Mean Boys - EP 23 - Mean Fools (feat. Chris Estrada)

Episode Date: June 9, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys Follow this week’s guest on Twitter Chris Estrada (http://twitter.com/chrisestrada85) This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, ���Malala Yousafzai”, “Mark Malloy’s Message to Orlando” and a game of “Which of the Following” with gay porn Tumblrs. Our Sponsors are “Mr. Bob’s Romance Workshop” and “Keith Carey’s Back Fat Pomade”. Follow the show on Twitter http://twitter.com/meanboyspodcast / @meanboyspodcast and email us at [e-mail]. Visit us on the web at http://www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-money-store/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast, I'm Keith Carey. I'm Joe Dosh. I'm Connor McSpadden. And I'm... Proof that Trump has a point. Would have also gone with mildly sexier Edward James Olmos. Edward James Olmos. Edwards James Holmes-mos?

I would have taken Edward James Olmos funny. Oh, shit. You're even better at that than me. You are taking jobs from Americans. Fantastic. Damn, I was going to say the spokesperson for Mexican Proactive. I was going to say any dancer. Your skinactive. I was going to say any bouncer. Your skin looks great.

It's nice and greasy for you. You date a white woman for six months and all of a sudden you silk this move. I'm a fucking sellout. I'm not a sellout, though, because I cheat on her with Mexican women. Breaking news on the Mean Boys podcast. This just in, Chris Estrada a dick. But if you know her, not really though should we introduce our guests before we carry on too much i feel like we just jumped into the slam oh yeah no we got we got chris estrada in here one of my favorite comedians and people to see

you know every time i see him he puts a smile on my face and i just wanted to wipe it right off here on the mean boys podcast yeah thanks for coming. Yeah, thanks for coming in, man. Yeah, you got it. Don't be so talkative, all right? Let us host the show. I'm your core community, you know? I'm one of your biggest fans. I'm part of the Mexican community.

You are one third of the listening audience. We just fucked over getting any downloads for this. I frequent a lot of Dave and Buster's in Fullerton, so naturally he's a big Foner. Oh, yeah, big Foner. Hurts because it's true. Do you want to introduce the first segment, Chris? Mexican Joke Off?

Ay, so topical. Oh shit, and? Oh yeah, Apu, this is fucking, this is the Chistel Joke Off. I've never felt whiter than trying to figure out what the hell you just said.

Chistes is Spanish for jokes. You'll say it, Chris. I know. We've covered this. Well, you've dated enough Mexican women. I've defiled your people, yes. I have salted their wombs

so no children shall grow. It's colonization all over. I set up a mission in there teaching them the ways of Satan. Giving us all smallpox. You guys, I thought that was the Indians. No, no, no. You guys gave us smallpox.

We gave everybody smallpox. We gave a lot of people smallpox. Enough smallpox for everybody. I don't know why they call them small. There were so many of them. Chris, to be fair, if you mean by dated, you mean cause a lot of half-breed abortions in the back of a PT cruiser. That's how you are. Spot on. You drive a PT loser.-breed abortions in the back of a PT cruiser. There you are. Spot on.

You drive a PT loser. Chris. Yes, that's the objection. That was the most hurtful thing you've ever said to me. Earlier tonight, we renamed Connors, called them Spatty Wagon. Oh, yeah. Hop in, baby. All right.

Who wants to start this week? I'll take it away. All right. A man was incinerated to death after falling into a hot spring at Yellowstone Park. The man died playing his favorite game, The Floor is Literally Made of Lava. Oh, I had one for that, but I'm not gonna do it. I'll do another one. Yellow Springs National Park is told a

grieving family there are no remains to be recovered of their father who fell into the hot springs. However, they did say they could purchase tickets to see his ashes being scattered every day at 12 p.m. Oh, fuck. He's a guys man now. All right. A fight broke out at a bar in Florida after two couples accused each other of farting.

It's not clear who farted, but it is clear that Keith Carey's mom is a fat pig. That's so sucky. Your accent, I can't tell if you're saying farting or fighting. It doesn't matter. It didn't matter to me. We all heard the part that mattered. Boy, it's good to be back from tour.

Oh, yeah. Welcome back, Keith. Fuck both of you to death. A man was killed by gale force winds while paddle boarding in Connecticut. Turns out it was just my mom farting. Yep, that's the joke now. Oh, sweet. Family and friends are taking comfort in knowing he died as he lived white as fuck would have been funnier if i actually got to do the joke all right let's

not much funnier let's i don't like shitting on keith as much the taliban has skinned a man alive notorious terrorist and cannibal muhammad kerry altust said, Ah, but the skin's the best part. The last known 9-11 search dog was put down last week. The dog will be immortalized in the film Air Bud United 93. There's no rule that says a dog can't catch a play in the Pennsylvania countryside. Oh my God. I got a, Austria's interior minister wants to demolish the house Hitler was born in, protesting the

demolish is gay Nazi Joe Dosh. Okay, well. Can't sue you for slander. I was just about to say can't sue you for slander, because you say that a lot. Keith, right? Yeah. A Qatar woman reported her rape and was sentenced to jail time for having sex out of wedlock.

In related news, Brock Turner has been ticketed for littering. Because he left a lady by a dumpster. Newark County Landfill. Newark County Landfill. It's always great when you've got to explain the joke. Yeah. Thanks, Chris. Thanks.

Thanks. Appreciate it. A New Jersey man has fallen to his death while rock climbing. The tragic event was captured on a video camera mounted to his head. His family is devastated, saying they really hate to see him go pro. Fucking boo! I thought, I was like, oh, this one for sure. No.

All right, Joe, let's pick up this fumble. A California winery is selling cemetery plots near its Pinot grape vines. Fuck! Why did I curse myself? A California winery is selling cemetery plots near its Pinot grape vines. Fuck! Why did I curse myself? A California winery is selling cemetery plots near its Pinot grapevines. The Vineyard commented, this is how ancient Egypt entombed its basic bitches.

It helps them in the afterlife. I got yoga pants. I got Bubbles the pilot whale has died after 30 years at SeaWorld. Bubbles is survived by her sister, Keith Carey's mom. Oh, I have a different, less distasteful joke about this.

Bubbles the 30-year-old pilot whale has died at SeaWorld. The park has asked the public for their donations to wildlife charities in honor and for Keith Carey to stop faxing his resume. God damn it. I hope nothing ever happens to a whale. Here's the thing. We kind of all make a pact we're not going to shit on Keith as much, and then we bring guests in who don't know the rules, and it all starts back up again.

Is that a thing? I love it. Me and Joe took each other's side, and we're like, it's a little much. Is it? You're fine. You beat me to it by half a second, you fuck. God damn it. It's your turn.

Whatever, I'm gonna, you don't get to be on TV, and you won't get to embarrass on TV. So fuck both of you. Oh yeah, very important announcement, the Mean Boys are gonna be, you guys are gonna be on Comedy Central, and you know what? I'm fine. I'm doing great. I don't even care. Yeah, you can catch a laughs on Fox rerun if you live somewhere terrible.

Hey, they don't rerun my episode anymore. You'll be playing La Quinceanera, right? Oh, yeah! Chris, I literally played a Mexican high school graduation party. Yeah, I heard about it.

And I was like, everyone is right about me. But you crushed, right? Not really. No, I meant like pussy in the back. No, again, not really. No.

All right, this is a nice one. A former astronaut has been charged with the murder of two girls in Alabama. When asked how long he expected to spend in prison, the ex-space man said, quote, I think it's going to be a long, long time. That's a good one. The Center for Disease Control created a list of people most likely to suffer from anxiety.

Topping the list is total frauds no one likes who are about to ruin their whole lives. Newark County landfill. That's where that joke's headed. I got Stanford rapist Brock Turner's mother wrote a letter asking the judge to take leniency on her son. In similar news, Connor McSpadden's mother has asked the Mexican community to forgive Connor for continually raping them with his comedy. There's a lot of true words i like that all of your jokes start with like where's he going with this one and then just the most direct barely related you read that like you were translating for someone at the un

dude do you like do mexicans not know know about left turns in comedy? Just a straight line right over the border. A straight line. Look, English is not my first language. This is like when you get that Tijuana knockoff action figure. Bat fellow. And he's like the wrong color, but it's like, I can see how it was a Batman. Yeah, I stand by these. Yeah, Batman's dark blue.

Well, somebody has to. Batman will. Batman will. Batman will. Anybody got any more? I got one. Batman will. Batman will. Batman will. Anybody got any more? I got one. All right. All right.

The North Korean government has started its own Instagram page. The nation followed with its own BuzzFeed branch, which posted, Eight Disney princesses are dear leader impregnated. Okay. Magic Johnson has been stripped of his title as vice president of the Lakers franchise. He will be replaced by the controversial Wilt the Stilt Underwood. North Korea has an Instagram page where they can post pictures of the food they can't eat. They hungry, though.

Oh, that's a salad. Must be nice. Why do they post a bowl of rainwater? Throwback in jail Thursday. Throwback Thursday that you're the big third of the word hope. Man's dreams crushed Monday. Oh, man. I got in Michigan.

A driver has been charged with the murder of five bicyclists. Proof that some heroes don't wear capes. I like it. That's a good one. Seeof that some heroes don't wear capes. I like it. That was a good one. See, they don't all have to be terrible. Something to be mediocre. That's actually how I handle this. I got two more.

Don't worry. Okay. Joe, do you have one? I don't. I have a really bad one. Do it. Please. A Georgia judge has refused a trans man's request for a name change, saying it wasn't

believable and she can't have it. The woman is reportedly devastated she can't have all of her clothes off. Well, yeah, pretty bad. You called it, and we let it happen. All right. Syrian women have been photographed throwing off their niqabs after the village was liberated by ISIS. They laughed as they did so, saying, now whoever catches it is next to be oppressed. I got, the Orlando shooter's father said his son was angered by seeing two men kiss.

Unlike Joe's father, who cries tears of disappointment every time he sees photos of Joe dressed in drag. Wow, Chris. Geez, now I feel really horrible. You kind of should. Hey, Joe's really good at drag I guess your face isn't the only thing that's pockmarked your soul as well the tears of disappointment are for his comedy

alright I dried the important thing is you doing this podcast was a highlight of your week oh it was we gave Chris a credit I knew I was the diversity choice. We're not going to be sucking his dick to be on the fucking Estrada show. If I'm not the token white guy in the Estrada show, my entire life has been a waste.

We didn't make it on the George Lopez Tonight show. If I would have been doing comedy when Lopez Tonight was in the air, I would have been the phone call number one. If you're not the Jim Carrey on In Living Color of some fucking Telemundo thing. Fantastic. All right, well, that was a, that was a, let's be honest, that was a mediocre start to the show. I saw mediocre.

I saw whatever. Well, yeah, we'll be right back after some other shit. Hey, what's up, mean fools? I'm comedian chris estrada and a lot of fools ask me chris what do you do to style your hair with it always looks real feed a man well i'll let you fools into my little secret i only use the best pomade called keith carrey's back fat with keith carrey's back fat you don't have to worry about your hair losing its hold and getting all weak and shit because it's literally his. I'll let you fools know that no animals are harmed in the process of obtaining Keith Carey's back fat, unless you consider that fool Keith Carey a stranded beach ballena that's banished for whale. They scrape the lard off his back as he sleeps and

dreams of his comedy album Forever Naps selling more than three coffees. Keith Carey may be on the brink of death, but your hair will never look better. Ask your barbershop for a gallon of Keith Carey Back Fat Pomade now. This is CNN. One of the most inspiring figures of the 21st century is Pakistani activist Malala Yousafzai. At only 11 years old, she became an activist for women's education in her native Pakistan. At 12 years old, she became an activist for women's education in her native Pakistan. At 12 years old, she survived an assassination attempt by the Taliban after the assailant boarded her school bus, asked her name, and shot her in the face. She is now the youngest Nobel Peace Prize laureate in history and continues her human rights advocacy across the globe.

She's here today to discuss her new book, I Am Malala. And I thought it clearly, if they ever come to kill me, I will tell them what they are trying to do is wrong. That education is the basic right of every child on God's earth, no matter who they are. Thank you. Yes. Thank you, Malala. Thank you for being with us today. I finished

your book before the press conference today, and it brought me to tears. It was so inspiring. Not since the diary of Anne Frank has a work of literature. I'm sorry. Is something wrong? No, no, no. No, I'm sorry. It was so inspiring. Not since the Diary of Anne Frank has a work of literature. I'm sorry. Is something wrong? No, no, no, no. I'm sorry.

Please, please go. Okay. As I was saying, I was just saying that your book reminded me of the Diary of Anne Frank. I think both your book and Anne Frank's are some of the most inspiring stories of the triumph of the human spirit. I think school children today will look at the name Malala Yousafzai the way my generation looked at Anne Frank. Oh, my God.

Malala, I'm sorry. I feel like something's wrong. No, no, no, no. It's nothing. Are you sure? I don't like Anne Frank, okay? I just don't. That's all.

You don't like Anne Frank? No, no, I don't. Every press conference I go to, someone has to bring her name up with mine, and it just bugs me a lot, okay? How could you not like Anne Frank, Malala? See, this is why I don't bring it up. You say, I don't like Anne Frank, and people don't just drop it. Everyone has to know why. I don't like when people equate my life with hers.

It's extremely frustrating. She was killed in the Holocaust, Malala. Yes, and that's all she did. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, is this offensive? What did she do? What did she do? Tell me.

You all make it sound like she was Oscar fucking Schindler or something, sneaking people across the border or speaking out publicly against the Third Reich, but she didn't. She fucking didn't do that, okay? I knew the Taliban would try to kill me if I spoke up for women's rights, and I did it anyway. I didn't just sit in an attic and write about it like a little bitch, and you all act like it's the same

fucking thing. The Diary of Anne Frank is one of the most moving books I've ever read. I got shot in the fucking face! And I still did shit afterward. If Anne Frank were alive today, she'd be writing BuzzFeed articles in the gentrified area of Munich while her parents still paid her fucking cell phone bill. I think we're getting way off track here. No, no, no. You wanted it and you got it.

I was taking bullets and winning Nobel Prizes while that cunt and her trapper keeper were getting her period in gym class. Put that in the fucking Huffington Post. That was Nobel laureate Malala Yousafzai. Her new book, I Am Malala, is available in bookstores now, to be followed shortly by her second book, Anne Frank is a frizzy-haired Dutch bitch who can suck my dick. Alright everybody, Mean Boys

is back, and it is time for the return of one of our favorite games. We're going to play Is This Domain Name Taken? This week you got a very special round. Name number one, technoschool.edu. Is that available? Oh, I don't think so. It's based off of one of our old episodes.

I'm going to say it's available. I'm going to say it's taken. Alright, Technoschool is taken. That's like a school Chris could get into as his family's greatest achievement. He's in the brochure with DJ headphones on. I'm like, yeah, man.

Yeah, I went to techno school for fucking medical coding and billing. I watched him on a daytime television. Dude, that is such a fucking Hispanic family is proud of their son for the technical medical billing and certificate. That's like, oh, we're going to frame that

and put it next to the fucking Jesus. It's a high achievement in my community. Is this name taken? Butt.Coffee. I love this game. Can you buy Butt.Coffee? You know, if we don't buy that and reroute it right to Mean Boys, I don't know what we're going to do. We're Soul Coffee.

We'll make your soul shit. You'll feel pepped up at the same time. I'm going to say it's taken. Yeah? I don't think it's taken Is that your cousin? He's like yeah it's those beans that get shit out by that weird Animal in Columbia

You're reaching Oh whatever Someone has to provide comedy for this fucking show Chris Just sit there and try to Make us ignore your fucked up tooth Oh fuck Keep my tooth out of this Just sit there and try to make us ignore your fucked up tooth. Oh, fuck. Keep my tooth out of this. Keep it out of my face if you can.

Keep it out of your other teeth. Yeah, we need to segregate your mouth a little bit. You know, the wall between us. Yeah, that's your mouth's barrio right there. Butt.coffee, lose my game. I don't think butt.coffee is taken. I was goingffee. Lose my game. I don't think butt.coffee is taken. I was going to say

no, not taken. Chris? I'm going to say it's taken. It's taken. You can't buy butt.coffee. Damn.

Fuck that. Back of the deal. Nazi.singles. Can you buy Nazi.singles? It's absolutely taken. I hope so. Yeah, I'm going to say yes.

I mean, I hope they're in their own dating pool. It's not taken. I hope so. Yeah, I'm going to say yes. I mean, I hope they're in their own dating pool. It's not taken. It's their own pure dating pool. Plenty of fish will die. Oh, no. I'm going to say no. I'm going, Chris.

Okay. Not taken. Oh, okay. Joe, you've got a business venture to work on. In case this whole Comedy Central thing doesn't work out for you. Hey, Keith's stepdad, I have a business plan for you. You will be a full partner. I'm listening.

Oh, hey, Keith's stepdad, I didn't know you were here. Chris, run! Yeah, that brings me to my next point. Ass.church. Can you buy Ass.church? That's got to be a black porn website. Ass.church. Ass.Church? That's got to be a black porn website. Ass.Church. Ass.Church.

Ass.Church sounds like a ludicrous album. It's the new designer song. I got butts in Atlanta. It's taken. I say no. I'm going to say no as well. Ass.Church. Not taken.

It's a sad world we live in. It does make sense. You know, people say the shooting in Orlando, people say that was because of gun control. It's not, because we don't have religion in this country anymore. That shooting was at Ass.church. Yeah, you take the Ass.church out of the schools. Separation of church and ass. Hey, Ascot is everywhere, even schools.

He doesn't really want to be there though He likes to party Ascot is my Ascot is my Oh man, if you go to Ass Church's communion You're just fucking poppers In a smile

Is pussy.cafe taken? I've never been to a Dot cafe I don't understand How the internet works Joe, you're very old Yeah, I guess You're old and no one's

Going to care about you very soon. AOL disks. They keep coming in the mail. What's an Earthling? You see, people ran out of dot coms, so now they've got to add kooky shit to the back of it to make it work. And it's comedy gold. Well, I would think if you're a wise internet entrepreneur, you would want to buy the pussy.anythings. Yeah.

I can't imagine any version of pussy is still just floating around. I'm going to say it's not taken. I'm going to say yes. I'm going to say, first of all, Pussy Cafe is what I call every coffee shop I do open. Second of all, I'm going to say yes, it's taken. Pussy Cafe is taken. It's also Ramsey's bedroom. It's going to be a bombing in there or something.

Whatever. Wow, you're really fucking coasting on fumes. Dude, I'm tired. Cosplay.lawyer. Is cosplay.lawyer Is there a lawyer specifically for cosplay? That's taken. Oh man, I sure hope not.

I'm gonna say no. I'm gonna say it is. Cosplay.lawyer is not taken. Joe, can you get that degree from Chris's family's fucking techno school? Techno.edu. I'm just picturing like church now. Or not church. Where do lawyers go?

Court. But it's just like somebody represent like a very serious lawyer and then just a fat Filipino Naruto. Travel finger in somebody at Comic Con. My client did not put his kunai. Nipples.tv. Oh, that's taken. That's taken.

For sure taken. I almost think I've been to that site. Nipples.tv ain't taken, bitches. Ain't taken. What? Yeah, dum-dums. How stupid is the person who didn't buy nipples.tv? Yeah, that should be taken.

For sure. I wonder how much. Inside baseball. We enjoyed it East TV pitch? Inside baseball. We enjoyed it. Like inside this room baseball. Joe, that's literally, you only hurt somebody to two people. You fucking jerk. Who plugged this podcast very nicely.

Let's cut that out. All right. Come on. How much is this domain name worth? Fatdaddies.com. Follow-up question. Are they hiring? Keith is unemployed

yeah I'd be a fat daddy if your sperm can still swim I bet your sperm need hover rounds Keith carries sperm swim with their shirt on you need a mobility shooter only in

1900 bucks I was gonna guess like shooter. Only sperm that eat the eggs. Only? 1900 bucks? Oops. I was going to guess like 70 grand. Wasn't the last one worth like $45,000? Yeah, I forget what it was. It was something bullshit. Fat Daddy's.

I mean, look, we should start a Kickstarter to buy fatdaddies.com. I will produce daily high quality erotica. And what kind of erotica? Oh, yeah. You're not going to Fat Daddy's for non-porn. It's not like, hey, we're dads and we have trouble finding clothes. It's like, hey, these are dads. They're taking off their clothes. Isn't it weird that the word daddy has been so ruined

that when you read it, you don't immediately think father. You just think, oh, someone's getting fucked. I don't got a problem with it. Yeah, I bet you don't. For those of us who still believe in God. I like how fatdaddies.com, it could be

just what Keith needs. It's like godaddy.com for the obese. Slow daddy? This is made with godaddy.com. That's the sponsor of this segment.

I'm sure they appreciate their name being up there. Do you believe in God, Chris? Do I believe? No. Oh, okay. All right, you're one of the good ones.

He doesn't believe in you either. I don't believe it. Okay. Yeah, that was the thing. Anyway. Now right, you're one of the good ones. He doesn't believe in you either. No, no, I don't believe it. Okay. Yeah, that was the thing. Anyway, now we got more stuff. Hi, I'm retired high school shop teacher Bob Radcliffe, but the kids call me Mr. Bob.

After my teaching career ended, I decided to take my love of precision and craftsmanship to a different arena, the bedroom. My three VHS instructional set, Dr. Bob's Romance Workshop, will teach you how to drill, hammer, and fuck your lady until your dick is snugger than the last dovetail joint in a mahogany end table. Here is a sample lesson. Now the most important thing to remember when you're dealing with women is that they're sensitive but sturdy. Think of her body as the workbench you're going to build a beautiful orgasm on. Now the breasts are one of the most important tools in your pleasure toolbox, probably second only to the actual toolbox. You know, the pussy. When stimulating the breasts, remember to keep a firm grip. Any good craftsman knows that if the material isn't secured properly,

it's probably not going to come and then maybe it'll cheat on you with the assistant principal. Now encircle the bosom with your fingers, then clamp onto the respective mom bags while digging your fingertips deep into that knocker. Now, while maintaining pressure, slowly drag your hands along the gazonga to the nipple. Easy as that. Pinch and scrape. Pinch and scrape. You give her 15 of those and she'll be wetter than a coffee table mid-lacker. Now with my combined expertise in the wood shop and the given wood shop, I've discovered there's room for some fun crossovers for you and the missus. Here's a few ideas for you and the carpenter in your life. Eat her ass with safety

goggles. Tease her gooch with the shop vac. Tickle your man button with the handle of the screwdriver. Make the stud finder beep when you hold it up to your chest as a fun gag. Dip a rag in her favorite massage oil and put it on your palm sander. Fuck her during passing period and then laugh at the kids trying to figure out what the smell is. And many more. So order now. Call 888-GET-WOOD.

Because with Mr. Bob's help, you don't need to be a magician to saw your broad in half. Hey, you fucking mooks. It's your boy, Mark Malloy. You might remember me as the owner of Mark Malloy's South Boston Anime Emporium, or as the guy who stole your grandma's Percocets that one time. It's been a fucked up weekend, kid, I'm serious. I'm sure y'all heard some numbnuts haji in Florida went all wackadoo Rambo and killed a bunch of queers. It's the shittiest thing to happen in Florida

since that time I got kicked out of Disney World for trying to finger pop Daisy Duck. Here's the thing. People have called me homophobic. I say the word faggot more than anybody on Earth. That's not me bragging. It's true. They sent a guy from Guinness Book of World Records. They put me in the book and gave me a plaque homophobic i say the word faggot more than anybody on earth that's not me bragging it's true they sent

a guy from guinness book of world records they put me in the book and gave me a plaque with a picture of javi milk crying but as much as i talk shit i fucking love the mo's i remember way back me and little pete was driving around we was drinking rum and alcohol and putting firecrackers up cats buttholes we ended up in the fudge pack industry some bar full of nancy's and you know what best fucking night of my life swear to god it was bonkers kid they had these crazy little muscle boys dancing in cages and the floor was covered in this crazy foam just three feet of this fucking party soap bullshit it was like partying with mr bubble if he did nitrous and turned into that drug dealer from the end of boogie nights i saw that dude do one line of coke off two dicks locked in tip to tip

fucking guy went from base to base in one move unbelievable hottest fucking thing i've ever seen all the booze was full of crazy neon nonsense and the bartender said he used to cornhole tom brady on the down low that's impressive as fuck i mean i'm a fucking goon for poon but if t-braids dropped trow and asked me to get gay on his shit i'd let him fill up my throat like a fucking food stamp application that's the cadillac of dicks anyway little p went to the bathroom with this big old fucker in a leather vest that looked like Hagar from Final Fight, so I went out for a smoke.

Met this tripped out Filipino twink. We started talking about the socks. Next thing you know, we're doing poppers behind a dumpster and having a jerk-off race. It's not gay if you turn it into sports. That's in the fucking Bible. And you know what? Fuck it. Even if it is a little gay, I ain't mad.

You ever heard of the Kinsey scale? Read a fucking book, you dumb shit. What I'm saying is me and these fruitcakes got a lot in common. We like tank tops, hitting the gym, and being way too fucking loud in public. So I just wanted to say that Mark Malloy stands with Orlando and with the LGBTQA what-the-fuck-ever community. And the Mean Boys do, too. They're good kids, and they got a fag and a half between them.

Plus, between you and me, that McSpadden seems like a real Tom Brady. All right, enough of this feelingsy shit. I gotta go figure out if it's legal to trick a retarded person into thinking you're a ghost, so they'll give you the disability check. Be good to each other, you fucking fucks. And ISIS, you come try that shit in Southie, I'll call up the non-famous Walburg brothers, and we'll gangbang your eye socket with a fucking screwdriver.

U.S. gay. U.S. gay. U.S. gay. Gwong.K. U.S.K. Gwang. Welcome back to the Mean Boys, everyone. It's time to play Witch of the Following. Woo! All right, everybody. I think now more than ever this is going to be especially poignant. What I've put together

Don't ever call what you're about to do poignant. That Macklemore song starts playing. Yeah, yeah. Thrift shop joke, really? Just ruin this for me. Anyway, what we have today is which of the following is not a real gay porn tumbler? And I'm just...

Oh, it's just going to truly enrich the spirit. Here we go. Which of the following is not a real gay porn tumbler? A. Confessions of a Cheating Comedian. Oh, God, that's my least favorite Nancy Drew novel. B, Daddy's Butt Sniffer. Oh, no. Yeah, Daddy.

C, Little Twink Jock Huffers. Ooh. Or D, Bottoms Without Borders. It's the only charity I give to. Oh, no. Bottoms Without Borders. Go to the nation of Cutters. It's the only charity I give to Oh no This is so exciting There's like the club pallet truck That comes around and just fucking crams it into him

Connor we're on round one These are the mild ones Oh god Yeah this is the fucking pinky that goes in first Little twink jock huffer sounds like an old-timey nursery rhyme, like a ba-ba black sheep. These are twink jock huffers, and they're... These all sound like Jim Crow comics. Which is the following is not real.

I am going to say... I'm going to say Bottoms Without Boners. I am going to say Daddy's Butt Sniffer. I am going to say Daddy's Butt Sniffer. I'm going to say Daddy's Butt Sniffer, too. The not real gay porn tumbler is C, Little Twink Jockoff. Ah, man, that was the one I was sure was real. Oh, no, no, no. Damn.

What have I been doing in that basement? I mean, he's paying me, but if it's not going... Anyway. Which of the following is not a real gay porn tumbler? A, impregnate fag wombs. Oh, God. Back in my day, it was just called a pile of dirty tank tops. B. Kinky little Utah cub.

That's real. That's so specific, it has to be real. That's way too real. C. Intense daddy. I didn't know Earl had a Tumblr. D. Looks like a bro, spreads like a hoe. be real. That's way too real. C. Intense daddy. Didn't know Earl had a tumble. D. Looks like a bro, spreads like a hoe. Oh no.

Joe, I hug you and shake your hand. Now I think gay people are subhuman, honestly. Don't act like you haven't jerked off to something like this like 4% of your time. I know you're Kinsey reading McSpada. Oh yeah, I forgot you have a Dragon Ball Z scatter.

I'm going to say A, impregnate fag wombs. Impregnate fag wombs sounds like something Karnak would yell. Impregnate the fag womb. I got to say A too. I am going to say C, intense daddy. I think it's too simple. The correct answer is A. Impregnate Fag Son of a bitch Hey Keith why don't you

spread like a hoe right now I did a Maury you're not the father dance when I came up with Impregnate Fag You will never be the father A. Which of the following is not a real gay porn Tumblr? A. Master Darius Emasculator. Oh, God. Where's He-Man villain?

B. Seed-Shitting Betas. Oh, my God. Oh, no. C. Muscle Piglets. Muscle Piglets is real, I think. That has to be real. It's fucking X-rated. It sounds like some kind of food you guys would eat.

Only on the holidays. Yeah, man. Tia made muscle piglets. Hot tripe, you fucking animal. Oh, poo-poo-poo. My colon fell out of my rectum. Oh, bother. Oh, dude.

D, the beauty of rectholes. Oh, bother. Oh, dude. D, the beauty of wrecked holes. Oh, bother. Did not get the standing ovation it deserved. So I just want to make a statement on this in relation to the Orlando shoot. I have a statement. So that guy said he, or not said, but it was like, oh, he saw two guys kiss and he freaked out. If we could have showed him any of these four things, he would have just died on the spot. So if you know somebody who's homophobic, send them to seedshittingbetas.

I assume it is. And just get rid of them. I hope Omar Mateen reads all these in hell. Sounds like this would have been his heaven, too. His fag womb is currently being impregnated, so he's busy. Take my seed! By Karnak. Karnak, don't play that shit. Magwum is currently being impregnated, so he's busy. Take my seed! Yes! Bye, Karnak.

Karnak, don't play that shit. I'm going to say... The answer is I hope they're all fake. I want them all to be real. God damn it. I'm going to say Mastodarius Masculator is not real. I think Muscle Piglet was an aborted Keith Slam. I'm going to say Seed Shitting Betas, because that sounds the most Joe. I'm going to seed shitting betas because that sounds

the most Joe I'm gonna say that as well the correct answer is seed shitting betas yeah Joe you can't you can't wipe your smug off of some of these titles

see here's the thing you guys I totally thought this game would reveal more about me only to learn that you guys knew me all along this is a real dark gift to the magi which of the following is not a real gay porn tumbler?

A, Empire of the Black God White Slave Punishment. Wow. They really went off the rails with those Scorpion Kings movies when they started going straight to DVD. B, Alpha Jizz in North Hollywood. C, Attila the Brutal. Or D, Sup Bay, It's Pup Play. Oh, God. C. Attila the Brutal or D. Subbay it's pup play. Oh god. Please ask what is pup play.

What is pup play? Pup play is like Dom Subplay where one person is like a dog and they wear like a leather doggy mask and they have like a butt plug in their ass with a dog tail. I don't know why I thought anything else. Yeah, it's exactly what you thought and somehow worse. Worse is a strong term.

What do you fetch? Cone. Yeah. Dicks. Dicks and cone. Dick bones. I just imagine a guy licking it off a frisbee

after he comes in. You gotta wrap your dick in a piece of cheese. He ate some chocolate out of my ass. Yeah, I hate when they do that when they have them like they'll come on something

and then they'll eat it. I'm like, I don't want to see tragedy yogurt land right now. Yeah, I hate when they do that. When they, like, they'll have them, like, they'll come on something and then they'll eat it. I'm like, I don't want to see Tragedy Yogurt Land right now. Oh, Nogurt Land. Oh, yeah, that's fine. But I'd hate to see him GoPro. That sucks. Yeah, I'm just more likable than you, Connor. I'm going to say A.

I'm going to say Alpha G is in North Hollywood. Yeah, I'm going to say Alpha G is in North Hollywood. It's not real. The correct answer is Sup Bay. It's pup Hollywood. Yeah, I'm going to say Alpha G is in North Hollywood. It's not real. The correct answer is Sup Bay. It's pup play. Ah. Damn, Joe. Empire of the Black God, colon, white slave punishment is precisely what it sounds like.

Colon is the punctuation, not the body part. It's an emoji. Let's be honest. Both. All right, everyone. Got an all real or an all fake. A, anointed with seed. B, the depths of my ass.

Is that a soap opera? C, drowned in Pazkum. Or D, shit dicks and Omega Mouths. Are we sure this isn't from the Cannibal Corpse round of this? Omega Mouth? Is Omega Mouth fought the Teen Titans, right? You see, you know, there's like alphas and betas. Omegas are even lower

than betas. And there's like all this porn out there where there'll be like a dude with like a mouth at the bottom of like a trough of a urinal. Like it'll be like a ballpark style urinal that just goes into one dude's mouth. Why? Because it's love, Chris. Now the Macklemore song comes out.

Is that anything like Bug Chasers? That's exactly like that. Dude, what the fuck is this shit? Oh, man. You don't know? Bug Chasers? No. Bug Chasers are gay guys who think it's hot to get AIDS.

Paws is positive. Yeah. For HIV. What? You know what, Connor? People used to look at us like that, so I'm not anyone to judge humans. I'll turn in myself. Use a line from your act right now.

Man, Bug Chasers is a real whimsical title for something so fucking dark. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm going to say it's all real. I'm going to... Who started that fad, Reagan? Like, hey, guys. All the cool kids are doing it.

Mike gives you lemons. I got to say... Fake lemon lemons. I got to say. You make lemonades? I got to say all fake. I'm going to say all fake as well. The correct answer is all fake. Just came from my mind. I don't know if that's better or worse, honestly.

Yeah, that's wrong. Because that means there's only one person who's thought of all four of these, but he's also in this room. What is the poscom, like, Drowned in Poscom, like, do they show test results, and then as they're jerking off in the guy's face, like, I went down to the closet earlier, now fucking open up! Look, you have to suspend

your disbelief a little bit. I mean, we all know those aren't real dragons on Game of Thrones, but we want to believe them. If I think they're real dragons around these tumblers, guys. That's what I'm asking, because I've never found a version of that in the straight world of like AIDS porn. Yeah, no, there isn't. I don't.

I'll never get it. It's like the gay version of like racists who like cuckolding porn. Okay. Oh, yeah. See, I don't know what that actually makes sense. So I get it. Damn, wow. Way to shut some light.

We're going to open up the Mean Boys mailbag. We've got a couple questions this week. Hey, guys, this is Joel. I love your show. Just had a quick question for Joe. I'm going to give him two options. Joe, you can either, A, get to fuck Connor, but then you can't fuck anyone else for a year, or B, you have to fuck Keith, but then for the next year you can get laid whenever you want.

Which do you pick? Best regards, you pile of rancid cunts. He said cunts, but I assume he meant cunts. Joel D. Thanks for the email, Joel. Can I fuck Connor forever? Like, can I keep him in a box like the fucking Ariel Castro? Oh, God.

You ever see that movie Room? I vaguely know what it's about. Well, then you know what's coming. I'm so uncomfortable. Well, I'm going to have to say, yeah, I'm going to have to say fuck you. You know what it's about Well then you know what's coming I'm so uncomfortable Well I'm gonna have to say Fuck Keith You know what I'd fuck Keith Thank you

I never liked the idea of you fucking me Then maybe eat a cucumber Fuck you man You're a prize At a county fair You might be better looking I for sure could suck your dick better than Connor. Oh, wow.

That just goes to that. I should hope. It's the same thing they told you in Little League. Good hustle. I'm getting a gold star for making Joe cum. I would bottom for Keith. I don't think he could clean his ass very thoroughly. No, it's a mess in there.

I mean, just because of geometry. Yeah, you need to hire Chris's sister to do it before you win. Ayo. All right, next email. Yo, Maine boys, going to see Connor in Vegas this week. What's tighter, Connor's feature set, Joe's asshole, or the elastic on Keith's underwear? Like what? Yeah, all right.

Good one, guy. I loved it. There's no answer to it. Yeah, he came and for sure came to the worst show of the week, so that was awesome. I was like, oh, I have a fan, but not anymore. I'm glad he went to watch you squander your... He says, listening to this week's Mean Boys and Tom Goss cannot be a real person. We're not on the bus with you.

You're on the bus with us. Ha ha. That was the best. Tom Goss looks like he rode to school on the bus and then he grew up to be its mechanic. Hope to see you and the rest of you haters in Vegas again soon. Signed, IZ. I could only fix a tricycle. Yeah, that was the mailbag for this week.

Thanks for writing in, everybody. Write in every week. We got more questions. Watch The Comedy Store tomorrow night, Tuesday, June 14th. Keith and Joe battling for the fucking TV, guys. Yeah, and that'll be on Comedy Central I think at the end of July? Yeah. Hey, guys.

Which we for sure will. Oh, shit. The important thing is we'll still be better than Connor. You sure will, and you guys will have a real legitimate leverage point from now on. All these obscurity jokes just got too real. All your obscurity jokes just got too real. All your obscurity jokes just got notarized.

They really did. Yeah, I didn't know Jeff Ross had the certificate, but he brought out his stamp, and he was just like, irrelevant. Chris, thank you for coming in. Yeah, we really hit a wall, and we need to build one. What's your Twitter and everything?

I'm at ChrisEstrada85. Nice. Follow him. Fucking funny dude. Other than that, fuck everything. God is dead. Good night, everybody. Drown in Pazcom.

Yay. Yay. My Omega mouth is so thirsty. Outro Music