Men At Work Podcast - Cheeseburger Layaway ft. Brendan Donegan

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Kyle and Matt are joined by Philly comedian and their most loyal homie when they're in a pinch for guests - Brendan Donegan. OnlyFans and Amazon are neck and neck to buy TikTok, Corey Booker went on an all-time yapfest, Hooters is bankrupt, and DoorDash is letting you put your cheeseburger on layaway. Crazy week in bizness. Check out BrenDog's dates: https://brendandonegan.com Follow BrenDog: https://www.instagram.com/brendandonegancomedy Check Out South Jersey Bad Boys:  ⁨@southjerseybadboys⁩  About Us: The Men At Work Podcast asks one question: What do you do for work? After that the conversation flows from there. We’ve met substitute teachers, Bangladeshi t-shirt moguls, a real estate broker tight with LeBron James, and more. And we’ll record anywhere. Random sidewalks during an eclipse, a baseball game, a bar crawl, casino, and more. We like to find out what people do for a living. If you want us to come to your event email us at: [e-mail] APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/men-at-work-podcast/id1373108039SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/4XcFWt0I6gFvMotqDp5bsZ?si=2273debc08e5485d If you want more bonus content from every episode check out our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/menatworkpod*If you subscribe to the Patreon consider subscribing on a desktop or website or an android device, NOT THROUGH iOS (Apple) APP. Apple takes 30% of every month you're subscribed (yea they suck). Follow Us:The Pod: https://www.tiktok.com/@menatpodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/menatpod/Follow Matt: https://www.tiktok.com/@mattpeoplescomedyhttps://www.instagram.com/mattpeoplescomedy/Follow Kyle:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylepagancb/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kylepagancbFollow Vito: https://www.instagram.com/vito_visuals/?hl=en

Rooters is bankrupt. How bad is the economy that tits are going out of business? Why are we even in America? What did you say? DoorDash is putting burgers on layaway now? That is bad. Especially on liberation day today, that's not good. Dude, to be like, I'm a little under the gun right now.

I'm paying off three cheeseburgers from last month. Go to City Hall to get married, and they're like, you have outstanding payments against the king of burger, Burger King. Yeah. Did this couch get lower? I think it's breaking it's in the process you guys are getting taller I think we might be getting stronger fucking freaks. I had two glasses of milk this week. It could be it shit You back on milk? Yeah, I had milk this to the two past mornings. Damn. How's your stomach?

Bad cuz I thought it would fix from how much I drank on Sunday. You thought milk would help Sometimes you just think cuz it's like my stomach's upset Let me drink some milk. Well, I kept thinking the thing in my head was like well It's up the earth like milk is up the earth and I was like no it's from a cow That's not even the earth. Well it counts from the earth I could see the logic behind that but you get the pasteurized, you know bullshit that is barely even milk I'm hearing stories of raw milk is where it's at these days. Yeah, there's some fitness. Bryce Harper, yes, Bryce Harper is saying this.

Is he on it? Yeah, he's on the raw milk. I'm hearing it, dude. People are on the raw. Yeah, but he looks sick in the face. He does. Why does he have butthole eyes? He always looks tired.

He's got a growth under him. He's one of his eyes that definitely hasn't been there for like the last five years. Dude, get that removed. Yeah. What's your contract? Yeah. 330 mil. It looks like every morning. I would not have a blemish. No. I would look phenomenal.

Or maybe you get so rich that you're actually like, I'm going to be as ugly as I want. I think when you get richer, you think you might get as hot as possible. At that point, it's like, for what? Harvey Weinstein. Harvey Weinstein, yeah. Diddy got fat. Harvey Weinstein, man. That's where Candace Owens went her. That's her bridge too far That's what I like erase all these bad notions around bad guys and now she's like I had an interview with Harvey Weinstein

It's like yeah, do not do not really well I haven't dived completely into it, but my interpretation loosely was that she's like he is a bad guy He was like bribing and doing all sorts of stuff You're not supposed to do but I guess the specific allegations that put him in there for like life She was like there was a lot of fabrication. Yes, but again, I don't know like all the that's I think the gist of it Is like she's like pretty fucked up Candice is hot. Yeah She looks like one of the NFL inside reporters, Josina Anderson. Yeah for ESPN They look exactly the same and I just always bothers me whenever I see a clip of Candice Anderson Candice Owens. I'm just like

Do you think they kind of break some football news? Yeah, don't know what the tush push you think the same kind of thing? Yeah, I get no. I just think that I just think these two are just beautiful. That's interesting glasses They look the same. Yeah, and Bryce Harper looks like nobody else Two just beautiful that's interesting glasses. They look the same. Yeah, and Bryce Harper looks like nobody else So his videos of the like coffee tic-tacs those are for real him making those those are raw milk him everything That's like an AI joke thing that he's like, all right, what's up guys with his butthole eyes making coffee I'm looking right the face. Why would you be needing to do this, dude? I don't definitely doesn't need the tick-tock money and he makes he makes videos over a minute long So he's in the Creator Fund

Yeah It could be like a thing with the wife or like now his wife is finding like influencers hot like she doesn't care about Athletes anymore. So he's like I could be a fucking influencer. I could do that. Yeah Yeah, that's true. He's so crazy all his drive which got him to the big leagues Yep, got him on sports Illustrated 13, which Adam is multi multi million dollar contract Yeah, now he's gonna become a homemaker guys like that They don't have a brain that could do anything else than like yeah I'll just dedicate every waking moment to it and revolve my life around it

And maybe if you get so good at something you start to get you know It's like the guy that got so much pussy that they start banging dudes, because they're so bored. Everybody says that. He's so good at baseball. I've never experienced that. Everybody talks, well of course. I'm the guy who's crushed punani on the break.

I don't think we're close to breaching that. No. I've actually gotten so little pussy, I might be gay. How? How dare me for even saying that? On the opposite end, I've gotten so little. I know, dude. I know be gay. How dare me for even saying that? On the opposite end. I know dude. I know dude. Hey, well welcome back to your favorite business podcast of all time. Business news.

Yeah. Are we a business podcast? I always, I think me and you, we always are like, what are we, dude? Yeah, we say that. What are we? We go, we're big business. Yeah. We don't have a brand.

So we decided the only thing we could do for a big business podcast We got to bring in mr.. Bidness again. Mr.. Bidness himself. Yeah, thank you guys for running out of guests so quickly Had you before the new year had you after the had you only two months after the new year? Yeah, we had some banger clips from that first episode dude. Sorry nothing. There's nothing better than talking about your clips, you know dude. There's nothing better than talking about your clips. You know, we had some banger clips. I know none of you watched them. I got really mad at them. Well, that was unfortunate, but you know what? The algorithm, you can't go by that. True. It's not a fan. I'm putting up some quality standup videos lately. Let me tell you, some of the worst numbers of all time. They're getting negative views somehow. And I'm watching them. So.

Dude, Mr. TikTok himself, are you okay with the ban happening? I don't think it's gonna happen. Do you? You think he can extend it? Well, he'll definitely extend it. I saw that as long as they have like, kind of a formality in place with like an owner.

Like I saw the OnlyFans CEO wants to do a bid. The Amazon threw in a bid. I'm telling you right now if I have to watch any more product videos on tik-tok. I'm gonna go crazy It's humble. It's all it is now. Yeah, it's every swipe. Yeah, they brought it back It's literally like the tik-tok shop where it's just like some guy from Nigeria wearing like a full black sweatsuit Be and then he's trying to walk out of the door to be like Are you ready to go on these two men? And his buddy's like, well man, where did you get that outfit from man? This is a good accent.

Definitely Nigerian. Yeah, I thought Ohio. Why are you wearing that outfit? But this is why they're never gonna get rid of it. There's so much money and business opportunity in TikTok. If there's one thing our country is not gonna let happen, they'll let wars and all this stuff happen, you can't take our TikTok.

You can't, they're not gonna let that happen. The people will go nuts and it sucks now because it's like- It happened for one day and people were like, it didn't kill me. It's short circuiting. It fucked me up pretty bad. Dude, it sucks because now a US company's gonna have it, now they're gonna be like all the other ones, they're gonna shadow ban people they wanna shadow ban,

they're gonna pump up people they wanna pump up and everything. And it was cool cool it felt like that was the last one that was that you could have a chance of organic growth yeah Facebook's fucking dead Instagram feels like it's going completely that is coming back you think a lot of people are figuring out that Instagram is like pushing out a lot more I don't know why but it's specific like it's you have to whatever they're deciding is like hot right now you know what I mean where it's specific like it's you have to whatever they're deciding is like hot right now You know what I mean where it's like could be like tick tock. I

Don't know like I feel like tick tock the There's more of a chance for like organic growth I feel like Instagram still tries to guide you into being like you could take off if you're kind of doing the content that We like I don't know. Yeah, that could be wrong. It's also like I get it. They're like China is pushing anti-american videos a lot more to people's phones than they were in the past That might be a national security issue. We might have to worry about We're trying to shut it down this time. They're just like we need someone to buy it. No, that's why they're They're trying to shut it down

like the thing is the funny thing is it's kind of like the tush push, where they're like, we're banning this because of pace of play and because it's not a football movie because of health and safety. Well, you go out there and you look at all the data and it's like, nobody's ever gotten injured off the tush push. It's a QB sneak, so pace of play doesn't make any sense. And then you go back to the TikTok and they're like,

well, it's a security issue, they're selling your data. It's like, motherfucker, you sell my data. You're just mad because they're winning. So this is the Chinese touch puss. This is the Chinese touch puss. Sorry about that. Like TikTok going away, I mean, like, that's one social media gone, I don't know.

No, it's still gonna be around. It's not going anywhere. Oh, a world without, so they get rid of it, you know? And then when they did get rid of it for a day, it made me envision a world where, what if they go, all social media's gone, right? Then everybody is forced to engage in person It made when they did get rid of it for a day. It made me envision a world where what if they go all source meat Is gone right then everybody is forced to engage in person with everything that they're trying to market online stand-up shows But yes, obviously where my brain goes yeah

But it's like then you just have to go and check stuff out and see what's going on person I thought about it for a second like man. That would be so refreshing. Yeah, we go back to like stapling papers on polls. Kind of nice. Shouting out on a corner, come see my comedy show. I kind of I kind of like that. That will be shouting into my six inch phone to come see my comedy show. All have to be banned.

Like you can't leave. If there's one lingering out there, it kind of spoils the whole idea. Oh, that's still they have that still a little bit. I wish somebody would tell New York comedy clubs that that like, you know Social media exists because they still have like 21 year old bringers standing outside of clubs being like Yeah, I'm catch a big show tonight some of the biggest stars Yeah, then it's just Brendan Davidson's in there like walking issues me we got deep Pave it's and he's Pete Davidson's in there. They're like, well, can I just make...

We got Deet Pavitin. He's a big guy in there. That's crazy. Deet Pavitin. He's on the market for probably Sidney Sweeney. Sidney Sweeney. Oh, wow. We'd probably, just to go back to that point, you had...

We'd probably have funny people again. A lot more. Like if social media went down, we would actually know who's funny. Yeah. That's one thing that social media ruined. I get what you're. Yes, we don't know who's funny anymore. Yeah things just get more Twisted like you you get fooled Because everything's marketed and so and curated so perfectly But then a lot of times you'll go to a store or a show and you're like, this is not what I thought it was gonna

Be yeah, but if you're saying you're seeing people in person You're like dude and it becomes more word-of-mouth that you got like, this is not what I thought it was gonna be. But if you're seeing people in person, you're like, dude, and it becomes more word of mouth, you gotta see this show, it fucking blew my tits off. That is cool, when an album would come out, and it was DMX back in the day, and everyone was like, you gotta listen to DMX. Like, I don't know any of this guy out in Harlem. It was just like, it was original, it was exciting.

And there was some mystery behind people to member like celebrities were mysterious Yeah, fully know like what their day-to-days looked like what was going on now, you know, everybody's fucking I mean literally It's like walk with me. It's like you literally know per hour Do you know dudes are posting their schedule waking up at 4 a.m. Rubbing fucking banana peels on their face That would be we had MTV Crips. You didn't even know what the inside of their house looked like. Yeah, and you were like whoa!

They would take you for a curated segment of eight minutes. Now you go into celebrities house, there's like naked kids running around that they're hooking up with. But now a guy on TikTok just runs up to someone and he's like, can I go in your house please? Can you show me your house?

What do you do for a living? What do you do? It's like dude. Just chillin' out. Chillin' out. I think that's actually a great point. Like the age of ignorance. Like I think that's actually a great point. The age of ignorance.

I missed that from when we were kids, of the computer was just this bastion of information that took nine hours to load up and you could look up two things and that's all you knew for the week. Yeah. Sometimes I'll just Google shit I already know just to make sure I know it.

Just feel somethin'? That's bad. And you know what else? There used to be, back in the day, you could be a dumb guy with a beer at a party You know you can't there's so much information thrown at you. You kind of have to know a little bit What's going on with the Israel Palestine? Yeah? Let me just like we there's so much pressure for you to understand what's going on at all times with everything

It's too much dude back in the day the 80s, how dumb you could be just at a keg. Yeah. And you just. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. Are you still in Afghanistan? You gonna get out of this town?

No. No? I'm gonna be right here, dude. And guess what? That was fine. You didn't. You're gonna go to college, get out of this town? No.

Oh, that's crazy. Hey, look at you. Right here. Look at me, dude. The this town? No. Oh, that's crazy. Look at you. Look at me, dude. Happy to be the world. And that guy could pick up a trade and raise a goddamn family. And retire at some point. That's, dude, the 80s seemed fucking tight.

It had to have been incredible. Especially like you said, like the Soviets, like all you knew about Russia was like, maybe you had a Russian neighbor who was a gay guy. So you're like, I guess every guess every Russians gay and that's the world And I'm fine with that. Yeah, that's totally fine. It's to work boys. I just saw an article that 50% of people feel lost at work I don't know what lost means but I feel like if I do interpret it It's like you guys don't understand like if you're in the right career what you're doing or what you're is this like where you're going?

In your career and everything. Yeah, I found out pretty early that you can't get lost if you were never searching for purpose. Like there's people that are like lost in their careers. I'm like, what forest are you pretending? That's a good point. I don't feel lost because I was actively searching for something that's not a career. Like in terms of a day job.

Yes. Just wanted a job. I was just looking for something that lets me live in a 900 square foot box for a little while until I had to figure out a new 900 square foot box to live in. Not to mention, I think everybody is scared shitless because every article you see every single day

is about how whatever job you have is gonna be non-existent tomorrow. Yeah. That's every article. AI's fucking taking plumber's jobs. You're like, wow. Like, don't we have a little more time on that? I think there's no way they can figure out a toilet. That is pretty sweet that AI is fucking taking plumbers jobs. You're like wow like yeah Do we don't we have a little more time on that? I think there's no way they can figure out a toilet that is pretty sweet that AI is coming for like smart people

Like I can kind of I think like people and blue-collar work. They should be pro AI weirdly enough They should have no idea how it works or what it means You just know that like engineers will cease to exist you're gonna have dudes who went to MIT for like astrological engineering Apprenticing under a guy who works with a hammer for an entire day. Right. Cause he's like, I don't know. You're gonna have, you're gonna get homophobic,

racist, smart people and it's coming quick. Cause they're gonna start joining trades and hanging around those guys at the site and they're gonna be like, you know, Kamala Harris is a dude, right? We all know that, right fellas? And that's gonna be the only option. They're like, it's gonna take doctor's jobs,

AI, everything. You're saying racism's gonna become eloquent because all the smart people are gonna be going? It's gonna go back to the, you wanna go back to the 80s, we're going back to the 1800s. Racism was a social status. Yeah.

I don't think I've mentioned this yet. I know we talked about it on the phone and everything, but I'm reading a book called Nexus and it's basically about AI from, or communication models, basically, from the Stone Ages all the way up to AI and everything. And what I've taken from the book is basically, we never had a chance.

Nowadays, I mean, what are we, millions and millions of years old, but probably since we could talk, probably, what were we like, are we like 2000 years since like zero? Like what's like 2025? Is that 2000 and 25 years away from being like BC people? Yeah, I don't fully understand cause there's the BC, there's the AD,

when was Jesus around, who knows? Who knows? There's the Mayans and their calendar. But we were talking about it and it was just like, doesn't make any sense. The Bible obviously ruled everything back in the day. Bible ruled everything around me. The Bible rules everything around me.

Dollar, dollar bill, y'all. And it was just basically the smartest, Pope, get the money. Whoever was the least idiot was just interpreting everything in the Bible. And then it was also popes that were just like, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, you're in. Timothy, get the fuck out.

It was like a chick apostle apparently who was doing baptisms and stuff. They were like, no chick allowed in my Bible. And by the way, when they wrote that stuff, that was way, way, way later where they go like, hey, write some of this shit down for the first time. It was translated way down the line. I think the Dead Sea Scrolls were the one

that was originally translated into, and those were like swept away in like a flood or something like that, so they don't even have all of them. Yeah, so they could have been misconstruing quite a bit. There's another Bible of John, and one of the poets was like, nah, John gets one. Yeah. John gets one.

And how much of that has happened throughout history of John and one of the Pope's was like, nah, John gets one, John gets one. And how much of that has happened throughout history where whoever was in charge decides, I don't like that, bury that fucking book. 100%. And now you think with Pope Frankie right now, he's like, nah, gay people are cool as shit. And they're like, wait, the Bible says gay people suck.

Our Pope is Frankie right now? Pope Frankie. Pope Frankie DiMero. Oh God. I was gonna say he's Italian. Oh, wait. You know Italian. I mean for now but it was like it was like you you guys all said this entire time that like gay people stink and they're like nah they just interpreted the wrong way it's like yeah no I think we interpreted the right way yeah it's

like nah that you were wrong. But even like you're saying it's it's an interpretation of somebody else's interpretation from 1,500 years ago and that was also squandered over like 19 different monarchies taking different places. Like that dude, I think Protestantism or. Martin Luther? No, Martin Luther was a good dude. He basically saw, that was when like the Catholics back in the day were like, dude if you give us 400 bucks

you're never gonna go to hell. That's like how Catholicism started to go towards and Martin Luther was like, fuck that dude that became just hand for it ism dude But it's only came to my door and hammered some commandments to it and ruin my door I'd be pissed off to yeah Or if they wipe like blood over top of it if they're like Passover's coming if I was a non-jewish dude and somebody wiped The pig's blood on my door. I'd be like this is gonna take for fucking ever to get out I don't even do my god you guys heard three locustusts and now you're painting blood on my fucking door?

Get off. Like my wife's gonna. Get off my, the original, get off my lawn. My wife's gonna be furious, dude. Well they also would state so many things as facts and then recent years, like you know, when we grew up, I went to Catholic schools, like there's heaven, there's hell, there's purgatory.

Then like a couple years ago, they got purgatory, then nevermind. Yeah, we're not, wait, really? We're not picking up sand greens for like six million ago. They go purgatory. Never mind. Yeah, we're not wait We're not picking up sand grains for like six million out. That's good. Yeah, remember that that used to scare me up until this moment Yeah, I used to scare the shit out of us. I do a lot of sin. I sin dude. Yeah, sure I'm the sin guy. Yeah, but we all knew a bunch of dudes in limbo where you go. Where are they now? Yeah, I mean I used to envy purgatory They told me that it was just like a constant state of like nothing happening good or bad and I was like I'll just get some down

Season 10 I'll be picking up sand grains right now for the next six million years waiting to get into hell Yeah, they said hell is out. Hell is not a real thing either now. They're saying hell. What's next? It's it's not a fiery Place it's just separation from God. I'm like, I haven't seen him recently Yeah, also you're just that doesn't sound that bad You guys keep talking them up a little bit heaven sounds like a fucking Did they did they go further into it like what they interpreted like a separation from God like do you like party? Do coke and like what's what's hell like I think they just said that

People because everybody I think it's just like atheists started coming up with good counterpoints where they're like if he's an All-knowing all-perfect all great guy racism that that the eyes. That's right. This is elegant racism watching Turn this one off. You can also just hit him with a big fat. Sorry before you die You could like, you know rape murder, you know destroyed cities and then just before you die Yeah Jordan fade away. sorry at the buzzer. Yeah. I'm like, come on in.

That one was on me. Get in here. Dude, everybody, you get like the cheat code for the Catholics is like, yo, get that priest in here. Give him the little blessings while he's on his deathbed. All right, he's ready for. True, somebody else can even do it for you. What a cheat code, dude.

Yeah. It seems like it's a pretty. Dude, that's X, X, Y, up, down, dude. That's how you get five stars in GTA. I don't know why people don't take more advantage of that, dude. We have the cheat codes. I think you started running out of people going to heaven. I think people were pretty bad for about 1,500 years.

And he started lowering the standards pretty low. You think heaven's like kind of the housing market where it just kind of ebbs and flows. We're like, yeah, we need some bad people to be going down. I think it was starting to teeter. It was like a fraternity that would like make you bring three girls to get in then like two years later It's like just just two girls

If you got buddies time to come I got five bucks you're in It's like those like frat parties in college and everything where it was like You know you have your cool ones freshman year, then they kind of peter off, and it's like fuck They were not we're not collecting as much as we used to do on Thursdays. Everybody's getting yeah Yeah, you're all cool. That was had they out some of the the the brothers at the fraternity were like being homophobic and then they're like No, I like that And then further along in the book Apparently the invention of the printing press. why we had the witch hunts.

Because this one dumb ass wrote a book and was just like women are witches, find the person you hate the most, just declare him a witch. And then we'll burn him at the stake. And it was like, it was cool in his village for a little bit, and then Gutenberg invented the printing press,

so mass population, and it was like the original misinformation campaign. Oh my God. So basically we just had it. We are like, you know the quote, like if you don't learn from history, you're doomed to repeat it? That's just us, we never learned.

Yeah. It's just faster. Yeah. So now like people were like, as it was like getting spread throughout the country and everything, people would just be like, that bitch took that sweater from me. She's a witch.

And then someone in the town people would just go over there, torture their family until they basically admitted it. And then they're like, all right, they're a witch. And then like two years later when it was all proved to be bullshit, they're like, man, we probably shouldn't have burned Mary that day. Yeah, that's crazy. That was just the Salem witch trials was just the OG. We've had Andrew Tate in every generation.

We've had a Tate and every generation Yeah, I've had a guy who's just like women are demonic whores And then that's happened non-stop and you would think after like the first couple of bitches they killed because their system was horrible It'd be like we're gonna throw her in a river tied to a chair if she gets out Obviously which oh or if she dies, that's my bad. That's my bad. What's on that? But they kept killing them. A lot of oopsies. A lot of oopsies. I mean, all oopsies.

Nobody was getting out. There's no way. So it's like, how many did you have to go to go, all right, well, I think we're going to catch one of these witches soon. It's also going to be the first time they did it. They've never seen anything like that happen on a torture level. That there's a group of people, some guys had to be in the crowd like, Jesus fucking Christ, dude. Put some water on her. Let her up. Let her up. Let her up. Happen on a torture level that there's a group of people some guys had to be in the crowd like jeez

The first the first people who didn't tie those ropes too tight no which I'm blasphemous. Yep, and the woman just flows to the top. Yeah must have just put The anxiety around the town like it, just jacked it up. You know what would be funny? This is not the same time period, but if Houdini was still alive during that time, they're like, he's cool. He's doing like legitimate witchcraft.

And they're like, no, he's just a fucking magician. But some woman who cheated on her husband, they're like, that is a witch. They would be dumb. If you're gonna tie a woman to a chair and drown her and she has no tricks, it's tougher to let it slide. But if there's a dude who you're looking for the key to lock his chain and he's like, you looking for this?

Yeah, and he spits up the key. You gotta be like, all right, you get one more week. You can hang out a little longer. If you're a talented dude, if you're a talented man, we will overlook it, dude. That's how it's always been. The jester was the only one allowed to insult the king. That, that's right. That's what I like to hear speaking of Kings me Yeah, it's gonna be tough to do anything as impressive as Cory Booker just fucking yapping for 25

You want to talk about Adderall? Holy shit, dude Was anyone left in attendance? Yeah, do you want do you have to sit? I have so many questions Yeah piss breaks. Do people have to stay there? Did he get a moment to like Take a break for a second. I read something psychotic very briefly again. I don't know if it was true That he fasted and like didn't drink water so that he wouldn't have to take a piss break And he was gonna just try to go as long as he possibly said yeah He started to like show signs of dehydration towards the end of it. So he's like I got a fucking tricks and war This is brutal. He was like getting close to passing out. That was an absolute. Yeah, what a fucking poser, dude. It's like

Who fucking care I Here's what it reminds me of I was leaving work one time a Friday, okay? It's, I'm getting up, hell of a week, I go, hey, I got my coat in my hand. I go, all right, have a good weekend. A coworker begins a story to me. I got my coat in my hand, I'm out the door, and he starts a story, and he's going on for 15 minutes. Are you out of your fucking mind, dude?

I'm getting ready to leave for the weekend. You start a story. Yeah, that's what this Nobody wants to listen you talk for 25 hours. I don't care if the word of God is coming out of your fucking mouth Yeah, get over yourself you narcissist I will say this I didn't watch I watch a couple videos was Spitting you would tune in a couple times. I've streamed like it would start with like him being like we can't let Trump terrorists down two Hours later. It's like every time I gotta go gotta spit it then I gotta do it then I gotta At one point he said the Bills were the only football team in New York. I didn't know what he was getting at Yeah, but he's technically correct. It's not bad It's actually not a bad take on it. 25 hours to get over yourself.

Well, I did see a lot of women were the ones in support, because they were like, oh, if only I could. Like, if a woman could hold court for 25 hours to vent. Well, that's just my wife's story on it, too. The fact that a woman doesn't hold that record is the most insane thing. Do you know who he beat? It's the funniest thing in the world.

Let me guess. Give me a hint. A guy from 1957 who talked for 24 hours on one hot button issue back in the 90s. Martin Luther King Jr.? No. Kind of the opposite. J.F. Kissel? This is what he looked like.

Oh my. Who do you think this guy was talking about in 1957 for 24 hours straight? Aliens? That's who he looks like, dude. Well, I mean, technically they did come over, but they over he's but now he'd be talking about he's too young to run for president he beat they beat this guy I think his names like strum funderson or something like that stick fucking name Republican senator he spoke for 24 hours opposing the Civil Rights Act yeah just an all-time that's not rush more racist yeah all time Mountmore, don't want to be on the wrong side of history moment.

So on the wrong side of history. And then a black dude out talks him. Yeah. It was always gonna happen. They just beat us in everything. Do you think he's rolling over in his grave? Uh, probably so. We don't have to listen to it anymore. This guy right here, just talking for 24 hours back in the 57th. I mean, that's the most racist face you've ever seen in your life. That guy, there's a good chance. Right there, he's 32 years old.

I was gonna say it was after he talked that long. In 1957, he's probably a Republican senator out of West Virginia. That's a coal miner's body. Yeah. Listen to that guy talk, too. 24 hours of opposing the Civil Rights Act is an, it's an all-time, how did nobody beat that?

Now, yeah. How did no black guy, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., like, I don't know, how did nobody try to fucking be, out of Barack? Well I think that's, I think it's because the Civil Rights Act happened. He talked for 24 hours and they're like, yeah, no, that's crazy. Like you, like, MOB right now, they don't want the last guy to be the home run king to be Barry Bonds because he's just smattered with steroids. You want the last Phil The Buster record to be the guy who opposed slavery basically yeah, who do you get to yap?

I mean it takes Cory Booker was Barack Obama after Barack Obama remember he was like tapped for me the next like He's tapped to be like the next guy yeah, then you kind of know talk There's just like you don't ever want to hear somebody talk that I mean no going Rogan's interviews are too long what? And it's just one person talking too. It's really kind of dumb. It's like C-SPAN's like, how can we make our channel more boring? Let's just have a Senator yap for 25 hours straight.

25 hours, dude. I can't, I can't, like, I try to put myself in that mindset. And I'm like, if we do an episode and do a Patreon after, I'm like, nobody could even try to do that. Yeah. I was going to say that. It is pretty sad when I go to you and I'm like, dude, how are we gonna fill two hours? And Cory Booker's just yapping for 25 of them.

He used to 25 podcasts. Was there one person that was there from the start to finish? That's what I wanna know. I don't know, I know people were going down to, I think it was down in DC, Andy Kim, your guy's guy, he went down there and was like, we're here to motivate Cory Booker It's like dudes gonna. Yeah, whether you're there now. He's just he's in an all-out. Yeah, but fun

Yeah, yeah as a guy who ate pancakes for 13 hours. Mm-hmm. That was tough 13 hours. You were to flapjackathon Yeah, it's true. Yeah, that's unbelievable Which is kind of like I did kind of double duty because I both filled my stomach and had to gap for 13 hours Okay, so technically if I fill the Bustard, Cory Booker better watch his fucking back. Don't call him Flapjacks. Is that what you said? He's talking about hotcakes.

Don't call him hotcakes either. I'm familiar with what you're talking about. You know waffles, French toast, it's like in that family. Like that, not at all. I'm saying you were originally called a Flapjacks. Pork roll debate right now. Taylor Swift. Yeah, I did a diner challenge

where I had to pick five straight NCAA March Madness bets in a diner before I could leave the diner. But for every 10 pancakes I ate, I could shave off a bet. And I ended up eating 20 and hitting three in a row. Did you throw up? No, I never threw up. Oh my God. Yeah, it sucked though. That's impressive. I ate a pancake the next day actually.

Yeah, I didn't like that. I saw what you were trying to do. That's like drinking a beer after you're really hungover. You gotta bite the dog that bit you. Yeah, true. That's the hair of the dog. I'm Cory Booker. Could be on that. Might be on the docket. These next couple months might just be people trying to outdo that. Why not? What else is going to be be better marketing career for your political career? Oh I don't know making effective changes. That's the thing too. Everyone's like what did he do? He protested Trump for 25. It's like oh right like he didn't pass like. It's a symbolic inspiration kind of thing. That's also be like taking a stamp. Infallible donks. We rail fuck up? Any protest. Infallible donks. Wow, dude.

We railed against this two months ago after the election. And now the donks are making some turn. The donks are infallible and they're proving it again. The donks are making me go, okay. I'm just saying. The donks are not making you go okay. They're making just, at the very least, I'm going, all right, that's it.

Nothing more than that. Because we gotta figure out a nice name for the elephants. What's an elephant name? Because the donks just rolls the tongue so well memory memory hounds Because they're all fucking dudes who all have Alzheimer tree or all get to me. What's that one? Rich girl who do you thinks one person that could beat the 25 25 hour challenge? I got I got an answer in mind The that filibuster sounds like a fucking mr. Beast I'm saying technically a filibuster either cuz he didn't protest any actual bills. Yeah, that's a bill. I locked

Video of being like I locked one black senator on the Senate floor for 24 hours and he had to speak the whole time every hour He gets ten thousand dollars for every hour. Nothing different happens at all The only person that could talk for more than 25 hours Themselves would be Kanye West. Oh dear god. Yeah, you want to get the total antithesis of what happened out there Should we leave there for the page? What the black? Connie academics interview. I didn't see much but I saw a thing you said it's it oh is that where he's dressed in

teaser teaser for everybody galey holy shit yeah that would seem like a see like a bit of a cry something's up with that guy. Something is up with him. He's taking some risks. It's a tough one. He's going through like 14 year old rebelliousness. That is no age rebellion. That is just straight mental illness. There's no, I wasn't a Nazi when I was 14 years old, dude. Come on, dude, we've all gone to Hot Topic.

It was a stage, dude. It was a phase. Come on, we've all gone to Hot Topic. It was a stage, dude. It was a phase. Come on, guys, we've all gone to Hot Topic. Here's the gauges section, here's the Ku Klux Klan outfit, and it's all black. It's actually got, you know, my Chemical Romance on the very back. You know?

Nothing could have prepared me for what he, what happened when he walked from around that corner. All these guys, they have such big egos. I think you could shut them down if you were like, do ten push-ups and four crunches on video right now like watching him have To do four crunches true egos gone. He'll never be a big dog ever again Did you see Azalea Banks who she tweeted was um she remembers meeting Kanye for the first time and It was in a suite. I think somewhere like a concert or maybe like a game or everything Yeah

She was like something just smelled like smelled like a concert or maybe like a game or everything. She was like, something just smelled, like smelled like a poopy diaper, like a shitty diaper. And she couldn't understand what it was. And she was with a group of people, so she was like, ah, fuck it, whatever. So then she leaves, her and Kanye either go to his apartment or they're in a car or something like that. And the smell's just following her.

So she's like, all right, obviously it's somebody in this car. It was Kanye West's mouth because when he got in a car crash, his jaw wired shut. So he has to get his teeth removed and replanted, I think, like every couple of years. So like when you get dentures or where you get like, what do they call the...

Veneers? Veneers. If you don't take care of them, like obviously plaque and stuff can grow underneath them and everything and it's just absolutely like Terrible and I think she said she did add a caveat to it was when she got in the car. There was like 10 What are the breath mints the ones you can just like fucking house? Yeah, I was just like an altoid Yeah, but tic tacs there's like 10 tic tacs sitting in the center console. That like he has tic tacs all the time. Imagine him freestyling in people's faces at that time.

Oh, god, dude. No, dude, you're a genius, but it's like, dude. That entire documentary is probably, yeah. You're spitting some shit, Connie. Yeah. No wonder he got where he got. Yeah. The guy just walked into some guy at AR's office

and was just like rapping. He's like, if we don't sign him't if we don't let him produce another record I'm gonna pass the fuck out Azalea banks, I can't even think of what our Kanye's calling her fucking Azalea West banks Is not a fan you getting just naked for that that guy you go That one turned you all over. Holy shit. You guys are good, man. Oh my god It is warm Yeah, I'll go turn that off real quick

If you want to take a tour Could you grab me a call? Thank you sir I'm a grown man. 3, 2, 1 South Jersey bad boy Just go up the entire pod Kyle chimed in without even realizing It's really good. It's a really good time. He was like, oh shit. Sorry.

Alright, we're back. That was his innie. What was that? We're back. You had some hot takes on Severance by the way. I don't know if we want to get into that. Hell yeah. I don't have good takes on Severance. I just don't like that Matt can't

understand that there's a cause and effect to everything. I don't have good takes on Severance. I just don't like that Matt can't understand that there's a cause and effect to everything. When you steal somebody's wife. Not his wife. You keep walking into these talking points. No dude, there was no any without Mark's, without Audi, Mark. Yes, that's the whole crux of the problem of the show.

Yes, but at the end of the day, he's not there in that situation if they don't steal his wife at the beginning. Yes, that's why you're supposed to feel empathetic for a multitude of characters. Once Innie Mark went very whiny, cranky teenager in that one scene, that's when Innie Mark lost me. But was he being whiny cranky or was he just trying to hang onto his existence?

Who gives a fuck? You're not even there without Eddie Mark. I see what you're saying because you want, you're rooting for Eddie Mark because you want his wife to be saved. But if you look at it from Eddie Mark's perspective, what would you do? Otherwise he's dead.

Kyle's arguing. And you get no season two. He was literally going out the door and then Helena. Or season three, rather. Audi Helena came around the corner and was like, remember me, bitch? Yeah. But if he goes through the door, he's dead.

You don't know! What are you on the writing staff? You just said you knew. No I didn't. You said Audi Helena. Yeah, Audi Helena. You're saying that you know. I'm saying you don't know we're on the writing staff. You just said you knew My name you said it out of you Helena. Yeah, you know I'm saying you know I'm insinuating that as as a guy who is a writer as a creative himself of course Um I would write in there that it was out of Hona Give me 24 more hours. I'll call Foster. Dude, please no more, dude. You want to hear a guy talk for 25 hours straight?

Good check on that pot. But, re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re You're saying they kidnapped his wife, he went there because he thought his wife was dead and he was trying to get away from it. Yes, that's fair, you're empathetic to Audi Mark. However, that does not fully admonish him from the fact that he locked somebody in a place that they can't get out of. And so that person made the best of that life, and then when it didn't work out for Audi Mark anymore, he told him, kill yourself and your girlfriend

because I'm good now that doesn't work why did he have to lock any mark in a room what do you mean why did why did he have to do the procedure I already explained that because he was so distraught about his wife who he thought was dead yes who ended up being kidnapped by Lumen yes right. Right. It all starts at square one. Right. Where he locked another separate being somewhere that it didn't ask to be. Not a separate being. It's kind of a bitch move to be like,

I'm not gonna deal with the trauma, I'm gonna create up a fake person. What are you talking about? People do it every day, it's called SSRs. That's a good point. That's the bigger, the bigger. It's called the USSR. That is the bigger analogy of it's got the USSR yeah, that is the bigger analogy of today's That's what this is about people on SSS

SSR we actually know a lot about I remember talking about that before the podcast that actually would be a very interesting point to make if you compared like people just numbing themselves from everything with like SSRs to a severed employee. It'd be a fucking adult outie mark. I agree with that where it's like numb yourself with Kalanipin and booze. Yeah, right and buddy just start dating again He did go out and get almost too much pussy throughout the entire show Also, you hated your bitch wife at the end of it by that time. I bet you they didn't show. They always show the perfect cut scenes. Oh she was so nice. She just wanted him to be there.

I bet you one time he left the sock out and her fucking shorts are always on the floor and she's like your socks are always out. So he didn't start a fight and talk about the fact that she leaves her shorts on the floor when she wakes up to get dressed for work in the morning and that's never a problem as a guy who just had that fight Monday I My fiance we could fight but over the dumbest shit for 25 hours Cory Booker you are I'm going for that get some competition. I would like I think we all don't try for it. I'll do a live stream Does he happen? Yeah, I mean Spin it though. How do you mark? I hear your point? I think bothered me. Sorry to bring it up

I apologize for bringing it up. Yeah, I got him all filibustered over here Busted in his jeans Bankrupt Just trying to change the dude. I like here's the crazy part about that How bad is the economy that tits are going out of business? Would you say door dash is putting burgers on layaway now, what does that mean? Door dash is doing payment plan payment plans Damn your car. You see like when you go on Amazon. You, hey, here's the clarinet. I think it's called app

It's like you can put it on layaway right now and it's like three installments of like $30 over the months with interest They're doing it with fucking door dash. Oh my god. How poor are we dude? The run is over. That is bad Especially on liberation day today. That's not good Like I'm a little under the gun right now, I'm paying off three cheeseburgers from last month. Oh, I'm fucked, dude. If Trump puts tariffs on Chipotle, I might feel fucking bad, bro. Yeah, you're a door dash guy, right?

I'm a door dash kind of swore. It's been bad. I mean, I might hop on a payment plan. That's crazy. The conversation you gotta have with your girlfriend, if you have to explain. You have to make only three simple, easy payments. All right, babe, we can order out tonight, but I mean, I'm gonna need a little bit of the interest on top, all right?

I'll be charging you points a little bit. I wonder if that's how that works, if there is like a tiny interest associated with it. I think there is. Because otherwise, how, like, what's in seven? It's gotta be, I mean, they're moaning you money there, so you, they, you know, you have to pay a price for it, I guess

Imagine your fat ass fucking adult son. How does that work? There's a gonna affect your credit I'm gonna come and collect your fucking food in your fridge. It's like hey Sorry, man, you can't buy this house because you didn't pay off those 17 cheeseburgers in the month of September Yeah, or your wife figured that out. You owe DoorDash $5,000? You're behind $5,000 at DoorDash? Oh, you go to City Hall to get married and they're like you have outstanding payments against the king of burgers, Burger King.

You get your credit checked and you still have three cheeseburgers you haven't paid off since 2009. Sir, do you take this seriously? I mean, this is your financial future. I you still have three cheeseburgers. You haven't paid off since 2009. So do you take this seriously? I mean, this is your financial future. I mean this is gonna be Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and cheese. Yeah Don't let me get hot you guys are the sprinkle Kings. I want to sprinkle you know, you're getting hot You were fucking tacky with that severance opinion, but man you are back. I was tight. I was tight I I still am tight if you bring it up again, I'll kill you. But dude, Hooters, bro. I know.

That's an American staple. Going broke, that's so funny to go that broke and then you can't afford tits anymore. You can't afford tits in this country? Why are we even in America? There's gotta be a couple dudes that go in there, Oogle, for free. Yeah.

Oh yeah, there's gotta be guys, yeah, just totally acquiring stuff. It's probably the Ooglers who. The How Is Business So Bad? Your establishment is based around tits, and you don't have guys lining, you know what I mean? Like it's like OnlyFans going out of business. But it could be like the wraparound effect of like,

if you're sitting at a Hooters, and you owe $24,000 on DoorDash, and some girl comes up, you're like, get your big, stinking, beautiful tits out of my fucking face. I'm going through a ton right now, I don't need you. You know what I think it might be? We're so perverted because of OnlyFans and porn

and all this stuff that Hooters doesn't even get it done for people anymore. They're at home jacking off to the craziest shit imaginable. They don't need to go to just see a woman in a low cut. They're like, that doesn't do it. Back in the day, that was everything. You gotta up the ante. That's not getting it done. True, we are too set say there's too much you're gonna need like a hooters

equivalent where it's like a lady comes over restaurant it's gonna be it's the late she's gonna come over with a spoon in her asshole and she's like hi I'm whatever your dad's name is and that's the only way you can actually enjoy anymore drop your fucking chopsticks off out of her butthole enjoy your meal and it's not gonna hold that tight cuz that butthole spin through a lot ping pong balls that are snatched Dude, I knew it was bad when the when the Phillies were employing the ball girls and they were Hooters girls And they had to get a second job. That's what I knew Hooters was down. Yeah I don't you know, yeah when Hooters girls are picking up a second job, dude

I was a class you're not getting last enough spring training Ball goes through the Hooters girls legs. Man, wait, what? Yeah, dude, they used to down the spring training for the Phillies. They would have Hooters girls be the foul ball girls. Oh, they were always the hottest chicks when you were growing up too, you had the game, they would give you a ball and you'd be like, thank you.

And the Hooters girls wouldn't know the rules either. So like a ball would go fair and then it would eke into the foul line and they would pick it up and just give it to like oh no Sandy made a noob see again the original point shavers like I love hockey the point landing strips so well that is I had never seen it before I didn't realize they had Hooters girls out there yeah and then we all went woke so we can't do Hooters Hooters advertisements anymore and ever Hooters ball if there's one thing Trump is gonna bring back it's probably Hoot't do Hooters advertisements anymore and have our Hooters ballgames. If there's one thing Trump is going to bring back, it's probably Hooters dude.

Well Hooters Gaza is definitely in the works. They're putting that right on the strip dude. We're going to build a Hooters. We have beautiful strips, these girls landing strips for days. You'll see these girls, tight pussies. Tight pussies, big tits. Big buffalo wings and genocide. Can you believe it?

They're doing genocide garlic wings. Don't have money? Go to the West Bank. There's tons of money in there. We have. I think Cory Booker got a filibuster about something. Why any filibuster about Hooters going bankrupt? Yeah, I mean, those are the issues

we kind of want to hear about. Whatever else he's talking about, I'm sure it's important. What do you plan to fix Hooters. There's also like the the the Andrew Tate stuff. They might have to come up with like a Hooters. That's just like the guy who comes to your tables just queuing on like there's no more hot girls. It's just a guy who comes over and like reassures you that like the deep state is ruining your life.

That might be the new market. The target. Like that's that's the measure. Hi, would you like the JFK was? The JFK was killed by the CIA French fries? It'll blow your brains. Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself diet soda. The restaurant's just gonna be called Pizza Gate and they just serve pizza. The UFO onion rings. Nope, nope, I'm back. I'm terrible now. It's tough to think on the fly of some these Yeah, I don't know you guys do it. If you gave me 25 hours, I can I've had seven years of being a comedian. I haven't written a single joke. So it's not easy brother. Don't worry about that

Stress about that just ask the audience. What do you do? I've I've been to Hooters one time. I don't actually don't even know Mine was in Atlantic City after after like those shitty clubs. Yeah. There was just I think there was one in the Borgata. There was one in one of the one of the hotels and it was the only place I was open and we just ate shitty wings at two in the morning. You don't want to feel perverted when you're genuinely hungry. And the one in Atlantic City is not the same as the one like in a regular suburban town. Oh true. It's all just old people working the force shift. I think what happened like when,

I think maybe I went there like once with my friends when we were younger, like, let's go to Hooters, it's a good idea. But then you go and then you're just like, I'll just get a burger. And it's like, what are you gonna do? You're just like kind of like, eating a cheeseburger with a boner.

You're like, this is not good for anybody. Apparently Hooters wagers used to clean up. It was like, it was like the PG-13 rated strip club. Where they would have their regulars, and it was guys who were too pussy enough to go bang a stripper three days a week. They went to go watch Monday Night Football Thursday, and then football on Sunday night.

It was like a PG-13. It was like, it was kinda like guys convincing themselves, like, I'm not actually cheating I'm just I'm just looking I got a I got a waitress I like in Hooters Which is worse than most most people's wives would be like oh my god. Just cheat you fucking A soft oogle and Hooters a hood oogle soft boy Can't do I went to Hooters one time on our seventh grade field trip. That was, we talked to all the parents. How'd you get that cleared?

Prime time to go. There's no chance. The priest knew. No, we didn't have any priests. We had no nuns, no priests. We just had angry old women. But all the dads were like, oh yeah, it's the closest place. We were in the inner harbor in Baltimore where there's a restaurant.

Do you make any chaperones? Yeah, we were like, this will come by. And then the one teacher who was a very very old woman was like very outwardly against it Obviously so and the very next year during the winter time she slipped on ice and was falling in the parking lot for two hours straight Maths shot you know you were saying that as an expression. Yeah, she slipped on ice She fell on ice And we I would do a Catholic school

You have like the parents would like drive in a circle to drop you off at the main thing and people kept driving and be Like I don't think she's getting up, but it was two hours later. She was kind of like sitting there like No, I'll tell you what tough bitch came back at lunch talk Tough bitch. They don't make a way they use shout out miss basis if you're listen, I mean you're sure dead, but I mean Serious head trauma from slipping on the ice Yeah, the poor old lady fell on the ice Why was she sitting there for two? Oh, I didn't nobody get out what kind of monster? She was 114 years old and fell on ice in a fool like

Drive on the highway I see someone change your flat tire. I'm like I'm not I'm the guy with the naps and then it goes store vehicle. I just press yes still there Still there, and it's holding everything the fuck. Yeah, I'm still here with the naps and then it goes start vehicle. I just press yes still there Still there just hold everything the fuck Yeah, that was tough with this basis fell on the ice miss Fiorentino count basis, man I remember we used to we used to be real. I was such a prick as a kid I remember we had our my math teacher so much has changed Come on. Oh, I don't have feelings or anything, but how's it going? I? Okay, yeah, come on. Oh, I don't have feelings or anything, but how's it going? I

She I remember we would sit in the back and we would see how loud we could yell retard at the teacher And she would write cuz she had dyslexia. Wow, that's pretty bad I don't even know. All right She would have a hard time writing cursive letters and we were in like Rudolph, huh? Nothing. Well, if you're a teacher, I mean, yeah, yeah, you should I mean clean it up She would have a hard time writing letters And we would yell No finish the story One time somebody yelled it too loud and she calls midway through writing the word and put her head down

And then went back and started writing again and all of us stopped yelling it that was first time we experienced empathy Yeah, that was pretty tough That's a teaching moment That was a hard one She said boys let's lay off. Let's go back to throwing our crown cases at the heaters that go Those are big time that is I remember as a kid in like the fifth grade We would like this one teacher we were like torture and then one day she cried and then she came back and we were like Are you okay?

So they had to do is cry. Yeah, all they had to do is cry Are you okay? Yeah. All they had to do was cry. Yeah. All they had to do was cry. We had a teacher who threw a dodgeball off a kid's face and he cried and then he started being nice to the kid. Yeah.

It goes in both ways. You can get them both, I mean, but then there's other ones where like, in my sister's class, one of my good buddies, who was a 4'11'' pale kid with bleached blonde hair thought it'd be funny to pretend to get hit with a dodgeball and then fake a seizure Donnie Raymer if you're still out there dude one of the funniest things I've ever heard how old was he he was a year older than me

13 he was an eighth grade that kind of comedy high drinks at 13 good for that guy I had faked a seizure and then midway through was like I'm just kidding and then our lesbian gym teacher sent him to the office for the rest of the day How good was the seizure acting? I didn't get to see it, but I heard incredible acting They told me it was Leo type stuff my buddy Mike used to fake fall up the stairs Oh, and I don't know if I've ever laughed harder than that and they would like send him to the nurse and we'd be like in Detention he would come back in with an ice pack I said and you'd be like crying trying not to laugh because it's like send him to the nurse and we'd be like in detention He would come back in with an ice pack on his head and you'd be like Crying trying not to laugh because it's like you have to be quiet and you know, he's like totally Dude like some of the the funniest moments would be when you were a kid and you weren't supposed to laugh in a situation

And you've got to hold it like in church or something. Yeah, yeah and hold it together Supposed to laugh in a situation and you've got to hold it like in church or something Yeah, yeah, and to hold it together dude stages of the cross got so many people the church is I was Jesus in stations of the cross why Because I'm a holy Jack this book. Did you have the same stress that I had I was also Jesus where you the cross Oh, I was was as land the line and Narnia. I like five lines The seventh station. Jesus defeats a wild beast. I'll let you guys go in a second because you have way cooler stories than I do.

But Christmas time, I got to ring the bells off to the side. Well, as long as the line is a huge part. And I didn't remember any of my lines. So the entire time I had the teacher just, I'm like, what's the next line on stage in front of the whole school yeah because I was a shithead kid I grew in the whole production. You're like Leo in the fucking somewhere in Hollywood. I was a shithead kid why would you give the shithead kid the most important line because you were the biggest guy for the lion roll obviously. That's funny to think about you. I just had a moment like that. I killed the raw though the scene in like the in a Hollywood whatever where Leonardo Caprio like goes into his trailer and slams the door

Like you're like I can't have one Capri son. I gotta have 12 Leading up to the play you're like fuck these people dude. I'm not doing my fucking lines, and then you feel terrible after it's all over That's stage fright is for real Maybe I should have learned my lines and not ruin the entire thing When you get in there dude you I was panicked because I fucking I found out I was gonna be Jesus because I was just the tallest kid in my grade and that was it See the arrogance that came with that Tallest kid in my grade Four kids

See I was more of like method because Jesus was probably four foot seven for realsies. Oh and he was white, huh? That's how it felt. Oh yeah, he wasn't white. He was very, very white. Well if it was real guys, they would have put the black kid as Jesus.

True, you have the closest one, Muhammad, you're up. You're not Aslan, you're Jesus. You'll be Prince Edward. But no, I found out I was gonna be Jesus and I was so panicked because in eighth grade I was like real skinny fat and for whatever reason I was like well Jesus was shirtless during that kind of period.

So I'm gonna show off. I was like I gotta tighten up. So I remember every night in my room I would be like I'll do 100 push ups. Obviously get to like 21. No I ate like a fucking fat dumb ass. I would do like crunches, pushups. And then it was the day for us to do stage at the cross. And it was a friendly entire

school and they were like, here, put on this white t-shirt. No way. And I was like, oh my God, why the fuck would they ever make sure they made us go shirt off? I went for that whole shirt. Which is crazy. Yeah. And I was peak performance eighth grade. I was the most active I've ever been in my life. So you had a casting agent that was looking at your body. He's so stupid. And they go, this kid's got the V's. Hired a cook, doing his V's. OK, Brendan, now can we get a vacuum in your stomach?

Nice, perfect, hold it. OK, good. OK, now I'm going to play the Virgin Mary. Dude, yeah. And I'm going to hold you and caress you. Having people lose tarp in like eighth grade is so weird. That's so weird. Yeah. That's what I'm gonna hold you in Cressio. Having people lose tarp in like eighth grade is so weird. That's so weird. And now you see it in front of the whole school too.

Do you see like, do you see all the teachers that are fucking kids now? Dude, there's a new one every week. Did you see the one recently, she was asking five kids to gangbang her with a scream mask on? What is going on? I know. I'm like, what school is this? And why are, why did my parents move there? Right, dude.

No, that was a legit story. She was grooming kids. Like she would have them come over. She was giving them shrooms and like trying to get them to like gangbang her with scream masks on. Was she hot? God, dude.

No. Cause a couple of the ones I've seen are pretty hot. The most recent one is hot. It's like, what are you doing? What, what, what? Like dude, gotta, magic bean the, the guy. Start sending those fucking pedo beater uppers

into these classrooms with these hot teachers. Yeah, no more of this dare shit. Rough them the fuck up. Yeah, no more dare. Do the pedo. Do these guys just roughen up pedos? Do dare for the teacher. I dare you not to fuck this kid.

Yeah. Zach Galifianakis has the best bit about that undo a bit But he's like did you hear about that that kid that got you know caught fucking his teacher? He was like he actually died from getting high five Don't ask rape Ethan Yeah, that seems pretty easy. I could live pretty easily with that one. Yeah, I don't yeah the whole also like her lawyer, dude sitting in that deposition where like the you know, the other attorney is like and then Mrs. Jamie says and I quote I'm gonna need you to gangbang me with a scream mask on and her lawyer like

Yeah, she's like I'm a film teacher Thinker it's we've tried to object to that. Do you try to sustain that from the record? I think you go Yeah, she's like I'm a film teacher Object to that do you try to sustain that from the record I think you go There's too many creeps in there that are like you say your honor is for boys not five Yeah, yeah, but I feel like guys have been creeped for so long like it's not even like newsworthy if like there's a male Teacher hitting on like a female student. Yeah. But now it seems like more and more of these chicks are banging male students and you're like, is that on the rise or is that just like never been talked about? Yeah. Well, we're seeing more and more women and male usually led jobs. So they're

kind of just taking the reins a little too hard. Leave it out.. You know. Yeah, you're right. It's a female problem Do you think it's like a you think it's like a chalermay thing since he kind of looks like a young boy Yeah, hottest hottest in Hollywood right now. Yeah, there could be some weird Pediophiliac I mean like Hollywood stuff conditioning these late guy in the bear. He's hot right now, but we grew up knowing him his lip from What's that? Shameless. Shameless? Yeah. Well, I think I feel like when we were teens,

the girls who were teens, there was more hot teen boys designated for them to be stars. Like the Jonas Brothers, Zac Efron, they were conditioned to find 16-year-old boys hot for the time they were eight years old. Oh, so this is the teachers, okay. I feel like when there was like hot teen stars in the 80s and 90s, they were really like 21. But then we started getting people who were like, you know, some casting director had

to be like, you're a sexy 15 year old, their word is not mine. And then they showed it to an eight year old and then that eight year old coming through her new puberty awakening, that just like is in her psyche for the rest of her life. I think that could be something. I mean Freddie was pretty sure he was 32 years old and like a teen, hard thought. Yeah, right, exactly. And maybe back then, back in the 80s and shit,

like the sexy male, they looked like grown ass fuckin' dudes and now to your point, it's like the Timothy Chalamet is like all the rage. Rap boy. It's rap boy summer or whatever they call it. Yeah, I guess it's, what's the summer? What's that? What's ratboy summer? Basically, if you have like butthole eyes, I think you're like and you look like kind of frail It's like lip from shame. Oh, you know lip is fucking jacked

But it's like they have a rat sort of face which is timothy chalamet lip Forget the other exactly Brandon's like wispy mustache like they love that. I wouldn't say I'm rad. I'm more of a cute mouse, but I wouldn't say I'm rad. I'm more of a cute mouse, but Like a tricky little mascot Christmas time and a lot more I'm more of like a Cinderella mouse where I respect women it's like we're buddies, but Help her get away from some evil people and then at the end she kisses me and I turn to a boy I was jacked when I was Jesus in eighth grade Yeah, I do so I had a I did like that play at helium basically and the first Line like the first scene that we get out there went blank on a line

No And it was like a feeling like I have not had in so long Like luckily it was easy enough and not important that like we just kind of blew past it and recovered it. Nobody knows, but like. Did you forget the whole line and never said it? Or you took a minute. So it was just like one, like we get into this, into like the scene and then like,

I look at Rachel who I'm doing this with and she's looking at me and I'm thinking, I'm like, it's your line, right? And then she's looking at me and I'm like, oh no, it's mine. And I just, I don't know what it is. I'm thinking I'm like it's your line, right? And then she's looking at me I'm like, oh no, it's mine. I just I don't know what it is I can't even think of it and then so we just like moved on to like what was next like without even you know It didn't have anything to do with the story that like would fuck it up. Yeah

So it's but it was just like that feeling of like, oh my god, dude, like I am blanking I haven't blanked out and like doing plays now like I am blanking. I haven't blanked out and like. You're doing plays now? It was this one off show where it was, have you ever heard it? It's like Tina and Tony's wedding sort of show where it's like they do,

trying to think of how to describe it. It's like, it's like, so the owner of Helium, Mark Grossman, he's in an 80s cover band, like in the side. So he put together the show with Chip Chantry, who wrote this thing where they have us, me and Rachel Peters, who are posing as helium waiters. And we're interrupting the show,

and we're in a big fight. But we're mic'd up, and it's like, clearly we're part of the show. And we just keep having funny stuff happen, but it's all scripted. And then we show and we just like keep having like funny stuff happen But it's all like scripted and then we fuck up and then it leads into like all the songs that they're playing So it's like a music show, but then we're also doing funny shit in between so it was fun, but it was like anything in shit Rachel did I did not they didn't let you sing well. It was just not written for me. They let the boy harmonize I would have I would have harmed up. I know you would have harmonized probably too many fucking lines

I would have choked up dude Did so D did you find out after what the line was that you forgot? Yeah, I knew as soon as I got off because it was the first scene So I was like I was just looking at it and I'm and like we had rehearsed it so I'm like I got it. Yeah, and it was just it was like one line where I was like like me and Rachel are our waiters and I'm like supposed to be in her way and She's like Brendan like this is my table and I'm like, well, it's tight. It's close quarters. It's a comedy club I'm sorry. It's not as amazing as the fancy Cheesecake Factory where you you used to work Yeah, that's a lot burn. That's kind of a mouthful

Yeah, but I just like complete if you just remember Cheesecake Factor It's easy enough to remember and I just completely it was like just for you It is one of those things where the couple like when you do things where you got to remember lines you get so far in Where you're like, I know the first part I gotta just focus on that second part. Yeah There's been a couple times where I dish on Saturday where I was I felt like fucking garbage Saturday night And I was on stage and it was one of those ones where like they talk about I didn't like it wasn't a bomb But it was one of those ones where when you're having a good set you kind of really noticed There's an audience there

You're just like hearing laughs in the groove and this was one of those sets where every joke that I did I was like staring at people Yeah, like I would say something and they would laugh and I'd be looking at them and I'm like, oh my god What the fuck? Yeah, you were definitely not yet playing to the crowd and kind of stuff like like No, I was too aware that they were there and that they were people and that I was a person So what do you do? Isn't that like you're always aware just plow through it though. Yeah I'm saying like what is really what's your normal routine normal routine? Do you stare to the back of the room?

It's less of the actual physical, at least for me, physically looking at them and more of like, when I'm in, when I feel like everything's going well, I just kind of, they're more of, and I mean this in the best way, it's just a laugh track. Like I'm on stage saying funny shit that I thought of and they're just kind of there giving me the little laugh track.

And when the laugh track skips a price. Oh, it's the most uncomfortable thing. Yeah, where it's like all of a sudden, it's like you're going acapella and you're like, oh, this feels really awkward now, you know? And then it's tough to find your timing again, because everything you say is based on, I'll say this, they'll laugh here,

and then I'll add that, and then they'll laugh again, and then I'm going to the next thing. And if you say that and they don't laugh, there's a weird pause. And then there's also again, and then I'm going to the next thing and if you say that and they don't laugh There's a weird pause and then there's also a weird pause Organically of like they start to realize he thought I was gonna laugh there. There's nothing funny in a mind game with you Self though because you're throwing through a loop that was the one with not to bring it back to myself But with this helium show we've never done it So I'm like we don't know where the laughs are coming from right?

This is the first time we're ever doing it. It's like at least with our acts It's like you've done it so many times you have a general idea of like what jokes are good and blah blah blah this I'm like, I don't know what's at all is gonna work through this whole script Yeah, you can't even assume a laugh is coming. It's like fully trying to find the pockets of laughter as a comedy consumer And has seen both of you, and I've seen other shows at Helium, I am that arrogant prick being like, this guy has to earn my left.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. And there's been some bombs at Helium where I'm like, I'm not laughing for this asshole. Like, you get this arrogance about you being in the crowd. And I know there's people like that. I just totally am like, what a weird way to spend your night.

Like, those people, I've gotten past them mentally being like, I can't believe you came here just to be like, upset. That could also just be you knowing too many comedians of how like, psychotic they are, where you're like, I'm not gonna let these fuckin' lunatics just get an easy laugh. Which, I respect that.

100%, if I ever have to go to that stupid competition ever again, I'm literally gonna go out on Spur Street and have someone drive over my fucking head speaking of speaking. I've got the emails coming up. All right Yeah, I won't be back. I mean unless you make it to the finals. That's fair. Are you doing? Yeah Yeah, are you holding strong you hold the line? I'm holding the line Getting duped like I did last year where they buttered me up No, I said I was retiring last year and I'm totally retired. Good for you. Yeah Good luck. The one validation I have is the one judge Josh goes do not do this again next year and I was like, okay

I that's all I needed to do You feel some big arrogance to you a little bit cuz you're in New York a lot now No, cuz I'm not even there that much. I'm only there like once like I feel like every time I see a story is always there Yeah, I mean, I wish I could be there more but the way Are you are you good for another hour? No, you're gonna go. Yeah, totally. Okay. Yeah Do we have anything to wrap up? We're like we're like an hour to right now, but I know we don't know shit We had a little bit of a break. So I wanted to make sure if you had anything We could just make sure we're over an hour. Yeah, I'm good. Okay. Yeah, all right We're gonna go to the patreon

patreon Jersey patreon we go leaving any so we need a tag Man and fucking work I got it like that dude meet us at the patreon for more harmonization We'll make it this will be the end. This will be the outro for our podcast. Okay. Oh, sorry, this comedy club isn't like the cheesecake that you're used to working at you, bitch.

Pretty close. Damn. It gets better on the Patreon, you guys. No one does it.