Men At Work Podcast - Stephen A. Smith Is Running for President

Episode Date: March 7, 2025

Matt teaches Kyle about tariffs, we get into some sports, Kyle rants about terrible flying experiences, and Stephen A. Smith is running for President. Have a great weekend folks! About Us: The Men At Work Podcast asks one question: What do you do for work? After that the conversation flows from there. We’ve met substitute teachers, Bangladeshi t-shirt moguls, a real estate broker tight with LeBron James, and more. And we’ll record anywhere. Random sidewalks during an eclipse, a baseball game, a bar crawl, casino, and more. We like to find out what people do for a living. If you want us to come to your event email us at: [e-mail] APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/men-at-work-podcast/id1373108039SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/4XcFWt0I6gFvMotqDp5bsZ?si=2273debc08e5485dIf you want more bonus content from every episode check out our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/menatworkpod*If you subscribe to the Patreon consider subscribing on a desktop or website or an android device, NOT THROUGH iOS (Apple) APP. Apple takes 30% of every month you're subscribed (yea they suck). Follow Us:The Pod: https://www.tiktok.com/@menatpodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/menatpod/Follow Matt: https://www.tiktok.com/@mattpeoplescomedyhttps://www.instagram.com/mattpeoplescomedy/Follow Kyle:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kylepagancb/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kylepagancbFollow Vito: https://www.instagram.com/vito_visuals/?hl=en

Wow, wow What the beep the beep sounded heavy duty? Well, that was his that was his beep you guys have a camera conversation in the group text. I was like Nerds shut up. Make sure you put the p15. Do you know the first thing he said to me when he walked in? Yes Sorry camera. Yeah, it's more expensive than mine is wow Who's the producer now? Well, you guys might want to switch roles kyle producer veto sit down here That's why he has a microphone now.

We get two. What are these things called? Two tripods? We don't even need Vito. You're literally three legs away from being an unnecessary burden to the pot. He's literally watching AI take over his job. Wow, that's crazy.

Try that in the street. You're gonna need me. Try this street. Someone's gonna walk up and steal the cameras while you guys are at the table. We gave Vito the mic. We gave Vito the mic. So bear with us as we as we let the dog come in and out and talk.

I'm not gonna overstep you guys. You guys are the two hosts. I'm just a producer. You'll be tantalized by the ether of conversation. You're gonna want to join. You're gonna hear us talking about fun, exciting stuff and you're gonna go, oh, I have thoughts. Well, actually, well, yeah, true. You are gonna have well, actually, it will stop me from abruptly just walking in the frame

and being like give me the mic in the middle of a sentence right there so you guys address me you guys you guys take the floor I'm just here to hit the buttons and zooming in out what's up how do you want us to address you I'm just fucking around I don't know how you want we'll just call you dr. Bruce the whole episode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm dr. Bruce now. There's no last name. Okay Now that I've been saddled with the burden of Editing we had a lot of Jew talk on dr. Bruce last episode more than I remembered doing to be totally honest with you We got heavy in the Jew talk and actually I really enjoyed it because I feel like is it wrong to call the Chosens the Jews? Yeah I grew up thinking that was like weirdly like a

like when you call black people blacks but it's not. See that one makes me. That one's bad I still don't say it. I still think it's bad but I used to equate that like if you call somebody like look at the Jews. But then like I think it's because we grew up so very vaguely Instilled with racism. We're like I would whisper like Yeah, it's just like a thing is you don't What hard worker yeah hard worker Sorry about the tariffs not our call man. That's all Yeah for like a USA product that's made in Mexico I thought something like that. He took the Mexico ones away I think the Canadian ones. Trudeau's getting a little

mouthy a little bit so I hope we just fucking tariff him to death. I'll be completely honest with you I'm just I'm watching a tennis match right now. It's something I just don't understand about the terrors. I don't understand them so I'm just watching them someone's hitting a forehand over to their opponent. Yeah. Now they hit the forehand back, and my head's just going boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Just tell me when I'm gonna have to pay more for some groceries. Tell me when.

Just let me know. Because Chipotle, challenge at Chipotle, I don't know if you saw that. Chipotle guy said, we'll absorb the costs. Like why can't we do that? What are tariffs? Well, yeah, what are tariffs? I'm sure you were gonna tell me because you're smarter than that shit than I am.

The tariffs, my understanding is that I think you just put like an extra, it's not a tax, but like an extra cost on imported goods. So some cost like a dollar, you'll put like a dollar 25. Yeah, and they say the burden goes on the consumer usually because the business, God forbid their margins ever get hit, they will just be like, well, we have to pay more, you have to pay more actually. And the reason you do it is, basically, he's saying we have a big market of buyers. That's all they look at us as is we're just

a big bunch of consumers. So his idea is like we need to build up our own domestic market. So to persuade people to do that, when Hyundai says, our Korean-made car is now 25% more, you'll go, all right, I guess I'll buy a Ford, because it's made in America, and they're not paying that extra thing. But also, you have to bring the jobs back, then.

That's the whole concept, is that you make a bigger domestic market, and that includes having more local vendors. So Hyundai will be like, all right, shit, we'll build a manufacturing compound in Iowa, so that way we're not getting fucked with all these tariffs, and we have less buyers. It's not to like, they say like puts an extra cost on the consumer. It's more so to push foreign brands domestic and that in turn creates jobs and that's the whole concept. So socialism Kyle is going to enter the chat right now. Sure. There's more billionaires than there's ever been in our lives. We're going to we're going to be able to experience the

first trillionaire in our lifetime. The first trillion dollar company we've already experienced this stuff. They made so much money during COVID. Why the fuck can't they just eat the tariffs? Like when is it going to be like, because I feel like the little guy is getting fucked. And I feel like the little guy is consistently getting fucked. Now luckily with me, you, we have jobs that like, we can afford this stuff. But like, if I'm like middle class America, like you got to be freaking out right now, right? Because you're just like, how am I going to pay for eggs? Like $8.99, $9, not to brag or anything. If I got to pay that for eggs, which I'm paying right now, it sucks. But you know what? I'm lucky enough that I

can afford that stuff. If I'm in fucking, you know Midwest. I'm paying $10 for eggs. Fuck that dude Want us to become farmers to yeah, they really try to put everything on us, dude They're like they're getting rid of all like government, you know jobs and like outputs of thing and they're like you guys do it We're that's we're all capitalists. It's like bro. I've rent. I'm not a capitalist Yeah, I'm at the bending the knee to the capitalist because he owns my big apartment. Yeah, socialism Kyle coming back into the chat real quick. I used to be very pro cap capitalist. I think in your 20s you're always like big like capitalists like they work for their heart for their money. They got everything dude. The more I fucking learn about this guy's dad was in the CIA or this guy's dad was in you know,

Hollywood and this guy's dad was a big-time agent or big time executive. And I'm like, fuck you guys. Dude, it drives me nuts. The NEPA CEO, the NEPA baby, I was watching the Oscars the other day. It's like this person's mom is something, this person's dad was an executive at Hollywood or Warner Brothers or something like that. And it's like, fuck. I push it a step further. I literally was watching the Oscars.

I'm a nightmare to watch really anything with. Really to be around for the most part the past couple months. Nosferatu, zero wins, baby. Let's go, baby. Sorry about all that. Everybody in the comments, Nosferatu, you're well-adjusted, thoughtful people.

None of you are complete fucking idiots. Sorry, dude. Girl porn. Girl porn, and I stand by it. And that one guy who said that this was scary than the movie itself. It's like, well, the movie wasn't really that scary. So, low bar, dude.

Anyway, go home and let your wife peg you. How do you view the Oscars? What's that? What do you think of the Oscars? I thought it was a great, first of all, Conan O'Brien is maybe the man of the year. Give him a blank check. Give him everything he wants. I hope Conan's the first trillionaire.

If that happens, then I'll be like, all right, I'm pro-billionaire now. Make Conan O'Brien a Conan O'billionaire. That's true. If you were able to have billionaires that actually have like social cues, I think people would be way more open to billionaires. Yeah, well I think we used to have them because they were mostly just salesmen and then in the past 10 years all our billionaires became autistic tech guys and they've kind of

lost their luster. Like back in the day, I'm an oil baron from Texas like I like having sex with my wife and having a beer and you'd be like alright fine something I could see myself in yeah now we get good. What's that? I mean just look at the Mavericks owner I mean like look at that kind of those kind of billionaires just kind of ruin it for everybody I mean what trading Luca do a trading Luca and all he do it all he's doing is prioritizing gambling and his profit margin He's not care about the actual product that he's given to his fans Just like Comcast taking over the flowers, they don't care about the fans. What's he do?

What's the new owner do? The new owner, basically, these new owners are basically more so doing everything that's just gonna basically be money in their pockets. They wanna move the team to Vegas. They wanna actually upset the Mavericks fans and basically turn the fans against them so they have a reason to move out and go to Vegas

and they can make a ton of money being a gambling, basically a gambling product. Yeah, I thought about that initially and I heard that theory too, but that that Makes you have to consider the fact that a billionaire would give a fuck about what the fan base thought Like people are like he's trying to make the fans hate them as if he sits at home And he thinks about what some plumber thinks about him moving the fan base or moving the team if he wants to move the team He'll just do it true He's not gonna like sit at home and be like I had to find a way to trick the fans and guy in Oakland Well, it just comes back down to like the Vegas. Yeah, my a's doesn't give a shit about you know

He's always the lowest in the payroll they're playing in a minor league stadium in Sacramento because the because the Least ran out on Oakland and their stadiums not even be real Stadium in Sacramento this season. What a dork I think people just hate it when like greed and like culture gets totally lost when it comes to these people like and their stadiums not even being built. Is that real? Holy shit, dude. What a dork. I think people just hate it when greed and culture gets totally lost when it comes to these people. Like, Luka going to the Lakers is more so the NBA colluding with the Mavericks owner and the Lakers owner because they need Luka on the Lakers to make the league better.

The league's losing viewership right now. We've got conspiracy veto. Conspiracy veto. You think the NBA is colluding with the Mavs in the Lakers There was a videos that were out six months prior to trade saying that Luca Donchic will be traded to Los Angeles Los Angeles Lakers people actually knew it was gonna happen. It's Two videos they make every superstar player daily Mavs blogger out there There's articles and stuff on it and I was rewatching a lot of videos on it but bottom line Lucas the biggest I'm the guy who speaks videos every day. The color yoke is going to be on a Lakers. Where is that?

There's articles and stuff on it and I was watching a lot of videos on it. But bottom line, Luka is the biggest international star they have. Lakers are the biggest franchise in all of sports, other than maybe the Yankees. Put Luka on the Lakers, our NBA product will naturally go up. That's what they did. They probably made no money with Luka on the Mavericks last year being in the finals. I was like, oh, well let's put him on the Lakers. And then the last year being in the finals. Like, oh, let's put them on the Lakers. And then the Mavericks center is like, yeah, like, well,

yeah, he goes on the Lakers and the league, the league makes more money. I'll make more money. It's basically what it was. Damn. Yeah, I get what you're saying. I think there, I mean, I've, I've understood that. I wouldn't be surprised if that was true,

but I don't know if there's that much we on a deal in the background. I really just think, I think Nico Harrison came in. He's like a Nike exec. He doesn't really know. That's the thing, dude. If you're a Nike exec, you don't know shit about sports, dude. You're just like, you, you, you, you, you literally your job is to look at sneakers and go sexy, not sexy. You're actually the least sports guy of all time. That was his entire job to be like, put this swoosh higher up on that shoe. And then he comes in and everybody's like, he must know about sports

because he knew Kobe Bryant. You know who else knew Kobe Bryant? Fucking some fat dude from Lower Marion. That's true. Right. A lot of fat dudes from Lower Marion know Kobe Bryant. And I'll do respect to you guys. Sorry I'm being nasty. But I just don't.

I just think he came in and somebody told him, like, you know, Luke is kind of lazy and he drinks a lot of beer. It did make sense. Like it like unfortunately, in the short term, this Luca trade is going to look like one of the worst trades of all time. But if his body breaks down in five years by 30 years old, Nico Harrison looks like a genius and he'll be long out of a job before that. Yeah, I would definitely agree with that if they didn't trade for Anthony Davis. I know, I know.

This guy might get hurt. We should get the steel body of Anthony Davis. First up, and Max Christie. This is the last time I'm in about it because I don't body. First up, Nick Tue and Max Christie. This is the last time I'm talking about it because I don't want to take up too much of the airtime here. But this is my final conspiracy point. Nico Harrison, the general manager of the Dallas Mavericks, is friends with Rob Polanka, the general manager of the Los Angeles Lakers. The two were introduced by Kobe Bryant and have been friends for many years. So they're literally coming up with a plot to make the NBA more money so they can make more money. Now, I think it actually supports my theory. I think Nico Harrison got fascinated again by something sexy

He's all Rob Polanka and he goes this guy's really sexy. He could trick me at anything, which by the way Rob Polanka is so sexy. He could trick me at anything too. Well, he's not Rob Polanka. He's Rob Lowe He is Rob, which is crazy Rob Lowe Polanka. We've never seen those guys in the same Room together and they're living the same exact city city. Yeah, yeah, I could totally, although Rob Lowe's kind of short. I think Rob Blank is a tall drink of milk. Nice. Yeah. I don't know.

You know, I love conspiracy theories. I just don't think it runs that deep. Just look into it. You'll be fascinated. I won't. Because I don't think it's gonna happen. It's the worst trade in NBA history by a mile. I don't think a guy who learned from David Stern and

The guy who nixed the Chris Paul trade who was also going to the Lakers would ever medal in something I don't think he cares that the ratings are down. Yeah, they already signed a TV deal. He's already like gotcha I see you later. TV deals are where it's at. ESPN gave them 44 trillion dollars He's like dude, I don't give a fuck who plays where. And then Brian Roberts threw his weight around and was like, hey, listen, I'm giving you millions and millions of dollars in the next 10 years. How about the Sixers have to now build in South Philly?

Yeah. Yeah, true. Yeah, I mean, also, Adam Silver gets way too much credit for being. It's because of the Donald Sterling thing. It's this chronic achievement, which is not that tough of a decision where one of the owners was like, black people gross me out.

And he's like, yeah, you're out, dude. That's not like a, whoa. And they were like, yeah, he's awesome. He's the greatest commissioner of all time. I mean, the greatest commissioner of all time would have gotten rid of Donald Sterling and put just like a black dude who works at Subway is the owner of the Skooklippers. If he actually cared about the league and doing big things, get a dude who's literally in the middle of putting together a tuna sandwich at Subway is the owner of the two Clippers. If he actually cared about the league and doing big things, get a dude who's literally in the middle

of putting together a tuna sandwich at Subway, be like, I don't know if you know this, you're actually the fucking owner of the Clippers now. I think I was like, wait, what? And then he's like, Clippers, that's my barbershop name. David Stern is the greatest owner, or greatest commissioner in the history of the league. Frozen envelope, nixing trades,

taking over franchises and just owning them and running them into the ground. Yeah. No Chris Paul trade. No Chris Paul trade. What else like taking taking the NBA on its deathbed and making it a substantial product where it was like all just guys on cocaine. Yeah. And heroin and stuff. And they were just like, games are like 75 74 like every night yeah I mean bring cocaine into the league back though I will say that yeah I everybody's like bring let let athletes do steroids it should be the best product possible

bring coke back let every athlete do coke and they can do it they can decide they can do it before the game or after the game they can't do both so you do have to instill some kind of like regimented process to it. But what are the benefits of doing it after the game? Wind down maybe. Maybe all that adrenaline, the Coke actually has an inverse effect. What are you looking at me like that Vito?

How's that gonna calm you down though? If you ran around, I've never done cocaine before. So if you ran around for three hours, I imagine if you do Coke after the game, somehow it has like the inverse effect. Absolutely not. No, really? It actually might kill you, honestly. Real shit, all right.

Your heart rate would just be way too high, and then you get a little bump bump and your heart rate goes even higher. What was that guy's name who used to do like heroin right before the games? Chris Herring. Yeah, that Doc O'Byrne is insane, by the way. All-time Boston guy. Oh, he used to, he did a... He's in Peyton Pritchard's new Chris Herring.

The heroin. Yeah, true. He... Has he become sports he's in Peyton Pritchard's new Chris Herring the heroin. Yeah, true. He uh, become sports podcast Chris Herring did a assembly at my school really I think it was Chris Herring was one one guy who played in the NBA and he everything he would say goes one little pill Cuz I guess maybe it wasn't heroin. It was some other guy who I got got addicted to pills in the middle of being in The NBA yeah And he every I don't remember anything from the speech other guy who I got got addicted to pills in the middle of being in the NBA Yeah And he every I don't remember anything from the speech because I don't think he really remembers anything for the speech But he would just come be like one little pill took everything away and I was like 15 sitting there like

Advil like I don't know pills. What are you talking about? He's like this pill rolled my life There was no other context to anything he was saying and he talked for an hour I think was Chris Herring if you've seen it on at your your local, please comment below. Your wish you got you dabble in the pills a little bit? I don't know. Yeah, kind of. I mean, the first time I'd never done drugs or drank before and I broke my wrist when I was in high school. Yeah, I was hanging on the back of a car, skateboarding and I fell off. Not a big deal. Yeah. My buddy was in the back seat. We were like five houses away. We're almost at my friend's house and we're going like 25 miles an hour.

And my buddy sticks his head out of the car and yells, home stretch, speed it up. So then my buddy driving, my buddy in the backseat is dead. By the way, he died in a horrific car crash. Big ups to the man down off stairs, stop drinking, drive. And my buddy sped up from 25 to 30 miles an hour. And that was all it took to kind of like lose my balance.

Yeah. And I don't know if you know, I went to step off the board. I can't run 30 miles an hour. I know that might be shocking based on everything about me. Based on my complexion. Based on my complexion, based on my body type, based on my heart. I have a big heart.

I'm worried about having heart problems for real. But I stepped off the board and I did like a fucking cartoonish like there's just like a ball Of smoke underneath me fell broke the risk completely smacked my head Yeah, we're just go we're just real I'm just yapping But I broke I broke I broke my Cold water on the gap. Sorry. Yeah, you should I please tell me Middle to that story, I was like,

what were we talking about? Oh, I'm getting there. Yeah, I'm getting there. I'm getting there. Sorry. So I broke my wrist and I'd never drank before. I'd never done drugs, never smoked pot because I think smoking pot's a sin.

I quit. 21 days not smoking weed right now. You have the longest cord. You can put it into your own mouth. Been 21 days since I graced the Devil's lettuce really Wow. Yeah, well because of health problems I did not make that choice my body made it for me coughing up tar and shit Let's go

Pills yeah, so I took a Percocet prescribed actually, that's not sure it was not prescribed I Yeah, I told them I didn't need pain pills because I was still in shock. Many of my parents were like, dude, I can't fucking get pain pills. I was like, no, I don't need pain pills. So luckily my mom had had lap band surgery, so I took a Perc out of there. I probably should have said it. But anyway, I felt high for the first time, but Percocet high, I've never felt anything as good since. Really? There's nothing better than being high on Percocets. So would you ever wish your own pills?

Yes. OK. Yeah. Long story short. Yeah. And to add to that story, this is also very important that I include this. The second day after I broke my wrist, I was on a Percocet.

My mom went out and got me lemon water ice from Rita's. And while I was eating it, I bit into something. And it was hard. But I thought, it's probably just pulp. The lemon water ice at Rita's has pulp in it. And I was like, that's probably just pulp. The lemon water is a read. This has pulp in it. And I was like, let me just check what the hell's going on in here. I pulled it out and it was a pinky nail.

Oh, somebody's nail. Oh, no. And I said, all right, I'll give you one bad. You get one bad read. I kept going. Oh, man. I swear on my life, Kyle Pagan. Bit into another nail. Oh, dude, I swear on my life, Kyle Pagan, bit into another nail. Oh, dude. I see. So gross.

And I remember it was like 4 PM on a Saturday. So I was like, I'll call them. I was high on Percocet. So I called Arita's high on Percocet. And I was like, hi, I'd like to speak to the woman who made the lemon. What? Well, sir, we've made 72 lemon today. Can you be more specific?

There's a vat of lemon water ice. But the one girl who answered, she's like, 17, I'm 17. And I'm like, hey, I was eating the lemon water ice. And there was two fingernails in there, which I'm giving myself away that I kept eating it. She was like, why wouldn't you just have one? You kept pushing through. And she was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.

And I was like, yeah. And she's like, all right, I'm sorry, goodbye. And then hung up on me. And that was- Not even a free like Rita's voucher or anything? Nothing, barely acknowledged me. Wow. I think she was panicking.

Cause I just imagine she's probably sitting in there biting her nails, flicking them. And they just ended up there. 17 years old, it's her summer job. She just wants to get back to college. She wants to get back to high school and stuff. She doesn't want to do this dumb shit, scuba knowledge. Whereas I kind of appreciate that.

I think it's a power move to hang up on someone when you obviously causes a distress in Their life. I don't blame her at all. I mean, she's just got a gelatinous Ginger on percocets calling her complaining about lemon water ice. She should have been like fucking get a life Yeah, don't you have better things to do is like well, honestly, I'm high on percocets So you might see I could have guessed big though. Yeah, you had like a whole episode Yeah, like a whole day on percocet. Good for you. Yeah, it was awesome, dude I had to it hurt but that's but that's exactly that proves my point where it's like I do wish like when I was first getting to the

Content game. I'm like, I'm not an interesting person I don't really have an interesting life like I can't really pull stories like that Which is like pretty funny that like you're on pills like that's a great story from when you're on pills and stuff They were prescribed by the way that was and it's just like and it's like It's like I kind of wish I had a I had a pill addiction like people I know because it's like though it ruins your life though it might not be the greatest thing for your you know future and stuff the stories that come out of it are amazing yeah like every podcast needs a

guy with good stories I have zero good stories I'm the I'm the most vanilla guy I'm the MD foodie boys of of podcasting I first of all I disagree with that I think you have tons of good tales. Secondarily, you are like the exact opposite of a person on pills. Yeah. You're high strong. You're like, we gotta do this, we gotta go here.

If you were on pills, I think you would lay down in traffic. I don't think you'd be able to do anything. Do you think I would? Why would I lay down in traffic? You'd just be like, forget it. Because it'd be totally antagonistic of who you are as a person, that it would throw your fucking psyche so all over the place that you'd be like, I'm done. I once had edibles, and it was like they were pre-made edibles.

So I guess they were made by somebody, not pre-made, but they were a cookie. And I honestly got the bad corner, the corner where it all just folds over to. I could hear my brain for the next week. Yeah, that's the worst part. And I thought I was never going to become a normal person ever again. Kyle had left. Kyle had left and Lyle had entered.

100%. It was like me laying down and there was like a spirit above me looking down on me for an entire week. I cried to my mom, it was in the middle of COVID. I was like, I just want to be myself again. I got a therapist. And I was living with my mom at the time.

You got so high that you got a therapist. Yeah, dude, I got a therapist. That's such a crazy thing. I got so high, I had an out-of-body experience and I got a therapist, go ahead. I just want to say, I put my game check on that Kyle was definitely a Coke boy, or what he used to be. I did I I would probably do it on two hands the amount of time to cook I did look very baby-like. Oh, I thought you mean you would put it on each hand

Now now I could probably count on two hands amounts as I did coke and I haven't done it I haven't done it since those bastards, but you fucking enjoyed it and all the fan. Yeah, I don't understand Why is it in there? Everybody keeps saying like I got to be like to me I don't understand. Why is it in there? Everybody keeps saying like, I got to be like, to me, I don't understand because they cut it and it's cheaper for them to cut it. What's I mean? Cut it.

I always cut it with the fentanyl. So like Coke is like a mixture of things. Like sometimes you can cut it with like baking powder, baking soda. Excuse me. Sometimes you can cut it with some like, like rat poison and stuff. Holy shit. Sometimes you can cut it with some like Like rat poison and stuff. Holy shit cut it with like fentanyl and everything and fentanyl is a very addictive

Chemical that like sometimes even if you touch it on there you're seeing those cop videos Like they'll touch they'll like brush against fentanyl. Yeah, and they'll like pass out because that's how dangerous and potent it is and stuff so China was like bringing in fentanyl and It was the people in like and the drug dealers were cutting it with fentanyl so that they could now increase their prices and everything. Say like, hey, you know, when we used to cut it in the past, we would have to give out, I don't know, I'm already losing it. Do you know more about it? Not really, I was just gonna add that, that's one of the main reasons why they wanna fix up the border problem, just cause a lot of the drug

dealers are coming from outside the US bringing in a lot of fentanyl, and it's killing a lot of people. Yeah, we're not doing anything bad in home, so we really gotta secure the people coming in. I mean, first of all, the Chinese bringing in fentanyl. They probably snuck it in here, cause they would pronounce it in there like, we don't even know what they're saying, all, the Chinese bring it in Fentanyl. They probably snuck it in here because they would pronounce it in there like,

we don't even know what they're saying. Yeah, whatever. Bring it in. Rehifnum? Fentanyl. Yeah, that's pretty funny to get so, that's probably the big difference between weed, Coke is that you got so high that you got a therapist. But if you're on Coke, you probably get so high on Coke that you become a therapist. 1000%. You have the greatest conversations on Coke. I've seen people on Coke. I didn't realize it like I would see people at parties and I'm like, wow,

they really won't shut up and they keep touching my shoulder, having no idea that that was a coke. That's something people do on Coke that's underrated. They touch you a lot. Yeah, they're all they're in the best mood. They love everybody. And then you just find that that Adderall does the same thing when you don't take it every day.

Does it ever. And you're like, fuck, let's just do Adderall. Yeah, it really is. I mean, well, they talk about the founding fathers. We usually do Coke and then you're at a bar and then you're like, we should fucking start a business, dude. You and I, we can do this. People forget, the Declaration of Independence was founded on cocaine. It was founded, it's probably on cocaine, and it was founded literally in bars.

They all just chewed on Coca Lees, right? I think they would get zappedapped off that or like they'd have tobacco, they'd be smoking tobacco and they'd be hammered at a bar. So all the time you're at a bar and you see like two coke dudes being like, bro you and I we could fuck. That could be Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. That's literally them they were sitting in the tavern and they're like, what the fuck is up with these fucking British dude? We should make our country high as fuck on cocaine. Yeah, I don't think anything major in human existence has ever been done sober. No, 100%. Yeah, because you kind of have to be fucked up to be like we should make a country. Yeah like we should just take this world power let's just fucking beat them dude. Beat them.

Let's just beat them. I know Billy down the street fucking hates these guys too he's got like four muskets we could get these guys. You don't think the Lakers in the 80s were like, fuck the Celtics. Yeah. Let's just go fucking beat them. Like that was that was that was Coke versus beer in the 80s. Yeah. It was the coked up Lakers versus the hammered Celtics. Liebert have 11 beers and still drop 34 percent. Like nothing, nothing great in this country has ever not been done under the influence.

That is I think that's genuinely true. I think across the entire history of civilization everybody's been just absolutely zapped. Why do you think we drink beers during this podcast? That's right. And we're not drinking any beers so if this podcast sucks that's because we're not under the influence. Yeah we're not drinking beers that's why I won't shut the fuck up. I'll tell you what I'm never gonna not drink on anymore. Fucking planes. I'm done. Well, I'm so done with planes. I'm done with planes. Because because what is good about flying? Like incentivize me on something.

You got bitch ass fucking. That's the quick incentivize. Do you? You got bitch ass flight attendants now. They suck. They're mean. You got like one cute one. Bring back the cute flight attendants, please. Bring back the young, cute flight attendants. Yeah. Let them fucking go. You got like one cute one, bring back the cute flight attendants please, bring back the young cute flight attendants,

let them fucking go. You got a shitty plane, it's always messy, even the good airlines, quote unquote good airlines, are messy. You got shitty bathrooms, shitty food, you got people who don't wanna be there, you got shitty customers. It's like the best thing.

And now and now. I got a 50% chance of living. Yeah, when you take it's like you could deal with all that shit. If you were like, hey, we're going to land this bird, we're going to get you there safely. That's fucking awesome. And I'm tired of everybody in every Facebook comment when another plane crashes being like, well, you know, it's the safest form of travel. Yeah.

If what, like 44 million people fly a day? Yeah, it's by statistics. It's like 700 trillion people drive. If 44 million people drove, we would have a way less deaths on the highway. Yes. They give you that, that percentage thing kills me every time. Yeah.

It's so, it's so like, what's the best thing about flying? The fucking Bizzcoff cookie? Yeah, well they are pretty good. They are great. Yeah. I love the Bizz. The biz cough is nice the male flight attendants I kind of want to strangle I give you a guy more than anything now the sassy gay guy used to be the worst flight attendant Yeah, sassy gay guy is now number one in the power ranking Yeah, at least he's funny at least he'll talk shit to a shitty customer Yeah, but like I, I've gotten so much

bitch ass Midwestern white women. Really? Fat, hate their life, probably on a back to back to back flight, hate their kids at home, hate their fucking husband. I didn't do this. Sure. Customer service in this fucking country sucks.

Yeah, it sounds like you, so when you go to like, weigh your luggage to see if you can check it, you should have one of the flight attendants get on the scale right after and be like, you can't be a flight attendant today. You got to go drop 10. No, dude, you want to be a flight attendant. You want to get on this plane. That's what you're saying. Did you show?

And as to pay, first of all, fuck you. Because I never my bag has never been over the limit. I know how to pack. I know to pack like a civilized person. Give me your like strategy. You're going somewhere for three days. Clothes. Okay, nice. And a toiletry bag.

Yeah, of course you bring a toiletry bag, dude. Do you have like a nice little fancy one? You put your fucking deodorant and your toothpaste and your shaving kit, you just put them in the suitcase. Don't bring them. I don't bring them. I just buy the shit when I get to the place. What are you, Alan Iverson? That's me, dude. I'm Alan Iverson. Alan Iverson, you just buy clothes on every road trip.

Yeah, that's me. I'm big time. I used to do it when I travel for work. I would be hemorrhaging money. How many toothbrushes do you have? Here I have one. Would you just throw them out after? I would literally, I'd buy a toothbrush. Usually the hotel will give you a toothbrush for the most part. If you're traveling, they'll give you one. But I would go buy one and then then the last day, throw it out. I'll never see you again. It was like I was like a cheating husband on there. I throw my side piece away.

And I'd be like, never tell anybody about this. But like shaving, deodorant? No, you don't shave when you travel. You have a hairdo. You're out of your mind, dude. You're all about appearances, man. But like deodorant? Deodorant, who even knows if I use it, dude?

You have to take your... You're fucking bohemian, dude. I'm a man. I'm a real man. I am hippie. Now what do you don't fucking care about flying or not? You fucking... Nothing. You swing from vines. That's exactly right. Dude, I won't shave my pubes for two weeks before a flight. You're poor. You're poor, Chris.

You shave them in the bathroom. I shave them in the bathroom on the plane. I wait until I get 30,000 feet in the air. It's just better. The follicles, they kind of, you know. I'm in the mile high club of shaving your pews. Oh my God, dude, could you imagine if you just heard like vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv I would lie and say it's a vibrating butt plug. I'd be so embarrassed to shave my pees on there. They'd be like, what were you doing in there? Actually, if I told the gay flight attendant,

he'd be like, can I try it? True, yeah, but the power rankings right now are gay flight attendant, young woman, Midwestern bitch. Yes, I think that's pretty fair. I mean, so this is what you should do. If you are like, hey, you should all be like hot women as flight attendants, here's my olive branch to you.

You can slap the male ones on the butt when they walk by. You get one per flight. Would that help you? If there's not gonna be more hot women on the flight, you can slap one of the male attendants on the butt, on the tokes. Thanks for the ginger ale? As they walk by, yes.

I mean, I like being boys. Be a funny one to do from the window seat, too. You gotta reach across three people. Excuse me, sir, sorry, man. Yeah, man, fly. One of our best guests. Like being boys be a funny one to do from the window seat till you gotta reach across three people Your new time flyer not a new time but yes you are but with Down yes, sir. This is This is the same guy who didn't know you could bring a carry-on. So every time that we went this year during during like to another game, he would bring one bag and it would be a bag that's not a carry-on.

So I would end up charging my company 40, 45 dollars both ways because he didn't know that you're allowed to bring I had a camera on and one backpack. I tried doing that on a frontier flyer. He also just discovered rush hour, too. So what am I talking about? Yeah, we don't know which one. Frontier, though, they fuck you. I tried doing the whole two bag thing.

They're like, no, no, no, no, you gotta pay 100 for that. I'm like, I thought I fucking learned. You guys are doing American Airlines. What was that? Aleg? A Lever-O? Whatever. One of our best guests, one of our better guests we had was a female flood attendant. She also pointed out

a lot more people don't say hi. A lot more people are on their hi. A lot more people are on their phones. I guess their jobs, some of them want to give good customer service, but I guess they feel like people don't appreciate it. Day in and day out, I guess that might take a toll on you. But there's no reason for people to be rude and miserable. I agree with that. I think that's the opposite side of the spectrum. If I had that girl, and look, she was great, she was a lot of fun. If I had her as a a flight attendant I would hijack the plane and crash it she I mean she probably catches one person that makes a comment to her in the

Next thing you know the fucking drink cart has been sitting in the middle of the aisle for three hours because she's in the middle of a Conversation yeah, I hope by the way we should do a status check on our flight attendant because I was actually wondering if like The text goes green I follow her on Instagram. She just posted some stuff. She's in traveling. She's wondering if she might have went down. Yeah, we might try to get a hold of her. The text goes green. I follow her on Instagram. She just posted some stuff. She's in travel, and she's doing fine. Vito, what the hell, dude? Keep her in mind for us.

You got to start following all our guests, then. But the funny thing is about flying when I'm up there, I'm just like, hey, dude, if it goes down, it goes down. No. I hope my legacy's all right. No. I do. No, I seriously, the other day day I was going to the Super Bowl and

We're midway and All of a sudden an alarm by the cockpit starts going off and I'm like, all right it happened Yeah, you know, this is bad. It was actually the same night that the Blackhawk flew into the true. Yeah When they was heading into Reagan, yeah, but if you don't, turbulence wouldn't start, if there's turbulence, there's no way. No, turbulence, no plane has ever went down because of turbulence. It's a scientific fact.

Yeah, I know, but it's the scariest part. It's whatever. No, I disagree. No, you should be more worried about like, like lightning, thunder, rain and stuff, fog. You only die on the takeoff and the landing, most of the time. Yeah, but the turbulence is so scary.

We were flying to Florida with my family and I was sitting next to my dad and I got so scared that I held his hand. And he was like... His hand was like on the armrest and we were sitting next to each other. 23. And yeah, I like just instinctually I grabbed his hand and he kind of like... He didn't even like zap it away. He kind of like, come on, what are we doing? I like that guy. And I just... We never talked about it. So the alarm went off and everything and I'm looking up there and a Midwestern bitch ass lady She's like trying to figure it out

And there's like this young flight attendant next to her and she's just got like the most worried look on her on her face I'm like, you know what? It's over. All right, it's over Again, if you're new to the game, I'm gonna have to need you to sack up. You have to put a smile on All right, you're in the customer service position. I don't know what's going on You might not have an idea what's going on, but fake it till you make it, please. Yeah, I think that's probably pretty true. Yeah, so the alarm's going off for about 15, 20 minutes,

they're trying to fuck with it, it's coming over the intercom, it's going, I'm like, and everyone's kind of just like doing that awkward look, being like, do we get up, do we say something, do we offer help? Anybody yelling, any like screams? No screamers, no nothing, but this is like,

it's a late-night flight So everybody's sleeping so now so they turn the lights on everybody's awake so now it's it's a plane problem Yeah, now everyone's like everyone's kind of fucking out fucking scared yeah Turns out they had to restart the plane which they did in 30,000 feet in the middle there because they had like an electrical malfunction from the cockpit to the intercom. Did they tell you we're restarting the plane? No! I mean, I'm sure, like, I've met an airplane mechanic and they're like,

a hundred thousand things have to go wrong before you crash. Yeah. That's what they say. But like, that would have been nice to know. That would have been nice to know to be like, hey, everything's okay. We're just trying to get communication back to the cockpit. Because like at the grand scheme of things, who gives a shit if the fucking pilot comes over to the intercom and be like,

we're about to land in New Orleans. Just get me on the ground. Yeah, but I think they have to for like an insurance thing. Like I think they have to overly update you on other They're like a girlfriend. They tell you about all the Fires you see all the shit with the floods you see that stuff in Palisades where they're like state farmers just like yeah We're out of here. You're fucked if a fire comes. Yeah, what is the what is the point of having insurance? It's so you can pay taxes to the government and then the government takes your taxes and gives it to the insurance company

And then the government takes your taxes and gives it to the insurance company And then the insurance company says ah You can't have all this back for your house that burnt down. I'm telling you man. It is There is going to be a revolution in the next 40 years. Maybe not even maybe that might not that might be too late There's gonna be revolution if shit keeps going the way it goes the poor are going to uprise it's going to be fucking french revolution all over again. The poor are tired of, it's gonna be rich versus poor, and the poor are tired of it. They're getting fucked for the last 250 years.

Yeah, but I think we've lost any ounce of revolutionary spirit. No, I disagree with that. Once the robots start taking over the AI jobs and stuff, so this is, I listen to Tim Dillon. He had Steve Bannon on. Oh yeah. Do you listen?

I did, yeah. Oh shit. I did, yeah. Oh, okay, good. Well, I don't have to do much of the legwork in describing this. He, you know, a various guy, been to jail, you know, believe stuff in the mainstream media but also take it with a grain of salt because, you know, believe stuff in the mainstream media, but also take it with a grain of salt because, you know, it's all controlled from higher power and everything.

Yeah. But he was just like wax poetic about how much the working class has been destroyed by both sides of the party, how the next worst thing that we're probably going to experience is whether we should chip our children or not and AI and all that stuff, tech and everything. And the after listening to it man, I was like, there is no shot that we're ever, after this next four years, are going back to reality. Yeah, I think that's probably I don't think it'll be a revolution though.

I think we're gonna be in cahoots with another superpower that will just become kind of our pseudo overlord. Like I think we're- So you think the party's over? Yeah, I think the party's been over for a while. Yeah, we're on a steep decline. I mean, we just elected a guy who's like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker because people were like, I'm so sick of Barack Obama. It's literally how we got here. There's a bunch of people who were like, I didn't like that guy being in office for eight years, and we got a dead guy for four years. And then they're like, nah, go back to Joaquin Phoenix.

Nah, I think there's a little bit more to it. I think there was a lot of stuff that happened over the COVID that people were like, this is just stupid. All the gender politics, all the canceling and stuff. People just didn't want to live in that kind of world anymore. People wanted to say people wanted to be GF ours. Yeah, people don't want to be GF ours. But unfortunately, those people try to take the White House back in 2021.

January 6th. That's a close you're going to get the revolutionaries as a bunch of dudes wearing like deers on their head being like, I want to be allowed to say gay if I think that the fucking waitress is gay. It's like, why don't you just stay home, go back to Roblox and relax. There was the middle of the population who was kind of on one side being like, yeah, you know, black people, they've been disenfranchised. I agree. You know, there's been a lot of bullshit that's happened in in this country and stuff

but on the other end Why do I have to why do I have to take the brunt of it I didn't do anything I get what you're saying I think I think the common I think the common sense opinion for people is that like Listen, dude, I didn't do anything. Like I didn't do anything. There's a lot of, yeah, it's like you were talking, sorry, so like when you were going through that and you were going through that with comedy and stuff,

it was like, nah, sorry, white guy can't be on the lineup because we gotta get minority and people who've been marginalized and everything. White guy can't be on the lineup today, sorry. Oh, white guy, oh, you made something good, sorry, it's not white guy's turn anymore, you guys had your 200 years, here's some comedy special from Netflix for somebody who's-

Yeah, no, it's definitely, and that is true, but I think- I think we don't wanna go through that. Specifically, comedy and even content stuff, everything has to be a counterculture to whatever the superiority is. So the reason that Shane Gillis' and all these guys now are finding success is they were like without knowing they were the counterculture.

We lived in like 20 years of Democratic leadership where it was like you can't say this, can't call that gay. Oh, you got to be careful about race politics. It's the white guys fault. So the way to be like counterculture funny is to be like, that's gay and that's retarded. And over the next four years, it's going to be cool as hell again to be like, actually, you should respect. It's how it's going to go.

Everything's just got to be antagonistic to what the ruling class is. So in four years, I'm going to go trans. That's what I'm basically trying to tell you. I'm going to be sitting next to you on estrogen replacement. I'm going to have my legs wide open and my hairy bush sticking out. And you're going to have to refer to me as Matilda.

I think it's going to stay middle. And the reason why I think it's gonna stay middle is because I don't think Shane is like this countercultural guy. He could have easily gone like, they fucking canceled me, dude. And you know what, fuck them. I'm going to the Daily Wire, or I'm gonna just go full bore into like GFR territory. Yeah, and just be like, you know what, fuck the left because they canceled me. Fuck, you know, he's done SNL twice now.

Yeah. Yeah. I think he I think he actually resonates with both sides because he wasn't like he wasn't like, you know, fuck everybody else. I got canceled. I think it was more just being like, yeah, I got canceled and I'm going to try to remain funny and do creative things that I think people will enjoy. I think that's why he's gotten so fucking popular.

It is. But he's like a digestible counterculture. Like they're still going to be guys all the way to the other side. But that's a perfect name for it. I think counter digestible counterculture will be the future. Yeah, I think that's the future. Yeah. Every everybody and I've seen it with what's he been in fucking two months? Trump? Yeah, yeah. We just gotta start using common sense people.

You gotta understand that like, the mainstream media ain't for you brother. No. Like, they got a headline for you and they're just trying to sell ads at the end of the day. They're just trying to get clicks. See, CNN, Fox News, they're just trying to sell ads at the end of the day dude.

Yeah, they are. Like, it's all, I'm in that world dude. We're just trying to sell ads at the end of the day, dude. Yeah, they are. It's all, I'm in that world, dude. We're just trying to sell ads. We're trying to keep our jobs. We're trying to, you know, the guys on Fox News and the guys on CNN, they're just trying to vacation in Avalon and Florida and California. That's what they're trying to keep their jobs. We just saw Megyn Kelly.

Megyn Kelly, what, got paid $65 million? Are you serious? Oh my God, yeah, dude. She made it six months. What the fuck? NBC dropped the bag for her. Oh my God. You remember that?

And then Trump said, you're on your period and she was never the same. But you know what? She got $65 million. So it's like, that's a whole nother topic. That's the fucking dream. Just get big enough to where people are just like, Hey, here's a bag. It's like, you mean, I don't have to like, meet incentives or criteria or anything. It's like,

well, no, we want you to be number one. But it's a fully guaranteed contract. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Mainstream media, TV host, college football coach. Two best jobs to have. Yeah, I think that's probably backup quarterback number three. Backup quarterback's a very good one. Backup quarterback's becoming political commentary guys

and they're back, that'd be pretty fun. Six man on the bench. That is fun, the US content guys are saying the mainstream media is dying out now. Dude, if you become the next Candace Owens or Tucker Carlson, that's what I'm praying for. Forget getting the bag. I need you to become the next right leaning talking head. No, because I don't like them either. I hate both of them. Yeah, but that's

the who's big in town right now, dude. You got to start talking about like, I'm so sick of gender ideology and you got to go out and do man on the street and like go to like, go to like Kamala rallies. Go to CPAC and go to do two rallies, do CPAC. Go up there and be like, do you think they pay too much for Saquon Barkley? They're like, the fuck are you talking about, dude? Get out of here. I'm like, no, no, no, keep him.

He's this tall white guy with that haircut. We're keeping him. We need him. Yeah, Saquon Barkley ran for 2000 yards, but he had a couple children out of wedlock. That doesn't follow our Christian values, right? That's disgusting. Our Judeo-Christian values. You have to be careful about them. Get the fuck out of wedlock. Yeah, that doesn't follow our Christian values, right? That's disgusting our Judeo-Christian values You have to be careful about them

Dude, I could totally see you making a heel turn to just full politician and you'd be a great politician of just not knowing anything about politics Like you'd be the first politician is like I don't fucking know Mr. President, we want you to sign a bill to abolish critical race theory and you're like I hate critical stuff All right, let's do it. 100%. It would be because some idiot told me to do it and I'd be like I like this job yeah I like what it affords me I know what companies are going to go up on the stock market and go down on the stock market and I'm gonna play those companies yeah and that's what my

presidency would be it would be how can Kyle get the bag. That's really what every president is. You just fit the bill to what it's always been. How does Kyle leave four years getting the bag? If he makes it to eight, shout out to him. He's going for four. But you gotta respect it, bro. You too gotta respect it. It's like, I know the Pelosi stuff pisses me the fuck off,

but you know what? The laws are in there, and she does it by the law. So it's like, you kind of be like, Dan, if you do, Dan Dan if you don't I mean We'd be in the same position people who hate her would be in the same position. They do the same exact fucking thing Yeah, you would and that's that's kind of thing too is like the only president I envy because it's so that's that's the funniest part It's so hard to become president. It takes so long, dude It's like becoming a doctor nine times, but then they do it just to get a bag

It's like becoming a doctor nine times, but then they do it just to get a bag. It's like, dude, become president so you can lay down and relax. That's why I, you would be like a Donald Crump. I am Joe Biden. You'd become president to get a bag, to have influence. I'd become president and just like Joe Biden, they'd be like, Mr. President, what are we doing today? I'm like, I'm going to lay down. You are awkward. You'd fall off a bike. I'd fall off a bike? Yes, you would trip over a sandbag and fall off a bike.

And then I'd hit people with the smut. Dude, there's no way you could lift those shoulders up 15 flights of steps. Not a chance. I would get tired in the middle of speech, but like, come on, enough. You know what I'm saying. Dude, I would totally eat shit because I would do, like, you know, like grade school, like, grab the like grab the side of the rail and go two at a time. Yeah. Yeah. I would go full board two at a time, be like, president fell for the 15th time this month. You would fall off a bike though. If you fell off a bike in public, you would go full,

like you'd have a Holocaust against Huffies. You'd be like, every bike is to be placed at a concentration camp and you'd watch them, you'd watch them gas bikes out of pure anger that you had to be embarrassed. Slide down the polls out of our force once like president cracked his head open right now. He's next to he's next to Pope Francis right now in the in the NICU. I'd fall off a razor scooter if I was president and I'd hurt my shin. Dude, if I if a razor

scooter hit me in the shin, I'd resign the next day as president. You'd be like, this is too much. You'd have to. If the president took a big, if you were a president and you were trying to make a big fucking display and you're like, I'll be the one to road a Razor scooter and you fall off, like you do the thing where like you hit that pebble that for whatever reason stops all momentum and I would go forward and like my balls would get tangled on like the front part of the scooter.

I'd click my shin. I would, that might actually incentivize would get tangled on like the front part of the scooter. I click my shin I would That might that might actually incentivize me to try hard. You'd quit. I think that would be the turning point for me All right. Yeah, dude, someone someone would give me a new bike and the brakes would be way too way too good tight It's slow motion fall over Yeah But you do have the opportunity of a lifetime in that split second. If you can curl your head a little bit and be the president who fell forward over a bike and fucking dodge rolled into it and came up and you're like, no more taxes ever again, guys. And they're like,

Willy Wonka coming out of the factory. That's a great thing for a president who embarrasses himself and to try to recoil in the moment. He says a promise that he cannot keep. Like if Joe Biden fell off the bike and he was like, um, student loans, no more student loans ever again. And they're like, shit. All right. Cool. Nice. All right. All right. Dude, I would, I would wonka out of the white house every time you saw me. I would just wonka. I'd wonka all the way to the Marine helicopter. I would wonka. I would just keep wonking. That's such a great visual, dude. If every president hit the walkout, we'd be in a much better place. And

especially because they're old, they'd have to like slowly do it. They've actually 100% you know, they give them like a medical fitness test. Yeah, they should all have to walk before they can get up into base. You got it. You got a walkout. Yeah, that's great. You come right off of like the rope climb and then you have to go right into a walkout. You have to go rope climb, slap the ceiling, come down, hit a wanko. If you can't get a red badge in the presidential fitness test, you can't run for president. That's exactly right.

If you can't get to four inches on the V-sit, you can't run for president. You can't do three pull-ups, sorry. You can't run the mile, sorry. We almost had that with RFK. He almost flexed his way into presidency. Did you do the presidential fitness test? You grew up on that stuff? That was one of those kids who was like, I'm too cool for that. I'm going to be a Cali school thing anyway. You have to do like all the pushups.

Yeah, really. I mean, according to our our gym teacher. Yeah. And then you at the end of the at the end of the year, you get a white, which you were like the most unethical person in the world. And that's what I usually got was white. White was pretty apropos. Then you got blue, I think was middle and then red, I think were like the most unethical person in the world. And that's what I usually got was white. White was pretty apropos. Then you got blue, I think was middle and then red, I think was was the best. I think black is the best.

Yes. If you're the worst, you got white. If you were in the middle, you got maybe like a yellow. I got blacks top notch. Well, I can't stop thinking about a president hitting a wanker. Yeah. And just an old guy having to like slowly kind of creeped down to his knees and then, like, sadly, kind of like use down to his knees and then like sadly kind of like Use inertia to just kind of fall forward into a role It takes a little while imagine CNN like breaking in and be like we're going to the president right now. He's gonna wonka

Oh, and they got to take it seriously. Yeah Here he goes. Here he goes. Oh my god. He's on one knee down two knees down. Is he gonna get the full rotation? No, they still watch news is analyzing be like, you know, I did see kind of a hitch there. Yeah, they would do like this typical Fox News stuff where they would be real snide and like talk about it, like if Joe Biden tried to. Mr. President couldn't even hit his wonka earlier this morning. That's the guy we have running this country. The bottom line is like 16 out of 31 wonkas this month.

Is the president losing it? We've only had nine presidents below the age of 50. Like I think it'd be really nice if we can get somebody like a JFK back in there. Like everyone loved JFK. Like why is it always people who are grandpas? Yeah, everyone loved JFK. Everyone loved grandfather.

Actually, that's probably the best point you've made, this entire podcast. Everybody loved JFK. And they killed him. And the government took him out. He, give us- Give anyone that hated JFK. I can think of one. Just a government person. I can't think of any people. The government took him out. He... can't think of anyone that hated JFK. I can think of one.

Just a government person. I can think of a guy. Oh, no, I can see kind of a tentacle, a CIA. I can think of one guy. Everybody loved Lincoln, too. Yeah. Yeah. How old was he when he was in office?

Do you guys know? I think half the country hated Lincoln. Oh, okay, sorry. Right, and he's free. He's like, oh, here are my workers. I missed that one in the industry class. Also my free workers. You think Lincoln could wonka?

Who would be the best wonking president? It would have been Kamala because she'd be like, hmm, pizzazz. And she'd like make a TikTok dance out of it. Kamala was it. She would have been we miss out on a good one. Hillary would have been such a bitch about it. She would actually made an executive order

that didn't make her have to wonka every. Yeah, true. For the next four years, she would have, well, as you saw her, like when she was campaigning, like she was doing like the Tik Tok dances, like trying to kind of get it all like stiff and old white lady about it. It's like, listen, go suck the blood out of a kid, get loose again, and then get back out there. You're making it look like fools. Email. She would be sending, but I'm not walking. Uh, great Wonka. That's actually number one. Yeah. That's the obvious choice. Not because he's black just

because he's young. I'm gonna say it's because he's black. I'll do it for you if you don't want to. A little pepper. He would. He'd come up and start singing to Michelle again. So yeah, that's the thing about the JFK thing. He, that shows how hideous all of our presidents have been that he was considered like the hot president. Yeah. He looked like he had fetal alcohol syndrome. Yeah. He had a tough face. Yeah. He was very like that accent sucked. I see you out there. Yeah. All you folks who couldn't think I would wonka. That's too British. I'll get there. I got the JFK. Yeah. I guess he's the he's the hotty. Yeah. Hotty boom body. That's what we missed out. Kamel missed out a couple things.

Would have been the hottest president by a landslide. I mean. Most fuckable. Well, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. She is a woman. Try to refute that. Yeah, I mean, you have no other choice

or else you're fucking dudes. Yeah, I was thinking about the, I get the, I have a tail, but my last president thing. There's a lot of like people who are trying to like go against Trump now and it's, you know, the liberals are kind of being like, he's this, he's that, like they're calling names and saying he's ruining the country and they're trying to like antagonize him and the people who like him and they're doing it from the wrong angle because they don't realize they're still being the dunks. They're being done. But they're they're insulting in the way

that they think it's insulting. They're insulting him in ways that would insult them. So they're going to him being like you're a fascist, you're a racist and he's like fuck you. You have to start going from the Republican angle of insults. You have to be like damn JD love him so much, why don't you suck his dick, homo? And then he'd be like, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. 100%. You have to start going, if you're a liberal and you wanna get at Republicans,

you gotta join the dark side for a little bit and use Republican insults. You have to just, the donks should just, they should just hire a bunch of roast comics, the best roast comics. Yeah. Get Jeff Ross in there, get Nikki Glaser in there. Tony Angecliffe.

Get Tony Angecliffe in there, fuck it. He'll do it for enough money. Yeah, apparently so. But like, it's like, no, dude, like the donks have to get, they have to become the Roastmaster Generals because you're exactly right. The little, did you watch the State of the Union that wasn't a State of the Union?

Yeah, yeah. Awesome. It was amazing. Like, no matter what you think about it, just a guy being able, like you've felt that way, I've felt that way. Just being able to look over at your enemy and just being like, fuck you,

is a feeling that I could bottle up and become a billionaire. Yeah, I didn't so much, I didn't love it. You don't have to love it or not. You can think, like you've been in that situation before where you've had an Enemy and you're just like you know what fuck you Yeah, it just felt like watching like a roast comic kind of people. I mean I can get from that angle

Yeah, and also just talking for 90 minutes straight when you're 104 years old. Yeah, I mean Adrian Brody thought that speech went a little too long. Yeah, that was insane Adrian Brody, you're very shutting down the the music was insane to make some of the most vanilla points after there's no more punchable guy in the entire planet. Cause the nose. Well, I've been doing a favor. I mean, you got the literal, a literal like bullseye. I could be down the hallway and stretch my arm out and punch him. You're not going to punch Adrian Brody in the chin. It's going to go right

for the next. But anyway, going back to the State of the Union that wasn't a State of the Union, it was just funny. Like him going like, we stopped you, Saed. We took five million out of transgender mice. We took Big Bird out of the Middle East. We did this. He's just sort of rolling off his accomplishments and everything.

I think I'm just has such a nihilist approach to the world right now. Sure. Yeah, yeah. That I just like, you know what? I'm going to live in my own little bubble. I'm going to get mine. I'm going to make the money that I can. Yeah. And I'm not going to give a fuck about people that are like outside of my stratosphere. Yeah. Like you're number one. You're in the number one. Like if Vito, he's number two. So I don't give a fuck about Vito anymore. I don't give a fuck about him. Yeah, but he's in your number one. He's in your friend group.

I totally agree with that, but the only angle I can offer you, and this is the extent I'll speak of it, imagine if like the president of the, like imagine Kevin from crossing brah was giving a State of the Union. Yes, and during the State of the Union He was like and we're gonna get rid of these lazy fuck bloggers. We're gonna cut the bloggers They're not they sit at home. They don't do anything. They don't even come in the office. He's lazy bloggers It's been good points. It's tough to watch. It's tough to watch your boss on TV. Okay, that's true. He's calling you a lazy funk. That is true.

That is true. All right. He thinks it a little tough with you. You are coming at it from a different angle. As a guy who has no skin in the game? I have literally all my skin, all my organs, my bones, my girlfriend's skin and bones. His friend, his house, his barbers.

I have a lot of futures. Our futures, my 401k. So I'm glad you had fun watching it. I had so, I can't tell you, like that was a legendary speech. Yeah, yeah. It was just a roast comic going for 90 minutes. I could only get through 45, but like, I just thought it was so funny.

And this is the point that I was getting so I feel like I'm telling your your pill story Them holding up fucking Sign oh my god. What are you doing? He can't even say? What are you doing? You guys you gotta be better. It's gotta be better. You gotta you gotta come at him You gotta be funnier on Twitter. Yeah, you gotta roast them better. Yeah, can't just be open mic green haired fucking dorks roasts anymore yes gotta be better roast you see if you gotta you gotta get in the lexicon of people being like that's a pretty cool Democrat yes like the only cool Democrat that I

can think of right now that I could like, I'll have a beer with this guy. And maybe it's because we're like, we're close in this area, but like, Joshua Pirro seems like a guy that I could be like, okay, that's a guy who might have my best interest in mind. We'll chop it up, talk about sports, sound a couple bombs. Yeah, or could at least pretend to have your best interest in mind. We'll chop it up talk about sports Sign a couple bombs. Yeah, or could at least pretend to have your best interest. Yeah, and We and I think a lot of the people who voted for Trump understand that like that guy probably doesn't have my best the interviews of people being like I voted for him and I can't believe I'm fired now. Yeah all time. I will watch every single one. It's unbelievable. It's hilarious. It's the equivalent to like watching like

liberals owned compilations. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's the funniest thing in the world. Yeah. We did it with we not we but like it that all the uh the right wing people did it in 2016. Yeah. You know when it was like oh yeah yeah yeah there's that whole super cut of like yeah you know it's Ann Coulter saying that Donald Trump has the best likely outcome of winning the president. Everyone just laughing at her. Yeah. And then it's like a bunch of like different shots of people just being like, yeah, Donald Trump can't win, Donald Trump can't win. And there's the new lady outside. That's an all time. Hi, I'm not a man. It's like, yeah, I think the guys got the donks dongs gotta get some writers on staff. And I'm not talking Hollywood writers, I'm not talking TV show writers.

Get fucking roast comics on the staff. It's time to go toe to toe. They gotta be cool. Someone cool has to run in 2028. They gotta go study 90s bullies in sitcoms and just do it. Like literally, honestly, you know what they should have done? Instead of the fucking dumb bitch-ass signs Somebody in the back should have lit a joint and then during his speech they all sit down and they just pass the joint along

And then you hit like some old school like back of the day like he said something you just do a quick You'd shut him down. I guarantee if donald trump was hit with a Yeah, is that right? Yeah, like what are you doing? He's like, with a What are you doing? Stop doing that to me And then you blow fucking weed in his face Short-circuit dude, dude, even the even the old dude with the cane dude even look like a loser Yeah, that wasn't even that good and then literally they censored him. Yeah. The next day, a couple Dems voted for it. They're like, he was the little, that's how you know they're racist.

They saw a black guy loud, they're like, ha! I want to still have it at heart. I want the Rock versus Kanye. That's the debate I want. Stephen A's running. You want the Rock? I don't want Kanye anywhere near a microphone. Entertainment purposes.

I actually don't want those two to ever grace the office at all. I want to disavow that. Kanye has. He's crazy. He has Yeah, he's orbited above entertainment levels. Just being like this guy's just he's yeah When I see something now, I'm kind of like whatever I don't like hair. Yeah, I hope so It's gonna be Stephen a Stephen a with VP Kaisa net VPs gotta be skipping last time someone popular that ran, remember Ronald Reagan was an actor?

They need to bring people who actually people care about. Dude, you see Stephen A on CNN, you see him on Fox News, he's on The View with Joy Behar talking about politics and everything. He's getting 2% votes in the Democratic polls and stuff. Yeah, he's gonna. He's, I mean, think about it man. ABC machine behind you. He might be the anti-Donald Trump, because when Trump inevitably runs for a third term, if he has to debate Stephen A. Yes. Oh, I can't even listen to you.

This president is a certified bum. I've listened to you. I've listened to your point the entire show. Let me and now I speak. You're on my show. Don't like not just a debate on CNN. You both have the. But even a could debate this guy. Yeah. And win. Yeah. Damn. But then in the middle of the debate,

like, Skip Bayless would start agreeing with Trump and then join his side. So you can't have him as VP. It'd have to be like Stephen A and bring Max Kellerman back. No, they hate each other. I know, but I think you need that. No. No, you need Slava Medvedenko.

Stephen A and Joy Taylor. Stephen A and Joy Taylor. Steven A. and Joy Taylor. Just get slapped in the middle of a debate. I think that's how you could also beat us. Steven A. gets ahead in the middle of the debate. Trump's like, I want that. Dude, you win the black vote in one second. He won quite a few votes off that.

Dude, you would win the black vote. You might win the Filipino vote. If Steven A. is getting some sloppy toffee from Joy Taylor in the middle of the debate, Trump can't beat that. Dude, if you had... The powers shift right away. They would do the thing too, during the debate, the panelists would be like, a presidential candidate Stephen A Smith, a lot of men in the country are starting to feel disenfranchised

by a lot of the past policies and the way the culture has shifted towards them. How would you change that? You have one minute for a rebuttal and he goes And then it's like a totally silent room. You hear her kind of come up here He hears hills clicking across the stage to come over. Everybody's kind of looking like And then she goes over and you have to listen to the mic gets leaned down You hear the zipper come off belt buckle undoneone, pants come down, 30 seconds left sir. Then you just hear, you have five seconds left. He goes, does that answer your question?

Aroarous applause. Everybody loses their mind. He's elected president right then and there. Donald Trump votes for him. Holy shit. I just think we solved the Democratic Party. There you go. Holy shit.

All right, well that's a podcast. We're going to move over to the Patreon. I've got some more spicy takes that I don't think we can say on here. Some hot, spicy, spicy takes. This podcast went all over the place. I kind of fucking love it. We became a sports podcast. Yeah. Then we came a politics podcast. And then we linked it back to sports. Then we linked it back to sports. And drugs. And drugs. Yeah. We're a drug podcast. Yeah. How can you not love this show? You really should love the show? Unfortunately, the show is better than every other Philly podcast, dude We gotta revisit the drug topic when we go to KNA finally true

Get security for that one. We'll get scurril. I would love to have scroll KNA gets ketamine smas. That would be a helping episode Jesus Christ, alright, We'll talk to you.