Mean Boys - EP 67 - Mothra Van Buren (feat. Nat Baimel & Sameer Suri)

Episode Date: July 4, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “Jean Claude Van Damme or US Military Operation” by Paige Wesley and a game of “Which of the Following” with presidential nicknames by @DeathToTheFilth. Come see The Mean Boys Podcast live at The Comedy Palace in San Diego on 7/21 at 10pm, register free tickets here: bit.ly/2rV089a Come see The Mean Boys Podcast live at Denny’s in Fresno on 7/23 at 8pm, register free tickets here: http://bit.ly/2ulcd70 You can now leave us a voicemail at [phone] or drop us a line at [e-mail] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (eataburrito.com) Listen to Tom’s podcast: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/who-t…d1197690915?mt=2 Listen to Connor’s new podcast with Adam Tod Brown: @unpopsconspiracy Follow our guest Sameer Suri on Twitter: twitter.com/suri_sameer Follow our guest Nat Baimel on Twitter: twitter.com/NatBaimel Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Pre show song by The Rusty Dicks: https://soundcloud.com/the-rusty-dicks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, everybody. It's Conor McSpadden from the Mean Boys Podcast. Hello. How you doing? Thanks for listening. This week, we've got a real train wreck of an episode,

but it was a terrific train wreck at that. It was a lot of fun. We had Nat Baymel, Samir Suri, and, of course, Tom Goss manning the microphones. Keith Carey is out on the road. He'll be back shortly for next week's episode, the Triumphant Reunion. Haven't done one of these in a while. It was good to get back into the swing of

things. We were all tired and all over the place, and it frequently devolved into golden age of show business anecdotes on behalf of Samir, but it was great fun, and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as we enjoyed doing it. If not the most cohesive episode,

it was very lively and free. A few fun things to tell you about. We have live shows coming up in San Diego and Fresno. You can see us during San Diego Comic Con. I believe July 21st is the date uh there are

tickets uh available for that in the show notes and uh to the surprise of myself and everyone they're going uh quite fast and i think we're gonna have a really cool show on our hands so please uh sign up for those uh while they're still available and uh we may even be uh trying to coordinate some kind of a fun meetup at don Carlos Taco Shop. Ooh, quick sidebar, we are sponsored by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California, the finest Mexican food money can buy. Go to eataburrito.com for more information, and it is located, of course, conveniently right down the street from the La Jolla Comedy Store. Get yourself some food, get yourself a good comedy show, and just really enjoy the best

California burrito I've ever had, and believe me, folks, I've had a fuckload of them. Also, a new announcement, I believe I've had a fuckload of them. Also, a new announcement, I believe, on the podcast for the first time. We are doing a live podcast at a Denny's in Fresno because we are on brand. Yes, that is correct.

We will be schlepping up the 99 Freeway on July 23rd for a podcast at a Denny's in Fresno. And ticket information for that is as well available in the show notes of this program you're listening to. And we're going to have myself, Keith Carey, Tom Goss, Mr. Kyle Clark is rumored

to make an appearance, who will also be appearing at Comic-Con. So it'll be a great evening with Kyle, who is a Hall of Famer Mean Boys guest. Other than that, please feel free to leave us a voicemail. I'm going to be playing a whole treasure trove of these we've accumulated when Keith gets back

because very many of them require his input. But you can leave us a voicemail at 304-805-MEAN. We'd love to hear from you. As always, if you have any of the following submissions, general notes you'd like to pass along, we'd love to hear from you. Any games you'd like to send in. Anything like to hear in from me, any games you'd like to send in anything at all, dick pics

etc, meanboyspodcast at gmail.com is the place to send them follow us on twitter at meanboyspodcast we tweet goofy shit, I always try to respond to everything on there and I think I more or less do and it always makes our day to hear from you guys so we appreciate that very much and on a more personal note

I just got back from a month long tour of the Midwest, and I have to tell you, it was a tremendous amount of fun, and I'd like to thank all the people that I met out there for showing me

a great time in the heartland and to the several Mean Boys fans I encountered. You were absolutely lovely, and you're everything that I would hope that the listeners

of this show would be, and it was a great thrill for me to meet you in person, and I appreciate it more than I can express with my feeble vocabulary and my tired mind. the listeners of the show would be. And it was a, a great thrill for me to meet you in person. And I, uh, I appreciate it, uh, more than I can express with my feeble vocabulary,

my tired mind. It is now two 30 in the fucking morning. Uh, anyway, enjoy this ramshackle, ridiculous, uh, dumpster fire of gauche spectacularness.

Uh, fucking it's the, oh yeah. Reviews on iTunes. Gotta forget. I'm a, a self- show. Oh yeah, reviews on iTunes. Gotta forget, I'm a self-promoting company man to the very end. God damn it. I can't do anything without Keith. This person writes,

each episode feels like it guarantees you a comfortable seat in hell. Keep it going, you devils. If you haven't listened to this review on the iTunes, quite frankly, it's hurtful. It only takes a few seconds, helps us out quite a bit, and we're not your big name brand podcasts all right you're not hearing from stamps.com you're hearing from a guy that's wearing pajama bottoms that just drove here from albuquerque new mexico this morning so please take a few seconds out of your day and make my day go leave us a review uh and

that's finally fucking it here's the show. Love you very much. Enjoy. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. These colors don't run, but look at them burn. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Samir Suri. And I'm... The guy who has opinions on every promotional flavor of Mountain Dew. Okay.

I don't know. I was like, nah, it's nerdy. I was in a car for 14 hours a day. I guess Live Wire versus Code Red seems like something you'd be heated about. You seem dewy. Thank you. Like, in a good way. Yeah, like in a Malcolm in the Middle kind of way.

I'll be honest, I'm much more opinionated about Gatorade flavors, mostly in the fact that they all taste the exact same. Yeah, it's true. You can get a coconut lime and a strawberry kiwi and be like, this just tastes like sports. It tastes like green. That's your flavor. Yeah.

The first appearance by the soundboard L. Jackson machine, Tom Cox. You were finished. I was, if only you ever were. Samir Suri joining us for the first time. Thank you for coming on, Samir. You have barrage of contradictions. Thank you so much for having me, darlings. A pleasure.

Yeah, Samir was on the patio for all of 14 seconds before he started referencing models from the 60s that nobody has heard of. Everybody has heard of Verushka. Everybody has heard of Verushka. I would have guessed that was a perfume. And I would have gone with shitty cheese.

So perhaps your theory does not hold water, but you are very welcome nonetheless. Dress like either the Havana drug lord or his pool boy mistress. He looks like John Hammond in the Diversity remake of Jurassic Park. I'm patient zero of whatever the next AIDS is. You're just patient zero of a lot of bad movies. Yeah, so Trump's supporting an Indian? That's right. What?

Ooh, I got it on the first try. That means I get some white guy brownie points, correct? Yeah. Yes, they deserve to die. Oh, they're burning. Is this Tom the Indian? That's not what I'm meant to press. No, it's okay, we do. What's bad about India? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Besides the

food, am I right, fellas? Whoops. This is, uh, welcome to the Borscht Belt, uh, I'm tired hour. Uh, I don't know why I'm trying to, uh, to fucking extrapolate conversation where there is none. Abort the Mexican jilgav! Wow, Tom, got the sound drop on time. I'm very impressed.

God fucking damn it. Okay, I'll take us away this week. A fifth of male fish are becoming transgender due to chemicals from contraceptive pills being flushed down the toilet. The mutation will be portrayed in the new film Nemo Finds Himself. I still have a vagina.

So this is the time when Tom is actually on top of his sound drops. I know. This is lightning accuracy for the first time ever. Jesus Christ. Sorry,

we turned that down. We'll fix it in post. By which I mean, I'm going to hit you with a post. What kind of Jackie Mason insult was, I'm going to hit you with a post over there? All right, I'll take the next one.

The Tupac Shakur biopic All Eyes on Me was a critical and commercial flop, dashed in the hopes of everyone hoping to finally see justice done to a murdered black man in America. Biopic. I hear everyone saying biopic. I thought it was just one person. Biopic.

Yeah, it's a biographical picture. It makes only sense to call it a biopic. It's one word, though. It's weird to say biopic if there's no dash in there. Comedy podcast, everybody. You guys read too much. Yeah, I don't know what kind of weird hyphen shenanigans

you're trying to... See, I have hyphen opinions, not Mountain Dew opinions. I was a liberal arts major. It wasn't my best opening slam. I haven't recorded one of these in like a month, okay? I've pretty much just been living on cliff bars and optimism. So how about you just work with me and accept that you're wrong.

Samir, take it away. Oh, he's like me? Oh. On the grammatically correct side of the aisle if no other. Tel Aviv played host to the first... Shut up already. You're not announcing an award show from 1948. Tel Aviv, the home of this year's Tony. This is how I talk.

Please don't let me drag you down to my level of misanthropy. Take it away. Tel Aviv played host to the first Britney Spears concert ever in Israel, marking the worst time a blonde has lured hundreds of Jews into one room. I feel like we're in the laughing gas chamber now. Okay. Geez, I can't

follow that. A vehicle crashed into a group of pedestrians at the Logan Airport. Fortunately, there were no fatalities and a much more agreeable showing than the scene earlier in the year at X-Men Origins Wolverine Airport. That's not good. I love it. No! Fun fact, I've seen neither of those movies. A YouTuber accidentally killed her boyfriend after firing a gun through a book he was holding when reached for comment a hacky 80s comic i invented

to camouflage the lazy punchline on this joke said i've heard of shooting videos before but that guy went from youtube red to youtube dead kablooey oh fats bML was a big hit. Dude, I love Fats BML. Let's give him a segment. That's the best thing about this show, is it's just a repository for all the things you don't want to admit that you'd like to do. Oh. I've never felt more alive than right now.

Now, Samir, please... I've always wondered about... No, I haven't. Please regale us with a mid-2000s pop culture reference ensconced in genocide. The quarters of Thomas Jefferson's sex slave, Sally Hemings, have been found under a guest bathroom in Monticello.

So Jefferson wasn't the last guy to take a shit on her. I don't get the reference, but it's the funniest thing I've ever heard. That was the woman he had kids with. They found her quarters in Monticello under the tourist bathroom. She didn't have quarters. They didn't pay slaves. Wait, her living area or money? Yes, Tom.

That is one of the several meetings for quarters. Ah, Tom. It's one of the several meetings for quarters. Ah, yes. I got lost in the different meanings of quarters and you guys are still staring at me. This is very uncomfortable. The Mexican Joker! Tom doing

a soft reboot of the segment to save face. Yeah, I looked at that article for a long time. I was like, I cannot think of a joke that I can in good conscience tell. So, Samir, props. It's alright, I don't have a conscience. I'm just seeing the hashtag

replace Connor with Samir trending across the main voice. Oh, my God. It's like when he's in a good mood once a month. Am I right, everybody? Jesus Christ. He's the only man with an inverse period that makes bad. Moving on.

The word terrorism was misspelled on a bench at a newly opened Indiana War Memorial. The monument company that designed the memorial has pledged to electrocute the bench until it chooses to be spelled correctly. I was just in Indiana, and boy, did I make a lot of electrocution Mike Pence jokes, and boy, were none of them well-received. You did not say. I made a point to make a Benghazi joke on every show of my Midwestern tour, and I think it worked.5 times. And I think that's only when I bombed, and I said,

look, this one walked in my car, I've got to go delete some emails. Which was a cheap cop-out, but whatever. Speaking of which, Nat, Fats Bay milk. Moroccan goats. Moroccan goats have helped their region thrive by climbing trees to eat fruit and spitting out the seeds. Meanwhile, another horny, spindly, brown creature, Samir Suri, helps West Hollywood thrive by swallowing fruit seeds. The man responsible for most of the punished billboards you see.

And now I take us to the poppy fields of Afghanistan where five children were found beheaded. I haven't seen a brown child lose their head this badly since Tay Zonday. It's because I'm gay. Meanwhile.

Next door to Afghanistan. You just teed this up. Rural violence in Pakistan killed 12 people, including an 8-year-old girl. But don't worry, her husband still has four wives left over. What I liked most about that was that you said every word in that sentence like Nathan Lane, except for Pakistan, which you pronounced very Indian incorrectly. Because I learned English.

I did not speak a word of English until I started school. I grew up in a Hindi-speaking household, and I had to learn from the people around me, but I also learned from reruns of The Nanny and Everybody Loves Raymond. Oh, that's your accent. Wait, you didn't speak English, and then you learned English from Everyone Loves Raymond? Everybody Loves Raymond and the Nanny.

So this is Fran Drescher meets Doris Roberts. I don't know any of those people. Doris Roberts was the fat mother on Everybody Loves Raymond if you saw that show. Okay, I know Raymond. Sorry, I'm just taking an impression of our straight male audience. Believe it or not, I believe they hold a quorum in the podcast earbuds on which we're being heard. This is, wow, this is

fantastic. I won't go into Olivia de Havilland. Me and him will do a bonus episode where he explains gay things to me. Like television is a gay thing? I don't know what he's talking about. Straight men watched Everybody Loves Raymond. I'm sorry. I just assumed. Everybody loves Raymond.

My dad watched Everybody Loves Raymond. There's a very, very large number of things that you don't understand. I think it could very well be just because Samir's so much smarter than you. That is not true. Eminem's gay on our show. He's gay on our show. Oh my god.

Okay. That one didn't work. Wait, just let me. All right. Oh, there we go. All is forgiven. I don't know if you can see it, audience, but Fats Pay Mel is just ringing his tie right now. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. A couple that moved to Portland from California had their home in Cargrafitti with messages urging them to move back. In addition, the jingoistic vandals yarn bombed the mailbox and planted Monsanto crops in their herb garden. I just like xenophobic Portlanders, you know? This is the put a bird on its city and you guys are like Telling people to go back To where they came from A state away I've heard Oregon Outside of Portland Is incredibly racist

Yeah so maybe it's like Some country Oregon's That were you know Yeah maybe they got like lost Do even any non-white people Live in Portland Not I know one

And he said A white bitch friend of mine Just got engaged up there She's my age 23 years old She found herself I mean He looks like he must be rich If she's engaged to him And With every syllable of She's my age, 23 years old. She found herself, I mean,

he looks like he must be rich if she's engaged to him. With every syllable of Samir's speech, he conveys volumes. He's my age. It was like, okay, the aspersions being cast. Anyway, go on, sir. Why does every one of your sentences sound like a one-man show opening? He commands the stage, sir.

Summertime in the Bronx. I rate him five. Everybody's living. The dulcet tones of Ray Romano teaching me to butcher my new native tongue. Speaking of butchering native tongues, some joke about Palestine or something. Nat. Better. A Kentucky independent professional wrestler

has gone viral for using the heel gimmick the progressive liberal. He competes in Black Lives Ladder matches. His signature move is the woat slam. And every time he's pinned, he demands the ref do a recount and shouts, Bernie would have won. I had to shave those references down from about 50.

I was so excited when I saw this story. Yeah, I saw it too, and I just thought it was appalling the way Jill Stein handed that other guy a steel chair. When he punches Nazis, he stomps his foot. Oh, it's me. Okay. C'est moi. Wait, just do your vocal exercises beforehand

Indian faggot Leo Varadkar became head of Ireland in June proving that if you're drunk off your ass even I can look respectable. No, no good. You just made me snot out my nose.

A fucking nasal spit take. That was so enjoyable, but so exhausting. Like what I can only assume sex with you must be like. Do you understand what it's like being railed while someone quotes Chaucer? More of an Ibsen guy. Or speaking Tom's Lane language. Remember it had a gobbler? I'm not going there.

Oh, Canterbury Males. Not bad at all. The best sex I had, I was picked up on a street corner in the South Bronx, and I... Act one, scene one. Spotlight. The best sex I ever had.

Titters from the middle-aged white woman in the curtain. The spotlight hits me, and then I turn around. The best part is I've already heard this story and you want to hear this story. Oh yeah, I have not heard it at all. I was on my way from bar to bar. I stopped at a liquor store, picked up some cigarettes. It should have been a movie. I was leaning against

a lamppost, having the cigarette. This guy walks up to me, Dominican guy, and within 30 seconds, I have no idea he's a fag. Within 30 seconds of conversation, he invites me up to me, Dominican guy, and within 30 seconds, I have no idea he's a fag. Within 30 seconds of conversation, he invites me up to his apartment. I still don't quite know. I think it's the South Bronx. Probably it's some

drug shit. I don't really do the drugs. I've done the pot a couple of times. I did coke once. A terrible experience. It was... No, because it was in India, so it was African coke. It wasn't South American. It was... No, because it was in India, so it was African coke. It wasn't South American.

It was not chic. But I went up to this guy's apartment and the power was out in his building. And he just grabbed me. And then that's when I knew it was sex. Things I did not know I could do with my body because he was closeted, so he had all that anger.

Wait, did he rape you or did you agree to this? Oh, no, I agreed. Okay, I didn't, okay. Things I didn't know I was agreeing to until they started, and then I was like, oh, you can't do that. Oh, okay, oh, keep doing that. Okay. So it was that situation.

Then afterwards, I found out he was closeted because we were hanging out on this couch afterward, and he said, you know, I like the Indians, but I don't know if they'd ever let me marry one of their daughters. And then, no, if you knew how accurate this was, he walked me back to the bar afterwards. The South Bronx is the last bastion of chivalry in America. Really?

He walked me to the bar. I'd never even been with a man who walked me to his own front door before. This is the best audio book I've ever heard. Yes. I am gripped. Do most of your hookups end up like that? Thank you for doing the whirlybird hand motion for hookups. Gather, you know? I don gripped. Do most of your hookups end up like that? Thank you for doing the whirlybird hand motion for hookups. Gather, you know?

I don't know. There's not that much space in my asshole yet. What? It still needs stretching. I feel like I could do a whole showgirl cabaret if I was anally birthed from you, Samir. No, I'm teasing, of course. I have to imagine you keep that shit tight. Your attitude wouldn't

allow for it. You tell me someone could come strutting in here with Britney Spears beheading jokes and not have a tight shit pussy. Oh, I could put my pinky up there right now. Which is going to be a segment later on. I do the anal kegels.

That's a thing? What kind of coffee is that? I'm confused. The Mexican joke-off is completely derailed at this point. Oh, no, that's right. We still have one more. Oh, let's go. We have one more piece. I could go on for days.

Believe me. A suicide bomber dressed as a woman killed 14 people in an Iraqi refugee camp. Iraqi officers inspecting the carnage blame the tactic on the new ISIS strategic coordinator, Bugs Hamid al-Bunhadi. It's the second ISIS Looney Tunes joke in the history of the show, and there will be more to come. Stop doing Looney Tunes shit

if you don't want Looney Tunes jokes. Gelatinous sea creatures have washed up along the California shore. Researchers noted after listening to last week's Best of Mean Boys episode, these amorphous sea pickles became washed up right after Joe Dosh left the podcast. We're an eternal!

Oh, man. I told you I'd have chances to use that. I'm changing my Twitter bio to amorphous sea pickle. That's really what I am. Jesus Christ. It's like Gore Vidal has been reincarnated and overcooked. It seems like something you would say, Samir. North Korea's test fired another ballistic missile today.

Wait, is this the fashion police world news? Let him finish. Well, Connor teed this one up, too. Pyongyang's been ejaculating more than I do when Mike Pence electrocutes me. The Slar Brothers asked you this when we roast battled. I'm going to ask you again. Why do you sound like my Jewish aunt? You saw the nanny, right?

I explained this to you. Oh, my God. I feel I found my perfect enemy. I'm your William F. Cuckley. Which is amazing. He's a Trump supporter. He gets to call you Cuck, kind of, when I do it William F. Cuckley. Which is amazing. He's a Trump supporter. He gets to call you Cuck, kind of, if I do it that. Yes.

I don't care. Call me whatever you want. Just don't ever speak like a normal human being, and you're fine. If you saw the meth that acting that I have to do. I thought you were just going to say meth. Yeah. As did I. If you saw the meth that they snorted before they had to get into this type shit pussy, then by golly, you'd think Breaking Bad was a farce. No, it's when I go to India because you can't be this in India.

This is illegal in India. You can't. No, it literally is illegal in India. So the voice goes down. I do. It takes me a week to get it properly. But the voice goes down. The legs go apart.

My legs were crossed before. They're uncrossed now. My posture goes. The S's get less sibilant. And then this is where we are. Wow, that was honestly very sad and beautiful. No, it was. Because I was like, this man has to repress who he is to go

to his native land. And it's funny because it's like all this like, you know, existential pain and you just look like an uncastable version

of that dude from Big Bang Theory. Just meek and uncompelling. You know something? Everybody is supposed to be upset by the depiction of Indians on that show.

And everyone I know in India loves that show. My cousin says to me over and over again, I wish I had Raj's accent, man. I'm like, no, sweetheart. Well, you can send him a care package of a bazinga messenger

bag filled with, you know, I don't even know a gay enough slogan. They got mad at Selena Gomez when she wore the Indian clothes. And everyone was like, this is cultural appropriation. How dare you do this? Was it just white people? Yeah, it was just white people. Because my mother was saying, thank God white people finally realized how gorgeous our clothes look. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

See? What's Ariana Grande? Who did this again? Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez got it right. You know what's weird? Ariana Grande was smarter with the publicity though. Right. To get a terrorist attack and then go right back to town with a concert. Was that all

intentional? Okay, well, you go from like weird, like inspiring, like third world, like, you know, a globalist success story to like the manager of the runaways that fucks Joan Jets, you know,

against her will in one, one fucking flick of your wrist. I'm going to explode. I've never had so many references. I don't know. I, this is, Tom's got a lot of research to do

I don't know Did you ever hear the song I Love Rock and Roll? Yes It's by the curly haired dude With the love ice cream Was that Selena Gomez? Wait, did you just ask if

Tom, you look like we're doing This podcast in Portuguese Is what you look like He's stroking his goatee. Yeah, I'm befuddled. I don't know. All right, well, I'm going to take Tom over to IMDB.com for a few minutes. We've stopped telling jokes about five minutes ago.

That was a lot of fun. The Mean Boys, we'll be right back. The Mean Boys podcast is back after a failed attempt at a segment that's going in the mean boys vault i'll say this uh in a room full of the people you heard earlier we found it too upsetting and this is after listening to a good 15 minutes of samir's bronx anecdotes so i'm kidding those were lovely uh this next game comes to us I do feel like we bonded though we sure did we did yeah

because we all found like trauma yeah Sumir said to me before we started recording I have no conscience and then we quickly found out that we all did say what you will

about the mean boys like the show but you will find your line very quickly in this show yeah yeah and you're like

oh okay maybe I do find out what I believe by exploring these things. I thought I was really pushing the envelope, but then I got in this show and I'm immediately uncomfortable. It's almost as if satire

needs to have a very clear target or else you're just joining the ranks of that which you wish to mock. Yeah. Anyway, here's a fun thing with Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. It would have been good if it was funny. We couldn't be funny

because we were still like, yeah, I think that's the bigger thing i don't think there's a line yeah i think we were just so taken aback we were sensory overload and maybe maybe we'll do something with it again at some point but i'll just say it was a hell's box seat uh in which we were uh looking at some music videos from a pop-punk Nazi parody outfit. I won't name them. What we learned is that what's really terrible is pop-punk. So I'm just...

Indeed. I mean, look, if it... And I said it during the episode, these people were like, look, we want to take down the Zog machine, but we don't want to rock too hard. Yes. We just... Look, no one gets mad

when Dammit comes on the radio, but I mean, let's capitalize off that listenability and tell these kids what's going on with the banks. Anyway. You fill in the blanks. This game comes to us from a comedian who I'm sure is going to be absolutely thrilled to be associated

with his guilty preamble. Let's play the second banana right now. Let's get a clean edit point in case I decide to cut all of that too. This game comes to us from Paige Wesley, a very funny community. You can follow her on Twitter at Paige Wesley. The game is this a Jean-Claude Van Damme film

or actual U.S. military operation? It's harder than you may think. And she writes, and because finding out that Tom had thought he had been rejected from a school founded by Jean-Claude Van Damme, this is the literal funniest thing on earth. Here is this. So here we go. Tom. I wasn't as off as you guys think I was.

I wasn't as right as I thought I was. I'm not going to get into it now. Oh, do though. Tom, for someone who abhors politics, you argue so much like a politician. I think he funded it, is what it was. Prove this in any meaningful way. Okay, I will.

Text me. I'm a very forgetful person. I don't need to text you to find out how wrong you are. I can go to sleep at night knowing very well how much you are. For those of you who forgot or never listened to the episode, Tom believes he went to a school that was run by Jean-Claude Van Damme. It was founded or funded. His kid went there some shit.

He finded it. Or his dad or his sister. He caught a flounder there. Famed guile. It is connected to the Van Dams. I don't know how. You know, there's the Van Dams. I don't know how. You know, there's multiple Van Dams.

There's not one karate family that's dominant. I'm talking about the Chop Chop Van Dams. John Claude of the Chop Chop Van Dams. I know this because I had no idea

who John Claude Van Dam is and people had to explain it to me at the school. There's a correlation. Okay, John Claude Van Down by the River. Let's play the game. Let's a correlation. Okay, Jean-Claude Van Down by the River. Let's play the game.

Let's start off. Maximum risk. Is that a Jean-Claude Van Damme film or an actual U.S. military operation? I want to say it's a Van Damme movie. All right. So do I. Why would you call a military operation maximum risk? I don't know.

I mean, I could see a Samir Seri sexual encounter. Why would you call a military operation maximum risk? I don't know. I mean, I could see a Samir Siri sexual encounter. I think it was in, I played one Call of Duty game thing, and I think there was a task called that or something like that. Okay. So I'm going to go the real bombs, the military. You didn't even do the Mexican joke on this week. Ayo.

Bad at things. I'm bad at things. This was a Jean-Claude Van Damme film. They didn't teach you that at the Van Damme Academy, did they, Tom? I didn't go there. You didn't? I went there. I didn't attend school there. Oh, okay. You were loitering there?

No, I was checking out the school. Actually, it might have been Jean-Claude Van Dam No, I was checking out the school. You were a vagrant there? Oh, okay. Actually, it might have been John Flood Van Jans. I was leaning up against a light post on a summer night that was as hot as the Puerto Rican that approached me from the shadows. And then a man came in. That was nearly exactly a year ago now. Oh, memories.

Wait, that was your first gay experience? It was a year ago? Oh, no, no, no. Just that night. That wasn't my first. I said that was my best. Oh, oh. My first was in a bus driver was with a bus

driver in his bus was he driving wait what it was okay his every all of your gay encounters read like a murder mystery no his name on grinder i was bj in my car i thought i was going to be given a bj in a car his car pulls up to the corner we're supposed to meet on. It's a bus. That's awesome. There's more room. Were there more people on it? We're good colored people. We moved to the back. No, it was 2am. Wait, there was good colored people?

We were. He was a black bus driver. I thought you said that I was just picturing a bunch of brown faces on the bus. And I'm like, how is this adding to the ambiance at all? No, it was like it was like two in the morning there were no people on and it wasn't the public bus Well gay people are people

Samir you've got to get I know you can get down I'm sorry. Yeah take that Jean-Claude Van Damme. Anyway in this movie a policeman finds out that he had a twin brother

who was killed in a violent altercation he takes his twin brother's place inheriting his problems and his girlfriend determined to expose corruption and collusion between the FBI and the Russian mafia.

Prove to me that's not something that happened to Tom on summer vacation. I dare you. The next one, Urgent Fury, Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, smear-series sexual encounter, or military operation. I'm going to say military operation again. It's missing an R, darling. He was a furry, and I must say. No, I'm going with one of my sex i'm going with like six of my sexual encounters over the past two months urgent fury i mean urgent fury yeah yeah you're like look i'm not i'm not one for the uh for the for the wafi but i mean this this guy's

in my neighborhood he's coming you always got a plan your escape route urgent fury is actually played by samuel jackson in the Day Avengers parody. I don't know how I didn't see that coming. Has everybody guessed? I'm gonna say military. It's a military operation. It is the U.S. invasion of Granada. Oh, Granada. I must tell you, in the fall of... It's always a season and a

somewhat exotic location, and then an ethnicity, and then an orifice, and then you've got yourself a Samir Madlib. It was the winter solstice in Kilimaju. In the winter of Kilimaju is one of those songs that we listen to in the segment that's not being released. It's late. I tried to think you'd have a silly-sounding place.

This is really like old Mean Boys where we used to record at one in the morning, and we were all just under-caffeinated and bitter and just like, I don't know, you're fat, whatever. This week a kitten died and frankly, good. Alright, the next one, Shining Express.

Wait, so it's the name? Well, the words that first came to my mind when that bus rolled around the foggy corners of... It's just so much fun. I'm completely infected by it. But when I stumbled out of the Shining Express. And the game is Jean-Claude Van Damme movie title or military operation?

Movie title or military operation. I'm sorry. When I sauntered off the Shining Express. I'm going to go to the Shining. The saunter of shame. Jean-Claude is Shining. That one. Okay. That one.

Military. Samir. Jean-Claude. That is a military operation. The evacuation of American citizens from Liberia. Oh. Ooh, fun. Shining Express.

All right. I'm three for three so far. I'm just going to throw that out there. Okay, Nat. All right, Mountain Dew, Nat BML. I'm going to love it 100% of the time. All right, the next one, Steel Tiger. That's actually a Mountain Dew flavor.

That is the cologne of a man who had his way with Samir. That's the lube he used. You make a gay targeted lube called steel. Have I ever told him when I took gay boner pills on this podcast? Hold on to your butts. No, I won't. Do you have the Mr. Soon-to-be-living-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-and-agonizing-pain-rapist-here line. What?

From Pulp Fiction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From Marcellus Wallace. Yeah. You said it to Zed. Well, anyway, I started taking... What was the line? Go ahead.

Ray Rames says it. First of all, hi, Mom. No, I started taking these boner pills. I was at the sex store, and I was looking at the different boner pills, and I was like, well, I don't really know how to pick out a good one. So I'm looking at them, and I see one called Steel Rod, and there's a guy on the cover, and he's real buff, and he's got some abs, and it's just a torso shot.

Was he black? Not black. He was just a tan, I don't know, white to Hispanic torso. And I was like, man, that guy looks like he's got a killer dick. So I should like to have that guy's dick. So I take him, and then I went. I was like, I, that guy looks like he's got a killer dick. I should like to have that guy's dick. So I take him and then I went. I was like, I should look up the ingredients to these after I bought several bottles. And then I look online and I'm like,

oh, this is straight up for gay guys. Wait, did you figure out it was for gay guys based on the ingredients? No. What were the ingredients that tipped you off? Glitter at first. Common glitter. No, it was just this website. Just a direct HIV transfusion.

Through my Ethernet cable. No, it just was like, the number one gay dick pill for gays. Buy gays in your gay butt. They mentioned it in the marketing materials. I'm glad it was delivered with Keith's third voice he can do. We miss you. The podcast has a lot of dead air. And not just because we don't have air conditioning.

What do you guys think about Steel Tiger? Oh, yeah, this game. That makes me cough, and I don't smoke nine packs of cigarettes a day like Keith, so I have no idea who he does. I mean, it sounds like the fighting style from Bloodsport, so I'm going to do it with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Tamir. Jean-Claude Van Damme, I guess. I'm going to switch things up.

I'm going to go, you know, this was when we decided to bomb China or something. Very close. The bombing of Laos, Tom. Wow. See? Are you Chinese or Japanese? Steel Tiger sounds like some sort of whimsical general deciding

this sounds oriental kind of something he'd say. I lost it there. Do you guys know what I was trying to say? Because otherwise it could sound kind of racist. It's late, everybody. We're doing this because we know you demand a certain level of satisfaction on Tuesday mornings.

Yeah, that's what I said to Nat. I was like, this is specifically a podcast for people that don't have a barbecue to attend today. So God bless America. Are you speaking as the general when I said that? Just to clarify. What? The general of the military rank or just in general? No, the insurance guy.

Yeah, the general of the military. We should continue. Love you guys. All right. Sudden death. See, you hang out with Samir for 30 minutes, and all of a sudden I feel like I've been in an absence sauna. Sudden death.

This is the last one Is this a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie Or a US military operation This is for sure both Yeah Oh I was gonna say Operation Sudden Death

Sounds fantastic Is both I'm gonna go Jean-Claude That's a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie A former fireman Ticks on a group of terrorists

Holding the vice president And others hostage During the seventh game Of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Whoa. That sounds like a fun movie. The hockey's in this movie? I actually knew that, but I for sure thought sudden death would have also been a military

operation. Oh, yeah. I guess not enough hockey. Well, you know who wins on that one? The people that didn't listen and spent time with their friends and family today. You know they could also listen to it on the fifth, though, right? I do, yes. I'm very aware of the permanent nature of this medium.

Sweet. Okay. If only I'd been more aware of how permanent this was. Apologies to Paige Wesley for trudging through that. I think let's go ahead and get some air, regroup, and close out the show. We'll be right back. I had fun.

All right, everybody. The Mean Boys podcast is back. To close out the show. We'll be right back. I had fun. Alright, everybody. The Mean Boys podcast is back. To close out the show, as we always do with a round of our favorite game, which of the following? I was gonna, you know what? I was gonna say, Tom, make sure you have the sound effect pulled up. And I was like, I don't want to be patronizing to Tom.

I always do this to him. We give him such a hard time. And, you know, it's, yeah. This game comes to us. There's only like a three-second buffer there. By the way, I also like that we took a break on the patio for 15 minutes. So you supposedly regroup and we've come back as ramshackle as ever. This game comes to us from AtDeathToTheFilth on Twitter.

The great pleasure of meeting in person At one of my shows in Indianapolis Oh, that's him! Yes, a bisexual man who complained about the zoning laws That had closed down his favorite leather bar Next to his wife, of course And then we had a lovely chat about Bitcoin And all the things like that

And he was everything I'd want a Mean Boys fan to be And I had a great time meeting you And I appreciate very much for you coming to the show and for all the games you've sent. This one is one after my own heart. I can't play it, obviously, because I would sweep it. This is, which of the following is not a real presidential nickname? Ooh.

Fun stuff. So we're going to start off round number one, which of the following is not a real presidential nickname? A, his rotundity for John Adams. B, Little Jemmy for James Madison. C, Sir Cherry Tree, George Washington, or D, The Last Cocked Hat for James

Monroe. Now these are not Samir Suri grinder matches, so keep that in mind. Got a message from HisRotundity666. Can I hear A and B again? The bus driver is still in my diary is Sir Cherry Tree.

Sir Cherry Tree would be an excellent name for it. Sir Cherry Popper Tree. For a gay one-man show. I have a gay question, but I don't know if it's appropriate. Oh, who gives a shit? Go. Aren't hemorrhoids a problem ever? Not for me yet, but probably they will be.

But that's a thing that does happen. That does happen. It's like a gay period, kind of. No, the gay period is actual... Diarrhea? Anyway, no. Tom once said to me, he's like, and I was like, well, do you think I'm gay?

And he was like, how do I explain? I think if you're gay, you don't know you are yet. Which is funny, because I had hemorrhoids all throughout middle school and some of high school. So I don't know. I got the gay disease. Do you get that from butt fucking? The hemorrhoids? Yeah.

It hasn't happened to me. I don't know. I'm just not saying you, but I'm saying like in general. I don't know. I can't say I've ever looked into it. There are so many other things you have to worry about. That's like saying, oh, my God, you're going to Normandy? Aren't you going to get dirty?

Oh, my God, it's the wretched, the ash. So, his rotundity, little Jimmy. You're going to Syria? The wind is awful. That's way, no, straight Samir in Syria. Oh, hey, yeah yeah I just love the Quran I just I think it's a terrific book ISIS should have waited to kill the faggots

Until after designing the flag That was a Tom thing Because I didn't even begin to understand that I actually understood that entirely It's because they would have The flag would not have been as ugly as it is That's why you want war games to be alive It's because they would have... The flag would not have been as ugly as it is. That's why you want war games to be alive.

So they could design the proper... They would have had some use. After that, throw us off the building. Who gives a shit? What use are we going to be in a war effort? Floating on a barge in the middle of the Mediterranean. You guys, it's hot. Are you going to feng shui a death camp? What are you going to do?

Okay. So, yeah, we've often talked about this. Hang streamers on the building on the way down. Oh, my God. Oh, man. I give a high five for that. That was funny. Between you and Isis, you've said gay people back quite a lot.

We often talk on the show. It's really a shame that they have such good mastery of aesthetics. You know, like they make everything look very, you know, chic. Yeah. Wait, ISIS or gay people? Both. Yeah. I mean, if you ask me, is there any difference?

No. You know, because like Nazis, like they had the cool uniforms and shit. And ISIS was like, oh, man, those guys look like cool bad guys in a fucking tom clancy novel and you're like oh they're actually they're very real yeah the men look good but you try accessorizing a burka it's not gonna you can't you can bedazzle it so here i'm petitioning a mean voice video sketch in which you play the burka fashion designer making his debut show. The only way I can do drag, I've always said this, because if I had an hour show, if drag were to go well, if I shaved right before I went on stage,

I would have a 5 o'clock shadow halfway through. Yeah, you could hang your sexual conquest from your eyebrows. I mean, you're a very hairy man. I need to do drag in full burka, but with a thigh slit up the side and like sexy fishnets, dockings and high heels and just flash legs. Like Princess Jasmine. You're going to be the Mia Khalifa of drag.

I believe in you. Okay. So presidents, his rotundity, Little Jemmy, Sir Cherry Tree, or the Last Cocked Hat. Which of the following is not a real presidential nickname? His rotundity sounds like a rotisserie chicken, but I think it's real because it's a... Shut up! He wasn't that fat, was he? Samir, be a dear, could you hold down the button on Tom and restart him?

Here's a pencil., be a deer. Could you hold down the button on Tom and restart him? Here's a pencil. Here's a pencil. Was John Adams that fat that they would call him his rotundity? I don't know. That's the game. I bet it means

wealthy or something. No, it means fat. Rotund means fat. But you're, I think, judging that by today's standards of fat. Right, but his is a rap word that means money.

That's right, before a high fructose corn syrup. I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. I'm saying B. I'm going to say Sir Cherry Tree because I feel like they would hate the English and not want to associate themselves with it. With aristocracy.

Wait, wait, wait. Who was Cherry Tree? George Washington. Okay, yeah, I'm going B. Wait, he's the dollar guy? Who was Cherry Tree? George Washington. Okay. Yeah, I'm going B. Wait, he's the dollar guy? All right, everyone's guess. The answer.

I'm going as Rotunda, yeah. The fake one is C, Sir Cherry Tree. Woo! You know, that fucked me up, because who's the guy who chopped the apple down or whatever? It's George Washington. That was Adam in the Garden of Eden And he was president of Godmeric I think it was John Adams No that was George Washington

Well that didn't actually happen But that's the popular story Dude it's Adam and Eve not John Adam and Steve Wait wait So you're telling me this Childhood story I had About a president learning how to not lie Was bullshit

Probably Let's relate to the lessons Tom said on the patio about politics childhood story I had about a president learning how to not lie was bullshit? Probably. Let's relate to the lessons what Tom said on the patio about politics. He said, presidents, why can't we just go back to old people I don't know? I stand by that. Brilliant in its stupidity. Round number two, which of the following is a real presidential nickname? A. King

Mob, Andrew Jackson. B. Little King John for John Quincy Adams. C. General Mum for William Henry Harrison. I love his accidency. I hope that's true. Did he shit himself once? No, that was Lord Diapersworth, which was Grover Cleveland. No.

Sir Accidency is too much. It's too real to me. It's too out there, you know? Yeah, I mean, I was just trying to make some bathtub toast, and now I've got all these mind-reading powers. Well, like, also, if that was his reputation, who would be like... That wasn't really why, Tom. Well, what does also, if that was his reputation, who would be like... That wasn't really why, Tom. Well, what does accidentcy mean?

He became president by accident because the last guy died. Okay, so I'm saying that one's real. Because you can explain it. I also like the idea that it's not general in the military sense, but in general. Just general accidentcy, like dropping shits and whatnot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, he's just very clumsy. Well, it's actually...

It's his accidentcy and General Mum for William Henry. I just imagined some like big footy old man just tripping over everything and they were like, oh, it's his Accidency and then we're going to vote for him. I'm going to cast Tom in like a Mr. Bean era like turn of the century comedy or whatever. Oh, pay the Brit.

Yeah, so I'm going to... I feel like Tom is whatever. Oh, the Brit. Um, uh, yeah. So I'm going to, I feel like Tom is Mr. Bean. If he spoke, a friend of mine has a collection of old political memorabilia and has a pin from Nixon's campaign against Kennedy. I like Dick. And I know it wasn't that yet.

Or I don't know if this was before or after that, but the slogan was, you can't lick our dick oh yeah i've seen that one that's then after he changed doris kearns goodwood told the story he had changed his slogan to nixon's the one i think i'm telling this right no nixon's my man i actually have a t-shirt with that on it nixon's my man maybe that was one but there was another one called nixon's the one apparently and then jfk at one of his events had women dressed up as pregnant nuns holding signs that read nixon's the one swag yeah swag that's that was the 1960s version of a wrestling gif digressing a bit back to the mr bean thing tom you really do with words i thought we're

digressing back to the fucking game oh no I thought it was something too funny not to share is Tom you do with words what he did with slapstick you do verbal slapstick

where you're just slipping and banana peels coming out of your skull so is it A. King Mob for Andrew Jackson B. Little King John

for John Quincy Adams C. General Mum for William Henry Harrison or D. His Accident C. for John Tyler I'm going to say Mum Mumford or whatever. Mumfordy whatever. Okay. Yeah, I'll go with General Mum too because I just like it the least.

I don't know which one it is. I'm going to go with A. All right, the fake one. B, Little King John. Really? Oh, that would have been good. I literally wanted to say that but thought there's no way they're not trying to do this twice with British stuff. Yeah, that's a well-made game.

I mean, Mum is also British. This is a man who knows the ins and outs of the Bitcoin exchange markets. Was he matronly or something? Why was he called Mum? I don't know, Tom. He died really fast. Believe it or not, he did not add to his efforts a list of footnotes for me to peruse. Well, then all this is speculation.

Actually, in England, it's bitpence. Good night, everybody. That's bitmail. Well, I'd rather have bitpence than bitrump, am I saying? The 25th Amendment. Number three, all Martin Van Buren edition. Who's that?

I don't know who that is. It was the president, Tom. Context edition. Who's that? I don't know who that is. There's a president, Tom. Context clues. An American one? Yes. Yes. He was the president of Swaziland. He was the president of the Oprah Book Club

regional Virginia chapter. What was it? Martin Lawrence? What the fuck was his name? No, he's the president. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Martin Van Buren.

Yeah, he was elected right after he did Black Knight, Tom. I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing. Okay. Jean-Claude Van Buren. This is worse than when there was a one about Godzilla and there was... And it was like Space Godzilla was one of them. Tom's like, I don't get it. I didn't think there was this many Godzillas.

There can't be that. What the fuck is Space Godzilla? It's Godzilla in space, Tom. What does Mothra Van Buren have to do with this? Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Dad. He's mocking you. If you had any access to reality around you,

you would be able to fucking... No, I don't know who Mothra or Van Buren is. He combined the two, still in the realm of what the fuck are we talking about? I'm telling you. And you don't have to suspect me of ulterior motives. It's one in the morning. So he was.

Remember, I'm rubber and you're glue. Like, Tom is like that. Except it's stitched to him, but he can't reach it. So he doesn't even notice. So is this guy. The game is I'm stupid and you're persistent. This was. I'm guessing he was present back in

suspenders times. What? Tom! Okay. Earlier, Tom was... Nat referenced something from 400 B.C. Tom is as much a parody of himself as I am. Outstanding.

Nat says something about 400 BC and Tom's like, yeah, that's when they only had rocks, right? And we're like, no, they had bronze. He's like, it was mostly bronze.

Yeah, but we still have mostly rocks. The world is a rock. Right, but not as tools. If you're asking me, I'm an American who's turned into a rock with his father's government.

That's Baymel. We're doing the fucking Smothers Brothers. So who is this Martin McShunder or whatever the fuck his name is? You're playing a game of telephone where you're eavesdropping on yourself. What in the category? Connor. You've exhausted a gay man.

Do you understand? This man is an amyl nitrate popping fucking Vicodin absinthe fiend, and you've managed to do what a million dicks could not. What is his name? Martin Van Buren. What a dumb name. All right. Who's got rule in America?

I get it. Continue. What a stupid name. But moments ago, you imploded us to go back to old people you don't know. No one can be older than a man who's been dead for 150 years, and you could not know him less, and yet you're still protesting. I just don't like it. It's a dumb name.

Connor, I beg you. Give me the categories. Okay. The category. All Martin Van Buren edition. A, The Great Boar. B, Martin Van Ruin. C, The Little Magician. or D, The Careful Dutchman?

It's a sex position that I wouldn't advise attempting. I'm going to say that. I wouldn't advise The Little Magician either. One more time. I Dutch-oved my girlfriend the other day, and it was one of those quiet farts where you're like, I got away with it. And then she went up to get out of bed, and she's like, oh, God. It was like World War I on No Man's Land. Just been rolling over. So can I hear them again?

The Great Boer, Martin Van Ruin, The Little Magician, or The Careful Dutchman. All these names suck, but I'd have to... I'm going to go... You know, if Tom was a political satirist during the era of Martin Van Buren, he would have called him... Boo! Called him Curly White Cunt Pants or whatever. You know, if Tom was a political satirist during the era of Martin Van Buren, he would have called him... Boo! Called him curly white cunt pants or whatever. Yeah, I'm going to go A.

Okay, Samir. Yeah, The Great Boar, yeah. What was it? Wait, what? Oh, The Great Boar, yeah. Wait, that was A? Yeah. What was B?

B was Martin Van Ruin. I'm going to go B. I don't think people back then were that clever. That is a drag queen that I've seen several times. Calvin Coolidge was apparently also very boring. And when he died, somebody told Dorothy Parker about it and she said, how can they tell? Who are these people? That was a question I was afraid to ask. Who was Dorothy Parker?

She was what everybody says F. Scott Fitzgerald was, like the great writer of the 20s. She was what everybody says F. Scott Fitzgerald was, the great writer of the 20s. She was a bitch and a cunt, and she was so good. She woke up once from a... Remind you of anyone? Aw, thanks, man. No, not Dunst and a cunt.

She woke up, this is according to Truman Capote and like semi-fictionalized. We don't know. Samir, you're 22. How are you also 75 years old? The best thing about this is. But she woke up after a suicide attempt, allegedly, and said, if I don't stop doing this, I'm going to hurt myself one of these days. I love you because this subject matter. This subject matter is just so boring to me

but you're just so endlessly entertaining. It's like I'm learning. Oh, it's shoving it in cheese and just force feeding it to me. It's extremely interesting to me. This is like a, you know, a people's Kathy Griffin is what it is. Really.

If only I could find a head to swing around. I feel like you swung around a lot of heads, though. Like blowjobs, everybody. Right? Little magician. The fake one is the great boar. She was just trying to accessorize like Jackie Kennedy with the Chanel suit. I didn't think people were that clever back then.

Good for them. The great boar is not clever. No, it's the fake one. clever. It's the fake one. Yeah, it's the fake one. Oh, yeah. I got you. Yeah, because it's boar. Yeah.

Thank you for coming out to see me for the last time in Indiana. No, I'm kidding. I'll let you know when I'm back there. Oh, so hurtful. I wasn't an insult. I don't know what anything is anymore. The time is 12.52. I drove from

Albuquerque, New Mexico today. Round number four. A. Bullshit Johnson for Lyndon B. Johnson. B. Ten Cent Jimmy for James Buchanan. C. The Ancient One for Abraham Lincoln. Or D. Hardline General for Ulysses S. Grant. Okay.

I mean, Tencent Jimmy also sounds like a bargain slave. Jesus. I mean, it's all right. Tencent Jimmy I've definitely been with. I'm going to say The Ancient One because I think that was a nickname, but only in that movie where Abraham Lincoln was a vampire. This is a surprisingly cogent theory.

Hardline sounds very modern is a phrase. Hardline general. I don't know. Yeah, I'll go with the ancient one too because again, that just seems kind of boring. Like, why bother coming up with a nickname if that's the nickname you come up with?

Yeah, yeah. Also, he wasn't always old. There's not a lot to it. I mean, he's older today. I think he always looked old is the thing. That's what I imagine it would be getting at if it was real, which I don't know. Maybe. I'm going to say Bullshit Johnson. Alright, the fake one. The Hardline General.

Oh! I should have gone with my instincts was he the southern general no Tom which one was he no Tom how funny would it be if after the civil war

like you know let's let Robert E. Lee be president why not oh that's right these are all presidents eventually yeah

my favorite hobby is being frustrated by Tom and you've just set a new high score. Put your initials in, buddy. You've done it. Thank you. Number five. The last one. All real or all fake. Ruther Fraud for Rutherford B. Hayes.

All real or all fake. Yeah, these are all... Okay. B. Walrus for Chester A. Arthur. C. Uncle Jumbo for Grover Cleveland. What a tremendous thing. See, that's where you want to go. The hard line in general. Yeah, no, you want Uncle Jumbo.

Or D. Big Lub, William Howard Tatt. Big Lub! Oh! These are all like the movies Seth Rogen would have starred in if they had them at that time. Uncle Jumbo. Uncle Jumbo's has the best popcorn shrimp in all of Louisiana.

I don't care what anyone says. Big Lub also sounds like a deaf person trying to describe that Bill Paxton Mormon show. He means Big Lub. I don't know who Bill Paxton Mormon show. He was big love. I don't know who Bill Paxton is. He's dead. Don't worry. What I like about Samir is that he's endured enough hardship in life that he just has decided he has diplomatic immunity on offending people.

I am Teddy Kennedy driving this podcast off a bridge. Chep, a dick in my butt, I guess. I don't know. It could have been better. It's late. I'm having fun. I just don't understand. Yeah, anyway.

No, I'm having fun. I'm sorry for being so mad. I'm being only mad in sport. I assure you I'm fine. That was the peace keeping air raid siren. All real or all fake? I'm going to say all real just because I want it to. Smear.

Yeah, all real. Yeah, wishfully. All right. I think I'm almost 100% sure it's all real. Here's why, okay? Connor laughed at one of the names. He didn't write it himself, so he's not laughing at his own wittiness, which means that it would have to be true to really get a chuckle from the con man himself.

Deduce me, detective. Am I correct? You're really underselling the writing. I'm going to lie to you just because I don't want you to have the satisfaction of having slipped on an oil slick and fallen into the correct answer when you had a 50-50 shot, but those are all real. Correct, Watson.

Well, congratulations, Uncle Jumbo. That is the Mean Boys podcast for this week. Gentlemen, thank you for joining us and for helping us get an episode out on our nation's anniversary or whatever, or, you know, our half-birthday. Oh, it's July 4th. Yes.

Hence the presidents. Yeah. Well, it's confusing because in Echo Park, there's fireworks 365 days a year. I knew that. I forgot. Tight.

Okay. I appreciate it. You were a lot of fun. I'm sorry. This is all over the place. Listeners, I'm sorry, but I hope you enjoyed it. I, you guys were fucking awesome. I love you. You were a lot of fun. I'm sorry this is all over the place. Listeners, I'm sorry, but I hope you enjoyed it.

You guys were fucking awesome. I love you. So this week, if you want to come see me this Thursday, I'm at the Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood. And then Friday and Saturday, we're at the Madhouse in beautiful sunny San Diego. And on the 9th, I'll be at Verdugo Bar in Glassville Park for Mr. Pat Barker's show, front of the podcast. From what I hear, that is nothing but fun. Good show. So please, if you're in the area,

come check me out. I'd love to see you. So that you too can send in a game for us to butcher in a tired haze. Love you guys. Nat Bamel? Alright, so if you folks in Oklahoma want another Smug twink to yell at you, I will be in Tulsa at the

Looney Bin July 19th through the 22nd. And I will be headlining Harvel's ononey Bin July 19th through the 22nd and I will be headlining Harvel's on July 25th headlining The Ranch in San Miguel on the 26th, headlining Underground Comedy in San Luis Obispo on the 27th, headlining Barbageddon on the 28th, headlining DeCiso's

on the 29th, and headlining Grades Irish Pub and Clovis on the 30th a lot of shows that you actually got me on Connor, so thank you. Yeah, those are all very good shows except for one and I won't name it. Hey, hey, hey, hey. When I'm headlining, they're all knocked down on BGLA.

Fantastic. Yeah, go see that. Alright, I'm Samir Suri. I, this Thursday, July 6th, we'll be doing... Oh, self-promotion. Time to shine. We'll be doing stand-up at Outpost,

and then the next week, I will be at Pizza, Beer, and Wings in Los Angeles on July 13th. Then, I will be doing, on July 15th, stand-up at a house at 1405

North Hudson Avenue I also love how everywhere like anyone on this show performs hot sauce is somehow involved in the venue yes

can't eat hot sauce anymore I'm sorry Tom really I should have been more patient with you considering you've escaped death. Thank you, sir. You can follow me on Twitter,

gusgust6, Twitter and Instagram. I don't really have any shows this month. Next month, San Diego, I'll be towards you, but I'll announce that later. So yeah, thank you, people. Fuck everything. God is dead. Fuck everything. God is dead.