Mean Boys - EP 65 - Pussy Appendix (feat. Jenn Scott & Kelly Ryan)

Episode Date: June 19, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Part Of The Female Reproductive System or Harry Potter Spell" by Cali Velasquez, “1-800-69-NASTY” and a game of “Which of the Following” with things that happened in NHL games by Tom Goss. Come see The Mean Boys Podcast live at The Comedy Palace in San Diego on 7/21 at 10pm, register free tickets here: bit.ly/2rV089a See Connor out in the Midwest: www.connormcspadden.com/shows You can now leave us a voicemail at [phone] or drop us a line at [e-mail] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (eataburrito.com) Listen to Tom’s podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/who-told-you-that/id1197690915?mt=2 Listen to Connor’s new podcast with Adam Tod Brown: https://soundcloud.com/unpopsconspiracy Follow our guest Jenn Scott on Twitter: twitter.com/jennloveshate Follow our guest Kelly Ryan on Twitter: twitter.com/thisiskellyryan Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muskoka or down Toronto's bustling streets. From now until June 30th, lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Conditions apply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Rogers Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fares, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday anywhere

along the go network and the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network starting at 30 for two people and up to 60 for a group of five buy your online go pass ahead of the show at gotransit.com slash tickets hey everybody it's keith and tom goss from the mean boys park tom goss is here. With Keith Carey. That's right, just two big fat celebrities. No Connor.

Yeah, no Connor. Connor's out on the road. Keith's guiding this, go ahead. Yeah, thanks. You fucking dunce. We wanted to bring you an episode anyway. We didn't want to leave you hanging, so me and Tom recorded one, barely.

We were joined by Kelly Ryan and Jen Scott. Both of them are very, very funny comics. They're great. Follow them on all their social medias. Check out their stuff. We just want to, again, thank you guys for sending things in every week. We love that you send in games and suggestions and whatnot. We did a fan-submitted game this week that you guys are going to hear. We are, as always, sponsored by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California.

They have the best California burritos that are going to kick your palate in your fucking face. Cadillac and burritos. It is. Yeah. Except I don't want a Cadillac. I want a Don Carlos French fry, sour cream, steak. I don't even eat meat anymore. And the only thing, like, I might go back to eating meat for their fucking burritos.

They're really. Burritos so good, they will shatter Tom Goss' value system. Look, they got money to say this. I just genuinely like their fucking burritos. I can get a sense. I pay for my burritos when I go there. Tom's weirdly antagonistic. I'm still saying, go eat their fucking burritos.

They're delicious. All right, well, go to eataburrito.com to find out what has driven Tom to such madness. This is how I show love. Sorry, go ahead. We're doing an intro. TomTorito.com to find out what has driven Tom to such madness. I'm not. This is how I show love. Sorry. Go ahead. We're doing an intro. Speaking of San Diego area, July 21st, live Mean Boys at the Comedy Palace. Holy shit.

It's going to be really fucking fun. It's happening during Comic-Con. We are already selling tickets, which we did not expect. We haven't even started pushing it yet, and you guys are already turning out. So please get your tickets now. The link to that will be in the show notes. We are planning some straight up madness. Kyle Clark, friend of the show from Nerdist and This Is Rad is going to be on the show.

We got more fun guests to be confirmed, but definitely pick up your tickets. Also, please review us on iTunes. It helps us out a great deal. We'd be getting a lot from you. We are going to read a review from one of you beautiful idiots, as we've been doing for a while. I am vamp.

Tom, vamp while I find this. Okay, Keith is bad at planning things, so now I have to talk for you guys. The burritos at Dog Carlos really are fucking amazing. Also, Kelly Velasquez, I love you. Sorry for shitting on you the other time. And that's the only time I'm going to say it, because from now on, Mean Boys fans, I'm going to shit on your games regardless. You know why?

Because I'm not good at making them. So I'm going to take my internal turmoil and throw it... Turmoil. Yeah, turmoil. It's my word. And turmoil. I will take my internal turmoil and shove it in your flabby... Alright, you're done. This week's review comes to us from His59. It says, quote,

I don't know how these guys can be so awesome at saying such terrible things. My favorite place to catch bits of news now. Makes me feel better about the horrible things I laugh at throughout the day. Keep it up, guys. So be like Tiz59. Leave us a five-star review. Say something nice about the show. Other than that, keep sending shit in. Keep your

eyes peeled for some pretty fun announcements soon. And enjoy this episode of the Mean Boys Podcast. All kidding aside, you guys are amazing. Thank you so much. Brat brat. Brat brat. for some pretty fun announcements soon and enjoy this episode of the mean boys podcast all kidding aside you guys are amazing thank you so much brad brad brad brad brad Hi everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. Your food is poison. If you don't believe me, canola oil is made out of rapeseed.

I'm Tom Goss. I'm Keith Carey. And we are the two shittiest employees at a Hot Topic. Hey, fuck you. I tried to be a worker for Hot Topic and they wouldn't let me because I look like a child. Are you kidding me? They will not stop trying to hire me. They're just like

Scientologists outside your door. I can't walk into a mall. They find me and are like, oh my god, do you need a job? One of the saddest moments of my life was being at a Hot Topic and somebody telling me, we're sorry, they don't make Green Day shirts in your size. It's a real thing that happened to me. Did you dookie?

Get the fuck out of my house. We are joined by two of my favorite comics, Kelly Ryan and Jen Scott. Thank you for coming in, ladies. Thanks. Connor is not here. He is currently on the road in some godforsaken State in the Midwest

Tom Goss is here and he was in charge Of the tech setup which is why A. We're recording an hour late and B. Everything sounds Like robots First off, the fucking board Was meddled with It's a miracle that we have any sound At all, okay

I was more likely to cancel all sound All around the world than get this to work, and I got it to kind of work, so I think we should all be thankful right now. I feel like between this Merry Christmas, motherfucker, and it came early. Between this and your shitty pancreas, you're like a miracle worker of making things that shouldn't

work kind of work. Thank you. Thomas Fresh out of the hospital for sad boy disease. No soundboard this week. I couldn't get that to you. Thomas fresh out of the hospital for sad boy disease. No soundboard this week. I couldn't get that to you. Connor, I told them to FaceTime you. Oh, man. I'm just picturing Connor already being annoyed at us.

It's like Connor is dad and dad's gone and we were like, we're going to make dinner. And then we just made a huge mess and set the kitchen on fire. I called Connor and his whole thing was like, yeah, you should use the program I use. I was like, that's not the problem right now. Yeah, well, love you, Connor. We kind of sort of figured it out. So yeah, I think we're ready to get into the Mexican joke-off. How are you guys feeling? Good?

Hi, so topical. Good, great. Tom, you want to kick it off this week? Sure. You're like, fucking maybe. Uber has been under scrutiny for multiple accounts of drivers sexually assaulting passengers. The company will possibly be firing their CEO, SPP of business, and will be renamed Cosby Cabs. That was a long road.

It was, and it was not worth it. All right, let's try this one. A U.S. congressman was shot at an adult recreational softball game. In response, the lame stepdads of America will be flying their Big Dogs t-shirts at half-mast. They finally made baseball interesting. I have a joke off, but let's let them get through it first. Adam West was honored with the bat symbol being projected over Los Angeles. His relationship with Robin is commemorated by being super gay.

I was like, here comes a fun, clever gay joke. I'm like, oh no, we're just calling him gay. A man drove his van into a group of London Muslims after praying during Ramadan last night to which a witness said, I know us Muslims like to fast, but that van was too fast. Your face when you read that, you just look like a sad cartoon doc.

I just want to watch you just droopily report fatalities. We could run the shit out of a Hot Topic. I feel like you're the tough but fair assistant manager, and then Jen is like the employee who's clearly smoking too much weed on the job, but you don't fire her because she's got the good record collection. But it's still somehow in charge.

I kept trying to get fired from all my mall jobs, and they kept promoting me. employee who's clearly smoking too much weed on the job, but you don't fire her because she's got the good record collection. But it's still somehow in charge. I kept trying to get fired from all my mall jobs, and they kept promoting me. You hacked the mall. A politician was shot during a baseball game, finally ending the argument that shooting's not baseball, is America's pastime. Okay, 0 for 2.

A coroner's report has revealed Carrie Fisher's cause of death The official factors that led to her demise are Sleep apnea, medical complications And 60 plus years of being Carrie Fisher They put out the list of drugs that she was on when she died And one of them was ecstasy What?

She is so cool She was on a flight from England to America That is a 12-hour flight. Why did she need to be rolling? Which likes to party in the sky. That means there's a very high chance Carrie Fisher got fucked in an airplane bathroom before she died. I think it's amazing that she did that and that everyone still pretended their grandma died when she died on Facebook. Oh, your grandma doesn't do ecstasy?

No, I just think that everyone thinks that Carrie Fisher is their grandmother. Do you know how long it took me to realize Carrie Fisher was not Derek Fisher when that news came out? Hopefully not more than a second. I read last names first. I just don't have the willpower to figure out who's who if I don't know them personally. And sometimes if I know them personally. You don't have the willpower to figure out who's who if I don't know them personally. Sometimes if I know them personally. You don't need willpower. You need a third grade reading comprehension level.

No, I need the will to read at a third grade level. You just use keywords when you read. Exactly. On that reading rabbit shit. Okay. After being convicted of manslaughter for texting her boyfriend to kill himself, 20-year-old Michelle Carter was found guilty of not being pretty enough to get away with that shit. after being convicted of manslaughter for texting her boyfriend to kill himself 20 year old Michelle Carter

was found guilty of not being pretty enough to get away with that shit that bitch is ugly as fuck dude her eyebrows are the real crime they look like they want to be connected

but they can't be I just can't who are we talking about oh this girl like basically like talked her boyfriend into committing suicide. They were going to Romeo and Juliet themselves,

but then she was like, JK, you just kill yourself. How big of a problem is ADHD in America? Am I right? Honestly, how pussy whipped is this dude? Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. She was like, your family loves you. They know that you want to die. Just go for it.

He died in a pickup truck, so he died looking like a douchebag. That sucks. In a parking lot. Yeah. Aw, man. That's not even like a cool death. At least jump off something fancy. Right?

Really commit. Don't just get in the car. I'm driving to hell. I'm obsessed with her, though. Like, she really committed to wanting attention, honestly. Well, she done got it. It worked. Okay.

61 people were killed in a forest fire over the weekend in Portugal. Portuguese. More like Port-a-gees. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, I hate how much I love that.

An innocent man got out of prison when he found his doppelganger who committed the crime. The judge said, alright, we're going to free you, but now you can't get mad anymore when we say you all look alike. Oh, shit. Cue the Jamar button. Satire. This is a satire. That's not what

that is. A new report released by the CDC says that teen smoking is at an all-time low. In a related study, scientists found a marked increase in teens being fucking nerds. Yeah, smoke and kill yourself, you dumb teens. Aw, you sad bully.

You are so sad. Man, now I'm the only one with smoke. Also, I'm 28 years old, so I'm not a teen. Young women in Tunisia experiencing cultural shame for having sex before marriage has increased the number of hymen reconstruction surgeries. In related news, fake pussy blood stock has increased by 10%.

Jesus, fuck. How do you rebuild a hymen? Do you just stick a wad of chewed up gum down there? That's also what I was thinking. I was like, a gynecologist suggested, isn't it more shameful to have blood shoved back inside you? Good lord. I'm imagining one of those construction workers with that paste you use to cover the wall. Oh my god. Just drywalling their snatch.

Hi. Sorry, Kelly. Sorry about you. Okay. A Spanish matador was killed by a bull on Saturday after tripping on his bedazzled outfit. This bull is a hero for finding a new fun way to kill the gays,

said Mike Pence. I was just waiting for another one of you. You're like, oh, brother. Portuguese. A woman in Utah locked her kids in the trunk of her car while she went shopping in Walmart. Authorities are shocked that that level of white trash somehow owns a car. They live in that car.

Well, they stole the truck after the kid killed himself. He ain't using it. It's recycle home. We're eco-friendly. KFC announced they will be launching a chicken sandwich into outer space next year. That's true. When it reached for comment, outer space said,

it's because I'm black, isn't it? Amazingly not the most racist joke we've told in the joke house so far. I'm running with this crowd. Literally, those words don't mean anything. Okay, fine. I agree.

I don't disagree with you. I just say words, Keith. That's kind of my thing. Go ahead. I was just waiting. It'll continue. Go ahead. Donald Trump continues to insist he is not under investigation.

America responds, oh my God, are you still talking? I like that in your version of America, there's just a table full of sassy teen girls. We aren't. You can't sit with us, black people. Accurate. I don't like this organic soundboard. Oh.

Well, sounds like a you problem. Okay. This is fucking stupid. Local teachers in Arkansas brought in a bus to help feed hungry students, but all the students did was complain about the tires and seatbelts being overcooked. It's stupid. It makes no sense. Oh, my god.

That might be the dumbest trick I've ever written. That might be dumber than the David Dorward incident. Grenfell Tower in England was set completely ablaze Grenfell Tower in England was set completely ablaze

which killed multiple people and is considered to be a perfect impression of Tom Goss' organs. Okay. I try to turn my sadness into comedy, you fucks. When I saw that building burn down, I just thought of one of the chimney sweeps from Mary Poppins. Just like, oh, I should have hit this one first. Yeah, I thought of my pancreas, I think. A Swedish man has become a key agent for ISIS. Authorities

are on the lookout for the terrorist known for his distinctive battle cry, I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. I will make a Swedish chef reference any time it is reasonable and most of the time when it is not. So happy about that. This week in comedy,

women were mean to each other. We're looking for news, not just statements of reality. Bitch looks like a mouse. Don't talk about her. That's it? Yeah. Well, for the four people

who know what she's talking about, that's very funny. Thank you. The Mean Boys tweeted a statement on the Eliza incident. Oh, don't say her name. She's the Voldemort of who cares. Tom clenching up because he's like, oh, I can get a road work. She likes a dog.

Wait, what? Don't worry about it. Kelly, last show. Fuck that cunt. I don't fucking like him. Oh, alright then. Okay, well, I got two

stupid ones. Even more stupid ones. Okay, a Florida man was murdered at his own birthday party this weekend. One guest said, I knew it was weird the piata was yelling, please stop. Well, now you have to do the other one.

Alright. A wife was arrested in the murder of killing California hairstylist Fabio Sematilli and police told her they would let her go under one conditioner. There you go. Thank you and good night. Holy fucking shit.

I told you those... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn it. I want you to host a late night show. I hate myself. Here's a fucking joke. Well, that was... That fucking happened. The Mean Boys podcast

will be right back after this bullshit. Awesome. Fellas, it's late. Aren't you lonely? Well, you don't have to be. Dial 1-800-69-NASTY to talk to the hottest, wildest single ladies in your area. These girls are waiting for your call, and they're ready to make your nastiest dreams come true. Let's meet some of the ladies. I'm Brittany. I'm 19 and I don't know what boundaries are. I'm Crystal. I'm a naughty little mix and I didn't go to college. I'm Tammy Gash. I work at the Radisson. And if you've got $27, I'll suck your dick through your asshole.

Tammy Gash. That's right. We've got dozens of hot, sexy girls. And also Tammy for some reason. Whether you're looking for something mild. I'm so tight. Something wild. I'm wearing handcuffs right now. Or

whatever's going on here. One time a man ate my pussy and now every time there's a full moon, he turns into a werewolf. Tammy Gash. We've got what you need.

1-800-69-NASTY is just 30 cents a minute. 15 cents if you get Tammy, because, like, you know, we get it. And our ladies have no limits. I'm 19, but you can ignore the teen part if you want, because that's legal on the phone. I lost my gag reflex years ago, so go crazy, Daddy. I took a hot soup plantation shit in a water balloon and put it in my freezer. Who wants a fudgesicle in my mouth or yours?

Tammy Gash. Yuck. So don't wait. Call 1-800-69-NASTY now. And the Mean Boys podcast is back. And we are going to play a fan submitted game from friend of the show, Callie Velasquez. Callie has sent in a bunch of games for us. We use her stuff all the time. For anybody listening, thank you. Keep sending us shit. She had a note for Tom as well in this game because she sent in a Witch of the Following

that you were a little rude about recently. Oh, probably. I'll just read it. Quote, fuck Tom Goss. He picked one of my clues from the last game I sent him because it had, quote, the least amount of work in the wording. I didn't read. Well, I'm not

done. While I'm not the best writer, he also didn't sweep the game, so it couldn't have been that terrible. In retaliation, I poured an entire bottle of Tapatio down the sink. Ah. Well, you sure made that sink happy. You're making your face on a sink. No, no. To be honest, I

forgot that you wrote it. I thought Connor was writing it. I have no problem being rude to Connor. But since you took it personally, yeah, I meant it, fucker. No, I'm kidding. Callie's awesome. Connor responded to her and just said, fuck everything. Tapatio is overrated. Oh, shit. Okay.

I'm watching Tom just steam. I can't eat it anymore. Oh, yeah. My stupid fucking body. What happened? Yeah, you want want to give just a quick update about what happened to tom's stupid body yeah basically um i thought that i had bad gas turns out i had pancreatitis um so i immediately went to the hospital two weeks after feeling the pain and the doctor I'm pretty much on a weird diet now your levels are supposed to be between like 70 and 370

at the highest and mine was 4,424 your tapatio levels? well we have an episode title your tapatio, yes well Tom's doing better now. But Callie, you're awesome. I thought you were Connor, which is more of an...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just going to... Look, the important thing is that Tom's just not a nice guy, and our fans agree. I agree. I agree. I'm a dick. Fuck all of you.

All right. All right. Where's my leather jacket, motherfuckers? I don't like that Connor's gone, and Now you're trying to be the mean one. Did this turn into a rumble? Why are you pulling out that chain wrapped around a baseball bat? This is what I use to tie my shoes, motherfucker. What?

I dare you to explain. I don't. All right. Well, the game we're going to be playing today is called simply Female Reproductive System or Harry Potter Spell. I'm going to be reading some things that are either a part of the female reproductive system or a spell from the Harry Potter franchise. And we have to try and see if we can figure these out. Again, these are shockingly hard. The first one, quote, Moliere.

Female anatomy. You said that with too much confidence. I think that's a fucking wizard spell. Okay. I think it's a woman part, but it's not supposed to be there. That sounded more like Tom than anything Tom has ever said.

Also, I want like a pussy appendix. Never mind. Now we have an episode title. I just want Tom to teach a class where he's pointing out the parts of the video. Yeah, you got the lippy bits, the other lippy bits, the clown nose. Is that just the technical phrase for the blood they put back inside of you? You really want to make this hymen replacement thing a thing.

I think it sounds like a drag queen name. Like hymenoplasty. The correct answer is Moieri is a Harry Potter spell. It cushions the body in case of a fall. Which could also be part of a pussy, to be fair. Number two. Fundus. F-U-N-D-U-S.

Fundus. That sounds like an infection. Yo, that sounds mushroomy. That sounds bacterial. I'm going to go female anatomy again, but I've already rattled my confidence. Well, no, you've rattled my confidence, Callie. See? See?

Oh, now you're all smart and shit. Fucking ruining my confidence and shit. Tom is staring into the middle distance and harassing the audience. I am checking the soundboard, staring at Keith's phone, staring at Keith, and turned in an angle that hurts. So I don't know what you want from me. That's better. All right, so you're guessing, I think you said vagina in some of that?

Yeah, pussy. I also think pussy. I agree, yeah. We're all going pussy. The correct answer is pussy, our reproductive system. That is the top portion of the uterus. We're going to try to keep this classy.

Pussy's pussy, man. Number three, pier totem locomotor. Oh, that's a Harry Potter spell. What? What is that? That's a Harry Potter spell. See, Minnesota in there. Yeah, it's from Harry Potter spell. Why does that have to be a Harry Potter spell? See, Minnesota in there.

Yeah, it's from Harry Potter. See, it sounds like a Harry Potter spell, which is why I think Callie is so smart that it's a red herring and it's a puss. So I'm going to say puss. Nobody wants a red herring puss. I think it's a spell. The correct answer is a spell.

All right. Yeah, you got three words. I gave you so much credit. Never mind. It animates statues or suits of armor. Yeah, I feel like these three words, I don't know if it was in me. Yeah. Never mind.

That's pretty funny, actually. Number four, linea terminalis. I think it's another Harry Potter spell. Okay. I do. It sounds like when your vagina dies. That's a ghost pussy. Loading around. That's when your expecto patronum's just a

vagina flying all over the place. I just picture you like Mothra flying. That's a Godzilla reference. We're not getting back into Godzilla. I'm going to say Harry Potter. Can you say it one more time? Linea Terminalis.

Imagine it with a wand. Actually, you can also do that to a vagina. I'm going to change mine to Vag because Linea, it sounds like it's lip issued or something like that. So I'm going to change mine to Vag, because Linea, it sounds like it's lip-issued or something like that. So I'm going to go Vag. All right, we're going Vag.

Potter. Potter. Drag queen name. Amazingly correct. Coming to the stage. I think it's anatomy. That is female anatomy. That is the edge of the pelvic brim.

Ew. That sounds like a terrible Lovecraft book. It was that Linnaeus shit. I got that off the, yeah. Yeah. I got one. Number five, and I don't know if I'm pronouncing this right, splanchnik.

S-P-L-A-N-C-H-N-I-C. 100% something inside a woman. How do you spell it? S-P-L-A-N-C-H-N-I-C. Splanchnik? Or maybe Splunknik? Sounds German AF. I think that's in the female body

because if it were a spell, it would end it with a K. Oh. I completely made that up. Is that real? Yeah. That is not true. That's logic.

Not like good logic, but it's logic. All right. Kelly's going spell. Yeah. I think Splanchnik., Kelly's going spell. Yeah, I think Splanchnik. I was going vagina. I think

that was some fucking Czechoslovakian dude found a new part of the pussy and then named it after himself. That's like the satellite that Russia launched to beam creepy porn into our lives. Yeah, I think it was German infiltration of the pussy.

I think it is vagina. Great. We've said pussy way too many times. I'm going to say it some more. I'm going to say it. Yeah, I know, because there's like five more of these. A wizard pussy.

No. That's the last one, maybe. I promise. The sorting twat. That's the last one, maybe. You put your dick in there, it's like... It's hard to hear

because its mouth is full. I think that it is a spell. All right, the correct answer is reproductive system. Those are nerves that innervate the pelvic and genital organs.

Hell yeah. Number six, glissio. Well, it doesn't end in a K. It sounds like a boy band. Like one of those 98 Degrees off-suit band.

They opened for O-Town once. I think it's one of those dumb Harry Potter stills that don't really do anything. Like it lights your candle or some shit. I like to hear a spell that creates fire is nothing. Could you use it in a sentence? Yes. Number six is

Glisio. Oh, fuck you! Fire is nothing. Could you use it in a sentence? Yes. Number six is glissia. Oh, fuck you. Okay. I mean, there's not a lot of ways to use it that wouldn't give it away. Oh, that's a great point. Yeah. You didn't even realize you were cheating. I asked you to spell it.

Or vagina it. I'm going to go with a spell. Okay. I also think a spell. Three Potters. You're all correct. That is a Harry Potter spell. It causes steps on a stairway to flatten into a slide.

I knew it was fucking dumb. Flatten into a slide? Yeah. That's so cool. Why does there need to be a whole spell for that? Why would you just turn everything into slides, though? Yeah. If you're a fucking wizard.

Let's be on Earth, bitch. Wizards are crazy about stairs. They love them, they hate them. Yeah. They all got weird relationships with stairs. You gotta like

whisper secrets to them to go where you want. They live under there. They're like elevators that hate you. They fucking... Hate you, elevators. Number seven,

Fogari. Oh, man. Sounds like, Fulgari. Oh, man. It sounds like off-brand Bulgari. That's in a woman. That's the most creepy way you could say that, but yes. I'm going to say spell, and I think someone's like a roast pheasant or something. It sounds... What?

I think it's food related. Yeah, I got it. No, I got to switch to a spell too, actually. Okay. I think it's a spell as well. That is a Harry Potter spell. You guys are good at this. Binds the hands

with shiny cords. What the fuck? Man, that's similar to a pheasant. It is bad. In no way similar to a pheasant. They have to be shiny.

Number eight. Fornices? Fornices? Fornices? Okay, that's spelled Isis, and that is neither. Okay. Fornices? F-O-R-N-I-C-E-S. I think that's the female part.

I have not said the P word once yet. I am a good egg. There's actually a word that means bad egg. Okay. I'm going to say it is a... That seemed like a hint to not say pussy. Oh, no. I don't care. It is a twatser.

That's not better. I think it sounds like invisible foreskin. I think it's a cunt. Are you ready to answer? It is, think it's a cunt. Are you ready to answer? It is in fact a cunt. It is the... Oh, man. Oh, God.

I hope your dad doesn't listen. Oh, fuck. Talk to your dad? I did. You can blame it on us. It's like when you come home smelling like cigarettes and say, no, I was hanging out

with those bad kids. Blame it on Keith, not us. It's a recorded podcast. They can hear you saying it. Me and Keith have this cool ventriloquism act that, okay, all right, yes, I'm fucked. Continue.

All right, one more. The last one. Feriola. Yes, I'm fucked. Continue. One more. The last one. Feriola. Oh, man. That sounds like some curly pubes. Most pubes are curly pubes. Like curlier. Straight pubes? Yeah.

I've seen it, and it's really upsetting. I don't know if they use some nap away or if they straightened them, but it was like, yeah, it was like weird drapes. Michael Jackson for sure had straight pubes. You think so? Yes. I feel like he had jerry-curled pubes. Nah, I feel like if he was the first

man on earth to be like, no, we're going straight, baby. I think for sure... All I know is I profoundly hate your Michael Jackson impression. I like a dancer. I hate thinking about Michael Jackson's genital area. It's barely there probably. Well, no, it's not there anymore.

He's dead. He's real dead. I don't know. We should ask the kids. Rest in peace, pedophile. Fucked up. Pedophile. It was a...

Okay. I'm going to say female anatomy. I agree. I agree. The say female anatomy. I agree. I agree. The correct answer is Harry Potter spell. It creates a bandage and a splint. What? You're a wizard.

Heal yourself. Yeah, I know. It's so weird. We can make a bandage, but we can't just fix your stupid bone. If you have a cast and you're a wizard, you just want the attention. God, Harry Potter is stupid. I also really like Harry Potter, but it's stupid.

That is that game. Thank you again for sending that in, Kelly Velasquez. All our fans keep sending stuff in. Tom, you want to say pussy one more time? Kelly, I just want to say that was smart, okay? I thought it was smart.

I'm sorry. I hurt your feelings. Tom, why are you giving her the finger and mouthing the N-word? That's so weird. I'm not. How do I speak and mouth the n-word at the same time i don't know you can find a way the mean boys podcast will be right thank

you cali after this all right everybody welcome back to the mean boys podcast i'm oh no i don't have to introduce ourselves again uh you know who we are um uh and it is time for which of the Following. I love when we give Tom, like, bring it back from break responsibilities because he always looks like he's doing an impression of, like, a sane human being. Thank you. And you're also, like, always looking to the side for imaginary assassins. Yes. The most deadly kind of assassin. What is the Witch of the Following this week, Tom?

Based on one of the first Witch of the Followings I did, which was names of hockey players, we have Witch of the Following did not happen during a hockey game. I know you're not a sports fan. You're right. I know you're not a sports

fan. Eh, kinda. Do you ever hockey? I only like violence on ice, yeah. Sweet. Okay, so. It's my favorite sport. Is it really? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Do you know you like, oh, alright, you might if you know it, you go last, okay?

Okay. Yeah, I was definitely not surprised when you were like, yeah, I know things about Harry Potter. Like, that made sense, but hockey is a more shocking one. Yeah, okay was definitely not surprised when you were like, yeah, I know things about Harry Potter. Like, that made sense. But hockey is a more shocking one. Yeah, okay. All right. Round one. A. A fan realized his team, the defending champions,

were going to be eliminated from the playoffs. He tried to steal the Stanley Cup to keep it in his hometown. B. During an NHL practice, a fan sneaks into the rink in full hockey gear, jumps over the glass onto the ice, and attempts to try out for the team. C. A streaker jumps on the ice, falls immediately, hurts himself, and is carried out on a stretcher. Or D. A streaker goes out onto the ice and then starts doing a figure skating routine wearing body art from the opposing team. Which of these did not happen?

Which of these did not happen? I'm just picturing if you streak on ice and you fall and your tip hits the ice. You know when the guy licks the pole in a Christmas store? I just feel like the fire department's gonna have to come and just cut the tip off. Of his head? No, the tip of his dick. Oh!

Yeah, they cut the tip of his head off. Just so he learns. Just leave his dick frozen to the ice. Shit. I feel like hot air would also work. I can't tell if you guys... I feel like a knife is more fun. That's more hockey.

I can't tell if you guys are quiet because you're disappointed or because you're thinking... I just don't remember the first one because I'm dumb. Yeah, yeah, can you... When a fan realized his team, which were the defending champs,

were going to be eliminated from the playoffs, he tried to steal the Stanley Cup to keep it in his hometown. I think that definitely happened. I'm going to say D, the figure skating one, the one that didn't happen. I'm going to say C, because I think they streak, but there was more to it.

Okay. I also think D, because that would be amazing, and I think I'd know about it it was D I also love figure skating I like to sit on ice that is a combination of things you enjoy it's awesome why would we not be on ice

check out Mean Boys on ice exactly that would be beautiful I will choreograph that we should at some point storm in the middle of a Kings game just like the three of us run out on skates. Oh, that is a perfect segue to the next selection crazy

fight edition. A. A player in the penalty box squirts water at a fan. The fan then falls into the penalty box. Then the player beats the shit out of him. B. A fan jumps onto the ice, charges the opposing team's bench, and then gets beaten up by the entire team, which was then broken up by police.

A riot ensues in the stands when a fan starts shooting gummy bears at the home team's coach with a slingshot. Or D, while a ref tries to break up a fight, a fan grabs a player's stick and starts hitting him with it. Then the whole team climbs over the glass to fight the fans. I feel like a whole team beating up one fan seems a little unfair. Oh, man. I want the gummy bears to be real, but I think it's that one. See, I think that's

real. Okay. I think A is the fake one. Yeah, I think C is not true. Okay, so you two say C. I don't think they sell gummy bears at hockey games. Well, you can bring them from home. That's some dope logic.

Two C's and an A? Yeah. Okay, the correct answer was C. You guys are kicking my ass on this one. C, I know snacks. No gummy bears. I know snacks. A, there's footage of all of this, and A is hilarious.

Because the guy does not think he's going to fall into the penalty box. And he sure as fuck gets his head beaten the shit out of him. I don't know that he already fell in, and the guy's like, well, I'm going to beat up this wounded civilian. Well, they were fighting with each other. Right. He kept squirting them. And then B is one of the greatest footage of all time, where the guy charged the ice is running across the ice. Yeah.

And like, uh-oh. And then the biggest guy on the team hit, punched him 17 times in the head while everyone else is also hitting him. And then cops are rushing the ice. How sure are we this is not Tom's origin story? Okay. Next round. All thrown on the ice edition. Okay.

In Los Angeles, several fans threw their movie scripts onto the ice. In Montreal, a fan threw an alarm clock onto the ice. 25,000 teddy bears were thrown onto the ice. On Montreal, a fan threw an alarm clock onto the ice. 25,000 teddy bears were thrown onto the ice and then were donated to charity, or a live chicken was thrown at a player skating by. Which of the following did not happen?

Well, they don't sell chickens at hockey games. Wait, what was the first one? Movie scripts. Threw their own movie scripts onto the ice. That's really funny. Oh, God. I don't think that one's true. Okay.

Yeah, I wrote the hockey version of Space Jam. Whoa, I'd watch that. Right? Shit. I think the first one, too, because it's, like, too funny. Okay. I think that is really funny. I'm going gonna say c because

25 000 seems like a shitload of teddy bears it was a shitload of 20 bears the a was it was uh the fake one you guys are kicking the shit out of me yeah it's it's insane they did like a charity and you just the whole ice they threw it for like five minutes i don't know why people cared that much yeah We're definitely focusing too much on this and not on the man who threw a chicken. That also happened at a Kings game. And then they kept playing for like 30 seconds

before someone stopped the play. And there's just this chicken shitting and pissing on the ice. Oh, so it was a live chicken. It was a live chicken. And then the player was also shitting and pissing on the ice. Someone stuck in a live chicken. It was a live chicken. Yeah, and then the player was also shitting and pissing on the ice. Someone stuck in a live chicken. How?

That's amazing, and also why ice rinks don't really exist in California. That happened in L.A. That was interesting. We can't be trusted. We're not supposed to have ice. Fun fact, that chicken was stolen from this neighborhood. I'm surprised you didn't talk about the squid thing, because Detroit fans full on

throw squids on the ice all the damn time. Well, there's another thrown on ice. Wow, you really know hockey. To have your own answer? Fuck the Red Wings. Alright. Okay, thrown on ice too. It's alright.

Which of the following has not been thrown onto the ice during a hockey game? A. A slab of beef. B. A puppy. C. A hamburger. Or D. A shark. Wait. My answer's not in that.

There's one more of thrown on ice. What? Oh, she really fucked it up. Sorry. No, it's okay. Can you run them real quick one more time? Yes. A, a slab of beef.

Okay. B, a puppy. C, a hamburger. Or D, a shark. It's got to be the puppy. It's not a puppy. I don't want that to be true, so I'm saying no to that.

No on puppies? I think it's a shark. Okay. It was B, a puppy. Oh, thank God. I love how much that upset... Sharks are also animals. Throw any animal.

Throw a baby. Don't throw a puppy. God. What if it was like a shitty puppy, though? What's a shitty puppy? That's even cuter for some reason. No, like a regular puppy, but he's just like, I don't know, ruining stuff.

He's racist. There's a team. So far, I've done a terrible job disguising which one's the fake one, but the shark one is so funny because the guy's, it was shark one is so funny because the guys it was a four foot leopard shark. Okay.

Again, how did they get this into the stadium? I'm going to tell you. It was two I think they were brothers. One of them turned the leopard shark into a backpack under his shirt. Wow. They walked in with it. Then they slid it underneath the seat and waited for someone to score a goal

And then they both together Heaved the shark over the glass Onto the ice And then they were fans of the San Jose Sharks That's why they did it Oh of course Now it all makes sense And then everyone thought

That they were All the Sharks fans got pissed, not because of animal cruelty, but because they thought they were making fun of the San Jose Sharks. So, okay. Alright. Wow. Last round. Actually, I have one,

I have two more rounds. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. So last, this one, tradition of throwing on the ice, really? Yeah, yeah. So last, this one, tradition of throwing on the ice. We may have blown this. A, in Detroit, they throw octopus on the ice. B, in Florida, they throw rats onto the ice.

C, in Columbus, they throw pigeons onto the ice. Or D, in Nashville, they throw catfish onto the ice. Where are these people getting all these fucking animals? Security at these games is awful. They should not play hockey at this petting zoo.

One more time real quick. A. In Detroit, they throw octopus on the ice. Well, yeah. B. In Florida, they throw rats onto the ice. C. In Columbus, they throw pigeons onto the ice. Or D. In Nashville, they throw catfish onto the ice. Can't really throw a bird onto ice.

All of these animals are dead. Oh, okay. I don't think the Florida ones should, because they would throw an alligator. Yeah. Hey, why would you pick a rat? Well, they eat rats. That's their favorite vegetable in Florida. I'm going to say the Florida rats as well.

Pigeon? For Columbus. I'm going to say the Florida rats as well. Pigeon? For Columbus. I'm going to say pigeon. Correct is pigeon. How's a bitch? Yeah, how do you throw a bird? Is it a dead bird? Well, yeah, that's what he said.

Yeah, all of these animals are dead. In Nashville, that started this year, if you want to know how ahead of the times hockey fans are. They started throwing catfish onto the ice. And it started as opposing fans trying to distract Nashville, and it turned into a tradition already. In Florida, a hockey

player killed a rat with a stick then scored two goals, and then people just started throwing rats on the ice to come up with the goal. I guess what I meant is it's obviously harder to catch a bird to make it dead. Are you finding dead birds? Dead rats are everywhere. It's not hard to catch a pigeon.

Have you? I mean, I could. I don't know. They're pretty fat now. I've punched a pigeon. I want to watch that too. You've punched a pigeon? It flew in my face and I got scared, so I just threw hands and I hit the pigeon. Oh, it started it. Yeah. It was a late it. Yeah. Yeah. It was a late night.

It was dark. It was scary. What? Oh, my gosh. Why did a pigeon fly at you in the night? I don't know. He had a knife. He went to Puerto Rican.

He went to Puerto Rican. What a curse on you. You were just big enough to land on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's pretty great. I don't apologize. All right.

Last round. All real, all fake. All right. A, a playoff game was played right after the circus had performed in the home rink. A player stole a bag of elephant shit for good luck through the rest of the playoffs. B, a hockey coach is suspended for attacking officials. The NHL cancels the suspension. The referees quit in protest and are replaced by volunteers that were randomly found around the rink.

C, a player knocks a bat out of the sky, killing it with his stick, then fog immediately covers the entire inside of the arena for the rest of the game. That's just beautiful. You can't have two normal ones and then a hockey player kills Dracula. D. A player on the Boston Bruins beats a fan

with the fan's own shoe. 100% all real. The clouds coming over the thing. Well, they're all real or all fake. Oh. Yeah. All real. I think all real also.

Yeah, we're all in agreement. These all happen. I just want them to be real. Yeah. Kelly? Yeah, I guess all real. Yeah, they're all real. You guys kicked my ass on this one,

but I had to share these with you guys. I know. I love how excited you get about hockey. I love hockey so much. Yeah, back in the day, teams were forced out of their rinks because Barnum and Bailey Circus was too prevalent. And then a hockey coach. The footage of the refs who were replaced, they're in like yellow pajamas. Dude, hockey is retarded it really is it's

so and then yeah the the craziest one i think is the player who knocked the bat out of this guy killing it and then what he did that everyone just stood there and stared at the bat like no one did anything and then one of the player just grabs it throws on the bench no one says anything just keep playing hockey yeah i are you going to do? That is Witch of the Following. Sorry it wasn't more competitive, guys. No, it was fun. We've got some questions from the Mean Boys. See, Callie, that was a lazily written

Witch of the Following. You think you have the crown of... No, I have the crown of... No, you're great, Callie. We've got some questions from the Mean Boys mailbag. We ask our fucking nonsense fans to send in questions. So first one, this comes from at Ryan Colby, 1984, friend of the show. He said, what is the most disgusting thing a man has ever said to you? Oh, fuck.

Yeah. You know, I don't get a lot of things. I don't know. It might have been on this show. I don't know if I'm insulted by that. I would have to say this guy, while I was dating him, a girl walked by and he was like,

oh, she has a really tight ass. And then I did the mature thing, which was date him for another four months and hated the girl. I'm so glad this isn't about me. I don't think you know what an ass is. That was the most a shocking glimpse into Tom and Kelly's love life

for the first time Tom has been rendered silent oh no I was too spare you the shame mine was a gentleman messaged me on Grindr and these are the first two messages first message hello second message can I pee in your mouth? What did you say? Nah, Doug.

I ain't about that life. Man, I'm trying to narrow it down right now. That's true. Your hair doesn't get that color without a couple decades of being abused. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're not 26 with blue hair without having a really fucked up childhood.

Well, I grew up modeling and a photographer when I was 12 once told me that I was sexy and should stop it. That's disturbing on a lot of levels. Yeah, first of all, if you're a model, you should keep being a sexy 12-year-old. That's your one job. I don't know if that was the right thing to say. I feel like... He was like, here's your job.

I know, that's why I said it. So that is the worst thing a man's ever said in my presence. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, I hate it, but you should stop,

but, like, work it. And it was, like, fucked up. Oh, no. But then on stage also, pretty recently in the past year or so, some guy in a cowboy hat yelled,

I want to spank you later at me. I like that he added in later. Yeah. Not now. After this. Finish your show. I respect your art. But later, I'm going to hit your butt.

Yeah. And then someone I dated told me to bark like a dog during sex and I hated that and thought it was disgusting. So did you bark or did you like yelp? I said out loud like this, arf woof bark. And you're telling me you guys aren't together

anymore. That seems like kind of fun. Alright, anyway. I'm gonna use that. I ran out in the street and got hit by a, anyway. I'm going to use that. I ran out of the street and got hit by a car. Someone else told me to say that, but I love it so much. Luis Galvez asks, what is your favorite punk band and why? Oh, jeez.

That was, I think, a Jen Scott-aimed question. Tie between Bomb Music Industry, Jeff Rosenstock, and Jeff Rosenstock's first band, the Arrogant Sons of Bitches. Just a lot of Jeff Rosenstock. Just Jeff Rosenstock. Just Death Rosenstock. Pixies. 100%. That's not count.

Pixies are punk. Ish. I've been trying to work with Tom on his musical taste because half of his taste is really good. He's into the Pixies. Don't mention any of the... I'm going to. But you're wearing

a pink Floyd shirt, so I get it. Yeah, he's into really dense art rock, and then the other half is just gnarly butt rock from 2002. Oof.

We have gone deep cuts on the stained discography. Buddy. I loved that when I was a kid. You grew up with stained? I did. I did.

Look at him. I did. I'm a tied-to-go pen. I grew up with Stained? I did. Look at him. I grew up more on Pink Wolf. I don't even know what that is. I hate that man. I have ready, ready bad jokes for them because anyone who listens to him deserves them. Mine is probably, this is not a cool answer, mine is probably still The Misfits.

We were just talking about it. Yeah, I built The Misfits to inform my aesthetic. It's just like, ah, skulls and just kind of ripping off more talented people Did you wear the shirt before you knew the band? Well I knew the band when I was a child When I was three years old I remember listening to that record I had cool parents Because they were on heroin

Oh so cool They ruled Love a good sugar ray? You're my favorite person now. I actually kind of like Sugar Ray. No, yeah. No, I fuck with him. I heard Mark McGrath's a tight dude. He seems like a chill dude.

I heard he's real nice. At Connor McSpadden asks, do you miss me? Who? After trying to set up this fucking podcast, I sure do. Yeah. I'm still sweating from trying to get this shit together. I'm just sweating from the fact that it is a thousand degrees in here.

I miss you. I've met you once. Yeah. I miss Jessica. Jessica, like, lives in the same place that I do and I never see her oh really? well yeah because she's always here alright

at handyp94 fans have the worst names what's the best way to get out of a boring date? leave if it's boring that's on you the date's over it should be more interesting yeah like fuck things up If it's boring, that's on you. You just, like, the date's over. It should be more interesting?

Yeah, like, fuck things up. You know what I mean? If it's going to be a bad date, make it the worst date. I have fucking mastered this art, all right? You got to, yeah. Ruin everything. If it's going to be bad, make it the worst. If it's going to be good, make it the best, all right? But don't fucking make it boring.

I went on a first date with a girl that Disneyland wants. We both worked there at the time. Oh, I was going to say, that's expensive. No, I was going to say, but we went and we were there for like 45 minutes. And it became clear like, oh, I hate this girl. Like just aggressively. So I faked like a dead grandma is what I faked. Yeah. I was like, oh, oh, no, my grandma is what I faked yeah I was like

oh no my grandma died I have to go and then she's like well I guess I'll leave too and we were taking the bus in the same direction this is awkward

we're sitting on a bus and I had to pretend for another hour that my grandma was dead and then I got up early and went to the movies by myself method acting

yeah I went and saw Pan's Labyrinth I went on a tinder date with a guy who tried to tell me that USB ports live in the fourth dimension.

That what? Yeah. Boringest person alive. So you try it three times and it doesn't work but then you look at it and plug it in and it works therefore it lives in the fourth dimension. Was this before or after you banged Urkel? But he was like, yeah, I make science

YouTube videos and then the other day I was watching America's Got Talent and bitch was on it doing science. What? Yes. Fourth Dimension USB guy. Oh, shit. I know. You've missed your chance.

I don't want that chance. Jennifer Fung-Kiak, Hong Kong Fooey, asks. I know her. It's not that racist. She asked, quote, where should I hide the body? I'm sorry. I'm still you mispronouncing the thing going. It's not that racist.

I know her. That is the modern version of I know Asians. Yeah, I know this Asian. Hide the. I don't know. People. Where would you hide a body if you had to hide a body? The blender.

It should not be in one piece. That's a big blender. All right. Well, you start somewhere else. You know, this is... You get a guy for that. I don't know why this is the one that you've clammed up on. I mean, I don't...

The question makes me slightly uncomfortable. You blend it up. She didn't really kill somebody. Right. I don't know that. Yeah, this seems like you've already hidden a body. In your mouth,

you eat it. Lake Michigan. Very specific lake. What about Lake Erie? Fuck Lake Erie. And last question. Does Tom feel like the lady that hit him with her car was an agent of the Illuminati attempting to put an end to his podcast?

I didn't tell Kelly about that, so this is pretty awkward. Oh, shit. Whoops. What? Wait, can you repeat the question? What's the question? Does Tom feel like...

You don't have to do that, Keith. Okay. Wait, is this when we were together? Yeah. It wasn't bad. Tom got a little bit hit by a car. Yeah. Oh, you, Thomas, you already told me we were together? Yeah. It wasn't bad. Tom got a little bit hit by a car. Yeah.

Oh, you, Thomas, you already told me this. Oh. Yeah. By the way, the most upsetting part of the whole show has been that you just called him Thomas. Oh, no, I called him Dumbass. Yeah, I know. Perfect. That's mean boys, everybody.

Ladies, thank you so much for coming and doing the show. Thank you. Jen, where can we find you on the internet? Instagram, Jen Scott Needs Attention. Twitter, Jen Scott Loves Hate. It's Jen Loves Hate. Jen Loves Hate. I know your Twitter handle. Thanks, Keith. Two N's on that. You got any shows coming up? I have a monthly show

at my boyfriend's house called Show House House Show. Yeah, go to that show if you're in the area. It fucking rules. It's supes fun. It's pretty much just a pizza party. It's free. Free beer party. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. It's pretty much just a pizza party. It's free. Free beer party. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Awesome.

Kelly, what are you eating? You can find me at ThisIsKellyRyan on Twitter and Instagram. And then for upcoming shows, I have them listed on my website, which is KellyComedy.com. Nice. Yeah.

Okay. You know, GossGoss6 on Twitter and Instagram. Listen to my podcast, Who Told You That? The whole hospital thing is put an even bigger kink on the consistency of the episodes,

but there will be more episodes. Also, Wednesday, I'll be at, I think it's called DeCiaccio's or something Italian in Fresno. DeCiccio's. DeCiccio's. DeCiccio's.

Yeah, and I'll be- I thought I was correcting everyone's plugs. Yeah, I'll be at DeCiccio's. Thanks. I'll be at DeC I was correcting everyone's plugs. Yeah, I'll be at the... Thanks. I'll be at the CISOs on Wednesday in Fresno. Friday, I'll be in Arcata at the Arcata Playhouse Theater. And then Saturday, I'll be at the Alley Bar and Lounge in Ukiah.

And I'll be doing all those gigs with my good friend and a guy you should all check out, Alfonso Ochoa. Nice. So, yeah. I'm at Keith Tells Jokes and all the social media. I'm going to be in New York this week. Tuesday, the day this comes out, I will be judging the Roastmasters at The Stand at 10.30. Wednesday, I don't have a show,

but I'm going to see The Regrets because they fucking rule. Thursday, I'll be at the New York Comedy Club at 8.30 at 10.30. Saturday night, I will be at Skankfest Comedy Club at 8.30 at 10.30. Saturday night I will be at Skankfest New York City for the Naked Roast Battle, battling Lindsay Jennings. If you want to see me be kind of funny but mostly have my dick out, check that out. And then Monday I will be at the New York Comedy Club at

9.30 and The Stand at 11.30. So check those out. Also make sure you come if you're going to be in San Diego during Comic Con to the live Mean Boys Spectacular at the Comedy Palace Friday, July 21st, 10 o'clock. More details on the website. We'll talk about it in the intro as well. Thank you guys for coming.

This was awesome. Let's wrap it up. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Fuck everything. God is dead. Hey, can one of you other girls dig this phone out of my pussy? Damn it, get out of here. Ah, get in here.

God, why did we hire you? Because I got, I don't know. All right, good improv. Fucking, yeah, we got it.