Mean Boys - EP 9 - Gangster Dick
Episode Date: February 18, 2016Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week's segments include "Mexican Joke Off", "New Names", "Which of the Following", "Science for Kids" and "Simple Country Lawyers". Our spon...sors are Mark Malloy's Anime Emporium and the Naughty Boy Box. Email the show at meanboyspodcast@gmail.com and follow us on Twitter @meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey everyone, welcome to the Mean Boys Podcast.
I'm Joe Dosh.
I'm Keith Carey.
And I'm...
Dennis the Menace with a ketamine problem.
Outstanding.
Ah, good.
Oh, I wonder if I'll ever get to say my own name again.
You sure won't.
You know what? Maybe when I'm in the throes of ketamine... Psychosis? Outstanding. Ah, good. Oh, I wonder if I'll ever get to say my own name again. You sure won't.
Maybe when I'm in the throes of ketamine.
I'll repeat it, trying to claim to some level of identity.
You know what, Connor?
I want to say it's difficult coming up with a new insult for you every week, but it is not.
You are a cornucopia of faults.
Well, I just wanted you to know that you have a head like a Flintstones vitamin.
I sure do.
Yeah.
You're both very unlikable.
Yeah.
We sure are. Yeah.
Well, all right, guys.
Well, we finally reached the zine of this podcast.
We all accept our awfulness.
Yeah.
You know, this has been a great end of our second favorite segment, Forced Small Talk.
Yeah.
Forced bit.
When the insults run out of steam and we're just confronted with our own selves. Wow.
This is really like a crashing dirigible in an alternate universe fan fiction.
It's running out of steam.
Let's pull this thing up.
Let's get into the Mexican joke off.
All right, I'll start us off this week.
A 12-year-old boy was shot in the chest while playing tag in Chicago.
No word yet on who is it.
That kid died.
No, he's alive.
Oh, well, it would have been funnier
if he died.
I know.
An Indian supermodel's photo shoot
was interrupted by two monkeys having sex
in the background. The cost of photoshopping them out of the
picture was billed to Keith's mother and her boyfriend.
Right out the gate, so I don't have to worry for it.
Thanks for ripping that band-aid off.
Now it's just gone.
That was one of the more creative Keith's mom slams you've had in a while.
Yeah, I thought that was going a racial element for sure.
Now you don't have to be tense waiting for it to come.
We're going to be free.
What a wonderful evening we're going to have.
Orlando city workers are flushing sewer lines looking for a missing newborn baby.
Disney World is calling it their saddest water park yet.
Apple has refused Nora by the FBI to open the San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farouk's iPhone's back door.
The FBI responded by saying, come on, babe, it's my birthday.
I feel like we glossed over Keith Carey's Henny Youngman-like joke of a baby flushed in a toilet.
I flush my baby everywhere.
It finds its way home.
Yeah, did you need one of those fucking barbershop quartet hats to tell that joke?
Dead baby.
No more baby.
Where's the baby?
Missing crib.
Old gay 90s Carrie.
Anyway.
Dutch researchers have created the world's first poop bank.
The facility will store solid waste for fecal transplants and material for the Mean Boys podcast.
They're inadequate, I tell you.
Inadequate.
They're no good.
All right.
Mob Wives star Angela Raiola passed away after a long battle with cancer.
Her family is planning a traditional New Jersey funeral at the Newark County Landfill.
The Newark County Landfill.
So worth it.
Wow.
You actually saved it with that.
You really did.
That was the only time that mom advice, like bully yourself before they can bully you, has ever worked.
You were like that stand-up comedian working at the nursing home in The Sopranos,
like, no work, help me, everyone.
No one got that reference, goddammit.
Yeah.
A German man has set his teenage pregnant girlfriend
on fire to avoid fatherhood.
He has been sentenced to 14 years in prison
and recently sold his patent for the morning after grill
for $12 million.
Holy fuck!
If that were a German joke, it just would have ended with the first sentence.
He was barbecuing the woman for getting pregnant.
Such is the ways of life.
He had a hilarious joke where he set his woman on fire and she was burned.
Ja, ist gut.
He's funny because he's cruel.
A Boston pub has created a cocktail that is half Guinness, half Smirnoff Ice.
The drink has become extremely popular with college-aged hermaphrodites.
Hilarious.
An African-American teen was arrested for impersonating a doctor.
Nurses became suspicious when he prescribed a cancer patient 20 cc's of scissor.
A couple is being sued over a one-star Yelp review for a pet sitting company.
The CEO of Keith Carey's Animal Crushatorium released a statement saying, I mean, I sat on him.
What more do you want?
Sorry about your parakeet, though.
Your impression of me is like some fucking Jersey lung.
Dale sat on a fucking bird.
I don't know I'm Keith, Bart.
I have like three that I wrote that are inadequate,
and I'm trying to save the good one for the end.
Oh, yeah.
You're building up momentum, McSpadden.
A newborn baby was found abandoned in a toilet in a California subway.
Police assume the crime was an attempt by Jared Fogle to dispose of the evidence.
I like that we have two newborn flushing jokes.
Karen, that was all the baby we had.
They were going to fuck it, Hendry, I swear to you.
That is such a narrow joke, but somebody listening is doing a fucking backflip right now.
How good that is.
Oh, man.
I like that we're treating babies like crocodiles that got too big now.
Send them down to the future on where you belong.
Oh, jeez.
You're the penguins problem now.
Reinhold Hanning, a 94-year-old man who served as a guard at Auschwitz, stood trial for his crimes.
In a statement to the media, Hanning declared,
I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling yids.
You don't know how many times I've read and reread that story,
trying to come up with a mean boys joke for it.
Oh, my God.
Do you know how, like, all while you were saying that,
I'm like, what word is going to come after meddling?
And it turned out it was yids, which I think just stuck the landing carry.
I had my moments.
Let me hold up my 10 sign.
He won the Special Olympics for the choke off.
Yeah.
Well, I think a perfect Mexican choke off joke
is one that is only funny to one person.
Oh, agreed.
Sniping him.
A wounded veteran may be the first person
to receive a penis transplant.
The excited hero says he can't wait
to give his wife the PTSD.
Oh, that truly tickled my heart.
That saved a veteran from killing himself just now.
Yeah.
Doing the Lord's work.
Hey, Bernie Sanders
isn't going to do it.
Am I right, guys?
He sure ain't.
Oh, God.
A study suggests
that 42% of American women can orgasm from anal sex, while Mrs. McSpadden
remains the only woman who can give birth from anal sex.
You a butt, baby.
Oh, really?
Go ahead and bomb.
Thank you.
Yeah, go ahead and bomb, and then we'll blame it on you.
Go.
Yeah.
Victim blaming started on the Mean Boys podcast with Keith Carey's jokes.
Well, I'm excited to tell this fucking joke now.
An Argentinian soccer player shot a referee to death in the middle of a game after being ejected from play.
The victim's family let a candlelight vigil, praying for his eternal soul.
Soaring out of the hole like a fucking phoenix.
I knew I had that on deck, and I was like keep talking you Nancy bitches
watch me fucking
crawl to freedom through a river of shit
I just shot janked that joke
that was outstanding
wow that was
good stuff
that was cathartic everyone
that's a good first segment of the show. I think it's time to hear
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Ta-ta, boys.
All rise for the Honorable Judge Whitmer.
Hear ye, hear ye.
This district court is now in session.
You may begin with your opening statement.
Well, Your Honor, I'm just a simple country lawyer
born and raised right here in Mississippi. I don't carry no pretense to nothing, but y'all don't need
the good sense God gave a hog to see that this here case don't make a lick of sense. Thank you.
Would the defendant please rise and give his opening statement? Well, Your Honor, I'm just a
simple country lawyer born and raised right there in Savannah. Now, Your Honor, I'm just a simple country lawyer.
Bone raised right there in Savannah.
Now, y'all might be thinking, well, heck,
didn't we just hear from a simple country lawyer?
Well, yes, yes, you did.
As this is, in fact, a case between two simple country lawyers
regarding matters pertaining to their respective professions
as simple country lawyers.
Now, y'all don't need the good sense y'all gave a turkey in November
to know that if you plucked the eyes out of a pig, he gonna find the snob trial one way or another. Thank you
sir. The representation for the plaintiff may proceed. Well y'all I'm just a simple country
lawyer. A simple country lawyer who was hired by a simple country lawyer who despite his profession
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and instead hire the services of a simple country lawyer.
Now, I don't know nothing about no nothing,
but I think it's plain to see that if a frog decides to stop a hop
and the Lord is going to find a goose or two to fill in.
Yes, the defense, your response.
Well, your honor, I'm just a simple country lawyer.
And while I am the fourth simple country lawyer mentioned thus far,
I am in fact representing the defendant simple country lawyer,
who was the second simple country lawyer who was introduced in the proceedings overall.
Now, I may not be a know-ins, all the go-ins, and the do-ins, and the happenings,
but, Your Honor,
you put a chicken in a wedding dress,
you're going to have to fire that caterer.
The plaintiff may now call its first witness.
Well, Your Honor,
I'm just a complex country lawyer.
Grew up in Portugal.
Moved to Alabama when I was one. Speak fluent Mandarin
Chinese. My parents are a lesbian couple.
Lot of facets to me. Lot of facets to me.
Now, I don't nothing
knowing about futs and about known.
But, y'all take a hip cat down a
rebo, you're gonna hunk about all the way
to the moaning.
Well, y'all,
we are five simple
country lawyers speaking collectively.
We may not be no fancy big city attorney, but it don't take a hyperbolic folksy metaphor to know that Negro is guilty.
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You know Little Pete, he's that kid with the glasses,
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His head's shaped all wackadoo because his mom smoked while she was pregnant.
He's fucked up, bro.
Anyway, he's into all that internet nerd shit.
And at first, I'm like, Jesus, Pete,
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realized there's wicked money in this shit.
So that's why I'm proud to announce the grand opening
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Mean Boys is back, guys.
And I think it's time for the return
of one of our segments, New Name.
It's time for New Name.
New Name.
All right, everyone.
This is New Names.
My first new name of the week.
The Zika virus from now on will be known as Breeder AIDS.
Oh, damn it.
I have a Zika virus, too.
Well, the Zika virus shrinks your baby's head,
so I've decided to call it
reverse Joe Dosh syndrome.
You got a big head.
I need a little Zika.
I need to take a little bit
with my vitamin D.
Yeah, you need to get Zika
like how girls get a tapeworm
to diet.
Yeah, I went on a Zika cleanse
and I'm feeling like
really petite in the face. I'm going to shot a Zika cleanse, and I'm feeling, like, really petite in the face.
I'm going to shot a Zika in my jamba juice.
In a Zika infusement.
Yeah, it's got Zika grass, and it's really good for your big fucking face.
I can sterilize all these fucking L.A. bitches with their no consonants.
My first new name, I think Yoga Pants should be renamed Basic Britches.
You know, that was based on a comeback that I had ready for Joe in our roast battle.
If you use some kind of old-timey slang, I was going to say Joe's such an old-timey cunt, he wears Basic Britches.
Shit.
That's outstanding.
Well, it's phenomenal in either context, boys.
Yeah, it's all good. All, boys. Yeah, accidental theft.
All right, everyone.
From now on, Monster Energy Drink will be known as Kidney Stone Gasoline.
Oh, that might be my favorite one.
Oh, that's...
Yeah, that's...
It's pretty solid.
I think instead of having Cigar Store Indians, we should have Carved Wooden Vape Shop Hobos.
Really stretching the definitions of new names.
No, that was perfect.
That was exactly what America
needed. I just think it'd be really great to have like an
artisanally carved like fucking dirty
South Pole hoodie, you know?
I was going to explain what the...
I think our listenership knows what a real doll is.
The very lifelike sex
robots. I think those should be
renamed GI Hoes.
I enjoyed it.
I don't know what's cheesier,
that joke or your tits.
I really don't.
I mean, probably the tits,
if we're being honest.
Oh, they're probably
composed of easy cheese.
Yeah, I think Keith
is made of cheese
the same way little kids
think the moon is.
I'm sure if I investigated, but it's just nice to think that way.
If you stand on Keith, you weigh one-sixth the amount you're used to.
And Keith makes a lot of funny sounds.
Blah, blah, blah, fluids!
Blah, blah, blah, fluids was my other name for you.
From now on, Bernie Sanders will be known as Jewbama.
I have a Bernie Sanders one, too.
Do tell.
I was just going to rename him Uncle Grumplepuss.
Those are both good.
Where's that bumper sticker, folks?
Come on.
Feel that, Bernie.
I've decided we should now be calling PT Cruisers At Risk for Prostate Cancer Mobiles.
I would like to rename Ikea
the Think You're Too Good for Walmart but Aren't Store.
By the way, one of my favorite things about shopping at Ikea
is watching the mostly Hispanic staff
try to pronounce the Swedish-named furniture
like, oh, give me the kajarganberg.
We got the floor gober.
Hey, man, go get a spoople from the back, dog.
A spoople?
I think the break is also like, yeah, man, I got to take my flinging dog, bro.
Dude, I'm overdue, man.
I mean, it's like the law in California, dude.
Every time they kill somebody, they get an umlaut tattooed under their eye.
You got to restock that flugblad, Holmes.
Oh, man, dude.
This fucked up, dude.
I thought I made over 12k
so I was eligible
for flingendorg,
but I don't.
I'm gonna die, dude.
I'm gonna die.
Oh, my God.
Give me a meatball.
All right.
Speaking of meatballs, Keith.
Good segue.
I think St. Patrick's Day should be renamed White Power Christmas.
Your name is my favorite segue.
I agree.
In light of our emotional dunk tank that may have fizzled out a little early,
I'd like to rename Kesha Ketamine Rosa Parks.
I think when someone is buying a lot of stuff at the grocery store,
but you only have one thing and they don't offer to let you go first,
that should be called shopping cart blanche.
Cricket.
Cricket.
If Keith had uttered that joke, we would have crucified him for it.
Let's be real here.
Well, here, I'll give you an equally bad one to close out on.
I think rapists should now be known as clam burglars.
Oh, God.
I'm a feminist.
That's how we got you?
No, no.
Hey, I've always been an ally.
All right, I have one more, if that's all right.
Sure.
I think we should start calling Joe Dosh Reginald Richard Pincushion.
I had a lengthy mental debate to go with pincushion or sincushion.
Reginald, you're a pincushion
from the Danbury Pincushions.
Actually, I got a sincushion
in my Naughty Boy box last month.
Oh, did you?
Yeah, man.
Wow, I'm glad that you're subscribing.
Someone has to.
Well, Richard is, you know, long for dick,
so he's a dick pink Christian.
Long for dick?
Well, yeah, instead of saying dick is short for Richard.
Yeah, yeah, I understand.
Yeah, I said the first part wrong and I had to cover.
Welcome behind the scenes on Mean Boys.
And that was new names, everybody.
End of segment.
Learning about physics and the galaxy.
Magnets evolution.
Electricity.
When you hear the song,
you know what time it is.
Time to listen up and hear
Science for Kids
Oh hey kids, it's me, Professor Artemis J. Gobbledygook
Thanks for visiting my laboratory for another crazy episode of Science for Kids
Each week I invite three kids to visit the lab to learn cool, crazy science experiments
That you can all try at home
Say hi kids
I'm Andy
And I'm Mandy
And I'm Mandy.
And I'm Randy.
And that's Dandy.
Woo-hoo!
Today, kids, we're going to be talking about rain.
Now, it doesn't rain much now because of what scientists call global warming and Congress calls an angry god.
But I'm going to teach you how to make your very own rain cloud in a bottle.
In a what?
That's not where rain goes.
You're crazy, Professor Gobbledygook.
It's true. For this
experiment, we'll need a bottle, a bike pump,
and some water. I have it all here somewhere,
but my lab is a crazy, kooky mess.
You guys think you can find it? Yeah!
Well, what are you waiting for? Get going.
I'll meet you at my workbench.
What's gonna happen?
It's a surprise.
First, we gotta find our science supplies.
All right, time to make it rain.
Supply check.
I got the bottle.
I got the pump.
And I got the water.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Randy, don't move.
What?
That's not water.
It's sulfuric acid, and it's very dangerous.
Way to go, Randy.
What a goofball.
I thought it was a special water because it's green and it had a cool skull on it.
It's okay.
Just put it down very, very slowly.
Oh, sweet lord, no.
What's happening to him?
His skin is melting.
Not exactly, Mandy.
The acid is actually removing all the moisture from his skin cells in a series of atomic reactions.
I'm fucking dying!
Why are you helping me?
There's nothing I can do.
I'm so sorry.
Randy!
It's okay, Andy.
The acid is so strong it'll destroy his nerve endings so he'll die painlessly.
He's lying!
I can feel everything!
We gotta call the cops.
That crazy old professor and Andy and Mandy driving to the woods to hide the body of Randy.
You kids want to learn how an engine works?
Fuck you.
We hate you, Professor Gobbledygook.
Okay, jeez.
I'm just saying, it's pretty interesting.
All right, we're here.
Roll him out of the car.
This is terrible.
You know what's terrible?
Dying in fucking prison.
Throw him out of the car.
You're never going home, Andy.
You see, kids, the force that makes an engine work is called combustion.
First, you need your fuel.
Now, the fuel goes from the tank to the engine.
Now the lesson's done.
Look at all we learned.
Tried to make the rain, but Randy got all burned.
Now we're keeping secrets, living with the guilt,
donating to his mom's fundraiser for a big memorial quilt.
Science can be scary, but that's the way it is.
Thanks for hanging out and learning science for kids.
All right, Mean Boys is back.
We'll be closing it today like we always do with a round of our favorite game, Witch of the Following.
This week I prepared a very special round.
These are all cancelled Nickelodeon shows.
Oh my.
Everyone buckle in.
Witch of the Following is not a cancelled Nickelodeon show?
A. Super Ninjas.
B. Wonder Pets.
With a Jeb Bush exclamation point at the end.
Wonder Jebs.
C. Turbo Mice.
Or D. Angela Anaconda.
Everyone who works at BuzzFeed just came in their pants.
Finally one for us!
Angela Anaconda is...
Are these killing our childhood?
Angela Anaconda is real.
I feel like Super Ninjas might be too.
Yeah, I do too.
My guess would be Turbo Mice.
I'm going to go with Turbo Mice as well.
The fake canceled show is Turbo Mice.
Ah, nice. Boom. Right out of the gate. Nicely well. The fake canceled show is Turbo Mice. Ah, nice.
Boom.
Right out of the gate.
Nicely done.
Only real 90s kids would remember that.
Can we acknowledge, by the way, for our generation,
remembering the 90s is not a character trait.
Only real 90s kids have no cultural identity or sense of adulthood.
Number two, which of the following is not a real canceled Nickelodeon show?
A, Count Ducula.
B, House of Anubis.
C, King and Kell
and the Big Apple,
or D, Power Rangers
Jungle Fury?
I feel like King of Anubis
that turned into
Legends of the Hidden Temple.
I always wonder
what got happened
when you go through
Legends of the Hidden Temple
and the whatever guys
take you away.
I always thought
they were getting
sodomized.
I mean, what else
would they be doing?
Just hanging out
there in a temple
for eternity. I mean, we're would they be doing? Just hanging out. They're in a temple for eternity.
I mean, we're not going to not fuck these kids.
The kids are all having a great time.
And they're like, oh, well, you know, our classmates are being sodomized by fucking stone monsters.
I mean, no risk, no reward, I guess.
Count Ducula is for sure real.
And the reason I know that this is the most embarrassing thing I've ever said.
I used to have a very active allpoetry.com account,
and at some point somebody wrote a poem about Count Ducula
for a contest thing that I was judging.
You judged a poetry contest where one of the entrants was a Count Ducula?
I may have also held the poetry contest.
We're bringing in my old all poetry at some point.
How many people were involved in this poetry contest?
I feel like it was you and Connor.
Is that just like TV and Connor and Connor's blacking
it out.
Yeah, it's pretty gross.
It's a fine place to
finger bang somebody
with a fucking tattoo
of a dark fairy.
Everyone wins.
Yeah, except for the
fairy.
I'm going to say
House of Anubis.
You know what?
I think that's real.
I'm going to say the
Power Rangers want
Jungle Fury.
The fake canceled
Nickelodeon show
is Kenan and Kel
in the big episode.
Ah, boy.
Sneaky fucks.
There are a woeful lack
of Kenan and Kel spin-offs.
I like how I...
Says Kel.
Kenan's like,
I'm good, dog.
Yeah, yeah.
I did the same formula
as the Kardashian shows.
Like, you know,
Kim and Kourtney
take New York.
I did fucking Kenan and Kel.
Kenan and Kel
take severely divergent career paths.
Their fates are kind of sad.
Kel is still hawking Nickelodeon things,
and Kenan is still playing every black one on SNL
because there are no black, funny female comedians, I guess.
Yeah, Kenan's like, I got one voice that's got me ten seasons.
Yeah, I actually work with Kel.
Live from New York, it's the bare minimum.
You are no one to be talking about people's one voice.
Yeah, seriously.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I am a simple country lawyer.
Is that Carnock,
Argus, Crumblebottom,
or all of the above?
It is Mark Malloy,
the anime Emporium.
Come forth
and receive your cowboy bebop.
Anyway.
All right.
Number three,
which of the following
is not a real
canceled Nickelodeon show?
A, Talia in the Kitchen,
B, Panda School,
C, The Brothers Flub,
or D, Little Women.
First of all,
we are for sure
renaming this podcast
The Brothers Flub.
By the way,
Panda School has to exist
because I just imagine
it being pitched
so fucking lazily.
Fucking Panda School.
What are they learning about?
I don't know.
Fucking Bamboo, Jerry. It panda school. What are they worried about? I don't know. Fucking bamboo, Jerry.
It's Friday.
Run a cunty thing at the
end about them being endangered or something.
It's the 90s. I don't know. Can we get money
out of the fucking Wildlife Federation
for a buck?
We got cocaine to do, Jerry.
I'm gonna say
Little Woman is
fake. Oh, that's real.
I mean, if it's based on the novel, I'm going to say Tali in the Kitchen.
Because that sounds like something Connor would make up and feel clever about.
The fake Nickelodeon show is pandas.
God damn it!
I wanted it to be real!
Okay, here's a funnier side note.
I auditioned to be on Tali in the Kitchen.
Really?
And I tried to find...
I'll bring it in maybe some other time.
I have a picture of the guy who got the part.
He just looks like much more handsome than me. That was your ticket out of this basement, Connor. And I tried to find – I'll bring it in maybe some other time, a picture of the guy who got the part. Oh, my God.
He looks like much more handsome than me.
That was your ticket out of this basement, Connor, talking about fucking rape and dead babies.
Oh, my God.
Imagine if you were on – first of all, good luck getting any more hot Nickelodeon on to this.
Yeah, the fact that you think that the Viacom Nickelodeon execs are listening to this fucking podcast.
That would be fantastic.
That's hilarious.
For sure not happening.
I love that there was a fucking TV show based off of a
stuffy novel
that great school
girls read.
I just realized
you know how like
Ninja Turtles started out
as like a super violent
like comic book
and then turned into
like a big goofy kid show?
I did not know that.
Oh well that's true.
We could do that
with this podcast.
Oh now you're talking.
Oh yeah we just turn
into like a really
soft like fucking like
hey guys.
No we turn into like
a Nickelodeon kids show.
Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, and all the hardcore fans are like, nice, check out the early stuff, man.
It's crazy.
Which of the following is not a real canceled Nickelodeon show?
A, rated K for kids.
B, Kid Cops.
C, Kids World.
Or D, Kids Court.
Kids Court.
I think Kids Court.
God damn it.
Kenny and Kel got their start on Kid Cops' victims.
Joe!
Joe!
Oh, my God!
Oh, no!
How was that too far out of everything that's been uttered?
So funny.
It's called Standing Your Ground.
Oh, no.
Kel was just trying to go buy some Skittles and an orange soda.
I'm a dude.
He's a dude.
Gunshot.
Who loves due process?
Oh, man.
This riff was all that.
I'm leaving.
I'm walking out of this room.
Oh, good.
Burger.
It hurts.
Deal with it.
I'm trapped in a prison of my own creation.
Referees.
Oh, God.
I don't even care anymore.
Fucking Kids World.
Oh, man.
I'm going to say Kids World, too.
It's a fake, canceled show.
It's Kid Cops.
Guys, how the fuck can kids be cops in any way?
But then how the fuck do they get to kid court?
That's like, hey, Jerry took my juice.
Jerry's a bitch.
Yeah, fucking walk him in prison and fill him with gangster dick.
Exactly.
It'd be like who ate all the cookies and they give the kids a fair trial
and they grow up
to be a real cop
and they realize
how disillusioned
they have to be
and you know,
you can't,
you know,
you gotta get along
to play along
and then you just
fill Jimmy with gangster dick.
Well,
we have an episode title.
Okay,
the final.
I'm just drawing chalk outlines
in the sandbox here.
Oh,
God. And hopscching around a body.
Return to kids, the wire.
Here comes baby Omar.
Which of the following is not a real canceled show?
All real or all fake?
Final question.
A. Papa Beaver's story dime.
B. Vic's vacant lot.
C, Dusty's treehouse.
Or D, Mr. Wizard's world.
All of this sounds like some frat bro describing his spring break.
But man, a Papa Beaver and Vic's vacant lot, man.
Give me the old Dusty treehouse.
These were specifically designed by Conor McSpadden to sound vaguely like sexual innuendos.
These are 100%-
Yeah, the Dusty Treehouse.
That's like-
I know the answer, but I don't want to spoil it.
There would never be a child's character named Dusty.
It's just not-
Unless he was teaching kids about the importance of hygiene.
Today's lesson, here's where you find bodies.
It's like rip off pig pen.
I'm going to take a guess, Joe.
I'm going to go all fake.
They're all real.
Mr. Wizard is a real thing.
Yep, they are all real.
Oh.
Mr. Wizard is amazing.
Look him up
if you've never seen him.
Why did you know Mr. Wizard?
Yeah, like the Canadian Bill Nye
who has no time
for any kids bullshit.
So he's just like,
what does this do, Mr. Wizard?
And he's like,
shut the fuck up
when we do science.
I'm a big grown man.
I do static electricity.
I don't know.
Hell with it.
You will learn about science
so we can be allies
to the atomic bomb.
Oh, man.
That was Witch of the Following.
I tried to write
a Witch of the Following thing
with some
Nazi stuff
and I just
I was like
got two turned on
no I like
I was like
I like had a moment
where I was like
what am I doing
that's where you
had that moment
yeah
we've come so far
yeah
well yeah
we already had
fucking children's
actors getting shot
we now return
to the mean boys moment of clarity.
This is the mean boys rock bottom.
Well, that's the podcast
for this week, guys. Thank you for listening.
Thank you, mean boys and girls.
Before we go, I have a couple things I want to shout out.
Sure. Number one, we want to give
a big thank you to the This Is Rad podcast
who said some very nice words about us.
So we wanted to return the favor. If you guys have never heard of them, check the This Is Rad podcast who said some very nice words about us. So we wanted to return the favor.
If you guys have never heard of them, check out This Is Rad podcast.
It was by Kyle Clark and
others who are not really my friends,
so I don't feel the need to say their names on air.
Good plug, Keith.
Please download the new book
The Matchmaster
by Alfonso Ochoa on the iTunes
bookstore. It is like an
old-time like bathroom reader,
but with like internet dating advice.
And I,
I was crying,
laughing out loud,
reading it.
And it's a very,
very funny,
it's $3.
And the last one,
uh,
my buddy Joe star,
who's opening for me on my album recording next month.
Uh,
just put out a new magazine on devastator,
press.com called leg drop.
If you like wrestling,
uh,
and you like inane comedy,
which odds are this listenership
very strong Venn diagram,
check it out.
Very good stuff.
Joe, do you have friends
who do things?
No, I do,
but I'm going to selfishly
plug my own thing.
Instead, I'm going to be
at the Palm Springs Improv
opening for Theo Vaughn
this weekend,
so that should be fun.
And fuck everyone I know.
How about that?
I've never seen a face
make a fart noise before.
That's amazing.
Other than that,
follow the show on Twitter
at Mean Boys Podcast.
Email us through the
fucking website.
Through the appropriate channel.
Why are you so grumpy
about sending me
Email us through the
fucking Twitter.
We need to end this
and all go fucking.
We need to go hug
or eat a cake or something.
Goodbye.
Review the show on iTunes.
Sibbletons.