Mean Boys - EP 41 - Gay Is Bad (feat. Ramsey Badawi)

Episode Date: December 6, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “Porn or Yelp Review”, “Bill Clinton’s Message to Planned Parenthood”, “California Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony” and a game of “Which of the Following” with Star Wars Expanded Universe Characters by Michael Angel Medina (www.photosbymichaelangelo.com). Follow our guest Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: twitter.com/ramsbad Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Visit us on the web at www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Donate to Planned Parenthood (ppaction.org/donate) We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (eataburrito.com) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome to the meme boys podcast life is a highway and all of us are roadkill upon it. I'm Keith Carey I'm Connor McSpadden and I'm my third favorite roommate You know that possum That lives behind the washer Oh you mean Pacquiao? Oh no Yeah this is Pacquiao's palace In a historic Filipino town

Ramsey what do we say About historic Filipino town? Hey nothing historic Or Filipino about it That's your line But really who cares right? Whoa The new show on the

Fucking whatever this is Most highly rated show On Bad Audio Network Check it out If you say so champ Yeah We're all fucking right whoa that's okay new show on the fucking whatever this is most highly rated show on bad audio network check it out if you say so champ yeah we're all fucking racing to the bottom on that one yeah pacquiao uh rolls avocados off the roof next to the dryer and then eats them where it's warm where it's warm tom does the same thing yeah i learned it from watching him all right i took a page out of his book i did think pacquiao has better furniture than tom there's no doubt about that.

I went into Tom Goss's. We always end up talking about Tom at the beginning of the show. I went into his room to try and find my flip flops this morning. And it's just haunting how immediately you see like weaponry. Oh, absolutely. I found a sword in my old bedroom and I brought it over and I just left it in Tom's bed. And I get a call from him at like one in the morning. He's like, did you leave a sword in my bed?

And he was like, oh, my God, thank you so much much or am i the king of england now i don't know it was like it's like i laid rose petals down and made him like a hand-cooked meal like yeah tom's bedroom definitely looks like he's gonna kill the president every day all of this furniture is whiskey there's two swords a hammer and and just a dirty mattress on the floor oh it's too good again like i always say if you were making a set for a fake child porn it would be mattress on the floor. Again, like I always say, if you were making a set for a fake child porn, it would be too on the nose. The artistic director would be like, let's tone it down a little bit. Alright, these walls are

a little too barren. Alright, fellas, we're all fired up. Let's get into the Mexican joke off. Ay, so topical. Alright, I'll start it off this time. A clown was killed in an airstrike on Aleppo. He tried to pull out a white flag to signal he was a civilian, but was unable to get past the 20 rainbow scarves it was tied to at the time.

Oh, that's good stuff. Mitt Romney is in continuing talks with Donald Trump about being Secretary of State. Trump says the meetings are going great, and they were really enjoying laughing at Jeb Bush's unrequited muffin baskets together. A Los Angeles mosque has reported receiving several hate letters from white supremacist groups. And a mom at the local mosque said, the letters were some of the most hateful things he's ever encountered since actually reading the Koran.

Oh, our own reformed self-hating Muslim is at it again. This week in Jokes Only Ramsey's Allowed to Do. Most Islamophobic person I've ever met. Yeah, absolutely. It's the only person who's ever read the Koran that you know. Yeah, very true.

The Mall of America has just hired their first Black Santa. When asked why he took the job, Black Santa exclaimed, hoes, hoes, hoes. Oh, we have a Mexican joke off Showdown. Larry Jefferson has become the Mall of America's first African-American Santa Claus. He says he is very excited to be the mall's first nonsensical emoji employee. Finally gave that emoji a reason to exist. Donald Trump

made two key cabinet appointments earlier this week. For Secretary of Defense, he appointed General Jim, quote, Mad Dog Mattis. And for Secretary of Treasury, he appointed Stephen, quote, Big Nose Jew Guy Newton. Solid work. West Richland has been declared the most toxic place in America, narrowly edging out the second place winner of the Mean Boys studio. Oh, yeah.

I enjoy my appearances on the Unpopular Opinion podcast where the entire fan base has called me Toxic Connor. Toxic Connor, why? There's this guy who is legitimately from Newark, New Jersey, which is very funny, the Newark County landfill, who was just like, you can never have that guy on again. That guy is fucking toxic. We hate this dude. Yeah, so every time I'm on, the SoundCloud comments,

if you want a fun afternoon of reading, it's just a complete shitstorm. And they're not totally wrong. Yeah, no, yeah, no, that's pretty, frankly, they're being a little generous, but anyway, love the show. Check it out. It's on iTunes.

Adam Todd Brown, good friend of ours. Great guy. Anyway, a Houston man was brutally beaten by an attacker pretending to be a UPS driver. Local authorities said they hadn't seen a delivery this bad since Ramsey Bedawi tried to appeal to a mainstream audience. Jesus. Do you guys, who drinks out there? Anybody drinks?

I'm not allowed to where I'm from. You guys like weed? Yeah, genital mutilation, legal, drinking, you know, fucking felony. What do you know? Oh, is it me? Yeah. A man was sentenced to eight years in prison for trying to join the Islamic State. He said he did the whole thing to impress a woman, which is a lot like joining Judaism, to impress your foreskin.

That's a bit of a thinker. That's a bit of a thinker. It's subtle. Cut off your foreskin to spite your family, I guess. And finally, actor George Takei has been inducted into the California Hall of Fame. In his speech, he said, quote, for the last time, I'm not one of those singing raisins. Doesn't all have to be ISIS jokes, friends. Sometimes it's just about old people that be wrinkly.

Okay. All right. Well, let's get the theme of the show back on track. The alt-right has launched a boycott of Kellogg cereal after the company stopped advertising on their media outlets. The underground conservative organization is taking action by instructing their mothers to only buy them frosted Jews control the media O's from now on. The government of China is officially issuing an apology for wrongly executing a 20-year-old man in 1995. Spokesperson for the government said, sorry about that. Even for us, it's kind of hard to tell the difference between an adolescent Chinese man

and a baby girl. Oh, no. Oh, God. There it is. All right. Yeah, we got one more, actually, Keith. We only did four. I did five. There it is. All right. Yeah, we got one more, actually, Keith. We only did four. I did five.

You did five? Yeah. Why did I just do four? I did four, too. I think you're wrong, Keith. I think you fucked up, buddy. I did Black Santa. I did Wes Richland.

I did George Takei. I did four. You're right. Shut up. All right. One more. Okay. Fucking well-oiled machine, the Mean Boys podcast.

All right. Jennifer Aniston has said she would not be interested in doing a friend's reunion. However, Matthew Perry said he would love to, provided somebody can cover his shift at Quiznow. Oh, boy. Oh, God. Come on. You leave Matthew Perry out of this. That's Ramsey's spirit animal, I think.

He's just a smug white man who hasn't mattered for 15 years. Jesus. Who believes he does. That's the most important part. Who believes he does. You know that Matthew Perry's sitting back on his couch right now like, did all right, Perry. Did all right in this world.

All right. The MLB has reached a deal to avoid strikes for five years. The architect of the agreement said it was loosely based on Keith Carey's Little League pitching career. Aw. You're bad at sports, bro. Did you really pitch? Very briefly.

By which I mean one throw. And they're like, oh yeah, that's not going to work out. Yeah. I played a little league. It was funny because I would always ride to the games with the coaches. And at one point I was like, who's the worst player on the team? And they were like, it doesn't matter. I went, it's me, isn't it?

And they're like, yes. I appreciated their honesty. Oh, man. That's a really sweet story. Now to close this out stronger with a tale of childhood woe, Ramsey. I still got pizza. A pickup truck in Iowa crashed into a Walmart and killed only three people in the produce section. Eileen Jenkins told the AP that she heard the accident but thankfully wasn't hurt.

Jenkins said, like most people who shop at Walmart, I've never been in the produce section of any store. Oh, man. That might be the longest successful Mexican joke off joke. I felt it. I felt it. Yeah. I was like, Ramsey, that had like three pauses. It was longer than that fucking potato woman's life expectancy. Jesus.

Potato woman is my mother, thank you. Potato woman, stay away from carbs. Whatever. Okay. My mother made us some lemon roasted potatoes that we ate the other day, Keith, which is the most juvenile thing I've ever said. Hi, Mom. How you doing? I've ever said. Hi, Mom. How you doing?

I guess I am the third least favorite. I never even heard of these. Yeah, and you never will. I guess not. Yeah, you're too busy being employed and all that fucking lame shit. Anyway, we'll be right back after some nonsense. This week, actor George Takei was inducted into the California Hall of Fame. The ceremony honors the best and brightest California has to offer.

Mean Boys has acquired exclusive audio highlights of this year's ceremony. Thank you all for attending this year's California Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Tonight we will add more names to our hallowed ranks where they will hang in all their glory among such California legends as Ronald Reagan, John Muir, and putting avocado on a pizza because fuck everything. Our first inductee this evening are dumb girls who are super into crystals. These brave pseudo-spiritual warrior queens proved that with an irrational faith in the power of a handful of polished rocks,

you can achieve your dreams of eliminating all need for a personality, wasting your entire paycheck from the overpriced brunch place you work at, and annoying your religious family at Thanksgiving. Accepting the award on their behalf will be nobody, because literally none of these women have ever said anything of worth. Next up, the California Hall of Fame is proud to welcome its newest member, Finding Syringes at the Beach. Without these hidden treasure chests of heroin residue and hepatitis blood, there would be

no danger in visiting our beautiful oceans and seeing how many beer cans and gallons of urine we can fit inside of them. Plus, these prickly little fellows have helped teach our children about the perils of drug abuse. Why, visit any beach in the Golden State and you'll find a wide-eyed little boy asking his father, Dad, what's this thing stuck in my foot? And why does my blood

feel like fire? Here to accept this award is a dolphin. A sea otter? I don't know, a fucking fish? Okay, my producers have informed me that literally everything that has ever lived in our waters is now, in fact, dead. Our final inductee tonight is a popular nominee from years past, arguing about which taco truck is the best, even though they're all identical. Here to accept the award is a white millennial who orders quesadillas in poorly pronounced Spanish.

Uh, yeah, thanks, I guess. I just want to say, if you get your tacos anywhere but the truck that's on Temple in Glendale, you're a fucking idiot. What do you want, Chipotle? I'm not afraid to get out there and taste the real Los Angeles. And furthermore... Pringle, please! Oh, shit, it's a taco monster! Yo, I'm really happy for you and all, but I'm gonna let you finish at some point, but Don Carlos in La Jolla is the best taco shop of all time!

Give me that trophy! This is not show award, my friend. The Mean Boys podcast is back, and we are back with a round of our second favorite game. Because for some reason, we made that shitty one our favorite. This is Porn Comment or Yelp Review. This is the worst Indian place in Brentwood. I like that every game has to be introduced as some derivative of our favorite game,

which leads to a lot of contention between the boys. This is like every bad host at a comedy show where it's just like, ah, clubs and colleges or whatever. Yeah, a good friend of mine, I met him eight minutes ago. Yeah, we've clearly never seen this game set before, but we're doing our best. Yep. All right, so you guys know this game. We're going to go through some comments.

I don't know. Just based on the title, it sounds complicated. Can you explain it for the listeners? Shut up. Shut up, you asshole. I'm trying to be a professional podcaster. Hey, whatever. All right.

So we're going to go through these. You tell me if they are a comment on a porn or a Yelp review. First one, quote, how do you say it's too loud in Spanish? Oh, shit. Oh, God. Okay. This may have been? Oh, shit. Oh, God. Okay. This may have been me late at night. Oh, jeez.

Okay. I'm going to go Yelp review. I feel like that's got to be a really racist Yelp review of some woman that does not know that that is not all right. That is... Okay. That could be a porn. It could be a cricketicket Wireless store review as well

It's very possible I've written very similar things You seem like you Yelp review a Cricket Wireless Ramsey has more opinions about Cricket Wireless Than he does about his homeland getting statehood Absolutely And he has a lot of opinions about that Okay, I'll get to Cricket Wireless later

I'm going to go, listen You will not, and I know you will Because you've shoehorned it Into every conversation I've ever had with you It's called having a personality Connor Okay

Referencing one obscure Low income brand And then making it Your fucking defining characteristic A personality You know It's the Caps Blue Ribbon of phone Look how thick my glasses are

I'm gonna go Just to separate myself From the pack here Which is The one man pack Yeah guys The one man pack Jesus Christ I'm gonna to go just to separate myself from the pack here, which is a one-man pack. Yeah, guys. One-man pack, Jesus Christ. I'm going to go with porn comment. The correct answer is porn comment.

You fucking bitch. Boy, I would love to know that. Mexican lady was muy volumoso, man. All right, that was for sure on a Latin adultery video. Number two, quote, the only thing big about him was the vein in his neck and it looked like it was about to pop. Oh, boy.

Ooh, all right. This is of a gym. I can feel, this is a gold gym in like Santa Monica. I'm going to say Yelp review. Okay. I got a strong feeling on this.

I guess I'm going to, you know what? I think you're trying to fuck with me and I think I'm going to go porn. I think you're trying to zig or make me think you're zigging. I'll tell you,

the correct answer is Yelp review. Oh, God damn it. Yelp review of a tie rash. What up, though? Okay, fair enough, fair enough're zigging. I'll tell you, the correct answer is Yelp review. Oh, God damn it. It's the Yelp review of a Thai restaurant. What up, though? Okay, fair enough, fair enough. All right. Number three, quote, me not so horny. Oh, my God.

You know what? Mika is a very hardworking, gigantic Asian porn star, and you need to respect that she needs to make a living, too. This is a goddamn massage parlor if I've ever heard it. Or is that Minka? Which one is the one where it just has like the big like goldfish

brought home from the fair titties? That's Minka. My friend Thomas showed everyone when we were in high school and it was a big joke among the friends. Yeah, that's like that.

She's in a lot of the lesbian porn but she kind of definitely assumes a man role. She's got a very masculine energy about her. Oh, is that her thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so.

Well, next week on the fucking Roger and Ebert Boner Collection. Boner cast. You know, what did you say, Ramsey? Why don't we have a porn podcast? Sorry.

Because I'm busy, frankly. Downloading porn. Yeah. All right. So you say, yeah. What are you going to do when the hotel makes you pay for Wi-Fi? All right? Jerk off like a caveman?

That is correct, man. That's one of the fairest points you ever bring up always. Hey, I actually have not watched porn in like three weeks, congratulations uh yeah it's uh i'm spending far too much time with my friends my family i'll get back to it soon uh ramsey what did you say i went with this is a massage parlor if i've ever heard it absolutely all right oh shit yeah i see that's uh i'm going yelp review this is a yelp review of the same thai restaurant as the last one oh my god dude who the fuck is writing i like uh when you when you do save you think of everything of the same Thai restaurant as the last one. And we got the one. Dude, who the fuck is writing?

Like, when you do stand-up, you think of everything in terms of like, oh God, is someone going to fucking blog about this? And I hear these people, like,

this is just like Dave that works at the fucking Sears. These people are monsters. He's not living in fear, but he should be. And that review, that person was very upset that the people

who were cooking there were not Asian. And that was how he chose to express it? And the manager responded just like, fuck you to death. But I understand. Number four, quote, I love pizza,

but this is a bit much. Oh, come on. I like Ramsay's faux outrage. Oh, come on. We're trying to have a good time here, guys. Wow, this is just ridiculous, fellas. Listen, I'll go porn. I'll go porn because...

I gotta go porn. Yeah, this is porn. This is a big sausage pizza. This is porn. It's not even a big sausage pizza. It's just a lady eating cum on a pizza. Oh, no. What?

People do. Oh, God. California style's gone way too far. It's pretty gross. There's anchovies on there, too. Jesus. What is it? Fucking 1985?

Yeah, I tell you, they're more like man-chovies. That is very funny. Leave. That's the best joke I ever told on this show, and also, you don't live here. Oh, I hope they put some Klitaki mushrooms on there. Stop ordering pizza. Dice, that's so funny. Dice ordering pizza.

Dice is down in Dirty Pizza Parlor. It'll be ready in 30 minutes, if not, fucking wait. Brand new. I love that. Wait, let me just. New sponsor. All right, I'm done. All right, quote, did she bury her ex in the backyard?

Because there's no way he left those pinball machines behind. Okay. I'm going to. This is like a Yelp review of a boring place that white people visit on vacation. Some kind of historical... Oh, this is where the fucking John Holmes lived when he made all those shitty

80s movies or something like that. The fucking John Holmes. I forget his name as soon as I remember. I love your version of a family vacation where they're going on a tour of John Holmes' house. That's what my family did. They'd be like, let's stop at the place

where lettuce was. The Wonderland murders happened. Wait, who do you think John Holmes is? Wait, isn't that the guy? John Holmes is a porn star. Yeah, he's the guy doing John Cock.

No, the guy that did like the 16 Candles. John Hughes. John Hughes. Oh, I wish I would've never corrected that. Whatever. I was born in 93.

Yeah, I love that we were John Holmes and all those teenagers. If it doesn't have Seth Rogen in it, I didn't watch it during my formative years. Okay? Go fuck yourself. Fair enough. That's a yub review. I'm going to go porn. I'm going to try to separate myself here.

The correct answer is porn. Yeah. It's about getting fucked up against a bank of pinball machines. It's really an impressive collection. A bank of pinball machines. I don't like the swagger with which you said against a bank of pinball machines. It's really an impressive collection. A bank of pinball machines. I don't like the swagger with which you said, a bank of pinball machines. Next one. She had a whole rack of foosball.

All right. Next one. Quote, my spaghetti is hard. Oh, boy. That is a. Yeah, that's a. That's a Yelp review. Yeah, Yelp review.

It's got to be. That is a porn. Oh, no. I could have broken out of the fucking. Next one. Next one. Quote, I will not. What's the porn, Kerry?

Oh, I don't remember. It was like pretty standard porn. It was just a funny comment. Oh, okay. Oh, he was trying to talk about his... Okay, gotcha. We gotta use his dick, yes. My fucking Wattperv642.

Next one. Quote. I will not pay for gravy again. Oh, this is from your fucking I Have a Dream speech. I will always pay for gravy, even if it's extra. And you know that. I broke Ramsey. I have a cream.

That's so funny. This is for sure, Boren. This is for sure, Boren. Somebody came in some gravy. You know what? I got to tie this up. I don't know how many are left. I got to say Yelp.

The correct answer is Yelp. Yeah. Oh, we're back. We're neck and neck, bitch. Somebody who ordered mashed potatoes and gravy was very unsatisfied with the ratio. All right, well, me and Ramsey are neck and neck. Continue, no neck.

I was making presumptions about the type of porn you would watch Keith carry. This is not based on my own personal pornography options. He's just combing it for exciting content. Oh, my God, Keith was describing to me a porn where it's just like, like yeah what was your pitch? It's like a fat girl getting fucked

and she's also like eating a food and she's like more into the food than she is the dick. She's like equally into both. But she starts more into the food. That's good. I do like a woman

who's passionate about multiple things. But it's funny because it's like some of them are like sexy. It's a series called Feed or Fucker. I don't know how I found it

but it's pretty hilarious. Some of them are like sexy foods. It's like oh ice cream or like chocolate or whatever. That makes sense. And then one of them is like a bitch getting fucked while she eats a plate of feder Fucker. I don't know how I found it, but it's pretty hilarious. Some of them are like sexy foods. It's like, oh, ice cream or like chocolate or whatever. That makes sense. And then one of them is like a bitch getting fucked

while she eats a plate of fettuccine. That just seems complicated. As we know, we need to respect Keith as a personal pansexual. All right. Two more of these left

as I gloss over that beautiful nugget of cruelty. All right. Quote. This really is our second favorite game, right, fellas? Beautiful nugget of cruelty. Alright, quote. This really is our second favorite game, right fellas? I'm adjusting volume here to reflect the capitalization. Beware of these two men! Very dishonest and disrespectful! Okay.

Ooh, okay. This is like Raul's Backyard Body Shop or like, you know, fucking. A certain Bang Bros episode. Luscious Lopez and the Hood or whatever. Yeah. Could be. I could be Bang Bros too. Those two guys are very disrespectful.

Sanchez and Ramon. You know those guys? I knew I'd get you on that one, motherfucker. Okay. The worst Mario Brothers. Oh, the Barrio Brothers. I guess they're still going into pipes. Yeah.

Oh, God. Taking flowers. You know, you get it. Yeah, popping one-ups. Oh, geez. Sometimes popping two-ups if she wants to make the extra 200 bucks. Oh, boy. I'm going to go with porn.

I don't think I've guessed anything besides porn this whole thing. Always bet on porn. You know what? Yelp. It's a Yelp review. That is a Yelp review of a forklift repair shop. Yeah. All right, bitch.

I'm one up. And last one. Quote, if you like to see death and cruelty, this is for you. Oh, this is a Yelp review. That is a Yelp review. That's like, yeah. There's a pissed off teenager reviewing an El Pollo Loco or something. Okay, it is a Yelp review. Double points. What do you think it's a Yelp review. That's like, yeah. There's a pissed off teenager reviewing an El Pollo Loco or something. Okay, it is a Yelp review.

Double points. What do you think it's a Yelp review of? Oh, okay. If we just get the category, let's think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. I, you know, I guess...

The fact that you want us to guess leads me to believe it's funny, because my logical guess is like a museum. Like the Museum of Death or Museum of Torture. Sure, sure. This is a fast food type restaurant. Yeah, I'm going to go with this is some type of a carnival, like the Orange County State Fair. He's close to the correct answer is SeaWorld. Oh, my God.

Their Yelp page is a nightmare. Put away your iPhone, Jill Jill Stein Enjoy the fucking whales I know it's so funny Because it's like half and half So half of them are one star reviews And people are like I saw Blackfish And now I care And then half of them are people

Just be like man fuck whales This is great Dangle motherfucking did a flip Dangle I got my money's worth Dangle motherfuckers I'm like a black redneck I think I don't know didn't plan this out

alright you dangle motherfuckers we'll be right back after the break hello America it's me 42nd president of the United States humanitarian and Little Rock air hockey champion William Jefferson the B-Dog Clinton. As it stands, our union is more divided than mine was in 98 after Paula Jones hit me with those dot-com boom era white bitch wiki leaks.

But I'm here to tell my fellow liberals that we cannot sleep on democracy's couch eating SpaghettiOs and making handmade apology cards forever. We have to fight back. In light of our most recent election, not only has the old lady been colder than Ken Starr's eyes during the deposition, many of America's most treasured tenants are at risk. And while we may have to wait until 2018 to defend them with our votes,

we can still defend them with our dollars. That is why I am encouraging everybody within the sound of my voice to donate to Planned Parenthood, not only to protect the reproductive rights of our less fortunate sisters, but because after November 8th, old Billy went on a serious bender. Like a lot of you, I took the results of the election pretty hard, but my Arkansas eggplant took them harder than Newt Gingrich's nipples at a donkey show. After taking Hillary on a murder hike and getting caught by some cunt with an iPhone, I had to seek refuge in the only place my tortured heart knows how to find comfort, ill-advised nubile poon. I tried to assuage my urges as I usually do by masturbating into

JonBenet Ramsey's bones, but my desires ran deeper than the frown lines framing Hillary's evil maw. Over the last three and a half weeks, I have blown more suspect loads than the bomb disposal units did in Iraq under my successor's tyrannical foreign policy. And as a man who's had more secret brown children than Thomas Jefferson and Al Pacino combined, it is gravely important to me that my legion of underage sentient comrades have access to the abortions I desperately need them to get. As a man who has undermined the values of the Democratic Party more than Andrew Jackson, it would be devastating to our causes if the entire cast of Glee,

Jaden Smith's sister, all the new Ghostbusters, the chunky broad from SNL, Chelsea's nanny, and Amanda Bynes gave birth to a litter of little billies. I really screwed the pooch on this one, America. Thankfully, Buddy's corpse can't get pregnant. Now help right the wrongs your countrymen did in the voting booth and the ones I did in the broom closet of the Chappaqua Applebees. Follow the link in the show notes to make a donation to Planned Parenthood today. Billy's counting on you. All right, everybody. The Mean Boys podcast has returned and it's time to

play our final and favorite game. Dang old motherfuckers. Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, your dang old motherfucking favorite. Which of the following? Which of the dang old motherfucking favorite?

This one is sent to us by Michael Angel Medina You can find him on the web at www.photosbymichaelangelo.com Give us a little plug And it's a really great game I don't feel bad plugging that at all So go check out his fucking dumb pictures of the fucking grass Or whatever, I don't care And if anybody else would like to advertise to me, you can get a racist mascot that makes

cameos and sketches. Shoot us an email at Don Carlos is a fool. That is eat a burrito dot com. For more information, ladies and gentlemen, we're sponsored by a taco truck. It's 150 miles away from where we are and we have a cumulative listenership. That's less than what it takes to fill the smallest fucking theater in Los Angeles. You guys are by far the most successful people

I know still because of that. That's amazing. Yeah, unfortunately, it's just a bunch of fucking... What's weird, we have like 45 listeners in Ireland or something, so hit me up,

fucking Irish people. I want to fucking talk to my mi gente or whatever. We'll for sure go to a live Mean Boys in Ireland. Oh, that'd be so sick. I would love that, the homeland.

Like 40 bucks and a ride from the airport. Yeah. Anyway, this game is very near and dear to my heart because this was a huge part of my childhood. This is Witch of the Fallen

who's not a real Star Wars extended universe character. Jesus fuck. I picked this one specifically because I knew Ramsey would fucking hate it. I'm so fucking mad right now. I'm either going to crush this

or be really mad that I didn't crush this. Yeah, Ramsey hates fantasy and whimsy. I don't hate it. I just have a poor imagination. Yeah, that's why these guys imagine for you. I have a typical time conceiving these things. Well, it's like who could create a life more terrible than the one you've already lived through?

I like the idea that the thing he struggles with imagining is like a woman who's in charge. What? They let her drive a fucking... Princess Leia would not speak in my land. Why can't I see her hair? This is absurd. And by my land, he means Orange County. Hey, we went blue for the first time since the fucking Great Depression, guys.

And I'm upset about it. Let's keep going. This is really detracting from the narrative of your struggle, isn't it? Which of the following is not a real Star Wars extended universe character? A. Dexter Jetster Ima Gundy Dosh Or Elon Sleazebagano

Alright, this is about to get real lame. Dexter Jetster runs the fucking diner in Attack of the Clones. Jesus Christ. Elon Sleazebagano is the drug dealer in Attack of the Clones. Oh no. Dosh used to co-host this show. He's out on the outer rim somewhere.

Ramsey is having a pulmonary embolism. I'm just like, I'm trying to remember the names. I think it's Who's Not Real? Yeah. Are you familiar with the show that you used to allegedly produce? Ramsey, you do not know how to play the game we played on every episode? I understand the game. I'm going to say know how to play the game we played on every episode. I understand the game.

I'm going to say I'm a Gundy. I'm going to say the first one, Jetson. 100% real. He literally just explained his entire origin. I want it to be fake. You were too annoyed to know that it was wrong. The fake one's Dosh. Suck a dick, all of you.

It seemed so dumb that you would have put that in there. I thought it was. It was a real, okay. Red herring. Well, I thought Elon Sleaze of Bagaño was like Ramsey's old pickup artist name. A hat full of feathers. A sleeve full of fake tattoos.

That's Sven World Superstar and you know it. Wait, Sven World Superstar? That's so funny. Now that he's saying that, I'm realizing it's really not hard for me to imagine you as one of those people. Listen, man. We'll talk pickup artist game later. I'm not all about it.

Oh, my heart. Me and my friends watched the Mystery VH1 show, and they gave me a pickup artist name. I think it was just like Thunder or something. I don't remember. Oh, no. It was Rhino. I was Rhino. Arctic Chill.

Yeah, I love it. Is these Altoids flavors? Yeah, I want to do pickup artist or Mountain Dew variant. That's a game for next week. That's really great. I love... Are these like... Is these Altoids flavors? Yeah, I want to do Pickup Artist or Mountain Dew variant. Oh, that's fucking... That's a game for next week. That's really great. We did Pickup Artist on like episode eight or some shit way back in the day. Go check that out, Eagle-Eyed listeners.

Moving on. Which of the following is an idea? Real stories, extended universe, character. A. C.O. Bibble. B. Cuz da shit. C. Salacious B. Crumb. Or D. Dropa Truce Let me go first here, Keith, because

it doesn't make sense for me to follow you. Well, yeah, he's been doing comedy a lot longer and he's a lot more accessible. You go first. Okay, fine. Gentle mutilation. Let's go. Okay. I don't know why that's just what you said to get yourself amped up. It's how I open all my sets now.

I'm gonna go with let's see, open all my sets now. I'm going to go with, let's see. I think C.S. Dribble is... C.S. Dribble is for sure one of the people from those porns from the last game. C.S. Dribble is when old people fall asleep and start drooling watching CBS. No, it's like C.S. Lewis, the lion, the bitch, and the fucking broomstick in her butthole. I'm going to go with the first one. C.L. Bibble. C.L. Bibble.

I don't think he's real. C.L. Bibble, I believe, works in the government on Naboo. Salation Feet, bro. You know the names of fictional bureaucrats. Name your congressman right now. Who's your congressman? Nancy Pelosi.

Jesus Christ. I legitimately don't know. I know you have no idea. Dingus. Barbara Boxer. No, that's the senator, bro. Who's the senator-elect from California? What? Kamala Harris, bro. All right.

Future president. She took Dianne Feinstein's seat. Probably, yes. Future president. She's pretty cool. First female. She'll do it. What do you want from me?

I've been busy. Yeah, those George Takei sketches don't write themselves. Salacious B. Crumb is Jabba the Hutt's friend. Yeah, everyone knows that. Read me two and four again. Cuz de shit andropa truce. K sketches don't write themselves. Salacious B. Crumb is Jabba the Hutt's friend. Yeah, everyone knows that. Read me two and four again. Cuz da shit and droppa truce. There's no way cuz da shit is real.

All right, you're calling cuz da shit? Yeah, and I know I'm going to be wrong based on your face. Fake one's droppa truce, everybody. I knew cuz da shit was real. Who's cuz da shit? You're also probably saying that wrong. No, he wrote in parentheses pronounced cuz da shit. Huh. Yeah, I googled all these, the really suspect ones, because I was like, is this. No, he wrote in parentheses, pronounced cuz de shit. Huh.

Yeah, I googled all these, the really suspect ones, because I was like, is this guy double fucking with me? He is not. These are straight up real. All right, moving on. Number three, which of the following is not a real Star Wars extended universe character? A, Guz Gassler. B, Droopy McCool. C, Psy Snoodles. Or D. dick when he couldn't get it up after a heroin bender. Oh, God. Joopie McCool. Yeah, come on, man. Don't fuck me.

All right. You know what's really funny is you're not going to believe how close to right you are. Those first three are all in Jabba the Hutt's pants. Oh, it's so funny. It's R-R-R-R, I think. The fake one is Gus Gassler. That was my name when we played the Star Wars role-playing game when we were in high school. Damn it.

I knew it. Oh. We've spent too much time together because I thought of that as a start with him because I know that. Yeah. No, what we used to do to make a... There's a fun game

and you can tweet these to us if you like. Just take a two-word phrase and then switch the first two letters and vowels. So that's Gas Guzzler but you switch it and it's Guzz Gasler

and he straight up sounds like a fucking... You know, Cacium Vleaner. Like, you know... Or whatever. Or like, you know, Ikerwave Movin. Like, you know... Just whatever, or like, you know, Ikerwave Muvven,

like, you know, just whatever, you know, like, uh, Moni Psychrophone, like, I have no idea. Menadol Junilation. Yeah, you got it. Anyway, moving on, which of the following is not a real Star Wars Extended Universe character? Jedi Masters Edition, A, Jedi Master Fisto, B, Jedi Master Bates, C, Jedi Master Poof, or D, Jedi Master Lupus? It's got to be B, right?

There can't be Master Bates. I don't know, guys. The only one I know, I know Fisto is real, and I'm pretty sure that Poof is real as well. Yeah, I'm going to say Bates. Boy, Keith, to look at your face while you thought about this was... I'm upset because... You look like Obama in the Situation Room. I knew so many of these, which is a form of losing,

and I still have gotten every single one wrong, which is also a form of losing. Oh, yeah. This has been a rough day for you, boy. Ramsey, Bates? I'm going with Bates on this one. Bates is real. The fake one is Jedi Master Lupus.

That is a fucking MacGuffin in the show house. Oh, Jesus. Very incorrect. Okay, all right. All right, which of the following... That is a fucking MacGuffin in the show house. Very incorrect. Okay. All right. All right. Which of the following? MacGuffin in the house sounds like a Disney Channel cartoon about like a sassy bird with Kevin Hart's voice.

MacGuffin in the house. Papa MacGuffin in the house teaching his family how to live. The demented old woman is the only woman who can hear his voice. Yo, let's pitch this right now. Oh man, those woodpeckers are already always keeping me up banging on the walls. To the following. Huts. All huts. You know Jabba the Hutt, right?

Yeah, sure. Your spiritual predecessor to my co-host. No, he gave us more than... He gave us a lot. There's some fun stuff I had. A. Durga the Hutt. B. Bruno the Hutt. There's some fun stuff ahead. A, Durga the Hut. B, Bruno the Hut. C, Mama the Hut.

Or D, Cossack the Hut. It's got to be. I'm going to go with A, Durga the Hut is not a real hut. I'm going to say B, Bruno. B, Bruno the Hut. The fake one is B, Bruno the Hut. I got one. Good job, Keith.

Although I do think just like a jerk. It's actually Bruce Willis the Hut playing a harmonica, but nobody's allowed to call him by that name. I just really think like a Jersey Hutt wearing a leather jacket. Like, hey, it's Bruno the Hutt over here. I think that would be a lot of fun. All right. I like it.

Which is following. Bands. These are all Star Wars extended universe bands. Ivar Orbis and his galactic jizz whalers. Fingren Dan and the modal nodes, Bando and the cosmic creeps, or Bobolo Bacher's all-bith band who may or

may not be related to the leader of ISIS. Abu Bacher all-bug jammy. That's for sure Ramsay's next pop-punk project when this comedy thing doesn't pan out You just You just solidified My answer is D And fuck you

I think It's not my answer is D And fuck you Connor That's my answer Your answer gives me Fuck you Connor to everything

Yeah I know Figrin Dan And the modal nodes Is real I know Jizz Wailers Are real Like in the

Jizz is that Genre of music So I'll say that's real I'm gonna say C Is the fake one The fake one is Bando and the Cosmic Creeps Oh damn

Wait isn't that what I said Yeah yeah That's what you said Yeah you got it right Oh man Keith you're on fire buddy Alright Moving on to final

All real or all fake Beatles edition Ringo the Clone Trooper John Marbles The fighter pilot Paul the Bone Crusher Or George R. Binks Are those all real or all fake?

Wait, what the fuck is happening here? It's Ringo, John, Paul, and George. They all have the first name of the Beatles, but are these, you know. You've got to all be real. Yeah, I'm going to go with all real, too. All right, well, yeah, they were all real. That's too weird for the moment fake. Yeah, well, I just like that there's a guy named George R. Binks in the Star Wars universe.

He's like a Jar Jar that just works in an office. No, he wears a tweed jacket with leather patches, and he's just like, yeah, my nephew I'm not really crazy about. Works at whatever the Gungan version of Men's Warehouse is. You're still going to like the way you look. Mesa guarantee it. Somehow that's the most racist thing we've ever done on this podcast, is repeat the Gungan accent. All right, I think that's the show for this week, everybody.

Do we have a mailbag? We've got a couple questions here. One of our beloved listeners writes, what is life in the bunker really like? We do have people all that live here. Yeah, we talked about Tom's nightmare hovel earlier. Sure. It's funny because I've told a few people who lives here,

and they're like, it must be a crazy party house all the time we're all so fucking boring yeah yeah uh i will say that there is one bathroom that is covered with like you know how the uh the tomb of the unknown soldier just has remains of like all these different people like mixed together it's that with pubes it's just like the air in this bathroom looks like the cloud that surrounds pig pen and the like it looks like it looks like the head on a fucking somali pirate boat absolutely it does look like a murder scene that we're waiting for the police to come before we actually clean it up yeah so anytime anyone has a girl over like they just have to form a line outside of opie's good bathroom you know well i told my girlfriend like you you just don't go in there that's just not something you do if you want us to keep being

a thing looks like it used to be a closet that was converted to bathroom it really is a super small like conor's head basically almost hits the ceiling when he's in there. Yeah, no, absolutely. We live in constant anxiety about our utilities. We have no idea.

Yeah. Yeah, we got a real interesting situation. We live way off the grid. Yeah. And I don't think anyone from the LADWP is into ISIS jokes

and fucking Boston character pieces. That's true. Or maybe they're really into it. We don't know. But yeah. That's why we're getting free electricity. And if you are into it, be cool, bro. Help us out.

Send that bill to the landlord, not the fucking artist here trying to make something happen in the kitchen. We are just the lamest pirate ship. Absolutely. It's very quesadilla heavy economy in this house. I don't have curtains. I have a blanket with holes in it

that I'm hanging on nails that were already in the walls. Yeah, my don't have curtains. I have a blanket with holes in it that I'm hanging on nails that were already in the walls. Yeah, my closet is like outside of my room and my closet is 25 feet from my room. Yeah, I didn't realize how bad it was

until I brought a lady over and then I was just like, oh God, how have I been living like this? I'm not a man. I have no respect for myself as a human being. Everybody who lives here

has a girlfriend but I'm the only one without an actual room so I'm the only one without an actual room. So I'm the only one who can't fuck here. Oh, yeah. Jeez, man. I mean, that's the plan. We're all trying to fuck at the same time and summon Satan on the roof.

I think it will form a pentagram of lovemaking. I think it's a good testament. If a woman comes here and is okay with it, she's a ride or die. It's good. You made it through one of the filters. Yeah. Agreed. Like the Drake equation for finding life outside the solar system anyway uh would you guys rather a never get a tv

show or be a successful sitcom that sucks i speak for everyone when i say successful sitcom that sucks yeah it's good enough for pat and it's good enough for us hey yeah exactly man i'll be the king of queens if i get to fucking you know well sure yeah yeah and ramsey frankly you're in the most dangerous that happening because you have a fantastic haircut and I do. Your people are very in right now.

Oh Jesus. Which I mean homosexual. Am I right everybody? Oh up top. That's good stuff. It's funny because gay is bad.

It's funny because gay is bad. Just gay is bad? That's that city that's right like north of San Diego where kind of like I thought gay is bad is like where city that's right like north of San Diego I thought gay as bad Is like where they send them in the Middle East

Yep he's in the fucking internment camp And gay as bad It's right next to Faglucha Alright someone writes Can you post some links to his music Ramsey tell them about your past life And the record you played on Yeah sure if you want to listen to some of my old my old bands uh you can go to spotify and look

up a band called this wild life i played bass on the first two records i get choked up when i talk about it because of how much money they're currently making yeah and by the way ramsey when he was an uber driver briefly uh you had a two women get into your car and then put on a song that you played bass on yeah oh yeah it was a real it's the real it's the opening scene of my movie there's no doubt about that that's a biopic moment right there jesus and they didn't believe me that i played in the band they thought i was some crazy guy that's fucking brutal your regular pete exploding best so yeah this wildlife look them up they're amazing i believe they're in europe right now also one time uh r Also, one time Ramsey was giving one of the members shit about his tweet. He's just tweeting nonsense and getting a bunch of retweets.

And he's like, let's do a test. So he tweets Ramsey's most popular tweet word for word to see if it tops him. And within five minutes, he gets three times as many retweets. It's absurd. Go check out Ramsey. But I always pin tweet. It's about the president and Screamo. It's very funny.

Yeah, thanks, man. All right. Some plugs. Hey, check out that pinned tweet. It's about the president and Screamo. It's very funny. Yeah, thanks, man. All right. Some plugs. Hey, check out that one tweet. And that bandy's not in it anymore. I am promoting that tweet pretty heavily, so please check it out. We are here to promote a show on the Bad Audio Network, Tom's show. Check out Who Cares, Ramsey Badawi's podcast on the Bad Audio Network.

It's really fantastic. People say I'm dumb because I get all my news from Who Cares. I disagree. I think it's an excellent amalgamator of nonsense. Yeah, thanks, man. If you are interested in all the nonsense that's happening in D.C., I used to be a Republican political strategist. And now I don't give a shit. I hope the world explodes.

But I like to – yeah, it's fun. It's like if Adult Swim did an AM Talk radio show. That's exactly, oh, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about the podcast. Please check it out at the Bad Audio Network. Yeah, new episodes Sunday-ish. Yeah. All right. I have some dates to plug.

This weekend, December 9th and 10th, I'll be at Laughs Comedy Cafe in Tucson, Arizona. Again, that's one of my favorite comedy clubs. And then myself and Tom Goss will be embarking on the Merry Fuck Christmas Tour all across the Midwest. On December 12th, we'll be at the Sound Pony in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And by the way, if you want more details on any of these shows, go to our Twitter. We'll have the flyer up by then. There'll be a hilarious picture of me and Tom being dumb as fuck. On the 15th, I will be at Punchlines from the Squared Circle in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

This is one of Tom's favorite gigs, and it is because you perform inside of a boxing gym. That is fucking perfect. TJ Leland's in Pittsburgh, Candace on December 16th. The Blue Room Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri on the 17th. On the 18th, we'll be in Fort Smith, Arkansas doing fucking something. On the 19th, we'll be at the Shrine in Tosa, Oklahoma. On the 20th, we'll be at Lot 6 in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And closing it out, on the 21st,

we'll be at the Looney Bin in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where they will probably try to keep Tom. The day this comes out, December 6th, come to the Comedy Store for Roast Battle to see me fight Tom Goss, which will be a disaster. December 9th, I'll be at Barmageddon and Tulare headlining. December 9th, I'll be at Barmageddon and Tulare headlining.

December 17th, I will be at the Upright Citizens Brigade, the original location on Franklin, doing the Tournament of Nerds. So come check that out. That's all I got. Awesome. Yeah, just go to my website, RamseyBedawi.com. Check out all the dates there. Most of my stuff coming up is in the LA San Diego area So if you want to come out

Do that Let's see what else Also if you go to my website I'm selling this sticker That says unfortunately my president 2016 Oh yeah it's a very well designed funny sticker It's a fun sticker Half proceeds go to Planned Parenthood The other half go to Sally Mae

So if you can please help me that would be very nice Oh and stay tuned for a uh special ebook that may be coming soon from uh author conor mcspadden oh nice yeah i think that's gonna happen i don't know i'll throw out a little tease oh and i because just because i don't know if we're gonna be doing a full proper episode before that i'll be at the laugh factory in hollywood on december 28th please come to that if you're uh if you're in la and you want to see a show that's the one uh fantastic are we good everybody is that it yeah all right fuck everything god is dead oh everything God is dead

Oh Allah is dead So insensitive Thank you