Mention It All - The Future of Family Karma Ft. Amrit Kapai

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

On today’s episode, Dylan is joined by Family Karma star Amrit Kapai, fresh off his show’s nomination at this year’s GLAAD Media Awards. Amrit discusses his experience at the award show, and how much it means to lead the charge on inclusion. He and Dylan chat through some of the major cast dynamics on the show, and how Amrit has navigated family challenges in front of cameras. Later, they candidly discuss the future of Family Karma, and why there’s more story to be told. Check out our latest promo codes here: https://betches.com/promo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Betches podcast. We don't say that, but now we said it. With me, Dylan Hafer. We're going to check me, boo. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Mention at All podcast. I'm Dylan Hafer, and I am so excited,

finally in the studio to be joined by one of my favorites from Bravo's family karma. It is Amrit Kauai. Hi, Amrit. Hey, Dylan. How are you? I am good.

How are you? Good. Good. I am running around New York. city like a crazy person. But I'm so happy that I'm here with you talking in your studio. I appreciate you inviting me of course. Yeah, of course. I, you have had a big weekend. You were in New York for the Glad Awards on Saturday night where Family Karma was nominated alongside lots of other shows that we love. What was that experience? Like I know your parents were there too. It was it was fantastic. So this is

our second time attending the Glad Media Awards we attended last year as well. Family Karma was nominated. But this year, I feel like, I felt like we knew what we were doing. Last year, Nicholas and I attended ourselves. We didn't really know what we were doing. We didn't know what to expect. You know, it's the first time. This year, I felt like we were more veterans. And like you mentioned, my parents were there with me this year, which was so cool.

I remember talking to my production company and I was like, listen, if my parents can attend with me, that would be fantastic because as, you know, immigrants from India, I'm sure they never imagined. I mean, being born in America, I never imagined an experience like being at the Glad Media Awards with the red carpet and the press and the photographers and JVN's right there and Marin Morris is over there and Frankie Grande is taking selfies with everyone. You know, it was a really, really cool experience and it was really awesome that my parents were able to experience that with me. I feel like also it makes sense because part of what family karma really, part of why it works so well

is because all of your parents have been so involved over the course of the three seasons. Like that is such a key piece to what makes the show really feel special and different. And so, you know, they're a big part of that too. Yeah, it really is. You know, we're so fortunate that we as, you know, the cast members get to tell our stories. But to hear our parents' stories as well, you know, one time I was thinking about it, I was like, this is like Tam Capsule content. And I say that, Dylan, because you're never going to see this again, where you have

parents that have immigrated from another country and then they're kids that have grown up here. You know, for when we have kids, hopefully. which we can get to. When Nicholas and I hopefully have kids one day, you know, it's going to be different. It's going to be different because we grew up in this country. We know what the culture is like. So this is really content that's only going to happen once in a lifetime. Right.

Like all of all of the families that we see on the show are in this same phase of, you know, the parents coming from one world, raising kids in a different world and kind of how those things meet and interact. And sometimes there's bumps in the road. But it's cool and different to see you guys kind of navigate. all of those situations. Yeah, it is. It's, you know, it's just, it can be very difficult at times because, you know,

our parents came to this country with this dream, you know, that American dream. And they want it so hard to make sure that they instill the same traditions, the same cultural norms in their kids. But you unfortunately can't have it both ways. You know, you're raising kids in America. We're naturally going to gravitate towards a more American life, you know. And that sort of tug and pull, it's been an interesting dynamic to say the least. I mean, I'm in my 30s now.

So it's not like, my mom said, I can't sleep over that person's house. I can't sleep over that person's house. You know, now I'm an adult. But as a kid, I do have memories of it being very just hard to navigate. Yeah. Well, I was rewatching the last couple episodes of your season that was your wedding, just kind of like freshen up for this. And having that conversation of, well, we decided we're going to do the big Indian wedding.

and there's all this stuff that comes along with that. And like, you didn't have to do that, but you said you wanted it. Like, there's kind of that, you know, figuring out kind of like exactly how much do you want to be in the traditional way of things. It really is. You know, it's funny you mentioned that, Dylan, because I'm thinking right now, I'm replaying it in my head. And you get lost into what it is that you want, do you actually want and what it is that you want for your parents? And that becomes so blurred because you're like, wait, did I? really want that for myself or did I want that to appease my parents or meet their expectations,

you know? And I think that's universal. I think it has to do it. It doesn't have to be doing with India. And it could be any kind of culture, you know, you really just want to try to meet your parents' expectation as best as possible. But at the same time, living the life that feels the most true to you, you know, and it's tough. Yeah. And I think for, I mean, culture aside, like anyone's parents didn't grow up thinking, oh, my kid might be on a reality TV show and, you know, be at BravoCon and having an underwear brand. You know, there's lots of things that come down the pipeline that maybe we're not expected. Not expected.

I'll tell you when I first approached my parents about family karma. I mean, family karma wasn't even a thing. We were still like putting it together and pitching it. And oh, my God, to explain reality TV to immigrant parents, my mom was like, oh, so it's going to be like full house. And I was like, well, I don't necessarily think it'll be like full house. there are no scripts. And two, you know, I told my mom from the beginning, I said, I need you to be honest with how you feel.

I don't want you to say something that you think I want to hear. I want you to say what you're really feeling, whether I want to hear it or not. And, you know, viewers that have seen the show will see that that's actually happened. There have been some stuff that she was feeling in her heart that I probably didn't want to hear and that I didn't need to hear, but I did. And that's okay because that's what reality TV show is about. It's about being authentic. It's about being who you are.

Yeah. I think family karma, again, it's different because a lot of shows, it's like, oh, like, maybe if you're on the show long enough, your parents might be around a little bit. Like, maybe they're visiting in town or something. But agreeing to do the show is really like, you know, agreeing to bring it all out there. Yeah. Yeah. And it adds a layer of complexity, man.

It's just, I signed up to put my life out there. I signed up for the Twitter hate. I signed up for the judgment and the shade and the memes, but our parents did it. You know, and our parents are doing this to support us. So it makes it a little bit more complex maybe than like another reality TV show. And it's like, all right, well, I could say what I want and do what I want and embarrass myself. But it's my life to ruin or make the most of it depending on which show you're watching. I feel like your cast is not a pretty good job of like it feels like at the end of the day, obviously not everybody gets along all the time.

but you're sort of a community that has each other's backs versus a show where it's just like, we put six people in a room and let's see what happens. That's the thing. We have way more on the line with our show. And I think that's why it's really resonated with the fans is because we're not over exaggerating. We're not over dramatizing stuff. Like what we're feelings is what we're feeling because we've known these people for so many years. Like I can't just end a friendship because of a fight on a show.

I can't throw a drink in someone's face as much as sometimes, want to. You know, I have to think twice about it because we have so much history. Yeah. And I mean, that goes intergenerational too because I was just watching the finale and it's like Vishal's mom and Brian's mom kind of like having their interactions. Like everybody's kind of figuring out these dynamics along with each. And you know, each friendship and each community and each group of people that, you know, associate with each other is always going to be ups and downs. And sometimes, you'll be friends, you'll be closer to someone one day and not as close to next day. And I think that's natural, right?

Yeah, I think when you're doing a TV show, it just kind of, you see it more because it's like, okay, well, I might not have chosen to go to lunch with this person, but it's like on the calendar for this day. So I guess we're going to do it and we'll see where it goes. That's true. That's true for sure. So good, so good. Everything you want for summer is at Nordstrom Rack.

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from your couch. Done hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear up on that envelope. It's time for a little in-person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic. How have you found over the course of the three seasons that you've done? Like, how has your experience of filming changed the relationships in the group? Do you think it's really changed things or has it just unfolded on camera? It's mostly unfolded on camera. Certain friendships have gotten closer. Certain friendships have grown apart a little bit because of things that have come up during, you know, during filming and when we were airing, even friendships aside, even with our significant others, because, you know, you see a lot of our partners on TV. And I think this season especially, or this most

recent season was a little difficult difficult for my now husband and I because there was so much pressure and stress with planning this wedding, this gay interracial wedding, you know, and having my parents involved with that. So more than, you know, I feel like this season, I kind of, you know, I had different things come up with some of the group, the friends in the group, but more than that, it was just navigating how to balance my husband's expectations. of what he wanted because this was his wedding too and also my parents. So for that, that was the focal point for me this season. And if you ask someone other cast member, Anisha, Bali, they might have some other perspectives

because, you know, we had our wedding this season. And Vishal did too. And I'm sure he could say the same thing. Yeah. I talked to Anisha toward the beginning of this season airing. And she was very like, well, like, I have my husband. Like, that's what matters to me. And it's like, okay.

Oh, she's been wanting that husband for a long time. It was nothing that's going to take away. I was like, was it hard to move to Arizona? She's like, no, because it was for my husband. She's been wanting that husband for a long time. And I'm really happy that she has found him. And I haven't met him yet. And that's actually, at first I hadn't met him because that was her fault because she was

kind of hiding him from everyone. Now it's kind of not my fault, but the opportunities I've had to meet him, I've been traveling or I've been away for an event. So I still have not met him, but I have heard really good things about him. He's a MD. Yes. So you can't go wrong with the doctor degree. I think, yeah, people have figured out, you know, what's happening there.

There's like a deep dive online, I'm sure. Yeah, no, you know, listen, I know she went on Watch What Happens Live and she said whatever she wanted to say about my marriage and Vishal's marriage not lasting. I could say the same thing about hers. Okay. But I am happy that she has found her person and we'll see what happens with that person. Yeah, I mean, life just, you know, unfolds, however. Exactly.

Do you, how, what was it like for you having to, not having to? Obviously, you wanted to go through the process of planning the wedding, getting married, but doing that all on camera. Obviously, you talked about some of the factors with your family and balancing what Nicholas wanted. Was there ever a moment where you were kind of like, why are we doing this on TV? There were probably 500 moments. That was not one moment. And there were so many moments when I had to take a step back and be like, why, why am I doing this?

Why am I putting ourselves through this? You know, it's so much planning a wedding. It's so much. It's so much. It's so much. And anyone will tell you that a homosexual couple or heterosexual couple, they'll tell you a wedding planning is, it's so stressful. It really just brings out the most amount of differences between you and your partner ever than before. In fact, during the wedding, you're like, oh, am I supposed to really be with this person, you know?

Just because there's so much, it's just, there's so much going on. And every time I reach that moment, Dylan, I'd say, no, I am doing this because I think it is so important for the visibility. It really is. Now, marriage is not for everyone. It's not. But I don't ever want someone in the LGBTQ plus community to think that they can't have a wedding because of who they are, because of their identity. If they want one, if they don't want one, that's totally fine. again again it's not for everyone but I just I wanted to be that example for people so every time I

reached that moment when I was like fuck this I'm done I said okay no this is this is hopefully going to help someone yeah and and that gave me sort of the courage and the you know motivation to just continue moving forward with it yeah I mean it's it really when you think about it this show as a whole was such a big moment for representation and when you guys first were announced I remember I was at Bravo Con in 2019 when they first played the trailer just kind of like randomly and everybody was like, what is this? Like that, that looks interesting. And then, you know, to have an all Indian cast and to showcase the multiple generations and the cultural divides and all of that, that was really amazing. And then obviously your sort of storyline, the last couple seasons has been so focused on, you know, with your grandmother and planning the wedding and all of that stuff. Like this show really almost has. has like an outsized impact in terms of what it's bringing to our screens. Yeah, you know, I always tell people this and I'll say it again.

And sometimes it sounds so cliche, even when I repeat it myself. But visibility absolutely matters. And visibility does saves lives. You know, before Family Comrade, you would see these one-off South Asian cast members, but they would always really just magnify the stereotypes. It would be the guy from the Simpsons who owned a 7-Eleven. It would be the guy from Big Bang Theory who was really smart and awkward and couldn't talk to girls and had a thick accent. Don't get me wrong.

Oh, that's really entertaining. But is that an accurate depiction of who we are as Indian Americans living in this country? No. Right. I don't have an accent. I could talk to girls. And I'm not like super into math. So this was our chance to show people like this is how we're living in this country.

And I think that was super important. So, you know, the visibility factors there, the representation factors there. And it's a fun show to make. Yeah. So talking about making the show, obviously your third season finished airing a couple months ago. People were talking last week because Bravo put out this big list of shows that are going to be airing in the next year. Family Karma was not on that list. It seems like maybe there hasn't been much communication about a next season.

Can you share anything about that? You know, there's a lot going on in the Bravo God's world that we're not privy to. You know, we're still really optimistic. You know, I will say one thing, you know, because we film in Miami, I know that our production company doesn't love to film in the summer. It's super hot. It's hurricane season. If you have a chance of a hurricane approaching you, you lose a week, two weeks.

It's just not smart financially. But, you know, we're optimistic. I think, I just think it'd be really unfortunate if we weren't moving forward. And I don't know either way, but it would be really unfortunate because, you know, diversity is important. It is. And when I say diversity, you know, white, black, Indian, Asian, LGBTQ, that's all diversity. We need to understand that diversity is like, it's not a monolith.

It's a variety of different things. And unfortunately, you know, it's not up to us. Yeah. We're ready to start filming. We have more story to tell. I have more, I have way more story to tell. You know, this is just the beginning. You know, the engagement, the coming out, the getting married, that was just the beginning.

You know, now is when I have a really, really important story to tell. We want to have kids. And we want our kids in Florida where you can't even say gay and where they want to, you know, and not to make this political. I know it's not CNNBC. Are we in CNN? But we do have that story to tell. And now that story is starting.

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trademark of the Coca-Cola Company. I think a lot of people want to see kind of where your story goes. And I mean, there is something to be said for by the time a show gets to season three, four, whatever, that's when we really start feeling like we are invested in what's happening. And, you know, your third season was so major with those two big weddings and like everybody kind of at these like crossroads in their lives. And that's, That's the kind of thing where when it's season one and it's just eight episodes and it's like, okay, like I guess this group seems fun. It's like you actually, you gain something more by sticking with a group for a long time.

And I know, you know, Shaz of Sunset was another example of that on Bravo where we got nine seasons with that cast and you really see people go through it, have kids, get married, get divorced, whatever. And it's like building those relationships between the audience and the cast is something that takes time. No, you're, you like hit the nail on the head, you know, it was eight episodes of first season, nine the second, 15 this past season. So we're like right there. We're like it takes, listen, it's hard for a show to, to make it out to the general public. There's there's so much content. There's so much on streaming, on cable. You know what? It really is hard. I feel like we're right there. You know, we've been nominated twice for the glad media. Hopefully we get some big nominations soon, you know, without saying too much. I hope. We'll get some big nominations for other awards coming out soon. But we'll see. Time will tell. Time will tell.

Man, I remember your first season premiered, what was it, like February 2020, and then it was just like the depths of. Oh, my God. It's like the he who must not be named, right? The B word, it's like the C word. Let's not even say the C word. I know. It was crazy.

It was crazy. We aired and everyone went on shut down the next week. It was wild. And we're like, oh, this is so fun, but we couldn't do anything. Right, because they did like a premiere party in Miami, which I think, I think maybe I was invited to, but like I couldn't go. And then it was like, oh, that was the last thing forever. Forever.

And they're like, oh, isn't it so fun being on TV? I'm like, well, I've been in my apartment the whole time. Well, and I think it was a while between season one and season two. Like it was not right away like, oh, yay, they're filming again. It's going to happen. And so, I mean, definitely as somebody who enjoyed that first season, but was kind of just like, okay, eight episodes. We'll see. Like, it coming back was exciting and, you know, making it through the pandemic.

I'm making through the pandemic. And even like filming in the pandemic. I mean, a lot of the shows have filmed in the pandemic. But it was tough. It was tough, you know. And hopefully, you know, it would be nice to get future seasons to do a cast trip. Yeah. And fun things like that.

But, yeah, it was tough with COVID for sure. Yeah. Who, I'm curious, who on the show do you keep up with, like talk to the most outside of filming? So, believe it or not, actually, I talk to every cast member pretty equally. Okay, I will say the one person I haven't really heard from. And if you've seen this past season, you'll probably guess this person. I haven't really heard from Rish and I haven't really talked to him, which is really unfortunate because I did really cherish that friendship with him. And, you know, Nicholas and I put ourselves in the middle of this really dirty,

rumor in our community. And I can only imagine, you know, that he wants time to process it, which sucks. Because like I said, putting all that aside, I really do like Rich as a person, I have a lot of respect for him. I know that him and Monica, I'm not quite sure. I've tried to take a step back from that because I think I've done enough. I was watching the finale. I'm like, what happened with that? I'm like, I don't. I talk to Monica a lot. I'm in really close contact with Monica, but I don't, I don't bring up the relationship and where they stand and how things are going and how is Rishi. And I don't reach out to him because like I said, I, we sort of, we didn't, we didn't, that wasn't our fault, but we certainly increased. We, we, we caused the damage to be

more than it, it didn't need it to be. So I, I try to stay away from that. But I am, I am in contact with Monica. I was just in Kentucky Derby. I saw that. You're out and about all over the place. I know. At this point, I'm like, Carmen San Diego. My mom's like, where are you this week? And I'm like, wait, so how do you end up at the Kentucky Derby with, with Bali and everyone? So as you know, Bali's boo thing. O'Malley lives in Louisville. Right. He's like fifth generation Louisville. Like his family has been in Louisville for a very long time. And we visited them before. He has this beautiful Kentucky house, like just gorgeous, gorgeous house. And Bali has always, he's just like, you have to come to Louisville. You have to come to the Derby.

So she was like, hey, guys, every year she does it. She like does this little pitch to us. And every year something's going on. You know, it's either Mother's Day or we're busy, something. But this time I was like, babe, we're not really doing anything. I call Vishal and I was like, hey, you know, because Vishal and I kind of go as a pair. Right. So I was like, you want to go to the Derby?

And we're like, yeah, let's do it. You know, I feel like that's something on your bucket. People won't have on their bucket list. Like, it's like Kentucky Derby. It's just like American tradition. And it worked out. So we went and it was, it was really nice. Bolly did an amazing job with planning.

She is really the hostess with the mosa. She loves to host people. She's so good at it, you know? That is not surprising to me at all. I've talked to Bolly. I've met her. She's like the one who made, she executes the plan. I mean, I walked, I remember we landed and it was at midnight in Louisville and we all crashed

because we were exhausted. And the next morning I woke up for breakfast and I went upstairs. And again, a huge house. So Richon and Vishal had a room upstairs. The master bedroom is on the main level. And then Nicholas and I got the basement. Okay. The whole basement, which is nice because it's like a little apartment.

And I remember going upstairs for coffee and breakfast. And the amount of food that she had to. I mean, there was so much food. I was like, babe. But she just had so much to offer. And she did a really good job. She did a really good job hosting us. That's amazing.

Maybe we need season four like a little Kentucky trip. Yeah, absolutely. And then somewhere like somewhere a little more scenic. We can do like Kentucky and then somewhere. Exactly. Exactly. No, but it was fun. The derby was, I think one and done for me.

Okay. I think one and done. I mean, it's a lot of, it's a lot of effort for a two minute sporting event. Exactly. It's a lot of effort. It's, um, it's just, it's exhausting. It was exhausting. I'm like, thinking about it right now.

I'm like, oh, God, it's, I'm tired already. It's exhausting. Yeah, I've always, I'm like, okay, so you're, it's really about like the, the scene. not like the horses. Totally. It's about the hats and the outfits and you show up at Churchill Downs. Churchill Downs is like where it's held. And it's like you see it's just people,

a lot of really good people watching. Yeah. So it's fun. I feel like your cast is across the board. When you are at an event, you will show up and show out. The outfits are always on point. You're always,

everybody always looks put together. I really, I really appreciate it. Yeah. I remember when we walked into, Andy's Legends Ball at BravoCon. Andy was like, wow, your outfits look the best. And if Andy's saying it, it must be true.

That was, if I recall, that was also a Bali project, getting everyone to wear like Indian clothes. Yeah, she usually, she likes to spearhead the outfit. She likes to spearhead the photos. She's good at that stuff. Well, I mean, it pays off. It's like, if you're the best dressed ones at Andy's Legends Ball, it's like, it's worth it.

Yeah, absolutely. Amazing. Well, so you, you've said that you want to start the journey of having kids with Nicholas. Obviously, we'll see about a season four. What are you, what are you kind of excited about on the horizon right now? I'm excited about continuing to add layers to my relationship, not my marriage with Nicholas. I think you've got to keep adding layers to something with someone. Otherwise, you just become complacent, you know?

Nicholas and I have known each other since 2011. we've been dating forever. We've only been married for, you know, a little over a year now. But you just have to keep adding layers. And I think for us bringing a kid in the picture, you know, creating our own family, would be such a beautiful thing. And I know it's going to be a long road. I know there's going to be a lot of heartache because it's, you know,

we don't have a uterus. You know, we can't do it the natural way. We were trying. We try every weekend. Which we're trying, but it's not working. For some reason, it's not working. I don't know why. But we're determined and we have our eye on the prize and we're on the same page.

And I think that's the most important thing. So, you know, we haven't ruled out adoption. We are trying the surrogacy route initially, but we have absolutely not ruled out adoption. We're just in the early stages of everything. Amazing. Well, best of luck. congratulations on everything, and I can't wait to see what's next. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it.

Amazing. Thank you. And thank you, everyone for listening. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow the show wherever you listen. You can follow us on Instagram at Bravo by Vetches. Amrit, what's your Instagram? It's Amrit Kappai, A-M-R-I-T-A-I. Love that. Go follow Amrit. And until next time, be cool. Don't be all like uncool. Mention It All is produced by Dylan Hafer, Sean Kilby, Jorge Morales Pico, and Rebecca Sousmakat.

Editing by Jorge Morales Pico, Social Media by Dylan Hafer, guest booking by Dylan Hafer and Ali Friedlander. Be sure to follow at Bravo by Betches on Instagram and Twitter. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars. Catch the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava Theater stage on April 30th, the powerful vocals of Demi Lovato on May 17th, and the signature Southern Country Rock of Eric Church on July 19th. Tickets on sale now at Yamava Theater.com, only at Yamava Resort and Casino, celebrating its 40th anniversary. You win? Must be 21 to enter.

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