Mention It All - Pump Rules Rewind Ep. 5: I’m Not a B*tch

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Dylan and Sami are back for another week of nostalgic VPR content, with an episode that features Laura-Leigh’s best dramatic performance AND the first appearance of Ariana Madix. As loyalties shift within the group, Scheana suddenly finds herself in high demand, and tensions overheat at a politically incorrect SUR staff meeting. Check out our latest promo codes here: https://betches.com/promos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Girl, winter is so last season. And now Springs got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders. That perfect hang on the patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear up on that envelope.

It's time for a little in-person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Mention at All podcast. I am Dylan Hafer, and it is another Friday of Pump Rules Rewind. I am joined once again, of course, by Sammy Sage. Hey, Sammy, how's it going? Hey, Dylan. I am very well. I'm really excited to get into kind of a legendary Vanderpump Rules character today. Oh, we have a couple of exciting things happening in this episode today. If you are trying to locate yourself among season one of Vanderpump Rules along with us. Today we are talking about season one, episode five.

We'll get into it, but there is a conflicting title of this episode because the political correctness of 2013 has not stood the test of time. So the original title of the episode is I'm not a ghetto bitch. Interestingly enough, on Peacock, that is still the title of this episode. But on iTunes, if you buy the episode on Wikipedia when I looked it up, they have abbreviated it to I'm not a bitch. Good for you for noticing that. I didn't notice that because I watched it on Peacock.

So I was actually a little worried. I was like, are we just going to skip the name of the episode? Are we going to call it out? Well, the reason I looked into it was because I've been titling these episodes on the podcast feed just the name of the episode. And so I'm like, okay, last week was like Vegas with a vengeance. Like, that's fun. But I'm like, oh, I don't know how I feel about just like throwing that out there as

like here's the name of our podcast. So yeah, it's interesting that they have chosen to edit that in some places, but not on Peacock, which is literally their own platform. And then also, of course, that scene is still fully just in the episode. So I don't know. I don't know where I fall on that, but things have changed in the last 10 years, let's just say. Yes, it is one of those time capsule moments. I am a little confused why they would change it on the paid iTunes but not on, it just maybe they forgot and we are reminding them. So if anyone, you know, it's possible. Look, corporations are just a bunch of people doing stuff.

And maybe whoever was in charge of changing the titles of the Vanderpubb episodes on Peacock just forgot. So here's your reminder. But getting into this episode, there's a lot happening this. episode. But the biggest kind of through line is that, you know, Jackson Stasi are no more. And now we've got Jacks and Laura Lee. Happy couple, question mark. They are, they're making a go of it. And I was struck by how large of a presence Laura Lee has in this chunk of the season. She really is around. Oh, yeah. They're like a dying star, burn fast and hot. I was wondering, because I know you are the king of impersonations, do you have?

one for Loreley. Oh, God. You know, what's funny is she actually sounds a little bit to me like Britney Spears when she talks, which is funny because she positions herself as the brunette Britney. But Laura, she's like, like, Stasi, oh my God. Like, it's just very, it's like high pitched, a lot of energy. She really, she puts her heart into absolutely everything. She's not taking a breath. She's not, she's not taking a breath. At the Sir staff meeting, which will get to you later, Like her freak out moment actually stressed me out because I was like, I need you to just take a breather. Think. Take a breath.

You know, it's a lot. Yeah. I mean, she, I think she is easily, she's very suggestible. So I think that whatever she's like kind of exposed to in her environment, she goes all in. You know, she's all in on this relationship with Jacks. She's all in on how bitchy Stossy is. she's all in on being like the new head girl at sir. You know, she's very, she's all in on bathroom sex.

I think it's interesting. You said that she's like the number one girl in the group almost this episode. The alliances shift extremely rapidly in this first season because we, since Vegas, Kristen and Katie, are not speaking to Stasi really. And suddenly a position opens up for one Sheena Marie in the, group. And so Kristen's having this party. She's like, it's so great now that Stasi's not invited to my party because that means I can invite Sheena. And like I've always liked Sheena. I just didn't feel like I could really like show that because of Stasi. And it's like, girl, last week's episode,

you were like, you're a fucking slut. Like, Kristen. Right. It's also like Stasi weaponizing that she was once nice to Laura Lee. When did that happen? She's like, actually, this is really fucked up because I'm the only person that has ever shown her one drop of kindness in her life. So how dare she date somebody who I have said I want nothing to do with? To Laura Lee's credit, like Stasi, her reaction to this is a lot. Like, there is no evidence that Laura Lee and Stasi had some friendship that would require girl code to be implemented. And so, I mean, is Jacks a piece of shit? Sure, that's not a hot take.

But, like, Laura Lee is not really the one who's, you know, shifting the paradigm here. Yeah, I don't think Laura Lee was going to go for Jax if Jax didn't express interest in her, is my assumption. Well, so here's Jax's take on how this came to be because, of course, it was an accident that they got into this situation. He's talking to Peter at Sir. there's some like horror movie-esque intro out of the commercial break. And he says, well, she was babysitting my dog. And then we got lunch. And then we went for a hike.

And then we got dinner. And then we saw a movie. And then we got breakfast. Wink, wink. So it was a total accident. They fell into this whole day of activities together. He's very clear that she is not a rebound. It's the best sex he's had in a long time.

I mean, the thing is like Laura Lee is a little over there. top in her how deep she's getting into this relationship, but also Jacks is just like saying all this shit because he thinks it'll hurt Stasi's feelings. And it's like, my man. Yeah, that is very, right. It's very clear that no, she's not a rebound. She's like a game. I'm so confused how much time passed between like this and the last episode. When did they each have time to solidify these relationships? Because Stossi's also solidified her relationship with Frank to a larger extent. I'm not sure of the timeline. I would be curious too because it sort of feels like this

whole season was filmed in like a week and a half. But then also there are these kind of gaps where it's like you're fully saying that you're like dating this person, but then you're also framing it as this really fast thing. And Stasi, we meet Stasi's mom for the first time in this episode and they're kind of going to lunch. And Dana, Stasi's mom is like taken aback that Frank stayed with Stasi. on her birthday trip to Vegas. And I'm like, she's calling this man her boyfriend. Like, if he was on the trip at all, it makes sense that they would be staying together.

So Dana's kind of like, Stasi. Oh, my God, that's so bad. And it's like, okay, we have to pick a lane. Like, either you're in a relationship and this is your boyfriend or it's like, we've just been hanging out for a few days. But I feel like they're kind of doing both. Right. But even with the timeline with, I guess that's what you're doing when you're 23, 24.

Yeah. I think that it's interesting because also the timeline with Laura Lee and Jax, in that scene where Loreley and Jax are both working at Sir, Jax is kind of like flirting with these women or whatever, and Loreley comes over and is like, I saw you talking to those girls. So obviously she feels some sort of claim to them, but also his response was so ridiculous. He's like, no, they don't speak English. Well, so I guess he says that it's like lounge night at Sir, and it's a two-south. So this is the precursor, I guess, to see you next Tuesday, was French music in the lounge, which I guess James Kennedy is an upgrade.

Yeah. But these women are like, oh, we're Brazilian. We love French music. And then Jack's talking to Laura Lee is like talking about speaking Spanish to them. And it's like, they speak Portuguese. And like, oh my God, it's all of these little interactions. And then Laura Lee's like, see Jack, see, see, see, see, see, see, see. It's like, oh, my God.

Like, we are so living in just both stupid and culturally insensitive and just on some, she's not on something because she is sober. I don't want to, so I don't want to say that. But like they are in some sort of, I don't know. Yeah, they're in a love bubble, you might say. Yes. It's a lot. And I think it is.

Her love tank is full. It is worth noting that we hear from Jacks that Lurley has been sober for. nine months. She makes a comment about being like a meth addict in the past. Lisa expresses that she's a fragile person and that she's kind of worried that Jacks might not be the best thing for her. So there is this kind of like cloud over all of the proceedings of like, Laura Lee is somebody who has had struggles in the past, in the not so distant past and that this situation might not end well, which of course, you know, we'll see how it ends. Yeah.

This episode is brought to you by Prime. Obsession is in session. And this summer, Prime originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice. Off campus, L, every year after, the love hypothesis, Sterling Point, and more. Slow burns, second chances, chemistry you can feel through the screen.

Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime. This episode, another fun thing that happens is Sheena is still in her music era. And big opportunity, she's opening for Tina at the Roxy. It's the first time she's sung live. It's her debut performance of her single, Can You Freak, Bitch? Can we like auto to my microphone? Can we like auto to my microphone?

But more importantly, she has two backup singer slash dancers, one of whom is Ariana Maddox. Oh, my God. That was like, oh, my. She's really good. They were all really good. We could maybe skip to the, like, end of the performance. Stasi's mocking the shit out of Sheena and the fact that she has backup dancers and that she's doing this at all. But Shina's performance was, I thought, solid.

And even Stacey had to admit it, which, you know, must have really hurt her. Stasi having a full scene with like Jen and Haley or whoever from the Sir like B team where she's like, oh my God, wait, Sheena is performing. Now I have to go because that's going to be the funniest thing in the world. She gets out of her Sir shift so she can come to this concert and make fun of Sheena. And then she has to eat, she has to eat crow the whole time. But also I did notice when she just casually is like, I got my shift covered and all of the Sir. employees that we've ever been introduced to are at this event at the Roxy on a Saturday night. And it's like last week it was a huge issue for people to get their shifts covered to go to Vegas.

And this week it's like, oh, Saturday night, we're all free somehow. Right. Projection. I mean, even at this point, we can see it, I think, now that they're involved. But at the time, I was so blind to all of that. Yeah. I think that also comes through a little bit. the other big thing that happens this episode is the staff meeting at Sir.

And this is something where not only is it, you know, funny and inappropriate for Lisa to be, like, discussing all of this stuff with her employees in general. But the fact that there are like 30 people at the staff meeting when really it concerns five of them, it's a little like, okay, so we didn't really need like whoever else happens to work here to be at this meeting where we're discussing like, Katie, Stasi, Jax, Laura Lee, and Frank. Right. I also find her, like, justification for having this talk with them that because she owns a restaurant and this fight took place in a restaurant, that this is like representing

her. And so she can get involved in their behavior after hours. Yeah, that was a funny thing. She said it a couple times in this episode. And I think over the seasons, it's come up other instances, too, that it's like, when you're all together, even if it's not like a work event, if you're all traveling as a pack and people know that you work at Sir, then you're representing Sir. And it's a little like, I mean, perhaps sort of, but that doesn't mean she needs to get.

She can say like, don't fight, but like it's not really her job to referee the actual specifics of the conflict. Right. Well, maybe again, that's wanting to not acknowledge the show. Like, I need to have an authority. Right. And I think that's, like you said with production, it's like, that's the reason we're having this meeting in the first place. And, you know, when she's bringing up the, she's like, she's actually I had that perhaps Katie and Stiles are you got physical with each other. And that it's like, okay. Two girls getting physical. Yeah. I don't know if I love the kind of implication that two women getting physical with each other is like more disgraceful than if it was two men because, you know, women are supposed to be ladylike and graceful or whatever. whatever the fuck Lisa thinks about gender.

Oh, Lisa definitely, I mean, it's really coming up now, especially as we're watching the current season. Lisa does actively embrace sort of gender stereotypes and holds women and men to different standards very frequently. But she also, I mean, she says a lot of stuff in this talk. She calls out Laura Lee for looking like she's having a fit, like having a seizure. Yeah. And I went, whoa.

Lisa. Yeah, and this is, this is right after the ghetto bitch thing comes out that she's like, did you pull Katie's hair? And Stasi says, no, I didn't because I'm not a ghetto bitch. And Lisa even is like, oh, I mean, she's like, you're a little bitch. Like, it's really, it's, it's like very cringe-worthy. Obviously, we're watching this 10 years after the fact. And like, that's not something that we would say.

But also just like the way that Lisa is handling this conflict even then, it's like, No, you're not, like, you're not supposed to be the one feeding into that. You're not supposed to be telling Laura Lee that she looks like she's having a seizure. Like, these are things where it's like, if these like, you know, 20-something-year-old, like, messes are saying problematic shit, that's one thing. But it's like, Lisa, come on, please. Let's, let's be the actual voice of reason, not like the TV voice of reason who also sucks. Right. It's another time capsule.

So full of time capsules. It really is. But so Stasi sent a lot of, you know, vivid rage texts. Imaginative texts to Laura Lee saying that, you know, she's not going to have any friends and that, you know, she was the only person that was ever nice to her. And good luck, you know, you should probably just quit your job at Sir because it's going to be hell for you. It's funny that that Stasi is framing herself as kind of like the, the like center point of the Sir social group. Considering that in this episode, she's fallen out with Katie and Kristen, she's. She obviously isn't getting along with Jacks by, you know, transitive property.

She's not really talking to Sandoval. It's like she really only has like whoever Jen and Haley are and then Frank. She has her fluff friends, as Katie called them last week. That's like honestly a really good term. Yeah, I mean, that's who they are. That's the function they serve in this storyline. line. But Stasi, I think, quickly recovers from her, you know, relative fall because Sheena, because she goes to Sheena's performance, she tells her that she's really good.

And then Stasi leaves because she realizes she has nobody. And Sheena sees her crying outside and they basically reconcile. Yeah, Sheena. I think Sheena is somebody who she, she, I don't think Sheena has like as much of a mean girl streak as some of the other women on this show have had over the years. And so for Sheena, especially she sees this as kind of a way to to improve her standing in the group. Already Kristen is pretending that she never had an issue with her to begin with. Now, Stasi, who was kind of the, the Regina George of the situation is down and out. And she's going to be like the helping hand to make her feel better. Like Sheena in this episode really. Her stock rises a lot. Yeah. I mean, Sheena does mean girl things, but she does them as a sole operator rather than as a group, which makes her, I think, seem less despicable because she's not like doing it to gang up. She's doing it to kind of protect herself and make her own moves.

Yeah. Right. It does feel different because Sheena isn't presented to us as a member. of a click or like of a group even really. So when she kind of makes a play or does something, it's like she kind of needs, she kind of needs to do that. Whereas like Kristen and Katie and Stasi, at least at the beginning of this season, are like the plastics of Sir.

And, you know, they don't think they need like anybody's help really. Right. And they play off each other to go against one person who they pick on. Yeah, I thought it was really funny in that scene where Stasi is, you know, gleefully talking shit about Sheena before the performance. She refers to her as ancient Brittany. And she also says that no one has performed with backup dancers since 1999, which is hilarious just because it's like wildly untrue. Right. I was very confused about her assessment of Sheena's singing in that conversation.

But then I was like, I don't really know what I thought was going on at this time. So I can't really remember what I would have thought. But I was like, this is just ridiculous. Has Dosti never seen like a pop concert performance? Right. Destiny's, although I guess that's pre-1909. Maybe that's like what she was thinking of. Also, 1999 wasn't, that's just not true.

It doesn't make sense. Right. Like Taylor Swift has backup dancers. Beyonce has always had backup dancers. It's not the kind of thing where it's like, oh, wow, she's performing with like a Motown trio, how 60s of her. Who doesn't have backup dancers? Adele? Right.

Like people who don't do like a show, like, I guess like Bruce Springsteen doesn't have backup dancers. He has a whole band. He has like a 10 piece band. Also, Sheena is younger than Britney Spears. Right. I bet you. Right. I bet you Stasi heard that Sheena.

I bet Eushina was going around comparing herself to, like, Britney Spears and saying people have confused me for Britney Spears. And then Stasi used that. Right. Right. I mean, Stasi is resourceful. Like, she is the kind of person where if you say something that she thinks makes you sound stupid, she'll probably remember it and repeat it later to make you look bad. And we also, this episode, this is when they still, there was the Bravo era where they would put in like two thirds of the way through the episode, like a quick little like 45 second. like kind of a side moment between commercial breaks where it's like something kind of out of

context of the rest of the episode and I miss those but this episode it's dedicated to Stasi's like imaginative gruesome like insults in her confessionals which is like I'm going to slice your eyeballs and then draw and quarter you and drag you through the town square tart and feathered like all of these things she's very creative in the way that she speaks and And it is just like Stasi is imaginatively violent. Yeah. Like watching her navigate these situations in real time, like before she was famous, before any of this stuff, it's like, damn, there's a lot going on there. Oh, yeah.

She's thinking a lot of steps at the same time. But I also thought it was funny that they had Sandoval being the one who narrated that, like, short clip. of Stasi being very violent in how she refers to things and people. Sandoval, not a major player in this episode at all. I keep kind of thinking, like, obviously watching the new seasons. It's like, San Deval is like, you know, one of the main characters on this show for its entire run. But it's interesting, they only have six real people in the cast this season. And, like, this episode, Tom basically isn't in it at all.

There are a couple episodes where Sheena basically doesn't have anything. going on. Like, it's funny how they kind of distribute the screen time. And if Kristen and Tom are like the more stable relationship at this point, so whatever's going on with Stasi and Jacks eats up, like so much of the screen time. Yeah. Sanneval only had, I think, like, three minutes of screen time. But I also think that that's because they were testing out who was interesting,

probably, and what the dynamics were. Right. Because this is still like the fifth episode ever. Right. And if you think about somebody like Laura Lee, we got introduced to her, I think, last week for the first time. This week she really kind of arrives on the scene of the group. And she's immediately going to Kristen's party. She's immediately kind of invited to everything.

And so, yeah, there was kind of a sense that it was like, we're just following whatever's happening. And so if Laura Lee is the main character this week, it doesn't really matter if she's not like in the cast, quote unquote. Right, because she could have been, depending how things went. But this is Laura Lee's like second and a half episode and she peaks. She probably does peak in this episode. One, but Sandoval also missed an opportunity for screen time. The last thing that I want to talk about is actually the first scene of the episode where Lisa is having a tea party at Villarosa and Jacks and Peter are working and they're

wearing these matching like white tank tops with jeans and that's their uniform for this. And it's just like that is so perfectly, She's like, don't embarrass my fucking friends. Right. It's like, look what you're wearing, sir. Put on a button down or something. It's just like the fact that that was like an aesthetic. Polo shirt.

In 2012 that it's like, yeah, we're going to have these like meathead hot bartenders in their like under shirts and jeans serving drinks like in the backyard of my Hollywood Hills mansion. Which is very different than it. used, then it looks now. Yeah. Vila Rosa looks like, it does look, it looks like dated in this configuration. Yeah, I think they fixed it up. But honestly, that the backyard is just so insane. I've always just like, I've taken many times where I've like frozen it on the shot of

her backyard and like various parts of that house. I'm like, what the hell is this? The property itself and then that view, that view. that she has that's just unobstructed, watching like selling sunset and stuff, some of the houses that they go to, they're like, yeah, like this view is sick. And it's like the view is nice itself, but there's like buildings all around and, you know, maybe they're building something in front of it. Who knows? And it's like, no, like Lisa Vanderpump has like a panoramic view of the entire world. Yeah, Lisa's, Lisa's view could be in like Tuscany, which is what you want, you know?

Although I heard she sold it. No, no, no, no, no. That was a fake news. She didn't sell Villarosa. No, she was selling Villa Blanca or like Villablanca was being sold. And people, somebody misreported it as Villa Rosa. And then she, I think, is on the record as saying like I would literally never sell that house. Okay, good.

Because I need to see more in it. And I'm glad that we've done some fact checking here. Thank you, Dylan. That's what we're here for. And of course, we're here to talk about all things. Vanner Pump Rules and I love to do it. And we'll be back next week with another episode. Thanks, Sammy. See you on episode six. Yay. And thank you everyone for listening. Don't forget to rate, review and follow the show so you never miss an episode. You can follow us on Instagram at

Bravo by Betches. And until next time, be cool. Don't be all like uncool. Mentioned at all is produced by Dylan Hafer, Sean Kilby, Jorge Morales Pico, and Rebecca Sousa McCat. Editing by Horace Picoe. Social media by Dylan Hafer, guest booking by Dylan Hafer and Ali Friedlander. Be sure to follow at Bravo by Betches on Instagram and Twitter. Betches.