Mean Boys - EP 227 - Bummer Sauce

Episode Date: September 11, 2024

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hey everybody welcome back to the mean boys podcast happy 9-11 i just wish pete davidson's dad could be here for this i I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Tom Goss. And I'm... A nicotine jack-o-lantern. Team Three Mean Boys, one less tooth. Yeah, so I have to acknowledge right off the bat that I lost a fucking tooth. And here's the problem is when we were doing this podcast before, all the time everyone was like,

Oh, you guys just ripped off Comptown. Oh, yeah. It doesn't fucking help. Now we're laughing. this podcast before all the time everyone was like oh you guys just ripped off come down oh yeah it doesn't fucking help now we're laughing you're by the way i you know i like i like that show stop's funny no disrespect keith carey's the greatest laughing fat guy in podcast history i have to spackle over my lack of talent with a lot of enthusiasm boy do you spackle and we're on youtube now so if you're listening and not watching go to youtube and you can see me take out my fucking tooth. Dude, that was so gnarly.

Yeah. That's the first time I've seen you do the full maneuver. You put it on top of your jokes. Look, I didn't plan to do that. Like a grandma about to give head. I literally had to say this. The original hot toot girl. I had to say the sentence,

hang on, let me take my tooth out so I can eat your pussy. Flicking the clip between the gaps. And it kind of whistled on the... I do like, this is one of my favorite things that ever happens when you were brushing your teeth, literally cleaning them,

repairing them, the act of making them better knocked one of them out of your head. Your teeth just jump out of your face like Chinese factory workers. Yeah, they're not teeth. They're jumping things. I got to grow a suicide net goatee.

Dude, I went to the fucking dentist. I was like, all right, what do we need to fix? And you saw the lady just going, that one, that one, that one, that one. There are 11 teeth. She's like, they're all a problem. And I'm like, which one should we fix first? And she's like, it doesn't matter. You're all fucked.

She just gives you a giant piece of paper and all caps. It says all of them and nothing else on it. I feel like I showed up to a wildfire with just a bottle of water. And I'm like, I'm ready to go. She's just like stapled a piece of paper to your face that said condemned by the city of Long Beach. What do you recommend? She's like a fucking time machine. Oh shit. Well hey we're

back and for the first time ever available to be injected directly into your eyeballs on video. And you can see us sweating. Yes you can really. Instead of hearing it. You can watch the floundering. I love that you guys are so fat we can hear you sweat.

We make the inside of your ears wet. Well, if you managed to make breathing loud, it would stand to reason. You can see on the YouTube, I'm wearing my Damned t-shirt, and I think, at least for me, this reunion was inspired at least partly by going to see the Damned with you guys. Oh, I thought you said it was going to be Damned

from the beginning. No, actually. No, this by going to see The Damned with you guys. Oh, I thought you said it was going to be Damned from the beginning. No, actually. No, this is going to roll. No, we went to Ride LA, the punk rock festival in Pomona. We had a great time. We saw, among other bands, The Damned. And we're like, just kind of taking a second to go, oh, fucking so cool. These guys are still joking around on stage since 1976.

And Tom goes, what'd you say? That's going to be us. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was like, that's going to be us someday. We're gonna be at a coffee shop in West Hollywood in front of seven people. Yeah, you said it's gonna be us, but at the Silver Lake Lounge. Yeah, yeah. What if nobody knew who the damned were? That'll be us.

And then they play the New Rose, which is like the best song on their first album, and Captain Sensible goes, here's one the Sex Pistols wish they wrote. Yeah, that rule. And I was like, yeah, here's a riff the Comptown Wishes they came up with. I could hear the sound of Reddit warming up

their call us a faggot engine. I saw them a few days later do a full set because I had such a great time at a little club in Pomona and Captain Sensible said after that song, tell Johnny Rotten to shove that one up his fucking pipe. Fucking a pipe is so charming. Yeah, it was like that part I really enjoyed.

But anyway, I saw that and I was like, fuck, dude. I hope it would be so kick-ass if we were doing like Fudge Lord and we're like 80, you know? Who knows how many teeth I'll have by then. Orion and Ryan Colby's ghost. Yeah, it wasn't right LA. It was no values named after your dental hygiene. Right LA, that's like 10 years old. Yeah, no, my favorite moment was we saw Jello by Afro,

and the whole time he was just playing like Motown, going, this is what real punk is. And a bunch of 60-year-old men were like, yeah. I really enjoy your Jello impression. Oh, I don't do impressions. We know this. Well, no, he said specifically, he's like, my music is weird because I listen to weird

things. I'm not afraid to go to the thrift store, bring something home and find out it's not very good because sometimes it's life changing. I love his evolution from one of the most like frightening, provocative men in American history to just like an Andy Rooney. Seriously, where he just goes in. here's why jackets used to be cooler. Killing the police is better on vinyl. But he would like go on that whole rant keep.

I'm expecting him to play something strange as fuck. He's a legitimately weird guy. And it's like Land of a Thousand Dances or In the Midnight Hour by Wilson Pickett. Like shit you've heard on the radio at William Tyson. I'm like, bro, I know about that. Here's something you're not going to hear at this punk rock festival

very often. A black guy's voice. Now listen to this Herbie Hancock D side. And then go see more 70-year-old white guys sing about skeletons.

Argelo is turning into the rat from Charlotte's Web very quickly. I had a deleted new name for Keith just because he is some terrific pig. I was going to say your jizz should be called Charlotte's Web. That's a little what we like to call in the business a teaser for new names later. Teaser for our upcoming segment.

We're coming soon. Get ready. In a world where we only came up with one new segment. We came up with like three and a half, dude. Don't even fucking put our fucking efforts down like that, bro. Get ready for some new segments that you guys are going to go, where's which of the following for? New names, old shit.

More sketches to fast forward through. Enjoy realizing they're not as good at voices as they think they are. To the max. We're back for at least 13 episodes. We picked up the show for 13 episodes. That's how much faith we had in ourselves. We should have said a press release to Deadline. Connor, Greenlight's Connor.

Big thumbs up. Oh no. Oh, our screen. Oh no. That's a much better background. Now you're watching Hulu Town. Everyone on YouTube goes, oh, I know this one unlike the last one.

If you get bored of the podcast, you can just be like, that's the car from Back to the Future. The whole time, you're going to be telling your AIDS jokes or whatever. And I'm like, I can watch up to four games at once with NFL Sunday tickets. Well, I'll be dipped. Trap will be streaming soon on Paramount+. I'll be dipped. I haven't heard that since I was reading like Bat.

My school had no money, so we'd read like the worst young adult novels from like 1923 called like the story of like when Timmy had a wagon and then didn't. Well, I'll be dead. My wagon got stole. Dude, I love old timey. My dad brought it back. I'm trying to bring it back. It's when someone says something condescending to you.

Just, well, neener, neener, gay lord. I don't know what type of me that is. I don't know. It's awesome when you picture a 68-year-old Buddhist who looks like a supervillain. Oh, he's like 77 now. Wow, dude, your dad looks good, bro. Or he's 74.

I don't know. He's old. I guess it's been about 10 years since I've seen him, so maybe I was about right. Yeah. He'll still scare you. Oh, dude, when I met Tom's dad, Tom's dad was fully convalesced

laying down in a fucking hospital bed unable to move he yelled at tom's brother shun so scarily i was pissing my pants i had nothing to do with the situation and i was so used to it i laughed at him getting yelled at and then was like why is connor shaking he was like he was like clean your fucking room and shun was like i just cleaned my fucking room man and your dad was like your room hasn't been cleaned since we fucking moved in here and i was like that's a dad bar dude that was dad bars well your brother is like terminally fucking chill so that's like the worst energy for a rage guy to have to battle against like in the pokemon it's like when water and lava come together in minecraft yeah well yeah he's so chill but when he was a bait like when he was a

two-year-old he was a fucking like he broke two people's noses and knocked out my sister's front teeth and now he's just like oh waves like he's so fucking it's really weird how i like that you think he was like a real piece of shit when he was two he was we actually we went on time out and converted to islam and really turned his life around not to nerd on you guys i have been getting into developmental psychology and i think they actually call this uh the reverse mike tyson where you start off very violent and then you become super kind of chill and wise and laid back that's actually kind of just Mike Tyson. Oh, yeah. I guess that's the straight Mike Tyson. Yeah. Well, you know, I got nothing.

Hey. Let's pack it up. 12 shows. We just fight. Anyway, the point is your brother committed a sex crime and owns a lot of pigeons. Speaking of sex crime, should we get into the Mexican joke?

Let's go. Let's do it. Do it. All right. I can. Are Mexican joke? Oh, let's go. Let's do it. Do it. All right. I can... I'll take us away. I really like my first joke. A Texas mother was arrested after she left her

22-month-old child to die in her car on one of the hottest days of the year, proving once and for all that Austin does not have the best barbecue. Keep 10 babies weird, man. I'm so sick of people thinking that like wearing plaid shirts and eating pork is a culture. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, Austin used to be weird, but it was weird. And like, wow, that weird looking girl has her tits out. I don't know what their deal is now. Yeah. I think I was went in like 2016 and I think I'd still totally missed it. I think't know what their deal is now. Yeah, I think I went in 2016 and I think I still totally missed it. I think it was, you know. Yeah, they just wear funny hats while they serve tacos.

It's not that weird. Yeah, it's just... It's like weird by Texas standards. Yeah, that's really... We'll think about it before you tie you to the truck. That's all it is. Alright. Four Indian men fucked and ate an endangered monitor

lizard. Halfway through, the lizard turned to camera and said, and they think I'm cold blooded. Well, Tom, we have a Mexican joke.

Oh, shit. Four men gang raped, killed and ate an endangered lizard in India. Now, the good news is the Indian lizard was reincarnated.

The bad news, it was reincarnated as a different lizard who got raped by five men. I like Tom's Flintstones core take. Where the animal has a really shitty job related to, you know. That's fair. I guess that's the last animal

I would fuck is a big, scarily dragon. We had a whole conversation about this. Yeah, they're related to the Komodo dragons. They're fucking really dangerous. You ain't got no pigs lying around? You ever look at a pig's pussy? It's a human's pussy, but more shit in it. Tom?

Or Connor? Sorry, that felt like something Tom would say. No, I've never looked at a pig's pussy. Well, you didn't grow up in Chino then, did you? They're all over the place. Yeah, I've never seen one. I always eat it with my eyes closed you wear a bib with a pig on it all right smugglers were caught trafficking five

million dollars worth of methamphetamine packaged to look like watermelons i think we can all agree it would be pretty fucking racist if they were smuggling crack. Not cool. Stick to the meth. Whenever I hear they put drugs in something clever or fun or wacky, I'm like, you should let them go. Because that's just cute. Right? You know what I mean?

Like, shouldn't they get points? They could just put it in, like, I don't know, a slave's butt. But no. We turned it into some wackity schmackity. It's sort of a cousin of the guy drunk drove all the way back to his fucking driveway. And then he got the DUI. Like, come on. You earned it.

You thought it was a watermelon, bitch ass. Don't be a fucking narco now. Four Indian men fucked an endangered monitor lizard. Could you imagine that lizard's babies? How hairy that lizard would be? Oh, man. Thought a lot of voices that I'm not gonna do.

Dr. Dre says he wants to join the U.S. archery team for the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles. It'll be the first Olympic archer to compete via drive-by. Drive-by archery. And with arrows.

Once only in Skyrim mods. Now on the Mean Boys podcast. Well, you know, it is 9-11. And I think I speak for all of us again. Our hearts and our prayers and our thoughts are always with our boys in black fighting overseas in Hamas. And they're kind of a sister branch um the taliban morality ministry has dismissed over 280 members of their security force for being unable to grow a beard they issued a further 150 stern warnings for quote failure to properly tarp up your bitch how long do you that an un-tarped bitch i just saw muhammad what is this if you're part of like

the taliban thing how long do you wait before you're like look we don't think the beard is coming i know you're saying this there is no this is a little fuzz yeah i i'm glad we didn't video the last run of the mean boys podcast because i don't want to spoil anything, but I could not be in the Taliban. Can't grow a beard. Oh. You can grow some shit on your face. You've got really a beard. I'm an option.

Four Indian men fucked and ate an endangered monitor lizard, but I'm going to do a joke about something else. Umpire James Hoy was seen wearing a Cosmo Kramer shirt under his uniform during an angels vs braves game which explains why he kept saying you're the n-word uh in related baseball news boston red sox outfielder jaron duggan was caught on a hot mic calling a heckler quote a fucking faggot he was immediately given an eight thousand dollar fine by major league baseball and a statue outside of fenway park by the people of boston was caught on a hot mic calling a heckler quote a fucking faggot. He was immediately given an $8,000 fine by Major League Baseball and a statue outside

of Fenway Park by the people of Boston. They're racist. Yeah, you know, that racial slur, the F word. Biologically, I consider them

a subgenus of humans. He then said, go back to Fagfrica. Tom, you're the resident animal expert on the program. Would you like to hear a sheep joke, a cricket joke, or a whale joke? I'm going to go whale. I wish you didn't go whale. I would never do a fucking joke like that, Keith.

A man was hospitalized off the south coast of Australia when he was hit in the face with a whale tail. As a smothering aficionado myself, I can think of no better way to die than taking a whale tail to the face. I would love if it was like we had to surgically remove Connor McSpadden's corpse from the world's largest black sex worker today. Like a claw machine. Like what they got Gilbert Grape's mom out of the house with.

Yes, yeah, exactly. Who's eating Gilbert Grape's mom? And she's just like, he only paid for a half hour. Well, the city gonna pay for this pussy there. My boy been stuck under my ass for three days. I thought I had to take a shit. I forgot he was down there. White boy been stuck under my ass for three days. I thought I had

to take a shit. I forgot he was down there. My fourth joke is always my bad joke. Weird that you wrote four fourth jokes. What are you talking about dude? Oh the shade. Bangers dude. Is it cooler in here? Austin barbecue. Crack

watermelon. They were all good. I'm just trying to keep the ball in the air. The Taliban one was like a B but you know it wasn't fucking bad. Alright everybody judge me now. A 94 year old man went viral for zip lining. After he finished the zip safely his balls arrived 14 seconds later.

It's like a tether ball. There's a guy with a catcher's bed waiting for them to arrive all right here's my bad joke uh former snl star victoria jackson says she has terminal breast cancer and has quote 34 months to live it would have been the full three years but lauren cut the last couple months of dress rehearsal. It's cute. You know, for a Hollywood insider like myself, I got it. We've ignored the SNL packet many times.

You do? Yeah. Well, I'm like, that seems like a job for someone's kid. Yeah, I told him. Truly, I told my manager, I was like, I think it's a very small needle to thread, and I think if I actually got the job, I would jump off of 30 Rockefeller Proud. Right. Like, anyway, this is nice, guys.

I'm glad that we're not fucking putting each other down like we used to do back in the day. Yeah. It feels like a kind of a new meme voice. For the listening audience, Carter is reaching under the table where he has taped a gun. I like this gun. No, it's just's a friendship gun it's full of gummy bears it's a 45 automatic i love you guys how could this joke you're so fucking this is how much trauma i've inflicted on keith he's so insecure insecure but how could this joke possibly be about you the biggest diamond in over a century was found in Botswana measuring a whopping

2,492 carats which for reference 2,492 carats is 2,491 more carats than Keith has ever eaten in his entire life. And the one was in a cake. Because it's a vegetable.

I was literally just thinking I was sitting there thinking like man, man, I wish I could come up with a good Keith Carey's fat Mexican joke off for the reunion. And I remember that carrots were also a vegetable. Welcome to Behind the Joke. Hi, I'm James

Lipton. Sometimes people will, like, type the idea as a comic and they'll just be like, I don't know how you come up with that stuff or how you do it. You're hearing it. It's painfully uninteresting. This is like the smarter version of it. A Chinese gymnast was seen serving food at her parents' restaurant in her Olympic outfit. The American gymnast can't wear their outfit in public since Larry Nassar added blood,

tears, and cum to their uniform. Holy shit. Tom, are you all right, man? We are back. Everything okay at home? Yeah, yeah. No, I did the funny ones and then closed with the one that I was like, this is kind of a war crime. I feel like you should have to change out

of your Hawaiian shirt after telling that joke. That's not a Hawaiian joke. No, that's a very American joke. You should do more buttons after your fucking sex crime. What if I just button the top one and the rest are... I miss the innocent early days of this joke of when you were just joking about lizards getting raped. By the way, I found out right after we had that whole conversation

that that happened like two years ago. What? The lizard rape. Oh, really? That was like an old story, but I didn't want to fucking clip your wings on it. I don't care. Yeah.

Look, I mostly look for animal facts, and when I find them, it does it. They're timeless. Right. Lizard rape? Are you talking about the deep state overthrowing Joe Biden

to get that whore in there? Oh, yeah, that would have been, yeah, okay. A U.S. state treasurer has called for a boycott of Bank of America, claiming they refuse to offer loans and services to religious groups, meaning this is the first time somebody has been mad at a bank for not

being jewish enough oh fuck well i meant to talk to you guys about this before the show but um i've actually um i wanted to debut a little mini segment within the mexican joke off oh shit it's a little a little thing i don't want to call Oh, shit. It's a little thing I want to call the Medal of Connor. Where every week I'm going to celebrate, you know, or maybe, you know,

whenever it comes up, I'm going to celebrate someone who's done something outstanding in the field of extreme individualism. Okay. And this week, I learned about a gentleman

who booked an Airbnb for three weeks. He left. Place was in pristine condition until she got the electric bill for $1,500. He brought in 10 computers and mined cryptocurrency

the entire time he was there, which amounted to over $100,000 in earnings by the time he was done. That kicks ass. Wow. Who loses in that? Well, the lady that's paid the electric bill. Well, if he pays the electric bill, then that's...

Well, I was already going to give him the Medal of Connor before I learned this detail, but he did give the woman all the money for the electric bill. What a champ! So he's a total G. I decided this is the most extreme version of the guy who brings his whole gaming rig to the fucking McDonald's and plays Starcraft 2 all day with one Diet Coke. For him, I will unbutton another button. Well done, sir.

What episode do we think it gets to before we're just doing the podcast naked? We used to. We used to just be in our underwear. Yeah, that's true. Really, we've regressed. That's why all the sounds of all the sounds that you heard of all those flaps collapsing and uncollapsing.

My face on the mic. Oh no, you might lose a tooth. We've been on video, guys, for 21 minutes. Let's fucking go, dude. And you're already getting into some husky shenanigans. I love it. Should we be right back? We will be right back.

We'll be right back. For decades, 9-11 has been the subject of conspiracy theories. While the U.S. government provided their official timeline, many feared the truth of how the attacks unfolded was a secret that would never be uncovered. However, the Mean Boys podcast has acquired black box recordings that will once and for all provide a clear picture of what transpired on that fateful day.

First, the cockpit of American Airlines Flight 11, 844 AM, September 11, 2001. And wind speed's normal. Might hit a little turbulence over Oklahoma, but otherwise, you're clear the whole way through. Hey, roger that. Hey, Roger that. Did you bring that little portable DVD thingy? You'll know it. I was watching Shrek before takeoff. You seen it?

Seen it four times. Love it. Throw it on. This might be my favorite frickin' movie. I like that it's not just for kids, you know? Here's your coffee, guys. Oh, is that Shrek? I love this movie. Can I watch?

Only flight crew allowed in the cockpit, sweetie. You know that. It's FAA regulation. Now scram. I think that fatty in 7B wants their bag of peanuts. Stacy's the single worst stewardess in this entire fucking airline. I swear to God. Total bitch. Oh, wait. This is my favorite part. What are you doing in my swamp? Fucking Shrek.

Classic. Weird autopilot light just came on. I forget. Does that mean the autopilot's on or that it's off? It's fine. I don't need a video. Within minutes, news of the first impact spread from air traffic controllers to other pilots mid-flight. Here is the crew of United Flight 175 hearing the news.

Oh my God, radio says American 11 went down over New York. Sweet Jesus. 175, Hearing the News. It is a good movie, though. They're saying they got distracted watching Shrek. What an absolute tragedy. It is a good movie, though. Not my gumdrop buttons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. Did you know the guy who does the voice for the bad guy was the dad in Footloose? Huh, no kidding. Yeah, John Lithgow, he's a great actor. He's super underrated. Hey, you're a little low.

No, no, don't worry, it's fine. He was the dad on Third Rock from The Sun, too. Seriously, you're way too low. You should probably... Hey, you know, that show was alright, but that French Stewart guy, I, uh, I don't know, there's something... Meanwhile, aboard American Airlines Flight 77, as they approach the airspace over the Pentagon.

This is your captain speaking. We should be reaching LAX just a few minutes ahead of schedule here. Our flight attendants will be coming by with beverage service momentarily. And our in-flight movie is Moulin Rouge, so please enjoy that. Hello! Hello! Hello! Our men have reached the cockpit! We do not want to watch Moulin Rouge, we want Shrek! Shrek! Shrek is the only good movie! You will be Shrek or you will die!

Shrek! Akba! In the morning I am making waffles! And somewhere over Pennsylvania, the final moments of the crew of United 93 were recorded. Can I get you anything, Captain? Nah, I got my beer. Hey, what's the movie today? Uh, I think it's Shrek. Have you seen it? Fuck no, that shit's gay as hell. Hey, I'll bet you a blowjob I can do a flip.

You're crazy. Yeah, crazy like a fucking fox. Watch this. Let's roll! Ah, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! There you have it. The true events of Shrek-tember 11th. gentlemen one factory standard women a few recent converts recent converts best thing to call trans people ever god love you we're on your side but we know who watches this show uh we did yeah uh so we're gonna try a new game here i think our audience is trans people who are like i we just want someone to call us gay and not mean it that would be nice it looks like you guys are having fun doing that. Yeah. I respect all of you as women.

I just don't respect you as humans. Like, separate from the trans. I was just trying to throw a casual... Just fucking set up a bit. We have a new game here. It's called Do They Know? Here's how the game works. I have questions for both Connor and Keith. If it's a Connor question, before Connor answers,

Keith has to guess whether or not Connor knows the answer. Same for Keith. When it's a Keith question, Connor has to guess if Keith knows the answer. I have a feeling this is going to get very insulting. If you guess whether or not they were going to get it right or wrong and you're correct, you get a point. And if you guess the answer correctly, you get a point. Simple enough.

Are you keeping score? What's that? Are you keeping score? Yeah, I'll keep score. Alright, so round one. First question. First two questions are Connor. Connor, what is the most expensive pair of Yeezys ever sold? And before you answer, Keith, do you think he knows this question or not?

What model of Yeezy or how much it went for? The model. Bonus point if you can guess how much it went for. I don't know if I think he knows it offhand, but I think you know enough about Yeezys to guess it, if that makes sense. So I'm going to say yes. And I started saying yes before i saw you make that face

no actually uh is it my turn to answer yeah i think i actually might know the model and the amount oh shit okay i think it's uh the red october's for 15k uh it's like some fucking sample or something that's like like one of one type thing. And I'll let you guess the amount, too. How much do you think it sold for? $15K, I think. Oh, so it was actually the most expensive pair ever sold was the Air One prototype that he wore during the Grammys. It was worth $1.8 million. Holy shit.

I know exactly what you're talking about, too. I feel like a fucking idiot. I like to imagine that guy paid the $2 million for the Yeezys, and then the next day all the I don't like juice stuff started. He got them at the last moment when that was an okay, cool thing to own. He doesn't even like Kanye. He's just like a sneaker guy. He's like, dude, Kanye at the Grammys, fucking one of one.

This is like fucking a bar of platinum in my hands, but better. This is a great investment. No! Boop! Alright, next question for Connor. Connor, does water conduct electricity? Yes, I think Connor will know the answer to that.

Only when mixed with a salt, I think. I actually have no idea. I'm going to say no just because it seems like it should be S. Okay. It does not conduct electricity. Wait, what?

Yep. It is all of the minerals in the water that conduct electricity. Oh, so he was actually right. He was right. Yeah. If you hit clean water, nothing happens. I would have gotten that wrong so confidently. Oh, I'm very excited for some of the questions for you, Keith.

I'm going to get my shit rock Keith. One of the most humiliating moments of my life was me and Tom were on tour in the South in the wintertime, and I got this jug of milk so I could make protein shakes. I wasn't really putting it in the fridge. I was just leaving it in the car for three hours, and I'd leave it outside for the night because it was cold. One night, I left it outside overnight, and they just had this

white kettlebell of hard, frozen milk. I was like, fuck, I didn't think it would freeze as quickly you know and like tom was like well what did you think was gonna happen he started calling me stupid and i was getting all defensive i was like i was fucking taking college level physics classes and calculus classes i'm not stupid i fucking i know i know temperature works you should have taken a freezing class all right keith all right let's go you got a 25 cent window here how much does a 24 pack of double stuffed oreos cost at targets

fuck you uh i'm i i'm not gonna say because connor oh yeah yeah yeah not to explain your game to you yeah like he doesn't really like i was actually thinking about this on the drive over. You know, it's like, he's not really like a sweets fat guy. He's more of a savory fat guy. I'm a ham and cheese fatty. Yeah. Well, I have a new blues name. Oh, ham and cheese fatty.

Oh, he likes calling you pudgy fingers. Pudgy fingers are pretty good. Um, but also, uh, you pudgy fingers. Pudgy fingers are pretty good. But also, you know, fuck. He does. He's not going to get it within 25 cents. I love that Cotter's was like tailored to like a very specific interest and passion of his. What's the most obese food I can think of?

It's even fatter than the normal kind of fat food it is. Double fat fatty fats? I'm sorry, you're sitting here with your shirt on. What do you want from me, bud? You're sitting here with some of his shirt mostly on. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to guess... The only guy anyone wants to see shirtless fully clothed. Okay.

I'm going to guess $7.50. You guys both... Oh, no. It was was $599, so you got that wrong. Should have taken a subtraction class. It's 2-1 Connor. Keith, what mammal, or Connor, do you think Keith knows what mammal can't jump? Is the answer white men? Well, Keith hangs out with you a a lot and you talk about shit like this constantly so if if he does know it's through osmosis of you like already being obsessed with

this fact that's made its way into your subconscious and then into the game but since keith's first instinct was to make a quip doesn't really inspire confidence in me. And I don't think he's like sitting around reading like other fat creatures magazine. Girthy critters quarterly. Blue whales wear black to look more slim.

You can make a nice dead skunk with a dead skunk says this badger get a load of this manatee no keith doesn't know what animal that mammal can't jump i mean i don't know my all right so i'm going to talk know my. All right. So I'm going to talk through my process. All right. Please. My process is like, so I know a dolphin can jump. And I know whales go up, but I don't know what you constitute as jumping. You know what I mean?

So I'm like, my initial thought was a whale because it's a wet mammal. It lives down there, guy. You're a fucking wet mammal. No matter what the temperature is, you're always a little bit damp. I'm never dry, guy. You're a fucking wet mammal. No matter what the temperature is, you're always a little bit damp. Yeah, I'm never dry, baby. Fucking. I know this is going to be one.

Don't rub your own belly for luck like some kind of scumbag Buddha. I don't know what to do. I'm living my life. Fuck. Yeah, I'm going to guess a whale, but I know I'm wrong. Yeah, the correct answer was elephant. kind of scumbag buddha i don't know what to do i'm living my life um fuck yeah i'm gonna guess a whale but i know i'm wrong yeah the correct answer was elephant oh it is three one connor right okay all right we're gonna go we're gonna go keith again here connor do you think keith

knows who is the fifth highest goal scorer in nhl history yes Hang on, I might know this. Because number one is Gradsky, number two is Ovechkin, number three is... Jager? I think number four... Or no, number three is Gordie Howe. I think number four is...

It fucking sickens to me to see this podcast become about sports. It won't be very long. Fuck. I have what I think is a pretty smart guess, but I don't know if it's right. I'm going to say Yarmir Yager. The correct answer was Brett Hall. Fuck.

I was between those two. Rats. Stays 4-1. It's just the immediate disconnect. He's like, I don't like this show anymore. Flips the table. All right. Stick it with history.

401, just like Keith's accurate height. Connor, do you think that Keith remembers who Hannibal, the historical figure, is? Well, again, he hangs out with you a lot, and you have a propensity for discussing Hannibal. Am I wrong? I've never been just kicking it with you and you've brought up Hannibal. It never happens. It happens.

Okay. But I don't think you guys are listening. That may be true. Keith, how specifically does he have to describe him? That's a great question. More than just the elephants because you just mentioned that.

But enough to showcase that he knows who that is. We all remember the elephant thing from this show. Right. So it has to be details other than the elephant. What was the elephant thing from this show? I just remember that there was an elephant thing. This question is specifically referencing an episode that we did a long time ago. I think he knows who generally who

he is okay he was like a general of one of those over there countries over there countries new name for africa i'm right yeah he was right he was an african general yeah and that is an over country. It's not over here. Not elephants. I know we didn't attack the elephants. If you can remember who attacked, you get the point. The elephant would remember. Was it like Rome? It was Rome. I'll give that to you. Rome's always the answer. I was about to try to

subconsciously do a sublime thing to try to feed it to you. Hannibal with Rome. All right, it's two to five. I have a fence or what I got. Two to five. All right, Keith, do you think Connor knows which $149,999 Yu-Gi-Oh card is for sale on eBay?

Five years ago, I would have said yes. Today, I say no. Okay. Yeah, I... My best guess, and I actually can't imagine that this would be up for sale, would be there's a kid who's dying of cancer and they made him his own Yu-Gi-Oh card where he looked like a Dragon

Ball Z guy and it was called like Tyler the Great Warrior or some shit like that. And remember it had 25,000 attack and kind of a good effect, but you know, probably trash by today's metagame standards. Collectability-wise is the rarest Yu-Gi-Oh card. So I would guess that maybe his mom fucking needs

money to buy him a fucking headstone or some shit. I don't know. I was going to say, is there a darker item you could purchase than some cancer child? It's literally like a Yu-Gi-Oh plot line. Like, the soul of a dead child resides in this car. And I will unleash his power upon Egypt. Not to spin it back to hockey, but on the NHL video game a couple years ago,

there was like a Make-A-Wish kid who they put into the game where you could put him in custom rosters. And he was like 99 level everything everything and he was the best player. And every time we would fight. Yeah. We'd make him fight. Yeah, because you'd beat the piss out of this fucking kid. He looked like a man. He wasn't just like, I'm eight.

That's what I wanted so bad. Finish giant just steps on his fucking neck. The correct answer was the very first edition of Blue Eyes White Dragon. And it's going off that price on eBay. It is now five to three. Now. All right, Connor, can you name three of the five Maslow's five needs? The psychology template on the things to take care of yourself.

I know. Do you think you can get three of five? Fuck. This is the most on the fence one I've been. God. Because what's funny is I both think you are the one who explained the hierarchy of needs to me, and I'm pretty confident you're not going to remember three of them. I'm going to say no, but...

No, okay. How many bad guesses do I get? Because I could just start naming fucking psychological context. You get to drop five and if three are right. You get to drop five? If you can name three of the five. So pick five and if you're right on three. Yeah. Okay.

So you get two mulligans. Fucking Christ. I understand it as a concept, but I don't know what any specific one of them is. I was right. I was exactly right. That's a move, but I don't know what any specific one of them is. I was right! I was exactly right! So I think that's a move you and I pull often where we have a thing we say because we're like, yeah, that

sounds right and smart, and then if we're pressed further, we're so fucked. Like, no, I could... I'm hearing a lot of things that aren't needs. Tell you what, what's at the top of my fucking hierarchy is the answer. The need to shut the fuck up, that aren't needs. What's at the top of my fucking hierarchy? I got it.

I got it. The need to shut the fuck up. The need to kiss my black ass. The need to close your fat mouth. The need to get out of my goddamn face. And the need to eat my fucking turds with a knife and fork. No, I think it's like shelter and slash security.

That's one guess. Uh-huh. Fuck it. I'm going to go. I'm guessing food. Okay. I'm going to. Oh, Tenacious D wrote a song about this.

The Five Needs. Oh, God damn it. First you need the planet. Unfair. He phoned a friend. All right. The need to cut looseyle gas because you're a coward i was just i was just thinking about that like you guys know i'm fucking crazy and i say stupid shit all the time if you ever fucking leave me in the dirt so that you can do a goddamn sponsored post for joe biden we were never fucking mean boys in the first place and this whole fucking thing is dead i mean i only

have like seven more days to make that happen since he's dying soon but i see your point who's dying kyle gas no joe biden oh yeah maybe kyle gas i don't know that's a race i saw kyle gas money on the table right now who's gonna die first kyle gas joe biden joe biden oh geez with the latest events it's not looking good for either of them. Yeah, definitely Joe Biden. I'll go Biden, hopefully. Okay, so I guess shelter, security, food, love.

Oh, God. To be understood. Isn't that the same as love? To be understood? Man. Man. Hey, you try to deconstruct a fucking philosophical triangle and i believe we're about to get tricked into doing therapy no okay that's like three guesses um yeah i don't fucking know i'm actually curious what they are wow i actually so you you got three of the five

oh wow yeah uh i mean different i'm not as full of shit as I thought I was. Physiological, which is like food, which is what you said. Yeah. Safety, which you said shelter and love is the first three. This next one is esteem. You know, like loving yourself

and being like, I did the thing. I thought that you meant the one that make you the one. They're very hot. Esteem. You get esteem. You like, I did the thing. And then self-actualize. I thought that you meant to make the water very hot. And steam. You get the steam. You say, I love the steam. Everybody needs the steam. Hey, come on. It's a spicy water. The water smells like a ravioli.

Final one is self-actualization, which is like accomplishments and bonus shit. Actually applying all your food and esteem to your life. I want to see a version that just says bonus shit at the top. I don't know, having a big dick or whatever.

Yeah, Tom's Five Needs is going to sound very different. Toss and pipe. Alright. Tom's Five Needs. Bird watching app. $7. Alright, final round unless we go Bird watching app. $7. All right. Final round, unless we go to the bonus round. The world's widest hat. Sorry. According to someone who actually was in the show,

what was the average payments per stunt on bum fights? Does Connor know the answer to this question? On bum fights? Yeah. How much of an accuracy window do I have? I'm going to give you a $5 window. I was going to... I didn't know you were a bum fight.

I know felony fights, but that's off-brand. I'm not really... I like the felony fights video that we discussed because it's between two nincompoops of equal just lack of... They're willing participants. It's like these guys really need 80 bucks the felony fights team really needs to see them fight with sticks you know everybody's getting their needs met i've seen more evil transactions dennis's five needs a kendo stick

the chance to reconsider bail money probably another tetanus shot check out felony fights dennis versus straight jacket funniest video i've ever seen in my life and then imagine me and keith putting on that video in a professional hollywood writer's room and bumming everybody way the fuck out now imagine me doing it in literally every writer's room i've ever worked uh but it bump fights on it is like you keep fucking it's exploitative and sad. I mean, it's like fascinating to watch, but you know, I can't really like say like, I wish they'd bring it back. It's not like Kenny versus Spenny

where they should do another season. Yeah. Look, I know Gavin Newsom is trying to clear the homeless at LA. Let them fight for their spot. But no, no, not each other. They fight him. I think Gavin Newsom should have to go into the tent city and one by one be like, you, no fingers, Jeff, I'm calling you out.

And if Gavin Newsom beats you up, you got to move to Bakersfield or whatever. That's still in California, but I agree with you overall. But he's trying to clear it out of LA. He's like such a weenie, though, I think we should give him like a light mech suit. Like when Lex Luthor fights Superman? Something like that, in that vein. Not like the end of Avatar, not that big, like superman something like that in that vein not like the end of avatar not that big but like kind of like that i don't want him to win but you want i i mean it's got to be good television folks i mean the first homeless guy beating the governor of california

to death is it good enough television for you yeah for 45 seconds but where's your season two i don't know they got no arc people got nothing to root for i want to see piles of dead homeless people with shopping carts trying to fucking hide from his pummeling blows open up nancy pelosi's fucking sarcophagus and have her take on some fucking tweakers god she looks insane she's she's perfectly smooth now she looks like a playstation one model of nancy pelosi she looks the Crypt Keeper if he was trans. I'm going to say no. Connor doesn't know the bum fight amount. I'm going to guess $20.

All right. You don't get it. It was $10. I was going to guess $5. You got to account for bumflation. We've seen the price of homeless in the South here. All right. It's seven California exit.

Bumflation. Keith, does Connor know what makes up 95% of a diamond? I would guess. Yes. Okay. Same molecules that make up my penis. Keith carbon. Yep.

All right. Eight, six. And they are. All right. Age six. And they are both things you will never put on a loving woman's hand. I have disappointed so many loving women. All right. Connor, does Keith know what band produced

the highest selling punk album of all time? What band produced as in... Produced as in made the highest, like it's their music on the highest, not production in terms of the audio mixing, but put out the highest-selling punk album of all time. Well, he's a pretty good guesser. I guess I'm not... I mean, I could say a few bands who i would think it is

and that probably happened in the 90s uh which is a time in punk rock that keith knows way too much about and i don't approve of his arcane knowledge the dark arts of your skate punk and your street punk and all your fucking the casualties and all that shit uh yeah he knows and you could guess that yes into the cauldron of forgotten epitaph records releases um i mean okay i'm thinking out loud here so don't log my guess okay i would have to figure it's probably green day assuming that we're counting like that's the, like, punk is sort of ill-defined. No matter what, it's going to be a band that I don't think is very punk. I mean, I'm like, okay, here are my three that I'm between.

I'm between it's either Green Day, it could be London Calling by The Clash, although I don't think it is, and it could be that fucking Black Parade, that MyCam album. I'm going to say it's Green Day. Bonus album. I'm going to say it's Green Day. Bonus points, I'm going to say it's Dookie. You know what? I gave him a chance for bonus points earlier. You got both of those rights.

Let's go. 20 million albums sold for Dookie, and that makes it 9-8 Connor. Okay. All right. So if I get this and Connor misses it, we're tied. Yeah. Have I ever told my Mike Dern story? I don't know.

On the show? Well, Keith took me to go see Green Day at the Rose Bowl, and I was all excited until I got there and I realized Green Day is for fat barbecue dads now. And just when I think it's going to... Oh, shit, they're playing a song from Kerplunk. Here comes the t-shirt cannon. You know, and Billy Joe gets up and he's, you know, doing some song from American Idiot. And he's like, and we don't need these fucking corporations and these politicians.

And he's like in front of a muscle milk banner. And I was just sitting there being a mystery little butthurt punk rock boy about the whole, you know, evening. And then just randomly years later, I ended up hanging out atff ross house with mike dirt and nicole buchanan and he's the nicest freaking guy ever and you know we hung out for a couple hours during covid and i was i was sitting there going like you know connor you're a real fucking chicken shit motherfucker you talk shit about this guy all fucking show i used to hang out with him you're not gonna fucking make your point so he's talking about like playing anarchist communes in Europe, like shit like crass used to do. And I was like,

how does it feel to go from like doing the punkest thing imaginable playing for no money for homeless people far away from your house for no reason to like yelling about revolution in front of a muscle milk banner in Pasadena. And Mike sits there for a second. He just goes, it's a trip, man. I play the bass. I was like, it's a trip, man. How do I play the bass?

I was like, that's the only fair answer. I would love to see the Mean Boys version of that where we're like, it's time for the Mexican joke off sponsored by Capital One. God. The forum goes mild. Or like Howard's sternification. Yeah. Alright, Connor.

Does Keith know if Comoros is a country Pokemon or part of the human tooth? Motherfucker has no idea. You can give him two guesses and he won't get it. Comoros? Yes. Will you spell it?

C-O-M-O-R-O-S. And the options are... Tooth. Pokemon. Country. Yes. A country, a Pokemon, or part of the human tooth. I'm going to guess tooth. All right. Connor, 10-8.

Comoros is a very poor country in Africa. Would you have counted if I said it was one of the over-there countries? It's not every country but America is an over-there country. Toothless bigot flaps tits about black people on white nationalist podcast. He's always over there flapping his tits about something.

Get off my lawn. I like when I make you laugh now because I get like a tit break. Like a big flabby Ed McMahon. You're like Santa Claus with the bowl full of

jelly. I want somebody to zoom in on just my stomach jiggling when I laugh and use that as one of those backgrounds for 10 hours of lo-fi beats to study to. It's a pretty great video I saw the other day of you getting slapped in the stomach slow-mo with a flogger at a Mean Boys live show. Nice. I have four more. Do we want to save them for another game, or do we want to run them out?

Fuck it. Let's run a couple more. Do we want to save them for another game? Or do we want to run them out? Fuck it, let's run a couple more. All right. Yeah. Okay. Keith, does Connor know if bats are blind? Yes. Bats are blind.

They are not. They have buried pores. Connor, I was banking on you knowing, obviously, it's a trap. That was the most... After the fucking water electricity thing, it was like you were like, oh, good thing I didn't step in that dog shit and then fell off a

fucking cliff. Everything you're saying is right. I can't even be glad you got it wrong because I got it wrong for believing in you. I was punished for thinking you were wise twice, you fucking dildo. All right.

Cutter. My jelly is so disappointed in you. My tits are just, eat shit. Die, fucker. I've never seen Foulds frown. Ow. Just fucking gave yourself a titty twist are you fucking idiot all right connor

welcome to america's dumbest kind of gayest game show do you know the secret that i can't think of you just your fucking chest look like there's just loose ground beef strewn over it. Yeah, dude. Alright, Connor. Does Keith know how long gum stays in the human body after you swallow it?

He does love swallowing things and retaining them in his body. Yeah. That guy loves eating food. What a fat cunt. Jeez, way to explain my joke, Keith. Do I know?

Keith and I know, our brains are 90, like, you know how chimps are like 98% Keith and I share 92% it's redundant having both of us on the podcast there's many times we butt heads trying to make the same shitty jizz joke

I remember I think he knows you think he knows? so I know like the old wives tale about like it like, it stays for, like, seven years or whatever. But I don't think that's true. I think that's made up.

So, like, I don't know. I'd guess 24 hours. Like, I think you just pass it through. You do just pass it through, but the average amount of time that takes is two to three days. So, you somehow got it right and wrong at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Keith. days so you somehow got it right and wrong at the same time yeah yeah um all right keith i've been waiting for seven years to blow a bubble with one of my farts i love that tom has engineered a way

where we literally can't make fun of him for 30 minutes kind of brilliant uh let's move on before they catch on. Keith, does Connor know if the Algerian-American War was real and where it was fought? Does he have to know both those things? I'm going to say yes. Okay. The Algerian-American War was not real and it was fought nowhere. Okay. The Algerian-American War was not real, and it was found nowhere. Okay. It was real.

It happened in the Atlantic and Mediterranean Ocean. I thought it was made up, too. These trick questions are good. Degas is fucking... All right, I fell off that cliff earlier. Oh, I landed in a bear trap. He's the fucking puppet master right now. We're playing his game, dude.

All right, last question. Connor. What's the score? It is 10-8. So you've already won. Okay. All right. Fuck this game.

Fuck this game and fuck you. Why don't you fucking jiggle about it some more? Do camels. Does Keith know if... Fucking focus. Focus on the camels. You're going to get out of breath so quickly. No, I can do this all day. The chair's helping.

Does Keith know what camels store in their humps? The fucking tooth is what's making it messy. I don't want to store in these humps. Fucking vengeance. Teeth just fucking tongue fucking the little crack in his face. We're running into the thing we always run into where like 80% of our audience is

repulsed right now. 15% aren't watching and 5% is so fucking horny there are gonna be so many posts on the discord just like oh my god i want to lick fucking bummer sauce off keys gay tits is that your signature uh condiment yeah exactly that's when he kills himself. He injected himself with 48 cc's of bummer sauce. And he leaves a suicide note that just says, guy ate here. Bummer sauce is actually what I called it when I drank bleach. It's the name of the episode is what it is. What doesn't Keith know?

What camels store in their humps. Well, I guess the obvious guess is water. But it's probably something like poop. What? What? What? What? I've been putecided on how this game was going

I love this game now I was trying to be funny when I said that well yeah of course it's a comedy show I love you guys you know what well if he doesn't have a better guess than shit, and the only other guess I have is milk,

I think they're probably just full of hump. Okay. I don't... The question is, do you think... I am full of hump! Do you think Keith knows? You know what? The very fact that this was about camels, the animal, and not

the cigarette? No, he doesn't know. Is it water? It is not water. It is fat. If it was poop, I was going to go insane and quit the show. They're made out of hump. Alright, that was the first ever trial run of Do They Know? Thanks for playing, guys. I love that game. That's a lot of fun.

Yeah, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. We've you guys enjoy you in the fucking hot seat though oh yeah no other other i just created other people will perfect it yeah yeah other people i actually demanded that keith and tom wait a licensing period of 18 months before i allowed them to develop their own original which of the following content so the fact that you're leaving it open source for us is uh is appreciated time yeah open source the linux of, Tom. Yeah, open source. The Linux of things that are funny for about 40% of the running time. Speaking of open, we'll be right back opening with different segments. See you soon.

And the Mean Boys podcast is back. I put my fucking tooth back in. Everything tastes kind of weird, and it's time to play. Dude, every time I take the tooth out or put it back in, it just tastes like plastic and blood. Which I don't think it's supposed to. I mean, it looks like what it

would taste like. New names! New names! It's time for new names! New names! Yeah! I remember! I think you called all these things names. I put my tooth on my pussy jokes and now it tastes weird. Couldn't be the thin layer of filth covering everything in my home. How dare you.

Some of the filth is thick. I'll go first. Thick filth is my new name for me. Bringing back this podcast every 9-11 will now be called Crashing an Airplane into a Dead Horse. Yes. That's better than my first name. I love that.

All right. All right. So urine is now called penis water. Okay. Women don't pee. I will be taking no questions. What Bob Marley song is that? No woman,

no pee. Well, pee is stored in the balls. So what are they? It's stored in their tits like shit is in the camel's hop. Women don't poop now. The holes are only for me to put stuff in. Three little turds. Made by a man.

Buffalo chicken. Clogging up my colon. Ow, ow, ow. Spicy butthole. Okay. okay well this has been a rather homosexual outing for us as usual this is one of our straighter episodes yeah actually i would say brimming with testosterone but uh in light of that i've decided that beards will now be called gay velcro because if you gay you're gonna get stuck uh all right school who's also thinking that's kind of a convenient system because when you get the whole cock in your mouth it just locks into the pubes

somebody sucked a lot of cock that's a very inconvenient system no because you gotta get it out of there sometimes not for you dick pig but you can't grow facial hair what you can't grow facial hair sure, but I'm just saying you don't want the dick snorkeled vacuumed to your fucking throat. Well, if you don't want it there, why would you put it there? Well, you put it there for a little bit and then you take it out and you put it back there. It's the hokey pokey, my friend. This sounds like some indecisive

bisexual nonsense. Fucking get choked to death with a cock or get off the pot, you half queer. Keith's going on a dramatic monologue about sucking cock and saying, It's the hokey pokey, my friend. A game as old as time. School shootings will now be known as extreme dodgeball. If you get an A in gym, even if you're the fat kid.

All right, boxing is now ground hockey. Hockey is ground hockey. Hockey is ground hockey. It's on ice, not ground. Yeah, but the ice, it's on the ground. Well, yeah, I mean, the air's on the ground, but when you're flying, it's not called running. What?

What? And follow-up, shut up. No, no, no. I think we should hear him out. Okay, well, no longer, fellas, will we be walking around and say, hey, look, that chick's got a big ass. We'll say, hey, she's sitting on a full diaper. We most certainly will not.

Yeah, we will do it. Everyone's going to love it. Look at those camel humps. Maybe we should have done new games. It's time for new games. Puns are forced. I was excited about that one for weeks. I thought that's one of the most disgusting, awful things I ever thought of.

It is. I couldn't wait to tell you guys. Don awful things I ever thought of. It is. I couldn't wait to tell you guys. Don't cut yourself short. You nailed that part. It was deeply unpleasant. Well done. There's a weird adult baby thing going on, too. That was my issue.

This is too pedophilic to laugh at it. Yeah, no, that's why it's... Actually, what makes the joke good. Wearing your shirt in the pool at a barbecue will now be called having a brat summer. We're not calling it Keith carrying it. Wait, what's a brat? Do you know what brat summer is? No.

All right. Well, we don't have five hours for me to explain it because I don't really understand it. I know the Bratz dolls. No, that's a different thing, but I do know that exists. But no, brat summer was the thing this summer where, don't know boring women on tiktok were like we learned a word and then just kind of would do stuff and then be like it's so brat oh this is really alienating the five percent of our audience that's chicks sorry all right well let me alienate shopping let me alienate some more people i hope you have a great dumb whore fall.

All right, this will alienate more people. When you have a broken nose, that's going to be now called converting to Judaism. Does your nose get bigger when it's broken? No, the stereotype is that they have a little bump there, and that's what happens when you have your nose broken. Tom thinks all Jews should have their noses broken. That's not what I said. That's the title of the episode.

Tom Goss Jew Puncher. Yeah, sorry. Bummer sauce is over. Tom Goss Jew Puncher. Thanks for making my fucking full diaper joke look good. Hebrew thwomper of notes Thomas Elizabeth Goss. Thanks for making my fucking full diaper joke look good. Hebrew thwomper of notes, Thomas Elizabeth Goss.

You know Drew Carey's middle name is Allison? I did not know that. Is that real? That is real. Wow. And I think that's cool. That is kind of cool. Okay.

Man. Oh, this one is fun. This is inspired by a concert I just went to. New name for bottom surgery, Bikini Kill. And those bitches all love Bikini Kill anyway. It's fucking perfect. Yeah. I don't like either of these last two. Getting roofied will now be called having a cup of sleepy time D.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I totally thought full diaper was going to out-horrible everything. All right. NASCAR crowds are now the Olympics of beating your wife? As long as she's Jewish, quote Tom Goss. All right, fine. Ron Jeremy is Keith Carey Charizard.

I just... No! Oh, fuck. I was going to add one for Ron Jeremy, too. Oh, what's yours? I wasn't going to do it. I was going to say, just because he looks like an old evil spellcaster,

I was going to call him the Jizzard. You're a Jizzard. You have crossed the Jizzard. Yeah, Keith's doing his weird whimsical rape jokes it was like it was like a bill cosby brought the goofiness of his stand-up into his act into the raping he was like i made you a couple sleepy times like that's not the part that was missing bill that's what the assignment was no i loved it the one before i killed a bunch of kids and you're like well fuck them that's great i thought i thought it was a i loved it the one before i killed a bunch of kids and you're like well fuck them that's great i thought i thought it was a good joke thanks yeah excellent and i've written nothing

but magic whose turn is it connor's uh oh this is a good one guys um so you know autistic people right i do connor where uh so and they have the the autism logos like the you know the puzzle people, right? I do, Connor. Where? So, and they have the autism logos like the, you know, the puzzle. Is that their logo? Yeah. What? It's like a rainbow colored puzzle. It kind of looks like the Microsoft, like the Windows logo. Exactly like the Windows logo. Are the pieces on a train? How on the nose are they going to be?

Well, funny you should say, in the name for autistic people, hey, look at this fucking puzzle piece over here. You know, it's talking to the puzzle piece behind the counter at GameStop. Those little fucking puzzlers, man. Oh, my God. All these fucking puzzle peepees

down at the anime convention. Oh, sorry. Group sex will now be called Fuck Tetris. All right. Uh, Matt Rife is what LA thought Connor would be. Cool. That's less of a new name and more of a nightmare he has. Both of them.

No, I was like, people thought I was going to be successful. This joke is so nice. I just thought you were going to stay cute. Oh, no. This is just the last new name. Yeah. thought you were going to stay cute. Oh, no. Is this the last new name? Yeah. All right. Well, last name.

So this one was my mom's favorite. New name for Keith Carey's mom, the Nazi cock slurp motron 9000. Well, they had to build 8,999 Nazi cock slurp motrons before to really find two of the appropriate. And then they had to take one off the wall. I don't know if that was just a set-up or not. Did your mom actually like that? She cackled uncontrollably. I love your mom. I want to say, you know, there may be some new people coming to the show.

This is our first show back. There'll be a lot of times where you're watching this program and you'll be thinking to yourself, god damn, Keith Carey is just, he is so fucking funny and sweet and genuine and i like him so much you'll you'll think that often and i want you to never for one second should you forget that he was raised by a hard drug user and five nazis who did not love him at all and in spite of all that i'm gonna plug in the the more you know graphic he's great thanks or fuck you i don't really quite know where i'm at yeah i don't know where i was going with that some of these and i you know

that was a big wind-up dude he's like your life's bad no punchline i know i thought about that beforehand too i don't know why I thought that would be good. That's fine. The point is I killed this segment. We all killed it as a unit, I think. I felt that came correct. You know what I think happened is like, you know, in the shooting, like when they do the firing squad to execute somebody, only one guy actually has a bullet in the gun.

So they all have deniability. That's what we did for the momentum of the show. Yeah. the gun so they all have deniability that's what we did for the momentum of the show yeah um speaking of the momentum of the show uh fucking should we start closing out plug some shit i think so yeah yeah um we didn't get the voicemail line set up but that'll be back up uh next week send us an email in the meantime for the mean boys mailbag usually we don't have two games we're spoiling you uh kids for the first couple shows here but love the mailbag usually we don't have two games we're spoiling you uh kids for the first couple shows here but love the mailbag back again soon send us an email meanboyspodcast at gmail.com we would love to hear from you and just a heads up to the listening audience or viewing audience

we're recording the first few of these reunion episodes a little bit ahead of time because of uh some crazy travel shit we think it's the first three that we won't have the mailbag so if you're going oh why didn't they get to us? That's why. Also, I just, real quick for clarity, Connor, the old phone number we had, that's no longer the number, correct? We're going to have the new number up soon?

Yeah, that number expired. So don't call that number. We'll have a new number up for you, hopefully by next episode. By the time this comes out, we'll have that new number on the screen or plugged in an audio for you right now. Yes.

Wretched pig children. Do you seek to commune with these so-called mean boys? Then pick up your telephone and dial 562-584-MEAN to leave a voicemail for the mean boys mailbag. That's 562-584-6326 for you puny-minded simpletons. Simply dial, wait for the beep, then utter your worthless ape musings into your device.

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You what? You thought this shit was going to be totally organized. We put it on video. You have any idea that took us nine years. Um, okay. Uh, me and Tom actually have a thing to plug.

Oh yeah. I put out seven comedy albums on Spotify. Listen to them. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so I have a thing to plug. Oh, yeah. I put out seven comedy albums on Spotify. Listen to them. Yeah. Yeah. So I have a couple quick dates. The one that me and Keith, I think, will both be involved in. I don't know if that's confirmed.

On September 19th, Chicago, I will be rose battling Bob Keene, drunk of notes, at Zany's Chicago. So if you guys want to come out, it's going to be an awesome show. And I believe Keith. I'm judging it. I might be doing stand-up, but I'll be there. Come fucking hang out, Chicago. Yeah, it'll be good.

Also, I have another Rose battle two days before that against Kiki Anderson and West Hollywood at the Comedy Store. And then on September 29th, i am doing the chatterbox in covina october 6th i am uh headlining the madhouse comedy club in san diego and october 8th i will be doing another rose battle versus page wesley roast legend in the west hollywood belly room at the comedy store and i have no idea if anybody who listens to this lives in Japan, because I know we get a lot of emails from other countries, but I don't know if we've ever gotten a Japan one.

But if you do, September 13th, I'm judging a roast battle. September 14th, I'm doing one. September 15th, I'm headlining. All of that is at the Tokyo Comedy Bar. That's how cool you're going to Japan. That's going to be pretty sick. Yeah. As you're hearing this, I am in Japan being too fat for most rooms.

Oh, Keith has no idea. You have no idea what's coming. I'm preemptively bummed out. You're going to sign a lot of autographs. As? Just this fucking giant guy I saw. I felt like you were teeing something up.

You American fanny, you sign. Exactly. Actually, I don't think it'll be that bad in Tokyo. It gets real weird when you're in like the burbs and agricultural areas of Japan. Damn, I was planning on going straight kicking it near some Japanese farmers.

Yeah, they will not let you. They will poke you with a stick. I promise me and them have nothing to discuss. Nunchucks, Japanese farm tool. Also weapon for fat people. That's the show, everybody. All right. I'm proud to be an American.

All right, that's it. Fuck everything. God is dead. See you next time.