Mean Boys - EP 82 - Government Lobster (feat. Adam Tod Brown)

Episode Date: October 3, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, "Billy Mays in Hell", “Whodunnit?”, "Sex Robots", and a game of "Which of the Following" with "Mean Boys" porn search results by @TheJozOfLife. Get the new Misfits t-shirt and all our past designs on our new Tee Public page: www.teepublic.com/user/meanboyspodcast Visit our new sponsor My Bookie for all your gambling needs! Use promo code "MEAN" when you add funds for an up to 100% price match: mybookie.ag Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS15" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Buy the Comfort Ninja Inflatable Lounge Chair here: www.amazon.com/dp/B073Y4V36F Contribute to the Mean Boys wiki: mean-boys.wikia.com/wiki/Mean_Boys_Wiki Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow our guest Adam Tod Brown on Twitter: twitter.com/adamtodbrown Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muskoka or down Toronto's bustling streets. From now until June 30th, lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Conditions apply. Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. Hey, everybody.

It's Connor and Keith from the Mean Boys Podcast. What up, y'all? We've got a great episode for you this week with Adam Todd Brown returning to the show. Lots of good shit with Adam. Some good Tom nonsense. A fun time was had by all. It was a very fat room. Yeah.

Yeah, nothing but targets. It's so much breathing. As you are listening to this on the day this comes out, we embark upon our nationwide kind of tour. Should have named it. Yeah, we should have. Next time. Yeah, well, fuck it.

Come on to the Mean Boys Fuck Dick Jamboree Tour. Yeah, fuck the Fuck Dick Jamboree. First idea we have. We've never gone with a second draft in our entire career. Look, I photoshopped a cool poster. What the fuck else do you want from me? Yeah, tonight, the night this comes out, we'll be in Mesa, Arizona. What's the name of the venue?

Of. All right, we'll be in Mesa, Arizona. Go to meanboyspodcast.com slash live hyphen shows to find out exactly where. Yeah, totally. Mesa, Albuquerque, Oklahoma City, Miami, Oklahoma, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Austin, Houston. Springfield, Missouri. Springfield, Missouri is in there. Yeah, we're going to be every goddamn where.

If you're anywhere near there, come hang out. We'll spray paint your t-shirts with our logo. Do a little fucking DIY merchandise for you today. Come be dumb and punk rock with us. Yeah, and look, we've got another murder to do. We will hang out with you. Yeah, we truly will. I've already had some people reach out after what I said last time. And they're like, we got the barbecue in Austin.

So I'm going to make friends and maybe get killed. Very excited. Well, we might interview you for the Patreon and find out what kind of people actually listen to this fucking show. Also, we are brought to you, as always, by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. The finest Mexican food that money can buy. Visit eataburrito.com for more information. And if you're in the La Jolla area, make the trip. Go to Mecca. Experience it for yourself.

Yeah, Ryan, who runs this, is the coolest dude. He loves the show. He loves comedy, and he loves you guys. So go in, tell him the Mean Boys sent you, and he will cram meat up your hole. Also sponsored by... The Comfort Ninja Inflatable Lounger. What? Have you ever wanted furniture that was both inside inflatable furniture and outside inflatable

furniture and a motherfucking pool toy? I didn't know that I wanted that until now. Well, then just strap your dick on and cum in your own brain because here it comes. The Comfort Ninja Inflatable Lounger, super cool, super cheap, comes in a bunch of fun colors, which we still have not confirmed. No, look, we're talking maybe green, all right? Purple might be on the table. No external pump needed. You just scoop air right on in there.

Best of all, you, the Mean Boys listener, get a discount. Click on the link in the show notes. Use promo code NINJA to get 15% off your purchase through Amazon. And lounge like a ninja. We are also sponsored by what? Three sponsors. I was in Santa Barbara talking to some Mean Boys peeps, and they were like, Oh, dude, I was so happy you guys have sponsors.

And I was like, this is not that. I thought it was going to be, you sold out, man. No, it's like, way to sell out, bro. Everyone was like, wow, we're proud of you guys. You guys need food. Speaking of food, studio headphones. We are listening to our own voices through studio headphones right now, and I can almost tolerate myself. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.

We would tell you they were good even if they sucked because that's how sponsorships work. But they sent us free headphones. These things fucking rule. We're rocking the Regents right now. That is the premium on-air model by Studio. They have amazing clarity on the instrumental tones. Fucking bass is fucking bassy. I didn't even know bass existed.

Yeah. I heard it was like those videos when you see a deaf person like here for the first time. Oh, yeah. I just listened to booty rap and cried on the street. Dude, yeah. You're going to be like every fucking thing you listen to turns into Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the street. Dude, yeah. You're going to be like... Every fucking thing you listen to turns into Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. It's amazing.

They've got 24 plus hours of active battery life and 20 days of standby life. So, I mean, you fucking charge them up and forget about it. The region is the perfect command for you at home or on the go. It will connect to any device that has Bluetooth. So, fucking, you can just... Yeah, no cords.

Yeah, Bluetooth. Also, there's a cord if you don't like Bluetooth. So fucking, you can just... Yeah, no cords. Yeah, Bluetooth. You know how Bluetooth works? Yeah, yeah. Also, there's a cord if you don't like Bluetooth, like me. Or a cord. Yeah, I don't fucking...

I don't want to set that shit up. I don't trust it. But you can set it up and it's pretty cool. Yeah, it is cool. But, you know, go with God. You can also personize the region.

It has interchangeable ear caps so you can put some, like, cool, bougie, like, marble patterns on it and shit. Yeah. I don't know't know about that yeah it just looked like a fucking rapper's girlfriend oh man these headphones are sexy as hell they really are like i like it's it's like a fashion thing you don't have to choose between cool headphones and good headphones they're right here all right and i was always like the kind of like i just you know rock the fucking ones from the liquor store not a big deal this has changed the game for me me. Yeah, I mean, I had a pair of fancy headphones

by a company that I won't name. Let's just call them Boots by Dro. And they didn't sound that good. They were fucking expensive. They weren't that comfortable. They didn't have Bluetooth. I sucked a bag of dicks. So fucking get yourself some sexy headphones.

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And also, they offer free worldwide shipping. So check out the link in the show notes or on the homepage under the Support the Show header of the MeanBoysPodcast.com website. Yeah, so worth it. Check it out. Also, the new shirt is up on the TeePublic store. It's so cool. The Mean Boys, what did you end up calling it? The Bloody Edgelords design. It is the Mean Boys Misfits parody shirt,

and it's the raddest thing that ever existed. I didn't know if I could say Misfits and get in trouble, but it's the Misfits. I dare Jerry Olney to sue us and see what happens. Oh, I got something to say. I'll be speaking through my lawyer today. Your podcast going away. Doesn't matter much to me that you're not Marc Maron.

Yeah, it looks cool as hell. So that's up there right now on the TeePublic page. You'll link to that in the show notes. And we've got also all our past designs. So if you want the Black Flood dicks, you want the Carnock 2016, Marc Maron's Anime Emporium, or just the Me It Was Classic. Yeah, a lot of cool stuff that you can get and you can put

on other shit as well. Check it out. Other than that, leave us an iTunes review. Leave us an iTunes review. We've gotten a lot of fucking good ones. I forgot to pull them up. I don't know. Someone from England

did a good one. Yeah, somebody said Crumpet McCont or some such nonsense. Anyway, do that because we love you when we do it. Yeah, someone just said

hit or miss and then they left five stars. I'll take it. Honestly, by doing that, it's a good freeway to support the show if you don't have a ton of cash to throw around.

And it makes us look like a lot more legitimate podcast than we actually are. So we really appreciate that. Yeah. So other than that, please mean, it's a good free way to support the show if you don't have a ton of cash to throw around. And it makes us look like a lot more legitimate podcast than we actually are. So we really appreciate that. Yeah. So other than that, please enjoy this week's episode with Adam Todd Brown.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. After you've accomplished all your dreams, then you're only living with your nightmares. I'm Tom Goss. I'm Connor McSpadden. I'm Keith Carey. And I'm... A methadone snowman. I thought you said that wasn't going to be one of the better ones. I like that quite a lot.

He thawed out, but he still just needs his fix. You know what I mean? Okay, now I get it. One of those explainer lot. He thawed out, but he still just needs his fix. You know what I mean? Ah, okay. Now I get it. One of those explainer jokes. Yeah. You're made of several circles is the point. You're quite fat. I get it. Oh, sure, sure, sure. You're a large gentleman. All the groceries I can afford.

Fuck you. I got food stamps. 192 bucks a month keeps the mean boys fucking sitting pretty. Like with all these fat dudes in here and me being a lazy podcaster. I'm a kid in a candy shop right now. I was like, every joke has three targets. Once again, rotate it out so it doesn't get stale. One of the lamest moments is at one point me and Connor were in here talking about our food stamps.

And our roommate, Ramsey, who works like 40 hours a week,'s one of the hardest working people I know. He's just like, yeah, I don't have any money and my life's hard. And me and Connor are like, should we get government lobster? The government lobster. He's wearing the men in black shades that he's got his suit on. Welcome Adam Ty Brown

to the studio. Hey, thanks for having me. Yeah, it's good to have you back. Me and Adam got a podcast called Conspiracy the Show. I do most of the work. Adam, thanks for having me. Yeah, it's good to have you back. Me and Adam got a podcast called Conspiracy of the Show. I do most of the work. Adam just kind of shows up. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's funny. You can hear us talk about 9-11 being a lie. Oklahoma City. Such a fucking lie. All that good shit. Ancient nuclear

war. Yeah, that was a fun one. Wait, what? Listen to the episode. I'm not going to listen to this. God damn. Dildo talk for another hour? Yeah, neither do I. If you're listening to the show, you should, but I don't want to. I just want to know what that means. I listened to the one where I did Alex Jones for like 45 minutes. That one was pretty good.

Yeah, that was pretty great. Demon Alex Jones. Man, I believe in 9 and 11. Get the fuck out of here. We're doing the Mexican joke. Well, regrettably, Tom Goss is back. Hi, so topical. All right, I'll start us off uh president trump announced plans to travel through asia

november 3rd through the 14th partly to work on renegotiating trade agreements but mostly just so he can finally win a thumb war tiny hands over there oh hey hey save it for bill maher uh yeah let's do this one. An Indian woman cut off her lover's penis after finding out he was cheating on her. During the crime, she was overheard saying, thank you and never come again. Okay.

We're starting off bad, but don't worry, because we're working our way up to worse. Yeah. O.J. Simpson might be getting released this week after serving nine years in prison for the crime of murdering a white woman and getting away with it. He actually went to prison for armed robbery.

He also did the shit out of that. I heard a fucking great story about that. It involves the N-word, which I'm not going to say, but I'm just going to use the word man, and you guys will know what I mean. My buddy was opening for Paul Mooney the week of the second OJ verdict, and Paul Mooney looks over the screen and goes, Homie, they're getting ready to put this man under the jail.

So whenever I see someone super guilty, I'm just like, oh, he's going under the jail. In his speech to the UN, Trump kept giving compliments to the African country Nambia, which is not real, proving the only black people he likes are the ones he can control with his imagination. It proved to me that Ben Carson isn't just like, you know, a dream that you...

He's like his Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes. That big pink fucker from that movie Inside Out? Yeah, he's actually that fucking black puppet that had a show for a minute that Trump just has given his own life to. He's a brain surgeon. The best surgeon. Evil Sesame Street.

All right. Elon Musk has unveiled... Is that... For some reason, I just thought, like, is Musk actually his name? And then I realized that's kind of weird. Like, he's fucking. It's pronounced Albert Einstein.

Continue. Okay. That's Stanky Joe. Fucking future Stinky Pants has unveiled plans for a rocket that would be able to transport you anywhere on Earth within an hour. Damn, Elon. How many side holes you got, fam? I got to dip to Puerto rico and get some pussy he brought a way to basically hump a stool in the middle of the mexican show i did yeah well the thing about elon musta makes me think he's actually like a good scientist is he is like the most fucking

uncharismatic dude oh yeah you've ever seen that guy he's like a robot like have you ever seen the guy in a late night talk show where jimmy killmel is like, people are saying you're kind of like Iron Man. And he's like, I guess. You know, I just like making batteries. You're like, okay. You could have been like, yeah, I'm Tony Musk. Well, you know the conspiracy that he's like an alien or whatever, right? No.

Yeah. He's got the look for sure. That's like a whole conspiracy that he's an alien and he's trying to invent all this SpaceX bullshit to get home. Or did he somehow got stranded? I mean, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, I did a whole thing on MTV about this, and it was, yeah, it's fucking bizarre.

And none of it really adds up, but it kind of makes sense. Look at his face. He just looks like an alien in a badly built human suit. Yeah, he does have that. You know who's going to crack this story wide open? MTV. I do love that it's like, well, i don't think he's an alien so much as he is just profoundly autistic yeah he does have a face that looks like it would just peel off

yeah in some manner it's like i'll reveal something i do like this society's a smaller version of his face society's got into a point you know we're just like oh he doesn't constantly crave love and approval he's a fucking alien oh man this guy reads and then actually applies what he's learned to problems fucking space gomorrah man he's smart we better burn it he's for sure like my number one draft pick to become a real life super villain though because he has like oh yeah he's the world's largest factory or whatever yeah no and he's way smarter than everyone else you know and he hasn't learned the ability to love yet. Like, he's for sure in the right. Well, he's like, yeah, I keep meaning to get that

software update, but, you know, I won't be able to use my phone for, like, an hour. Online film critic Harry Knowles was accused by multiple women of sexually groping them. The victim claims Knowles gave her pussy two thumbs up. Fuck that asshole. I'm glad his career is over.

Hugh Hefner passed away at the age of 91 last week. He was preceded 25 years in death by the relevance of his company to modern society. Dude, goddammit, that's so real. I posted this on Facebook, but everybody I know under 30 who's like, oh, Playboy's the first thing I jerked off toed off to shut up you liars yeah i mean for me it was because i was eight in 1984 yeah you're of a different generation yeah i remember when vanessa williams was in like penthouse and my dad bought it the tennis player no no that's venus vanessa williams is the the actress she used to she was miss usa and then she ended up in uh penthouse she was like a lady that belonged in porn yeah in my well well no not really she was like i mean like physically though

oh yeah oh i'm just trying to give tom a frame of reference and my dad actually had that issue and i found it in his drawer and like i opened it and the first thing i saw was just a tight shot of her pussy and at eight i was like what like, what the fuck? Is this what porn is? Alien! No, when you see a pussy for the first time, I thought, like, there's got to be a mistake. Someone must be messing with me. I'm going to have that Hugh Hefner feeling when they finally total the bang bus. When they

reupholster the casting couch, I'm going to fly my dick in half-mast. Yeah, when Preston Parker dies, I'm going to pour one out for him. Thanks for your service, dude. Oh, God, one day the bang bus is going to crash while they're filming the thing. And it's going to pour one out for him. Thanks for your service, dude. Oh, God. One day the bang bus is going to crash while they're filming the thing. And it's going to be the funniest fucking video. That footage has to get out. They can't fucking

sequester that. That's what they get for not wearing seatbelts. I remember... Safety first on the bang bus. I think the priority goes condoms then seatbelts. I remember when I was like 10, we used to go to one of those mom and pop video stores and they had

beaded curtains and I'd always go back and there was just porn and I didn't know what it was. I'd just be like, I'd just grab them and be like, Dad, I want this one! And he'd be like, no, give me that. He'd just start yelling at me. When I was first learning to read and shit, I was like,

Mom, you're an adult, right? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, they got movies just for you back here. Check some of these out. And my mom was like, no, no, Connor, yes, I don't, you know. Just for you? Yeah. I was like, come on, Mom. That's so cute.

It would have been way worse if my mom got a movie. It would have been a nightmare. Thanks for the hookup, Connor. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I'm almost going to spank it. A study has revealed your likeliness to cheat is dependent on how square your head is. Jay Leno wants to clarify, you haven't seen this, you haven't heard about this.

I like that one. Jay Leno is doing a Jedi mind trick. Yeah. Also, I want my show back. You haven't heard about this? We've become a very anti-Leno podcast. I like Jay Leno. I don't get what the fuck he does anymore.

I mean, I think the whole Conan thing is a big piece of shit move, but I don't have any problem with him as an entertainer. I feel like he's come up more on this show in the past month than he has anywhere in media in the past five years. He's a parody of himself. He canceled his show to do a show about having cars. Yeah. Well, he didn't cancel. He just was like, you know. Yeah, he's over it.

He's just done. He fucking likes cars. Jerry Seinfeld does a show about cars. Yeah, and I don't like him either. Yeah, I don't fucking like either. I like Jay Leno better. When you get successful in comedy, you get into MMA. When you get really successful, you get into MMA. When you get really successful, you get into cars. When you get even more successful than that, you start raping people.

Yeah, that's where it goes. MMA, cars, rape. We're sitting here just under MMA, all of us. That's coming. Okay, but if you start seeing con man with like, oh, wow, that's eight Lamborghinis. I just fucking have an intervention. Yeah. And brought.

Julie. Speaking of Seinfeld. Have you seen this? I heard about it. Julia Louis-Dreyfus announced that she has breast cancer. Unfortunately, she's expected to die after dropping her lead on colleges for having cold hands. Like that.

She nitpicks her way out of a fucking cure for cancer. The doctor tells her she's doing better because there was shrinkage. Yeah, he was a close talker. I couldn't do it. No life expectancy for you. Get well, Julia.

Fuck Jerry. I love Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Did she fuck Jerry? Yeah. A school librarian turned down a donation of Dr. Seuss books saying the author's work is, quote, racist propaganda.

That's real. Some of the books in question are Go Zog Go, One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, Chew Fish, and Oh, the Places You'll Go When You're Driven Out of America to Make Way for a Eurocentric Ethnostate. Eesh. I like that one. What a retarded bitch. Well, to be fair, the donation was coming from Melania Trump, so I feel like there's a political movement here. Yeah, but...

Well, it's like, yeah, Dr. Seuss drew those pretty racist... Have you seen the Dr. Seuss... Yeah, but those aren't the books, though. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's... That's just him on his personal time. That's all that extra Harry Potter shit.

My Dumbledore's not gay. What are you going to do? Sit here and tell me, no, the Japanese were great during World War II. No, they were dicks. Fuck them. They got a funny cartoon. Not all Japanese people, but the ones during World War II that we were fighting? Yeah, they deserved to be drawn with the buck teeth.

They killed a bunch of people. In today's society, we would never do cartoons of the people we're killing. Never. No, of course not. Cough, cough, whatever that happened in Europe. What's it called? Charlie Hebdo. Thank you.

Yeah, well, I mean, to be fair, bad example, because Charlie Hebdo also got brutally murdered. Well, yeah, because then also, they weren't fighting Bahamut, because he's not a real person. Yeah, they did some gentle satire, and then a bunch of people got their heads blown off. Yeah, still satire. Yeah. Again, if you're looking for the Unpops office, the address is... Look, I'm not picking sides. I just record history.

You should be picking a side. You should be picking a side against the people who killed people for drawing a cartoon. Sure. Yeah. As a podcast that has had several sketches about ISIS. Yeah. You maybe want to be on this side. Yeah.

No, I'm... As a guy who hates organized religion so much, he's even gone to like, ah, Buddhism's bullshit. Yeah, no, I'm against anyone who believes in any... Dude, Allah is just God with a hookah, okay? I'm not saying I believe in one more or less. I'm pretty sure that's not even correctly racist. Hey, thanks for having me on this episode today. I'm not that bad, but you get a lot worse.

We're not even one segment deep. You're gonna How you doing brother? Oh it's me? Yeah Drake's dad got a tattoo of Drake on his arm recently Making him the first man in history With a reason to have a tattoo of Drake on his arm

Oh man You know he was telling the tattoo artist, like, all right, butch him up a little bit. Just give him a chin. Yeah, make him look like he actually played football. Don't put a sweater on him, please.

It'd be great if he got Degrassi-era Drake. He's in a wheelchair. That was one of the fucking best memes. Drake got all buff. Drake looks like he leveled up after he got all that experience from killing Meek Mill. Doctors found a

small Playmobil toy in a man's lung who thought he was dying of lung cancer. Making the toy's new theme song, Bob the Builder, can we kill him? Bob the Builder, yes we can! I like that you definitely needed the first verse.

Okay. A new study shows it's birds. Fucking, okay. I don't know why. I keep fucking the skis in the beginning. I like that you looked directly into my eyes when you said birds and then looked away the next word. Like I was your muse for aerial animals. Yeah.

Anyway, a new study shows some birds use discarded cigarettes to fumigate their nests. Upon hearing the news, Tom Goss was disappointed to learn he can't actually communicate with animals. Oh, now I know why you're looking at me. I thought they were following me because I sing good or whatever. A sex robot was molested so badly at a tech fair that it broke down and suffered thousands of dollars in damages.

When asked for comment, the robot simply said, I've tasted things you can't possibly imagine. I have a showdown for that. Okay. Oh, shit. Yeah. A sex robot was on display at a tech fair and was molested so much it broke and was soiled beyond use. Correspondent woke Andrew Dice Clay said, fix her hard drive. 50 News just gave her a hard drive.

Oh, I mean, and they show the picture and it's like, it's upsetting. You are just watching a robot get gang fucked into a Commodore 64. It's like, I couldn't feel before, but fuck, now. You somehow are watching this machine just look sad. The most upsetting fact about that whole thing to me was they broke three of her fingers.

Yeah, they're breaking shit that wouldn't be involved. How does the thing work? Like, you just fuck it? And it moans and shit. It's pretty idiot proof. They put a speaking spell on a pocket pussy, and people are freaking out. Jesus. That was weird. I don't know why they thought I'd like that.

Would you fuck a sex robot? Keith, yes. What kind of stupid question is that? I mean, a new one, yeah. So you wouldn't go, like, 12th at this tech fest? Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't team up on one. I don't know.

I don't want to get attached. I also love that whoever runs the sex robot company just decided to let this happen at a certain point. Yeah, we're just going to throw out some fucking mechanical pinball. I mean, yeah, what an idiot who got all this free press for all our thousands of dollars. I just picture it like that scene from The Accused where it starts out kind of fun and playful

and then it's like, oh, this got real heavy and nobody can stop me. Yeah. You'd think they'd put a security guard or something. Except they're raping the pinball machine. I thought the accused was mostly playful and funny. It was fun and flirty. I never saw it.

But like at the beginning, it's just like, oh, she's having a good time. Oh, she's not having a good time anymore. Get like Steve Wilkos to break it up once it goes a little bananas. All right, Adam, you do the next one. I'll go after you. The government of North Korea issued another statement last week threatening to destroy America in response to Twitter threats from the president, to which beleaguered Americans replied,

You know what? That's fine. A new viral video by the company seeks to get consumers to stop calling the hook-and-loop fabric Velcro Velcro to protect their trademark. Instead, the video asks us to start calling it Autism Shoe Tape. They made this whole thing where, like, you know when a company is trying to be cool? Yeah. And it's just this whole thing about, like, you're fucking up our trademark

because everyone just calls it Velcro, and we actually built the brand Velcro, and we've got all these lawyers, and we wrote this song that's supposed to be funny, and I'm just like, guys, go fuck yourselves. Shut up. Who cares? All right, cry me a river from your fucking penthouse. Finally, Kmart is being sued for stealing a design for a banana Halloween costume. The designer says he plans to sue the store in a court of appeal.

It's a banana. You want to know the case? I swear to God, that was the last joke. And I'm literally looking at my phone like, well, do I do the banana Kmart one or do I do the joke where I have to say the N-word? I know Kmart was still around. What's up? I know Kmart was still around. Yeah, well, they're going to put up on this whole banana situation. That's exactly what white privilege is, Tom.

I went to three Walmarts this week. White privilege. Three separate Walmarts. That's white burden. White responsibility. You have to go the way muslims go to mac was it was it white privilege because i was only white one how was it i don't know i just if you don't know the k that's like oh you don't have to go to fucking beaumont or whatever yeah it's a good world when you don't know about the kmart in your town yeah i grew up like fucking walking distance from a kmart i got

street cred guys a bunch of them shut down. Did people make fun of Kmart when you were a grown-up? Yeah. If you shopped at Kmart where I grew up, people were like, you poor mother fucker. It was definitely the rinky-dink. Yeah. Yeah, it was... If you were shopping there, your family was not doing well.

It's the same as if you had the fucking generic brand Danimals yogurt drink. Yeah. Yeah. Which up Kirkland, I guess. Alright, Adam. Kirkland. It's a generic brand. Yeah drink. Yeah. Yeah. Which of Kirkland is? All right, Adam. What? Kirkland. It's a generic brand.

Yeah, the Costco brand. I have a Kirkland dress shirt. I don't know how the fuck that happens. I bought it at a thrift store. No, you don't. You have like a sad man draping. That's not his shirt. I bought it at a thrift store and got it home and looked at the label and was like, what

the fuck? That's on milk and shit. Yeah, this is from the Public Defender collection. No one should make beef and clothes. And clothes for beef. Except for maybe Lady Gaga at that one award show. Alright, fair point.

A 40 foot... 45 foot tall statue of a naked woman will be built on the National Mall facing the White House later this year, where it will serve as a reminder to future generations that women still existed in this country before Trump. Wait, is that real? Yeah. They're building a big naked bitch?

They're building a big-ass naked woman on the National Mall. Like what woman? Doing what? They did that in San Francisco, too. I think that's the thing. Are they moving it? They have a Kickstarter going now to move it. They've already got approval to put it on the National Mall,

and it's actually only going to stay there for like six months or something. Just squatting over the Washington Monument. It's just like a tall fucking blue naked woman. It'll just be staring at the White House. Just like this avatar bitch? I used to have a bit about that dumb statue. Oh yeah, you did.

Yeah. It's the one she's all like bent back and shit. Yeah. Like a weed that got ran over by a bike. Right. You have the kind of jokes where you can never just work your tags in as normal conversations. They all sound like the ramblings of,

hey, Tom, let me... All penguins are harbingers of the devil. Let me buy her now. So, Tom, I heard you got a problem with statues. Also, I did the tag that never worked on stage. Why? The statue's a limitation, and now I can't go back

to that Best Buy. Trump called Kim Jong-un Rocket Man in front of the UN. Moon said that it won't be a wrong, wrong time until I take over U.S. pig swine. I'm not the man I think I am at home. Oh, no, no, no. I'm a Rocket Man. Rocket Man. And also a god. Oh, no. I'm a rocket man. Rocket man. And also a god.

Oh, no. That joke went on for so much longer than I thought it was going to. I cut out a verse. Do the second verse. Okay. Well. I mean, we were already fucked at wrong, wrong time. Jesus, Tom.

You fucking. You hate Jay Leno, but you're going to do all that 80s shit? You want to take out your buck teeth and fucking close with your big guitar commercial parody song? Oh, yeah, I'm racist to the guy who wants to kill all of us. Ah, that one's bad. That's fine. I think if you're a dictator, you should be allowed to be racist to him. Yeah.

Yeah, we were in Japan. If you ask me, Hitler was a real kraut. All right. The Mean Boys will be right back. Hi, Billy Mays here. You might remember me as the spokesman for OxyClean or the guy that got your daughter into pills. I'm coming to you today from the bowels of hell to tell you about an exciting new product, God. Now you might think that God isn't real. Well, take it from me, he sure the fuck is.

I spend my life doing key bumps in between takes of me pretending to clean shit and finger banging PAs and now I live in unimaginable pain. And as soon as the skin has been seared from my bones, it regenerates, only so I might feel it happen again. It's happened 17,483 times since I've been here, and counting it is the only thing keeping my weak grasp on this horrifying reality intact. Do you recognize the beauty and complexity of the universe, but choose to be grateful to nature and science? Stop doing that. God made nature,

and he's pretty fucking pissed off about everybody that's not giving him credit. And he told me that if you guys keep it up with that science shit, he's gonna make a go-all Terminator on you. Do you only pay attention to the commandments that seem to make intuitive sense to your own moral compass? Don't fucking do that even a little bit. Turns out they're all really fucking important. Even the weird covening ones.

And the taking the name in vain thing. Take it from me, I've got a kidney stone made of scorpions because I blew a load in Sully's wife during the taping of season two of Pitch Men. Do you pray? If you don't, you'd better fucking start immediately. Just start apologizing for shit. He knows it all, and this guy is like a jigsaw Santa Claus. I have to scrub my own remains out of Satan's shag carpet every day and then fuck him with a dildo made of

Mighty Putty. Hell is hell and God is good. Unless you're in hell, then that guy is pretty fucking bad. I'm only doing this because he says for every person I convert, he'll reduce the number of crocodiles I have to watch rape my kids when I close my eyes. Holy fucking shit, it's a lot of crocodiles. Repent in the next 20 minutes and save yourself and your children from this hot nightmare. Just pay separate baptism fee. Yes, he cares about baptisms. Jesus shit, that was a brutal surprise. I'm Billy Mays and I weep

maggots at the thought of death. Repent and submit yourself to the will of God now. God's plan is better than your plan, and you are nothing without your one true creator, God. God is only available in the continental United States. Obama. All right, everybody. The Mean Boys podcast returns with the debut of a brand new game I came up with. This is called Whodunit. All right. I'm going to read you a story.

I'm going to give you some options. You're going to have to try and figure out who did the thing that I told you happened in the first part of the game. These are like crimes and shit? Like crimes and shit. Just wacky. We're like Scooby-Dooing this. I guess.

Yes, I guess you are. If that makes this go easier, then yes, you are Scooby-Dooing. I haven't seen Scooby-Doo, but go ahead. Alright, just based on context clues, what do you think Scooby-Dooing. I haven't seen Scooby-Doo, but go ahead. All right, just based on context clues, what do you think Scooby-Doo is? They're like trying to trap ghosts and shit. Okay, all right. Kind of right.

Pretty close. And one's a dog for some reason. Which one is the dog? The dog. What's the dog's name? Scooby. Yep. You got it. I felt like there was a 70% chance he was going to get that wrong.

It was either Scooby or Waldorf, and I'm pretty sure it was Scooby. Who the fuck is Waldorf? You mean from Statler and Waldorf? You know, Waldorf in the mystery game. Dude, if they had Statler and Waldorf in that show, I'd fucking watch that show. I hate the theater and ghosts. Oh, man, I give this blood a boom.

Don't try to save it, you idiot. It was either Scooby or Walter. It was something fucking dumb. That's all I remembered, and it was in the title. So it was either that or that fucking... But you were still thinking maybe Walter. Well, isn't there like an Irma in, like, Valium

or something? Tom, Tom, hang on. I'm offering Tom a challenge for next week's episode. I want you to write a Scooby-Doo sketch, but you cannot watch or reference or research any Scooby-Doo. You have to do it straight from memory. I know they all had like shitty 40s Depression era names. That's all I remember.

Like fucking... Irma and Valium. They had like shitty 40s Depression era names. That's all I remember. Like fucking... It's all like Jeanette's and Meyerowitz and shit. Like they all got fire. What the fuck? And then all the regular dudes got like... Like the Janners always got like a regular ass name like Jones. I mean, I guess. Is that his first name? Is that a regular ass name like Jones. I mean, I guess. Is that his first name?

That's not a regular ass name. My name is Jones Bones. Jones Waldorf. I didn't do it. Wink. It's like, the structuralized is like House, where like, it's always. It's exactly like House. Yeah, some guy gets like AIDS in his nose, and then the dog's got to come yell at everybody

and fix it. Dog pops a bunch of opioids. It's like the whole time you know it's gonna be like the dude who called him in to find the ghost and the ghost is like some like a G-string and fucking tissue paper

or some shit. How do you think you make a ghost? Just real quick. I know Scooby Doo didn't do it correctly. They weren't making the ghost. They only have fake ghosts. Yeah, the longest running animated show of all time sucked at making ghosts. Yes, you're correct. No, that was The Simpsons. I think Scooby...

It's up there. Not even kind of close. But The Simpsons ran for like 30 years. I think it's like one of the most... Scooby-Doo ran for like, I think like, seven. There's a lot of Scooby-Doo going on. There's a bunch of variants, yeah. Anyway, who done it? Waldorf. Waldorf did it. Yeah, Waldorf. Alright, let's Scooby-Doo game. Let's do this. Alright, it's a lot of Scooby-Doo going on. There's a bunch of variants, yeah. Anyway, who done it? Waldorf. Waldorf did it. Yeah, Waldorf. All right, let's Scooby-Doo game.

Let's do this. All right, it's time to play Waldorf. All right, guys. A 17-year-old slept through the opening of his first fine art exhibition. Was it A, an autistic boy, B, a high schooler later found out to be high on heroin, or C, a bear? Wait, what? You mean like a gay student or an actual bear? No, like a brown bear.

Yeah, a black bear, a grizzly bear, some kind of, you know. Not a polar bear, one of the bears. Are we picking in order? No, who do you think did this? I got the bear. You got the bear. I think the bear did it. The bear does seem like such an out-of-the-box choice. I feel like you're baiting me with the bear. You got the bear. I think the bear did it. The bear does seem like such an out-of-the-box choice.

I feel like you're baiting me with the bear, because you know I love bears and animals in general. I do, yes. No, I'm talking about me, so you might be baiting me. I'm going to go. Yeah, who's that bear who's always stopping forest fires? Smokesworth. What's his name? Sparky the bear?

That seems like a bad name. I'm going to go heroin. Okay, the heroin guy. Keith. I'm going to go... Just to shake it up, I'm going to go autism. All right. The correct answer was the bear.

Yeah. They've been just giving this bear bear-friendly paint. Yeah, that's kind of pretentious bullshit. Yeah. Art places are doing these days. I'm sorry. How the fuck did a high school get a bear? Oh, I didn't know. There was no high school. I said a 17-year-old.

It was a 17-year-old bear. I thought it was a high school artist. I like that you're just glossing over that there's a bear that's also an artist. Instead, you're like, how did it get to a high school? It's a bear in a letterman's jacket. You thought the bear was in high school, and you still thought it was

plausible for a second. I thought it was like a prop for the high school student or something. I'm picturing the end of the breakfast club where they're doing that letter. We were all a jock, a nerd, a dweeb, a fucking bear. Everyone has to take the bear home every weekend and take

care of it and then bring it back to class. I knew there was going to be some weird loophole. There's already a bear. I thought it was just going to be one of those dumb fucking things where the bear's an artist. They throw paint on it. That's exactly what it was. But it's like maybe a pet of a high school student. For some reason, I thought it was

high school shit. Probably 17. You can't domesticate a bear unless you have a full-time crew. Yeah, that sounds like some shit they're doing like Russia or New York or one of those fucking weird things. Russia or New York, you know. Tom, you are in rare form.

Yeah, Tom, I like how you're like, I want to go back to Orange County, get my head straight. And then you come back in and you're like, yeah, Waldorf got in that van and he found all those fucking artist bears. They're on heroin. I don't know why they had him go to school. He didn't learn anything.

He was a bear. It's reasonable to think that the 17-year-old was in high school. What did the bear do? Like, what was his... The bear just basically, they put a bunch of paint

in front of him. The bear would go, gong, gong, gong, and he'd kind of, like, swipe on shit. And it just looks like a bear just fucked up a piece of paper

is what it looks like. And he'd shoot up a bunch of heroin and go sleep in the corner. I believe it's called Barrowin. Well, episode title. We're it's called barrowin. Yeah. Hey. Well, episode title.

We're still trying to top government lobster. Yeah. Okay. I'm just trying to understand. Where was this? Where was this? How are you still baffled? What is confusing you?

Tom, at a fucking art gallery thing in the woods. I'm trying to. Okay. I don't know. All right. I didn't write down all the information. Some people had a bear, right? Right.

No, I got that much. And then they gave the bear paint. Yes. And the bear put paint on the paper. When two bears love each other very much. Right. The bears and the bees. But the point is, is like, I'm just trying to figure out, you know what?

I'll do my own research. I just don't understand how a bunch of people are like, you know what's going to sell art? We paint a bear and then he rolls on some paper and shit. I mean, we're talking about painting a bear. The bear at that art gallery opening made more money than you've ever made in your entire life. And ever will. I'm not arguing that. I'm just arguing the logistics of getting, like, is it in America is my question.

Yes, it's in America. I'm going to pull up the article. We've got to move forward. Tell me after. I'm just confused. What is happening? No, Tom. I think it has to up the article. We've got to move forward. Tell me after. I'm just confused. What is happening? No, Tom. I think it has to be New York.

Why? Why does it matter? Why are you so angry? Because there's so many bears in New York. What? There's no bears in New York. Yeah, there's fucking... Well, I guess upstate there's probably bears, maybe.

Yeah, or Canada. I don't think they went into a cave and then threw them in easels like, paint some shit. No, it's definitely a captive bear. It responded to a Craigslist ad. I bet it's a bear at a zoo. I bet it's at a zoo. Dude, fuck zoos. Continue. I'm still trying to find this article. It's an art zoo.

Okay. This is an art zoo. There we go. I found it. Artistic Bear Hibernates Through First Official Gallery Show. We're still on number one of what I thought was going to be a two short five question game. Artists usually like to attend the opening of their exhibitions, but the painter of the works that went on display at a gallery in Helsinki.

Where's Helsinki? Sweden. New York. Oh, wait. Helsinki is Sweden. Yo, welcome to Helsinki, Queens. Is it Sweden or Norway? Oh, it's Finland. It's Finland. One of those boppity booppity countries.

All right. His name is Jusso. He likes red and blue. Those are his favorite colors. Yeah. And then he fell asleep. Are you fucking happy? Scandinavia is fucking dumb.

Go ahead. Do we have any more questions about the bear? $8,500 selling 15 paintings. They noted that this was way more than Tom. Okay. Question number two. Yeah, just to follow up on the bear. I hate bullshit art.

Go ahead. A Brooklyn man. Fucking painting bitch. Yes, this was in New York. So before we get that out of the way. Brooklyn Finland. Helsinki Brooklyn. Helsinki, Brooklyn. Helsinki's Kitchen.

A Brooklyn man said a fast food restaurant refused to serve him because of his guide dog. He's blind. Now, was that restaurant Popeye's, Burger King, or Panda Express? Oh, gosh. Thoughts, Tom? I mean, you just named three terrible places. They're barely different places. No, okay.

One is chicken. One is a generic fast food restaurant. The other is Panda Express. All three of them are generic fast food restaurants. I'm going to say Panda Express, but just that it was a misunderstanding. Yeah. Deliveries come in the back. Yeah.

We walk your dog. So on and so forth. I threw that one in there just to fucking give somebody an easy layup. This has been a shockingly anti-Asian episode of Mean Boys. Yeah. I'm not saying anything because I already said my racist thinking. I don't want to think I genuinely don't like any races. I like Asians.

If we have any Asian listeners, we are very, very solid. Is that on your fitness tracker? Say one thing racist. Tom briefly lived in Japan, and the craziest thing about Japan, according to Tom, was the choreographed calisthenic exercise that blew his mind.

Yeah. Have you seen several hundred kids moving in unison in America? Yeah, we were talking about musicals before this. Yeah. Yeah, that's like ten kids, and they're terrible to talk to. Actually, that was the second craziest. The first craziest thing about Japan is their baseball. I know that sounds weird, but dude, whole

marching bands buy tickets, not hired, they buy tickets to go into the stands, and I know this because there's five different fucking bands with tubas and shit, and then they just battle trying to play over each other. Meanwhile, people are throwing things and screaming,

and it's just fucking crazy. Have you seen their porn? No, the baseball wasn't blurry. It's crazy. The guy with a bunch of tentacles walks up to the pitch. The bat was blurry. Okay, now guys, Burger King, Panda Express, or Popeye's? Popeye's Chicken.

I'm going to say Burger King. Correct answer, Popeye's Chicken. No. So moving on to number three. Someone was pulled over for drunk driving and was later found to be wearing a chastity belt. Now, was that a A, 48-year-old Zamboni driver in Florida? Every part of that is great. A 16-year-old girl in Utah, or C, a 35-year-old man in Tennessee?

Oh, wow. Now, there's a surprising amount-year-old man in Tennessee. Oh, wow. Now, there's a surprising amount of ice rinks out in Florida, so that could be a double bait. Why do you know the things you know? He can't double bait. He's got a chest that he beats up. I played hockey for like 16 years. Yeah.

All across the country. I mean, that's probably not right. The math sounds wrong. Well, it could be. You started when you were eight and you stopped. No, I started when I was like three and I stopped when I was around 19, on and off. Okay. Who let you have skates when you were three?

I learned how to run before a walk and I learned, or sorry, I learned how to walk before I learned What are all the real details about your life? Sounds like something that happened to Paul Bunyan. Well, yeah, then I made a flapjack into a house, and around this time, I learned karate. When I was a baby, my mom would go ice skating, and she'd wear a sling, and she'd put me in it. You know those baby slings? The ice rink was always very...

No, I thought like a David and Goliath sling, and she was trying to throw you. I was very concerned about it, but she did it anyway. Okay, Zamboni driver. Yeah, I'm going to say the 16-year-old girl in Utah. I was breastfed By the Loch Ness Monster It was just a 35 year old man

From Minnesota Tennessee From Tennessee Tennessee Yeah I'm going with The fucking The Mormon girl Okay

I'm assuming that's why It's happening She's Mormon Zamboni driver Tom Goss I'm gonna go Tennessee Correct answer Tennessee

This was This was a BDSM dude And his They couldn't get The chastity belt off him once he got into prison because his lover had it. It was like a thing to deny punishment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, why do you have to take it off? Just let him wear it. I mean, frankly, I'd really want to wear the chastity belt in prison. For sure.

Yeah, that's a good point. One thing, they just want to make sure he didn't have any snacks in there or anything. No outside food. Oh, you got gushers to make sure you didn't have any like, you know, like snacks in there or anything. No outside food. Oh, you got gushers. You're not supposed to have gushers. You're in trouble,

buddy. Confusing prison with a Dodgers game. Such a way less likely to get stabbed in prison. Yeah. I've still never

been to a fucking Dodger game. We live right there. I still haven't been to prison. I've been when I was a kid. We literally walked

to Dodgers game. Yeah. We've tried to go to prison. It just never, we're always just too funny. I walked last time I went to a Dodgers game. It's really been to prison. I've been when I was a kid. We literally walked to Dodgers Day. Yeah. We've tried to go to prison. It just never... We're always just too funny. I walked last time I went to a Dodgers game. It's really close to here. Dodgers games are fun.

It's like going to a gang truce. Every Dodgers game is just the first scene from the Warriors. Yeah. I was about to do that. Yeah. Dude, I'm totally down. I've been to a bunch of Angels games. Never been to a Dodgers game.

I was trying to go do the speech, but all I could get was the fucking Ayatollah of Rock and Roll. I never saw that movie. Okay, number four. Don't have time to get like, oh, yeah, that's the one where Angry Gary puts on a leather jacket and tries to fight Angry Gary beyond the Thunder House. Angry Gary. That's the one they dress like BSM guys. Yeah, that was the Jungle Gym of Death or whatever. Number four.

Someone has been arrested for soliciting oral sex with a horse on Craigslist. Horses can't use Craigslist. Or were they offering to come and blow their horse? This person wants to blow a horse. Have you seen the documentary

about the guy that got fucked by the horse? The Mr. Hand? Yeah. I mean, I've seen that video, but I haven't seen the documentary. Oh, there's a whole documentary about the final boss in Smash Bros. All right. A, a 16-year-old horsekin boy in Tennessee. Oh, no.

Do you know what a horsekin is, Gabe? Dude, fuck that. That's when kids... Is that like My Little Pony, but it's real? Kind of. Kind of. It's like when kids will pick an animal, or people, I guess, will pick an animal, and they'll be like, well, I'm a wolfkin.

I think I have the spirit of a wolf in a human's body. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. And it's tricky, because you want to make fun of them, and then they're like, well, we're like transgender people. And I'm like, no, you're not. Yeah. And here's my...

If we have any other kin listeners... You're like trans animal? Yeah. Trans animal? Yeah. If you want to believe you're a dragon or whatever, that's fine. But also, you're a faggot. You're the last person I'm allowed to call a faggot.

So there you go. Welcome to the frontier of being the last mockable human in a world gone mad. Tranimals is the worst thing to get in your lunch. Cookies, but they identify as yogurts. You can't finish it. There's a dick at the bottom. Like the worm in the tequila. All right.

So is it a 16-year-old horsekin boy in Tennessee, a 22-year-old transgender woman in Arizona, or a 58-year-old school teacher in Montana? One of these people is trying to blow a horse. One of these people wants to blow a horse. Not get blown by a horse. And the ad was essentially like, hey, I got a mouth. If you got a horse, let's work something out. That's 100% out. That's definite.

That's 100% Montana. Okay. See, I think there are too many readily horses available in Montana. I feel like, what were the other two places? Montana and Arizona. No, Arizona and Tennessee. And who was the Arizona one? A 22-year-old trans woman.

I got to go Arizona just based off the surplus of horses in other areas. So you don't think there's any horses in Arizona? No, there are, but not as much as Montana. I'm actually with Tom on this one. Even with the surplus of horses, it's not like that's a thing you can just walk up and do. Someone needs to help you blow a horse. This person's not trying to rape a horse Like you can't just get under it

And grab it's dick It's just going to fucking drag you across the field Not if it's getting blown Everyone likes getting blown Dude you start sucking a dragon's dick That thing's going to stop breathing fire And fucking stretch The masturbation of smog

Game of bones. I think it's in a horse-less place than Montana. Have you guys seen those dragon dildos on the internet? Yeah. Yeah, they're just shaped like... This is what a dragon's dick would probably look like. I got kicked out of a booth where they were selling those at AdultCon a couple years ago because I slapped

one and it flew across the booth and knocked a bunch of shit over. Oh, that's awesome. Because it was like Velcro to a... Not Velcro, sorry. Adhesive taped or whatever to a wall. And I thought it was going to stick, and then it just went thwomp, and they're so heavy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty meaty. Well, no one wants a light dragon penis.

No. That's a fair point. All right, Keith, your guess. I'm going to say Montana. All right. That was a 22-year-old trans woman in Arizona. Oh, what? Wow.

You guys, this is a pretty evenly split game. Yeah, we're all one point. Good for her. We've done four questions, so one of you has to have two. Who's in the lead? I think Tom. I think it might be Tom, yeah. Yeah, he just got his second point because he got the first one.

All right, well, as we know. I did get the first. I don't even remember. And the rules of who done it the last round is all or nothing. Oh, as we know? We all know? Yep. Last round, why done it, which is you have to figure out why they did it.

Okay. A stepdad in Florida got in a fight with his stepson. The stepdad then locked himself in his room, after which the stepson hacked his way through the door with a katana and threw steak knives at him. Here's Johnny. Yes. Hang on. This was in a mobile home.

Of course it was, first of all. Yeah. And then he cuts through the door with a sword and then just throws smaller swords. You have a big sword. Alright, now, did he do this because A. He deleted one of his shows on the DVR. B. Because he stole a can

of shrimp. Or D. Because they both smoked their mom's meth. Or the stepson's mom's meth. Oh, man. I mean, they're definitely on meth, but I feel like they have separate strands. I'm going to go canned shrimp. I'm going to go with the DVR one. I like DVR.

I think it's canned shrimp because... You also get passionate about crustaceans for no reason. Well, no. I just... I've never heard of canned shrimp, and I'm guessing that's something you can only get if you live in a trailer park. And I don't think anyone else would have thought of canning them. Well, Tom, you've heard of of canned shrimp, and I'm guessing that's something you can only get if you live in a trailer park.

And I don't think anyone else would have thought of canning them. Well, Tom, you've heard of cans, okay? I've heard of cans. And you've heard of shrimp. Yeah, they're like a sassy bottle. Right. No, I'm just saying, like... Cans, the working man's cup.

You can can just about anything. You've seen canned tuna. That's another piece of sea life. Yeah, I don't know. But everyone uses canned tuna. Very few people seen canned tuna. That's another piece of sea life. But everyone uses canned tuna. Very few people use canned shrimp. That's a very specific detail. He actually makes a salad.

Tom, you also just found out about it ten seconds ago. Yeah. If I learn about a thing in the game, it's that thing, I'd say, 60% of the time. Alright, well, you're right. I don't like your logic, but they did get into that fight over a can of canned shrimp

alright well that's whodunit ladies so does that mean you didn't know transgender no I knew I knew transgender yeah they're more

than meets the eye I didn't know what the moose folk were or whatever alright that's whodunit Mean Boys I'll be right back after this.

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the show notes or on the mean boys site visit my bookie.ag today you play you win you get paid office of money says fucking cha-ching probably all right the mean boys podcast returns uh to play a round of our favorite game, Witch of the Following. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this game comes to us from Jocelyn Sharp, a very funny comedian out in Las Vegas. Follow her on Twitter,

at the Jocelyn Life. If you'd like to send your own Witch of the Following game or anything else, hit us up at meanboyspodcast at gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail, 304-805-MEAN. That's 6-3-2MEAN. That's 6326. For all you fucking simpletons out there, hey, Mean Boys, you guys are the best, and I just recommended your podcast to a friend who came up to me at a show the other day

and said, I check out Mean Boys fucking quality. Thank you, Jocelyn. Edit that out, Brett. Okay, since my first game didn't go over so well, I made another one to try and redeem myself. Your first game was great, and then Mike Lawrence was just like, oh, there's too many boobs. I hate it. That's a good Mike Lawrence. I've never even heard that guy talk.

Mike Lawrence is like, I don't like the nudity. I have many action figures. I have a harem of Spider-Man. They please me. I have every version of the thing. That's not even a joke John Carpenter's

Trenchcoat 70's Silver Age So this is Which of the following is not a top 10 result When searching mean boys on the following porn sites So we're going to begin Xvideos.com

Already love this Such a great idea Joss Xvideos.com. Already love this. Yeah, it's such a great idea, Josh. Thank you very much. Genius. Xvideos.com. A. Mature slut enjoys pool boy's mean cock. B. Nerdy teen with small tits. C. Mistress

Sadie Santana face-sitting in ash worship. Or D. Delivery man gets balls deep in mean pussy. Man, that's supposed to be mean what is mean is this is a teeth is my grandma getting pussy wow that's a that's a mean pussy right there I tell you it's average like well there's like mean like you know when women are like you're gonna fuck me because you suck or whatever. But that doesn't make the pussy mean. Yeah, the pussy is.

It just makes the woman mean. The pussy is neutral. Yeah. She's one of those African bear traps in there, you know, to stop AIDS. That's like calling a dog mean. It's like dogs aren't really. Or a gun. Mean can also just mean great.

You know what I mean? Like, oh, there's some mean fries right there. And then you eat them and you're like, I'm, I'm, I'm. Like, it doesn't have to mean. How do you eat fries again, Tom? Oh, these are and you're like, I'm, I'm, I'm. Like, it doesn't happen. How do you eat fries again, Tom? Oh, these are mean. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah. I feel like we've learned that you both eat French fries and pussy poorly. You know what? Oh, that's a mean haircut. You ever dip your pussy in a chocolate shake? It's actually pretty good. Oh, God. All right.

Can you run them real quick one more time? A, mature slut enjoys pool boys mean cock. B, nerdy teen with small tits. Didn't mean to call you a slut teen, if you are real. C, Mistress Sadie Santana face-sitting in ash worship. Ass worship is a real tongue twister. You said ash twice. Ash worship, ass worship, ass worship, ass worship.

My roommate walked by, and I'm like, ass worship, ass worship. He's like, god damn it. This is why we can't have a dining room? It's because you guys need to do this podcast? I don't know why, but I don't hear it as ass warship. I hear it as ass warship. It's just like a pirate vessel you sail to plunder a butt. The Death Star laser comes out of the hole.

Now I'm just seeing Captain Jack Sparrow on a giant ass in the middle of the sea. Don't fire till you see the browns of her eyes. Or D, Delivery Man gets balls deep in that mean pussy. I am going to say nerdy teen, small titty, fucking dork ass. That one. I'm going to say A. All right.

What's A? Something mean dick something, but mean was in it. Yeah. Yeah. Mean was in it. Adam Todd Brown. I'm going to say D. Just mean pussy just seems like such a weird adjective to me.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the porn wizard reigns triumphant. It is D. Delivery name is bad poop and mean pussy. You do look like a porn wizard. I actually never watch internet porn. Really?

Weird, right? I love that you qualified it with internet. Well, no. Yeah, I don't fuck with porn at all. Analog has the better sound. Is that like a recent choice or is that like a lifelong thing? No, it's just been

a lifelong thing. I mean, Adam probably fucks better than all of us. I got a strong imagination. Okay, so you're still jerking it. Oh, fuck yeah. Okay, I don't know if you were one of those

like, I don't jerk it. No, I just keep a file. Our dear roommate, Opie, flipped through it in my head. Pulled one out. We were talking about coffee one time. He's like, nah, man, I don't drink coffee. I just run on pure sexual energy.

Because he doesn't jerk off. He's like, Opie, you're fucking aggressive and frustrated all the time because you need to drain the poison from your brain. This is a man who at one point just sat outside of an open and like, yo, for real, if I hadn't jerked off for like three weeks, I could fight a mountain lion. Me and him have been arguing for years about whether or not you can fight a mountain lion. Hey, yo, for real, if I hadn't jerked off for like three weeks, I could fight a mountain lion. Me and him have been arguing for years about whether or not you can fight a mountain lion. Hey, yo, for real, for real, I could rape a tiger. Yeah.

Yo, if it came down to it and like I hadn't cummed in a while, I could molest an octopus. Yo, yo, I mean like on the real. Dude, octopus are fucking genius. I could arm wrestle a shark. I mean, yeah, probably. All right. Number two, Pornhub. A, mean lesbian woman fucked her maid, or fucking her maid.

Okay. B, pool boys midnight gangbang. C, three mean girls, one slave. Or D, humiliatrix mean babe makes you a panty boy slave. A lot of slavery. Yeah, they know our podcast. Kidding! The triangular trade of poop, they know our podcast. Kidding! The triangular trade of poop, cum, and pee.

What was C again? C was three mean girls, one slave. I think it's C. It's a bad ratio. Yeah, it is. It's a really unfair balance. I feel like one mean girl is like, I'll just hang out over here.

Not enough room on this slave for the three of us. The idea of being with three women sounds like a fucking nightmare. I mean, it sounds pretty dope. So much to keep up with. Yeah. And it's like, well, I'm not going to do a good job. I'm very results oriented. So I'm just like, one woman is a lot.

The idea of having to fuck three ladies seems like a lot. But the idea of just getting yelled at and beat up by three ladies, this is implying, we can do that. Yeah, I get it. There's a lot of it. I don't really have to do anything. You're sort of just getting yelled at and beat up by three ladies, this is implying we can do that. I don't really have to do anything. You're sort of the passive participant at that point. I do a lot of rubbing my head while patting my belly sex maneuver. I keep myself pretty well occupied.

I'm just like, ah, fuck, ah, shit. You got the spinning plates. I'm going to say, what was B again? B was pool boys Midnight Gangbang. That one. A was Mean Lesbian Woman Fucking Her Maid. I'm going to go D because I don't remember D. Don't tell them.

The fake one, Pool Boys Midnight Gangbang. Was that D? That was B. I was expecting you to show a little more excitement, but you're just like, okay. I don't know how excited you need me to be? This is unfair. He has them all memorized. I memorized all the porn?

Yeah, Tom, it's unfair. Keith has a functional brain. All right. I've never even heard of this website. Oh, no. Fapdu.com. Oh, Fapdu's legit. F-A-P-D-U.com.

Fapdu sounds like an eight-armed elephant that jerks you off. Well, sacrifice your cum to FAPDU. FAPDU is one of those things you get into where you have such specific porn tastes, you have to Google your porn. Oh, okay. Yeah, which... Is it like specializing? No, but it's just like a thing of...

It's like one of those things where you're like, what is a LaCroix per pussy or something? Oh, yeah. One of those things. First of all, what is it, LaCroix per pussy or something? Oh, yeah. One of those things. First of all, it's pronounced LaCroix. And it's pronounced Pussy. Yeah, well, they do have different shit on the different sites. Yeah.

I mean, it's just like... Is that how websites work? We can sit at a sipping coffee like a mean old fucking widower Oh really you figured it out Fucked face Kermit the frog over here Doing his no fap challenge No fap Kermit

Oh it's not easy being Kermit I had a lot of. I had a lot of listeners know I had a lot of porn on my hard drive and I recently deleted all of it. You deleted all your

porn? I let it go. You fool. It was an apocalyptic amount of porn. It was all of it. It was all of the porn.

I had a good selection. I had something for it, you know. I don't understand downloading it. You know there are websites you can just

not download and watch it. Well, yeah, but you can't always find it and stuff gets deleted. You know, you got scenes you like. I was sure. I get downloading maybe like two or three for like the rainy day file in case your Wi-Fi goes out. You had like terabytes of... Do you have a separate hard drive? Yeah, I did have a separate

hard drive. You could have taken the amount of memory it took to hold your porn and build a computer that could be really good at chess. Yeah, I had at one point, I think the most I ever had because I lost it. The first time I lost it was on the old laptop. Then the laptop got stolen. I'd love to see that burglar looking through your computer like, oh, okay. Jackpot.

There's a lot of Olivia O'Lovely obscure scenes in here. I had the Centurion collection on a few different people. The what? Just the complete masterwork. The Centurion? Yeah, it's that one where she fucks like 40 soldiers with the broom helmets.

No, isn't that what you call the movies? The Criterion. Oh, the Criterion. Yeah, Centurion was a Roman soldier. Yeah. See, I knew that. I thought it was also

a lot of movies. The Centurion collection. The Tom has become the Connor. Yeah, this hurts. Yo, that. I thought it was also a lot of movies. He probably got the Centurion collection. The Tom has become the Connor. Yeah, this hurts. Yo, shit. I don't shit about Rome. And we're back. Anyway, fuck me for, you know, making a positive step in my life. Fap do. Yeah, fap do.

I'm proud of you, Connor. Thank you, Tom. I'm really proud of you. That doesn't feel good. No, seriously. Not anyone could have deleted all of the porn in the world. And you did it, and you should feel really good of you. That doesn't feel good. No, seriously. Seriously. Not anyone could have deleted all of the porn in the world and you did it and you should feel really good about yourself.

You know, part of it was just like I put so much work into finding all of this. You know? Yeah. Some of it I paid for. You know?

It's like, oh, that kills me. Yeah. And now, I think you guys are bad people for fucking not supporting your pornographers.

All right? All right, fine. You know, they don't get, you No, they don't get, you know, they don't get X videos residuals. It's like Spotify dollars where it's like

basically nothing. it's not your fault. Goodwill stroking. It's not your fault. All right. C, Fapdo. Seriously,

good job though. Bang. Cream pie'd by blindfolded stepdad. Jeez, shut up. B, blacked. My girl. Name of a porn site, guys. All right? Blindfolded stepdad Jeez, shut up B. Blacked

My girlfriend Name of a porn site, guys I happen to know this I also know that Okay, good My girlfriend and I share a big black cock C. It's a shame we don't have the soundboard For moments like that

C. Mean teacher gives boys an extra credit lesson Uh-oh Or D. Nerdy slut gets drilled. The face you made when you said drilled. Peggy, she's getting drilled, Peggy. I don't need to drill anybody. No, and you don't need that porn anymore either. And I'm really proud of you.

You know what I don't, and I don't never positively reinforce me about anything ever again. You're a good person. Wasn't a bad person for having the porn. You're a better person now. I find this insulting. I definitely have more room for Star Trek on my laptop.

And more porn. Star Trek porn. To boldly blow. Let's start a challenge now. Let's start a... Where all men have blown before. Kevin James T. Garth. Dude, let's do a little

Mean Boys Seinfeld the contest right now. You guys want to see who can, on the honor system, go the longest without watching porn? Without watching porn? Without watching porn. Nope, no. You can jerk off.

No porn. Yeah, I'll do that. All right. Are you guys in? What are we going porn. Yeah, I'll do that. All right. Are you guys in? What are we going to wager? I don't know. What's worth betting? $20.

Yeah, I'll put it on this. All right. Handshake. $20, and then what? Who's last? The person to go first. Whoever's last. If you cave, you've got to tell us.

Yeah. Okay. And then that goes in the pot, and whoever goes last gets $40, which to us is a lot of money. And now a game called the Mean Boys lie to each other for six months. No, we show cans. We're Mean Boys, all right? We don't do each other like that. You're fucked.

Wait, jerking off to porn, right? Porn. You can still jerk off. Yeah, dude, you guys are fucked. God, I should have woken up 40 minutes earlier just to get one more out. Adam, you keep doing what you're doing. Good job. We're all very proud of you.

All right, so I'm going to run through those again because this has gone on too many tangents. A, creampied by blindfolded stepdad. Why are you blindfolding your stepdad? All right, you guys already have a strained relationship. B, light sensitivity. Definitely possible. Blindfolded, hungover stepdad. B, Blacked

My girlfriend and I share a big black cock I think I actually have seen that video C. That's the thrust of all of their videos C. Mean teacher gives boys an extra credit lesson Or D. Nerdy slut gets drilled I'm going to say extra credit lesson The teacher one Alright, Tom Guss

I'm going to say A Alright, Adam Tombrow. I think C. Extra Credit Lesson. Fake one. Extra Credit Lesson. Boom, boom, boom. Extra Credit comes in the form of assignments, and even bad porn titlers know that.

You should have stayed in school. You know what I'm going to miss most about not watching porn? This would have never passed muster at the Van Damme Academy. I miss reading the Bang Bros episode descriptions because they're all like, Stacy wants to get fucked, so we fuck her with a big guy's dick in a band, and Stacy loves

getting that dick in her tight titty puss vagina. Ow. You just watch him just cash out a thesaurus. Yeah, I did a set in front of a convention full of porn people at the Pleasure Chest and I was just like, is that guy here?

Because I want to meet that guy. I got to teach him a little something about the Oxford comma. I only saw Bengals. The Oxford comma. Something Keith taught me about six months ago.

Maybe one time and I was just astounded that in that kind of neighborhood, the road did not have more potholes. Like I thought for sure that that neighborhood

didn't look like the road would have more potholes. I'm just impressed that neighborhood looked like the road would have more potholes. I'm just impressed. A friend of the show and former guest, Devin Costa, posted a great tweet after the storm in Florida where he's like, what if the bang bus was just picking up hurricane victims? Great, now you've got to fuck Ramon.

Here's the thing. They actually did that. Shut the fuck up. It's obviously staged, but I didn't watch the trailer because I was like, I have moral issues with this. They actually did that. Shut the fuck up. I was about to bring that up. Shut up. It's obviously staged, but the bang... I didn't watch the trailer because I was like, I have moral issues with this. Hang on. Wait. Yeah. Wait.

So you mean they made a porn where it's like, we picked up a Hurricane Irma victim. Yeah. I will... And now she's wet twice. I'm going to go ahead... All right. I'm going to go ahead and... We're going to suspend the porn watching bet so I can pull this up and read it to you guys.

I agree with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you meant the bang bus actually went out and helped victims. I thought that was cool. This is a war crime. Yeah. All right. So it's called Surviving Irma, Surviving the Hurricane One Ride at a Time.

I'll just read the description. We're finally out after being stuck indoors from the hurricane. We checked out the impact of the hurricane throughout the city Before we finally caught a stranger in the streets We approached this hurricane victim And decided to help her out We talked, we negotiated And we got some tits before she jumped in the van

This busty blonde took the helping hand Before she realized what was really happening She wasn't shy and we see her sucking a hard cock Before her tits and ass Bounce from sex Tits and ass bounce from sex. Tits and ass bounce from sex. We do a sex or

hot lady poop hole. This chick looks incredible as she takes in dick, but even better when she got dropped off. Ha ha ha. And they drop her off in Houston so she gets hit by another hurricane. Fly her to Puerto Rico.

Oh my god. Okay, so all real or all fake. I searched Connor McSpad on the next videos. Are the following search results all real or all fake? A. Ryan and her big ass is back to get some dick. B. A hot and horny threesome with beautiful milf C. Connor and her first blow bang Or D. Monster cock feels perfect in wet milf pussy

I like that you're the girl in the third one I guess it could be a girl's name Connor would be kind of a cute name for a girl I knew a girl named Tim Is it short for anything? Timothy I was trying to Yeah, it it short for anything? Timothy. I was trying to... Yeah, it's short for Tim the Dyke.

I was 19. Jesus Christ. I was 19. She was like... Tim the Dyke's got a problem with you. Yeah, that's the episode title. Somebody call Tim the Dyke. It sure is.

We're burying this deep in the woods of this episode. I was like 18, 19. I was doing a college tap dancing class. What? How did I never know this? Tom, what are you? Did you take a high school tap dance class first? No.

Did you do AP tap dancing and test out of it? You've had such an eventful life. How did you have time to try to kill yourself so many times? In between. Night times. Night times. Oh, in between. Night time. Night times. Anyway, there's this girl. You know the night time.

Night and day is the right time to kill yourself. Put pills in your mouth. So yeah, this girl named Tam. Oh, baby. Girl named Tim. She was a good tap dancer, but like... Oh my god, you fucking...

She was like super, super cute. She was very petite and shit. Cool. Super cute. Okay. But I was like, huh, I can't tell. Like, why is your name Tim? Like, I couldn't figure out

like, you're a profound fucking idiot, Tim. Like, I was trying to... Who named her that? Yeah, well, who named her? Like, I asked her, like, is it short for something? Because I wasn't sure if she was one of those well-done trans people. Like, I was trying to figure out... But she's just going by Tim. I like my trans people medium rare.

Like, like, you know, surgeons did a killer job and shit. She didn't seem manly in any way, and then I Googled how do you tell? Usually got big hands and stuff, but her hands look normal. And I never figured out whether or not she had a natural pussy or not.

But she was very sweet. She was very nice. All real or all fake? All real. Who cares? All right. Adam. I'm going to say all real. Tom Goss.

I'm going to say all fake. Those are all real. Suck it, Tom. Suck my dick. All right. And the final one, all real or all fake. Keith Carreon, ex-hamster. Ah, crap.

A, Mariah Carey cream pie. B, Keith gets an anal gangbang cream pie. C, Keith and Carey hot amateur analingus. Or D, Carey is brand new and gets airtight. Huh. Good for me. A lot of pie. Yeah.

Even X Hamster knows I'm fat. Yeah, even X Hamster is fat shaming. Yeah, dumb whore eats snacks. Yeah, you knowore eats snacks. Yeah, you know you can't eat that cream pie without a straw. The Mariah Carey one leads me to believe

it might be real because that's the thing. I get a lot of random follows from Mariah Carey fan pages on Twitter. Isn't Mariah Carey

like a pop singer? Yeah, she's like a super famous singer or whatever. But Mariah Carey is a porn star. That's correct. She was on the

Dr. Drew show. Yeah. Never been a fan of hers. Nah, she sucks. Mariah Carey did that song star. That's correct. She was on the Dr. Drew show. Yeah. Never been a fan of hers. Nah, she sucks. Mariah Carey did that song about that boat drowning or whatever. The boat's drowning. I'm going to just go ahead.

First of all, you're referring to the Titanic. Yes. Second of all, no, that's Celine Dion. Third of all, shut up, Tom. The boat's drowning. That's the best description for what happened to the Titanic that I've ever fucking heard. Yeah, boat drowned. Is there one about the plane that was afraid of heights?

That was the movie Sully, okay? Dude, that movie fucking sucked. We are not going on a 20-minute tangent about Sully. It's not happening. Fuck that movie, okay? Okay, I know. A lot of good birds died. I'm going to fucking...

I'm going to go with all fake. All right. Tom Hanks lost it. I'm going to say all real. I'm going to go with all fake. Tom Hanks lost it. I'm going to say all real. I'm going to say fake. Okay, they're all fake. All right. Yeah, and we'll be right back with your mailbag questions.

Dude, I get he's like a hero and shit, but that movie sucked a giant cock. The Mean Boys podcast is going away. Okay, I'm sorry, Tom. We'll be right back. Fuck Sully. Hi, I'm Keith Carey from the Mean Boys Podcast, and I'm here to talk to you

about a very important issue. The Pediatric Cancer Research Fund is asking listeners to donate to their cause. Every year, over 12,000 children are diagnosed with cancer, and one-third of those children

die within five years of their diagnosis. What we're getting at is that, well, maybe there's better ways to spend your money. I mean, instead of buying a fancy pillow for a kid with a skull full of tumors, why not support the Mean Boys Patreon? With your modest contribution, we can continue to provide world-class bullshit as we race towards the cure for lame-ass podcasting.

And look, I'm not saying it's a competition between us and the cancer kids, but, like, if you're only going to give money to one of us, it should probably be us. I mean, we will send you swag bags and T-shirts and give you access to exclusive bonus content, whereas those kids aren't even going to invite you to the funeral. You can back three soulless, unemployed morons with the combined emotional intelligence of a flaming bag of dog shit or some bald idiot who's not going to make it long enough to see how the last Avengers movie shakes out. I'm just saying, seems like a no-brainer. Go to patreon.com slash meanboys and sign up today.

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And the Mean Boys podcast is back with your questions from the Mean Boys mailbag. Always feel free to tweet us, email us, believe it's voicemail, all that good shit. First question comes in from at jdairy52. Asks if Adam is on the show to commemorate the one-year anniversary of Connor's abusive Randall Maynard. I didn't know. I can't believe that. I thought that's been like two years ago. No, it's been about a year because it was the last podcast I did while I was still at Cracked.

I feel so lonely. We went out on such a high note. Yeah. I felt bad about that. That was the legacy you left because of me. Well, not just because of me. I posted a picture on Instagram the other day. I was watching this documentary called The Confession Tapes.

And at one point during one of the episodes, the case was about an arson. And they kept cutting to this shot of the gas can that they found in the house, but it was up on the witness stand and it had a microphone in front of it. And I don't remember what I posted when I posted it, but Randall Maynard left a comment and said, Connor McSpadden finally made it on television.

Randall's funny, man. Look, I think the Randall maynard reunion show you guys got to surprise me with that like on some maury shit dude he would have to be on this podcast because they're cracked people aren't allowed to be on my podcast i we randall if you're listening come on this i bet i can set it up i'll get randall on this i'll start tweeting at him the second you're done recording that'd be so fucking i don't know i'll have to listen to the episode for the first time because i was so mortified I never heard it. Yeah, we'll throw a link up on Twitter for anybody who doesn't know what we're talking about because it's one of the most –

somebody on our Twitter called it the most awkward piece of audio that has ever existed. It is. I am hard-pressed. And it was supposed to be like a kind of a heavy political episode. I did all this fucking research. And that goes right out the window. About the president of the Philippines. And then it just turned into a fucking...

I was ahead of the curve with that shit because it was a Duterte episode. And that ended up being a big thing, which I only knew when that started popping up in the news. I was like, oh, I remember that from in the background while Connor was mean to some dick. And the funny thing is I came home and I was like, dude, I fucking ruined my podcasting career.

And that's where we got 90% of our fans. And a show on Adam's network. A piece of shit. Yeah. At Mighty Scrublord says, Adam Todd Brown, have people finally stopped thinking you have a blood feud with Cracked at its staff? Yeah, I think they've gotten over it a little bit. Because you had Jack on your show, right? Yeah, I had Jack on the show. And I mean, i never had a problem with them it was you know it was just

a business like a work thing it wasn't like it was a pretty amicable yeah split everybody wants there to be blood people have stopped talking like stopped asking me about it which i appreciate and they've also for a while every time cracked Cracked would do something new, someone would message me and be like, oh, did you see what Cracked's doing? But now people just tag me in stuff about like if someone shits on Cracked on Twitter, someone will tag

me in that tweet and just say, LOL, Adam. That's funny. It's like when you have a successful ex-girlfriend and it's like, hey, did you see? And I was like, yes. Yes, I saw that they did the 10 Craziest Generals Part 5. Cracked is like dipshit Viceland, right? I mean, kind of. I signed paperwork that won't allow me to answer.

I don't read books. I actually really do like Cracked. I mean, I fucking love crack. I still talk to a bunch of people there. Moving off of legally dicey territory. I'm going to put you on the spot. Same fellow follow-up questions. Has anyone got any predictions for shit that will happen that no one believes, akin to Adam Todd Brown's Trump prediction?

What was the weird thing that you predicted that nobody believed with him? Well, just the fact that he... I wrote an article in October 2015 about how he was definitely going to get elected. Oh, shit. That was two years ago. So what you're saying is this is your fault. The other thing is Venezuela. I was saying for most of this year

that we would start talking about going to war with Venezuela soon. Are we doing that? Oh, yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Why? I think mostly because they have the largest known oil reserves in the world.

That's a good reason. They nationalized their oil in 2007, and Rex Tillerson was the CEO of Exxon at the time. And they took all of Exxon's shit. Rex Tillerson, they went to court, and Rex Tillerson wanted $6 billion in Rex Tillerson Wanted six billion dollars In compensation And they only got One billion And he's had a grudge

Against Venezuela ever since Oh so now he's gonna Throw the government at it Yeah The good thing He has no Bearing over Diplomatic policy

To owe Oh no I didn't realize What a great fucking Porn name would be Would be Sex Thrillerson You were like Smart and shit

Like you were He's fucking smart Yes Tom I think that If you look If you look today My name would be Sex Thrillerson. You were smart and shit. He's fucking smart. Yes, Tom. I think that if you look today, there's an article on all the news sites about Rex Tillerson saying how we need to just talk to North Korea and calm things down. And that sounds great. And I'm just like, you just want to go to war with Venezuela, motherfucker. You don't give a shit.

You're trying to clear the path. At Dat Dude says, does ATB stand for a thick bitch? Yeah. It does now. Cool. And Robert M. Jones says, Adam, do you hate being called ATB as much as I think you do? I don't hate it, no. There's some douchebag French DJ whose stage name is ATB.

So people are always like, you should make ATB shirts. I'm like, just fucking buy one online and say it's out there. Just pretend. Take a picture of my face. It's when Klaus Vorheide from the Dead Kennedys had the Denmark sticker that just said DK. Yeah. We need to make one. But no, it doesn't really bother me.

We got a question from fake email I made up to make this joke. It just says, Adam, prove you're not Kyle Gass. I can't play guitar. Okay. You just fucking out. You just ended a years-long bit about the intro of This Week in Me on Unpopular Opinion. Oh, yeah, that's true. You said you were playing guitar, but you broke a little news up here on the Mean Boys.

It's a keytar. Man, you forget like Venezuela is a country and shit. No, you forget that. Like you forget it exists, you know what I mean? Like your aunt or whatever. It's just, it's always there though. Yeah, you forget about your aunts. You just forget people exist.

I forgot about Venezuela. We've been kind of at war with Venezuela for about three years. It's just been economic war. Obama declared them an enemy of the United States in 2014, which is absurd, but it's just so we can get their fucking oil. People didn't really listen to him.

They just kind of looked at him. Yeah, Tom, I like when you say you forget people exist. Yeah, for like a week, I thought it was all skunks. I don't know. We got one more thing for you, Adam. Hey, Mean Boys, I'm a big fan of the show, and I love it when you read out contributions. This could be good or just incredibly shitty and boring, so never Hey, Mean Boys, I'm a big fan of the show, and I love it when you read out contributions. This could be good or just incredibly shitty and boring, so never mind if it sucks.

I appreciate your candor. I woke up in a fever sweat the other night, and this idea almost fully formed in my mind. Did you ever see those shitty quizzes in teen magazines, like, which Spice Girl are you? Well, I made this one called, Which Mean Boy Are You? Feel free to use it on one of your guests in the future. So we're going to get started here. What's your sexual orientation? A. Bisexual, B. Gay,

C. Straight, or D. Really fucking gay. C. Straight. By the way, I'm taking the quiz along to see if I get myself. Oh, okay. Alright, do you want to take it along with yourself too, Tom? I don't have my computer. Okay, well, mostly for Adam. For the sake of speed, let's just have Adam do it.

Alright, well, I'll go ahead and take down Adam's answer so we can score it up here. I want, you know, to have a little integrity in fucking podcasting. Really fucking gay. All right, two. Which fictional Mean Boys sketch character do you identify with? A, Carnock the Bloodfeaster. He's like a demon. He ran for president.

Sure. It didn't work out! Dr. Edgar Martaro. He's a dead baby guy. He does dead baby products. C, Tom Goss. Who's that guy? What the fuck? Or D, the Taco Monster. He's a dead baby guy. He does dead baby products. C, Tom Goss. Who's that guy? What?

Or D, the taco monster. He's a monster. He's into tacos. Hey, it's me, the taco monster. That's what he sounds like. The dead baby guy sounds good. All right. So we got B here.

All right. Number three. Which King of the Hill character do you most identify with? Now, is that A, Bill? B, Hank Hill? C, Boomhauer? Or D. B. Hank Hill. C. Boomhauer. Or D. Dale. Hank Hill.

I would have picked Dale for you. Okay. I have three answers. Four. Choose a weapon. A. A broken whiskey bottle. B. A flamethrower that is also a guitar. C. A sword. Or D. Poison gas hidden inside a Filipino barrel man toy.

Flamethrower. I've wanted a flamethrower my whole fucking life. All right. Especially when I lived where there was a bunch of snow. Well, even though you don't play guitar. I mean, you know. And finally, five. Favorite sex position slash act.

A, blowjob to a guy you matched with on Grindr just before your last hookup with a guy you matched with on Tinder. B. Doggy. C. Blowjob to a dog. C. Doggy then pulling out and coming all over her ass, the wall, in your own face. Or D. Reverse cowgirl.

I'm gonna go B. Alright, B. Doggy. All right, so now if you guys are playing along at home, I'll tell you how to score the game. So, Adam, it was one C and four Bs, which makes you Joe Dosh. Yes!

And we never saw him again. If you had mostly A, that's Keith. If you had mostly C, that's Tom. If you had mostly D, that's me. If you had mostly C, that's Tom. If you had mostly D, that's me. So please tweet us your results. I have you. I love that, like... I'm actually a pretty even split all the way across. My favorite position is doggy.

This quiz is... I love that mine are all, like, very blatantly me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God damn, that's really funny. Now, where do you like to go in the Witch Beatles quiz, are you? Yeah.

In the sun? On the hill where the fools are? Where there's strawberries? An octopus's garden? Or to fucking Asian lady? All right, I think that's the show for this week. Yeah. Do you gents have anything to plug?

I have my Bronson Redux, but we can do that another time. Yeah. Okay. Let me grab it. Sorry. I do. Yeah, all right. All right.

Well, I'll plug Keith and I's tour dates. If you guys want information on these, go to meanboyspodcast.com slash live hyphen show slash on fucking October 3rd, Mesa, Arizona. Boom. Live Mean Boys podcast. October 4th, Albuquerque, New Mexico. October 5th, Oklahoma Cityque, New Mexico October 5th Oklahoma City

Bombing jokes coming 6th and 7th Looney Saloon In Miami, Oklahoma Yes, there is a Miami In Oklahoma They say it Miami

And I went to the Miami Welcome Center And then there's a quote On the wall that said I don't belong to An organized political party Oh, shit I'm a Democrat

Which is a sick burn But a weird thing To put in an official City building Anyway The night after that Springfield, Missouri I don't belong to an organized political party. Oh, shit. I'm a Democrat. Which is a sick burn, but a weird thing to put in an official city building. Anyway, the night after that, Springfield, Missouri, the Blue Room Comedy Club. The night after that, Tulsa, Oklahoma, a place called the Blackbird, I think. 10th and 11th, Austin, Texas. And on the 12th, the Secret Group in Houston. We're going to bring the healing that Houston needs. I don't know.

We're going to blow what's left of the roof off that building. You're going to drive the bang bus down there? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Me and Waldorf picking up all this in the bang bus. Keith, what do you got?

Shit. I mean, all those tour dates, check us out. Follow me, as always, on Twitter, at Keith Tells Jokes. Do a third thing while I pull up

my stupid calendar. Oh, and listen to Conspiracy Show with me and ATB. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Adam, talk to Adam. I don't know why I'm even working. Yeah, that to Conspiracy Show with me and ATB. Oh, yeah. I don't know why I'm even looking. That's the next two weeks of my life. Just go to those shows. Yeah.

You know what? Just go see me in Tulare at Barmageddon. When? Where? The 27th of October at Barmageddon in Tulare. You have a month to figure that out. Yeah, If you want to go to any of my local shows, just go to

Facebook and look at my post. And you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram, GusGoss6. Or email me at TomGossComedy.com TomGossComedy.com Shut up. You don't get a computer anymore. Gmail.com

Who the fuck is emailing you? Mostly people trying to get me to read articles. I don't know. Is it a Zuzka thing? I don't know. Adam, what do you got going on? I am at Flappers October 17th. Nice.

You can come to that. Also, October 28th, we're doing a live Unpopular Opinion podcast. Keith and Connor Are telling jokes Before that motherfucker We sure are It's 9pm At the Hollywood Hotel

It's goddamn free It's gonna also be A Halloween party Wear a costume Bet your ass I'm wearing a costume We're gonna be arbitrarily Handing out prizes

To costumes we like With no rhyme or reason Nice Yeah Things like that I'm gonna be Silent Bob And Keith is gonna to be Jay. That would be great.

Alright guys. I might be a horse with no butt this year. Fuck everything. God is dead. Send it in grace. Send it in grace. Send it in grace. Send it in grace. Send it in grace. Send it in grace.