Mean Boys - EP 62 - Shitty Boner-Lords (feat. Ramsey Badawi & Tom Goss)

Episode Date: May 30, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Fartmeister & The Spazz on InfoWars", "Now Is Not The Time", “Voicemails” and a game of “Which of the Following” with politicians by Ethan D. Lawrence (@EthanDLawrence) Come see The Mean Boys Podcast live at Harvelle's in Long Beach June 6th at 8:30pm, use promo code "MEAN" at checkout: http://longbeach.harvelles.com/event.cfm?cart&id=262287 You can now leave us a voicemail at [phone] Now Is Not The Time Gallery: http://meanboyspodcast.com/now-is-not-the-time Now Is Not The Time Video Clip: https://youtu.be/nQZ4DN08eQg We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (eataburrito.com) Listen to Tom’s podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/who-told-you-that/id1197690915?mt=2 Listen to Connor’s new podcast with Adam Tod Brown: https://soundcloud.com/unpopsconspiracy Send us an email at [e-mail] Follow our guest Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: twitter.com/ramsbad Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, it's Connor and Keith from the Mean Boys Podcast. What it do, baby boos? This is one of my favorite episodes we've ever done. Ramsey Badawi joined us in the studio today with Tom Goss. Follow him on Twitter at RamsBad. And we're going to have a link in the show notes for a video version of one of our favorite moments in the show's history. Like, strap the fuck in for this episode. It's a lot.

We have a live show coming up June 6th at 8.30pm at Harvell's in Long Beach. We've just finalized the lineup It's going to be amazing We have Brian Redband, George Perez, Jamar Neighbors And Anna Valenzuela joining us We have a lot of fun stuff planned So please we're going to have a link in the show notes Grab tickets and use that promo code MEAN

At checkout And please if you're in the area come out and tell a friend Tell a friend about the show if you haven't already And please leave us a review on iTunes It helps us out a lot This review comes to us from Ryan Buds Come out and tell a friend. Tell a friend about the show if you haven't already. And please leave us a review on iTunes. It helps us out a lot. This review comes to us from Ryan Buds. From Ching Chong Pizza Face to Polio Hoedowns, I seriously enjoy this podcast.

Thank you, Ryan. I love that any positive review of our show sounds like a negative review of a good show. It really does, yeah. I'm also a little hurt we haven't got a single non-five-star review. No one hates the show yet. Hang on. Do not ironically one-star review this show because it will literally fuck us. If you hate the show, leave a one-star review. All right. Yeah show yet. Hang on. Do not ironically one-star review this show because it will literally fuck us.

If you hate the show, leave a one-star review. All right. Yeah, I want your voice to be heard. Yeah, and then we're going to fine you. No, we're not. We'll burn your house to ash.

Karnak, what are you doing here? I gotta go. Okay. Yeah, I think that's about it. Well, not quite. We're sponsored, as always, by Don Carlos Taco Shop in scenic La Jolla, California.

Eataburrito.com for more information. The best burrito money can buy. And if you run a business and want to waste some money on advertising, hit up the We Voice Podcast. We are currently looking for new advertisers. If you ordered a Fuck Everything God is Dead t-shirt, thank you very much.

And they are on their way. And just this week, especially, we've gotten a huge outpouring of people just tweeting nice shit about the show. We're working on our best of episode. If you have any moments or sketches you'd like to be included, please let us know and we'll try to whittle it down. And we love you guys to death. It's been great.

Yeah. So check out this nonsense. Hey, everybody. Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. The end is near. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey.

And I'm... The guy who tried to open a juice bar on the Wailing Wall. Oh. That's funny. Thank you. Ramsey Bedali, back in the Mean Boys studio. Yeah, it's good to be back. Good to be back in my dining room. Thanks, guys.

Thanks for having me. Ramsey joining us all the way in scenic his house. Yeah, I think there's still some hummus stains from your lunch earlier on the table. Oh, boy. No, the other day you were just eating just raw hummus and tortillas. And you're just like, this is exactly what everyone in Oklahoma thinks I'm doing right now. It looked like a cartoon out of a pro-Trump newsletter.

From the Info Wars family circus, Ramsey Badawi also joining us. Tom Goss on sound effects. There he is. I can't get enough of Tom Jobs. I really can't. Me and Ramsey are big AM radio fans. This is really the culmination of tongue drops. I really can't. No, I mean, me and Ramsey are big AM radio fans. So this is really the culmination of a dream.

It really is. Not like a good one. Bad dreams, bad dreams. Nightmares. All right. Fuck it. Let's get into it. Let's do the Mexican joke off, boys.

Fuck yeah. Oh, fuck. Topical. Yeah, there it is. Tom had one job. And I forgot completely I was supposed to do that. Running like a well-oiled machine. I started to think that Tom...

That machine is designed to kill comedy. I started to think that Tom panicking before I drop is now part of your guys' intro. No, fuck! I mean, yeah. What I gotta do is I gotta give him a good 25 seconds of runway. And you gave me enough time. I was just so unready

like a fucking idiot. It's time to do this segment we begin the show with every week. I hope you guys are prepared for the Mexican Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Some things in me was improved over time. I'm very glad that the Mexican joke off intro is still the one I recorded on my iPhone 4 in my

parents' house in Chino and edited together in Sony Acid with sound effects I stole from freesound.org. I'm very proud that that is. Way to give them that plug. I'm sure they need it. Hey, this podcast brought to you by Vid 2 MP3 where I steal all the sound effects

in the beloved Mean Boys sketches. It's brought to you by Correctamundo. Correctamundo is correcto. All right, I'll take us away this week. Taiwan has become the first Asian country to legalize same-sex marriage.

The Taiwanese Supreme Court said in the ruling everyone, regardless of gender, should have the freedom to love their partner a long time. Former Oasis songwriter Noel Gallagher has publicly offered his condolences to the victims of the recent Manchester terror attack. In related news, Liam Gallagher

has joined ISIS. That is the funniest joke of 1997. Well, yeah, but it predates ISIS. You'd have to go Al-Qaeda or something. I'm aware. You'd have to do the first World Trade Center bombing. I guess I'll do a Muslim joke. That's actually his opening for his set.

I guess I'll do four Muslim jokes. This past Saturday marked the beginning of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. Muslims observe Ramadan by fasting for medicine, food, water, and sex from sunrise to sunset for a full month. Ramadan is the one time of year where Muslims actually terrorize themselves for a change. Yes, they deserve to die. Oh, no. Oh, Tom, what have you done? No. Tom, no.

Abort, abort. Oh, my God. Okay, listeners, he thought that that one was the Pokeball sound, and he really screwed the pooch. Yes, it was. That's correctamundo. That's our story, and we're sticking to it. It's funny, because earlier today, I was like, I don't totally understand why that weird

German All Right website likes Mean Boys. It makes a little more sense now. Well, stay tuned for the sketch this week. I don't think they're going to be super crazy about it. Ramsey is the most Islamophobic man I know. Absolutely, man. Former Muslim. I got that way by being surrounded by nothing but Muslims for 20 years.

It's like when you work at an ice cream shop, you don't want ice cream ever again. Like that, but for your shitty desert god. Absolutely. Yeah, I know. Who could pass up on a life of fasting during Ramadan? You got everything. Not food, not fucking boom-booms. Stop.

You're not making a lot of boom-booms. You're not putting enough food in your butt. Okay. 150,000 people gathered in the Brazilian capital Demanding transparency in the government Meanwhile millions of Americans thought for a while About donating to Swing Left's campaign To take back the house in 2018

Before deciding against it and buying a Big Bang Theory messenger bag I got lost a little The point is Our democracy is dead Ah tight Montana congressional candidate Greg Gianforte reportedly body slammed a reporter. The politician explained he was just trying to appeal to the constituents in his home district of Suplex City. Is that a wrestling term?

Yeah, somebody is going nuts hearing that reference. Okay. Not us. Robin Tran, hello. I don't even like it. There's no way Robin Tran still listens to this show. Yeah, there's no way. Hi, Robin.

151 dead and 102,000 people displaced when a storm led to heavy mudslides in Sri Lanka, which is pretty much exactly what you'd expect in a country where everyone's houses are made of mud. I fucked it up. I fucked it up. Thank you. Pac-Man didn't care for that joke. Oh, no. He's got a few more he's not going to care for.

Well, Pac-Man's really racist. Don't wreck the mood. No, that's Black Man, not Pac-Man, Tom. You've got to get these straight. Hey, Pac-Man, what do you think of Italians? Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop. All right, that's probably allowed because it's white people. You're probably part Italian. straight. Hey Pac-Man, what do you think of Italians? Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop. Alright, that's probably allowed because it's white people. You're probably part Italian.

Sure, why not? One of these things where you're like, I don't really know, there's probably some Italian in there, I could say it. We're allowed to be racist towards white people, that's the rules. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Remember Ramsey? Wait, you stay out of this. Yeah, man, you don't know our shit. No. Alright, after President Trump shared its classified intelligence With Russian officials

Israel has changed its information sharing policies with the US In another gesture of geopolitical shade Benjamin Netanyahu has turned his red receipts on So Trump can see that he's reading his messages But not responding He's a basic bitch that Netanyahu What we call a thirst trap. Trump's next 3 a.m. tweet is just going to say, you up.

And then a banana because he doesn't know which one means a dick. I feel like his dick probably looks like a banana. I feel like it just looks like him, but smaller. It's just angry. Kind of like your dick looks like you, but smaller. It's like squat and weirdly endearing. Yeah, I've often said about Keith, the first time I saw Keith's dick, I thought it was one of his balls. Yeah, when it's not hard, it's just all foreskin.

Well, yeah, it's uncircumcised, so it's just very smooth and just bulbous. It looks like a sharp hay. I'm picturing a fidget spinner. I don't know what that is. You probably need one. A Kentucky mail carrier has refused to make deliveries after his route became infested with rattlesnakes. When asked for comment, Postmaster Samuel L. Jackson said, quote, neither rain nor hail nor sleet nor snow, but these motherfucking snakes have got to go. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. All these jokes are just going to morph into Samuel Jackson quotes. My favorite thing is that I so clearly set him up for a very specific Sam Jackson quote. I don't have it. What, you dumb idiot? I had to delete some. I had too many Samuel Jackson ones. And you lost the most iconic one?

I wasn't expecting Snakes on a Plane to be that prolific. Have I told this story about my grandma in Snakes on a Plane? You have. Have you told it on the show? Yeah, yeah. Have I? Yeah, Tom. Okay, Tom knows.

But it's worth recapping if you'd like. Official Mean Boys story. My grandma was like, I saw a movie the other day, and I didn't care for it. It had that black fella in it that I like, and I was like, Samuel L. Jackson, because I know she's seen some Sam Jackson movies, and she was like, yeah, he's usually so good, but I mean, I forget the name of it, but he was on a plane and there were all these snakes and it was just dreadful. Why is your grandmother an SNL sketch? No, she really is.

Yeah, yeah. It's so funny. A Trump supporter charged with assaulting a protester at a rally is suing the sitting president, claiming Trump is to blame for the assault as he was the one who encouraged it. Press Secretary Sean Spicer responded to the claim by saying, quote, Blaming Trump for this assault is completely ludicrous. I think we all know if Hillary wasn't such a fat cunt, none of us would be here in person.

There's a real chicken and the egg dilemma there. On what grounds? Yeah. Well, you just got to heal him after that assault and the Pokemon Center. Oh, is that what that was? Yeah, yeah.

God damn it! That's a fucking racist Kangaskhan, and he just fainted during your gym battle with progress. I'm just waiting for us to get sued by Samuel L. Jackson. We're going to get sued by so many people, Keith. All right? Good news is that this podcast makes no money. We got to get rid of Ramsey so we can get a Jew lawyer. Jesus Christ.

I will sell my family's land in the West Bank any day of the week, baby. What do we need a nickel for? It's symbolic, Keith. They do that thing. Yeah, symbolic of a nickel. We do that thing with Palestine where they do it with Mexico. We're like, oh, yeah, we just stole a billion acres from you, but we gave you 1,200 bucks. We did that thing with Palestine where they do it with Mexico. We're like, oh yeah, we just stole a billion acres from you, but we gave you $1,200.

We bought it from you. Now enjoy these fucking model homes like the first season of Arrested Development. After a video of a woman calling another customer the N-word went viral, Walmart is instituting a ban on anyone that uses racist language within their store. In a related story, Walmart has

filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Have I ever told the story of when I got fired from the Walmart? I don't think so. I was fired. I worked in the electronics department of a Walmart. I worked there for three months. I was fired for, quote, gross incompetence. I feel like if it's just regular incompetence, you do it grossly.

And I was replaced with a retarded person. And here's the thing. They weren't wrong. That man knew how to stock some shelves. That's all that Kevin has. I mean, you know. Oh, man. Did you ever see Hot Fuzz?

A long time ago. He looked like the big mongo that pushed the shopping carts. Hot Fuzz? Yarb? That's so funny. My buddy Ryan worked at a Sam's Club, and there was like a simple guy that worked there, and he just... Simple?

He just... That seriously sounds more offensive than a fucking drooling retardant. Don't... Why simple? He's not a farmer in Arkansas. Why the fuck... He's not syrup in a Starbucks coffee, you fucking... You insensitive cunts.

You guys, he was a humble oaf. All right? Yeah, they hired Shrek. I was describing someone I may or may not have been in a relationship with at one point, his ex-husband, as an oaf one time. This guy was a simple oaf, and he basically did the topsoil whitewash. It's a real fun thing. it got him to push all the carts so he could hatch Pokemon eggs on his DS

it's a real piece of shit he also listens what's up buddy wait the oaf? no no the oaf is on the show he's got one of them jitterbug phones that has just like one number that says cops and one that says mom. And three times a week he misdials.

Sorry, Officer Dad. I have an emergency. I did the bathroom stuff on the not the bathroom place. My pants. I'm sending home early. I need Ramsey to sell his land in Palestine so I can have bus fare. Is it your turn or my turn? I think it's my turn.

Wait, who? The Ramsey one? Oh, no, you just did the Walmart one. It is your turn, yeah. All right. Fucking shut up. Oh, boy. Time out.

Dexter Holland, the lead singer of punk band The Offspring, has published a research paper on the HIV virus. His research says that survival rates are pretty high for a straight guy. the lead singer of punk band The Offspring, has published a research paper on the HIV virus. His research says that survival rates are pretty high for a straight guy. Holy shit. That deserves all the black women laughing on reality show drops. I was real happy about that one. Paul Ryan was surprised this past week

when a group of eighth graders refused to take a picture with him on account they disagreed with his policies. Paul Ryan hadn't experienced this much rejection

from eighth graders since the last time he was in eighth grade and ninth grade and tenth grade and eleventh grade. That's good stuff. Oh, that's so funny, dude.

He's a dweeb. All right. this one is I'm sorry I told you to shut up Tom You know I never want you to stop playing sound drops At the complete wrong time I rescind my words I'm smart and I want respect No

No to both Alright and finally Customs officers in Kuwait Caught a carrier pigeon pigeon wearing a backpack filled with almost 200 ecstasy tablets. The arresting officer took a long drag of a cigarette, squinted his eyes, and said, Why'd you do this, pigeon? You can get high whenever you want. You can't get diseases from a bird! I'm so mad right now.

You flew right into that one. Yeah, I flew right into the Windexed glass. Blank! Okay, my last joke is actually a special guest joke from Nat by Mal, friend and guest of the show. So I can't stress enough how much I didn't write this. Zack Snyder... You'll see.

I mean, you guys already know it. Zack Snyder's daughter has committed suicide, proving that he ruined somebody's childhood worse than mine. Oh, God. I promised him I'd do it. So there it is. Well, I don't feel good about that. I'm sure he's happy you named him.

I don't know. I'm not taking credit for that. Are you kidding me? I don't know any of the names that you used in that joke off. Who's Zack Snyder? Oh, he directed Batman v Superman. Oh, fuck. Okay, cool.

It's a real good joke. You missed out. All right. Well, this one's a bad joke to combat that. According to CNBC, the Japanese Chief Cabinet Secretary Yoshida Shuga is calling North Korea's new missile, quote, problematic. In an official statement, the Japanese official said, North Korea's latest missile launches, poses a threat to safety of air traffic, violates UN resolutions, and he's pretty sure he heard it say the word tranny

while describing an episode of I Am Kate. I fucked up. I didn't edit this joke at all. Ramsey. My favorite... Let's dig some silver lining out of that shitstorm. Look, the director's cut dragged a little in the fourth paragraph. You're right. You're right.

No, no, no. You're right. My absolute favorite part of that was watching you try and read the Japanese prime minister's name. You looked like how Tom probably looks reading any book. When he tries to remember if the preposition is of or the. Hop on poop. As I was looking at that, as soon as I saw his name, I was like,

this joke is going to be so bad. All right. Well, you know what? I, I have a, an extra dumb one. I'll,

I'll, I'll do a special bonus round. Uh, the U S experienced its hottest summer on record in 121 years. Republican lawmakers are blaming the heat on the humidity emanating from Al Gore's vagina. Okay. the heat on the humidity emanating from Al Gore's vagina. Okay, well that takes us nicely into the break.

The Mean Boys podcast will be right back. Hold on to your butts. Alt-right propaganda conglomerate InfoWars has recently branched out into the Morning Zoo radio format. Hey, welcome back to Farmeister and the Spaz, broadcasting live from the InfoWars mobile headquarters in an unmarked van parked outside the Chobani Yogurt corporate office.

That's right, bringing you the only alt-right Morning Zoo radio hour besides the Adam Carolla show. How do you feel about that, Matthew McConaughey? Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right. In the news today,ary clinton gave a commencement speech at her alma mater wellesley university where she encouraged graduates to fight back against the trump administration say spaz isn't that an all girls college if they want to stop our boy trump i guess they already know how to put their finger in a dike that one deserves

a 21 queef salute fireister. You've outdone yourself. Can somebody tell this old bag that she lost and needs to shut up already? At least now the only WikiLeaks she's got to worry about are in her granny panties. That's right. While we were busy flipping Pennsylvania, she was busy flipping pancakes because she's fat. Also in the news, another false flag attack in Manchester this week added to the list along Sandy Hook, Oklahoma City, Pulse Nightclub. Wait a minute, Spaz. I thought Pulse Nightclub was a false fag attack.

Whoa! Jeez, it seems like we've had more false flags than the state of Palestine lately. That's right, you're not a real place, Palestine. If you ask me, they're the real Netanyahu's. We stand with the nation of Israel 100%. Speaking of 100%, we are sponsored by Jones Juice, the only juice box guaranteed to be 100% free of estrogen-mimicking chemicals aiming to turn your kids gay. That's right.

Ever since ship's captain Alex Jones exposed the big juice companies right here on InfoWars for corroborating with the Obama administration to control the population with gay conversion additives, he started his own line of juice products. So for your family and the future of our nation, only drink Jones Juice. That's right, Jones Juice, the only fruit in your house, will be in the refrigerator. Now juice controls the media. Head over to JonesJuice.com or PayPal, definitely not BillHicks, at gmail.com to buy today. Also in the news, the liberal media is accusing Jared Kushner of setting up a back channel with the Kremlings.

Sounds like MSNBC cuck channeling to the snowflakes again, right, Fartmeister? Sure does. Hey, if you want to talk about being in bed with the Russians, ask old Bill Clinton about when Svetlana pooped on his chest on Secretary Island. I bet he asked her to give him the poot, Gingrich. Hit me with a fart gavel, Speaker Fartmeister. Another big win for the new right when Montana GOP candidate Greg Gianforte won his special election this week. Welcome to the House of Representatives, Greg.

Oh, and to the cuck reporter who asked him about the Trumpcare CBO score and got smacked. Fartmeister and the Spaz are sending you an ice pack made from genuine liberal tears. And if he wants us to kiss his owies in person, he can come to our live event at the Dave & Buster's in Washington, D.C. That's right! This Saturday, the Fartmeister and the Spaz crew will be speaking truth to power and giving away three

30-minute power play cards to our listeners. Hey, and maybe if Obama sticks his big nose in there, we can play whack-a-mole with that big one on his face. Sounds like you've earned a fart bonus round. The listener with the most tickets at the end of the night will keep all of them. And the listeners with the least will be forced to use them to buy army guys that don't protect them. It's gonna be a blast.

When we come back, we'll be celebrating Memorial Day by honoring our fallen heroes who deleted their Twitter accounts. This one goes out to Milo. Ladies and gentlemen, the Mean Boys podcast returns. The Mean Boys podcast is back. I done did it like a big boy. Shut up. We are back with a guest submitted segment. This is a Ramsey Bedali.

The guest submitting it is the guest right here. Oh, the guest is here absolutely I had one job You did? I'm sorry You know what I'm going to get that Walmart retard to bring us back from break I've had a long weekend give me a break You wouldn't sub punk bands in Las Vegas And bribe waitresses with your

Sadness for beer at slot machines They were cocktails Thank you Yeah they were. And it was complimentary because I played a penny at a time. I literally, I would put a dollar in a slot machine. Like, I would push it once when I was ordering the drink and then wait and then push it again. That's how you do it.

Yeah. Well, it's definitely how you do it when you are fucking penniless. Anyway, Ramsey Bedali joins us with one of my favorite desk pieces, segments of all time. I used to do on his podcast, Who Cares? This is Now Is Not The Time. Now Is Not The Time. Tom, that was deafening. Tom, Now Is Not The Time.

So just an explanation of Now Is Not The Time. After every single tragic terrorist attack or whatever national tragedy we go through, there's always a bunch of lovely – Field podcast network. Yeah. You know what? We should do a Now Is Not The Time. There's always a bunch of fun social media posts. There's always a bunch of fun stuff online, and I've curated some of my favorite.

And, of course um for this past week it was a post that were done after the the manchester bombing and just you know time insensitive time insensitive just bad timing so i've got some fun stuff uh i'm gonna put up some pictures on the mean boys is that a website blog what is yeah we have a website we'll send it your way if you want to see any of these they're're fun. The first one I'm going to go over was posted on May 22nd. It was posted... Oh, shit. Motherfucker.

I feel like Tom right now. Ramsey got a touchscreen laptop that flips around, and he always thinks he can use that as a tablet, but it basically just turns into him just yelling at us. First week, this was posted two hours before the attack by a guy named Allie663 on Twitter. It says, are you forget our threat? This is just the terror, which I love because it does.

This is the just. This is the just terror. It just sounds like Indonesian death metal lyrics. Yeah, it's like I Google translated like, you know, a Japanese death rock. Yeah, it's really funny. He throws up, by the way, the ISIS flag, Japanese death rock. Yeah, it's really funny. He throws up. By the way, the ISIS flag. Comic Sans Arabic.

Is that what they're using? Worst font I've ever seen. Yeah, it's some very poor graphic design. It's so bad. And of course, we're just talking about how ISIS, you know, they have such good aesthetics. Like the Nazis, like these like really cool looking uniforms. And I said, like this, you know, everything's very well curated and they're very particular with their social media presence.

This is a rare lapse in yes I thought the shit I make for me boys looks better than this this looks like a South Park Isis flag this is clearly the local cartoonist who was like overthrown with Saddam's regime got this job for sure this is the cartoon is from the bath party yeah this is why you don't fucking run your terrorist network with MS Paint. Yes, exactly. A few minutes later,

Manchester City replied, we forget it. Okay, next one. Two hours after the attack, this was posted on Manchester's Craigslist. It is hardcore home movies, 10 euros, okay?

Ooh, jeez. I do love this. Okay, one of those is a lady being It looks like Fiston Yeah there's four movies Here for sale You know originally

I thought now Is not the time But I guess in retrospect It is the perfect time For movies called Come on titties Stalking fuck teaser And my favorite

James All I could think When I read the first one Was come on titties Like a desperate man At a racetrack All I could think when I read the first one was, come on, titties. Like a desperate man at a racetrack. That's a guy fucking a lady. You never name the porn after the guy if he's fucking a lady.

Well, hang on a second. Here's the thing. That is a very close-up picture of a butt. You don't know that that's a lady. You're right. I guess that's a good point. Either one of them could be James. It's a very well-manicured butthole. The butt looks like it's splitting.

I'm going to guess because... James is putting in work. James is doing... Well, I'm butt looks like it's splitting I'm gonna guess because James is putting in work James is doing Well I'm gonna guess it's a lady Because the last three were like Stalker teaser Or stalking teaser Yeah but maybe they're giving you the variety pack

And this is for the Maybe you're one of those poop fans Fair enough How soon do you come after like a terrorist attack? That's true That really says a lot about you Have you guys ever taken an apple And just grabbed it and

Ripped it in half? Yes No No Tom Looks half an apple Ripped in half You Yes. No. That ass looks half an apple ripped in half. You just described how Frankenstein would eat an apple. You just described how fucking Keith's Walmart replacement has lunch. Hang on, we're foaking our asses in terrorism.

You ever eat a whole coconut like a hand fruit? You ever just chew on a pineapple And think about rabbits you enjoy That's so funny Yes You have one that works most of the time And even then not all the time 20 minutes after this post I found another one on Manchester's Craigslist which is advertising

Worn underwear by an 18-year-old. 20 euros apiece. She threw down her kick handle, so I decided to explore it a little bit further. I created a kick account. Okay, for the listening audience, Ramsey's

kick account, his name is Big Ass Ram Dog. Can't believe he got it. Which frankly sounds like the guy who was fucking James in that last one. Yes, absolutely. It's a great kick profile. As all creepy social networking profile pictures should be, it is just of an unsettling part of your face while you're exhibiting zero emotion.

It looks like it's definitely a picture of you currently breathing too loud through your mouth. It's the profile picture of everyone that follows porn stars on Twitter. Are you guys familiar with Kik? If you don't know what Kik is. I only know it through like vague shady references I see on Tinder and stuff. Yeah, it is the official social media network of people who are living a double life. It is such a sketchy. It is so sketchy.

So what did Big Ass Ramdog discover? So Big Ass Ramdog hit up Cam and I hit her up. Her name is Kat. I said, hey, Kat, you still got that underwear from May 22nd? She said, hey, can you show me which pair, hun? I said, they were posted on Craigslist on May 22nd, a few minutes after that tragic attack. She replied, I have a few ads on there. So sorry, you'd have to be a little bit more specific.

So I sent her a picture of the ad. And then I said, you posted it like 30 minutes after that awful bombing at the Ariana Grande show. You remember? I'll take them. I love that you keep bringing it up. She said, oh, I thought you saw a picture and wanted a certain pair. My bad. Yeah, sure.

Would you like anything specific? I have a pink pair on at the moment. And I said, I want whatever ones you posted on May 22nd. It's a way for me to commemorate the tragedy. Never forget. Are you going to buy a commemorative coin from the fucking History Channel infomercial at 1 in the morning? No, you get yourself a pair of pink panties that sweated through the paint. She said, let me see if I still have them.

I said, sad stuff, huh? She said, yeah, I got them. I said, these terrorists are the worst. A lot of bad apples, if you ask me. A lot of bad apples. Tom wants to rip in half. It's not that difficult to rip an apple in half. It is if you don't have mongo strength.

Okay, Tom? It's fine. It's not that hard to do a lot of things you shouldn't do yeah like blow up an Ariana Grande show apparently

it has nothing to do with apples shop through our Amazon link if you want to buy bulk fertilizer I'm kidding we got kicked off

of Amazon did you guys really also don't do terrorism good save hey but buy this woman's underwear she seems like a nice person.

She replied to me with, yeah, it was horrible. I heard all the emergency services driving by to get past there. Sad emoji. Sad emoji. And then she snapped me a picture of what I believe is real. I think that's real because those thighs are too imperfect to be fake. Jesus, Randy. Oh, my Christ.

That was the most offensive thing you said on the show. In no way correct. She said, these are the panties from that day. Are they okay? There's more. I replied, you were wearing them when you heard about the bombing? She said, yeah, I had them on all that day, and I slept in them, too. I said, you were sad while wearing them, though, right?

This is upsetting. This is upsetting, and I love it. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my too. I said, you were sad while wearing them though, right? This is upsetting. This is upsetting and I love it. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. She said, of course it was a tragedy. I said, it's important for me to know that information. She replied, I've lived in Manchester my whole life. It was a huge shock

for me and upset for me and everyone around me. And I replied, sniff, sniff, I'll take them. You put emojis. And that's the end of that one. Wait, please tell me you actually bought them. Well, she wanted my address. I did not buy them.

No, no, no. I don't think my girlfriend would be okay with that. I'll set up a P.O. box. Ramsey, buy these panties. Well, we'll see. Yeah, we'll buy them. Hang on. If you buy these panties, we will put them on the wall next to the Mark Malloy hat and the Mean Boys artwork.

I will message her back as soon as this podcast is over. Ramsey, that was the funniest thing we've ever had on this show. That's so funny. I also think it should be addressed that I dated a girl who sold her panties on Greyhound. I was waiting for you to bring that up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went with her to one of the drops. Oh, yeah.

It's a good living, man. It is. She kept it a secret for a while, and then then she told me and she thought I'd be mad, I was like, I'm mad you're not doing it more. We don't have any money. I got in one of the biggest fights I ever got in with the girl I was dating at that point. Because I lived with Connor's girlfriend. And it was like she needed a picture of her butt wearing the panties for Craigslist.

And she just came out and she's like, look, I can't take a good enough picture of my own butt. And I'm like, yeah, all right, we're br out and she's like, look, I can't take a good enough picture of my own butt. And I'm like, yeah, alright, we're bros. Keith's like, been there. Yeah, and I took a picture of her butt and I didn't think it was that big of a deal and I told my girlfriend, yeah, I took a picture of the homegirl's ass so we could sell her panties on Craigslist and apparently, not thrilled about it.

We had a long, stern talk. Oh, boy. That's a boundary. Yeah, okay. That is wild. We sat that's a boundary. Yeah. Okay. That is wild. We sat in a Starbucks for two hours and waited for some pervert

to show up. They never did. Oh, man. I could tell by how long she was talking to me. I'm like, this must be a regular conversation she's getting from people.

Yeah, and this is a pretty regular racket that girls do. I've known a lot of chicks who do this. You can be sitting down wiggling your butt and someone's like,

what are you doing, Stacy? I'm paying bills, motherfucker. God, Ramsey, you need to buy those. I will do them. I have mixed feelings about buying them, but I'm certainly not going to buy this. Why not? She needs the $20.

We need to put that on the wall. It needs to be, yes. Framing that. Honestly, that's our fucking first Mean Boys charity auction. If we frame that in front of a newspaper with the headline about the oh god

that's so that's 100% happening oh god Ramsey buy them big ass Ram Dog is donating it to the mean boys studio when I have money

I promise I will pay you back for them if that's the issue I will too you got it what's next there's more this was a tweet posted

actually the next day by a man under the name Lord Sussex MMB. He said, should the British government immediately deport or imprison all Muslims, persons of high interest in light of Manchester Arena? 70% said yes. 22% said no. I feel like this thing is not counting how many times I voted yes. I really don't. If you don't know the language, get the fuck out of the country.

Yes. Stop. I like that somehow Tom. That's an alt dice click. Somehow Tom with a soundboard has been the most racist part of this episode. Has he not? Yeah. I go, honey, didn't I smack you around already today?

Does that seem like a bad idea to you guys? You take a bunch of Muslims. They know English. They know your society. And then you throw them into Libya. Doesn't that seem like a bad... That seems like the worst idea of the world. It seems like the worst idea. Yeah, let's piss off the ones who could fuck

us over the most. Who know how our system works. I mean, also the unspoken thing of like, oh, most of them didn't blow anything up. Yeah, exactly. But, you know, what are you gonna do? Anyways, have fun. Have fun being deported. Jesus. Happy Ramadan. Next one. Yeah, Ramsey's a fallen Muslim hipster. He shops at Deport Authority. Sorry Ramadan. Next one. Yeah, Ramsey's a fallen Muslim hipster.

He shops at Deport Authority. Sorry. This is one that I saw posted on Facebook. It said, Mosque set on fire in the wake of Manchester Arena terrorist attack blast. Motherfucker. Okay, sorry. That one, it's my new laptop. I'm shutting off too much with it.

It says, Mosque set on fire in the wake of Manchester Arena terrorist attack blast. I just didn't like the picture that they used right here. Doesn't this look like he just solved the problem? He just looks like his ice cream cone fell over. He just looks mildly perturbed and not like the house of his worship got burned to ass. It looks like the headline is like, grumpy, grumpy brown man opens boring business. Yeah, or it looks like headline is, other imams hate him. Like clickbait.

All right, next one. This is something posted on a Facebook user by the name of Christine Dixon. Who is behind the mask? Man. By the way, this is a woman in a burqa. Woman in a burqa. Go to meanboys.com to check it out. Who is behind the mask?

Meanboyspodcast.com. Meanboyspodcast.com. MeanBoysPodcast.com. Man, woman, terrorist, you don't know. And then in red font it says, this is a risk to our security and should be banned in all public places. Now, I was very offended by this until I realized, actually, it was a promo for Hulu's new show, Behind the Mask. Which is about mascots. It's about the real-life mascots. And that was actually a mascot for the Saudi Dadis, which is a Saudi Arabian cricket team.

Sorry, what? Wait, their mascot is just an oppressed woman? Yes. I'm not going to tell the Saudi Dadis how to do their job. We thought we were bad with the Redskins in America. Now the Libby Aquit snaps up next to whatever the version of the plate is for cricket. Christine Dixon actually also posted this three days later. It said, how many people have to die at the hand of Muslims before we realize Islam is the problem?

And I replied to her with a one, a two, a three thousand. Oh, my God. This is a meme that he's made. A one, a two, a three thousand? Oh my god This is a meme that he's made Oh my god Memeboyspodcast.com It needs that owl licking the Tootsie Pop In the background It does, I know, I wasn't that good with Photoshop

And a couple honorable mentions Ariana Grande, pro-refugee, pro-Muslim, anti-Trump, anti-American, Women's March organizer, raging liberal, suddenly wishing she was back in the safety of the United States. Christ. This was my – I cut out the site. It's like PatriotsAmericaFacebook.com or whatever. We should point out – Connor tweeted this, but then ended up deleting it. Her bio on Twitter just said, dangerous woman. And I was just like, ooh, just put a hashtag pray for Manchester quick.

I feel like that. This is my favorite one. It is the peaceful religion by Kevin Sorbo. Do you guys know who Kevin Sorbo is? I do not know Kevin Sorbo. This is from the Kevin Sorbo official Facebook page. Kevin Sorbo played Hercules on the TV show. Do you guys know who Kevin Sorbo is? I do not know Kevin Sorbo. This is from the Kevin Sorbo official Facebook page. Kevin Sorbo played Hercules on the TV show. Do you remember?

Oh, I know that. Oh my god. He posted this on his official Facebook page. Wait, what is it? Oh, fuck. It's like an anti-Muslim It sure is. It is The Peaceful Religion, and then it's a book by a guy named Daniel Greenfield

Bloody Hands in Manchester The most C-list celebrity To post an anti-Islamophobic thing Kevin Sorbo went batshit crazy And he's in like weird Christian movies He is right Let's see what Xena the Warrior Princess Thinks about ISIS

And that concludes Now Is Not The Time. Thank you guys very much. Wow. That was a Hall of Famer, Randy. It's a heavy hitter. It's a heavy hitter. You're going up in the rafters next to those panties. And look, I'm not saying I'm hoping for another tragedy because, you know, it's coming anyway, but please come

back any time and do that. We also need to buy a pair of panties from every tragedy. Yes, absolutely. Oh my God. Absolutely. I mean that... I can't even deal with how funny that was.

That was beautiful. I need a minute. Mean Boys will be right back. And the Mean Boys podcast is back and it's time for the debut of a new segment. We're going to check

the Mean Boys voicemail. God help us all. Yes. I finally figured out how to set up a voicemail. It was super easy. It took about 10 minutes. Just didn't get around to it

for a year and a half. Yeah, it's one of the many problems with this show where we talk about it for eight months and we're like, yeah, that just seems like a lot of work and then it's immediately doable.

Oh, it's super easy. Yeah, leave us a voicemail if you'd like it. 304-805-MEAN. That's 6-3-2-6 for you fucking simpletons out there. We're going to play the first message that we ever got on the voicemail.

Let's see who it is. Yeah, I called the first number you sent me, and it sent me to Dennis. Oh, shut up. I left a message for Dennis. I didn't say anything, but a background noise was received by Dennis. Text me if you get the message. Okay, Connor sent me the wrong fucking number and then I called Dennis.

And Dennis called me back and I didn't pick up. There's nothing funnier than you saying the word Dennis. I don't know why. Say it again. Dennis. No, that's not my fault because you told me to test it. I just fucking called Dennis. No, but that's not my fault, because you told me to test it.

I just fucking called Dennis. Hey, mean boys. Dennis is a fucking dork. Just went into the witness protection program because of this mentally ill man screaming at him about a podcast he didn't know existed. All right, this one comes to a fan of the show. We're going to play this one. The voice in this one is odd. Hey, mean boys. Oh, no. The voice in this one is odd. What do you mean, voice?

Oh, no. Long-time listener. First-time caller. I like him. Or whatever. Just wanted to say that the show has been great lately. And thank you. Fuck everything God has did.

That man sounds like he's making chili out of people. So this is a weird thing. I went through a very brief phase when I was 17, 18, where I was calling phone sex numbers. Sure, sure. Because I had a debit card for the first time, and I didn't have the internet. And there was one where you could call it. It was cheaper than actually getting phone sex, and you just listened to other people having phone sex. Oh, yeah. That is what every single man on those lines sounded like.

It's that trepidation. I know exactly what I want, but I'm afraid my wife might come, so I can't get too excited. That is a tone that says, I'm sitting while my kids are sleeping in the next room. Yeah, I'm wondering. I've been sleeping in a Lazy Boy for the last 21 years. I'm in the bathroom with a fan on, trying to block the noise. Thank you for listening. That was a very sweet voicemail,

but it was just... Masturbate to those panties Ramsey was trying to buy. I mean, boys, Mark Malloy's great. Well, she's a great big fat person. I own one casual flannel, one formal one. Formal flannel. The guy who left that, tell me if I'm wrong. That's my funeral flannel. What?

I want the guy to tell me if I'm wrong. I bet you're either a fun dude to drink with or used to be a fun dude to drink with. Hilarious. That is so funny. I think you're a fun dude to drink with, but a terrifying dude to be sober with. If you're a fun dude to drink with, let's get drunk sometime. All right. Well, that was the Mean Boys voicemail.

Please call. What is the number again? 304-805-MEAN. 304-805-MEAN. Call be in the show notes If you have the memory of a fucking goldfish Losers And we'll be right back with the last thing Mean Alright everybody the Mean Boys podcast returns

To close out the show as we always do with a round of our favorite game Which of the following Yeah Dancing and it looks pretty dumb. Which one? I think we should give Tom props. He was on it with that one. That was great.

I'm a dancing bitch. I prepped him heavily during the break. Because I'm a dancing bitch. All right, we're doing it again. Oh, stop it. Tom, this is an audio medium, you fucking audio large. Here's what happened. Stop.

Stop. Stop. We gave Tom credit. And the universe refused to let him not fail. This is your podcast now. I'm leaving. I'll give you the keys to the RSS feeds. Lock up when you're done.

Which of the following? I'm gonna kill you with a brick. Go underground and eat mold right now. Tom Cuss. Dancing bitch. Alright. This one comes to us from at Ethan D. Lawrence, who is Dancing bitch. All right.

This one comes to us from at Ethan D. Lawrence, who is actually an actor in Britain. Yeah, he's a really cool guy. Give us a lovely shout out. Man, you make a lot of money on butter commercials out there. Yeah, send us a lovely tweet. Send us this email. Hello there, Mean Boys from sunny Britain. First off, I just want to thank you for keeping me entertained while I've been flinging myself around the country working. I've listened from episode one and now fully

caught up. You've had me laughing on trains and people have been looking. Anywho, so British. I thought I would do a Witch of the Fall for you. It's about names of politicians. Hope you enjoy. So without any further ado, this is a Witch of the Fall. He's not a real politician. A. Ed Balls. B. Diana Gooch.

Shut up. I still have a vagina. Anna Gooch, repping for the fucking women's rights. C, Anthony Klitz. Klitz, actually. Anthony Klitz with a Z. Or D, Tiny Cox, spelled K-O-X. Klitz with a Z.

Klitz with a Z. Klitz with a Z. It's not your dad's klitz. Klippi, klippi. New Klitz Gussers. Some fucking anthropomorphic. Find a klitz and then give it cavity. Yeah, just a klitz on rollerblades. Just shredding down some stairs.

It's Otto from Rocket Power eating your pussy. I'm just picturing a Capri Sun commercial. Bogus, bogus. And finding the hole in a Capri Sun commercial. Bogus, bogus. And finding the hole in a Capri Sun pouch is kind of like finding the clit. You'd think it would be easy. It's at the same place every time. Yeah, look, it's close to the top underneath the little lippy bit. Yeah, and just poke it until you make it work.

Yeah, you get it. And if you poke all the way through, you have a problem. A couple of my friends were virgins up until very recently that I went to high school with. And I was just like, all right, let me guys tell you about the clit and the vagina. And the two pieces of advice I gave him was like, the hole's lower than you think it's going to be. And the clit is higher than you think it's going to be. The area in the middle is no man's land. Great license plate frame.

So if there's any sexually unexperienced mean boys fans out there which i have to imagine there are no way they don't suck dick the way they used to yeah i've never met a fan of this show i'm like i bet they fuck real good like you're all sweethearts every one of you that i met maybe one of you but like uh so guys any guesses ed balls ds, Diana Gooch, Anthony Klitz, or Tiny Cox? I feel like Tiny Cox is so ridiculous. Right. You know what? I think you might be right.

Okay, okay. Go, go, go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jump in on you. Is Klitz spelled with a C or a K? K. Okay, there we go. I'm going to say Diana Gooch.

I'm going to say... First of all, I want to say I hate this guy a lot. I hate how earnest he sounded in his email. He's pretty cute. He sounded sweet and warm. This guy has sweet and warm twitter followers and he likes the show i think he's the best thing ever i can't i i think he stinks i hope his career fails two kinds of brits polite and punch you okay he's being polite yeah i'd like a punchy i want a guy richie or jason state is in england guy richie ain't punching nobody. Yeah, he's absolutely not. Guy Ritchie got bitched out by Madonna. Did you hear about the Guy Ritchie circumcision thing?

No, what happened? So I don't know if this was real or not, and I should probably do some research on it, but there was a story I read where he was dating or married to Madonna or whatever, and she was all into that fucking Kabbalah nonsense, and that's based on Judaism. So she made him get circumcised as an adult. Whoa! Yeah. Madonna's pussy ain't that good.

There's no pussy that good. I don't know if it's true or not, but if it is, it's the funniest thing in the world. Yeah. Oh, my God. Because you do that and then get divorced. Oh, Jesus. Dude, like... I had a foreskin.

She throws that at him. Real stuff. Religion is dumb and dudes are somehow dumber. Like, fucking how much... How roiling is your testosterone, your desire for fame or whatever from nominated? You're going to cut off part of your dick. Guy Ritchie will do anything for sex. I agree with everything you say, but I will say I enjoy being circumcised.

So that is the one side. If it weren't for the Jews, no cut penises. You know what? I've been thinking lately if I have a boy one day, I don't think I'm going to circumcise him. Because I feel like cleaning it out with a Q-tip is going to be a nice bonding experience. Being uncircumcised is dope as shit because your dick is a conversation piece. Most people are just like, oh, well, not dudes. Dudes are usually pretty like, oh, yeah, we know what we're doing here.

This is fun. But women are just like, treat it like, oh, it's European. It's the Spanish model. No, the dick has the accent. The turtleneck of the devil. I say, hey. It makes sex feel better, right? I mean, I couldn't.

Well, I've heard yes. Yeah, I've heard that. I like that you aggressively said no, even though you have no frame of reference. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, what I was told is that it feels better for the dude if you're circumcised. I've heard the opposite, but both. I have a bunch of nerve endings in my shit. Yeah, but I got nerve endings everywhere. It doesn't make it feel better when things touch it.

Look, I don't need that to feel better. It's pretty great the way it is. Yeah, it fucking has never led to complaints. Diana Gooch is my choice. Okay, Ramsey Bedard. I'm going with Ed Balls. I say Ed Balls. Well, no, you're saying Ed Balls.

What was C? C was Anthony Klitz. And D? D was Tiny Cox. Fuck. I say Ed Balls. All right, the fake one is C, Anthony Klitz. Oh, we're picking which one is fake.

Oh, I thought we were picking which one's real. Oh, no, no, no. He used to allegedly produce this show. Very accident. You look like we've done more work on this episode. Ed Balls is a former... You literally did more work on this episode than you ever did as a producer. Well, really, for anything else I've done in my life. Thank you very much, guys.

As someone who sees Ramsey burn out on every project he ever attempts, it was an astounding amount of effort. Thank you. So Ed Balls is a former British Prime Minister, Labor Minister, Diana Gooch, Republican Congresswoman, and Tiny Cox is in the Dutch Socialist Party. Round number two, which of the following is our real politician? A. Young Boozer.

Fuck off! B. Hans Free. C. Ben Bushyhead. Or D. Crystal Ball. Well, Ben Bushyhead is officially Tom's new name. Yeah, that's the Pixar animated character he's going to voice.

Like Patton Oswalt in Ratatouille someday. What was A, Young Drink Things? It was Young Boozer, dummy. Ben Bushy Head sounds like a Pixar movie about a young terrorist trying to make it. Little Ben Bushy Head. Young Boozer hangs out with Travis Scott. I think he does some of the auto-tune hooks on his new album. Astroworld. I was into Travis Scott before it was-tune hooks on his new album. Astro World.

I was into Travis Scott before it was cool. Can we hear him again? That was a lot. I listened to Travis Scott when he had five songs on the Kanye forums. What do you want?

A fucking metal? I just want people to know that Conor McSpan is on the cutting post of what the youth wants. Everyone in this room is now dumber. A, Young Boozer.

B, Hans Free. C, Ben Bushyhead. Or D, Crystal Ball. Which one's fake, Ramsey? You're trying to pick the fake one. A. Young Boozer. B. Hans Free. C. Ben Bushyhead. Or D. Crystal Ball. Which one's fake, Ramsey? You're trying to pick the fake one. Gotcha. I'm gonna go with... I'll let you guys go first. I'm gonna go with Crystal Ball. Was that D? That's D. That's D. Tom Goss. You know,

since you guys have signed him to me, I'm gonna go Ben Bushyhead. Because I'm taking that name if it's not available. Keith Carey. What was A again? A was Young Boozer. I'm going to say B, Hans Free. The fake one is B, Hans Free.

Young Boozer is a Republican state treasurer. Ben Bushyhead is a Democrat. And Crystal Ball is a congresswoman. Yeah, I'm a Democrat. All right. Round number three, which of the following is not a real politician? British political nicknames edition. I'm very excited for this.

These are... He's read the parentheses. Essentially, it happens when British politicians attempt roast comedy. A, Teflon Tony. B, Mandy the Lord of Darkness. C, Patty Pantsdown. Or D, Jackboot Jeremy? Jackboot Jeremy is Hardcore Henry in England, actually.

By the way... Is Jackboot Jeremy not a character on this show? I don't know. He might have to be. If you have a Teflon pan, it does release toxic chemicals into your food if you use it for too long. Tom, shut the fuck up! What are you doing? Info long. Tom, shut the fuck up. Why are you doing InfoWars

fucking... Shut your fucking monkey face. You idiot. It has nothing to do with you. What is going on in that bushy head of yours? People don't listen to Meat Boys for fucking FDA certification. The first guy's name was like Teflon Wyatt

or something and I just like Teflon Wyatt or something and I just Teflon Wyatt? I just wanted to say that not many people know how toxic Teflon is if you keep using the band for too long. You fucking broke Connor.

Look, Meat Boy's fans, look it up online, all right? And you're going to be like, oh, shit. Tom's concerned for our safety. I vote Teflon. Fuck you, FDA. Teflon. What did they do to you?

Tom just yelled about a ban and then cursed the government. No, Teflon is a material. Yes! Oh, they said ban. Teflon is a material. Yes! Teflon is a material for the Imperial. That's a biggie lyric. Can you run the fucking things one more time? Alright, Teflon Wyatt. No, Teflon Tony.

Can that be the Astrid episode named Teflon Wyatt? It is, yeah. Teflon Tony, Mandy the Lord of Darkness, Patty Pantsdown, or Jackboot Jeremy. You go first, Tony. What was B again? I'm sorry, I love you. It was B is Mandy the Lord of Darkness, Patty Pantsdown, or Jackboot Jeremy? You go first, Tom. What was B again? I'm sorry, and I love you. It was B is Manny the Lord of Darkness.

Manny or Mandy? Mandy. I'm going to say... All right, Tom, go first. I'm going to go first. Fuck. I'm going to go with Teflon Tony. I'm also going to go with Teflon Tony.

Yeah, it's Mandy, dude. It's easily Mandy. All right, The fake one. D, Jackboot Jeremy. What? Okay. Teflon Tony is a reference to Tony Blair's immunity to criticism. Mandy, the Lord of Darkness references Peter Mandelson, a spin doctor for labor who was

later given a peerage. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, buddy. Yeah. There's not a lot of British words. I'm disgusted by all of this. How do you hate? You can't hate white people and Muslims. You got to pick somebody. No, How do you hate? You can't hate white people and Muslims. You gotta pick somebody. No, it's not true.

I can hate European white people. They're a specific kind of trash that I don't care for. Okay. No, Ramsey is all about all the problems in this fucking planet. This man is equality. He hates everyone. A lot of people talk about hating. By the way, the way Tom moved his hand is in a complete high level.

Heck no. I was pointing to Ramsey, who is not above me. He is parallel to me. Yeah, we're gonna open a camp for the Europeans. We're gonna give them Teflon B. Teflon Y is my favorite. I'm on Teflon. Alright, well, Patty Pantsdown is a dude that

fucked a lady, as you figure. Patty Pantsdown, that's just quaint. Yeah, that's fine. It's like if we call him Billy Zips. We should have done that in America when Bill Clinton fucked that girl. You know, like, you know, Saxophone Jam or something.

Saxophone Jam? Saxophone Jam is really... We do. Did I ever tell a story about the guy I sexually harassed in middle school and the song Funky Beats? What? All right. So there's this really homophobic kid that sat next to me in band class. We played alto saxophone.

I didn't mean homophobic in band. I know. Yeah. I mean, I'm from Ontario. So I mean, and anyway, he was just a very right wing homophobic. So during our rest, when the rest of the band was playing and the saxophones weren't, I would just say really gay shit to him to fuck with him. And then at the end of the year, you had to compose an original song and play it for the class.

And you had to have a story behind it. And you're supposed to visualize the story while you're listening to the song. And he's like, okay, so this song is about a dancer in Chicago. And at first, no one thinks that he could be a good dancer. But then he gets really good and becomes the best dancer and it's called Funky Beats and it just completes, proceeds to just honk honk honk honk

and then at the end of this shitty honk honk honk he just stands up throws both of his fists above his head and goes Funky Beats! It was one of the hardest I've ever I almost shit my pants I hope my son becomes a right wing 8th grader that sounds so funny It was one of the hardest I've ever... I almost shit my pants. I hope my son becomes a right-wing eighth grader.

That sounds so funny. A right-wing eighth grader? He just had no knack. I worked hard for this shock of milk. I don't see why the poor kids get whatever's for free. Fuck you, lunch lady and your union. Yeah, you're getting your government cheese pizza and a perfect rectangle that tastes like cardboard.

Don't even get me started, dude. Round number four, which of the following is not a real politician? A, Herbert Sniffer. B, Carrie Fageter. C, Mark Coon Rippy Brown. Or D, Barb Queer. I don't know. I would vote for all four of these people.

Anthony Lawrence, you've injured Tom. Barb Queer. Except for that one. That's the one I would not. Barb Queer is what they call roast battle in England. I was about to go there. Yeah, I got some queer barbs from the Mean Boys. I'm sorry. I forgot everyone but go there. Yeah, I got some queer barbs from the Mean Boys. I'm sorry.

I forgot everyone but barb queer. Alright, Herbert Sniffer, Carrie Fageter, Mark Coonrippi Brown. I mean... Here's the thing. Either Carrie Fageter is an incredible coincidence

or this is directed straight at me. Almighty Faget! So I'm at me. Almighty faggot. There you go. So I'm going to say Carrie Faggater. I'm going to go with Mark Cooney Brown. Coon Ripper. Coon Ripper Brown.

And if this is fake, I'm going to come across the pond and beat the shit out of this guy for even making this one up. I think the Europeans. That's our word. You're not allowed to say it. See, I think they're all about that word over there. So I'm going to say, what was it again? It was Herbert Sniffer. I'm going to go Herbert Sniffer.

The fake one. A, Herbert Sniffer. What? You got lucky, fucking Nigel. You got lucky. Nigel? His name's Ethan, all right? Fuck you, Ethan.

And he's our friend. Why are you so mad? I like Ethan. I don't give a fuck about Ethan. Yeah, Ethan, Ethan. He's our friend. Why are you so mad? I like Ethan. I don't give a fuck about Ethan. Ethan's rad. We're friends on Twitter. The last couple weeks, I've been with a lot of nice guys

who start their name with E. Shut up. Shut up, Teflon dumb fuck. Fucking no-stick sticky pants. You're making me stupid for knowing you. I regret giving you all those sound effects. Kerry Fageter is an Australian politician.

Mark Kuhn, Rippy Brown ran for governor in Tennessee. Shocking. And Barb Queer is a county commissioner in Ohio. Well, there you go. Man, this has been a draining evening. Yes. This was a good time, guys.

I don't know if it's the best episode, but it's the most fun I might have ever had. It's the most fun. Oh, this is so much fun. Yeah, it's almost one in the morning. I'm like lightheaded from joy. Finally, all real or all fake, politicians, Luke Sissyfag Montgomery.

Hang on. B, Sister Boom Boom C. Robin Rape Or D. Silver Dick Bland Wasn't Silver Dick Bland One of the Avengers in the last movie? That was War Machine I was gonna say

Didn't the cops kill Silver Dick Bland? Yeah you shouldn't eat off Silver Dick, though. Don Cheadle's dick is anything but bland. I feel like Don Cheadle's got a rocking dick. Yeah, me too. Don Cheadle, absolutely. Don Cheadle. I'm more like, hey, right?

So, hang on. What was the first one? Sissy Fang? Yeah, Sissy Fang Montgomery. That's in quotes, though? Yeah, well, it's like, you know, when someone's like, Jig, the snake robbers. I want to make sure it's presented as a nickname. Yeah, presented as a nickname.

It's not actually SissyFag. Yeah, and Silver Dick is a nickname as well. All right, so we're on all real or all fake. I'm going to go, I'm going to go, I'm going to go, these are all real. Tom, Tomothy. We're all tied at one, right? I think so, yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to go real. I don't, yeah. I'm going to go real. Just for the sake of breaking the tie, I'll go all fake, but I think they're all real. All right, the answer is all real. Luke Sisyphag Montgomery ran for mayor of Washington. Sister Boom Boom ran for a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.

See, you're going deep, Ethan D. Lawrence. Robin Rape is a constable in Texas and Silver Dick Glenn, 9th century member of Congress. We have constables? Is Sissy Fag, is that on the sticker? Is that on the bumper sticker? That's a tough sell in Texas.

Oh no, Robin Rape, that's a very easy sell in Texas. Sissy Fag is from Washington. What party. Sissy Faggots from Washington. What party is Sissy Faggots? Does that say? It does not. Should I just assume Democrat? I'm assuming the one with poppers. I believe a lemon party.

Keep up the good work. If I ever get stateside, I'll be sure to catch one of your shows. Much love, Ethan. Go fuck yourself, Ethan. Any other podcast would be freaking. No, you're terrifying our audience. That is what they want. Yeah, it truly is. Yeah. Go fuck yourself, Ethan. Any other podcast would be freaking the best. No, you're terrifying our audience. That is what they want.

Yeah, it truly is, yeah. We have another email from England. Get ready, Ramsey. From, oh, wait, nope. Asked for anonymity. Cutting that out. Been re-listening to the past few weeks' episodes, and titty jugs are kind of real. She's linked us to a Wikipedia article for mastos,

and they're not exactly jugs, but close enough. I've seen a few in the British Museum, Oh, I like this chick. let you know that another female listener employed full-time in manufacturing and has a college degree of some study in Latin. And also I do like a lot of your sketches. Oh, I like this chick. Manufacturing? This is the worst email. I'm so tired of just being mad at Tom that I've lost the ability to pronounce it. No, sorry. I'm putting

a kibosh on what you're doing right now. Yeah, I don't want it to move. No, that's cool though. It honestly is good to know that girls like this show it really is fantastic because when we say that like we're not trying to knock like women we just assume we only appeal to shitty boner lords who live in basements shitty boner lords like it's true so like i mean if you're not that please keep letting us know because we want to have our fucking tendrils. Yeah, it really means a lot to the people because I think sometimes do not get the layer of irony and detachment and, you know, fucking. I mean, not Ramsey.

Ramsey is for sure racist and mad. What the fuck is the word I'm thinking about? I'm so tired. What do you call it? Satire is what the fuck I'm thinking of. Yeah, so when you do say shit like that, and thank you for the pictures of the cups that look like boobs. All right, moving on. The show's satirical.

Uh-oh. Oh, fuck. Except for Ramsey. What's your favorite video game and why, even if you hate them, pretend you like one? Probably too late, but maybe next time. From Ryan Colby, 1984. Favorite video game, fellas? We were talking about this outside just before the show, actually.

The Tony Hawk Pro Skater franchise is my favorite game of all time. I will destroy anybody, anytime, in any one of them. I like Mario 64. Oh, that game was great. That's a great game. A girl I was dating recently had an N64 and had Mario, and I was mostly bummed that we broke up because I was halfway through beating it again. I did a show at Barbageddon yesterday, and I just ignored everybody while I just played Mario 64 the whole time. It was great. I love that barbageddon yesterday and I just ignored everybody while I just played Mario 64 the whole time. It was great.

I love sports games. No, she wasn't. She left. But if we're kicking it old school, I'm going to say Super Smash Bros. The original. We were talking about that earlier, too. I played that way too much. Might be a tie between Beautiful Joe and also there was a game called Ace of Spades

which was like a Minecraft engine kind of first person shooter and there was a level where you just you could dig with blocks and build with blocks and it was basically like a World War I fighting game where there was just trenches and it was just like super scary and intense. I had some fucking great times playing that with dudes

on 4chan when I was like 19 in community college. I'm also a big fan of Civilization. Not the concept of the game. It's not a fan of you. All right. Keith, what was your longest relationship with a man and longest with a woman? Why'd they end? Longest with a man?

About 45 minutes. I've never had a real relationship with a dude. I think I've talked about this. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not opposed to it. It's just never happened that way. Wait, what just happened?

No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I apologize. It's fine. One of the stands just... I don't know what happened. It's fine. Wait, a spring just popped off of our studio.

Yeah, we can fix it. This is why I haven't had a relationship with a man. The thing that looks the most like a dick in the room just tried to leave when it heard I was looking for love. Woman, the longest relationship I ever had was about four years. It ended, not a great story just because it was time for us

to break up, but we're still friends. Oh, that one. I thought the other one was longer. No, no, no. That was the longest one. We've made a couple jokes about her on the show. Oh, yeah. No, she's a friend of... Chelsea, I know you listen sometimes. Hi. I think all of ours. Hi, Chelsea. You know, you once asked her, like, would you listen to the show if we weren't dating? And she said, oh, God,

no. And the other, the second longest relationship, I believe, asked you to get her a Whopper with extra mayo. Finally, which do you typically feel more terrified of? Knowing of a lifetime of debt or a general sense of existential dread? Let me take this one.

Yeah, I was about to say, can you read me that? Yeah, I was distracted by something. Which do you typically feel more terrified of, knowledge of a lifetime of debt or a general sense of existential dread? Debt, hands down, 100%. Please get me out of debt, mean boys. Is it with – sorry. I can't. This means

so much to me. Horrified by debt, I would rather live in an empty, meaningless world where Donald Trump was president forever. Well, you may just get your way. Ramsey, look under your chairs. It's a corrupt, competitive, authoritarian regime. Society's going to end, and

the only thing that's still going to stand is whoever you owe money to. Goldman Sachs' Australia branch uh reached out to the ashes where ramsey baddow used to be to confiscate his carbon to use to make diamonds for people that he would have shined the shoes of had he lived so just to clarify what the question is the question which one are you afraid of like right now or uh like in terms of prevalence of your life? What do you generally feel more terrified of? Debt is always scary to me. I completely believe our existence.

I don't believe in the Jesus dude or God or anything like that. I believe that we're very much carbon and bullshit, and I very much enjoy that. Debt is a real thing that is fucking scary, and that's why I'd rather just be broke with no money yeah i don't have a lot of existential dread uh something i'm you know talking about on stage but i'm not really afraid of dying really because i think i'm gonna be dead and it's you know it's i'm not gonna be able to you will be dead yeah yeah it's it's like at that point i'm pretty much scot-free debt much scarier right very scary yeah i uh i have a shocking amount of very strange debt. Like credit card debt.

I also owe somebody like $28,000 for taking my appendix out with no insurance. Oh, fuck, Keith. Yeah, you're right. You're the only other guy who's fucked like me. I also owe money to, among other things, AT&T for a landline phone I never used. The Anaheim Public Library for stealing two Chuck Palahniuk books and that one coffee table book about the clash uh and the secret to dealing with that for me is always to steal uh i just don't pay anybody and they can't find me because i was off the grid for like five years yeah you know now i'm just

like i mean i can't get a car but i can't drive either so like i'm fine you're not i'm a cash only business you're not i love this man you're not wrong you this is one of the reasons why i admire you so much it is truly we gotta keep this is one of the reasons why I admire you so much. It is truly as much. We've got to keep this podcast at a comfortable level of anonymity. Well, look, admire me all you want because when the microphones are off, I have to ask to borrow money from Connor. All right. That's everything in the Mean Boys mailbag this week. Anything you guys would like to plug?

Guys, look, everyone's been asking me, and I've finally gotten it locked in with my agents and my lawyers. I'll be back at the Holiday Inn in Victorville, June 3rd. 8 o'clock show. Be there or be square. You know what else we should plug is, tonight, the day this drops, at the comedy

store, me and Connor are roast battling. It's going to be a ton of fun. Yeah, it's a rematch of a fight two years in the making. I am very excited about it. Usually after I fail a big opportunity, I have a lot of fun the next time I do it. I did that last week, so now this is going to be great.

Tyson versus Ali right here. Check, fucking watch it on Periscope if you can't go. I don't know what that means, but yes. Also very important. They're boxers. June 6th, live Mean Boys podcast at Harvell's in Long Beach at 8.30 p.m. We've just finalized the lineup for that. I'm sure we'll be talking about it before the show, but to remind you, Brian Redman, George Perez, Jamar Neighbors, and Anna Valenzuela

will be joining us for a night of crazy bullshit. It's going to be pretty rad. Come out to that. June 9th and 10th, they'll be at the Blue Room Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri, doing the one-year anniversary showcase. On the 16th and 17th,

they'll be back at the Blue Room featuring for A Lady I'm Bangin'. June 22nd through 25th, in Indianapolis, also featuring for That Lady I'm Bangin' at Morty's Comedy Joint. And on June 30th and July

1st, I'll be in Joplin, Missouri and Oklahoma City, respectively. June 3rd, I will be at Laughology at UC Santa Barbara. For real this time. Sorry if anybody went up to see me before. June 16th through the 18th, I will be at the Madhouse in San Diego. June 20th, if you're in Newth, I will be at the Madhouse in San Diego.

June 20th, if you're in New York, I will be judging the Roastmasters, their version of the roast battle, at the Stand. June 23rd through the 25th, I will be at Skankfest in New York City. Please check social media to see what shows I end up on. And June 26th, I will be at the New York Comedy Club at 10 p.m. and the Stand at 11 o'clock. So check those out. I'll be in Fresno June 16th through the 18th, and I'm also going to be in the Bay Area July 7th through July 9th.

So come check me out, RamseyBidawi.com, for specific information on the shows. That's it. June 23rd, 24th, I will be in california i think it's in humboldt and i will give you more details if you go to my facebook uh also june 3rd through 10th i'll be in hawaii not doing shows but if you want to hang out with me mean boys fans i'll drink with you if any mean boys fan in hawaii finds tom i'm gonna bring my camera i might vlog it if you hit me up on twitter if you're in uh i think I'm going to be in.

Actually, I don't know where I'm going to be, but I'm going to be there. Never been there before. I don't know where I'm going to be, but I'm going to be there. But if you live in Hawaii, let's fucking get ripped. I'm also considering setting up an unofficial Mean Boys meetup. If anyone wants to go to the Richard Nixon Museum in fucking Whittier, the Richard Nixon Library. Oh, I'll go. If you're interested,

if I get like five or six tweets of people saying they're in SoCal and want to go, we'll find a time and we'll all go hang out and take pictures. I love that you have an anarchy podcast and you're planning field trips for it.

The Richard Nixon Library is in Yorba Linda. I know a guy who works there. You fucking tell me. So do I. We all know that guy. No there. You fucking tell me. So do I. We all know that guy. No, wait. I don't think we do.

We'll talk about it later. We'll talk about it later. I don't know. All right. That's the show for this week, guys. This was an all-time favorite for me. This is a classic episode. This is a lot of fun.

A ton of fun. Let's sign off as we always do on the count of three. Fuck everything. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead.

God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead. God is dead.