Men At Work Podcast - Our Listeners Submit EPIC Voicemails!

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Kyle Pagan and Matt Peoples are live from Matt's couch with listener voicemails! We talk to Delco deli couples, funeral home employees, a guy whose trying to balance child support and his own business, and an entrepreneur with a career straight out of a Hallmark movie. 00:00 - Kyle's Big Purchase 7:42 - Nutritional Mouth Tape 13:51 - Funeral Home Employee is Scared of the Bodies Waking Up 22:17 - Radio Promotions in the Middle of Nowhere 29:05 - Joel Embiid Criticizer 35:23 - Wrapping Paper Entrepreneur Lives a Hallmark Movie 39:49 - Deli Couple Fights on the Phone 42:40 - Business Owner Balances Work and Child Support Check out our sponsor Thrive Flower! Thrive sells real cannabis products outside of the medical system. They have 9 strains of flower, 6 strains of pre rolled joints, 4 strains of vapes, gummies, and lemonades. They are the first and only company offering same day cannabis delivery within Philly. Order your cannabis at https://thriveflower.com/ and it will be delivered in about an hour. Use code menatwork15 for 15% off orders. Simply choose “same day delivery” during checkout. This applies for Philly residents ONLY. About Us: The Men At Work Podcast asks one question: What do you do for work? After that the conversation flows from there. We’ve met substitute teachers, Bangladeshi t-shirt moguls, a real estate broker tight with LeBron James, and more. And we’ll record anywhere. Random sidewalks during an eclipse, a baseball game, a bar crawl, casino, and more. We like to find out what people do for a living. If you want us to come to your event email us at: [e-mail] Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0djA41LuhEc If you want more bonus content from every episode check out our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/menatworkpod Follow Us: The Pod: https://www.tiktok.com/@menatpodcast https://www.instagram.com/menatpod/ Follow Matt: https://www.tiktok.com/@mattpeoplescomedy https://www.instagram.com/mattpeoplescomedy/ Follow Kyle: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylepagancb/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kylepagancb Follow Vito: https://www.instagram.com/vito_visuals/?hl=en

three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of Men at Work. I'm Kyle Pagan, as always, joined by Matt Peebles. Today, we are in my house. You're in my apartment. We're inside of my apartment. You want something better than that? You rented. Dude, okay. I could buy it if I got bored. I just don't want to do it. Oh, okay. Yeah. My girlfriend goes to another school. I don't really buy stuff like that. I'm renting because I have no money. Dude, honestly, having a real savings account when you're over 25 is such a loser move. You need to live in constant financial worry. I don't know what I would do if I didn't live in constant financial worry. I was today weighing trips versus buying a Mac. I bought a Mac laptop, which is so sad that it was an awesome...

I love being able to purchase that. I think that was so cool. And then I was like also talking to my fiance about like going on trips and everything. I was like, well, we're probably not going to be able to go on trips because I think we got to get a new car too. Yeah. When you bought it, did you kind of want, we kind of talked about this later on. I financed it. Are you fine?

But did you want the guy to be like proud of you that like sold it to you? Don't you want him to like to realize how big of a deal it is for you? No. You should. Honestly, I bought it online. Oh, really? I did go into the Apple store originally, and I actually wanted to buy the 2023, but I ended up buying the 2024 because it was $100 more.

Big money. Yeah. And M4 processor versus the M3 processor, you wouldn't understand. No, I really don't. It doesn't matter to me at all. As long as you guys keep editing this podcast don't mean shit to me brother we can now film in 4k and it'd be a little bit easier but i mean fellas ladies it ain't gonna go in 4k all right we never do that to you well you seem like more of a 3k is kind of got i mean instagram

instagram and tiktok they take the resolution they put it down to 1080 anyway so like why do we need to why do we need to film 4k i don't know know. I really have no clue. So whatever you tell me to do, I'll just do that. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm happy for you, dude. It's an exciting time. I mean, but going back to like,

now you have no money, right? It's like. Well, no, I financed it. So I opened up the Apple card, $160, I think, a month I have to pay. Yeah. And that'll be over the next 12 months

and I'll never have to pay for it ever again. Yeah, but I think that's. Or I don't have to use those cards ever again. And I get that, but I think like our young working audience under, and I feel the same way where it's like, if I bought something on my credit card, I'm like, can't believe I got that for free. I have no-

I have no way of matching- See, I think me and you are different. How so? I hate debt. Probably because I come from a middle-class upbringing where like my family had a little bit of a adventure with debt. Yeah. That I'm just like, yeah, I don't think my parents had a credit card for like 20 plus years.

I don't even know if my mom has a credit card anymore. How'd you buy a house? Well, I mean, back in the day they were fine and everything. True, yeah. And then 2008 rolls around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My parents, they were in real estate. They were lawyers. They were all that stuff. Then 2008 rolls around yeah my parents they're in real estate they were in uh they were lawyers they were all that stuff in 2008 rolls around they lose their jobs and i'm just kidding my dad was a bus driver the lawyers of the road they call the

bus drivers yeah of course yeah my mom was an hr for 40 years still is um now you're hitting hrs home runs baby nah dude you know it's just uh you know, you just, you ebb and flow. You ebb and flow. I think they did a great job of teaching, at least my parents anyway, they did a great job of teaching the future on how not to manage their expenses. But even then, like, even if you're financing, you're like, oh, I have less money available, but you really have just now a year long obligation of like, here's my money again. Here's my money again. That's okay. I can handle 160. 160 is nothing. Yeah, but you're not paying 160 you're paying but i'm extrapolating it over 12 years so i'm basically paying nothing yeah okay so that because the way with inflation and the dollar and everything the dollar only goes up yeah explain that okay well but i put a hundred

now that daddy trump is in office. Not for another month, dude. He's not back just yet. I put $100 in the stock market the way I've been promised on all these political ads. It's going to shoot up in the next four years. I'm basically making free money. I'll put $100 in Apple stock and I'll get some dividends and shit according to something I read.

What's a dividend? I don't know. It's when the stock splits or something like that. That's not right at all, dude. What's a dividend? You fell in love with the stripper, dude. And the stripper is a MacBook M4, whatever. This is, okay, basically what's happening. What's a dividend? Mr. Dividend? Huh? What's a dividend, Mr. Dividend? You get paid out for owning a certain stock. You get paid like a certain fee every time, every so often. That's easier than a stock split. Okay. Yeah. But that wasn't like the exact point of our initial conversation. Still put a hundred dollars in Apple and by this time next year, I'll probably make so much money.

Perhaps, and I think that's probably right. I'm just saying I look at the way of like I didn't buy it all at once. So instead of, okay, instead of having a large man drill me all at once, fill me up, give it to me. Mandingo? Paint. Blacked.com? Or white. No, black.com or white no black.com you know how about this asian giving it non-stop and then it's just a fearful bad event you picked a 5-8 white dude once a month to come into your apartment and have like mediocre sex with you fine by me for a year he's got to come into your apartment he says like mediocre sex with you. Fine by me. For a year?

He's got to come into your apartment. He says, hey, good to see you guys. How are you? Kyle, get in the bed. But I still leave with a MacBook. Yeah. That can now edit on 4K. I can edit 4K now, dude.

Well, I mean, look, it's your way of, it's your hierarchy, whatever you're ranking these guys that are coming in and giving it to you. And I would probably do the same thing. I'm just, that's the way I'm looking at it. 4K. 4K, I understand that. Dude, I'm talking like National Geographic in the Serengeti fucking video we can put out. I think we can see the pores on your face if we really wanted to.

You can see the pores on my face pretty easily. We can see that spot where you cut yourself shaving. It's actually a pimple I hear where you're coming from. Hurtful. I've been looking at it the entire episode. Stop looking at it.

You keep looking at my weakest points throughout the ep. Dude, go on my other side then. No, I'm not going to go on the side of the guys making love to you at every month. Whatever, dude.

But we, look, since we're here, we're trying something new. We thought it'd be kind of fun. We went back to back new. We're just hitting, we're just like, hey, thought it'd be kind of fun. We went back to back new. We're just hitting. We're just like, hey, remember you guys liked that podcast for the last 32 weeks? Well, in week 33 and week 34, we're doing something new.

Here's a curveball for you guys. It's getting cold outside, dude. What do you want us to do? We want to find new ways to kind of put out cool stuff. So our idea is this is the voicemail episode. Yeah, we're going to. Thank you to everybody who submitted voicemails. So I think we're just going to listen to.

Well, I know we're going to... Thank you to everybody who submitted voicemails. So I think we're just going to listen to... Well, I know we're going to listen to... We're going to listen to people who put in voicemails about what they do for a living. I haven't listened to any of these. And I know, obviously, you haven't listened to any of these. So I'm excited to see what they are. Do we do it? Mm-hmm.

I said we have to. We've got to find out what the boys say. I'm actually scared because I... You have to. I'm actually scared. You know what? I'm excited to see. Sometimes your fan base, my fan base, and the men at work fan base, they all come together like the Bermuda Triangle. I don't know what we're getting here. I think we're going to get one of maybe, probably everybody's the scariest person we could think

of, but I'm excited to see them. Probably your comedian friends trying to infiltrate us. Yeah, they're trying to hit us. Especially some racist so that our podcast gets canceled. Yo, fellas, we love the pod. Every voicemail from my friends, people are like, love the pod,

but love to jump on, dude, if you'd have us. There's no actual funny stuff. It's just like them making a bid to not want to hang out, which by all means. All right. You want to play the first one?

Let's hear it. Before we get into this episode, I want to talk about our sponsor, Thrive Flower. Thrive sells real cannabis products outside of the medical system. They have nine strains of flowers, six strains of pre-roll joints,

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residents only shout out the boys shout out thrive i wish they were here right now you know um it's a little hard for me to speak right now because i got mouth tape on but i just saw your instagram story and i've seen a friend on your show so i wanted to take this up what does that mean um i am uh my title is project coordinator. I work for the nutrition department at Drexel University. Shout out Drexel. I'm also a part-time basketball trainer, and I work at a facility that was built by a few NBA players.

So I just want to say that I love the work that y'all do, and I watch every single episode, and y'all are dope. Bye. I like the bye that y'all do. And I watch everything I love to study. And y'all are dope. Bye. I like the bye at the end. That's pretty sweet. He works at Drexel and he's a coach. Is this not the guy that we had on in the John C episode?

I thought the same exact thing, actually. But he works at the nutrition department at Drexel University. Yeah. But he's also a part-time basketball trainer at a facility that was built by a few NBA players. I think this is a guy going double for nothing. I think he was already on here. I don't know. That guy doesn't strike me as a guy that wears mouth tape.

I had a strong jawline. I think anybody wears mouth tape. I think getting tripped into it. Mouth tape is not for strong jawlines. It's for people who snore, right? No, it's for making a strong jawline. The whole thing now, apparently, according to TikTok, is the mouth tape gives you a forced me mewing when you sleep you know mewing people are trying

to suffocate themselves for a strong jawline yeah this guy's trying to be sexy so just get it genetically all right i don't believe i knew you were waiting for that one to talk about your beautiful jawline we get it it's curved it's thick it's like a latino woman of a jawline i look like an avenger what am i doing on this fucking couch with you i should be in the next avengers movie well who's well apparently what's underneath your sweatshirts what's stopping you there dude skinny body nah dude i could get jacked i can get jacked in a second you give me a couple milli that's you give me a meal and a chef and a personal trainer and steroids that's what it is by the way everybody that's like gets jacked

for movies don't talk about i was eating chicken and rice then it's what it is. By the way, everybody that's like gets jacked for movies, don't talk about I was eating chicken and rice. It's actually crazy how much you have to eat. You were on HGH. To our listener who just sent that in, by the way,

thank you for sending that. You work in a sports facility. Get on steroids, dude. Don't do mouth tape. Get on steroids. That's my big recommendation. Nutrition department,

I have nothing to add to this. I pretty excited i love this the mouth tape thing is very interesting to me because from my understanding and if you are the guy that sent this in leave a comment are you doing it for a snoring thing or are you doing it to get sexy as hell because my understanding is you're just another one in the mewing community which is totally fine let it rip the mewing. You're not familiar with mewing. That's another thing that I hear. Again, apparently if you,

this is mewing. If you put your tongue to the top, Vito, do this while I'm telling you. Take your tongue. Vito's down there sitting Indian style. Do it. Want to get paid? Okay, don't stick it out.

I'll give you the rest of the instructions. Listen. Vito, come take a seat right here and I'll show you exactly what to do on the couch. We're going to do a mewing lesson with our producer Vito, dude. Oh yeah. Get on there. Put the hat on dude for all the chicks that are watching. Dude, get yourself camera ready.

That's right. Nah, dude, you look great. And you're about to look better after we walk you through this. Cause I've tried it a couple of times and apparently this is more something for the younger community, but it's going my Tia. All right. What's that? All right. That's all something for the younger community, but it's going my T.O. All right. What's that? All right. That's all right.

We'll go. I'll grab you another one. All right. Vito for this. You're going to take your leave your mouth shut. Okay. Take your tongue in your mouth. Stick it the point of your tongue to the top, the roof of your mouth and then suck in.

Do you feel the tension below your chin right now? Now you have to do that apparently for like four hours a day. Why would I want to do that? Because then you get a Kyle Pagan jawline. And then I get my Avenger movie deal. You get your Avenger. That's exactly right. Well, can he act?

So apparently mouth tape and mewing. Vito, if you double up, that should be our new thing. Next year. You do it now. I want to. Yeah? You all do it now. See, Kyle can't even do it because it's already set yeah your jaw is actually getting worse from doing it that's crazy that makes me

really angry that's bad that it's better naturally but yeah apparently that's the move so i think what we'll do coming into the new year because we're wrapping up 2024 me and kyle will get jacked and veto will you every day no that's a promise You've heard from me and Kyle agreeing to that. I'm not getting Vito agrees to it. We're going to be the sexiest podcast by like May of 2025. Could be us. Pretty sick. Yeah.

Anything else in the mouth? Um, no, I'm sorry that I don't know much about Drexel nutrition and everything. Um, why is it so hard to stop eating chocolate? Drexel scientists, bittersweet Research.

That's a good title. Q&A. FDA proposed front-of-package labels for ultra-processed food and beverages. That comes from Drexel. Drexel. Immigration detainer holds linked to lower Medicaid and SNAP enrollment among eligible adults. Okay. All right.

You got another one of these things? What's that? My phone. Oh, shit. You got another one of these drexel's dragon gel sports snack fuels college teams union flyers all right if you guys are working on that congrats shout out to you guys at the uh drexel university of nutrition uh and thank you for calling in we really appreciate you and good luck with the mouth tape if you could uh dm us no let us know how it goes i'm gonna go back behind the camera thank you well now we know how to view uh yeah but thank you

uh shout out trexel shout out the boys and uh have me and kyle over for a workout one time you know man so i just want to call you guys man i'm in a work podcast man i love that podcast you know i want to say you know i work in a funeral home, you know what I mean, man? And sometimes, you know, late at night and shit like that, I be wearing that some of these bodies going to get up and get me, you know, man? I've been doing it as a family business my whole life, you know, Black funeral home, be in Chester. We be working here. We do those sending home services and they always be

coming in here, man. And all these people, man, they say, you ever see somebody waking up, man? I'll be like, no, man. You know, but I also be getting high work,

so I don't know about that, man. But I love what you guys doing, man. You take a sip. You beautiful, man. Kyle, you beautiful too, man. And what you did with the HSV-1, man. Stop the hate, man. You take a sip, dude. You're beautiful, man. Kyle, you're beautiful, too, man. And what you did

with the HSV-1, man. Stop the hate, man. All right, peace out, man. Love y'all. Stop the hate. I agree, dude. I think that's exactly right. I agree.

Stop the hate, dude. Yeah. Well, shout out. He said he works at a funeral home. Black funeral home. Well, look, you don't have to worry

about them waking up. They'll be waking up late, so you'll have some time. You should be good. Only time a bunch of black people are quiet. It's dead near, man. What the hell is it? By the way, Charles Barkley, thank you for calling in, man.

First time, long time, man. I got a couple people that'll tell you that. That's terrible. What are you, fucking Frank Kelly? I didn't know you had these fucking impressions in the back of your they might call me the accent king dude no that's great dude in the funeral home go down there hang out with the bodies i think as as a as alive people there's a bias people talk about like the different racial divides there's a big divide between the living and the dead we should be spending way more time

with the dead because you learn something it's different cultures what you learn about you go down there and you see what it's like to be like, oh, it's over. And then you'll look at it one of two ways where you go, oh my God,

it's going to be over sometime. It's going to be awful. Or you look at it and you're like, you lucky bastard. I got to wake up for work tomorrow. Fuck.

It has like an Egyptian tone, like a tone to it, like where you would go down and you observe the dead and you would revel in their experience and the fact that they're no longer here and where they might be i'm saying middle school field trips no more washington dc no more skating rink take the kids to a funeral home

down with the guy who does stuff with the bodies let them observe let them see it and learn a little bit i went to st john new John Newman's wake wherever he is down in Philadelphia went on a field trip there really? his body's just like chilling really? yeah

I think preserved well? I think it's preserved well yeah that's why I guess I think that's why one of the reasons why I got inducted

into sainthood it's weird but yeah it's there I don't trust morticians how so? I think everybody if you're around that many that much death

you've done something with the body you've around that many that much death you've done something with the body you either tried to fuck the body you've either tried to like look at its penis look at its tits yes look at that look at anything open their mouth a little bit probably there's probably actually something where like the nerve yeah give him a wet willy go pick pick the nerves a little bit pull it back a little bit probably pull off the scalp too yeah well i mean these people are literally slicing people open and grabbing their organs out of their body it's crazy to me i think that's exactly and i agree with you but i think it's also weird that not only are you doing that you're making the organs go you you're purposely making them beautiful because when you put them on

display they have to be like if you're putting makeup on that's a very intimate moment and technically still a human so you're okay, okay. How many morticians, percentage-wise, out of 100, have you think kissed a dead person on the lips? I swear to God, I'm leaving the bit right now. I'm not going to exaggerate to say one out of five. So 20%? I think 20% of morticians. 20% is a healthy number, yeah.

I think there's enough that there should be, I always see like the ads and stuff, that should be part of your ad for your funeral home. To be like, come on down to Doyle's funeral home where nobody kisses the bodies. Go ahead there. Yeah. Yeah,

of course. I have a crazy story. I have a crazy story. I understand, but he's like the dog. When you open up like a chips, you go up chips and you hear the bag and it's like, I'm hair dude.

He hears something. Yeah. He hears something. He's there. Good callback. Um, anyways um anyways uh so i had to hop on though i had to hop on because i have a crazy story uh in senior year senior year high school or around that time freshman year college something like that over uh i had a buddy and he uh his family owns a mortician they basically funeral basically owned a funeral home yes they own a home and uh long story short he had a party there and uh we were we did not know that there was a body in the funeral home. Yes. The funeral home. And long story short, he had a party there and we were, we did not know that there was a body in the funeral home.

And he sent some girls to go to the bathroom and they opened the wrong door. And we're like just hanging out. You just hear. You partied in a funeral home? Well, yeah, we lived in it. Some kid. Oh. His family lived in the funeral home.

Oh, fuck. Like they lived in the funeral home and, like, in the upstairs and stuff. Yeah. And the whole entire service is, like, downstairs. Damn. So they lived upstairs. But we were, like, in the whole place because, well, we had the whole place. It's like a mansion at that point.

But you have the whole entire place, like, just to party in. Wow. So we didn't know there was a body there. So we found out when the girls started screaming. And then, long story short, like. What do you do with it? Long story short, we went in there and we're all fucked up. We're just like, this is crazy.

I didn't do anything. But our one buddy went over and he pretended to make out and shit. And basically, the person that owned the place, he locked the door. He was like, everyone delete all your fucking videos right now. Oh, shit. If this gets out like my family business is over with yeah and uh yeah so it never got out never got out wow only people that know it or whoever was gonna watch this podcast now but uh yeah and then uh and then my the people who you

know i was with yeah but yeah nothing else like no i mean i feel like i would at least take take the arms and start waving around do a little ymci or something like that like i'm happy that the people i couldn't do something like that personally I'm happy that the people, I couldn't do something like that personally. I'm happy that most people in there felt that the same way, I guess. I would be pretty gross to have to touch it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

The embalming fluid and the smell of it. And just like, forget the grossness. I mean, I don't think like I was, I think I was raised better than that

to touch a dead body and I simply was. Shout out to Mr. and Mrs. Vito raising their kid right to not fuck around with dead bodies. Apparently now we need a necro version of jim or chris hansen like instead of walking in when you're trying to meet up with a little kid you need somebody apparently veto his friends meeting up with dead bodies you're like why don't you take a seat on this embalming table

like the girl screamed and we're like he forgot that there was like literally the body there and once it happened we're like well we're here now. Was his body shown on a casket or was it shown on a metal table, dude? He had long hair and everything. Organs in, dude? Dude. How big? It's like six foot.

No, no. How big? My one friend might know because he was trying to make out with him. I don't know. He wasn't naked. He had like a cloth on him. They didn't peek? What's up? They didn't peek?

No, we weren't doing that. No rigor mortis? I just couldn't believe. I mean, dude, I don't know. All I know is that the dude tried to kiss him and it was funny. But we had to delete the video. And I just can't believe that even happened. Yeah, it was pretty nuts.

We need Dateline, dude. I didn't realize this was such a big epidemic. I was horsing around. We got Vito's friends trying to make love to a dead body dude his buddies roll up to the dead body

with like a thing of twisted T's just like some Mike's Hard NecroDelco that was like 10 years ago yeah that was 10 months ago still of age

still 18 yeah that's true that's true yeah you were 18 so technically it was consensual I was 17 oh fuck well he was older actually

yeah so that was consensual yeah true that's a good point older, actually. Yeah. So that was consensual. Yeah, true. That's a good point. Shout out to the guy at the funeral home. Yeah, you're the dog. Black funeral home, too. I didn't know that they made...

It feels like they shouldn't make those. It feels like it should be kind of an everybody thing. But it feels like if there's an Asian dead person, I think they just put them back to work. I don't even think they get to die. They work so goddamn hard.

I think if you're a dead Asian person, they're like, well, get up my favorite is is when they um when the puerto ricans get embalmed and they and they play um cards with their buddies for the last time is that a thing you've ever seen that are they dressing like superheroes and stuff puerto rican people do this puerto rican people yeah puerto rican people will will taxidermy their own, like, their buddies and stuff. And they'll, like, there's pictures out there of, like, them being at, like, car tables or just, like, sitting in the corner dressed as, like, the Green Lantern or something like that. Really? Because that was their favorite superhero.

Wow, dude. Tony Hinchcliffe was focusing on the wrong stuff about the Puerto Ricans. They're fun, great people, but Island of Garbage was not the movie. Should have been talking about them hanging out with their dead pals. I work in the promotions department for a radio station, and I love that job. Great job. But sometimes when we're out in the middle of nowhere,

I feel so awkward having to go up to people and be like, hey, you want to spin the prize wheel? Hey, you want a free gift card? It's great. It's great until we're stuck in a Wendy's in Vineland with a nice radio personality having to force them to take to take a nice like $25 wendy's gift card uh but shout out go birds uh sake one bar who's dead that guy is so high it's like kind of cool it kind of sucks but it's also kind of cool and then

wendy's gift card thank you for calling in brother with that being mentioned thank you dude for calling in being high trying to get people's attention to come on to do something embarrassing you basically have vetoes dropped it that's what veto does every live pod we do he's got to rip the pen go out to people and be like can you please go on this stupid fucking podcast for a little bit he's for the love love of God. Promotions for a radio station. So I guess he's in like the marketing. Yeah, he's the guy who basically like if you go to like an Eagles game

and like Q102 is like sitting there and they're like, here's a couple Chotskys and sign up here so we can get your email and stuff and you can win like a $25 Wendy's gift card. Oh, then I can just spam you with a bunch of emails. Oh, if I can make it, I love those guys. If I see somebody promoting anything, especially like a radio station and they if they're giving stuff out i'm like you're the man really i love that stuff dude i hate that stuff why i hate clutter i don't like stupid knickknacks the cast brought a knickknack home for because she

does a lot of like event marketing stuff she brought a knickknack home and was like you can use this on the plane to stand up your phone and i'm like i will not use that but she put in my backpack anyway it's actually veto can you get it for me i hate knickknacks i hate because they just they sit around and they collect dust and they just sit in um it's black it's you'll say it's at the bottom just start reaching things out and i'll tell you what it is that's so i guess it's kind of like a boomer bust industry where they get guys like me who are like yo thank you i'll listen toer bust industry where they get guys like me who are like, yo, thank you. I'll listen to every episode. And then they get guys like you to get it. Yeah.

So she got me this thing at her last conference that was like, you just take that and like you just put it on your your seat. Like the thing that folds down the on the plane. Yeah. And you just watch. Oh, that rules. You're not excited about that no because american introduced an invention where you just flip the thing up and you put your phone in that's where i watched twisters last night on the plane well first of all by the way shout twisters that was a good movie of course you'd like twisters it was all right would you watch yes i can't get

into the superhero stuff but you'll watch twisters twisters was great dude glenn uh glenn lowry or glenn uh the guy he's got a sexy fucking jawline. Yeah, Glenn Powell, right? Glenn Powell. God, that is the hottest guy in the world right now. And I'll tell you what, if he doesn't win

People's Sexiest, that's... Apparently it's Benny Blanco right now, which... See, that's like... What are we doing? Those People's Sexiest lists

are the dumbest fucking things in the world. It's insane. Literally. Have you seen Deadpool? Have you seen Deadpool? We invite him on and this is what he does. Have you seen Deadpool? you seen Deadpool we invite him on have you seen Deadpool

no I don't watch super movies you'll like Deadpool it's not a normal superhero movie yeah I've watched like 30 minutes of it he breaks the fourth wall

like oh talk about sexy though Ron Reynolds yeah but look Ron Reynolds is hot just a billionaire I'm a little bit on Vito's side

where watching Twisters is like oh no I hope a tornado doesn't happen and then 20 minutes goes by and you're like oh no i hope a tornado doesn't happen and then 20 minutes goes by and you're like oh no i hope a tornado no no no no no no the glenn powell the only thing i'll say about him no no no you're not gonna come at twisters and not let me defend myself please you're right you're right twisters was they were trying a science experiment where they defeated the Twister using sodium iodide and a certain potassium, I want to say, kind of mixture.

And they did it. And it saved the town. Spoiler alert. Here's another thing. My parents defeated Twisters when they moved to the Northeast. And they said, yeah, we're good with that. You guys got smoked by a tornado in Mullica Hill like two years ago. Yeah. It happened in a field where nobody lives, dude. The place is just

for thoughts and that's it. No, dude. Mullica Hill. What I saw on the video, dude, that, that tornado came, they would have loved to have Glenn Powell. No, they don't want Glenn. They wanted Glenn Powell. He's the tornado wrangler. By the way, if I'm living through a natural disaster and a fucking hot guy comes up to me, nothing could make it worse. Really? If I just lost my entire house to a huge hurricane. See, that's what they want you to believe in the marketing materials, but Glenn Powell actually ends up becoming the good guy, and the bad guy that she was working with ends

up being one of her friends who is in with the developers around the city, and he's coming in and he's making money off of the insurance payments and everything so he's a bad guy so no no no glenn powell's good guy but he comes off originally in the marketing material you think like oh this guy's just you know a youtube tornado chaser they call himself the tornado wrangler he sells mugs he sells shirts this guy's kind of a he's a glory hound in a way but now you find out why, I spoil the whole movie, but you find out why he's actually the good guy and the one that she used to work with. And then they saved her from New York, brought her back out to Oklahoma. You find out that they are actually the bad guys. Oh, OK.

So it's a bit of a twist in Twister. But all that to be said, there's no way that movie's good. If I went through a natural disaster and you're not thinking about it like it's not just you like we both live with our significant others if i just had a horrible horrible like my half my home's destroyed i have no running water there's no electricity and it's me and my girlfriend is at the end of her wits and that sexy bastard comes up in like 501 levi's and a flannel and he's like can i help you guys with anything i will pull out a gun and shoot him in his left thigh and I mean that dude I'll shoot him right in the rip that I know that's in his jeans just send send the ugly FEMA worker over I really want

some like chubby Joe Pesci guy in like glasses coming out and be like oh my god are you guys okay and I'm like now we are Joe Pesci's Italian not some neurotic Jewish woman what I mean if I have Glenn Powell's like you want to see me do 38 push-ups straight I'm like, now we are. Joe Pesci's Italian, not some neurotic Jewish woman. It's true. What I mean, if I have Glenn Powell, he's like, you want to see me do 38 push-ups straight? I'm like, no, Glenn, I actually don't. You want to see me move all these wood planks shirtless? Yeah. He's going to be picking up stuff with his hands. It's like, just get a construction crew. God damn it, this Glenn Powell's so hot.

My guy had a friend. She moved out to LA. She met Glenn Powell. Apparently, he's a sweet dude, too. Yeah, well, good. I'm glad he's sweet. I'm glad he's hot. What an awful actor.

Stop it. Yeah, I a sweet dude too. Yeah, well good. I'm glad he's sweet. I'm glad he's hot. What an awful actor. I saw anybody but you. By the way, Sydney Sweeney, hot take, one of the worst actresses that's ever been famous. We can cover that in another episode. There are so many bad actors that had no reason to be famous on the show. I'm not even going to debate you on that. That's fair. Anything else on our boy in the promotions department? Keep doing your thing.

I love seeing you guys out at promotional things. I get very excited. So you have a meaningful job, whatever that means. Good for you. Yeah. All right. This guy, there's a transcription not available,

so he might have fucked up. Yeah, it's just 13 seconds of silence. All right. Thanks, guys. Hey, well, thank you, dude. Honestly, we need that. We needed a moment of silence after that Glenn Powell conversation

because I'm starting to get pissed in my head. This guy, I don't think he gave us an opinion on what he worked in. I think this is one of my followers because he just goes on a rant about Joel Embiid. Joel Embiid is consistently hitting new lows

and it's highly plausible that whenever he comes back to play, he could wind up looking worse than Carl Anthony Towns, which is probably his worst nightmare. Okay, so that guy works in, he's got a blue collar job. He's a teacher. That guy, okay.

He's a mechanic. He's for sure a mechanic. He probably is a delivery driver who listens to a lot of WIP. Yes. You take this. You're the process guy. Then I will give my rebuttal. Thank you for calling in. Joel Embiid could sit out

of the NBA for four years, gain 82 pounds, join a cult, and still be worlds better than Carl Anthony Towns, dude. Okay. The number one thing, first of all, okay, just from a he's the face of your franchise, listen to Joel's voice and then listen to Carl Anthony Towns towns voice okay that's for one you see carl anthony towns

and every single he's like hey we're here with the new york knicks and then you get joel's like i am not sure if i like basketball but i will do it at the best level just that every commercial just that is fine with me secondarily carl Carl Anthony Towns isn't guarding the rim. Saw a stat, one of my favorite stats that I've seen. My favorite stat of all time, Tobias Harris never took a single charge in the six years he was on the Sixers. Not a single charge. That's almost unheard of. Carl Anthony Towns, people are shooting 37 for 41 at the rim versus him.

I saw that. If you want to have him, by all means. Oh, he can shoot threes. Oh, you know, he looks like an anime character. Cool. I saw that. If you want to have him, by all means, oh, he can shoot threes. Oh, you know, he looks like an anime character. Cool. Fine.

Fun. But then you got to live with that guy being your starting center. You, anybody who's on the Knicks wants Isaiah Hartenstein back so bad versus Carl.

Yeah, and that other guy, does his backup center still there? Mitchell Robinson? Mitchell Robinson? He's there. But he's hurt, right? Yeah.

I'll tell you the one thing Isaiah Hartenstein you've seen this guy yeah black dude yeah I know that is and look

his dad's half black perhaps I thought she was the name Hartenstein yeah that guy was Third Reich that's

he was he was the Third Reich yeah I think he made with the Third Reich that makes no sense whatsoever when you see him too he looks like Glenn Powell

no yeah here's my thing about Joel Embiid we are the most ungrateful at Third Reich. That makes no sense whatsoever. When you see him, too, he looks like Glenn Powell. No. Yes. Here's my thing about Joel Embiid. We are the most ungrateful, ungrateful city in the entire sports world. We are prisoners of the moment. He is a franchise player.

He's going to go down as on the Mount Rushmore of Sixers of all time. That's up there with Wilt, Julius Irving, and Allen Iverson. He's better than Allen Iverson. You're going to hate to hear that, but he is.

Way better. And I just don't understand how people, going back to my prisoners of the moment quip, he had one number one overall pick forget how to shoot. He had another one forget how to shoot and quit on the team. He's had constant constant terrible gms one that got uh fired for burners another one that hasn't been able to make a trade deadline move since he got here he's had doc riversy to deal with he's had brett brown who was basically a

patsy uh yeah his entire time here sam hinky had to leave forced out that's right because of the nba like and not to mention he's just like a seven foot 300 pound guy that like the the human body cannot contort itself to make that scientifically possible for things that he can do and for his body to hold up now would you love him to be you know better in shape would you love him more focus on basketball sometimes yeah of course would you love to get out of the second round of course basketball is a team game he's never his best chance was 2019 and that was a kawaii he was a kawaii shot bouncing around the rim 17 times away from going to the third round it sucks that yannis has won a championship it sucks that now jason tatum and jaylen brown have won championship. So now people can just point to those guys. He also ran into like one of the best dynasties of like all time in the Warriors.

Yeah. They weren't obviously going to be winners then. But, you know, he, it's just, it's just, there's, there's so much that has gone against the guy that it's just, it's hard to blame him 110%. And, you know, the guy won MVP two years ago. And he was on an MVP level before he got hurt last year. Yeah, I mean, he was scoring more points than minutes played. If you go through every series, I'll just run through them. Celtics series when he was his second year.

That one, not great. It's a second year that you can live with that. That was a more talented Celtics team. The next year was the Raptors series. That was one of the most insane series. That one's on him. He was not great that series jimmy butler kind of carried following year the bubble ben died in a fire he didn't get to play the rest of the bubble second year the hawk series ben simmons literally gets so scared that he's like i actually don't

want to play basketball anymore in the middle of a game seven not really on him. If you check the stats, Joel's like 30, 15, and 2. That's fine. 2022, I don't remember. Oh. It was the Nets series where he got hurt, right? Got hurt in there. It was great against the Raptors. The heat, he broke his face. Broke his face against the Raptors, too.

And again, these are not like, oh, a nagging knee, or, oh, there's something wrong with his ankle. He got elbowed in the face by an angry fella named Pesquan and then elbowed in the face by his own fucking player going into the going to the playoffs missed the end of the year so that one not on him if you ask me following year losing to the Celtics that one's kind on him but he did have Jimmy Harden who was like

you want to see how to throw a series check this one out dude so we kind of followed Jimmy Harden also saved the series of that 40 43 45 point game yeah I get that. That's why I think that's on Jowelski. And then this following year, 2024, losing to the Knicks. That was Tyreek's series.

That one was most... When I watched Dante DiVincenzo hit that three, I was like, I fucking hate gingers so much, dude. I hate these. I hate my own people. I hate my folks. So I'll give it to all three on that. Let's just turn into a sports podcast. Yeah, we got to get out of there. All right.

Next one. Hey, Kyle and Matt. This is Gabby from Contra Hawk and just saw your post that you guys are doing voicemails to see what people do for a living. So I'm a former director of finance, spent a lot of years in corporate America, and I left my job to wrap gifts and buy gifts for people during the holidays, corporations, and people can send directly to my shop in Conshohocken. And I can wrap their gifts and they can pick it up in a few days, or I can wrap their gift on site. It's perfect for

busy moms, people who just don't feel like doing it. I also offer curbside pickup where they don't even have to get out of their car. They just send me a text and I will run out of the shop and meet them right out front of my shop. So we're also a retail shop as well. It's called Wrapping Papered and it's located in Cotche-Hawkin. Our services are great for people during the holidays who just do their shopping but don't really feel like wrapping their gifts on the floor and everything. So anyway, that's what I do. Thanks guys. See you. Bye. That's perfect. I love that.

If my fiance ever dies, guess who I am going to be? What a crazy. Wrapping papered. We just said the sweetest call-in of all time. Like, if my fiance dies, that's wild. I'm a terrible wrapper. Oh, that's true. Would you rather me go to wrapping papered or give you a terribly wrapped gift?

True, but apparently they like when you wrap it like a complete idiot. And they're like, well, you tried. That was nice that you did it. I'm a bad guy. Yeah. Well, I mean, first of all, Gabby, you don't even realize you are literally living a Hallmark movie. Like you're like the director of finance who moved from the big city back to her hometown, who started a Christmas shopping, wrapping company. Reunited with his high school sweetheart. Her high school sweetheart's there because she had to leave her boyfriend in the big city who was a jerk and never had time. And then in the middle of the movie, he moves back to the new place that she's in. There's a little bit of tension, but all along she falls for the guy who cuts down trees. End of the movie, their business is joined together.

That's you, Gabby. That is incredible, dude. Wow. What's better than that? Nothing. Nothing. It's a great service it's and it's actually kind of smart because that's the only other places that i can think of like that we're doing

uh gift wrapping we're malls and malls are just dead yeah and the gift wrapping in the mall they're so goddamn mean to you really going to one of those no i used to go back when i first graduated college and i had to buy like gifts for like significant others and family they talk to you it's like the dmv really the wait she's up i'm rapping the china then you come and i'm like all right that's fine and then i came up and she was like see how small the gifts were she's like can't wrap these and i'm like no i just don't want to screw it up and damn because it's free in the mall it's free oh if you buy the thing in the macy's in the different mall i wrap it for you oh I'd be pissed off too. Why? You're offering the service.

But Mr. Macy's is offering the service. The peons at the low of the totem pole. The peons? Peons, yeah. Peon Jones was the one wrapping it. She was not very nice to me. Well, Peon Jones. The lower class is the one that has

to wrap it. Sure sure and i get that probably making significantly lower wages probably not even making minimum wage honestly yeah i pan i mean she was so mean she was so mean that i panicked and sometimes i don't know what to do with my hands and i put both my hands behind my neck while i was standing in line i look like a psychopath so she could smell the fear after she yelled at me because remember i went to go up to think that i was next in line by the way they're doing it a picnic table. It's not like a real thorough operation. So I thought I was up next. She was like, him, then you, behind.

So I just waited there. So we need people like Gabby. Yeah, she sounds sweet. Give your business to Gabby and Contra Hocken. Did you say, I mean, I'm sure she has a mailing option. You probably mail your presents to her and everything, but you probably just drop them off and then come back. And I wonder if she has any employees underneath her.

Yeah. Wow. I wonder, yeah, maybe if she has her own rapping tactic. Do you have to learn a specific way to rap? I wonder what the margin on that is. Paper thin. How we doing, folks? How we doing?

Holy shit. That's great. Yeah, I think I will be there. Gabby, I'll see you In about three weeks So be on the lookout For a nervous Redheaded guy Let's get the next one That's so funny

That really is a Hallmark movie Yeah Hey I just wanted to call in And tell what I do for work I love you guys This podcast Thank you brother I used to work at Walmart

But then I met my wife at Walmart. She was one of the greeters. And then we opened a deli together. But our deli hasn't been doing good, and we're out here at Morton, PA, out in the Delco, and she's a real fucking bitch. And I hate working with her. We sell no hoagies. What are you doing?

Fucking shut up, bitch. Yeah, she's a real fucking asshole. All I do all day, shut the fuck up, bitch. I had the pepperoni. All right, we're going to pause that real quick. This is a real Delco love story. This is the most accurate Delco thing I've ever,

especially her working as a greeter. It's like for sure. That woman is definitely a greeter. Thank you for calling Walmart. Let me check your fucking receipt, guys. Stuck in your pussy last time. All I'm saying is I just want to know from you guys if you can talk about it.

I love men at work. You know, I also like that band men at work you know i also like that band man at work great stuff land on under if you could just tell me how to shut the fuck up my wife and get these hoagies swinging shut the fuck up see you have to have to deal with i have to deal with this i'm slicing the the meat. Slicing. But love you guys. Love you guys so much. But if you're ever in Morton and they need a sandwich,

you hit us up. It's Jim and Peg. Look, I will say, perhaps that wasn't in total sincerity, but getting your wife to shut the fuck up in a deli sounds like the biggest nightmare that could ever happen. That sounds like the number one place where they're just gonna yap it up i would just dunk her ass in the pickle jar i would say while i had the pickle jars yeah i would just fucking

drown that bitch we'll just phrase it like you're like it's like oh she told the cop she fell she fell they they do like instead of doing like a chalk outline of her body it's just like loose lunch meat around her it's just there you got a deli slicer there. You probably have some sharp knives. You probably have a trash can or two, a dumpster. I don't know, dude. I think you're not thinking outside the box enough. No, I got to get back in the box.

Well, I'll tell you, that could be your big threat there, Jim and Peg. You should tell her. It's the same way where you're making a little bit of money and you save a woman from a strip club. You say, let me take you away from here. You take her out front of that Walmart back where the greeters are hanging out.

I'd be like, do you want to be back here? You want to be stuck here again greeting people, shaking hands, checking receipts? Rollback prices? Rollback prices?

This time of year? Busy as all get out? Or you want to be in the deli with me back in Morton, PA? That's what you got to tell her. You got to let her know. You got to go, look,

you could be back here. Keep acting up. You might be back here. Hi, Steven here with Fishtown Creative. What do I do for work? Well, let me tell you. I'm basically a paid whore for content. Companies hire me and they want me to give them, you know, 50 videos broken up into 30-second clips.

We'll all film something, you know, 10 hours of video for something and then we got to find that it's good seven seconds you got to get that hook you know to sell whatever you know thing they're selling whether it be an energy drink or asbestos or i don't know whatever poison uh that we're slinging that week i love my job i really do I do love it. But I run my own business. But the thing about running your own business is you don't really have set work times, which makes sharing custody with my child a real hassle. Let me tell you, my ex, a real battle ax. I have to miss about two days of custody. Got to get that battle ax to the other guy, the other deli owner.

It's going to be a month because I have to take these event gigs with Red Bull. And I say no to a lot of gigs. But, you know, I'm still a terrible father. So I miss two days a month because I got to make money to pay the jobs I part and fucking pay my people. Anywho, it's fun and it's not fun. And that's life. You know, that's life you know that's why sometimes i think should i've done a blue collar kind of like you know 7 a.m to 4 p.m job and then my knees hurt so i'm like

i just i just went to take a shit and i think i think i blew up my knees so i'm kind of glad i don't think manual labor is it for me but i also don't like i don't enjoy sitting behind a fucking computer all day either like i'm staring at a screen editing all day, and I'd rather be out in the field, you know, talking with humans. Alright, that's it for me. Bye.

Alright, well. That's going to be $100 Venmo for that therapy session. Now, Steven, thanks for calling in, man. We really appreciate it. I like this guy actually he's he's funny um i think yeah i follow him on uh i follow him instagram um i do like the immediate equating to be like i took a shit my knee popped out i could never do manual labor it's like that's not necessarily manual labor you're just kind of pushing one through but i get where you're coming from steve i mean

that's how i feel at all times yeah uh start a podcast i don't know if you want to go really talk to humans and stuff i mean look a couple guys who do it all the time it's not all cracked off to me it really isn't and the grass isn't always greener on the other side because for every every good tradesman you get you get someone who's in like accounting and it's like you're the most boring person i've ever met in my life yeah i think that's where you sell plants for a living and it's like i just want this conversation to be over i can't believe or veto sends over an 11 year old furry and i'm just like we're not putting Yeah, I think that's exactly right. Or you sell plants for a living and it's like, I just want this conversation to be over. I can't believe, or Vito sends over an 11-year-old furry and I'm just like,

we're not putting this in the episode. That's right. And it's also, look, Steve, you seem much smarter than we are. You can just go out

and talk to people for fun. Go to a bar. If you don't drink, go get your oil changed. Yeah. It's also funny the way he phrased it

just being like, he talks to people so unfrequently that he's like, I guess they're in a field if I want to talk to them i gotta go find them in some field somewhere they're hanging out there looking for conversation and libation yeah man i mean uh i'm sure i do uh i do sympathize with steve because editing video is the most monotonous worst thing in the world but like you you said, there could be worse jobs.

Sometimes you wish you did a blue collar job. Sometimes you miss you did like roofing or something like that until you're out there on the 90 degree sun and you're getting absolutely burnt. And you're like, I wish I was editing video in a, in a, uh, air conditioned offense. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. That's when it goes back to our mortician buddy, where it's like, you look at that dead body and you're like, I really just want to be him. That's it. I don't want to go work in a field. I don't want to make videos. I don't want to do Excel. I don't want to do standup. I just want to be like this guy sitting here making out with Vito's friend. So I'm driving back from a comedy show. This is on Sunday night. And as I'm driving back,

I'm coming through the back neighborhood. That's like behind my apartment complex. I live on like a main road. And then there's a big neighborhood behind me and i'm pulling up and i make a left hand of street and i'm looking and there's a car that's sticking out like not on the way of the street not parallel with the street it's sticking out with like its trunk into the back of the street and i'm like that's weird and there's a big thing behind it and i can't make out the shape because it was raining sunday night so i'm looking and then i realized what i can't understand behind it because i don't it's not familiar it's a car turned on its side oh so a car had driven by crashed into a car parked parallel pulled it out so its trunk was sticking in the middle of the street and then that car flipped on its side and it had just happened because as i'm driving by a dude comes up bangs on my window and he's like call 911 right now call 911 right now call 9-1-1 right now so i'm

like all right well let me put down my beer first i gotta fucking i can't grab my phone it's a joke and uh so i i'm panicking i have no idea what's happening it just dawned on me the actual situation and i have a guy literally banging on my window and i'm rolling the window down and he's like call right now what are you doing call right now so i'm like okay okay okay so i get on the phone and i call how did he how did he were you driving fast or was traffic backed up is that why he got to it was a neighborhood so nobody's on the street i'm in like a back like developmental neighborhood how fast were you going for him to get to your car and knock on the window i had to stop i couldn't keep driving there's no room to get through because the car was jutted out okay that makes

more sense so the car's jutted out in the middle of the street and the other guys behind him flipped on the side of his car. And then I guess some guy that was just in the neighborhood came out and saw it and he saw me there. For whatever reason, doesn't have his phone. Don't yell at me. You don't have your phone. Be a little bit nicer. Be like, hey, when you get a chance, could you call 911?

This just happened. So I call 911. One of the most difficult conversations to have because you don't know what they're going to ask you or what you're supposed to say. So they're like, 911, what's your emergency? And I'm like like i'm mad i swear to god i said i'm mad just bleeding out you're wasting time i was like we don't even know each other yet announcing yourself yeah this is a very personal part of my life and but i was like um there's been an accident and they're like where are you and i was like fuck i have no idea that's probably the hardest yes thing like to like if you're at a random place uh i'm at uh you know like did you just check my phone i know 2024 and

then they go what's around you and i'm like houses and trees yeah they're like jesus christ man jersey like all of the new jersey so then i had to yell back to the guy and i'm like hey and he's like trying to tend to the person in the car and i'm like hey where where are we at right now mind you i'm four blocks away from my apartment. I just don't know that back neighborhood at all. I agree. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, that's normal.

That makes me feel better. So then he was like, we're on blah, blah, blah street at this address. So I tell them that and they're like, is the person still breathing? And I'm like, I don't know. So I have to yell while the person can hear. So this is what I keep thinking about being in the mindset of that person that they hear me yelling, is he dead? And then he has to hear somebody asking am i dead his ears are ringing he probably can't even hear you honestly well this guy so what happened so cops start to

come out i pull over to the side of the road because i can't drive by i get out it's a it's the most blacked out guy you've ever seen oh hammered like one of the ones where you see him because he started it was kind of like not cute but like he picked his so he stood up because his car's on the side so he had to stand up driver's side is on the side yeah we'll put in i have tons of clips that i could put in which i think you could post videos of a crime scene but whatever and the car is so his driver's side's on the on the on the side so he's standing with his feet through his driver's side window which is on the concrete stand up like a with his head poking through like a whack-a-mole dude so i see him and he pokes his head out and he's like yeah i think i made a mistake yeah like he was like he's looking around and like there's no

sympathy everybody around him knows he's fucked up he's like you guys are there's no sympathy everybody around him knows he's fucked up he's like you guys are pissed at me aren't you and then everybody's like what are you doing man you alright

what are you doing he's bleeding from the top of his forehead it's like leaking down into his eyes that's sick bleed and you could just I'm telling you

you could see his face where he's like fuck it's gonna cost $10,000 because it's the combination of like he's so blacked out that like look in our lives

everybody we've driven when we shouldn't have driven it's the truth of life, he's so blacked out that like, look, in our lives, everybody we've driven when we shouldn't have driven. It's the truth of life when you're a younger man. You vouching for a drunk guy right now? Not at all. Not at all. But you should, if you, you should be able to be honest with yourself. Like I cannot drive right now. Sometimes you're like, I had four or five beers at dinner.

I was there for two hours. I should be fine. But there's guys who get behind the wheel and they're like, I've had nine tequila sodas, eight beers and two shots. I'm going to make it home home i'll be good sure so he's that level of drunk when you drank that much but the adrenaline has kind of woken him back up so he's still in the drunken stupor but he's also so like a little bit to himself that he's like i know what's gonna happen tomorrow is gonna be bad it's like getting in a fight with your girlfriend when you're blacked out.

You can't really appreciate the gravity of the situation. Before you go to bed, you always are like, this is going to suck in the morning. And then you wake up in the morning and you're like, did I dream that fight? Or do we actually have that fight? I know. And 99% of the time it's like, we had that fight. She's still sleeping. I'm going to go take a hot shower.

Maybe that'll fix everything. Then you sit in the hot shower. Sometimes you put your hand against the tile of the shower and you're like, maybe she knows how sad I am by myself right now. But, uh, yes. And the cops come,

they took, they saw his windshield out. I watched the whole thing. It was raining. It was life. No fire department. Uh, there was an ambulance,

there was a fire truck and then like seven cop cars. Do you know why they call the fire department? To me, it like they're like check this out yeah i think the homies like yo i'm gonna show my homies yes this car accident because they don't really do much they might have the jaws of life i don't want to i don't want to tell our firefighter buddies that they don't do anything yeah they might have the jaws of life but yeah i also feel like that should i don't know i just I never understood why the fire department has to go. I thought the same thing, which would be... I mean, I hate to say it. Like, everyone was like, hey, the car's

on fire. All right, let's go, fire department. They should bring him there as, like, a punishment to, like, do the hose in his face if he's drunk driving. What color was it? Oh, sorry. He was white. He was a white old man. White old man. He was a cis white old man. He was an old man? Yeah. Yeah. He's been doing this forever. And the cat's out of the bag, finally. Dude, he was a was a pro's pro he knew and that's why he saw you literally dude you got lebron

yeah at the end of his career yes well jordan scoring 20 at the end of his career but he's probably like i lost my fucking i lost my luster he was like lighting the queen in cars when he starts to realize that there's other cars better than him he finally after all these years of being hammered driving yeah finally got in that accident. He's like, man, I lost it. I don't have my stuff anymore. Wow. You saw him lose his peak.

Yes. Luckily, nobody was hurt. Nobody was in the car that he hit. Nobody around him was... Thank God. This guy... As a victim of a drunk driver, I can tell you right now, it's a nice little insurance payment.

I hope those people get paid out pretty well. I hope they get paid until they die. I mean, that is just somebody making that bad of a decision at that age. It was like, what is it? Paid until he dies is a little ridiculous. All right, just give him a nice insurance payment. That's why we pay an insane amount of money

for insurance every month. I'll put it to you this way. If he pays them until he dies, that'll be eight years long. This guy. He's that old. He looked older. Are you sure he wasn't just like

alzheimer's and arthritic i'll show you the clips after i think you can tell i get a nice close-up of his face and you it just looks i've been in that position many times when i'm blacked out at a bar and they're like oh you look in the mirror at the at the repeat you're like you ever just like looking at yourself in the mirror in a bar or like a public uh place like a restaurant something like you are so fucked up it's one of those things where you're so fucked up you can't even make eye contact with yourself because your eyes aren't moving quick enough to focus on where your eyes are in the mirror you ever get that to go into a house party and then go into the bathroom always looking in the mirror after you dirty dog that was what i mean at least there's like a maybe a glimmer in his eye where

he's like i think i'll run it's like don't run don't run that would have been awesome if he would have tried to run well the funniest part and this is where and not that any of it's funny again it's tragic and awful shut up they sawed out his entire windshield and then realized he wasn't gonna be able to get through there so then they had to just saw out his moonroof so they saw out the windshield really for no reason which is more just like he deserves that that's what i'm saying he deserves he definitely deserves that does he get the insurance money i guess he does right if he has insurance yeah maybe if you can kind of like fudge it with your car insurance company you got nah probably not because you got to think there's like some some lawyer like redlined that in the contract being like, if you drive drunk and you're committed in crime.

Of course, yeah. You can't. Maybe they do. And your premiums just shoot through the roof. Yeah. I mean, that's a funny one to take. Oh, so they do do insurance and your premiums just shoot through the roof? Some of it, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, you pay a lot more for month to month. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Got it. Got it. That's the beer tax. That's the one. Yeah.

But I mean mean the idea of just like you know like when you get in an accident you gotta take pictures yeah it's just like a little fender bender just him and his car dude i would have hated you i would have hated you in my face no i wasn't anywhere near him i was on the sidewalk i was actually sitting on somebody's like front lawn and they were like get the fuck off and i was like for sure my bad that's on me and i was sitting it was a nice like beautiful moment for me at least personally because it was rainy out yeah first rain new jersey's had in two's on me. And I was sitting. It was a nice, beautiful moment for me, at least personally, because it was rainy out. First rain New Jersey's had in two months.

It's true. And I was sitting there and I was just kind of like. That guy didn't know how to drive. He hasn't driven a joke in the rain in two months. It's true. Yeah, that was his biggest. It was a practice. That was his kryptonite, was the rain.

And he was playing in unfamiliar conditions. It was like a football game where they're playing during the snowstorm. Yeah. He was like, I'm not going to be my best. And unfortunately, it didn't work out. luckily like i said i saw the couple like have to come out of their house to see that their car was hit so luckily they weren't in the car and like everybody in the neighborhood is just on the front street watching this all happen dude you ever seen a fire down down the jersey shore oh my god dude everybody for five blocks because

nothing ever happens out the jersey shore yeah so once you hear like, once you hear a fire engine and once you hear police and once you see smoke, everybody and their mother and their 17 kids that are in the house with four other different families, they walk down to the smoke to see where it is. And everybody just watches this family's nightmare in real time. Yeah, really? Because everybody is so fucking nosy. You can't help. You have to watch you have to i was gonna because the main thing that happened was i again i have no idea how to handle it i went up to one of the cops and i was like

hey i was the one who called 9-1-1 do you need anything from me and he was like no i was like oh okay what do you want me to do dude well i don't think i've ever told you the story of my uber driver hitting a person what that? That was wild. What happened? My Uber driver one time, I was coming back from Comcast, going back to my house, and you make a left onto Ben Franklin Parkway right by the Basilica. So there's like, you make this left, and then there's like four lanes of traffic, two going this way and two going the other way. And it is a pretty dangerous intersection because people have to not only clear the first two lanes of traffic, then they get the median and then they have to clear the next two lanes of traffic. And people are just assholes as naturally for driving and stuff.

So a lot of times when people are turning left and they get the light, they don't always wait or they try to get in front of the people who are crossing the road. Yeah, yeah. So as people are crossing straight, my Uber driver, and he looked like he was a little sleepy, he tattooed this woman. Tattooed this woman. And I'm in the back. Going how fast? Going, I mean, it was a stoplight, thank God.

Yeah. But he's probably up to about like 10 to 15 miles an hour. Yeah. And it wasn't fast, but it was probably he's probably up to about like 10 to 15 miles an hour and it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't fast but it wasn't slow i mean she came up on the hood real i mean if you've seen if you've seen any crash online it's exactly what you would think it was hit the woman hit the woman in the right hip head bounces off the hood. She's still, he'll fly.

And I'm like, I like it. But you know, when like when something happens like that, all you can muster is a sound. That's it. Yeah. It's just a reaction.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. yeah yeah yeah that's what i am yeah did you drop your phone you kept the phone in your hand did your hand go above your shoulders or below uh i did the stop for him that's but that's a good man move but i was i was in the back though even still because i'd be in the back i go like if the hands go by the shoulder you're done for you had a good man move that's good and dude this woman got up got up yeah right away and and she was definitely coming from like her business job yeah uh nice dress heels and everything got tattooed right in the right hip yeah and i was like holy shit you just hit that woman and he was just like i don't know if he was drunk if he was tired if he had to

be but he pulled over and luckily these two women were behind that woman and i'm like i'm the worst in this situation because i'm just like i'm like an and one mixtape tour. I just saw a crazy dunk. I'm like, oh, what? On her head. I'm like Shaq with the video. My all star game. Yeah.

Michael Keaton. He's like, yeah, you just watched. You just watch Blake Griffin jump over a car. Well, she didn't really jump over the car. Yeah. Yeah. Blake Griffin would have needed twice for this car. But it was it was a Kia, too, which is actually hilarious. Yeah. Was an asian woman no that was a guy it was a guy no but i'm saying

the woman who got hit no a beautiful blonde lady honestly wow a lot of times asian people and this makes no sense but i feel like asian people get hit by cars all the time and i feel like they're so used to it they don't even notice every video you see if somebody getting hit by a car it's like a unfortunately like an older asian woman and they take it on the chin and they're like what are you doing at least in my opinion i mean i see a lot of chinese asian videos not chinese chinese accident videos yeah well they got all dash cams over there that's right exactly um so but to to tie this story up uh police come fire engine comes still don't understand why the fire just had to be there but the fire engine boys they wanted to say they called

the boys up to say hey you guys gotta come see this one they should bring a fire engine with Santa Claus on the top like they do around Christmas time to kind of like lighten the mood a little bit but the same thing so like I think I was actually

I was going to a date so I was like hey do I just I would go to the cop do I have to still be around I'm going to a bar and the same person was like no

but I called and I witnessed it yeah no i was like oh okay fine whatever i was like do you want a medal and it's like a little bit yeah i feel like i did i want some recognition can i at least make a police report can you shake my hand i really want him to shake my hand and be like you did the right thing it's really i wanted a fatherly moment but holy shit that's crazy well i feel better that he's had the same five stars yeah felt bad five stars he's gonna need them I mean he's probably never gonna ride ever again but

he's gonna be doing five to fifteen in prison so he needs five stars yeah so I mean it was crazy though I mean the way that lady took it like a champ too

and she was just like sitting on like a bench and was just like I'm okay that's it lady you got you got smacked your hip

no shit your hip is displaced that thing tomorrow morning she's gotta be like I feel like I got hit by a fucking car and then you did it's like a hangover when you're like 25 and older just after happy hour too she's probably

like did I dream that or did that actually happen yeah I mean I hate to say that this is like and I'm the same way I have girl brain that way the amount of sympathy points I knew that I would gain after getting hit by a car I'd be like let's go I want to get hit by a car. Really?

Yeah. People feel so bad for me and ask me so many questions. Subscribe to the Patreon, everybody. 50 Patreon subscribers will hit Matt with a car. Yeah, for sure. Honestly,

31 Patreon subscribers. I'll do whatever you guys want. It makes no difference to me. Dude, I'm happy for you, man. Thank you, dude. Yeah. Just my civil service. I mean, you're not really a hero.

You didn't really do anything, but... Yeah. What was my thing to... You called the cops. You called 911. It was me offsetting not voting. I was like, let me not really a hero. You didn't really do anything, but. Yeah. What was my thing? You called the cops. You called 911. It was me offsetting not voting. I was like, let me go save a life. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. One for one. There we go. I love it. All right. Hey, and that's the podcast.

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