Men At Work Podcast - Interviewing People at a Renaissance Faire

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Kyle Pagan and Matt Peoples are at a Renaissance Faire in Bucks County to talk to a native landscaper who tells us why bugs are good and his days as a grave digger. We then talk to two married nuclear chemists who test the radiation at the plant. An old friend from one of Kyle's old videos stops by to show off his weight loss and argue with us about summer vs. fall and how people want to end the season so fast. We finish with Tom Foolery, a bard and actor at the Faire, who gives us the behind the scenes of the faire and what he does for real.00:00 - Intro 8:15 - Native Landscaper/Grave Digger32:40 - Nuclear Chemists40:47 - An Old Friend49:20 - Renaissance Actor#renaissance #podcast Check out our sponsor Thrive Flower! Thrive sells real cannabis products outside of the medical system. They have 9 strains of flower, 6 strains of pre rolled joints, 4 strains of vapes, gummies, and lemonades. They are the first and only company offering same day cannabis delivery within Philly. Order your cannabis at https://thriveflower.com/ and it will be delivered in about an hour. Use code menatwork15 for 15% off orders. Simply choose “same day delivery” during checkout. This applies for Philly residents ONLY. About Us: The Men At Work Podcast asks one question: What do you do for work? After that the conversation flows from there. We’ve met substitute teachers, Bangladeshi t-shirt moguls, a real estate broker tight with LeBron James, and more. And we’ll record anywhere. Random sidewalks during an eclipse, a baseball game, a bar crawl, casino, and more. We like to find out what people do for a living. If you want us to come to your event email us at: [e-mail] Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/gNXKoljpK5I If you want more bonus content from every episode check out our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/menatworkpod Follow Us: The Pod: https://www.tiktok.com/@menatpodcast https://www.instagram.com/menatpod/ Follow Matt: https://www.tiktok.com/@mattpeoplescomedy https://www.instagram.com/mattpeoplescomedy/ Follow Kyle: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylepagancb/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kylepagancb Follow Vito: https://www.instagram.com/vito_visuals/?hl=en

Three, two, one. Hey, ye. Hey, ye. We are the Men at Work podcast. I am Kyle of Ye Philadelphia, joined as always by Matt of Ye Haddonfield. Matty, where are we today? We are at the Bucks County Renaissance Fair. The Renaissance Fair.

And check out our sponsor, Thrive Flower. Thrive sells real cannabis products outside of the medical system. They have nine strains of flower, six strains of pre-rolled joints, four strains of apes, gummies, and lemonades. They are the first and only company offering same-day cannabis delivery within Philadelphia. Order your cannabis at thriveflower.com. It will be delivered in about an hour. Use code MENATWORK15 for 15% off orders. Simply choose same-day delivery during checkout.

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If this is the first time you've ever listened to this thing. Never. We just go to random places like the Bucks County Renaissance Fair and we just ask people what they do for a living. And I like to figure out what people do for the Renaissance Fair. What do you think people do for the Renaissance Fair? What do you think they do for a living outside of this? I feel like it's going to be similar to our furry bros,

and everybody's going to be so loaded that I'm going to enjoy the conversations, but midway through, I'm going to find out they make more than me, and I'm going to be like, of course, yeah, of course. It'll hurt me a little bit, too. So you don't think anything's going to be like the blue-collar babies? Do you think there's going to be more white-collar software IT? I'm feeling a lot of software IT. I'm feeling a lot of bodybuilders.

Do you believe that? I think it's going to be some jacked dudes who are like, yeah, I'm a personal trainer. What bucket do they fall under? White-collar? I think jacked dudes are bigger nerds than we give credit for. And I say that in the most endearing way. I'm a nerd myself. I'm pumped to be here.

But I think jacked dudes are kind of like, yeah, I'm kind of like the guy from game of thrones or like i'm kind of like the jack dude from lord of the rings as a former uh jack dude yourself yes um i think that's okay for you to say i think so i think i'm coming from a place of love and understanding where i used to be a jacked fella and i'd be like maybe i am kind of ang from avatar in a lot of ways now there's one jarring way that i'm not and that's being a white man but otherwise i was i was like dude that's what you work out for is you can wear crazy costumes you can wear wild outfits and then you're still yoked like a goddamn egg breakfast yeah there are a lot of crazy costumes around here a lot of people that i don't know if they're

i don't know what they are i'm like i'm i about them. A lot of... Well, what are you, dude? A lot of Game of Thrones cosplay. I think I look like a biker, but you got me the size 44, apparently. Of course. I think it was youth 44. It doesn't really fit over the old tits, so... I think that might be you being too jacked.

You're actually fitting the bill of exactly what we were talking about. Yeah, real jacked. I got my chain on, my dollar chain. Yeah. And I got my king's crown on, which I don't like being the king. Yes, you do, dude. It feels like I'm self-congratulating myself.

It feels like a very self-congratulatory. It feels very not modest, not the more. I don't like it. Dude, I think you need to appreciate the more about yourself. You are a kingly figure, dude. You're tall. You're the peaceful tyrant, as we've covered many times. Yeah.

I think you have a kingly allure to yourself. The only guy who was ever like kingly in Game of Thrones, and I'm just going to, I knew nothing about the Renaissance culture, so I'm just going to go

always just base it off of medieval times and Game of Thrones. Yeah. That guy got his head chopped off in season one. Yeah, but that's always going to happen.

You know what I mean? He's got it. That's run-of-the-mill king behavior. Sir Robert Baratheon, he took a, he took a, what, a buck's horn to the...

He took an antler to the throat. An antler to the throat, and he died. Like, that's a king's death right there. Look, dude, this is the first time I've been around a buck that's not Giannis Anacupo, so I'm trying to feel myself out here. So you're a Game of Thrones guy? Yeah.

Really? Yeah, I mean, as much as I have the worst attention span, I'm actually on the... I guess I'm in the minority when it's like, I actually didn't mind the last season. Oh, really? Because it was just like, proved to me one time HBO has been able to land the plane on any series.

Yeah, of course. Sopranos. Yeah. Entourage the last season sucked. But Game of Thrones, I mean, how... We're just... We're dickheads. Yeah.

You give us like seven seasons of like some of the best programming of all time. The fact that you couldn't bring home an eighth one. People were like, yeah, this is the worst show of all time. So bad that people are now not watching House of Dragons, which is, might be the greatest show of all time. Oh my God, Kyle. Strictly because it's just dragons just fucking people up. Dude. 50% of the season.

It's everything a dumb person like me who can't focus on the storyline once. It's like, I'll be watching it and all of a sudden I'll be on my phone because I have the brain of an ant. Attention span of a rodent. Be nice to yourself. There's nothing nice about Kyle

for Christ's sake. Anyway, so if the show's like 45 minutes in, I'm like, all right, put the phone down. The last 15 minutes is my time to shine because I know that we're going to get some dragon and he's going to just he's going to melt some dude's face off. Which I, and look, I'm

totally on board with that. I do have a running theory of Game of Thrones and now House of Dragons. To me, it's intro to nerd. It's for people who like don't really splurge too much in the nerd community and the other faculties that we have to offer and they go oh it's pretty cool it's like a knight there's like dragons it's like dude i've been doing this since i was eight years old by myself skinny fat in my parents basement no shirt on with a sword they bought me pretending i'm in like the lord of the rings and everybody's like gamer thrones is cool i'm like you weren't in

the trenches brother game thrones uh game thrones is head and shoulders cooler than lord of the Rings. And everybody's like, Game of Thrones is cool. I'm like, you weren't in the trenches, brother. Game of Thrones is head and shoulders cooler than Lord of the Rings. I watched Lord of the Rings one time and I never went back. You don't appreciate camaraderie? A bunch of imps walking through the forest? Imps is nuts, dude. You can't say imps.

I can say imps. Hobbits. Hobbits, sorry. Yeah, a bunch of hobbits walking through the forest with their tree friends. Sure. And this crackhead who needs a ring. Yeah, he loves it. Yeah, I mean, he kind of rules. He's obsessed with a ring.

It's like... Golem probably prepared you for living in Philadelphia. There's a lot of golems lurking the street. There are a lot of... Looking for their precious. There still today are a lot of golems. But you don't shout to the mayor. The mayor's cleaning it up, okay?

For sure. I haven't seen a lot of golems lately. Big ups. The golems are... Either they're hiding... Yeah. Or we bust them out to the suburbs. That'd be pretty sweet.

You should get the golems to the suburbs, dude. I think if you took a golem to just like a normal suburban shop, right? They'd be like, oh, I'm good. What if we took a golem

to the Renaissance Fair? That'd be great. That'd be the sickest trip of all time. You'd eat so many turkey legs. We'd go hard on the turkey legs getting some meat oh my god dude we might have to do this instead of like make a wish foundation we just do like make it yeah dude bring golem to the renaissance fair day make a trip

that's our that's our new thing dude speaking of crackheads uh veto was supposed to be a trusty steed throwing a little horse mask yeah Yeah. Stolen. That's crazy. Stolen, right? Package got delivered. I was away that day. 12 hours later, go down to my package room. Yeah. Not there. Were you pissed?

Kinda. Yeah. I wanted him to be a trusty Steed. He's always... Now he's just the king of the hares. He's the king of the hares, dude. The prince of the rabbits. Yeah, dude.

No, he... I was pretty surprised to hear that somebody stole that package. And I just love the idea of some dude who's just cracked out, opens that thing up, thinking it's like at least for the, he's probably opening it like, dear God, please be food. Just, I need to eat food today. And he opens it. It's just a plastic horse head. He's eating, so he ate it.

He definitely ate it. Dude, I think when they, when they steal a package, like please something that can pawn off. Please something. And it has to, I actually feel kind of bad package, it's like, please, something I can pawn off. Please, something. And it has to... I actually feel kind of bad because I ruined that guy's day. He opened that package, saw the horse head,

put it on, probably scared a couple people going out to dinner, coming around the corner, and then, like, caught it at night. Did I ever show you my horse impression? No, I would love to hear it.

It's so good. How good was that? You motorboating a plus-size woman? That's crazy. I'm starting to warm up to it a little bit. Let me get one more. You need, like, a follow-up. I need, like, a nay or something after.

I can't do the nay. I got to practice the nay. You're usually the impressions guy. The Delco people loved your impression. Really came after us hard about Bam not being from Delco. Okay, we know. And that's on me because I didn't correct you at the time. But, like, Westchester and Delco basically just shake hands across county lines.

You know when like you go out to the desert and you're like in Arizona, Utah, New Mexico all at the same time? It's the same exact thing. Yeah, we're standing in the trifecta. Dude, honestly, though, I wasn't even saying he's from Delco. I said he put the accent on the map. If you want to sit here and have a discussion that Bam doesn't have a Delco accent. You called him the original OG Delconian. That was where you slipped up.

Yeah, but a lot of times it's not where you're from. It's how you talk, dude. Yeah. Wow, that's crazy. We got a line? All right. All right, if we got a line, we might as well bring one on. Let's boogie.

Yo. Hello, Kyle. What are you doing? Nothing. Sitting here watching the game. Smoking some Thrive. Are you all alone? Wazzup! Wazzup!

Who's that? Yo, pick up the phone! Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazzup! Yo, Cheeto! Pick up the phone! Yo!

Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazzup! Wazz? What are you doing, son? Nothing. Just chilling. Killing. True. True. What's up, man? How are you? What's up? Yo, what's going on, fellas? How we doing? Kick a plane. What's your first name? My name is Chris. Chris. And what Chris,

what do you do for a living i'm a native landscaper okay i feel like you're just dressing up landscape but i'm excited tell me what's the native in the landscaper is so the thing about native landscaping specifically is that it focuses strictly on plants that are native to where you live got it so it promotes pollination it promotes animal growth it's basically a way to take environmentalism into the locals' hands, into the individuals' hands. So we just go around, we make all these garden beds, plant these trees, plant these plants around here. I'm native to Bucks County. So, you know, I just go around and do that 10 hours a day. What's native to the area?

So it depends on whether you're looking for different seasons or what kind of soil you have but you'll have a lot of rudbeckia which is a yellow petal flower with a black hole in the middle of it you got tall cone flowers such as liatris which has a nice purple flower okay most people know more about hydrangeas stuff like like that, those big flowery stuff. Basically anything that if you were walking around in the middle of the woods, you'd find it. It would just be growing there naturally. So why is it important to my life what you do? Well, I guess it's not important to your life. Well, I don't want to come off like you're not important. Everyone has an important job.

Not much of a salesman on that one. No, I'm not looking to sell people on it. I'm just trying to say it focuses on environmentalism and climate change. You see the big thing about Taylor Swift uses so many tons of carbon dioxide when she flies on her private jets or what have you. So you're like, what's the point of me doing it why should i bother well let me tell you something are you guys from around here yeah so you look to be about my age somewhere between about 24 to 34 years old generally nailed it so you grow up you see a lot of lightning bugs out there you see a lot of butterflies you grew up

with a lot of bees a lot of insects yeah then you go into adulthood and there's less of them you look out on an open field there's less lightning bugs on an august night well i just thought that's because i moved to philadelphia but you're kind of you're kind of right yeah i mean philadelphia is really bad for bugs in general but if you're from around here you notice you're driving down the road and not a lot of bugs hitting your windshield. Kind of a good thing. Very good thing. Except for the fact that insects are dying.

You don't want that. It's a bad thing. Why don't we want that? Well, insects are the bottom of the food chain. You know, birds eat your insects, frogs eat your insects, snakes and bigger birds eat those. It's the cycle of growth throughout life. So if you lose your insects, you lose your food. It's the cycle of growth throughout life. So if you lose your insects, you lose your food. It's not good.

And what we do specifically at where I work is we focus on making sure we got those bugs. We got those bees. We got those butterflies so that they can come in and pollinate our crops.

Give us food. Give us something to eat. Okay. I didn't realize that I wasn't seeing lightning bugs as much. That's kind of upsetting. I always realized realize that I wasn't seeing lightning bugs as much. That's kind of upsetting. I always realize that.

I've probably seen a lightning bug in 10 years. Yeah, and if you go to properties that we work on, you'll see them more because there's flowers. Like, look at all this lawn, right? Yeah. Hell yeah. What kind of bugs are you seeing on a lawn? Not many. I guess three right here.

A lot of bugs. When you got garden beds yeah you see bugs you see things because it's almost as if an invitation you see deer walking around eating plants and stuff they're not eating grass they're eating flowers they're eating real food that's nourishing for them it's like if you walked around and you saw you know yeah a couple of dried pieces of jerky on the ground that have clearly been sitting there for a long time they're stale they're gross sure they're food but you're not gonna want to eat that you want to eat the fresh steak that's made plated for you on the ground true i wonder if maybe like we always used to try to catch lightning bugs Maybe there's just like one self-centered asshole got all of them. We got him in a jar at his house mason jar locked up Yeah, he's got the average way way up. That's why you can't trust him heen you gotta go

We might go rescue the lightning bugs from this dude's house. Yo, should we go fucking by that guy? He has no lights in his house. It's totally powered by lightning bugs. I'm taking this guy down. This is Bowser's castle lightning bugs Absolutely, Mario Luigi and Waluigi It's totally powered by lightning bugs. I'm taking this guy down. Dude, this is Bowser's Castle of lightning bugs. Absolutely. Mario, Luigi, and Waluigi. What-Ligi? Waluigi? Yeah. Paper Mario?

Yeah, I'll be Paper Mario. Yoshi? Mushroom guy? Well, I guess he's on the Bowser side, right? Mushroom guy? Right. Okay. It's got to be an uphill battle for you to kind of lend your message to people.

Because I understand we need the bugs, but God damn it, dude. The weekend that I get bit by a bunch of mosquitoes, I wish I never saw a bug ever again. Well, I'll tell you what. Just because we're trying to bring the bugs back doesn't mean we like mosquitoes. Mosquitoes are annoying. I'll tell you what.

I was at work a couple of weeks ago. I gotung by four bees damn all at once that's kind of on you after the second one that's kind of the territory dude run you don't see them coming in you just feel it you look down you see it you run away you don't realize you've been stung is it true that some bees uh either they have photographic memory or they won't stop until they sting you because of like, like if you go in, if you, if you get stung by a bunch of bees and say you jump in the lake, I've read things where like the bees will hover above the lake until you get out. I imagine that has something to do with most hive mind type organisms. I'm not a bee expert. I don't know a lot about bees. I just know that they pollinate flowers and give us food. I don't know a lot about the physiology and the evolution of bees as to why

they sting in general. I would imagine it has something to do with like, oh, that guy that got stung by my friend smells like my friend. So I'm going to go up there and i'm gonna hound this guy to make sure that he doesn't kill any more of my friends or take my food or my honey or something yeah it's a good idea so i imagine that's something to do with just you see ants walking in a line they don't know what they're doing bees probably don't have that type of thought either can you get rid of bamboo bamboo is notoriously difficult to get rid of yeah why is that uh it's the root system specifically so you see bamboo shoots they're sticking up you've seen whole forests of bamboo but the way that they grow so vigorously is that they grow underground and then it's basically like little bamboos shooting

sideways wow and they can go for upwards of 20 to 40 to 50 feet just root and if there's like if you sever sections of a root and put it in the ground bamboo will grow from that root holy shit it's unbelievably difficult to eradicate is that common in like jersey and pennsylvania is there a lot of bamboo hitting up here yeah how'd they get over here dude yeah chinese bring it over yeah i would imagine so i imagine most plants that aren't native were brought over by people who weren't native and that's your wheelhouse so you're looking at these as they're foreign invaders and you're saying get the hell out of here yeah i see these plants that are like no you you didn't exist here now i'm kind of new to it but i see these plants that are like no you you didn't exist here now i'm

kind of new to it but i see these grasses that are like you're not from around here you're native to uh south united states when you look behind him today the gold seal this is me in china i beg your pardon nothing made in taiwan maybe shout out the boys so we just got to get a bunch of pandas over here to go eat the bamboo yeah that's the plan I mean they eat ungodly amounts of it to survive because it doesn't provide any nutrition for them oh yeah you ever see pandas they're just like

bamboo for bamboo like all day long that's all they know how to do get their asses over here they're not extinct anymore I don't think pandas have ever been extinct the red ones were oh they're not extinct anymore get the boys here i don't think pandas have ever been extinct the red ones were oh they're back yeah yeah the red pandas were the red pandas the panda was definitely extinct at one point when we were growing up it was always a save the panda save the pandas i think they were low i think they were hanging out there with

the lightning bugs i think they're endangered because i'm pretty sure extinct means they like can't come back endangered yeah endangered sorry okay but extinct doesn't always mean it can't come back there's been some species that have come back in the recent years that I've read about that was, like, believed to be extinct. Now the Bengalis tiger is back. Yeah, they just find one species, one specimen of it somewhere. I believe there's, like, these secret labs of, like, all these animals that have been caught. Like, they have to have something to kind of preserve them in the hopes that humanity will live long enough to bring them back like there's no way that the smartest people in on the planet saw these things dying off was like well that's enough of that then on to the

next thing like they had to have tried something to save these things in the future that's pretty fair yeah what gets you going in the morning what is there like a certain species of plant or is there a certain species of flower that's like you know what i gotta go protect the hydrangeas or something like that or is like what gets you what gets your blood pumping in the morning go back to your job uh dude hydrangeas are cool i love hydrangeas absolutely and then there's other flowers that aren't native that i do actually like uh but what gets me going in the morning is knowing that i can do something that's good for the place that i live the place that i born and raised in doylestown it's nice to give back

to the county that gave so much to me so i guess what gets me going in the morning is knowing that i'm doing something productive instead of stuff that i would do at previous jobs where i just felt so soul soulless What else have you done? I buried dead people for a couple of years. Yeah, I mean, that's literally soulless. Yeah. Was that like freelance or you worked for somebody? No, I worked for somebody, another local company. Would you put hydrangeas on there?

Is that how you learned about the native species? No, I learned all the native species from my current job. My previous job, I learned don't put flowers on the grave because they're just gonna throw them away in a week or two that's where the bugs went eating those bodies you put in the in the ground yeah absolutely i mean the bodies are better nutrition than a lot of shit we put in the fucking ground man that's crazy so what was that like man like did you you probably just got like so like death was probably just like something that you were just like normalized to yeah i mean you bury enough people and you're just like okay this is another this is another job you

go to a cemetery you dig a hole sometimes the hole's already dug you put a box in it you put a casket in the box you bury it you move on to the next guy how do they get the caskets out of the ground afterward oh uh that there's a specific process for that called internment but uh the way so they pull they take the person out they take the casket out take the dead body it's probably just skull and bones at that point no because i'll let you in on a little secret tell me right now a little cemetery tell it to me straight so the thing about funerals the thing about graves the thing about caskets is there's a lot of laws and regulations surrounding it and the biggest law in pennsylvania i'm not sure about other states but i know it's in pennsylvania no kissing the bodies you can't kiss the body that's actually i'm pretty sure that's

federally illegal oh wow good i'm glad they're not state run by no more yeah too many morticians got caught macking on these yeah i'm glad there's I'm glad there's not a governor in Pennsylvania and there's a governor in Louisiana with differing opinions on kissing the bodies. So all caskets need to be put in a concrete vault. So a lot of my job consisted of making these vaults. They were probably about the size of this table, big enough to fit a casket in. And they had these four hooks on each corner so that the casket would lay on it. That's how you get the casket in and out actually. The bungee things, right? Yeah, they have the bungee things. You would bring the bungee things down. It would land on the hook.

You bring the bungees out and up and the caskets in the hole. To get it out of the hole, usually you'd have to take the whole vault out because the way the box is closed, it's sealed with this tar sealer. And it just seals and sticks within a day or two, especially with all that dirt pressing on it. So after everybody's gone, they've laid their dead to rest, you put them in there and you put a certain ceiling around it. So like, I guess like, so people can't come and rob the grave or something like that? No, it's actually a lot different than that. You need to put it in a concrete vault. So if the the area ever floods dead bodies aren't rising to the surface oh that'd be wild yeah that would be wild and it's something that happened in places that didn't flood a lot

and then suddenly they did so you have to have these concrete vaults in the ground so when the water sits it just sits there so fun fact when you see cemeteries, just know that body is wet. Yeah. And then you're not allowed to kiss him. You know all that? You can't even kiss him. He is soaked down there, I can tell. That's just an invitation.

So to get it out, you would just put a metal wire around the whole concrete vault, lift it out with a huge crane, and then take the lid off, which would require a lot, too. How long are they soaked for soaked for i mean you put them in the ground they're dry it rains pretty well and water gets in that box like it's gonna take a while for that water to get out especially if it continues raining for a long time mel's in there must be insane it's gotta be stunning absolutely foul oh like everything that you're thinking it is yeah it's twice as bad oh so i guess there's no like refurbished casket industry there's no people pulling them out reusing absolutely not that would be foul you get some people that can't afford

caskets and stuff and they put them in literal cardboard and you go to bury the body and like there's like two foot of dirt or something and then suddenly it's just a foot and a half of dirt and you're like all right there goes the casket holy shit so so i want the shit out of my fucking family yeah i would definitely haunt i would haunt like very boring dude just like get a couple sick two by fours and build me a little wooden casket that's all much i don't need anything at all honestly put me in raw dog i'd rather i want to be buried with nothing around me. Well, let's combine my two jobs.

What you can do is you can get cremated and put your ash in a pot of soil to grow a tree. I think I'm going to be cremated. I think I'm going to be cremated. No, I'm going full regular body

and I want them to not cover me up at all. Actually, I want to go Jamaican stiff board. How do you mean? Where they, you ever seen those bodies sometimes in like Puerto Rico or Jamaica?

They'll just taxidermy them, and they'll put them at a card table playing cards with their buddies for one last time. That'd be pretty sweet. You want to be playing cards for eternity. I want to be on this podcast, and I want Matt to have to do one episode where my stiff body is just sitting here, and the microphone's up, and like, wow, your co-host doesn't really talk. He's like, yeah. Weekend at Bernie's got like a ventriloquist in he's stiff today hey he's usually stiff hello folks yeah no i'd uh i would do that i think it'd be pretty sweet that'd be awesome that'd be our send off our

last our last episode ever hopefully i mean you're gonna replace me no not at all i'll talk to nobody for the entire episode um any more secrets of the graveyard industry oh man what do you want to know i'll tell you anything i don't know what do you what would you want to know like my dad's dead so like i kind of want to know like what did number one ghosts not real if they were real they would probably do spirits i don't know they would probably do something about the fact that the people putting them in the ground are genuinely such awful people damn like everyone i worked everyone i worked with was individually like their own flavor of the worst person i've ever met it's actually kind of really funny you can make a sitcom about how awful this place was but you're talking about the gravediggers yeah i'm

talking about the dave i gotta imagine the gravediggers are a diamond they are a special breed yeah they absolutely are they they all have to have their CDL so they don't smoke weed. And since they don't smoke weed, they smoke a billion cigarettes and drink nonstop. A lot of felons? There was only one felon that worked when I was working there. Now, I wonder now, this might be, I know we have to respect the dead, of course. Is that like an underutilized energy source? I feel like having that many dead bodies something can run off of that now i know it might not be the most sanctimonious way to use a dead body but i feel like it's got to be underutilized my grandparents donated their bodies to science i mean it's not like they're not helping you know yeah you can donate your body to science

cremate yourself and get turned into you can do pretty much anything when you die really ultimately what matters is what your family and loved ones decide for you when you die assuming you have family and loved ones if you don't here's a secret if you don't have any family or loved ones you're just kind of shoved away like where where do you go where do you go uh you would usually you go into a mortician's office and this is going off of uh information from my boss that he told me second hand from a mortician's office, so don't quote me. But you would essentially be shoved off into a mortician's office where you would sit until you were claimed.

And if you were never claimed, you were just cremated. Oh, okay. That's fair. And then would they throw your ashes somewhere? Probably. They would probably put it in an unmarked grave somewhere in an open cemetery. They're pretty sick. Because obviously we have the tomb of the unknown soldier.

Could have just been a guy whose parents never claimed him. Tomb of the unknown bro. Yeah, true. Yeah, tomb of the unknown dude. The unknown dog. Yeah. I would like, I mean,

you could, I've heard you could donate your body obviously to science. I just want to donate to my body to like a subway off I-95 and then I just show up dead body one day and they have to figure out

what to do with me. That's cool. Yeah. You can get yourself a taxidermy and just like. No, just my limp dead body shows up and somebody drops me off and there's like three dudes who are high working at subway and they just have to figure out what to do with me they don't realize that you're dead they're like who is this guy no they do i can i come with a note that says this guy donated his body to the subway off high 95 and they just have

to figure it out what do you want done with your body like it outside of being a weekend at bernie's podcast guy what would what do you actually want to have done i i just want to haunt people yeah yeah i know you're saying like ghosts aren't real and shit but like i just want to haunt people i uh you know what i would hope to die around october so that i can be a uh halloween uh decoration that's pretty sweet like a lifelike halloween decoration and i like when i get when i get older and i have a family and i buy a house and everything i will be that guy in the rocking chair or dressed as a scarecrow that you're like oh that's just a decoration and then he just scares the shit out of the six-year-olds and eight-year-olds like i i try to find things that bring me pleasure in life and those are the one few things that that

does but you would do that while you're dead but so you want to jump out and scare these kids you just be so that so as i as i build my career up and i'm the scariest guy in the neighborhood and no one fucks with me then you know when i finally die they're like okay old grandpa kyle over here is he alive is he he going to scare me? As long as people remain on their toes, I'm OK. And if you say ghosts aren't real and I can't come back haunting people, I guess that's my second best thing I can do. That's pretty good. What do you do with that?

What do you do after? Put me in a box and put me in storage down in the basement until next year. That's great. Any preservatives or are you just going to be even more rotted next year? No, I want to be as human and lifelike as I can. So heavy on the preservative. Yeah, dude. No, no, no.

No, if my ear falls off, adds to the costume. That would be a pretty rocking Halloween costume. Thank you. Straight up. That would be pretty sweet. You're having to go into the attic and you're sifting through the Christmas tree, some of the decorations. There's dead Uncle Kyle.

That's pretty nice. Honestly, if that doesn't work and I die outside of October, just put me at like a security desk. I mean, there's always a holiday coming around the corner. You could just like be saved as like, let's say you die in the middle of June, like turn yourself into like a stage for the fireworks. Yeah, dude, if I die around Christmas, I want to be Santa. Put me in a swivel chair. In the mall? No, no, no, no, no.

The ones where like when they get him on the fire trucks and stuff and they ride him around. Put me on a swivel chair, taxidermy up like this, and just have someone swivel me back and forth. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. I'm just trying to save us taxpayer money.

No, that's a great idea. You wouldn't have to pay someone to be Santa. Yeah. My understanding is when you die, your body fills up with gas i wouldn't be a bomb i'll be a bomb that'd be kind of sweet oh i don't i don't know if it if your body decomposes fast enough for the gases in your body to become a bomb i also think there's a lot of like holes and stuff that it would leak out of droid of big pores but uh you know if if if russia is you know acting up a little bit or or kim jong-un is is doing anything and matt can get over there in three to five business days before

he starts leaking yeah we can drop one on his on the on his ass on the hermit kingdom seal yourself up with some side of like a epoxy or something or even better just put a bomb in you dude yeah shit put a bomb in me yeah okay i mean why not like you're not gonna feel it just like cut you open put a bomb and you sew you up push you i like it i'm on board with this what's the worst that could happen we are at a renaissance fair too and i always thought like the pyre deaths are really cool the ones where they're like just just light you on fire and push you out into the uh under the lake yeah that's what you don't see at renaissance fairs anymore is people fucking killing people i know yeah the fact that he got this in i'm i can't

believe they let him in with it yeah that's a scary looking sword there's a guy literally selling weapons right over there okay cool so all right we're back yo he literally sells a halberd for 300 like i can have legitimate weapons i can have a literal real sharp fucking real ass heavy ass halberd for 300 damn dude Damn. Dude, and I came in and spent $50 on D&D stuff. I was looking at that, yeah. Like, I literally came in, walked to the right, saw the D&D store, and just bought stuff. That was $50?

No, I also got this scroll. See, you open it up. Please. And it's just, it looks like a scroll. scroll you can undo this put your dice in there literally i spent 20 fucking dollars on this i like dnd what can i tell you i try not to make i try not to make fun of things that people like and i and i respect that you you spent that no you're allowed to make fun of me for liking Dungeons & Dragons. I don't like to. That was an old me. An old me.

I used to make fun of everybody. But you know what? I'm a fucking loser for dedicating 20 years of my life to sports. Look at me now. You know, that's growth.

That's growth right there. Thank you. This was nice. That was a nice moment right there. Yeah, I know. They think this country's so divisive. It ain't.

I see you guys are wearing costumes. Did you know i'm wearing a costume right now what are you wearing this is my look this is the costume so you see a lot of people walking around you know there's a witch you see people wearing renaissance stuff yeah i want one step beyond all right okay my costume is confused dad that doesn't know what's going on but he still wants to look supportive for his kid that he brought to the fair. I like that.

I mean, definitely with the hooked water bottle on the belt. Yeah. And the other side has your car keys hooked on. Yeah, I got socks and sandals on right now. You got the perks on right now? Yeah. You knocked it out of the park. Yeah.

I made sure to wear my special motorcycle sunglasses that I only wear when I want to look like a dad. Sure. Yeah. Is it tucked in, that shirt? Oh, you know it's tucked in, baby. Good man. Yeah.

Nice. I love it, dude. You're killing it. Thank you. All right. Well, I'm going to enjoy the rest of the fair. Please. Thanks for hanging out with us, man.

Yeah, it was great talking to you, fellas. Great talking to you. Yeah, man. Keep those plants native. Please. I will. You too. Find the lighting bugs.

Yeah. I got into it get there even on dude yeah man thanks that guy can grow the shit out of weed and you know that for certain oh my god

I meant to ask that you should ask him that fuck he's high right now he's like yeah of course I can't do come on this podcast you have to be bombed

oh my god what's going on how are we hey how are you sure thanks for joining us. So, I'll let you sit down first. Whoa, what's that here?

Here, just pick up the microphone for us. So, Luigi. Luigi. Medieval Luigi. Medieval Luigi. Is that a character you created yourself, or is that Nintendo? I mean, don't sue me, Nintendo. I was going to say, is this a copyright infringement right here? But no, it's, you know it's just a repurposed outfit. Nice.

I used it as the Witch King from Lord of the Rings a while back. He's a Lord of the Rings guy. I'm Harry Potter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I was just like, I want to do something different with it, so Luigi. Nice. I like it. Nice.

We go to the Ren Faire quite a bit. Yeah? We'll get you going about Ren Faires. What do you like about them? I don't know. It's just fun. It's different. I like the vibe Ren Faire quite a bit. Yeah? We'll get you going about Ren Faires. What do you like about them? I don't know. It's just fun. It's different. I like the vibe.

The people there are chill. My wife over here, Thais, loves it. Nice. Is that how you guys met? Did you meet at a Ren Faire? No, not at all. On Tinder. Okay.

How everybody meets now. Is that, yeah. Did you guys, when you were on Tinder, did you see each other in your costumes or were you in regular clothing? No. No. Sorry. I'm sorry about that. I actually went for the first time with him.

To a Ren Faire? Yes. Oh, so you were new to it. Yes. I like it. I love it. It's like Halloween a little bit before Halloween. Sure. So before you had gone to one, I'm sure you could be a little apprehensive. It's new. It's not something

you've been a part of. Were you kind of like, what the hell is going on here? Or were you excited? Yeah, I was like, what is this thing? Like, what are all those white people doing?

Yes. Yes. That's pretty fair. But then after the first time, I was like, this is actually cool. I understand now. The white people

might be onto something. Yeah, sure. Not a lot of shades that are unfair. Did you ever go to the medieval times uh no there's one up in like jersey right yeah probably the closest one now right that's the one yeah um no i've kind of always wanted to i watched the cable guy i was into it like then but you know but i don't know i'm not trying to go all the way to Jersey to eat some turkey legs. Which we never eat, by the way, because the line is gigantic.

Is the turkey leg line gigantic? Yes. Wow. Always. Do they have one here right now? They do. I saw people eating them. Hello.

So what do you do for a living? Well, we actually work at the same company. We do nuclear stuff. Oh. Although she's the smart one. She works at, she's a chem tech at a nuclear power plant. Wow. Oh. Although she's the smart one. She works at she's a chem tech at a nuclear power plant. Wow.

And you got the codes? Free radiation. Huh? I said you got the codes? The codes. New codes? The launch codes?

No. We do use some military language though. Wow. But other than that no I just get some radiation for free while I work. So you're chem tech? Chem tech. Wow. But other than that, no, I just get some radiation for free while I work. So you're chem tech?

Chem tech, yeah. And so what does that mean you do? Like I go around, I collect like reactor water from like all the systems from the power plant and then I take to the lab and then I analyze it and make sure that's not going to explode. So you are exposed to actual like nuclear materials? Radiation a little bit, yeah. Does that suit you up, I'm guessing? Sometimes. If we're having an outage

that we are replenishing the fuel in the core, then some people, I never had to do it, but some people had to dress up fully to go inside because there's contamination on the ground and stuff. Wait, so you sometimes I feel like I'd be suited up all the time

because of like if I'm going to collect radioactive water it's actually safe like we have a sink you know it's like a big sink and then there's like reactor water coming out of it and you just put your little bottle in there I'll wear gloves for that and then put it in my bucket and take

to the lab you know the radiation doesn't jump. It's a lot safer than the contamination. The contamination is fixed in there. I definitely picture you going into like a little secret spot that's like you gotta go through like 17 different doors

and codes and stuff. And then there's like a little like lake-ish area in the middle of the room. Around all this like concrete and metal It's like a little like lake-ish area in the middle of the room. Around the moat? Yeah, moat, yeah. Around all this like concrete and metal and stuff. It's very romantic.

Yeah. You have. It's way more boring than that. You take a Poland spring water bottle or you take like a Stanley cup and you just dip it into the radioactive water. And you're like kind of like, I don't know if you've seen Harry Potter where Dumbledore's arm goes black after he kills a horcrux. Yeah, that's kind of what I thought. Well, if you were to do that, I think your arm would turn red

instead. Good to know. Yeah. Nice. Try not to drink the radioactive water. That's pretty fair. I will say though, I mean, for a Ren Faire, if you get exposed to radiation over the next couple of years, maybe you pop out, you grow a third foot, you would kill here. That would be cool, right? Yeah, you'd be a total attraction here.

That would be awesome. You'd fit right in. I could work on rainforests. Watch the three-legged lady eat a turkey leg. $15. But that'll take the spotlight away from you, dude. I don't know if you're a bit of a glory hound or you'd be okay with having a three-legged girlfriend. She's beautiful, you know. I'm just the

negative arm candy. You're the knight in shining armor, dude. Yeah, there you go. What's the color of radioactive water? Blue. Wow. What is that green? Like cyan blue? Yeah. Like a Hyundai cyan? Like a baby blue.

Oh, like a baby blue. Lighter than what you're wearing. Like sky blue, but like glowing. That's a really, I love sky blue. It's one of my favorite colors. It's kind of beautiful. That's been a nice way to do like a baby blue. Like a little lighter than what you're wearing. Like sky blue, but like glowing. That's a really good, I love sky blue. It's one of my favorite colors. It's kind of beautiful. That's been a nice way to do like a gender reveal. Yeah. Like what colors?

Is it pink water? Is it the cyan blue water? Yeah, it's true. You dump it on the kid, he gets big and strong. Because I was like worried that like sometimes like when we would, when we were in college and stuff and you had like a water bottle on your table and everything, is it vodka? Is it water after a night of partying? Is it dip

spit like you don't have to ever worry about it being like oh my god i mixed up my design with my radioactive water is it radioactive water is it like cool blue gatorade yeah there you go yeah is it riptide rush they have to taste the same cool blue gatorade man if you're still out of water i mean it's gotta be they gotta be that I'm an idiot, but every time I walk into that room or go over to that fountain, I'd be like, what if I just drank it? True. What would it taste like? It's got to be a thought at least once.

Would it kill you instantly? You would have problems down the line. Down the line? Okay, down the line. Down the line, like in three hours or maybe. Oh, okay, down the line. Okay, I was thinking more like 30 years but okay okay i can yeah that'd be kind of nice to know right away okay what do you do sir

um so all the stuff that she has in her power plant i test to make sure that it's working correctly got it so she brings you the goods and you test them essentially yeah nice there's a real power couple yeah it's pretty cool so if she if the test is bad, do you have to, are you scolding or are you, is it? Oh, yeah, it's all her fault. Okay, got it. Sure, sure. Now, we just, you know,

normally order another part. So, you know, we want to make sure that our nuclear power plant is in tip top. That's pretty fair. Yeah. So, like, yeah, just make sure every single little, like,

even down to the nuts and bolts work, you know, properly. Yeah. Will we ever have a Three Mile Island event? No, I have never been there, but it's very famous. We'll never have an event like that? No, I don't think so. It's pretty safe.

It's, like, really, really safe. Why did Three Mile Island happen again? Because it's the 70s. God, oh, well. The OSHA regulations weren't as good as they were. Yeah, it was pretty bad. They were all smoking doobies. Yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, I've always wondered about, like, a couple that works together. Does that dynamic get weird when you get home? Because, like, I imagine you guys drive in, head home. No, because we live somewhere else, actually. Yeah. Same company, same, like, corporate umbrella, different sites. Yeah. Gotcha.

I don't think I could work with you every day. Nah, yeah. We'd kill each other. There's no way. We play board games. We want to, to like tear each other right yeah i can't imagine oh man wow what kind of things do you test for um so we test like materials uh so like if something is supposed to be 302 stainless steel we make sure that it's 302 stainless steel got it stuff like that, you know, test for function.

Well, we appreciate you sitting down. Yeah, thanks for hanging out. It was a lot of fun. We really appreciate it. So I guess it's technically, in some people's mind, the end of summer. Yes. Because it's, what, September 1st right now?

Which I hate. I hate that people are killing summer so early, especially with nowadays. It doesn't even get cold until like mid-October. Yeah. I hate that. Pumpkin Spice is already out. The Halloween stores are already out and everything.

Can we just stop killing summer so fast? Like, I would go, if I had a shore house, I would go down in September. Sure. And that's fair. I think you can still do that. But Kyle, I hate to be on the opposite side of the argument, dude. Let's end summer August 4th. Because let's do fall, dude.

Fall is so much better. And by the way, you could still go down the shore. Say you have a shore house. You can't do fall, though. Fall is so much better. And by the way, you could still go down the shore. Say you have a shore house. You can't do fall in August. Perhaps. You can't. And pumpkin spice latte, what are you doing? You're getting a latte when it's 90 degrees out and you're sweating.

You got ass sweat down your cracks? Come on. What I do with my ass sweat is my own business, but I'll get the pumpkin spice. Whatever it is. Pumpkin spice. Get it iced. Can I just walk in? Huh?

Can I just walk in real quick? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. We're talking about how people are trying to kill summer too fast. Yeah. Yo. Yo, how you doing? That's, uh, that's...

Wait, are you on this? Yeah. So I was in Chicago. Oh, so he's showing me an old video of mine. That was from Chicago two years ago. Yeah. We were in, uh... It was cold as fuck.

Cold as hell. Yeah, it was like 12 degrees. Yeah, I was, uh... Yeah, that's me. No way! 50 pounds ago. Dude, you look great! You slimmed down too. I just re-watched the Yeah, that's me. No way. 50 pounds ago. Dude, you look great. You slimmed down too.

I just rewatched the video while I walked in. You slimmed down too. I was a little fat. I mean, you're tall. Yeah, but I was a little fat. Yeah, so it was, yeah. I didn't go to the gym for like two minutes. They kept calling me Jason Kelsey in the bar.

Did they? Because I had that big beard. Yeah. So then I kept acting like I was pretty banged up. I was on a couple different things. Oh, dude, you were giving me gold. I was on a couple of different things, all good things. And the one guy kept yelling Jason Kelsey at me. So then I started getting in a three point stance at the bar. Those are the best. Yeah. I thought I pulled a muscle at one point.

And then we were on the bus on the way over. Yeah. And somebody handed me a six pack of Miller and I finished it. And then we got there, walked through that huge tunnel. There was like no Bears fans there because the Bears stink. Jalen hurt his shoulder that night. Oh God, it was brutal. Yeah, that was the coldest I've ever been in a game of all time. And now I'm here with my, that's my wife and my daughter. Hello.

Were you married when I met you? I was married. Yeah, she let me go. I had her and my sons with my mom over there. Wow. So yeah, so I'm a lot more sober now. They told me I had to be. Oh my God, dude. What a blast in the go. I had her and my sons with my mom over there. Wow. Yeah, so I'm a lot more sober now. They told me I had to be. Oh, my God, dude.

What a blast in the past. I know. So we were just talking about this, how people are trying to kill summer too fast. He's like a big fall guy. Yeah. I like the fall too, but I like summer. Yeah. I'm not a sweaty guy.

You're skinny now. Yes. You're probably not a sweaty guy as much as you used to be. Not anymore. I was at one point. Yeah. I don't know about you. You a sweaty guy?

I sweat enough. I get the job done. Yeah.. I don't know about you. You a sweaty guy? I sweat enough. I get the job done. Yeah, so, like, I don't care about, like, sweating. People, like, all the fats hate summer. Anti-sweat. Yeah, anti-fat. That's why they're just, like, looking for fall and stuff. But I think it's so weird.

Like, if you had a pumpkin spice latte in your hand right now, and it's, like, 80 degrees out right now. No, that's brutal. That's brutal. Yeah. Too hot. Get an iced smile at people. It's a beautiful thing to do, dude.

I'm telling you. An iced pumpkin spice. But this, I mean, you can't deny. This breeze coming through here. That's what. That's brutal. Yeah. Get an iced smile at people. It's a beautiful thing to do, dude. I'm telling you. An ice. But this, I mean, you can't deny this breeze coming through here. That's what I'm screaming. You know, I mean, people are drinking like heavy. They're drinking like me down there. It's like, it's wild. You know, so it's, it's the transition.

It's nice. We're getting there. I mean, I'm definitely not a kill summer guy. Cause I work in a, I'm a, uh, I was a teacher and now I'm an administrator. So summer for me is huge. Yeah. It's the reason why you take the job other than the kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bold in mind. And so, yeah, you know, bold in mind, doing your best. So the end of summer is also the start of work, which is pretty brutal for me. Right. So, yeah, I like to keep summer where it is. I mean, but when I was fat, pounds ago 40 pounds ago i don't want to overstate it it was only 40 it was only 40 i say 50 because rounding's fun stolen valor it was only 40 that's what it feels like uh you know 30 died on a bad day uh yeah but you know it was

brutal and now it's a little bit better this summer was great got down to shore a couple times but you know i think it's uh like i like I said, with the football season kicking off, I hate the preseason. It's the worst. It's fake football. I can't stand it. I don't care about the 68th man on the 53-man roster getting time. People who react to it.

Yeah. I love that the games are cheaper. I live down in South Philly, so I'll pick up tickets because games are cheaper. You can go to them and enjoy yourself for a half. But by the second half, it's brutal. I'm ready for regular football and for Red October. That's probably the only...

When I hear the anti-summer people, let's get it to fall. That's the only thing I know people want to like. That's their main argument. Baseball playoffs? Football starts. Strong argument, but I don't know. It was brutal. Fall drinking is way better than summer drinking. else football starts that's like strong argument but i don't know the real thing is fall fall

drinking is way better than summer drinking is better than summer it's an underratedly better drinking unless you're on the beach the beach if you're doing something in the summer though there's nothing beats an ice cold drink when it's hot you're on a deck yeah you're on a boat right you're on the beach yeah you know you're outside when you were a big dog were you like were you able to pound beers like what's the drinking look like now that you've slimmed up well i really stick to coarselite if i'm drinking beers okay um before it was a little bit of anything and uh clear clear liquors man vodka it goes a long way a little bit of vodka goes a long way um the it wasn't the drinking so much as it was the drinking compounding with eating.

Yeah. You know, crushing a cheesesteak, two buffalo chicken cheesesteaks in a sitting, appetizers. And then, you know, you got fat friends too, and they don't help. Yeah. You know, if none of your friends are in shape, it's like, you know, I was the one of the slimmest of my fat friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I was fat, but like all my friends were fat.

You were the best player in the WNBA. I kept them around for a reason. But I think after the pandemic, everybody kind of slowly started to trim a little bit. I feel like we're in that post-pandemic trim.

People got fat for a while. They realized they went to their doctor. They got their cholesterol checked. They're like, it's time. You're going to die at 30, 80.

Exactly. And I can't leave my family to do what they're at. A little bit longer. Dad had a heart attack at 35. He was sitting at a pool of buffalo sauce, but he could drink so many

course lights, though. Oh, my God. Like water. My mom tells the stories all the time. But, yeah. Well, dude, it was awesome seeing you. It was good seeing you guys, too. Sorry, I didn't mean to take up too much of your time. Have a good rest of your day. Enjoy the good seeing you guys too. Sorry, I didn't mean to take up too much of your time. No, dude, you're fine. Have a good rest of your day. Enjoy the Buckscanning Renaissance Fair.

Can I just give a shout out to my two buddies that went to the game with me that night? Yeah. Shout out Dylan and Jake. Catch you later. We're going to Ravens together. I'll see you guys. Maybe I'll see you there.

Yeah, I'll see you there. All right, see you guys. Have a good night. See you guys. Cheers. Dude, I was watching this documentary on Enron. Oh, yeah? The smartest guys in the room.

The shit that went down was insane. That was like the big fraud thing, right? Yeah, it was a gas company, and they were basically trading public electricity and gas and stuff. And they went down because... The reason why it happened was they got approved for this aftermarket accounting or something like this. I know I'm going to butcher this, but we can't listen. But they got approved for like this aftermarket accounting or something like this i know i'm gonna butcher this so we can use them but they got approved for this aftermarket accounting and it was like a different kind of accounting procedure where they could lose a

bunch of money but just because it was off of like future value and stuff they could be like uh we made 50 billion this oh i know exactly yeah and like you look at it and you're like how the fuck was this allowed to go on right and like it was just them just and obviously like you look at it and you're like how the fuck was this allowed to go on right and like it was just them just and obviously like you know they had like you know your merrill lynch's and your city banks and your and your chase banks and stuff everybody was kind of like in on the right and then um and then yeah and like the top the ceo just like knew the ceo like knew it was like a deck of cards waiting to fall right but he just kept going and going and going until about a year before they actually, like, everything

came to light. He just, out of the blue, stepped down as CEO. It's a pretty solid move. He ended up doing 10 to 25 years in jail, I think it was. But I think he only did 12 because he got off on an appeal. Oh, great. They were buying up these, like, Portland

Electric was one of them. Yeah. All like uh linemen and stuff from from the portland electric company you know you buy them so then you put your stocks and stuff in their in their names and everything this guy's been working for 40 years all of a sudden enron goes belly up yeah it's fucking stocks in his 401k are gone great it's it's so obvious too and they know what they're doing and i if i'm right from from what I remember, I think that's how they came up with the gap. Gap principles? Yeah. I think that came from Enron.

Like when you're in counting class, sitting there hammered and you're learning about gap, I think that's literally from Enron. Really? I think they all kind of came together like, yeah, we cannot fudge the books this hard. Yeah, because it was insane, dude. It was so crazy. And all these guys were just divesting all their stocks and stuff months before it was all happening.

So even though they had to pay a bunch of money back and get sued and stuff, they still definitely had millions and millions of money. That's like the dude who took out the insurance policy on the trades. We're talking about Enron. What do you remember about Enron? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Sore subject?

Well, boy. Oh, boy. Sore subject? Well, no. I mean, Enron, he was a terrible wizard who ravaged thousands. 100%, yeah. And I just... Yeah, he's an asshole. I can't believe that we're even speaking his name right now. You're right, yeah. Evoking that negativity on such a joyous occasion. You're right, you're right.

We should do something a little more joyous. There were no banks back in the medieval times. There was no gas and electricity companies back in the medieval times. What's your name? I'm Tom Fuelery. You're the ninth Tom Fuelery we've met. No, Bull.

Dude, I'm Seymour Butts. I tell you no lies. Wait, are you Tom... I'm telling you. Some people have been like, my name's Tom Fuller. Wow, they're lying. Are you just the most popular guy at the Renaissance Fairs, and they're just all biting your style? They might be biting my style, because I have a stage show, and they don't.

That'll do it. Yeah, so I'm a bard. I'm a half dwarf, half elf on my mother's side. Okay. And yeah, I came from a long line of musicians, I think. I have a very rough memory. I woke up just a few days ago in the middle of the forest without

any clothes on, but I had the strongest urge to just strum some strings. I've been there. And then they found me, brought me in like the sick dog I was. Still naked, or did you put the clothes on before that? They clothed me. It's been wonderful. They fed me, gave me water.

Is that water? That's gotta be tough, being found in the woods naked., no, it's been wonderful. They fed me, gave me water. Yeah. Is that water? Mm-hmm. Okay. That's got to be tough. Being found in the woods naked. The bird's probably never been smaller. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was a whole time.

Hopefully some time to fluff, at least. Purple, though. They put you in purple, color of royalty. Yeah. Oh, wow. Also the color of death. Yeah. Oh, true.

Yeah. Yeah. My ears are falling. I'm all over the place right now. It's this hat. I'm too stubborn to take it off so so tell us more about like what we this is our first renaissance fair like obviously you're here and all the the vendors and everything cool is there like an after thing what what happens after the renaissance fair do people get together or i mean yeah some of the performers uh and vendors

will you know there's uh camping uh nearby to make for an easy entrance the next day. Gotcha. So some people were camping out overnight. We'd hang out, watch a movie or sing some songs or whatever. Yeah. Have a couple drinks, of course. Sure. There was a, but that's really about it.

I mean. Pretty tame for the most part. Yeah, this was a pretty tame event. Yeah. Have you been a part of ones that are a little more wild and kind of like. This is actually the first time I'm ever performing at a fair. Oh, congratulations. Is this your full-time job?

I wish. Yeah, I think a lot of people wonder that. I mean, you guys put so much work into it and stuff that it's like, I wonder if these guys' full-time job is shit. For some of them, it is. Yeah, for a lot of them, it is. Really? A lot of these vendors, this is like their thing.

They hop from fair to fair. Wow. Yeah. What's that kind of like? Is there like traveling fairs, kind of like traveling carnivals and stuff? Yeah, kind of. I mean, there are a lot of stationary ones, but the people who run this are a traveling fair, technically.

So they have one in Connecticut. That's their main, that's their home one. It's called Midsummer Fantasy Renaissance Fair. Okay. They do this one, Bucks County Renaissance Fair. They do Philly Fair at Fort M Renaissance Fair. They do Philly Fair at Fort Mifflin, down in Philly. And then

they're doing one in Delaware. It's at the end of the season, like last weekend of October, 1st of November. It's called Delaware Renaissance Fair. Or DellaFair.com, I think. That's pretty sweet. That's a good plan. The Midsommar, is that related at all to that movie that came out a couple years ago?

Oh, I don't think so. Is there any similarities? No, I hope not. Wasn't it like the scariest movie of all time? It was horrifying. It was a tough one, yeah. Have you seen the movie? No, I have not, but I've heard enough about it.

It seems like it has elements of this where it's very frivolous, but it's like a Swedish cult it ends up being. Yeah, right. No, I've seen... I don't know if they drew any inspiration from you. Yeah, no. Was there a guy named Tom Fuller in it? There better not have been.

There better not have been, yeah. That's got to be tough. That's like Stolen Valor. There's like nine other Tom Fullers claiming they're you. Tom Fullery. Yeah, that's them. I'm Tom Fuelery. Oh.

No, no. See, yeah, there's some accenting to my name. So it is Enron. A little gas, fuelery. Yeah. How about that? Here we go. Wow, man.

So what got you into the Renaissance first? I was, I don't know, actually. Like, where did it all begin? Long ago, I played Dungeons and Dragons. I'm in the fantasy shop. I dress up. I always love dressing in costumes. Hell yeah.

Pretending to be not a human on this planet. Yeah, dude. Nice. It's depressing sometimes. So what do you do in non-human form for a living? dressing in costumes hell yeah pretending to be not a human on this planet because it's it's depressing sometimes so what do you do in non-human form for a living uh i am a an seo manager so i do search engine optimization for a website host oh wow yeah uh which is yeah that's not fun yeah that was really a lot of sitting at a desk kind of work. It was really sexy like a decade and a half ago. Yeah, right, right, right.

Oh, man, I can get your business to the top of Google. Do people you work with, do they know your alias at all? Like that you do this every time? A couple of the guys in the room I work in, but not the entire office, no. Do you ever go into character form a little bit? Ah, you know, my leash. I was BSing a little bit earlier in the week, getting in the mindset for this weekend. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. That's got to be cool. Like, pull that out at like a happy hour or something. Right. Can you play an instrument? Several. Oh, no, I am a bard. Oh, boy, yeah, of course.

Yeah, of course. I've got this guitar here. What's that? What's that? This is a guitar. It's just a fancy guitar. Oh. It's a backpacker, so it's, you know, a little more more portable than a normal acoustic. Do you want to play anything for us?

Ah, yeah, sure. Let's see. Could you give us a little quick sample? Give some time and a... Who's got a guitar pick? You said a beat and a little metronome, huh? Where do we go? Let's... Let's drop some lines. There was a knight from the highest castle who came down. He came to the pub and they passed beers around. When he went home, his missus was missing he said i need to go to the castle of livings

the castle was far and the journey was scary they met a dude and two chicks they married they all traveled together in the best of friends. When they got to the castle, no one left them in. That's awesome. All right. I love it. I like that. A little Dermot Kennedy in there.

Not bad. I just channeled the Skyrim inside. That was insane. I did not think you had that in you. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. It's the sword. That was awesome, man.

Well, I got to go prepare for my show. Well, thank you for letting me. Good luck. Put those ears back on. Yeah, thank you. All right. Hey, listen, that's the podcast. Thank you to everybody who has made it this far.

Thank you to our blue collar babies. Thank you to the white collar criminals. And thank you to the middle class mommies. Thank you to the Ren Faire for letting us be here and letting us be a part of it. Thank you to everybody that we met and everything. You got any shows in front? Yeah, September's very busy coming up. Check the Instagram.

We got a lot of dates. If you're watching this on Wednesday or Thursday, come out to Double City Cafe on Friday. We'll be performing in a coffee shop that I think sells beer. The dream is alive, baby. All right. We appreciate everybody that came on. And if you're still listening to us right now, we love you. But we will talk to you next time.

Who knows where we're going? Who knows? Peace. Peace.