Mean Boys - EP 235 - Sex Tom

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

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hello and welcome to the mean boys podcast your i voted sticker is about to burn up like the rest of america i'm tom goss i'm connor m McSpadden. And I'm... A haunted piano mouth motherfucker. They say there's a ghost who can't quite hit the A-flat. Keith is just like an animation cell of Bugs Bunny getting hit in the face that became a man. If they tap your mouth twice quietly,

a ghost will appear. Yeah, well, they had to take my this tooth out because it was the key where you pushed it a bookshelf open to the secret laboratory underneath the haunted amusement park i do like when he uh smiles and it plays for at least for a second i've honestly been so like i did that uh fucking roast of australia for yeah mad and yeah the the real got around and i got like a bunch of people talking shit and it's been nice like having a new thing to get made fun of oh i'm sure that's my first like very visible thing i've done with like hello my mouth sucks hey guess who's not fat anymore easiest way to lose 50 pounds lose one tooth yeah i'll be fucking johnny hole face forever like i'll give a shit about that well Well, Johnny Wholeface is your name now.

That's your Bruce Springsteen Nebraska character about you. Little Johnny Wholeface. Well, they can't eat an apple very well anymore. And they can't smoke for a couple weeks. Everything's yellow. That's a fact. The river flows through this mouth i uh fucking somebody was like i can't even afford a fucking fake tooth you must be a bad

comedian and i was like i do have a fake tooth and then i realized i have lost my fake tooth you lost your tooth i have no idea where it is how much was it uh five hundred dollars it was enough money that it's like i'm not just gonna go down and be like one tooth please uh have you looked through jordan's personal belongings because oh she's definitely hoarding it somewhere yeah no she doesn't like has she accidentally turned it into jewelry there ain't no accident no she fucking here's the thing she's like i've i've got her fake tooth jewelry before and she's always very nice about it but like that's like fucking creep etsy methadone for her like yeah yeah she needs real teeth and they don't count oh yeah none of this ceramic crap yeah

she doesn't want suboxone she wants yeah yeah yeah she's got one piece of real human tooth jewelry and that's where's that where's it sourced from a mouth i would guess yeah but like of the human trafficked toddler or like a guy in the eddy who lost the tooth i didn't watch him make it i know i think the lady had like a hookup with like a dentist is what was the explanation given i got the hook up hold the teeth you can eat no i remember we talked to the lady who was selling them at this like art market and it was like a real wink wink nudge nudge part of this dude's fucking skull fell off the back of the truck situation where it was just like he would just like float her teeth and

then she's like a dead guy no no you pull a two at that as somebody like they're real but i'm not gonna say it that loudly yeah like it's i think it's technically illegal to like just sell that like yes yeah i think some places you're allowed to but not like you can't buy them online i think Yeah, I think it's technically illegal to just sell that. Yes. Yeah, I think some places you're allowed to, but you can't buy them online. I think it's illegal. But you can buy a whole ass motherfucker if you're teaching life science in eighth grade somewhere. Right. Why don't I just pretend to be a science teacher and hoard skeletons? Buy the whole skeleton, just keep the teeth.

This is the kind of completely meaningless scam that I can spend weeks on. Becoming an accredited science teacher in a different state so I can own many bones. That's like the pistachios of cannibalism where it's just entirely too much work for the payoff. Yeah, yeah. You keep buying whole skulls just to crack them and get the one little thing. It's like a fucking pomegranate. I got to rip these little things out every single time. I do love pomegranates.

Pomegranates are so good, but pomegranate juice is kind of like where it's at because some guy did all the work for you. Yeah, I'm too lazy to raw dog a pomegranate. See, I like something to do with my hands. If I'm pomegranating, I'm not touching my beard like this. But you probably are, and then you have a sticky beard is the thing. Well, afterwards, but that doesn't count. You're never not touching your beard like that.

I know. I don't know how to fix that. The beard thing? Yes. Yeah, I don't have a good answer like i know i don't know how to fix that the beard thing yes yeah i don't have a good answer for you i don't either the entire time i grew facial hair i could not not touch it i get it yeah so it goes down smooth well when i don't have facial hair i just start pulling at the back of my my head like i have to touch something i wish the chicks could grow facial hair so they could chill the fuck out and scratch that shit a little bit, you know, calm down. Stop giving us fellas such a hard time. That's why bitches are always nagging.

They ain't got wisdom beards to whisper around. They can sit there and think over some of these cunty remarks and whether or not they actually want to say them. Fellas, you ever wish your wife had a mustache so she wouldn't ask you to take the trash out? That's what I'm saying. This bitch could sit around like Santa Claus pondering the mysteries of the universe. Like shaving and then just a Def Jam comic. Women be shopping.

Who's a ho-ho-ho now? Okay, well, we're obviously fired up. We're as fired up as we're going to get. We're white hot. And I want to be up as we're going to get. We're white hot. And I want to be clear, we're recording this before the election, so if it goes the wrong way, you guys might be watching it and thinking, well, they're in a bad mood because of the state of affairs. No, we're in a bad mood completely unrelated to whatever apocalypse may

or may not be happening by the time you hear this. Yeah, or non-pocalypse. Maybe everything great will happen Tuesday. Yeah, I don't even know if Trump winning is going to be enough to cheer me up at this point. Let's go to the next question. In a stunning turn of events, Tom gets a free pomegranate, has won the popular election.

I would vote for whoever gave me a pomegranate. Wolf Blitzer just befuddled, like, throwing to a graphic of you looking at a fruit. Donald Trump sent me a pomegranate during the pandemic. Well, actually, I had kind of... They're eating the pomegranates. They're eating the seeds. They're eating all of it, people. I had a little bit of a ghostwriting job this week that took up a lot of my time,

so I wasn't able to put as much TLC into the joke off as I'd like, but I was able to repurpose some of the jokes that I was selling off, so let's try this. Whew! There's a lot going on in the world. You guys know there's a giant floating island of garbage in the Pacific Ocean? Yeah.

It's called Japan. You think you're gonna fucking try to blow up my grandma 30,278 days ago, and I'm going to forget? Not likely. You grandma-bombing motherfuckers. I'll see you in hell, Hirohito. Damn, that's the only likable version of that joke I've heard this week.

I was trying to come up with a joke where I was going to put Tony in the soundboard and have the punchline be, it's called Puerto Rico. This fucking gay little voice. You're like tweaking the knobs, like which one controls the eh? Which one turns up the piss in his fucking lungs? How do I turn up the eh? You guys can't be mad at me. Well, we are recording this in Long Beach, right next to a wide open border.

Where are my proud Latinos at? Next door, so choose this joke carefully. I guess it's not as wide open as I thought it was. Sorry, I didn't mean to step on it. Fucking up my great Tony Hinchcliffe bits. You're not going to believe this. I didn't remember a second joke from the fucking ad. I still haven't seen it.

I watched it again on the drive down here. I wouldn't necessarily agree with the characterization that he bombed, but it was definitely a lot of jokes I've seen the minions do on Facebook. He was also like, Kamala supporters can't even parallel park their Toyota Priuses. Whoa! Whoa! supporters can't even parallel park their toyota priuses this is a guy who's up his own tiny ass about what a fantastic writer he is 24 hours a day order some fucking avocado toast tim walls it was very much avocado yeah i will say like putting aside all my feelings about how fucking lame it was like my man was doing comedy at two in the afternoon or whatever for a non-comedy audience. You're only going to do so well.

I told you this in text, but the funniest thing to me is like I Googled what happened after it went down. And every headline just says comedian makes racist jokes. Comedian, comedian. None of them say Tony's name. And I know that bothered him so much more than the president saying he was a bad person. Wait, what? I mean, the stories didn't say candidate gets shot in the ear. Yeah, no, like AOC tweeted at him to quit being a crybaby

and shit in his pants. It's very funny. That's fun. I should have done that kind of time. I kept it Halloween, and then at the beginning of this podcast, I was like, not only will Halloween be over, but something way more attention-grabbing will be happening. I hope you guys like Halloween-themed jokes.

Wait a minute. The election might be a little bigger of a deal than Halloween. It might be. Not here, but elsewhere. I was about to say, not in this house. Yeah. As you know, in Des Moines, Iowa, they don't have Halloween. This is the first year since 1913 that they'll have Halloween

because to keep the riffraff down, they're like, the day before Halloween, they will do the trick-or-treating for two hours, but because of a flood, they postponed it. So they're like, first time we're having Halloween since 1918 or whatever. I didn't write a monologue joke about it. I thought you were setting up a joke. So I was waiting for the punchline. And I'm like, okay, more historical information.

No, I couldn't figure out. This sounds like the great first act to a Disney movie. We got to bring back Halloween. This is like Footloose, but for being spooky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried to write a joke about it. But I don't really, I don't know what Idaho references I could spooky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried to write a joke about it, but I don't really, I don't know what Idaho references I could use to, like, yeah, I gave up.

But I thought it was interesting. It was a good article. Yeah, I mean, Prohibition for Halloween. I never heard of that. Would have been really funny for you to finally find an Idaho reference and then remember Des Moines is in Iowa. Ah, whatever. Is it your turn or is it my turn?

Oh, it could be my turn. I thought you were on it. Oh, I don't care. I have a Halloween joke. Oh, whatever. Is it your turn or is it my turn? Oh, it could be my turn. I thought you were on it. Oh, I don't care. I have a Halloween joke. Oh, okay. A new article ranked New York City as the best city in America to celebrate Halloween. This was in part due to the New York Halloween tradition of carving a Jack A-O lantern. That's fun.

I'm spooking here. There's something in the slaughter. There's a separate pumpkin next to his head pumpkin that's just the hand doing this the italian um all right an oceanside bat tested positive for rabies or as i call it na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na bat aids well i'm glad i know the bat lives by the ocean. That added some nice color to the joke. He'll have a nice view while

he dies of AIDS and contemplates his life. Bat AIDS is actually what I call Lou Gehrig's disease. He's a bat too much. Yeah, Oceanside's close to here, so. So we're all going to get bat AIDS? So don't get bit by any bats, gentlemen.

Oh, I thought he was... I thought he was just like, girls can't get AIDS. I thought you meant like a seaside bat, like just a beach bum bat wearing cargo shorts and playing sublime. I said, remember that.

I don't fly when my AIDS gets me down. I went to China all the way to Wuhan town. Time to guess. What? I just did to bat AIDS. Connor McSpadden.

Did you thought that was a riff i don't know what i thought man um well you know let's we this we should we should we've done no i've realized we've done no politics at all in the show with the whole election i don't know if it's a missed opportunity i don't know if it's giving people a nice break from the action but i i thought we'll talk about the world a little bit this week due to the rising demand from the ukraine war russia is actually running out of cemetery space and that's just sad that's like finding out santa is running out of cookies when russia is running out of cemeteries their whole thing is throwing human life at problems dude it's too sad to die here, is their new fucking national slogan. Cemetery's full.

That's another Bruce Springsteen song. He's printed on the money, and the money's printed on a bullet. They also have so much room. Like, just build a new cemetery. Yeah, really. They're mostly empty space. Are you going to fuck up the scenic ice caverns

of Cold Sylvania or whatever the fuck? Cold Sylvania. Wherever fucking gold chain Dracula lives. Like, i don't know figure it out also like not to be disrespectful to the dead start double parking just kind of stack them vertically yeah really i mean we do it in parking garages and you know two people can mourn in the same space how often are you going to visit your fucking grandmother's grave and there's a guy mourning his grandmother right next to you you never you know technically every grave in russia is now a timeshare but other than that it's a wonderful place to die um all right let's do this one um no actually okay 49ers lineman nick bosa

crashed a teammate's interview to show off his maga cap san francisco mayor london breed said quote our city has long been a safe haven for the lgbt community and we are appalled by the actions of this dumb faggot in his gay little hat he's not actually an advocate for the lgbt what i'm running on fumes guys do my best all right okay A bat beauty pageant. Did you Google bat news? I did. Before you wrote it, did you type na-na-na-na-na-na-na? No, no, no, no, no. That came afterwards. Behind the bitch.

A bat beauty pageant is happening in Oregon. Give it up for Nose for Thought 2. Give me that vap, vap, vap, vap. Vampire ass pussy. Now I'm just picturing Nose for Thought 2 like popping his ass out in front of the mirror. Sometimes jokes are fun. Rarely, but it happens.

I'm going to move this. It's like just hitting you in the back over and over. Oh, okay. A funeral home in Poland has apologized after a body fell out of the hearse and into oncoming traffic, proving once and for all that it does take at

least five pole acts to run a funeral home at a minimum six for a light bulb i apologize if this is a fucking uh like a repeat story on the pod have i told the story on here of uh the guy that my mom knew who was an a who used to be a dead body driver i don't think so so it's this dude uh and he was his job while he was like an alcoholic is to be a dead body driver? I don't think so. So it was this dude, and his job, while he was an alcoholic, is he would drive dead bodies from the crime scene to the morgue, basically. But he didn't have an officially designated vehicle or anything. This is one of the most sought-after creep jobs in existence. It was just a white van with no windows,

and it was just like they would literally stack the body, put some cardboard on top of it. That was the deal it was a real low rent operation from like a natty light box or what kind of car it was just like he's the way i heard it described as i had a big piece of cardboard i'd put over the body like he was gonna go break dancing but instead he was covering up a corpse but he's shithouse drunk one day he's on the freeway and he gets pulled over and the cop makes him blow the breathalyzer like he's drunk and then the cop starts getting weird about the van and is like do you mind if i search your vehicle and he has not told the cop what his job is why wouldn't he tell the cop because he thought it would be really funny to just start laughing and go you go right ahead officer and

apparently the cop opens the thing finds two dead bodies pulls a gun on him in the middle of the freeway it's a whole fucking thing yeah What did he think was going to happen? I mean, he was drunk. He thought it was a good bit. Oh, my. What an idiot. I wonder why he got sober. It's kind of a good bit.

It's a good bit. Not the DUI part. I mean, as a guy who can't help himself from saying the thing like that, I mean, I got to show respect. You'll never have that opportunity to pull that much of a legend move again. No, because he's got a good excuse. Once he checks it out, he's got to let him out. Right.

Well, I mean, not for the DUI, but now, but for the body part. Police raided a pizzeria that was also selling cocaine. An arrest warrant has been issued for the head chef, Papa John Belushi. a heist ended up with 48 000 pounds of award-winning cheese being stolen in london uh for more overrated cheese rewind to keith's last pun overrated by which gentle tittering and zero riffs wow still too much i'm really getting gassed up over here Overrated by which gentle tittering and zero riffs. Wow. Still too much.

I'm really getting gassed up over here. It's not very juicy today. You knocked me off my mighty pedestal. Oh, God. Oh, no. What are we going to do with the world's strongest pedestal now? I'll be honest. Connor's been coming in with a lot of puns, and it was written for Connor, and then he didn't do any puns.

So I was like, I gotta take my shot when I can. Hello, President of Hollywood, I can never work again. You're right, you're fired. Just can't believe Tom wanted to tear me down like that. I wanted to tear you up, baby. Sexually? sexually?

That's upsetting. I didn't think of you as a friend. See the ball? It's still in the air. Oh, yeah. Here's the episode we're on. We're not that confident in the jokes, so I guess we're finally just going to fuck.

Here's after Tom fucks me. All right. That's the sound of me coming up your throat baby i hope you speak to women this way hey everybody it's me sex stop everybody i was just thinking about the position i'd have to be in for you to come up my throat there's a party in my cum and you're invited i guess i me, Sexta. I guess I gotta do that thing where I hang my head off the bed. Yeah, it's called throat party.

It's like you're getting mouth fucked by Spider-Man. A woman asked me to do that once and I felt so violent. I was like, I feel like I'm stabbing a baby. This is horrible. Stabbing a baby is the wrong way to... Thatoking you. That's actually kind of one of my favorite moves.

Like head over the bed. There you go. Look, if the girl's really into it, it's awesome. If the girl's like, maybe face fuck me, then you're like, yeah, I just feel like I'm beating you up with my penis, you know? I'm never going to request that specific thing, but when somebody does, I'm like, oh, you're fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've never been having sex and thought, it needs more violence. I do. Baby. It's a respectful throat fucking. I'm not, you know, have fun. I wish I was there with you. You got to buy her lunch later, but.

She can vote when I'm done. Like a monster. I'm not saying you're a monster i'm saying i cannot enjoy the carnal throes of throat fucking due to my boy i'm about to fuck the vote out of you what what on earth is you're you're holding the space where a pocket isn't right under your ass i don't know it'd be so fun to sexually harass connor this is an impression of a gay guy done by somebody who's never met or seen or really heard of one. What's up, Libby?

Libby? Dude, sex time for president. Well, bad news, gang. Denny's is closing 500 restaurants. But they're opening 500 gay bars. Welcome to Danny's, bitch! I need a grand slam in my butt. I don't know.

Sex top is a bar tag. That was a gay joke, and we were doing gay stuff. I give you moons over my hammy, but the moon is my penis. I really spend most of the week punching up the MyPillow stuff for Tony. So I'm a little sparse. I like that people are like, alright, the big

mean boys, election specialists thumbing three slams upon in a bunch of crap. Tom gets a little bit gay, Keith gets very happy. And Cotter is seeking more to Cotter. Tries less than usual. We've been giving you guys a lot of really high quality content lately

and we thought it was time to switch it up a little bit. M'ladies. Okay, you're not allowed to be sex Tom anymore. You said it. You said m'lady. Sexless Tom. Yeah, you m'lady the girls and harass the men.

That's... What? Uh, m'ladies? Yeah, I've got a m'lady. It's a malady. It's ear aids from listening to you speak. Or bat rabies. I just want to see a remake of Philadelphia, but it's just Denzel Washington

fighting for the dignity of a bat. And the bat does not talk. It's just still a bat the whole time. I learned a lot about you and your kind. This is a fucked up bat, just bleeding and seizing. It's taking longer for it to die than you would expect.

Paddington Bear was given an honorary passport by the UK government. The US government, however, denied his application for asylum and left him to be brutally murdered by the International Marmalade Cartel. A Canadian fire station is in trouble for dressing up as the KKK for Halloween. The fire marshal cleared up. We are not Klan members members we are ghosts who hate black people it's it's the kkk available in canada i mean i don't is it like the nba network where you gotta get a vpn and okay if you're in canada you get tim Hortons, and if you're in America, you get the Ku Klux Klan.

We have the LLL. So I don't know. I don't know if that was their impression of an American. Yeah, I don't know if that was their impression of Americans or they have it up there. It was a weird move. It was like, yeah, I saw that there's a photo. Right. And so the fire station let them in.

It was actually like they let them come into the party. Okay. They're all dressed as clan members, but they're like, we have to take your accessories. So in the photo, they just kind of look like ghosts, but they came with accessories. What are the accessories? This is like a closet full of burning crosses. Yeah. The torches, the tea.

See, this is where Canadians are a little too polite. The tea? Is that what you mean? That big lowercase T? Why are they so in the Ks, but they always have a T? Yeah, there's a line to politeness, and I think it's like, okay, you can hang out guys dressed like the KKK. Yeah, yeah.

And the actual response is like, yeah. And the actual response is like, yeah, no, we probably should have let them in. They don't even know what the KKK is. They just heard about that curb-stomping scene from American History X and went, did somebody say a boot? Alright, well, I guess the last joke. But bad job, Canada.

Boo, hiss. Get your shit together. You're the worst country in north america right yeah scientists have conducted a new study which revealed bat's favorite kind of woman to bite bloody mary because she's as a blood and they suck the i i'm so mad I wasted the cheese joke on Keith now. Tony did it better. I'll do a real one. It was fun. One of World War II's last Navajo code talkers passed away at 107 years old.

His nurse said of the great man, if you thought he was hard to understand back then, you should have heard him now. Barack Obama rapped Lose Yourself alongside Eminem at a political rally in Detroit. What? Yeah, this is a watershed moment as it was the first time a black guy made white music seem uncool.

I gotta watch that during the break. Alright, the town of Wake Forest. You guys know Wake Forest? It's not Lake Forest with a bad accent. Is it Lake Forest but Elmer Fudd lives there? No, town of Wake Forest. You guys know Wake Forest? It's not Lake Forest with a bad accent. Is it Lake Forest, but Elmer Fudd lives there? No, it's Wake Forest. The town of Wake Forest removed a man's hanging mummy decoration

due to offensiveness. There were no complaints for his flaming cross to ward off the vampires. It was cute for such a risque topic. My issue with it was my autistic obsession with vampire lore. I'm like, nah, it doesn't really. They got no problem with burning crosses. They don't like crosses. They can't do crosses.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. What kind of autist are you? I'm actually a vampire expert. Forgets one of the three things everyone's mom knows about vampires. If there's one thing I know about vampires, it's they love garlic and they go to the beach i forgot it i forgot a fact about vampires i know i did we're gonna be fine you caught me you just were such a butthole about i know all the vampire facts well i just i was confused by it i'm sorry

and i was wrong okay has there been a tw a Twilight where they have to fight the Klan? Because that would actually be a really interesting vampire book. Vampires versus the KKK? I like that the Klan is in Portland where Twilight takes place. Oh, there's a shitload of white supremacists up there. Oh, I guess there are in the woods. And Twilight does kind of take place in the woods. It's in Forks, Washington, which is the woody part of Washington

where they're full on R. Edward Cullen takes down the perpetrators of the arm truck robbery. Well, that was better than we gave ourselves. Yeah, I agree. Stay safe. I hope you have a happy Halloween and nothing else is happening. We'll be. Bad AIDS.

Yeah. Couple more quarters and I'm ready to score. Ben Jones and all day feels like my blood's full of bugs. So I'm gonna go out and do some fucking drugs. Don't want no meth or MDMA. What I need is what they got at the Circle K. I gotta have it, don't wanna kick it. My fix is buy the smokes and lotto tickets. I'm on gas station dick pills every night. Gas station dick pills feel all right.

My face is getting red and my pants are getting tight. I'm on gas station dick pills, baby, tonight. No Viagra or Cialis, that stuff's not for me Keep the fucking FDA away from my D Girls won't touch me, they think that I'm gross When I crush up Super Panther and snorted up my nose I put the dick back in addiction They give me Mountain Dew with my prescription They got the good shit from overseas

No warning labels cause I don't speak Chinese Death stage of dick pills, feel my genes I'm on more Rhin-O-Max than the world's ever seen. My cum is blood and my piss is glowing green. I'm a gas station dick pill boner machine. They say slow down That my body wasn't built for this They say I got brain damage now But if my brain's so damaged

Then how come applesauce, potato, 47 And then you gotta go to the store And then they give you the medicine But if my brain's so damaged, then how come applesauce, potato, 47? And then you gotta go to the store, and then, and then they give you the medicine, and then... Gas station dick pills, I took them too often. My brain's fucking bleeding, and my dick won't soften. Died so hard, they can't close the coffin. Heaven's just another place that I can jack off in. And the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of one of our new favorite games, Do They Know?

This one comes to us from listener Isaiah. He writes, Hi, Mean Boys. I'm so happy to hear you guys' voices again. You've been a huge part of my life for the past nine years. For some perspective, I started listening to the pod when I was a freshman in high school, and now I have a master's degree. Wow.

I'm also the guy who got grounded. Jesus Christ. Go back to school. That bummed me out so hard. Email us again when you're a doctor. I'm also the guy who got grounded

for trying to sneak out to a Mean Boys show in Minneapolis when I was 16. One of my favorite things ever. Oh, that rules. And the guy whose name was always pronounced

with a silly accent when I commented on the This Is Not A Show Patreon episodes. Anyway. That was kind of ever. I would say 80% of This Is Not A Show

was just going, your guys' names are dumb. Yeah, that was kind of ever. I would say 80% of this is not a show was just going, your guys' names are dumb. Anyway, I heard Tom's game. Do they know in the first episode of the 2024 revival? And I haven't laughed at anything in my life. As hard as I laughed at Connor saying the Campbell's hump store poop in them.

It's so funny to call it a revival. Yeah. Yeah. It's a grandiose term for what this is yeah it's like we were not weezer we didn't the second coming of diarrhea i mean two of us are weezer i do a lot of wheezing too tom now you fucking hear my voice right now hey hey yo uh but this time for keith and tom with connor as a host anyway here are the questions you don't have to use all of them.

I just wrote a bunch of them for you guys to pick the best ones. I hope my game gets chosen, and thanks for all the laughs. All right. Yeah, thanks for sending in a game. Glad you're an adult now. I've pared it down. That's so glad we're talking about a dude who just asked us a bunch of questions about the Clash and not any other person, Tom.

That is normal Tom and not sex Tom. Yes, platonic Tom. I said nothing wrong. You didn't, but you said it in a way that made it feel very wrong. That was Chastity Goss. No, I'm glad you're an adult now. Which would be a good name for Tom's hot daughter.

When he grows up, have you seen Chastity Goss lately? She's dating Flo Riders, kid. Chastity Goss is like the main character of like a Jane Austen novel, but she's just like eating flowers and shit. Yes, exactly. Now to review rules of this game,

I'm going to ask one of these gentlemen a question while the other gentleman will have to guess, speculate, answer whether or not they think the other party will know the answer. Question number one for Tom. Can Keith name every track on the Clash's London Calling album?

Does he have to do it in order? No. How many tracks are there? 19 only i would only i only skip three of them when i listen to the album yeah this is this is a good fucking album this is a really already album you'd know great question because keith loves knowing things that really no one should know we both do yes yeah and the clash is punk i mean you're literally sitting next to i have the framed cover of this album on my wall oh indeed he does that's so funny yes yes which

he got to not look like a poser for this question i'm going to say the poster that's off screen for the question of which he was unaware. Don't challenge me. I'm going to say yes. All right. Okay. This is fucking hard because I know this album very well. Damn it. That back end has a bunch of kind of wacky.

All right. There's four ones on the back end that are tough, but I think you got this. London Calling. I'm probably not going to get an order. I'm probably going to miss one. London Calling, Brand New Cadillac uh jimmy jazz uh hateful rudy can't fail um lost in the supermarket i love that song that's one that's a good one

train in vain i'm skipping around although keith knows his way around the supermarket very well Very well. Sorry. Sorry. That's fair. Ah, fuck. Revolution Rock. Not that one. Death or Glory. Coca-Cola. 11. That's 11? That's 11. Four Horsemen.

Yep. That's one of the skippers. Ah, fuck. You're so close. Ah, goddammit. No, I have the song in my head. It's the one that's like their version of Staggly, but I can't remember what it is.

God damn it. I don't want to make too much dead air trying to remember the track list of London Calling, so I think I'm going to tap out. Okay. Just because it's going to be a lot of me sitting quietly trying to remember. Yeah, sure. That's not good radio. That's a fucking great question.

Yeah. I was thinking about making it 15 out of 19 or something, but I was like, I think Keith might know this. I'm going to kick myself. You want to hear the rest of them? Oh, Spanish bombs. Yep. Okay.

That's 12. All right. I want to hear the rest, but that's just the one I knew I was going to be mad about. Spanish bombs. Oh, shit. Wait, guns of Brixton. Guns of Brixton.

Oh, fuck. That's 13. Oh. Spanish bombs is what Keith Cole is taking a shit in a taqueria. The Spanish bombs is what Tony did at the fucking MAGA rally. Oh, fuck me. All right, now I'm actually going to tap out. Okay, you missed Coca-Cola.

I said Coca-Cola. Oh, well, you missed the card sheet. That's the one I was trying to remember the name of. Lovers Rock, I'm Not Down. Oh, I like I'm Not Down. I'm Not Down's one of my favorites. Wrong and Boyo. Ah, fuck me.

Did you get Rudy Can't Fail? Yeah. You got Rudy Can't Fail. Rudy Can't Fail. And The Right Plurophile and favorites. Wrong. I'm boy. Oh, ah, fuck me. Did you get Rudy? Can't fail. You got Rudy. Can't fail. And the right, the right profile and clamp down. I think we're the one clamp down working for a clamp down. God damn right. Profile.

I would have never remembered. Yeah. Yeah. Not one of the, uh, more key ones, but well done. You stumped him.

You got to take, he has to take that poster down now, Tom. Yeah. I told you, you get that, but you can have that poster. You can have whatever percentage, like told you. You get that poster. Yeah, I want that poster. You can have whatever percentage, like, the six songs I missed is.

I'll cut it off, and you get that one. Yeah, I'll take it. Absolutely. Some, like, King Solomon shit. Yeah. No, that seems fair. Why is your London Calling poster in Letterboxd? All right.

Next question for Keith. Okay. Does Tom know what Schizoid Disorder disorder of childhood is an outdated name for? Mine was more fun than yours. Is it an outdated medical name for something? No. He doesn't know. Tom.

Can you repeat the question? Does Tom know what schizoid disorder of childhood is an outdated name for? What condition is that an outdated name for? It's that King Crimson song they sampled in that kanye song right and it's so a childhood schizoid what schizoid disorder of childhood and which one is no longer relevant but it's saying skits it's saying schizoid disorder of childhood is like calling like uh i don't know down syndrome moronism or retardism like it's an outdated you know right it's out it's outdated but do do i know what the

what it what it's called now yeah what it was referring to it's what it's called now or what it's referring to that's the i'm confused by the question i don't see how it's that i don't understand the distinction because i actually think that the this term is a little bit outdated too but um dude if you love semantics and deep cut class tracks repeat the question one more time hot damn roof does tom know what schizoid disorder of childhood is an outdated name for what is it called now oh what is it called now fuck um glad we cleared that up best 10 minutes of the show history whatever the alternate version of what the question was you didn't know that either i would i would say brain scrambler brain scrambler was correct that was asperger's syndrome that's that would have been my guess which is uh i I think that not, if I'm not mistaken,

that was a term made up by the Nazis. Was it? I think so. Oh. I thought Germans just invented the hamburger. They're very prolific. Genocide, the hamburger, BMW, you know, a lot of good stuff. They didn't invent genocide.

They just bought ovens for it. They kind of like McDonald's-ized it and did it at scale. They also didn't go to fucking Target and be like, all right, we need like five really big ovens. They didn't even go to a pizza wholesaler. They went to... All right. Hello, Domino's.

We have nothing in mind for them. Just some pieces, perhaps. Maybe a burger or two. The Noid will not avoid this. We have traced the Noid's Semitic ancestry back. The Noid is in Swalls! Diary of Anne the Noid. All right. Question for Tom. and the noise. Alright.

Question for Tom. Does Keith know the average weight of a male German shepherd? And he's giving us a range. Fuck you. Oh, a range for him to be correct? Yes, he's got a 22 pound range.

This is the average weight so if i guess any number within that yes okay in pounds i'm gonna say yes okay i mean i'm blind guessing but i might get it right well he's not huge on picking up things tom so i don't know if he would know how much a dog weighs fucking i. I mean, they're big. That's why I scientifically. He's like, shut up, let me think. After I gave you all that shit about schizoid, mozzarella disorder or whatever.

I'm like, all right, they're fucking, they're big. They're bigger than a little dog, but they're like smaller than a really big dog, like Clifford. They are a sub- some clifford species uh fucking i'm gonna say i'm gonna say 125 pounds oh you're very off 66 to 88 pounds yeah yeah i would have i would talk about a toyota sequo Sequoia of dogs or is this a Toyota Camry of dogs what we're learning is we don't know anything

apparently Isaiah you have overestimated the mean boy I would have gotten that wrong but I would have been a fuck ton closer than that I would have said

75 you showed me dog well let's yeah you stupid bitch well let's let's see if he's gonna eat those words question for Keith does Tom

know what the acronym EGOT stands for? Ooh. EGOT. That's, I know he does. I know when the answer gets read, if he doesn't get it, he'll know conceptually what it is, but I don't know if he'll pull it immediately. This feels like a road that Tom would get lost in in his own brain.

So I'm going to say no, but I think I might be wrong. It is a horror. I'm going to say no. An e-goat? Ethical gathering of turtles. No, it's an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. First point of the game. I thought Keith got one earlier.

No, I don't think so. No, no, no, but you got a point when you said that I wouldn't get it. Get the schizoid one. Oh, yeah. Okay. Then I didn't get a point. It's one to one. It's one to one.

It's one to one. Next question for Tom. Does Keith know the scientific name for the pullout method? There's a scientific name? Not to tip my hand. I'm going to say no. I'm going to say no, he doesn't. What is it?

Ejaculus Ovarium? Fucking nuttiest lower back. I think that this will be similar to like you're saying with Tom and EGOT. One of these things where when you hear the answer, you'll go, oh, duh. Like you are aware of this. This isn't like something you've never, you know. I almost said ejectus erectus. That was a bad guy from Furiosa.

Yeah, you fucker. The organic mechanic in Ejectus Erectus. Oh, um... God damn it, I love Mad Max lore. Way more than vampire lore. I mean, is it like... What is it, like, fucking... Is it like a Latin-y name,

or is it just like actual English? Oh, you can't... You can't ask that. Well, I mean, the scientific term is like such a broad... It sounds scientific. That's, you can't ask that. Well, I mean, the scientific term is like such a broad... It sounds scientific. That's, you know... Okay.

Penile withdrawal? That final answer? Yes. Coitus interruptus. Is it really? Yeah. That sounds like one of the bits I want to know. Yes.

You were like doing it. Time is up. Time is up. Boink is no more-ish. Like a dick. Sounds like one of those pop punk albums you like from 2003. Yeah, I think that's a lag wagon record. All right, so it's 2-1 me.

2-1 Tom. All right. Oh, I got to save one of these for the last. Next question for Keith. Does Tom know in what battle Napoleon was defeated? Napoleon the guy, not the dog. Who's Napoleon the dog? It's from like comedy movies in the 80s, I think.

Are you thinking of Beethoven? Yes, I am. Come home, the dog's murdered like 300 people. Napoleon. Charles Cronin has a French dog that probably has syphilis. And Napoleon III. Can we somehow both get a point for that? He's humping Josephine'sine's leg oh fucking hell um uh

i think i know it actually um by which i mean i know one battle associated with napoleon tom does be knowing shit about generals of antiquity he does i'm you know what i I'm going to believe my boy. I'm going to say yes. Tell me, Gus. Yeah, it was the battle with Uncle Rico. I actually, I don't know. I don't know the names of any battle other than the Battle of Antiquity, which I believe is Roman. The Battle of Antiquity. of antiquity which i believe is wrote a roman were what the battle of antiquity he said battle of antiquity is just like an old battle yeah uh i said generals of antiquity like you know like i know and then i talk about hannibal and shit is there a battle called the battle of antiquity i thought there was okay because if there's not you heard connor say half

a sentence no i knew what he was talking about. Not to be a dick, but that... I'm not convinced. What is the Battle of Antigone? I feel like it's going to be the play Antigone. It's actually going to be the song No Diggity. The Battle of No Diggity. Yeah, there were multiple battles.

Between the Bill Withers estate and Dr. Dre. Is it like a place called Antiquity? Imagine if this was somebody's first Mean Boys. Yeah. What the fuck is going on? It is. It's a Roman. It was a Roman battle, which is what I thought it was.

Okay. I withdraw my sass. Yeah. No, I was thinking it before Connor said said and then i was like huh that's uh it's coincidence um um i'm gonna say all right french places toasts the battle of the eiffel tower okay it's the battle where napoleon's owner had his boss over to dinner for work but he got off the chain and made a mess in the kitchen. Napoleon, you ate the turkey

and you conquered Istanbul. I guess Napoleon does have a micro penis. That was Hitler. But it has to come out of the little sock. I'm going to say Chechnya. I think I'm getting Beethoven's Napoleon.

Napoleon's Hitler. I'm a mess is it uh Waterloo it is Waterloo it is Waterloo oh sorry Tommy guys I thought you just get that that's the one battle I've ever heard of well I don't know about Napoleon but I know that yeah it's kind of like July 4th 1917 76 you know like yeah like, I don't know, and then as soon as I was like, oh, fuck. Okay. Well, fuck me. No points for either of you. The next question is for Tom.

Can Keith remember which Star Wars character Jordan compared him to after watching The Phantom Menace for the first time? I'm going to say yes, 100%. Keith Carey. I believe that was Watto. Correct answer.

According to Isaiah, Boss Nass. Oh, fuck, it was Boss Nass. God damn it. Oh, I got confused because we did fucking, she couldn't remember Watto's name and called him Gruncho. So the running thing on Jordan's mind is, hey, it's me, fucking Gruncho.

Anybody want to buy a Pinto in space? I love water, man. Maybe I'm a Jew, maybe I'm Chinese. I'm a lot of stuff here. It's never that, Dan. Hey, get grunched, fuckface. I am the concept of racism. I'm made into a one alien.

Hey, I'm what you called the other. The concept since Beowulf, man, has tried to encapsulate in his puny literature. I love that in my head I was like, oh, surely she compared me to the swarthy, dick-nosed fucking goblin. And it's like, oh, no, it was the more hurtful comparison. The guy with the uncircumcised face. At least Boss Nass is a boss. I love the idea of george lucas watching wado and jar jar binks together just going yes this is how they behave

he was and he was probably going accurate it's so brave that i got their culture in here somehow i probably i made it fit he thought he was being brave for it i drove through oakland once in 1986 with my doors locked and uh Mesa captured the essence. Mesa, pretty good guy. Mesa, one of the good ones. That's a good shirt. All righty. Again, still tied up.

No points for that question. I'm still ahead. You're ahead? Yeah, 2-1. Tom is still ahead. Apparently. Next question for Keith. Okay.

Can Tom name four of the eight Ivy League schools? Oh, no way. No way. Four? No. I think he'll get a couple, but... Tommy Gus. How many guesses do I have?

I suppose you get eight. Okay. That's fair. Yeah, okay. Brown, Yale, Stanford. suppose you get eight okay um that's fair yeah okay brown yale stanford um is cornell one yes okay that's four no it isn't that's three brown yale stanford cornell stanford is not one of them stanford is not one okay you do Okay. You do have four more guesses. Okay. Hot shot. Not Stanford. Is MIT one?

No. Okay. DeVry? That's five guesses. You have kind of missed the Waterloo of Ivy schools here. That school where fat Filipino women go to become medical coding professionals? Tom is just naming schools he's seen on Jerry Springer. Waterloo of Ivy schools here. That school where fat Filipino women go to become medical coding professionals? Thomas, just name the schools he's seen on Jerry Springer. University of Phoenix?

Syracuse one? No. No. No. No. This rocks. You got two more guesses, left up guy. I had the other three so fast. I teach you about this at Stanford.

The Van Damme Academy. Inform you of their competition. Is John Hopkins one? No. The Van Damme Academy is in the Poison Ivy League. You have one guess left. Harvard, Brown, Yale. Harvard, Brown, Yale.

Oh, my God. Okay. yale harvard brown yale oh my god okay um uh i definitely thought stanford was in there um i'm sorry i'm not trying to cheat but oh yeah yeah i think something just happened what do you mean um i think you just fucked up and told him what he didn't already say. Oh, did I? Yeah. Wait, I said Stanford. No. No, which one?

He hadn't said Harvard yet. That was the thing. No, I said Harvard, Brown, and Yale. I think that was his three. Yeah, that was the three. I thought he said a different one up top. Okay, never mind. Yeah, I thought he hadn't said Harvard either, but you've got, okay.

It's been Harvard, Brown, Yale this whole time. I can't find the fucking fourth one. Wait, you said Cornell, right? Yes. Okay, so you got it. No, he didn't say Harvard. He said Cornell, Brown, Stanford, Yale. I was laughing because he didn't have Harvard, the Waterloo of.

That's what, yeah, that's what I was laughing about. Yeah, but then you said Harvard when you read back his answers. I put a sworn I said Harvard. Well, we have tape. Well, yeah, we'll have to review the tape. That might have been a mishost, boys. I'm sorry. What are the other ones? Because I'm pretty sure I said Harvard.

Brown, Columbia, Dartmouth, Penn, Princeton. What the fuck is a Penn, Princeton? It's two different schools. Oh. Like Penn State. Or maybe in that Penn State. I don't know. It's fucking just called Penn.

I went to Mount Sac, Tom. My name is Penn Princeton. I went to Yale. Penn Princeton definitely did go to Yale. Yeah, Penn Princeton's a lacrosse player who did it. Like. So now it's 2-2. Wait. 3-2. Wait, or I guess.

What? Wait, no, 3-1. Because you said he wouldn't know. Yeah. And well, now we don't. And I got it. Okay. It's whatever.

I'm winning. 3-1, folks. I could have sworn I said I won. I want you to know as i that i'm bombing your game isn't i will say i'm 95 sure you did not but i will check the tape on this and i will put in a fuck me screen right here if i'm wrong in his first round of answers tom did not say harvard brown Not, say Harvard. Brown, Yale, Stanford. Is Cornell one? This is the fatal flaw Keith and Connor were laughing at for the next several minutes. However, in recounting his answers, he replaced his previous answer of Cornell with Harvard.

Harvard, Brown, Yale. Harvard, Brown, Yale. Keith missed this as he was busy taking a smug, bitchy drink from his dumb little Dracula mug. When Connor repeated Harvard back and unaware Keith assumed a hosting error had been made. Keith was wrong in addition to being arrogant and fat and poorly toothed. We hope this apology will help to heal the damage done to noted college graduate Tom Goss. We now return you to the stupid podcast already in progress. Also, for the record, antiquity is not a place.

We're going to bring it home strong with these last questions. Next one is for Tom. Does Keith know who the mayor of Long Beach is? I'm going to say no. I... Shit. This was the only question I added

there was one question no here's the problem I think I know who the old one is but I don't think he's the mayor anymore is it Robert Garcia nope okay then I don't know it's Max Richardson

Tom storms away 4-1 4-1 is there one last question for me there is one last question Keith Carey okay can Tom Goss

make the blood gang sign with his hands? Not a chance in fucking heaven or hell. Tom? No. Lube. That's it. You're dead. There you go.

Blood gang. Oh, shit. I can also spell gorilla. Oh, is it like this? Wait. I made that up. I thought it was blood, right? Or is this doob?

Is this blood or doob? I'll tell you what it is. This great fucking radio is what it is. I can't address my hands to tell if it's blood or doob. It's dube. Do you want to go to Long Beach and do gang sign shadow puppets? How do you do blood? In front of the camera so people know we're cool. How do you do blood?

You do blood like this. For the listening audience, they're doing blood. Because I was cool in each way. Oh, I did do it wrong. This looks like you're trying to communicate with a girl via sign language. Guys, I did doob. Doob. All right, well, the Mean Boys podcast will be right back right after doob.

Coming soon to an adult theater near you, Tom Goss is Sex Tom. All the girls in town go wild for one man. Sex Tom, everybody. He's a master of the erotic arts. I want to tear you up, baby. One word from his silver tongue and their putty in his hand. That's the sound of me coming up your throat? Women want him.

Men want to be him. I just feel like I'm beating you up with my penis. He's a smooth-talking, dick-slinging, love-making son of a bitch. Sex Tom. Rated X for sex. Because there's an X at the end of sex. You fucking get it. Hi.

We're still the Mean Boys Podcast. And we're going to be playing an old game with new friends. Well. What? It's an old game with old friends. The oldest game on the show with the most original guests that there are at this point it's an old game with like

work acquaintances but yeah it's actually and you know what how's your wife you know what's great it's not even a game it's just a segment what's his name Napoleon new names well it's time It's just a segment. How's your dog? What's his name? Napoleon?

New names. Well, it's time for new. Let's rerecord the new names jingle right now. It's time for new names. New names. He renamed them. Things are called other things now. Yeah. Speak to that in your nightmares.

I like the option to come up with one that wasn't 30 seconds long. The stupidest fucking thing in the world. I know we'll make it even shittier. It doesn't even have a special effect on it. I like that I tried to put bass on it. Like that was what it was missing. Well, I have a new name. New name for mothers, baby shitters.

Because just shitting that babies. How did you name for mothers, baby shitters. Because... Just shitting out babies. How did you find the doc? Baby shitters. No, that was the one I had. Okay. That was my good one. All right.

We've been talking about him a little bit. New name for Tony Hinchcliffe, Klandrew Dice Clay. Hickory dickory doc. Let's talk about Crystal Nock. No! You know what's funny? I do think he he's racist said nothing to do with that speech say that again i i do think he's racist but has nothing to do with that speech oh just in general yeah it's like you listen to him talk yeah i think

that was just his regular old opportunism you know like i don't think any of his sincere racism was really being expressed. That was just pandering. Yeah, he actually did that whole set in front of me once, but it was just, he was trying to teach me how to network. Yeah, I said this in the chat the other day. I never felt like Tony Hinchcliffe had a political awakening.

Yeah. I don't think Tony Hinchcliffe was watching William F. Buckley videos one night. He was like, conservatism. You know what I'm concerned with? Others. Big government. It's not as big as Rogan. My big government's taller than everybody.

Thanks. All right, so when you get famous, and then later you became more famous for being stupid than what you were originally famous for, it's called gronking. I like that. What did you think I was going to say? Oh, no, I was just excited to see where you were going.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gronk's like, I used to be a football player, but I've retired to be retarded full-time. That's kind of what's happened to him. I've retired to be America's stupid friend. That's kind of what's happened to him. I've retired to be America's stupid friend. I used to watch a lot of porn, but I was gronking for hours on end. I just imagine Gronk showing up to the set

of all these commercials. It's like, okay, let me look at the script. And it just says, interior room. Gronk goes dull and gets a million dollars. You go to Denny's now. All right. Well, new name for the Mean Boys podcast, Punny Wise.

We're from Orange County, and we do. I love that he pump-faked out of the bill we were going to do. I know. I was going to throw a light. I found some. I thought the show was about prepared. New name for Election Day, the character select screen for World War III.

Oh, so much better than Connors. So good. It's marginally better. Great! I loved it. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! I won't be mean to you you slowly walking up to a fire extinguisher of disdain and just unscrewing the bolt yes all

right holy shit from here on out the tv show keeping up with the kardashians that hasn't and just unscrewing the bolt. Yes. All right. Holy shit. From here on out, the TV show Keeping Up with the Kardashians. That hasn't been on the air for seven years. Well, you guys know Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Yep. It's now called Meet the Furry Gronks. The first one was just a set of the second one.

Furry Gronk set. I can't stop just picturing the marketing image for Keeping Up with the Kardashians, but it just says that instead of the title. The Furry Gronk. The Furry Gronk does sound like a slur for Armenians. Yeah, maybe we should cut that out. There's not. Graham's had a problem with him. It's not actually a slur.

It's not a slur. Yet. Yet. I'm making it one. This is our mark on American culture. Gronk's the new tard, America. Well, gang, due to his outstanding work in the fields of both fatness and gayness,

the Hershey Highway will now be renamed Keith Carey Avenue. Heavy load of cum will now be called Viagra Falls. I might have already done that one. That's okay. You threw that one away. I like that one. Yeah.

Thank you. In honor of Halloween, Conceal Carey is just going to be called Scary Carrie. I like that. I'm going Scary Carrie at the bank today. That one's all the governor sauce. Putting the boo in boom.

Fuck, I just... Oh, shit. New name... fuck I just oh shit new name new name for panda tits bamboobs alright that's pretty good there you go it's just a bamboo a panda who's like racked up

you still won't fuck me uh all right here's my uh haha lefty on my instagram one uh new name for the guillotine the billionaire barber chair come in there take a little off the top i like it all right so uh we have a new name for when someone prefers cookie doughs to actual cookies, like they wouldn't put the cookie dough in the oven. They'd just rather eat the dough. Can I guess what it is? What is it?

Oh, this is great. This is a fun component of new names we've never thought. Okay. Okay. It's called pedo file. I just wrote down cookie pedophile. That's close.

Yeah. Yeah. We're on the same wavelength. The Pillsbury Doe defendants. Is this the last one? Yes. All right.

Well, I got a new name for everybody out there. A new name for all your Jewish pals. Fuck. What? Got a new name for all your Jewish friends.

PayPals. Okay. There it is. Should I do another one? I don't know. That didn't really come out as good as I... New name for guys that were in the Fat Chicks size kings? That works.

I got confused because you went, fuck. And then I was like, I don't get it. I said pals. Sorry. No, I thought you were setting up some performance. Yeah, I did too. I was going back and forth with tony all week and i just didn't have time it took all my other true jokes but not that one idea i had that one left over somehow um this i saw a news story you see the one about the lady who fucking walked into the airplane helicopter while she was taking a picture no she. She was posing for a picture.

It was like, all right, go a little further back, like in front of an airplane. I was like, God, that's horrible. She walked into a fucking propeller. Oh, no. So new name for doing that, hashtag kill your selfie. That's good. I love the idea of the friend.

You're like, little closer, little closer, splat. That's good. All right. So so you know sometimes you have sexual intercourse with somebody if you're sexed up yeah you're sexed up and then they die and i mean hopefully in that order yeah if you're if you're rogue from the x-men or if you have bad aids i guess yeah. Yeah, exactly. And then sometimes you have sexual intercourse with someone, and then they die, and you find out they gave you an STD. And I'm going to start calling that gone girl-aria.

That was a fucking journey. Much like a syphilis diagnosis. You started that joke, and I heard the score from Lord of the Rings. Back in 2022, when Tom began that. In Bag End, Tom was really trying to get to Gone Girl-eria. You know what? Just sometimes, you know, I'm too smart-faced. I was trying to dumb it down so you guys could follow it the whole way through.

You know, which it works. You guys followed it the whole way through. We were able to understand it for once. I did it at your guys' intelligence level, and it worked. It did. Well, we're going to go read a book. We'll be right back. Gronk out, baby.

The Mean Boys Podcast is back. To close us out, as always, with a dip into the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys Podcast is back to close us out, as always, with a dip into the Mean Boys mailbag. It's the Mean Boys mailbag. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send us an email or give us a call. Suck on the dick of sexual Tom.

It's the motherfucking Mean Boys mailbag. Can I just say that... Don't fucking... Andrew Hillary already sang the song for us. Okay, sorry. I'm trying to interject something over the edit of us cold and lifeless. Nothing! I need to say it before I forget. You both dance like fools.

Is this bit going how you wanted it to? First voicemail. Hey, mean boys. Hard to believe I've been listening to y'all for like nine years now and yet i'm still disappointed in everything you do us too yes your story is a few days ago two episodes ago. But, uh... I admit defeat on this one. This guy left a series of, like, three voicemails, so that was number one.

Hey, mean boys. Hardly have I been listening to you for nine years. You've been through the whole meeting. Gained nothing from that experience. But, yes, for stories a few episodes ago, you got one lady calling about her ferrets. So I'll figure out, I guess I'll give you my two cents on the other

topic you asked for. Back in 2019, when you were first calling off your show, your first give up, I was dealing with a call from the Red Cross saying hey, we don't want your donations anymore.

You have AIDS. Well, HIV, but same thing. But there you go. You have your HIV fan story. Oh. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Keep up the good work. I'll continue listening to you for the next several years.

Very optimistic. Either you or the show is going to make it that long. I've never heard anyone with HIV be like, HIV, AIDS, same thing. Tomato, tomato. Seems like that's a big distinction for you. I just really enjoy that they speak like they don't have a jaw. I'm really disappointed with everything you're doing now, me boys. Good for you, man.

Good for you. No, I mean, thank you for calling in. I'm sorry you have AIDS, but I'm glad you like us, I guess. I don't know how to respond to that. I hope your human rabies improves, and I'm sorry that you have it. And it seemed like you enjoyed us based off the voicemail. Not 100% sure. A lot of people like us, but they like, I can't let them know.

I like that he workshopped two different burns on the voicemail. There's a third one. You want to hear the third one? I just want to say, I hope that unlike me writing this show, you remember to do your prep. It's very important. Conor's on his spad and keeps bringing up G Gundam, but he fails to mention that the Neo-Mexican space satellite is a fucking sombrero with cactus eyes on it. Yes, it is.

Way to watch anime, Connor. Also, I tried to follow you on Twitter, but I got distracted by Pup Davey, a 15-7 boy, whatever. I'm just going to tell you part. Sorry I haven't followed along in your career. You have a good one. Well, glad he's a U of fan. Okay, the old model of the Mean Boys fan as the communist factory worker in a fentanyl town is over.

Drunk guy with AIDS yelling at Connor about MMA. It's the new paradigm. Oh, my God. That guy for president of the show. Was Connor failed to mention? Next time you call in, please tell us your name so I can disregard it and call you A.D. Dave. A.D. Dave's fun.

Thank you for your calls. A.D. Dave. Well, I brought this up earlier. I flagged this voicemail for a while. Good time to play it. Also, real quick, listeners, see how he left three quick bad ones, which made them fun?

Yeah. Just a thought. instead of one long bad one that we can't focus on yeah that was good work aids mcgillicuddy where you speak unintelligibly inside of several closets both physical and metaphorical unintelligible unintelligible isn't that a word oh my god my God. Unintelligible. That's how Weird Al says it in the fucking song. Oh, yeah, that's your fucking guy to the English language? Is that how Napoleon says it? Tom. Did you call me Tom? Yes, you called me.

You said unintelligibly. Up is down, left is right. That guy has AIDS. The whole world has changed. I only know how to say it in the Weird Al song. That's where I learned the word. Weird Al taught me wrong. Unintelligible.

I just can't get it through my skull. Weird Al fans, sound off in the chat. Weird Al fans know how unintelligent that sounded. Oh, my God. What am I, the smart mean boy now? You're killing me. Hey, mean boys, this is Sean from Connecticut calling with a question for Keith. Keith, before you guys went away the first time,

there was an episode where Connor brought up that most of the white supremacist activity on the West Coast was funded by one armed car robbery, armored car robbery, and you got real squirrely before saying eh, this is an off-air conversation. I always wondered what you knew, but now that the movie The Order is coming out about that robbery, can you expand upon the story and what you actually know? Also, as a follow-up question, would you be open to a live screening where you could point out all the Nazis you knew personally

and which one of them had their cocks in your mom's mouth? I'll take my answer off the air. Fuck everything. God is dead. Hi, it's me, a nerd. Look, I'll be totally honest. Sometimes I, like, the Nazi shit is real, but it's not like we were, tied in with like the real serious shit

other than my stepdad was like a member of the aryan brotherhood but it's not like we were like going to like meetings and i didn't actually know brothers i probably said that to like be kind of like flip it and like oh shit and like move off the topic or whatever but i have no information about any nazi uh car robberies as far as the the whose cocks were in my mom's mouth, I'd just assume all of them. I just, I don't know. She licked a lot of dudes. But she's got a dude licking her.

No, but I don't, there is not some cool secret Nazi knowledge story that I'm hiding from you. Now I'm imagining just like a salt lick. Like it's just a dude's lower body hanging out of a window that your mom goes well if you want to get

my mom to walk anywhere you gotta hold a nazi dick on a string in front of her like no I imagine her living room is like a hamster cage but there's just a giant cock with a swastika sticking out of the ceiling that she goes over and licks my hate bottle. Yeah, she's also, yeah, she's not, she's not accidentally, she's sober now.

I mean, that doesn't stop you from being a Nazi. I think Hitler was sober. Really? I think so. It's not a shitload of meth. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm thinking of the vegetarian thing. Yeah, you're thinking of. Just the two ways you can suck. Like, not a shitload of meth. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm thinking of the vegetarian thing. Yeah, you're thinking of...

Just the two ways you can suck. Like, I forgot which one to give. What were you thinking of? He was a Tom Goss vegetarian. He just ate a lot of cake. Like that bit. Hitler ate a lot of cake? Yeah, they had a special kind of cake called Fuhrer cake

that they had made every day that he would keep in his office and just snacked on fucking munchies. Is that real? That's real. Was that so that he could taste it if there was something off? Motherfucker just liked cake. It was just like he was a snack he liked to have like around. If I was ruling half of Europe, I'd occasionally like eat a rib or something.

Or he's vegetarian. He's vegetarian. Ice cream. It's weird. He wouldn't be into the smell of like cooked meat. All right. I love him. I'm eating the Eva Braun cake.

Know what I mean? Know what I'm saying? Hitler likes to eat ass. That's my impression. Hello, JFL? You still don't exist? Okay. I didn't get it, but now I get it.

Do you think Hitler... Sorry, was it not intelligible? It's so funny. Do you think Hitler ate pussy? We've kicked Tom in the dick for saying words wrong for like a decade at this point, and you ate shit on water. You look so mad. No, I'm kind of like 31 years old, and this is how I find out.

I mean, it doesn't make you... You don't think I'm proud of it either. It doesn't make you sound unintelligent or how the fuck you said it? No, it's Mario's brother. Do you guys think Hitler ate pussy? No. I can't imagine he did.

He was grossed out by people. He found people disgusting. He was like... Was he like scissoring with Eva Braun orun or whatever though i mean they were fucking probably but like i don't think he was eating pussy i don't know i've always kind of found the speculation into a sex life i've i've never seen the thing where it's like and we found his personal fuck journal where he admitted he loved to be shit on it's just people kind of going like well psychologically just a conjecture and hearsay i don't know i mean it just be hard for him to Just a conjecture and hearsay. I don't know. I mean... It'd just be hard for him to do a conjecture

when he has a micropenis. Yeah, we're disrespecting the memory of Adolf Hitler. It's very upsetting. I don't... You keep, like, drilling... But, Connor, did he eat pussy? Connor, you have friends with Hitler. I like to imagine he had a big dick,

but it was actually just a smaller guy who was controlling his body. He was Master Blaster? I don't know who that is. Master Race Blaster. Hello. 20 more minutes on this or we...

Hello, Mean Boys. My name is Tisar. Sar. I decided to create shitty aesthetic mood boards for each of you. They're prevalent on Tumblr for insane fans of K-pop stars

and fictional characters. So congratulations of you. They're prevalent on Tumblr for insane fans of K-pop stars and fictional characters. So congratulations, boys. You're likable as some Korean twinks that look like Paul McCartney. Okay, so we're looking at just like, these are mood boards meant to represent our essence. Guys, your bumper sticker's spelled wrong. Yeah, mine is a picture of a guy

with the ruddiest complexion ever eating a pill. It says uppity twink. There's a lot of pills. I don't twink. There's a lot of pills. I don't know, I'm not really... I also have a lot of pills. Wait, what is this supposed to mean? It's a brooding guy in an alley. It's like a mood board,

like a Tom Goss-inspired series of images. Huh. I mean, this person really captured that I like punk music by taking a photo of the Wikipedia definition of punk rock. How creative. I mean, you know what?

I love a first draft when I see one. Any thoughts, Tom? Yeah, mine looks cool. I got a sign that says lost youth. I got a wall with a lot of blood on it. There's a photo of me, who I know. There's a hieroglyphics and a notebook and a hospital bed and a cigarette and a guy just going like, why?

The why guy. Half of Keith's isn't even hurtful shit. It's mostly blank space. He did me and Tom and then was like, fuck it. Look, I think we really know from looking at these mood boards, we can rank the order of how much this person likes the Mean Boys. I am in a far third. Oh, I wanted to see yours, Cotter.

But yeah, no, mine looks... It's also got not a lot of color, which is my palette. That's true. You do work in a sepia tone situation. Yeah, it's also nice to see me looking skinnier. That guy do be going, why? Why? There's Connors.

I didn't see Connors either. What's on there? Yeah, it's just like the guy with the worst skin ever, which accurate. Yeah, that's a photo of you. This fucking seat here, my crow's feet go insane. All right. One more voicemail you guys want to call it? One more voicemail.

Let's get out of here. All right. This is an old pal of ours. Hello. This is Ron Winkler calling back for Clark Morales. The Winkler. Morales, Esteban, and Estrada. We worked together previously regarding the Twitter purge.

I did want to follow up. I've been involved in an accident with one Victor Tuesday and sustained injury and was hoping you'd be able to help me out. So if you could give me a call back, that would be greatly appreciated. You can reach me back at my number also reminder trash collections tomorrow take out the bins ah i feel like that was a bunch of references to stuff i forgot i was gonna say i don't i feel really bad but i don't remember i remember the name ron winkler oh yeah i thought you guys would remember no no i I remember Ron Winkler.

It's from episode, like, 11. Holy shit. All right, what was Ron Winkler's name? Ron Winkler is, I was like, all right, I made a fake person named Ron Winkler. Oh, that's right. And I was like, I'm going to email them just offensive things. And I think the email that got read had had something to do with like black people and cat just like vague nonsense okay and then what i didn't know is that it it the way when i submitted

it just told them who sent it oh wait so you were ron winkler i was ron winkler okay that's weird because tom for a while at least you told me that you thought that all the comments on the show were me making alt accounts so that i would make you guys want to do it yes like i was pretending the show was popular because i was i thought you guys would leave motivate us yeah oh shit well uh that was fun show guys yeah i follow the mean boys on the mean boys i think this guy really nailed me everybody Everybody nails sex, Tom. That's right, throaty. He's got the Zodiac. Throaty.

Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, that's, you know. Mine was, I guess, people just think I'm a fucking pill-popping twinker. Yeah. I mean, you had that phase. Yeah. I'm never that big on pills, but definitely a twink. But there was a period where you said you were.

On pills? Yeah. What pills? You talk about fucking... The Vicodin era. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The strap-ons. I mean, when I was 19.

But, yeah, sure. Yeah. It, like, life, like, cumulates. Yeah, like the stuff you did later on, that's still your life. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. I just realized a lot of bad shit. You remember when a phone player had

rollover minutes like that, but for lived experience. I gotta go move something in the ground. Hit the fucking Mean Boys link tree. Follow us all on our various instagrams uh if you're listening to the show check the show out on youtube if you haven't we've been putting a lot of like fun weird uh video shit in here for the sketches and just kind of like monkey you're not having fun with the visual so yeah i know a lot of you guys are just uh audio only but if you want to look at our fat dumb faces uh come over to youtube yeah you really should fall yeah subscribe

on the youtube even if you're not a YouTube person, and follow us and the show on social media, because if we're being honest, that's what people book off of. We have a show where no one really had a social media presence, and the reality is when you ask a club or a booker, oh, can I do some time? They go, you don't have enough enough people and that's what they decide so go ahead give me a follow i don't care if you follow them but give me a follow and the show

as far as i'm concerned if you like anything that's not wildly popular like it's your civic duty to fucking throw a like on the post throw a comment on the put like fucking give a shit about if no one's giving a shit about it you better or, or else we'll stop doing it. Okay, so follow us. Connor's been working his little dick off. My yes fits and it got even littler with all that work. I was grinding it down. My boy. Like a pencil eraser.

On a bunch of reels. It's the same color as a pencil eraser. But yeah, we do appreciate it and it does at the end of the day the only reason pink pearl only reason i care and i think they care is because it it leads to us being able to do more things unfortunately in the current world i just want to be popular yeah and so flat tummy diarrhea tea yeah instagram is now more valuable than comedy central you guys got a credit and then the value of that credit became nothing yeah basically you think this is news to us yeah we're very aware

no i'm just i you know i know you're unintelligent i don't even know how the fuck you said you can't even say it wrong right yeah how do you say it unintelligible that's how i've always said guys we'll be back with more podcast after this podcast on a different day fuck everything god Bye.