Men At Work Podcast - PATREON PREVIEW: Greatest Days of Our Lives

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

Matt and Kyle break down a tough lunch room situation where a co-worker mooches off their food. The guys dive into the large OJ debacle at diners, Matt's fattest work meal, and the small bizness tude in 2025. We're living in the greatest days of our lives. This is a clip from Patreon "Office Hours 5". Want more of this? Join the Patreon for the full episode and more bonus content: https://www.patreon.com/c/menatworkpodAbout Us: The Men At Work Podcast asks one question: What do you do for a living? After that the conversation flows from there. We've talked to substitute teachers, Bangladeshi t-shirt moguls, a real estate broker tight with LeBron James, and the Governor of Literal Pennsylvania. And we'll record anywhere. Random sidewalks during an eclipse, a furry convention, and more! Whether we like it or not, our jobs are most of our lives - might as well yap about it. If you want us to come to your event email us at: [e-mail] If you want more bonus content check out Office Hours a weekly workplace advice show on Patreon that subscribers submit their questions to and we answer them: https://www.patreon.com/menatworkpod*If you subscribe to the Patreon consider subscribing on a desktop or website or an android device, NOT THROUGH iOS (Apple) APP. Apple takes 30% of every month you're subscribed (yea they suck). Follow Us:The Pod: https://www.tiktok.com/@menatpodcast https://www.instagram.com/menatpod/ Follow Matt: https://www.tiktok.com/@mattpeoplescomedy https://www.instagram.com/mattpeoplescomedy/ Follow Kyle:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylepagancb/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kylepagancbFollow Vito: https://www.instagram.com/vito_visuals/?hl=en

Let's start with an easy one. Co-worker keeps coming into lunch room uninvited during lunch. Hi, whenever me and my coworkers order food from outside for us, our coworker, who's a male, 37 years old, keeps coming in the lunchroom on his own and asks, hey, guys, what have you ordered? And then he sits there and we have to offer him something as a courtesy. Keep in mind, this coworker eats his lunch first thing in the morning. And whenever anybody asks if he would like to order with us, he always agrees, but never pays back. What is the best way to tell him to leave us alone?

start bringing healthy options in unfortunately you're going to have to change your own diet to this guy leave you alone you guys are probably having scrumptious smorgas boards and he can smell it dude he's like a cartoon character where he's like smelling a pie in a window sill and he kind of floats towards it this is a 37 year old living in an eight year old's body because if an eight year old was if an eight year old was just like macaulay caulk and home alone and just was able to do whatever he could do he would eat his lunch exactly when he got in he'd eat his lunch at eight in the morning. He would eat his breakfast at seven in the morning. You would eat his lunch at eight in the morning. That's crazy.

I doesn't see. When you first come in? I've been guilty of that many times, dude. No! Matt, no! Yeah, I've been guilty to that quite a few times. My biggest meal today is my breakfast, and I go and I eat it alone in the car because I'm embarrassed because I know how early it is. Wait, what is the craziest, like, lunch you've eaten at like eight, nine in the morning? No, you get in early. Yeah, yeah. Back in the day.

I was just probably like the middle periods between when I was jacked and whatever I am now. Oh, geez, yeah. Yeah, I would bring in like food from the house and then I would like sit down and be like, ah, I'm going to go eat it now. And then I at least have a decency to go in my car and eat it by myself at like 7.45.

But the worst part was like people are still getting into work at like 7.45. So they just see like a grown man sitting alone in his car, eating lunch by himself. And they're probably like, this can't get any worse. It's not lunch, Matt. Yeah, it's not lunched.

It's 7.45 in the morning. What are you a fucking steel worker? You coal miner that your lunch is at 745? What do you work at Amazon overnight? I am a co-worker, dude. And that fucking place that I eat my lunch in, it's also my bed. I'll see you at 12 p.m. I'm fucking sleeping at it with my shirt home.

That is nuts. It is crazy. Dude, you literally work like, what's your typical work hours? Because I know you're weird. I do like 7 to 5. 7 to 5. Okay. All right.

So you have like a regular, okay, because you only work four days a week, right? And then you take Fridays off, 10-hour shift, bitch, overachiever. Dude, but you literally live like you work the night shift. Yes. Like lunch is at 7.45 in the morning and bedtime is at noon in your car, except you have another five hours to clock, four hours to clock. Yeah, that I fucking work five hours. And I got to come fucking do this shit or I got to go do some open mics in front of a bunch of dudes.

So that is my night shift That is my night shift, dude It's the greatest day of your life It is the greatest day We're back, of course Of course that too Still, of course But, geez, dude

Sometimes you got to sleep And I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say that I'm popularizing it However, I am seeing across the office A lot of lunch nappers Because you hate each other You hate what you do You hate your environment

You don't, you rather just go sleep in your car Than hang out with your Hang over with your co-workers You're no different than a lot of people in America, dude I'm not gonna go fucking break bread with people I'm sitting around for 27 hours a day I'm right there with you

but you're acting like you're like fucking you're fucking uh ponds de leone discovering the goddamn fountain you're sleeping in your goddamn car I am dude we will talk about this more in another episode but the amount of stuff that I have popularized

is unbelievable dude make a TikTok talk about it wait you won't you're a piece of garbage dude I'll kill you with a gun to death until you die. Yeah, I feel like you could live stream your car naps, and people would oddly watch.

Yeah, but what if I get hard? That's my biggest thing that I worry about throwing my car naps is if I get hard. Keep it up here. Because you definitely recline, right? Yeah, I recline. I can't sleep pre-tucked in my belt, you fucking psycho. What are you talking about, dude? Pre-tucked my soft, flaccid, tiny penis?

Why are you hard when you sleep when you take a nap? I'm not hard when I take a nap. I'm hard when I have a strong eight hours No, dude, I'm my, I am my hardest when I am on death's door When I'm underslept And by the way, underslept and well-fed I had dinner at fucking 8 a.m. that morning

You're torched? It has nothing to do with you, dude. Don't worry about that. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. I'm saying you're torched when you're at your lowest. Exactly. It's kind of dominant. It's like a defense mechanism, dude.

There's fight, flight, or rock the fuck hard. That's me, dude, at all times. You're a poison dart frog, except you're just Tork. Dude, I'm poison ivy. I'm that chick from Batman. Except all my vines are just rock-hard penis, dude.

What's the craziest thing you've ever eaten, like, for breakfast? Four pieces of grilled chicken and a side salad. Yeah. Yeah. That was in your, like, that was in your Arnold's stage. That was in your, uh, your lean, clean, fighting machine stage. Oh, I've Doordashed. I've Doordashed a couple of breakfasts that are dinners.

Oh, yeah. Let me hear it. I've contacted McDonald's. This was back. This was probably, this was in, I guess, early 2021. And I woke up one morning, like, brutally hungover. And on DoorDash, they only showed, like, the breakfast options. And I was like, this is not going to, this is not going to cut it.

So I ordered a, I'm glad we do this because it kind of reminds me how much a fucking psycho back. I do, too, because we don't get to pull back the layers because we're doing, we have a totally different kind of like branded podcast when it's just normal us yeah this uh yeah this is learning about myself that's probably how i unlocked my true potential but anyway or your trauma i don't know if it still works but if you dooredash mcdonalds and you put in the comments i don't know if you still comment but you could put sub sausage and egg for burger patty you can just get a burger on an english muffin with cheese wow and i ordered three of them and a hash beasley too i was like you

You don't have to worry about the fries. I'll take the Hash Beasley. I do that. I'm going to need those fucking burger patties. Nothing better than McDonald's Hash Brown hung over. Oh, my God, dude. It's the bet. It's like crack, dude.

And an OJ? No, Diet Coke. Morning Diet Coke. That's a Cass move. Cass is a Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper. I like a nice OJ. Oh, and how many diners have you been to recently? It's been too long.

I haven't been a while about you. I've actually gone. We went one down the shore, obviously, because it's all diners down the shore. and then we have a diner right down the street from us. That's really good. The diner OJ, the large is not enough. They're very skimping on the large OJs until I went to my spot down the street. And I actually made it a point to tell the server that I was like, this is a large OJ.

Oh my God. And she agreed with me, though. She said, you're exactly right. I know she was like, yes, I understand. Everybody's skimping on large. I went to, I went to Wowwood Diner. The large OJ was no bigger than my hand. I went, go to that thing down right away, just to show dominance.

And I stared at the waitress in the eye. I was like, because I could have, I could have been a dick and I would have said, you think that's a large? Obviously not. But I didn't. I did it. I just did it because I wanted to let her know, it's you, it's you peeing, you know, at an X-FINI live marking your tire.

That was me marking my territory. It was one gulp, stare her in the fucking face and be like, yeah, yeah, that's a large. I know you don't set the prices. I know you don't, I don't know you don't call the shots around here, but that's not a fucking large that's a small that is there's so many elements to that that you first all boss move i'm totally on your side i would sit at the diner with you i started applauding however your honor i do have a contentious part first of all you're not looking up at the diner lady she's fucking four one she's 800 years old so you're looking at her just hello and then

you're gulping oj in front of her secondarily she's looking at you like you're the fucking oj because you're using your hand, you're put on probably a glove that doesn't fit. You're OJ fucking Simpson, dude. That's crazy. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But yeah, man, Diner OJ, McDonald's OJ. McDonald's does it right with the OJ.

They have to. McDonald's a nice OJ. Everything's supersized. Their coffees are ass. Yeah, but that's what you get for being the guy who gets coffee from McDonald's. Sure. Go to Starby's, dude. Just go to Starbys.

Just give in. I know, but sometimes when you order him breakfast, you want a coffee with it, and you want a good coffee, and their ice coffee is such ass. It's so bad. But whatever. Yeah, but you can't get it when you're Dordash and when you're drunk, hungover, door dashing. You can't get a coffee because you're trying to go back to bed. I've made a mistake many a time.

Is that the craziest thing, though? The Door Dashed in McDonald's. I think I would agree with that, though, that, like, if you're hungover, I mean, threes a lot. Three's, I guess you were kind of backing, coming out of your early stages of, of a bodybuilding to becoming one with the earth. Oh, Kyle, one, one, one sandwich, three patties. I don't know if that aids the case.

Oh. I'm not saying three sandwiches, one sand, three pets. Wow. Burger pads? Burger pads. And they accommodated. Good for them. Customer service sucks nowadays.

So shout out to McDonald's. In 2021, it wasn't good. It wasn't, that's how much we missed out of customer service. In 2021, it was better than it is now. We're at a global pandemic. And this dude was like, I got to get my boy, his three, his three McDonald's patties on his He needs it, dude. on his muffin

some dude on a fucking bike with like one of those bags that keeps your food either hot or cold it's like this fucking fat bastard needs three paths stab yeah yep now let's get one more one more points sorry to keep diverting from the story but the one thing I think about the customer service getting downhill is it feels like

like mom and pop kind of like niche stores are becoming more popular like nobody's like going to chains to find the best food I feel like TikTok is popularized like there's a small hole in the wall There's this really cool place you never heard of. You've got to try it out. And I think a lot of these places are trying to emulate the service you get at cheese steak places, where they think they think the meaner you are to the customer, the better they assume the food is.

Which is kind of true. You know what I mean? Some ways, Pat and Ginos has definitely kind of built a brand off of that. Do you have any examples? No. I think people are kind of just assholes now That's good point Yeah, that's probably fair

I think everybody's just hurting I think everybody's just hurting I think everybody's just To attach to their screens and everything So they're just fucking depressed that way I think nobody's Especially in small business I think everybody's just getting smoked right now Yeah but why are they being mean to me

I'm there to help them I agree And I think it just Go ahead There's places you walk into And you open the door and they're like what it's crazy

do you think it's because of come and this is just like that because do you think it's coming off the backs of because i definitely i definitely experienced this i think it's coming off the backs of covid a little bit because covid was always like you got to treat small business right small business above everybody else i don't care if you're dying i don't care if you uh don't like that these people don't wear a mask go inside and frattenize that business right now because small business are the king They're the backbone of the society and everything.

And then I think people were like, I think a lot of times, you know, during the, during the pandemic, it was just like, it's what's, uh, small businesses can get away with murder. They can get away with saying the N word because small businesses were just, we just crushed the entire like two, three years that we had the pandemic. That could be the next step. An Italian restaurant who opens and they make their own sandwich and it's called the N-word sandwich. Yeah. I'm trying that sandwich. As long as long as they don't make more than a mill a year on the bottom line, small business, yeah, sorry. You might not like it, but it's the case.

And it's the backbone of our society. So you can get mad at all you want. You can Facebook about it. You can tweet about it. You can TikTok about it. It doesn't matter. That's a small business right there. You can't make the N-word sandwich.

You cannot. Because there's going to be a bunch of local TikTokers being like, yeah, is this the best sandwich in Venetal? Well, do they write it out, or do they just call it the N-word sandwich? I think they have to call it the N-Word sandwich to honor the business. It could be the Nana, a little Italian sandwich. Could be the Nana. Yeah, but Nana's calling it that for sure. Nana's back there calling it that.

But that's how they're paying her tribute. True, you might be right. I think you might be right. I think you might be exactly. We don't say it. We don't say it. No, no, no. I was watching McCusker's new anime.

animated cartoon kind of series and everything. He was talking about the Papa John paradox is, did Papa John really say the N word because he didn't like the N word and he didn't want people to say the N word? Because that's what he wrote in his satirical animated cartoon. I'm pretty sure he was on a conference call. Yeah. And the way, I don't know if it's something to that effect.

He wasn't saying it like, hey, what's up my, you know, which, by the way, B-sway to start a conference call. But I think he was saying it in like, something like that, like, we don't talk like this or I heard a guy say this. And he was just quoting. Oh. Yeah. Wow. That's Papa John. I literally thought, I mean, you see Papa John.

He's a drunk. You know, he's got some funny, he's got some funny pictures out there of him just drunk at the Final Four. Yeah. You know, sweaty with pizza grease and everything. So I was like, that's the guy drops the M word. You know, you kind of just like, that's my uncle. that's my uncle John you know I didn't know it was like he was coming out in full force against the N word like I kind of had to decide I don't think the Papa should lose his business I don't actually here we go the Papa never lost his business people know that right he just got denounced the CEO so like the Papa was still I think he he might have sold it now I would have to fact check that um but like if you think of like this Italian fucking Guido from like you know God knows where who's probably spent some time around some people who weren't too liberal with the with the way they used a certain amount

of slurs yeah him coming out against it he's like fucking malcolm x in my opinion he's me he's he's nelson mandela dude he really is yeah he's Nelson mandela with his side of pepper nuns i have a dream and i also have something to say um we're not we're not gonna say that at my place of work dude he's martin luther king size that's a good man there dude that's great I didn't know that, dude. He's like, he's like Pablo Picasso. They won't understand his genius till long after he's gone.

Fuck Picasso. What? I didn't like Picasso. What the fuck do you know about Picasso? He had a blue period, he had a red period. I guess I kind of liked his blue period over his red period. I like the one with the guy who's kind of like bent over

and he's got the guitar and it says, I drew that, I drew that for an art project one year in high school. So I think that's why I kind of like it. But besides that, Never a huge Picasso guy. I like Jackson Pollock. I don't know his work.

I've never seen him. I think he's the one that kind of just like takes a brush and just throws it at the canvas. Yeah, but what is that? Is that crap? That might not be art. That might be crap. It's, it is crap. But you know what, Matt?

He's made fucking money off of it. And that's kind of, in a way, is that the greatest thing in the world? wouldn't you wish we could just come on here and just fart into the mic for an hour and get like a thousand, 20,000 Patreon subscribers? Yeah, dude, I do wish we could be the basement yard, but unfortunately we got to think and put in some work at these. That's right. You do it, dude, you start a beef.

You start a beef. We release this clip. We call out the basement yard. They're like, who the fuck are these guys? But hope maybe one time they eat the trash. They eat the trash one time. That's what we did to do. We set to start beef.

Dude, I could happily start beef. The basement yard is here. humor for guys who like are the nice guy to you and then by the night they're like do you think i can finger you maybe quick i know like i'm not like these other guys but like i would love to finger you bunch of friends zones not even friend zones they're they're connivors the whole time at least you're in the friend zone you can accept the friend zone i think they're the type of guys that are like man that guy's a dick do you want to just come like blow some seam off of my room just chill the comedian i don't even believe this yeah the comedians that like that like go behind

your back and take your booking or something like that because they just know how to kind of play the system behind the scenes and everything. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That'd be all time. Us starting a, uh, a Patreon war. Every, it's just behind a paywall though. Everyone's going to what did the, what did the men at work guys say? I don't know. I haven't, I haven't subscribed to the dollar, the dollar month tiers are gone. I have to subscribe to the five dollar tiers. I don't know if it's usually beneficial. I got to pay for eggs next week. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.