Mean Boys - EP 26 - Beef Candle

Episode Date: July 7, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “Black Lives Matter”, “Police Chief Press Conference”, “Nagasaki Oopsie”, “Porn or Yelp Review” and a game of “Which of the Following” with Australian towns. Follow the show on Twitter http://twitter.com/meanboyspodcast / @meanboyspodcast and email us at [e-mail]. Visit us on the web at http://www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-money-store/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. Consciousness is a prison to which only death holds the key. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... West Hollywood Jimmy Neutron. Yay! That's a good one.

Yeah. I don't know how it took me so long to see it. It's like one of those pictures where you stare at it for a year and they're like, oh, it's a spaceship.

You look like a Jimmy Neutron villain. Like you'd be the bad kid who messes up his lab. Oh, no, it's Dylan. I tore up all your science fair trifolds.

Hey, Jimmy, science is for tweebs. Rockets are nerd shit. That'll write for Nickelodeon. They are nerd shit. And you never will. No, Keith, your shits are nerd shit. Fair enough.

They come out in Cheeto shape. That's true. I fart Funyun dust. How come Cheetos don't come in calculator shapes? You can't blow smoke rings. You can blow a Funyun out of your ass. Hey, can I graph on these combos? Oh, God.

Well. Nope. Time for the Mexican joke off. Ay, so topical. You went back into somber mode? I'll start us off.

An altar boy who committed suicide was mourned at the church he was molested in. In related news, Keith Carey's funeral service to be held at the KFC slash

Pizza Hut near the smoke shop. A Washington man is suspected of setting fire to over a dozen portable toilets. The arsonist claims he was trying to create an internal flame in honor of the Mean Boys podcast. We're burning shit, y'all. Pokemon Go, an augmented reality game that allows users to capture Pokemon via their phone

in the outside world, was released this week. Reviews are calling the game, quote, the autism equivalent of wrapping a dog's medicine in a piece of cheese. And a related story, Pokemon Go players were targeted by muggers this weekend. They were using a Machamp, making it a four-armed robbery. Well, I better make it a threefer. A human rights group has developed an app called Traffic Cam designed to fight back against sex trafficking. Engineers describe the app as like Pokemon Go, but with less pedophiles.

Oh, shit. We Pokemon went, you guys. Oh, deal with it. It looks like the most fun. It really does. Pokemon Go stands for a good one. But, yeah, quick sidebar for the listening audience. You have no idea how much time this weekend me and Connor spent roaming the deserts of Fresno hunting Pokemon.

Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. I was, like, I was pulling over for Rattatas. I need one of those bumper stickers, like, I break for Zubats. It's like a fucking Indian spirit quest for white douches. We saw two guys in the park actually wearing the Pokemon trainer uniforms. They're like, Team Valley, dude. We're red, bro.

Red for life. Donald Trump came under attack after posting a picture of Hillary Clinton surrounded by money next to a star of David. Trump deleted the tweet, commenting, oh, okay, we're not quite there yet. Just testing the waters. We'll try again in a few months. A new study shows that in 2014 20 veterans a day committed suicide

in their defense they knew that when they reached 10,000 the Mean Boys podcast would release a bonus episode a man spent three days in Chernobyl sleeping in a derelict apartment

Tom Goss remarked ah just drink some iodine every four hours it's no big deal he's just wandering the wasteland like an Eastern European folklore figure yeah i keep peeing glow sticks yeah they call me yell squatch now i think i'm a god they keep taking all these

fuzzy photographs they don't know how to adjust their lens right i'm behind the trees actor john cho revealed that oh i found some pants oh those used to be a guy's legs. Hey, fuck the Loch Ness Monster. He's a douchebag. Actor John Cho revealed that his character in the new Star Trek film, Sulu, will officially be portrayed as a gay man. When asked for his opinion, George Takei replied,

quote, whatever, faggot. I was so excited about that one. Newark County Gay Bar. In light of recent police shootings, the Bahamas has issued a travel warning to the black men traveling to the U.S.

President Obama has called it the saddest opposite day in our nation's history. The state of Israel formally acknowledged and apologized to the nation of Turkey for the killing of several Turks in the Gaza Strip. The state of Armenia responded, dude, I'm standing right here. Two unarmed black men were killed by the... That's what they said. Was that their names? Two unarmed black men were

killed this week by police. The police union apologized for the incidents, but said they're trying to fill up their punch card to get their free six-inch dead black guy sandwich. Oh my. Dead black guy sandwich. I dead black guy sandwich i do think that our police force should reflect the communities that they're policing which is why i'm proposing an all teenage black zombie police force you know for the record we were way more somber after orlando than after dallas so yeah black lives matter i get why you're fucking up private festivals

uh indeed eating endangered species is now illegal in china bad news for baby girl cannibals baby girl cannibals a study finds americans rank plane crashes as their top fear of ways they will die in other news keith carey ranked the top method of death he fears as slaughtered for the winter's lard i can't believe this podcast is a place where i my lard has been brought into question several times i gave this month i gave my daughter a baby key to take care of she fattened him up nice and took care of him then we slaughtered him in the winter she now she knows the lessons of life and death you can only think of like of anything in pre uh fucking world war one, in terms of crisis.

I know. Like, murder me for my girth, but please be less Amish about it. Murder me for my girth. Wow, is somebody cooking bacon? No, he made a candle out of Keith. He's in lamps now. It's a candle made of beef. Beef candle.

Well, episode is titled. I'm made of beef. Beef candle. Episode is titled. We harvested Keith's tallow and sold it at the market. I can't call the episode beef title because I'm going to have to look at it every time I pull up the show and it's going to gross me out. Beef candle. Beef candle. I can't see that every day. That really is disturbing. Out of all the kid fucking and just general awfulness, Beef Candle really is the worst.

It kind of sounds like a dick, but it's worse if it doesn't. Dude, are you going to fucking rape somebody in Diagon Alley? A life-size version of Noah's Ark opened in Kentucky. Guests are saying this is the greatest boat-themed attraction since last year's slave ship slave ship inspired eatery, the Om Nom Nomistad. Redemption! Mike dropped. The Om Nom Nomistad. Well, that was a rousing Mexican joke-off. That's it, everybody.

The Mean Boys Podcast will be right back. After a word from our competent sponsors. Kick your mother's ass in the assholes. Beef candle. An unarmed black man has been shot by police officers in Falcon Heights, Minnesota. Video of the incident has gone viral, inciting outrage across social media. We go now live to a statement from Falcon Heights Police Chief Henry Dukowski as he addresses the media for the first time since the shooting. Thank you all for coming today.

As you all know, this week an officer used lethal force against an African-American male citizen during a traffic stop in Falcon Heights. We're sorry. Our bad. That concludes the press conference. Chief Dukowski, with all due respect, I think the community needs a little more information than that. That's fair.

We are super-duper sorry times infinity. What do you say in response to the fact that the victim was unarmed? We have no evidence that this is the case. After speaking with the officer involved, we've determined that the person in question was armed with a weapon that may or may not have been a handgun, assault rifle, and or bazooka. The video footage clearly shows the victim has no weapon in his hand. Rest assured, I've seen the alleged video evidence and it's highly suspect. Eyes are notoriously unreliable

witnesses. Last summer, me and my wife went to a magic show in Las Vegas and saw Chris Angel make a naked lady disappear. But later that night, we saw her puking by the Luxor, not floating suspended in a magical parallel dimension as we were led to believe. We believe the victim in this case may have also been proficient in the dark arts and could have teleported

his gun to a pocket universe. We're looking into all leads and it brought Mr. Angel in for questioning as well. In addition, the media is failing to report on the possibility that the driver was using nanotechnology and may have had organic weaponry built into his body that retracted at the time of death. I would direct you all to the recent story of Victor Stone, an African-American youth in Metropolis who was found to be armed with bio-organic armaments capable of launching an assault on a military force. Are you referring to the fictional comic book character Cyborg? My people are looking into that as we speak, but almost certainly yes.

Has disciplinary action been taken against the officer who opened fire? Yes, after a full investigation by Internal Affairs, we have suspended the officer in question from the department-wide foosball tournament that is currently ongoing. His team, the Six Precinct Spinners, are upset about forfeiting their chance at winning a $100 Applebee's gift card, but have been cooperative. Furthermore, he will only be allowed to eat the strawberry ice cream at this week's Falcon Heights Police Frozen Treat Jamboree. Lastly, the officer in question will be forbidden to murder any black people until next month.

We understand these measures may seem extreme, but we are committed to protecting and serving the growing needs of our community. Last question. Nothing's going to get better, is it? Nope. Bye. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Mean Boys Podcast. We are back with the return of a fan favorite game, Porn or Yelp Review. This is the worst Indianian place in brentwood hooray this is my favorite game it's one of mine as well uh so i'm gonna be reading you

guys some comments you tell me if these are for a pornographic video or a yelp review uh the first first one. Quote, dude had to keep pulling his face away from the taco. Ooh. Hmm. Maybe it's like some fusion thing with like wasabi in it, you know? That's the only... Fucking Freddy Krueger was eating there. The fumes were burning his burns.

That's the only way I can imagine that not being porn. I'm going to have to go with porn. I'm going to have to say Yelp. The correct not being porn. I'm going to have to go with porn. I'm going to have to say Yelp. The correct answer is porn. Fuck. One for Josh. Who still calls pussy tacos anymore? That's like a...

Pussy Slayer 93 on Xvideos. Gross idiots and people that don't know they're gay. That's like a 2002 fucking reference. I called a lot of pussies tacos on a lot of message boards back then, boys. Did you? Yeah. Wow. That is squarer than your head.

Quote, that Bavarian woman was mumbling in some Germanic language, and it was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. I hope this is like a real surly bakery somewhere that I can go drive down to like Highland Park and attend. Surly Bakery. And just discuss Thomas Mann over muffins. And no one is happy. The Surly Bakery is for sure hearty, aphrodisiac-y carbohydrates. It's going to get you all full of gusto to go fucking crack open a butt egg. Oh, yeah.

Oof. I'm going to say Yelp. I'm going to say porn. The great answer is Yelp. Oh, yeah. Oof. I'm going to say Yelp. I'm going to say porn. The great answer is Yelp. Ah, boy. Next one, quote. Do you know the venue for that one? I do not have the venue for that one, unfortunately.

Okay. Quote, spread the word. Stop Coney. And I want to clarify, this was added recently. Okay. Oh, this has got to be porn. This is porn. Some dude saw a pop-up ad next to the one of March and getting fucking Eiffel Towered.

Could be like a cotton candy truck outside of Coney Island. I got sick on the Tilt-A-Whirl that needs to be stopped. Also, child soldiers. I'm going to... Stop. Stop, Coney. He's competing with my ice cream truck. I'm going to say porn again. I'm going to say porn again.

I'm going to say porn. The great answer is porn. Yeah. Conscious jacking. Stay woke. Run the family jewels. Fill her, Mike. Whatever.

No, that was a laugh. It wasn't a disdainful. It came off more disdainful. Quote, she could have poked her eye off. Off? Ooh. Oh. Fucking Red Rider black dick.

Ralphie. I think there's an extra black dick behind the leg lamp. He's still wearing the bunny suit. Fudge. Only I didn't get fudged in the face. I got the other one. Repeat it to me again. Quote, she could have poked her eye off.

Yelp archery range. repeat it to me again quote she could have poked her eye off hmm hmm Yelp archery range that poked her eye off just the fact that the expression is wrong that sounds like a midwestern mom she could have poked her eye off she could have poked her eye off

for crying out loud by the way did I tell you the last time I was on an airplane the most irritating thing in the world was I was in the Minnesota airport and there were a bunch old Wisconsin women, and they kept saying the word kiosk. I remember getting it, and I started, you got to check in at the kiosk. And I just want to like, oh, please, terrorism.

Kiosk. Kiosk. Kiosk. Based on Connor's logic, I am going to say Yelp. That is indeed a Yelp review for the restaurant Jean Georges in New York City. Oh, wow. Yeah, not quite an archery ranch.

See, even dumbasses are rich in America. Yeah, that's right. That's an expensive sounding place. It's just French and that's all we know. It takes like eight months to get in.

Oh, really? That's like a 1% restaurant. Yeah, it's like a super... I've never heard of it. It's Hoity McToy. Exactly. That's where like Warren Buffett goes to burn people.

Yeah, you can't say the name of that restaurant in fucking Chino or you burst into flames. It's like invoking the name of Christ in an unholy land. Well, we know a little something about that. Anyway. A couple more. Quote, these are some of the most unexperienced people. They are only in it for the money. Oh, my God.

Please be porn. I got to say that's porn. This is like that movie Hot Girls Wanted, which is on Netflix. And if you have not seen, you need to see it because it's trying to paint a portrait of porn actresses being like, you know, taken advantage of. But you watch it and you're like, it's like real serious. Like Rashidi Jones, like every day, hundreds of women get a lot of money to do something super easy i want i want that like how come there's not artisan porn yet you know there is oh there is yeah like hipsters really dicks on ciabatta bread there's fucking come aioli yeah some of it's really good and then a lot of it

is just like go back to your fucking roller derby team, you ham squash. Just kale booty shakes. Fucking kombucha bukkakis. Yeah, you can't be smug with a fucking dick in your butt. I suppose not. Oh, God. I'm sorry. It's like a Greek exhibit.

Exhibit A. No, but if you're just a lady with a fucking Newfound Glory haircut. I just picture you can't be smug with your dick in your butt and I just take off my glasses like, I'm your man. They said it couldn't be done. Swear to me. I'm gonna say... I'm gonna say porn.

Porn. Yelp. Oh. Y'all got fucked. All right, two more. Quote, She's just amazing every time. She's done more good

for the world than the Dalai Lama and Gandhi combined. If that's not about Gianna Michaels getting cum in her nose, I don't know what is. See, I want to think that too, but this also sounds like it was written because he used to work in a coffee shop and there'd be so many creeps who just perv on baristas because it's the only place you can start harassing people at 6 a.m. Like the fucking farmer pervs that got to get up and make people feel unsafe right away. The best part of waking up is following you to your car. After I raise the bar, I'm going to go fucking chase skirts at the fucking coffee bean. I love that you use the expression chase skirts.

Here's one of the black men killed. Oh, no. I'm going to say, yo. No, chase skirts is one of the cops. That's a white-ass name. Officer skirts. That's like a poodle they deputized. Skirts, skirts disaster.

Skirts just take a bite out of unarmed black teens. There's got to be a place called Skirts Desserts and it's just like bitches in skirts with cookies. It's a good thing we don't have any black fans, guys. I'm going to say Yelp. Porn.

Try to jump ahead. Not only is it porn, it is about Gianna Michaels. Oh, wow. Fuck yeah. Flawless victory. Crusher. Nicely done.

Well played. Yeah, goddammit, we need to get Gianna Michaels to just approve of this show, because we love her so much. I mean, I don't really, I'm not really a big fan, but she's a cultural phenomenon. Hey, I'll be straight with you. When I said we, I meant me. Fucking work with me on this. Who is Gianna Michaels?

We did one of the first porn followers, which the following is Gianna Michaels. Oh, okay. Yeah, she's a fan, bro. She's a porn star. She does the work. People like her because she's just a go-getter. Oh, good. You's a fan, bro. She's a porn star. She's just like, people like her because she's just a go-getter. Oh, good. You know what I mean?

She's like the intern that shows up an hour early, leaves an hour late. Oh, I like that. Like, you know when you would watch Robin Williams and you're like, look, the writing's not always there, but he always performs at 110%. Right, right. Like that for dicks. Oh, okay. I like that.

Even though she stole her tits. Whatever, stole. I got it. All right, the last one. Quote, all the skaters got to her and one of them got her pregnant. Ooh. Sure it's not all the skaters on a Doug Hintay? It sounds like Keith, you left this after someone ruined your donut shop you go to in Long Beach.

I'm going to say Yelp. They make fun of me for reading my books. I'm going to say Yelp, too. Not only me for reading my books. I'm going to say Yelp, too. Not only is it Yelp, it's for a donut. Oh! Yes! We did it! Everybody wins!

Everybody wins. Wow, I forgot we put that confetti in the ceiling. Tom walks in, just leading a marching band. Yeah, I know it's all squirrels, but it's the best I could do on short notice. I brought them all from Oklahoma. They're very afraid. It's your birthday or whatever. What is this?

I played a flute and they follow me around. I don't know. By the way, quick teaser. Tom has been in the middle of nowhere for a month and he's coming back to talk about it very soon. So I look forward to that. It will be very much so. Yeah. I don't like barns.

I just like fucking cow hotels. I don't care. It's just a fucking cow house. Who are you going to give it a name or whatever? You think it's better than me, cow? Because you've got a house? All right. Well, then.

Cows live better. Every cow lives better than Tom. Yeah, every cow. They got a roof. They think they're all that. Every cow. Hey, I can make milk, too. Just mine's salty.

All right. Well, that is it for... We both tried to end it. That is it for Pornhub. One, two, three. Mean Boys will be right back. Quong. Base, this is Airman Higgins of the Enola Gay.

Target destroyed. I repeat, target destroyed. Higgins, please repeat. Target destroyed I repeat, target destroyed Higgins, please repeat Target destroyed, sir Which target? Primary target Repeat, primary target We do not copy, Higgins

What are you talking about? Repeat, primary target successfully destroyed Fat Man has been deployed The city of Nagasaki has been completely destroyed, sir. The second atomic bombing of Japan is a complete success, sir. Orders have been carried out, sir. Nagasaki? The second city?

Yes, sir. Higgins, I was kidding. What do you mean you were kidding? I mean I was kidding. Why the hell would we drop two atomic bombs on people? It was a goddamn order, Potwell. I had a humorous tone, Higgins. I can't tell with you sometimes. Well, you were there when they dropped the first one,

when I said, yeah, go ahead and blow up another. I figured you realized I was, you know, goofing around, like, you know, two atomic bombs. Boy, that'd be excessive. It's an atomic bomb. Dropping one is pretty excessive already, don't you think? Gentlemen, this is Brigadier General Alan Strokel of the United States Air Force. Now, just what in the hell is going on?

General, sir. Uh, sir, the, uh, the problem is... I'll tell you what the problem is, Sergeant. I got the Chiefs of Staff telling me I got two Jap barbecue pits at my Fourth of July party, and I only bought enough hot dogs for one. Now explain this to me. Sir, I was given an order from my superior at the tower to drop the second payload on the target, but as it turns out, sir, he was kidding.

Kidding, sir. You were kidding, Staff Sergeant. Yes, sir. Like, you know, two atomic bombs. That'd be a lot. You know, it's funnier now that I think about it. Airmen, it should come to no surprise that I am severely disappointed in the both of you. I would say one atomic bomb's worth of disappointment would not suffice.

It would require two atomic bombs' worth of disappointment. Are we clear on my metaphor, boys? Yes, sir. First of all, Sergeant Potwell, would you not agree in retrospect that giving direct orders to a man carrying a nuclear weapon may very well be the worst time to be goofing around?

Yes, sir. And would you not agree that if you were to joke around to a man awaiting orders to drop a nuclear bomb, it should be more of the obvious bombastic Jerry Lewis variety and less of the dry, difficult-to-read Marx Brothers variety? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. No, sir. Do you not think the Japs got the point on the first atomic bombing, son?

Yes, sir. Did that atomic bombing seem subtle to you, son? No, sir. Well, this is going to earn you two an extra night of potato peeling duty, I can tell you that. Yes, sir. Jesus Christ, Higgins, I was kidding around this time. You just incinerated 80,000 Japanese women and children. You can't see sarcasm when it's fingering your mom on the pew on Easter Sunday. I'm sorry, sir.

Let's say the average Japanese life was worth 900 potatoes. 900 times 80,000 is 72 million. Can you peel 72 million potatoes in an evening sun? I don't think so, sir. You are a literal asshole, Higgins! The History Channel will return

in a moment with the stories of American fuckboys. Alright, everybody. The Mean Boys podcast has returned for our final and favorite segment. As we always do, we are playing a game of Which of the Following? Woo-woo! Yeah! This week, we have another fan-submitted game.

Oh! Guys, thank you for signing in to the games. It really means a lot to us. This one comes from Australian fan. Get the fuck out! Yeah, we've reached down under. I like it. I mean, is there anywhere that Mean Boys should be more popular than a fucking prison colony?

Exactly. All the negativity. There's a kangaroo with, like, four legs. Yeah. If you don't have to alter your landscape at all to look like Mad Max, yeah, Mean Boys is going to be it. Oh, God. The Immortan Joe tour. We've got to alter your landscape at all to look like Mad Max, yeah, Mean Boys is going to be it. Oh, God, the Amortanjo tour. We've got to get down there at some point.

Your excellent podcast brings weekly misery into my life. Thank you, Mean Boys. In episode 24, you loosely requested an Australian theme. Which of the following? As your Australian fan, I've created, which of the following is not a real Australian town? Round number one. This is great. A, boing boing.

This is already my favorite. Boing boing. This is already my favorite. Which of the following ever? Fake town. Real aggregator website. B.

Not kidding. Bong bong. And I feel like with the Australian accent quite hard to tell the verbal difference between boing boing and bong bong.

Yeah. Bong bong. Bong. Yeah, bong bong. Oink. All vowels in Australian are oink. C, bang bang. Or D, banana. Fucking Jack Kirby-topia.

It's all sound effects and nonsense. Yeah, all your towns sound like a mad magazine. I get hit with a cartoon hammer sound. Well, I tell you what, it can't be a banana because that would just sound silly. So I'm going to call it banana.

I think it's a boing boing or a bang bang. A boing boing, a bang. I think bong bong. I'm going to say bang bang is the fake one. The fake one is bang bang. Bang. Oh, nice. Wow.

Banana, huh? I thought those were all the FAP originals were getting shot. It's not even like banana tree or banana valley. You don't even have a republic. Yes, we do. It's Central America. There was some fruit company in the UK in the 80s. They were like, we want to call it Bananarchy in the UK.

And they just scratched it out on the whiteboard. How has that not been like a fucking Banana Republic goes edgy campaign yet? Oh, God. Fucking safety pins in a fucking sweater. Round two. A. Yorker's Knob. Real. B. Snatch Swamp.

C. Titty Bong. Or D. Delicate Knobby. Oh my god. Tell you what, I'm going to go with D. Because the Australians... Because that sounds like an elf that's overstimulated talking about his penis. What are you betting? I was just going to say delicate, Nabi, because the Australians are many things, but not delicate.

I'm going to say snatch swamp. Yeah, they are a denim people. Exactly. The fake one, Keith Batten-1000. Snatch swamp. Oh, wow. Okay. If anybody wants to make a My Mom joke, now is the time.

Oh, this is not the apartment complex your ex-girlfriend lives in. We've taught him to bully himself, Connor. I'm a good boy. I want treats. Pavlov's jingle. I hurt myself. I deserve this. Round three.

I don't know how to function. Round three. A. Die poor die poor b chinaman's knob c chinkapook or d nar nar goon my favorite uh jar jar character these all sound like rejected racist pokemons i'm calling every professional rollerblader a fucking Narnargoon. I wanted to go to Chinaman's Knob, couldn't find it. I'm renaming Orange County Narnargoon. Narnargoon, it's like the boss you have to fight at the end of Tony Hawk's Pro Skaters.

No, Narnargoon is like a Ra's al Ghul. My honest spin is out of control! Narnargoon is Ra's al Ghul with Ramones t-shirts. Oh, shadows. I'm going to say Chinaman's Nod, but I'm not going to be surprised at all to find out it's real. I'm going to say, what was the first one again? Dipore. I'm going to say Dipore.

I think that's a ruse. The fake one is Dipore. Whoa. Wow. You're bullshit continent. Dude, you're born in the wrong land, my friend. Can we take the Mean Boys down under? I would love that.

We want to do a Mean Boys fan cruise someday. Australia is kind of... Mean Buoys, as we say. Mean Buoys. Australia is kind of the Long Beach of the world, really. A pleasant place to give up. That should be, like in Air Australia, their slogan. Round four.

A. Boyland. B. Mount Moo Moo. C. Barumpatic. Barumpatic. Barumpatic. Like Barumpatic. We got it. D. Cockwash.

Well, Boyland is one of those Encino mansions Roiland Emmerich owns, so that's not right. I didn't get any of that. You are missing out, pal. God damn it. Basically, there's a secret gay cabal of directors who like to host big parties full of young gay actors who all look like they're 17 years and 364 days old.

And Roiland Emmerich is one of them. He directed Independence Day. Still want to be in one of your movies. I'll do things. Brian Singer, if you're listening, I'm also available. Oh, that fucking squinty face profile. And I am less aware of you. We need somebody to play fucking freshman year The Blob in the next X-Men movie.

I am less aware of you guys. I am better looking. Make your choice. Oh, man. I'm going to say... Cockwash is beautiful. One more time. Boyland, Mount Mumu, Burr and Buddick, and Cockwash.

I'm going to say Mount Mumu. I'm going to say Cockwash. Son of a bitch. Mount Mumu. Wow! Nailing it Keith God damn This is fucking tough

Dude I found my people If you go If you bet a thousand On this guy's Mexican joke He's got to tweet A picture of his dick Yes Show me that dick

With Ramsey in the background That should be the stakes Oh but wait I'll tweet my dick first And then you tweet That's not a dick This is a dick By the way

We've come up with A new segment for the Mean Boys live show. Keith's body or Arizona. Pull us up pictures of your folds and then an arid landscape. You know, we just need to get a cactus sticker from the fucking, you know, sad black mom supermarket. Round five. Way to road runners running around your folds. Meep meep. Round five, all real or all fake.

A, Disappointment Hill. B, Tom Ugly. That's not fair. Tom's stripper name. C, Pumpin' Budgie. Or D, Eggs and Bacon Bay. Well, when we go to Australia, Disappointment Hill is where we're going to build our Fortress of Solitude. Just send our mail there, Mom.

We'll get it. Oh, Australia fucking rules. It really does. Where we're riding the Mean Boys pilot. Disappointment Hill might be a King of the Hill fan fiction. Yeah. Oh, regret. Dang it, Bobby.

You didn't throw the Pokeball right. Now we're out. Oh, we're doing Pokemon? Goddamn. Pokemon Go. I'm going to say Tom Ugly. Oh, all real or all fake? Oh, I'm sorry.

Is Pokemon Go even, like, attractive in Australia since it's just full of, like, little poisonous things that want to kill you? Like, that's what they do. They put Pokemon all over the dangerous animals so they can sound so dreary. It's a Mewtwo. No, it's an actual spider that'll lay eggs in your heart. There's actually something more dangerous behind your chart. I'm going to say all real. I'm going to say all real, too.

All real. Oh, wow. Keith nailed it. Five for five. Yeah, baby. You hear that? You ever wrote this? You're going to be a man of Connor's word and send your dick?

Send that dick. Send that dick. send your dick? Send that dick. Send that dick. Send that dick. Send that dick. Ramsey's picture. Involved somehow. Photoshop your face. On to the tip.

Oh, man. Well, that's it for the Mean Boys Mailbag this week. We've got a few more fan which of the followings, but please, if you feel so inclined, send them in. It helps us out a lot. It's a lot less stale than us just being like what do we like again death grips and boobs okay

so yeah that's fucking super fun you guys have anything we want to plug oh by the way thanks anyone who come to came to the show from the verbal violence podcast that

I was on last week we got a lot of really nice emails we got and hey if you want to send us a nice email thank you very much I'm'm not going to read it because I could not stand subjecting our listeners to positivity.

No, you deserve better. But we appreciate your love. Yeah, no, it's so sweet. Speaking of verbal violence, Connor, you're going to be doing the roast battle July 12th. This Tuesday, yes. Check me out.

July 14th, I will be at the Hollywood Improv as part of the Comedy Spelling Bee. And then on the fucking, you know what? Don't worry about it, because I think I didn't have another one to plug. On the 26th, I'm going to be performing

on Historical Roast at the Comedy Store, where we'll be roasting the Founding Fathers of America. So I get to be mean and wear knickers if there was ever a show to me. I am also on that show, actually. Alright! We'll talk off-air about who we're playing. so I get to be mean and wear knickers if there was ever a show to me I am also on that show actually alright yeah we'll talk off air

about who we're playing well fuck everything god is dead thank you for listening bye get happy with that thing Australia See you next time.