Mean Boys - EP 92 - Now Is Not The Time: Frou Poos (feat. Ramsey Badawi & Opey)

Episode Date: November 28, 2017

Support the show on Patreon: www.patreon.com/meanboys This week Ramsey Badawi takes over the show to bring us an edition of Now Is Not The Time. Get on the email list and fill out our 2018 tour survey to help us plan our big dumb adventure: goo.gl/forms/DKxdxTPtzebqYFPG3 Get tickets for Now Is Not The Time Live at Harvelle's In Long Beach 1/2 at 8:30pm: www.eventbrite.com/e/now-is-not-th…ets-39863786659 Get the new Tom Lightning Round t-shirt and all our past designs on our new Tee Public page: www.teepublic.com/user/meanboyspodcast Shop Sudio headphones and use promo code "MEANBOYS15" for 15% off all purchases: goo.gl/JWBAJK Contribute to the Mean Boys wiki: mean-boys.wikia.com/wiki/Mean_Boys_Wiki Send us an email at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at [phone] We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla California (www.eataburrito.com) Follow our guest Ramsey Badawi on Twitter: twitter.com/ramsbad Follow our guest Opey on Twitter: twitter.com/swankyopey Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: www.meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Soundcloud: @meanboyspodcast Theme: I’ve Seen Footage by Death Grips (itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-mon…tore/id515449028) Buy Keith’s album (itunes.apple.com/us/album/forever-nap/id1105182043) Podcast logo by Luis Galvez: twitter.com/luiagal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hey, everybody. It's Keith and Connor from Mean Boys. Hey, hey, hey. We're going on tour next year. We made a Google Doc. It is in the show notes. Fill that bad boy out.

Help us figure out if we can afford to come to your dumb city. Yeah, tell us where you're at. Tell us how many people you can bring out to the show. If we can stay on your couch. These are all very important pieces of information. Yeah, there's any place you want us to do the show. We've had a shitload of people already fill it out, so it's very exciting. Yeah, to those of you that did, stay tuned, because some shit's getting announced, and it's going to be

fucking ridiculous. Totally, and we'll be sending out dates. You'll get a discount on tickets if you're on the mailing list, so hop on that motherfucker right now. Also, Patreon's still rocking and rolling this month. We're doing another sticker pack. Just got those keychains sent out from last month, so I saw you guys posted some pictures of those.

We appreciate that. Some good bonus content last week. Some more coming this week. Last week, Opie called a cat the N-word, and Ramsey got a jacket from a corrupt millionaire. Indeed. It was a whole fucking adventure. We've got some fun bonus content planned for the very immediate future. Yep.

Snark Week draws nigh. So if you guys have any games or anything you want to send in, anything, any voicemails or questions or anything at all you've been thinking about asking us or trying to get from us, hit us up. We could use all the help we can get. Yeah, now is the time. We're doing seven shows in seven days. God have mercy on our souls. Yeah, we got quite a few

of your favorites, some hopefully some new favorites, some mildly relevant people. It's going to be a... Emphasis on mild. Oh, dude. The mild, the paste picante. Del Taco, fucking mild relevancy. Coming at ya. Watered, the paste picante. Del Taco fucking mild relevancy. Coming at you. Watered down Tabasco fame.

Who's the show brought to you by, Keith? The show's brought to you by Don Carlos Taco Shop in La Jolla, California, motherfucker. The finest in regional Mexican fucking snackery delicacies. South of the Orange County border. Yep. Eataburrito.com is where you go if you want to just look at the kind of burritos you can get. You know, if you want to shop around before you go into the car dealership and see how much... Yeah.

If you're almost everybody who lives way too far away from there, just go look at the burritos you're missing out on for not being in the best state in the union. Yeah, go crash the website so Don Carlo can get his money's worth. Yeah, and if you are in the San Diego area and you go to Don Carlo's, tell them the Mean Boys sent you.

They'll like that. We'll like that. Or the person working there won't know what that means. They'll just laugh at you. Odds are nobody will know, but hopefully they'll confuse, tell Ryan. And they'll be like, uh-huh, and then press the call the cops bank robbing button underneath the counter. They're back. We're brought to you always by Sudio Headphones.

Sudiosweden.com is where you go These are some fucking fancy headphones, guys These are the nicest things in this home They truly are They have finally made this house worthy of burglary Yeah The fucking, the bass is sweet The treble is trebly

The battery life is ridiculous It really is They last forever There's an Iron Man arc reactor in these things somehow Yeah, it is pretty insane They also have a cord If you're a Luddite And you don't want to use the Bluetooth and the cord is dope, it doesn't tangle. It's a weird storm miracle.

The government's sending weird gay beams through your headphones to your iPhone. As opposed to us who are outright sending weird gay beams into your headphones. That'd be great. That's what I assume a gay beam sounds like. A gay beam? No, that's a balance beam in gymnastics, isn't it? All right. Okay.

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Support your ears. Do you even understand how stupid Tom sounds in high definition? Don't deprive yourself of that. It's really just a wall of dumb. Yeah. Speaking of of stupid tom shit i forgot to plug this for like a week but uh we got the the tom lightning round shirts are up on the t public page uh the i put two l's in the word page i think of the last seven seconds you sure did it was a whole nightmare but yeah they're up there uh all your favorite tom gossisms are on that shirt yeah pick one up yeah you know it's a good conversation starter.

It's like, who is this troubled man that you've quoted here on your shirt? And you'll say, well, there's a whole... Actually, never mind. You're my boss, and I don't think you should know that I like this show. Yeah, you'll sheepishly say, it's a podcast, and then they'll go, what's a podcast? And you'll go, never mind. The radio show nobody listens to. Oh, like Howard Stern?

You're like, yeah, sure. Yeah, we're exactly like Howard Stern. Yeah, yeah man yeah i think that's it uh now is not the time this week ramsey uh continues down his road of the organ theft yeah purchasing laundering yeah this takes a uh a bizarre uh journey into the the dark world of kidney purchasing yeah uh do yourself a favor if you're in the la areaA. area or the Long Beach area, come on out to the Now Is Not The Time live show on January 2nd. And come out to our show this Thursday at the Good Night in North Hollywood. Oh, yeah.

We totally forgot to book that. Yeah, no, we didn't. We did it. I just remembered. Cool. Yeah, this Thursday, November 30th, we're doing a live Mean Boys podcast at the Good Night in North Hollywood. A lot of great people.

Who's going to be on that show, Connor? We got Jeff May. Oh, shit. We got Joe K and Ian Ager. Hell on that show, Connor? We got Jeff May. Oh, shit. We got Joe K and Ian Ager. Hell yeah. We got Leah Kajanian. Hell yeah. A third time.

We got Devin Costa, ruffian of note. Indeed. Notable ruffian. We got all that. We got the Dominatrix Action, some of your favorite games. Tom's going to be there as well, obviously. It's totally free. It's in the L.A. area.

A rare L.A. proper-ish appearance. So please, if you're around, come out and hang out. We'll hang out with you. Bring your shirts if you want us to spray paint them. Yeah, the stencil's getting a little muddy. I didn't say if you want us to spray paint them, good. Yeah. Give an iTunes review.

Sign up for the Patreon. Mailing lists, everything. Tweet, send us stuff. Me and Connor both, I think, are dying right now. Yeah, it's, dude, man, long week. But this, I did this podcast while I was mentally fresher, so it's much more entertaining. Indeed. So, enjoy it. Hey everybody, welcome to a special edition of the Mean Boys Podcast.

Yet another trip to Now Is Not The Time, Phil, with Ramsey Bedali. Hey everybody, thanks for listening to Now Is Not The Time. Oh man, you had such a... Man, this is why you're still a spin-off of Mean Boys. Welcome to another episode of... Welcome to another... I'm about to cancel the Cleveland show. If you keep fucking this up.

Welcome to another episode, guys. Opie is also here. Opie's here. Yeah, what's up? I'm quickly oversaturating the meme. Much like the Cleveland show. No, no, no. I'm more of American Dad.

No, American Dad's pretty funny Yeah yeah Oh no no no no no Alright worst family guy Well I guess there's only one Yeah No Yeah there's only one

You're right Remember when Seth MacFarlane Had that animated sketch show On Adult Swim for a while Oh yeah it was terrible What was that called It was called Seth MacFarlane's animated cavalcade

Give me money It was literally called Something like that Yeah yeah yeah It was an ass full that called? It was called Seth MacFarlane's Animated cavalcade Give me money It was literally called Something like that Yeah yeah yeah It was an ass full of cartoons Is he trans? Here's a Here's a

No he's just like A weird elf man Yeah it was basically Here's a bunch of Cutaway gags That didn't make the cut Yeah Is he trans?

Is Seth MacFarlane trans? I'm gonna google that That would be the funniest Shit in the world People say he's gay But I've also heard he's not gay. He's not gay. He just sings.

Not everybody who sings is gay. I've just heard, based on the fact that he doesn't have a lot of public girlfriends. Well, I heard he fucks a lot. Yeah, that makes sense. I watched a pretty great YouTube conspiracy documentary about how he just has access to the Illuminati because he keeps predicting bombings and the K-Ming Spacey shit and the Harvey Weinstein stuff. He also missed the 9-11 flight. Yeah. He to be on the one let's get this was a smash into

it was supposed to be on keith's flight yeah oh well he was supposed to be on the same i think we were supposed to be on the same flight yeah oh man you're one you had one in you could be like hey uh seth we have this car knock cartoon i think it'd be great for you i know you're nobody right now but hey what's going on up front don't worry about it. He just tells a story about drinking at the airport bar the day that happened and the guy's like, okay, well, I'll make you a double cute or whatever. I just think anybody who sings as much as he does,

it's the eyeliner. Does he wear eyeliner? He has pretty eyes. Ramsey, you're in a fucking pop punk band. You're not allowed to eyeliner shame. No, every pop punk singer with eyeliner has sucked a dick. Billy Joel Billy Joel? Famous pop punk singer

Billy Joel. Billy Joel Armstrong. Goddamn right. That's it. Yeah, that's fine. Alright guys, welcome to another episode of Now's Not The Time. Another week, another tragedy. People ask me, Ramsey, why are you not Muslimlim anymore and i tell them

it's because i do a show called now is not the time about tragedies and every week it's about muslims ramsey was a devout muslim until june of last year when he did this for the first time every week i do this show we try to we try to muslims are the bad news what like dick dastardly was to the wacky races like if something bad happens they're always going to be around like cutting down a tree or whatever it's like that seinfeld bit about like like whenever you ask like oh this is good what's it it's always cinnamon every time the cinnamon of uh hate crime i tried not to this week i was like here we go charlie rose is in the news let's see what happened then boom 300 300 egyptians shut dead in a mosque when did you just as for that when did you actually fall away from Muslimism, as I like to call it?

I fell away from Muslimism, I would say I was maybe 20 when I officially decided. Versus Islam. That's something that a lady said to me one time. She's like, well, yeah, if you look at the beliefs of Muslimism. And I was like, oh, you have not looked very closely. I was too old. I could drive legally, and I still thought Allah and the Prophet Muhammad were homeboys. I was too old to be thinking about that stuff.

That's funny. He really is just more like a dour Santa Claus. Yeah, absolutely. He tries to make you feel bad about stuff. A dour Santa Claus as Muhammad? Just Islam in general. In general. You're right.

You're right. So as you guys are probably aware at this point, there was a horrific shooting at a mosque yesterday in the Sinai Peninsula of Egypt. 300 dead. We have our first Facebook post from somebody named Muniba Mazari who said, thoughts and prayers for the victims and survivors in Egypt. Pray for Egypt. I don't believe that this is an appropriate post because I don't know if you know where the shooting

happened, but it was in a mosque. That is the place where there is the most praying happening at all times. I mean, if you really think about it, 300 died, 5 prayers a day. That's 1,500 prayers a day. That's 547,000 prayers a year.

He's done the math here it did nothing for them say you know let's stop sending the prayers let's start sending him something they're gonna need like bulletproof vests guns or maybe a hilarious no ma'am shirt from so that when they do die they die hilariously what is what is this looks like fucking dad isis what is this no ma'am i didn't see it no they're all wearing masks and they have shirts that say no ma'am they used to have a secret abasement organization where they wore shirts where they it was called no ma'am and it was like an association of men against women they genuinely called like the mra movement like 20 years before it happened yeah i don't know about that. It's kind of crazy. It's crazy.

They're all white. Look how funny. Al Bundy also had access to the Illuminati. Everybody who's had a bad show on Fox has access to the secrets

of the government. It's so funny. Man, yeah, I've said it before. The only way to stop a good guy with a prayer is a bad guy with a gun. Kareem Badawi, same last name as me,

wrote, terrorism has no religion. Muslims are not terrorists. Why don't you have a higher case D? He does spell his name a lot funnier than me. It's spelled like a Batman sound effect. Wow, wow, Badawi. Everything about it, it's hype. It's Kareem Badawi.

It sounds like a Dragon Ball Z attack. Kareem Badawi. It sounds like a Dragon Ball Z attack. Kareem Badawi. Yeah, I like that he used the smug emoji. That's exactly it. It's a good message, but the problem is he used the wrong emoji. I think he's trying to be sarcastic. I don't think so. It's the kind of smirking, rolling your eyes thing.

His name is Kareem Badawi. Yeah, but your name is Ramsey Badawi, and we're doing this show. Case in point, we can follow up on his Facebook, but it's the kind of like smirking, rolling your eyes thing. His name is Kareem Badawi. Yeah, but your name is Ramsey Badawi, and we're doing this show. Case in point, we can follow up on his Facebook, but it's the wrong one. And I realized using the wrong emoji just does so much. You could put the most earnest statement. That's supposed to be like, well, actually, it's they are. That makes it look like he's trying to fuck this shooting. But I realized that you could just throw in an emoji, the wrong emoji, into any sentence and it becomes hilarious.

Well, yeah, this is like the emoji girls use when they're horny. Yes, exactly. You text to someone who's at the mosque like, you alive? You're going to be 71, Virgil. Any factual sentence that you put in with the wrong emoji is hilarious. Like, look at this. Here's Kareem Badal writing, women can give sexual consent only at 18 sad face here's kareem badawi saying harvey wine scene jerked off into a potted plant with shades on and it's hilarious

four four sunglass emojis 15 861 likes because ramsey just made Kareem Badawi. I didn't make this one, though. You did not. Yeah, this was in between making OP Facebook posts and sending it to me. Those other ones are fake. Okay. I believed him for a second. I was like, what the fuck?

I think the sunglass emoji is my favorite one. I do think I would like to. I don't think I've ever sent that emoji. Sunglass emoji is the cool one. Yeah, it's fun. It's the most fun. You could send it to everything. I think eventually, and I'm going to prove to you guys that Karim Badawi was not doing this ironically, I would like to create maybe a coffee book table called Foreign People Using the Wrong Emoji.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's another hilarious one. This person posted one of those images that says, At least 235 killed in mosque attack in Egypt, Sinai. Why Muslims are always the victim of terrorism. When you get a little closer, one person wrote a ha-ha reaction. And I did follow up with this person. It was Iyanda Abbas Femi.

Oh, Femi. He's Nigerian. He's Nigerian. Oh, shit. Whoa, dude. I like how he has the picture with the, like, you know. Yeah, it looks like he went to prom with himself. Yeah.

I followed up with him, and I will show you guys the Facebook conversation where he was saying, no, I am devout Muslim. Like, I love Muslims. Say what you will. This leads me to another thought. Say what you will about white people, okay? Say whatever you will. Genocidal. Exploitative. Often perpetrating school shootings, can't dance.

But here's the thing about white people. We figured out hats. We really did. Every other culture. We. Again, Ramsey has included himself. We're not adopting you, Ramsey. I disagree with white people figuring out hats. Let me finish my argument.

Every culture does not seem to figure out how hats work. They're either too big, too small, or wrong shape. So we had a sombrero, a yarmulke, and a Raiden from Mortal Kombat hat. I was trying to remember what that was called, but I've always just it a Ching Chong hat in my brain and I know that's not okay I would never say it out loud except for here but I feel bad about that now Opie, hit us with your disagreement You didn't show the Nigeria hat

that Kemi has on it's a good hat That looks like a floppy Popeye the Sailor Man It's true, that's a good hat It looks like he works at an In-N-Out that also sells hummus. It looks like he is wearing an undercooked Pillsbury biscuit on his head. Also, he's not rocking it right.

You're supposed to push it down, and it kind of looks like one of those military hats. My problem with this hat is I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of it is. It has a reservoir tip. Are you to drink water out of this hat at some point? New goal for the show. We have to just get

Opie to show us how to wear Nigerian hats. Also, with the fucking regular hats, the caps and shit, black people

weren't the best. Black people weren't the best, but I think white people invented it. Baseball caps were invented. It is the one thing

we invented and you guys perfected. Absolutely. The one. We took everything else from it. We took rock and roll and all that shit. We took bad versions of everything from black people, but the one thing... Hang on.

Reverse? Yeah, why don't you guys take AIDS and HIV? I mean, we did. Yeah, that's true. They did. And again, we really perfected. They perfected that one. That's the one thing white people invented.

No, we'll have some of that. If white people never got AIDS, we would not even that. They perfected that one. That's the one thing white people invented. No, we'll have some of that. If white people never got AIDS, we would not even know what a T-cell is. We would literally just be like, those black people are just getting sick for no reason. Oh, well. Not going to investigate any further. That's why we wear those hats. Anyways. AIDS proves you.

I digress. It's fine. Let's see. Aza Wahab wrote. Gesundheit. By the way, from Cairo, Egypt. This guy is right in the epicenter. Wrote, terrorism in Eresh Sinai, Egypt today.

Who's the criminal? I say mainly Israel. ISIS is manufactured by Israel, funded by idiots. I personally really find this to be offensive to a lot of people, but mainly the terrorists. I mean, really. These guys are working so hard. You're going to give them credit.

To distance themselves from Israel. They hate Jews, and you're giving them all the credit for all the work? You know what I mean? God, what a bummer. It's a bummer. It would be like if USC beat fucking Washington State, and we were like, yeah, but really UCLA did it. Ultimately.

I don't know. I find it. They do this with everything. They go, the Jews did 9-11. The Jews did fucking London bombing. It's like, who's the right? It's so weird that they think the Jews did 9-11. It's literally the World Trade Center, the epicenter of finance.

And if you're going to be racist against Jews, that just seems like that would disqualify that whole argument. All I'm saying is people say SEAL Team 6 killed bin Laden. I think he died of a broken heart. Let's move on. All right, guys. In this segment, I do want to point out the most unfortunate named president of a Middle Eastern country.

That is President Sisi. He's the president. This is the president of Egypt. His name is President Sisi. Sisi. Opie president of Egypt. His name is President Sisi. Opie, how is that spelled? S-I-S-I. That is ISIS reversed. Sisi has a pizza kitchen.

You shouldn't have a country. His name is Sisi. But your name is ISIS reversed. It would be like if Germany had a president named Lurhet. Horrible. I believe if you say Sisi three three times He goes back to the ISIS dimension My powers There's this guy I found on Twitter

He's fighting the most retarded online battle Right now This guy for the last full year Has been fighting the fight over what ISIS is called I have on the screen His Twitter handle is It's all choice Feel free to follow him

Spelled exactly how I pronounced it He spent the better half of his whole year Telling people that they are called ISIL His Twitter handle is atitsallchoice. Feel free to follow him. Spelled exactly how I pronounced it. He spent the better half of his whole year telling people that they are called ISIL, not ISIS. There's, let's see, there's eight tweets here where he's shouting at people, remember, dude, they are ISIL, not ISIS. They are the Islamic State, not ISIS fighters. The latter was a female and doesn't support women oppressors. Just on and on and on.

I thought it was hilarious. What a total grammar jihadist. Am I right, guys? What a long road to that pun. Yeah, well, ISIL is of the Levant and ISIS is in Syria. And didn't they lose their Syrian shit? No, I think they still have a lot of control over Raqqa and all of those other places. Levant! I'm a Levantine Arab. I'm part of the Levant.

Levant is Palestine, Syria, Lebanon, and that's it. So he's one of the Levar brothers. He's also one of the Levar brothers, absolutely. One from the Baal family. But folks, let's get back to it. Let's get back to why we're really here today.

As you guys recall, last week, the Mean Boys, we tried to purchase a kidney. And for those of you that don't recall, that maybe didn't listen, feel free to listen to the episode. What episode is that one? 89? Yeah, it's called Thanks God for Dance. Thanks God for Dance. Yeah. We found, this was during the earthquakeake in Iran We found that one person

Had been attempting To sell their kidney On the Iranian Craigslist I contacted I contacted that person With my Perfectly crafted pseudonym Farhad Hirbad

Ardeshir Jahanshah The email address By the way Is that full name It's the full name All the way up to the last H In which he ran out of character At gmail.com.

And just as a refresher, I hit him up. I said, greetings. I am in contact to you about your advertisement posted to Craigslist regarding your kidney for sale. I would like to purchase it. Not for me, but for my father-in-law, as he could use it now more than ever. I have some questions to ask you. And then I asked him several questions. And we thought we didn't hear back from him.

Well, a couple of days ago, I got an email back from him. Oh, shit. He said to me, hello, and thank you for your response. He's now answering my questions that I asked him. He said, as I am an American by birth, I am Native American. I don't play sports, but I am fit. I am a boy of 43 years old. Hang on.

That's not a boy anymore. That's just a dude. I drink only on occasion. I am a boy of 43 years old. Hang on. That's not a boy anymore. That's just a dude. I drink only on occasion. I am a boy of 75. I am die soon. I drink only on occasions. I don't use drugs, and I am healthy. I weigh 175 pounds.

I like how he's answering you in the same broken, dumb, dumb English that you sent him. Don't you guys do that? Whenever I talk to foreign people, I'll catch myself being like, it's $15. Yeah, I'm like, oh no, what am I doing? Dude, I talked to Obi for five minutes the other day and I ordered myself a vanilla shake. To be fair, he did write this with smoke.

You can't blame him. He's like, he's throwing a log in the fire. He's like, what are you doing? Wi-Fi's down. Here I require all expenses, including passport, accommodations, logging the fires. He's like, what are you doing? Wi-Fi's down. He wrote, I require all expenses including passport, accommodations, transportation, all medical expenses,

food, clothing, return trip, along with the $50,000 in U.S. cash. If you can guarantee my safety for me and my friend and all expenses,

we can make a deal. I hope the earthquake hasn't affected you or your loved ones. Hope to hear back from you. Take care, my friend. JJ. Holy shit.

Whose name is fucking JJ? That's a 43-year-old Native American boy trying to sell his kidney. JJ is the name of a little white boy with a baseball cap. JJ Hawk. So I think this guy is looking to fly to Iran from America and leave his kidney there.

And as we are about to find out, Farhad is willing to accommodate. Farhad replies, hello to you, JJ. Thanks to your respond to me. It seems as though you are a good fit for us. I very much want to move forward. Earthquake unfortunately collapsed my father-in-law business, and he is devastated. For this reason, I want to buy kidney.

This could very much please him. He have tough hair I love that the line breaks that just don't make sense I don't like that at no point have you said you're putting the kidney in this guy No, sir I'm planning on keeping the kidney I can pay for your ticket for you, your companion And also pay for hotel for two weeks

Or as long as doctor suggests you need recovery What do you need from me to move forward Thanks to you. F. You should have just sent it FHH. He responds back to me. He says, Farhad, I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I hope his business can recover.

What kind of business does he have? The accommodations, I assume, include medical procedures? If so, great. All I would need from you is a small deposit as a sign of good faith. This is Craigslist. You and I both know crazy, dishonest people prey on honest and innocent. What? Never.

Where could he hear such a thing? So he goes, and this is legal as there are only three countries in the world that allow you to buy and sell organs legally. Did you guys know Iran is one of the only countries in the world where you can do this? That's crazy. What are the other ones? Didn't care to look too into them. I feel like Mexico has to be one. No, I think it's like China and something else.

I feel like Mexico's constitution just says good luck. Mexico's constitution just says whatever. The constitution. The constitution. So I and my companion need to get the necessary documents in order to travel. So I request 15% down and another 5% upon arrival and the remaining 40% when I'm out of surgery. All the currencies to be in U.S. dollars will be fine. If this is agreeable, then we have a deal and we can start scheduling proceedings. So I replied back to him.

I gave him a couple. This is a little bit of a long one, so I'll shorten it up a little bit. I'll sweeten it up. I said to Mr. JJ, Mr. JJ! Thanks to your condolence. That's what your maid said.

Like, Mr. JJ? Mr. JJ. Dynoma. Thanks to your condolence is a sentence that means nothing. It's a word soup. My family's happy from your words Thanks God he's okay Thanks God

And that's all I care about My father-in-law He owns number one laundering business In Kermanshaw Kermanshaw is a city I looked up and arrived I was about to say Is that a real place? It is a real place It was hit by the earthquake? It was hit by the earthquake Kermanshah is a city I looked up in Iran. I was about to say, is that a real place? It is a real place.

It was hit by the earthquake? It was hit by the earthquake, Kermanshah. Everyone used his service, from mayor to big businessman from Tehran. He even laundered for world-famous Iranian singer Gush Gush. Gush Gush. Is Gush Gush real? Gush Gush is real. The Gush so nice they named her twice.

Gush so nice. We hope to relocate business and open up in January 2018 with the blessing of Allah SWT. That's an Arabic thing. What does SWT stand for? It means subhanahu wa ta'ala. It's what a bunch of – it's like – that's how you know you're talking to a real Muslim. If they go – if they write PBUH after Muhammad or SWT after Allah, you're talking to the real deal. What's PBUH? Peace be upon him.

Oh, okay. For a guy who's incited a lot of not-peace, I mean, really. Yeah. I feel like he's the problem at this point. We'll come back for more jokes that white people are uncomfortable to laugh at. He is just depressed now and sit in his room all day. We try to cheer him up. By the way, what is it you do, Mr. JJ?

You have wife and kid? And I replied also, I said, I... The intonations that you're putting on this are so scary. Just fucking weird cyber bore-ass. I find the key to hitting people, too, is to make sure you lace enough questions in there so that they're always engaged. Yeah, because then it's about them,

and they're like, oh, everybody's talking about themselves. Yeah, so I go, I am aware that Iran is where it it is legal to buy organs i purchased multiple organs in our great country before hang on here it goes this is human right between buyer and seller and no need for governments to involve right but please this conversation i don't waste your time with. I'm sure we could talk about excessive government for hours, comma, you and me, laughing face emoji. I will be happy to discuss payment schedule in future. Before moving forward, I would like to clear you with preliminary inspection from my friend, Dr. Human Rami Afkami. I have CC'd him in this email. Rami Afkami.

He runs Popular Organ Removal Clinic in Tehran. What? It makes sense. Before we get final okay, we start talking money, just to be safe. I'm looking forward to finalizing our deal, Mr. JJ. Best F. Yeah, I really like – if you go to the Iran Yelp, there's got to be like, let's not go to this one. They got a coupon for this organ removal service.

So hang on. You've now CC'd a doctor. I've now CC'd Dr. Afkami12369 at AOL. I'm assuming Dr. Afkami, also you. By the way, the weird Craigslist encrypted email that they create for responding to the threat is not as long as Ramsey's actual Farhad Kajakalot email. So Dr. Afkami jumps in on the chain. He says, Hi, JJ.

This is Dr. Homan Afqami. I am friend and associate of Farhad. I have completed many of these procedures in the past and look forward to work with you. A couple of preliminary questions to determine if you are a right candidate for our patient. Could you please answer the following? Age?

Height? Weight? How would you describe your diet? Have you had sexual interaction with men over the last 20 years? Do you smoke? Where were you born? Do you have family history of kidney or gallstones? How many times a day do you urinate?

Any previous health issues? Current occupation? I will hear back from you soon. Thanks, Dr. Homan Afkame. You didn't ask his blood type. Exactly. Hilarious. I've not asked him the correct questions.

No, not at all. You're just like, what's our hobby? Do you like to watch on the beach? No response. How many goats you be own? I received no response from him. I was very worried. Take a quiz to find out which Disney princess are you being.

That's really funny. I should have totally done it. That's how you do blood transfusions between white women. I'm a Belle, and she's a Cinderella. So I would love to give you the quiz. Well, Jasmine is compatible with anybody. I wish I could jump in. I don't know any Disney princesses.

Yeah, we got it. Is Nambla one of them? Nambla? Who's the bitch from Lion King? Nala. You know what? Nambla is the North American Man Boy Love Association. Yeah, what you're thinking of is a cartoon lion.

It's very different. Not to be confused with a club for fucking children. Yeah, Nala is what you use to bait the children when you're in Nambla. Look, guys, Nambla, Disney, they've all fucked children. Am I right? Hell yeah. Silence, nothing backroom. So while you guys were stuffing your face with turkey on

Thanksgiving, Farhad got to work. Farhad sent him a follow-up email on Thanksgiving Day that says, Hello to you, Mr. JJ. Season's greeting. As I understand, it is your country Thanksgiving. Quick pause. This man is a Native American.

Yes. I was very aware of this. I hope you enjoy cultural drink of tear and Lysol. Please enjoy attached gift of blanket. Also, you're Russian. I want to follow in your progress with Dr. Afkami. I am ready to purchase today, but need Dr. A's clearance. Did he reach out to you? Thanks God to you. Forkami, I am ready to purchase today but need Dr. A's clearance. Did he reach out to you?

Thanks God to you. Oh, for you, F. He hit me back up. He said, greetings Farhad and thank you. It is an American holiday, however a sad one which I do not care for as much as all American beliefs. This guy is trying to do virtue signal for your fake Muslims. Dude, he really kicks it up. Oh, man.

Yes, the doctor had responded to – and I had just responded to him yesterday. But I've not heard back from him as of yet. Let me know when you hear from him and when we can accomplish our task with swiftness and grace. Thank you, Farhad, and I wish you many blessings for you and your family. Heck my kidney out with swiftness and grace. What does this dude need the money for? Who is this weird? I like the idea that this is just another, like, some asshole trolling you, and you guys are going to fall in love.

I think, I don't know. We'll find out. We'll find out. That's the You've Got Mail story for now. It's not the time. I follow up. We find out it's just a different podcast. The Time is Right podcast up in Portland.

So I respond back to him. I say, hi, JJ. I am unfamiliar with what they did to your people. Are you sure it was them and not you? Israel always behind bad stuff in my country. Bad stuff. Bad stuff. They are, the, bad guys. By the way, Mr. JJs, what are you planning on doing with 50K USD?

I want to make sure nothing haram or bad. Thanks to you, Farhad. What is haram, sir? Haram is bad, and Islam means forbidden. Oh, okay. Thanks to you, Farhad. P.S. My father-in-law find out about surprise today. He cannot stop it smiling. See attached picture. Oh, Lord. P.S. My father-in-law find out about surprise today. He cannot stop it smiling.

See attached picture. Oh, Lord. Oh, no. You just Googled stern brown man. You know what I did? I went to my mom's Facebook page. And I just found weird Arab friends that she has. My favorite.

You have a frame right here where it's holding a heart that says love, but it's cut off and squished, so it just looks like Goethe. Well, yeah, it's cut off and squished and sideways. This guy, I've never seen a man look more serious than his entire life. That looks like the dude who made the human centipede. That's exactly who it looks like.

So I hit him back afterwards, and I said, it sounds like perhaps we could be friends with the way you speak of American holidays and traditions. Oh, he hates juice too. If you don't ask me – no, this is me back to him. I followed him. He double messaged me. He's thirsty. If you don't want me to ask, why is it a sad?

I personally find the American value system to be upside down. Focus too much on selfishness, greed, obsessions with money, and at the very bottom of the priorities, healthcare. This makes no sense. Anyways, I look forward to purchasing your kidney for money. I'm glad you and Dr. A are in touch. He is dear friend who I go to for all my organ extraction needs.

Use promo code Farhad. Farhad me at hello. I trust he will respond to you very shortly Do you have any portion of 2018 In which you would be unavailable I'm attempting to plan out when this procedure Will take place Once again I'm looking forward to hearing back from you

Mr. JJ So when I found this out I decided to move back to Afkami's email account Oh actually I'm sorry he, I decided to move back to Afkame's email account. And I want – oh, actually, I'm sorry. No, he replied right back to me. He says, hello. The white people – hello again.

The white people, not sure if they are Jew or not, but they killed hundreds of thousands of Native Americans, then took land. And the 50K will go towards what was stolen from me and to locate my son that has been kidnapped for three years. Holy shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. What the fuck just happened? So things have gotten really heated between me and JJ. What?

JJ got a little, got a kid. So I replied back. JJ Jr. I feel like the people who kidnapped JJ's kid are probably Child Protective Services. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like the person who kidnapped him is his mother like how many plans did he go through to find the kid before he got to sell my kidney in a ram well yeah he's just like i'm an ace human trafficking investigator i just need a little capital all right and i don't have to be able to like smell his kid on the wind or whatever those people do. Just look for the small three-year-old dressed as a wolf.

You live on a reservation. Zero trackers. Nobody can hold the ear to the ground and be like, oh, he probably just went to go get Pokemon cards and got lost. Nobody can look at shit and be like, there's Skittles in this one. He's near. By the way, he wrote, P.S. I'm happy to see that this will

make you and your family happy and healthy. In response to the picture of my father-in-law. So Farhad responded back to him and said, the white men take your son three years ago? Why are they doing this? I want to help you get your son. I have a son I love very much. See, attached picture. He's studying at University of Miami in America. This picture of him and his very much. See, attached picture. He's studying at university in

Miami, in America. This picture of him and his classmate do prank with each other. And then it's the same picture of two Arabs making. But dude, what is... I liked that picture. You used it so much in this. It's just on your desktop in case you need it. So now I gotta

check back in with what's going on with Huma and Rami Afkame. So Rami Afkame responded back to an email Rami Afkami I said hey this is Dr. Hooman Afkami I'm a friend and associate of Farhad Oh wait I've already showed you guys this email This is the email The mistake isn't twice

He responded back to me He said Greetings Dr. Hooman I am 43 I weigh approximately 170 pounds. I'm six feet tall. I have never had sex with a man. I smoke roughly 20 cigarettes per day.

The spelling of cigarettes is egregious. Yeah, absolutely. Three T's. T-I-G-G-E-R-E-T-T-S. I was born in Billings, Montana, as if he needed to justify why he misspelled cigarettes. That said, I don't like my country any more than you do. The people in government are rude and greedy.

I have no family of history or gallstones or kidney stones. I have no family history. The white man took it from me. I urinate approximately 10 to 12 times per day. What? Hang on. What does he mean? That's so much piss. I pee maybe 8 times a day and that's a lie. I have no previous health piss. I pee maybe eight times a day, and that's a lot.

Yeah. I have no previous health issues. I'm a carpenter. Hope this helps. Have a blessed day. Hooman responded. He said, your answers are good. I have some follow-up.

Please see my comments below in red. Under where he wrote, I am 43, I wrote, very nice. Under where he said, I weigh 170 pounds, I wrote, very nice. Under where he said, I'm six feet tall, I wrote, very nice Under where he said I weigh 170 pounds I wrote very nice Under where he said I'm six feet tall I wrote very nice Under where he wrote I have never had sex with a man

I said are you 100% sure Sorry for patronizing But some people lie Our top research in Iran Show that gay man kidney 10 times more likely To increase gay in man We must be certain

Again apology for asking two times Like you can just put 10 times more likely to increase gay in man. We must be certain. Again, apologies for asking two times. Like you can just put a thermometer on someone's forehead. Just like... Yeah, oh, you got seven Morrissey's. That's bad. I just think in Iran, the kidney is the same as giving a normal man a criminal man's hand. The kidney's taking control. You put a gay man's kidney All of a sudden He just

He can process rosé Better than everybody else He goes Again Apology for ask two times One time we had a man lie And a boy who received new kidneys Started to like a boy

And killed by government Just by government Just like Not killed by police By government He wrote Under where he wrote I smoke roughly 20 cigarettes a day I wrote What brand Just by government. Not killed by police, by government. He wrote, underwear, he wrote, I smoke roughly 20 cigarettes a day. I wrote, what brand?

Oh, dear. And then what he wrote, I don't like my country any more than you do. I wrote, what are you talking about? I love the U.S. and A. Space between U.S. and an A. Underwear, he wrote, I urinate approximately 10 to 12 times. I wrote, how long each time? Long, medium, or short?

And then I wrote, follow-up question, what religion are you? Looking forward to hear back from you. And then I put in a link to a website that I built. DravkamiOrganRemoval.xyz I think it's Dr. Ravkami. Oh yeah, sorry. I created a website that i built drop commie organ removal dot xyz doctor of commie oh yeah sorry i created a website just in case because i got worried that he might he might want to like fact check dr f commie so i created a website dr f commie organ removal and just dot xyz was the cheapest

one it was 99 cents for a full year so um let's take a look a little bit at the website that link will be in the show notes. Holy shit. This website is one of the worst websites on the planet. Okay, so you have a crime knife, a knife only for very low-level crime. At the top of the screen on the left-hand corner, there is the dirtiest knife you've ever seen. Yeah, this is the knife that was used to kill Sharon Tate. Like, this is a bad knife. It is so filthy. Underneath it, it says

Dr. Afkame. Same day, organ removal. $1,500 USD guaranteed. And then a picture of... I can only describe it as a man a heartbroken Persian doctor. A picture of Trump's doctor. Yeah, if Mr. Potato Head became a human, got leukemia, and got divorced.

Like, that's what this dude looks like. His mustache looks heavy with regret. It looks like retired Dr. Mario. This doctor looks so... I am tired, be sore to pill all day. He looks like... His facial expression says that he has to do urine tests with his mouth. He's so upset looking.

He looks like a goblin. Now, this website is flawless. When you scroll down on the website, you'll see he does a lot of – Dr. Afkame does a lot of services. He does organ removal, organ transplant, gynecology, pediatrics, rhinoplasty, podiatry, prenatal, and window tinting. Well, yeah. I mean if you've you got the organ vein you don't want people peeping in yeah he does if you scroll down a little further you'll find out his guarantee he can do four windows 80 usd any car cheapest option on the silk road for your money back and then you just googled poorly computer rendered car.

He's so funny. He's an organ removal guy and his customer guarantee has to do with the window tint. There's no guarantee that you'll survive the operation. All he can guarantee... And that's not even really a guarantee.

He just says, he'll do it. Yeah, when you're driving away from the operation, the sun won't be in your eyes. It's so funny. Is he going to throw it in with the procedure? My favorite thing is at the very bottom of the page, I have this disclaimer.

By viewing website, you are acknowledged that you understand that doctor is a nickname and not indicate medical education. Oh, my God. Also, I wrote an address that I found online, and I wrote that this place is open 24 hours a day. So he still, I don't believe, has looked at the website, but it's in the link. He has not said anything to me.

How long did it take you to make that website? It took me at least two and a half hours. Nice. I was sending you screenshots of this the whole time. I was running it by Opie. It is a very impressive piece of work. I mean, I thought Thanks God for Dance was... I knew it was funny when I showed it to my dad and he started laughing.

It takes a lot for my dad to understand English humor. Here's what's weird to me about this. I'm just picturing your dad watching Fawlty Towers. This is all very funny and the website's very good. We really have glossed over the kidnapped child. Yeah. This guy is, I mean, that's, wow. Well, I, you know, I'm waiting.

Chief Liam's with Neeson's over here. Can't find his kid. I'm waiting on him to respond back to me, so we'll find out. He replied back to Dr. Hooman. He said, absolutely. Sure, I have never had sex with a man i love vaginas i'm very honest man and man of my word which is why i dislike american people and the fact that

they stole country from my people this is for sure another guy fucking with you he's being too funny you think so maybe i don't know i think this might just be i think this guy's really these aren't funny these are earnest we gotta like got to find this Facebook or something. I love vaginas. They're pretty funny. Yeah. I love vaginas. Nothing has made me more convinced than Fox Man.

I love vaginas. Vaginas are the best. I wrote, The Virginias, no thank you. He wrote, I smoke hand-rolled card pipe tobacco. My urination time is medium. How do you gauge that what is medium

he wrote a couple other answers but he wrote my religion is the beliefs of be nice to the universe and the universe will be nice to you so kind of a free thinker looking forward to our next correspondence thank you and have a blessed day might as well just say I do mushrooms

so I responded back to him I said see comments in red Looking forward to our next correspondence. Thank you and have a blessed day. Might as well just say, I do mushrooms. Yeah, absolutely. So I responded back to him. I said, see comments in red. Under I love vagina, I wrote, very nice once again. I know condescent, but you can love vagina and penis. In our country, we call them frupus. Okay. Frupus.

Frupus. You are not frupu, yes. Frupu? Is frup are not Fru-poo, yes. Fru-poo? Is Fru-poo a real thing? No, I just made it up. Yeah, Fru-poo is like the cartoon that Keith would voice. I'm the Fru-poo. Yeah, that's not like something that you would see in Futurama.

The Fru-poo-sery. I wrote, I smoke high-card pipe tobacco. I wrote, very nice. Cigarette? Okay, if you hand roll, according to Iran's Surgeon General, Gogushna Mohammed II. Again, a name I made up. Oh, you don't say. Iran doesn't have a Surgeon General.

Or a surgeon. They didn't have an angry man with a sword. My urination time is medium. I wrote, very nice. When you urinate, what color? Clear like water or yellow like the color of hype energy drink, the number one energy drink in Iran? That really is the number one energy drink. Hype energy drink? I looked it up, yeah.

God damn it. What a silly country. It's called hype. Hype energy drink. Wow. It's big in Africa, too. Probably. Yeah.

It seems sketchy. This guy's a hype beast. I wrote, in DC, it's SICE. It seems sketchy. This guy's a hype beast. In D.C., it's SICE. SICE energy drink. Under the religious thing, I wrote, hmm. Give me a sugar-free Bama. Sugar-free Bama. I wrote, hmm.

This may be problem. Will you be willing to become Shiite Muslim, in quotes, before procedure? Legal Iranian issue. I may have to seek legal counsel from our attorney friend. Is it okay with you if I CC him on these emails? God damn it, no. There's another person you have to. And now I started signing the emails.

Are these all still registered to Keith's phone number? These are all registered to Keith. Oh, fuck. I forgot about that. Wait a minute. Am I going to go to prison? Oh, with the next email about that. Wait a minute. Am I going to go to prison? Oh, with the next email, you might for sure go to prison. Well, no.

You got Dr. Farhad for your arcadarg or whatever. You got all these people. Look here. And look, fruit poos do all right in jail. Yeah, dude. Keith is a fruit poo. I forget. Keith being bisexual in a Muslim prison?

What could go wrong? Yeah. Oh, everything? I started signing. They don't fuck with pork. Interpol is going to take Keith before they give us those panties we bought after the bombing.

If Interpol shows up at our door, the quickness of it is going to be, it was the brown one, and they're going to not question that at all. Interpol has got to get through water and power. They've got to get through water and power, several street gangs, a couple of aggressive dogs. I am going to activate my white privilege like I'm going super saiyan. I do love the idea that they will have to work with the DWP to get into this house.

Yeah, Keith's going to throw a loose possum at him and scramble over the fence for a quick getaway. Eventually that cat that keeps jumping over our fence is going to be wearing a wire. Oh, yeah, just like the one they put outside the Russian embassy with the microphone in it that got hit by a taxi. All right, well, just like the one they put outside the Russian embassy with the microphone in it that got hit by a taxi. All right, well, let's – I started citing all the emails, by the way, Doc Efkami with the website, and then I wrote in italics, Tint jobs for 80 USD, the best deal on the Silk Road. I just wanted to click on the website so badly. Is Iran on the Silk Road?

I think so, yeah. I don't know. I'm not really sure, to be honest with you. Committed to the slogan before you did the research? Yeah, absolutely. It was too funny. So then he replies back to me. He says, hello again, Dr. Human.

Yes, I'm absolutely 110% sure I have no man sex. It makes me sick to think about it. Gross. You spelled this like Tony the Tiger. He's a homophobe. Gross. That's really funny. Tony the Tiger, the homophobe. Gross. That's really funny. Tony the Tiger, the homophobe.

Tony the bigot. Now my urine is clear to yellow light typically. I have no problem becoming a Muslim. It is very good religion. I respect the Muslim Brotherhood. Signed, JJ. Wow, this guy really knows this one. Again, where is your son?

Where's the Muslim Brotherhood? What? The Muslim Brotherhood makes it sound like Magneto is the caliphate. So I replied back to him. I said, this is great. Just the formality for procedure. You know in Iran there's too much laws.

Too many laws. I'm going to see my friend, the Islamic attorney, Zahir Fahili. He will make your legal Islamic conversion. Once we begin the documentation for this, we clear to begin procedure. Please do not worry as Farhad will cover all legal fees incurred. Good regard, Dr. Afqami. Just the different broken English sign-offs every time. And I have CC'd the email zzzzahZahirFahali at Yahoo.com.

Okay. I like that there's G's in Yahoo's. They're a different fucking... Here's his email profile. I just googled Persian doctor. Or Persian lawyer. And this guy popped up. And then when there were no results, I googled Pakistani lawyer.

And I just kept going down until I got one. So I followed up with him. I said, hey JJ, please signature this document attached on the blank line, and we will have legal standing to move forward with procedure. I'm glad to meet you. Good luck with your procedures. I trust my life with Dr. A. Thanks. Zahar Fahli, Esquire.

And I wrote in a quote underneath it, while you watch Raqqa, we'll conquer Rome and Istanbul, which is directly from ISIS. That is a quote that ISIS constantly says. They love saying it. It's one of their favorite things ever. And I attached to him a document that I wrote up in Persian that says basically the – it says I bear witness that there is no god but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet.

And I told them to sign on the legal line. Which is just the line. And that really is what that says. That is exactly what that says. Okay. The last email I received, at first I thought, well, the jig's up. There's no way he's going to respond to this. Right before we started recording the podcast,

I did receive an email from him saying, I'm having an attorney look over it, and I will sign it once I know what the translation says. What? Whoa. If this man converts to Islam, I'm throwing this up on the wall right here that we got a Native American on this podcast. This is the only thing your dad will ever be proud of you for.

To convert to Islam. Yeah, absolutely. What are we doing? Yeah. So that's where we're at right now. This thing is still an unfolding saga. We will find out hopefully soon why his kid is kidnapped. Well, get those Patreon donations in.

We're trying to buy this kidney. I do. Again, just to have. We don't need it. Before we go. How funny would it be if we gave this kidney to Tom's dad? And then we got to dress a doctor up as Dr. fucking F or whatever. Dr. Human Rami Afqami.

Human Rami. Dude. So yeah, so that's where we're at. We're still going to... I'll put up the email, the chain as we go along. This is a fucking odyssey, dude. Yeah. You landed the biggest fucking fish of all time here.

This dude is really into it He's willing to convert to Islam We need this paper signed I think it's going to be good Before we go I want to thank our sponsor Don Juan Carlos For giving us the greatest tacos around Can we borrow a cooler Don Carlos

Don't worry why One sponsor I don't want to thank is Samsung Who refuses to sponsor this podcast but has no problem sponsoring this ISIS beheading video. Oh, God. Yeah, that's every night through the Amazon Alexa next door to me. I just hear it just like... And I'm just like, no, I know what that is.

Have you guys ever... I feel like Samsung just sponsored it because they just put one of their exploding phones. Oh, O.B. Killeen, dog. So here's the email he wrote. He said, yes, once I have translation, I would be foolish to sign something I can't read. That's fair.

Yeah. I guess that's all we can ask from him. This guy's real. This guy's 100% real. You guys ever seen the video of the Jordanian pilot being burned to life? I don't know. I'm good. All right, guys. This guy's real. This guy's 100% real. You guys ever seen the video of the Jordanian pilot being burned to life? I don't know. I'm good.

All right, guys. Have a good night. Peace. Tell them about the live show. Please come out to the live show of Now Is Not The Time January 2nd

at Harvell's in downtown Long Beach. At this rate, we will have a human kidney for you to put. We'll pass it around the room like a moon rock. Performers

that night will include Opie Amialabaju III, Connor McSmadden, Keith Carey, Tom Goss, Ramsey Vidal, and more. All the people on this show. Yeah, Keith Carey, noted frou-pou. Frou-pou of note. Dude, you're a frou-pou from now on.

You got frou in my frou. You got frou in my pooh. Oh, this is a party. I just came so hard. Do you guys want to watch the video up until the burning? No. Up until. It's true. I don't want to watch an execution video on our podcast.

Cinematically, it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. If we're going to watch any of it, I'm going to watch the guy get burned. I will watch it up to the burning guy. Up until the burning. I'll stop it before the burning. Just tell him to close his eyes. are you googling this and how is this not in your favorites already i like you're googling this on one of you i can see you're logged into one of your fake google accounts you i will not show you guys the burning i promise

i kind of want to see the burning no the burning well i just saw it in the preview frame in the preview i'm gonna tell you as a person who a person who watched it and feels nothing, I was scarred when I saw the burning. It was the pilot. Damn! Cinematically – This is a dark prequel to pay it forward. Cinematically, it's fucking beautiful. It's very dark.

You don't say. I like that ISIS has better video capability than this podcast. No, it's fucking brutal, dude. Oh, wow. This guy's got a... This is where I buy out. Peace and love, guys. I'm not watching a nigga die.

No, no, no. I swear to God. So what happened... Wait. Hang on. What is this PlayStation 1 opening that we have going on? So what happened is... They have, like, the Marvel Studios logo for ISIS.

It's like a montage of their greatest hits. Did we just stumble across a new podcast where we watch ISIS videos Beavis and Butthead style? Yeah. Mystery Jihad Theater 3000. Jihad Theater. So basically what this video shows is a juxtaposition. Mystery we don't believe in science. In the not too distant future.

Somewhere in the Islamic State. In the year 500 B.C. They thought it was so great. What we're seeing right now on the screen is people. They're showing video footage of essentially them finding the – they're showing video footage of a pilot basically shooting a bunch of rockets at the Islamic State. They're trying to justify why this burning happened. So far, this looks like a trailer for any Jerry Bruckheimer movie.

Is a new Call of Duty coming out? What is happening? Dude, I'm telling you, cinematically, it looks fucking fantastic. Dude, who's ISIS guy? Do you think we can get him? He's gotta be some fucking just pissed off dude. Let me fast forward a little bit because I think that they're going to show a lot of facts. They're going to show a lot of statistics.

This is better made than loose change. Okay, that's a dead kid. Oh, I didn't expect that. Okay, here's where it is. We've got a dead kid. Here's where it's beautiful. Check it out. They walk this fool off.

Ramsey, it's not even 1 p.m. I've already seen a dead kid. I'm gone now. Yeah, get out of here. So this is where they found the pilot. They found him underneath the rubble, right? Okay. And so they're showing the justice.

Is this bullshit? No, this is real. They're finding him. Look at this. Look how fucking crazy this is. This is like better made than most Vice docs. Yeah. This is the guy that they're going to kill.

And they're making him walk out. He kind of looks like one of the friends from the Big Bang Theory. He does. He does. You're right about that. They're making him walk kind of looks like the uh like one of the friends from the big bang theory he does he does you're right about that they're making him they're literally there's a director who's like here in this thing he's going now take it all in you're about to get burnt alive i want you to really show us that it kind of looks like like a drowning pool video like it's got this very mid-2000s like aggressive aesthetic they're literally showing that that they pulled the guy from the from the wreckage. They're kind of showing him a before and after. This seems... Jesus. Yeah, that's

pretty brutal. This seems like too well lit and too staged to be real. I think that's why people think ISIS is made by Jews. There's obviously a Weinstein directing this. Yeah. Look how fucking menacing this is. They're making him all look at... They're making this dude before he enters the cage,

which again now sounds like i'm describing a ufc fight uh this is fake no i just want i just want joe rogan to announce this think about how long it takes great googly moogly he is on fire about how long it takes to set up a camera angle you film stuff with me connor it takes forever to move a camera yeah yeah oh dude oh some of this is real but this whole shit with like the dude in the orange like standing there. I like that they're nursing him back to health so they can make this video of him. Keith, I'm going to stop it.

Oh, Tim Groeschel. Keith, I'm going to stop it before they burn him alive, but they for sure burn him alive. Oh, no, no. I believe that part. I was saying this is bullshit. No, no. They make him watch everything before they put him in the cave. I think this is what they do.

They're like, let's strike fear in their hearts. Let's make them watch this whole video. But look at these guys. They're dressed like Counter's strike fear in their hearts. Let's make them watch this whole video, you know? But look at these guys. They're dressed like Counter-Strike characters. You know what, man? They don't have my phone number. I'm not afraid of them. Are these the bad guys in Ninja Turtles?

It's the fucking foot. The foot. This is better directed than the last James Bond movie. I'm telling you. And scarier. This is so much scarier, dude. Look at them. They're making them all fucking watch.

All right, but Iron Man's coming, right? Boom. Right? Next shot, he's in the cage. Oh, shit. Jesus, dude. Now I'll stop it before they burn him. I'll stop it before they burn him.

But, by the way, this was on Fox News' website. You know I've got to go watch this. Is this what you do with your girlfriend when she comes up? It is absolutely what I do. We're just like, all right, you know what? Let's make some PB&Js, and then I'll show you this. Oh, my God. Look at the directing. Look at the directing. They're literally looking at him like, now remember, you know what? Let's make some PB&Js, and then I'll show you this. Oh, my God. Look at the directing.

Look at the directing. They're literally looking at him like, now remember, you're about to be burnt to life. Let us feel it. Now, here's the thing. I'm going to stop it before they do it, but I'll show you the moment where I stop it. It's perfect. Oh, jeez. They're all just standing by the way.

If there's a match flick in slow motion. No, no, no. It's actually almost as menacing as the match flick in slow motion. It's a torch. Oh, my God. This guy has a giant Q-tip made out of a bird's nest. He has a fuck you tip. Now, I'm going to stop it right at the perfect time, but watch what happens.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm going to walk you right to the perfect time. This is a moral gray area. This is some Hitchcock level, like... No, shut up! This is not... What?

Do you know how long it takes to do that? They are doing so many, like, contrazooms. That, like, hand-crank style is so complicated to do. It made Tony Scott kill himself. Look, I'm about to pause it. By the way, they're naming the guy. Well, they're giving his stats. Like, this is rookie year.

Like, in Kill Bill, this is his fucking... Dude, what did you have to do to get to be the torch guy? It's like, well, you did eat five children. stats like this is rookie like in kill bill like this is his fucking dude how much like how like what did you have to do to get to be the torch guy it's like well you did eat five children don't look i can't pause okay okay oh shit oh shit i'll pause it right at the right time whoa wait that's not how fire works well they're making like a line of like tinder to go it's gonna go you see the fire going right there? Shut up. Why the... Jesus, dude. Oh, no. It's real bad.

I'm going to let it go right to here. You guys have to subscribe to the Patreon to hear their reaction to the rest of this. I'm not watching it. I don't want to see it.

It is fucking brutal. I don't even want to see him get pulled out of the rubble, dude. Okay, hang on. A real question about this because I'm sure you know and I don't even know if this is a podcast anymore.

Like, fucking... Have they proven that this is real? Yes, they have is real like this guy wants a real pilot who's correct yes they have okay yeah well if you could read his stats in arabic so that's what i'm saying it's like because the way it's made it looks so there's something brutal that happens once you see him tortured in the in the cage for a little while yeah you. And he falls and he collapses. Then a bulldozer just runs over the cage. What? And buries him. Jesus.

Are itchy and scratchy in ISIS? What? Dude, it's so comical. Anyways, thanks for listening to me, boys. Yeah. All right. Well, that was Now Is Not The Time. We'll be back next week with Snark Week.

Snark Week. That's happening. Fucking get your submission. I'm sure we'll talk about this in the intro, but if you got anything you want to send in, go check those out. Come see me at the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club December 22nd and 23rd. I won't make you watch any videos of ISIS. November 30th is Thursday.

Come see us at the Good Night North Hollywood. Taking over the Canteen Points, Joe Kay Show. It'll be a lot of fun. Doing a lot of mean boys. I'm headlining the Rec Room in Huntington Beach December 12th at 8 p.m. In Kreuzberg Cafe in San Luis Obispo December 8th at 8 p.m. Keith and Tom might be with me.

We haven't figured it out, but I'll be funny. Go see me. I've had some slow people be like, when are you coming to slow? I was like, I don't know. Slow sucks. I'll figure it out. I'm coming, so you better come.

Fuck everything. God is dead