Mean Boys - EP 50 - Hinchcliffe-itis (feat. Tony Hinchcliffe)

Episode Date: March 9, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “The Mean Boys Company Picnic”, “IMDB Shuffleboard with Tony Hinchcliffe’s Comedy Special ‘One Shot’”, “Clinton and McGilly” and a game of “Which of the Following” with things Hunter S. Thompson did. Watch the new Burn Booth: youtu.be/J4RS0ErEc1k Follow our guest Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter: twitter.com/TonyHinchcliffe Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (eataburrito.com) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, it's Connor and Keith from the Mean Boys Podcast. Hey everybody, it's our 50th episode of Spectacular. We made 50 of this goddamn show. I know, I am more surprised than anybody, quite frankly. Yeah, that is baffling. And we just want to say thank you to the fans. All you guys who have been listening, whether you just started recently or whether you've been here since episode one, we genuinely could not do this, would not do this if you

guys didn't love it. So thank you for everybody who's reached out and told us that they like the show. I got to tell you, the people that write in and talk about working their way

through the back catalog and saying that they listen to the show while they're doing whatever in their life that they don't want to do. They're like, I like listening to the show

while I do it. I got to tell you, it means so much to me I can't even process it. So fucking thank you guys. It's really awesome and we love you. We shit on you all the time.

But that's because, you know, you're just a mirror for ourselves. Yeah. And I do want to quickly say to the couple of Mean Boys fans who I met at the stand

in New York, thank you guys for coming up and saying hi. I forgot your names. And if you're the lady in the airport who I awkwardly forced this podcast on today,

hi, thanks for listening. You were kind of cute. I'm sorry you're going to San Francisco. Oh my God, this has turned into Keith's missed encounters. Kind of, yeah.

I'll let that story later. Okay, please do. It's not that good. This is our 50th episode. We had our first mildly significant person, Tony Hinchcliffe, in the studio. Yeah. That was a ton of fun. Tony was great.

It was really nice to have him on. And, yeah, I think it was a fitting way to kind of, you know, celebrate the show. Yeah. So just keep enjoying the show. Leave us iTunes reviews. Tell us what you want to hear. Send us more Witch of the Followings. Make sure you save April 18th in your calendars

because we are going to be doing a live Mean Boys at Harvell's in Long Beach. We are very excited about that. Yes, bring your one friend or social worker to that show. Or an appointed guardian. Yeah, I do like that every podcast tells someone to tell a friend,

but for us, that's really not broadening the demographic. Yeah, just tell the other idiots who are already listening to this show. Yeah, remind them that we're still making it. I feel like this show is like after the big shakeup, I feel like it's kind of like Whose Line Is It Anywhere? Like, what? That's been going on the CW for five seasons? I had no idea. We are the Aisha Tyler of school shooting jokes. Indeed we are. Next week, and just announced, I didn't get to plug this

in the show last week because it just came up last minute, I'll be headlining the comedy spot in Scottsdale, Arizona from March 16th to March 18th. I would love to see some Mean Boys fans

all hang out with you and go to your weird shack that you drink at or whatever afterwards and we'll have a good old time. So come to those shows. Go on my website, comicspad.com for tickets.

And then April 20th, if you're in the Seattle area, I'm going to be on The Gateway Show. It's a big old theater Seattle area I'm going to be on the Gateway Show it's a big old theater situation where I'm going to be very stoned

and telling jokes to celebrate 420 so come hang out and Keith sucks at being high so it's going to be hilarious it's going to be

a disaster if you want to see me get naked and for sure do car knock come to this show because it's going to be a lot of people

that pay me too much money and I'm going to embarrass myself sure will alright guys that's enough of us please enjoy this episode and here's the 50 more with you guys cheers gang muscle tough everybody welcome to the mean boys podcast god is dead and hope is a lie.

I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... A knobby-kneed scoundrel. Ah, you little bastards. Welcome Tony Hinchcliffe to the show. Hey, buddy. Hey, how are you guys?

I love you. For the listeners who don't know, we've been mocking Tony's knobby knees for many months since we worked together and had the misfortune of seeing him in shorts. It's true. It's tough. I didn't even know I had knobby knees for many months since we worked together and had the misfortune of seeing him in shorts. It's true. It's tough. I didn't even know I had knobby knees. It was something about me that's never been roasted since I always wear pants out at comedy clubs and in public. Yeah, Tony is not the Gabriel Iglesias of nihilist humor.

It is the only time I've ever seen you, like, mildly offended. Oh, yeah. I've seen you called a faggot hundreds of times. Well, I mean, that's always the thing. Unfaced, knobby knees, shook you to your core. You're like, hey, we're friends here. Yeah. A bunch of guys sandwiches.

There are things you don't joke about. I learned that from the great Jeff Ross a long time ago. Something that he always says is like, people. 45 seconds, first name drop of the show. Anyway, continue. Well, I mean, I work with, I mean I work with a bunch of professionals guys I know you guys are hearing your fucking Mousetrap

But We caught the mouse last week There's going to be names that I drop When I'm talking about what I do in my normal life Because that's what I do in my normal life Anyway He always said You know People get offended if you make fun of the thing that they don't think you're going to make fun of.

Like when I was first touring with him, he took me on the road. We did all these theaters and I was just, you know, this pup, like, you know, just it was overwhelming. Exactly. And so like if a chick had her tits out with like big hair, he if he wanted to go hard, if she was like, you know, if if the lady was unlikable, he'd make fun of her nose. And you would see like her jaw drop and like it gets super real because you take the knobby knees approach of like she's not used to that. Maybe she doesn't even know there's something. Maybe there's nothing even wrong with her nose. And it's just. But now she's going maybe there's nothing even wrong with her nose yeah and it's just but now she's gonna wonder forever what's wrong with my nose and that's always the funnier thing to make fun of somebody about like the knobby knees is

funnier than you know me being me seeming gay or you know me i don't know where this having an ego or anything like that you know the other things that i could be perceived as very you know just the fact that your knees look like a miniature version of your face. Well, it's true. They both have chins. Just angular. And ears. Stop humble bragging in front of Keith. We get it. You have knees.

And a functional neck. Yeah, and not just loose pudding where your joints should be. La-di-da. Did Jeff Ross buy you a skeleton? Congratulations. I'm sorry. I can't afford your big Hollywood cigarette cartilage. All right?

I've got to hobble around on these weird jelly bags. I love that Keith thinks that someone has to buy you a skeleton, that that's how you get healthy. That eventually somebody comes around and goes, hey, kid, you want a skeleton? No, you just got to buddy up with a skeleton for a few months, then he comes and does your podcast. That's it. Wait, wait a second. I'm the skeleton. All right, guys.

We're all fired up. Let's get into the Mexican joke off. Ay, so topical. I'll take us away this week. A beloved El Salvadorian hippo named Gustavito has been bludgeoned to death in a zoo enclosure by pranksters. Inspired by the Dicks Out for Harambe campaign, South American animal lovers are showing love by taking out their pitos for Gustavito.

I just am amazed that didn't end up being a me joke. Yeah, you know what? I saw a hippo beaten to death and I'm like, this is not going to go well for me. Yeah, I saw your spidey sense was tingling. Yeah. Kellyanne Conway was photographed sitting with her feet on the sofa in the Oval Office. Secret Service agents immediately sprayed her with

the squirt bottle and she is currently chained up in the backyard with Ben Carson. Oh. He didn't even do nothing wrong. It's just where they keep him. Wow. I didn't say it was good. Good Lord, Ben Carson. Is it because he's black?

Yeah. Yeah, you get it. That's like where they go. Context, buddy. I'm excited about this. Okay, so this week at Mardi Gras, a truck ran over 25 people. In other news, I got a bunch of free beads without having to take my shirt off. Just a blood-soaked handful of titty beads.

Like the shittiest pirate. Oh, yeah. Tony lifted up his cool-outs And flashed his knees And got a little bit of beads for that Damn, that's some knobby titties I showed my knees and then I had to throw the beads at people They just took the beads from me And your wallet

You're done Something funny about Tony wearing Peggy Hill cool-outs I feel like it would actually be a pretty good look for you Or just like a pair of big old JNCO shorts Ooh yeah, like some fucking Limp Bizkit era fucking chance. Oh, it'd be so good. All right, well, we have a makeover to get to after the show. Let's fire through this.

Rachel Dolezal has admitted that she hasn't been able to find a job since resigning from the Spokane chapter of the NAACP. Dolezal reports that she's near homeless list in light of her inability to find work, but is really enjoying the authentic African-American experience. Yeah, you black now, girl. Is she really? She was 100% white, huh? She was like mad white. Yeah, mad white. Isn't it crazy? Like farm-ass white.

I feel like a lot of people have been doing those DNA tests lately, and pretty much a lot of people find out you're like 7% black. It's just sort of in our blood. A ton of people are blacker than you thought, but she's got nothing. That sort of sucks. She looked blackish, though. Was she spray-pain that's i mean was she like i mean she looked blackish though was she like spray painting it on or like yeah she was like tanning and then she would just kind of like you know like fuck up her hair

that's also it seemed like from everything i read about her was like she did pretty good work with the naacp like maybe just just leave her in there just like everybody be cool about this one yeah let her be the jackie robinson of that shit yeah this will probably go over well with the internet like hey let the white lady run that double ACP. Yeah, you leave Nappy Robinson alone. Oh, Jesus. He was Nappy. Speaking of DNA, a recent DNA scan of Subway's chicken found that it is less than 50% actual chicken.

Speaking of white bread patting out a little substance with a lot of filler, check out Connor McSpadden this weekend at the Holiday Inn in Victorville. Tickets on sale now. I think there's still a few available if you act fast, gang. We get it at the Holiday Inn in Victorville. Tickets on sale now. I think there's still a few available if you act fast, gang. I love that the Holiday Inn in Victorville is not even a joke. Oh, no. Yeah, no. I'm rocking that spot regularly, guys.

Really? Holiday Inn in Victorville? Yeah, bro. What book's that? I assume a tumbleweed. I don't know exactly. It all goes through my agent. Does that give you enough money to pay for gas?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll go see my parents and my family or whatever. Wow, you live up there. I'm from kind of on the way, like Ontario. That's scary. I know. We work up the courage to ask one mildly famous person to come to our home and do this, and then we just highlight our horrifying careers. uh careers anyway i love it like that yeah i've done horrendous gigs horrendous gigs i performed

at a holiday inn in modesto before that's like a six hour drive right oh i just i just did a gig in modesto five hours two weeks ago holiday in comedy circuit yeah it was hotels motels yeah the worst is that i legitimately want to get booked at the holiday inn in victorville that sounds like a decent gig at least you got it yeah and that gig that i did holiday inn in modesto was i was opening up for sam triple a so he says is that a name drop anyway uh and but it was dropped the name and then it yo-yoed back into your hand it was literally my first gig opening even before la jolla like it was my true first opening gig so i was just happy to be sitting shotgun and going up before this hilarious guy right and so on the

way there i remember i go hey what's what is this that we're doing anyway you know what i mean like is this anything crazy it's and he goes it's a holiday in a modesto and it's for uh all the owners of 7-elelevens around the world. And I'm like, ha-ha, that's funny. What are we actually doing? But I'm too shy at the time to literally go, no, but you're just kidding, right? So I thought he was totally just kidding. It sounded like a joke.

And sure enough, it was. It was the hardest, most ridiculous bombing I've ever had in my entire life. They didn't thank you or ask you to come again? I'm sorry, guys. Right. No, they didn't. They loved Sam, though. The good sense is Armenian.

Back to the Mexican choke-off. Yes, hit it. I don't know if you guys heard this, but I found this out recently. Have you heard this? Have you read about this? I just found this out, Ed. Okay, Galen.

David Lovingman. All right. Paul Monin O'Brien. Oh, Brian. This week, in fact, just I believe yesterday, The former host of The Biggest Loser Had a heart attack Turns out he was super vain I just want you to sit and how not good that was

Yeah Like a vein in a heart Yeah it's like I knew it was bad I think that kind of joke. I think Tony just got booked at the Holiday Inn in Victorville. Did you just get bumped? I like it. I'm proud of that.

You don't even get the free continental breakfast when you play that. That was the last one I wrote right before the show started. That was the one you were all excited about? No, I was excited about the first one. It's not going to get any better than that. I'm so excited now. All right, you're up. A set of three-year-old twins in India have drowned in a washing machine when their mother stepped out to buy detergent.

Authorities say they don't suspect foul play, but the family still has a lot of dirty laundry. Mexican joke off showdown. Two children drowned in a washing machine in India. Their bodies were washed up and useless, a condition commonly known as Hinchcliffe-itis. How dare you. This week at the Oscars, the winner for Best Picture was

mispronounced, and a bunch of people that made a big gay movie went on stage, and they ended up announcing that a movie about two gay black men ended up winning. So the white gay guys left, and the gay black guys came on stage. In other news, the Oscars were filmed this week in Keith Carey's asshole. You son of a bitch. That's fair.

The moonlight doesn't shine down there. Oh, well done. Neither does the sunshine. Nothing gets down there. Not even soap. A samba school's float in the Rio de Janeiro parade has collapsed, injuring 11 children. A cultural representative of the historic event

sent in a statement, Here in Rio, kids are bleeding in the sand. I love when you sing. Yeah, I should have just sang the end of that super vain joke for the biggest loser. So it's a good move when it's not, you know, structurally sound. Yeah, it's like, oh, this is terrible. Save it with cadence.

Muhammad Ali's son was detained at an airport by security personnel. He attempted to float like a butterfly and received a sting from a TSA taser. Not all winners. Newark County landfill. Did you guys vote for Donald Trump? We did not. We voted for Carnock the Bloodfeaster.

Those are fans now. I didn't vote for Trump either. I left that part blank. But I voted yes for the legalization of marijuana. And for the porn condom law, I wrote in Gary Johnson. Gary Johnson! What? Johnson is, you know, the popular colloquialism for a piece.

Yeah, I got it. He's just singing Gary Johnson. I like the idea that Gary Johnson just sat up in bed somewhere and is just like, they remember. Speaking of Gary Johnson, catch Keith and Connor headlining a Howard Johnson in Temecula. Everyone knows the Comfort Inn is in Temecula. In 2019. They booked really far out. Two more years of work. Pay your dues, boys. We'll get there someday. The Comfort Inn is in Temecula. In 2019. Two more years of work.

Pay your dues, boys. We'll get there someday. Alright, a family in Hartford, Connecticut was paid $885,000 after their dog was killed by police. In light of the news, the citizens of Hartford are dressing their dogs in hoodies full of skitties and iced tea. Skittles. Skitty, I think is a Pokemon.

Skitty feels like a name of a dog. Yeah, Skitties. Skitties. I think it's a Pokemon. Skitties feels like a name of a dog. Yeah, Skitties? Yeah. Oh. All right. Donald Trump has severely limited the organizations allowed to attend White House press briefings. Among those that made the cut are highlights for kids, a fortune cookie, and a picture of an expensive boat.

Wait, there's another one? Didn't we do five? That's four. I think this is five. Oh, this has to be. Yeah, so this is your last one. Yeah, this will be the last one. Which one didn't I do, then? That's four. I think this is five. This has to be. Which one didn't I do then? Oh, I gotcha. A couple weeks ago

maybe it was a few weeks ago now the women all marched. Millions of women marched. How topical are these always? Super topical, right? I do not write monologue jokes. This was a current event at one point. These jokes were all written specifically for this show, by the way. This is one he had left over from the 1960s.

But the stats just came in today. The stats just came in today. Over 8 million women marched in all major cities that day and it's official as of today there were zero car accidents that day for the first time ever i love all these broads they can't drive exactly i tell you they need to uh maybe parallel park protest next time learn it all at once it was hard because four million were complaining it was too cold and the other 4 million were complaining it was too hot.

None of them could get abortions anymore. Ah, women. Their bodies suck. Yeah. That's a whole thing, right? Well, Tony should be able to relate to him then. Well, we know Keith can because he bleeds from open wounds once a month. I don't really.

I shouldn't have said open wounds. I should have just said your dick. It's more often than that. You should have just said your dick bleeds once a month hey it's scabbed over yeah that's not why we know i have a fine crust over the tip it's building up like you know that what's that the geyser yellowstone that like erupts every once in a while oh yeah yeah it's got like a creme brulee type film over the top of it god damn it's like a little anyway check out the gofundme page for keith's half a tooth. Still going strong.

It's back at a zero tooth. Do you have a half a tooth? No, I had one break in half, but I had to get it removed, which I got. Oh, yeah. That's a thing. I've literally never heard of a tooth breaking in half. Yeah, me neither. Oh, I have.

I've had two teeth break in half. It happens. Are you really? What? Oh, yeah. Teeth break, man. Yeah. They break.

One time it was a little scooter accident. The other one was a headbutt from a pal. Oh, man. Yeah. They break. One time it was a little scooter accident. And the other one was a headbutt from a pal. Okay. Mine broke while I was brushing his teeth. Oh, yeah. No, yeah, yeah. You're just completely unhealthy. Huge.

You're not wrong. You have huge calcium issues. Even though it looks like you produce milk. So, it's very bizarre. The Mean Boys will be right back. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Scenic Some Fucking Park. The Mean Boys will be right back. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Scenic Some Fucking Park. I'm Connor McSpadden.

I'm Keith Carey, and this is the Mean Boys Company Picnic. That's right. The little show that could but really shouldn't have has made it to 50 episodes. And we couldn't have done it without you, our legion of three memorable characters and a bunch of shitty other ones. So, have fun, eat, drink, and terrorize the Latino family trying to celebrate their kid's birthday party on the other side of the park. We declare this picnic open! All right, McGillie, this is what I'm talking about.

I haven't seen a party this crazy since the Libertarians. Yes, of course, Mr. President. Hey, I told you not to call me that. Just call me Bill, or Billy, or Big Papa Party Pig. Yes, of course. Sorry, Big Papa Party Pig. That's better. Now hold my drink. I'm going bobbing for assholes. Do you mean apples? I know what I said.

Hey, everybody! It's me, the Taco Monster! I drove here in my carne and I'm queso excited to mulicha! Rutabaga Roger, I've heard queso much about you. Oh, wait, did I say queso already? Fuck.

Hold the rap there, Jose. Heard we're one of them illegals running around these parts. You got your papers on you? Who needs papers? We're all amigos here. This party is flantastic. Knock that shit off. Hey, man, you smell great.

Did you just start using a new kind of sopa? I mean it now. This is your last warning. Okay, okay, you smell great. Did you just start using a new kind of sopa? I mean it now. This is your last warning. Okay, okay, no more puns. Hey, do you want a churro? I mean, they're delicious and all, but I mean, they're so high in cholesterol. Son of a bitch! Whoa, we're back.

You're listening to Fartmeister and the Spaz, broadcasting live from the Mean Boys Company picnic. That's right. Fartmeister's moved up to the hosebot since Dina moved away to live on that farm upstate with Edgar Mortara, Worthington, Fagamemnon, Dad Carlin, and references to foods that haven't been popular since before schools were integrated.

Man, this picnic sure would have been awesome like two months ago. But we've got a special guest joining us in the booth. Please welcome The Void! Ah, that's right! Fartmeister, hit him with a wet one. Oh boy, what a scoop for the Snuffington Post this is. All the greats are here. I even passed Ramsey Badawi sitting outside the picnic,

smoking a cigarette cigarette and yet still being referred to as a picnic producer for an inordinately long period of time. They've even got those fellas from Death Grips making balloon animals for the kids. See this? First it's a balloon, now I twist it it's a pony.

That's right. There's only one company that could have put on the Mean Boys company picnic and it's Twisted Nerve Productions. Bring out the old-timey checker blankets and hold on to your dicks, because we're gonna picnic them the fuck off. Check out the Mexican cook-off. We've got a snack table that will kill your mom and fuck your dad. Our eggs aren't deviled, they're satan'd.

Three kinds of cake, ten kinds of chips. You want a LaCroix? You got LaCroix! Lemon, peach, and motherfucking poplamoose! Hot dogs, hamburgers, ribs. If it used to be alive, we took out its blood and replaced it with flavor juice. Looking for a veggie burger? Go to

Portland, faggot! We've even got games! Alright, you fucking goofs, step right up to Mark Malloy's Guess Your Bullshit booth. I'm currently between jobs as an amateur pornographer and the guy who kills the horses when they're not strong enough to work at petting zoos no more. But today I'm doing carnival shit.

Write your weight down, and I'll try to guess it. Not you, fat girl in the stripes. Can't have you ham-boning in and taking up all the zeros for the rest of us. Alright, now do the same thing, but with your social security number. It's gonna be fucking great. Hey, fuck you. Get back here. We got to go. The three-legged race is about to start.

It's going to be insane. Who the fuck are you? I'm Crazy Carl from Crazy Carl's Auto Shack from the very first episode. Yeah, nobody remembers or cares. These savings are insane. Oh, my God. Kill yourself. All right, gentlemen, it's time for the finals of the three-legged race.

Dude, we're gonna wreck this guy's shit. Indeed, Tyler. His shit shall surely be wrecked. Future generations will look upon his shit. And so vast will its wreckage be that they will weep themselves to blindness. Yeah, I don't know why that spooky goat monster and that kid are tied together. Are their legs gay for each other or something? Yeah, I thought this was a three-legged race, so I brought this leg. Yeah, I don't know whose it is.

I find a lot of limbs. What are we doing? Oh, okay, we're killing birds. Yeah, guns are good for that. But I like using my fists. They're like guns that are made out of your bones. We have won! Lowly Picnic, kneel before the glory of Karnak. Bring me a made out of your bones We have won Lowly picnic

Kneel before the glory of Carnock Bring me a cask of your finest wine And a bunch of whippets for Tyler Fuck yeah You're the best dad ever Carnock Well this picnic was the perfect tribute to this show Yep self indulgent to the point of being incoherent But we're having fun so go fuck yourself

It's free Here's to 50 more. And remember, everybody, kill yourself, Ryan Colby. The Mean Boys podcast is back with a special game that we've designed just for our friend Tony Hinchcliffe. This is IMDB Shuffleboard. Normally on the show,

we play a game called Twitter Shuffleboard where we'll take a famous person from Twitter, like a weird one, and then we'll try and guess how many Twitter followers they have, and like, higher or lower. Today we're doing it with the Netflix special One Shot by Tony Hinchcliffe. Oh, fuck! Currently has a ranking of

6.1 on IMDb. What does it go up to? 6.2? It goes up to a bunch more than 6.1. Is it like Rotten Tomatoes? It doesn't go to 100, does it? It goes to 10. The Richter scale in Keith's room

hit a 6.2. Get it together, man. Richter scale on your bed. I was actually covered in Rotten Tomatoes at the end of my special. Oh, dear. Oh, Brian. God, how come I never came up with that during the live roast battle?

Well, people make fun of my special every week. Yeah, well, nobody listens to this show, so save it for tonight. Yeah, catch that one. Blatantly, tonight, shoehorned into some point of... Yeah, I also have a special, and I was... I like self-deprecating, like trying to be fun. Wait, aren't you headlining tonight's roast battle? Yeah, no, we're taping this a week out in advance.

But yeah, I'll be. I don't know if I'm going last, but I'm doing it. I think you guys are going last. Oh, OK. I can't imagine you're not. Yeah, I mean, that'd be tough follow. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, it's a humiliator friend.

All right. So this is simple. I'm going to read some other motion pictures from throughout cinema history. And you have to tell me if they were ranked higher or lower than Tommy. I love this. The first film, higher or lower than Tony's Netflix special, Batman v. Superman, Dawn of Justice. Oh, well, I mean, come on, baby.

Please, please tell me that that has a lower ranking than my special. Tony's saying lower? I gotta say, I'm gonna say lower. One shot is 6.1. Batman v. Superman. Donna Justice. 6.7. Oh, son of a bitch. Oh, it hurts. Oh, man. Oh, God. It hurts. No.

Up number two. The carrot top... They're a lot of the same people. Are any of these things going to be lower than my special? We'll find out. Up number two. The carrot top motion picture. Chairman of the board. Oh, God. We'll find out. Up number two, the Carrot Top Motion Picture Chairman of the Board. Oh, God, this hurts, Keith. This game hurts.

This is a lose-lose scenario here, but I'm going to stay, you know me, I'm going to back me all the way. I'm going to go lower. Going lower. Carrot Top, by the way, while I say that,

let me tell you this. Carrot Top called me a genius. I never, I never called Carrot Top a genius. He saw me at the Hollywood Improv a few months ago headline. For some reason, Carrot Top was there. He comes up to me after my show, tells me I'm a genius. So either way, whether it's high or lower, Carrot Top called me a genius Connor, high or lower I feel really bad right now

Because one time Gallagher said I was a hack In Temecula Is that true? Yes He said, yeah, you seem like a really bad comedian I was like, this has got to mean I'm an amazing comedian Jesus Man normally when he's smashing a fruit

It's in front of the audience I had to cover myself in saran wrap For the whole deal Does that make up for that vein joke that I did It sure does I gotta say lower The correct answer is lower. 2.8.

Very good. I'm excited. That makes me wonder, like, how many times did Ben Affleck vote for Batman vs. Superman? You also just shit on the only comedian that I guess respects you. Speaking of which, number three, Pearl Harbor. The infamous

Ben Affleck bomb. I'm about to say the concept or the movie, because I feel like both might rank higher. I feel like I bombed harder, but I'm going to go with, I think Pearl Harbor has a higher ranking. Both movies begin with strafing Asians in the front row. That is true. That's an amazing reference. That's a good reference. I watched it the other night.

I enjoyed it a lot. Higher or lower? I'm going to say lower. Trick question. Tied. Whoa. Your special is exactly as enjoyable as Pearl Harbor. Well, it says...

Okay, that's one way of putting it, I guess. The point of this is to make you feel better. I empty be off of how enjoyable something is. I mean, that's a drama. Mine's a comedy, but I guess... Same amount of laughs, though. All right. Next up, the infamously racist film, Birth of a Nation,

which depicts the Ku Klux Klan as heroes that save America. Wow. A lot of similar themes i mean i'm guessing that that doesn't have i mean this is almost like a trick question because i want to say that that has a six pointed star um uh birth of a nation a lot of the same bullet points in both i'm gonna go with uh'm going to go with Birth of a Nation is lower I'm going to say lower as well The correct answer is higher, 6.7 Oh Jesus God, I need to get my life together

My debut special Is not what I thought it was going to be To be fair, it's hard to get a lynching scene In the Ice House Physical constraints, filming wise We got three more First one Leprechaun in the Hood Oh God There's physical constraints filming-wise. We got three more. Three more. Jesus. First one, Leprechaun in the Hood.

Oh, God. Of course this is going to have a good ranking, man, because it's hilarious. This is what people watch when they want to have fun, unlike my special. So I'm going to go with that's actually higher. What is this movie in fact i almost are you familiar with the movies the leprechaun movies oh is that the what the other midget it's about an evil leprechaun and then leprechaun in the hood is one where he goes to the hood yeah oh okay but it's sort of a cult classic like they'll play it at theaters

and stuff really fun to go to because it's so fucking obnoxious like oh get that little shit away from me yeah it's pretty amazing. It's not quite as good as Leprechaun in Space. Leprechaun in the Hood also describes... Leprechaun in Space is amazing. At one point a spaceman is peeing on an asteroid for some reason, and the leprechaun shoots magic up his dickhole. It's a bananas movie. Well, Leprechaun in the Hood also

describes the beginning of my career, so I'm going to say it's higher. Leprechaun in the Hood is also what I call my penis. It is lower. 3.6. Oh. right next one this sort of it sort of almost hurts me more to find out that leprechaun in the hood and keratops thing are that low because it almost makes the scale truly more legitimate which whereas normally when looking at anything like the stars on anything yeah no i play them specifically. Oh, to really hurt me.

Yeah, yeah. All right, there you go. But the leprechaun did call you a genius at flappers once. Of course. I like the idea that there's like a Rocky Horror Picture Show screenings of one shot in the future. Everyone dresses up in cardigans. Oh, that sounds amazing.

I'm in on that. That'd be fun. All right. The only other comedy special on this list, Jeff Dunham arguing with myself. Oh, you bastards. Good God. I mean, my soul is gone. But, I mean, Jeff Dunham, I mean, I have to say that that would be higher than my special.

I think it wasn't popular to poo-poo Jeff Dunham until a few years. I feel like when he came out, I don't think it was it wasn't popular to poopoo jeff dunham you know until like a few years i feel like when he came out i don't think there's the backlash yeah you know so i got i'm gonna say higher because i think it's one of the early ones dunham's early work the correct answer is higher tony 6.1 jeff dunham 8.1 i see two point bump now that makes me feel a little bit better yeah just like i was saying earlier about how bad stuff being bad hurts like bad stuff being good but either way my special isn't as good as i was hoping it was gonna be and the last one yeah you're making this way less fun than it needs i mean i already got paid thank you netflix fair enough it's all good last one my personal favorite star wars episode one the phantom menace okay i mean I mean... I mean, if...

I mean, there's just... Mesa open for Joe Rogan. I love that. So I won't have to drop that name earlier. Or later. I'm going to go with... I'm going to go with that is higher than my special. It's a better movie.

It's a better production. That's like, you know, millions of dollars. I don't think it was that hated when it came out i'm gonna say it's higher the correct answer is higher 6.7 god damn yeah well i wasn't keeping score but the important thing is tony lost uh let's all take a moment of solemn reflection and uh and enjoy tony's special no it actually is good um it's streaming now on Netflix. Yeah, I don't want to be a dick, but I feel like R. Kelly produced better streaming content. Oh, you son of a bitch. There it is.

Mean Boys will be right back after this. And now, another exciting installment in the thrilling escapades of Bill Clinton and the head of his Secret Service detail, Agent McGilley. Put that out on your pussy lips and deny it under oath. Damn it, McGilley. Hillary's been so down since the election, we've got to do something. You mean like civic activism and using your national status to promote ideas for a better America? McGilley, the only America I give a hot fuck about is Ferreira

and her chunkier, ugly Betty days. Ah, yes, I see. So you just feel bad for the woman you love? Not really. I just can't get her out of the goddamn house, McGilly. And they're dealing with a mongoose infestation on Secretary Allen, so I've been cooped up with his old bag for months. I see, sir.

Did you know the view is three hours long? I know that. Did you know you can record the talk at the same time the view is on and then watch it later? Billy knows. So what are you suggesting we do, sir? You'll see. Just fuel up the bubblecopter and set course for Nevada. I see. Vegas again, sir?

Better. Sir, we've been flying for hours. Where are we headed? Area 51. But if they see a craft in their airspace unannounced, they'll act with lethal force. We've got to divert this. This is too dangerous. Don't worry about that, McKaylee. The guy who works the guard tower is an old drinking buddy and he'll recognize the horn. Well, if you're sure, boss. Crystal sure. Now take her down behind this barbed wire fence. Oh my god, sir. Is that thing... Is that an alien?

He's got green skin and big black eyes, just like in the movies. This son of a bitch is more than just an alien. He's also the hard-drinking-est, skirt-chasing-est son of a bitch this side of the Philippines since W got sober. What's up, Pedro? Que tal, jefe? Not a mucho extra testicle. Wow, I didn't expect him to sound like that.

Yeah, fool, you know how you live in the Milky Way? Yes. Well, I'm from the Orale Way. You know, from the gas giant planet. Stupider! Yo, you stop at Area 69 in Vegas on your way out here, Gavron? Nah, the Spearmint Rhino off the strip still got my picture up on the wall of shame. And besides, there's no time.

Bill has come down with a case of cabin fever, and I'd like to turn that into a stabbing fever, if you know i mean ah shit that's right the naranja diablo won the king contest or whatever huh that's fucked up you're telling me i keep getting taken thrifting and there's already too much old shit people didn't want in billy's home life so what can i do for you dog i need to borrow the time machine bro last time you blacked out at robert evans house i had to come dig you out of the oil wrestling ring full. I know, I know, I know. I just need to make a quick errand back to the

80s and I'll bring it right back. What you gonna do? Just, uh, kill Donald Trump. Don't you think that'll, like, fuck up the space-time continuum or whatever? Maybe. Okay, but just don't scratch the paint job. I stole my cousin like two grand for the detailing. Fucking guy.

Hey, just make sure you get it back within the one hour time limit or whatever, or you might get trapped in the past forever and shit. I only got enough gas for one trip, so be careful, fool. You're a lifesaver, Pedro. Let's go, McGinley. I've got to take a life and get mine back. All right, we should be set to go back to the 80s. Beautiful.

Now just let me punch in the coordinates. Sir, the clock says 1997. You might want to fix that before we... Whoa! We're just making a quick pit stop. Woo-hoo! The Oval Office, sir. Shh, don't worry.

I'll only be a minute. All right, Monica. We're alone. Now I'm going to do to you what Newt Gingrich did to my majorities in Congress. God damn it, sir, we don't have time for this. And we have this scenario loaded up in the virtual reality headset at home. Let's go kill Trump and get back to the present before we're trapped here. Yeah, yeah, totally. In a minute.

Hey, Billy, how's it hanging? Well, lazy and nothing crazy, but who are you? I'm you. Say something only I would know, so I know this ain't another one of Ross Perot's pranks. Christmas Vacation is the funniest movie ever made. Everybody knows that. Uh, you and Hillary

have only had sex twice. Once when you lost a game of flip cup to Barbara Bush, and again to create Chelsea to use as a pawn on your political chessboard. True, but easily assumed. Keep going. You cry after every time. All right, all right, all right.

I believe you. Pedro, give me a ride here. Sure did. Let me guess. Hillary lost. Yep. Won't leave the house. Yes, indeed.

Watching Ricky Lake all day. It's called The View now, but yes, sirree. Going back in time to kill the guy who won. Mm-hmm. God damn, I love my style. And you're here to have that threesome we've been fantasizing about since we saw that movie Multiplicity with Michael Keaton? Hell yeah.

Sir, we're wasting time. We have to get back to the future. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Doc Brown, whatever. I only have one question. Shoot. Isn't this kind of gay? That depends on what the definition of jizz is. All right, don't ask, don don't tell let's get frisky

was anyone gonna ask how i felt about any of this probably not hello mr presidents will bill clinton make it back to the future in time? Will he kill Donald Trump? What is Newt Gingrich doing here? Find out on the next thrilling installment of Clinton and McGilley. And the Mean Boys podcast is back. We close out the show this week as we do every week with a round of our favorite game, which of the following? Yeah.

This week's which of the following topic, we are playing with things that have been done by legendary author slash drug enthusiast Hunter S. Thompson. Famous for the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the man who lived an insane life. So we're going to go through some of the craziest shit that he has ever done. Like us, a chain-smoking human being. Yeah.

Yeah. Unlike us, I think maybe the devil, after doing more research. So there are a few rounds here. Round number one, which of the following is not something Hunter S. Thompson really did? Number one, left an elk's heart on Jack Nicholson's doorstep. Number two, secretly dosed Lorne Michaels with LSD. Number three, asked Johnny Depp to light him secretly dosed Lorne Michaels with LSD. Number three, asked Johnny Depp

to light him a cigarette in a room filled with dynamite. And number four, nearly drowned Bill Murray during a failed attempt to recreate the works of Harry Houdini. Ooh.

My God. I mean, his SNL audition still went better than Tony's did, so. Oh, I never had an SNL audition. We know.

But Lorne Michaels did one, so nothing. He said I was great at the Holiday Inn in Victoria. Yeah, he said Carrot Top, you know, spoke highly of me. We all know Lorne Michaels has his finger on the pulse right now. So that's an interesting one because, wow, you've obviously really gotten good at this thing. Like you're good at this because it's well disguised i'm i grew up on howard stern and they used to do something sort of like this and i feel like this is a tough one um but i'd have to i mean it seems like

leaving an l card on jack nicholson's doorstep seems baller as fuck seems like something like i would do to like you guys if I was driving through the neighborhood and had an elk heart. That seems like a, not to bring it back to this, but like a Joe Rogan nature box thing where it's like... Artisanal elk meat. Four weird mystery pills, I eat an elk heart

and I lift a car and then I'm ready to be a comedian for some reason. I drink a cucumber somehow. It all makes sense. Completed my transformation into a thumb. I'm going to say the Lord Michaels LSD one. Okay. I think that raised a red flag for some reason.

That does make sense. For some reason, I'm going to say because it seems too easy almost, I'm going to say that he didn't have to light Johnny Depp's cigarette or offer or ask or whatever in the room full of dynamite. The Johnny Depp thing almost seems too spot on. The correct answer is B. He did not secretly dose Lorne Michaels with LSD.

He's friends with Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp lived in his house for like six months when they were prepping for that movie. Hunter Thompson shaved his head to do Fear and Loathe. He was his Tom Goss? Yeah, pretty much. No, how do you like that? That's why I thought it wasn't,

but okay. Now I got sort of a feeling for Hope. All right, cool. Round number two. Which of the following did Hunter S. Thompson not do? A. Attempted to smuggle a hallucinogenic toad

past U.S. Customs. B. Assaulted Keith Richards with a recording of the sound of a hundred dying pigs. C. Purchased cocaine with a personal check in the amount of $2 million. And D. Invented a sport called shotgun golf. Oh, God. He definitely invented shotgun golf, I feel like.

That sounds super Hunter S. Thompson. $2 million for a check. Sounds sort of crazy, but I could also see how it's so, you know, such a cool thing that you could almost get away with it. People are like, they'll never fucking know that it's for cocaine or whatever. It's a pretty good Hunter S. Thompson. What was the first one again? Attempted to smuggle a hallucinogenic toad past U.S. Customs. Didn't know you knew Hunter S. Thompson, Keith. Yeah.

Where did he try to hide you at? No, if you lick me, you just regret every choice that led you to licking me. Yeah. If you lick Keith, then you're probably going to make a mess in my bed when I'm out of town. Right. I think that girl might listen to this podcast, by the way, so I apologize if you do. No. If you lick Keith, you will trip

because your knobby knees will give out. It's a tripping joke. I'm going to say the toad. The toad is the most mild one, and I think that was an attempt to throw us off. I normally would agree with you, but I don't want to do the same one

as you on these, so instead I'm going to pick the $2 million check for cocaine. Excellent guess. The correct answer is A. He did not attempt to smuggle a toad past U.S. Customs. Damn. I'm really fucking... You're doing well.

I tortured white guys with substance abuse problems. I just get them. Usually Connor does poorly at this, so I'm actually surprised how well he's done so far. Let's see how this one goes. Round number three. Which of the following 200 times did not do A. Robbed the same gas station three nights in a row.

B. Teamed up with John... This could also be which of the following did Keith's mom not actually do? Fair enough. B. Teamed up with John Cusack to steal the car of Eagles singer Don Henley.

C. Spit a fireball directly into the face of Rolling Stone founder Jan Wenner. Or D. Attempted to perform a satanic ritual at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Oh, man.

Listening to this makes me feel like I just haven't lived a life at all. Yeah, it really makes you feel like a bum. You're like, oh, one time I did cocaine. Like, all right, whatever. All right, cool guy. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's an interesting one. He definitely did the satanic ritual. He had to do that.

I'm going to say that he did not. Is Hunter S. Thompson requesting a late checkout? Maybe room service and more bleach than you have. I just can't imagine him trying to rob the same gas station three nights in a row. I also don't know what financial position he'd be in where he would need to rob a gas station. But that one is so fantastical, I feel like it has to be real. What were B and C? B was teamed up with John Cusack to steal the car of Eagles singer Don Henley.

And C was spit a fireball directly into the face of Rolling Stone founder Jan Wenner. These names, these specific names. All of those seem so specific that it's really hard. What was the last one one more time? Attempted to perform a satanic ritual at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Now it almost seems like that's the one. I'm going to go with that because it seems like that's too easy. You know what?

I'm going to go A. I'm going to go A again. The correct answer is D. Attempted to perform a satanic ritual at the Beverly Hills Hotel. The robbing the gas station. A little bit of a trick because he did that before he was famous. That was when he was 16 years old. Gotcha. Yeah, that makes sense. Damn. Tony, rightbing the gas station. A little bit of a trick because he did that before he was like famous. That was when he was like 16 years old.

Gotcha. Yeah, that makes sense. Damn, Tony, right back in this thing. Yeah, nice. Round number four, which of the following 100 times not do?

A, set fire to several yachts at a prestigious boating race. B, fired a mortar shell into a KKK rally. C, owned an alcoholic monkey that committed suicide. And D, stole a set of antlers previously owned by Ernest Hemingway

I mean you don't shoot into a KKK crowd if you own a monkey it's very contradictory so those two cancel each other out what was the fourth one again Those two cancel each other out. What was the fourth one again?

The fourth one was stole a set of antlers previously owned by Ernest Hemingway. Huh. Tony really is like a human antler. He's just all angles and ivory skin. It's just all angles and ivory skin. It's true. And I got nothing for that. We're locking horns now. Welcome to NPR, mean boys.

Hey guys, coming up next, the story of cufflinks. Eight recipes for tea to make you forget about the trumpet. And what was the first one one more time? The first one was set fire to several yachts at a prestigious boating race. What was the first one one more time? The first one was set fire to several yachts at a prestigious boating race. What was the last one? Stole a set of antlers previously owned by Ernest Hemingway.

I'm going to go with the yachts. Okay. I feel like it's the yachts too, but I'm going to go B. Fired a mortar shell into a KKK rally? Yeah. Connor gets the point. He did not fire a mortar shell. He has shot at many, many people on many, many occasions.

And last but not least, round five is a little different. It's all real or all fake. Wait, can I ask you one thing? So he didn't shoot the mortar shell at the KKK rally. Was he part of the rally shooting outward? There was no KKK him involvement

that I'm aware of, but I'll have to do more Googling. I was just curious. Last one. Are these all real or all fake? Who has the tie dye hood? That seems like it. All right.

So this round is all real or all fake. So before you tell me if they're all real or all fake, A, threw a banana cream pie at Henry Kissinger. B, fired a 45 Magnum at the screen during a showing of the towering Inferno. C, signed a legally binding contract challenging Elvis Presley to a race around the worlding inferno c signed a legally binding contract challenging elvis presley to a race around the world and d stole a zebra oh fuck wait so what's the difference between this one this one is these are either all real

or all fake wow fuck okay stole a zebra stole a zebra. Stole a zebra. These are all real. Grand Theft Zebra. I gotta figure they're all real, too. These are all fake. Well done. You wrote all those? I wrote all those. Say them one more time.

Just throw a banana cream pie at Henry Kissinger. That's just something. You were hungry that one. You were hungry that one. Fired a.45 Magnum at the screen during a showing of The Towering Inferno. Towering Inferno. OJ won an Oscar,um at the screen during a showing of the towering Inferno towering in four. Jay won an Oscar. So that's what made me think of that.

Signed a legally binding contract, challenging Elvis Presley to a race around the world. That was the one where I was like, not in a thousand years. Could any man come up with that? He did. And D was simply stole a Z. It's very good.

Yeah. I mean, I could believe that he kidnapped Chris Rock, who voiced the zebra in, you know, those DreamWorks movies, but actual zebras. I feel like we've gone through two rounds of this where we've compared black people to animals. He voices the animal. Now that I think about it, it's pretty much impossible to steal a zebra, because you can't

steal a zebra. Well, the zebra is owned by the zoo. Yeah. I mean, I feel like, you know, maybe in the 1800s, you could have owned the zoo is really hard think about the things that i just told you he did like is it that unreasonable it sort of is if you think about it like a zebra is a fucking zebra man like it's really hard to get away with he lit a bunch of yachts on fire and didn't get arrested the man was a wizard that's impressive you know zebras are actually uh what is it black with white stripes

and people think they're white with black stripes fun fact for you i think that's something i read once that's uh that's my version that's my impression of cnn news i think that's something i just i just want to stay silent and see how long oh yeah no keep digging you'll get to china eventually no i know uh well that is it for. Do we have anything in the mailbag? Oh, yeah. We are looking forward to Animal Facts with Tony Hinchcliffe, the new podcast. Oh, I don't want to watch Tony and Tom discuss animals. All right. We got a few

things in the mailbag here. Wait, where did these come from? Just Twitter. These are mostly just mean shit about us. Keith has 18 roast battles under his belt and about 50 pounds of gunt. I have 22. Thank you very much. Someone writes

Connor's dad is in a Kiss tribute band because he wanted something to be embarrassed about other than his gay son's fledgling comedy career.

By the way my dad is working on his smoking Ace Frehley guitar. I will keep the Mean Boys listening audience updated to his progress. He's done a lot of

research. Connor looks like he date rapes women in a tree house. It's not bad at all. I see it. Someone saw Tony's coming on the show, just said he's no Verzi. Shots fired from some Verzi triplets fans.

Oh, son of a bitch. Can I just say, how would Keith get into the treehouse? Like, I mean, date raping a girl. No, he's the date raper in the treehouse. Oh, yeah. How would Keith get in the treehouse? No, forget it. I thought I saw him.

He stole that zebra. Well, I assume I would get stuck halfway in the tree house oh yeah oh yeah how would keith get in the tree i mean i thought thompson always stole that zebra why i assume i would get stuck halfway in the tree they said you seem like someone that would date rape someone in a tree house yeah gotcha gotcha all right perfect and uh was he an extra in harry potter because i don't know who the fuck that is that's about you uh actually you know i was an extra in harry potter so there you go he was called dean thomas the n-word yeah it's the one black guy in harry potter uh that's it for the show i in Harry Potter. So there you go. He was called Dean Thomas, the N word. Yeah. It's the one black guy in Harry Potter. Uh, that's it for the show.

I think this week, anyone have anything they'd like to plug? Uh, Tony, where can they find you? Thank you for doing the show again, by the way. Thank you for our 50th episode.

Spectacular. Oh really? Number 50. Oh, that's great. Well, I'm doing number 200 of my podcast on Monday. This is what I'm plugging.

If you're in LA or you're a comedian or whatever, whatever's going on, episode 200 of my podcast is on Monday live at the Comedy Store in the main room called Kill Tony.

It's a big, crazy live podcast and that's Kill Tony and I do stand-up every weekend in different cities and that's all available at TonyHinchcliffe.com. Yeah, everyone hates me.

I love it. It's awesome. No, and all joking aside, do check out One Shot on Netflix. It is a good special. It's a good special. Bust your nuts about that. Yeah, I it. It's awesome. No, and all joking aside, do check out One Shot on Netflix. It is a good special. It's a good special. We just wanted to bust your nuts about that.

Yeah, no, Tony's one of our favorites. You know, as an evil white man trying to make it in show business, you can't do much better than Tony Hinchcliffe. So, you know, it means a lot to us that you came on. Of course. I love you guys. You guys are two of my favorite top rising young gentlemen in all of the game of comedy. And you guys are absolute beasts. And guys inspire me and I love you.

And I want to work with you guys forever. So watch, watch. I guarantee it happens. So I got a couple of things to plug. Uh, March 25th, I will be at the nerd melt showroom and meltdown comics doing set list.

Uh, so come check that out. Uh, and special announcement for all the mean boys fans, April 18th, live mean boys podcast at Harvels and long beach. Yeah. Underground, uh, And special announcement for all the Mean Boys fans April 18th Live Mean Boys podcast At Harvell's in Long Beach Yeah, underground burlesque club

With titty dances before and after the show Lots of craziness going on There'll be some special guests we'll be announcing soon Yeah, we'll have nudity stand-up Some good old Mean Boys madness Maybe an appearance from Carnock Depending on if we have the budget for it Yeah, depending on if Keith ever gets the checks from the TV shows he was on

And pays off his tooth. Next Wednesday, March, or this Wednesday that this comes out, March 8th, I'll be headlining the Ontario Improv at 8 p.m. And that whole weekend from the 9th to the 12th will be at the Golden Spike Comedy Festival in Salt Lake City, Utah. Nice. All right. And I think that's it for this week. Fuck everything. God is dead.