Mean Boys - EP 72 - Controversial Cornbread (feat. John Michael Bond)

Episode Date: July 29, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Carnok Legal", “Emo Lyric or Suicide Note”, "Voicemails", and a game of "Which of the Following" with places in The U.K. by @EthanDLawrence. Watch The Tom Lightning Round Live at Comic-Con: https://youtu.be/2a8yt9GYtTM Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Listen to Tom’s podcast: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/who-t…d1197690915?mt=2 Listen to Connor’s new podcast with Adam Tod Brown: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1235651909 Follow our guest John Michael Bond on Twitter: twitter.com/BondJohnBond Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Rogers Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fares, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday anywhere along the Go network. And the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online Go pass ahead of the show at gotransit.com slash tickets. Hey, everybody. It's Connor McSpadden from the Mean Boys podcast. We got a great episode for you this week. John Michael Bond joined us in the studio. Please check him out on all social media things.

He was a lot of fun. This episode is a little bit light sketch-wise because we had a little bit of a hectic scheduling week. But we got an extra fat meme boys coming at you next week. That's going to be Chuck full of stupid stuff. And we want to thank everyone very much for contributing to the Patreon. This is our first month in business. And the August rewards have just dropped. We're doing a pretty stupid black flag parody for the t-shirt.

We've got three stickers, one for each of the boys. You can get all three of them, even though you're probably just going to want the Tom one because it's the Tom Goss, Barack Obama, Hope one, and it's pretty fucking awesome. I just want to remind you, if you're not contributing on Patreon and you don't have any money, we totally get it, but if you want to help the show out for free,

please stop by iTunes, take a minute to try to remember your Apple ID, and leave don't have any money, we totally get it. But if you want to help the show out for free, please stop by iTunes, take a minute to try to remember your Apple ID, and leave us a review. It's something very easy, very healthy you can do for us. Bashful Stingray writes, compelling in its failure with just the body of an ellipses, three periods. He gave us five stars. So we thank you very much for that review, Bashful Stingray. And I think that's about all the business for this week. Yeah, give us your money on Patreon.

We have a live show coming up September 19th at Harvell's in Long Beach, our old tried-and-true stomping grounds. If you haven't already, check out the Endless Bummer series in which we lose and regain faith in ourselves and our mission statement here at the podcast. And I think that's about it. Oh, yeah, one more thing. We have a guest sketch this week. The Carn knock legal sketch uh comes to us from luke hamilton uh so please uh

he's not on the internet really but uh just want you to know that we didn't write that one uh but yeah if you want to send us a sketch you wrote maybe we'll use it and maybe we won't uh but we might so do that okay Here's the episode. Bye. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys podcast. I have no mouth and I must scream. For Ice Cream, I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey.

And I'm the creepy guy who's too old to be at Warped Tour. It's fair. Yeah, it's accurate. It's very fair. I want it noted that I was going to say reanimated Philip Seymour Hoffman and then Paige Wesley scooped me in the comment section of that picture I posted to you. I feel like at this point in my life, that joke no longer makes any sense because I'm in a real good stage and there's never a hot Philip Seymour Hoffman role.

Except for happiness. Oh, God. Look, don't get shamed. I'm going to be honest. I'd fuck him in Boogie Nights. Yeah, no, no. I didn't say there are no get fucked Bill Seymour Hoffman roles.

You'd fuck him now if I'd give you a ride, all right? Let's not lie. That's neither here nor there. And the Patreon money hasn't kicked in yet, so we can't afford shovels. Also joining us, Tom Goss on sound effects. Tom boldly leaning into all these sound drums that have no purpose. But yeah, we're joined in studio by John Michael Bond, a very funny comedian. Thanks for coming in, man.

Thanks for having me, guys. Right off the bat, getting slightly offended by both of the opening slams, both the used one and the redacted one. All right. Well, we've made it a bummer already. He's like, hey, man, I write for a punk rock website. I'm supposed to be a Warped Tour. Oh, no. I just thought that was like an on-the-nose insult.

Someone that knows MLA format needs to document what's going on with the circle jerks these days. Oh, man. Yeah. Good fucking God. I did do a scholarly paper on punk in college. Of course you did. Honestly, it just feels like this is an intervention for all the terrible things that I've wasted my life on. Hey, this is with

we haven't had that intervention for ourselves yet. We're in no position to tell you what to do. You just made your life into everything your face demanded it be. Oh, yeah. I just feel like I spent a lot of money to go to college and turn in papers about Halloween and the circle jerks. I could have just had a Tumblr. That does kind of make me wish I went to college because I didn't know you could just talk about bullshit that didn't matter. I don't think you're supposed to, though.

If you can bullshit real well, getting an English major is super easy. Yeah. And if you can bullshit kind of okay, having a podcast isn't bad either. Yeah. And a lot of good it's done you. Now, let's get into our opening segment, the Mexican joke on. I will take us away this week. A second norovirus case has been linked to Virginia Chipotle.

Health officials in the state are saying not only is Virginia Chipotle a terrible dominatrix name, but this gross bitch is giving everybody burrito aids. Virginia Chipotle was great at the live show. She was. Follow her on Twitter. At Poophooker. Yes. The Chinese government has censored Disney icon Winnie the Pooh.

However, Disney has created the country a new government-approved mascot, Bearman Mao. Oh, man. Oh, man. The people must own the means of honey production. My worker bees. Let's see. A woman in eastern China

died this week after her fourth abortion in a single year. She and her husband were trying to have a baby boy but kept getting pregnant with girls. The story shows the horror of gender dynamics in China and the importance of living next to a river. Dead baby. I said dead baby. That was the rare way too long mean boys joke that actually paid off. We all got worried.

It was like watching the person almost fall off the balance beam. I was like, oh, man, are we about to top the Warped Tour Slam as the bummer of the episode? And then redemption. I did that same topic at the live show. Also, quick Barrowman Mao joke. I wasn't quick enough to think of. Oh, fuck. I love. Oh, yeah.

No, this is after someone kills a little baby girl and he just goes, fuck, I love... This is after someone kills a little baby girl and he just goes, oh, bother. There it is. It wasn't seamless. Hey, man. Someone's got to deviate... Anyway, a new section in the Arizona driver's manual aims to help people

not get shot by police. The handbook advises motorists to keep their hands visible, comply with officers' requests, and move to Canada. Speaking of which, a man was caught impersonating an NYPD officer while harassing and sexually assaulting innocent people. He was arrested, booked, and immediately promoted to lieutenant.

Cops are bad. John Michael, you want to talk into the microphone like you have an idea Of what broadcasting is Yeah Okay cool Cool This week

Just affable I'm sorry I'm just proud Of our likability You know Why are you rubbing Your hands together Like you're hatching

An evil Cause I'm evil Baby I'm evil The only one who Enjoys the smack. Tom's expression, that was like Templeton in the medicine cabinet. You're like, ooh, downers.

Yeah, and pleasantries are here. This week, the world learned what it takes to get your friends to admit they like Linkin Park. Oh, man. Brevity. The soul of jokes. That was a good one. Oh, man. I think that was the of jokes. That was a good one. Oh, man.

I think that was the best Linkin Park joke I've heard. Absolutely. I think the only good Linkin Park joke I've heard. No, I'd agree. Yeah. By the way, I think it says a lot about our show that we got several tweets and messages where it's like, we were so excited Chester Bennington died. We can't wait to hear the mean boys joke.

I'm like, what have we done? I'm just insulted that people think that I've lived a life where I have an opinion about Linkin Park. I do not at all. I do. When I was like 12, you know. Yeah, you also have that haircut. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. This was born out of Meteora. All right. All right. The Tokyo National Cancer Center has invented a groundbreaking new blood test that checks for 13 different kinds of cancer. Now, with the prick of a needle, oncologists can find out if you have breast cancer, lung cancer, or if you like Doctor Who.

I also started burping while I was talking. And I was like, I've got to hold it together. I wrote this 20 minutes ago. Put it in the middle, hoping it would slip past unnoticed. Speaking of which, 30,000 bees attacked shoppers at an Ohio Walmart. EMTs faced trouble distinguishing which swollen bodies were the result of bee stings and which ones were just shoppers at Walmart. I really enjoyed that one. I just had the best metal picture of the sad old man, the greeter in the wheelchair, having to greet every bee greet every bee individually. Oh, that's so funny.

Welcome to Walmart. Welcome to Walmart. Welcome to Walmart. Welcome to Walmart. The motor breaks down. He's just spinning in circles. Being stung to death by bees. They'd pay me $4 an hour.

Walmart, you get all those old people that are like, is that an elbow tumor or are you just fat weird? Because there's a golf ball where your tricep should be. I don't know if that's from Mountain Dew or just you just abusing your body. It's a recognition called gut pucker. I think like 80% of the structural integrity of grandmas is just bunions. You're just sending it tumor Voltrons. Yeah, just little connector blocks for your Legos.

Oh, my God. And if you drop it, it falls into a million pieces. Yeah, bunions are just batteries for geezers. All right. Stubbs the Cat, the unofficial mayor of Taktini, Alaska, passed away this week. I want to point that out. Stubbs the Cat. In honor of the fallen mayor, the city has moved a bowl of water into the middle of the kitchen floor.

Just a sweet joke. The eternal flame. We have a long history of a bit about a town where a dog was the mayor and I was trying to find a way to connect those and I couldn't do it. Also, nobody listens or cares. Moving on.

As the guy who was the brainchild of that sketch along with you and Nat Baymel, I feel comfortable dismissing it entirely. It's dumb, and you are dumb for liking it. You know what? I voted for Dog Mayor, and I stand by it. So did I. It was a protest vote.

Dog Mayor was so dumb. I'm more about like a dog lawyer or some shit, you know? Cool. Thanks, Tom. Tom, thanks for blowing the one-hour drama I was pitching about your life. After announcing plans to shelve the 32-year-old program Microsoft Paint, an outpouring of online activism has saved the image editor. In a related story, Republican senators voted today to kill everybody. Really glad we focused our attention on Microsoft Paint.

I like 4chan comics as much as the next guy, but for the love of God, prioritize. Look, I definitely can't afford insurance, but I might be able to draw bad boobs. So, like, that's where my priorities are. Yeah, you just need a mirror and a couple quiet minutes to yourself. There you go, champ. All right. The rotting corpse of a beached whale was discovered in a small French town.

Residents knew something was amiss because France smelled better. It's a smelly country. Can't believe I didn't get to that decomposing whale first. I really got a... Did you get failed by your Google alerts? I know. I thought I had it country. I can't believe I didn't get to that decomposing whale first. I really got a... Did you get failed by your Google alerts? I know. I thought I had it covered.

I had rotting biomass. I had Seattle and heroin in there for a good mom or dad joke. Yeah, every variable of bad-smelling goo you can think of, I have been called on this show. Indeed. All right. John McCain submitted his reputation this week as the greatest uniter in the country

when he got millions of people to root for brain cancer. Rah, rah. I posted this on Facebook, but I think it'd be funny if we all just collectively pooled our money and hired a Vietnamese guy to just follow him around and poke him with a stick until he dies. I was watching all that unfold, and I saw on Twitter, like, oh, McCain's wavering. He might vote tomato. Yeah, this really just confirms everything I've ever known to be true in my heart, which is that Arizona fucking sucks ass.

Agreed. It's the fucking worst place. I have no clue what we're talking about right now. We don't have to update me. I just want to make sure it's clear. To be fair, Tom got some of his fillings redone so he can't hear the government anymore. Yeah, and he shaved off the antennas. Yeah, I got that weird brain C-span.

It gives me a headache. My listening sticks are off. I don't know what's going on anymore. A new LGBT combat unit has been created to fight ISIS in Syria. The queer insurrection is taking to the battlefield with their war cry, Allahu Daido. Okay. Daido? Isn't that a lesbian thing? No.

Dido? That wouldn't be a gay reference. All right. Wait, from Stan? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What's she done since then? I don't know.

Ben Dido from Stan? I feel like that's... She has her own albums. All right, I have one more joke. Feels like an Indigo Girls. A decomposing whale was found off the coast of France. Connor McSpadden died from excitement trying to think of a Keith

Carey joke. Okay, I redeemed myself. No, you didn't. Hey, I said it happened, so it did. Okay, two plus two equals five and you're skinny. Let's move on. War is peace. Ignorance is smartness. Tom is cool.

A new trailer was released for Thor Ragnarok featuring the Incredible Hulk. If you like seeing an Aryan pretty boy embarrassingly outperformed by his husky sidekick, listen to the Mean Boys podcast. That's really not nice to Tom. Wait a minute. Why you?

Hey man, he's an indispensable part of this podcast. Someone has to bring the aesthetic of a 90s new metal DJ to the stage. Oh, man. Fuck. What, you're not going to hit a sample? There we go. Dance for me, Slipknot. All right.

New Jersey raised its minimum smoking age to 21 this week in an effort to give the state's local carcinogens a head start. I didn't have a good one. The local carcinogens is also John Michael's failed punk outfit. RIP 1994 to 1994 and a half. I don't know how old you are, but that sounds right. Yeah. Okay, cool.

That's a Mexican joke off, everybody. That was a rollicking beginning to what's sure to be a fantastic show. And it's really all because of listeners. I'm just fucking around. We'll be right back after some ISIS bullshit. If you've been raped, murdered, or otherwise filled the capacity with the rancid seed of Karnak the Bloodfeaster, you could be entitled to real cash compensation. I was disemboweled.

My tongue was thrown to the murder hounds. If you or your loved ones have suffered at the hands of the mighty Karnak or his political running mate, you may have legal recourse. Call 946-BLOOD for your free consultation. The offices of J.J. Radwell and Lemming are here to help you get the money you deserve. My son was replaced by a mindless demon of the abyss. My legs were bent in 500 painful directions. My eyes were picked out by the many crows that spawned from Carnock's oozing armpit.

Let us fight for you. Remember, that's 946 blood. 946 blood for your free consultation today. Yeah, he looked fucking and took all my blood out and replaced it with termites. I, uh, slipped and fell in his foyer. Hey, he exposed all my nerve endings and lightly caressed me with a feather duster. Call the offices of J. J. Radwell and Lemming today and start on the

path to a painful but wealthy existence. 946 blood. Once again, 946 blood today. And the Mean Boys podcast is back with a game that is a reskinned version of a game deemed too dark to air called Emo Lyric or Suicide Note. A little bit of background.

Someone sent in this game. I saw it. I read the title. I was like, you know what? That's going to be hilarious. There's no way that could miss. That seems on brand. I didn't read it.

I just played it back in the early days of the show. And as we got to the end of it, we were like, we cannot put this out Because to be very clear It was like, oh, these are people who just died Like 20 minutes before this guy wrote this game Oh yeah, that was the last one He was like, suicide note written 20 minutes before This game was sent over How long have these notes been allowed to age?

Well, here's the thing Here's how I turned it These are either lines from emo songs Or these are lines from my suicide note. No, because that's just cock-teasing what everyone wants. For you to finally just start an emo band, all right?

Yeah, exactly. You're going to be like those guys during the one-arm scissor days at the drive-thru. Drive-in? For him, it would be at the drive-thru. Drive-y sad boys? Drive-thru.

I was going with taking back ice cream sundaes, but, you know, there's a lot of... You would never take it back. You would eat all but one bite and then complain. Yeah, exactly. Then I get a free one. You get it. You know how I operate. I think it's scams. Yeah, I have a well-publicized... Something about my

something romance, but the chemical is like green dye number five. Okay, whatever. Just go for it. I love when you don't have a joke, so you just explain where you thought the joke might be. I give everybody a little erector set of humor, and I'm like, you figure this out. It's an Ikea joke. The pieces are there. Like medley bits.

Yeah, shove an L and wrench up your ass and have some poppers, and maybe you'll get it. I don't know. It's been a real popper-heavy couple episodes. Indeed it has. So yeah, so game is simple. I'm going to read you a line. You have to figure out if it's from my suicide note or from an emo song. Number one, quote, I'm not afraid of the dark, but the light burns my eyes.

Fuck. You gotta go back in time. We really picture extra angsty adolescent Keith Carey and I caught him at the tail end of this. I'm going emo lyric. That's an emo lyric. I don't think Keith would be that ham-handed. I'm also leaning towards emo lyric. The correct answer is, that is from my

suicide note. Oh my god. You have no idea how ham-handed 2004 Keith was. Dude, you used to wear makeup, huh? Say the line one more time. I'm not afraid of the dark, but the light burns my eyes. I'm just seeing if you accidentally hacked someone in your suicide note. I probably did. Again, what people love most about this

podcast is the fact-checking. The listeners always say, less sound effects. It's original. It's original. I'm very proud of you. Yeah. One time, while Keith and I were living together, while I was in a weird, destructive relationship, she read one of Keith's poems that he'd written to somebody,

and I remember one line of it if you don't mind me sharing i sure do but go ahead okay uh you're a vikadin high and hand jobs in the park yeah i remember that that was a pretty good love poem that was a better girl i did vikadin with and got jerked off by in a park oh i see i thought i was really on the nose i was going for a pakowski thing yeah i'm not saying it's bad but i mean it's definitely got a very particular aesthetic. Also, can we acknowledge the fact you gave us a part of your suicide note

and our first impulse was to see if you stole it from a lyric. Well, I mean, if I'm going to start plagiarizing, that's the time. What are they going to do? I'm probably the kind of person who'd be like, that doesn't sound like Keith. I mean, the key to creativity... You're at my funeral and you get up to talk and that's what you said? I'll just be like, that doesn't sound like Keith. I mean, the key to creativity.

You're at my funeral when you get up to talk and that's what you said? I'll just be like, look, I know Brandy didn't give out lyric sheets, but. I mean, guys, look, the key to creativity is being able to hide your sources. I don't know if they make hefty bags that big. Number two, quote, we're just getting to the part where the shock sets in. I'm going emo lyric. That's not flowery enough. Okay, we got emo, we got suicide note.

Tom. Fuck. Because it could be something, it could be like one of those theatrical fucking bands that is like, let's pretend everything's a musical, but I think, I don't know. Okay. Like I could see you self-aggrandizing in a suicide note.

I mean, yeah. Like just be like, like referring to your dead body in third person. Oh, that's like totally some shit. I did. Now you miss Keith. Don't you? Yeah. Yeah.

Look at him now. Oh, fuck. God, your suicide note. Very different than my collection. The collection. Yeah. I'm a chronic. Tom's got a whole dossier.

I'm a chronic. Like, you're reissuing the fucking pink floyd discography yeah tom got a suicide next week we'll do tom's suicide note or deftones later this is fascinating all my suicide it's like the one time i have word economy i was like i'm gonna let this one breathe just like it's on you i found a really weird way to feel left out of something uh give it time uh you never just had a Sunday and you're like, you know what? Just in case. I'm going to write this note.

Nah, I hate my creative output too much to try to get anything down on paper. Look, suicide notes are the millennial version of a will. Oh, man. I'm going to go with suicide note. The correct answer is emo lyrics. Interesting. That is from Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic at the Disco.

You nailed it right on the head. That song title is longer than John Michael's first Mexican joke. Which is impressive. Number three,

quote, I deserve better but I'd settle for so much worse. That's a little... Jesus Christ. That... Oh God,

that's so lame. That's too positive for Keith. I'm going... It's too positive for my suicide. That, oh God, that's so lame. That's too positive for Keith. I'm going. It's too positive for my suicide. Yeah, well, obviously you wouldn't settle for less if you're killing yourself, but maybe that's the switcheroo. I'm going emo lyric. You can't settle for less than killing yourself. Cool.

The correct answer is that is from my suicide note. What the fuck? I don't remember. I wasn't thinking great. I was a little preoccupied. Dude, I'm proud of you for having a positive outlook on your death, man. No, seriously. It thinking great. I was a little preoccupied. Dude, I'm proud of you for having a positive outlook on your death, man. No, seriously. It's great.

I think it was something to the tune of like... You're killing yourself. What's worse? Like I didn't feel anything. Like I wanted to feel either worse or better. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.

Numbness, dog. Number four, quote, I'm the king of this pity party with a jewel-encrusted crown. Oh, man. I love how hard this came out. I'm going... It really is. This is tough, bro. I love how hard this came out. I'm going... It really is. This is tough, bro. I'm going with bands.

And the reason why... If you would have said Burger King crown, I would have known for sure. Sorry. You did that with such a bold swing and such a dumb joke. Yes, it was. Here's the thing. Here's my logic. You haven't been hyping your pity as much

in the other lyrics or verses this is a three-page suicide notes there were a lot of yeah jesus people are going through something man it's not like he can write an epilogue after you killed yourself you did that thing where you're like you got to sit down to watch this 10 minute boring youtube video yeah writing a three-page suicide note is like telling someone they have to watch all of Lost in a Weekend. This is like 80 reasons why. We got it after two. That's harder than actually disposing

of your corpse getting through that. Alright, make your guesses. I gotta take a cringe break every once in a while. I'm going band. That's an emo lyric. I'm going emo lyric. That is an emo lyric. By the Spill Canvas from the song Polygraph Right Now. Oh god, I hated that band. That's an emo lyric. I'm going emo lyric. Please say it. That is an emo lyric. Thank God. Yeah. That is by the Spill Canvas from the song Polygraph Right Now.

Oh, God. I hated that band. Yeah, me too. Number five. Quote, the truth is you could slip my throat and with one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. I mean. That's Keith.

That's Keith. That is Keith. No, that's. Which is weird because he's gone on to not do the dishes very often. That is a Taking Back Sunday lyric. Sure the fuck is. That is Taking Back Sunday. You're so last summer.

I was kind of hoping that you were like, I'd apologize for bleeding on your floor. Like you just changed it just enough. I fucking vanilla iced it. One note is different. Sorry about the mess. Number six quote. That is actually someone's suicide note. The black metal band Mayhem.

Oh, yeah. By the name Dead. And he shot himself in a suicide note. Just said, sorry about the blood. There was a guy who went to a music open mic and sang an original song called Sorry About the Mess. And at the end of it, stabbed himself in the stomach. I heard about that. Yeah.

Rude. The one open mic. Was he last? Yeah. No, I heard he wasn mic. Was he last? Yeah. No, I heard he wasn't. And you know there was some comic that's like, so can I do the rest of his time? No, I mean, like,

if you waited in an open mic for three fucking hours and then right before you got up, some guy just killed himself on the stage. I'm like, hey, can I keep that guitar? You may stick the whole thing. Just like as they're mopping up the board, just, yeah, so I'm doing the roast battle. Well, I was roasting that guy.

I mean, someone else will probably be doing that in a more official capacity at the crematorium. All right, a couple more. Number six, quote, turn off the air. Hopefully I'll sleep without dreaming. Fuck me. Turn off the air. Keith really needs ventilation at all times. So, I mean, that is...

Yeah. I mean, with his apnea, I assume that could just be, like, the way you're going to kill yourself to begin with. Yeah, that's how I'm going down. I'm going lyric. I think that's a lyric. Okay. I think I'm going lyric as well. I'm going to switch it up.

I'm going to say it's Keith. Tom is correct. That is from the suicide note. Turn off the air? Turn off the air. Like that Spider-Man musical. Wait, what is that referring to? Is that the air conditioner?

Like the air in my body. In your body. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, turn that off. I was trying out a lot of different stylistic things with this note. Was it originally oxygen? You're like not the right amount of syllables?

Yeah, I'm trying to write a death haiku. Yeah, Keith, I really think if you got to a second or third graph, this could have been a really good suicide. We got to read it thoroughly before we can grade it. I got two more. I believe that it's right. We are both annoying and bumming out Keith. So let's close this out strong.

I'm fine. Two more. Quote, last night everything was right and the rain was gone. Ooh, fuck. Oh, man. I ran like a punk scene for 2004 to like 2012. The microphone, John. 2004 to 2012.

I've heard so many goddamn emo songs and your suicide note sounds like all of them. I know. It's horrifying. That's why this is a really good game. This is a fucking infuriating game. Yeah, it's tough. I feel like that's them. I know. That's why this is a really good game. This is a fucking infuriating game. Yeah, it's tough. I feel like that's you. I feel like that's you too. I'm gonna go against the river again

and say it's the band. That's a song by Go Against the River. No, I'm kidding. That is from a song, though. That is a song by the Get Up Kids called I'm Alone or Dottie or Rebel. Interesting. Last one. Yeah. Okay.

Last one. Quote, fuck me. This is a 50-50 game, and I'm performing well under 50% success. Fuck me. I'm going to go with your suicide note. But also probably. That's a Tinder message sent 20 minutes before we started recording. It's both, right?

That is correct. That is both. Yeah. That is from all I've got by the used and uh that note where i didn't want it to live anymore well this was this was way more fun than the other version i think it really was yeah the best part about this game is like you could play it several times tom go ahead hit us with a pokeball sound we need to cheer up a little oh there it is there it is. There it is. Oh.

All right. Cool. Well, that's going to fix everything. While we pick up the pieces of this emotional wreckage, the Mean Boys podcast will be right back. I am the Fudge Lord. Do not adjust your audio devices. The purpose of all organic beings is to acquire the fudge. The fudge lust is a primal force.

Fudge procurement begins with human currency. Provide the Mean Boys Patreon with a donation and aid them in their hunt for the fudge. Go to patreon.com slash meanboys and pledge your support. You will be rewarded. Your compliance is mandatory. Do not surrender to the barbarism of a fudgeless life. Stay strong. Do not beg.

Do not budge. Demand the audio fudge. I am the Fudge Lord. And the Mean Boys podcast returns to play a round of our favorite game, which of the following? This comp dance is weird dances weird unsettling. I like that all your dancing is just weird patriotic pointing. That's not all of them.

It's like he's scored a... Is that or the Steamboat Willie shuffle? Steamboat Willie? Oh, no. I have a lot more in the repertoire. I just, you know... That was the end zone dance of the Concussion Olympics. I'm like Sturgill Simpson.

I got to release it slowly over time and build up my... Tom Dance move, a reason I wanted to kill myself. Check question, all of them or both? I've got to release it slowly over time like WikiLeaks or whatever. Or poison. This game comes to us from a friend of the show, Ethan Lawrence. Follow him on Twitter, at Ethan D. Lawrence. Subject line, another witch of the following from the British actor boy.

If you're in England and you need an affordable Jonah Hill type, hit up Ethan D. Lawrence. Follow him on Twitter at Ethan D. Lawrence. Subject line, another which of the following from the British actor boy. If you're in England and you need an affordable Jonah Hill type, hit up Ethan D. Lawrence. Is this the guy that Ramsey got in a fight with? Yes. Believe me, that is addressed. Talking about inside baseball here. That's alright. Hello again, Mean Boys. Continuing to love the podcast. I was pleased to hear you enjoyed my politician name quiz. Side note, Ramsey,

the offer still stands. You are more than welcome to eat my pussy, bitch. I came up with another one for you based around names of places in the UK which should raise a dry smile or two. Enjoy. What a very European threat. A dry smile. Once again, a dry smile is what that dude's pussy is called. Ramsey doesn't eat pussy.

I mean, his girlfriends always look so sad. Just kidding. It's not true at all. Sorry, everybody. Round number one. What's the following? He's not a real place in the UK. A.

Bitchfield. B. Brindlebottom. C. Fudgepack upon Humber. Or D. Boysack. Shut up.

Yeah. Three of those. Fucking real. What was the one that sounded like a Willy Wonka ice cream flavor? Fudge Pack upon hamburgers. No. Fudge Pack. Fudge Pack upon Humber.

Is that like a gay reindeer? That was the original name for Wendy's. That's the British version of Grindr. Fudge Pack? Yeah. Fudge Pack upon Humber. Yeah. Bitchfield. That's, I guess, where Jared Kushner summers.

I don't know. Jared Kushner, by the way, looks like his favorite cereal is Vine Loops. Been waiting to tweet that until he's in the news again. Just going to do it here, all right? Nah, you can still tweet it. He'll do something stupid. Yeah, and Brindle Bottom. I don't know what kind of peanut brittle that is.

God, I'm going to say the fudge pack one is the fake one. All right, Tom. Fuck, what was C and D? C was fudge pack upon Humber, and D was boy sack. You know boy sack's real. But that means fudge pack is real. Move the trips to boy sack. I can't do a British accent, but that's what I think they sound like.

Can you believe that Hitler had to... Oh, me? I work at a gas station in Boy Sack? One day I'm going to... I'm going to die on the hills of Boy Sack for a fucking lie, Miss Thatcher. One day I'm going to get out of Boy Sack and move to the big city of Skrotelburg. You guys know England has never lost a war on their own turf? They lost one pretty hard.

Oh, on their own turf? Yeah, on their own turf. Yeah, it's easy to defend five blocks. This is what they're fucking defending. Fucking fake nation. Fuck you, England. Yeah, and the Diamond Street gangsters are a pretty big deal on my street and that's it. Oh, fuck. I imagine their army is just like that scene from Newsies with all the slingshots. street gangsters are a pretty big deal uh in on my street and that's it so i mean oh fuck um i

imagine their army is just like that scene from newsies with all the slingshots this is a well written game i did acid and watch newsies a weekend ago so it's still on my mind it's such a good fucking what it's pretty great acid and newsies anyway tom god uh i'm i'm gonna go with uh um uh fudge hill or what the fuck it was called. Fudge Pack? Fudge Pack or Mount Humber. The fake one, B, Brindle Bottom. What?

Brindle Bottom? Yeah, Brindle Bottom. Not real. That's the realest sounding one of all. That is. Oh, I already hate this game. I love it. Round number two, which of the following is a real place in the UK?

A, Man Nuts. No, I'm just kidding. B, Cum Dick. All right, for real now. A, Crotch crescent. That's like a thigh gap. Yeah, that's what you can see through Keith's shorts after five minutes

of physical activity. Uh-oh, Keith's trying to think of a pun. He's starting to get a crotch crescent. He's sweating like a fucking Keith. B. Lick-R-More. C. Fondle-On-Temps. Or D. Pork Lane.

Pork Lane, there is a smoker curing ham hocks. What was the first one again? Crotch Crescent. These all sound like lines from a Bloodhound Gang song. Pork Lane is definitely a McDonald's neo-noir film location. Not gonna be Hamburgling anymore, you son of a bitch. McNoir.

I was Burger King the whole time. I'm narrating. Fuck. Oh, God. Grosh Crescent, Liquor More, Fond du L'Entemps, or. Fuck. Oh, God. Crotch Crescent, Liquor More, Fondle on Thames, or Pork Lane? How does Liquor Orbs or More spell? L-I-C-K-A-R-M-O-O-R. They all feel weird, though.

Yeah. Pork Lane just feels like... Though it could... I don't know. Maybe there's like... I'm going to say A. It's the fake one. Yeah.

All right. Talk about it. What was A? What was C? Crotch Crescent. Crotch Crescent. And C was? C was Fondle on Thames.

Is it spelled Fondle? Yeah, F-O-N-D-L-E. I'm going to go Fondle on. The fake one. Fondle on Thames. Son of a bitch. Wow. Tom Goss is on the board, unfortunately.

God, you. Oh, fuck. Ah, motherfuckers. Tom, you either do nothing, do the wrong thing, or do physical comedy on a podcast. That is all you do. That chair is going to shatter, Tom. Yeah, because I will break it with my spirits of dancing. I'm like a karate chop of motion, baby.

A karate chop is a piece of motion. I'm like a verb action. I'm a star of energy. That's literally helium compression. It's a single entendre. You've had it, brother. Play the gavel, Tom. That's not what that is.

Oh, my God. You don't know true pain until you've been Flintstone Rickrolled by your own fucking lackey. Which of the following started real place in the UK? A. Little Whinging. B. Shitlingthorpe. That sounds like the name of a Kennedy they kept in the basement. The one the lobotomy worked too good on?

Shitlingthorpe. C. Pity Me. Or D, Honey Knob Hill? Oh, man. That's like one of those terrible early rap bands, like the Sugar Hill Gang. Honey Knob Hill? No, Honey Knob Hill was Phil Collins' first draft of Salisbury. Okay. You guys don't know Phil Collins, do you?

Oh, man, there's nothing better than watching someone sigh, slump over, and say, You don't know Phil Collins, do you? Oh man, there's nothing better than watching someone sigh, slump over and say, you don't know Phil Collins I feel like I watched an entire generation of fathers just burst into flames You should know more about punk rock and you should know more about Phil Collins if you're going off of aesthetics I feel like Phil Collins says that more than anybody else I feel like Phil Collins does refer to himself

in the third person, like, Phil Collins would like an iced caramel mocha latte. Just carrying his fucking Tarzan Oscar around. Speaking of which, Tarzan Oscar, do you have a guess? The options are over time. We live in trash can. Little Whinging, Shitlingthorpe, Pity Me, or Honey Knob Hill. Honey Knob Hill sounds like they would have the best ribs in Memphis. Yeah. Oh, they would. Honey Knob Hill Honey Knob Hill sounds like they would have the best ribs in Memphis

Yeah They would They're like controversial cornbread though Controversial cornbread You've never been to this town Is Shittling Thorpe Is it spelled exactly how it sounds Yes

There's an E at the end because it's English I'm going to say There's an E at the end I'm going with Sh I'm going to say... Oh, there's an E at the end? I'm going with Shetling Thorpe. No, wait. Fuck. It could be Pity Me? I'm going to go with Pity Me.

I'm going to go with Little Whinging. I'm going with Shetling Thorpe because over there is Shetling Thorpe and yeah. All right, the fake one. A.

Little Whinging. Ba-boom. Keith Carey and Tom Goss tied for first place in a game that no one ever keeps track of. Moving on. Round number four.

Which of the following is not a real place in the UK? A. Moving on. Round number four. Which of the following is not a real place in the UK? A. Shingay Come Wendy. It's S-H-I-N-G-A-Y-C-U-M Wendy. So Shingay Come Wendy. Okay.

B. Bushy Gap. C. Brown Willie. Or D. Twatlingford. See, I feel like England's so racist that that first one could be what they named Chinatown.

Shing-kay-cum-wendy? It was between that or Ching-chong-bing-bong-berg. Yeah. Ching-chong-bing-bong-berg. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. It's real deep into that bag for that one. I've always got these ready to go

This is a regular round, one of them's fake I'm going to say Bushy Gap Bushy Gap, alright Mind the Bushy Gap, that's what they said the first time you lose your virginity What was the third one again? The third one was Brown Willie It's a lot like Free Willie, but it's about me breaking our toilet in the middle of the night After drinking too much Zoloft

And only eating quesadillas for a week You can drink Zoloft? I don't know why I said that, but I said it incorrectly because I felt pressure because I feel like this segment is lagging a little bit. I'm going with the bushy. D is Twatlingford.

You guys both win bushy gap? Yeah. Show me that twat. So you're going bushy gap? I'm going the twat-ford, baby. All right, twatling-ford is the fake one. God damn it! Tom got surges into the lead.

I don't care if I'm right, I just really care that you're wrong. I know, that is my sole existence. Yeah, Tom is just a malcontent. Yeah. He is an annoying, beautiful malcontent. Last round? All right, last round. All real or all fake. A. What's, beautiful malcontent. Last round? All right, last round. All real or all fake?

A. What's annoyed? Cock and take. B. Cock and take. Cock or mouth. Cock or mouth. C.

Cock and hoe. Cock and hoe. Or D. Cock play. Are these all real or all fake? England sounds lit. Yeah, I talked to my doctor. He said I'm pretty healthy, but I've got to up my cock intake.

What kind of dog is this? It's a cocker mouth. Wow. Fuck. These are all real or all fake? Yeah. I think they all got to be all real. Cock and mouth.

I mean, I don't know. I'm just going with cock and mouth. Are these all real or are these all made up? Oh, these are all real. Big fan of the show, John Michael Bond, joining don't know. I'm just going with cock and mouth because it's the most fun. Oh, no. Are these all real or are these all made up? Oh, these are all real. Yeah, it's the final one. Oh, fuck. Big fan of the show, John Michael Bond joining us in studio. Sorry.

Yeah. I'm going to go with all of them are real. Okay. There's no way that's... Yeah. In America, we call cock play a musical, but I think that's... Wait. Is that a Coldplay joke or what is that?

No, I think it was a gay joke. Oh, okay. It was a lazy gay joke. So lazy, it didn't make sense. Yeah, the bi guy missed it. That's a bad sign. Fucking bi guy for the dumb guy. All right, yeah, I'm going all real.

I'm going all real. Those are all real. Yay. Good work. England is stupid. So much great cock. Even the Lawrence writes, have fun, lads. I'm going all real. Those are all real. Yay. Good Lord. England is stupid. So much great cock. Ethan D. Lawrence writes, Have fun, lads.

Keep up the good work. And since I'm sending this on the 4th of July, happy Brexit classic day. Love and hugs, parentheses, except Ramsey the dickling. So thank you. Follow him on Twitter, at Ethan D. Lawrence.

I always fucking love when this guy sends some shit in. The English pith is much needed in this show. Indeed. It really classes up the joint, as he sends in the word cock 40 times. Yeah, it really does. That's like British for hug or whatever. It doesn't mean anything bad.

We'll be right back with some of your voicemails and your listener comments right after this. Quong! And the Mean Boys podcast is back, and it's time to check our voicemail. You can leave us a voicemail at 304-805-MEAN That's 304-805-6326 for all you fucking simpletons out there. These have not gotten any less creepy, nor have they gotten any more coherent.

But, boy, are there three of them. Yeah, our voicemail box just sounds like the voicemail box of literally any woman. Like, it is a nightmare. Oh, yeah, it's pretty rough. I got a lot of empathy for you gals now. So let's start this off with this one. Hello, this message is for Keith.

So you and me met on the Grindr app and we did some stuff, some homosexual stuff with our butts and our penises. Nice. Oh, my name is Roger, by the way. And long story short, I have these little bumps on the inside of my anal furnace.

And, I mean, I haven't seen the doctor yet. But you should probably just go to the doctor as well. So I was just doing my due diligence. And if you want to hang out again, hit me up on Grindr. Okay, goodbye. and if you want to hang out again hit me up on Grindr okay goodbye I just want to say that people implying that we've had gay sex together never will stop being funny

I mean I just love that he delivered that joke like he was returning a library book to you uh oh I fucked up what the fuck? This turns into like the weird War of the Worlds episode.

Yeah, that's... Check, check. All right, that should be good. Let me look at the audio. Sorry, guys. I was trying to make it louder. Yo, yo, yo. Okay, we're good.'re good too good yeah cool uh well that sucked and uh if you left that uh thank you and also shut up yeah it's one of these things where uh this is going to be a lot of people trying to be funny and a lot of times most people aren't funny i just figure it's like

a humble brag about that cool textured butthole yeah yeah, it's ribbed for whoever's pleasure. I got bumps. It'll feel real good. I made your butthole distinct. Super sensitive. Keith's butthole is ribbed. His torso, not so much. It's an easy joke. My butthole just looks like Daffy Duck when he smokes the Dynamite cigar. Just blown open, smoldering. Oh, okay. I love that joke. I'll never stop

making it. Let's go on to the next one. Hey, everybody. It's everyone's favorite UConner, Richard Eaton. I just wanted to say that I think you guys are all very rad, and I look forward to you all being terrible all in one place. Okay, bye. Hey, man, how about we ride the line between what that guy did and what the last guy did?

One of them is really nice but not that interesting, but he donates to the Patreon, so we've got to play it on the air. And the other one is really aggressive and definitely doesn't have any money to give us for our internet panhandling. Is this Richard Eaton? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Richard Eaton, yeah. Yeah, he's a friend of the pod. He is the name and the sweet voice of someone who's going to like ruin a night at the movies someday. Oh, no. You should save that

for when the news comes a-calling. I was picking up like a cult leader vibe. I got like the kind of guy that would give you an Easter gift. School shooter, cult leader vibe. I got the kind of guy that would give you an Easter gift. School shooter, cult leader, good at Easter. And all three of them could definitely be one person.

He sounds like the kind of guy who'd brag on a message board about being a center-mast shooter. Tom just dropped something. Oh, man, that is a weird wall. We got one more? Yeah, we have one more. This is a long one, and it's mostly for me, but I think we ought to

let it play. Hey, just wanted to call to let you know the only thing I love better than the Mean Boys podcast is a white boy bent over and his hairy ass and eating it. Oh, no.

Do you think he's talking about me? I mean, we're all white. Let's continue. I imagine that when I bend some young, hot, hairy, twinked ass over and open those lips,

I see the three of you looking out, waving at me, and smiling on your face. I've paid money for this before. He just sees us waving like the end of Return of the Jedi with the ghosts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why we're doing the that's all folks inside of a twink's butthole. That's like the circle Porky Pig comes out.

Is we really nailing home that the consent was, like like gotten? Yeah. Okay. Did that come out right? No. No, it didn't. Let me just stop you there.

All right. How about we try this again? The only thing I love better than the Mean Boys podcast is eating out a white boy's nice tight ass. God. I imagine the three of you looking out and waving with a big grin on your face while I get ready to shove my face in his ass

and eat it till kingdom comes. Hang on. First off, so Connor's getting his ass eaten out. And then he sees me inside of it, like some kind of weird inception. You guys are watching? Oh, I'm the third? I thought so. Well, I mean, he didn't know I was

going to be on the episode. Yeah, you're not involved. I think he's at U3 implying he's eating some other dude's butthole and he just wants us to be there for moral support. No, I thought he was eating. We'll do a live podcast from your gay sex event. Yeah, I mean, hit us up. Meanboyspodcast.gmail.com Please, please, for the love of God.

No, it sounds, because Because the three of you, it sounds like two of you are watching while one of you are getting your salad tossed. Yeah. And then either you're switching out or at the end of it, the two of you who didn't get eaten out are waving like,

next time, daddy. Are we really examining it this hard? I'm mostly just uncomfortable with how many times he used the word white. Yeah. That seems to really be a stick. He has a very specific type. Minorities have been fetishized for years.

It's your turn, okay? Let's appropriate that. Okay, but this is also a white. This seems more like I'll have weird gay hostile sex, but no race mixing. That seems like what we're doing. Let's see if he's got a point to all of this. Fair enough. All right, let's hear him out.

I bet he does. Let's hear him out. I bet he does. Let's hear him out. Oh, sorry. Oh, the twist to all this is it's going to be Keith with all these points. Oh yeah. Fuck everything. God ain't dead. He's in that white boy's ass.

That's the end of it. God lives in a white boy's an. That's the end of it. God lives in a white boy's anus. That's actually my favorite Bukowski poem. That's going to be our episode of your religion podcast. Yeah, I've been shitting through heaven this whole time. Didn't know. We, as always, we posted that we were having John Michael Bond come in, and we had a few questions from the listening audience.

A friend of the show, Brian Cox, says, Is there anything Danzig could do to make us go, you know what? Fuck it. You're cool again. Man. I didn't realize the people were off. Yeah, I didn't know that Danzig

was on the shit. Because Danzig's always been a prick. But I thought that was what we liked about Danzig. But he's not even like a... He's just lame now. There was the cat thing. There was the thing of him getting punched out. I don't even...

There was all that music he made. Is this a cartoon animal? I have no idea who it is. The singer from The Misfits. The wacky Avengers of Danzig. I don't know. Like if you could follow

your bliss and wear finger knives and like pleather and like live in a house full of strippers and sing about the devil and go get cat litter and be turned into a meme and then still be the devil on stage? Aren't you already the hero?

That's kind of a good point. I was pretty anti-Danzig but you're turning me around. Nobody hate Danzig and Bullwinkle. Whatever. Nobody stopped wearing JNCOs because they didn't love them. They did it because they were getting yelled at at school. Danzig just never got yelled at to stop wearing whatever his version of JNCOs are. This't love them. They did it because they were getting yelled at at school. Like, Danjick just never got yelled at to stop wearing whatever his version of JNCOs are. This is like the Star Trek

Next Generation episode, Measure of a Man, where they have to debate if Data's human. But with... Who amongst us can say that we have not needed kitty litter at an inopportune makeup time? Do I not wear finger gauntlets? Do I not bleed? You guys could not have stacked up more

references. I have no fucking clue what you're talking about. Tom, give us your best guess as to what is going on right now. Okay. We're finding out some punk man isn't cool anymore and then we brought in that stupid star movie

and the bald guy is riffing as a cat. Yep. 100% accuracy rate. You nailed it. That is a one-hour drama. It is a horrorcore singer. I don't know. Paige Wesley asks,

John Michael Bond, which barbecue meat pairs best with Miller High Life, and why? For barbecue meat, the best barbecue pork ribs would be the best that pairs with Miller High Life. Excellent. Wait, so you're like punk Guy Fieri? No, I'm fattened from the south. Or I used to be fattened from the south.

Now I'm just swell. Used to be. I like how many times you've subtly tried to remind us you're not that fat anymore. I'm very excited about it. This is the first time I've had any confidence in my entire life. I'm the same way where I just lost a bunch of weight. I'm like, I feel real good. And everybody else is like, nice try, motherfucker.

No one will let you have it. Yeah, because I know you used to look fat. Now you just look middle-aged. Now you just look old. Now you're doing great. Now I just finally look my age. Fun barbecue meat story, actually. We did a show in San Diego on Friday and made aggressively no money.

However, a fan brought us ribs that their grandparents had smoked because apparently their grandparents are big fans of the Mean Boys podcast. Apparently their old ass grandparents said give these to the Mean Boys. Also they had Tom written on the front. That was not for our Tom. They were going to give the ribs to a different Tom but they pilfered them and redirected them to us. Tom's a vegetarian. That is

that's all of my comedy dreams. If someone would like if I got paid for something. Well you guys didn't, did I? But, like, in theory. We made, I think, $12.50 each. Okay. Okay. So if you get paid and someone brings you, like, real ribs, like, you can't get smoked

ribs out here and it drives me fucking crazy. That's a very good point. They were good-ass ribs. Yeah, I wouldn't know. You left them in the car overnight. They're in the fridge now. I know, but I'm not sure that they're still good. I'm going to eat them if you're not.

Oh, go for it. It's smoked meat. You can eat smoked meat. Tighten the shit out of those ribs. That is it for the... It's like a purifying. All right, yes. This is John Michael Bond, a survivor of the Oregon Trail and meat expert.

That's pretty much it for the mailbag, and that's going to do it for the episode. Dude, thank you so much for coming in, man. Thank you so much for having us. Where can we find you online? What do you have to plug? I have a monthly show. It's the third Sunday every month at Meltdown, or at Nerd Melt Theater, whatever they want me to call it. It's the third Sunday every month at Meltdown or at Nerd Melt Theater, whatever they want me to call it. It's called Hard Times.

It's a live show version of the website, Hard Times. I have a monthly show called Dungeon. It's a comedy role-playing game thing, but we don't have a set time, so there's really no way to promote it. Nice. Yeah, it's fantastic. It's really useful. This comes out next week? Yeah.

Our show is this Sunday. You'll miss it. And I'm on Twitter at BondJohnBond and on Instagram at JohnMichaelsMistakes. And I don't know why I don't just get the same one on both, but I'm lazy. It's got a branded update. Very nice. We've got a couple of dates for me and Keith coming up in August, so start making your plans. Try to get your shift covered at the Hot Topic early.

You can see us at the 101 Bar and Grill in Harbor, Oregon, August 21st, and then you can see me at the Throckmorton Theater in Mill Valley the next day. After that, August 23rd, we'll be at the Rockland Comedy Theater in Rockland, California, right outside of Sacramento. Any sack, mean boys,

sack boys, ball sack, boy sack? Was that what it was? Yeah, boy Sacramento or Was that what it was? There you go, boy sack. Yeah, boy Sacramento or whatever. And then after that, I'll be headlining the Arcata Playhouse with Keith August 25th. And at Comedy Lanes, the show inside a bowling alley in a town I did not know existed until I booked this gig, Ukiah, California. And don't worry, we're closing out the show.

We're closing out the week big With a special headlining engagement At the Pizza Factory in San Jose August 27th That's a Sunday night Yeah Get a babysitter for that one guys It's gonna be lit Also if you're in the LA area

August 8th Come see me at the Pleasure Chest On Performance Anxiety And that's pretty much All I got to plug Thank you guys for Oh Tom yeah plugs Oh I really don't have

Well I have shit But I don't have... Well, I have shit, but I don't have them in front of me, so just check my Facebook Twitter. Every single week. Here's some more of my dates. It's been the last couple weeks. Check me out at the Nerd Melt show on August 8th

and at the Long Beach Slack Factory August 10th. Oh, the August Hard Times is set... Or August 20th. Cool. Nice. Yeah, go to that Hard Times show. That's real fun.

The Hard Times rules. The show is great. Yeah, the website is so fucking funny. I get amazingly there and there's no evidence to the contrary. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Fuck everything. God is dead. Fuck everything.