Mean Boys - EP 71 - Endless Bummer Part Two: Dead In A Bucket (Live feat. Kyle Clark & Danny Minch)

Episode Date: July 27, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Denny’s or Fresno", “Twisted Nerve Promotions”, “Trump, Minch, Hitler, or Putin��, “New Names” and “The Tom Lightning Round” interspersed with narration from the boys. Watch Mean Boys Fan or Sex Offender: youtu.be/KcRarS_O4DU Get the new Mean Boys Classic Logo T-Shirt, available for a limited time: teespring.com/mean-boys-classic-logo Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Listen to Tom’s podcast: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/who-t…d1197690915?mt=2 Listen to Connor’s new podcast with Adam Tod Brown: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1235651909 Follow our guest Kyle Clark on Twitter: twitter.com/kyleclarkisrad Follow our guest Danny Minch on Twitter: twitter.com/dannyminch1 Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. A dream is just a failure you haven't met yet. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Tom Goss. And this is the second part. Two. Yes.

The two of holes, if you may. No, not two. Ace. Ace hole. Gonna go ahead and shut this shit down right now. Welcome back to the second part of our Endless Bummer series. Sorry, gotta end that character to focus on Denny's. Yeah, this is the second part of our...

There's business to be done, Tom. ...of our Road Journal saga. If you missed the first part, we dropped it on Tuesday that detailed our flying too close to the sun in San Diego. I guess it's the best. On wings of Eventbrite for RSVPs. Thanks, Eventbrite. We appreciate it. Still think the sun's tasty, though.

Great show. What can you do if you want Mean Boys more than once a week, guys? Give us your money on Patreon. All right? We live in a crack house. We're being priced out by immigrants. It's a crack home. They're pretty cool,

but I mean, you know, they keep bugging me to do the dishes. So... So, picking up where we left off, we wrapped up the Comic-Con show feeling mixed emotions. I was less disappointed as I was baffled as fuck.

Yeah, because we expected surely 20 at the absolute worst. I was like, worst case scenario, there's going to be 21 people there. I'm like, fucking fine. That's fine. That's great. Yeah, we ended up with four. Yeah, we did. I felt pretty good.

Yeah, I'm sure you did. You didn't spend a bunch of time making a slideshow. That is true. That is a fair point. So we went back to L.A. that night. We got home about four in the morning. We did. Yeah, so we dropped off the poop poker.

Fitful sleep where we realized we had devoted so much of our life to this. And then after we dropped off the poop hooker. Yes. And then we – She's a very sweet lady. She's truly a delight. And if you haven't from last week, go check out her website, which will be in the show notes. And we hustled up to Fresno, California. Scenic Fresno, California.

Yeah. We were joined. Kyle Clark came. He brought his friend Jared, friend of the show. Yes. And it was funny because we thought Kyle made a good point because every time something terrible happens, he tends to be there. Yeah. And we're like, hey man, it went unexpectedly. And he just kind of at one point was like,

why do you keep thinking I expect this to be good? Which is both hurtful and very sweet. He keeps going on these damn full expeditions with us. Yeah, hurtful and very sweet that he keeps going on these damn full expeditions with us yeah hurtful and reassuring so we load up the car with just piles of merchandise and personal effects and equipment to make this show happen we're all crammed in there we barely fit it's hot we don't have any money we at one point stopped at an in and out and i had a jug of change with me and we had with like maybe cents to spare, just enough money in change to get two hamburgers

and an order of fries that we split. Yeah, no double-double action. No, no, no. Single patties. We weren't balling like that. I said this in the show, but it's totally true. We found a woman who works at an In-N-Out burger in Bakersfield, California, and found a way to make her regret her life even more.

We did. And if that is not an achievement unlocked for failure, I don't know what is. We are truly lowering the limbo pole of human decency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we make it up to Fresno by the skins of our dicks. Yeah, and we have a stand-up show that night, me, Tom, Connor, and Kyle. Yeah, that show sold out. Goes mixed at best.

Yeah, it's funny because that show super sold out, way less fun than the Comic-Con show. Yeah. If you ever want to see like 100 people all collectively strain their necks to avoid looking at your sad merch table, I recommend Being Us. Oh, man. Yeah, they got whatever the opposite of whiplash is. You just hear their muscles stretching as they're just pulling them away. They treated us like we were hobos outside a gas station or like Velocirappers. Velocirappers?

Velocirappers. Yeah, you know, there's nine of them. They have a clan. I'm Donna 1-2, and I'm here to say mean boys fell in the weird way. I just want to check. Who manages the Velocirappers? Oh, Ace Hall There you go I thought you were going to drop that for sure Here's the thing, peeling back the curtain a little bit

We were recording this right after we recorded the last one So we have no idea if Ace Hall is going to be a huge hit Ace Hall, I'm calling it now, will be a cultural phenomenon 170 people are going to love Ace Hall Stay tuned Stay tuned. Stay tuned for the Ace Hole merch coming soon to the Patreon goodie bag. As soon as Connor is not depressed enough to have to Photoshop it.

There's going to be an Ace Hole something. Anyway. Yeah, we digress. We get there. We do that show. It goes kind of weird. Danny, the guy that you'll hear in one of our segments a little bit, is the promoter. A good friend of ours for many, many years.

There's a lot of things you could say about Danny. We don't have the time at the moment. He tells everyone to come to the Mean Boys podcast at the Denny's the next day. And he directs this specifically to an old couple in the front who come to all of these comedy shows. And I want to clarify, old is underselling. These people are 90. Yeah, they're 90 and 88. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

What? God, shouldn't they just be sleeping 24-7 now? I guess that's that. Yeah, they're 90 and 88. Yeah, okay. Yeah. What? God, shouldn't they just be sleeping 24-7 now? I guess that's... No, that's you. That's what you do. You and most other burrowing mammals. Yeah. Yes.

So we get to the Denny's the next day. And the banquet room that has been reserved for our show, the air conditioner is broken in there. And they're telling us it's illegal to have anybody in there. And we're like, well, what is the solution? And they're like, well, what we can do is just plug you in in the main dining room and have you do the show in the middle of the Denny's. And me and Connor are both like, if we do that, the police are coming.

Yeah. Because we have pretty infernal plans, some of which you won't even hear. Oof. Yeah. By the way, the last time I was there, I had a DeChico show and a Denny show. And that time, DeChicos had no air conditioning and we performed. It was just the reverse. I am two for two.

Maybe we should just cut this out. Tom is like a shitty weather god. Yeah. But my point is that I'm cursed and you guys should embrace that. Well, I mean, you can smell earthquakes or whatever. So that's pretty useful. Yeah. I start barking.

Yeah. Yeah. You got it. So we're like, can can smell earthquakes or whatever, so that's pretty useful. Yeah, I start barking. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. So we're like, can we plug this? We're in trouble, everybody. Everyone get down to the ace hole. There's a pretty brutal 10-minute period where Keith and I are walking around the perimeter of this den. He's looking for an open power outlet, and we're like, can we do this show in the parking

lot next to the freeway? At which point, the cops definitely would have showed up. Yeah. So we do that. We definitely would have showed up. Yeah. So we do that. We fucking commiserate a little bit. We look at the dining room. We just go back in and put on our biggest puppy dog eyes. We kind of have an unspoken thing where me and Connor both realize

we got to go flirt with a middle-aged Mexican lady until we get a hot banquet room at a Denny's. And, my God, do we whip out some charm. Yeah. It's a whole thing. We're cracking jokes we we talk them into it i'm like look no one here's calling the cops none of them have a cell phone plan all right it's gonna be fine we're not leaving yelp reviews uh so we get them to give

us the room a bunch of feverish setup goes on and also the audio is uh uh fucked up because we couldn't make it go into the computer uh because i don't know yeah Because, of course, we couldn't figure out how to record the podcast. My favorite moment of you guys setting up was when, unexplained, the projector just went upside down for no reason. They were like, why? And we're so stressed out. Kids are just like, Connor, why is this happening? What merciless God is watching us? Can nothing go right.

I like that we add, like, why would God forsake us? It's time to play. When we literally end every episode by forsaking God. Well, it's time to play drop or play? Yeah, it's time to play fuck or shit. Yeah. So we should also go. The show is getting ready.

So we're, like, 15 minutes out, and nobody's there yet. Except for the 90-year-old and the 88-year-old. Oh, I was talking before them. But yeah, they show up. That dude, he walked by. Connor's doing sound checks. And Connor's just going, butt, fuck, nuts, cum, buh, buh, buh. That's how we check the mics on the show?

Yeah. No, that's how we always do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a homeless man wanders by outside just carrying a wad of loose laundry. And he goes, what's going on in here? He just hears me going, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. on his bike outside just carrying a wad of loose laundry and he goes what's going on in here he just hears me going fuck for fuck fuck for fuck fuck fuck because i was outside when he he went by he like looked and was like oh nice and uh and then he said shelter what's what's going on in

there i was like it's a like i was the one who told him to go on it's like it's a free podcast and blah blah blah and he was so stoked and it didn't even occur to me that he may be homeless. He was the homeless. Yeah, he was super not having an indoors. And he comes in and says, what is this? It's a podcast, man. And you just watch him process, realize he doesn't know what that word means, and just go, there's still deadies, right? All right, cool.

He may have been one of the several Mean Boys attendees who ended up running out on their tab. Yeah, that ended up being about three people. So, yeah, so he shows up. There's also a girl who will be referenced a couple times, even though I think we'll be cutting the main part. Yeah. She wants to call her Priscilla or something? Yeah, Priscilla. She'll be going by the name Priscilla. She's a very sweet 20-year-old girl who came to the stand-up show the night before who is aggressively a virgin.

Yeah, she's exploring stand-up. She hangs around. She likes to be around the stand-up stuff. And pretty forcibly insisted that I remove her virginity. Yeah, at which point we all staged an intervention to try to...

And I want to be clear. I didn't want to do that. Yeah, and we were all kind of just like, let's try to make it clear that a lot of men are bad. And most bad men live in Fresno. So maybe be careful because you're super annoying, but kind of nice. Yeah. Yeah. So she ended up showing up.

She was real sweet. I'm sure she's listening. Yeah. Thank you for coming. She's dope. We'll talk about what happened with her in a minute. Yeah. She did also. When I asked her, are you her in a minute. Yeah, she did also.

When I asked her, are you a virgin? She's like, how could you tell? And then she's like, I've done things. I've done blowies, making out, non-reciprocal oral. I got oraled at a winery. Yeah, that was one of them. She's concerned about anonymity, so we'll get off specific details when we talk about the segment. But slowly but surely,

people started to trickle in, and by the time the show got going, we had like 25 people who actually came out to this show. Yeah, and I think only most of them regretted it. By the way, just an important note of ambiance while you're listening, imagine that it is a fucking hot box from Django Unchained

and you are smelling breakfast food at a Denny's. The sun is still out and shining through the open door. Was it 85? What's up? I think it was more than 85. It's a bunch of degrees. And behind us, just behind the projector screen, is a very active Denny's.

Just still being a Denny's. Three Mormons that were playing chess before we got there and still playing after we left. And the waitress who keeps... They gave us a server for the room, and every time she walked through, she just looked repulsed by everything that was being said. Because she kept walking in at the worst possible moments. Yeah.

But yeah, I saw her at one point during the joke physically shake her head and just like, well, what do you want to happen here? So I think that about sets the stage. The beginning of the show, of course, is the Mexican joke off. And yeah, listen to me bombing the Denny's. Why don't you?

Yeah! Hey, everybody. Denny's is like the gates of death. Always open, and one day we will all step inside. I'm Keith Carey. I'm Connor McSpadden. And this is Me Boys from the fucking Denny's. They said we shouldn't do it.

And we said, you're probably right. They said we couldn't do it. And we said, come on, we drove so far. Hey guys, they were like, we legally can't let you inside of that room. It's too hot. The air conditioner is broken. And we said, these people are not

capable of leaving you a Yelp review. The saddest thing is, we are currently for the listening audience, at a Denny's in Fresno. And this is also by far our best-attended live show. You guys set records. Not good ones, more like permanent police records, but we have in the audience,

setting the scene for the people listening at home, two octogenarians and a bunch of people that we vaguely know. And one dude who I'm pretty confident is homeless. He walked in on the street with a backpack and a lot of shirts. I don't know where they came from. What's going on in here, brother? And I was like, we're doing a podcast. He's like, I don't even kind of know what that means, but there's pancakes here.

What I heard was, you're not going to kick me out for a couple hours. So that sounds like shelter to your boy. Just out of curiosity, who here has never heard the Mean Boys podcast? Yeah! Okay, I quiet hand raises from the corner. This is gonna get real weird for ya. We're gonna have some fun.

We got some stand-up comics, we got some weird games, some mild crimes we'll be committing on stage tonight. Some moderate crimes. Yeah, the important thing is don't tell whoever runs Denny's. I don't know if anyone in here knows Denny, but be cool, man. Yeah, they told us when we came in, they're like, this is a corporate-owned store. I'm like, oh, fuck, really?

So with that in mind, we are going to start tonight's show, as we start every show, with a segment we call The Mexican Joke Off. Woo! So those of you who don't know, we go through the news every week and we try and write topical jokes about things that have happened. Like Jimmy Fallon, if he wasn't boring and gay.

Tony, you want to go first? Oh, yeah, I'll take us away this week. An animal welfare charity in Ireland has exposed teenagers kicking hedgehogs to death. Their attorney said in a statement they were just trying to get some gold rings. Don't tell me that everyone in this room hates Sonic the Hedgehog. All right? I can mess you up, bitch. Police seized a coffin used to

smuggle over 100 pounds of narcotics. They dropped the investigation when they realized that was just Carrie Fisher. Who's buying all this Vicodin at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery? That's weird. New Jersey has raised the minimum smoking age to 21.

The youth of the Garden State are outraged, pleading to state regulars, we live in New Jersey, just let us die already. This is Fresno. They're like, yeah, that seems reasonable.

You should be given a cigarette at birth. A man attempted to bribe his way out of an arrest with a Monopoly get-out-of-jail-free card. The stunt failed, and the man is currently hoping he can roll doubles before he gets butt-raped by the thimble again. Just a quick status check. Very nice old people from the show last night. How are you guys enjoying this so far? All right. Now we have a butt raid. Excellent.

Oh, my God. We've been on television this year. They saw a man land on the moon, and then they had to see this. All right. Fixture of the South Florida Museum, Snooty the Manatee has passed away at 69 years old. If you want to see a Snooty Manatee, look directly to my left.

I think that Green Day's later work is underrated. I mean, it is, and we'll get into that later. But a 15-month-old girl was found dead in a bucket. Authorities are calling it the worst abomination they've ever seen in a bucket that didn't have Colonel Sanders on it. You guys like that joke, so I think we can all agree we're glad that child died. It's worth it. You know, one-on-one one, equivalent exchange Full metal alchemist You fucking nerd

Hey man, I'm out of dennies I'm gonna do the jokes I wanna do, okay Some of them involve alchemy A new law in Scotland Will reduce the required wait time To donate blood after gay sex From one year to three months Advocates say the one year window was excessive

And led to them, quote, getting a bunch of blood from gay, unfuckable losers. Oh. All right. You don't want to lose your blood. I mean, you know, if you haven't fucked in a year, your blood's probably going to make you into some kind of beta male. Yeah.

I'll be an ape, but I don't want to be a fucking dork. Yeah. All right. An Orange County man was convicted of stabbing a man to death in a mosh pit. After hours of deliberation, the jury found the defendant meddled in the first degree. I thought you said deliberate, like dilbertation. That's just when you worked on an office job for too long? Shut up, I can't talk.

Okay. And lastly, a man thwarted a robbery at knife point inside a Fresno Starbucks last Thursday. A would-be assailant dropped his weapon after a local hero threatened him with a GMO banana. That's how you break up a Starbucks rivalry, folks. I don't know if you do that. And last one. An 18-year-old cheerleader was charged with murdering her newborn baby. During the murder, she was overheard saying,

1, 2, 3, 4, my baby don't breathe no more. 5, 6, 7, 8, lay down in a My baby don't breathe no more. Five, six, seven, eight. Lay down in a shallow grave. Go into the light. That's two dead baby jokes and five jokes, motherfucker. All right. You guys seem sufficiently horrified. Are you ready to get this show started?

So yeah, that was the joke-off. And it's always real nerve-wracking when we do the joke-off live because that's how you can tell if the crowd is going to be down or not. Yeah, because sometimes you hit the first Carrie Fisher's a drug addict joke and you're like, oi, it's going to be a long night. Yeah, you're not going to like anything that follows this. But they were so fucking down. They were a great crowd. It was one of these things where it's like, we're in Fresno.

We're in a Denny's. It's 100 degrees. We're already doing this. Let's just get into it. It seemed like most of the room understood the absurdity of what was happening. Yeah. And they were really cool. There were a couple people who seemed kind of bummed out, but they left pretty early.

Yeah. And the old people, the 90-year-old fucking ride or die. Oh, yeah. I was getting some belly laughs on some very age-inappropriate references. Oh, yeah. They were pretty... I mean, I don't know how much of that was dementia, and they're just thinking that, like, you know, Felix the Cat was doing a juggling routine. That old man

gave me a half-standing ovation for a segment that's coming up later, which is maybe the highlight of my life. So after that, Kyle Clark went up, did some stand-up, and then we played a round of Connor's favorite game and one of my least favorite new names. New names. So enjoy... Oh, sorry. Well, we'll talk about that later.

Okay. Yeah. Enjoy new names live in Fresno How are you everybody? Oh my god The crowd is talking You guys doing good? You guys just ate fries over there? That is a classic poor person at Danny's Maneuver

I would like an order of fries for the table and three waters madam We are voting How do you say out of control. The classiest of buddies. All right. Kyle's going to sit in with us for a couple segments. We're going to do a thing we do on the show from time to time called New Names. Surely the worst jingle of all time.

Maybe even worse by the tinny sound. New Names is exactly what it sounds like. We take things that exist in the world and we give them what we feel are more accurate names. We've all got some prepared. Kyle, do you want to start it off? Sure. So, quick note, guys. I was supposed to do this game two days ago at Comic-Con in San Diego.

And because I wanted to be a good friend, I figured I'd theme it around Comic-Con. You remember that Incubus reference from earlier? I got to Comic-Con and they're like, we're gonna have you do a different game. And I'm like, cool, I didn't spend 35 minutes working on Comic-Con jokes. So all of my things are Comic-Con themed. I'm sorry, because I'm not gonna rewrite them, because I chose to go to the Underground Garden instead.

We'll fix it in post. We don't look so stupid now, do we? Alright, so my first one is that cosplay, when people dress up as superheroes, is now going to be called methadone for furries. Furries are people that dress up like animals and fuck other people that are dressed up like animals or kids. Now you're dressed up as Superman

and it's not as weird, but still is. Alright, moving on. I think from now on we will be calling homeless people Chevron Jawas. They're just Jawas, but they're outside gas stations and they're not selling anything. They're TV or whatever.

New name from now on, we'll be calling 9-11 Muslim Tetris. You get the lawn piece in there and the whole thing comes down. For the oxygenarians, 9-11 was like Super Pearl Harbor. I don't know.

It was like Diamond Harbor. Suicide Squad 2 will be subtitled Harley Quinn Medicine Woman. Oh, shit. You brought a little Tom and Tom and Fresno with it. I don't know who I'm madder at. You for writing it or all of you for looking at it. Leave my people alone. Alright, this is very Fresno appropriate. I think we should be calling Roadkill White Trash Paninis.

Oh, thank you. And clean the skunk. Put some pesto on the skunk. Speaking of which, I declare what we named Fresno a mass grave for dreams. I mean, Harley Quinn reference. Well, I mean, I don't know if it's a mass grave. It's mostly just yours and mine, Kerry. This next one's for all my con men out there, all our Conor McSpadden fans. Yu-Gi-Oh cards will now be called Conor McSpadden Autism Tokens.

A big Yu-Gi-Oh aficionado. Not the new stuff, more like the 2010 to 2013 era. Moving on. From now on, crying will be called eye-orea. God fucking damn it! Your eyes are pooping out sadness. I thought that was gonna crack the sassy lady fanning herself with the fucking breakfast menu. Nope.

It's like a southern belle, but like the south now. Like? Yeah, you're looking, the expression on both of your faces, you look like you have to watch

your boyfriend shitty band for the thousandth time. And you're just like, yeah, that's

the Pearl Jam cover, you played the same, okay, you're gonna introduce everybody. You're not

fucking any of us, you don't have to be. I'm glad you are, but for the love of God, run.

New name, Kyle Clark will now be known as Guitar Center, the person. When you describe you as a girlfriend trapped watching their boyfriend's shitty man, your face turned into a lot of women I've dated.

And I felt so much empathy. My next one is the new Doctor Who that's a lady will be called a that-time-of-the-month lord. God damn it. That's a lady will be called a that time of the month lord. God damn it. That's a good joke, but nobody watched it. The one guy who got it didn't even like it that much. In Fresno, the BBC is considered witchcraft.

Europe, now I know you. If Mr. Tungus did the Brexit or whatever. All right, since you guys are going apeshit For these shitty Comic Con ones From now on, the New York TSA Will be called the LaGuardians of the Galaxy LaGuardians of the Galaxy It's not that they don't understand it They'll be laughing if they understood it

It's LaGuardia Airport, you know, LaGuardia You know what people love is jokes about airports On the other side of the country. And then having the condescendingly explain to them. I think that... Okay, do you guys know what the Guardia Airport is? I really think you'd like it, Laurie. I've been there. They know.

I'm trying to... What are you doing? The guy who's definitely holding coke has been there. I'm going to this is the hill you won't die on. I'm trying to do the thing where I make it funny by making myself look stupid, and it's just making me look like an asshole. Number four. NASCAR will now be known as

the Redneck Hunger Games. That's pretty damn good, Kerry. Last round. The winner shall be awaited at the Golden Corral. Alright, another movie title thing. The Aquaman movie's subtitle will be Secret of the Seaman. And the secret is that it's salty,

and the droiler will just show him crushing mermaid puss because he's not gay. I just want to note it for the record, he called it a troiler. That's because I just keep thinking it's like a broiler in here. Moving on. Something loud, but no one else made noise.

That's like when you post a shitty Facebook status. I got one wow, no likes, and a comment from my dad. Alright, finally, from now on we will be calling parrots Madagascar answering machines. I had higher hopes for that. Real Kyle there.

Yeah, I did. And finally, Denny's will now be known as Applebee's for Rapists. That was new names, everybody. All right. So here's the thing. You may notice a slight shift in the energy of the room going forward, and that is because after this segment, we attempted to have a live debate with Priscilla from earlier where she came on stage and Connor and Kyle debated

whether or not I should take her virginity. Yeah. While that was happening. I was in the no call. She also, in front of 25 people, did Poppers, the recreational gay drug, for the first time. Although I will say, she told me after they didn't affect her. That's because she did them wrong.

We taught her how to do them later. Oh, I was trying to give us an alibi, but go ahead, Keith. We didn't name her. And we thought the crowd was going to be super down, but that may have been a bridge too far. Yeah. They didn't turn, but you could tell they were like, this better not end in a gangbang.

That was not a grand slam. It got to. And you know what? First of all, excellent. Danny's subtle placement. Second of all, yeah, that was a weird one. We have decided ethically that segment is going to go into the Mean Boys Black File, which we may release one day. It is a collection of segments too dark to have seen the light of day.

Yeah. And they're really bad. Yeah. This one got pretty bone chilling. collection of segments too dark to have seen the light of day. They're really bad. This one got pretty bone-chilling. It's not the worst one. It is up there. I want to say, Priscilla, you were very sweet. We appreciate you being on the show.

We're not going to tell your parents. You're a comic and we're messing with you like we mess with any comic. You took it in good fun because that's how it was intended yeah and and our our weekend was made much better by you being there hanging around and adding your energy to it so yeah thanks for that funny fact about that segment because i wasn't sitting with you guys the people who were next to me were talking and they couldn't figure out whether or not it was a sketch or a real thing going on i think that was part of it, is people thought it was some weird performance art,

and then when they realized it was real, they were both disappointed and... Well, I think they were worried that I was going to... By the way, even if the whole crowd had unanimously told me to do that, I wasn't going to do it. But I think they were worried that if the vote went yay, I was going to fuck her at the Denny's.

Yeah, I don't know if we made it as clear as we should have that it was just a bad idea and not an actual democracy yeah so moving off of uh this weird david lynchian nightmare uh and on to uh we had danny minch uh friend of the show we talked about earlier the promoter uh very sweet man from fresno i do a set and then he uh prepared a game for us which doesn't't happen too, too often. Yeah, he queued us up for a round of Danny Minch, Trump, Hitler, or Vladimir Putin. And we didn't find out Vladimir Putin was an option until he said it on stage. And after we had already made the slideshow graphic. Yeah, which I can't imagine really tanked the show. No.

But it was pretty fun. It was a fun game. We learned a few fun Danny facts that I decided to share. Yeah, shockingly difficult. So, yeah, there's a little fun bit of Patreon info with Danny Minch that you're going to enjoy in this. Oh, it's so good. It's my favorite thing I've ever learned. So please enjoy Minch, Trump, Putin, or Hitler.

Welcome to Danny Minch. Danny, come on over here. I wanted to say to one of our audience members, the views of Danny Miggs do not represent the views of the Wee Boys podcast. It's amazing, after what we just did in the last segment, Danny found a way to make it weirder in here. Yeah, after what felt like statutory rape, even though it wasn't, Danny was so racist we all forgot about it. So we should probably thank him for that. And forget about it, we shall continue. And it was statutory racism. No, that was it, we shall continue. It was statutory racism.

No, that was just straight up. Yeah, it was just racism. Danny has done something that a lot of our guests do. He's actually prepared a game for us. And this is a game called Trump, Hitler, or Danny. Now you're going to have to guess who said this. Was it Donald Trump, Hitler, or Danny Minch? And I threw a side one in also to put Vladimir Putin into it.

I'm putting Putin into it. No one on the Ritz. You know, before we made this live show, I actually told you, but you guys were so into what you were doing, I don't think you listened to it. That's 100% correct. Also, we don't listen when you talk. Okay. Alright, so do you want to take us away? Okay, so the first one is... Sometimes it is necessary to be lonely in order to prove that you are right.

Jesus. I hope that's not you. That's got to be a line from the suicide note someone at the show has drafted. By the way, I'm sorry, I need to acknowledge that we've created a show where it's acceptable that we just got part of a road road screaming put your arm down sir HIP HIP HIP HIP

HIP HIP HIP HIP HIP HIP HIP HIP HIP Hey, I'm the door. You know, all kids that still have it here in the other room. Hey, we do this, right? Chicken wing gate has now been toppled. Welcome to HitlerCon. Kyle, what do you think, Kyle? I'm going to say, that sounds like Hitler to me. I think that's a Hitler quote. I'm going to say this is Danny Mitch, and he's throwing us a curveball.

This is Vladimir Putin. Fuck, I forgot. Not on the slide. Not on the slide. Danny, tell us now, you was glad you were putting an option for more of these?

Yes, sir. Motherfucker. I told you I was putting Vladimir out. No, you did not. Whatever, you babies. Do the next one.

Would you like me to leave Vlad out from here on? No, I would like you to finish your dumb fucking game and get back at him. I like when somebody

else is getting called a fat asshole. Kill all the opposition. Donald Trump, 100%. That's got to be Trump. I'm going to say that. Amen. That's a team, that's true.

By the way, okay, instead of referring to Jews or Democrats, Danny's referring to other people trying to promote shitty comedy shows. Yeah, what opposition? One grumpy lady boy who tried to double book this room? or Democrats. Danny's referring to other people trying to promote shitty comedy shows. What opposition? One grumpy ladyboy who tried to double book this room? Inside joke. Inside joke. Inside joke. I like that you have folded the mozzarella stick selection into a fan. Into like a, you know, I'm seducing a businessman fan. That's really lovely. He alone that owns the youth gains the future.

Hitler. Hitler. Oooh. I mean, we're getting a lot of Hitlers from the audience, but you guys have all been pretty fucking wrong so far. I'm gonna say, uh, I'm gonna say far. I'm going to say Hitler. I'm going Hitler. It is Hitler. All right, we're on the floor. Nobody wants to applaud. All right, what's next?

The definition of leadership is to win at all costs. Well, we did talk them into letting us use an unsafe-for-medical-reasons-backed banquet room. So I respect the ethos of this statement. That's Donald Trump. I think that's a Trump quote. Putin. I'm going to say Putin. Trump. That's me. That's it.

I always thought you were scheming and annoying. I didn't know you also had a manifesto. I thought you were scheming and annoying. I didn't know you also had a manifesto. I thought you were benign crazy. How do you have all these, like, giant ideals and also your life? It's a duality that I'd like to hold on to. This is the whole leadership that gets you into an apartment at 45. I have 45 years old. As quick sidebar, Danny has a Patreon page for his Facebook livestream.

There is one donor to this Patreon page, and that guy killed himself. He happened to shut down his bank account. And I'm going to keep the five dollars until he stops paying. Danny's bank account is haunted. He financed this operation with sad ghost money. You got more? Yes. The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible,

and statistically I have been proven right. Trump. It sounds like Tom Goss, if we're being honest. I don't like touching people. That is Tom Goss. I'll say Trump. I'm going to say Trump. That is absolutely novel. Trump. Um, that is Tom Goss. I'll say Trump. I'm gonna say Trump. That is absolutely the awful Trump.

Okay, let's go to the next one. Ding ding ding. There has to be some form of punishment. That's Trump. I know that one. I'm saying Rick Boudin. That's Trump. Trump.

That's all we got? Danny. Connor Wentz. Trump. Oh, that's about the abortion thing. Yeah, it is. This got real sad to me. I remember that.

It's sad that going through this, we're like, man, Hitler sounds way more reasonable. Who says I am not under the special protection of God? Danny is. That's gotta be Hitler. I was. Danny must have forsaken God long ago.

I'm going to say Danny. I bet it's Hitler. Yeah. All right. One last one. Let's close this down. Okay. Let me close it down.

Let me see which one's a good one. The lower the education of a people, the easier they are to control. I'm going to go. There's Danny. There's the Trump, Hitler, Danny, or apparently Vladimir Putin. What are we talking about? We've been trying to figure out how to work in some of the

sketch elements, like the character stuff that we do on the show, into the live shows, because we're not sketch performers necessarily, and we don't want to come out the character stuff that we do on the show, into the live shows, because we're not sketch performers necessarily, and we don't want to come out in goofy costumes until we can afford them. But we found a fun way to do that. We don't want to embarrass ourselves, all right, gang? We brought Twisted Nerve Productions into the mix for the first time live. And I've got to be honest, it's maybe the most fun I've ever had doing anything.

And Keith looked over to me. He's like, show's running a little long. People are pretty hot. We're sweating. Should I lose this Twisted Nerve thing? And I'm like, we just wrote it. We can't do it anywhere but the Fresno Denny's. Let's just do it. Fuck them. And then they can sweat out. Rain hellfire. Yeah. And then

it was the best thing I've ever seen in the world. This is where I got the standing ovation from the old man. So please enjoy Twisted Nerve spices up some Fresno events. Now, as you guys know, there is a bevy of live entertainment options available in the Fresno area. And we appreciate you choosing Mean Boys or being awkwardly forced to come to Mean Boys by someone that is friends with me and Keith. Now, we have perused some of these alternatives.

And just to back this up, we have a company that appears on the Mean Boys podcast called Twisted Nerve Productions. And Twisted Nerve has a tendency to find very boring events and make them sound very exciting. And we're going to see if we can do that with some of the things. These were all found on a list of most exciting things to do in Fresno. All right. These are all real. And starting us off, what do we have starting us off? It'd be that one.

Okay. This is a seminar to explore divorce options. So let's see what Twisted Nerd can do to make this sound a little more appealing. This weekend at the Fresno Community Center we're going to shatter your family

and your mind. And divorce a loser. It's going to be a painful separation of you and your boredom. And you'll learn the fuck out of coping skills. Our counselors will be on hand to listen to your problems. And teach you how to stop being a floppy pussy. Divorce can be hard on kids.

But we're going to teach them that having married parents sucks a bag of nuts. Kids, here's some hot divorce perks. Double birthdays. Double Halloweens. Double Christmases. I think like 12 Hanukkahs. I don't know how Jew math works. Plus, when your parents get divorced, you get to meet Glenn.

That's right. Move over, Dad. Here comes Glenn. He's got model helicopters and he lets you fly sometimes. You gotta finish your homework and he knows how to make your mom squirt. If you miss the Palooza, you'll lose 50% of your assets and 100% of your mind! So it's like that. That's what I want to hear. That's what I want.

So that's what Twisted Nerve Productions is all about. We've got a couple more. Yeah, and some things, like, I don't know how you market them. Like, there's an Alzheimer's walk. There's a charity Alzheimer's walk coming up. There's an Alzheimer's walk at a mall in Fresno. And that sounds like it would be pretty boring, right? Let's see what Twisted Nerve Productions can do with it. Oh, no.

This weekend at the Fresno County Mall, it's time to walk out with your cock out. That's right, it's time for the Alzheimer's Walk. Strap on your new mountain, strap on your hamstring, and get ready to follow walk the lightning we're walking around the entire mall see all your favorite stores sears lentils pretzels hot topics that kiosk where they sell cell phone cases and more single moms trying to buy closer to their kids with an EBT card are gonna see ya and they're gonna start texting you, look, sweating for a good cause and they'll be like,

Oshkosh, but God damn! We got a fuck ton of old ass people with shitty disease brains walking into walls like goddamn fools! But we're gonna raise so much money, we're gonna cure Alzheimer's to death. Well, not only fix their brains, we're gonna make them even stronger. Your grandpa's gonna remember shit that hasn't even happened yet.

We're gonna raise a billion dollars and create an army of telekinetic super old people. Will our defiance of the will of God end poorly? Will we create an army of shitty old people, Armageddon soldiers? I hope so, because I'm jacked to kill my grandma with a shotgun. Alzheimer's Walk 2017. A party you'll never forget. But then we'll forget pretty immediately.

Because that's how it works. That's when we skip the botanical garden sport, Kyle. I think we have one more, actually. Do we have one more? One more. This is maybe the most exciting event on the website. $1.50 hot dog Mondays at the Mayan Cinema. This is high on a list of things to do in Fresno.

I don't know how you can make this sound any doper. I'm already fucking sold. Oh, I can't wait to find the mic and that fucking music. Monday, Monday, Monday. Get a mouthful of hot meat at the Mayan Cinema. Are you sick of paying a full price for tube steak? Well, then wear your strongest underwear because these prices will blow your nuts off. We're slashing the price in half and when the price is laying in the street, bleeding, saying, why did you slash

me? Go on down and say, because I want the cheap meat, AMC. All your favorite condiments are gonna be there. Ketchup, relish, mustard. You want mayo on your hot dog? Here it is, you gross pig. Get a buck and a half of steam. For just a buck and a half, you can get six inches of coagulated pork and put a pill into your colon. These hot dogs are gonna stink around your intestines like the Vietcong. They're gonna kick your hunger into a punchy pit. Get one, get two, get three, get so many you forget what air tastes like.

Are you a vegetarian? Go back to Europe and kill yourself, faggot. Buck 50 Hot Dog Mond. Raise your hunger. That's it. That's it. That's it. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, Tom still came up after his set and played a game of Denny's or Fresno,

which is exactly what it sounds like. Yeah, it's a very Mean Boys-ass game. Here for your enjoyment. You guys said that Indian girls would be the most personal danger. All right, we have two more quick games for you. This next one is something that Keith has whipped up. This is a game called Denny's or Fresno. Now, does it take place at a Denny's

or in your fine city of Fresno, California? This is a list of crimes, and we need to figure out where these things occur. The first one, a robbery was foiled when the thief accidentally shot himself in the head. Denny's or a Fresno? What do you think, Jim? Jim is saying Denny's. I'm hoping Denny's for Jim. Tom, what do you think?

I think Fresno. There's just, I feel like if he was at a Denny's he would have been, you know, more calm. Like, Denny's is a calming, you know, energy toy. Fresno does not.

The great answer is Denny's! And then the parking lot of the Denny's on Fort California. Number two. A professional wrestler stripped nude, got in a fight with a cop, and was tasered in the penis. Now, did you get a Denny's

or did you go to high school with that ass? Denny's. Any thoughts from the crowd? Denny's. Denny's. Let's see. Correct answer. That happened today. You're like, yeah, putting our city on the map, baby. It was him? He survived. Congratulations. Number three. A girl was forced to eat a mouthful of dirt.

Danny's, Danny's, Danny's. Who was forced to eat a mouthful of dirt? Daniel Sprezzino or Vladimir Putin? This was all we had before we went to go. I think I just ate and ordered that, so I'm gonna have to guess. I gotta get the mouthful of dirt with a side of ranch? I gotta get the moons over the dirt? The correct answer is, that happened in Fresno, California. Sure did. Did you do it? The correct answer is, that happened in Fresno, California. Did you do it?

I had a little sister. You had a little sister? What happened to her? It was the big mouthful of this. A drunk man urinated on someone's car and was then beaten to death. You bet your black asses. Oh, here's my favorite one. Marilyn Manson got punched in the face. Best one. Best one.

Best one. You guys all agree. God damn, I hope he never comes here. Unfortunately, the answer is yes. This looks like the only people that would show up to a Marilyn Manson concert. We're opening for Marilyn Manson at whatever your shitty football stadium is. Next one. A 69-year-old man was doused in gasoline and set on fire.

Fresno. You guys have no civic pride. We're like, yeah, we know who we are. Oh, so the correct answer is Daddy's. Some of these happen at the parking lot of a Daddy's. This happened in a Daddy's. Like somebody was eating a pancake and was like, what's going on over there? And the last one.

A man was caught selling $750,000 in homemade meth to an undercover police officer. Daddy's in this Fresno. You should mention, because that happened in Fresno, California. No, Tom took us away with the lightning round in fine form. And yeah, that was it. Yeah, no, it was a fun show. All right, here's the lightning round. Oh, yeah, sorry.

This was a fun lightning round. We have one more game for you guys. We have one more quick game before we get out of here. By the way, thank you guys again all for coming. We do have merch for sale over here. We're not getting paid by the Danny's, believe it or not. So please drop somebody in the tip bucket, buy some shit. Come say hi. We will spray paint our logo onto whatever you own.

Be Made Essential or Peck Rock. But as fans of the podcast know, we have Tom Goss here. That means only one thing. It's time for the Tom Goss Lightning, right? Yeah!

Now, I just want to throw out a word or concept. Tom has to explain in his own words what that is. Some examples from the past. Swans, sexy geese.

or love, horny fear. this guy at comic con, he described the devil as edgy god. we prepared a day of this, tom has no idea what we're gonna call him, and he'll describe it as quickly as he can. also, tom is- some will be better than others, by the way. yeah, they're not gonna be winners, but trust me, magic's got to happen. Yeah.

All right, Tom. Are you ready? No, but let's do it. Grenades. Oh, boom boom pineapples. Golf. Oh, Irish baseball. Bond mowers. Oh, cut cars.

Australia. Sadness. Oh, um, uh, uh, uh, um, uh, flip that happy. Flip that happy. Butt plugs. Oh, um, uh, uh, butt corks. Scientology. Oh, um, uh, bunnies. Cards. Oh, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, vroom vroom bikes. All right, Tom. Name seven Denny's menu items. Go. Okay, Grand Slam, veggie omelet, water, uh, uh, uh, uh, smoothies, ice cream, uh, potatoes, five potatoes hash browns. Those eight things and three of them were the same thing. Duh.

30 seconds, only five. Name seven kinds of alcohol. Oh. Uh. Whiskey. Bourbon. Gin. Kombucha.

Uh. Uh. Beer. Wine. Uh. Fa da da da. Uh. Da da da.

Call for help? Rock, paper, rock, paper. Okay, the correct answer was paint. All right, Tom, name seven things that happen in the Bible. Go. Oh, um, mass death via plague, mass death via flood, mass death via sword, mass, mass, I said mass death. Um, uh math death. Some bitch ate an apple. Satan got aggro.

And God gave birth to a son and some chick didn't get laid. That's great. That's my last one. Tom, 30 seconds on the clock. Name seven colors. Okay. Blue, orange seconds on the clock. Name seven colors. Okay. Blue, orange, green, yellow, uh, um,

uh, uh, gray, black, um, violet. Alright, the final one. Tom Goss. Name seven disabilities. Oh, Jesus. Mental, physical, emotional,

transportational, thinking, bad, a bad driver, and no hands. Please don't ask anymore questions! Alright, everybody, on the count of three, we need you to all checked out at the same time during that last introduction. We have run out of brain power. But that was the end of the show, and that was the end of our crazy weekend.

Yeah, and this room is taking me back to the Denny's in Fresno. It is the exact same temperature and humidity thickness in here. We're going to get out of here in a minute. Sincerely, though, for all the griping and complaining we've been doing, thank you to every single person who came out to those shows. Every single 29 of you, I will now name you individually. It shan't take long. Yeah, only 29 of you, I will now name you individually at Shant Take Long. Yeah, only most of you have been on the show.

But no, we really do appreciate it. We want to take this show on the road more. We want to do more live shows. And we're going to. Yeah, we have some fun stuff we're not quite ready to announce yet, but it'll be coming soon. And if we do it again

in another half-full Denny's Banquet Room, I don't care. That's what I want to do. I think it's pretty funny. We set out to make a punk rock-ass show, and this is very punk rock, in that we did it for a few people who really enjoyed it, and we didn't make any money.

We also got an email from someone that was at one of the shows I wanted to share with you guys. I don't know if you've seen it yet. Oh, shit. No. Hey, Keith and Connor. This is Carl. I was at your live show in San Diego.

I know it will be difficult to remember which of the four people in your audience... Fuck you, Carl. Regardless, I wanted to let you guys know live show in San Diego. I know it will be difficult to remember which of the four people in your audience. Fuck you, Carl. Regardless, I wanted to let you guys know that was the most fun I've had in a long time and the most I've laughed in as long. My girlfriend said the same. She very much enjoyed the show and had a great time. Hope the Fresno show was better.

You guys are hilarious. Don't get discouraged that the neckbeards didn't come out of the basement to come listen to a live show. The social anxiety is crippling among your listener base. Keep up the good work. It's my favorite way to decompress on the way home from work. So that was what it's all about. That actually made sense.

That was my dad's first name. Okay. You just shit on the only heartfelt moment we've ever had on me. What is this? Abort, you cocksucker. Go back in your ace hole. I was in ace hole.

Making a good moment here. But yeah, thank you guys for coming. Thank you for listening. We'll be back with studio episodes next week. I've got some fun guests for you. We do, yeah. The people who showed up to those shows, by the way, were the shits. They were the fucking greatest.

I fucking loved every single person. It really affirmed my desire to do this and keep doing this. I'm like, this is the only thing I've ever done in my life that I love. I'm making it with the only people that don't piss me off. Fuck it. I'm going to do it until Tom dies. Next week, baby. Ace Hole lives, though.

Oh, God. That's his ghost. It's like when they bring someone back to life with voodoo. And it's like, he's not the same. Ace Hole. We bring Tom to a pet cemetery. So, yeah. Keep checking out the show.

Keep telling your friends. If you want Mean Boys to come to your town, let us know. Because we don't know where we're loved. But please tell us and we'll come do whatever. We're working on it. We're going all over the place in October. Again, we got two Mean Boys this week. If you want to have more Mean Boys in your life every month,

we're pretty close to hitting that Patreon goal. And basically all of it is just going back into our desire to make cool things but not having enough money to do it. So no one's pockets are being fattened at all at this point we just want to like get some cameras in here and like pay some animators and shit like that so all right enough panhandling let's get out of here yeah we got it fuck everything god is dead Ace and Hall and Ace and Hall Ace Hall