories. Okay. I'm going to say Latina.ina okay you're saying that like you're guessing but i asked you a question about oh no i yeah i'm pretty split down the middle with i'd like all those things okay what a political answer tom i'm going to asian because california is like nine different states and like they're all very different but but I feel like Asian is like... I don't know. Everybody kind of likes Asians. I don't understand this methodology at all. I feel like every group...

Everybody loves Asians following. Everyone loves Ravens. Every group of people, I think, other than maybe Asians, is into Asian porn. Have you ever asked an Asianian their opinions on other asians i mean i don't i don't mean as humans i just mean pornographically just in terms of asian you're just judging on the butts upon this logic i'm actually gonna change it to big no no i'm sticking with latina okay the answer asian damn it what's up

i like this game because it somehow got racist I'm sticking with Latina. Okay. The answer, Asian. Damn it. What's up? Damn. I like this game because it somehow got racist. It's not even racist. It's just, it's a little racist. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big booties. That's Wyoming.

Oh, okay. And Latinas is New Mexico. Femdom is New Jersey. I thought New Mexico would have been in the new Latinas. Hintay is Idaho, weirdly enough. I don't like that at all. I guess porn tentacles do look like those things that grow off of potatoes if you leave them on a tent for long enough.

Yes, they do kind of, yeah. Yes, at a pond. You think New Jersey was femdom? Yep. Okay. I do like the idea that New Jersey femdom is just some fat chicken like a grease-stained tracksuit. I like the idea that maybe- It'd be 40 some fat chicken, like a grease stained tracksuit. I like the idea that maybe 40 bucks.

I'm going to pop you fucking nuts. That might be the only way to get people from New Jersey to shut up. Is the higher end. I'm an agent. Just face. Fuck you with a big sandwich. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, a BBW is Alabama and leather was Montana. Leather for Montana is kind of what my logic for leather for Colorado was, but Montana makes more sense. Yeah. They know more cows than people. Yeah. Yeah, Montana and leather does seem like, okay, I get it.

Oh, did you know that leather porn is the gateway to bestiality porn? I guess it's animal skin. It is animal skin. Technically, beastie necrophilia. Yeah. All right. Which is my favorite Burger King order. Next one.

Pennsylvania. Is it A, hairy pussy, B, gilf, or C, furry? It's all three of those at once, and it's just a picture of Gritty getting plowed. But he's wearing, he's got rollers in his hair. Yeah. And he's just a picture of gritty getting plowed ah but he's wearing he's got rollers in his hair yeah and he's in a nice like a house dress man i miss the simplicity of asian versus latino it was gilf furry and what uh hairy pussy i have no problem with hairy pussy but it's weird to crave it

i don't know it's kind of hits the spot though sometimes yeah but it's like craving that's like all you it's like the word crave is doing a lot of heavy lifting well i don't know it's like i yearn for it. It's just like, oh, my go to food octopus. You know, like I love octopus, but like, um, see, I think it's hairy pussy because I think of Pennsylvania is like a very working class state. It's very come home from your long day at the auto shop. You take off your car hard and you eat your wife's hairy pussy.

You eat your wife's unshaven American clam. I'm going with hairy pussy. It's all Maddie oh god um smells like a bruce springsteen shirts you know what there's a lot of deer out there i'm gonna go furry all right correct answer harry pussy dude i'm fucking great at this yeah gilf was south carolina and furry was oregon oregon furry is a little surprising they also have a lot of deer in oregon there's probably a south carolina incest joke in oregon they're just they're they're you know it's where portland is people are weird yeah it seems like it'd be well it's like yeah it's

portland is like hipsters and then everywhere else is just like i don't know nazis hiding in the woods that's what i assume most of oregon is uh i don't think you're totally off yeah all right let's try something a little more aquatic hawaii oh i love hawaii it's hawaii a anime b black or c amateur wife hmm this is interesting because i amateur wife stands out because i gotta figure hawaii's gotta be the capital of like we're on vacation hey honey bang the bus boy at the hotel isn't an amateur wife just someone who's engaged it's a fiancee yeah yeah wife junior a lot of japanese like sort of influence in hawaii in general though yeah it's not that far from japan right something like that i don't know if they flew there and blew

it up once i mean you know yeah i think it's between like california and japan right so it's still pretty far but it's uh but like i don't know i think of like there's like japanese and hawaii stuff the food has rice like i don't know we I think of like there's like Japanese and Hawaii stuff. The food has rice. Like, I don't know. We're really realizing I tried to explain the opinion I have about anything. Sounds like the stupidest thing in the world. Well, the food has rice is like, I guess it's most of Earth. Yeah, pretty much. I could argue that's why they love Latinos over there, because Mexicans also love rice.

I'm just saying we keep saying how dumb I am and I keep being right. Yeah. Nobody liked that um but black's always just in the mix well i don't when i was in when i was in hawaii i didn't see here's the thing they have influence all right i'm gonna go with black and i'll tell you why okay all right yes they have influence from japan but they have other stuff they you know you don't want to overload on the japanese so it's kind of like we already have this part of the culture uh and then uh the other one that wasn't black was what rice what was what was it? It was Black Amateur Wife and Anime. Anime. Oh, yeah. Amateur Wife is, I think, yeah, I think it's too specific. I'm going to go Black.

I'm going Amateur Wife, but it's between that and Anime, but I'm going to lean towards Amateur Wife. The answer, boys. Amateur Wife. Let's fucking go. Anime was Oklahoma. Okay. And black happens along what I'm calling the black belt of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Arkansas.

Ah, indeed. We're all win black. They all voted black. There we go. There we go. It's the first and last time it's ever happened. A solid black block. Next one.

Good old Tejas, Texas. Is is that a stepmom okay b trans or c panties was it panties panties oh panties panties fuck porn state game thing porn state game thing porn state game thing who jerks into trans girls near houston porn state girl fuck um'm going to go stepmom. All right. Panties is not enough of a thing. I really don't understand what that is either. Yeah, my favorite room is chair.

It's like looking up nudity in porn. It's like assumed. Sexual intercourse. I think trans is, I might be trans. No, no, no. It's stepmommom Texas is a massive state so I think you're looking the most general access one there and the step porn thing is weirdly big it is weirdly big yeah it's deep feel free to

guess sir I also think I was hoping you take trans because I think it's a... I was just hoping no one fucking figured out I jack off this step porn. Well, no, I was hoping you'd take trans because I think it was a fucking red herring. I also think it's stepmom. Okay. Guys, I don't know how, why, or for what reason. The answer is panties. What?

Dude, fuck off, Texas. Stepmom was Kentucky and trans was West Virginia. Panties porn is like, that's just the... Country road. That's the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. You can show that on network television. Yeah, it's like you're back in the days of magazines. Yeah.

Those of you Googling hot ankles. Texas really is the ISIS of America america i guess so how how oh the modesty that's how i think of isis pretty shy yes oh you know us we're gonna photo shoot don't make a whole thing out of it all Alright, next. The state of Washington. Okay. Is it A, Dominican, B, fleshlight, or C, pegging? I have a lot of problems with it.

First of all, my guess is pegging. Second of all, Dominican is very specific. Third of all, what monster is looking up fleshlight pornography? That's exactly what I thought. If you like gay porn, watch gay porn. If you like vagina getting fucked, watch a guy fuck a vagina.

Who wants to watch somebody fuck their flashlight? Someone who loves appliances. I guess. I think it's like you get a chick to move the fleshlight. That just seems... I guess if you're into it, you're probably really into it. I just feel like you're so close to a good idea. Yeah, getting a chick to move the flashlight is like trying to cook your own pan.

It doesn't make any fucking sense. It's like you came home with all the ingredients for a pizza and went, time to make soup. I'm going with pegging. I also think it's pegging. The answer, flashlight. God damn it. What? I know. It's a. The answer, Fleshlight. God damn it. What? I know.

It's a sick place. Washington State. Biggest in the state? In the state? I think they fudge these maps up just to get people talking about it. I think so. I'm glad I don't live there anymore. I feel like every search would be just, it would all be just fist or something.

Yeah. Anyway. All right. Our last one guys trafficked new hampshire okay is that a ebony bbw b bbc or c dirty talk i don't have i don't have a good piece of insight other than to say, chatting uh dirty talk dirty talk okay mbbw bbc it sounds like you're doing the looney tunes thing i'm gonna go with mbbw all right i'm gonna go that you know they're so new hampshire i think of like wasps and not the not the bug the people thanks for clearing that up yeah i think of like fancy

people they have like the the ruffle thing in their shirts what is it called like a the fancy bib that's on purpose uh are you thinking of the 1700s people still wear fancy stuff who wears a ruffled i think they're like horses anything of an ascot that maybe i don't know what category ascot picture the article of clothing that you're thinking sure okay now Are you thinking of an ascot? Maybe. A cravat. I don't know what category ascot is. Okay, picture the article of clothing that you're thinking of. Sure. Okay, now are you thinking of George Washington or Fred from Scooby-Doo? George Washington.

Okay, that's just odd, but I wanted to know where your head was at. Yeah. I think that's a cravat. That sounds right. See, these are the fancy words they're talking about. Or I'm talking about them talking about. And with that, you know, it's always hot to be different and so let's take it from tom goss the hottest guy in school hey kids it's actually pretty cool to not fit in yeah it's

the same reason why i thought those racists were watching the black porn. Okay. Which I did get wrong, but I've not gotten one right. But this is the one. I am saying dirty talk. All right. Oh, man. The answer is Ebony BBW. Ebony BBW. Ebony BBW.

Ebony BBW. You do, like, every damn shuffling? Ebony BBW. Well, that damn shuffling Ebony BBW Well that was Porn State Game Thing guys Fat ass in the house Tonight Washington has got a fuck up Flashlight

No Okay Porn State Game Thing Yay Porn State Game Thing Porn State Game Thing Porn State Game Thing porn state game thing yay porn state game thing porn state game thing porn state game thing stop cooking me spongebob and the mean boys podcast returns uh it's time to take a dip one more time into the mean boys mailbag it's a mean boys mailbag fuck everything god is dead send us an what what yuck uh yeah that was the jingle uh andre ortiz says listener mount rushmore and then says love you boys who is our listener Mount Rushmore?

Well, I got to have Ryan Colby up there, the first. Ryan Colby has been kind of quiet in the return. But maybe the news hasn't reached Ryan Colby. You know, there's some people that don't know that Jesus has come back. I like to imagine it more like that scene from Good Will Hunting. One day we're going to show up on your social media feed, Ryan Colby. You're not going to be there. I mean, Ryan Colby makes it. not going to be there. I mean,

Ryan Colby makes it. I think Nashville will is a shoe in. Yeah. Yes. Alexis has got to be on there. God, it fills up so fast though. Cause that's three already.

But that's, I mean, those are, you know, I don't know about maybe Ryan Colby was just getting grandfathered in, but I was, who was the dude that we stayed with in denver that was fifi's friend oh alex your check yeah that's right the fall off on the mount rush war

from three all-timers who's that fucking guy jerked off at his house yeah short bus murphy oh yeah yeah would probably uh i i love the goon from the lagoon i always thought he was a positive uh presence on the show oh yeah um he's great is he the yeah i mean that's that's fucking difficult yeah i feel bad doing it too because i'm like i love all of you yeah there's a few of you in multiple states yeah yeah i like i like some of you the just the dude who got the tattoo oh what's his name again yeah that's a great question yeah i think this all the time and i'm like i should know that because there's well there's actually dudes that got a tattoo so and i forget the the live fast escape fast live ass escape fast live ass

escape you know uh. You know what? I think everyone's Mount Rushmore. Look, the important thing, Andres, is that not one of us even thought about saying you are. You know what's funny? It's going to end up being the fucking tattoo guy. Has to be. We named like eight people, you know.

David Weiser says... Claire Higginbottom. Oh, yeah. And Fanny... What was her name? Fanny Chapcranner? Chapcranner? eight people you know uh david weiser says uh claire higginbottom oh yeah and fanny crap what was what was her name fanny chap cranner crap channer something like that yeah yeah that we used to was one of the i met her briefly in like new mexico okay but she used to send us stuff yeah claire's an automatic i can't fuck i can't believe we forgot claire yeah we probably have to list all the people we stayed with. That would include Ted Cruz, the science guy.

Oh, he's great. Sorry, I don't remember your Christian name off the top of my head. No, I'd call him Mr. Ted Cruz to his face. We also just played the jingle fucking Andrew Hillary

is on the list. Oh, yeah, that's of course. Yeah, this is an impossible game. Yeah, it's also funny too because there's a few people like Will is one of these, Andrew is one where it's like, okay, the parasocial boundary has been crossed to where i'm just like

friends with these people now you know like short bus is kind of in that category uh david welser says how come the taser never made a cameo did we what happened to the taser didn't we leave it in st louis or something uh kansas city wait you you want wait wait the taser i left my taser in kansas city or no because you got mailed back to you because we used it in orlando yeah i gave away a lot of weapons did you give away the taser i might have okay because that seems like it might be illegal no and giving away swords is perfectly legal somehow it feels like a cop would be less mad about it no you don't have a you don't register a sword or a taser. Fuck it, I could probably give out guns and it wouldn't have bit me in the dick.

It's America. Weapons are for wherever. You can't just hand out weapons. That makes us Canadian. Are you saying I'm fucking Canadian, Keith? Maybe I am, dude. Wow. Well, you a boot to shut up.

Grand Boo Bar says. and keep maybe i am dude wow well you you a boot to shut up grand boob are says these are the hot riffs you thought you missed uh what are your guys albums of the year so far anybody listen to any oh just just because jordan just texted me to say you washed it that was a different taser i've had multiple tasers she texted me the same thing and i ignored it because i knew what yeah but maybe the listeners don't know i washed a different taser i've had multiple tasers she texted me the same thing and i ignored it because i knew what yeah but maybe the listeners don't know i washed a different taser they watched video of you washing the taser i don't know if it made the final cut oh there was a lot of a lot of cut footage from that gold mine you guys are getting a peek behind the mean curtain here yeah mean curtain also known as i got nothing uh any albums from this year that you really liked i have listened to zero new albums that came out this year but i highly recommend the city pop stylings of japanese sensation taiko uniki on the album sun shower gray skies and 4 a.m

if you want to really have yourself a great 1970s japanese sports car time you've you've jammed out some of this shit with me in the car it's pretty great it's fun she invented the tamagotchi totally um you know what i will say that i'm not just saying it because uh grant is the one writing it and he's in this band uh the new sad park album that came out this year is really fucking good and i saw them uh play a cover set as weezer uh over halloween weekend that was really good so go listen to sad park if you haven't that's fine yeah i don't i haven't really been digging any full albums or bands but no full albums that i've yeah the new uh new gaslight anthem record was pretty good and the new uh the new no bro album that just came out i liked a lot as well um but

yeah i have not i'm usually better about like listening to full albums and shit and making a list but i didn't really have it this year yeah i mean you have the list of bands you saw live yeah but that's not that's different it's all music i'm getting old and the list of new shit i'm listening to is getting smaller and smaller as my hairline i've been listening move down yeah i've been listening to a ton of fucking new stuff just not full albums right my playlist this year is bananas i go to the emails yeah subject line i'm not a nazi okay that better not be a butt steph or mysterious cup here again in regards to keys for a comment about me posting uncensored content and the possibility of it being really bald in a bald head with the straight arm salute variety my uncensored content is not of

the right wing kind of uncensored more of the go fucked up joke as long as I'm not spreading hate kind of uncensored content since it's the last episode love you guys wish you all the best for all of you and con man asked Tom about him making tom style mead that i suggested a while ago on twitter fuck everything god is dead tom what did you make with tom style mead uh no i was talking about maybe starting to distill my own whiskey i think is what he's what he's referencing i don't getting some tommy goss sour mash yeah i don't i don't remember receiving that tweet but maybe he sent it i also have bad memory but maybe he sent it to the other Topgoss, which would be funny to me.

Also, I can see on your face you don't remember. No, no, I remember. I know what he's talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, if you don't remember, if you could print out the tweet and mail it to Tom. That is the best way to reach me. Actually, no, I don't really open my mail.

I was about to say, you don't open your text messages. I can't imagine you open your mail. I't open much i'm more of a closed guy the amount of times that you've been on your way over and i've had several things where people have texted me like hey can you make sure tom looks at this yeah that's fair which i have a thing to show you 973 unread texts holy shit oh my god yeah well everyone wants something from me tom it's dave chapelle you want to open for me dave chapelle doesn't have my i didn't give him my number i was just trying to come up with an opportunity you would have missed yeah no i might have missed opportunity i think so. Yeah, that's it for the emails.

Do you have the voice file things, or should I go to the voicemails? We can maybe do those last. Okay, I need that cord. Gotcha. Well, I got the voicemail hookup here, which I definitely had open already. Hey, me boys. It's TJ from London again. So, I just had a very fun Halloween weekend.

It's a shame I couldn't make it to the Halloween show, but I'm working on making my way to you guys. So, yeah, my weekend. I was basically doing my Dungeon Monster job over the weekend at two separate parties.

Both were a lot of fun. He's so British, it's a disability. I'm picking up every eighth word here. I understand. He was bummed he couldn't make the show. I got that. I'm sure though. But like, I'm probably going to be posting the pictures

in the fucking Naked Pink children discord so yeah you'll get to see a bit of the action that i've been having this weekend just vlogging stuff no penetration not much penetration i don't think yeah um what else what else oh yeah self-promotion I am tj

underscore announcing on instagram that's t-i-j-a-y underscore a-n-a-n-s-i follow me

I need I need to pick up more followers so that I can actually start getting myself famous

doing this shit because I'm gonna be I'm gonna do shit because I'm going to be I'm going to do porn and I'm going to be amazing so yeah help me out boys fuck everything I think this is the picture

he's talking about it seems to be him wearing bunny ears and spanking a chick yeah this gentleman has posted a lot of pornography in our Discord. If you'd like to see him get his dick sucked, go pop over to the Discord server. I find it so weird that that's a part of our fucking... Yeah.

That's a part of the universe of the show. That's what we do. It just happened one day and wasn't really my plan. It happened so organically, too. Nobody was like, why are we doing this uh all right let's uh are you still scrolling through the part or should we go to the next voice i you know i don't really necessarily need to watch every i don't go in that part of the discord well the there's a lot of there's a lot of big dicks and part of me is like wow that's

good photography but i also just don't like seeing a bunch of dicks. It's not really your bag. It's not. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not. I'm not into the bags of dicks, but I appreciate you using our platform to follow your dreams. I think it's neat. And I think I'm good for him.

You know what? Everybody go post some more nudes. I wish every porn star had a funny. I'm going to put when we're done recording. I'm gonna put my dumb dick in there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right.

Well, now I really don't want to remove Discord from computer. All right. Let's keep this goofy-ass accent train rolling. Hey, Mean Boys. This is Finance Moog calling from Chicago. I guess you already done figured it out. Anyway, it was great to see you all at Halloween. It was such a fun show.

I mean, the show was great. I thought it was maybe a little light on dog fucking stories, but beyond that, it was so much fun. Also, Tom looked great. Hair on fleek, beard on fleek. He looked like a Care Bear was brought by, I don't know,

Puddle of Mud or like sponsored by some other... He said you looked like a Care Bear was part I don't know, puddle of mud or like sponsored by the mudder. Wait, what was it? What was he saying? He said you looked like you have a Care Bear was part of puddle of mud. That's a savage burn. But he said it in the best way ever, which was a puddle of mud. There's a grave for two reasons. One, that's hilarious.

And two, even though what you said was 100% accurate and very funny, in my head I go, puddle of mud had long hair. That's not accurate at all. Your mudtism. Anyways, I was calling because you had this guy saying

that he was trying to beat addiction or something like that. And Tom gave me a great advice saying that like if you want to like kind of get out of it, you have to just find different avenues like to spend your time. And coming from a community that is known to double in drugs, aka the sex, let me tell you, the environment that you're in, is definitely a factor. So yeah, I was right to join a gym or something like that.

Which brings me to my second point, that is, I play volleyball, or gay volleyball, whatever. I play gay volleyball. There's no such thing as heterosexual volleyball. You know what we call straight volleyball? Football. For receivers.

So it seems like the guy knows his way around a bomb and a key probably. So if you want to join here in Chicago, why not? I mean, we are open to allies. So... Oh, it's a gay team. They're all're all gay he has a gay volleyball team he's encouraging the guy who's trying to stop doing heroin to come be on his gay volleyball team in a different state

i swear to god if that actually happens it would make a great move i will retire from entertainment because it will be the greatest thing we could have possibly done it would be yeah the wait how do we factor into this we We brought those two forces together. Oh, they both like the show? Yeah, they both called into the voicemail. He's responding to a voicemail from before. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Sorry, I got lost in the sauce. Oh, you're good. I got lost in the, oh. Oh, the sultry whoppery. I think I was wondering, what do you plan to do when Mean Boys is done for this run? Do you have any project

that you are planning to pursue or like, this is just like a happy parenthesis, but there's nothing planned for the future, because I always like I eat up anything y'all make, so I'm always looking forward to your projects.

Yeah. Well, can't wait to hear from y'all. I hope the translator or Google voicemail or whatever didn't distort too much because of my accent. God, everything, fuck is dead. God, is that Jesus? I almost had a stroke. Bye. God, everything, fuck is dead Jesus I almost had a stroke Bye God everything fuck is dead

Thanks for calling Finance Book You're one of the good ones Fucking I don't know if you guys have Look with your fucking heartwarming White savior soccer team fantasy Thing Requiem for a dream meets the mighty ducks scenario

you've got going on yeah the whole dead poet society with fucking gay sports i i love just like a a floor florida man tries to get sober by joining gay volleyball team the movie yeah that either that either ends is like a totally heartwarming disney story or with like a quadruple murder like because he he needs something in his life that's not drugs yeah yeah and that could be the ball like alcohol alcohol isn't drugs it's a spirit um as far as like projects post this i don't really have anything like i have stuff i want to do but it feels weird to like tell you guys about a bunch of stuff i may be thinking about doing and then not do it yeah that's the thing it's kind of like hard to i don't know you don't want you don't want to say

something and then like not have it ever happen because that always bums i'm a fan of people so when kanye west says i'm putting on an album called yandi and then he doesn't do it i'm like but what was the album exactly you know like so i don't i don't really want to do that to you yeah i would stay you know stay around keep your eyes on the social media stuff and you know we'll fucking we'll definitely post about shit when we start doing stuff but we're all uh we're all poking around and doing doing things i've gone forever that's true thomas ghost yeah i'm moving to some cow old cowboy town where you know rags are are the biggest commodity and everyone's dirty.

Jerk off to leather. Rags are the biggest commodity. Well, this is a rag town since 1883. It's been a rag town. In a rag town, he who controls the towels controls the minds of the public. I wasn't going to leave a voicemail

um and then i got to thinking about it uh wait who is this is this alexis yes it's rebecca the bitch uh not alexis oh you know everyone just keeps mentioning uh their friends having miscarriages or miscarriages and i'm like oh yeah my best friend did have a miscarriage and then i looked back to when you guys announced that your show was was going on hiatus and it was like right around when my car got stolen and a couple months after that that's actually a hit he's gonna make it his holy life's mission to get me fired from my job. That was a guy who went by the nickname The Felon. He didn't succeed.

But once that job ended, I got an unemployment application lost in the ether of unemployment mess for like 11 months. And I was locked in in COVID with a heroin addict. in the ether of unemployment mess for like 11 months. And I was locked in and COVID with a heroin addict. And I mean, I'm just, you know, every bad, I'm just realizing it's all your fault. And now that this 10 episode run is coming to an end,

I just, you know, I got to prepare myself for everything to go to shit again. So, uh, you know, thanks for, uh uh secretly controlling the quality of the lives of all of your fans through this podcast i love that the fan the fan trajectory

for us are you fucking done lady wait did she say bitch she said what oh i thought she threw a too short down no and in the beginning we were losers that they pitied then we were like their fun friends and now she's like now that you're gods who control my like what uh yeah if i had this power i would make something better for me yeah i didn't know we had to go away to make you guys miss us yeah i glazed over listening to your shitty life but there's a gay volleyball team that i think will fix everything yeah if you can get to what state is that illinois i almost said chicago that's not a state yeah illinois illinois okay yeah mean boys fan meetup this dude's volleyball team all you gotta do is suck one cock and you're on the team we okay i so it's we get the guys volleyball team. Or eat one pussy, sorry.

Guys volleyball team. You gotta do one of each. Now the Italian man has to train a random assortment of Mean Boys fans. He's no longer on the team. If that team beats the gay volleyball team, Mean Boys is back for another 10 episodes. Okay, yeah.

We're doing the mean boys gay volleyball invitational for the next three years if we're gods to you then why don't you do the fucking olympics bitch if we do a one-day festival in chicago that's just like a live podcast stand up book like two of the bands who listen to us and do a volleyball tournament that would be fun a lot of fun tom Goss doing color commentary. Very little knowledge of volleyball. It's mostly just him talking about bears. No, bro. I know way too much about volleyball.

You really? No. You sounded so sad. No, it's a simple game. It's all about up and down. Yep. Up and down. Hey, me boys.

Long time caller. First time listener, long time caller. Yeah, you know what I'm trying to say. But yeah, so I've been listening to you since I was in high school and now I am a grad school grad school about to be a teacher

I guess the question I have for you one how does that passage of time make you feel and two how what is something how does it make you feel to have someone who is educating the youth of the future who grew up listening to you make you feel? All right. Thanks.

Bye. Yeah, that's weird to consider. That's pretty cool. It's very cool, but it's very odd. I hope you didn't listen to anything I said. Yeah, don't tell them any of the ideas we had. Yeah. How does the passage of time make me feel? didn't listen to anything i said yeah yeah don't tell them any of the ideas we had yeah uh how does the passage of time make me feel well yeah i don't know when when we started doing the show in what

2015 in the late 2015 yeah something like that uh so that'll make it about exactly eight years ago yeah you know i was a struggling comedian and now eight years later i'm a struggling comedian so it makes me feel pretty bad yeah now i'm a struggling bouncer so it makes me feel pretty bad. Yeah, now I'm a struggling bouncer. I was fat and less funny than Connor, and now I am fat and less funny than Connor. Yeah. No, that's not true. I enjoy... You're obese.

I'm morbidly less funny. Yeah, it's weird when our listeners have... I was going to say, it's weird when our listeners have better jobs than us to say it's weird when our listeners have better jobs than us, but that's half of them. That's anyone who has a job who listens. Also, I don't know if you've heard what it's like to be a teacher. I don't know if he has a better job than us. You can get shot anywhere.

You can get shot while podcasting. Yeah, at least you have a metal detector. I don't have a metal detector. I thought you guys had a metal detector. No. Oh, don't act like it's the stupidest fucking thing I ever did. No, I have to. No.

Thomas did detect every piece of metal himself. Yeah. I'm the metal detector. Keith, I'm the metal detector. No, that's fucking cool. Congrats on becoming a teacher. Yeah, that's crazy. Corrupt those youths.

Yeah, but like in a fun way. Yeah. Porn state state game state what's up meme boys um just listening to your last episode and uh turn by turn signal on

people calling from cars that's cool where the fuck do you think I listen to you man in bed just like sitting at home? What are you fucking talking about?

This is for my commute. Fucking fuck you. Fuck you. Anyway, just calling because my crackhead sister just had her second stillborn fetus removed. This is why we don't think you have a car. Yeah. So here in Canada, what happens when that happens

is they make you name... Hello? Fuck everything. God is clearly dead, and I'm at work, bitch. Damn. First of all... It cut off part of that, yeah.

I love an I'm at work bitch but i gotta hear the end of this story yeah i i'm guessing it's like texas where you have to you have to name your miscarriage that's what he was getting to yeah oh that's yeah it didn't it wasn't a phone glitch it's like his phone cut out yeah oh okay no they they do that in texas it's fucking it's fucked i'll name it after the guy who made me name it. Yeah, that's fucking. That's funny. You got to give it a name. What's your name?

John. Baby John. I don't wish that this happens to anybody listening, but I'm just saying there's no rule that says you couldn't name it the fudge lord. But yeah, no, I want to hear the end of that story. So call in for the next episode and leave us a voicemail Yeah

Every baby is a fudge lord What's up? Every baby is a fudge lord Yeah, wait, oh yeah, I guess so No, those are butt babies No, that's a volleyball team Biggity Bob, how did we forget Biggity Bob in the Mount Rushmore? Oh yeah, Biggity Bob

He's a Liggety legend It's Biggity Bob. How did we forget Biggity Bob in the Mount Rushmore? He's a Liggety legend. It's Biggity Bob calling from a truck stop in Milan, New Mexico. Calling to shed some light onto your earlier debate. In the episode, you guys were talking

about a knife that shoots being in Call of Duty. And it is, in fact, a real thing called a ballistic knife. And they are very illegal in the United States for people that aren't law enforcement or military to own. So there's that. And then also to know that next episode is going to be the last one just truly sucks but i'm hoping that you guys do the

uh april fools you know andrew dice clay ha ha we're actually going to record a whole bunch more i'm hoping for that in my morbidly obese autistic way so there does Dice have anything to do with that? I think he's talking about when we faked that we booked Dice, but we actually dropped the Mean Boys, or the Nice Boys. We're actually selling Mean Boys to Andrew Dice Clay. And still, I have yet to meet Tom Gus. So,

maybe that'll happen at some point. Trust me, it's not as exciting as you think it is. Anyways, Ballistic Night. it's pretty exciting they do exist and uh you're probably never going to see one unless you meet someone who's law enforcement or military or a criminal which is entirely possible one or two or all three so anyways fuck everything god is dead and uh oh one more thing i also joined the ranks of the rest of the long lost listeners that did happen to get divorced however i'm still with her we are technically legally divorced but we are still cohabitating and still maintaining a relationship

it's just we're divorced on paper so you know chalk one up i guess another statistic uh anyways fuck everything god is dead of course the common law divorce you know he's committing tiggity tax fraud have ballistic knives do they have ballistic anecdotes could i get an exciting explosive story perhaps i feel like you hear that story the other way around usually where it's like well we're still together but we're or we're not divorced but we're not like fucking or anything and he's like no we're still gonna fuck we're just getting fake divorced so yeah or they could be fucking and not love each other i think marriage is about love true so congrats on your sexless or loveless sex.

Hey, guys. This is Scamdroll over here in Orange County. Hey, love to follow me. Love you guys. Just listened to the last episode. You guys were like, oh, yeah, next episode's your last episode. I was like, shit. I haven't been meaning to call you guys since, like,'s your last episode. I was like, shit, I haven't been able to call you guys since like

the first new episode. And so like, I was like, ah damn, I gotta call them. Fuck, I'm in the car. Now you guys are gonna make fun of me for that. But yeah, love to see you guys on Halloween. It's cool to see Fifi and everybody and Andrea and Jordan. But

yeah man, so happy to see you guys are back. Sad to see you go again. Last question. What does cum taste like? Never tried it. But always been curious. Anyway, love you guys.

Hopefully you guys are back in like another couple years and I can ask you another question. Another important question. Anyway, I'll put another motorist at risk. What does cum taste like? I've decided it tastes like yogurt that's egg-flavored. Yeah, I feel like it just sort of tastes like, I don't know.

But runny. Snot plus would be the best i always said they taste like snozzberries it's salty like it's like really you do you need to come it tastes like cum i tried it once because i'm like if i'm gonna if girls are gonna swallow my cum i should know what they're getting into it's very uh very progressive mind yeah i'm a hero yeah you can just go down on them. That's an equal trade-off. I do that, too.

I'm not going to sample my cub just to be like... But I was like, oh, this is actually... When I had my own cub in my mouth, I was like, oh, this actually is not that bad at all. Yeah, it's like super chill. Also, there's no taste buds on the forehead. Wow, that was one of your best quotes. taste buds on the forehead. Wow. That was one of your best quotes.

That's a t-shirt at Spencer Gifts. There's no taste buds on your forehead. Hell yeah, brother! Hee-hoo! Hey, Mean Boys. Like I say, welcome back. Missed you guys. See you in Japan.

Went off the air. You know, life's been pretty good to me so far. Got some good promotions at work. You know, the wife and I got into pegging. A few other odd things around the house got finally fixed. Connor thoroughly enjoyed the special. And Keith and Tom, I'd love to see another hour from you guys. Keep it up, everyone.

Thanks. That was a perfect phone call. Yeah. We get a lot. Look, I love you all, but some of you are fucking mush mouth ramblers. Hello. Don't worry about who I am. What's important is I'm going to fuck my wife.

My job's going great. I enjoy your comedy. Goodbye. Yeah. Wow. It was a very efficient conversation. Bravo. Peg it up.

Yeah, I'll do another hour at some point. Maybe. Thanks for watching this, Bish. I'm actually going to take my last hour back. Get rid of it. conversation bravo peg it up uh yeah i'll do another hour at some point maybe thanks for watching this bash i'm actually gonna take my last hour back get rid of it you're aborting comedy yeah all right mean boys short bus murphy again hey hey never thought i'd get another chance to be saying about you guys that i never expected you to actually come back wondering if fans are gonna like look at this run of yours like the way you look at when a 70s classic

rocker puts out an album in the 90s and the real heads are like, nope, actually, that's their best work, honestly. Either way, thank you guys for the laughs. Hope it's not the last time, but you know you got a fan for life in my dumb hippie ass. So, yes, the only important question left to ask is human centipede the avengers which two and what position all right peace okay um you have the best voice of anybody who calls us oh fuck what was i gonna say doesn't matter. Fuck. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. No, no, no. It doesn't matter.

Okay. I'm going to go... Well, Ant-Man, so he's only really a little tiny on your butthole. Yeah. So he's barely even... He's just like a fly on your asshole. Well, the smart move would be to put Ant-Man in the middle, because then he can shrink down, and then you guys are all free oh yeah there you go like sever the tie or whatever it'd probably rip my the lips off my face but whatever yeah you're and you're losing your lips in a human

centipede that's a that's a good deal yeah you'd say i had to be the human centipede so i'm gonna say ant-man hulk and thor i think that was the implication is that you're in there that's why i don't imply shit i don't care about the other ones. I'm getting Doctor Strange and I'm putting with the front so we can go abrica unfuck this and fix it. Well, there's every Avenger is magical enough. Like what Captain America could use a super strength to flex

his ass off your face. I guess I'm yeah, I guess I'm missing the spirit of the game, but is it the one that wanted sucker turds the most who's the hottest? Let me think Black Widow I that wanted sucker turds the most who's the hottest let me think black widow i would yeah i would eat her turds yeah i'm just gonna go in the front i'm just gonna go in the front and then i don't really care it's behind oh that's right i'm in the middle is like the worst one yeah you can pick isn't that the only one that lives in the

movie though none of them live in the movie oh i guess they don't show them die but the implication is they're all going to die. Gotcha. The front guy kills himself, and then the Batgirl dies of poop poisoning. So then it's just left in this house in the middle of nowhere, where it's just the middle girl who can't move. Gross. God. Yeah.

People like this movie? Kind of? Hey, Mean Boys. This is, well, I'm sure you already guessed it. This is Finance Mook calling from Chicago. Since it's the last episode, I'll try to speak very slowly and enunciate all my words. Let's see how this plays out. Apologies in advance.

I'm not calling from my car. I do believe in assimilating to the ruling culture. Unfortunately, I live in Chicago, so you wouldn't be able to hear me over the sound of blaring sirens and overall state of constant emergency. Tom, your vehicle to work the talent is completely warranted. I have no idea what I just said. I'm rewinding it.

...culture. Unfortunately, I live in Chicago, so you wouldn't be able to hear me over the sound of blaring sirens and overall state of constant emergency. Tom, your vitriol towards Italians is completely warranted. Vitriol towards Italians. I think I can sanction that. I'm going back to see my family in a month or so, and I'm already doing mental key goals to kind of preserve myself. To be surrounded by a sea of 5'4", hairy, loud, lunatic bagels 24-7.

So I feel your pain. Y'all going away and then coming back. I'm just going to pause real quick. He kind of sounds like NoHo Hank. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. I love NoHo Hank. Just a little bit like an estranged father coming back into your life

because he has cancer and then going away again after he's in remission i don't know maybe this is two persons that's just me but they're going to help withdraw like the the connection over like over the past few years i've tried so hard like three of my friends to listen to the podcast um but i'm going to help and notice that their respect for me waned a little bit after they listened to the first 10 minutes of an episode but honestly that's pretty mutual because if you

cannot find a running bit about a lady fucking a dog mesmerizing or compelling at all then maybe you don't really have comedy in your heart and i should start rethinking my inner circle uh the last thing i promise i'll leave you alone for a little bit um like i don't know what you've done with the podcast to me it's pretty unparalleled i spend most of my days either prepping slides

or correcting exams of very fucking rich kids that will eventually go on to financially and morally bankrupt this country, kind of like Aaron style. And I've listened to my Fair Shore podcast and stuff to find something

that matches me in terms of effort and eclecticness, if that's a word. I don't know. Call me crazy, but there's something very compelling about, like, what's the hottest Pokemon or, I don't know, some Boston move, like, talking somebody off suicide or something like that. Yeah. So, that's pretty much it. Thank you for the...

Fuck, it cut me off. Maybe I was thinking too long. Whatever. Thank you for the 10 episodes fixed. This was extremely fun, especially the live mean voice at the third wheel. And yeah, fuck everything. Mean Boys is dead.

Thanks, bud. Wow, that was a very, very sweet voicemail. I want to know how much it would cost to hire him to narrate my life like David Attenborough. We see Tom is making a peanut butter toast. And then Tom, he'll run into the house. He'll have to take a shit. So on the podcast, he will wait. This is not a good accent no not really Mexican and Watto I love shirt buses analogy analogy of

us being a 70s band that did one reunion album that's actually kind of good because I'm the guy who's always like it's actually kind of good yeah like the b-52s did that with uh they made an album called funplex in 2006 fucking Fucking kicks ass. Yeah. All right, we got two more. Thank you, Mr. Mook. Mr. Mook. Hey, y'all. My name is Mike.

I'm here in Dallas, Texas. But I guess my question for y'all is, if you could hunt one cryptid, which one would it be? Fucking timeless question. Anyway, love you guys and uh thank you for doing another limited run on what a cryptid like bigfoot sounds like a loctus monster my answer is tom no bigfoot all the way being the guy who bagged the first bigfoot that's like being the neil armstrong for crazy people yeah like i can i can automatically speak at any conspiracy

theory convention for the rest of my life if you catch the first bigfoot and bigfoot seems like the most catchable he seems this yeah right we know enough about him that like he's slipping and we got to be deforesting the place quick enough where we like we got to be zeroing in on him yeah i got family in the northwest like i can stay somewhere i can have like a base operations yeah i'm going bigfoot as well i'd say chupacabra just because it seems like the most dangerous see that's exactly why i don't want to hunt chupacabra but if i succeed you can be the the coolest guy at the conspiracy con yeah like yeah did you see that guy who caught the chupacabra he makes the bigfoot guys look gay as hell. Those Bigfoot guys are pussies.

A big net? What the fuck does a scooby do? Tom fucking stabbed that chupacabra to death with his bare hands. He bit three of his fingers off. Also, you can make chupa jerky afterwards. That's what you're going to kill it for? It's jerky? There's people like, we got to study this. This is amazing.

Thank you so much. And you're like, no, no so much And you're like no no no I'm smoking it I've gotta make the worst kind of meat Ah shit Alright we got one more Oh or a mermaid What's up mean boys It's Andrew Hillary And Kyle Clark

And Anna Valenzuela your fucking mom Yeah that's right. You're in trouble. What the fuck is up? Good run. Good run. I'll say it. Good run.

Wait, they're done already? They're done. Thanks for paying so much attention, Anna. Before you go, I want you to do my, uh, Connor, I want to talk to my Muppet pimp. Uh, you know who I'm talking about. And also, Carnock, I took your dick do my, uh, Connor, I want to talk to my Muppet pimp. Uh, you know what I'm talking about? And also Cardock. I took your dick. Actually,

I went, we're all riled up after a lovely brunch. Fuck you. Anyways, uh, we love you and, we'll see you in another year. Whenever you decide nothing else will ever feel as good as this again.

Fuck everything. Wait, this is what you think feels good? It's jarring hearing joy. I don't want to fuck you. Wait, sorry, what was that? God is dead. And Keith, I don't want to fuck you. I don't want to fuck you.

The feeling's mutual, you old bitch. Shut your mouth, demon-sucking Muppet bitch. Your dusty clam is foul. Thanks for calling. Yeah, thanks, guys. Nice to hear from you. It's weird hearing joy in one of these voicemails. Yeah.

You don't hear a bunch of laughter. Usually what I picture is just a guy, he's sitting in a living room, and there's like a couch you get for free. And then he's got like two of room and there's like a couch you get for free and and then he's got like two of those milk crates turned over yeah and there's a little caesar's box that's open on one of the milk crates and there's a few pieces of pizza left and some crust yeah and there's a tv on and it's just the like the hulu screen and uh it's then there's no other light right and he's just sitting on this like disgusting couch yeah calling us now like i'm in a car with friends on our way to hope yes yeah we're all amped up

from brunch you know at a funeral when a bunch of people thought it was like a house party what you know all those words keith can you pass me the ox yes uh it's like one of those social gatherings were so okay that was like i went to a a house party and i was like oh fuck yeah let's get turned so i drink a water bottle filled with vodka i showed up and everyone was like drinking wine and eating chimichanga and like it's just like the wrong energy yeah that was kind of what that was about to puke out of fire yeah yep that was that that was that night now for i don't know why we get these but we do get these and i want to say right now if we ever do this show again we don't want these yeah no more of this but some people send us

voicemails that it's just an audio attachment instead of calling the number and maybe you can't call the number if you can't call the number like i'll try to play your thing it might be a international dude exactly what's up it's the international dude bonjour motherfucker hey mean boys it's great to have the show back even if it's only for a limited time i got into mean boys after it died so it's all kind of strange to have you riff on events that aren't years out of date anyway last episode you spoke about some of your weirder moments being recognised and such. Given the audience, I imagine most of the interactions are a little unusual.

But what interaction has been your favourite? I imagine there's been some fun ones. Anyway, nice to have the podcast back, and it sounds like you're enjoying doing it, which is even better. Cheers. Chapter nine. Ron Weasley. And I know I said Shortbus had a good voice earlier.

Shortbus sounds like shit. This guy has the best voice. Why was that audio quality so high? It was kind of turning me on. I was like, wow, there's something sensual about this. I take back all the complaining we just did. We only want these calls from now on. Only international sexy accent phone attachments.

What was the Atlantic puffin? He was talking about us getting recognized. Yeah, I was just listening to the sultry sound of his voice. What the fuck did he say? Anyway, nice to have the podcast back, and it sounds like you're enjoying doing it. From the audience, I imagine most of the interactions are a little... Oh, fan interactions.

But what interaction has been your favorite i imagine there's been some fun ones my favorite fan it's like i'm doing a guided meditation his voice is so perfect is this generated by ai this seems fucking sounds like it does yeah it's so crisp maybe someone doesn't want us to know who it is i loved uh would you spray paint my dead dad's jacket that was great that's an all-timer that's a good one uh obviously meeting the people that had tattoos of us was pretty sweet yeah tom creeping on tom getting the whole crew who came with after the the milwaukee show to creep on me while i was making out with that girl outside you were making out with that girl

everybody just there was a big fucking window in the bar. So I was like, hey, everybody, follow me. And we all just stared at him. It's like 30 guys who look like Tom. Like a shitty version of that movie, The Birds. Oh, I know what my favorite is. It was Gina in Chicago who came right after her mom's funeral. We forgot about her for the Mount Rushmore. Yeah.

Oh, God. Yeah, that's true. I'll never forget her. Whenever a Mean Boys fan came to a stand-up show, it always meant a lot to me. Just because... I mean, it means a lot when you guys come out to Mean Boys, too, but it meant a lot to me because

this is not the thing that you guys listen to every week, and I want to be doing a different thing. uh it was cool that you guys would come out and let me do that thing for you guys so that always like that's not one specific thing well that's if you ever came to just one of my stand-up shows especially if connor and keith wasn't there so i couldn't do brain gymnastics to be like they just came for conotter and Keith even as they're telling you no we like you yeah I don't listen to words but yeah that that always meant a lot as a whole

I'm trying to think like there's so many little like like remember when I think it was Fanny sent us mugs because we only had one mug oh yeah the great bug and we said have you seen the Ramsey walked in and said the great line have you seen the mug I think it was Fanny sent us mugs because we only had one mug. Oh, yeah. The great mug reply. And we said, have you seen... Ramsey walked in and said the great line,

have you seen the mug? Yeah. Fucking Nashville Wheels sending us the boxes during COVID of all the little treats. It was super cool. And just meeting him and doing that fucking tour we did. It was kind of a gnarly tour by the ending. Hanging out with that stranger in the van ended up being a real heartwarming experience yeah that

was like the most perfect like all i ever wanted this show to be was like what if comedy could kind of be like being in a punk band and that's the closest we ever got yeah yeah or that night at denny's which one was the denny's one we did a podcast sorry i'm all spaced out yeah denny's one. We did a podcast. Oh, sorry. I'm all spaced out. Yeah. Denny's was an all time. The amount of people who ran out on the bill. Oh yeah. Yeah.

That's a great mean boys fan. We know that Denny's money. Oh yeah. Fucking another dash. More specific. Nashville thing is when he started screaming at me cause they didn't have Tapatio at a waffle house. Yeah.

You were, you got lit up pretty good. Yeah. brought up great points yeah the point was they did not have tapatio yeah i mean truly this is super cornball but like just any time any of you guys have like said that the show meant something to you or whatever it means more to me than like pretty much anything else i've ever done yeah it's same oh i remember in detroit there was a guy who uh like you guys signed this it's for my sister she couldn't be here tonight like oh yeah where's your sister's like she's seven he's like just he was fucked up oh i thought he was like banking on us to get really famous so one day he could like sell it for a college i have no idea he was very he was very drunk us to get really famous so one day he could sell it for a college fund or something. I have no idea. He was very drunk and maybe tweaking. I don't know.

This will be worth a lot when you guys are assassinated. I felt like about half the audience at the Detroit show was on hard drugs. The Detroit show was a weird energy. I love the Detroit show. It was fun, but it felt odd. Yeah. In terms of weird ones, I mean, in terms of like genuinely weird, it's usually just like, oh, you're clearly on a lot of drugs.

I remember a genuinely weird one was in Portland. The guy who couldn't pay for a ticket, it was like, well, can I just come in? And we're like, no. He's like, okay, I'm just going to come in. I don't remember that. I don't remember that either. Oh, yeah. It was like, I'm not dealing with this.

One of my favorite moments is we'd always joke that every time we saw a skinny guy with a fat girlfriend walking up, it was one of our fans. Yeah. Is when one of our fans put us up at their house and we walk into the house and me and Keith both just see a Torrid catalog

on the counter at the exact same time. And we keep each other this knowing look and we have to not laugh in this guy's face for some reason you know that's what i was thinking about the other day is uh and this is sort of like i think when i really first started wrapping my head around like how specifically bizarre our fan base is is we did uh we did san diego and you had the idea connor of like doing like oh let, let's pick a Mean Boys fan, and let's interview them, and that'll be like a new segment is let's get to know a Mean Boys fan. Oh, I didn't even remember this.

We talked to Orion. And Orion fucking, dude, if you're listening, you rule, but your shit was like so much heavier and rawer than we expected. Connor's just like, I don't think we can air that. Oh, dude, how did we forget Orion? Yeah. He came to Halloween. Yeah, no no i fucking love all right he's doing much he's doing he's doing a lot better now than when we met him eight seven years ago yeah

he's got overalls now he does have overalls dude you can't you go buy those gave me some duck feathers i will say it's like he did he did it the last all of me that's not like a euphemism like it's just no he's like from a duck he's like i know you love birds these are some feathers from one yeah it would be nice to be popular don't get me wrong like i would make more money if i was popular i could sure act out my ideas more easily if i was popular but there's something really nice about being on a first name basis with your entire fan base it is pretty rad like it is fun like okay i know i know about your stupid lives yeah and your stupid hopes and uh vice versa yeah it's cool it's like a small town god if we made this a town if we tried to like have that disney

do that do the owen benjamin thing where we start a compound it would be the most terrifying compound in the history of like compounds yeah we could we could fucking do some time traveling fuck you up to charlie manson i think there'd be a lot of really creepy looking guys that were actually nice when you get to know them i think that would be a big problem at our at our um like a compound 100 it's like this guy looks like he's gonna kill everybody but he's just he's he loves gundam you know he's fine once they put down the pitchfork and start talking about warhammer like you're not gonna have a problem yeah exactly was that the uh the last of the voice more do we have anymore we have one more it's i saved this for last because he says got laid for the first time in three years let's go hey mean boys just

thought i'd let you know i got laid for the first time in three years. Let's go. Hey, Mean Boys, just thought I'd let you know I got laid for the first time in three years in Berlin last night. No, she did not speak English. So let's hear what he has to say. Hey, Mean Boys, this is Mike. Just Mike. I don't want anybody to know I listen to this weird fucking show. I mean, I love it, but you get it. Anyway, I just want to let you know that I got laid for the first time in three years last night, and it was pretty awesome.

Just Mike. Just Mike. Just a little back story. My girlfriend of almost a decade broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day 2020. And I don't know if you guys kept up with the news, but shit got weird after that. Anyway, fast forward. I'm in Berlin. I'm at a club. I'm talking to this girl. We get each other's numbers. And I'm pretty, you know, I'm in Berlin. I'm at a club. I'm talking to this girl. We get each other's numbers. And I'm pretty, you know, hammered at the time. But it's cool.

We text back and forth. It's flirtatious. Finally decide to hang out. Turns out I vastly overestimated her ability to speak English. First text it. Maybe she was translating or something. I don't know. But she aggressively did not speak

english and we basically were catching like every 15th word from each other anyway it goes pretty well she comes back to my place uh and while we're on the way to my place she looks at me and in perfect english says i can't decide if you're a Kemper or a Bundy. The best English she had all night. I can't decide if you're a Kemper or a Bundy, which I thought was pretty objectively funny, but, you know,

my sense of humor is weird, I guess. Anyway, if you've never stood at 6am in a German grocery store looking at a clerk who does not speak English and trying to mime what a condom is? Fuck a girl who randomly decided to pierce your ear without your consent in the middle of the night.

Yes. I guarantee it's a little weirder than you're thinking. Anyway, love you guys. Fuck everything. God is dead. You don't want people to know that you listen to our show? Yeah. Show this show to the German girl.

Yeah, they love shit. That fucking kicks ass, dude. Congrats on the 69 Luftballons. Getting German ladies. Yeah, that fucking rules. Yeah, that's good for for you man yeah and i look forward to the next reunion finding out how she got pregnant and the baby imploded or whatever

my favorite detail is pierced my ears against my will in the middle of the night yeah is that such an awesome that's such an it's like that's got to go in the unhinged woman playbook now because it's so it's just good well that's really putting a positive spin on what ultimately happened, which is she stabbed me. Yeah. Yeah, that would be, if that happened to me, I don't know if I would be like,

I'd either be furious or be like, that's pretty hot that she did that. I think you'd be both and you'd be the horniest you've ever been. Yeah, like rage horny. Well, my ears are already pierced. There's a thin layer of skin covering the holes. Are your ears pierced?

Yeah. Oh. I can't believe I'm still learning new things about Tom. Yeah. We've got to get you one cool pirate earring. And I know just decide to put it on. Oh, well, this really should have ended with the voicemail that led into all of our heartfelt reminiscing about our many lovely fans.

We had to get some German pussy, dude. This guy nutted in a different continent. Yeah. Well, shit. What do we do? I mean, we got to sign off the show. Yeah. Look, I'm going to say this,

and we haven't really talked much about if we're going to ever do this again or if we're going to do more of it or whatever. We'll figure that out. If anything's going to happen, you guys will hear about it. I hope we do some version of this show again at some point just because I like doing it with you guys

and I like hearing from the whole crew. But if this is the last one we ever do, I'm glad we came back and did this fucking run. This was super fun. And I missed riffing with my friends and I missed hearing from you fucking weirdos. Oh, man. Keith, this is a problem you have when you're friends

with keith often it still sums something up so eloquently you have nothing to say that doesn't make you look like a jackass i'm sorry it just is just just fucking encapsulate the whole thing and be like now you go i'm like oh okay you know it'd be funny if you just said exactly what i said and then deleted me saying no i mean you guys don't have to say anything but no this is our last show it was a good show and it was great to reconnect with you guys because i i did miss the um the connection that we that we had and uh you know we've we've said it here uh already but um anybody who listens at all who says anything at all ever uh you made my day because i'm more proud of this than i'm proud of anything i've ever done in my life yeah um i'm so sorry the memory cards i think uh yeah i think um i i don't yeah i don't

know if uh we're going to uh hear from you guys you guys are gonna hear from us in the future but uh it's weird because i was waiting for someone to cut me off i've never actually hear from you guys. You guys are going to hear from us in the future. It's weird because I was waiting for someone to cut me off. I've never actually... Sorry. I feel bad for not doing that. Also, I like that we're going to the moon. You can still just follow us on Instagram.

We're not dead. Yeah. I haven't really posted on Instagram lately. Well, never mind. Don't follow tom on instagram no it's been fun uh it's been fun reconnecting with you guys and doing the show again and um it means a lot that so many of you were still listening after all this time because i wasn't expecting it yep all right fuck you okay fuck everything god is dead Fuck you. Okay. Fuck everything. God is dead. Psst.

228 episodes of Mean Boys. 228 hours of this goofy shit 228 shows and maybe 12 good ones It would be more, but for a while we quit It's Connors Autism It's Ramsey committing wire fraud It's Tom Goss and Bird Facts Keith and the Dog 228 goddamn episodes Mean boys How do you measure the worth of a pod? What about Fudge?

What about fudge? What about blood? What about dang old Jim Campbell doing parody of song from musical about the man he got the AIDS in his butt blood? This show's so dumb This show's so dumb 228 shows for factory workers 228 shows for Juggalo fans 228 times that we did the Dice Clay joke

That tour where we got diarrhea in Nashville Will's van It's jokes about 9-11 when Randall Z's lied It's voicemails we got about children that died it's time now to log off though the podcast never ends let's celebrate remember the merch we forgot to send this show's dumb so fucking dumb This fucking show is stupid Is my general thesis about the show But I like it and I like you guys

Son of a bitch I just realized we only did 226 episodes I don't want to re-record the whole song Fuck everything. God is dead.