Mean Boys - EP 36 - Racist Uncle Factory

Episode Date: October 6, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “New Names”, “Don Carlos 1940s Radio Ad”, “Count Temecula”, “Rumspringa Podcast”, “Rupaul’s Drag Race” and a game of “Which of the Following” with GG Allin song titles by @badchopsuey. Follow the show on Twitter http://twitter.com/meanboyspodcast / @meanboyspodcast and email us [e-mail]. Visit us on the web at http://www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-money-store/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Good evening, Dick and Jane America, and welcome to another episode of the Mean Boys Podcast, the show that braves the darkest corners of depravity and beams it all straight from the mouth of hell to the comfort of your living room. Today's show is sponsored by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. Don Carlos provides the best Mexican delicacies this side of the border. Get all of the flavors of Tijuana with none of the fatal diarrhea. Whether it's a taco, a quesadilla, or the mean boy's own

Carnac Asada Burrito, there's no shortage of options. Conveniently located just steps from the La Jolla Comedy Store, Don Carlos is the best spot to take the keenest gal on the block for a good meal before a night of laughter, romance, and backseat finger-blasting. Follow Don Carlos on Twitter and Facebook,

or go to eataburrito.com for more information. Stop on by and tell them the Mean Boys sent ya. And now, ready your hearts and minds for their weekly dose of unfiltered evil. It's time for the Mean Boys Podcast. Santa Claus was your parents and the Easter Bunny wanted to molest you. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey.

And I'm... A power bottom with no power. Hey! Dispiritingly accurate. No one needs to charge up that power bottom. You know, it's kind of because of the...

Does anyone have a power bottom six chord? Yeah, my power bottom... My power bottom's a 10%. Should I put it on buttery saver? I learned some power bottom chords. Now I can play Blink-182.

He's dressed in leather. He went into night mode. That is really accurate, Keith. Because of the ankle of my butt tunnel, I kind of have to get laid on top of it. I've never heard anyone describe any part of their body more poorly. Yeah, I suppose. That was like Mitt Romney

getting a prostate exam. That was the most... The angle of my butt tunnel. It's not inviting, Ann. Wait, what about the angle of your butt tunnel? Oh, it's because of the way dicks go into me. They pretty much got to lay down on top of me. So I'm kind of not going anywhere.

You got one move. Yeah, I'm kind of not going anywhere, which is fine. Wait, so i'm kind of i'm kind of not going to move yeah i'm kind of not going anywhere which is fine wait so you just do it like a like like some kind of like slug that hates its parents i mean kind of yeah it's like you know when you have headphones that like only work if you're holding them at a certain angle because i'm a little afraid so it's like precisely by the way listeners we've been recording this podcast with one headphone working uh only one only the left side has audio. And it's been like that for a good six months. Yeah, the entirety of the time the show has existed. Yeah, so, yeah, that's

Joe's butt. Yep, that's my butt, alright. Now it's time for the Mexican joke-off. Ay, so tópico. Good save. Hey. I'll go first. Alright. A child is in critical condition after a boat capsized in San Francisco Bay San Francisco residents are calling it the least traumatic local news item containing the phrase water sports

Oh Wow, that's a lot of infections San Francisco landfill The San Francisco septic tank A Wendy's employee was fired after writing a customer's name as Big Head Ugly Dude on the receipt. In other news, the Mean Boys suffering concussions from running to grab the order at the same time. Take that, all our fans. Get away from my Wendy's, chowderhead.

I love that. I love that in the silent movie opening title card. The Mean Boys in the Chili Conundrum. Why, you square burger. Here are those three chili chefs I ordered. And you know what would be good in there? AIDS blub. Shut up, you.

Former Apprentice producers claim footage exists of Trump saying the N-word. In a related story, WikiLeaks has announced plans to release their tapes of a bear shitting in the woods. New Yorker, Connor. Oh, boy. Shit. Sorry, my thing went weird. There we go. An HIV-positive man was arrested for cutting himself and intentionally bleeding on a nearby woman in Pennsylvania. The rest of Joe

Dosh's dates at the Pittsburgh Improv have been postponed indefinitely. As soon as I said HIV, Joe just went... I have a related story A personal trainer Has been charged With knowingly transmitting HIV To three women

He instructed He said in his defense Well they lost weight Didn't they Oh fuck You know I've been in the middle of reading And the band played on

Which is the story of AIDS And there was In like 1982 Where there were some radicals On Castro Street Who were like Planning to infect the hetero population to force the government to do something about it.

Oh, shit. I love that. Immediately when that happened, like Chris Rock just popped into my head and said, I'm not saying he should have done it, but I understand. Anyway, MIT engineers created a beaver-inspired wetsuit to save surfers from hypothermia. Lead scientist Dice Clay responded, It'll keep you warm in the ocean, but watch out for the crabs!

Oh! Man, Dice Clay sure has a lot of jobs. He does. He's reinvented himself. He's quite the polymath. I'm a renaissance man over here. The police... Use your words.

You ruined it already, didn't you? I just wish that it was Dice Clay related. Oh! The police officer who sodomized a man with a screwdriver during a routine traffic stop is still on the job. He said in his defense, I was just trying to take his batteries out so he could power down and cooperate.

My favorite part is... Buzz Lightyear. To infinity and an early grave. Well, I read it wrong because Dumb Dumb Connor wrote it down as the police officer. Oh, God. I just think it's the police officer who fucked a guy with a screen. You know the one. Oh, God.

I don't know, guys. To infinity and beyond jurisprudence. Sometimes you don't have the time for syntax. Take it away, Keithy. A seven-year-old girl in Aleppo has been live-tweeting her experience during bombing attacks. Her latest tweet reads, quote, My mother was just killed by a collapsing ceiling, making this a very literal hashtag woman crush Wednesday. Oh, jeez.

Oh, shucks. Wait, I'm sorry. I just got word from Gary Johnson. He just tweeted. He's asking what Aleppo is. It's that dog food. Shiny dogs choose Aleppo. Keep your coat strong.

What are we all doing? 1940s voice. Nothing keeps a Cocker Spaniel's coat more shiny than Syrian blood. In an attempt to curb obesity, the UK government is waging a war on pudding. CIA Jackal Tom Goss responded, I'll plant the cyanide in a pudding's drink at the Bilderberg meeting. All right. In a related story, in light of an obesity epidemic,

Mexico has installed machines that give people free subway tickets in exchange for doing 10 squats. Keith Carey has burned his passport in protest. I won't overcome these stairs. Speaking of snack-related news, Nestle has recalled 10,000 cases of ice cream after discovering they produced in a contaminated facility. They are urging those desperate for cheap vanilla bullshit to check out ConorMcSpadden.com for tickets. Alright, I've related ice cream story.

Ben and Jerry's ice cream has announced its support for the Black Lives Matter movement. Many have found this to be a compassionate gesture in difficult times, while cynics are speculating it is only to stay competitive with the new Stay Woke Dippin' Dots. Alternative punchline, we didn't land on Plymouth Rocky Road. Plymouth Rocky Road landed

on us. Oh no. It's the fucking Ben and Jerry's flavor. Anyway. A poll finds many of America's Amish community will be voting for Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton.

They claim their religion doesn't permit voting for a woman cursed by the Baron Womb Demon for speaking out of turn. To be fair, Baron Womb Demon sounds like what Trump's name should be. But like Baron, that's his title. This is reminding me of the time I watched a very poorly translated set of the Death Note anime. I don't know what I'm doing. An obese man accused of rape has defended his innocence, saying that his stomach is too large and his penis too small

to have sex with the woman who accused him. His lawyer said to the jury, if you can't reach the clit, you must acquit. That was a real story. That was a real legal defense. Just a fat guy. And you could just see it in the picture of him. He was like, we're really going a real legal defense. Oh, no. Just a fat guy. And you could just see it in the picture of him. He was like, we're really going with the small dick, too fat thing, huh?

Is that my best shot? I started rubbing Keith's back when he started that joke. I've never been more surprised that the thing was not about me. Oh, mercy. German authorities have created a virtual reality simulation of Auschwitz to aid with the prosecution of Nazi war criminals. In related news, they have discovered the final solution is actually up, up, down, down, left, right, B, A, C, left, start. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

You only play that game on there is no God mode. That would be the worst version of Roller Coaster Tycoon. It's like, oh, my God, I left three million gypsies. Jesus Christ. I got the worst playthrough ever. The rollercoaster just goes into the flames. The Holocaust was basically like real people doing what 10-year-olds do when they play the Sims. They just unleash disasters.

I had so many Sim concentration camps. My thing used to be I'd order a pizza, and then I'd lock the pizza guy in a shed in the backyard, and he would just slowly go insane. That's how you do. Jesus. Anyway, the California drought continues while residents are conserving less water. Scientists warn the dryness levels are set to match Joe Dosh's sense of humor and anus. Oh, no.

My butt's not good. Your butt? No. Doesn't produce any grease? You got to workshop your butthole, no. My butt's not good. Your butt... No. It doesn't produce any grease? You got to workshop your butthole, Dan. I know. I mean, maybe the angles would be less of an issue if it didn't have a Serengeti-like climate.

Yeah, I know. I don't think angles are the problem. Why are there dunes in here? But there's long science fiction novels in your butt. Why do the Harkonnens rule over my butthole? The spice must flow. I think if you spent half the time you did, like, researching, you know, early Mediterranean societies as you did fucking going to the CVS and just asking an awkward question to get a glass case unlocked, you'd have a lot less problems in this area. I think that's fair to say.

Okay, I got nothing but bad ones left. Florida police are looking for two men who crashed their car into a McDonald's then held employees hostage before making their escape. I guess they took the drive-thru a little too seriously, huh, fellas? Kill yourself. They drove through the building.

Oh my God, I've never disliked you more. I don't think they could order when you drive through there. Did Roomba Rudy write that joke? I don't think he needs the help. He's pretty great on his own. I deserve this. Yeah, I reckon you're going to take it. No, I'm kidding.

We're not doing this again. That Connor's a real knee slapper. For the love of God, if Rudy Baker Roger makes an appearance, I'm quitting. Well, I come and go as I please. Start my own podcast with Ramsey. Okay, goodbye. I'll be back. Well, I'm going to cut this off at the pass.

Here's some more shit. Hello, my gorgeous queens. Welcome to RuPaul's Drag Race. I'm very excited to announce this week's extra special panel of all new fabulous guest stars. From the mountains of Bavaria and depressing documentaries, it's Werner Herzog. Hello, Ru. You stomped the runway like a Russian stag who knows naught but the bite of winter. From Saturday Night Live in the 90s, Norm MacDonald.

Hey, Norm. I got a guy in lady clothes up there. From Yath Hogar, The Dimension of Suffering, it's Carnock the Bloodfeaster. Feeble gender mutant. I will judge your satanic pageantry harshly, punishing meaty tux

with a scourging of flame bees. You must be excited to share the judges panel with your biological sister, Michelle Visage. Hey, kitty girl. I will ejaculate nails into your skull. Still a bottom, I see. Alright, gentlemen, start your engines and may the best

woman win. First up, it's Violet Chachki. Her intense corsetry is a monument to the suffering of vanity. Katya Zamblachkiva. We can enjoy her ironic humor in California, but on the Siberian taiga, her laughter would find no purchase. Sounds like a lot of commie gobbledygook to me. Stunning. You old

menstruate scorpion larva! Mom always liked me best. Shut up! Fifi O'Hara. In Greek, the word ambition is a pejorative, a notion of which this homosexual in a tutu is now undoubtedly aware. Someone ought to tell them they got the wrong clothes on.

Fifi, I lend you a shard of my soul stone, and I would like it returned sometime. Ladies, we've made our deliberations. As RuPaul Charles is fond of saying, we are all born naked and the rest is drag until we feel the sting of the scythe of death.

Yeah, that was real entertaining. I hope you all don't get the AIDS or nothing. Your runways were all pleasing, but your makeup could have improved had you enslaved the Sodom wizard Matthew Anderson and beat your face with the terror-linked fluids of your enemies. Katya, you are the winner of this week's challenge. Violet, Fifi, now is the time to lip-sync for your life.

I will choose this week's lip-sync song. I've made my decision. Violet, Fifi, you will both sashay away. You will sashay away onto the grease fire of the porpoise boy, Ross Matthews. You said it, Carnock. Now, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to impale the innocent on the erection of the great pain beast? Yes, queen! Let the music play!

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Mean Boys Podcast. It is time for the return of one of our favorite segments. Ladies and gentlemen, new names. It's time for new names. New names. Yeah. I remember. I think you called all the things there.

Whoa. That's a great jingle. New names. That's the best opening segment jiggle of all our segments. That's the best one we've ever done and will ever do jingle. A g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g We can't just do that for every single segment. Which of the following is one of them's fates? We had one idea. I'll start us off this week. Okay, from now on, old-timey gay farm sex will be known as a romp in the hay. Oh, my Christ.

You know, that's the most accessible piece of comedy. I listened to that, and I was like, oh oh my god, that's Joe trying to sell out. Oh, I really enjoyed that. Alright, gentlemen, Melania Trump will now be known as Mail Order Ava Braun. I have a Trump challenge for that. I have one as well. Optimism will now be called

Grabbing Life by the Pussy. I've decided Trump bumper stickers will now be known as car tribal tattoos. Oh, fuck. That's goddamn real good. Well played. I don't really know what they mean, but it looks cool. All right, guys.

Poops from now on are going to be called food ghosts. You know, he texted this to me. He texted me as well. I thought it was you quoting Tom because you were on the road with Tom when you quoted that. I think I was, but I just stayed up late, and I was struggling to sleep on an air mattress, and I was just like, oh, okay, this has come to me, and then I Googled it, and someone else already thought of it.

I totally thought, because sometimes when you're on the road with Tom, you'll do kind of a Tom play-by-play. Oh, I do, yeah. And just kind of say this is transcripted nonsense. Oh, my goodness. New name, Australian women will now be known as Gash Bandicoot. Keith.

That offends me as a feminist and a enjoyer of the PlayStation 1. It does. It offends me as a man with ears. Gash Bandicoot. Double and down. Which one is she on? Drag Race? Gash Bandicoot Oh dear

I've decided that Barbecuing will now be known As dad Eucharist What does Eucharist mean That's a Catholic thing That's when you Transform the Fucking bread

Into the holy body of Christ I look like a dice player Who's about to explain Catechism to me Yeah I know But I was raised correctly as an atheist. Thanks, Mom. You're damnable. We're raised in Catholic.

How do you get your guilt? I know where mine comes from. Yeah, sure. Who do you have to be guilty to? Yeah, Jesus. I don't know. My standards of myself? Oh, well.

You see, I like to think that we're all our own gods, fellas. Well, it's nice. If you don't have a fucking monster in your own head that's telling you you're not good enough, it can still happen on your own. That's great.

Here's the thing, monsters... Listen to that, fans. Yeah, here's the thing, fellas. Monsters are always there. You guys just give it a name and shit, all right? That's just... Jesus.

I just call that Home Week Inside Connor, all right? And he's not pleased with my progress. Welcome to the new segment, New Reasons to Give Up Hope. New reasons!

God is dead! God is dead! The Apiske's is back! Everything you believe is a lie! All right, let's move on to something more jovial. Sperm banks will now be called Smells Fargo. Yo, a stank. In a similar vein, porn directors

will now be known as Seaman Spielberg. Seaman Spielberg. I think I did this one already. Fucking probably. I'm not sure. I don't love this bit. I think that's

fresh Seaman Spielberg. He doesn't care for new names. I'm just not very good at it. I've decided that the state of Nevada will be known as Racist Uncle Factory. I listened to that wrong. Well, it's my racist uncle factory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, my name's...

Old Uncle Factory. Factory Josh. Old Uncle Factory. He worked in a Greg. Connor, why are you doing a backflip? That's amazing. It was like a Futurama joke. It was so funny, I couldn't laugh.

That's so stupid. God damn it. Well, I really do hate Nevada a lot. Well, this episode's called Uncle Factory. Yeah. Old Uncle Factory. Wait, what kind of uncles was at the factory? Racist. Racist Racist uncle factory

Oh god Nevada really is a shithole I just didn't want to Have to listen to the episode Again to remind myself Dude I was just in Reno now And like there are so many Fucking old ladies

Driving around with Trump bumper stickers On the car And then the grab them By the pussy thing happened And then they're just Endorsing this dude He just blindsided

It's like Well think about how long It's been since someone Grabbed them by the pussy Yeah I suppose But it's like if fucking All them by the pussy. Yeah, I suppose. But it's like if fucking all the Bob Dole stickers just turned into Gigi Allen. It's awesome. Oh, man.

Yeah, that's why I'm afraid to get a Kanye tattoo, because I know he's going to do something that even I can't defend. And also, I think tattoos are stupid, and if you have them, you should feel bad. Agreed. Agreed. All right. Driving for Uber is now called millennial sharecropping. Oh, I never drove Uber. Like my mother did, or my brother did, or my sister did, and my landlord does too.

Swinging for postmates. Suck a dick and never sponsor us. Damn. All right. Well, yeah, we're going to have to suck up to Nature Box, Keith. How you living, Casper Mattress? Yeah, yeah. A new name for vegan vagina is Nature Box.

All right, anyway. That's so much better. You look like you were born out of a nature box, you nymph. Hey, my mom's a yoga teacher, and I'd thank you to leave that out of this. How did I not know that until right now? My mom's a yoga teacher, and I'd thank you to leave that out of this. How do I not know that until right now? My mom's a yoga teacher? Yeah. I don't know, because I leave my family out of my professional life.

That's probably why. I got the fucking fan monsters tweeting at my mom. And while a lot of them are encouraging, there needs to be a fucking hard boundary. Yeah, everybody stay away from Joe's mom. Yeah, you leave that lovely Peanuts-avatard woman alone. Oh, I know. Poor innocent. All right.

New name. Getting a period on a holiday will now be called menstrual Krampus. Menstrual Krampus. What? You don't know what the Krampus is? No. I do, and I also didn't like it. Everybody get off my fucking lawn.

All right. What is a Krampus? He's the bad Santa that they have in Europe. Not bad Santa. Martin Lawrence? No, that's Black Santa. Wait, there's a lot of Santas. He's a monster in Germanic folklore who punishes bad children,

and he burns them on Christmas if they're naughty, whereas Santa rewards them. Krampus goes around, and he whips them and takes their treats and hurts them with fire. Dude, I love this guy. I know. I can't believe you've never heard of the Krampus. I'm he whips them and takes their treats and hurts them with fire. Dude, I love this guy. I can't believe you've never heard of the Krampus. I'm going to send you some literature, my friend. He's very OC. I'm kind of surprised. Have you heard the good word about Krampus?

Anyway, I've decided U.S. involvement in Afghanistan will now be known as the Opium War Gritty Reboot. Okay. Similar to the one we had earlier, temporary tattoos for children will now be called scamp stamps.

That's pretty cute. That's fun. That's just a good idea. And I have to do it because I wrote it, but I don't like it. The NFL will now be called Hogwarts for punching your wife. That's the one that worked? I thought it was pretty good. Y'all motherfuckers left me high and dry on menstrual crampus.

I didn't know what crampus was. And I only vaguely know what menstrual means through context clues. One thing I dislike about listening to old episodes is like, oh, I could tell when I learned that word from you guys. It just keeps coming back up. We are your word of the day, Kevin. So stupid. I'm like, oh, okay, what's this old folklore villain?

You're a learning computer. Oh, yeah. He's learning old punk bands and old World War I era references. You really know who your friends are, Mr. Ben. I got the punk rock trivia. I learned, like, let's not even get into the screamers. Is that all the new names? Yeah.

I don't have any more. All right. Well, Anderson Cooper is now called Dr. Drew's cooler brother. Is that fair? I like it. My buddy Cody said on Facebook that Mike Pence looks like if Anderson Cooper was straight. You know what's funny? I tweeted a similar thing, but I deleted it because I didn't get enough faves.

That's the person I am. Oh, dear. But I deleted it because I didn't get enough faves. That's the person I am. Oh, dear. While Connor attempts to find the self-worth in the void of social media, we're going to bring you some bullshit. Yeah, Connor's going to jam a blue Facebook thumb up his asshole. Please like, share, and subscribe. Sock it to me. My God and I walk through the meadows here

Hello, English. You're listening to Abram and Samuel on the first ever Rumspringa podcast. Rumspringa, of course, is the time in a young Amish man's life where they are allowed to leave the bonds of the Amish ways. So while we're off partying before we take our holy vows, we thought we'd start a podcast where we speak loudly and intemperately. How immodest. You said it, Abram.

Say, Abram, since it's Rumspringa, we ought to begin our podcast with a cuss word. Oh, you mean something like farfig noogan? Oh, damnable. Say, Samuel, I see you're broadcasting your voice across the ether to the ears of thousands. What are you, the Holy Spirit? Oh, you know what

would be even more blasphemous? Engaging in gossip. Do we dare, Samuel? We dare, Abram. We all know Brother Eli fancies himself the greatest Amish cupboard maker in Pennsylvania. But do you know what I saw him doing, Abram? Nay. Going to Home Depot to buy a stitching awl.

I feel alive with the devil inside me, Samuel. I too, Abram. I hear you have another segment prepared. Indeed. Prepare your souls for Lancaster County's Harlots of the Week. First for this week, we have Sister Abigail who was spotted serving a basket of cornbread

in an extra tight bodice. Oh, that'll put a stirring in your loins. Oh, they're stirred. And it gets better, Samuel. Second on the list is dear Sister Catherine who was spotted smearing beeswax on her hands, no doubt preparing to shave off her arm hair.

Oh, Prophet Elijah would spin in his grave if he weren't assumed a heaven body and soul. And finally, we have Sister Gertrude, whose Easter dress length was so indecent, we're giving her the new nickname of Ankle Wife. Ankle Wife. Ankle Wife! Ankle

Wife! Abram, I haven't been this excited since the night we snuck into the barn and said gee whiz until we had erections. We'll strap into your buggy, Samuel, because I've managed to get my hands on some heavy metal music. I don't know, Abram. That's pretty hardcore.

We'll never have this chance again, Samuel. Oh, okay. Let'll never have this chance again, Samuel. Oh, okay. Let me be drunk in your darkness, O Lucifer. That's it. I'm never quitting podcasting, Samuel. And I'm never going back to the commune. Satan, I pledge my life to your eternal service. And I as well. And that's when Abram and Samuel vowed to never return to the Amish ways and never stop broadcasting blasphemies over the internet.

I've heard they've since renounced their Christian names and now go by Joe and Keith and engage in all manner of literal and figurative sodomy. And while God forbids me to hate them, I do pity them, as their new lives on earth are a darker Hades than God could possibly conjure. Coming this fall. Oh, Thomas, we're out of gas, and this neighborhood is so frightening. Don't panic, Janet.

Look over there. There's a castle on the hill behind that check-cashing place. Maybe they have a telephone. You've heard the legend of Count Dracula. Knock on the door. Maybe nobody's home. But now, prepare yourselves for... Sup, fools?

Count Tomecula. So, yeah, like, I live in this castle and shit. I called AAA to come fix your car, but but like, they said it'll take until tomorrow. But like, if you want to crash here, that's cool. Just don't go into the basement, because there's a bunch of bats and shit down there. Is... is that a coffin? Ah, it's a lowrider bed, fool. Check this shit out. Dope as fuck, right?

Alright, fuck you guys. I'm tired. Later. I don't trust this Count Temecula guy, Janet. Why not? He seems nice, and he's so charming. He doesn't seem odd to you? He was drinking Modelo out of a human skull, and he put chili powder on a watermelon for some reason. You're a racist. He's for sure a fucking vampire, Janet.

Count Temecula comes from south of the border, between heaven and hell. Hello? Who's there? Hey, girl. Come be my fucking bride of the night or whatever. Follow the soothing sound of my siren song. In the daylight,

he plays his pipe organ, curtains drawn tight, adorned with a single flickering chupacandalabra. But under the moonlight, he stalks among the living, abiding by one infernal rule. Blood in, blood out. Blood in his mouth. Alright, the jig is up, Count Temecula.

Where's Jan? Oh my god! What have you done to her? Not even, dude! Jan is fucking dead! Meet my new bride, Murietta! It's okay, it's okay, Don't speak. We can save you. I'll get a doctor. You'll pay for what you've done. Stupid! Ah!

I turned her into a sucker fucker. No wall can stop him from coming into this country and taking hard-working American souls. This Halloween, prepare yourself for Count Temecula. Rated MS-13.

All right, boys and girls, the Mean Boys podcast returns with our final and favorite segment, another fan-submitted round of Which of the Following? Yay! Okay, this week, another submission from, rolling over from last week, from AtBadChopSuey. Thank you very much. She sent us all those wonderful slams last week that were really fantastic. If you want to send us some more shitty things for us to read about ourselves on air,

please do so. Shoot us an email over at MeanBoysPodcast.com or MeanBoysPodcast at Gmail.com. Oh, and send us more which of the following because we're out and we need more. We don't want to do work. Yeah, we don't want to. We or meanboyspodcast.gmail.com. Oh, and send us more. Watch the followings because we're out and we need more. We don't want to do work. Yeah, we don't want to. We do enough for you people. Please send us the show you like. You know how many vampire sounds I had to edit to just fucking make this shit that you just heard?

Fucking deal with it, dude. I haven't even done it yet. We're still recording. This week, very excited about the subject. We have G.G. Allen song titles, boys Outstanding Alright, so Round number one

Which of the following is not a real G.G. Allen, if you don't know, by the way Is a very popular children's musician If you don't know who G.G. Allen is There's no way you know what this podcast is Yeah, that's true I mean, this podcast is about the podcast We have a thing of throwing poop at your fans

Yeah, we're doing what to iTunes what Gigi Allen did to the front row. To CBGB. Just waving half a dick and a handful of shit. You either know him or you did not do your assigned reading. You either knew him or you had friends in high school. Moving on. A. Pussy summit meeting.

B. Rambling cunt. C. Kill thy father Rape thy mother Or D. Last in line For the gangbang Lord I was born a rambling cunt Listening to these I haven't heard them

But I do want to hear like Waylon Jennings Country versions of last in line for the gangbang Because wouldn't that just sound so great With like a country drawl With like a string quartet behind it? She's all sticky by the time I get there. Like that would be heartbreaking to hear that. What's that fucking, that shitty like Spongebob kind of guitar country music?

Oh, Dobro. Yeah, Last in Line for the Gang Bang. By the way, this is what your father described as having soft avocado peeling hands because you described Dobro guitars as that SpongeBob music. He's the most popular medium for that instrument. I think we can all agree. That is true. Last time I was home in South Dakota, my dad asked me to pick something up with my, quote,

soft avocado peeling hands. The best roast I could ever hear. Oh, I know. It's insane. What were two and three again? B and C. Whatever. I'm going to say...

Rambling cunt and kill thy father, rape thy mother. I'm going to say Pussy Summit Meeting because that's just a little too ideological for G.G. Allen. He embodies chaos. That's an anal cunt song, I would imagine. Yeah. So I'm going to say Pussy Summit Meeting. I don't think he would be super on board with pussies being able to organize and vote democratically. All the same, I don't think

he's aware of it happening. Do you know what I'm saying? What's funny is I thought of Anal Cunt. I think Last Night at the Gangbang is an Anal Cunt song. So I'm going to say that one. The fake one is B, Rambling Cunt. Oh, okay. This is a tough round.

Number two, which is not a real G.G. Allen song title? A, I'm gonna rape you. I'm gonna get you. B, and now here are the choices. B, suck my ass, it smells. C, antisocial masturbator. Or D, my dick is your salvation. Hmm.

I mean, antisocially is the best way you can masturbate. Masturbating socially is a crime in most cities. Yeah. You know, it's like when you show up to the party 15 minutes early and masturbate. It's at least an imposition, if not a sex crime. No, it's when I jerk up before the party so I can be friendlier. At least blow on a coaster. Like, you know, basic courtesy.

Oh, God. Worst ride at the Keith Carrier amusement park my dick is your salvation you just wanted that for the spank bank that's why you wanted me to repeat it can you read these slower

I want to squeeze I want to squeeze you out like the empty toothpaste tube you are just lay face down with your poorly angled anus can you Jesus

yeah can you I agree can you get a paper clip for your butt can you read these like you weren't called on in 7th grade to read a page out of Lord of the Flies and you just want the attention off you stop You get a paper clip for your butt. Can you read these like you weren't called on in seventh grade to read a page out of

Lord of the Flies and you just want the attention off you? Stop hiding your fucking boner under your desk. Fucking slow down. What's A again? I'm going to rape you. I'm going to say A. I'm going to say A as well. The fake one is D.

My dick is your salvation. Damn, I should have gone with my gut. This is a nicely built one. I know. I mean, these are so... Hold on, Chop Suey. So tough. I know. These are so tough. I feel like the air is getting thick. The oil isn't getting thick.

I don't know. Sorry. Just do a thing. I'm going to rape you. Why you? It's our three stooges. Why you? I'm going to rape you.

Chowder. I'm going to rape you so good. Yeah, I was like, did I make Joe and Keith mad with the way I read the G.G. Allen song? Hey, Moe, I didn't give consent to nothing, shut up. He fucking does the two-fingered eye thing into his butthole and... Trump and Pence in, I'm gonna rape you. You're sexually assaulting me. Alright, which of the following? A, ass fucker.

B. Cunt sucking cannibal. C. I wanna fuck myself. Or D. Eat my diarrhea. The intense game show delivery. Eat my diarrhea. It's only funny if you do it like Regis Philbin. Now coming up, eat my diarrhea. Like Regis always... Alright, I'm writing a Regis Philbin Now coming up Eat my diarrhea I'm writing a Regis Philbin sketch next week

Because that was fantastic You always had the wrong inflection on everything Oh yeah I got raped by an elephant When you read a teleprompter your whole life You just get bored and you start like What if I put the emphasis on the fucking preposition here I'm gonna fucking walk in this whole thing. I'm just gonna rearrange

all the vowels today. Fuck it. Everyone's just like a screensaver to housewives. Who gives a fuck? Regis sort of reminded me. I think I summed up my own comedy instinct the best I ever have. When I said that I'm like an X-rated Tom Bergeron from America's Funniest Home Videos. You kind of are Regis and Kathie Lee smushed together.

Oh, he's gonna little Kelly Ripa for my taste. A little too edgy. Fucking daytime TV chimera. All right, fart Ripa, how are you going to guess? I'm going to say C. I'm going to say cunt-sucking cannibal. The fake one is ass-fucker. That's a little too simplistic.

We're not, you know, we should think more of G.J. It was insulting that we didn't choose that Frankly Yeah Someone told me That his lyrics are inspiring And I I gotta read them now

To do what? Well We know our fan base I don't know They're not Yeah Some guy I went to high school with I was like

Yeah G.G. Allen We were talking about punk bands He's like You like G.G. Allen I was like Nah I never really listened to him I was like Dude his lyrics are inspiring

Our podcast is what like DJs do to regular music but we do it to gg allen thoughts and like we think we're better and we're not like look at our source material have you seen the documentary about gg allen that uh todd phillips man no is it the guy who made the hangover movies when he was like 17 made like a documentary we just followed gg allen around and it is just like the real story of this movie is this poor fucking film school kid realizing how far in over his head he is oh that sounds outstanding now i'm filming him shitting in a woman's mouth what is happening it ends with gg allen going to prison oh my god i didn't know they could film directly onto chuck pollanick pages yeah and then oh yeah then there's footage from gg Allen's funeral that is the most haunting, just disgusting

thing I've ever seen. Does everyone just poop in the casket? Oh, it's a real... It's a bunch of people realizing their dumb Christ died. They have nothing left. I got to watch this. It's awesome. It's pretty good.

We need to do an extended Hell's Box seat just for this entire film. Yep. Number four to the following is not a real Gigi Allen song title. A, kill the children, save the food. B. Ass-fucking, butt-sucking, cunt-licking masturbation. That's a real dark version of One Eye for the Heart by Purple

People Eater. There's a hole in the pole, in the butt, in the cunt, in the fuck, on your bottom of the cell. C. Needle up my cock. Oh no, that's a terrible place for it. Or. Needle up my cock. Oh, no. That's a terrible place for it. Or D. Piss drinker.

She's a piss drinker. I cannot believe we both thought that. Drinking all your pee. It took her so long. You guys need some other friends. Holy shit. It wasn't tea, but she found out. Who wrote that?

The hepatitis beetles? What was the first one again? I want to go home. Kill the children, save the food. You are home, Connor. You've always been home. Did I just wake up from a coma? This is the worst. I wake up surrounded by Karnak and Dr. Mortaro and Mark Malloy and all of my iconic characters

that don't exist. What was your first one again? A. Kill the children and save the food. I'm going to say that because it's a little too woke. The woke Gigi Allen? Gigi Allen is... If woke refers to being awake for 72 hours

on meth, that's the only way to ever get woke. Fucking good God. I'm gonna say Needle up my cock The fake one is D Piss drinker

Ah Haven't learned nothing From underestimating The simplicity of Overestimating I mean needle up my cock Is pretty straight forward Yeah but piss drinker

I mean that's just I guess up and to the left A little bit depending on How your shit curves That's just gauche Well yeah Well you know You got the opening

The haunted chapter With the wax and the dick. Oh, heavens. Yeah. I can't be doing urethral things. Yeah. You know, I don't have a lot of walls that I hit into, but definitely anything up the penis hole. It sounds like you got nothing but walls back there. Like the world's worst fucking placemat maze.

You got to get Bob V on that butthole. Open up some space. My prostate is like a doom level. It just winds around. Yeah, we need a breakfast nook in that anus. We need to get Tim and Al from Home Improvement to renovate your butthole. I think that's a sketch that needs to be written. We need more power bottom. When I get fucked, I go.

Oh, my God. We need more power bottom. When I get fucked, I go... Oh my god, just Wilson peeking over the fence and then the glory hole. All real or all fake. Wilson, why are there two holes in this fence? Alright, well, that was up there with the Jew misfits. The following tirade. The gay home improvement. All real or all fake.

Homo improvement. Gigi Alden doesn't think they can be improved. What are you saying? They're perfect. A. Kill yourself. B. The F word.

C. Like literally that's what it is? Well it's the one that you get mad that I say. Okay. Is it called

the word or is it called faggot? Oh, it's called faggot. Okay. Well, I didn't want to be... That's where you draw the line. I didn't want to be a bad friend on the podcast. It really is difficult.

I give you a half pass. Yeah, up next on the minefield of decency. That's actually C. I don't know. I try not to say that one. C. Minefield of decency. No.

Punch Fuck Brigade. And D. Cock Junkie. Them's are real. Yeah, they gotta be real. Those are all fake, boys. Really? Ah, heck of a...

Wow, this is... I think this is the first Witch of the Falling complete strikeout. My thumb is not on the pulse of America at all. I never...

I'm doing terribly at these Wichita Followings. Well, let's just... In that case, we need to rename the Mean Boys fan club the Punch Fuck Brigade. Yeah. We'll send in for your membership cards and we'll get you a Punch Fuck Brigade laminate. Which make fucking hate crime merit badges.

No. I feel like if we called Tom Goss, he would bat a thousand on this. He was like, oh, yeah, I pissed Dranko for sure. Yeah. All right, boys. Well, that was... It's sterile, that's the problem. It's just salty. Thank you, thanks Bad Chop Subby for the

games. Yeah, we got smoked. Yeah, that was well done. Please, guys, send in some more shit if you want to make your own which is the following thing, but I think it's time for the Mean Boys mailbag. You've got mean. Yep. That's a jingle adjacent. You know when you don't

do something to stop tyranny? I like that we got him to slam himself. Alright, we've got a question here. If you guys had to fuck one of these gods, who would it be and why? A. Thor, big hammer. B. Shiva, lots of hands. C. Buddha,

cushion for the pushing. D. Morgan Freeman. I enjoy that a lot. Let's see. Oh, gotta go Thor. Gotta go Daddy Thor. Absolutely. Yeah.

All them arms, though. I'm thinking Shiva. I don't know. Because Shiva's a chick, and that seems like the only chick. Is Shiva a chick? I mean, kind of. I mean, you could probably suck that seems like the only chick. Is Shiva a chick? I mean, kind of. I mean, you could probably suck my dick with the elephant trunk. Is that the same one?

She's definitely the closest to a chick of your adoptions. Shiva could, like, choke you and hold you down and jerk you off. There's a lot of stuff she could do. She could jerk you off and, like, rub your inner thigh and also scratch your head. Well, doesn't she have, like, five tits, too? Or am I thinking of Kali? I think you're thinking of Total Recall. Oh, God.

Total Recall-y. like five tits too or am i thinking of khali i think you're thinking of total recall uh total recall uh no i really like that which god are you gonna fuck carrie i'm between shiva and thor is it is it is it like fucking hairy grumpy north store is it like chris hemsworth fucking coming i think it's very grumpy north store ah then i go shiva i feel like thor would like tell you to make him a pie and shut up. And that's hot. You just want to be a fifties housewife. Yeah. I feel like I really do. I feel like Thor fucks just like hard and boring though.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like it's very direct. I feel like compared to who Buddha is not a blood. I mean, I feel like Buddha just wants to cuddle. Like, see, if I were a girl, I'd go Buddha. Cause I feel like Buddha is just who Buddha I feel like Buddha just wants to cuddle see if I were a girl I'd go Buddha

because I feel like Buddha's just gonna be like nah baby I'll just eat you out if it weren't for enlightenment Buddha would be a neckbeard I think

I just think he didn't have access to technology and attack on Titan and shit attack on Titan is your line between Buddha and monster if you don't like

have World of Warcraft what are you gonna do but sit under a Bodhi tree like that's what I gotta play sports between Buddha and monsters. If you don't have World of Warcraft, what are you going to do but sit under a Bodhi tree? I got to play sports. Yeah, you got to take the eight-fold path in your alignment and fight for the horde. I know. It's just like, oh, you did so much thinking. That's all you could do then was think or die.

Those were your only hobbies. Think, farm, get forage. Be pillaged. I'm surprised no one's going the Morgan Freeman lawsuit angle, because that seems pretty lucrative. So you're going Shiva? I'm probably going Shiva. Yeah.

All right. Well, that engendered a much more serious discussion than I think he was anticipating. Look, we're playing this. We're doing this thing for real. All right. Morgan Freeman doesn't have a lot. He doesn't have a lot of exuding sexuality.

No, I've never met. I don't know him, but I've never seen him less, like, sexual human. It'd be like, yeah, well, he seems like he would be hot on paper, but then it's hard to think of him. He's too, like, fatherly. It'd be like fucking, like, Dick Gregory. Like, I feel like I should because you helped America, but, like, I'm not into this. Morgan Freeman is one of those dudes like John Lithgow who I feel like has just been old forever. Yeah.

Like, he's been, like been in his mid-50s since 1972. Alright, so this tweet comes to us from at this Kelly Ryan. Okay, so if one object each, what would you stick up your ass? Parentheses, can't be something that's already been up your ass. That is how she worded it, by the way.

That was fucking grammatical spaghetti. Yeah, Kelly, what? Okay, so if... that was like a toddler trying to tell a joke oh my god that's how like fucking tom goss would begin a document if he were a lawyer okay so if you like cross the road in a long time it's jaywalking and you go to fucking tar jail so briefs are letters and this is a letter brief. What goes in your fucking shithole? Thou shall not withhold contract savings to the bank peoples.

I don't know how to answer this. Yeah, I don't. Well, okay. I totally thought a list was coming. Like there's going to be a list of things to put on your butt. I don't know. Something that's shaped relatively like those other things I enjoy putting on my butt. Like, how drunk were you? Well, let's take the question this way.

We have to stick something up the other one's butts. Okay. What would you stick up? What would I stick up Keith's butt? And my butt. I know what I'd put up Connor's butt. One of them butt plugs with, like, the tail on it so he looks like a friendly little raccoon.

Oh, that would be so funny. Yeah. That's the answer. I have nothing to contribute. Can I use that on me as well? I think we should all just have butt plug tails. No, yours would be a curly cute pig tail. Oh, come on, man.

Hey, I'm sorry. I wanted to give the listeners... I feel like I'd get a big butt plug for Keith because I feel like there's a lot of shit backed up in your system and you need to blow the roads so the miners can get out. There's literal

fucking chili miners in me. We need to let some Chinaman die so we can build a railroad to your fucking colon. There are people composing Woody Guthrie songs in your intestines. Like a Q-tip to get the gunk out of your ear. We're giving them a shit, an S-tip. It's a lurid conversation.

It's truly foul, even for us. AnnaV is fun. Writes, if each of you could Freaky Friday into each other's lives, what would you do first? Prenses or just call me dumb for asking and then a heart emoji. I'd probably spray Raid into my throat. As either of you.

Oh, man, that's fair. How did you know Keith uses for Aqua Velva? Oh, my goodness. I'm going to kill them things living me. Well, if I was Joe, I would for sure bottom to see what that would be like. I was going to say the exact same thing. Just to figure out how to do it, although from what we've learned about your butthole today, maybe not.

It's not easy, and I'm not good at bottoming. I mean, I'm really like I'm... Well, because I want to be, I just I don't have the chops. I feel like an astronaut who flunks out of Academy because he can't deal with the G forces. I want to save my country. But you save them from the ground. Pulling a lot of G's. By that I mean you're in an interracial gangbang.

Gary's, Greg's, Geraldo's. Greg Geraldo. I don't know why it just happened. That would be necrophilia. That's the philia. Oh, my goodness. Okay, if I was Keith, what would I do if I was Keith? Oh, God.

I would probably exercise, I guess. I mean, that's what I would do if I was you. Like, oh, is this what that feels like? Oh, my goodness. I just reach things that are high. If I could be... Yeah, I don't know. I've never been short or fat before, so I don't know. I don't recommend it.

I mean, if I were... If I could pick again, I'd probably go a different way with it. If I was Joe, I'd probably just try on a lot of jackets that fit me very well and be excited about it. Oh, it'd be fun. And just be jealous. Yeah, if I were Connor, I think I'd just sit around and resent everything around me.

Why is Connor just sitting in front of the mirror, just shaking his fist? I would just enjoy having good hair, because I fucking hate my hair. I feel like your hair looks good. It's cut now, but as soon as it starts to grow in, it just gets all championed. You do kind of have Chia Pet hair. What's up? You do kind of have Chia Pet hair a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It makes you look like a third banana in a Judd Apatow vehicle. I want to be you with the first banana. Hey, man, being first banana is you look like a third banana in like a Judd Apatow vehicle. I want to be, you look like the first banana. Hey, man, being first banana is a lot of questions. You look like an actual banana. Here's the problem. Just yellow and slightly curved.

Let me tell you guys a problem. I look like a first banana. I got like fourth banana chops, all right? And that is a no-go. Oh, my God, yeah. You do kind of look like the alt version

of Boys Life magazine, Connor. All right. At the Daily daily roast rise i have a question who do you think will be the first to leave the mean boys for fame and stardom and what's the project tom yeah yeah tom and we'll never find out because it's classified we were just talking about how tom would crush at midnight like oh don't even bother oh yeah but yeah and he's like yeah i used to do this in my living room, but then, yeah, now my manager won't let me anymore.

Tom would be the dang cook of At Midnight, for real. He would change comedy. Yeah, yeah, it would be pretty groundbreaking. I honestly think Tom will be the one who leaves. Oh, I think he's going to be,

yeah, I mean, I think it's going to be like Zach Galifianakis type situation where he's just like, he's famous, but you can't get in touch with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, wow, a weird Bill Murray hotline that he can call. He only tweets like once a year about animals and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every six like, wow, a weird Bill Murray hotline that he can call. He only tweets like once a year about animals and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every six months I go to a secret cave

and then if you leave a scroll there, I'll find you. How about the core group? Who do you think leaves first? I absolutely think Keith is going to get a writing job

kind of repurposing some Captain America, whatever you young kids listen to stuff. Oh, yeah. For a very huge amount of money. And I'll just be sitting here resentfully fucking writing

my World War I era references. How come no one wants to talk about the gay 90s? It's going to be me and Joe with our Gerald Ford fan fiction. This happens for the best. Now we can write one of our passion projects and then no one enjoys them. And then Betty wears her win button to the fucking State of the Union.

We're just going to be untethered to anything that makes us relatable. Oh, God, I know. Keith, you're our fucking anchor, man. You're our rock. You can't do this, bro. Yeah. All right, I knew that question was going to tear the podcast apart. Yeah, I think Keith leaves.

Keith, who do you think leaves? I mean, I'm flattered that you guys think I leave. I also like that somehow I've turned leaving into succeeding. It's like we're trying to fucking tunnel out of Shawshank Well, let's be real You're going to get like $100,000 to reboot Absorbing Man And then never do anything again But I mean, you'll still

Yeah, I'd be super fine with that Yeah I would still do this even if I got rich, though I know, I'd like to think I would, too Can we have that in writing? Yeah, I might buy us like a real studio I would not do this if I were rich I will leave you two in the dust.

Wow, that's fair. Oh, gosh. Okay. Really makes me feel good about all the editing I've been doing. Good thing you're sure the least marketable one here. Yeah. I have an app on my phone that says, oh, the countdown to where I don't have to pretend like I know these two. I'm kidding!

Hey, that wasn't a mocking expression of my real feelings. That was just a goof. Say, Connor, is there anything else in the Mean Boys mailbag? At Fanny Chapkraner writes, each of you, fuck, marry, kill the other two Mean Boys plus Tom. Oh, marry Tom. All right. Oh, shit. Marry Connor, fuck Joe, kill Tom.

I gotta... Fuck Connor, marry Tom, keith by process of elimination i guess i feel like i gotta fuck joe just because it'd be rude not to it would what am i chopped liver it would break my heart well you're being married so i mean i'll go yeah i can't you're spoken for i can't kill tom i can't fuck tom and i can't marry tom because i'll go crazy. And unfortunately, that only leaves killing Tom. Yeah. Can we just shoot Tom into space and just let him fend for himself like the Hulk? Oh, yeah.

I think it's impossible. Like Planet Tom where he lands and just... Yeah, I became a warlord. How great would it be if Tom landed like on a... Oh, my God. This is a movie I'm making. Tom lands on a planet of cavemen and tries to have to rebuild civilization. He's like, all right, so the Pythagorean theorem.

Ah, shit. Do you guys know how triangles work? All right, I'm going and tries to have to rebuild civilization. He's like, all right, so the Pythagorean theorem. Ah, shit. Do you guys know how triangles work? I'm going to show you how to make fire. Fuck. How do you make fire? He would just give up within a week. Tom creating civilization is the equivalent of a child's piano teacher who's only one lesson ahead of the kid. All right.

Chris 88 Williams writes, now that you're sponsored By Don Carlos Parentheses Which is good Will you sell out And promote shit You don't even like I'll go ahead and Absolutely

100,000% yes Absolutely This is a genuine If anybody wants to Sponsor the Mean Boys podcast And get some fine Commercial content We are available

For that sort of thing Yeah For fucking some reason I will ruin Individual fans birthdays For sponsorship money Yeah Got somebody you don't like We'll hurt him later Yeah Yeah I will ruin individual fans' birthdays for sponsorship money.

Got somebody you don't like? We'll hurt him later. I will be Trauma the Clown at your disposal. At Darkoni writes, is there anything too sacred or any lines you guys wouldn't cross? Not if you're edgy like we are. Get on our level, bro.

And finally. That was succinct and shitty. That was appropriate. Yeah, take that for asking us a sincere question, devoted listener. I'll teach you to love. At ObviousLocaman writes, Craziest thing you've ever seen happen at the Comedy Store, other than that guy getting shot.

Oof. Say Jamar getting in a fight with Cat Williams' bodyguards. Ooh, that's a good one. I saw Ari Shafir letting two ladies sign his balls. A homeless man offered me a blowjob every week for the last year. Boone? Yeah, of course. Oh, good.

Bobby Lee waving his dick at me and Derek Lamos and saying I had to suck it or I had to quit comedy. Well, I mean, you've been cursed, Kerry. You've been sealed. Yeah. You've got to answer that chain letter, bro. It's all going to come unraveled. All right. That's the Mean Boys Podcast for this week.

Do we have any plugs, gentlemen? Yeah. Tomorrow, or I guess, excuse me, tonight, October 11th, I'm going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco. Also, on October 26th, I'm going to be at the Long Beach Laugh Factory. Check that out. Fucking tonight, I'll be at the Hollywood Improv at 10 p.m. Tomorrow, I'll be at the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club. Thursday, I'll be at the Pavilion Club at UCLA.

And Friday and Saturday, I'm featuring at the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club. So come out, Beach Bros, and let let's I don't know do play Pokemon Go on the pier October 11th tonight I will be at Harvals in Long Beach October 18th I'll be at the Nerdist Theater in Hollywood doing the historical roast of Hillary and Donald Trump

and October 25th I'll be at the roast battle against Kim Congdon oh and I forgot I just booked I kind of booked it's kind of a big deal and I don't know I haven't told you guys yet but I'm kind of excited to announce and I forgot. I just booked. It's kind of a big deal. And I don't know. I haven't told you guys yet. But I'm kind of excited to announce. And I feel kind of douchey saying this. But on October 22nd, I will be at the Holiday Inn in Victorville.

No! I knew exactly what was going to happen. I still couldn't have predicted how good it would be. Oh, man. Fuck everything. God is dead.