Mean Boys - EP 228 - Ferret Law

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

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Hi and welcome to the mean boys podcast. It's 2024. If you don't have herpes by now, you're just ugly. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Connor mcspadden and i'm the uber munch the greatest fat man ever devised if his stomach did not exist it would be necessary to invent it is your stomach israel what's not a nichi quote oh i only ever hear that quote about israel oh what all the fucking uh the right wing hawk, all the fucking war hawk politician people go, if Israel didn't exist, it would be necessary to create it so we could have a democracy

in the Middle East. It's remarkable how fast we went from a fat joke to talking about Israel. I know you said war hawk, but my brain processed it as hawk tua. War hawk tua? Then drop a nuke on that thing i would i would love if someone could use ai to just like deep like dick cheney just deep throating a fucking uh like a a peacekeeper

missile just fucking oh yeah just like so i can see the back of it like poking his throat a little bit like a cartoon i stopped following hawkua girls interviews and media and everything it seems like she's done now but i wonder if at any point anybody asked her hey what are your thoughts on palestine yeah there's no there's it couldn't have been good i i don't know they got dicks there like seems like they're having a hard time yeah haktua girls to describe it seems to me like uh when all you have is a hammer all your Seems like they're having a hard time I can Yeah How to a girl To describe It seems to me like When all you have is a hammer All your problems look like nails

Kind of a person You know Yeah I feel like she's kind of By definition Got one move Yeah Like

Oh there's a famine Can I spit on its cock Yeah I feel bad for her There's no way The plummet down Is going to be unpleasant for her yeah i mean she probably made a little bit of money it seemed like she like knew exactly what the deal was she got representation immediately sold as many hats as she could there's like very much a there didn't used to there wasn't like as much of a game

plan in place for the cash me outside girl yeah you know but now we have this thing where i just kind of love that in the casino of america you can just be like shit faced with your buddies accidentally say something fucking hilarious and then you get to act out all the worst parts of your personality and see your whole fucking entire timeline implode in real time as all of your like worst qualities are indulged to the infinitum degree you know yeah you mooned the planet like for two weeks she was the equivalent of uh an american like queen yeah well that was our british royalty for it's like i'm always i just the pope of sluts she was the princess diana of spitting on that thing i'm here that thing. I'm just waiting for always the tragic downfall. You know, at one second, he's Mr. I want candy, and then he's dead in the bathtub.

You know, it's just kind of incredible. And I know there's going to be like a Howard Hughes, like, I was spitting in jars. She's going to overdose, like Elvis overdosed on a toilet. She's going to overdose on a dick. She OD'd on that d yeah uh we had to pump uh oh my god 14 gallons of jizz out of her just a 21 jack salute over her coffin that's the thing i wonder if she's even like promiscuous or she's just drunk and talking your shit you know i don't think she's about spitting on a dick in the streets of Los Angeles

unless you've done it a few times. I just like the idea that she just had one really serious boyfriend. They were super fucking cute and Christian and all their pictures are them wearing sweaters next to pumpkins. She just was really good at making that guy happy. Now she's a fucking blowjob lady. Isn't her dad like a

pastor or something? At the very least a DL hoe you know, hoe. I say respectfully, ma'am. I'm sure she's watching. Hoes always love a nice karate chop of respect. I cut through the patriarchy. That really lets him know that you're one of the good ones. I just got my blue belt in respecting women.

You are. Thank you. This stripe is for not saying bitch anymore. I could do it. Girl is somewhere going like, I don't know. I made a million dollars for being funny for three and a half seconds. Yeah. Have fun editing another sketch, boys.

Yeah. I would love to have three and a half seconds. Yeah. Yeah. You don't. God. Just wish the things that made other people happy made me happy you know damn dog that's deep let's get into the mexican joke off

i'll uh i'll take us away i pulled a tom this week and most of my jokes are about animal related news oh hell yeah it's very funny because it was i was talking to tom about this before like we're recording these shows a few weeks out and when we were preparing to do that i got all like anal and i was like but the jokes won't be relevant and topical anymore and then everything i've looked at is like a squirrel did what like it's i have nothing to say about like one of the most like interesting like elections in human history i was like i i did respectfully tell you nobody tunes in the mean boys to go which how should i feel about tim walls yeah imagine watching this and be like what do those idiots think about kamala yeah i mean if you're like seeking out like you know

uh like like a popper sommelier i might you know have some good advice for you you know stay away from um what's that shit called uh black scorpio. It's like poppers for girls. Pussy shit. Excuse me, poppers boy, which one pairs best with a Puerto Rican? I'm sure of that.

That would be not Jungle Juice Platinum, but Jungle Juice Platinum Extreme. The extremity is the key. Anyway. I thought you were saying something. All right. A bald eagle was discovered

in Missouri that was, quote, too fat to fly. When asked for comment, a local sassy black teen commented, man, you ask so fat when they put it on the back of a quarter, the motherfuckers worth 50 cents. I added, shit. I have an insanely similar Mexican joke off show there. A bald eagle found in Missouri was believed to be injured, but was actually just too fat

to fly. This was concerned when a teenage bald eagle flew past a bloated bird and yelled, how are you going to be big boned when your bones are hollow, fat motherfucker? Flap, flap. It's animal voice. We're doing all animals. Did we just write an episode of Wild and Out about a fucking eagle?

I think so. Tom? Dead cats are at a 15% rise this year in Los Angeles. Authorities are blaming Keith Carey's insistence on eating everything animal style. I love the idea that you're like, you remember Jim Cramer, the mad money guy? Yeah. You're like that for tracking how many animals are dead in the neighborhood. I did do a lot of dead animal research this week.

He's just got a chart that just says squirrels and it's just going down. Did you, okay, political, did you see the RFK dead whale thing? Yes. No. Apparently he at some point decapitated a dead whale. And this is after he told the story about stealing a dead bear. He keeps telling stories about finding dead animals and I don't

know why. I saw that and I was like, it's no wonder Jordan Peterson loves that guy. His whole thing is you got to escape from the belly of the whale and rescue your father. It's like, is Jordan Peterson Indian Bane? Basically, yes is, you've got to escape from the belly of the whale and rescue your father. Is Jordan Peterson Indian Bane? Basically, yes. If you've ever heard him speak, he is Indian Bane.

But he's like, finally, there's one dipshit taking my ham-fisted Bible metaphor seriously. All right. Let's get back to animal news. Many U.S. schools are employing gun-sniffing dogs to prevent school shootings. The dogs have been trained by the police

to respond to the smell of guns by running outside and hiding in a car while the kids get shot. They're doing a good job. Those are canine officers. Yellow medal of cowardice. No, you stay. All cops are bad dogs. It's funny because it's true.

Alright, keeping the animal news going. A lonely dolphin separated from his pod is believed to be behind a series of attacks near a Japanese seaside town. And I want to say I get it. In 2019 when Mean Boys ended and I got separated from my pod I also started biting Japanese people. I don't want to get in front of Tom

but we have another very similar Mexican chocop showdown. Dead cats are at a 15% rise this year in Los Angeles. Authorities are blaming Connor McSpad's downtime between development spots at the comedy store. It's good luck to kill them, Tom. And they make such cool jewelry.

Well, eventually you get bored of just putting cigarettes out on them. I'm supposed to drink blood out of what? A cup? Yeah. The devil didn't tell me to leave him alive. Scientists say a Japanese dolphin has attacked multiple humans because it's suffering

from extreme loneliness. Due to its habit of lashing out at others to mask the deep emptiness in its soul, the animal has been renamed the Dolphinius Conum Expandus. If you'd worked in some reference to it being perfectly smooth and devoid of muscle tone, then it would have been perfect.

It's shocking how of all the animals I've been compared to, you to dolphin is a real one-to-one. Yeah, there's a hole in my back just for blowing air and fucking. You know, fellas, how you got your fuck hole on the back? The butt. It's like, damn, girl, shove your pussy between my shoulder blades. It's like they have an anal mouth almost. An anal mouth?

Yeah. One of our friends who talks like this who shall remain nameless. I don't know who you're talking about. What's going on? Well, now I can't

tell the story. I'll cut it out. I'll cut that out. You have to cut it out. All right. Yeah, it was... Oh, con man. I was with this big Latina broad.

She made me lay on my stomach. She rode my back like a slug. I've heard that story. It's more upsetting every time. She slid her pussy up and down my spine, Connor. Connor, why aren't you looking at my eyes? I can't finish unless you look at my eyes. I my spine, Connor. Connor, why aren't you looking at my eyes? I can't finish unless you look at my eyes. I'm scared, Connor.

Not only do I know the guy, I know the girl, too. You're like a horny slug. I threw some salt on the bitch. Just the look in his face when he said, she rode me like a slug. You know, slug style. Everyone's favorite way to fuck. She slimed that boy up, I'll tell you what.

A Border Patrol dog sniffed out 81 pounds of cocaine. Upon the dog's victory, ice was heard screaming, white powder, white powder, white powder. Oh boy. You ever notice the best way to get cocaine is to be on cocaine fuck i've never done cocaine that's so true it is true i never have any idea about cocaine where

to get it who's doing it every time i've done cocaine i'm suddenly clued in it's like like some kind of mycelium network that permeates the universe everyone just knows that you're yeah they they're they're their powder sense is tingling and you just get more so you got bit by a radioactive overdose yeah yeah it's only gateway drug to more of that drug i mean that's most drugs yeah it's true that's how addiction works but it is kind of fucked up that you need the drug to find the drug you do need yeah yeah yeah. It's like a sourdough bread starter. You always need one eight ball to get you to the next eight ball. So you can't get addicted to cocaine.

Nah. Yeah. That's official, by the way. We said that. That's medical Tom. All right. I think it's my turn. Went Tom and then, because we're going around this way, right? We're going this way today.

Yeah, so it's Keith. Oh Went Tom and then, because we're going around this way, right? We're going this way today. Yeah, so it's Keith. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. Motherfucker. Germany has reported multiple cases of raccoons breaking into homes and stealing beer, which sounded cute until one of the raccoons stood up at a beer hall and shouted, We must secure the garbage for our people and a future for raccoon children. The raccoon hall putch.

I literally had a moment where I had my fucking internet browser open and just one tab just was a Google search for raccoon news and one was a Google search for the 14 words and I was like we're back in me boys mode.

Yeah, we should just rebrand animal boys. Yeah, all animals just rebrand Animal Boys. Yeah. Yeah, all animals all the time. Or, and I'm just going to spitball, we could not do that. We could. Or we could. I'm into it, but only if we call it Wild Boys with the same logo.

And we replace me with Chris Pontius and you with Steve-O. Tom remains unchanged. A camera. Tom films. Tom is you with Steve-O. Tom remains unchanged. A camera. Tom films. Tom is replaced with a puma. And me and Keith stand out of frame and chant kiss, kiss, kiss. You know, I've been working on this raccoon

Jews flee joke. It's just going nowhere. A New Hampshire 7-Eleven started blasting opera music 24-7 to deter loitering the loiterers are gone but people in the area have complained about the noise with one woman saying oh i am so done done done done dude that's like such a thing though like liquor stores blasting the classical music it is a new thing and it does give like you know the-baked people dying of exposure. It makes them more poetic.

Yeah. It feels like the most out-of-touch rich guy thing of like, these trash people will wilt against the power of art. Like, we're going to go, ah! Of course! These people hear internal screaming 24-7. They're not worried about a little Mozart. Also, I've never heard Beethoven have been like,

I'm going to get extra Snickers today. Like, it's just, there's something, they'll play something classy as I'm walking into the classless establishments. Right. But also, the homeless are always still there. Like, they're just on meth hanging out, and now I'm annoyed while I'm trying to get my taquitos. And in terms of music that makes me want to fuck shit up

and vandalize a 7-Eleven, I love the movie Clockwork Orange. It's classical music. Exactly, yeah. You put on Mozart's 40th, and I'm ready to go. Right. And like, I don't know. It's your joke, Tom.

Oh, duh. Okay. My bad. We've got to get a fucking poker dealer button for this shit. Right. 225 episodes. We can't figure this out. We can't be expected to remember a circle. Well, it's a triangle.

So it has infinitely fewer sides than a circle. Way less confusing. Yeah, exactly. You're the pokey part. I'm the pokey part. He's the pokey part. Yeah. You're the least pokey part. You're the pokey part. He's the pokey part. Yeah. You're the least pokey part. You're the obtuse angle of the triangle. New York State, the state, has been urging horse owners to vaccinate their horses.

Many horse owners are resisting out of fear and may give their horses trotism. All of these horses getting vaccinated are now obsessed with carriages and counting flies. You just put like a Yu-Gi-Oh card on a stick and dangle it. Trotism was very dumb. Yeah. You turn it into glue when it gets hurt and then feed it to itself. I definitely met a couple of horse girls in L.A. that are trotistic oh yeah for sure most of them uh finally a tourist was killed by a collapsing ice cave in iceland man that dude should have gone to nothing bad happens lind what because iceland and then he was killed by i didn't find enough

good animal stories wait is that the last one? I thought we only did... That was my last one. Why do we have two left? I don't know, but do both of them. I have one left. One, two, three. I've only told three jokes. If I'm being honest, I thought that was my last one, but that's okay. I think we skipped me in the circle one time. Let's just go,

guys. Why don't we restart the show? Okay. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. Oakland firefighters set down the jaws of life they were using to save a crash victim, and they were immediately stolen. Unable to be reached for comment was the city's newest villain, Dr. Claw. I'm just picturing a homeless, schizophrenic Wesley Willis type with a big robot claw. Yeah. Going, you best beware the claw.

Give me your shoes, crank. Yeah, I should have closed with trotism. I should have done the other one. Pizza Hut has unveiled a new pizza box that folds out into a table. In a related story, Keith Carey is redecorating. Glad we went back for that. All right. A lonely dolphin separated from his pod.

Fuck this show. I fucking quit, dude. An L.A. man had his squad of goats taken away because they kept escaping and attacking the neighbors. Neighborhood Watch did nothing to help the situation since all the goats were white. I had one filler, and I was hoping to count on the trotism joke. I like that we all agreed unspokenly to put the bad one at the end.

Alright, Logan Paul's pig was found stranded in an animal sanctuary. Logan Paul said that he didn't abandon it and just planned on meeting back up with it after a headline roast fest in Tokyo. Oh, it's me. Yeah, who would have guessed? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You both did the same thing where you bombed and then you're like, quit, call, keep fat. Throw the smoke bomb. I think if... I fucked up and should have closed with trotism. It was an accident on my end. Your guys' town foolery tricked me. Town foolery?

Yes. Tim foolery. It's named after you. No, I'm named after it. Every single... My middle name is foolery. It's named after you. No, I'm named after it. My middle name is Foolery. Tom Foolery Goss. TFG. All right, guys.

Animal Boys will be back after these messages. Hello. I'm Josh DeMauro, chairman of Walt Disney Parks and Resorts. For almost 70 years, Disney theme parks have been the place to step into your favorite stories. From Disney animation to Pixar to Marvel and Star Wars, the list goes on and on. But now, Disney is proud to announce their newest intellectual property acquisition. You! That's right, Disney now owns the rights to all of the most important moments in your life.

Disney has been a part of your life since the moment you were born. And now you will be part of ours. Let the loving fingers of our board of directors reach deep into your soul and pull a glistening hunks of inspiration from the wet parts of your heart. Imagine the possibilities. A churro cart themed to your first kiss. An animatronic recreation of the day you heard the Beatles for the first time. Move over, Mickey Mouse.

We've got a costume character based on your best friend Jacob from elementary school. It's an experience so magical, you'll forget that you looked him up on Facebook last year and found out he OD'd. There is no memory too repressed or too private for the Disney Corporation to monetize. Remember that night your dad got drunk and hit your mom? You sure do. And as we speak, a warehouse full of Chinese children is churning out thousands of officially licensed Funko Pops of the moment.

You might be asking yourself, how are you doing this? The answer is magic. You also might be asking yourself, is this legal? The answer is shut up. Here at Disney, we strive to provide an unparalleled guest experience. Now that we own you, you have been given purpose. Why merely be the pig when you can also be the slop? It's the night your dog died when you were eight years old. You're watching his eyes as the life fades away, leaving them limp and dark. He doesn't understand what's happening, and neither do you.

In this moment, the safe and beautiful bubble of your childhood innocence is forever punctured. The cold winds of a vast and cruel world fill your lungs until you're too cold, too numb to cry. Do you remember? Do you remember? We know you do. Well, now you can relive it again as a trackless dark ride at Disney California Adventure. It'll be nestled in between a stunt show spectacular about the day you found out there's no Santa and a photo op with the fat robot from Big Hero 6.

Get 10% off Park Hopper tickets online by entering the name of the kid you had a secret gay experience with during all-night Bible study in 1998 at checkout. Don't worry, we already know who it is, and we know he doesn't think about you as much as you think about him. Disney, we're basically God if he sold collectible popcorn buckets. Ladies and gentlemen, the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a around with one of our favorite games which are the following calm it's just uh it's we really never uh thought about these jingles twice at all it's still it's still sesame street that i cut from youtube like 10 years ago when i was was editing last week, I had to put that fucking new names one in there. And I'm like, every time I listen to this, I go back and forth. I hate this so much, and it's my favorite thing we ever made.

Yeah, I feel so, which I think is the perfect piece of art. Yeah, everything we do that's great is also kind of annoying. You can't justify it existing, but you can't bring yourself to destroy it. Exactly. I like to refer to thinking as some Pete Holmes nonsense. We don't do that here. Alright, well, I was talking to the boys about how have we not

done a What's the Following on G.G. Allen lyrics. He is this guy who poops all over himself and attacks people, and his music is awful, and it seems like he was grown in a lab to not only be something that I project arbitrary meaning onto that isn't there, but also be a perfect Mean Boys game.

Now, as it turns out, the more I learned about G.G. Allen, the more I just got fucking depressed. Yeah, he sucks. He sucks. His music sucks. His lyrics have no real depth to them. And I found that as I was reading about him, what I really wanted to do was read about Darby Crash. Okay. So instead, I prepared a game of which of the following is not some crazy shit that Darby Crash did.

You know how bad you got to suck to make Darby Crash the more palatable? That's what I'm saying. You want to explain who Darby Crash is to people who don't know? The Lindsay Lohan movie. Yeah. Darby the Love Bug. We must drive bug we must drive darby is not the name of that thing but lindsey lohan's pussy does have germs

oh i know we're doing an outfit change forgot to switch into the right shirt well uh kim fowley once said that punk rock is suburban white teenagers prolonging the process of turning into suburban white adults. And I would like to congratulate Keith Carey and myself on a job well done. Yeah. I don't think anyone exemplified this better than Darby. He died at 23 years old on Pearl Harbor Day, the night before John Lennon was shot, completely overshadowing his dramatic thing he was trying to do. What is Pearl Harbor Day? December 7th.

Oh. What do you think might have happened on Pearl Harbor? Oh, I mean, it just seems... That's when all those guys calmed on the harbor? It seems like we forgot to never forget about Pearl Harbor Day after 9-11 happened. Yeah, they kind of eat its lunch. Yeah. 9-11 is John Lennon.

Pearl Harbor is Darby Crash crash yes um i wasn't listening but i agree this metaphor tracks sometimes i tune out for a second and keith is like well hitler was right about this and i have to go yeah yeah sure and uh round three uh yeah well you will learn a lot about him here but um you know he was a secretly gay pretty boy with a troubled home life who loved nietzsche and hitler and who can't relate to that you know, he was a secretly gay pretty boy with a troubled home life who loved Nietzsche and Hitler. And who can't relate to that? You know? Damn.

How did he love Hitler? Well, he liked, well, he's very interested in fascism, controlling people's minds, getting people to do what he said. Uh-huh. Being a. Like a hypnotist kind of deal. Well, he called himself a rhetorician, whatever the fuck that means, someone who uses language to control reality. Oh, I thought it was someone who just said a lot of shit

that I didn't expect a response from. Yeah, no, it's also pretty accurate. He's kind of a homeless cult leader is the best way to describe Darby Crash's whole deal. Yeah, you know, kind of half ripping off Iggy, half ripping off Bowie, you know, half just on heroin. I don't

know about those ratios. I think he was 80% on heroin. He was 150% on heroin, David Bowie and Iggy Pop. And he did a lot of weird stuff. He's a very interesting character. He attended a high school that was structured around like ESTS training and Scientology.

This kind of like make your own classes, like give yourself your own grade shit. So which of the following is not something that Darby Crash got training in Scientology. This kind of like make your own classes, like give yourself your own grade shit. So which of the following is not something that Darby Crash got into at Scientology IPS High School? A, created a class called fruit eating and gave himself an A. B, created a hoax and changed the scripts during the morning announcements

to convince all the students that Led Zeppelin had died in a plane crash, causing everyone in the school to cry. He tried to convince a the students that Led Zeppelin had died in a plane crash, causing everyone in the school to cry. He tried to convince a girl he was God until she started crying and throwed Bibles at him. Or D, he created detailed progress reports for all of his teachers and gave them all failing grades. Okay.

What is the mascot for Scientology High? Like, what is their football team? Oh, fuck. It should just be the two little things you got to hold for an e-reader, and they should be like, you know, Larry and Gary, you know. The Fightin' Thetans. I thought it would be like Tom Cruise and John Travolta in a human centipede kind of deal.

There you go. Yeah. The stadium's called The Closet. Yeah, they even got the secretly gay. He probably didn't even know he was secretly gay yet, but they were like, ah, we're scouting him. I see that earring crash. Okay, so it was... Fucking Shelly Miscavige is hanging in the rafters

with the retired jerseys. But that's where she is. I totally know who that is. I get that reference. I'm smart. The guy, David Miscavige, the guy who's like the head of Scientology, his wife has just been like not seen publicly

and been like kind of missing for like 20 years. And he's like, oh, she's fine. Don't worry about it. And he for sure killed her. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's crazy. My mom had a Miscavige before I was born.

She didn't. Yeah. Let's see. Her pussy works. Mother's character. Yeah. I forgot all of them. But, A, if I'm being completely honest. Yeah, I think D, the progress report, is the fake one.

All right. I think a lot of people did that one. I'm going to say C. Fake one was D, detailed progress reports for all of his teachers. All right. What's the following? He's not a real Darby Crash exploit. Dubious Childhood Claims Edition.

Dubious. Dubious. Claimed to have dreamed some of the lyrics of Bowie's Diamond Dogs album before it came out. Claims to have taken 10 hits of acid,

drank a six pack, and jumped off the Santa Monica Pier in the middle of the night. Claims he stayed awake for two weeks. Claims he stayed awake for two weeks. Claims that he ditched his friends, snuck past security, watched the Peter Frampton concert from backstage,

and made it home before his friends without a car. Hmm. Oh, that's tough because I don't imagine him enjoying Peter Frampton. Eh, it's like 1975. Nobody knew what they enjoyed yet. That's kind of what was available. I like Peter Frampton.

That is very surprising. Do-wop, do-wop, do-wop. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. You got that voice thing. I love, this is great, because it's Tom trying to sound like a guitar, trying to sound like a person. This is like a three steps removed impression.

There's a great quote from uh mike watt from the minute man i think it's an american hardcore where he's talking about like growing up in the 60s he's like man at woodstock happened and we were all kids and we were like we're gonna get to the 70s and it's gonna be amazing and then we got there and it was just fucking peter franthan um shit uh i want to say the bowie one is the fake one okay because like i know a lot of kids who lied about being like crazy and hardcore and all those other ones feel like things they would say yes versus the bowie thing feels a little a little more woo-woo and a little less look how badass i am he was very much performative. He was both I'm performatively tough and he was I'm performatively sensitive and I have magic powers.

He was like, I'm actually cooler than you in every way. I'm going to go with the Santa Monica Pier one because I thought he was British. Well, he's not if that changes your opinion. I stand by what I said. Very much from L.A. Only his teeth. He did not claim to dream the lyrics to Diamond Dogs. Keith is two for two on understanding dead heroin addict dirtbags.

I don't know how. Yeah, weird. I'm still pretty sure he's British. Darby is a British-ass name, to be fair. It is, yeah. No, you wouldn't name an American that. I think Darby is what they call elevators. Yeah.

All right. Which is not a real Darby Crash exploit. Secretly gay edition. A, he lived with Paul Lynn's favorite rent boy. Okay. B, he hid gay porno mags and a copy of Nietzsche's The Spank Zarathustra. The Spank Zarathustra. The Spank Zarathustra. C, he fell in love with a gay child sex worker named Donnie Rose,

who used to work right outside our old apartment by Playboy Liquor. Wow. Or D, tried to make somebody gay by turning the lights on and off really fast. Okay, I'm going to go with D just because that sounds like how I think gay works. You remember when they showed that episode of Pokemon

in the 90s and like 2% of kids turned gay? Oh, fuck. I wonder if there's a plaque outside of Playboy Licker. No, it was all... First of all, reading the book Lexicon Devil and We Got the Neutron Bomb, it's absolutely shocking how much kid fuckery there was going on in the L.A. punk scene in the 1970s. But I was even more surprised.

It all happened right by where I lived. I was walking around smoking where Darby Crash was pimping himself. None of those things surprised me. Yeah, that used to just be like a place where you went to die instead of go to Madame Tussauds. Like, it was a very different neighborhood. Well, even then, I once saw a man walking around with a needle in his arm in that area. So he's like, I'm saving this. Real quick, run them just broad strokes. Paul Lynn's Rent Boy.'m saving this real quick. Run them. Just broad strokes.

Paul Lynn's rent boy. Porno Nietzsche. Sex worker by our old apartment. Gay lights on and off. I'm going to go. The Paul Lynn rent boy. We're twinking and blinking. That's the porn I'm starring in.

No, he did live with Paul Lynn's favorite rest boy. boy rent boy a guy named tony the hustler okay uh the fake one was he hid gay porno mags in uh copies of his nicha books damn that was my initial thought but i'm like it's too funny definitely had nicha books probably had gay porn it's possible that it happened i did make that one up he did try to make someone gay by turning the lights on and off really fast because he was like is hanging out with this guy and they were just like really good friends and then he was kind of like I've had this happen to me before really oh shit my buddy is gay for me and he was telling me and he

kept getting shot down kept getting shot down and finally he like blocked the door and started turning the lights on and off really fast and was like just like are you gay yet you want to suck it though right that could work in that like what if you're like hanging out with a dude and he's like You want to suck it though, right? That could work in that like... What? No, no, hear me out.

If you're like hanging out with a dude and he's like, I want you to fucking suck my dick. And you're like, I really don't want to. And then he blocks the door and does the light switch and goes, suck my dick. I think you might just go, well, if I don't suck his dick, he's going to kill me. Yeah, I guess if that's our definition of working. I mean, I don't think Darby would have turned it down. And now imagine the man blocking

the door is a 15-year-old boy who's never done a push-up. That's a very good point. Out of the way, space twink. Yeah, he's pulling the Louis C. You don't see me. C, you don't see me. C, you don't see me. Now you see me, now you see K. Darby C.K.,

everybody. Alright. Which of the following is not a real Darby Crash Exploit Huge fucking poser edition Darby was hugely anti-poser Despite being a huge fucking poser himself Which of the following

Is not a real Darby Crash exploit A Very funny set up For somebody who changed Into a germ shirt To show how great They were for this bitch To fucking show

The great artwork And respect the history Of the band Keith To fucking make it to the mat great we're for this bitch. To fucking show the great artwork and respect the history of the band, Keith. To fucking make it to the mat. I'm sorry for putting effort into the show. It's a circle and they're fine. Continue. Yeah, they are fine. The circle is cool. The circle is very cool.

A. Did he walk around England carrying germs albums under his arms so he would get recognized? B, emptied out pills so he could then take a bunch of pills in front of people and impress them with how many pills he took. C, drank an entire bottle of poppers to show off and threw it all up. Okay. Or D, once asked Lorna Doom if she felt he was wearing the quote right amount of safety pins on his jeans I honestly like all this other stuff is like what a fucking weirdo this is all very charming and

it's like oh you were just doing your best little buddy that's the thing about Darby Crash is like every time you're like well that tears it this guy fucking sucks you read something else about him and you're like I kind of want to root for him yeah he's the rudy of oding i guess uh broad stroke him one more time i'm sorry uh england with the albums fake pills drank the poppers safety pins okay i'm gonna go with c because i thought you sniffed poppers at least that's how i did i know you do but i think the idea is that he drank them to like be like oh i fucking oh kids were passing around the parking lot he them to be like, oh, I fucking... Kids were passing around the parking lot. He wanted to be hardcore.

Didn't know what they were. Isn't drinking them just kind of like drinking an antifreeze? Yeah. Yes. C is my guess as well, actually. I'm gaming it the other way, and I'm like,

I know you love a good Poppers reference. That's also true. Once you pop, you don't stop. And you already mentioned Poppers. I'm going to say poppers. Like asspringles. Yeah. Yeah, they've got a shape that way, too.

Asspringles? They had a line of poppers called asspringles. With a guy doing a thumbs up on the cover? Like, I would be so... It just makes you as wide as the fucking can. I mean, yeah, that's the pitch. It comes with a measuring tape wrapped around the bottle that you can unfurl. Sour cream and onion.

Who needs sour cream and onion poppers? Keith would be dead by Thursday. Oh, my God. You guys guessing C? I'm locked in on poppers. Yeah. That's my new podcast. Here's how I know the Mean Boys, A, do not like me, and B, do not listen to me.

I have told you both the Darby Crash poppers story before because I loved it so much. But you told so many uninteresting stories. How are we going to remember all of them? That's what I'm saying. They're not even scanning for new ones anymore. What was it? The safety pins. That was

made up. Round number whatever. Which of the following is not a real Darby Crash exploit? Darby Crash was actually fucking awesome edition. In the 16 bar drum intro to the song Circle One, he jumped over the drummer, chugged a beer, broke the bottle over his head, carved a circle into his chest,

and hit the first note of the song perfectly just to make Sid Vicious feel like a pussy. B, he had an entourage of chubby Jewish women who would pay for everything he wanted and they called themselves Crash Trash. Okay. C. He drank an entire six pack of beer in one circle jerk song.

Fucking hell. That's like 90 seconds at the longest. He was quizzed at the Hollywood Scientology Center, got a perfect score, and they asked him to teach there. Huh. I actually never knew all this stuff about him being like a Scientologist.

He wasn't really a Scientologist. Probably being involved in that world, though. He was raised in this, the high school was kind of influenced by Scientology. It wasn't officially a Scientology thing, but they just went to, like we would go down to the Scientology Center to just fuck around for fun.

Right. And Pat Smear got a perfect zero, and they were like, you're going to hell. You need to stop doing drugs. And Pat Smear got a perfect zero, and they were like, you're going to hell. You need to stop doing drugs. You're going to space hell. And Darby, they were like, can we make you the president of space? Hmm.

Yeah, the funniest part to me is this is the fucking awesome edition. I think it's the crash garbage Jewish girl. I forgot what it was called. Crash trash. Yeah, just because you being followed around by a bunch of chubby Jewish women seems like something from your dream diary. You took the words right out of my mouth.

I'm going to say that's from your vision board and not from his life. They were so fat and so Jewish. It was awesome. Guys, I'm trying to do the podcast. Not get hard, please. Broad stroke him one more time.

I know I've done this every time, but I forget. Chubby Jewish girls. Carved a circle in his chest. Crash trash. Oh, that's Jewish girls. Drank an entire six pack in one circle jerk song. Scientology. I'm going to say-pack in one circle jerk song. Scientology. I'm going to say six-pack in a circle jerk song.

All right. The Jewish gals. The Jewish girls were real. That's where I put it down there because I read that, and I was like, God, I really fucking... I always wished I could have died in like 1984, but never more than when I read that. I was like, that should have been me. I was born for this life. The fake one one was i don't think it's humanly possible to drink a six pack of beer in one circle jerk song but it sounded like a punk rock fact it sounds like a challenge

that's so fast it's rather fast all right last two rounds punk celebrities edition which is the following is not a real derby crash exploit a he. He got into an argument with Alice Bagg about the role of the performer in music, and she knocked him the fuck out. He peer-pressured Jello Biafra into seriously injuring himself. He convinced Keith Moores to grow dreads. He walked up to convicted murderer Reggie Mental, put something in his mouth, said, You are what you eat, walked away.

Reggie then discovered he had put a one-inch tall rubber baby in his mouth. So the following is not a real Darby Crash punk celebrity anecdote. I think it's the Keith Morris Dread ones. Okay. Dreads one. I can't talk. Who is Alice Bagg? Singer for the punk band The Bags.

Let's do heroin. I'm going to say that one. Fake one is convince Keith Morris to grow dreads. Let's go. I had a whole fake backstory. I didn't sell the fake backstory. That one felt too weird to be true. Yeah.

I knew the baby one. See, my relation to punk is like i like doing this into people you don't need to make it any more complicated than that yeah yeah like i love punk but i'm like oh this uh mr it's like okay it's normal name noun last name. I can't wait to hear what they're going to say loudly. Tom, I need you to learn the name of a lot of dead 20-year-olds from the 80s. It's really important to your understanding of this unlistenable art that I have devoted most of my life to loving. And finally, all real or all fake,

Darby Crash is actually just incredibly fucking sad edition. A. He was stopped from shooting up using water from a puddle on Hollywood Boulevard. B. He had a verbally abusive mother who only owned inflatable furniture. Comfort Ninja inflatable furniture. Let's go. Didn't provide

enough. It was cold comfort indeed. His older brother died of a heroin overdose administered by a vindictive drug dealer indeed his older brother died of a heroin overdose administered by a vindictive drug dealer and his stepfather died at 39 and d nobody showed up to his hot dog party the day before he killed himself now i just want to check does hot dog party mean the same thing to him that it does to the rest of us a party where you and all your buddies eat hot dogs yeah yeah okay you could see a hot dog party as he locks the door with 20 people inside and flips the lights on.

Yeah. You go to both kinds of hot dog parties. You're going to a glory hole. You're dog sexual, bro. And then you slide a kielbasa. That would be so great. Like alternate timeline. Like Darby gets sober, like embraces his fucking sexuality as a gay man.

The germs put out a second album, lead single, hot dog party. Alternate timeline, like Darby gets sober, embraces his fucking sexuality as a gay man. The Germs put out a second album, lead single, Hot Dog Party. They're just all about gay sex, and it's just not good. Did this band have singles? Yeah. In the way that you would put out a single back in the day, but they weren't on the radio. Yeah. Maybe Rodney on the Rock was playing them or something.

Exactly, yeah. Do you want to guess? i think they're all fake they're all real they're all real i disagree yeah i bet you didn't realize that was an option huh damn apparently his mother was just this kind of like job of the hut looking creature just sitting a big blow-up chair eating potato chips going, Dobby, you ruined everything, Dobby. And he'd just be like crying. Like, I don't know. And then, you know, they'd do acid and jump off the pier. Yeah. So, you know, I thought that was going to be funnier.

Mean Boys Podcast will be right back. That was good. We might bleed. We might bleed. We might bleed. We might bleed. And the Mean Boys podcast returns. We got another game for you because we still don't have the mailbag up, but please leave us a voicemail.

Fuck, I was going to plug the phone number. The voicemail number. I don't have it. Yeah, it's in the show notes. Fucking do that. You do the homework. But I got a round of one of our favorite old school games. This is is a price check so the rules of this game for anybody who's never heard it i'm gonna give you guys two things you tell me which one is higher whether it's a price or a

number or a percentage you're picking the biggest one uh and we'll start here number one is the tom goss round okay so which number is higher the amount of different bird species in California or the amount of mental disorders categorized in the DSM-5? Birds. It's 100% birds. Over two-thirds of the world's bird species can be found in Southern California. I feel like these are both things that if you told Tom all of them, he'd go, nah, I know four you've never heard of. I do believe that, but there's not that much like the whole the

fucking the whole thing with the dsm-5 is like people trying to keep shit out of it almost you know like what seems like it's a lot of trying to keep like you know being mexican and gay or something like out of that like they there are a lot of things that are just like a thing you can do as a person that were categorized as like mental illnesses for a long time yeah i think for more so like in the 70s, but like they don't necessarily go around like ads. Like sometimes they'll combine, you know, personality disorder. But there's like 28 of them.

I'm not going to spoil it, but I won't say which one's the right answer, but there were more than I expected. It's how many, what's in the DSM-5? How many distinct mental disorders are categorized in the DSM-5? Yeah, it's not more than the number of fucking species of birds. No way.

In California, I think we have 758 different species of birds. Did you just pull out an exact number? I don't know if I'm 100% correct. According to my numbers, you're not. But mine might be a little more. I would trust Tom's intuition more than any. I didn't quadruple fact check all these numbers. We had to put this game together last second

because we were supposed to have a guest today. Yeah, yeah. So my sources are trust me, bro. But I bet Tom could go, oh, nope, 757. You know, like he could just feel it. Tom's just like a Cerebro for birds. Yeah, like an Aquaman kind of quality. Come to me, red-breasted nuthatch.

I'm not going to say that riff. I'm in the deleted scenes. I've seen a DSM-IV that was that thick, but there could be multiple pages for one. Yeah, there could be, Tom. So I'm going to go go birds i like the idea that you measure books by inches i haven't read the dsm no i know it's like an inch longer than the friggin bible i said i know but if you told me you had i wouldn't question it for a second

uh i've read the dsls I read them in the fucking mirror every morning. So you're saying birds. Tom, what was your guess? Birds. The great answer is birds. Birds, I have around 600. DSM, 450. Yeah. Alright, round number two. This is the Conor McSpadden round. I would love to see, like,

it'd be great to just, we each spend three hours with a clinical psychologist. We just, who comes away with the high score keith's got 14 i got 28 tom's got nine you know like yeah that would be a fun idea what's ironic is most of the women i've dated are like birds with a lot of the dsm-5 contents the mentally olympics what if this raven was bipolar? What does a, just cause they fly away.

They're, they're a pointy. Yeah, they are pointing. You know how a lot of, a lot of Tom's exes have tried to peck his eyes out. Shit on his car. They're often seen working on power lines. I was just,

steal my jewelry. I'm just imagining like a, like a bad bitch with like slides on, like just doing a full squat on the hood of Tom's Prius, just like fucking taking gigantic shit, just like broad daylight, like fuck you. It's because I love you. This would be an incredible power move.

Round number two, the Conner McSpadden round. Which is more expensive? The more expensive vape pen ever sold or Jell-O by Aphra's estimated net worth? Definitely the most expensive vape pen ever sold. Vap biafra's estimated net worth definitely the most expensive vape pen ever sold vapes have become an extension of a person's wealth like you know watches jewelry clothing something like that so i'm sure douchebags have come up with some kind of platinum encrusted diamond coated fucking you know orphan blood dipped vape that's a million

zillion dollars and uh fucking uh i don't know jello biafra gets what 25 of a mildly popular band like you think anybody on epstein's island ever vaped a dream of chrome oh yeah yeah i want to drain a crown to be real so bad right out of a child's skull um why they had saw this button You would think if they had a convenient vapor delivery system, they wouldn't have to suck it directly out of my pineal gland. I'm also going to save a riff for the Black Files right now. It's the vape pen.

I didn't expect this to tee off this riff. No, sorry. $726,988 for that vape pen covered in diamonds. Jell-O by Afro reportedly worth half a million dollars. Wait, how much? Half a million.

Wait, how much was the vape pen? $726,988. I knew Jell-O would never sell out. All right, and here's the Keith Carey round, which is higher. The percentage of American adults who smoke cigarettes or the percentage of Americans who are uncircumcised oh shit first two were kind of layups but this one is where it gets a little trickier i am going to go two of my favorite minority groups yeah uncircumcised or smoker huh the million foreskin march for circumcised rights i guess

outside of just generally being arab smoking isn't really like a part of a culture or a religion i guess that's true whereas circumcision is like if that's in somebody's book i forget it's the jews the jews cut it off yeah but there's nobody who's book. I forget. It's the Jews. The Jews cut it off. Yeah. But there's nobody who's like, you better leave it on. I don't know, actually. I have no idea what everybody else's deal on foreskin is. I would guess, you know what?

Smoking is more fun than getting your dick cut off. Smoking. A hot take from Connor. The smokers are dying. I mean, so are uncircumcised people. Yeah, but not from being uncircumcised. No, that doesn't make a blessed dad. Also, they can breed with their uncut

dicks and create more uncircumcised people. People who smoke can also come. Yeah, but they're dying faster. Every piece of logic you've introduced is broken. But if I cut off my foreskin and I fuck your mother and she has a kid, it'll still have a foreskin. I'm going to say that they all have a foreskin until you cut it off.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, then they only have a three skin. I'm going to say it's... Keith has a fucking five skin. Shit is like Double D's beanie from Ed Edmond. I think there's more... My own reservoir tip. Yes. I think there's more hooded ninjas.

Okay. Percentage of American adults who smoke, 11.5%. Uncircumcised, approximately 20%. Boom. Nailed it. I know these dicks. What you know about dick sweaters, son? Wait, what was the numbers?

11.5 for smokers, 20 for uncircumcised. 20%? Approximately are uncircumcised, yeah. That seems so high. As someone who was homeschooled and saw a lot of homeschooled dicks, yeah, they're out. They're out there. What?

No one circumcises their kid if they're homeschooled, except for me. That's a stereotype you can follow. Homeschooled kids don't get circumcised don't google that uh homeschool kid dick ambulance or police car the spade is too horny get him to a hospital yeah we must check the dsm 69 uh all right which is worth more a baseball signed by bill clinton or a baseball bat signed by andrew dice a baseball bat signed by Andrew Dice Clay?

Oh, definitely Clinton. Baseball card? Baseball bat or a baseball Clinton or baseball bat for Dice. Oh, ball. Is there any, like, relevance to the baseball? Like, did he throw it at someone? Unclear. Yeah, like an opening throw. Maybe, but I didn't see that. Okay. Did he throw it at someone? Unclear. At someone?

Yeah, for like an opening throw. Maybe, but I didn't see that. Okay, all right. There weirdly are a bunch of listings for baseball signed by Bill Clinton. Is there a baseball player named Bill Clinton? It's the president. Okay, all right. Allegedly. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm not verifying.

Yeah, yeah. Well, he does love peanuts and Cracker Jacks. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go with good old Billy Baggums out from the Carolinas, saxophoning it out. I'm going to go with him. My favorite Carolina, Arkansas. Yeah, exactly.

Man, if only I could do a really good Bill Clinton impression. This would be the time. Yeah, if only I wrote around in this room specifically catering to two impressions you often do on the show. Yeah, yeah. Use this bat to not swing. Hey, bats.

Hey, ball. That's my impression of Bill Clinton. The baseball was $275 for Bill Clinton. The bat by Dice Clay, $349. Oh, wow. Yeah. I guess he said to any of those balls. I guess so.

It's the surplus. Like, who wants something? I flooded the market. There's one thing there's too much of. It's my balls. It was like Hill Dog's pussy after the midterms in 96. Oversaturated. Well, it also makes more sense because that ball is just a ball,

but the bat is also a weapon. So it's double. Yeah. Could you imagine getting killed by an autographed Andrew Dice Clay bat that would rule? The last thing you'd say, is that Andrew Dice Clay? Yeah. All right, next one.

I saw a video of me trying to throw a baseball. Had me in stitches. Which number is higher? The amount of people in America who have HIV or the amount of people in America who own a pet ferret? So you're asking me if there's more gay people or gay people? I mean, as we all know,

scientifically, every gay person has AIDS. And as I know, anecdotally, most of them own ferrets. It feels like a very straight pet to me. No, it's an asexual one. I'll take that,

but it doesn't feel cultured enough for a gay pet it smells weird and it's no no it's a very weird it's a very weird specific kind of gay it's interesting guy in a trailer park on like ferrets because it's not quite a drug dealer pet no that's like that's a snake low class kind of it's kind of i'm with tom it's kind of an androgynous pet. I would like a ferret. If there's a gay guy whose shoes are too big for them, that gay guy has a ferret. Okay. Like the weird homeschool gay. Yes. With their

foreskins and their ferrets. We're just creating a weird world of homeschool stereotypes. Yeah. They all have lightsabers. Tom has got some of them. Putting the home in homo. I just if a gay guy's shoes don't fit he's the kind of gay guy that would own a ferret and i thought about that for a long time and i was like you know i keep it sounds right well if they're feels intuitively true like a so you know doesn't have fashion sense yeah if

they're like a nebraskan get off my lawn secret gay but open about it that would be a fair and having gay get off my lawn and into my butt yeah yeah yeah location location location um uh yeah that's the difference between straight people gay people just geography yeah. Where are you going to? Like the vagina or the butt. Tom, I understood. Yeah. Where are these balls go?

I got lost on my way to vagina town. Yeah. Yeah. I took the wrong turn at the Tate and I ended up in Buttburg. There's no bike, curious. There's only bad navigators. What was the question? People with HIV or people with ferrets.

Okay. I'm going to go HIV for two reasons. One, I think there's just more. And two, they keep track of how many people have HIV. Well, most ferret people are in the DL because it's illegal. I'm going to tell you, it was really hard to track down an agreed upon number for ferrets. Ferrets are illegal, so yeah. This is a weird thing I found, too, doing research.

So there were a bunch of numbers that were on the low end of the spectrum. And then there were a few that were crazy high and i looked and apparently there are a bunch of pro ferret legal advocacy groups yes who think ferrets should be legal everywhere who are flooding the market with like these overblown statistics of how many people on ferrets and i'm like how does this become your cause i know several people i remember when schwarzenegger was running for uh for office and i ran into this this friend this schoolmates and their dad became livid whatever schwarzenegger would come up in any sort of setting because schwarzenegger said he would get on they would make ferret owning legal and then went back on it. And they were. That was their cause.

You're a single issue voter. And can I have a ferret? Yeah, they had a ferret. He had big shoes. I'm serious. He also had a lot of pocket knives to keep in his backpack. You know what they say about a man with big shoes? Probably wants a ferret.

Yeah. Yeah. Wait till the boys in the Komodo Dragon Lobby hear about this. You're in the pocket of a ferret yeah yeah um i wait till the boys in the komodo dragon lobby hear about this so i think you're in the pocket of big ferret some states it's legal but most states not so i think just based off of that and they're more gays than ferrets you guys know straight people have hiv too right no what are you okay i'll add another 0.2 to my guess what are you okay i'll add another 0.2 to my guess what are you fucking talking about most drug users die you know people are racist against white people too for the listening audience cotter is just turning into nancy reagan

just say no i think anyone can do anything. Except own a ferret in California. You've been fucking opining about ferret law. Why do you know so much about this? It's just like when a guy knows the age of consent in every state, but it's whether or not you can have him a car. Tom fucked a ferret. Ferrets are also just not great pets because they can get really fucking aggressive. When I was a kid, I watched a documentary on PBS with my parents called

Ferrets, The Pursuit of Excellence that was just all about like really fucking autistic ferret owners and it was one of the funniest things ever. If someone can find that documentary, please send it to me because it's just like lonely old women in sequined outfits

petting a ferret going, this is Sebastian. Yeah. It's just like, this is my long son. Yeah, this is really... Dabi, you fucked it all up, Dabi! This is really the battle of what you can get off the dark market

versus what you can get off the black market. I'm gonna go with... The dark market and the black market? You know what? So there's like Silk Road and the Sloss and Swap Meat? What are you talking about? I misspoke and then I had too much dead air to realize that what I said didn't make sense and I was hoping to skim over it.

AIDS! Somebody heard this tee up and was like, oh, they're probably going to do a bunch of really funny AIDS jokes now. Instead, we talked about ferrets for a good chunk of the run time. Perfect. People's fashion about ferret law is really fascinating. I agree. It caught me off guard

that there was this deep well. It's like, that is some people's thing. That is their Israel versus Palestine is, can I own a ferret? We need a two weasel solution. I am being oppressed! That's a drop.

I'm picking AIDS because nobody has ever gone out with their pals for a night of fun, done a little ketamine, and came home owning a ferret. That sounds like exactly what, and came home owning a ferret. That sounds like exactly what you do before you get a ferret. No, these people are always like, you're imagining people with,

they all have big glasses. They're big glasses. Yeah, he's right. Big shoes. They're wearing a hoodie in 120 degree heat. Okay. Okay.

They know a lot of the newest, the Batman quotes. That is who's owning the ferrets. Okay. Okay. They know a lot of the newest, the Batman quotes. That is who's owning the ferrets. And nice ants. Okay, this description that you're paying. Here's a ferret owner. Alright, they got big combat boots, bathing suit,

one piece, confederate flag, gold chain, marijuana pendant, boxing glove, crown. We definitely have more listeners with ferrets than AIDS. Gold chain Marijuana pendant Boxing glove Crown We definitely have more listeners with ferrets than AIDS I don't know Have you been to any of our shows Tom? Send us an email at meanboyspodcast

Gmail.com And tell us if you have a ferret or HIV I was going to say HIV doesn't count Full blown AIDS HIV was the question Well fine HIV counts in this one very specific case. I have a ferret, but I'm undetectable. That just means I'm good at hiding my ferrets.

Hide the ferrets how you can AIDS. Alright, HIV, 1.2 million people. People in the US who have pet ferrets, 740,000. That feels so high. One of the numbers where I had to start digging in is because you know

how when you Google something now it just does like the AI overview. It went 6 million people in America own ferrets. So all of them? Yeah it was like what the fuck are you telling me that as many people as died in the holocaust own a ferret in this country? There are more ferret owners than libertarians. I like to think of myself as socially liberal, fiscally a small weasel.

I got two more. This describes Rand Paul pretty well. Which costs more? An autographed piece of the Superman cape that's signed by Christopher Reeve or a horse? Because the horse did that to him. Not that horse, just a horse. The average horse. There's like a specific horse I found

when I Googled horse for sale that cost this much money. Is it purebred or... Tom, you're not going to believe this. I didn't write down the specs on the horse. I like to imagine that... It doesn't make a difference. That Eminem's watching right now going,

come on! This is so easy. I found a horse that's close. So like it would be like a close matchup. That's all I'll say. Without any further. Like this could be like the fucking 94 Camry of horses, or it could be like a, you know, a Ferrari.

Like I've not. It wasn't the most expensive horse on the page and it wasn't. It's not like an apple, like a uniform commodity. It's a fucking horse. There's a lot. Yeah. It's like, what's worth more, Arnold Schwarzenegger's signed boot or a car? Yeah.

It's exactly like that. But it's funnier to say a horse. It is. It is. Okay. Okay. Comedy points given. Thank you.

Yeah. I'm in charge of those now. I know about two things, comedy and ferrets. Yeah. And I'm in charge of those now um i know about two things comedy and ferrets yeah and i'm all out of ferrets i really i really regret relinquishing control of the points during our last round of contract negotiations please um yeah okay so just the fact that you here's my guess christopher reeves autograph... Well, it should cost... Oh, here's a question. Is the autograph shaky?

Okay. Or is it... So I had this thought. The autograph looks pretty clean. So I think it's pretty whoopsie daisy. Sounds pretty fake. Yeah. Well, he wasn't always, you know, a robo.

Fake. Oh, yeah. But if it's not fake that's gonna make it worth more wait is the implication that if he signed it with his mouth then it would be worth more yes to me yeah i guess so i don't want to not see the parkinson's in the thing i feel like this is the autographed version of like you get a discount on a dented can though would you rather a woman sign your penis with her hand or her mouth, Keith? Exactly. That's fair. Alright. You got me. I'd let Christopher Reeve blow me.

Yes, we all would. Because he's a hero. Here's my thought. Blowing is how he travels around. He sucks your dick and you just start moving. I can fly. He sucks your dick and starts moving backwards. No, he just starts doing the Peter Frampton thing. Yeah, okay.

Well, nobody gives a fuck about those Superman movies. It's like nobody remembers them. They weren't really very good. This is a cold take. This is one of the most incorrect things you've said on this show. I've never met any... Mike Lawrence has never said to me oh but remember that fucking the original two richard donner supermans are like super well

remembered no they're not what you're saying this is a banana's bad take well you're not nobody likes his movie i mean look at comment if you like those movies so nobody fucking likes those movies that's all they played at my my dead grandma's old folks home it was just those movies well all those dead old people you will believe a man can fly and a grandma can die all right pete um i just like it's i don't know it's like getting all fucking jazzed up about some merchandise from heat the movie heat or some shit like that i would love heat merch i love that way more than superman or horses. Yeah. I'm allergic to horses, though. It's kind of an unfair comparison. How about Tom Sizemore's used baggie of heroin from the set of Heat?

Priceless at any cost. Licked clean. Here's my guess. Horses, they run expensive. It's like one of the most expensive animals you can get. Uh-huh. Oh, wait. Am I thinking about the maintenance for a horse a gold you know how you gotta change the horses oil no it's like crazy expensive to maintain a horse because they eat so much and they're always shitting you gotta take

care of that brake pads fluids shoes. So I'm going to go. I'm just saying sale price of the horse. Yeah. It's not factoring in any aftermarket horse mods. If you want to put under lighting on it or put a DVD player in the back like it's people on my ride, I guess on you. Yeah. Yeah, my horse got a big subwoofer in the back.

Keith, what's your favorite part of those Superman movies? Quick, right now. My favorite part of the Superman movies? Yeah. I love the in Superman 2 when they fight Zod and them. No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't. I literally used to own the full box set. I never watched 3 and 4 really because they're bad. Well, they had that one.

Those ones are actually great. Your favorite part is Superman 3. Richard Pryor. Okay. That's your favorite part? That's the correct answer. Hey, real quick, name any other thing about Superman 3. Richard Pryor. Okay. That's your favorite part? That's the correct answer. Hey, real quick. Name any other thing about Superman 3. Superman's in it.

Okay. Fucker. Are these... Hey. Are these... Oh, no! Are these... Not to prove his point but are these the movies were uh they did that one song where they're like i can't stand to fly i'm not no that's that's just a song that's not it was in one it was in one of the superman absolutely is not i i would bet you

it's in one of them i'd bet you even more because it's not it's in the closing credits in one of the Superman movies. It absolutely is not. I would bet you it's in one of them. I'd bet you even more because it's not. It's in the closing credits for one of them. And you know my favorite part of Superman 4? Hang on. There's no way that's true. Why is it? It's just a song called Superman. Yeah, but they put it in...

Maybe it was on Smallville or something. Super... Hang on. All of the movies we're talking about, the Christopher Reeve Superman movies came out before that song was written. Okay. It came out in the 70s and 80s. Okay.

So it's not that one. The next Superman movie was the the Bryan Singer directed Kevin Spacey starring cursed artifact that is Superman Returns.

Wait. Kevin Spacey played Superman? No. He played Lex Luthor. Oh. Who played Superman? Brandon Routh. Missed that one. Yeah. It's not very good. returns wait kevin spacey played superman no he played lex luthor oh who played superman uh brandon routh missed that one yeah it's not very good it's okay it was by five for fighting i know this because they were in an nhl magazine uh-huh uh sincere question so all the culture you get in

on the mean boys podcast is downstream from 2005 hockey magazines. Should I give you guys the answer or should I wait for Tom to figure out how to Google that? It wasn't the blind side. That's not a Superman movie. Every movie about a strong person is Superman. It is a movie about a man who doesn't believe in his strength

and then changes into different clothes and beats people up with their strength. Dark Knight Returns got Superman. And then then someone's gonna be mad at me because in that movie they're black i'm gonna say in the blind side yeah no i know about the blind side yeah yeah yeah i didn't hate it when superheroes are black now the people do Horses. My thinking is this. You can't fuck a cape horse. The autograph piece of the Superman cape, $2,475. A horse, $3,500. The horse is more expensive.

That's a cheap horse. That is a cheap horse. Yeah, that's a cheap horse. The other horses were like 20 grand and shit. I found the cheapest horse on the site. Yeah. You did get the 94 Camry of horses. It's actually just a rat they glued a tail like a horse tail to. Yeah, a lot of

horses are more expensive than cars, which is weird because you can't. I'd rather have three grand worth of horse than a horse. Yeah, but you can't take the horse to the freeway or anything. I mean, you could. You can't. Because you're a pussy. Well, no, I'm allergic to them. Freeways? Horses. I'm super allergic to horses Because you're a pussy. Well, no, I'm allergic to them. Freeways? Horses.

I'm super allergic to horses. You are? Yes. Good to know. Don't you dare. All right, last one. The ill-advised cult round. Which number is higher?

The amount of people who died at Jonestown or the amount of members of the Mean Boys Discord? Active or just have been... Just overall members. Like, when you click on the little button, it says how many members in this Discord, the number that it is. My vaguest recollections, I think it's somewhere between, like, 333 and 569,

which is... Those are two very specific numbers. Yeah, they're not very close. That's the range. For some reason, I remember being 569, which is... Those are two very specific numbers. Yeah, they're not very close. That's the range. For some reason, I remember being 569. It might have been at one point. But that's like about how many people died at Jonestown. It was like hundreds.

I thought you were going to say that's how many people died who used to be on the Discord. I mean, probably. Yeah, I think we've got like five or so confirmed dead Mean Boys fans. Oh, okay. Well, not everybody knows about us, but everyone does know about dying. So I'm going to go. Can't wait to see how you land this horse. So I want to say death, just based off of the mass marketing element of it.

The knowledge of it. Like, if you were like, you want to do a Mean Boys? They'd be like, what? But if you're like, you want to die? They'd know how to answer. So for that reason, I'm going to go with Jonestown. You're saying that the concept of death has better name ID than our show. Yes.

Never mind the fact that they didn't tell them that's what they were doing at Jonestown. Oh, well, then I tell... Okay, then we're going to... We just love God and hanging out. And then he was like, nope. Well, then let me rethink this. I was watching a Jonestown documentary, and I kept trying to think of like, well, what's something interesting I learned from the documentary to bring up but of course i

only retained the most asinine details of everything so i remember is jim jones like going like how can you say it's uh how can you say this is hell on earth they sell coca-cola here for 25 cents a bottle i've got plenty of cold coca-cola before he starts doing evil shit jim jones kind of seems rad oh yeah i mean like, Charles Manson seems like he would have been fun for a couple months. There's a great, the Jonestown, like, I forget what the name of the church is, but they had, like, a choir who was like, we're going to record, like, a real cool modern album to try and, like, get the young people into it. And it's on Spotify.

And it's, like, kind of cool and funky. That sounds, all right. I know what I'm doing. There's a couple songs on there where I'm like, this sort of sl slaps even though you know what's coming new theme song um that would be great i'm gonna say yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna go with uh more people uh yeah i'm gonna go i'm mean boys discord final answer yeah we're gonna go jonestown mad people who died at jonestown 918 mad members of the Mean Boys Discord. Here's what's funny.

It's 332. And your range, you said, was 333 to 569. Price is right lost. Yeah, you picked two incredibly specific numbers, and we're still one off. Well, good for me. Well, that's it for Price Check, everybody. I think that's the show. Yeah.

That's the program this week. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. This was fun. We got to really explore ferrets yeah uh uh fucking plugs uh halamine we're doing a live show in la october 18th uh it's at third wheel comedy eight o'clock uh tickets should be on sale by the time you're hearing this if not they will be on sale very soon follow us on social media mean boys podcast on instagram i'll hang on a second thomas flip eric connor's flipping the light off and on if you're not watching this okay end of bit uh tom do you have any plugs i actually forgot we weren't on video what what what day are we dropping this again? September. I hate you. September 18th.

September 18th. So, tomorrow, September 19th, I will be rose battling Bob Keene at Zany Chicago. Pa-chow. I'll be there as well. September 29th, I'm at the Chatterbox in West Covina. October 6th, I'm headlining the Madhouse in San Diego. And October 8th, I will be battling, roast battling Paige Wesley at the Bellyroom at the Comedy Store. Yeah, October 6th, I'll be in L.A. at the Los Angeles Comic Con

doing fictional roast, the roast of Back to the Future. I'll be playing Marty McFly on that, so come to that. Connor just left i guess yeah connor connor will also not be appearing at any days he posts online yeah yeah he also kills ferrets yeah if he's planning a big come back into the room bit now would be a good time to do it connor murdered his mother and kisses his father on the penis he wanted me all to tell you that with his bus connor you got anything to plug nope all right what if i flip that light off and on will you have something to plug in my butt oh maybe all right that's a fucking show fucking everything got his death All right, that's a fucking show. Fucking everything. God is dead. You guys are amazing.