Mention It All - Kristen Doute, VP of Mess (VPR, The Valley)

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

After taking a week off of The Valley, Dylan comes back to a mess of epic proportions, and it all traces back to one person: Kristen Doute. He unpacks the racist/Republican accusation saga, and why Kristen is getting in the way of her own HBIC status. He also notes Brittany’s recent run of press, and why her issues with Jax seem more real than ever. Later, he recaps this week’s Vanderpump Rules, where Jo finds herself on the back burner once and for all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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See Store Online for details. Betches Media presents. Ha ha, laugh, funny. Mention It All, a Bravo by Betches podcast. We don't say that, but now we said it. With me, Dylan Hafer. We're going to check me, though. Hey, everyone.

Welcome back to the Mentioned All podcast. I'm Dylan Hafer, and we are back with another Wednesday episode talking about Vanderpump Rules. Talking about the Valley, I chose not to talk about the Valley last week because I was, you know, cramming stuff. before my trip. So I caught up and the last two weeks, oh boy, we have we have some interesting things to get into. But before we talk about all of that, I want to give a little shout out to something very exciting that we have going on at Betches this week. We have launched our very own reality TV textbook. It's an online issue on our website. We have all these different chapters that we had great writers, right? I even contributed a little something myself. This,

If you're listening to this podcast, you seriously should go check out what we have going on over with this reality TV textbook. There are some incredible graphics and images that we have designed for it. We had Paris Hilton herself write our letter from a founding mother. And some of the chapters that we have going on, there's reality TV's royal families, anatomy of a reality TV villain. Wars Lost in One, an analysis of the most legendary battles in reality TV history. We have the rituals of reality TV reunions. There is so much good stuff going on. If you go to betches.com slash reality TV, you'll be on the landing page with all of the table of contents that you can look through at your leisure.

But truly, this is a labor of love that a lot of work went into over the last, I don't know, a few months or so. So definitely go check it out. Betches.com slash reality TV. And, you know, maybe we can do more, more cool stuff like this if you guys are into it. So go check that out. It was a lot of fun. Should we talk about Vanderpump? I had this weird sensation yesterday as I was, you know, making my way through my day.

I was sitting in my little meetings and, you know, eating my little lunch. And I was thinking about the shows that we had on the docket for Tuesday. And I'm like, I think I am more excited for the new episode of the Valley than I am for the new episode of Vanderpump Rules. And I had this thought. It popped into my head like a little light bulb. And I sat with it for a second. I'm like, that can't be. Really?

Like, we have 11 years of history under the bridge for Vanderpump Rules. and we're on episode four of the valley, and am I really more interested in what's going on over past the hills, over yonder in the valley, than I am with the WeHo crew, and I think I stand by it. And let me just be clear, because I think that this season of Vanderpump Rules has in some ways been unfairly maligned. I think that it has been judged really harshly. It's been, you know, compared to the sort of once in a lifetime high of Scandival. And I think that, you know, it's been a little bit at a disadvantage because of that. I don't think that this season of Vanderpump

rules has been a flop. I don't think it's been a terrible season. I, you know, I feel like we, we sort of have a version of this conversation every week on Wednesday. I don't have major structural issues with this season of Vanderpump rules. I just think that there have been, there's been a little bit of, you know, stagnant energy. There's a little bit of, it feels like the machinations of the group are working a little bit too hard,

where it's like, if Ariana doesn't want to talk to Sandoval ever again, why can't we just let her never talk to Sandoval ever again? Like that, that's sort of the, the underlying issue here is that it's like if these people don't want to fuck with each other, then let them not. But over on the Valley, the episode, the episode three and four, they're kind of a good

companion piece. So honestly, I'm maybe glad that I didn't talk about it last week. These people are on a level that I just, you can tell that none. of them are sort of, none of them have like arrived at a level of producedness and, um, you know, sheen and gloss that I think we sometimes get on these shows. Like if you're watching Real House Boys of Beverly Hills and there's kind of this, this air about everything. These people are actually in a bizarre way and I don't know what this says about my mental state. They're kind like a breath of fresh air.

Watching Janet like eight months pregnant deal with this shit that Kristen is stirring up and watching, you know, what are their names? Jesse and Michelle, look, I might be enjoying this show, but that doesn't mean that I know everyone's name. We're only four weeks in and there are still a lot of them. Watching Jesse and Michelle just be like objectively so bad at being married to. each other, it kind of, it scratches an itch that I maybe didn't know was there. But now that it's being itched, scratched, do you scratch, you itches, do you scratch, you scratch,

you scratch, now that that, now that that itch is being scratched, I feel relief. I feel sweet relief. But no, the stuff with Brittany and Jacks is interesting because, of course, you know, coming right before the season when Brittany shared the news that they were living apart, as you might say. That seemed like kind of the big headline going into the season. And we're getting some interesting insights into their relationship, like for one, the reveal by Brittany that they have only had sex maybe twice in the last year. The last year! Meanwhile, over on Summer House a couple weeks ago, the girlies are shook when Lindsay says that she and Carl only have sex every couple of weeks. Brittany and Jacks are putting them to shame, not in the good way.

Well, I mean, everybody should have sex as much as they are as little as they want to, but like not in the way that seems like a good sign for the relationship. And this is something that when Brittany first shared the news that she and Jacks weren't currently together, the refrain that I heard a lot was, well, if he's not getting it from her, he's getting it from somewhere else. And I don't know any details about Jack's, you know, maybe extramarital dalliances in the recent times. But I don't disagree that that sort of seems like a potential logical. I mean, I know he's super busy with his bar. I know Jack's his studio city, whatever the fuck, is taking up a lot of his time. He wants to involve Brittany because he sees how bad it was for Tom and Tom when they didn't involve their partners. But at the same time, he wants to be able to hire whatever hot chicks he wants to hire. So, you know, Brittany's not, she's not like involved involved.

She's just like, she's involved. She's in the loop. But that doesn't mean that she's there. But as I'm recording this episode, I'm looking 12 hours ago. Brittany Cartwright is on the cover of Us Weekly. It's a photo of her with a big old fish tail braid looking straight at the camera. Brittany is going to be. The eyebrows are looking freshly lifted by perhaps some Botox.

The headline is, how my marriage fell apart. The Star of the Valley reveals the final straw that led to her split, plus how she's protecting her son and finding her strength through this difficult time. There's a little badge in the corner that says her most candid interview. Brittany also this week was on the not skinny but not fat podcast hosted by my friend Amanda. And in that interview, she says that she and Cruz are still living in an Airbnb because Jacks wouldn't let them keep the house. We knew she was in an Airbnb, but I don't know that she had said so directly that

Jack's, that's because Jacks wasn't going to leave the house. Now, when Brittany first announced that the separation was a thing right before the show premiered, it seemed like a very opportune timing where it was like, okay, I always believed that it was real. Some people thought it was like a total, you know, scam to get people to watch their show. I think, I thought it was real at the time. And the fact that she is continuing to do this press and continuing just this, week to do this big push. I mean, getting an Us Weekly cover for somebody like Britney is kind of the pinnacle. I mean, not that it's like the pinnacle of, you know, society, but for somebody who is, you know, a multiple Bravo show star who, you know, has gone through ups and downs of people,

you know, caring about what's going on with her. Being on the cover of Us Weekly, a solo shot about your marriage falling apart is like, it's like winning an Oscar. It's like you got your Oscar, Grammy, Emmy, Tony, us weekly cover, the e-gout. And Brittany, she's a one-time

e-gout winner. Now she only needs to get her other four awards. So good, so good. Everything you want for summer is at Nordstrom rack stores now and up to 60% off. Stock up and save on the brands you love like Vince, Sam Edelman, Frame and Free People.

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Going back to the Valley, so the issues with Brittany and Jack's aside, the big thing over the last two weeks has been this strange game of telephone that has happened from Michelle to maybe Janet to maybe Zach to

Kristen to back to Michelle to whatever happened with Michelle whatever she said that ended up getting twisted into Kristen saying that she is racist

and a Republican. And over the course of these two episodes the way that racist and Republican are treated as two equivalent accusations is funny to me, but also like a little bit satisfying in the sense that I wouldn't necessarily have guessed everyone's politics on this show to be not Republican, if that makes sense. Like the fact that

The fact that Jesse is like, how dare you say that about my wife? I'm like, oh, interesting. I wouldn't necessarily have guessed. It is funny that Zach, the gay guy with the hair is like When you call someone in L.A. a Republican, that's like a death sentence. Like, they're not going to get invited anywhere. I'm like, can we not say that it's a guy?

death sentence. Like, look, if you've, if you've listened to this show for more than five minutes, I don't think that my political leanings are probably much of a mystery. But there are people who are like actually, you know, really like at risk every day because of their identity in the world. And like, you know, somebody who was fired from another show for doing something racist, calling you a Republican is not, is not a death sentence. Just let's, let's level set here. little bit. Look, is it something that you necessarily want to put on your hinge profile? I can't say. I would say probably not. But the whole way that this is handled in the group is super interesting. Because Kristen sort of brings it up to begin with. And she said that Zach told her that Janet said that Michelle was a racist

Republican. And then there's this kind of two episode long detective scenario of figuring out, where this originated from, who said what, whether Janet said racist Republican, whether Zach said racist Republican, whether Kristen heard something else and then intuited it. It's weird because, to begin with, it's like I wouldn't trust Kristen as far as I can throw her. So is it really hard to believe that she would kind of like concoct this in her head a little bit. No, but at the same time, I don't trust spray tan Zach as far as I can throw him either. And he's the one that just got on reality TV three weeks ago and is probably willing to do just about anything for some camera time. That is something that I feel confident I can say about

Zach that he seems like somebody who has geared his entire adult life toward wanting to be on a reality show. And congratulations to him, he made it. And he, And he, I think, is the sort of, like, secret, messy ingredient here, where he's kind of like, he's not really keeping his side of the street clean. Because we get, we, we like roll footage a couple times on him essentially, like, saying to Kristen that these things were said. Or he seems like the one who is kind of, he's not as innocent as he's making himself out to be. And I think Janet, to me, sort of gets a little bit of a pass. First of all, because she's, like, about to pop out a baby and seems like she is, like,

a little bit miserable, which, can you blame her? I mean, they're filming this shit in the summer. In the first episode, it was like 100 degrees. She's walking around pregnant. She has to go to all these theme parties where people are, like, screaming at the table. She can't even have a cocktail. If I were Janet, I would not be here for the bullshit either. But I am really enjoying Janet's energy.

She seems like the person on the show that I would most want. want to be friends with, which is not necessarily what I need for my reality stars, but I think that it's good to have one person in the group who kind of fills that slot. But she kind of gives us the download on what her version of what happened with Michelle. And that's that Michelle said that don't say gay bills protect children. And that is like, that's like the little bit of tea where I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait. This in and of itself is a problematic enough thing to say that it's like, let's just focus on that. If that's the thing that she actually said, we don't need to intuit, like, racist, homophobic, Republican. Let's just talk about why that's wrong. And that is what I like

about Janet, that she says when she said that, I was like, no, that's wrong. And we need to talk about that. And like, I know that Jasmine doesn't feel, you know, feel strongly about this. And, you know, we have queer friends. And this is not something that we should be supporting. And I think that, you know, she acknowledges that maybe Michelle just got served, served things on her algorithm or on social media or whatever and, you know, formed this opinion based on things that she saw online, which, unfortunately, is how a lot of people are forming their opinions through these, you know, inaccurate, problematic, you know, things that are presented as fact. And so I felt like Janet sort of, Janet seemed to be the one that was actually trying to

handle this in a productive way. Maybe I'm giving her too much credit. Maybe she was still messy behind the scenes because obviously at some point, this information got passed along the daisy chain to Kristen. But I don't know. I, I, I, I, I, I, feel like I am giving Janet the benefit of the doubt here. I don't think that she was the one kind of stirring this up. I think that it's Zach, and of course, Kristen. Kristen is, Kristen's having a tough go of it, I think, on this season. Because then in the most recent episode, she's coming through with this bizarre kind of narrative of, she says that she's protected Michelle more than anyone. And then we see that she texted her later, that her secrets are

safe with her and that she doesn't retaliate because of her mental health. And she's made similar comments to other people about how, you know, she protects people and she isn't going to say what she knows and she could ruin lives if she wanted to. And I'm like, what is going on in this group? I just met all these people. Do they all have these life ruining skin? skeletons in the closet that Kristen knows about? Like, this is... Because if so, that's a ticking time bomb. I mean, Andy always says,

don't come on reality TV if you don't want people to find the skeletons that you have in your closet. And, I mean, I feel like Kristen is... She's digging around in those closets as we speak, I'm sure. But it's a strange... It's a strange little vibe. And then there's this gala that Jesse and Michelle are having. And Michelle, I mean... I hope that she has changed her mind about the don't say gay bills, but she did.

She earned some points from me when Kristen apologizes to her. And she's like, she's like, you don't have to accept the apology, but please just believe me that I am sorry and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I don't think those things about you. And Michelle, this is like, she goes, Kristen, I believe you need some help. I believe you. needs some help is like such a wicked comeback. That's like, what do you say to that? Kristen does say that she's been in therapy for nine years.

And it's just like, Kristen Doty, explaining that she's been in therapy for nine years, it's like, babe, it's, has it been with the same therapist the whole time? Because maybe it's, maybe we should shop around a little bit. Maybe we should get some other opinions. I love Kristen, but it's like, we got to... This isn't good. And everybody in the group is now feeling like she is the wildcard. She's the unruly one, the one you can't rely on, the one you can't trust with your secrets.

If she's saying that she's protected everyone, it's like they're not going to feel safe anymore. And this is what's interesting is that going into this show, you kind of expected Kristen to be like the HBIC a little bit. And I don't really think that she's allowing herself to have that kind of status in the group because she still does seem to be so messy in certain scenarios. And so it's like these other girlies, they might not have the reality TV experience that Kristen does, but they aren't going to have that sort of like respect for her just as friends if they don't feel like she's somebody that can kind of keep it together in the middle of the group.

Like, you got to have that kind of, like, central figure. And I don't think that Kristen is really helping herself in that category. Also, just the situation with her boyfriend is so, it's so weird and so depressing. And just it feels like, oh, we're watching like a slow motion train wreck. And I think they're still together, as far as I know. But, like, at what cost? He says that he has no intention of moving his life to California. He's not being like cagey about it.

He's not, he's not being non-committal. He is being committal in the exact opposite way that she wants him to. Like at a certain point, what are we doing here? I don't know. I'm excited to keep up with the Valley. I think that these first four episodes have been honestly quite strong. against all odds they have persisted, and we'll see what the rest of this season has to offer.

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With agents who close twice as many deals, when you find the one, you've got a real shot at getting it. Get started at Redfin.com. the dream. Which means I guess we should talk about Vanner Pump. I kind of meant to talk about Vanderpump first and then I just, I had more thoughts about the valley, which is a weird, weird, weird, weird place to be in. This week on Vanderpump seems to be sort of like the, the, the, the day new mont of the, the Joe situation. I don't know if we're going to see her for the rest of the season. I know she's at the reunion in a dress that is truly just god-awful. But the situation with Joe and Schwartz continues to be strange and messy and unclear,

both to us and to both of them. Lala and Joe go on a little one-on-one, which is just so, I mean, I'm Team Katie in this sense that I'm like, why are Lala and Joe hanging out for any reason other than it being convenient for production for somebody to hang out with Joe who's not Schwartz? They have this like this weird conversation about, you know, she denies again that she knew about the affair with Raquel, but she does say that she thought that Tom and Ariana were broken up at the time. And it's like, why were you thinking about them being broken up if you didn't know that he was

hooking up with Raquel. I don't know. We're never going to have like real answers and clarity there. But she's saying that she needs to get to, you know, to be friends with other people. If she's going to be part of Schwartz's life forever and that Lala's like the way in. It's like, L.O.L. Okay. Fast forward to the end of the episode, baby, you might not be part of Schwartz's life forever. But the thing with Lala this season that is frustrating me, I don't have an issue. with her being more forgiving of Schwartz or of Sandoval than other people in the group.

Like, I don't actually really begrudge her that. I think everybody can form their own opinions. You know, not everybody has to be like a soldier for Ariana the whole season. But it feels a little too transparent for me that Lala is kind of the tool that production is using to try and overcome the division within the group. and that it doesn't feel like it's coming from a place of genuine emotion and, you know, friendship ties. It feels like it's coming from a place of storytelling device. We need somebody to do this.

And I think Sheena's done it a little bit, but I think that Sheena is a little bit better at selling the emotional narrative of it. I mean, partially just because Sheena, I think, is a more, you know, sensitive kind of vulnerability. person, that when she talks to Sandoval, it feels like, damn, there are these long-time friends that have got to hash this out. Whereas when Lala is the one that's kind of being sent on these little quests week by week, it's like, but why do you want to be friends with Sandoval? Like, what is the, it doesn't feel like Lala would be friends with Sandoval. So then when her whole season is spent trying to get the group to forgive Sandoval, it's like, everything I know about you makes me think that you, like, wouldn't be able to stand this guy.

So, but then you're taking up for him week after week. Same with Joe. The idea that Lala and Joe would be any kind of personality match as friends is, like, it strains credulity. And I think that's part of the reason why when Katie is like, wait, why are you hanging out with Joe? Like, you have no relationship with this woman. and you have a relationship with me. I'm saying that she has made me feel uncomfortable and disrespected.

Why, what reason do you have to choose her feelings over mine? And I think the issue is that, you know, Katie is doing her best to keep this within a fourth wall kind of context. But the only reason that she is hanging out with Joe is because of the show. And so I think that's sort of. Vanderpump Rules is bumping on that in a few different areas this season where it's like they're committed to not breaking the fourth wall in a lot of key ways, but watching the show, the only explanation for some of these people continuing to be in the same places at the same time.

I mean, even, you know, everybody being at Hotel Ziggy to support James, it's like you would realistically just go to a different DJ gig than your toxic X, if there weren't cameras filming for the show. So I think that that's something, assuming there's a next season of Vanderpump rules, and I do not think they will cancel this show. I think that is unrealistic. If people are talking about that,

I just, you know, it's not, the ratings are not that bad. It just got nominated for Emmy's last season. Like, Bravo doesn't usually give up on shows that quickly. I think that they're going to have to do some soul. searching for next season of like what is the logical next step for this group? Who does it make sense to keep? Who does it make sense to maybe let go to greener pastures? Whether that's the valley, whether that's hosting Love Island and not really needing to do

this shit anymore in Ariana's case, perhaps? You know, she, I certainly don't think is going to be relying on a Vanderpump rules paycheck to pay her bills in the future if she doesn't want to. I think that it was kind of inevitable to have one season that's like this, where there are kind of these outside forces at play, and we have to keep the group together just to follow the storyline. But I think that starting with next season, we should have, like, a little bit more of, like, a little bit more of like a logical,

goal for the friend group. But yeah, I mean, this is back to what's happening with Joe. She bleaches Tom's hair. We've all been waiting for it for Tom to debut his golden locks. To be honest, I don't think it looks as bad as some people do. I mean, look, does it give cry for help a little bit? Sure. I think that, you know, as a gay,

person. I see lots of men every year go through the spiral of bleaching their hair when sometimes it's ill-advised. Tom at least looks like he's got some nice toner on there, some nice purple shampoo. It's not brassy. You know, Victoria Gundelson's mom would not tell him that his hair looks yellow. But seeing Joe, seeing Joe like do his hair is truly wild. And then he, he tells her that he and Sandoval are going to a singles night. And she's like, I want to come. It's like, okay, you asked for it. And he's also like, he went on a date with this girl, Tori, who Katie's also going on a date with, Katie makes out with her.

It's like, the whole Schwartz, Katie, Joe, Tori, love, Quad, Love Square. It's very, it's very messy. And I think that, you know, as much as I have poked fun at Joe in these last few weeks and as much as she is sort of a grading personality type to have on a show like this, I also think that she is a real person with real feelings who deserves to have those feelings traded with respect. And so I think that Tom kind of breaking things off at the end of the episode was the right thing to do. you know, they're at this singles event together and he's making out with some other girl and she sees this and she's getting upset and is, you know, emotional about it. And it's obvious that she has strong feelings for him. And I believe that he has some feelings for her. But clearly he is not interested in taking things to the next phase of a relationship with her. And so I think it's for the best that he sort of, press his pause on the whole thing. And, you know, as much as Tom Schwartz can be like a little bit of a, you know, stupid guy, I think that, you know, I'm glad that he didn't continue. It felt like he was

leading her on by the end. And once it becomes, you know, if you're like, oh, we're all just friends. We're all just having a good time. Whatever, whatever, whatever, you know, we hook up sometimes. That's all well and good. But once it becomes clear that one person is more emotionally invested than the other, it really is, it's, it's not fair to let that situation like Vester. And so I appreciate Tom Schwartz making, making the adult decision for once and letting things go. As for the rest of the season, I don't know, are we, I feel like we can let Joe sit on the bench until the reunion. That's good with me. But we'll see what happens next week.

Thank you so much for listening. Don't forget to rate review and follow the show. Wherever you listen, you can follow us on Instagram at Bravo by Betches. Like I said earlier, check out the reality TV textbook that we have going on at Betches.com slash reality TV. And until next time, be cool. Don't be all like Uncool. Mentioned It All is produced by Dylan Hafer, Sean Kilby, Jorge Morales Pico and Rebecca Sousmakat. Editing by Jorge Morales Pico.

Social media by Dylan Hafer. Guest booking by Dylan Hafer and Ali Friedlander. Be sure to follow at Bravo by Betches on Instagram and Twitter. All. Pay off your home, travel for life, drive a Ferrari. In celebration of the world premiere of the Monopoly Big Board Buckslot machine by Aristocrat Gaming, Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is giving one person a $1.6 million dream package.

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