Mean Boys - EP 64 - Polka Dot Panty Boy (Live feat. Redban, Jamar Neighbors, Anna Valenzuela & Ramsey Badawi)

Episode Date: June 9, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Trump or Redban", "Now Is Not The Time: London Bridge Edition", and a game of “Porn Comment or Yelp Review.” Come see The Mean Boys Podcast live at The Comedy Palace in San Diego on 7/21 at 10pm, register free tickets here: http://bit.ly/2rV089a See Connor out in the Midwest: http://www.connormcspadden.com/shows You can now leave us a voicemail at [phone] or drop us a line at [e-mail] Now Is Not The Time Gallery: meanboyspodcast.com/now-is-not-the-time Watch the live “Mexican Joke Off”: https://youtu.be/MP-5ueiDVHY We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (eataburrito.com) Listen to Tom’s podcast: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/who-t…d1197690915?mt=2 Listen to Connor’s new podcast with Adam Tod Brown: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1235651909 Follow our guest Brian Redban on Twitter: twitter.com/redban Follow our guest Anna Valenzuela on Twitter: twitter.com/annavisfun Follow our guest: Jamar Neighbors on Twitter: twitter.com/jamarneighbors Follow our guest: Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: twitter.com/ramsbad Follow our dominatrix: twitter.com/mommie_cat Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, we know you probably hit play to escape your business banking, not think about it. But what if we told you there was a way to skip over the pressures of banking? By matching with a TD Small Business Account Manager, you can get the proactive business banking advice and support your business needs. Ready to press play? Get up to $2,700 when you open select small business banking products. Yep, that's $2,700 to turn up your business. Visit td.com slash small business match to learn more. Conditions apply. Hey gang, it's your buddy Connor from the

Mean Boys podcast. I'm recording this intro from my hotel room in Tulsa, Oklahoma. This is the Mean Boys live show we did last Tuesday at Harvell's in Long Beach. It was a ton of fun. Thank you guys for coming out. I saw a couple of Carnock shirts in the crowd. That was awesome. And we all had a blast. I'd like to thank all the comics we had. We had Ana Valenzuela, Ramsey Badawi, Brian Redman, and Jamar Neighbors. Also, we've got some video clips from the show in the show notes of this episode. If you want to check out some Mexican joke off Dominatrix action or some Now is not the time uh horror filled slideshows uh also uh we have finally finalized our mean boys live show date for comic-con it's going to be july 21st

at 10 p.m at the comedy palace in san diego so if you're headed down there if you're thinking about heading down there hold that date we'll have also a link in the show notes uh with a place where you can register some free tickets for our listeners. We got a limited amount of those to give away to all the hardcore diehards. We'd love to see you guys there. We've got Kyle Clark on that show and many more to be announced. It's going to be a ton of fun, so we'd love to see some of you moist fans down there for Comic-Con. And also, the show is, as always, sponsored by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California,

the finest Mexican food that money can buy right across the street-ish from the La Jolla Comedy Store. Visit eataborito.com for more information. You can leave the show a review on iTunes. It helps us out quite a lot. Usually at this point, I would have pulled up an iTunes review to shout out.

But to be honest with you guys, I haven't had a lot of time to do this. Doing it on an H4N, not even with a mic plugged in, just with the mic that's built into it, and I just give the people the review as kind of like an incentive, like, oh, hey, maybe if you leave a review, I'll fucking talk about it, like that's some super high honor, and you should be so stoked about it. All right, well, this review comes to us from Jack Burton. It was taken.

You see how I stalled for time while I pulled it up on my iPhone? It's called Broadcasting Professionalism. He writes, Usually I like to read ones that are a little more backhanded and mean than that. So, sorry. I guess I'm a gangly, pasty cunt. I'll just do it for you. This has gone on for way too long. and it has to go on a little longer.

I need to tell you guys that I'm still on tour in the Midwest. I've got some Mean Boys fans coming out of a couple of these shows, and you guys have been hitting me up, and it's very awesome. So please come see me this weekend, June 16th and 17th at the Blue Room Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri. Love that club. See me June 20th at the Shrine in Tulsa, Oklahoma. June 21st will be in Paducah, Kentucky.

June 22nd will be in Louisville. June 23rd through the 24th, I'll be featuring at Morty's Comedy Joint. And June 27th, I'll be in St. Louis. June 30th, I'll be in Joplin, Missouri. And July 1st, I'll be in Oklahoma City. So there will be a link in the show notes with ticket links and more information

and all that of all those shows. I'd love to see you guys. Some of you guys have been coming around already and it definitely means a lot to me. I really appreciate it. It's cooler to me than I think you guys will ever know. That's about it. Leave us a voicemail at 304-805-MEAN.

If you have anything you want to send us, games, or just drop a line to say hey, check out meanboyspodcasts at gmail.com. And I'm sorry that this has been the longest show intro ever, but it's worth it. We've got a great live episode from Harvels and Long Beach. Enjoy, gang. What up, all? Very much, everybody.

How are you guys doing? We got it? One more time for John doing his best. Yeah, he tried, if you don't know. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And this is Live. Well, we didn't rehearse that.

Keep our clothes on. Oh, you're going to really hate what's about to happen. Yeah. Because the first segment we have prepared tonight is something called the Mexican Joke Off. Now, usually this is just three comedians sitting around a table telling jokes. Tonight we have a little bit of a twist. And what we're doing, these are topical jokes, like a late night show.

We're finding the news that's the most fucked up, the most horrifying, and trying to find some funny in it. This time, however, tell me about the twist. So first of all, who here listens to the Mean Boys podcast? Alright, all the sad loners hiding in the shadows, as always.

We have friends! We're in the front. We don't know what a podcast is. Yeah, these guys all have FICO scores, and like, cars that they own. So we open every episode of this. Everyone in the front. We don't know what a podcast is. Yeah, these guys all have FICO scores. And, like, cars that they own. So we open every episode of this. Everyone in the back, leasers. That man is just turning into a reggaeton air horn. Yeah, which is weird because he kind of looks like Sting if he was, like, still drinking. It's Sting if he had sex for way quicker.

Sex for way quicker. Hey, fuck you. All right. So anyway, we start every episode of the podcast by doing topical jokes. Normally we just shame each other. However, we have a professional dominatrix here who is going to be punishing us if we bomb these jokes. So please welcome to the stage Miss Catherine Walters. There she is.

I want you guys to know she brought a whole rolling suitcase full of shit to hurt us with. All right? It looks like she just got on a flight, but it's a whole tackle box of horror. And we want to be clear, this is not a joke or a bit. These are real. We have a safe word.

Yeah. The safe word is red, so if you hear red, know that there's a couple little bitches up here. So we are going to run these jokes, and bear in mind, we wrote these jokes on the way here. And if you guys like them, please, for the love of God, laugh.

Yes. Because if you don't, I'm going to just go ahead and say that my name is Toby. I give up. I have no pain threshold. Our safe word is the N-word, by the way. So it's going to get real weird in here. It's going to be tough. All right.

All right. Shirts off, Kerry. Okay. Can you hold on to this? Because I'm wearing an insane clown posse t-shirt and if you let this touch the ground, you have to burn it out of respect. So I'm going to leave that with my stepdad, Terry. Oh, man. By the way, I'd like it noted just from the stenographer that the show has been going on for two and a half minutes. We are already shirtless with the dominatrix behind us. You guys made the best Groupon

purchase of your life. You want to go first or do you want me to go first? You can go ahead and go first. Oh, gee, thanks. Get them warmed up for me. Wonder Woman made more in its opening weekend than Pirates of the Caribbean has made in two weeks. Finally, a woman Johnny Depp can't beat.

Oh, fuck. I think he gets a little one for that. Ow. Ow. Shit, that sucked. Here's the thing. She's hitting his back.

You can see him jiggling in the front. There's a whole title system, you know. Anyway, now it's time for fucking my turn.

You don't have to hit me harder than that. All right, everybody. here's this great joke. I'm going to regret that, aren't I? Former UFC fighter War Machine has been sentenced to 36 years in prison for assaulting his ex-girlfriend. In light of the sentencing, he's been forced to change his name to License Plate Stamping Machine. Oh, no. Get him.

Oh. Okay. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. get him okay oh fuck oh fuck oh I don't alright yeah hey easy Chad fuck off

oh fuck oh that sounded like it sucked it wasn't super dope. How do people come from this? It's something I want to know. You find a way. Shit, that was one of my best ones, too. I'm super fucked.

All right. Comedian Michael Che has come under fire for referring to Boston as the most racist city in America. When asked for comment, the people of Boston said, the N-word, probably. Fuck! I'm one and one, bitch. Such a waste. You have so much flesh

that no one's hating any of it. I'm gonna fail, don't worry. Alright, a new study examining baby teeth shows that autism is linked to certain metals. This confirms something I believed for years. If you listen to Rush, you for sure have Asperger's. It was okay, but you should still probably hit it. All right, give me a little one.

A little one? Oh, fuck, just hit me, bitch. Ow! Okay, man. I'm not going to say red, but I'll say, like, orange. I've never been more stoked to be so much funnier than Connor. Bill Cosby is set to go to trial for several counts of rape. Some are calling the trial a triumph of feminism,

while others are calling it a weird, dark reboot of the Cosby Mysteries. I really wish you guys were, like, 40. That sounds like it needs to be punished. Let me see the movie. Ow! We'll get the other one. Oh, that's like watching a lava lamp filled with pubes, isn't it?

Oh, man. My dick is doing stuff right now. Yeah, I'm sweating like the rest of you. Shut up. Like, it's not hard, but it's certainly not not hard. Yeah. Are you booing my dick, you piece of shit? I'll have you know, I've seen this man's dick many times. First of all, the first time I saw Keith's dick,

I thought it was one of his balls, all right? He's uncircumcised. It's very bulbous around the middle. Just kind of looks like an anteater with a drinking problem. And second of all, it's bigger than yours, motherfucker, so how about you show a little respect?

I've seen Connor's dick and it's like, fine, but who gives a shit? Yeah, but you know, I also have like the rest of me going for me, plus the personality, so. Fair enough.

I feel like I'm going to chalk that up in the win column in the Connor v. Kerry dick debate. Tell a joke, you cunt. Yes, indeed. All right. A New York man was arrested for DUI while dressed as the Tin Man.

After failing to walk in a straight line along the Olympic Road, the arresting officer took him to jail and said, Welcome to Oz, bitch. I actually do mind nipples. That's only fair. You want nipples, Josh? I don't want any of this. Okay, turn to the side.

No, good. We're not on the same. Can we step out for a little bit? All right. Come on. I can do you next. I don't want any of this. I can do you next. Oh, shit. Oh, man. One more. One more. Oh, Jesus. This is a very weird reboot of The Passion of the Christ we're doing here.

The Passion of the Twink. Scientists say the first sex robots will be available to consumers as early as next year. For more information on lifeless, molestable drones, visit conormcspadden.com. I just saw some butt cheeks. DrSpadden.com. I just saw some butt cheeks. Oh, hey, what's up, Jamar? Secret cheeks. All right, god damn it.

Okay, let's do this shit. Guys, I got a rally on this one. An Oregon couple have been charged with murder after choosing faith over medical intervention, thus letting their newborn child die of breathing complications. The couple is blaming their conviction on their lawyer, the Holy Ghost. Here's what I just learned. You can't read a

joke that should be in the New Yorker in front of a bunch of people in an underground fuck dungeon. Alright? So go ahead and how about you fucking whip... I'll stand here. Let them see the fucking rubber collide with my shame. I'll stand here. Let them see the fucking rubber collide with my chain. I hate this.

This is ninja time. Oh, shit. I have to drive for like 12 hours tomorrow, and I'm not looking forward to being up in the car seat with these. All right, one more. We got one more each. 11-year-old Barron Trump believed the photo of Kathy Griffin holding his father's severed head was real.

That poor child. Imagine having that father and being retarded. Alright, hit me. I thought that that joke was a little offensive to this table here. Oh, this is such a bummer. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah.

Well, I mean, the thing about this that doesn't make it fair is Keith's tits are way easier to hit than mine. Yeah. They're right there. Yeah, they're all over the place. Some of them are in the front row, honestly. Tell your joke, McSpad. Alright, I need you to know that this next joke is actually based in truth

so just know that as you're going into it uh oh over 300 Muslim imams have refused to bury the perpetrators of the terror attacks in London

I haven't seen a more tragic attempt to bury a bone since Keith Carey took this domeranatrix out to eat at 7-11 you know what go and hit me

hit me for that cause I'm going to have adrenaline. Oh. Oh, fuck you. You fat assholes. Ow. That was...

Oh, sorry. Okay. Well, that's the Mexican joke off, everybody. Thank you. She could have been making $200 an hour to shit on a Japanese businessman, but she was here to entertain

you tonight for a free Red Bull and a pat on the tits. So how about you give her a round of applause? You guys, we have an amazing show for you. Your first comic coming to the stage right now is the founder of the Death Squad Podcast Network. You've seen him all over the place, you know, from the Joe Rogan experience. Give it up for Brian Redman!

He got mad at me because I like Trump. Yeah, we're aware. Oh, do I stay up here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we acknowledge that that argument should have been reversed just based on aesthetics alone? He should have been like Trump 2020 and 2024

and you should have been like, no, fuck you, fuck you. So I want to point out also, the producer of the show, John, started filming when that happened, and we were like, oh, is it funny? He's like, no, I just need it in case we need it for insurance purposes. Yeah, that's 100% true. And by the way, I swear to God we didn't plan this, but if you hate Donald Trump, you're going to feel real weird about this next game we're about to play.

Indeed. Come on out here, Brian Redband. We're bringing Brian Redband back up, and you're going to feel real weird about this next game we're about to play. Indeed. Come on out here, Brian Redband. We're bringing Brian Redband back up. We're going to play a game. We are going to read some tweets, and we are going to ask Jamar and Brian to guess if these are tweets written about Brian Redband or Donald Trump. Yes, that's right. Because I don't think there are two more hated men on the Internet. It is Brian Redband versus CrossFit Uncle Ruckus from the Boondocks.

Okay? That one's not working? Shit. Can you guys just share one? Alright. So the first one. Is this about Brian Redband or Donald Trump? Blank is... George Zimmerman right here in the front.

Blank is perhaps the most legitimate moron on the face of the earth. Not only that, he takes pride in his stupidity. How's that about Brian Redband? Or the leader of the free world. Internet cult of note. Feel free to guess how out in the crowd, guys. Redband!

They turned on you real fast. They got a lot of faith in you, Brian. It's Trump. Do we have a guess? Shit. I think it's, Brian. It's Trump. Do we have a guess? Shit. I think it's Donald Trump. I would say it's me. The correct answer is Brian Redmayne.

What? Somebody said that about you? Yes. Number two, quote, this is a man who desperately wants to be loved. Now, this one's tricky because nothing about Brian invites any kind of joy in any expression.

Brian did not know we were doing this. No. I did not. I would say that's me. You'd say that's you? Jamar neighbors. I would say this is Donald Trump.

All right. The answer is Donald Trump. Yeah, my nigga. Cannot stress enough how much that was Jamar that said that. Jamar, if you keep saying that, you're going to be his. Number three, this is a hard one. There's no Mexicans to mow the lawn.

He's the guy we all know who thinks he's informed because he's read all of the headlines and none of the articles. It's a tough one. Man, the back corner just aggressively hates Brian. This is Brian. This is Brian? Yeah, I think it's Brian. That is indeed Brian.

Oh, yeah. Again. You see, it's weird because he cannot read. That's the weird part. This one got cut off, but it said, quote, You wouldn't know comedy even if you were a comedian. Obviously, that's probably me. Oh, man.

Red Band guest from Red Band himself. Yeah, man. That's Trump. What? I need you to know how little time it took to find all these horrible pictures of you, Brian. There exists not a flattering photo of you. Here we go. He pops penis

pills like candy. They make him sick, but there's no result. Oh. Can we bring Brian's girlfriend up here? She's here. Oh, she left a while ago. It's Brian. Alright. It's Brian?

Astonishingly, that is Donald Trump. Yeah. His ex-wife wrote that in a book. He's retarded. Really. He can't form sentences. Me. The answer is Jamar. It might be true for both,

but it's only said about one. Yeah. Any guesses? I'd say me again. I'd just go me all. It might be true for both, but it's only said about one. Guess who's... I'd say me again. I'd just go with me all. He's retarded. That's Trump. That's you too.

Oh, what? You can talk. Sitting here, the third place runner-up in the Guy Fieri lookalike invitational. Fun fact, I cropped a famous person out of this picture because I wouldn't even let Brian have that. He's got cut off, sorry. He's like everyone's shitty uncle they wish wasn't at grandma's funeral. Oh, man. That's Trump.

Man, that gotta be. You got a Trump guess? That gotta be Trump, man. Trump, what do you guys think? Brian! All right, aggressively, Brian. It's Bill. It's Bill. Great dancer is Donald Trump.

Wow. I don't know whose corpse that is, but I feel bad for them. Donald Trump in season five of House of Cards. Who took that picture? Wait, when did that happen? Wait, who the fuck was that? I don't know. There's a shitty ghost. And finally, the last one. Haters just jealous

because he's banging porn stars. Oh, wait. And that's Rampant. Brian's been proud to guess himself. The correct answer is, of course, Brian Rampant. And there's that dolphin. That's the dolphin from earlier.

You guys, thank you, Brian Rampant and Jamar Nabors. Give him a hand, everybody. Give him a hand. You guys are good. Alright. Are you guys ready for burlesque? You guys, thank you, Brian, Red Band, and Jamar Neighbors. Give him a hand, everybody. Give him a hand. You guys are good. All right. Are you guys ready for burlesque? We promised you titties. You're going to get titties. Connor, get the chair out of here.

There it is. You guys remember the rules. Don't steal the underwear. Don't touch them, but they will touch you. And the louder you get, the more naked they will get. Are you guys ready? Give it up right now for the Lolitas. Mean, mean. we'll get. Are you guys ready? Give it up right now for the Lolitas! Mean! Mean!

One more time for Ramsey Bedali. One more time for Ramsey Bedali. And Ramsey's actually going to be joining us for a special segment that we do on the Mean Boys podcast called Now Is Not The Time. Now if you guys are fans of the podcast, you know this. For those of you that don't, it seems like every week

a crazy tragedy happens somewhere. And what Ramsey likes to do is go online and find inappropriate social media posts that happen right at the same time as tragedies. Now, just to explain, last time we did this, it was during the Manchester bombing. He found somebody who posted underwear for sale in Manchester 20 minutes after, and we ordered those panties. They are in route. Yeah, we have violated, and we ordered those panties. They are in route. Yeah, we have violated

a continent to buy tragedy panties. Even better, the money that we got to buy these panties was PayPal to us from an anonymous man in Australia. You guys are looking at a criminal organization rivaling WikiLeaks. We have become the target. Except we're going to smell those leaks and then

frame the panties on our wall. So we have no idea what Ramsey has prepared here, but we do know it has to do with the London Bridge attack that recently happened. And he's very excited, which is very concerning to me. What we think of this is a little bit of a public service. You know, people, sometimes Carl's Jr. is out there plugging a new promotional sandwich right after a bunch of gay people get shot in Orlando. And you gotta know that now is not the time.

Thank you so much. Basically, guys, what I do here is I collect the best of the worst posts that were made right after a tragedy, okay? Do we understand this? Sometimes they're mean, okay? Sometimes they're very mean, they're mal, they have bad intentions, okay? For example, this first one, ISIS claimed

the attack right after the London bridge bombing. That was a very sad thing. I don't know about you guys, but here's the tweet that I wish ISIS would have sent out. Okay. Here's the tweet. I wish that this, this is what they would have said. We just heard about the attack in London and it wasn't us. Our hearts and condolences with the victims. Here's why. That's better PR for ISIS. They always take responsibility. I don't believe them anymore. They can't do everything.

They're not Santa Claus. Yeah, if they did this every once in a while, I'd be like, all right, well, then maybe the next time they claim it, it was them. You know what? And why not, you got ISIS, why not NISIS?

Yes, absolutely. Now, some of them are also just like bad timing, you know? For example, this is a girl who posted a video of herself earlier today playing the song London Bridge is Falling Down. Oh. Take that down, all right? Oh, no. It's a hashtag.

People might be trying to find shelter, you know? Literally, could you have learned any other song this week? Any other song? It would have been more appropriate if she just put up a video of herself reciting the Koran, okay? And you know what it is? She read her favorite children's book, Good Night, American Pig Dogs. I feel like the world's so fucked up, even if it was her playing Chopstick, someone would have nuked China. So, I mean, it's tough.

Here is another fun thing that ISIS posted today. It is something you'll never hear outside of the Mean Boys live show, ladies and gentlemen. ISIS this morning posted a video of a women training video for ISIS soldiers. Does step one stop being one?

It's either a woman training video for ISISis or sister act three is terrifying i'm not sure which one it is sister act three bad habits i do have a couple of stills i do have a couple of stills from the video you'll see in the upper right hand corner she's holding a cinderella backpack next one she says what is is this, E-Man? The girl responds, this is a Cinderella. She's a good girl. Then the ISIS woman says,

is there a good girl who shows her shoulders like this? That's actually a cut scene from the burlesque show. Hot shoulder action. The burlesque girls need to do this, absolutely. Here's a quick sidebar.

I feel like, why wasn't a Jasmine from Aladdin backpack? I feel like that's more on brand. That's a good point. She shows her shoulders too. Oh, wow. Here's some fun I just tweeted, but then a Jasmine joke. Wow. Have you no decency?

The little girl responds, no. Then she responds, shall we hide this immoral drawing together, Amanda? Jesus Christ. Which you guys have no idea how many times my mother said that to me growing up, okay? It took me way back. Ramsey, is this the Volcom symbol? We must hide this immoral drawing.

There is no pop punk in wherever you're from. Palestine. Sometimes, guys, sometimes these are just wildly unfortunate. For example, this was posted right after the bombing, okay? This is a bot. Wait, what? This is a porn star bot, okay?

This was posted on June 4th. The picture is a chick in a bikini. It says, find me at www.kiss69.me. Hashtag sexy feet. Hashtag dating profiles. Sport. Just the word sport.

Not hashtag. Just sport. Hashtag ISIS. Hashtag London. Man, if they didn't like the shoulders, wait until they get a load of this. This is one of my favorite ones coming up right here.

This is a... Some of these are ignorant, okay? This is a British chick. ones coming up right here. This is a... Some of these are ignorant, okay? This is a British chick. She posted this right afterwards. This is the mayor of London. Oh, Jesus. He's holding a sign that says, Refugees welcome, and she tweeted...

Are we sure that's not Anderson Cooper in disguise? Because I feel like he might have just hit the tanning bed. It's closeted Anderson Cooper. Are we sure it's not one of the grumpy dads from this table? Oh, no, we replaced it with some cool guys. Oh, yeah, cool dads now. Their band is actually going to be playing afterwards. She tweeted...

It's called Asian Guy and the Fedoras. They're really good. She tweeted, blood is on his hands. And I was saying to my girlfriend earlier, I was like, there's no way this chick is American. And she was like, how do you know she's not American? I said, because we're American, we know blood on your hands does not mean shit over here, okay? This is America. For the listening audience, there's a picture of OJ Simpson on screen.

This is a meme from a guy named David Ick, and he posted, Why are ISIS claims of terror attack responsibility always revealed by a front for Israeli intelligence? Here's why I love this. Because even if a guy runs into a bar and yells Allahu Akbar and stabs somebody,

somebody on the world goes, It was the Jews. No matter what. By the way, I looked up a picture of David Icke. Here he is. This is him. Oh, no. He looks like if Julian Assange was charged with raping himself.

Okay, this looks like Mick Jagger as the victim of a gypsy curse. He looks like he works at a Trader Joe's in hell. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, we got great deals on Bulk Brimstone. the victim of a gypsy curse. He looks like he works at a Trader Joe's in hell. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, we got great deals on bulk brimstone. I'm just here for the health plan. Oh, Jesus.

So my favorite thing to do after these tragedies is I like to hop on Craigslist, and I like to look for people who lack decorum, okay? That was just a national tragedy. Why don't you hold off on trying to get your dick sucked, okay? It's what you do, right? I don't support this policy. Okay. Yeah. No, Keith, as the atom cloud,

the mushroom cloud rises, Keith will be grindering furiously. So what I did was, I hopped on to Craigslist. Not on the club that he's by. Hopped on to Craigslist, went to Men Seeking Women, and I found this little ad. Keith, you want to read this one for us attractive discreet guy available to help spice up couple sex life and this is in london i'm attractive white tall slim i've never said these words before

clean and discreet man looking to get involved with an outgoing but discreet couple i work very hard and single but have high sex drive. Would love to join a couple age and race not important in the bedroom. Love to give oral pleasure to both sexes. Good for you, buddy. Don't mind being the warm-up act. He's a team player. Happy to suck a guy while his woman watches or vice versa. Up for anything

sexual, then happy to sit back while the couple enjoy grand finale, etc. Just as long as I get some relief at some point. This is genuine ad, not a service, just a guy that enjoys men and women and has ultra high sex drive. So I thought to myself, I gotta contact this guy,

but my very first move is I have to pretend to be a couple. This sounds like it was Google translated from a different language. Oh, you're about to find out. This is actually one of the more coherent Craigslist sex ads I've read. So I immediately went to Google and I went to images

and I searched average looking couple. Oh wait, actually I made a Google profile. Big ass ram dog. Big ass ram dog. It is very important that I am discreet on this one so I had to create a separate email address. Untraceable. I went to Google.com and I searched

average-looking couple. There's a picture of me and Connor. Bingo. Found one. Average-looking. So I immediately went... Before I even do any of that, I had to think, what's a catchy title that I could think of for this email? So I drafted this one.

Hot couple seeking to add a third for more sexual pleasure. All caps. That's how you know it's real. And I emailed him. You clearly have studied up your Craigslist ease. That's proper Craigslist syntax. I shot him an email.

It's very far away, so I'm going to read it for you guys. It says, hi there. The name is Rommel Badlinger II. But my friends call me RB2. I just saw your CL post, and fuck, dude, I am interested. My girlfriend is super depressed right now, and I think someone like you could really help her steer out of this. Her and I have always talked about getting a third into the bedroom.

I think she would enjoy watching me suck and or getting sucked by another man. But I am absolutely not gay. I just enjoy the idea of pleasing her by whatever means, but I'm totally not gay. Anyway, here's a pic of us looking sweet, but don't be fooled. We ain't sweet. We freaks.

Feel free to text me at the number below. So below, I attach the phone number, and then I also put an anchorman quote. It says, I will smash your face into a car windshield and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her back. Then it says,

from the movie Anchorman. Because I feel like, look, man, if you're going to try to catch a trout, you've got to think like a trout, you know? I'm just bummed out that those dads left because they would have loved an anchorman. They would have finally won him over. He responded to me almost immediately.

He said, I'm not gay either, but if you think I can help, give me more details. Don't mind putting on whatever show, whatever sort of show you think might cheer up your girlfriend. Is she gonna be involved? I replied, cool, same. Obviously it's 2017 and I don't care if someone is gay or not, but it's just not for

me. I effin' love pussy. You're not effin'. My girlfriend will definitely be involved. She and I have a super high sex drive. We usually have sex three times a day. That's why your ad really stood out to me. You're the only guy who sounded like he could hang. Ever since the terrorist attack yesterday,

she hasn't really felt... She hasn't... She hasn't really felt much like doing anything sexually, so I'm really hoping this could snap her out and satisfy my sexual desires. Two birds, one bone. Fuck. Do you got a pick or anything? He responded,

we'll send me more picks, we'll send more picks when I'm more comfy, but don't worry, I'm in no way out of shape, and defo nothing wrong with my manhood. Oh, God. Defo? Well, he heard effing it. He's trying to keep, you know, with your fucking language. And yes,

I was specific in my ad. I just don't want to turn up somewhere for a wham-bam thank you, man. Which is not the correct phrase. I could easily find a woman to fuck and a guy to experiment with, but I'm a bit more sensual than that. So I hope the fact that despite what might happen between me and you, when it comes to your wife, I will be giving it a

hundred percent because unless I know that I'm leaving her so satisfied, she wants more from either of you or me. I don't see the point. Sorry if this sounds a big, big headed or selfish, but I want the situation so that when I do leave you and your girlfriend, you guys will be getting horny together. Just thinking about our previous encounter. If you're a jealous guy, this ain't for you. And here's his picture. Oh, no. Weirdly, that's not even blurred.

He just looks like that. He's just wearing, like, weird Bono glasses. He does have earrings. I do want to point that out. He sure does. This is such a particular picture. And what's sad is he definitely thought that was his good angle. He thought, let me get the half a chin, you know.

This is the most fuckable version of Dan. So I replied, cool, cool. Looking forward to seeing more pics. I'll send some more too. Same. I'm super comfortable with the fact that I'm 100% straight and would never even think about being gay. Me and my girlfriend could really use someone like you in the bedroom. A real energizer bunny. Oh no. It's like the energizer bunny but with sex. I'm a bit of a jokester. Hope you guys can hang.

My girlfriend is too, but like I said, she's all shook up from the attack last night. She was on the road and witnessed the aftermath of the carnage. Thank God she wasn't hit. She feels like she was literally inches away from the worst death. Anyways, what kind of stuff do you like to do? Sexually, of course he replies love being wanked love really enjoy giving oral it's really a long list of things uh very into women who uh who like to put on a bit of effort in getting prepared in

the bedroom fun fun such as underwear etc With whole threesome thing is an adrenaline buzz and some think, this is what he wrote. I'm not having a stroke, this is what he wrote. Just curious about, can suddenly become a necessity in the heat of the moment. Like other people, to be vocal. Not meaning shouting

mouths off, but if I'm doing something right, I like to be told about it. Bit of a direction is nice. What the fuck British saying is, oh, you're out there shouting your mouth off. So, I replied to him, cool, we're both super vocal. She can get a little

carried away sometimes and say hurtful things. So, you'll have to let her know if she's hurting your feelings one time she wouldn't stop calling me a polka dot panty boy and a gay little troll but she did stop eventually she's just fiery

you're perfect she's gonna love you I hope she does she really needs to be kickstarted she's in a real daze she cried all last night. This morning I walked into the bathroom to check on her and she was just sitting in the shower floor.

She says she can't forget the sound of the van hitting those pedestrians. She said it sounded like someone bowled a strike. Haunting, huh? Anyways, you're good with letting me blow you and stuff? She's gonna want to see that And I hate doing it because I'm not gay But I love her, what can I say? He replied, of course I will blow you.

And I'm sure it would be a huge turn on for her to watch me blow you while she sits on your face. Anything else you want to try? How big is your girlfriend's chest, and is there any no-nos? I replied, I know her. Which, by the way, anytime somebody says, I know her, they don't know her at all. I said, I know her, and she's going to anytime somebody says I know her, they don't know her at all. I said, I know her and she's going to love that. Pretty good sized chest. Don't really know sizes, but it's like the size of

an apple or a grenade or something. I would say nothing is off limits. Just do not bring up the London Bridge incident. Or Islamic terrorism or anything weird like that. It'll trigger her. Also, don't go too hard with me

because she thinks I'm gay and we've gotten in fights over it. Would you be able to maybe meet up tomorrow night? Sooner the better, honestly. Yeah, maybe. I work pretty hard on Mondays, and when I get my schedule, obviously your girlfriend is going to have to be up for it.

Don't want to turn up and find a surprise and she is not interested. Show her this pic to make sure she's still happy with it all. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Okay, go ahead.

Obviously, it's not erect. It takes a bit more than just a talk to get me hard. Kind of why sexy underwear and dress, etc. is a good idea. So I've got to figure there's a dick coming. If I want to see a dick, it would be a good time to close my eyes.

I do want to let you know right now. Is it incoming? If a dick makes you uncomfortable, sorry. You're at the wrong show. Sorry. Yeah. Here it comes. You can close your eyes like a kid in a scary movie.

Do you guys want to count down to the dick? Five, four, three, two, one. It's like going the wrong way. Let me tell you what I don't like about this. He lied to me. He said he wasn't erect. That is clearly erect. Or it's like just lumped over his stomach.

Oh, my God. This is some zero- G dick pickery. I don't think I've ever seen any dick in that level of detail. In my own including

go back a little bit. Zoom and enhance. This whole area here is like this part oddly looks kind of like a pussy. Yo that dick's

got clit. And then the fucking spider web of veins. Yeah, it's brilliant. And it's laid down in the pubes like it's candy in an Easter basket. It looks like it's a soldier hiding in some shrubbery to snipe a Vietnamese. My girlfriend was very upset with me while she was watching me work on this last night. I'm very bummed that those old guys aren't here,

because one of them would have gotten a shame boner, and I would have pointed it out of them would have gotten a shame boner and I would have pointed it out I would have exposed them I replied to him, I said I was kind of hoping to surprise her with you she works at the shop directly below our flat I'm a good actor

she comes home promptly at 2115 which I don't know what time that is maybe she could walk in on us fooling around nothing too gay of course and then I'd stop and pour us all a drink and the three of us could get into it she's gonna love your dick, we have the same taste in dicks what part of town are you in?

could you come to Tottenham Hill? which I just googled, London neighbourhoods sounds like where Mr Toad lives he said he's not sure about it and i said i so he didn't reply to me after that so i shot him another email i said hey man after close actually i said hey mate after close consideration i decided surprising my girlfriend with you especially in her current state was a crazy move lol so i told her about you and she was very interested we read your emails together and she got really turned on.

I showed her your pics and she loved them, but, and I'm just trying to be upfront with you like you have been with me. She did say she felt like you weren't being fully honest

when you said you weren't erect. I tried to tell her you were clearly pretty much flaccid in that picture. But she's so fragile emotionally right now because of the whole terrorism attack. So I didn't want to push it.

Two questions. Can you send us an erect one and are you free to meet up tonight? Our place or yours? Whichever you feel more comfortable in. Jill said she's in. I named her Jill. He replies, not sure about tonight. Still at work.

Let me know what the girlfriend thinks. Guys, I need you to be prepared again because another... We got two dick pics. We got another one coming. And it is still at the upsetting... Oh, stop doing that. It is the same upsetting angle.

Like, the flannel doesn't fix anything. Wait, let me just look at this right side up. He appears to... Okay, I honestly get why it's vertical now, because this is somehow worse. He appears to have laid his erect dick out onto a picnic table. He's ruining...

You guys ever see that movie, Tremors? That dude's got a grandma with a dick. That looks like expired sauce. I replied... Okay, this is where it gets a little bit upsetting. I replied, just showed her, literally dropped her jaw.

But now she doesn't believe that's really you. She said, that's a bloody porno actor's pecker, isn't it? There's no way you could send a pic next to today's newspaper or something. Oh no! She's very particular about this kind of stuff. She wants to be

sure we're not getting catfished. If this is really you, she's going to want to keep you around, buddy boy. We'll have to be later. I'm at work now. It really is me. I wouldn't send a pic that wasn't me as you would see it in the flesh

and it wouldn't work if I ended up actually having a different sized penis from the pic sent. Not actually had any pic... I like how he agreed. He's like, yeah, that's a good point. Not had any picks of... Backstage Brad, are they?

Not had any picks of you apart from the first two face shot on the beach. So I replied, that's what I bloody said. There's just no way it's not you. But she's very paranoid

about getting catfished. It happened to us once and it was the most traumatic thing... Well, second most traumatic thing to ever happen. At this point, you can guess the first. It was witnessing

violent Islamic extremism in the person. So when you see someone with that kind of tallywhacker, you can't blame her for getting skeptical. A picture next to a newspaper or whatever will totally prove that you didn't just get this pic

off of Ask Jeeves or whatever search engine it is. I can send you some pics when I get home. I'm heading out to a strip club right now with a few coworkers. Mondays, right? By the way,

what part of town do you live in? And what do you do for work if you don't mind me asking? And then I hit space, space, and then I wrote, it's a strip club for straight men, by the way. In case you were curious. And guys, this is where I get bad

news. He stops replying to me. I sent him another email this morning and I said, hey there, touching base with you. Jill and I are going to see the Mean Boys podcast live tonight. Those blokes are a ripping good one. You interested in

coming over and having a suck and fuck fest? Probably around 20. I got no replies. Oh my god. That was nice.

That was nice. We have more that we'll put up on the Mean Boys Podcast.com. I got to get off stage, though. Yeah, you got to go. We actually have more shows still. We have more shows. That was, what, 40 minutes of...

That was suspenseful. Thank you, guys. That was a fucking dream come true. You guys, are you ready for your last couple comics? Yeah. This next young lady, you've seen her on Comedy Central, you've seen her all over town. She's one of my favorite comedians.

Ladies and gentlemen, make the round right now for Anna Valenzuela! Sock it to me. But we are going to play around one of our favorite games right now. We play this all the time

on the podcast. This is called Porn Comment or Yelp Review. And then Ramsey, you come back up. Ramsey, without you, is going to come play with us as well. Contain your excitement. You guys remember Ramsey from the 45 minutes you shared a moment ago? Don't laugh.

Oh, yeah, there's the dolphin again. God damn it. All right. Over your eyes. Alright. For anybody who's never seen this before, the basis of this game is very simple. We are going to show you some quotes.

They have to tell us if these are from a Pornhub comment or a Yelp review of a legitimate establishment. And we begin with number one. Connie, want to read number one? Sure thing. Nobody wants your gross, soggy taco. Porn comment. Porn comment.

Okay, we're hearing. She's saying porn comment. The audience, what do you guys think? Yelp or porn? That's a Yelp. Yes, I know my porn connoisseurs, and they would not be so on the nose. This is a Yelp. You don't want a soggy, gross taco on your nose.

It's terrible. And look, we've proved that Ramsey knows how to speak creepy internet guy. Okay? He's fluent. So we've got porn versus Yelp. Yelp. Yelp it is, man. All right.

Let's see. The answer is Yelp. Yelp. I'm holy moly for tacos. How dare they? How dare they? From right here in Long Beach. Holy moly is good.

Holy moly is overrated. I won't apologize. All right. I'll read number two. Okay. This is worse than Carrie Fisher's death. Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

Porn. Porn. I think this is a Yelp review. I really do. I don't think... Porn people are big Star Wars people. They're not going to be doing this. They're not going to invoke her name in such a vile way.

I'm going to go with Yelp again. That's a fair point. What if it's like a Yelp review of, like, the fucking Lola's or something? Another Long Beach Mexican restaurant? That would be a weird theme to keep running through. Yeah, this is great for our global podcast audience. Let's see what the correct answer is. The correct answer is...

Pornhub! That is from a film entitled Furry Sex, Thundercats. And by the way, if that picture bums you out, strap the fuck in. Yeah. Number three. Go ahead and tag an incoming from Now Is Not The Time on all of these questions, folks. It gets worse. Number three, Connor, take this one.

Number three, there go white people being white again. Now, this has actually got three options. Porn comment, Yelp review, or Jamar's set from earlier. All right? It's tough. I'm going to say Yelp review written by Jamar's set from earlier. Yeah, I guess I'll go porn, but I do think this is like a Whole Foods. I really do.

It's a Whole Foods. It's like a J.Crew inside of a J.Jill. You know, where people that aren't funny go try to be funny on there. It's really annoying, so let's see. It could be stepmom porn, though. It could be stepmom porn. All right, what's your final answers? Yeah, porn, stepmom's see. It could be stepmom porn, though. It could be stepmom porn. All right. What's your final answers?

Yeah, porn, stepmom. I'm going to go stepmom porn. I'm going Yelp review. Yelp review. The answer. Porn hub. Yes! Eating Froot Loops

out of Roxy's gaping booty hole. Oh, Jesus. Hold on. My people, this is what you've been doing? By the way, I cannot tell you what kind of kung fu

I had to do to pause this at the only moment where you cannot see her open anus full of Froot Loops. I promise you, there's a lot of Froot Loops in there. And they don't look like good Froot Loops. They're like the coming-of-bag welfare Froot Loops. Yeah, these are Froot-O's from Food for Less.

The reason why it's white people being white people is because that asshole's filled with cashew milk. Hang on. Ramsey, I swear to God, it's almond milk. That was a lot of the comments were like, yuck, almond milk? Quick titling issue. If it's gaping, it's an asshole, not a booty hole. Don't be cute about it, it's gaping.

Good point. Number four. Number four. Let's see what we got. You know it's bad when you're literally being assaulted with urine. This is tough. Planned Parenthood Long Beach. Yelp.

I'm coming for it. Yelp, for sure. Yelp. It's just a review of me at work. We got double yelp here. Yelp, yelp, yelp. Yelp, yelp, yelp. That's actually what Roxy was yelling while they were eating those Froot Loops.

That is a Yelp review of the Long Beach Public Library. Yeah, it is. Yes. Hell yes. I know that guy. I know him. I feel like you guys have squatted for a long time there. People have barked off the street.

Fart cannon. Next one. You guys may have read it already. Beware the fart cannon. I want to know that y'all cats are important. Porn, porn, porn. Now, is this

a line from one of these or an old Nordic poem? Beware the fart cannon. Thor has had bean burritos aplenty in Asgard. You guys want to go with porn? This better not be Roxy's fart cannon.

Oh, no, it is. This is a book called Roxy Wastes Some Fruit Loops. Worst Vegas act ever. Yeah. Oh, my God. I don't want to see Old Faithful with a fucking breakfast cereal. The answer, Universal Studios Hollywood's Despicable Me Minion Mayhem Att. Which is terrible. I fucking hate the Minions.

This podcast has range. We don't fuck around. You guys saw a British man's dick twice. And now I'm opining about Minions. Next one, Keith. This is exactly what happened when I tried to get my Honda Fit serviced.

Oh my god. Next one, Keith. This is exactly what happened when I tried to get my Honda Fit serviced. Oh, my God. Oh, it's okay. Porn. Oh, Yelp. Okay. A voice of reason back there. I'm going Yelp. I'm going to go porn.

Bucket. For the win. Porn. The answer. Porn. God damn it, Jared. 40 loads? Feed the fag 40 loads

sounds like a song they sing on a really fun pirate ship. A butt pirate ship, if you will. Done, done. Now let me just say about this particular film, I was young, I needed the money, alright? The worst part is that man is wearing jean shorts

with a t-shirt tucked into them. By the way, I also hate when they film porn at porn shops. It's like, Jesus Christ, dude. Spring. That doesn't make me want to shop there. Go to the Long Beach Library, okay? Have some dignity. Why are you filming it?

The next one. What are these transitions? I don't speak her language, but I'm pretty sure she said the N-word. Oh, Yelp review. Yeah, Yelp, Yelp, Yelp. I'm going to go Yelp, and I'm going to go Long Beach DMV. Let's go. Here's the fucked up thing about this one.

The person who's writing this is more racist than the person that probably said the N-word. I don't speak her language, but I'm pretty sure. Hard bells. Hard bells. All right, you guys guess? That one was Pornhub. Whoa! Busty Japanese babe having sex with tentacles.

Wow! Live action tentacles. I didn't know they made them that way. This looks a lot like Keith Carey's recent trip to the deli. You know there's a thespian underneath those tentacles. This looks a lot like Keith Carey's recent trip to the deli. You know there's a thespian underneath those tentacles. I went to Juilliard. There's a guy that worked on the last Guardians of the Galaxy movie in the prop department that's like, hey, it's a living.

They can't all be making a raccoon hang out with Chris Pine. It's Chris Pratt, you fool. Oh, Chris Pratt, sorry. And finally, what really pisses me off is how the disabled man in the wheelchair was treated. Everybody just got kind of uncomfortable on this one. Yeah, I mean, this one, if this is a place of business, this is definitely a despicable hive of scum and villainy.

But if it's a porn, I mean, it's probably on par for what we've had so far. Your guesses, gentlemen and ladies. I'm going to go with Yelp. Yeah, I feel like it's Yelp. I feel like it's Yelp. I think you keep it fun. I'm going to go porn, though.

Fuck it. By the way, I also... The correct answer is that it's a Yelp review of Heartbells in Long Beach. Ladies and gentlemen, that has been the Mean Boys Podcast.

Thank you guys so much for coming out. Fuck everything. God is dead. See you later, folks.