Mean Boys - EP 88 - Magic Bangbus

Episode Date: November 7, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week’s segments include “Mexican Joke Off”, “Omega Tom Part 1”, “Whodunnit?”, "The Astros World Series Win", and a game of "Which of the Following" with Rule 34 comics and videos by @waywardcross. Get the new Misfits t-shirt and all our past designs on our new Tee Public page: www.teepublic.com/user/meanboyspodcast Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS15" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Contribute to the Mean Boys wiki: mean-boys.wikia.com/wiki/Mean_Boys_Wiki Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, it's Keith, Connor, and Tom from the Mean Boys Podcast. What up, what up? Hello! Here with another Just the Boys episode. Yeah, just hanging, this was a fun one. Enjoy it. Just in town. This one is a real rollercoaster of tone.

Yeah, we ran the gambit on this one. Some serious discussion at the end, some cartoon fucking preceding it. Yeah, it was a wacky one, but it was a lot of fun. Good amount of Australian racism in the middle. Indeed, thank you guys a lot of fun. Good amount of Australian racism in the middle. Indeed. Thank you guys, as always, for listening. We are sponsored, proudly, as always, by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California. They are fucking great.

The finest Mexican food that money can buy, ladies and gentlemen. Go to eataburrito.com for more information, including catering. If you're doing an event within 100 miles of San Diego, you gotta have fucking Don Carlos at your shindig. Yeah, it will take it to the next level. Whoever you're trying to get naked, this burrito is the key. Oh, it's 100% the key.

The California burrito specifically. Indeed. That one is goddamn good. It's pretty goddamn great. I want to say thank you to all the Mean Boys fans that came out to see me at the Comedy Corner Underground in Minneapolis this weekend. You guys are fucking great. And also, if anyone had their Patreon awards missing because the postal service is a nightmare,

please just drop us a line. We'll resend them. Yeah. If you're not on the Patreon, get just drop us a line and we'll resend them. Yeah. If you're not on the Patreon, get on there because this last week we just did a reading of our Carnock

and Tyler Dawson pilot. And it's pretty fun. Yeah, it's pretty, I was really excited about the response from you guys. It's been great. Fucking, and thanks to the fucking idea

we developed just because of doing the show because you guys give a shit about it. So that was very cool. We're hoping we can make something out of it. I missed lines

with the script in front of me. It was pretty mad yeah if you ever wanted to really see how illiterate Tom is yeah if you got the if you wanted to see some fine dumb dummery

this is some primo shit at one point I was getting it was my line right when I got a telephone call it was yeah

it's a pretty good car knock if you're looking for a freeway support to the show if you don't have five bucks a month nobody gets it more than us you can leave us a review

on iTunes it's very easy to do we got a shitload of reviews from you guys last week really appreciate it again like I always say if you're looking for a freeway to support the show, if you don't have the five bucks a month, nobody gets it more than us, you can leave us a review on iTunes. It's very easy to do. We got a shitload of reviews from you guys last week. Really appreciate it. Again, like I always say, if all the people that listened to it reviewed it, we'd look legit as hell.

And so this one comes to us by the person called The Pricking of Thumbs, dot, dot, dot. Don't know what that means. Probably bad. If you stare into the Folgers, the Folgers stares back at you. Can you trade in iTunes review for coffee mugs asking for six friends? I'll have you know we already got some pity mugs

from Callie Velasquez. Yeah, we've been up to mugs. You guys have really increased our mug quota. Yeah, now everyone has like.75 mugs to their name. Indeed. We only have to share them a little bit. We haven't broken one yet, but I'm very concerned it's going to happen.

It's common. I mean, I already broke Tom's favorite mug at that one point. Yeah. Or somebody did. It might have been me. I think it was me, but who's counting? Yeah. I am. I already broke Tom's favorite mug at that one point. Or somebody did. It might have been me. I think it was me, but who's counting? I am.

I have negative mugs. Negative mugs. I think that's just about it. Pleased to enjoy the Magic Bang Bus. You guys ready for fun? Because this is going to be fun. Mean Boys Podcast. You ready for this?

Cut me off, please. God, shut up. You're bad at this. You ready for this? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Cut me off, please. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. God, shut up. You're bad at this. You're all bad at this. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Alright, listen to the goddamn show. Hey everybody, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast. The only way to stop a good guy with a prayer is a bad guy with a gun. I'm Keith Carey.

I'm Tom Goss. And I'm... Inbred Ryan Stiles. Yeah. Oh, Cousin Fuck Stiles. That's a good one. It is your line anyway. What's my bloodline anyway? Whose extra chromosome is it anyway?

Yeah, my bloodline looks like a tangled up pair of iPhone headphones You're not gonna get that from Sudio Sweden Boom, broadcasting you, bitch Spaghetti sponsorship Yeah, what's up, boys? Oh, Sudio is like fucking your ears, it's great But in a good way We're gonna need to go over the ad copy on this, champ.

I can't believe we lost my bookie. My bookie is like, fuck your ears. It's great. Fuck your ears like a ninja. Remember when we had an inflatable couch gang? We've really run the game. No, I never saw it. Yeah, neither did we.

No, neither did we. We never got one. We never really figured out what colors it came in either. Because we're not sponsored by them anymore? No. Good, because I thought that sounded really figured out what colors it came in either. So we're not sponsored by them anymore? No. Good, because I thought that sounded really fucking dumb. Okay. Hey, you might be sponsored by them again at some point.

They got a great message to send to our sponsors. We're going to talk shit about you as soon as you jump ship. Okay. Hey, everybody. We're back with another All the Boys edition. Yeah. All the Boys podcast. Keith desperately seeing his cash flow diminish.

Yeah. Hey, some of us got bills to avoid. Yeah, yeah. Keith said a great thing to me the other day because his bank account's fucked, and he's like, can I send you some money? You get me cash. And then I'm like, yeah, sure. And he just goes, I'm a cash business, baby.

Put on Elvis glasses, continue to be fat and shirtless. Yeah, yeah, just smoking too early in the morning. That's how I roll, man. How you been, Tom? I've been good. I've also been smoking in the morning. Yeah. Smoking in the morning. Yeah. Smoking in the morning.

Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah. I just got back from a crazy trip out in Wisconsin and Minnesota. Thank you to all the Mean Boys fans who went out and saw Connor and said I was funnier. Oh, yeah. Thank you guys very much. I was going to say that. The fucking CCU was great.

I had a shitload of Mean Boys and Unpops people, so it was nice to meet you guys. Thanks especially to the guy who gave me 10 bucks for no reason if you hear this shoot me an email and tell me the name of the arcade you told me to go to so I know it's you and

I'll send you some free shit nice but yeah fuck it let's let's with this small talk guys this is a scripted comedy podcast let's get into the

motherfucking Mexican joke off I so topical I guess I'll go first Tom's fucking imitation of all the sound drops is always just like, have you ever heard the show? Yeah. You'll do the Witch of the Falling, so I can be like,

peek-a-doo-ka-dook-dee-doo-pook-a-wich-one. The Mexican Show. Oh, God. With Kenan Thompson. I thought you were doing like, let's get ready to rumble. Let's get ready to fumble. Set up some punchlines. Now we're on brand.

All right. Former Blink-182 guitarist Tom DeLonge has publicly stated he has proof of alien life on Earth. He says it's a global conspiracy that most people don't notice because they're distracted by all the small things. Yeesh. Oh, shut up. I still haven't heard him on Rogan yet. I hear that's a whole adventure. Yeah, he's a fucking lunatic.

I love that, though, man. I mean, he's fucking, you know, very few punk rockers make good career changes. And I think conspiracy theorists is about the best you can shoot for unless you want to be like a vague Henry Rollins, like public intellectual, you know, columnist. Yeah, I don't think that was going to be Tom DeLonge. That's one of the parts for Tom DeLonge. Yeah, the man who every song was either about just like, girls made me sad, also I came on your dad. No disrespect

to Mr. Rollins, but yeah, with him, it's just like, what are you going to do? Just start a t-shirt company? No, just go find aliens, you dipshit. And also start a t-shirt company. Oh, does he have a t-shirt company? Atticus. Oh, well, fuck. Yeah, every douchebag on a snowboard that ever beat you up is wearing Tom DeLonge clothing. Yeah, if my daughter ever brings...

Why do you call it Atticus? Those are one of those fucking, like, Roman calculators. Atticus, you stupid asshole. Roman calculators. Atticus! Yeah, one of them toys with math or whatever. Yeah, I hate the dentist. All right.

Japan gave their first citizenship to a Japanese AI bot. This has not changed the official citizenship policy of Japan, which is, quote, no Koreans, end quote. Jesus. They're very racist out there. Not to be confused with the citizenship plan of China. No girls allowed. Yeah. Man, that's two weeks in a row a country has given citizenship to a robot.

Saudi Arabia did it last week. And now it's Japan. What the fuck is this? God damn it. I'm not a fan yeah they're all it's uh that's like one of those things we're brave new world we're living i can't pinpoint why that's a terrible idea but it's definitely a bad idea because we can't even master our own intelligence why are we giving it to sentient beings yeah we can't we can't even find the quality on the people that have already already come with the planet earth you know although i can't wait to see fucking our government try to deport robots. Oh, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just throwing them in, like, big green bins. We need to build a cyber wall. Build a firewall. Yeah, yeah. That's what I meant. Damn it. Hair quicker.

Cyber wall. Yeah, my cyber wall got fucked up, and I got one of them porn viruses. Yeah, a cyber wall is where you just write your age, your sex, location yeah now you know i can't watch itchy and scratchy no more uh a group of california students speaking of which i have devised a way to find fake news accounts on twitter the team says the secret is banning any account that makes sexual advances towards keith carey yeah that's how you know they're fake no only fake people want to fuck you get it no explain further uh you're gross. All right. Yeah.

You got it. Tom, anything to add? Oh, because they don't want to fuck him. Exactly. Cool. There's a pretty great time on Facebook where Keith was just adding every single spam bot and everyone was just like, God damn it, Keith, you idiot. Dude, I don't.

I get it. I'm not mad at you. It was just funny. No, I know. It's frustrating because I've become more vigilant about it now, but I used to just be like, yeah, I'll just add whoever because sometimes people add me who I don't know because I'm a mildly public person. That's always the thing. It's like you look at the mutual friends.

It's like, is this guy going to book me for something or give me money for something? Or is he just weird? It's frustrating because I remember I used to just accept everybody. I remember one time I had a big tour and I plugged and at the same time, a bot just posted sunglasses. No one posted on the tour, but everyone just started posting about the fucking sunglasses. I was like, how did a bot ruin my big moment? Oh, yeah, come see Tom and the Ray-Ban Spring Bonanza. They can't have possibly sold one pair of Ray-Bans.

The thing is, it's like, why would they keep doing it? The Nigerian Prince emails, they gotta work sometimes. That's just baffling to me. Old people. I could see my grandma being like, oh, I could support Tom with glasses. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. You sell them like candy bars to go on a field trip for your soccer team? I'm selling Ray-Bans to...

By ten glasses, Tom gets to go to Nevada to do a show. Authorities believe there is an active serial killer in Japan. The hardest part about dealing with a serial killer in Japan? Pronouncing the phrase serial killer. City or a kid. It's like Death Note.

They're just going to call him Kida. That just seems exhausting. I love that we're attacking Japan this week. Legislation says that bump stock, a tool to make semi-automatic weapons automatic, will be exclusively available to disabled people. Making the new quote, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a retard with a gun. That's great, dude.

Wait, is that real? That's fucking amazing news. Only the handicapped get the bump stock? Is this some dude with a tricked out wheelchair with rocket launchers on the sides i do not think this is what like the fucking disability like act was meant to cover is just like making sure that the differently able to have a chance to also go on a murdering spree yeah i thought you got ramps not heavy weaponry well i guess the argument is like this is also how i was woken up this morning it was the conversation about this but apparently they're're worried, like, well, some people don't have...

You called the hotel and you're like, give me any pertinent retard news. Because I need to get going in the morning. Well, I guess the logic was like... USA to doy reports. The logic was like, well, if they can't hold the gun long enough to be able to shoot it more than one time, we should just give them an automatic weapon so they have more... That's insane. You know what's going to happen?

Like, edgy white dudes are just going to start getting like shin splints from their doctor and they're going to get a note if they're trying to get out of PE. You also literally just turned a person into a tank at that point. If it's a person in a wheelchair with like an automatic machine gun. God damn it. We just mad maxed all the cripples. Dude, that's fucking – I hate that. It's also pretty metal.

It's already almost – I got mixed feelings It's exclusively, you know, retarded people You know it said disabled There are disabilities besides retarded I don't think that's who they meant No, no That's the funniest version out there If I have gout, can I get a bazooka? Is it like a weed card

Where it's like a really loose Like, oh, I get panic attacks Cool can I get a bazooka? Is it like a weed card where it's really loose? Like, oh, I get panic attacks. Cool, here's a bump stock. Yeah, I'm a quadriplegic. Fucking shell out the grenades. They're spitting them at people? The more disabled you are, the more shit you can get. If you have an iron lung, you straight up can buy an atom bomb.

I was going to say, Terry Chabot just strapped to a nuke. Like fucking Dr. Strangelove. I mean, pretty much a regional... They're weapons right now. I don't think it's that much of a stretch. Whoa, Tom. Bill Marpack gets his word due last week. Man, political.

Yeah, and nobody can see you snapping and rooster dancing except me, and it's only going to hurt the broadcast. I didn't realize we were speaking truth to power today. Yeah, it's really hard to get my magic mushrooms joke out when I want to throw up in my mouth. A ballot measure to legalize magic mushrooms is gaining steam in California. Upon hearing news, your uncle on Facebook wrote,

Yeah, God knows we're not seeing enough rainbows out there. Rapper Sean Puffy Combs has changed his name yet again, this time to Brother Love. In related news, Toby Keith has changed his name to Cousin Love. Very nice, dude. That is a right down the middle incest joke you know toby keith still follows me on twitter and that's why i picked him i dm him periodically to fucking try to like you know when he was playing in saudi arabia for that trump thing i just dm'd him a bunch of like fucking mean shit you were really mean to toby keith yeah i don't like the guy he's like is it hard being a pussy yeah yeah well i was like i called him him a pussy in a slightly more clever way that I forget.

But yeah, I never read it, never responded, never unfollowed me. And I'm just like, this is just a weird thing that is in my life. God, I can't believe that millionaire recording artist doesn't have time to be mildly insulted by a Shirley Twink. He for sure has never touched a computer because he's afraid they're full of black people magic. Yeah, I'm going to look at it and give voodoo germs. Yeah, he saw hidden figures and he's like, I'm staying away from the Mac from now on, Kelly. So yeah, he just has a publicist do it. And I guess she can't be bothered to read my fucking slams.

Once you go Mac, you ain't never going to come back. A German man found a World War II bomb on his farm that turned out to be a giant eggplant. The rights to the film have been picked up by VeggieTales with the tagline, sometimes an eggplant can look like a Nazi, but remember that the numbers were exaggerated by the stews. I fucked that up so bad. What's the stews? Like vegetable stew.

Yeah. Stew controls the media. And then it's stew pickles from the rest. That was great because there were so many moving parts in that setup and I'm like, okay, which way is he going to go? Which way is he going to go? And then apparently the way you went was you were like spinning a bunch of plates on sticks. They all fell down and then you pooped your pants.

Yeah, Tom, that was like watching you try to put together an erector set. You're like, yeah, I was supposed to be a roller coaster. Instead, I got some kind of robot Cronenberg. It was like watching somebody set up that they were about to start juggling a bunch of beanbags. And then somebody just comes out tells you your mom died and you drop all the beanbags and just walk away slowly a bunch of bees fight fly out of them yeah we don't know what to do so we just clap gently but we're like i'm worried have i ever told the podcast about when i did a uh a show for the long beach community

center and there's a child's breakdancing group and their breakdancing instructor had a seizure on stage with them everyone thought he was just like crumping out too hard and then it was very weird and i went on like three people after that when i was doing comedy for like three months oh god mr jenkins got terminally lit oh yeah dude me and nathan camp are just in the back like we are too white and new for this this is tough that guy had a fucking seizure ass seizure. Man. All right. Unpaid laborers have been slipping notes asking for help into clothes sold at Zara retailers.

One factory worker said she got the idea from watching Melania's face during public appearances with her husband. God, that poor sad woman. Dude, she got the worst trophy wife gig of all time. You know those pictures of Jackie O when they're swearing in lbj like right after oh i have a i have a postcard from that that i got at the lbj museum yeah i was gonna bring that up yeah because it's just yeah well because like you said you're like why would this be a postcard one of the darkest moments in human history yeah but just like melania looks like that in every single photograph oh for sure yeah just

our husband she always just cleaned blood off herself and regrets it speaking of russia you guys got to see fucking iccarus. It's insane. You texted me. What is Icarus? Icarus is about, I think they mentioned on This Is Red. That's what I heard about. But it's about how this guy, he's a biker. He's an amateur biker.

He's like, oh, I'm going to do a bunch of steroids to try to prove that you can do it. And basically mimicking Lance Armstrong. He makes a documentary. He gets this Russian guy in charge of the Olympics to help him. Right. And then it turns into this giant international scandal with a Russian dude. Isn't this what Burnside was telling us about on This Is Rad? Oh, my God.

It's fucking insane. Damn, okay. Is that on Netflix? Yes. I'll check it out. It's Netflix exclusive. It is fucking insane. Exclusive.

Exclusive. Kenyan citizens are upset over the rise in homosexuality in local lions. That's a real thing. They're very upset. Said one source, quote, well, this is what happens when you let them travel in prides. Alternate tagline, find out more in the upcoming documentary, The Lion Queen. Damn, dude. That's so funny.

I guess they just go see, like, wait, that female's got a mane. Oh, not in my fucking tundra or whatever. I saw this thing where I guess some people in the Kenyan government, like the conservative party over there, were like, oh, you know what's probably happening is the gays are sneaking out to the tundra to go fuck each other, and the lions are seeing them, and they're imitating that behavior. Oh, my God. This is a real thing. Like a man with a job who presumably that's the policy position of an elected official yeah it's just like lions learn how to fuck from gays let's kill them all with rocks and here's the thing i don't think they need more lions all right i've never met a kenyan villager that was like oh dude not enough lines yeah i wish there was a lion here me and opie were talking earlier on the patio about how homophobic Africa is.

And we just had this idea of them just trying to kill a rainbow. Just throwing rocks at it. Yeah, boomerangs and spears and just anything they can. Oh, let's just keep it at boomerangs, Keith. Oh, shut up. No, you had Opie there. That's your get out of fucking jail free card. He was in on the riff.

Florida woman was arrested for drinking and driving while on a horse. The horse commented, oh, come on. I was the designated driver all night. I don't even get some thank you pussy out of this. Horse get a thank you pussy. Thank you pussy. That's not really like, you know, you don't help someone move. And they're like, all right, I better turn loose some of this. Thank you, pussy. You're not really... You don't help someone move and they're like, all right, I better tear and lose some of this.

Thank you, pussy. Clearly, you're not helping the right people move. I don't feel like... Well, first of all, you barely move. So who are you helping move? I've moved so many times. Yeah, you have. More than anybody.

I've moved more than any human. You got a straight up dust bowl-like past. I really do. All of my belongings... I saw handbills advertising paid punch-up workout in Long Beach. All of my belongings will fit in a bindle and a half comfortably. All right. A Nebraska man was sentenced to four years in jail for repeatedly sending strippers to his neighbor's home.

The man insisted he was merely playing a good-hearted game of ding-dong bitch. Very dumb. You guys ever ding-dong ditch when you were kids? A little bit. The problem is I'm not the fastest ditcher. Oh, we played chicken mostly. You mostly just played ever ding-dong ditch when you were kids? A little bit. The problem is I'm not the fastest ditcher. Oh, we played chicken mostly. You mostly just played eat ding-dongs and then get ditched by your friends. Yeah, I never really saw the point of it.

It's like you can't even see them react to you being gone. Yeah, you never know if you actually did it. Yeah. Maybe you hide behind a bush across the street and you see them go, huh? We were more of a chicken neighborhood. Did you guys do chicken? What do you think chicken is? Because I know.

Well, there's a lot of different. Yeah. That's where a group of you would ring the doorbell. And then the first, like, everyone who left besides the person who stayed was the chicken. Well, what's the worst that's going to happen? You're going to say. Well, I'll tell you what happens. Because I was never afraid.

So they would open the door and then I wouldn't say anything. And eventually they just shut the door and then I would not be the chicken. That's upsetting. There's only one correct answer. No matter what time of year, what time of day, they open the door and you just say trick or treat. That's how you win that game. No, Tom, the fucked up thing is that you look profoundly similar to a chicken. You do look like just a beefy rooster.

You have a mohawk. You look like Foghorn Leghorn. Live action reboot. I say, I say, I say, I say, I laugh. Yeah, you look like... You did the Foghorn stutter that segued into your real, like, oh, I fucked up and didn't have a bit ready stutter. You look like they just started putting in, like, too many weird hormones to, like, Foster Farms chickens, and you just got loose, and now you've gained sentience. Just cock-a-doodle-do, you even lift.

Yeah, we're trying to make bigger breasts to sell out in fucking Oklahoma, and we ended up with Tom Horner. Blew up a chicken man in Philly last night, and his haircut is stupid, too. Foghorn Leghorn. All right. The military raided a comic book convention in the country of Libya, said one nerd in attendance. Quote, look in the sky. It's a bird.

It's a plane. It's the drone that killed my family. I didn't read the certificate of why the military shut down a comic con, but I can't blame them. Just say it on CNN. Wonder Woman doesn't have one of those face masks. Comic-Con is one of the biggest cultural things I've totally flipped from being in love with to thinking it's terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just over the course of the past two years, I was like, fuck this. Oh, yeah, because when we went down there and did Burn Booth, that was one of the great Keith watches Connor be annoyed with literally everything afternoons of our life yeah you not not topped since we went to the city of san francisco well you lost your mind in san francisco which it sounds like it's a homophobic thing it's not i just didn't like and the shows were great the comics everyone was absolutely lovely but yeah literally by the even the guy that showed us the creepy motel that he was like you want to check it out before you paid on this 45 bucks and we were like i guess and we got there and be like okay no i'm disturbed for life i'm gonna go yeah

that was the night i was driving across like the fucking bay bridge and connor literally just screaming out the window to an uncaring god shut up i just that's my thing is i that's the my gut reaction when i see something that bothers me just go fucking shut up shut up shut up i said that on hallow i was stuck in traffic in weho and uh oh christ fucking on halloween i just was looking around i was just like oh my god all of you fuck off like everybody needs to shut up go home like fuck you so much a group of mountain bikers rode into a couple having sex in the forest the national park will be renamed to full dome i like that one a lot thank you i was worried is this the last one of the show?

This is the last one. Close the door. It's going to suck. A Georgia man shot a gas station employee and then posted the murder to Snapchat. Authorities have advised locals to be on the lookout for a dog between the height of six foot and six foot two traveling at 69 miles an hour. I'm amazed there's not more social media murders. Yeah, that's the thing.

I'm amazed there's not more social media murders. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm not disappointed. Like, Facebook Live was like what ISIS is to mass shootings. Facebook Live is to fucking, like, you know, the gang violence community. Remember when everyone was getting shot on Facebook Live for, like, a couple weeks? Yeah, there was, like, a big moment. This is what the fads are of our generation. It's not like, remember Goldfish Boots? You know, she's like, oh, remember the Facebook Live murders?

You guys remember Ebola? These are the fucking, like, traffic keepers of our generation. Yeah's like, oh, remember the Facebook live murders? You guys remember Ebola? These are the fucking travel keepers of our generation. Yeah, no, right? God, I've lost track of them at this point. Yeah, no, it's the new thing. It's the new it thing. Hey, kids, there's a new dance

that everybody's doing. It's called Get On The Ground and Play Dance. Everybody's doing the get shot shuffle. Alright, the Mean Boys shuffle. All right. The Mean Boys podcast will be right back after something or other. Bang, ba-bang, ba-bang, bang.

Dead. And now we're thrilled to present the beginning of an all-new serialized adventure starring podcast sidekick and human cartoon character Tom Goss. From the Mean Boys podcast

in association with Don Carlos Tacos, I guess, this is The Omega Tom. Chapter 1, Impatience Hero. For Tom Goss, it seemed like an average day. He arrived at the Mean Boys studio, blissfully unaware of the grim fate that had taken his co-hosts. Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I overslept my alarm by three days and then stopped to pet a dog that turned out to be a mailbox

Guys? Huh Maybe they're in the kitchen It smells like a skunk that crawled up Its own butthole and then shot itself in there Did you guys clean up? Tom entered the kitchen Only to be confronted with a haunting sight

The bloated corpses of Connor McSpadden And Keith Carey. Huh, you guys look different. Did you get new shirts? I gotta go to the shirt store. Oh, right, you're dead. That's what it is. Looks like they were recording something before I got here.

God, I hope it wasn't another one of those Fudge Lord sketches. I fucking hate that guy. The Fudge will bring you to Vanilla Hala. Surrender to those Fudge Lord sketches. I fucking hate that guy. The fudge will bring you to Vanilla Holla. Surrender to the fudge. Jesus, what the fuck am I doing with my life? We gotta get to the basement. What the fuck are you talking about?

The infection. It's gone airborne. We're all gonna die. What are you talking about we're all gonna die? I feel fine. Okay, well, I jinxed it Tom Tom, if you could hear this And you didn't come super fucking late again We don't know why

But a disease is taking out the entire city of Los Angeles Maybe the world Nobody knows, Twitter's down No one's answering my calls If you're hearing this, it's too late for us. Also, everybody on Earth might be dead, but I can totally see you not noticing that. And if by some miracle you survived,

find a cure. Find a way to survive. And tell my mother I love her. And tell Connor's mother I think she's hot. Fuck everything. Now we're dead. Oh. That's why the Starbucks was closed.

Tom made his way through the neighborhood, surveying the damage. The once vibrant suburb of historic Filipino town, now a hauntingly silent ghost town. The streets littered with the bodies of the fallen. Okay, yeah, now that I'm looking for them, there's definitely more dead bodies than last time I was here.

It's easy to miss dead bodies. They look a lot like really laid-back, alive bodies. Tom reached Echo Park Lake. A field of corpses was all that was there to greet him, as he sat by the water to contemplate this morbid reality. Boy, I sure wish I could call my family, but I got my phone stuck in

one of those claw machines at an arcade. Even I don't remember how I did that. It looks like they were right. Everybody's dead. I'm the last man on Earth. Quickly, the madness began to set in. Isolation. Panic. Every quiet whisper of the wind, a reminder of Tom's solitude. Every

moment of dead silence carried the dread of the unknown. How would he cope? How would he persevere? His body had survived the plague, but would his mind? Or would he? I could jerk off everywhere! Uh, what? Hell yeah, this is gonna rip.

Cover your eyes, dead planet, cause Papa Goss is firing up the jets. Okay, so, I guess then Tom Papa Goss is firing up the jets. Okay, so I guess then Tom jerked off a bunch of weird places. Jets, jets, jets, jets, jets, jets, jets. At the pet store. Jets, jets, jets, jets, jets, jets.

On the front lawn. Jets, jets, jets, jets, jets, jets. In a graveyard. Jets, jets, jets, jets, jets, jets, jets. Near a Cinnabon. Several hours and, jets, jets, jets, jets, jets. Near us in a barn. Several hours and gallons later, Tom laid in Connor's bed, drowning his racing mind with bourbon and Gatorade. Oh man, I needed those electrolytes. I feel like I juiced out my skeleton.

Maybe this apocalypse thing is not so bad after all. I miss my friends, but on the plus side, nobody's calling me retarded today. Man, all my friends were dicks. Holy shit, we have a doorbell? Wait. Wait a minute. Corpses can't use those. Who's there? Who indeed?

What unexpected visitor lurks in the night? Will Tom's jets be enough to fly him to safety? Why did he choose to come near the Cinnabon and not in the Cinnabon? Find the answers to at least two of these questions next time in Chapter 2 of The Omega Tom, Pillage Idiot. And the Mean Boys podcast is back. Someone's in the kitchen with O.P. someone's in the kitchen with op someone's in the kitchen i know someone's in the kitchen with op making his op snacks diabetes

special guest appearance from uh op what are you getting diabetes from you're like warming up rice or something, right? I'm just from the bed. Okay. Yeah, I didn't totally know where I was going with that. I just knew I wanted to do a fucking... You seem very excited. I thought there was going to be a big payoff at the end of it. Nope.

Tight. I was looking to you for that. I was like, Keith will have three bars to plan, and he's going to cut me off with something racist. Oh, yes. That's what he does. That's your whole move. All right?

That's your whole move. I know what it is. You built a career out of this one move. Yeah, I'm trying to shift. Yo, what J-Mac has with the pile driver, that's what he does. That's your whole move. That's your whole move. I know what it is. You built a career off of this one move. I'm trying to shift. What J-Mac has with the pile driver, that's what you have. With charming racism? Yeah, exactly. That's the worst accessory store in the entire strip mall, charming racism.

J-Mac sounds like one of those off-brand pickup trucks. I've name-dropped way too many porn stars on this podcast. Yeah. I thought that was a wrestler. Oh, really? He's one that a lot of people know, though. He's kind of notorious. J-Mac?

He's kind of up there in like a... Is it like J-A-Y-M-A-C or J-hyphen-Mac? There's no hyphen, just the letter J and then Mac. Fuck out of here. I mean, I don't know, dude. He's a big buff asshole with a huge dick. Like, what do you want him to be called? Corey?

You want him to go by Justin McAfee? No, he's J-Mac, all right he justin mcafee yeah he fucks people in vans for a living pillager of puss i don't need to hear his christian name this man is literally just a mobile fucking dick squad and i don't yeah okay j mac could also be like a jalapeno burger from mcdonald's i think that would that would be good mcdon McDonald's has turned over a new leaf and I'm not mad about it. I'm going to be honest with you guys.

The leaf is from the salad and it's bullshit. I got a chicken wrap from McDonald's got food poisoning. But this was years ago. But the new McDonald's with some of those sandwiches I got a couple of those in a pinch on the road because there's just nowhere else to fucking eat. It was good. I liked it.

I don't do any of the fancy schmancy like new items at a mcdonald's i don't know i'm i'm always the one i like the promotional fast food items it's like this is gonna be around for a week i like their biscuits i'm gonna go yeah i rarely trusted at mcdonald's i missed the mushroom swiss burger that was really good i i've really stopped eating fast food but fuck mcdonald's i never like yeah i mean for me it's just if i'm like if i'm traveling and there's just no time and this is just what I eat or I don't eat.

If I'm doing fast food, I do Taco Bell or Del Taco. Taco Bell's a good call. For sure. Well, we're playing a game of Who Done It this week. Hell yeah, dude. It's one of our favorite new games.

I'm going to tell you about some shit that happened and you're going to have to pick from three options and decide who done it. I'm going to begin like this. Police in Eau Claire, Wisconsin were dispatched upon

receiving a call that blank was crossing the road. Now, was that a naked elderly woman, a chicken, or a small child dressed as R2-D2? Who made the news in Eau Claire, Wisconsin? That was crossing the road. Is it a naked old lady, a chicken, or R2-D2? Yes. Oh, fuck.

I'm going to say R2-D2 because I feel like they have a lot of bad parents in Wisconsin. I was just out in Wisconsin, and I feel like it was a very family board game night type place. Yeah, middle of America, I thought they were going to hold on to their kids. That seems like some shit you'd see in our neighborhood. No, but they also let their kids go out and play and stuff. Yeah. Well, it was like on Halloween, this kid came out. Actually, no, I'm changing to old woman because

the kids in Wisconsin are too fat to fit into R2D2. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. You got some cheese-heavy

fucking food economy out there. Just looks like a broken tube of fucking Pillsbury biscuits. Have you guys been to Culver's?

Beep boop or whatever. I have not been to Culver's. It is one of the best fast food places. We were trying to

go to Brahms when we were out there or when we were out in the Midwest, but we just didn't make it happen. Then we got some homemade custard that

I didn't really like and I felt bad and Tom ate my custard. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. I'm all about custard. Yeah, it was good custard. It's like when I'm

putting the fucking vegetables under the table for the dog. That's what I did because this lady made his homemade custard. I was like, ah, fuck, this sucks, but it was

very nice. Oh, that sounds dope. I love custard. All right, so you're saying I'm going to say I'm going to say the chicken. All right, the answer is chicken. Hey, cockadoodle. I love custard. I'm going to say the chicken. All right, the answer is the chicken.

Hey! Cock-a-doodle-damn, son! That is what made the news in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. It turned out later to just be Tom. Yeah, oops. I forgot how the streets work again. Yeah, what do chickens say? Moo or whatever? Yeah, that. All right, the Australian government...

Cock-a-doodle-moo. The Australian government built a $36 billion broadband network to help provide Internet access to rural areas. The project has been sabotaged by an indignant farmer nicknamed Scooter, a group of anarchists called the Roos, or a bunch of cockatoos. What does cockatoo mean in Australia? That's what they call gay people? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, these fucking cockatoos are out there playing the club music, eating the club sandwiches. We both just realized we couldn't do an Australian accent.

No, I can do one in my accent, but I can't do one right now. It's so weird, right? Which, by the way, if you come see me, I'm not just going to be like, Australian people, good eye. It's a bit more complex than that. Not much. It's not a ton more complex. Not a whole lot more.

It's basically that. It's a little bit better than that, but it's not amazing. No, it just has a nice... I'm not like a good comedian. It's just that and a nicer box. Yeah, that's half the fucking battle. I put some tissue paper in there. What more do you want?

It's your birthday, fatty. That's so hostile. Here's the thing. When I run out of clever shit to say, I just call you fat. I just assume the Australian... That's the ripcord in every conversation. I just assume the Australian internet is just like tin cans with string connecting it. Oi!

Can you describe a boob to me? I'm out here in the boobies trying to get one off. I took my guns and that's all I got is description of boobs transposed through tin can based radio networks. Hold up, I'm fucking buffering. I got tired of looking at me toilet flush the wrong way. It was cool for like a week. I thought I'd get a lot more mileage out of that I was like this is Australian Hulu

What? What are you doing later? Australian Hulu Kangaroo-loo Kangaroo-loo I'm gonna I'm gonna say the cockatoos Alright time to go I actually kind of the cockatoos. I actually kind of think cockatoos, too, because maybe they saw wires and they have lizard brains. They're like, ah, let's eat it.

Sorry, did you say birds have lizard brains? We all have lizard brains. They're bird brain. Bird brain is literally an expression denoting stupidity. Birds are smart. Birds are pretty smart. Explain yourself, then. You're a giant chicken and you're dumb as hell.

You were very bad at thinking. I say, I say, I say, I say it. Now you're just doing that Lady Gaga song. I make her say, oh, oh, oh. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'm a simple chicken boy. Well, I'm just a simple country chicken. My defendant was given a bazooka due to his chicken brain. Well, you can take a biscuit down to the bayou, but you can't make it harvest a crumpet.

You can give a cronut to a 40-year-old, but he ain't going to know the difference when he poops in the morning. You can fart on a cow. That don't mean we're smelling the cow. You can confuse Tom doesn't make you an elephant salad. All right, so you guys both on the cockatoo? That's a riff from the pre-Tom days. Yeah, it's from Simple Country Lawyers, one of the best sketches we ever did. You guys The answer

Cockatoos Hell yeah Oh fuck that Cockatoo me Cockatoo me Blank So what they're just tearing up The fucking wires

They're just landing And fucking chewing them up And shit If you're building an internet That cannot handle Several small birds You're bad at building the internet I bet there's a lot of them

Yeah there's probably shit Like it's Yeah but there's a ton of birds In America We have the internet Right but bet there's a lot of them. Yeah, there's probably shit. Yeah, but there's a ton of birds in America. We have the internet. Right, but like, our birds are pretty dumb.

What? Cockatoos, no. Cockatoos are a smarter kind of bird than like a pigeon. Okay, but they don't, forgive me. So are you implying that they think, they're like,

we must sabotage their communication. Only then will we rise. No, I mean, I don't know. First you cut out the ears, then you cut out the tongue a lot of birds are attracted like shiny shit and a yeah you know like smart people do yeah tom you're not you're not doing anything for the you are not a bird argument people people do that too why do you think we give value to gold there's no inherent value you know that thing where you end up being right and poetic it's value because it's scarce that's the whole thing yeah yeah. Yeah, so are fucking cockatoos.

We don't trade them for fucking food. Well, yeah, because you can make more cockatoos. There'd be cockatoo money inflation. Yeah, you can't make gold fuck. This is literally a fucking economic lesson from Australia where they're like, oh, there's cobras. We'll give you 10 bucks if you bring in the head of a cobra so we can get the cobras out of town.

People just bred cobras, cut their heads off, and went in and made a bunch of money. But it's not because gold's rare. It's because it's rare and shiny. Because there are other rare metals that are very not shiny. We don't give a fuck about that. Well, those are also valuable now that we're evolved enough to know that they have fucking utility, like palladium or something. Yeah.

People have to pay for that. They're not just like, oh, we'll throw out this plutonium. It's not shiny enough. Well, my gold is shinier than this platinum, so I don't think I should have to pay the late fleet. Well, I buffered this G.O. Give it a good coat

of turtle wax. I'd like to be the mayor now. It's part of our hardware. We like shiny things. We do. Yeah, yeah. No, I feel that. What point did you start out

trying to make? You know why I think we like shiny things? I think it's because we're looking for watering holes in the distance, on the plains, you know,

and then we saw the shiny. Oh, that makes sense. That's my little fucking anthropological theory I just came up with right now, and I refuse to be persuaded otherwise. That's why we like boobs, because they remind us of butts. We used to just fucking bend cave women over and just plow them and make more fucking little cave dudes. I thought we liked boobs because that's where the milk came from. Yeah. So we're like, oh, you're fertile.

I think the cleavage is. That's why we like the cleavage. I've heard this explained to me. That's interesting. Yeah, I could be wrong. This is just something I heard on, like, the's why we like the cleavage. I've heard this explained to me. That's interesting. Yeah, I could be wrong. This is just something I heard on the History Channel eight years ago. I will say, if I look at a real big set of jokes, there's no good way to say what that was. A real fucking nice pair of canes.

But if you look at some heavy-duty cleavage, you're like, oh, that does look like a butt. Oh, it does. And I never look at that, and I'm like, ew, gross, a butt. I'm like, oh, cool. No, we're all big fans of butts on the pod. She got two butts. She got two butts. Man, like a reverse kid. Ma butts on the pod. She got two butts. She got two butts. Man, like a reverse cat.

Ma, Ma, get in here. She done got two booties. Yo, I call her the reverse cat dog. Oh, fuck. Get them chest asses over here. Blank was caught hanging onto the windshield wiper of a train traveling 70 miles per hour on a cell phone video. Was it A, a cappuccino monkey, B, a 23-year-old Australian man, or C, a 52-year-old homeless French woman?

Read me the setup one more time. A blank was caught hanging onto the windshield wiper of a train traveling 70 miles per hour on a cell phone video. Now, was it a cappuccino monkey, a 23-year-old Australian man, or a 52-year-old homeless French lady? God, there's just so many descriptive details in that last one. This is the game. This is the game of whodunit. I'm goingold homeless French lady. God, there's just so many descriptive details in that last one. This is the game. This is the game of whodunit. I'm going to go French lady. I'm going to go Australian dude.

The correct answer, Australian dude. Damn! This is like an Australian level of fucking, like, brashness. Oh, I've got to hitch a ride on the wiper. Yeah, I ain't afraid of the wind. In Australia, our wind is made of knives. Ah, momentum. I don't recognize any word longer than two syllables.

Ah, that's not a train. This is a train. Except for syllables, apparently, because I just used it. What? The paradox. Boogity, boogity, boop. Now I'm disappearing from all my photos.

I've got to fuck my mom. I said my name backwards, and now I'm fucking getting all fadey and shit. Ah, Mr. Sidney Pixel. Mr. Sidney Pixel. Mr. Sidney Pixel. Tom, do you have any idea what we're talking about? Something to do with the Muppets. Very good.

A chain food store has introduced a new buffalo sauce flavored latte into select markets. God. Is it A, Tim Hortons, B, Caribou Coffee, or C, McDonald's? Buffalo sauce latte. Buffalo Sauce Latte. Buffalo Latte. Diarrhea in the butthole. Oh, wow, wow. Oh, wow, wow.

It burns real bad down in your hole. Sorry, it didn't get better. Yeah, it was like in the Opie's in the Kitchen song parody territory. Not going up in the rafters the kitchen song parody uh territory not not not going up in the rafters for sure god a buffalo a lot like this is a sign that humans need to stop evolving like yeah it's a thing of like i believe this is a dana gould bit but he's like you know like why haven't we cured cancer and he's just like oh they're just 500 dudes trying to fucking make coffee tastes like cinnamon you know yeah what kind of fucking a weird food mengala like

was in charge of this like this is like an accident they were trying to make a different food yeah yeah well this sucks dicks but it kind of tastes like buffalo so like we can market it you know i got i got like a chicken magnate got into a car crash with a fucking coffee snob and then they're just like oh god and then he's like it's like a radiated fucking glass of super jizz. I definitely think there is a laboratory where they're like, alright, Midwesterners love Buffalo Wild Wings and then Westerners love them coffees. Let's combine the two.

And then we'll make no money. It does seem like every fast food weird novelty item they come out with is just like, hey, you fat American assholes. We made a pancake out of fucking nuggets. We need to make our food like weird novelty item they come out with just like hey you fat american assholes like yeah we made a pancake out of fucking uh nuggets we need to make our cinnabon flavored bacon yeah this is a taco but the shell is an egg and the meat is a fucking high school diploma you fat

cunt just eat it yeah well you do see those those weird promotional items that like i remember when i went before muscle milk got into wide circulation i was driving through idaho and i saw one and i was just like dear god fucking monster energy protein shake what fucking mongoloid is using these i'm gonna say um i'm gonna say tim hortons tommy gus what what it was tim hortons caribou coffee and mcdonald's we gotta try one of these if we do see i don't know Do you guys know What Tim Hortons is? I do yes It's like a coffee chain It's a coffee chain It's a coffee and donut chain

From Canada It's very It's like a huge thing in there It's like they're dunking donuts Okay I think I'm actually Gonna switch and say It's caribou coffee though

Okay Time to go I'm gonna go You're up I'm gonna go Tim Hortons Correct answer Tim Hortons

Son of a bitch Time to go Ties the gameoss ties the game. Ties the game. I was batting a perfect game, too. The last round, I know you almost had it. Yeah, you can tie shit. Oh, you had the first one?

Yeah. Yeah, Keith was doing one. I don't know why I care all of a sudden. Yeah, like we've ever fucking... There's no prize. All right, it's a tie game just to make this exciting. One point game. Yeah.

All right. A man... This is why I done it, so you got to tell me why this guy did it. A man was arrested for breaking into a church after a DNA test of his poopy shorts left behind at the crime scene. Nope. Stop. Why did he do it?

He left his poopy pants. Stop calling him poopy. Poopy is not okay. Poopy. They are poopy. When you get poop in a pants. They're shitty. They're poopy.

They're poopy. They're poopy. They're pants that's hard to wear. If you say shit. Why are you in such a musical ass mood today i don't know guys i'm feeling i'm feeling chipper um wait what were the wise uh oh yeah i didn't even get to the wise you gotta interrupt it uh so uh poopy pants uh so wait so he so he broke into a church he left his poopy pants there yeah they found me i just like i just want us all to say poopy pants as many times as possible poopy pants poopy pants well i think we have an episode title poopy pants god dance bandit i like i'm just like man we're really innovating in the

medium of podcasting no one's doing what we're doing and i'm really proud of it he pooped on a fart we might have not have the biggest following episode 88 poopy pants yeah immediately following here's why boobs are great. They look like butts. You guys, we're fucking stupid. And the stupidest thing about us is that we think we're geniuses. So did he do that because he, A,

needed to take a shit in the first place? What? He was breaking in to take a shit and he left his shitty pants. Okay. B, to steal a bunch of guitars.

A bunch is a bad amount. Yeah, or C, to put up a street art installation inside the church. Oh, gosh. No great answer. Yeah, I have my suspicions. Tom, what do you think? I pooped my pants.

I pooped my church pants. God damn it. I'm going to say the street art one. Okay. I'm going to say the street art one. Okay. I'm going to say... Because taking a shit seems stupid because he broke into the church and then shit his pants anyway.

Maybe it was one of them emergency shits. But if you're also like, I'm breaking into a church to take a shit, you would just take a shit on the street or behind the church. Maybe he's a bashful hobo. The bashful hobo would be a great... He had an offering he needed to give God.

He asked politely for just one slice of the pie on a windowsill, and he was rebuffed and sent to a home. Not so much a home as a warehouse full of cots where he was forced to watch other people do drugs and yell racial slurs at him. Bashful Hobo. I'm going to say the guitars one. He did it to steal a bunch of guitars. Yo! Oh, shit. Keith Carey fucking wins or whatever.

I know poop hobos. You do, yeah. Yeah. That's the game. Goodbye for now. We'll be back. Mean Boys. Coming at you.

Poopy pants. The motherfucking Mean Boys are brought to you by Studio Headphones. Studio. Go to studiosweden.com and check out their fine fucking products. We're all wearing the Regents right now, the premium on-ear model. That's right, baby. These are the best headphones on the line. Oh, I forgot Officer Money's here.

What's up, Officer Money? Oh, hey. I was not a brand-specific sponsor, so now I'm into Studio Headphones. Hey, I'm Mr. Ear, and I love Studio. Hey, I don't remember hiring you for the money for us. The ear goes where the ear is told. So, Mr. Ear, you just got your free pair of studio headphones that I got for free from my other podcast we don't like

to talk about. Conspiracy of the show. You can listen to it. How do you like in your new cans, Mr. Ear? Oh, Mr. Ear has just been coming and loving these cans, okay? They are fucking great. If you can't tell by the hate in my voice, I was not made aware of Mr. Ear before the recording.

And if I'm being totally honest with the listeners, Mr. Ear sounds a lot like Tom just yelling. Oh, Mr. Ear disagrees. Why do you refer to yourself in the third person, Mr. Ear? Because your mind is blown by the high quality of these. They have Bluetooth capability, including a wire, if you're a Luddite,

that does not tangle. And I got to tell you, the bass is bassy. The treble is trebly. Enjoy a fucking new realm of sonic landscapes that you didn't have access to before. As we all know, Office of Money is all about that bass and that treble and the part in the middle. Which is currency, I guess. Yeah. Yo, these sound like straight money.

Yeah, they sound. The sound quality is rich Look, as in ear But like robust, like thick I mean Not like rich like the money It's a double entendre It sounds like a butt when you put them on your head Yeah, you get it

Use promo code MEANBOYS15 And shop through the link in our show notes Or on our homepage To get a 15% discount on these fucking headphones Free shipping all over the goddamn world They're from Sweden, they look sexy as hell And if Officer Money understands anything, it's a savings. And that's a good discount.

That's all there was. There was no further information to me. Any concluding thoughts, Mr. Ear, before we mercifully end this? Mr. Ear, look, here's a lot of things. This is borderline incoherent. We signed a contract to do this. Sorry, Sweden, we'll do better next week. Oh, we already sold some. He As a pair of ears. Sorry, Sweden. We'll do better next week.

Oh, we already sold some. Heard a lot of sounds. You got to say, these are my favorite as an ear. And also, as an ear, I hate when I'm like, oh, do I want to have a wire? You have one ear so you can only hear out of one side? No, I have two ears. I have just two ears. Wait, so you're just floating ears. But what's between the ears?

The base of the ears. Honestly, I feel like it's probably similar with Tom. Imagine like an ear butterfly. Just between the ears. An ear butterfly. I got to say, sometimes. Some kind of the ears. Honestly, I feel like it's probably similar with Tom. Imagine like an ear butterfly. An ear butterfly. I gotta say sometimes... Some kind of sonic mothra. Yeah, you know, in this bit, you're actually in the studio, so we would have gathered that you're an ear butterfly, but I'm glad we explained it for the listening

audience. Right, well, sometimes I'm like, oh... What are you flapping about? Do I want, you know, do I want completely wireless headphones? Sometimes I like having a cord so I don't lose my stuff. Well, holy shit, studio. You can have a cord or just completely wireless.

This is what happens when Tom owns something nice. He can't even comprehend it well enough to describe it to people. Whoa, whoa. Keep Tom out of this. I'm Mr. Ear. That's how Officer Money laughs. Get the fucking headphones. Goodbye.

Both me, Mr. Ear, and Tom both agree these headphones are ear-tastic. Listen to that on Studio. That was retarded. That was very, very good. And the Mean Boys podcast returns. We're back! Hell yeah.

Energy. Every time Tom moves quickly, it's very startling. Boom, baby. I don't like that at all. Anyway, here's which of the following. We're back. This one comes to us from Paul Korn, one of our favorite listeners. Hey there, Mean Boys.

Since you guys enjoyed my hentai witch of the following so much, I thought I would stay more or less on brand as a gross pervert and send you a quiz based around Rule 34 porn, i.e. comics and videos of famous cartoon characters fucking each other. Oh, no. I can try and say that I had to do some extensive research to find out some of the weirder stuff I listed below, but quite frankly, we all know nobody's going to believe that I didn't already have all of this on file.

Related question. Or sorry, is there more to the email? No, that's it. Related question, because I tweeted, I Facebooked and tweeted about this recently, that I've been rewatching a lot of The Simpsons, and I would fuck the shit out of Mrs. Krabappel. Oh, yeah, you did bring that up. Mrs. Krabappel could straight up get it. She's thick. She smokes.

She's kind of a bitch. That's a Keith Carey 10 right there. I don't think of her as particularly thick. You know she's drawing, up get it. She's thick. She smokes. She's kind of a bitch. That's a Keith Carey 10 right there. I don't think of her as particularly thick. You know she's a drawing, though, right? Wait, she's thick. Look at the pictures of her again. She got, like, thighs, though. All right, well, we're going to put this on a little delay.

Ms. Krabappel. Yeah, pull up some Krabappel. It's spelled like crabapple with a K. It's very clever. Oh. Right? She got some girth to her. No, I was saying the spelling.

She's, like, she's got, like, the fucking fucking like... She's got like... Oh, well, there's a picture of Bart looking at her ass with a slingshot. I want to just tweet that gif and just say, sliding into your DMs like... Oh, here's one of her

as a pony. I don't love that. Oh, I saw that. That's when I stopped looking at these. I'm like, I'm going down a dark rabbit hole. Here she is in a seashell bikini.

You see that one? What cartoon character would you guys fuck? They're drawings. I understand, Tom, if they were real or if you were also a drawing. I don't know.

I don't have one on file. I guess Velma from Scooby-Doo. For me, yeah, it's definitely Velma or Miss Krabappel. Velma is like the standby. Krabappel is a dark horse. Opie just casually walked by and goes, Miss Frizzle. For shizzle, dude. Right on the magic bang bus.

Oh, we have an episode title. Which is the one that's got a real 34-pound video. Tom never answered it. I'm trying to think. I know it's bothering him. Yeah, you know the bald one from the kids next door? Number two or whatever. Yeah, even though his name's Poop, he could get it.

Yeah, number two. He lives in that guy's shorts. Because he's trying to get the guitars. God, yeah. No, I've never... What about like a Jessica Rabbit? What? From Roger Rabbit?

Yeah, I'm not animal gay, Keith. Yeah, but Jessica Rabbit is a human. I know, I just don't know that Tom knows that. Well, Tom doesn't know what any of these... Okay. Yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying. Let's move forward. Tom, just say Scrappy-Doo so we can start the game.

I don't know. Scrappy do. Well, you know, Scooby do right. You can, you can do a little bit of guesswork and understand the scrappy do probably a smaller version of Scooby do.

Although we have established, you don't know what the fuck Scooby do. What did you say? Waldorf in the game? Waldorf do. Scooby to Waldorf. Wally do. Round number one.

A. The Adventures of Action Fucking Hank. Action Hank from a few episodes of Dexter's Laboratory gets poisoned with a serum that makes him super horny and he starts fucking all the ladies in Dexter's neighborhood. Oh, no. B. American Dragon Jake. American Dragon Jake Long. American Dragon Jake Long and his buddy Spud take turns fucking Jake's mom. C. Skeeter all over her face. Doug's friend Skeeter all over her face.

Doug's friend Skeeter has an orgy with all the girls in Blovington after high school graduation. Or D. Who on earth caught Carmen Sandiego? Carmen Sandiego was trapped and fucked by the metal tentacles of an automated security system in a museum. Holy shit. When you said mental, I got really worried. Yeah, mental tentacles like like a guy's using fucking psychokinesis yeah carmen san diego got deep dicked by a psych ward uh jesus dude why does it have to be in a museum that's a place of learning i guess well there's bones there i was saying oh god i'm so upset right now let's say i have a pretty high threshold for yuck yeah and we're one round in

it has been reached my my friends. Shit. What about Carmen Sandiego? Would you fuck Carmen Sandiego? She's got a big hat. Sure. I was talking about this over the weekend. I get the hat. I don't love hats on women.

And it's like, I'm not saying you shouldn't wear a hat, but I just don't. I never found a hat attractive. Not a great look for me. Yeah, I don't think so. Like a basketball, backwards baseball cap's kind of cute. I think the baseball cap looks sort of the tomboy thing. Any kind of a. Like a sun hat.

Yeah. Not a fan. Yeah, anything floppy I can't get into. No. There's going to be a titty someday. Yo, you got hat tits, lady. I think... I feel like Skeeter all over her face might be something that came up on a Mean Boys,

which is following before. That's kind of what I was thinking. I feel like everyone who has a penis and saw Doug came up with Skeeter all over her face. Yeah. It's definitely a Bo Burnham lyric. I'm going to say American Dragon. Tell me, guys. See, I actually don't even know what that show is.

Neither do I. Some of these are newer cartoons. And A was? Action Hank. I'm just waiting for Aaron E. Shurence gets gang raped by the fucking... My Life as a Teenage Robot supporting cast. I mean, I would not watch that. I'm going to go Skeeter just because I only know C and D.

And I feel like, you know, someone's got to give Carmen Sandiego the D. So I got to go Skeeter. They're giving her the T. These are tentacles, my friend. Can't spell Carmen Sandiego without the D. All right. The fake one. C, Skeeter all over her place. Ah, motherfucker. These are tentacles, my friend. Can't spell Carmen Sandiego without the D. All right. The fake one. See?

Skeeter all over her place. Ah, motherfucker. Fucking Tom is on the damn board. Ah, skeet skeet, motherfucker. All right. Round number two. No title slash lame title edition. A. Gadget from Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers loses a bet and has to fuck Dale while wearing

a schoolgirl outfit. Amazing. Gadget could also kind of get it. All right. So it's a gay chipmunk. I don't remember. No Gadget. No Gadget's the girl one. Ohgirl outfit. Amazing. Gadget could also kind of get it. So it's a gay chipmunk porn? I don't remember no Gadget. No, Gadget's the girl one. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh. Wait, let me look this up because I feel like I know what you're talking about and she is hot for a chipmunk. There's a lot of kind of fun. I thought they were all related. I thought we were talking about gay incest. I'm not into cartoon porn,

but when I was a kid, there were a lot of cartoon characters where I was like, oh, that makes my dick feel stuff. Well, yeah, you had a limited access to fucking media and okay yeah gadget could get it right sure yeah if i was a rat or whatever or you know maybe if i wasn't a rat you know it's a gadget in a school girl outfit uh gadget in a school girl outfit b velma from scooby-doo the zoinks gets jinkies gets fucked by i eat the peanut butter gets fucked by a black man in a monster costume, and she says the N-word a lot.

I mean, the door for a spook pun is wide open. Oh, yeah. You both could fit through walking abreast through that door. C. What is it? Oh, I guess I figured out what that is. I'm sorry. I don't know if that's okay, but it's too good. It's figured out what that is. I'm sorry. I don't know if that's okay, but it's too good.

It's definitely not. All right, we might have to bleep that. Is that like pirate money? That's how racist pirates pay for shit? Well, we got to keep it in now. The views of Keith Carey don't respect the views of the very well-comedians Tom Goss and Keanu Connery. That's my view of a racist Scooby-Doo porn. Yeah, no, I don't respect the views of the very woke comedians. That's not even my view of it. Tom Goss and Keanu Connery. That's my view of racist Scooby-Doo porn.

Yeah, no, I don't care for it. Yeah, why do you need to bring fucking hostile social views? Yeah, you're the bad guy here, Keith. All right, see. Sometimes basement dwellers are just trying to fuck. See. Peg from Goof Troop seduces goofy son Max. Oh, God, back to B.

The Goof. No one. You don't want to fuck anyone in something called the Goof Troop. The Goof Troop. I don't care if Mandingo was in the Goofy Son Max. Oh, God. Back to B. The Goof. No one. You don't want to fuck anyone in something called the Goof Troop. The Goo Troop. I don't care if Mandingo was in the Goof Troop. No one wants to get piped up by a Goof Troop alum. Did you say piped up? Yeah.

You fucking monster. That's a good way to say fucked. That's so cool. We're talking about fucking a lot. I got to use synonyms here. I get it. I get it. It's a little something called keeping it fresh for the listener.

All right. And D. Johnny Bravo gets Tinder.. I get it. It's a little something called keeping it fresh for the listener. All right. And D, Johnny Bravo gets Tinder. God fucking damn it. And after several false starts, including an awkward encounter with his mother,

finally loses his virginity. I'm swiping, honey. Wait, he almost fucks his mom? Yeah, he gets an awkward encounter with his mother. Do the manga with me.

I don't know who that is. You don't know Johnny Bravo? No. Johnny Bravo's great. Yeah, he's like a bit... I never liked the show, but he's like a big buff guy who's dumb and he's Johnny Bravo or something. Oh, I think I saw who that is. You don't know Johnny Bravo? No. Johnny Bravo's great. Yeah, he's like a big... I never liked the show, but he's like a big buff guy who's dumb and he's Johnny Bravo or something.

Oh, I think I saw photos of that. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to watch buff people. All right, so... God damn it, these all sound real. Yeah, so it's Gadget from Chippendales, Velma, Peg from Goof Troop, or Johnny Bravo.

I am going to say Johnny Bravo. Tommy Goss. I'm going to say Goof Troop. That's got incest and dogs. That is an internet sensation. Keith doing some fine sleuthing. The answer is D. Johnny Bravo gets tender.

All tied up one to one. Round number three. Spider-Man, Aunt Cumming, Peter Parker fucks Aunt May. The Marissa Tomei version from the most recent movie. So it's not that creepy It's still super creepy No for sure it is Sidebar do you know about the Spider-Man come story from the comics

No There's a run of Spider-Man where basically he finds out That he gave Mary Jane cancer With his car Because he got bit by the radioactive spider So he was just blowing radioactive loads in her for like 20 years That's amazing And he just watches her rot it's fucked up dude i fucking love when like people are just like we're out of spider-man stories what do you what do you got

gary well i've been telling you about that come cancer thing for like two okay just do it all right we got to have something on the shelves by march uh b over 9 000 meters goku and vegeta get in a contest to see who can come the furthest while being jerked off by Bulma. Bro, I thought, Akamehameha. Three can play that game. Yeah. I have a mysterious friend, Spunks.

I'm still going to do the jerk-off Olympics. C, Dimension X69. Morty steals Rick's portal gun and travels to a dimension where his mom and sister are super horny for him.

Morty, I got to do this, Morty. Oh, jeez. It's the worst lifetime shot, Morty. They're cradling my fucking balls, Rick. Morty, look away, buty, I gotta do this, Morty. Oh, jeez. It's the worst last time shot, Morty. They're cradling my fucking balls. Morty, look away, but look at it if you want, Morty. It doesn't matter to me.

I don't sound right. Actually, look at me. It's kind of making me hard. All right. That was pretty good. You did a pretty good Morty there, champ. I got it right there. Yeah, yeah, you got it.

D, Cucking Mama. Video game character Cooking Mama gets caught fucking a stranger by her husband who proceeds to watch them finish. The overlap of interest. I'm so tired of these iPhone tie-ins, Morty. The overlap of interest you would need to have for Dee to be interesting to you is staggering. Like you have to be a board secretary and also into cuckolding. You have to like video games, but bad video games.

And also, yeah, white getting cucked. I'm looking up cooking mama, because I can't imagine she's bangable. She's got to be like a fat lady or something. Oh, no, she's like a young mom. She's like a slightly too young to be responsible looking mom. She's also like a sprite. That could get dead.

Yeah, so she's going to get piped up. Oh, this pizza already has fucking jizz on it. If you look over here, I know it's supposed to be a mozzarella ball that's melted. Oh, man. And her mouth opens really wide. So you can see that being useful. Oh, yeah.

I'm the problem. Oh, no. I know. I'm just thinking about between this and the conversation we had earlier. No one will ever sponsor Mean Boys ever again. It's a rough one for us. Yeah. We're going real deep, though.

Okay. So I'll run through them again. We've got Spider-Man, Goku and vegeta uh the rick and morty x69 and cucking mama i'm gonna say the dragon ball one just because that setup is too funny and i think that uh yeah i think it's i think it's too good the idea that they're trying to like compete with length and they're not fucking each other interesting okay what was what was a again uh a was oh tom looks so beleaguered. Spider-Man bangs his aunt. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, that happened.

I'm going to go. With great plow, here comes great responsibility. Brick and Morty. The fake one, over 9,000 meters, Goku and Vegeta get in a cum contest. Splat, splat, splat. I got to figure that's a callback to the show because we have discussed that before. That's what I think. Yeah, it was too. It was like, okay, that's a really funny setup and it's something we talk about a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cum comes up a pretty good amount. Tom, how are you doing funny setup, and it's something we talk about a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom comes up a pretty good amount. Tom, how are you doing? We've got two questions left. You look pretty bummed. Tom looks seasick. Yeah, you do.

I feel bad. I feel like this is a bit much for you. Oh, no, no, no. It's not too much. This is one of the grosser rounds of this game we've ever played. Oh, not since... What the fuck did we do? We did hentai with Steve Rannis Easy. I think that was the same fucking guy.

Yeah, that was the same guy. God, this dude is shit. We should have had another married, wholesome comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get Brian Regan in here and talk about anal taping videos. I don't know a lot of these cartoons. That's the issue. I pretty much just picked the one cartoon.

Like, God, did the animation world leave me behind? Neither do I, but context clues, Tom. Right, right, right. Continue. Round number four, animated porn edition. A, Milf and Cookies. American dad Steve Smith is selling cookies door to door and comes across Louis Griffin who really wants to fuck him. B, XXX Extreme Ghostbusters. Kylie Griffin

from the Extreme Ghostbusters is hypnotized into wanting to fuck all of the series' monsters slash ghost villains. Okay. C, Epic Crossover. Dean Venture from the Venture Bros wanders into Dr. Venture's dream machine and fucks all of his favorite cartoon characters, including Harley Quinn, Rogue from X-Men,

and Miss Frizzle. Hey, Opie. What a time for him to leave the room. Miss Jizzle. D. Overtwats. All the characters from the popular first-person shooter Overwatch decide that all the violence is pointless

and decide to just start fucking each other. Oh, God damn it. I don't want any of these to exist. Yeah, none of these to exist. Yeah, none of these are justified. The Venture Brothers one makes me sad because that's a great show and I bet it's really poorly written. I'm going with that one. That guy, I guess, has the holodeck.

It sounds like there's a holodeck ripoff. Yeah, well, I mean, Venture Brothers, you can do anything. No, I'm not like, oh, Venture Brothers. I haven't seen the show. Non-canonical. I'm going with Venture Brothers. I'm going to share. That's not the name of the show. Close Bros. I haven't seen the show. Non-canonical. I'm going to Adventure Brothers. I'm going to share. That's not the name of the show.

Close enough. I don't care. I just genuinely don't care. What was the plot for the American Dad one again? Nice, Tom. Way to fucking treat our listeners to a nice broadcasting experience. I don't give a fuck. I don't have the energy to try to figure out what the cartoon is to see who gets fucked,

to see why I'm sad at the end. I don't have the energy to try to figure out what the cartoon is to see who gets fucked, to see why I'm sad at the end. I don't care. We don't do this podcast to solve the developing economic world problems. We're just like, how many boobs can you fit in a race car? Steve fucks his mom. Did you answer? No. Oh, that's it.

No, that's it. Fucks Lois. Steve fucks Lois Griffin. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to say it's D, the Overwatch one. Tommy Goss. I'm going Adventure Time. Nope.

Incorrect. Answer D. There are many porn parodies of Overwatch, including Overcrotch, Oversnatch, and Bubble Watch, but I could not find one named Overtwot. That's the thing. Nobody says twat except for us. Oh, you're fucking Overtwot or whatever. Twat.

Twat. The doodle doodle do. Turn down for twat or whatever. Twat, twat, the doodle doodle-y do. Turn down for twat. Wait. B, shut up. The Cleveland porn. She can afford all this high-tech spy equipment, but not titties? Oh, you know what? She's getting that from a secret agent or something. I don't think she's positive herself. Yeah, but those titties can't make you a better secret agent. They're just going to get in the way.

You've got to use the artist's deduction to fucking infiltrate certain places. Yeah, but you're trying to sneak through air vents and shit. You're getting clogged up with your big old fucking chest beef. You're not allowed to mansplain sneaking through air vents to anybody, my friend. The image of Kim Possible getting stuck in an air vent just by the chest and her just like kicking, trying to get out. This just seems highly Kim Possible to me. Yeah, I don't know if that's what the writer is worried about is, oh man, this is really

going to affect her espionage. Well, if you're going to fucking do this thing, do this fucking thing right. Hey, let's put away the right hentai and you'll get the best goddamn hentai. You can just make her fuck. I don't know why she needs new tits. If we don't like her tits already, why would we want to see her fuck well i don't know maybe there's a after the credit scene where she's got big old tits you're like it turns out i did like that better we gotta put a gerbil in a pussy b what tom you just do you think richard gear is

the voice of kim possible you dildo oh probably why is the gerbil coming in? She has a gerbil. No, it's just a naked mole rat. Oh, it's already nude. Yeah, Perry the platypus. Perry the platypus-y or whatever. Phineas and Perv. This might be my favorite one of the whole round. The Cleveland porn.

Oh, no. During a race riot, Cleveland's son, Cleveland Jr., fucks Family Guy's Asian reporter, Trisha Takanawa. Oh, race riot. Incredible. C, the sexy joke, Harley Quinn ties up Batman and fucks him. Or B, making the team, Lola Bunny has to fuck Michael Jordan before she can join the Toon Squad in Space Jam. Starring the real Michael Jordan, by the way. No, I'm kidding.

Lola Bunny. Yeah, that Haynes money ran out quick. Gotta pay those gambling debts somehow. That video is actually why they murdered his dad. They killed Michael Jordan's dad? Oh, you didn't know that? Michael Jordan's dad got straight up murdered and a lot of people think it's because he didn't pay off some gambling debts that he owed.

Damn. Yeah, that's part of why he started playing baseball. I, uh... Oh, God. Damn it. I'm gonna say those are all real They gotta be Tommy guys Yeah They're all real gang Good for all of Bonnie

But bad for everybody else Yeah she had to be fucking Weinstein To get on a space basketball team Good for her Oh god she had space jammed. We'll be right back. Well, they've done it. Your Houston Astros have won their first World Series ever.

Now, as you all may know, Frank Witten, the man whose dying wish was for the Astros to win the World Series, passed away somewhere around the first inning, and now, well, his dying wish is coming true without him. me is reporter teddy no luck interviewing his young son billy down on the field throwing it to you teddy with me celebrating the astros victories billy whitton the son of the recent deceased frank whitton whose dream was to see an astros world championship how are you billy well i'm sad my dad is dead but i I'm happy for the Astros, I guess. Now tell me, was your dad the greatest Astros fan ever? Mm-hmm. We'd go to all the games.

Sometimes we were late and we'd run across the street when we weren't supposed to to get to the game on time. Oh, well, I can't condone jaywalking, but I'm sure all is forgiven now. One time, there was a big car wreck because they tried not to hit us, and he said it was okay because they were Chinese, so it's not our fault. Oh. Oh. Okay. Well, who hasn't been a little politically incorrect in the heat of America's pastime? Yeah, Daddy didn't like Asians.

Okay, so tell me. You and your dad went to so many games, even when the Astros were the worst team in the league for so many years. So how does it feel for the team to win now? Good. Mommy's face is so much better. What? He would punch Mommy when the Astros would lose. Oh.

It's okay. Daddy always said she had a good jaw. What a piece of misunderstood man in his time. What's wrong? Oh, your dad just seems kind of, well, harsh. You don't like daddy? No, no, I didn't say that. I'm sure he was great.

Yes. Say, if he were alive today, how would he be celebrating? Oh, he'd probably get one of his girlfriends for money. Of course he did. Yeah, girlfriend for money, and then they'd bang on the wall for a long time while Mommy pretended to be on a tropical island. Wow. Okay.

I think that's enough. I'm going to go ahead and throw the commercial. Hey, Teddy, Chuck up here in the studio, just reminding you we don't have sponsors anymore. Great. Excuse me, sir. Can I just say one more thing? My daddy was never perfect,

but my favorite thing to do with him was after the Astros game and after his money bang-bang friends and after we take Mommy to the hospital, my favorite thing would be building things with my dad oh really yeah he was really good at building things and he taught me a bunch about building things okay that's actually pretty nice of him we would work really hard at it yes yeah yeah keep keep talking about that what would you build well we would make a lot of giant wooden teas oh. Oh, for sake. And then we'd grab all of them with gasoline and lighters and dress up as ghosts and light them on fire because Daddy doesn't want our neighborhood filled with... The Mean Boys would like to congratulate the Houston Astros on their World Series win.

Sorry about everything else about this. And the Mean Boys podcast returns. Close out the show as we always do with a trip to the Mean Boys mailbag. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. We got quite a few questions from you guys. At Darkoni asks, what is your favorite thing you've ever come done? A lady, probably.

Yeah. I've never come to anything that goofy. A gentleman. A lady. Yeah. I've gotten, like, come on things. Never intentionally. Yeah.

Well, that brings to the follow-up question. What is your least favorite thing you've ever come done? My face. A different lady. Who told that story? One time I came on my phone, and when it was broken like it is now, so I was like, oh, the cum's going to get on the circuit board. Dude, one time I fucked on my phone.

It's going to be a literal motherboard. Yeah, no, I fucked the home button off of my iPhone 4, and I had to use that on screen one for like 6 months At James Dillenbeck Just says Tom shaking my head What an underappreciated cutie pie So you got another crush on Tom Another admirer man a lot of Tom shippers

We got a dude Who number one James Dillenbeck drew an amazing fucking rendering Of Carnock the blood feature Check that out on Twitter it's fucking awesome And I was looking through his account. He's a great artist

and he just draws dudes that kind of look like me and Tom. That's awesome. Yeah, this guy seems like a fucking national treasure. We've got to share some of our prison fans sent us,

has some good artwork on his DeviantArt that I should post. Oh, shit. Yeah, we've got to look through that. It's exactly what you'd expect. I just remember a lot of like tits and fantasy.

Yeah, we've got to do some research on the prison guy. We will. We were discussing this off mic, but we'll see what's going on with prison buddies. Draws photos of him shooting a lady is what we... We don't know what he did. Yeah, we don't. At H. Pastanek asks... Well, thank you, Mr. Dillenbeck.

Dillenbeck. You come to the Cracker Box. Yeah, and I couldn't decide is that my favorite or least favorite. Yeah, it's probably... I can't imagine you feel great about it. It was a lot of mixing. I don't decide. Is that my favorite or least favorite? That's probably I can't imagine you feel great about it. There's a lot of

mixed. There's nothing wrong with it at age past and ask our car knock the blood feaster and dagger off the anus born related. Sure.

Yeah. Why not? No dagger out the anus born is a human creation born of this plane. Carnock the blood feaster comes from

the dimension of doom. Yeah. Parallel universes get your shit together. Hendrick. Yeah. How do you dare you not fucking know the canon uh at wayward cross asked what is the best episode of king of the hill oh my god it's so juicy that's the best line that's the best line in the history of king of the hill probably family guy the one where he goes ah rafters

the one with the propaniacs is one of my favorites. The propaniacs might resonate with me pretty hard just because of the whole comedy element and the dad not really understanding. Yeah, that's up there for sure. That's a tough one. The finale's pretty damn good. The finale's great. The smoking bandit is really good.

The smoking bandit is good. The fucking two-parter's great. Yeah, oh, the fucking Thanksgiving one where Bobby sits at the table protesting the white man and then it turns out it's a cannibal feast. Oh, and then fucking, yeah, that one I believe has the Jewish father-in-law. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, where he's just like, oh, he says everything backwards. It's awesome.

Oh, Bobby Gets Gout might be up there. Yeah. Oh, you know what my favorite episode was as a kid? I haven't watched it in a while, but it's one I really loved. It's the one where Bobby goes toida to hang out with peggy's parents and becomes like a man like an old and he comes back and just oh doesn't he go to montana no no i think he goes to florida or like arizona one of those two i feel like it's my because i remember i remember hank going oh montana no no because it's just bobby he goes to the retirement

community oh that's right and he comes back and joseph's hit puberty there's the one i was thinking about when he was the ride a horse oh yeah and then there's like the love triangle because it's just Bobby. He goes to the retirement community. Oh, that's right. And he comes back and Joseph's hit puberty. That's the one I was thinking about when he was the red horse. Oh, yeah. And then there's like the love triangle and it's like their version of like a shitty CW show. And Joseph makes out with Connie's mom. Oh, yeah. That one's fucking gnarly. Let's see. What's another good one?

At death to the filth, frequent asker asked, this is an oddball. What made you realize your parents slash adults were fallible and how old were you? God, that's a really good question. I don't know, Keith. I don't know if you can remember back that far. I mean, yeah. Pretty early and often. Yeah, that's a, I don't really have a start point.

I just remember being like, all right, well, this mechanism is broken, so I'm going to ride this out and see if I get some Teddy Grahams. That's it. No, it's tough because my parents are both aggressively competent people. But there had to have been a moment when you realized, like, oh, my dad fucks up. I don't know. It's tough. Tom, you got any thoughts?

Yeah, I don't think I ever thought they were. I think I was very nihilistic as a kid. So even though I very much love my parents, I always just kind of viewed them as people. I never was like, my dad's superman i was just like yeah my dad threw a table at a guy who worked at the storage thing because he told me how to leave they're throwing tables runs in the family for you my dad was trying to move the table and the dipshit was just like hey man uh it's two minutes of closing it's like a store you gotta leave because we're closing my dad's like okay and he's like no man it's like a store. You got to leave because we're closing. My dad's like, okay. And he's like, no, man, it's like a store.

Like after the store is closed, you leave the store. My dad just fucking picks up. You got to talk into the microphone. He just fucking lifts this giant table. Me and him, we're going to lift together and just fucking chucks it in the back of his truck and just shatters into a fucking bunch of pieces. And then the dude's like, whoa, man. He's like, shut the fuck up.

And then we just drove off with, so yeah, I mean, I think, I still think my parents are good people, but I never looked at them like,

yeah, they can never do wrong. Yeah. But it's not even that they can't do wrong, it's like that, there's a point I think where you go from like,

they got everything and then you're like, oh, they don't. And I think it happens even more like when you're adult where you go from like, oh, that's like my parent, the weird authority, like the Darth Vader in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, oh, they don't. And I think it happens even more when you're an adult where you go from like, oh, that's like my parent, the weird author, like the Darth Vader in my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, oh, no, that's just like another dude trying their best. Just a dude who did their best. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. At Ethan D. Lawrence asks, favorite nonfiction books? This is both a genuine question and trawling for recommendations. Oh.

This is going to be a big Connor. The Brothers by David Talbot is fantastic. Nice. What is that one? It's about the Kennedy brothers. Okay, cool. Very good fucking... Gives you good chunks about everything you want to really know.

It's all fucking paced very well. Fucking super interesting read. Nice. I'm currently reading Our Band Could Be Your Life, which is a real great oral history of Black Flag, the Minutemen, fucking Sonic Youth, all these sort of post-punk band, the Husker News, and they have a great chapter.

I fucking love We Got the Neutron Bomb is also a great oral history of L.A. punk rock. Yeah. Also, Confessions of a B... Or no, yeah, it's called If Chins Could Kill, Confessions of a B-Movie Superstar, which is by Bruce Campbell,

star of the Evil Dead movies. Even if you're not a horror fan, it's a lot of great stories about like starting out and sort of ending up like that guy who almost made it in show business and then sort of carving out your own niche. I love Richard Pryor's autobiography.

It's fantastic. I still have never read that. Oh, I have it in my room. I gave a copy to Opie because I got two copies for Christmas last year. But yeah, he's a great fucking, he narrates certain portions of it. It's mud bone and he's just like, it ends, he's like, and I always kept some sunshine on my face. And I always like that scene.

Yeah. Oh no, too much sunshine on my face. He's on fire. There was a comedian's biography I read and I thought it was great. I I always like that saying. Yeah. Oh, no, too much sunshine on my face. There was a comedian's biography I read and I thought it was great. I forgot what comedian it was. Have you read Steve Martin's?

No. That one's great. I haven't. I haven't read it yet. Also boring history books. Rick Pearlstein's fucking trilogy about the rise

of the Republican Party from Goldwater all the way through Nixon and Ford and Reagan from, I forget what it's called, the first one. Then there's Nixon Land and the Invisible Bridge. All and Reagan. I forget what it's called, the first one. Then there's Nixon landing the invisible bridge. All fucking fascinating.

I read mostly fiction, but this kind of goes... Oh, Days of Fire, Bush and Cheney in the White House by Peter Baker. That one's fucking fascinating. Oh, yeah, you were telling me that one was great. Yeah, very, very interesting. If you like sports, The Code, which is about the lives of hockey enforcers,

just the dudes who used to fight to make a living. Oh, nice. And it gets into really cool details. Those guys are like the closest we get in the real world to Wolverine. You know? It's like snicked. Who was the comic?

It was a really good biography. Carlin? Was it a comic you like, usually? Oh, Stanhope's fucking biography. Oh, very good. That chapter about the San Francisco Comedy Competition is great. Yeah. All right, cool.

Magic Bob X asks, what can I do to enact meaningful political change in America? I don't fucking know. Yeah, that's a tough one. I would say kill a lot of people, but even that doesn't seem to work. Move to Canada. Yeah. You got to vote. Yeah, I mean, you got to vote, and it seems like you got to vote. You said meaningful. No, but you got to vote on little shit. but even that doesn't seem to work no canada yeah you gotta vote yeah i mean you gotta vote

and it seems like you gotta vote meaningful no but you gotta vote on little shit like yeah the president thing is all fucked but like you know what on your local pay attention to what's going on in your community i drove back to china to vote in this local election about like some zoning shit where they wanted to put up a bunch of track houses and like kind of fuck up the whole vibe so yeah i'm just gonna keep an eye on that yeah i'm trying to be better about that shit it's just hard because it gets buried under the national shit. Voting and shit. I'm going to volunteer during the midterms and like probably door knocker, at least phone

back and shit like that. I think the biggest thing you do is not tie the the value of America and Americans into like the political climate because everybody just sort of looks at everybody's like, oh, you're you're a liberal, you're a conservative or you're Trump in this. And I think we've just gotten really comfortable just writing people off yeah and we go out to middle america and if you kind of interact with people like without that prejudice like fucking like you know without those goggles on you're like oh you guys are nice and even a room full of people where like i'm like i know at least half of you voted for trump and was like

yeah but we're getting along fine we're having a beer you're a decent person you know you made the choices you made yeah yeah and it's like also like you kind of have to remember that certain people don't i mean we all do have access to the information but like you you're raised with your own prejudices yeah i mean you just because we have access to the information doesn't mean we have access to the the mechanisms to sort of interpret it yeah i hate to say correctly but you know what i mean yeah and it's just there's a certain amount of shit that's imprinted on you yeah and i don't think that gives everybody a get out of being an asshole free card no certainly not but i think you got to sort of just take people at what they're at.

Have I ever told this story about the Oregon show and the faggot thing? I don't think so, no. Okay, so this is, I won't name her, but she's a really funny comic out of Oregon. And we were talking one time because she was down in L.A. doing shows. And she was like, yeah, I did this show in, I think it was like Bend or some bullshit town in Oregon. Oh, yeah, South Bend. Some real conservative town in Oregon. And she's a big old lesbian, super funny. She goes up, she's like, I went was like Bend or some like bullshit town in Oregon. Oh yeah, South Bend. Some like real conservative town in Oregon and she's a big old lesbian,

super funny. She goes out, she's like, I went out, I crushed and this guy and like flannel that's like redneck comes up to me

after and goes, man, you were pretty funny for a faggot and then walks away and she was like, that just sucked because I'm like,

I fucking killed, I did great and all this person sees as a faggot and my read on that story was always just like, no, that's awesome

because like next time that dude sees somebody who's like a faggot, he's going to be like be like well that other queer was pretty funny so i'm gonna give this one a chance and like yeah oh i guess i like some queers so i guess they're not all ass there's a great larry wilmore bit on the daily show where he's he was i forget i forget if he was talking about like uh like you know kind of like a gay elected official or something but he was just like uh you know the black community we gave you guys urkel starter negroter Negroes, if you will. It's very funny. And it's almost the thing of whatever you're representing,

especially as a performer like we are, especially as artists like the Mean Boys, I always think it's kind of good to put a good foot forward. And if there's people that just genuinely don't know about something, don't immediately fucking call them an asshole because they don't know. A lot of people are fucking busy and it's just not something they do to keep up on the world. And it's like, you know what,

let's just fucking approach this from a friendly, non-confrontational place. And then, you know, just kind of make your argument in the most cogent kind of reasonable way you can, I think is important. Yeah.

What a shockingly like level and reasonable conversation we're having after how insane this episode is. We're smart. You know, we're not, we're smart. We're good boys. We just,

you know, we mostly just like to talk about like, know cartoons getting plowed tom you got anything to add uh usa that's uh that's pretty much it from twitter you got anything yeah i got some instagram dms uh what are your best tips for surviving hashtag no nut november did not know that was the thing oh i'm gonna continue fucking it's barely day five and I'm getting pretty desperate What's the point Come already you're uncomfortable We've talked about this a little bit on the show already And I will say I went two weeks without

Yanking it and I did like my focus went up And like my alertness but I also was just Going insane for me it's the opposite I can't I can't get shit done if I'm just thinking about butts I just felt like I was on three Red Bulls Made of horniness all day so it was like pure sexual Energy it was when we were on The. So it was like pure sexual energy. It was when we were on the road.

So it was like during the day we'd like sit in the hotel and it's like, yeah, let's write fucking Carnock and we write the fucking script. And it's so good. And then at night I would just be like, I've done the set. I'm either going to gamble or fuck or fuck a slot machine. Like you just turn into this like fucking. That's Keith's energy anyway. Yeah.

He wakes up and he wants to just blow a load on a Mahjong table. But just this brutal, just El Diablo monster came out of me. And I'm like, this is not a man who can be in public. Yeah. Like fucking drain the problem area. You got to work out, fam. Weightlifting, dude. Yeah.

You get a fight. Like if I'm trying not to fap or whatever and I just go like. Yeah. I will say micro dose on no fapping though. Go like a week. Like a week is plenty. I think that's fine. Yeah.

I'm just trying to jerk off more like a sane amount as opposed to too much. And I did for most of my life but now I'm down to a level where it's like, oh, this is probably how much someone that works at the bank jerks off.

How often do you jerk off? I'm probably every three or four days now. Oh yeah, that's reasonable. It's a good place. I used to be three times a day every day when I was a kid.

Yeah, when I was first starting I was busting. Yeah, in the early days Even up well into my 20s But the last like Two years or so I've just been kind of like Yeah I'm kind of down to like

Fucking busy Yeah once or twice a week Yeah What about you How often do you jerk it I mean it depends Actually since working out It's gone down

You know but Yeah I mean sometimes I go a couple weeks Without doing that What's your most in a day I think I did seven once I think I've had sex seven times In a day? I think I did seven once. I think I've had sex seven times.

God damn. Yeah, I've done that. I think mine is like seven or eight. I didn't come every time, but I'd like there's seven sessions. Damn, Tom. Dude, how do you have fluid left in you? Again, this is why Thomas was so good at hockey. It's like imagine a man who could come seven times and then picture him on ice with a fucking weapon. Tom hasn't read the sketch

we're doing that you'll have already heard earlier in the show by now, so he doesn't realize how funny it is that we're talking about how much he can come. Oh, yeah. I could feed a plant. Yo, we got very measured interesting conversations. Oh my god, that's a miracle bro.

Very measured cogent conversations about a political action and cum. Yeah. And finally, did Bush do 9-11? I don't think so. Eh, kind of. Yes. Maybe.

I don't, I don't. I, calling an optimist, I want to think that he didn't. Did he do it? I don't think he did it. I think he just kind of let it happen. Yeah. That's kind of where I'm at. And I think he sort of really looked into it that much, that's kind of where I'm at, too. I haven't really looked into it that much

just because it would fucking freak me out. What it kind of seems like... There's some spooky shit, for sure. I've heard a bit. Based on the stuff I've read, I don't think it was like an inside job, necessarily. I think it was definitely like Al Qaeda did it. I also think we had intel for it, and I think that basically Cheney, especially, and Rumsfeld

knew it was coming. I don't know about that. Those guys are real defense nuts. Yeah, and Rumsfeld knew it was coming. Yeah. I don't know about that. I don't know that they knew. Those guys are real defense nuts. Yeah, but they know. Yeah, and so that made them a trillion dollars. And they said, we're just going to do this, and then we want to get the Patriot Act and go to Iraq and stuff. Yeah, I mean, they got exactly what they wanted out of it. Right.

And also, you know that we knew about Pearl Harbor coming, and then we intentionally did nothing so we could fucking start that war. Yeah, I mean, I fucking. These things happen. Yeah, it's a lot of. It's not like we're going to stop doing that. A lot of it is I don't want to think it happened. did nothing so we could fucking start that war yeah i mean i fucking i think these things that happen yeah it's it's a lot of like we're gonna stop a lot of it is i don't want to think it happened i'm afraid to look into it we did a conspiracy to show about it yeah nothing on that really fucking blew you know the thing about the uh about like the defense drill workers and stuff and like the yeah that shit the day before yeah well they were running like they run like random

defense drills constantly for like weird nightmare scenarios and they happened to be running one for a terrorist attack with a detonation in midtown Manhattan the exact morning that 9-11 happened. Right. And that put – Immediately scrambled. It was too coincidental with all the other information I've read. One of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life is Dave Chappelle at the Comedy Story 3 in the morning explaining that 9-11 was an inside job with zero fucking attempt at being humorous yeah something about that always stunk to me and i was like hi dave that's cool you had some pretty good shit about the hamburger earlier but i was just i was just like i can't believe i get to

watch this on planet earth this is my life rules yeah all right well that's uh that's the mailbag this week that's it family got anything to love you guys i don't know if we say this enough but thanks for listening and for telling your two to four friends about this, one of which might be your fucking government caseworker, but that counts. We're their three friends. Yeah, that's true. We are your three friends. Guys, come and see your boy.

I'm going to be at the Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego November 24th and 25th. By the way, thank you guys again for coming out to the Comedy Corner. I'm in Minneapolis. It's fucking great meeting you guys. Hit me up if you gave me that $10 because you know I'm fucking hard up for it. December 12th, Headlining, The Rec Room, Comedy Club, and Huntington Beach. Fucking love that place. Always great shows.

Come out to that even if you're in the OC area. December 22nd and 23rd, Ventura, Harbor Comedy Club. Ventura is the funniest person returns. That's me, bitches. So come see me talk about pussy near a bunch of boats. November 10th, Friday, I'll be, or sorry, November 10th, Friday, I'll be at It's a Grind

in Mission Viejo doing Tommy Goss' show. Half and laugh. November 18th, I will be at the UCB Theater on Franklin doing the Tournament of Nerds, and on the 27th, I will be at Mickey's in West Hollywood. Come on out to those shows, and I've got some headlining stuff in San Diego that I'll be announcing soon for December.

Oh yeah, also, if anyone has a place they can crash in Milwaukee, hit me up for this Thursday. No, I mean, the It's a Grind show. I also got a new show every Wednesday down in Carmen Bar in Laguna Niguel. So if you want to come out to It's a Grind in Laguna Niguel, if you live in southern Orange County, please come on out.

Yeah, the guy that came out in Minneapolis was like, I know everyone skips the plugs at the end, but I listen to them. Yeah, we should start doing these earlier. Yeah, we should maybe do them in Minneapolis was like, I know everyone skips the plugs at the end, but I listen to them. Yeah, we should start doing these earlier. Yeah, we should maybe do them in the middle. Or in the intro. Yeah, we'll discuss this off mic. All right, guys. Fuck everything.

God is dead. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm