Mean Boys - EP 43 - Business Casual Beetlejuice: A Christmas Spectacular (feat. Tom Goss)

Episode Date: December 21, 2016

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “The Holly Jolly Joke Off”, “Connor and Keith Corporate Gig”, “Carnokmas”, “Thomas The Slowman” and a game of “Which of the Following” with Christmas movie shit by Keith. Follow our guest Tom Goss on Twitter: http://twitter.com/gossgoss6 Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Visit us on the web at www.meanboyspodcast.com Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Donate to Planned Parenthood (ppaction.org/donate) We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (eataburrito.com) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Rogers Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fares, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday anywhere along the Go network. And the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online Go pass ahead of the show at gotransit.com slash tickets. the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online Go Pass ahead of the show at gotransit.com slash tickets. Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast, everybody. On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me divorce papers. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden.

And I'm... The lump of coal in the gene pool stocking. Oh, no. What were you called, AIDS, too? Maybe. Probably. Neither of you should be spread. Despite the fact you have the consistency of margarine i you know uh i agree with you i uh oh wow we've all accepted our fucking fate in life

for the holiday season i'm happy to say i'm the aids of spirituality so uh let's go all right we'll change your twitter bio immediately the aids of spirituality merry christmas is that is that a line from a punk song i wrote in my fucking notebook when i was 13 if you grow that mohawk you just start saying shit like that oh yeah i think i i think the nihilism comes in like a like some chia pet of fucking ideology yeah no it's like the bulbasaur thing where he's absorbing the sun. You look like a fucking defective candy cane. I am. Thank you.

Yeah, you're gonna do a solar beam of fucking Nietzsche quotes that you're butchering aggressively. Or like the first Gingerbread Man where it wasn't shaped right and they gotta like figure it out. Oh yeah, you're the first pancake of Gingerbread Man. It was cruel of the baker to have shaped you so. Well, uh, we're recording at one in the morning. Well, good of the baker to have shaped you so. Well, we're recording

at one in the morning. Well, good old the way Mean Boys used to do it. Connor has a festive winter cold and is about to head out for two weeks on the road. Yeah, and I'm taking the Greyhound Red Eye at 2.45 in the morning. The important thing is you sound terrible. Oh, I sure do. This time and temperature is when I thrive

the most, everybody. You know, like most burrowing mammals. Yes, the midnight chill. It brings out the best in time. I actually totally agree. Like, I was talking to somebody earlier at a mic where they were like, I'm so cold. I'm so miserable. I'm only functional when everyone else is unhappy.

Yeah. Just temperature-wise. Yeah. No, I love just watching people shiver and me just want to take my jacket off to upset them. Yeah, plus some shorts. You should not say I love watching people shiver when you're wearing to take my jacket off to upset them. Yeah, plus some shorts. You should not say I love watching people shiver when you're wearing that jacket and have that haircut.

I like the fear. Yeah, brings out the fucking English in me. I don't even know. Connor is slowly inching towards death's door, so I think it's time for a Holly Jolly joke-off. I ain't so festive. Holly Jolly joke-off. I ain't so festive. All right,

Holly Jolly joke-off, everybody. We've got some Christmas-themed jokes. I will go first. Yes. A mother is asking people on Facebook to send her daughter

with cancer Christmas cards. Said the little girl, quote, Nice try, but I asked for an Xbox, you cheap bitch. Oh, man. Capitalism has ruined

the youth of America. A Muslim-owned restaurant in London is offering a free Christmas dinner to the homeless and the elderly. The Iranian owner says, All are welcome. Enjoy the Allah snack bar. We got an Allah snack bar, guys. Allah garden. When you're there, you're merry within your family.

I assume that's something those people do. Yeah, I like what we just did. You know, gross ones. Yeah, you get it. All right. Why was I clarified? You're already there. A Charlie Brown poster featuring Bible verses was taken down from a public school.

The teacher was outraged by the political correctness saying, Good grief, I hate these Charlies and Browns. Oh my God, Tom. That's an exceptional joke. This is my time of the... This is my time of the... By the way, we told Tom he was doing this about 19 minutes ago.

Yeah, I like between the fact that it's one in the morning and that Connor's a little sick. It sounds like a very NPR. Oh yeah, everyone's sleeping, you know, it's all the Sidney Lou Who's at raves, you're off fucking with their glasses of war milk. Tonight on the Mean Boys Holiday Bonanza, we explore the

origins of Kwanzaa. And a local man in Portland, Maine makes Hanukkah candles out of the jizz of his cats. ISIS kills children. I don't think you know how NPR works. Your NPR is much more metal. It's actually, I think, mine's most attractive.

Yeah, Nihilist Public Radio. All right. North Korea has announced a new Christmas banner. Tom, what the fuck was that? Tom just looks at me and goes, Yeah, that was really upsetting. Yeah, okay. Never a again do that

why am i talking like you i get sick and it's late and i was like you're never gonna do that my powers are peaking jesus christ your aura is so strong his mohawk is standing up but he's glowing is he going super saiyan his chromosome count is over 9 000 all right north korea has announced a new christmas beverage a liquor made from the bones Is he going super sane? His chromosome count is over 9,000. All right. North Korea has announced a new Christmas beverage, a liquor made from the bones of bears and tigers. Kim Jong-un credited the new holiday treat to North Korea's new secretary of mixology, a scary witch. Dude, some fucking tiger bone vodka? I don't even drink.

I want to fucking try that. That sounds metal as shit. Are you supposed to mix it with soda or something or just drink it straight? I think with a fancy liquor like that, you wouldn't want to put some Dr. Pepper in it

when it probably costs a thousand million pesos. Yeah, I mean, also, this is North Korea and it for sure does not exist. I drink... Yeah, and it's for sure for eight people.

The North Korean government says insane nonsense all the time that doesn't really happen. This is really sad, but the other Thanksgiving I was drinking out of a giant plastic jug of vodka. Don't you dare speak more words. My parents are like, my mom was like, hey, have you?

Well, you were doing this at a family Thanksgiving. And I want to clarify, it's not like Tom's family lives in a shack. No, my family owns a really expensive home in Orange County. No, well, for Tom, the Christmas table at Thanksgiving is just a cardboard box outside. Or the kids table. She goes, wouldn't you like some good vodka? Have you ever had good vodka? And I was like, no.

I don't want any. It's great vodka. She just kind of sulked away like I've raised a monster. Yeah, well, she didn't want to tell you that was rubbing alcohol, you fucking moron. It was hydrogen peroxide, alright? By the way, there's a bar that we used to do shows at a million years

ago. They had this jug of like gin with like a scorpion inside of it. And it was like $10 for a scorpion shot. And my friend did one. He's like, yeah, it's just fucking vodka. I don't know. It didn't grow a tail or anything so yes fuck you kim jong-un that'll show him you're up stop trying to impress dennis rodman with your fancy liquor oh yeah god i suck today a new ad campaign by porno suggests the site can help comfort those spending christmas alone the campaign also advises those who find a lump of coal in their stocking after their services to immediately consult a urologist.

I have a joke off Showdown. Uh-oh. Unless you didn't hit the pornhub. You didn't write a joke about cumming coal? I don't have a show off for this. Pornhub has debuted a Christmas-themed advertisement. The holiday spirit continues with new videos, The Little Cummerboy, Grandma Got a Train Run by the Reindeer, and Shane Diesel's Quads Adventure.

I got one of those references. Which one? The ran a train on grandma or whatever you said. Okay, close enough. Yeah, I was really hoping it was Shane Diesel. I had no idea what that was. Shane Diesel follows me on Twitter and we talk sometimes. I was about to say, I would hope you could guess from context clues.

It sounds like a porn star. That's correct. Yeah, well, Tom. Ace detective work. Well done. Hey, I would hope you could guess from context clues. It sounds like a porn star. That's correct. Yeah, well, Tom. Ace detective work. Well done. Hey, I'm peaking. I don't like that you keep saying that when you're not on Ecstasy. Celine Dion has gone public about her dismay of her first Christmas without her husband.

The general public has responded with, this is terrible. Celine Dion is still alive. I saw it coming a mile away i couldn't you know that scene in austin powers when like the guy sees the steamroller coming but just stands there and screams for a really long time oh yeah listening to that joke felt like you know what you know you know what every other conversation with tom is like the scene in austin powers where he tries to get it out of the hallway in that tiny little cart. I've been waiting for you guys to call me on really having one good joke structure

on this show. Yeah, you got one move. Yeah, you're like, look, I'm not going to do any more positions. I'm just going to fuck you real hard from the front. Yeah. Look, I'm good at doggy and nothing else. Continue. All right. Enjoy this hairy belly friction. But I put a dog in your pussy.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Hey, he fits better than I do. Yeah, he's wearing fucking antlers like the Grinch's dog. Speaking of which, not really, a video of a squirrel stealing 150 Christmas lights

is going viral. Tom Goss said on Twitter, I need him and I can't find the whiskey in my basement after the sun goes to bed and I thought the kasha would make me incognito.

You got my rambling side. Incognito. Well, yeah, you would definitely, if you were trying to say incognito, you'd definitely be like, yeah, I'm just trying to say magneto. And then we'd say, that's a villain from the X-Men. You'd be like, yeah, he's sneaky. This is a conversation that you haven't had yet that you're going to.

So just accept that I've cracked your codes. All right, close it out strong, Tom. All right. A woman has put up 10,000 rainbow-colored Christmas lights in response to her homophobic neighbor, ironically using the correct voltage to make her son straight again. Oh, my God. Tom, that might be the funniest joke you've ever written. I don't even mean on here.

I mean, ever. Like, stand up. Oh, my God. You, like, you fuddled across the finish line. It was still so funny. I wrote that literally, like, after Cotter called me. Dude, that's so fucking funny. I'm like

mad. Damn it, Tom. Thank you, guys. I wanted you to suck really bad and make me look better, but I just... I'm peaking. Man. Okay, stop saying... Stop. Yeah, it's what you said when you were outside those curtains as well. All right. I'm peaking.

You got another one? No, I already did. I did my were outside those curtains as well. All right. I'm peaking. You guys have another one? No, I already did. I blew my third one in the joke. Do you have another one? I got one more. Do it. All right. Well, we can definitely top the best joke in the show's history.

This will surely go great. You guys will get it. Domino's has canceled its... Okay, fine. Okay. I'm glad we did this. You can cut this out. Domino's has cancelled its reindeer delivery system

because of the rowdiness. Apparently these reindeer were all dashers. What? That means nothing. What you just said makes negative sense. I just want you to know how I feel when I read your jolly jokes for kids. Tom just doubled down on a 21.

Like, that's what Tom just did. What? Dash it. What do you think of Dasher? What? Dashers is that porn site that Pornhub was advertising, right? Oh. It's Dazzers.

I know. It's Brazzers. Yeah, everyone got it. We're putting lipstick on a pig here. Speaking of which, Tom, you need to take a shower. On Brazzers. Yeah, everyone got it. We're putting lipstick on a pig here. Speaking of which, Tommy, you need to take a shower. On Brazzers, on Bang Boss. On Naughty America, on Plumper Pass, I guess. Hell yeah, Plumper Pass.

Can we get sponsored by Plumper Pass? Is that possible? We've plugged Plumper Pass and Shane Diesel. This has truly been a great episode. You guys are saying something. Merry Christmas, everybody. And a happy new year. The mean boys will return, unfortunately.

Unfortunately. Thomas the Slow Man was a dark and tortured soul. With a blonde mohawk and a stocky build In the body of a troll Thomas the Psycho Is an urban myth they say He was locked away but the children know How he broke free one day

There must have been some magic In that big old wrench he found For when he hit the nurse's head he escaped from the grounds Oh, Thomas the Slow Man was a free man once again And the children say he could laugh and play like a real imaginary friend Thumpity-thump-thump, thumpity, thump, thump Tom put down that cat Thumpity, thump, thump, thumpity, thump, thump

That cat really hates that Thomas the Slowman knew police were on their way So he said, let's run and we'll swing some cats before I have to go away. Down to the village with a tabby in his hand. Running here and there all around

the square saying, does anybody want this cat? He led them down to the streets of town, right to the taco truck. And he only paused a moment when he heard him say, No, seriously, what the fuck? For Thomas, the slow man, had committed several crimes.

But he waved goodbye, saying, Don't you cry, I'll get your new cat sometime. Thumpity, thump, thump, thumpity, thump, thump, pounding on the walls. Thumpity, thump, thump, thumpity, thump, thump. He can make outside calls.

Merry Christmas, everybody. That was perfect. I loved it. Thanks, Tom. Yeah, I hope no one ever frames me for something. Well, you should have read the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Ranger one about you killing the president. Quang! The Mean Boys podcast is back.

We got a special little treat for you for the middle segment of today's Christmas Spectacular. It's a little unconventional. Me and Mr. Keith Carey were booked to do a corporate event and we were to roast the members of this particular company dressed as Santa Claus and an elf. Yeah. And I want to clarify, because you're about to hear some real weapons grade failure. It's not

great, believe it or not. And by not great, we mean possibly the worst show either of us has ever done. I think they're underselling it. I've never been pulled off stage early. I've never been pulled off stage early i've never been like you know like gone under my time and gotten kicked off we got a hard fucking hand cut to the neck you'll hear it in the audio at the end yeah we uh we were told to roast these people i asked the boss i was like hey can we go hard because i showed him videos of what we do and

oh yeah we gave him every warning he was like yeah go as hard you want. And we got about three good minutes out of them before they all turned on us. Oh, there was one we got to, we were going around and we were kind of just doing our little fucking shtick and then one guy was just not having it. He was just like not, you know, a good sport about it. And then everyone was like, oh, I didn't know we could hate this. And then let's do that. And then... I mean, people were

like, they were shouting at us. One lady was telling us to sing Christmas songs. I don't want to spoil it, but just we were all we knew is we were supposed to roast people at a realty company. And by the way... We were given information on them to roast them. They gave us pictures of these people. It looked like Trump's cabinet pics. It was just all unlovable white fucks.

Yeah, it's truly the biggest... I've never been so happy to bomb in front of a room full of monsters. The only thing I do regret is that I wish I could have hang on it longer and ate more of their crab cakes and gotten a free caricature done by the caricaturized. We did steal an outrageous amount of hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. We also made big gay fancy Christmas coffees with whipped cream and cinnamon sticks and candy

canes in them that we didn't even want. Oh yeah, they were just there and I was just like, look yeah, exactly on principle. We turned down what was easily a free $100 a plate dinner because we could not stay there any longer or we would yeah exactly on principle we turned down like what was easily a free like a hundred dollar plate dinner because we could not stay there any longer or we would have been beaten my blood was on fire with just pure shame yeah we we really ate a dick and if you're wondering why you can't hear my voice it's because i wasn't there that's correct you were you were in spirit so this is

edited up a little bit but let's hear con Connor and Keith bombing at the Christmas corporate event. I got Santa and his devil. All right. Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers. Give it up for your host, Joe. Yeah, one more time for Shady and the E your host, John. I am a true real already. We're gonna get you fired John, not burned. I am as much of a floor with Santa, I think Santa usually has a beer, keep fuckers in some of the houses and this is the best you get. Yeah, get your numbers up if you want me to party next to you, you guys gotta deal with it.

Santa's gotta take pills to grow the beard, it's like you're on some fake pills that get hard. Yeah, it's uh, I gotta say this is a nice party but it's still the lamest Trump rally I've ever been to. Look at all these white people. USA! USA! We're already chanting USA. I know we're in Orange County, but holy shit. Yeah, if you're chanting USA, you stole real estate, but that mustache clearly lives in a trailer. Look at that thing. Oh my god. There was a beach shot in USA too.

Really? No. Jesus Christ. We pulled up in the park this late at night. I don't understand what this place is. I feel like this is where rich people go to hunt for beef. Yeah. We saw some zebras out there and someone's gonna give us a Bowie knife and be like, alright, this is the most dangerous thing.

Fend for yourself, okay? Honestly, half of those zebras is the closest a black person has ever come to this farm. Yeah. And honestly, I thought the Illuminati would be way cooler, but this is just hanging out with my non-fun aunts. So, the reason Florida Santa was called here tonight is just about everybody in this room is on my naughty list. That's right, I have a naughty list. You get what you pay for. It's a fucking notebook, deal with it. Normally we deliver coal to naughty boys and girls, however, the help of the coal, his car broke down, so we're going to roast the shit out of all of them. That's all you get, everyone's ready for that? Yeah!

Alright, three of them. This is going to be interesting. So let's see, wow, first name on the naughty list, John **** himself, everybody. John, welcome. Give a round of applause for John ****. Wow, these people really love you. That was a very reluctant round of applause. Yeah, he writes the checks, so why didn't we guess? I heard John is dating a much younger woman, which is cool.

She's 65. I guess John likes his women like he feel like it's his hairline. He's a rebel. Yeah. It certainly does. That's fantastic. I don't know if you're embezzling, but you're certainly hiding some offshore pounce in your neck. My God, look at your jowls.

He looks like a bulldog on his way to, like, a corporate party. That's adorable. Exactly. Yeah, I didn't know Pastor Tom played golf and didn't pay attention to his shoulders. We're going to be coming out to the crowd and talking about you. We're still ****. By the way, you look like the chief of staff from House of Cards. I don't know if you ever told them that.

If it wasn't bad enough to be the only Jew on Christmas. Phil, a little birdie told me you went to USC. Is that correct? I did. That feels ironic since I can't imagine you ever needing a Trojan. Yeah. He doesn't plug, is the joke. Yep. Doesn't matter, not at all, right?

Completely ridiculous for aesthetic purposes only. Honestly, just enjoy your last dinner before Trump sends you to the camps. I, uh, frankly, yeah. Uh, I just told you to to the camps. Frankly, yeah. I've just told you to make the womanizer, but I feel like you're more like little boys in a striped pajamas. Oh my god, wow. Yeah, it's crazy. Buckle up. We're about to get you on fire. Who we got? Brian Garvin.

Where's Brian Garvin? Oh, right here. So we put all the versions in one tank. You look like the fuck's Guy Spieri. Brian, if you're here, who's running a hookah bar right now? I don't know if that's a spray tan or if you're just really trying to hide the fact that you're secretly part of a rink and running all these white people. What I love is that the real estate market crashed the housing market.

It's still the grossest thing a realtor has ever done is grow that beard. Yeah. Looks like someone shaded your face incorrectly. I've heard you're into karaoke, is that correct? You should really stop believing it. Yeah, I mean, your kids were worried about you. Alright, moving on. We're at Rock and Sammy. I've heard you guys were. Rock and Sammy! Rock and Sammy. I've heard you guys were... Brock and Sammy.

Brock and Sammy. Be nice tonight. We are for sure not going to be nice. I'm also stealing somebody's... well, not the salad. I'll steal them when you get good food. Alright. Hi ladies, how much do they pay you to be here tonight? Oh, for f***'s sake! By the way, your name is Brock S***er. so you got out of gay porn to get into real estate? Is your brother's name Dick Pisspunch?

Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Sammy, I can't tell if you're trying to be a pedophile or a pamphlet. I truly have no idea. I do think that we should give the Snagger a round of applause for being progressive enough to hire a gay couple in Orange County. I mean, it's damn great. Very progressive, good for you guys. Sammy, you look like every kid that ever yells, My dad's a lawyer!

My brother's a lawyer. Did you take your cover, or did you just let her out of the ship and get hammered? And by the way, I don't know what you're doing after the show, but I feel like there's a 100% chance it's disposing of your dead wife's body in a boat somewhere. Who else? Merry Christmas, everybody. Hot white murder riffs. Yeah.

All right, who's next on the naughty list? Brian! Oh, God. Brian, genuine question. Do you always dress like a piece of shit, or is your scowl band playing after us? Right after. Do you work for the Hot Topic division?

What are you doing? You're a grown man. Yeah, they only have my size. You look like a tumor somebody cut off of Mitt Romney. Why are your pants tighter than the ones being worn by a man named Brock Stryker? You look like a roadie for Green Day. You're at a Christmas party with a nose. What are you doing?

Take that hat off. I want to see what you're working with. Oh, good Christ. Your hair looks embarrassed. Yeah. Take the bald spot. Oh, okay. It's shaped like Africa.

It's not a bald spot. You have a hair spot around the rest of it. Your forehead is too big to fail. Thank you. Yeah, that's still the largest property you've ever sold to whoever you're fucking with. You have a hair spot around your forehead is too big to fail I'm just using it for his money until he dies of a coke overdose like the rest of these women Do you have a problem business casual Beetlejuice please? Hey guys, I'm sorry I'm being heckled by his humor while I'm trying to spread Christmas cheer. Hang on, everybody.

This human wine cooler is trying to talk. Please proceed. I just use it for semen for my two beautiful children. There is better semen. I bet you mixed it with pumpkin spice before they turkey-based it into your vagina, you basic bitch. Also, there's got to be better semen in this room.

Yeah, seriously. Like, I feel like John's semen is probably better and it comes out as powder at this point, so... He just combs ghosts. We're killing with Brock Stryker. That's amazing.

The games love us, whatever you guys think. Brock Stryker and all the other fucking Street Fighter characters at this table. All right, who's next on the list? Jason! Jason! You took time out of your busy schedule of villainizing Harry Potter to be here.

What's that drink going on, boy? I have the good version of you and the evil version of you. I know. I didn't want to roast Potter me. This is rude. Jason, you look like the Hitler Youth that's in charge of the arts and crafts division. Oh yeah, my god. Everyone else here is using salad dressing, I feel like you just sprayed

Axe on that. Jason is actually a diversity hire, he's a string cheese American. Ryan, where you at? Ryan's over here, right here. He's American. Ryan, where are you at? Ryan, over here. Right here. So this is Kevin Spacey with an extra chromosome. That's cool. Check your notes.

What do you got? I'm sorry. I've never roasted a rich picnic table before. Give me a second. I've got to work my way up to it. Ryan, you look like you're allergic to everything. Yeah. By the way, we have to have NUS to prove that boring. Literally 80% of you have the same face. We're doing our best.

I, uh, I've heard Ryan's the father, which means that there's a poor woman out there with a mashed potato fetish. I didn't know that existed. How many kids do you have? One. One. One. You're raising a beautiful kid. I wonder when he's going to find out who the father actually is. That's original.

Wait, what? He has three girls on the way? He has all my girls on the way. Okay, how much do they cost? Like $2,000 an hour? I don't know what the rates are for everyone. It's going to be expensive. All right, moving on.

We've only got a few people left here. Alan, where are you at? Alan. Okay, hopefully he's more fun than me and Kevin Spacey. It's bitch. Come on. Where did that name come from? It's Italian.

Oh, okay. It's Italian for, I think, faggot? Okay. I wasn't exactly sure. You look like Ryan Seacrest gave up. Has anyone ever told you that? No. Once?

Okay. Right now? Yeah. Our source at the North Pole says you're a bit of a gossip around the office. You know, they say loose lips sink ships. It's also why your wife doesn't let on your yacht anymore. She got a bad vagina, everybody. I don't know if you guys got that one.

Bad vagina. All right, well, if you don't like that, you're going to hate these ones. Where's Mia? Hey, we're not just roasting chestnuts this year, okay? Leave Dan on us. Did she go into hiding? Is she in the tunnels? What happened? Oh, she's over there? Over there, okay. Hey, what's up? Oh, hey, how's it going, sports guy? Did you win a golf championship?

Oh. Hey, I got a Hague 10 from this lady. She's cool. You gotta get past your servers. By the way, we win the creepy news eating all the crab cakes in the corner, alright? Well, it's so much fun we'll steal so much more. We're very poor, uh, or as you guys call poor people, the N-word. I'm not exactly sure. Alright, being a. Hi, are you a fellow winner? Is this- gotta be a. Everyone's pointing over here, cause I'm about to feel real racist.

I'm a fam! Oh, fam, I was gonna- You guys can't tell the Asians apart, what's happening? Why would he have an Asian in him? Uh, I don't know. I'm assuming it's in one of those gay guys' pants. Uh, we could, uh... Alright, well we've got real weird Asian things, so if we were speaking to somebody else,

it'd be so sobbing. Uh... By the way, with all the creepy old white kids in this office, how buff is your tricep muscle? I just wanna know. Like, you're the only open house that's with houses and happy endings. That's amazing. No, no, no. She's a great agent. She showed me a house the other day. It had a yard, a dog, a kitchen.

We don't sell houses. You don't sell houses? Well, that shirt should have been in the fucking email. But you know what? So just hand drops. You only sell the hand drops. Then the house should be like a hobby. Just to be a regular dog. Yeah, it's like being a realty company.

Sold the houses. My bad. it's like being a nickel. Realty companies sold houses. My bad, bass player for a nickel bag. You know I met you. Have you seen your beard? Yeah. This is Joel McHale, his less attractive brother. This is what we're dealing with.

Can anyone hear us? I don't know. Sorry. I didn't know that code research affected hearing. Oh, this lady's laughing too hard, which means that's actually probably true. No, wait, dude. He's got kids. All right, who's the other one? I think you're the only person who didn't really dress up. What do you mean you wouldn't go jogging?

I'd wear a shirt on. You're a red shirt, but so do I, motherfucker. I'm the Jewish guy, remember? Oh, that's right. So you don't have to wear a tie? That's not how it works. Yeah, but so do I, motherfucker. I'm a Jewish guy, remember? Oh, that's right. So you don't have to wear a tie. That's not how it works. Yeah, you gotta wear like three ties. You're gonna get out of Jew free, Carter.

That's not how it works. There's still rules, dude. Yeah, man. I mean, you can't just sue me for a rodeo. All right, me and Adam. Hey, sorry about this. And please, you know, blame us. We're not the kind of artists, right?

When you file your sexual harassment lawsuit in a few weeks. Adam s***. Where's Adam s***? You've been very nice. Adam s*** here. I'm sorry, but I don't see any shitty names, alright? Adam s*** right there. Adam s*** right there.

Adam s***. Adam s***. Adam s***. Adam s*** sounds like a shitty mom you buy on TV. Alright, so that's you back there. Adam, you look like a ghost that ha buy on TV. Alright, so that's you back there. Adam, you look like a ghost that haunts an Applebee's. My God.

Chili's. Chili's. Chili's? Okay, excuse me. I'm going to go to a TGN Friday, but you know what? Do your own thing. It's going to be true. I heard you're a poker player. Is that true? What? Alright, you lost. Adam, you're a poker player, right?

That makes sense to me. I feel like you're definitely not straight. Yeah, you look like you're afraid of spades. Oh, thank you, sweetie. I really appreciate that. You're losing your man when you meet someone four years younger than you. Yeah, I'm not that young. Oh man, this is falling apart. Alright, well, I guess that's back. I have to stand up for myself. Look, the important thing is we're still getting paid.

Yeah. You guys still have more money than I'll ever have in my life in your wallet right now. You guys don't sell houses, and I'll go real fucking mad about it. What do you guys sell? Building. Okay. Great. Great. The less fun version of houses.

Fantastic. Where's Susie's a** at? Oh no. Hey, okay. Hey bud, I need to assess what that sound was. I'm sorry, don't do your fuckin' Tyra Banks finger at me when I try to do my job, lady. Oh no, you didn't. Like, what was that all about? Like, is she gonna fight us? What's gonna happen?

Close your butt. I just, I thought Carly Fiorina got out of the public eye, I didn't know. You look like every teacher, like, elementary school, like, lowkey had a bonger for but also was afraid of. A little bit. I'm like, guys, I know everyone loves her so we should give her a round of men applause. I think that would be really nice of you guys. And I just want to say I am so excited about your new cooking show with Snoop Dogg. I think that's going to be fantastic.

One more time for Marcia Stewart, everybody. Yeah, she's great. You guys want to sing some Christmas carols? Yeah, no one gives a fuck about you. Sit down. Oh my god. Sit down, girl lady. This isn't your birthday. You're not wearing a sash. Let's bring some Christmas cheer. Christmas carols. Yeah, we were doing that

and then you kind of fucked it up. Yeah, we can actually talking about Christmas Carols. We need some Christmas Carols! Is it hard not getting attention for being mediocre for five fucking minutes? Yeah, it's so hard. It's so hard. It's really hard. Hey guys, give it up for the participation trophy wife right here!

She is awesome! She is mediocre! Oh well you're probably gonna hate when you remember this tomorrow like you do. Drink another red lime sweet and go back to bed. You've got kids to let your nanny raise. Don't let us not do it. Oh, shit. Get the fuck out. You're done. You're done.

Alright, well, goodbye. So, everybody, in closing, Merry Christmas. Thank you for the craft case. Probably not going to stay for a caricature. But if we plan on, probably going to grab another roll cake coffee on the way out. Big shout out to Brock and Sammy. You guys are dope as shit. What's up, guys?

Thanks for being the fun ones. And we're so sorry. Have a good night, everybody. Oh, my God. Okay, it's about time for Christmas. Before I go, I'm going to make a little Christmas joke to end it out. This year, Oh,, God. That was brutal.

I thought it was going to be good for the first five minutes. It started off pretty fun. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that way I mean oh my god, I was going in on that lady Wow that was amazing that was fucking great Towards the night before Christmas in 2016. The country was angry and the people were mean.

The snow fell and fell, piling higher every hour, as our story began at the top of Trump Tower. Donald J. Trump was a greedy old soul. Where most men have a heart, he had a black hole. He hated the Muslims, Mexicans, Jews. When he ran for president, everyone thought he would lose. They pointed and laughed. They yelled and they cussed. Those liberals, they raised such a terrible fuss. But when it came time for America to select, Donald J. Trump was the president-elect. He sat in his penthouse, alone in the night, planning new ways to make America white.

He dined on cold porridge and baby seal skin and talked to himself with a milk-curdling grin. I showed all those losers, he said with a smirk. They all tried to stop me, but nothing could work. I'm rich and I'm great. I'm really fantastic. Then he did his impression of the reporter who was spastic. It's Christmas tomorrow. I don't even care. He said as he fixed his impossible hair.

They say I'm alone because of my greed, but the love of my money is all that I need. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Then two knocks came, even louder than before. Who's there? He said as he reached for his hand cannon. Is it that spooky hobgoblin Steve Bannon? Then the

door burst open. The heavy wood splintered. Trump fell to his knees Is it that spooky hobgoblin Steve Bannon? Who are you? Trump said with a quiver. The man said, I don't believe in ghosts. To deliver. I am the ghost of the American dream. You may have killed me, but I eternally scream. I don't believe in ghosts, Trump said with a sneer. I'll call the Secret Service and they'll come over here. The spirit ignored him. His words held no sway.

Donald, he said. It's nearly Christmas Day. Tomorrow will be a Christmas of white. But you will be visited by three spirits tonight. Perhaps this is the only way you'll ever learn the error of your ways. The windows all shattered, Trump shouted in shock, and then a low, surly voice spoke and said, Hail Carnock. In a puff of black smoke, a boy did appear, a boy of sixteen with a bone-chilling sneer.

On his palm with a switchblade, he carved 666, then rubbed the fresh blood on a small crucifix. The walls started crackling, the air, it grew vile. That mean old man Trump lost his once cocky smile, and they heard a voice so loud all of New York could hear.

I am the Bloodfeaster! Tremble in fear! The fireplace flooded with vomit and semen then it exploded apart and there stood the demon he was hulking and scary no matter who you are dressed head to toe like a member of guar feeble earth weasel with skin made of leather your heart is much colder than this terrible weather your false messiah's festival is at hand but all is not well at this nation you command holy fuck it's the devil said donald j trump he tried to run and he tried to jump but the devil boy dawson and the first

spooky spirit blocked out the doorway and he couldn't get near it okay i get it he whimpered and cried i'll change my ways i think it's a lie we're not here to save you the bloodfeaster yelled your soul is condemned and you're coming to hell. With one powerful hand, Carnock sees Trump, holding him airborne like a powerless lump. On the wall, Tyler drew a chalk pentagram portal, and the three pass through it, leaving the realm of the mortal. They emerged in a kingdom of fire and pain. All around them, the sounds of screaming and chains. You'll never return to your gold-plated tower.

Here you are nothing. I will show you true power. With a wave of his hand, Karnak summoned his forces, an army of eternally melting human corpses. They held Donald down and tore off his clothes while he cried like a bitch and snot ran from his nose. When he was stripped all the way, he was strapped to a table. His limbs were spread eagle. To move, he was unable. Ha ha ha! Is that penis really all you've got? That's the worst dick I've seen, and I've cut off a lot. Carnock belittled the president more, while Tyler Dawson rummaged through his hardware drawer. He pulled out a drill made by Black & Decker, and slowly slid the bit up the hole in Trump's pecker.

While Trump screamed in pain and his penis hole bled, Carnock knelt close and leaned in and said, Welcome to the Dominion of Pain! Here you will bleed until you go insane! Such terrible wonders we have in store! We're gonna pour bleach in your open sores. You may have won the election somehow, but middle America won't save you now! Scream all you want, dude. Carnock's not worried.

You have no filter, but I have no mercy. Well, what say you now, Trump? But there were no words from Trump, only a terror-filled dump. He shat and he pissed and he wept and he prayed, and Carnock just laughed as he sharpened his blade. You are a coward,

just as I figured. Then he nodded to Tyler, who pulled the drill's trigger. The drill spun and spun, decimating Trump's cock. Carnock shot him with adrenaline so he didn't go into shock. Unable to die, Trump watched his dick shred. A piece of the tit flew off and hit his head. The rest of the meat flew off into the dark, where Carnock's slave feasted on it like a pack of sharks. He drilled deep and hard until the battery died, then stepped back and surveyed his work with deep pride. What once had been something resembling a dick now was only a hole red as the robe of Saint Nick.

Dawson, my servant, you have done your job well. Truly you have earned a seat of honor in hell. Then Connock seized the wound, thick and gushy, and grabbed that bitch Trump by his newly made pussy. I will tear the flesh from your bones! I'll buttfuck Melania until she moans. When we finish with you, we'll turn our sights on Pence! I'll beat him to death

and leave his body on a fence. Please, let me die. You beg for death? Never! This is your punishment and it is forever! And then with a blood-feasted bowling ball grip, Connock hauled back and he let her rip. Trump's body did soar through the blood-red hell skies, and a

bat swooped in quick and devoured his eyes. Then down he did tumble to a lake filled with fire, to burn evermore thanks to Karnak's true ire. This holiday season, be good to each other, or I'll burn your village. And I'll rape your mother. Holiday greetings from the depths of man's strife.

Merry Christmas to all. And to all a hot knife! And the Mean Boys podcast is back, and we will be closing the show today as we do every week with a special Christmas edition of which of the following? That's correct. That's what the Christmas man says, Tom. Yes. His name's Santa, dumbass.

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. In the Christmas spirit, i will be giving connor the gift of not having to do this fucking game for once in his life uh i've created which of the following uh this week's theme which of the following is not a real plot point from a christmas movie so we've got some real weird ones here's a good here's a good uh just note for the audience me and tom collectively have seen 14 movies yeah that, that's why I knew I could do this, because I still picked some obscure ones, but I could have gone much simpler. You could have done, like, all right, Tim Allen is Santa.

I would have been like, no way. On what world? He was a dog. He's busy hosting Tool Time. He was a dog? The Shaggy Dog. That's a film. It checks out.

All right, damn. All right, 15 movies. Although, you're for sure thinking of, like, Wild Hog Dog? That's a film. It checks out. All right. Damn. All right. 15 movies. Although you're for sure thinking of like Wild Hogs and him in a moment. Tom is always just right. So wrong. All right. So round number one, which of the following? By the way, that sounded like the worst love poem that his girlfriend wrote.

It really was. We ain't been going to write so wrong. Getting fingered by a wiener schnitzel. I don't know. Well, yeah, my actual fingers were sore. Yeah, I got stuck on my Rubik's Cube. Somebody switched the stickers again. It was me.

If Tom tried to build a Rubik's Cube, he would literally burst into flames. I've tried to solve Rubik's Cubes and... Three died. Cubes? No, human beings. You are correct on the cube. Well, they threw a lot of them at the wall

if you ever throw a rubik's cube at the wall it it really just explodes and it's magical wow oh fuck your plastic bag american beauty that's the most beautiful thing i've ever heard sentences like that make me so bummed that you live so close to me uh i uh i dated a girl kind of long distance in high school sort of uh for for a bit and then i finally met up with with her, and she had a basket of Rubik's Cubes she was solving real quick. And I was just like, I don't know. That's pretty cool. And the word for most Connor story of the year goes to... Yeah, it's a story with no ending and one vaguely interesting detail.

Mildly autistic and hella unentertaining. It's around 19 in the morning, all right? Fucking let me lose this game already. I'm peaking. Round one, which of the following did not happen in a real Christmas movie? Number one, a snowman uses his carrot nose. By the way, it's A. I don't know.

You probably haven't officiated as many games of Witch of Fallen. A. A. A snowman uses his carrot nose as a dildo and rapes a lady. Two. B. B. A murderer played by Gary Busey is reincarnated as a gingerbread man.

Fuck this. Oh, God. C. The baby Jesus is kidnapped by aliens. D. An elf castrates a pedophile. What's number one again? A.

A is a snowman uses his carrot nose as a dildo and rapes a lady. You know what? Gary Busey's too specific. You know, I gotta think that that isn't something that if Keith was gonna do a weird poll, I feel like it'd be something weirder. Although Gary Busey is pretty, I just don't think you can just think of Gary Busey.

Well, if you think of him three times while you look in a bathroom mirror, he appears. Remember Buddy Holly? Holy shit, prove to me Tom's not Gary Busey. Well, if you think of him three times while you look at a bathroom mirror, he appears. Remember Buddy Holly? Holy shit, prove to me Tom's not Gary Busey. I'm thinking of Beetlejuice. I don't have that kind of time. Gary Beetlejuice? My favorite is when Tom corrects you when you're adding a layer of comedy that he can't comprehend.

He's like, yeah, no, men and women are different because we have different chromosomes. Yeah, they call me the Riff Chipper. I'm going to say one. Okay, I know A is real. I'm going to say C. You know what? I'm going to change it to D. Well, okay. Connor, you're wrong twice. Tom is correct.

C, the baby Jesus is kidnapped by aliens is fake. snowman rape is from a film movie called jack frost gary bucey is from a movie called i shit you not the ginger dead man which is hilarious and d is from a movie called elves uh round number two all jingle all the way edition a no a arnold schwarzenegger punches a midget dressed as santa claus b arnold schwarzenegger drinks an entire gallon of eggnog at once c arnold schwarzenegger punches a midget dressed as Santa Claus. Oh, God. B. Arnold Schwarzenegger drinks an entire gallon of eggnog at once. C. Arnold Schwarzenegger is as cute as molesting a child in a mall on Christmas Eve. And D. Arnold Schwarzenegger fights a reindeer.

Which of these things did not happen in the movie Jingle All the Way? All right. Well, I don't know what me and Tom are doing in Missouri. Have you guys ever seen Jingle All the Way. All right. Well, I don't know what me and Tom are doing in Missouri. Have you guys ever seen Jingle All the Way? No. I don't even know what it is. Oh, my. Okay.

A hilarious story. Jingle All the Way is a Christmas movie made in the 90s starring, I shit you not, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad. And it is quite possibly the fucking dumbest, funniest movie ever made. Because, again, three of the things I just said happen in this movie, and those aren't really the most ridiculous things that happen in this movie. What's number B? Number B was Arnold Schwarzenegger drinks an entire gallon of eggnog in one sitting.

You know what? I'm going to go with four. Stop doing what you're doing. You're going with D, Arnold Schwarzenegger fights a reindeer. Okay. First off, it's B. But second off, I actually got into a hilarious conversation with my girlfriend last night where I asked her what her favorite movie is, and she said Jingle All the Way.

Get the fuck out. That explains so much why she's dating you. What? Because she likes things that are festive and retarded. She was like, Hangover didn't laugh once. Jingle All the Way the whole time.

Jingle All the Way is an amazing movie. You're correct. It's B. God damn. Dude. Which means in this movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger

punches a midget, is accused of molesting a child, and fights a reindeer. And I know exactly how all those scenes happened. Because that was the first thing that me and my siblings stole as a team, was that movie. It's an amazing movie.

You stole that movie? From where? I mean, we borrowed it. We stole things individually, but the first time the fucking Ocean's Eleven retard bandits got together was to steal a VHS. Well, we asked to borrow it from family friends that we didn't know, and we weren't giving it back. And it was also the last movie I saw in a psych ward. Wow. Neato. Well, there you go. I'm glad.

I think it was also written in a psych ward. Alright, round number three. A. Santa is unfrozen from an ancient iceberg and terrorizes Finland. B. What a weird place to terrorize. B. Adam Sandler is to terrorize. B.

Adam Sandler is frozen in human poop and licked free by a team of reindeer. C. A Mexican cowboy spends the holidays doing battle with the Feliz Navi undead. And D. Hitler is visited by three spirits on Christmas who convince him to cancel the Holocaust. What's A again? A is Santa is unfrozen from an ancient iceberg and terrorizes finland i gotta go d i'm gonna go a the correct answer is d the hitler one yeah a is from a movie called rare exports a christmas tale apparently in finland there is a three-part movie

series about evil santa i like it b is uh a Crazy Nights and C is a movie called One Hell of a Christmas. What? I knew B was A Crazy Nights. I love that movie. That's a good movie when he's scratching up his car because he's drunk. That movie's dog shit. I don't understand you guys. All right.

Round number four, special TV edition, all-American horror story edition. Which of the following did not happen in a Christmas episode of American Horror Story? A. The Black Dahlia, two gay bondage enthusiasts, and the ghost of a school shooter decorate a Christmas tree. Dude, I fucking hate white women. B. Santa crucifies a priest and then attempts to sodomize Jessica

Lange. C. A disgruntled Jewish employee shoots up an office Christmas party. And D. A Christmas tree is decorated with the teeth of the mentally ill. Damn. Tom, your thoughts? I'm going to go ahead and let you go first since I know at least one of these is for sure real. Shit.

Let's see. C. A disgruntled Jewish employee shoots up an office Christmas party. And two. B. I hate you. Santa Claus crucifies a priest, then attempts to sodomize Jessica Lange. I think you threw in the name Jessica Lange to make it seem more real. Specificity.

So I'm going to say B. Specificity. You're saying which one? I'm going to say B. B, okay. And what was D again? D was a Christmas tree is decorated with the teeth of the mentally ill. one? I'm going to say B. B, okay. And what was D again? D was a Christmas tree is decorated with the teeth of the mentally ill. Okay, I'm going to say B, too.

The correct answer is C. A disgruntled Jewish employee shoots up an office Christmas party. That crucifying rape in Santa Claus is for real. Is that in a later season? That's in season two. It's an asylum. It's like the best part of season two. Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry. I didn't categorize it as the best. Yeah. I mean, yeah. It's Ian McSh's like the best part of season two Oh yeah I'm sorry I didn't categorize it as the best Yeah it's Ian McShane Plays the murder Santa I don't remember that I mean I don't know You were robbed for that role by the way Tom Yeah no that and the Christmas tree With the mentally ill people

No that I knew was season two It's the same episode I cannot fathom how you have seen the season of the show and don't remember this because it's like the most memorable. I fell asleep in some of the episodes. Well, you missed a doozy, my friend, because that is one of the most rape-heavy. Yeah, I don't know why Tom talks like this. He just falls asleep during horror media.

That's a great white noise machine for your fucking thought processes. Yeah, I mean, it's okay. All right. Well, he didn't even dispute me on that one. Last one. All real or all fake? A. A child watches Santa go down on his mother under the tree.

B. Santa fights the devil. C. Protesters stop an oil pipeline from destroying Santa's workshop. Or D. Several Santas are attacked by a man in a jetpack. Alright. I don't think I've seen any of these.

But I'm still gonna say all real. Because I think the pipeline thing's a reverse much of a call it. Yeah, reverse much of a call it. Not a much of a call it. A much of a call it? Yeah, reverse much of a call it. Not a much of a call it. A much of a call it.

Because I think we'd think, ah, pipeline, topical. And then it really is like, yeah, I double and you. All right. You know what? Okay. I got to say all real. The great answer is all real. The Going Down is from a movie called Christmas Evil.

Santa Fights the Devil is from a movie called Santa Claus vs. the Devil Oh, okay The One About the Pipeline is from The Night They Saved Christmas And Several Santas Are Attacked by a Man in a Jetpack Is once again, jingle all the way Oh, I have since I know, that's why you're watching

It's so wrong By the way, I'd like to say That we told Tom to write three Christmas-themed Holly Jolly Joke-offs today. And he's like, I'm having trouble Googling Christmas news because the N doesn't work on my phone. To which Keith replied, Google Christmas music Google sorted out. I also forgot one quick Tom story.

I don't think we shared. The power went out in our house. And then 30 seconds after he got this information, Tom just goes, are there marmots in L.A.? That's a legit question. Kind of. Okay. The Dakota people listening, I think you have marmots. Dakota fanning.

The South Dakota fanning. Marmots will eat anything. They're the only animal that can eat antifreeze. So maybe a marmot found a delicious electrical box. Have you tried to eat antifreeze? I feel like you're saying maybe a marmot when you mean Tom. Just saying. They'll eat fucking.

They'd eat. Yeah, I mean, somebody would hurt you spaghetti up on the roof, and then everything got dark. That's how marmots work, man. Fucking Zappuccino. My dad's always paranoid about the marmots work, man. Fucking Zappuccino. My dad's always paranoid about the marmots. Is a marmot a real animal, or is marmot just like what old-timey bathtub gin prospectors call raccoons? A marmot is a real animal. Okay.

There's certain animals where I'm like, are you sure you weren't just tired and saw a possum and decided it was a different thing? That's what I think half the time I see talk. A possum does not drink antifreeze it's a big problem in like real cold areas because the marmot will actually get in like underneath your car open up your uh antifreeze compartment i'm not good with cars and drink the antifreeze yes marmots are smarter than you what are you saying this is the most serious i've ever seen tom's face tom tom you can fuck with tom on a lot of things. You cannot do obscure animal facts or hockey trivia. When I was a kid, when I lived in San Diego for a year, we had to pass to the wild animal park. And halfway through the year, I was like seven.

I took a bear. When the new tour guides would fuck up, this is what Bruce told me like last year, I would correct them, and all the tour guides fucking hated me. Yeah, I tried. Yeah, Tom. Actually, well, fuck. The fat guy with the twitch has the floor. All right.

Well, you guys, I think that's it for our Christmas spectacular. Yeah, guys. A Merry Marmot Christmas to everyone. If you say so, champ. This drops on December 20th. Do you guys have anything to plug later than that? I'll be at the Laugh Factory in LA December 28th.

Come check that out. But I think it's pretty light for the end of the year. I'll be at the Virgil for Warp Zone December 27th. December 22nd, me and Connor at the Looney Bin last show in the Midwest. By the way, we got the tweet where you're like, oh, your Midwest tour is just two states. Well, you know, we drove 2,000 miles. You can meet us halfway.

Also, I was informed that the states that we're going to are not the Midwest. No, well well Arkansas is not But look it's in the middle and it's west of New York So that sounds good enough to me Alright well that makes as much sense as Tom's gonna make tonight I gotta say You know this was a little bit of a low key Ramshackle NPR episode of Mean Boys

But what a great year of Mean Boys it's been everybody It really has been Yeah all seriousness Thank you to everybody who listens to this show. Yeah. Yeah, we really appreciate it. It's been a crazy year. There's been some ups and some downs, but overall.

Ever since I went to Ireland and Tom replaced me and did a better job than I can ever do, he's just been an irremovable part of the show. No. Episode 14, Boom Boom Pineapple is one of my favorites. Boom Boom Pineapple One of my favorites I was like sequestering myself away from the beautiful rolling hills of my homeland, just listening to you not be able to explain magnets

and I'm just like, oh, I'm so happy Let's not forget about my first attempt to appear on The Mean Boys where I sent a hive advertisement Tom smokes weed about three times a year Oh, I forgot about that Tell them what happened with the the colors the first time oh uh the color orange hated me and i was hiding from it

and uh and you did not realize that was a prophecy of our political future but yeah besides that hey check out my podcast the don't think tank and uh i think i may find that ad that tom sent in while he was high. And by the way, one of the funniest parts about it to me is that there's a bed of music underneath it, which is a bed of music we had already used in the show before. And it plays for another three minutes after he's done talking. Yeah, we should try and plug that in if we can find it. Oh, I will find it.

Oh, man. And what was the fake email that you created ron winkler ron winkler bro yeah legendary character ron winkler yeah here's another problem the one you you sent another email from a different fake email address but you'd like ron winkler and then run winkles so i'm like this guy's pretending to be two different fake people no it wasn't look it was it wasn't that stupid. It was even dumber. It wasn't that stupid. It was more stupid. I put Tom. It was both from

Ron Winkler at Gmail, but I just said I forgot how the email address went on the second time I said it. Ron Wrinkleman. Ron Wrinkleman. Ron Wrinkleman. I think that's exactly what I said, but you said Winkleman instead of Winkles. By the way, Ron Wrinkleman I think that's exactly what I said But you said Winkleman instead of Winkles

By the way Ron Wrinkleman is going to be Nick Nolte's next character in whatever movie he plays We were talking about Gary Busey You dumb idiot God damn it Why do you never stop You were not talking about Nick Nolte You for sure thought I mentioned Nick Nolte earlier

No no no I don't know who Gary Busey is I know who Nick Nolte is They're the same person well then i'm right tom i've got a glass of eggnog and antifreeze for you uh i am i am derailing this polar express have a holy jolly christmas knock that shit off let's uh be sure to get tom's album of just deranged, mumbling versions of your favorite Christmas tunes. Fuck everything, cause God is dead. We'll drink blood from his head. He doesn't love you anyways, you projected it onto him.

So let the world burn. So let the world burn. So let the world burn. So let the world burn. Thank you.