Mean Boys - EP 229 - Scumbag Jeopardy (feat. Ramsey Badawi)

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

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Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse for somebody to fuck. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... Ramsey, Adeli, Abu, Ibrahim, Al-Baghdadi, Khalid, Muhammad, Hassan Hussain, Barack Hussain

Obama, Cricket Wireless presents the Big Ass Ramdog, Ramsbad, The Shake of Toluca Lake, Badawi! Thank you so much. You're welcome. You know something is really fucked up with your name when your actual real name is worse than mine. What is your actual name name is worse than mine. What is your actual name?

Ramzi Adli Azad and Hajjahsan Bedouin. What did I ever do to you? What is your actual name? I wish I would have gone. I still, to this day, my greatest regret in my life is that comedically I didn't go by Al-Hajj Hussein. Fuck, that's hard, dude. What a big hit. Oh, dude, that would have been that guy? Like, you buy tickets

to see Al-Haj Hussain. Well, it's Orange County's most controversial comedian. Al-Haj Hussain. Well, yeah, Ramsey Badawi's the guy who likes to pop punk and make a fun of energy drinks. Absolutely. Al-Haj Hussain is watching the beheading video. It's at 6 o'clock in the morning over an English muffin. Al-Haj Hussain is all about business

and that business is oil and commodities. I love that guy. Sugar cane futures. Wait, so it's like Hodge Hussein says, business in the front, dissidents are buried in the back. Is that your actual last name or like your ninth middle name? Hodge Hussein is my great-grandfather. Arabs and a lot of Middle Eastern cultures. We track all the fathers in the names. Okay

moms because obviously they don't fucking matter. But the men they do all the work in terms of lineage. So they come. Yeah. Yeah, they don't try to make a baby without come. You can't do it. You can't do it. The eggs are just sitting there and they're kind of just sitting there the entire time to

be frank with you. They're kind of in the way i find them to be in the way personally you're just like i just want to turn this cum into a baby and they're like oh but my lips it's absurd they're flapping around they're knocking the jizz out of there ask me who alhaj hussein's wife is who's alhaj hussein's wife i don't fucking care while we're on the subject of Sally L. some whore Of Ramsey's family lineage Can you tell the story of why your uncle wears glasses? Do you really? Have I never told this story on Mean Boys?

I don't think so I don't know this one Oh, this is a great one I can't believe I've never shared this one with you guys So my uncle Ibrahim, great dude Used to own a slave I got that one right, actually That one's in here You don't remember your slave uncle He's out, yeah She was to own a slave. I got that one right, actually. That one's in here.

I don't remember your slave uncle. He's out now. She was Sri Lankan, so I don't know. Take what you will with that, right? What if after all these years, that's the thing that got us shut down? Was the Sri Lankan market? No, she was a very nice... We loved Mary.

The Badawis loved Mary. That was her name. Or at least the American name. For some reason, we gave her an English name. They were like, We loved Mary. The Badawis loved Mary. That was her name. Or at least the American name. For some reason, we gave her an English name. They were like, that's Mary. But nobody here speaks English as an original language. Why we chose Mary, I don't know. Anyways, Ibrahim was a bad dude.

We don't like Ibrahim all that much. And when he was younger, him and my father saw a mule, right? As you do in Palestine. It's normal. You see mules all the time. That's like seeing an old Honda Civic on the street. 100%. I'm a Prius of the Middle East. Yeah, absolutely.

No doubt. So my dad dares my uncle to throw a rocket mule into the barn. This is before the Nintendo Switch. You know, you got to do things. You got to find what you're going to do. From the year negative 5000 until 2012.

It was all rocks and mules. The original Wii Tennis was animal abuse. Very interactive. Forget animal crossing. These animals better not cross me. Animal burials. That's where they got the idea for Pokemon. It's just one of your uncles throwing a rock at a duck.

Mario Kart is two kids on mules punching each other in the face. Hitting your brother with a turtle to assert dominance. So wait, okay. So he sees this mule. He goes, I dare you to throw a rock at it. My uncle goes, oh dude, I'll do one better.

See this stick? I will put this stick up this mule's ass. Okay? I will sodomize this mule. So far, so good. So far, so good. Hey, I get tracks. And what did Chris Pontius have to say?

This all tracks. I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is an affront to Allah. I don't want to put a sitar. Yo, Minute Man sitar cover. Send it in. I was going to say, I don't want to put the mule before the horse or whatever. I think this mule's about to fuck up your uncle. Well, that's what I'm saying.

Everybody feels sad about this story, but understand there's a happy ending. Yeah. So he goes to sodomize this mule, and this mule bucks him in the face so hard that not only does he have to wear glasses, but all of his children moving forward wear glasses. That's like something Muhammad Ali would threaten you with. It disrupted his DNA for life. I'll give you a wedge.

You're so hard. You're great. Kids walk funny. That's like a first draft fairy tale. Like, do not butt plug the donkey. It really is. You make your children kind of blind. And I mean, he went on to own a slave.

So I don't know. Is that connected? Probably. Probably. What happened to the mule after that? You don't know. I don't know. Did he commit to revenge on the mule?

Or did he just take the L? I think he took the L. Somebody hotwired it and stole it shortly after. That mule went on to be the 32nd president of Palestine, believe it or not. Somebody reached up its ass, pulled out a catalytic converter. Anyways,

good old Uncle Brim. Good dude. Nobody talks to him anymore. This is my other favorite Ramsey family story. I don't know if you maybe might want to tell this one, but I'll tee it up very broadly. Could you possibly regale us with a story of why your dad fired the best employee he ever had? Oh, boy, this is going to get you demonetized.

We're not monetized. Wow, this is going to ensure that it never happens. Let's go. My dad used to work in, my dad was a very talented wood shop worker in West Hollywood. He moved to West Hollywood, not really understanding... What a stroke of Palestinian bad luck. The mules don't kick back there.

He was looking around West Hollywood going, I can't imagine what's wrong with this town. This is amazing. Everybody's so happy. Everything's is amazing. Everybody's so happy. Everything's so clean. It's so clean. There are no women. It's awesome.

It's the West of something, which is the West Bank. It's like the 1% of Palestine. It's like the 1% of Hollywood. Yeah. So my dad goes to, and please, everybody, as you hear this story, understand that my dad came from a different time and now basically has dementia. So really, you have to forgive him for whatever he's done. He also came from a different place.

Different time, different place. Until I heard stories like this from my friends, I didn't realize how fucking little I knew about planet Earth and anything happening on it. Well, Palestine's not going to be on planet Earth much longer. It concerns me that we started with, so yeah, he owned a slave or whatever, and now we're heading back. Now this is the Darley story. Now we're going, well, everybody, yes, now we're going. Oh, boy. It started out with animal abuse, and he owned slaves, and now I'm going, now understand,

everybody, there's a different place. It was a product of his environment. And that environment was a Jewish guy with an AK-47 pointing it at your head every day. My dad said that he had this woodshop worker who was one of the most talented people on the planet would make this piece of shit Ikea desk look like it's fucking, you know, a 200-year-old artifact that was recovered in fucking, you know, in the Queen's Palace.

You know, he was just so, like, good. So my dad goes to drop off this guy's check after, you know, a couple of weeks of good work, knocks on the door, he says a lady who looks just like him answers the door and so my dad goes oh boy my dad goes is your is your brother home like steve and and says the lady laughs and he goes he goes oh no i am steve and my dad's like what what's going on? Like, I don't... Your dad can't even process the idea of a man in a dress.

He thinks it's a comedy routine possibly. We were just talking outside about how the only form of comedy in the Middle East for hundreds of years was like a guy on stage in a dress going, ah, kind of doing a song just like, isn't this crazy? Did you anger a genie?

I don't. Did you lose a bet? It's a Super Bowl bet. Yes, yes, the boys. This is a perfect Ramsey story where your dad is so homophobic that I'm allowed to be kind of racist. 100%. I love my father, but this was a deeply shameful moment in the Bedouin family lineage. So my dad, he goes, hey, I am Steve.

I'm a transgendered person. I put on women's clothing or whatever and my dad says that he yeah he was holding a check to give him minuses he dropped the check and he walked backwards to his car so the cooties couldn't crawl from the check up his arm and into his mouth and make him trans this is understand the laughter is on the horrific nature of the story. He backs away to his car and

goes, I never spoke to him again. Understand, my dad has it was the only shot he ever had at making money was working with this guy. He was making him a fortune flipping his stuff. There is a part of me that goes I almost respect the level of homophobia where you go, listen. He believes in it.

I believe in it. That was a principle. Not the right principle, but a strong principle. No, it was a horribly bad principle. We hate the principle. But it's like Trump goes, I hate abortion, but he's just looking for the money. Yeah. This guy was going the exact opposite direction.

Yes. Here's what I love about that story is every queer person has at some point encountered a super homophobic person. And a lot of times it's like a really bad story where you get beat up or tied to a truck or something yeah yeah Steve has like the best story to tell great story you know Steve's like yeah this old guy gave me a check and saw me in a dress and then walked away like I was the girl from the ring and he probably got a job right after he was very talented you know I don't know. In the fan fiction in my head I'm writing, he did.

Let me tell you, Steve, if you're listening to the Mean Boys, it didn't turn out too great for the old man himself. So we're all good here. Things are not so good for the guy. I like to think that Steve is actually just a straight dude. He's like, I wonder how I could fuck with this old man. Quite possibly. I mean, he was in his 30s at the time.

Well, Steve was in the middle of some perfect stranger's ass sitcom plot where he had to dress up like a woman to get his kids back or something. And your dad just kind of wandered into it. Steve, you should have evoked the Doubtfire defense. Like a Palestinian Don Knotts. Oh, God damn it, dude. Yeah. Yeah, well.

Yeah, Mrs. Doubt ceasefire. Mrs. Doubt ceasefire? Mrs. Doubt ceasefire. Mrs. Doubt there will be a ceasefire. That's what I just said. Good stuff. Oh, I misunderstood you. That's all right. I wasn't trying to steal your mind.

No, no, no. No, no, no. I've never done it to you, but that's fine. I thought you were doing a Ramsey Doubt-sy. Oh, yeah. No, we don't have to litigate. It's all right. No, no.

I'm fine. I'm off 90 minutes of sleep, so that was the most I'm going to contribute that episode. Doubt ceasefire is pretty fine. I mean, that minutes of sleep, so that was the most I'm going to contribute that episode. This episode. Doubt Ceasefire is pretty fine. I mean, that's pretty good. Mrs. Doubt Ceasefire, that's good stuff. That's what the Mean Boys is all about and I'm glad it's back together, boys. Can I request one more Badawi family anecdote

before we get into the joke? Yeah, hold on. Let me just make sure I'm not going to lose all my jobs. Okay, go ahead. This is a very sweet one. This is an innocent one. What was your favorite show when you were three years old, and what did you do in your crib when you wanted your mom to turn it on? This is one of the most adorable stories on the planet. When I was a kid,

when I was three, my favorite TV show was 60 Minutes. Which, like, of course it was. You hated fun, even at an early age. You're like, bring me the raw, depressing reality of Earth. My mom says that I would stand in my playpen and I would go, to do the clock in the beginning. And she would turn on 60 minutes and I would calm down.

That's adorable. That's very adorable. Yeah. I was a weird news kid too, though. I was just talking to my mom because I went to get dinner with her. And she was like, yeah, you read the newspaper when you were like two? Like that was your whole thing? You were writing monologue jokes? As a child. Do I play with the newspaper? She's she was like yeah you read the newspaper when you were like two like that was your whole you were writing monologue jokes as a child

no you just read it she was telling me a story about when I was like however old I was when Nixon died probably like three or four and apparently I just saw he died

and just walked around the house with my head down and just kept going it's just so sad you didn't know that he debased our currency by unlinking gold to the money that's fine you didn't know that I still didn't know that he debased our currency by unlinking gold to the money. That's fine. You didn't know that.

I still didn't know that. How could you know such a thing? I don't even really know what that means, but you're smarter than me, so I'm assuming it's bad. Well, you see, Keith, up until old Richard Nixon came along, you could take your U.S. dollars down to the Federal Reserve and exchange them for a set amount of gold. You bite right into it. And now these fuck, we sold our fuck. Okay, let's just move on.

I don't know what you're going to do. The Mexican Joke Off. Nice. Which is what I did because I realized I couldn't explain the gold standard any further than that. Yeah, now we just do that at Cash for Gold. Our money is linked to nothing. No, you can just. My money is linked to the cryptographic hash rate of the block.

Okay. Let's go brother a semi truck full of french fries crashed on the 5 freeway blocking traffic for 12 hours in a related story Keith Carey is thinking about finally learning how to drive dude I saw that headline and I was like I should write a joke about this I'm like why

yeah a russian spy whale with the camera from saint petersburg was found dead off the norwegian coast they still don't know what the cause of death was which brings up the age-old question how many norwegians does it take to look at the camera attached to its body. Okay. All right. It tracks. It took me a second to get this. Yes. Okay. The joke.

Oh, boy. This is going to be a rough episode for Tom. It's a Polack joke with Norwegians. Yeah. I mean, they don't have any stereotypes. If they can't figure out to look at the camera attached to the dead whale's body. Mm-hmm. Why?

Do we really need these Norwegian? You guys will have to remind Tom he tried to put a stick up at Mule's ass before the show. I mean,

how much easier would it be to just like look at the camera and instead of like, what's the deal with this whale? Why don't they make the whole whale

out of the black box? Oh, fuck. I'm so fucked this episode don't worry by the way a college accidentally gave me a degree earlier this summer oh yeah grams of your shirt a college accidentally gave you a degree and they said you can't just walk away country music sensation tom garce we honor your contributions i signed up for a community college and then I didn't sign up for classes. After being rejected. I got a weird email that was like,

you should come to graduation ceremony. That's weird. And they mailed me my diploma. I haven't. You haven't gone to one class? I went to classes like 12 years ago, but not the ones that I needed to graduate.

Tom, that's an amazing story. Allegedly. You know how insane it is after how many years we spent calling you a dumb asshole? You're the only mean boy that is college educated. Wow.

You technically are the only one who graduated from somewhere. And you got your degree in the coolest way possible by not going at all. You could definitely get into the Van Damme Academy now. Which I would argue makes it as equally valueless but more valuable than a college and actually like a real one you earned.

My mom is so wildly offended by it. She is not. She refused to bring it up. She's a college professor. And I'm guessing she's going to call them at some point. But I'm going to use... Your mom's going to narc on you? Yeah, why? For sure. Yeah. What's the degree in, by the way?

Bodyguard Science? No, it's... Fucking Bounce Holiday 101? Film and radio. Which is, I was like, oh, I might go back and get a film like AA. Did you sign up, and then they just... Something sign up? And then they just sent me the degree.

A major in film and a minor and looking confused at parties. It's so funny. All right, I'm going to go. Tom, I want you to do the rest of this run of episodes wearing like a blazer with tweed. And the patches on the elbows. Yeah, we should dress him up like an owl. Oh my God, yes. I hate to bring things down, guys,

but this is some sad news. I don't know if you guys heard about this or not, but the bodies of six hostages held by Hamas have been recovered in an underground tunnel in Gaza. Did you guys hear about this? Fucking just insanely sad. An Israeli military spokesperson said on Sunday, this is the most tragic thing a Palestinian

has done since that one guy tried to buy a kidney off a desperate father on Texas. Let's go. Do you remember JJ was a desperate father looking? I was thinking about that. Yeah, I do. I think about that guy a lot. Actually, he was a desperate father, Native American father trying to get connected

with his son. Well, here's the thing. If you know it was a Native father, Native American father, trying to get connected with his son. Well, and here's the thing. I didn't know he was a Native American. I don't know why that makes it worse. I may be misremembering. He was very clearly Native American. If you read any of his story, it was very clear that that kid was dead. He was looking for him in kind of a hope against hope, lie to yourself type of scenario.

It was tough, yeah. It was definitely sad. Let's just say I have ethical qualms about what happened. Yes. Mistakes were made. Mistakes were made. And you know, this is the one flippant joke is our, that's how we honor him. That's how we honor him.

JJ lives forever. Well, I mean, not forever, but. Honestly, a person ended a joke about Israel and Hamas. The villain ended up being a bit we did nine years ago. Well, you got to remind them who they're dealing with right now. That's true. That's true.

People don't know. People don't know. Let's lighten it up a little bit. Four people were killed in a mass shooting on a train in Chicago. I would like to take this moment to offer the people of Chicago our thoughts and duh prayers.

Oh, that was good, clean fun. Crypto exchange Binance is under fire for allegedly seizing Palestinian users' crypto funds under order of the IDF. Yeah, said Palestinian Binance user Ramzi Badawi. That's where my funds went. Yeah, right. I'd like to see them try to touch my Brett coin. I was hoping I was going to tee up Brett coin. Is this Brett coin?

Well, you know Pepe the Frog? I don't like that this is the beginning of the explanation, but yes, I'm aware. Pepe has been culturally reclaimed now, dude. It's okay. He's cool now. By who? By the people who respected the creation of his lineage and the whole backstory of the thing. So Pepe the Frog, well, Brett is his best friend.

And I know you're already hearing dollar signs, but let me continue. Is Brett a thing or is it just like a guy named Brett? It's a guy named Brett. You know how Pepe's love Brett's in the real world? Pepe's a frog. Is it Brett the, I don't know, fucking sea turtle or whatever? You're asking too many questions, dog. I'm asking the number one question.

The first question is who is Brett? The second question is what is Brett? Very simple. You know, Gary, who is Brett? The second question is, what is Brett? They're very simple. You know, Gary, dog, let's just move on. It's reminding me of those bumper stickers like, back in my day, Donald Trump was a TV host, and Pepe was a skunk. I miss when men were men, and Brett was also a man, I think.

All right, I'm going to pull up my Brett card. You guys keep going. I'm going to pull up Brett and jump the cave. A tiger mauled in a... Keith's retarded ass. He's Pepe's best friend. It's the fucking signature coin of the base protocol or whatever. I'm the one who sucks here. It's

friend with frog. What is confusing you? Bro, we try to inject a little fintech news into the show, give people some valuable culture, and Keith Carey just wishes the whole fucking program was about Oreos and the Dead Kennedys. Next year you're going to tell me you don't know who Landwolf or Andy are. Jesus Christ, dude. Can we just move on? Charles Hoskinson is rolling over

in his grave. I fucking hate this show. Tiger. It's a tiger. You're talking about your dad where it felt like Connor was doing Guantanamo interrogations as Byron Allen. So Ramsey,

I heard you hate having your nipples electrocuted. I heard you got a very specific color of cake uranium. Seems you've been watching a lot of YouTube videos about how to fly a 737. That's so funny.

Fuck. These are all, okay. A tiger mauled an Australian animal handler. The tiger herd was saying, they're dead mates. I just like the ad of the mates. We remembered he was Australian. Yes, that's the ad of the mates we remembered he was Australian yes that's the extent of the joke you honored his cultural heritage

it's rhymed with greats I'm waiting for after every one of your jokes now for you to drop some of the oh I got forklift certified by accident that shit they'll actually check and make sure you're certified oh fuck i woke up with a food handler's license i already have a food handler's license bragging oh no i'm a priest what else you have tom well you also could take a 30 minute quiz it's not that difficult oh ramsey when are you going to become a notary public yeah i was pushing was pushing to be a notary. It's a 72-hour course.

I want to be the first comedian slash notary public out there. It's a growing business need out there. I will sponsor the entire course. Whenever you do notary services, you wear a Mean Boys Podcast t-shirt. Okay. Yeah, I could do that. Absolutely. I think it's $63.

Okay. It's cheaper. It's more than the t-shirt. We'll do $58, but you got to get the rest of the way yourself we'll give you a partial scholarship to online notary school sharks i'm seeking a 63 investment all right let's just keep it i want to keep in tune with some of this international news that's been going on i don't know if you guys heard about this, but at least 10 protesters in Nigeria were arrested

Monday after being charged with treason over their participation in nationwide demonstrations. Very crazy stuff. According to Reuters, the young Nigerian men were demanding vast economic changes, a new president, and for the government to, quote, keep their hands

off their damn muffin pan. Yo, that's like my muffin pan. That's my civil unrest. What is Reuters? It's the news organization. Reuters, he's friends with Brett. Obviously, you're trying to be funny, but that was kind of disrespectful. You don't know about Reuters, the's friends with Brett.

Obviously, you're trying to be funny, but that was kind of disrespectful. You don't know about Reuters, the rhino or whatever? Ramsey, I lost five grand in Reuters, dog. This shit is fucked up. Dude, according to the government officials, these guys, by the way, face the possibility of a death penalty or even worse, they could be sentenced to living the rest of their life in Nigeria. I want to put a real joke in there. It's tough.

It's tough, dude. I'll keep it international. And if you think living in Nigeria is so great, how come our buddy won a lottery to leave? Yes, yes, yes. Not a $94 million Powerball. You get to leave. Boy, I hope you're listening and you have context.

Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. A Saudi Arabian boxing promoter is attempting to get Oasis to reunite for the first time during one of his events. Not to be outdone,

Israel is trying to secure Oasis' first performance by renaming their holiest site the Wailing Wonderwall. Build a wonderwall. Build a Wonderwall. Fuck. But maybe if you play we'll stop killing those

babies. Oh no. I didn't do it. Wonderwallahi. Yeah, that song's great. It is a good song. I agree with you. It bangs. It does bang. Did they have any other songs? Ruined by every guy that just learned to play the

guitar, but yes. It's one of these songs you have to... You listen to it for the first time in 10 years and you accidentally haven't heard it. You're like, oh, fuck, that song's good. But it's just immediately ruined for you. Yeah, but you just don't hang out with people learning guitar. It's true. I'm trying to avoid that, but it's hard sometimes.

If you could show a graph of how often I heard the song Wonderwall and when I was in community college, it would be very revealing. You should know about this, Tom, Mr. Associate's Degree. That sounds so fucking funny, dude. Professor Goss. You're talking to Associate Goss. One of my associates. All right. Keeping the international news going.

A town in India beset by wolf attacks is catching them using brightly colored teddy bears soaked in urine to stimulate the human scent. Child urine. Bringing the number of acceptable uses for teddy bears soaked in a child's urine up to one.

If you have one of those, you fucking better be wolf hunting in India, man. All right. A Georgia mayor. You guys know about mayors. They're tiny governors. They are tiny governors.

That's a great point. Anyway, this tiny governor. If you open up a president, there's a governor in there. If you open a governor, there's a mayor. And then I guess inside of him is a comptroller. I don't really know how it works.

Oh, my God, look at this. I'm so small. This tiny governor is facing felony charges. I don't know if you've seen this or heard about this. Yeah, they left alcohol in a ditch for the inmates who were going to be digging in that ditch. He defended him. The mayor, the tiny governor, he defended himself, saying, if they're going to drink, I'd rather be at the big house where I can watch them.

You know what, Tom? You can't blame Tom for that. Following tiny mayor or tiny governor is impossible. I was about to say, Tom, in typical Tom fashion, buried his punchline with his setup. Something I've seen him do hundreds of times. Tiny governor is a really hard thing to follow. Once you introduce the concept, there's the Mayor Duck. There's no going back.

Inside the comptroller is a guy from the water board like, come on. Teachers, yeah. Teachers board or whatever. All right. I got a mayor story. I don't know if you guys heard about this, but the 82-year-old former mayor of a Louisiana town was killed earlier this week by a 10-year-old boy.

So sad, dude. When press about it, the 10-year-old said it was an accident. He was just participating in the Send Your Grandpa to God TikTok challenge. Did he do a little dance on the grave? Old granddad's hot to go to heaven. Send us your videos. Send your grandpa to the hell challenge.

Hashtag mean boys podcast. A new report alleges that disgraced news anchor Matt Lauer's daughter fled the scene of a car accident. In response, Matt Lauer said, gosh, if only somebody had a button that would make women stay where you wanted them. Doesn't seem like such a bad idea now. My mom works at a college and they're having a lot of protests about the genocide in Palestine. And the head of the college was so concerned. She had this thing installed where you could lock the door to her

office with a button. She literally had a Matt Lauer button installed. She's afraid of Palestinians. It's like, you know how the military initially creates a thing and then it gets down to us. Yeah. It's usually started for evil and then turned into good. Rapist technology

is like UFO science. We're trying to make napalm. We get silly putty. Whatever Cosby used to drug people with will eventually be a sleeping medication. I promise you. Yes. All right, guys.

A 33-year-old English man stole a 50-pound gorilla statue from a retirement village. The man pleaded guilty on two counts of being and stealing a fucking gun. The man pled guilty to two counts of both being and stealing a cheeky monkey. Okay, all right. All right. Damn it. An ultra-rare orange lobster was rescued from a New York grocery store.

Animal Rescue told the lobster, Orange, you glad you weren't red? Fuck you. I mean, what else can we say about the lobster? It's true. Yeah. You can say, you know. That's stupid.

Okay. No, that was my high-proud shit, Ram Okay. This is no. That was my high brown shit. I like it. It was actually some of his butter lobster material. All right. I know this is, I guess I'm sorry. This is so negative. A lot of negative news, but wrap a rapper by the name of a fat man scoop collapsed and

died on stage last Friday. So fucking it's crazy. Crazy stuff happening out there. Folks. News broke Saturday morning when his longtime girlfriend posted on Facebook. and died on stage last Friday. So fucking, it's crazy. Crazy stuff happening out there, folks. News broke Saturday morning when his longtime girlfriend posted on Facebook, it is with a heavy heart that I report the passing of a man with an even heavier heart.

As soon as I heard heavy heart. I was too queued up dude That was so good man And we could reuse it for Keith's funeral I literally was waiting for the me joke Nope I avoided that brother No Keith for years would say like You know like Conor

I already kind of figured out what I'm going to say at your funeral And I was like fuck I was always kind of intimidated. Keith's such a good writer, he even knows how to cope with the gravity of his friend's death before it even happens. And then I was like, wait, I know what I'll say at Keith's funeral. The audacity that this motherfucker thought he was going to die before me.

He wrote a whole fucking poem about it or whatever. I like that what this really says about our friendship is we both spend a lot of time thinking about each other being dead. Yeah, that's true. Oh, fuck. These are all bad. All right, I'll do this one. Travis and Jason Kelsey signed a deal worth $100 million for their podcast.

In a related story, Tom found an old sandwich in his backseat that only had a few bugs living in it. Yeah, I gentrified those bugs out of there. I ate that thing. These aren't professorial bugs. Professor Sandwich. These bugs are not... Professor Sandwich. Well, throw that on the board.

That's the episode title. He's the best in his field. That's why I call the deli workers. Welcome to Introduction to Footlongonomics It's called Professor Sandwich Because he survived the giant toothpick Being inhaled through his head Sandwich Professors does not sound stupider than Sandwich Artist

That's true Yes it does No my little brother worked at Subway He's like yeah I'm a Sandwich Artist I'm like no you're fucking not You're barely not a slave right now. You're a sandwich content creator. No, you're more like a sandwich editor.

You take pre-made pizzas and put them onto a sandwich at my request. Yeah, yeah, 100%. We'll flame roast it in post. All right. My last joke. Oh, and this is some big news, guys.

American Joey Shesna took down the Japanese Takeru Kobayashi on Labor Day for their first head-to-head hot dog eating contest in 15 years. Joey won 83-66 in a match competitive eating historians are already calling Dogasaki. Fat man V little boy.

A homeless Nashville couple were charged with animal cruelty due to neglect. Authority said, I can't believe you thought it was acceptable for these animals to inhabit your living conditions. Because they live in Nashville? It's a pretty big city, though. No, no, no, because they're homeless. Oh, they're homeless. I see. Damn, I was like, well, that's the one joke I didn't punt this week.

It popped the hardest somehow. You called the dog a tiny wolf. I'm going to punt these other four jokes. I was going to write other ones, but then I had a semi-crisis last night. Tiny governor basically won the entire job. That was something I just said when I saw the word mayor. You can walk out

proudly with that. Well, you know, another episode of Behind the Joke. The founder of Telegram, a highly encrypted end-to-end messaging app, was arrested in France

for suspected complicity in allowing illicit transactions, drug trafficking, fraud, and the spread of unregulated, sexually explicit materials on his app. In unrelated news,

please add me on Telegram, big ass Ram Dog. Let's go. Sorry, inside the joke, I'm James Dipshit then, I believe. Hey, thanks for landing on that bomb for me, Tom. I appreciate that. Tom went and covered it right over there like a champ. We'll be back with Ramsey after the break.

All right, I'll close it out stupid. Arizona has opened the Poo-zeum, a museum dedicated to feces. It contains the world's largest collection of poop as well as the world's least attended snack bar. That's fun. You gotta have chocolate soft serve. I mean, as a goof, right?

Oh, yeah. Or maybe you don't, actually. No, no, no. I think I'm waiting in hand if I'm running it. I'm like, it's all fudge. By the way, Ramsey, it's a compliment to vape near you in your culture. It is, absolutely. It's like a blessing, right?

Yeah. And Guy who goes to the smoke shop a lot culture, yes. Culture being Bitcoin owner. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Brett coin. Yeah, you guys will laugh when I'm owning the future of money. But okay, go ahead.

Do your thing. Let me show you who Brett is, by the way. Yeah, I want to see Brett. All right. Well, we go on a little journey to find Brett. The Mean Boys podcast will be right back. Behold, the cyber truck. The vehicle that will change the face of transportation.

Many have mocked it. Small minds fear it the way Neanderthals feared the sun. They say, oh, it looks like a transformer with Down syndrome. And what kind of absolute unfuckable nerd would drive such a vehicle? What kind of man drives a Cybertruck, you ask? A man of the future. Rejoice, modern world, for the car of tomorrow is now.

I'm turning heads and I'm making a scene in my cybertronic futuristic driving machine. Autopilot function takes me all over town. No emissions while I'm running pedestrians down. Cyber, cyber, truck, truck. Cyber, cyber, truck,. Truck. Gate upon the car of the future. The engine's full of science. The cup holder's a computer. Unbreakable windows. Indestructible fenders. Seats engineered to detect transgender.

Cyber. Cyber. Truck. Truck. Cyber. Cyber. Truck. Truck.

Error. Secret penis detected. Rerouting to Tesla gender correction facility. Your farted Chevys don't inspire us. Your Prius has the woke mind virus. All other cars are obsolete. Your Cybertruck cannot be... Oh, fuck, I'm on fire again.

Cybertruck, unlock the doors. Error. Door release system malfunction. Oh, fuck. Oh, it burns. I can feel my muscles melting from my bones. Help me, Elon. Welcome back to the Mean Boys podcast, everybody. We're here with our guest, Ramsey Badawi, Mean Boys Hall of Famer, Hall Timer.

Assalamu alaikum. Ramsey is a guy who has so many great ideaser, Hall Timer. Assalamualaikum. Ramsey's a guy who has so many great ideas, he doesn't have time to do all of them. So I've decided to green light one of Ramsey's ideas

against his will and play it on the show right now. Ooh. The debut of a new game. Ramsey, I think we'll know what I'm talking about. It's time for Scumbag Jeopardy.

I love this. This is one of my greatest ideas I've ever had. Yeah, sure. We got a record scratch in there. Why not use it? What is Scumbag Jeopardy, Ramsey? It's, well, it... Tom, stop fucking doing that.

Don't learn it for Ramsey. I'm sorry. I have to take responsibility. I showed Tom that if you push the button, something happens. At the same time, it sounds great. I have to accept all the responses. Tom, up until I did that, I have no clue these did anything. I left the room for 30 seconds to get water, and I came back, and Tom just goes, I accidentally pushed all the buttons.

No, it was Ramsey. I knew those buttons did things. I just didn't know I could get away with doing that without getting yelled at. When you push them all together, it sounds like a clown getting murdered in a mosh pit. Yeah. Hey, number nothing. That's a really upsetting swing. It sounds clutch. It sucks. I actually kind of like that. Yeah, it rips. Hey, not for nothing, that's a really upsetting Swing Sound Collage.

It sucks. I actually kind of like that. Yeah, it rips. It sounds like Suicidal Tendencies or something. I like it. It sounds more like Death Grips than the Death Grips song that is in it. I didn't hate it.

So Scumbag Jeopardy came in an idea that I had one day while I was watching Jeopardy and I realized I didn't know any of these answers yeah yeah however what the fuck did Candide

say about what shut up yeah however I know a lot of things you know and I felt like there should be a Jeopardy for guys like me

and you know I said it to Connor about 2,000 times and I'm glad to see somebody actualized it we've done it let's without any further ado, introduce our categories.

Smoking, 7-Eleven, Oh, let's go. Exotic Pets, Sex Work Acronyms, and the other drugs you can buy at smoke shops. I like this because I feel like you and me all have different, I don't know why I didn't say we all.

We all have different levels of scumbag and sort of entry points. Of course. I can see all of us running with one of these categories. I tried to have a couple that anyone could get, and I give you guys each a couple that you might specialize in. Can I say one of my rules in Scumbag Jeopardy? Yes. When you answer a question, you don't say, what is?

You say, how come? That's way better than what I was going to say I was going to say you have to say dude after you answer how come that's absolutely correct point of order how do we buzz in oh that's a great point hey man or should it be hey dude or what do you think

dude actually you gotta smoke dude is easy dude and you're going to ref if you hear somebody dude it first Dude, actually, you got to smoke. Dude is easy. Dude. Dude. Okay. All right. And you're going to ref if you hear somebody dude it first.

Will bro be acceptable replacement for dude? Absolutely not. Okay. Seems biased. Do I start? Ramsey controls the board. Yeah, it's my game. Let me go ahead and start.

I mean, let's just go ahead and start it at an easy one. I'll do 7-11 for 200. 7-11 for 200. 7-11 for 200. 7-11 gives out free small Slurpees on what day? Dude! July 11th. That would be correct. July 11th. Ramsey, I'm about to eat your fucking lunch. How come? But I'll let you have that one.

How come? How come? How come? Fair. 7-11 for 300. 7-11 for 300. What is the name of 7-Eleven's election campaign where you buy cups with your favorite candidate's face on it? Buy cups with a favorite. How come? Tom.

No, no, you say dude. Dude Independence Day. How come? Wrong. You think the name of the promotion is Independence Day? On election day? I'm going to make a guess. Dude. the name of the promotion is Independence Day. On election day. I'm going to make a guess.

Dude, how come Slurp the Vote? Also wrong. But I wish you were right. By the way, can you even... Wait, I got minus points? If you get them wrong, yeah. Oh. Can you even come? Tom, can you run a version of Jeopardy on this show?

Yeah, I've never taken points away, and you guys can play the whole time still. You've never done a lot of things. Can you even do this anymore? I feel like if somebody walks around with a Trump cup, they're going to get a hot cup of coffee thrown in their face. Oh, yeah. No, that's over. Yeah, this is one has Kamala, and one just says other.

This hasn't been fun since, like, Obama McCain. Yeah, I remember Obama McCain. I knew it was... Okay, this is hard. I don't know... So, yeah, nobody got it. The correct answer is seven election. Oh, that's pretty good.

Seven election. Okay. That line was better. Ramsey still controls the board. Yes, this election day, happy Independence Day from Tom Goss. Kids. Yeah. You know what? Let's go back to 7-Eleven for 100.

7-Eleven for 100. How did 7-Eleven get its name? Dude. Rams. How come it initially started as 7-Eleven Grocers in the UK? Correct. That's a 100 question? I know.

That's right. It's a one from 7-Eleven. You can guess that. Fair enough. Fair enough. You control the board. All right. Let's go 100 question? I know, that's right. It's a one from 7 to 11. You can guess that. Fair enough, fair enough. You control the board. All right. Let's go ahead and do, I'll tell you what. Let's do sex workers, what is that, terminology?

Sex work acronyms. Sex work acronyms for 100. I got to tell you, ever since my community college sociology class, I loved that book Freakonomics, and I was trying to write a big paper, and I was like, you know, I'm trying to find something interesting like drug dealing or sex. So I thought sex work. I did all this research about sex work and they have this secret code they use to communicate with each other because it's all illegal what they do. And long story short, I totally just spent my entire time jacking off to those ads and I made up the whole paper and I got a perfect grade and I made people at the presentation cry.

Well, Connor, this is very well written. You did get a bunch of white outs on the presentation. All right, question. Did you graduate with your socio-subjunct degree? No, I didn't. Wow, someone's a dumb shit. Just a community college dropout, not a scholar like Tom. Sex worker slang acronyms for 100.

What does BBBJ stand for? Bareback How come bareback blowjob? How come bareback blowjob is the correct answer? A man who spends a lot of time on Craigslist and ordering hookers. So I know a lot of terms. Point of order, Jeopardy rules. You're not allowed to buzz in until the question's done being read.

Is that how you feel? I'll let it slide on this one. Is that actually how it works? Yeah. Okay. Alright, well then that's how it works? Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, then that's how it works. Okay. Fair enough. Keith's the only fucking nerd who watches Jeopardy. I shouldn't have negative 300 points.

You have negative 100. Because you got 200 earlier. Okay. You're doing all right. What did Tom get 200 for? Don't ask questions. I got the slurpy one. Tom has only negative 300.

Tom has minus 300. I have minus 100. Oh, I negative. Tom has minus 300. I have minus 100. Oh, I accidentally put Tom's minus 300 on Keith. Wait, no. I gave Keith also gave minus 300 because he got that wrong. Yeah, you just realized that you shouldn't have given me minus points. Just to be clear. That's a dick move, bro.

Well, I guess it's less. That's the daily double. It's trying to run a scam on the hoax. Here's the deal. Nah, man. The right answer's in the mail. It would be easier for me to not deduct points when you're wrong and it probably would be better for the game

because it would encourage more guessing. I'm still going to deduct the points only when Tom guesses wrong. We are playing for BrettCoin, by the way. This is all in BrettCoin. If you win, you actively lose money. But when a sexual assault charge. I control the board.

I'm on to this one. Let me do... Let's do... Is that other drugs at a smoke shop for $100? Let's do that one. All right. Other drugs you can buy at a smoke shop for $100. Bro, poppers.

You can likely buy gel caps of this opium with your watermelon menthol vape juice at your local smoke shop. One more time. Dude. Keith. Kratom? Kratom. How come?

They may have killed him. But okay. Yeah, how come Kratom? How come? It's okay. It's okay. All right. Keith controls the board.

Let's go to sex work for two. Sex work for 200. DFK. Dude, how come? How come deep French kissing? Oh, shit. Deep French kissing is correct. Sex work for three.

That's like DFK. I actually thought it was deep. I've always seen it written as deep full kissing, which sounded weird. Like, oh, this isn't partial kissing. We're talking both lips, bro. Gross. Knocking lips. I don't know how bro. Knocking lips.

I don't knock anybody's lips. Let me motorboat your face. Sex work for three. Sex work for three. D-A-T-Y. Dude, dude, dude, dude. It's data. You got it?

Ramsey beat me by like half a second. Oh, fuck. D-A-T oh fuck uh i know what it is it's oh dady dining at dining at the y how come that's correct which is uh eating knowing this because it makes a y shape like it's a y shape. I thought they were having meals at the YMCA. I was like, what is this? As soon as he fucking said the category, I was like, I know that's going to be in there. And I was so ready to be like, I'm the king of being gross. And then, of course, you screwed me

on it. Don't you ever forget. It's not as gross as date O. What's date O? Dining at the O. You know it's shaped like an O. It's at the museum. The human ass. Years of now is not the time. Years of Craigslist, buddy. Listen, you've met your match on this category.

Yeah. Indeed you have. Tom's here too. Tom, you know a lot about smoking and exotic pets. Yeah, we haven't even gotten into all the board yet. Yeah. All right. Keith controls the board.

No, Ramsey got that. Ramsey controls the board. Let's do, I'll tell you what. Let's do smoking for 200. That sounds fun. Smoking. Let's go into Keith's territory. This is Tomtown.

For 200. I mean, this is you for longer. Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, and Jimi Hendrix supposedly died with this color lighter in their pocket. Oh, dude. Keith. How come white? How come white is deep?

Yeah, of course. That's good. That's good. The old white lighter myth. The old white lighter myth, of course. That's racist. That's good. That's good. The old white lighter myth. The old white lighter myth, yeah. Carrie controls the board. Let's go smoking for one. Smoking for one.

That's also the name of Keith's autobiography. How many cigs in one carton? Keith, how come 200? How come 200? I knew that, but I couldn't think of the word. The word 200. No. You know my favorite word? How come 200? I knew that, but I couldn't think of the word. The word 200. No.

You know my favorite word? 200. I keep... Fastidiously... Fastooned, marooned. 200. Oh, my favorite word. No, the word dude is where I'm fucking up. You can't say bro, Tom.

I'm sorry. I keep saying bro. You got bro. You got bro. Well, also except I'm sorry. I keep saying bro. We'll also accept homie. Dog. Ayo. Who controls the board? I do, and I'm going to go smoking for three. Smoking for three.

If a smoker has a cigarette in their pack flipped upside down, that cigarette is... Dude. Lucky. Lucky. That's correct. Yeah. Suck my dicks, you sacks of shit. We actually have got a game for Tom.

Tom has a hot zero points. You're on the board, pal. Suck my zero. I ain't on my zero. Tom is doing better on fucking Scumbag Jeopardy than you're doing on BrettCoin, pal. It's true. It's true. Tom controls the board.

Oh, shit. Let's go exotic pets for 300. Exotic pets for 300. Name one of the two states where ferrets are totally legal. Illegal.

Illegal. Ramsey said dude first. She said illegal? Illegal. California. Correct. How come California? How come California? How come California? The other one's Nevada, right? Hawaii. Yeah, Nevada's where you got to go.

Everybody in California's got a friend in Nevada who can get you. I always knew a kid growing up like, dude, my stepdad who'll go to Nevada will come back with fireworks and ferrets. Yeah. You want one? Let me know. All the Fs. Two. I like. Yeah. Okay. So who's? Let me know. All the Fs. Two.

I like. Yeah. Okay. So who's going to the board? I'm going to the board. I want to do other drugs at a smoke shop for 300. Other drugs. You can buy at the smoke shop for 300.

This smokable hallucinogen is legal in 21 states. Dude. I think Tom had it. I think we'll give it to Tom. Tom. Heroin. No. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. How come Salvia going to give it to Tom. Tom. Heroin. No. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

How come Salvia? Salvia. Come on, brother. Let's go. What? Oh, fuck. What smoke shop do you think is selling heroin? The ones that are real cool in Glendale.

We actually haven't done the 200 question for this show. Oh, okay. I was actually about to point that out. Well, let's do 200 then. Other drugs in the smoke shop for 200. Do you guys about to point that out. Well, let's do 200 then. Other drugs you need to smoke shop for 200. You guys ever mix up salvia and saliva? Absolutely not. They both sound like bands

that would have opened for stained. Just other bad S bands. Citrapt. Citrapt. Other drugs they sell at the smoke shop for 200. What is the name or slang name for the device you do whippets with? Oh, cum. Poppers.

You can do cum. No. No, not at all. It's not the same thing. Whippets are poppers, aren't they? Yeah. Dude. Cartridge?

Rams. Is it a canister? How come canister? I'd have to check with my judges. I don't want to take it. I'm going to say no. All right. Yeah, I don't want to take it if I can't, if it's not a definitive win.

I'm not taking a swing at it because I have no idea. It is called the cracker or the whipped cream charger. That sounds like a popper. Yep, but it's not, so you lost. Doesn't that suck? I'm kind of biased up there, Con Man. Towards the truth? You should be so stoked that you're not doing good at this.

That's why you're the only one of us who graduated from college. You're a college-educated man who has no idea how to buy pussy on the internet or get high with whipped cream. Who got a free college degree for no reason? All right, who's got the board? And he didn't return it.

I think technically me. Yeah. Rams. Okay, let's do sex work terms for 300. Sex work terms for 300. You know what? Dady was 300. I was like, what the fuck?

Okay, it's fine. One or two hasn't been done yet. Do one of those. Yeah, we haven't done four or five. You want to Did you do two? One or two hasn't been done yet. Do one of those. Yeah, we haven't done four or five. You want to take it for four? Four or four. Wait, hang on. Oh, yeah, we've done three of these ones.

80 was three. This is why my score is wrong. All right. A $400 sex worker slang, C-I-M-W-S. Oh. Dude. Come in mouth with swallowing? Come in mouth with swallowing.

God damn it. The ass just got me. Yeah, no, I was guessing on the WS. Of course. Of course. If you see WS, you know what it stands for. Whatever. It could be rim job or swallowing.

I like the guy being like, he comes in her mouth, and then he goes, you're not going to swallow? She goes, didn't have the S on it. Patooey. I feel like if you do that, didn't have the S on it. Patooey. That doesn't even cost you, buddy. If you're doing that with a hooker, you should get her like a Christmas gift or something. That's a fair point, don't you? Yeah.

Let's close out sex work for five. Closing out sex work for five. M-S-O-G. Dude, how come multiple shots on goal? Congratulations, Keith. you're gross what does that even what does that even mean it means you can come more than once per visit if you pay for the hour and you can come three times in an hour that's what you're allowed to do what is this weird hooker time they're like if you finish it's still you know i mean like what do you mean

well no if you'd fuck a hooker for an hour and you'd finish in 12 minutes you'd the hour's 12 minutes long yeah yeah Yeah, that's time that only pertains to sex workers. That's not how time works. They should really get on Pacific Standard with this shit. There's no sense at all. I agree that hooker time should be criminalized. Hooker time is a thing.

You walk in and you take a piss and they're like, you've been here for 15 minutes. What are you going to do? Well, I'd love to stay in shape, but it's quarter to hooker time. Hooker time is so funny. I'm going to be there in 30 minutes hooker time, so five seconds. All right, let's go 7-Eleven for $400. 7-Eleven for $400.

What is the name of 7-Eleven's house brand? Oh, wait. They make their own food that's 7-Eleven brand. It's just called 7-Eleven. No, it's not. It says it on the packages. It does say it on the packages.

That should count for something. It can't count for minus $400. Dude. It says it on the bag. Is also has a brand. So that should count for something. It counts for minus 400 points. Dude. Dude. Kevin says it. Is it something select? Yes. How come select?

Seven select. Seven select. That's pretty much what I said. Yeah, but you said 7-11. Yeah. Seven select. What the fuck? Nobody ever asked Alex Trebek.

If I know half of it, will you tell me if I'm right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're right. Well, it's minus points, but I don't think that's points. All right, fine. Give me a quarter. You got half? Yeah, I mean, you're right. Well, it's minus points, but I don't think that's points. All right, fine. Give me a quarter. You got half of it. I'll give you zero.

Me and Ramsey did that together, so we should both receive half the points. Give Tom half the points. Yeah, okay. I will give Tom half the points. Tom's trying to weasel his way into zero. I'm not weasel. I'm being sincere. Give Tom half the points.

I'm interpreting up here in the scumbag game. Now Tom is only down $700. You know negative $700 worth of things about cigarettes. I already have negative $700 worth of things. I already have negative $700 worth of things. Who's next?

Technically it's me. Technically it's me and Ramsey. Tom, control the board. So, let's confer. What is this? Torch shit? Yeah, I don't like this collusion. He told me to ball to Mike.

He told you what? The ball's in my court. We agreed on it. But you had to have an uninteresting off-mic chat about that for many seconds. Good. Okay. Let's do exotic pets for $200, I guess. Yeah.

Exotic pets for $200. How much does it cost? Okay. So, you get a window of accuracy within 10% of the answers. If the answer is $1,000, you can be $1,100 or $900, $100 within. The streets have no exact price as well yeah uh but i was thinking what's the most badass pet i can get for cheap like i'm a broke guy but i want to look badass oh interesting okay so in that in that spirit how much does it cost to feed a tarantula for one month dude tom how come uh fifty dollars $50.

Bam, bam. Wrong. Okay. Shit, what the fuck does a tarantula eat? That's what I'm trying to figure out. You shouldn't tell us if you know. Well, I mean, you said within $100, right? No, I said within 10% of the answer.

Oh, can I change my answer then? Yes. Okay. I do want to say if he's wrong, I want double the points. Why do you get points? No No he gets double the wrong points They don't have to eat every month So I'm going to say one dollar They don't have to eat every month The answer is 60 cents and he's pretty close So we're going to give Tom 200 points

Yeah it depends on the month Is it a full moon? Yeah, sure. If it's Ramadan. Spider Ramadan. Like muslin tarantula. I have made a prayer web for me to face Mecca on.

Yeah, I also, you could spend more on that on food. They just won't necessarily eat it. So $50 is still technically correct. Tom, I like that you're dual-wielding Shaka Bras. Basically, they eat one cricket a week, and crickets are like 15 cents. They can go, I think,

a year without eating or something. Hey, Siri. I like how you said that like she was your girlfriend from the Bronx. Hey, Siri. Tell me some facts about spiders. Hey, old bitch, five cricket prices. How long tarantulas? You find

that out. Actually, you won. We're at hostage. All you're potentially doing is talking your way out of getting the points you already got. Oh, no, I already got the points. What are you going to do? Change it. You'll have to 60 days.

Boom, bitches. I know facts about spiders. And everybody knows 60 days is pretty much one year. What Tom said. You said a month. I said more than a month. No, you said a month. No, but Tom said that they can go a year without eating.

There is a spider that can go that long. Okay. I couldn't remember how long. The Gandhi spider. I double checked that I'm correct to rub it in your guys' faces. Just pick a fucking category. Fascinating interlude over.

It was worth it, unfortunately, but pick a category. What does that say? Anthem songs? It says other drugs. You're playing the game. You have all the data we do. It's written down. We've had zero discussions about anthem songs. 90 Minutes of Sleep Tom is a really different guy.

He's my favorite. I love this guy. Let's roll the one hundy on the pets. That was a pretty scumbag way to select his category. I almost think he gets an extra hundred points for that. Just because he's already just so deep in the pit. What is Michael Jackson's chimps name? Oh, dude.

How come Bubbles? How come Bubbles it is? Dude, this game really rocks. This is so fun. This is way fun. Oh, good. I'm glad you guys like it. I should reserve.

Randy's idea. I just, real quick, I should get more points just because I have two vapes on me right now. He's right. My God, he's right. It's not the worst argument ever. I will give you an additional two points. One for each vape. It's not nothing.

I do agree, Tom. That was worth it. Two more. Four is yours, buddy. 7-11 for five. Seven. Oh, that's thick. Eleven. For five. Board's yours, buddy. 7-Eleven for five. Seven. Oh, that's thick. Eleven.

For five hundred. That's their original slogan. Oh, that's thick. 7-Eleven is currently doing a coffee slash merch collab with what punk band? Dude, How Come Green Day. How Come Green Day. Fuck you. Fuck you and your fucking band.

I actually had some of that coffee one time. Really good. We were going to buy it as a bit and then Jordan told me it was like $14 a bag and I realized it wouldn't be that funny. It is good. I don't doubt it. Smoking for four. Smoking for four.

Name. This is my favorite question in the whole game. Here we go. Name three of the five main black and mild flavors. Fuck. Oh, I'm not a dude. Tom. Okay. Cherry.

Vanilla. Grape. I actually don't think any of those are flavors. You're just naming car freshener. It's just like just flavors. You're just naming car fresheners. It's just like, those are just flavors you're aware of. Chocolate? French vanilla? No.

None of them? No. McDouble? Wait, for black and mild? There's no cherry, there's no vanilla. Those are the mildest of the flavors. What could it be? I feel like I know one.

Black and mild flavors is a good... This is a great question. I got really into smoking black and mild, and they do have some pretty... Dude, these are made in the world. I will give you my ranking of black and mild flavors. You might be thinking of Swisher Sweets. That might be what I...

Definitely what I was thinking. Because I'm a Swisher Sweet guy. Aren't those the same thing? No, they're not. I think they're both technically pipe tobacco cigars, but Swisher Sweets taste like shit. Black and Milds are fun to chief on. I actually tried smoking a Swisher Sweet one time when I was a kid like a dumb fuck because I didn't know what it was for.

It tastes horrible. It tastes ridiculous. Even they put fucking candy in all of them. It's like it's a mango flavored piece of shit. Here you go. What's the one that tastes like sugar when you put it in your mouth? Swisher Sweet. Candy.

You're thinking about Swisher Sweet. I was thinking of candy. Yeah, Swisher Sweet. Yeah. You're thinking about Swisher Sweet. Yeah, Swisher Sweet. I'm going to tap on this one. I'm going to tap too. Is champagne one of them? Wine is. Wine, that's what I'm thinking of. It's a jazz, wine, sweet, cream, and apple. Well, naming a flavor jazz is pretty good. Dude, that rock jazz

is like the best black and mild. Wine is pretty good. Sweets are alright. The other two can kind of kick rocks. That's like having a hookah. That's like having a hookah flavor called petroleum. You know what I mean? It's very cool. It's a little on the nose. Yeah.

Yeah. Yellow cake, fucking hookah. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking of neither. What were you thinking of? I don't know. Those bubblegum cigarettes?

I don't know. Oh, the like DiGiorno cigarettes. Oh, yeah. What could DiGiorno cigarettes be? The eating of cloves. Yes, cloves is what I was't know. Like DiGiorno cigarettes. What could DiGiorno cigarettes be? The meaning of cloves. Yes, cloves is what I was thinking of. How are they DiGiorno cigarettes? They're called DiGiorno.

Oh, okay. You know what? DiGiorno. The swishers come in one. Oh, no. That was smoking for 500? That was for 400. I'll take it for 500.

I got 200 of those points. Stop it. 500. You stop it of those points. Stop it. 500. You stop it. This is my America. Why are 100s called 100s? Oh, dude, bro. There are 100 millimeters.

Yes. Wow. Yeah, you uncultured shits. Bringing Tom's total up to... See, I learned that in college I didn't go to. I learned that in centimeters class. He now has, I think he has

$102, but... Oh, shit. Rock coins. Okay, we got four questions left on the board. Tom controls the board. You know what? Let's do the... Anthem Socks for 400. All right.

Other drugs you can buy at smoke shops. K2 and Spice are examples of what kind of drug? Dude. Tom. Jelly. K2 Jelly. How come? It's K-Y, Tom.

How come ketamine? You guys are both wrong. K2 is K-Spice. Oh. Oh, dude. Keith, is it spice? That's one of the things I said. Dude, dude. What's the name of the kind of drug, Ramsey?

How come Maranthal? Wait, we get multiple shots on goal? Is spice fake weed? Yeah. But that's not what is Maranthal. It's like a Nirvana song you never recorded. I swear Maranthal. I think there's a dude named Maranthal who smokes Swizzvana song you never recorded. I swear Maranthal... I think there's a dude named Maranthal who smokes Swizzers out by my liquor store.

I swear Maranthal is the pharmaceutical name for fake weed. Or a fake weed brand. It's fine. I lost. I'll give it to you. You don't need to say synthetic cannabinoids. I won't give it to you, but I'll erase your negative points. What fucking terrible

Muppets beside his synthetic cannabinoids? I don't know. He's friends with jelly, Tom. Do-do-do-do-do. Cannabinoids. Do-do-do-do-do. Cannabinoids. Do-do-do-do-do.

You smoke them and you eat a lady's face. Do-do-do-do-do. Cannabinoids. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Is it? That's bad sauce, dude. I know. Synthetic weed just ruins your life

kind of the regular sad way. Sorry for scribbling the microphone. That was an anthem song. It is. That's teamwork. I assisted you, bro. We got three more questions. Who's got the word?

I do have the word. Ramsey. Oh, he's phoning a friend. This is a fucking conference. Okay. I want to take the advice of my friend Tom and I'm going to follow my heart. I'm going to choose other drugs for 500.

Other drugs you can buy at the smoke shop for 500. Name the active ingredient in poppers. Oh. Dude. Keith. Amyl nitrate? Amyl nitrate is correct. Is it anal nitrate Anal

Although Bro our hearts Followed each other We both said anal nitrate At the same time I was thinking about Doing a sketch for the show But it's Mad Max

But instead of being Obsessed with guzzoline They're talking about The precious juice Is anal nitrate And the entire Wasteland economy Runs on gay sex

Shitness me Barrels of anal nitrate As much as you like and the entire wasteland economy runs on gay sex. Shit, this me. Barrels of anal nitrate as much as you like. What happens if you put that in your car? Anal nitrate?

Apparently, poppers are very flammable, so kids at home, light them on fire and send us a video. I want to see it. Oh, yeah, so you can drive

anal nitrate. You can put them in your car, your muffler gets bigger. If you put that in your car, you can't give Ramsey's dad a ride home from the airport.

Let's do exotic pets for four. My plan to end on animals has succeeded. The ultimate scumbaggery has been achieved. Bird. Bird mad. Exotic pets for 400. Nicholas Cages.

Bats are also exotic Nicholas Cage's two pet cobras Yes Had what inherited condition? It's a 400 It's not an out there It's a 400 point inherited condition Okay

Yeah and One of the Did they inherit it? He said it Alopecia They're hairless Fuck It's 400 points. Okay. Yeah. And one of the... Did they inherit it? He said it. Alopecia. They're hairless. Fuck.

I wish you were... Scumbag points. Scumbag points. It's kind of close, but it's not correct. Is it like a scientific name or just like a state of... It's a scientific name for like a medical condition that's in humans that you know that you're aware of. Dude.

And you also played this cobra with me on Comedy Central. Oh, shit. I would argue I should still get the points because... Is it albino? Yes. Okay. I forgot we were those snakes. How come albino, motherfucker?

I would argue I should also... No, there's nothing on that. I should also get points because they don't have hair, so technically that is correct. Yeah, but that wasn't the question, so you're not being evaluated on that. I should also get points because they don't have hair, so technically that is correct. Yeah, but that wasn't the question, so you're not being evaluated on that. You asked what was inherited. Yeah, you could say technically they're amputees

with that answer because they don't have legs. Well, you could have said they fucking inherited scales, Tom. Yeah, they were hairless. They inherited credit card debt. Like, I don't know what the rules are if you're Nicolas Cage's pet. You owe that money if he dies. I'm just saying, you guys aren't scumming the bag hard enough

like I am, and I should receive some points for it. Just scum my fucking bag. Alright, I got the board. I'll give you some points right here. We got one more question. It looks like 500 exotic pets. We have one last question. Exotic pets for 500. Oh, this is actually perfect. We ended on this question.

So, when we were living together in Echo Park, Ramsey, when one of our roommates moved out, wanted to have a reptile educational service called My Reptile Guys store their reptiles in our spare room in exchange for the rent that that roommate would have paid, eventually making us roommates with a series of iguanas and snakes. Of course. And a couple of red snapping turtles, which were not threatening or dangerous in any capacity.

No, they can bite you. They could bite you. If you put your fingers near them No, they can bite you. They could bite you. If you put your fingers near them out, that could be dangerous. That could be dangerous, but I would assume that if you just kind of outpaced it, you were fine. Well, I don't know. My sister lost her anaconda a lot growing up, and it was always kind of scary. Ramsey, that word assumed is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence you just said.

Fair enough. Fair enough. Continue the question. I decided they were safe. Yeah. So these are... What was I going to say? So anyway, we had a big debate about this.

Meatball history is one of my favorite things. I went on the MyReptileGuys website. You get a 10% window of accuracy here on the guess. How much does it cost for MyReptileGuys LA Jungle Experience where they bring six reptiles for a 40-minute presentation, ideal for parties and groups of 15 or less? Dude. Ramsey.

How come $520? Incorrect. 500 points gone, dude. They bring six. Six reptiles. 40-minute show. Dude. $250.

That's close enough. $295. That is almost for free. That is also not within 10% of $250. That's close enough. $295. That is almost for free. That is also not within 10% of $250. It's close enough. I won't give it to him. I'm going to make it. 10% is $30.

I can name it for alopecia, but he gets plus for that? Usually 10% of $250. Or no, that's $290. Yeah, you're right. That's close enough, Tom. That's way closer than alopecia is. I'm sorry, dude. You know I've been backing you this whole game.

Alopecia is not the same thing as being an albino. $261 would be within 10%, which is the negative points. Negative 500. It's negative now. I haven't guessed yet. I'm going to say $295. Tom's correct. Yeah. All right. You guys

banter while I add up your points. Holy shit. I got to tell you, this game. Tom, just Kool-Aid man through watching. That was like a beautiful thing to watch. It was like you realize, like, all right, my offense is getting shut down here. I need another way. Well, the whole point of scumbaggery is the baggery of the scum, which you guys were not doing.

You guys were trying to use your brain words to win the game. I was using some pure grit. The the game. I was using some pure grit. The brain words. I was using some sass. Fucking lives in the kitchen, Tom. Just like came out of a shallow grave during this game. Oh yeah, I'm sleepy. Tom might have won this game.

He may have just cinched it. Well, he has negative $800 so I don't think he did. That's not nothing. It's less than nothing. It's $800, so I don't think he did. That's not nothing. It's less than nothing. It's 800 less than nothing. If Tom had said no words during this game, he would have done 800% better. Okay.

Ramsey has $1,000. Keith has $2,000. And Tom has negative $800. How much would you guys like to wager? Oh, are we doing a Final Jeopardy? Of course there's a Final Jeopardy. You should get the category because that's what they do. Douchebag movie quotes.

Oh, fuck. I've never seen a movie before. I've seen Coco. That's the only movie? I was in a relationship once in 2015. Hang on. Ramsey has how many dollars? $1,000. And I have $2,000?

Yeah. I will wager... Oh, boy. I have to do some math here. I have to choose the number that I have, right? You got to choose the number. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

Like, I can't wager $4,000. Technically, this is supposed to be secret in the way Jeopardy works. I like how Ramsey is such a crypto trader, he wants to win Scumbag Jeopardy on margin. Yeah, I want a leverage trade. You want a leverage trade? Here, Connor, grab me a pen.

If I have $1,000, technically, you guys should lend me $1,000 at 5%, and if I win this... Okay. Here, write down your wage. Okay. Oh, what am I, chopped liver? Well, you technically aren't playing.

Literally, yes. I literally am playing. Write down your wager, and then here. And then we'll write down our answers. Yeah. Yeah, you theoretically write your wager down first, and then you write down your answer once he reads the question. This is going to be exciting podcasting, folks.

All right. Are you guys ready to hear it? I am ready. Are we all penned up? That's for the part that we haven't gotten to yet where you're guessing. So now we just shut up. Name three out of the eight rules of Fight Club. I'll take that, man. All right. All right. Hold on. Take a pen. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,

do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, You guys are gay. He's carried. Ramsey has not written down his answers yet. Oh, this was... I've got to be Ramsey's strategy again. I almost fell for it, and then I was like, wait. Okay. I'm only on the third rule.

Yo, we need three, right? Yeah, but I want to showcase I know all five like a cool guy. That doesn't... I would really advise the third rule. Yo, we need three, right? Yeah, but I want to showcase I know all five like a cool guy. I would really advise against eight rules. I already told you there was eight. Even if you know all five, you're still a fucking poser. Have you written down three, Tom?

Tom's written down three. I know Tom knows them. Do not talk about Fight Club. If it's your first time, you have to fight. If a guy taps out or goes limp, the fight is over. That is acceptable. I didn't see the movie. I don't know any of the quotes, so I just did the Stussy S. You know what?

They should also count. That's the best comeback Jeopardy has ever had. This guy wagered everything and his guess was the Volcom's logo. Alright. How dare you continue to be the funniest person in the world?

Alright, so I one, don't talk about Fight Club. Two, do not talk about Fight Club. Three, if it's your first night, you have to fight. And I wagered $10,000. Okay. All right.

Well, taking the lead with $9,200, it's Tom Goss, the winner this week. Well, he wagered $10,000. He's at negative 800 right now. And if he wagered $10,000. That's not. Okay. I bet $1. I wagered $1. Well, you's at negative $800 right now. And if you wager $10,000... I bet $1. Well, you know, $9,200 is still a lot more. I can only wager what

I have. How many times are we going to play a version of Jeopardy on the show and none of you have ever watched Jeopardy? Okay, alright. Well, I also bet minus $800, which means I'm at minus $1,600. Well, if you got it right, you're actually at positive $1,600.

That's multiplication. You fucking retard. No, it's minus. That's how multiplication works. Yeah, but we're just... That's not how addition works. Let's actually... Let's do my favorite part of Jeopardy

where we go and get to know the contestants real quick. So, Tom, I understand you once threw a table at a sailing captain. That's the best part of Scumbag Jeopardy. It's getting to know the guy. So, Ramsey, I understand you once may have laundered money involved in the Crimean War.

Yeah, well, I was banned off of Venmo. Still am. I've been banned off all the major... Banned from Venmo would be like a sick album title. Yeah. Oh, shit, dude. Well, that was Scumbag Jeopardy. Massive success. I would argue if you have the lowest

score, it's like having the highest score. It's not a horrible point. Not a horrible point at all. He is the least sketchy, the most dateable. He's been the... Well, the ultimate sketch move you could do is get the lowest score to convince your friends you're the safest to be around. To, stab that pocket knife in that back.

Oh, this got menacing quickly. It did. Like a scumbag. It's so funny. Well, why stab someone with a pot? Why go through all the lengths of stabbing someone and then use the smallest, dumbest knife? Yeah, you might as well use a big knife and kill them quick. Scumbags don't have big knives. They have little knives. Is this also a fair point?

Yeah. Yeah, I saw a bunch of fucking law-abiding citizens with jobs showing me butterfly knife tricks. That was... I feel like a true scumbag... Those are nerds. A true scumbag either has the smallest knife you've ever seen or, like, the fucking biggest.

Or a sword. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Actually, swords are also... The line between scumbag and nerd is thinner than we thought. That's deep. Yeah, we should have David... Can we cameo David Attenborough to say that?

I love that. There's a great thing on Mean Boys where you're trying to throw the break, but Tom opens up a brand new cultural thesis that doesn't make any sense. And you're like, this could either be one of his brilliant observations or it could be going absolutely nowhere. I think it makes sense. I think it makes negative $1,600 worth of sense. Okay.

We'll be right back after these messages. And the Mean Boys podcast is back for a little swan song with Ramsey Bedawi. Got a great special on Don't Tell Comedy that's out. We'll put that in the show notes. You can watch that. Don't tell. Don't tell. Thanks, buddy. Thank you very much.

We've been talking about this bit I'm going to play now. Where are we going to put it? When are we going to use it? Which guest? And I thought, Ramsey is a guy who appreciates shock jock AM radio antics the most.

100%. He is the target audience of this bit. I was sitting around a few months ago, guys, and you're not going to believe this, but I was depressed. I was sad. I was trying to think, what am I even doing here?

What do I even want to be on this earth for what do I even fucking do comedy for and I started coming back to the fundamentals like what what even makes me happy about this in the first place

and I started thinking about farts and I was like why are farts so fucking great why have farts been making me laugh since I was before I could even understand language

I was probably laughing at a fucking fart and then I was just thinking about this and I was thinking about art and I was like I bet if I just fucking recorded the next 69 farts

that slapped out of my ass edited out the dead air and just played him i bet it would be funny no fucking just fucking raw mike on the ass steve albini style with a lot of room sound and so for the next month and a half i started what i began calling uh to myself my fart diary okay where every time i farted i was diary of and stank every time I farted, I would... The Diary of Anne Stank. Every time I farted, I would stand up, record the fart, and then I would sit down,

play the audio of the fart, but I would be sitting down into the gas of the fart that I just farted and hearing the fart sound. So I would hear the fart sound and then smell the gas and it was like I managed to fart in my own face.

You would have a 4DX experience? Yes. Like the Shrek ride at Universal Studios. Here's what I do love. I'm so excited to hear this bit, but the metaphor for narcissism is that you love the smell of your own farts. I could not

stop thinking about this the entire time. You've evolved to the sound of your own farts. You're so into you, you've transcended into another dimension of sense. Can you explain the bit like, now who's Mr. James Lipton and inside the butt or whatever the fuck you do. The way you initially pitch it, you're like, I have something I want to bring into the show.

It's like, it's more than a sketch. It's like a conceptual art piece. It is. I was like, did Tom write or Connor write a fucking opera? My thesis is that any 69 farts will be amusing. Your thesis is thesis. My thesis thesis. My thesis is that any 69 farts will be amusing. Your thesis is thesis. My thesis thesis. My thesis thesis.

Are you deputing my thesis thesis? Did you thesis? My thesis thesis. Have you thesis? My thesis thesis. The thesis thesis. Oh, look, I just wanted to see if farts were funny without any other further ado, okay? Okay.

And I will say, you're like a scientist. I'm just a guy farting, trying to make people happy with my ass. Oh, we should turn up the thing here. Yeah, because it's playing. It's coming. Do we have to put fucking oven mitts on you? Like a child who won't stop eating their nose? It would be easier for him to hit every button for no reason.

It's so fun. We literally have to put Tom in a straight jacket. Tom will be recording from a St. Andrew's cross, just tied up. We have him like Hannibal Lecter. Hey, don't you say these words to the man who broke the record in most negative points in Scumbag Company.

It's a fair point. Okay. I've been stressing about how I was going to set this up because there's no way I can set it up where I don't sound like a fucking self-important retarded douchebag. But I played this for my mom, and it's the hardest I think we've ever laughed in my entire life. You made your mom listen to your farts?

My mom fucking was cackling laughing. It was a beautiful moment. Shut up in here, my ass. These aren't real. Some of these are not real. These are all real. I watched him record a couple of them. That one was really...

That one blew out the sneakers a little bit. You're starting a boat? What's happening? Your ass is peeking your mic at some of these. Yeah, when I die, please play this. Instead of a 21 gun salute. Some of them sound like firecrackers for some reason. You know how the guy does the picture of himself every day for 60 years?

I want you to do your first 69 farts of the year every year for the rest of your life and we can do your part day. That would be good. The little guy. Yeah. So fucking gross. Don't hate this. Oh, I fucking hate this.

It's giving me PTSD all the time, Gene. Weren't considerate enough to not move your ass away from my face when I was walking behind you. Oh, God. You've knocked over my... This is insane. God. You've knocked over my thing. This is insane. I keep thinking it's over. We're halfway through.

We're halfway through. You put it back on. You put it back on. You put it back on or I'm taking mine off. This is a cartoon of what people think this podcast is. Bro, it's so hard to get rid of my headphones off. I am the real fudge lord. Somebody said you're farting in a Victorian ghost house. Parking garage. That's it.

Holy shit, dude. Bravo. 69 farts. Thank you, boys boys my art piece how do you measure a year of an ass yeah that was that was like a month and a half of my ass's work and sometimes i'd fart and i kind of forget i was doing this whole thing i'd be like oh fuck that was such a good one but uh that was that was behind the bit that was brilliant dude that was so fucking good man just the just the onslaught of listening to so much of it like i played about 20 seconds of it when i just first started editing it let me just see what i even got here and i was like even that

was oppressive to i've heard it too many times it's a roller coaster it's like you're really laughing at first and then you're disgusted and then you're amazed and then you're disgusted again and then you're kind of laughing towards the end. What gets me is it's like the weird ones. Oh, there's every once in a while, like every 98th fart is like, you know,

what did I eat that day? Like some farts are a question like that, like, and some of them are a statement. Yeah. I am here. Some are a song, you know,

some are like, no, I was about to say cutter. I'm just really happy. You're producing music again. It's the best shit I've are like no I was about to say cutter I'm just really happy you're producing music again it's the best shit I've ever done I'm gonna

if it pleases the court I'm gonna put that audio at the end of this episode like without us fucking around on top of it yes

I was gonna bring this up and I want remixes I wanna hear the beat to Brass Monkey made using only my farts I gave you enough farts hello oh sorry there's a scam likely calling Tom I wanted to pick up on that oh since we're doing the beat to Brass Monkey made using only my farts. I gave you enough farts. Hello? Oh, sorry. There's a scam likely calling, Tom. I wanted to pick up on that.

Since we're doing like crazy, we're doing radio bits. Yeah. Well, I think that's all we had for the show, everybody. Bro, I'm fucking wiped. That was so fun, man. Thank you guys so much for having me. Thanks for coming in, Rams. Love you. Always a pleasure. Always a fucking

absolute pleasure. Next time around, we're going to do 420 burps. Yep. You got anything to plug, big-ass Ram dog? First Thursdays of every month at the Comedy Store, doubles in the Belly Room. I got a Don't Tell set that I'd love for you to check out. If you live in San Francisco, I'm going to be there with Bobby Lee. Oh, yeah, your comedy show where you book iconic comedy duos.

If only you were like roommates with one. Listen, I've run into... I'll talk to you guys off the air, but I've run into the producer dilemma, which is there are far too many white duos. And listen, you guys are on there. Don't you worry. We can get shoe polish.

Me, Keith. You're on the list of white guys that will be booked. Yeah, there are a lot. I promise. You will be on the book of... You're on the white guy list of dudes will be booked. Yeah, there are a lot. I promise. You will be on the book. You're on the white guy list of dudes we need to book for the show. We can't wait to have you. I'm sort of a... See you guys in 2026. Yeah, I'm sort of a lone wolf, so I don't expect to be booked.

But I will say that everyone should watch Ramsey's Don't Tell set. I showed it to one of my non-comedian friends, and he's now obsessed with you. And, yeah, he saw you do a set at a show we were both on. Oh, cool. Very cool. And he's trying to show it to everybody because it's very funny. Check it out.

And him, a stranger's word, means much more than mine. Double winner of Scumbag Jeopardy. I forgot the name of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thank you very much, Tom. I'm very honored at that. You can follow me. I forgot the name of the game. Yeah. Well, thank you very much, Tom. I'm very honored at that. You can follow me. I have not watched it yet.

Follow me on Instagram at Keith Tells Jokes. October 6, I'll be at LA Comic Con doing the fictional roast of Back to the Future. So if you're going to that comic convention, come watch me bomb in a hall full of nerds. Follow me on Instagram at Swanky Opie.

Listen to my comedy albums on Spotify. By the way, if you are interested in going to that, it's to Cobb's Comedy Club, October 18th through 19th. I'll be up there with Bobby Lee. What is this out? Or, counterpoint,

fuck Randy's thing, go to Halloween Live in Hollywood on October 18th. 945. Isn't it on the 16th? Pretty sure it's on the 18th. Well, it's San Francisco. I wrote down the 18th. Yeah.

Wait, what is this episode out? Have we ever done plugs right on this show? No. September 29th, I'm at the Chatterbox, October 6th. You should ignore whatever anyone else said and come see me headline the Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego October 8th I'm Rose Belling, Paige Wesley and then the

well I'm actually going to save that plug yeah save that one on October 6th I will be giving a two hour lecture on why hockey is bad while standing in Tom's bed I will be standing where Tom sleeps in dirty combat boots talking about why the thing he loves is not good.

That's fine. You're going to find my trick landmines in there, bud. Poop. That's the show. Fuck everything. God is dead. Hi, Mom. I'm out. uh uh I don't know. I'm sorry. so I don't know. Thank you.