Mention It All - Get In Loser, We’re Going To Blue Stone Manor Ft. Dorinda Medley (RHONY, Below Deck Med)

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

Bari and Dylan are joined by Dorinda Medley, who talks all about writing her new book. She opens up about what it was like to find out she was put “on pause” by Bravo, and how her outlook on Real Housewives has changed in the past year. Earlier in the episode, Dylan and Bari recap a rocky RHONY episode, and get into some Below Deck Med thoughts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Mention It All. A Bravo by Betcha's podcast. We don't say that, but now we said it. With Dylan Hafer. Who don't check me, bro? And Barry Rosenfeld. I need to start drinking alcohol. Now go to sleep week.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Mentor at All podcast. I'm Dylan Hafer. And I'm Barry Rosenfeld. Burr-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B. We have, we have, A really fun episode today. We have an exciting interview with Doran Damedley, whose book comes out today.

It's out now. You can order it wherever books are sold. You can read it today. You can read it. We've read it. It's a whole bunch of fun. But yeah, we got to talk to her about, you know, stuff. Some stories she tells in her book, her whole process of, you know, not being on

real house. anymore. Derinda's just like a lovely, she's just a lovely person to chat with, really. Yes, she was very different. You can tell this pause of Rony has helped her and lightened her.

But there is one thing she didn't tell us, which I was very annoyed about, which we found out on the news, is that her- She's doing All-Stars? No, well, that. And that the manner is on Airbnb, and we wanted to be the first to stay there.

I know. like okay so I understand like I don't want to ever like beg for special treatment or anything like I know like I'm no better than anyone else. No like I would love like a free night at Bluestone Manor or like a two night's day. Not even a night like I would love to go hang by the pool and have lunch with Durinda like that's it. That is that is true like honestly yeah I think you're right like staying there sounds like it's like a fun idea but I would rather just like go hang. out with Derinda for an afternoon. Correct. So which we probably could just do like in Manhattan instead. I mean, yeah, I've like, I've met Durinda. Like, she's a nice person. But like the Bluestone Manor experience is definitely something different. Like I want her to, I want her to like show me around

Great Barrington. Like I want to like, I feel like walking down like Main Street with her would just be like really cute, like a cute little vibe. I wonder how much more expensive it is to say Blue Stone Manor during Christmas time because that includes all of Durinda's stuff. decorations. Okay, to be fair, when that announcement was made about the Airbnb, I think they said it was for like two weekends in August. So like, I don't think she's just like, I don't think she's just like fully renting out her home at this point. I think it's like kind of a novelty thing. But you know, that could be very lucrative for her. So you never know. But I feel like she's going to be there during Christmas. That's true. You're like literally right. Like during does imagine Durand is like,

you know what, I'm going to take this year off for whatever. But yes. Like Ramona, somebody saw that Ramona's Hampton's house, she was renting out for like a full month or something. And that just sounds crazy. Like this might be the most like a very obnoxious statement for me to say. But if I had the opportunity to stay there for free, I would not. The vibes are not great. Like I would feel no. I would feel like uneasy about staying in Ramona's house. Whereas Bluestone Manor, I feel like I would have the best night sleep of my life. Yes, but yeah, so the interview with Durinda is great. A little later on, but first we got to talk about Roney somewhat, unfortunately. We're going to talk about

below deck med a little bit too. I think I can speak for you and generally everyone I've come into contact with when I say that I was not excited to go back to this Shabbat dinner on tonight's episode. I felt like I had enough last week. And so I was, I was a little distressed when there was a to be continued. And let's just say things did not get better in the part that we saw today. I couldn't believe how much worse it got.

Like, I couldn't. Okay. So like, first of all, I mean, there are multiple issues here. But Ramona's just like entire lack of social consciousness. when she's at an event like this, when you know she goes to events all the time. Yeah.

The fact that she's just like in the kitchen, like mouthing off to the chef or the caterer and like eating off a plate in the kitchen, it just is like wild to me. To watch, to watch someone like her who, first of all, is old enough to know better. Second of all has been, you know, at events and dinners and things,

you know, her entire adult life. It's like, get a, fucking grip. What is wrong with you? The whole time I was watching it, I kept going through my own thoughts and I was like, they have to like, this is bad. There's, this is bad. Like to me, this is like rock bottom for the show. Like that's her behavior is affecting out everyone else to the point where the women at

dinners like Jo, like Luanne was like speechless. She they, the women, the fact they had to have talks with her the next day and she still didn't understand was this was the worst I've ever seen. And I saw someone post yesterday on Instagram, one of our Bravo accounts. I forgot which one was like her behavior is so like atrocious. Honestly, I think they were like done watching the show, but they were like all the other women are affected by it. And we're done saying like, oh, it's just Ramona.

It's just Ramona. Oh, it's just Ramona. It's not anymore. Now it's like really like bad. And. Well, yeah. I mean, I think there's there is. is like a gray area where it's like, oh, like, that's how Ramona is.

Like she, you know, she says the wrong thing. She puts her foot in her mouth. Like there is a time and a place for that where it can be entertaining and it can be like, oh, I'm rolling my eyes at Ramona, but like she's good TV. But this is like so far past over the line where it's like, first of all, she's being extremely rude to Archie who's hosting this dinner. You know, she literally gets up and Uber's home before the event's even over. but then she's also being like wildly inconsiderate to the black people at this black Shabbatina.

This woman is sharing her story of how she experienced racism in medical care, which is like a widespread issue in our country. Like that's like a known thing that has been documented and written about. And, you know, it's not, nobody is making that up. And Ramona like can't even just take that at face value. she has to come back with this story about how when I was giving birth to my daughter, I was in so much pain. And this black nurse wouldn't give me my painkillers. And it's like, what on earth makes you think that that is like an acceptable thing to say? Let alone, like, it's one thing to tell that story in any context.

Like, you still sound like ridiculous. But to say it when this woman was just telling you that she was experiencing racism, it's like, shut the fuck up. I don't. Oh, my God. I'm so annoyed. that story was that was bad when she said that exactly there's nothing much to add on to that except for the fact that they just sat there almost and they were like what are we supposed to respond to your stories i don't understand they were there like the guests there were just as confused as

the viewers where everyone is like what how do we respond but so she's eating because she you know is starving because nobody else is and she tries to make an excuse for that and then when she's uber's home she's tired because, you know, no one else is. And it's like, oh my, oh my God, I couldn't even believe it. Like, I just really can't. And to the fact that the only lesson she learned from this, the only lesson is that she'll never drink again on an empty stomach. Yeah.

I loved when she was like, I was tired. It was late. And she's like, it was 9 p.m. You go out dancing all the time. And Ramona said, well, not in the last week. It's like, yeah, it's a pandemic. Like nobody's going out dancing, Ramona. Like, what are you talking about?

I mean, okay. And then we have to talk about Sonia's behavior at this event because as much as I think Sonia has, you know, been on the right side of history for a lot of this season. She's much less problematic than Ramona pretty much every episode. Yeah. But the way she exploded at the table, she gets this. They're doing some question game. She's talking about her philanthropy and taking her time with her explanation.

And then all of a sudden, it's like a switch flips. And she is not talking about herself anymore, but she's just like laying into Ramona and talking about how she's insincere and she doesn't do the work and blah, blah, blah, this, that, and the other thing, just yelling and screaming. And it was so, it was like I was like watching like covering my face with my hands because I was like embarrassed for Sonia because it's like what are you doing where is this coming from like reel it real it in come on the the issue is the thing she was saying were true it was just I wish it wasn't within that reaction wrong time wrong place wrong delivery like yes yeah like it makes her point

it's when you're making a valid point it the point loses all its worth if you don't make it in the right way. And it's like... Yeah. She was screaming to the point where like, it was coming. It was something else was there. Like it was almost when she flipped out a few weeks ago about,

um, the banks, like the banks. Yeah. I liked that the next day, we had to have two separate little like slap on the wrist conversations. Like Luann goes to Ramona's and is telling her that she was rude, which I actually,

I appreciated that Luanne, took that on and that it wasn't like Ebony had to go explain to Ramona why she was rude. Right. But then Ramona even was like bringing it back to Luana and had it go with her drinking. Luan was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is you. Right. Like Luan, say what you want about Luan.

She has, you know, done her own problematic stuff. She's not certainly not perfect. And she knows that. But it's like in this situation, we're talking about your behavior from last night. We're not talking about like what I did three years ago that was also bad. Yeah. I wish. I wish.

Well, no, no. I'm glad a little part of me is that the fact that Leo wasn't at Shabbat because just for, because she would have like put Ramona in her place or she would have been so embarrassed. She would have left. But I am glad for everyone. I don't know. I almost wish she was there and I'm glad she wasn't there.

I don't know where I sit with that. I know what you mean because like a small part of me is concerned that Leo would have like punched Ramona at that. Which I don't think would have been... The worst. It would have been satisfying, but I don't think it would have been in anyone's best interests. But no, it's like, it is, it's just, it's so rough. And, you know, we see Ebony go to the townhouse.

And Sonia, I think, is a lot more kind of understanding about, you know, she, she knows that it wasn't, like, cool of her to scream like that at the table. Girl, winter is so last season. And now Springs got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. That perfect hang on the patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch.

Done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear up on that envelope. It's time for a little in-person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic. This episode is brought to you by Prime. Obsession is in session. And this summer, Prime Originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories, and the book-to-screen favorites you've already read twice.

Off-campus, every year after, the love hypothesis, Sterling Point, and more. Slow burns, second chances, chemistry you can feel through the screen. Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime. I don't necessarily buy Ramona's whole thing of that, you know, Sonia's going to hit rock bottom and I'm so worried about her and blah. Like, I don't buy that, but I do, I do think that Sonia's behavior at times is a little troubling and the fact that she can just explode like that in a situation where she's around strangers and she's being hosted in a stranger's house. It's like, it's one thing to do that when it's like a group trip and it's just the five of you and whatever. but like you're you're in mixed company right now like that's not normal yeah poor archie like once

the next time she's gonna host the shabbat center she's probably like oh she's still busy hosing sonia's pee off of her driveway like she ebony was like so i just want to tell you like sonia abony um archie called me last like did you sonia was like yeah no yeah i definitely peed i've done that before like she had and when they did the flashback like i thought like it was she just you know went to the corner or whatever. She was peeing standing up, like behind the bus, like not in the corner, not on the grass. Like she was just peeing. We've all, I can, I hope I can, yeah, I've peed drunk before outside, but not, I haven't done that. That was like, they were literally like in the driveway of a home that they could have gone to the bathroom in. And she's like, Luann would have left. It's like, no, okay, fine. No, like, Sony, no one would have loved you there.

But yeah, she was more, I know if I got a lost words too with what she was, understanding, accepting more not putting the blame on other people. So, God, this season is I'm, I didn't think it was bad. I had hopes for it, but now it's gone, like it's gone. I don't know where we're going to go. There are, it's hard because I think like. You can't come up with things to say. If there were like certain, you know, combinations.

Like I think if we had scenes of like Ebony and Sonia and Leah hanging out and just kind of like doing normal stuff, I think I would still enjoy that. But it's hard just because we haven't gotten very much of the kind of like day to day life. Yeah. Yes. Life. Right. So Ebony, Luann and Ramona had dinner with some women from Fortune Society. and like, I didn't think it was,

it wasn't the worst that it could have, to be honest. It was like an intimate dinner. They were telling stories. Ramona seemed a little bit more open to like hearing and their experiences. I think this is the kind of situation where it's like, oh, the more understandable kind of like Ramona might not always say the right thing, but she doesn't mean badly.

And I think this is more of that thing where like she might ask a couple questions that are a little tone deaf, but at least she's not like screaming about, you know, why does it have to be Black Shabbat? But yeah, I mean, I thought it was, I thought it was interesting. I always think it's, you know, interesting to hear people's stories like that. It is, those issues are really real. And, you know, the, I do like that Luann has stuck with that cause that she's been, you know, we've seen her. working with Fortune Society for, I don't know, two or three seasons now. And so it's honestly like whenever these women bring a cause onto the show, it's nice to know that it's not always just like, let me do something that looks good on camera, or at least I hope not because Luann clearly has stayed involved with them, which is, that's nice. Well, and that's also partially what Sonia was screaming about it the night before at dinner, was that she was comparing, like, Ramona being a social climber to her, like, having a foundation but I don't, yeah, that was very confusing.

But anyway, but I love during that dinner too where Luann was like Ramona, like kind of trying to put her in checks throughout it. And she kept being like, and then in her confessional and she was like, where is that like thing everyone else was born with like that button to turn off, like where Ramona knows what to say and what not to say? Like what is wrong with her? But yeah, these freaking women, I can't. But in better news with Ebony, she got some good news this episode.

And I'm glad we ended on like a high note where the one high note we could find in this episode. The one where she potentially found her father out of three brothers, but they're like almost positive that it's him. That's as far as we got. I don't know anything about genealogy, but this woman seems pretty confident. So I hope that the next steps of like trying to make contact and stuff are, you know, positive. Because you never know how that's going to go. Like if it's the one that they think it is, it's like the married guy with two kids. Like he might not, you know, you don't know if he's going to be in the position to receive that information.

But hopefully I hope I hope we can see a resolution of that. I don't know. We have to be getting close to the finale. It's been 15 episodes. I hope so. But they still have been filmed to the reunion. Oh, my God. let's manifest that quickly.

Yeah, do it, do it, do it. Oh, no, Ramona's still an Aspen, honey. She's not coming back anytime soon. Maybe she wasn't invited to the reunion. I don't know. We gotta talk about below deck med. Okay, we're gonna talk about below deck med quickly.

I think we just have like a couple main points that we want to touch on. Yes. First of all, Captain Sandy, love her or don't love her. Don't. Her little micromanaging street. is coming back out. We haven't seen too much of it this season.

I feel like to start off this season, both Malia and Sandy were kind of on their best behavior in terms of like to the audience because they weren't exactly fan favorites after last season. And I feel like as we're in, we're probably like halfway through the season, Malia has been able to really keep it up.

I feel like Malia has kind of redeemed herself. And Sandy is like falling right back into, her bullshit. Yeah. Like she she just finds this one thing to latch onto and it happens

she was it. This is what I saw as a viewer. She was very bored. She had nothing to do. We were we were anchored. The toys were out, which we know she's obsessed with the toys. Malia

knows what she's doing at this point. She is, she is a great Bosen. And I think Sandy is just always scared, whoever it is to give whoever is in the top position, all of the responsibility. So she still wants to be the one in charge. And she, like, was running around as if something was, like, terribly wrong and yelling.

And Malia was like, we got it. Like, I'm telling you what the situation. I'm telling you exactly what the situation is to the point where, like, when Malia heard Sandy at that point, going down to the engineer and talking more about the slide not being blown up, that's when Malia. almost like threw her hands in the air and went to go defend herself, which I was happy about that because I feel like everyone should, depending what the situation is. But you should defend yourself.

Sandy's thing has always been that she wants all the toys in the water every day, which fine. Like if that's your base expectation, it is what it is. Malia knows that. And Malia's doing that. The whole problem is that the slide, I guess, like doesn't hold air for that long. Because they blew it up at first thing in the morning. So by the time it gets on.

You do the slide at 8 a.m. And then it's just sitting there for six hours before anyone goes on it. Like, why would you be going every 15 minutes to fill it back up when you know the guests aren't going to use it for four more hours? And when Sandy's like complaining about it, all the guests are off doing something else. They're like on the jet skis and stuff. So it's like I feel like you're totally right that Sandy with her bosons and with her chief stews, she like can't quote. just trust them to get the job done. And it's like we always saw it with Hannah with the table decor.

She like latched onto it that her whole there was it was never quite good enough. And she's done that with chefs too where it's like, oh, there's always like one little picky thing, even if the guests aren't complaining. And we haven't really seen her do it with Malia in the past. Like it seems like she kind of loves Malia. And Malia is like the one that she's really like uplifting. and now she's kind of turning her focus to Malia. And it's like, this is like not a problem.

Right. And exactly. So what the problem is is that she's ignoring the fact that Katie is openly telling her and complaining about Lexi, not doing her job and affecting other people. But you're more concerned about not enough air being in the slide. Like you've got to like kind of see what's important here and what's not. Like Lexi is just seems to be the. type of person to me where any job that she's given she's not happy with like she's not happy on

service she's not happy in laundry she's not happy making drink you know so it's like what do you want to do them we've seen this in the past what why are you here what do you want to do do you want to drive the boat like what right what's the next step i would i feel with lexie it's frustrating because on this episode you know for this charter she's put courtney more on service and she's put lexie more doing cabins, laundry, whatever. And I feel like Lexi is acting like it's some extraordinary punishment that she is, you know, not on service the whole time. But they literally had just switched last charter.

And so I would, I would sort of understand if Lexi had been stuck on laundry the entire season. And she was like, I'm the second stew. This is bullshit. Like, why can I not do anything else? But it's like, Katie, I, like, to me from watching below deck, it seems like Katie is actually doing a good job of being a chief stew by letting her stews get experience at different things and rotating and the fact that court like a big

part of being chief stew seems to be and same with Bosen is like teaching your crew and like giving them opportunities to learn and get better at things and we see Malia doing that all the time which is something I think she's actually really good at and so I feel like Katie giving Courtney the chance to, you know, get better at making drinks and, you know, dinner service and all of that stuff. It's like, Lexi just needs to grow up. Like, yeah, I agree. I like that. Katie does that. I think it's really cool, actually, because sometimes also you don't want to be on, like, if it's a bad charter, for instance, maybe you kind of just want to do laundry and like, and the, and make the beds and whatever. But she even failed at that. So like she stopped in the middle of doing

Matt. She's stopped in the middle of breakfast service. And to be honest, I do feel like she is, she doesn't, like she's kind of over it. You know, I feel like Lexi likes her job and has been good at it. But at this point, her relationship with the crew, like, she's just kind of like not wanting to be there. They're all commenting how quiet she is. And I just feel like she's separating herself and kind of giving up a little bit. But yeah, I think there's a difference between being good at your job in the sense that like you can do it well and actually do. it well. Like, I think she has the skills. She could be succeeding, but she's not really putting in the effort. And it's like, it kind of looks like she might get fired next episode. It's a little hard to tell. I don't know exactly. The whole like quarantine, crew, whatever thing is a confusing

layer. I'm like, I don't really know what's happening. And the way that they ended it almost made it seem. I know this isn't happening. But they wanted you to think that like Katie's the one being fired. Did you get that from they were like yes. I got that they wanted us to sort of have that inkling but it's like honestly I think if sandy fired katy at this point there would be like a riot because I feel like everybody likes katy. I like Katie like I think she's doing a great job and this charter drinks a lot like a lot a lot. They finish their drinks before they even like can like go back and make the next one but these are like I don't know they they're they're I feel like when you go on these charters, they let you know that they're like heavy drinkers. Their shirts

were that they're a drinker. Like, just get it ready. They really like Tito's and tea, which is Oh, that's like Gator. It's like drinking box and Gator and you shouldn't do that. Did you ever drink Firefly? So I have it at my parents' house. It's so funny you ask that because they were on this kick of making like, you know, the Arnold pot that with lemonade. And it is. Jack Daly. John Daly. John Daly? It gives, I don't know. That has the right amount in it. Right, because it's, because it's Arnold Palmer and vodka.

Right. I don't, yeah, you've got to have the flavor. John Daly. I think it's John Daly. That was like my drink of choice in college. Really? That's like one of my good friends always drink twisted teas. And I was like, oh.

Ooh. Oh my God. Okay. Well, that is going to do it, but don't go anywhere because we have our interview with Derinda coming up right after this. So enjoy. I love, I love all the stuff you put on Instagram about me. Oh, thank you. Well, everybody loves you, Dorena. I especially love the one when you were crying when I first was put on pause.

Okay, well, let's, let's just dive into it. Everyone, we are now joined by the one and only Derinda Medley, author of Make It Nice, which is available now. Derinda, hello and welcome. How are you? on Amazon and Simon & Shoester.com got to put in all the plugs, right? Yeah. It's amazing how like this thing just trundles along for months and months. You don't really think about it. And then it hits like August 1st.

Like, oh my God, I've got a book coming out. Yeah. We were saying before we got on with you that it, I remember when you announced that you were writing the book and then the release date came out and it's like that's so far away. And here we are, copies in hand. That's how it always is with everything. I feel that way with Christmas, with dinner parties. I'll be napping away and I'll be like,

I got everything set for a dinner party. And then I'll hit four o'clock. I'm thinking, I'm totally screwed here. Like, I don't have anything done. I feel like my life is now more complete that I'm talking to you and you just mentioned Christmas. Like, I feel like Durinda and Christmas go hand in hand. So I'm good.

I have every year, I have to come up with a new theme. So this year, I have a really great thing. Okay, well, stay tuned. I'm curious, what are your things? thoughts I saw over the weekend. Some places have already started putting Halloween decorations out. Is August 1st too early for Halloween? Yes. I think it is. I mean, Okay. Got to get through Labor Day first. You go go bored of the fear factor. I mean,

if I, you know, September 1st or like another pumpkin, I mean, I'm just over it. I mean, you know what I mean? I think this is different. Christmas I do very, I start the day after Thanksgiving because I put so much effort into it that I just want to really enjoy it. And I keep it right through January 1st. I was just going to ask you what your, I need to know what your schedule is. And that's exactly what I agree. I think it should be. Well, this year during COVID, I think I kept it up until the end of January.

I actually did a campaign because I just couldn't bear not coming down and looking at all those lights. It was the only thing keeping me going at that point in those cold, dark days in January in the Berkshires because I've never really been in the Burkshers. because I've never really been in the Berkshys in the January since childhood. I usually take January and kind of shut down BSM and just travel. And it's a great time to be in New York, strangely. New Yorkers do their best in September and January, February,

because we like come back from a thing, come back from summer. We come back from Christmas. It's a new year. You know what I mean? We're going to now start all over again. So it was long being here January, February. I mean, I love it, but it was definitely a different take on BSM. Well, maybe this January, February will come and keep you company at BSN.

So what did you think of the book? I'm literally sitting here holding it. I was still, I still need to tell the truth. Every time we interview someone who wrote a book, of course I'm going to read it. I have to have research. But also I'm interested in hearing and seeing the stuff that we don't necessarily see on the show. So I really did enjoy hearing about your life prior to like how we know you. That's the thing that people don't realize.

You come on a show and they think that people just know you from the show. But remember, I was 48 when I came on that show. I was, you know, married, divorced, single mom, married, widowed, lived all over the place, you know. So it's, I thought it would be a nice, you know, I think it's, it made me sort of a more well-rounded person, I think. And the audience got a little peek into who Durinda is, you know, off the show. I feel like you were so. I think the show was pretty good. about, you know, showing a lot of sort of my fun life.

And I'm pretty transparent about my life. I think from the show, it always felt like you had enough of a story that a book would make sense. What made you decide that now was the right time to sit down and do it? Well, I think it was a couple things. You know, I think, first of all, COVID was such a great time to sit down and do a lot of things, thinking, you know, kind of taking stock of your life. And then, of course, I had this period.

where I wasn't on the housewives. And we were very homebound. And Simon and Schuster, strangely, just kind of came, it just kind of happened very quickly. They said, we'd love to write a book with you. I was like, okay, and off to the races we went. And it just seemed, you know,

I've done so much living and so much running and so much always moving, moving, moving. It just felt like a time to sit down and stop doing and just start thinking about what I've done. You know, because I'm always a person in motion. That it was very nice just to, you know, it was sort of a trifecta thing, you know, kind of being at Burk, Bluestone Manor, realizing during this time of quarantine, what a safe haven this is and how I really, isn't it odd that like the place that, as I say in the book, I spent so much time when my child

was saying, how do I get out of here? How do I get away from here? How do I be bigger, better, faster? You know, I don't want to be lived, you know, grow, live and die here. and then I kind of come full circle during a very difficult time in the world in so many ways and I come back to the safe haven which is home

which is not only BSM but my family and my mother and my parents and everything that sort of built the foundation for me to go out with the right tools to become the person I dreamed about being. Yeah. So we've discussed it a little bit but when you were put on pause I feel like that's a big word now

that we've read the book. When you were put on pause from filming, you said you realized it was more freedom than failure. So now that this rough year has passed, how do you feel about that chapter in your life? Which one? The chapter during pause? Pause. It was such a growing period.

You know, it's so easy in any phase of your life. And I think I talk about that in the book a lot, is that you have to understand, as my mother said after Richard died and I was just so distraught and just couldn't get past it. You know, we have a tendency to always fall into this negative. Like, it's over. It's done. Why? Why me?

Why be? You know, it's very easy to get stuck. You know, you have to realize no matter what you're doing in your life, there's a beginning, a middle, and an end. You know, as Myangelo says, you know, the rain always stops. You know, the thunderstorm always eventually stops no matter how hard it is. And I just looked at it as a real opportunity to kind of, you know, look at myself and say, I'll be honest with you, there were many times in the book where I felt proud of myself.

I felt sentimental. I felt sad. I felt like I remember the feelings. It brought back a lot of those feelings. And I remember I really came away from thinking, you know, you really did a good job, Durinda, Durinda Sincolah, Durinda Medley, Durinda Lynch, Durinda. You know, you really gave it your all. You know, and I think as a child that was, my mother always said,

I'm the cheerleader in the group. Like if something was going to happen, I was on the first. phone, Rooney. We used to have these old phone cords. You guys don't remember because you're too young. My dad used to work for the telephone company. And I used to bring, and I used to stretch them because I was always making plans. My mother said, A, I added B, C, D, and B. I was always a planner and a doer. Yeah. I love. So this really gave me the opportunity to sit and be a little still and reflect and kind of enjoy like all the wonderful things and people and places. and what I've been able to acquire, you know, and I'm proud of myself.

And I don't think I've ever said that until 56 years old. I am proud of myself. Good for you. Totally. And I like how you sort of put in perspective, how things have happened to you in like six-year increments in your life with Richard, with the show, you know, with kind of everything that's happened.

Well, I had that realization with Andy. And Andy really was like, wow. He's like, that's a moment. We were on the phone. I said, it's okay, because it seems like every six years, I think I say in the book, The Devil sits on my lap and says,

we're changing it up. Yes. And I'm like, oh my God, it's the time again. And I really do best under change. I don't know what it is about me. I would be great, God forbid, I hope I'm not ever part of it, but in war or something because I do my breath,

that's in strife. It's like, I don't know what it is about me, but I am able, I'm a real, as Richard used to say to me, we're perfect together because I'm the mapmaker, because Richard was very quiet and academic and thought through things. And he said, you're the executor. And a map is nothing without the soldiers and the executors.

And it's so true when you think about it. You know, I used to say to people, when people come to me with business plans or ideas or how to do something, I'm like, okay, okay, but let's move on how we're going to do it, how are we going to execute it? Because in life, generally, motherhood, marriage, jobs, you know, you've got to execute it. But you got to stop talking and start doing it. You know what I mean? And I'm a real start doing kind of person.

G.I. Dorinda can be the next six year period. So I wanted to ask, we've seen in the last year that you have a really great friendship with Bethany still. And I think people always kind of love seeing you to, you know, keeping up with each other. You were on her show The Big Shot, which was fun to see. What do you think makes you guys click so well away from the house? wives setting? Well, it's very interesting. We've gotten actually closer after the housewives.

You know, I think it really allowed our friendship to prosper. And we are, you know, she's got an incredible sense of humor. She's fun. She is very, you know, loyal. And she just, we just relate to each other. We have a very good banter with each other. And I like that. You know, we don't even talk about the housewives.

We talk about the most minutia stuff. And we have strangely so much in common, which I, you know, I don't think you can kind of, it took a while to get to that, you know, on the housewives you're on such sort of mode of working on housewives and stuff that she just really enjoys sort of the same things that I enjoy. She's very sort of a, you know, this powerhouse that's very basic. She's a good mother. She loves to cook. She loves her home.

She loves to go to Marshalls and T.J. Max. She likes a good find. You know, she's just a real go-getter. I love women that are go-getter. and have something to say about something. I wrote down a quote, like a quote you wrote in the book. I like went back and looked to find it because you said when you were on Bethany's podcast, which is coincidental.

But you said that you, housewives didn't make you. You were a fully baked cake. You just gave them a slice. And I thought that was so I loved that because I feel like it had so much meaning behind it. And I was like, wow, that's so true. Like you're just on it for a period of your life. And that's exactly. We have to think of our lives as I think I talk about it in the show.

I know I talk about it in the book. You know, like your life. I refer, as you know, on the show and I refer in my life and people constantly say, you know, my mother, Diane St. Kyle is such a huge part of my life. She was just here this morning. And, you know, she always talks about your life being a quilt and, you know, has many patches. And, you know, maybe singularly this patch wasn't great. And then this patch was absolutely beautiful.

But collectively, it makes a beautiful quilt. And that's what you have to always remember is that, you know, you're not everything is perfect. I don't, you know, Hannah gets very upset with me sometimes because like you're being so negative. Like I said something yesterday and I'm not a negative person, but I kind of call it like it is. You know, someone, oh, I had some friends up this week in the purrs. And they were like, well, things always work out. I'm like, well, not always.

Because sometimes they don't. It's true. Yeah, it's true. Take it for a woman that's 56. Not always. Okay. But the good news is that just means you have to go in a different direction. I don't believe in no.

I think no is a, as Diane Sankali would say, is a harder form of yes. I believe that roadblocks are put there for you to be creative and think about it to use it as a learning tool. I think that it's very dangerous to, you know, if you're, it's like I, like I say, it's like reading the book, we think we know what's going to happen at the end of the book. And then you get to chapter 10, you're like, I never saw that coming. and your life is sort of like that. You know, live your life chapter by chapter. Have an idea of what you see the macro picture look like, but stay focused on your micro work.

You know what I mean? Because it's very important to be slow and steady, just keep it moving forward, and be your best advocate. If I were to talk to my younger self coming from Great Barrington, you know, not a lot of money and no contacts and just sort of like taking that, you know,

bananas a bus down to New York City, thinking, this is it, you know, this is my moment. And getting off at Penn Station saying, this is it, this is my moment. You know what I mean? It's like, wait a second. That's not how I had it going on in my mind. But, you know, the dream was there and I had a bigger picture of myself. You know, I kind of had the canvas.

I had the paints, but I had to figure out how to paint the picture. You know what I mean? Yeah. Totally. When you were sitting down to write the book, was there one chapter of your life or I guess you know, like one piece in the quilt, like you would say that you were kind of most excited to share with people that you felt like, had it really seen the light of day. And there's so, you know, each chapter was, I really try to, first of all, I try to make the

chapter like in my voice so people kind of thought I was speaking. I think that question is really, it's an interesting question because there were different parts that I was differently felt about writing. I think for me, which was such a beautiful chapter to write, although I knew. it internally until I expressed it externally, my, you know, my entrance into motherhood. I really wept when I wrote it. And it came so easily because I've been living that story for so long. And it's such an, you know, Hannah's so important to me.

And my mother's so important to me. And just that whole maternal line in my life is such a powerful thing. I'm really a big believer in the invisible ring of maternal women. And then I, so that was a, that was really a. such a beautiful chapter to write in the easiest one. And the second one that was really interesting to relive was Richard's death. Because I, although I talk about Richard's dying, Richard's dead, you know, to actually remember that there was a process within that death.

It's not like here, now I see him, now I don't. You know what I mean? Which is, you know, I had to go through the process and to actually get the courage up to write about it, it was the hardest part of my audio book to read. You know, I just couldn't get through it. Yeah. Because I choose not to live it because it's too dense. So I just look at it.

Well, here he was and now he's not. Okay, let's keep him moving. All right. You know what I mean? Yeah. And not only do you have to relive it, you're now like letting other people into something that's very personal. Well,

I remember after the whole thing happened and not, don't want to go morbid or anything because I don't, you know, it's not about that. But, you know, it was, I remember Hannah was just about 18 and people don't realize. And I would love one day to explore this and, you know, have some sort of helpline or. chat plays where I could talk to people, especially younger people that go through some kind of

death. Life doesn't stop. The bills keep coming. I remember right after Richard died, the funeral home called them and said, what do you want him to wear? I'm like, really? Where? Where's he going? It's just all seem, but life comes into that. Hannah had to go to school. Everybody, you know, there's still food that needs to be made. You got to pay your electricity bill. Like the money, you think somehow you're going to be exempt from the minutia of life. But the minutia is there waiting for you in the small sense and in the big sense. And I remember, and I couldn't cry during that period because I had to really breathe up. Like, everything is okay.

Everything's all right. We're going to be great. You know, so I remember Hannah sent me one day out, you know, kind of just I don't feel like, do cry. And I said, Hannah, I can't cry because if I cry, then we're really in trouble. Right. You know, I said, but you don't know. going to the bathroom at night with a bottle of wine and ball my eyes out. But then the next morning, Operation Normalize because, you know, you have to, that's life.

And I think if you, you know, if we spoke about that more, we would be more, we would be less afraid to help people during that with the minutia. Right. Because it is the minutia that kind of scares you when people leave your life. Yeah. So for people who mostly know you from the show. what was your objective in writing this book? What did you want people to know?

I wanted people to know Durinda and all their different stages. How did the cake get baked? What were the ingredients? You know, just see it from the time, you know, you put, you sifted the flour in the bowl to finishing touches with the frosting. You know, life is really, it truly is a recipe. And I think, you know, you got to your, the ingredients you put into it are very important. And they're, you know, reflective.

And I think, you know, when I say in the book, you know, if you want a hamburger, order a hamburger, you know, don't order a steak and be upset to get a hamburger, you know. And it's so important to be mindful and see that process through. I'm hoping people got to know me a little better. I hope they kind of went through. I said, God, I knew she did that, but I didn't really know she did that. I wanted to sort of fill in the blanks. I mean, I think people kind of had a blank coloring book of me, generally,

of who I was. And I just wanted to sort of, you know, paint inside the lines a bit and make it a little more colorful. Totally. I'm curious, has Hannah or anyone else in your family read the book yet? And how do you feel about sharing it? You know,

Hannah's a huge writer. She is, you know, in school right now for writing. And she did every chapter with me and helped me. Because I'm not a writer. I mean, the most ironic thing about this book is, I think Richard,

I actually went to visit him yesterday. you must be laughing your head off because Richard was a huge writer, a huge academic, used to help Hannah so much with all her, because Hannah's a huge academic. And your Hannah would be like, can you eat for you? My, I'm like, no, I can't. I really, I'm not the right person. I'm just, sorry, I can make you a meal. I can cuddle with you in bed.

I can make sure you're safe, but I can't read that 20-page paper. That just ain't happening. Okay. I love that. I really. So Richard was the academic, so they were so bonded like that. And I said to Rich you one day, you know, I am such a great storyteller. Like I think I may be the world.

I could make laundry sound interesting. I'm going to write a book. He was like, are you kidding me? You can't sit down for two minutes without getting distracted by a butterfly. I mean, you are a great talker, very intelligent. Oh, you'd be a horrible writer. So I have great stories to tell, but Hannah really helped me sit with those stories and formulate them and get them from here to paper. And it was so great because she was like, so what are you feeling?

But well, I'm like, you know what I was feeling. Well, no, but the reader doesn't know what you're feeling. I'm like, why don't want to tell them? Right. Like, she was asking all the right questions like that you needed, like pulled from you. But that's also really special that she was part of that experience. Every day we had like, I would come and she'd be like, you need to come over. We need to review what you wrote in chapter six.

I'm like, I'm not available today. Oh my gosh. Like homework, no thanks. You're like, that's over. It's out there. No, she was so instrumental because who doesn't know me better than my daughter? Right. Right.

So was there anything that you weren't sure you wanted to include or that now that you regret not including in the book. Well, I think, you know, it's so funny. I was watching Lala Kent right before her book got published. She did this funny Instagram video where she was like, oh my God, everyone's going to be mad at me. And I wish I didn't write that, but I was ready. You start to make excuses for what.

And for me, the edit was very hard because I'm like, I would be mad at myself. I'd be like, I never said that. And I was like, well, you can't argue with yourself, Mom. I mean, this is, you can argue with other people, but now you're actually arguing with yourself. Yeah. You know, I was very careful to, you know, make it about me and not sort of drag other people into it. Like, you know, my stepchildren and stuff because that's their story to tell.

And, you know, I think that, no, I don't think, you know, that it's not anything that I wouldn't. I'm pretty transparent. I'm not really ashamed of my life. You know, I don't, I don't think I've done anything that horrifying that can't be put on paper. put me in jail. You know what I mean? They're just big old-fashioned mistakes, you know, fumbles, mishaps. I agree. You did drag your steps on into it one time, explaining that that's why the fish room

was the fish room. Yes. And the fish room, it's so funny. That fish room is, do you know that people were angry at me on social media for redoing the fish room? Like, not just sort of fun angry. be like, venomately angry at me.

Like, why would you do that? I'm like, because it was for a 12 year old, okay? Also, like, were they going to come? The fish are in there. People take things so seriously, like, as if because this show means so much to people that that book, that room, I feel like resonated with them, but they were never going to come to your house. I mean, it was the whole thing.

Even when I was going through it, I'm like, wait a second, people realize that I made this house for my family 10 years ago, not for the housewives in New York. Like I had small children in this home, you know? They're like, I can't believe that she has, you know, a twister game in the middle of the playroom. I'm like, well, because I had children here, okay? Yeah, I also think people, we didn't necessarily get the full context

of how kind of devastating the flooding was and how intensive the renovations were really. That flooding was, I mean, that was the worst year. I broke my rib. I had a million dollars with the damage of flooding. And the funny thing is because Richard passed and I decided to move out of our townhouse on 63rd Street, which strange was the same street as Sonias. Isn't that weird?

I live right near Bill Bucay. And then I moved back to my apartment. And I'd taken everything, I just couldn't cope. So I'd taken everything and put it in my basement. So when that flood happened, literally, all my years with Richard in the basement, which now I think about is such a blessing because I think God or whoever we believe

and was like, enough. You know, you're never going to do it. It all went down the road in like six huge dumpsters. Like I had no control in it. And it was just like, one thing I have learned is that water is like almost as bad as fire because it doesn't reveal itself for months. So the house really just flooded.

I had like eight feet of water in my basement. And then it went throughout the whole house. See, well, funny, you just said six dumpsters. So I don't know if that was like a six again. I was like, oh, is that what again? But I have to say that that part of the book was actually the most surprising to me because I didn't realize it was as bad as it was either. So by you explaining it.

It was closed for eight months. The house was closed for eight months. It seems traumatic. So I'm sorry that that happened. But you know what? I got to tell you something. It was Hannah said and I say it all the time. First of all, I would have never, I don't miss any of the stuff that was in there.

Things are things. This attachment to things is just not real. And second of all, it was a real opportunity to take it away. Like I said to my mother at the time, you know what? This has been, we referred to this house that I was in my house and Richard from my house. And I really was like, you know what? I'm going to make this my house. and it's no longer Richard.

And Richard would be happy. Like this is now, and I put my take on it, you know, and it's just now my house. I wonder if that happened six years after Richard passed. Wouldn't that be weird? Very. Well, think about it. You got to get like a numerologist or somebody in there. I think it did happen six years after Richard passed.

Well, that would just be freaky. Then I'm just going to have to run and go get my cross. And we're going to be done with this. We're going to have like a, a. part two that's just going to be during doing like an exorcism or something. But now the house is, you know, it's pretty much basically the same house. But it's like I just put my touches on it. And I, you know, I've owned this house now.

I owned it with Richard for six years and I've owned it myself on my own for 10. There you go. Maybe 10's your new number. Can you imagine? It's hard to believe that. When Richard passed, I really didn't think I could handle it because this house was really made for Richard and me. We were going to retire.

We had it all figured out. The kids were Kenner was going to go to college and he was going to come up here and write and I was going to be Mrs. Medley and garden and go to New York. And, you know, I had it all figured out. I was so in it. I was like, Dorinda, Madley, you have figured this shit out. And then boom.

It's like, nope, we're done with that. It's funny because you say you're a planner, but they say you make a plan in God laugh. So it's like full circle. I don't know. but I have to laugh with them. Yes. Very true.

Well, I certainly laughed and cried reading, Make It Nice, which is available now. Dorinda, tell everyone where they can check out your book and any, any final words. Well, anywhere books are sold, that's what I've been told. It is anywhere books are sold. But of course, you can get at Simon Shuster.com and Amazon. And, you know, I just think everybody will really go on the journey with me. It's fun. Life is one big, one big recipe.

you know, and I'm teaching you about the ingredients. Yes, and you need to make us your lasagna one day. Yes. Keep up, keep putting those fun. Keep putting those fun Instagrams up. They're so good. I love my ass. Oh, we will.

And you keep making TikToks. I always like seeing you having fun. Thank you so much, you guys. Thank you. We made it nice. We made it nice. Thanks so much for listening. everyone. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow the show wherever you listen. You can follow us on

Instagram at Bravo by Betches and just be cool. Don't be all like Uncool. Mention It All is produced by Sean Kilby and Jorge Morales Pico. Editing by Sean Kilby. Social media by Dylan Hafer. Guest booking by Nicole Pellegrino. Be sure to follow at Bravo by Betches on Instagram and Twitter.