MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - A Glass Bitch w/ Matteo Lane

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

This Week Sydnee and Marie finally redeem Matteo Lane with proper video!!!! Enjoy the three talking meeting Rihanna MESS, birthday MESS, stand up MESS, and more!  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description you're listening to mass hey y'all hey what's going on we have one of our favorite people in the studio of all time matthew elizabeth lane hey i'm like i know he's gonna do it don't do it you're back you're back because obviously we did not have video i was gonna say we've we've upgraded in the beautiful studio with video yes you deserve i think last time we did the pod we were at a wobbly table and there was a iphone yeah we were at a waffle house don't you do that to waffle house it's better than that i love waffle house obsessed with

i think it's great a thin waffle not too thick and i like it a little crunchy it's crispy little meats, a bunch of sides. $4.98. That's why they're fighting in there. Yes, I would fight too. Because I want my seats. I want my food. Hey, uppercutting people. Finish him. When's the last time you went to

Waffle House? Oh, I went last year when I went to Kennywood in Pittsburgh with my friend Donnie and Simmer and Nick and we went to Waffle House. Pittsburgh has Waffle House? Yeah. Was it a Denny's? No, it was a Waffle House. It was thrilling. When's the last time you went to a Waffle House? Maybe a couple months ago. I went with

my girlfriend in North Carolina. It was great. Are there Waffle Houses around here? No. We used to have IHOPs and they shut all of us down. They don't do that. They're like, people are fighting enough in McDonald's. We don't need that. We don't need that. McDonald's on West 4th Street. Oh, I've seen someone

shoot up there. Shoot up. Not shoot it up with guns, but also shooting up. Yeah. So much has transpired there. It's crazy. I mean, I've definitely done a bump there. I shouldn't have. Over a billion served. And it's served drugs. that's why ronald mcdonald looked like that he is a crackhead yeah i never know that ron and they

were doing some weird things with ronald towards the end of that lifeline like they were they changed his hair so they gave him a blowout what yeah it was it giving like drag no it was giving like nana who dyed her hair wrong but she still goes to the hairdresser that's right and it's very stiff and sort of like oh it's like i don't know you're obviously you don't but like being a young black girl with, you know, elders taking care of her, they would do my hair for picture day, and sometimes they would just bump

it real hard, and they would flat iron it, so it's like shiny here, but then dry here, and they're bump, bump, bump, like making me look way older than I was supposed to be. Were they bringing you to the salon, or were they doing it at the house? No, they were doing it at the house.

Yeah. Ow! That was my ear. That was my forehead. If you're not holding the ears down, you're not serious. I mean, I would hold them down and somehow they would still burn me. That's when they get your fingers. I feel like a lot of my childhood was just sort of watching my mom or aunt at the salon. You're just kids. All these

women running around gossiping and hair and stuff. You just kind of sit there watching. And I was the gay kid. Like, oh, what are they doing to her? Were you the gay kid? Yeah, because I loved what they did. It was like a little makeover show. You came out when you were a kid? I was seven. I was like, guys, there's something you should

know. But I was watching. In front of your mom. A death drop. And all your aunties are like, Oh, they all knew. Stavros brought it up because my Aunt Cindy bought me a Maleficent. They didn't have like Maleficent dolls

or like Maleficent like action figures, but they had like a glass figurine of it and I got that in first grade for my Aunt Cindy and he was like, oh, your aunt knew the writing on the wall. Like, she got you a glass bitch. Glass bitch. Thank you, Marie.

I'm passing the torch I'll no longer say it Marie can say it well let's talk about what our mess is for the week then here yeah Marie what's your mess oh my god so let's talk so Mateo when we did your podcast which may or may not come out this Thursday I don't know

ours comes out Thursday well we don't know when this comes out it's funny I just watched it I was talking about Tyra so on your podcast I was talking about how I bumped into Cher at the SNL after party yes I remember when i talked to you i didn't know who you were so go listen to mateo's podcast first then come back and listen to this we'll wait

so this weekend i'm at my house i'm bored we were talking about our rosters on um the group chat in the group chat and i'm trying to rebuild my roster brick by brick yeah right because i everybody that i knew is dead to me now right i didn't bring any of the old peen from 2025 into the new year because you can't receive with a full fist. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Don't be greedy. Don't be greedy.

If I'm holding on to the past, I can't get the future. Yes, you can't be greedy. Write this down, Mateo. Busy. So I'm on a hinge. I just redownloaded the app and I'm trying to like,

you know, I'm zooming in on people's beards. I'm reading things that are misspelled. I'm listening to men's voice notes that are bad. What's that voice note that you've heard that's really embarrassing? All of them. Every single last one of them.

You hear, they're all bad. So while I'm in my house, Amina calls me. What you doing tonight? I don't know. What am I doing tonight? When someone calls you and says that, you're like, they must have a plan for me tonight. She's like, ASAP Rocky is the guest on SNL tonight, so you know Rihanna might pull up. Rihanna is my best friend online.

Yes, yes, yes. You know, we DM. That's my homegirl. Yes. I said, oh, tonight I'm meeting Rihanna. so i get dressed i bathe myself in stuff that smells good because in my mind i'm like she's gonna meet me and be like you smell great because that's the compliment people always make for rihanna that she smells amazing so amina doesn't come to the party sydney's out of town i'm with

our friend alex our good our good friend alex english right so i get to the party uh we get to the party like two it was 2 a.m the after party and a few minutes later rocky and rihanna walk in work i text sydney in a minute but i'm letting her you know i'm letting her breathe you know what i'm saying because you don't want to be there she floats in she first of all there's like i don't know 12 people with them yeah she's got a bunch she's got her security he's got his and then there's like all these like little kids in like bedazzled jeans and bunny rabbit and backpacks yes like young jesse i'm thinking like eight-year-olds no no i'm like do they run her social media like what do you think they seem like they were like asap's minions or something

okay so i'm like i'm gonna let her i'm gonna let her cook i'm gonna let her read but i don't want to look thirsty you know what i mean i mean it's like hey she follows you on instagram just go up to her like you're approaching an old friend. Amina will talk to anybody. This is true. Amina does a lot. To be fair, if Amina had been there, it would have gotten done that way. Immediately.

Rihanna would be sitting where I'm sitting right now. She'd be on the pod. She would be on the pod. Me or Amina would have definitely made it happen. Alex was not helping it happen. Right? He got it. You know, he's a lush. He's like, yeah, this is my old

stomping grounds. They know who I am here. yeah what's up lauren she said they know me up in here meanwhile they're like what name wait remember this is my best friend what's your name yeah so i eat a little because i'm like i gotta get a little sustenance in my stomach before i drive by rihanna's house uh she's sitting like one of the tables in the middle mind you the stranger things kids are there i don't care about them but it's a bunch of nerdy white people at the party they're just looking at the stranger things kids i'm literally sliding these fetuses out the way because i'm like ew like like we're closer than you know what i'm saying i'm the black one

was there the one with the nose was there the one with the mullet was there i don't know their name the one with the nose the one that hosted the show right yes and his name is something weird it feels like a fake name it's like finn wolf bush i said who is finn wolf bush what's his name Finn Wolfhard Finn what? That's not a real name Go to his Wikipedia, what's his actual birth name? John

Finnius Wolfhard Finn Michael Wolfhard Anyway, Finn Wolfbush is there And then the black one, I don't know what the black one's name is But you know the one, there's only one Thank you, Caleb Wolfbish Fishbish Caleb Elizabeth Wolfbish

Also, Sabrina Carpenter is there no way oh my god i also don't care about her you're not even gonna try and like do it two for one what am i gonna say to the wolf bush and then i forget wolf bush but i mean sabrina carpet that's at least like a photo or something no rihanna's the target i get it focus babe right i don't get why people want to take pictures with celebrities if it's like y'all are not cool so you're just a fan with a celebrity i don't know like like like i don't even want to take a photo i just wanted to be like hey cuz and then she see me and she like actually this is what i want i wanted her to see me recognize me before i recognize her

it's like three o'clock in the morning amina and sydney are like what's up updates yeah i love that you and amina are both up well i i'll tell you my mess after work so i'm like all right i'm gonna do a drive-by i'm taking a lap alex is like we're taking a lap he jumps up i'm like okay great she's sitting like right by lauren michaels like that situation alex is like oh let me go say hi to lauren i'm right behind him i'm like as soon as he see lauren i'm gonna tap her hey guys you know what i mean robin like i'm gonna scream something i'm still shoving stranger things out the way you're pushing sabrina out of the way i'm like excuse me what's the what's the lie anyway whatever whatever i'm working like move yeah

because you a singer and i pass me an espresso i need that right right right are you working where are the drinks so alex is like trying to go talk to lauren he does a whole about face he doesn't go talk to lauren he smashes into me now i look goofy me and alex almost kiss i'm like Rihanna just saw this, right? So, it's like they did last call at the bar. I said, oh, she about to leave. Last call? Yeah, like 3.30 in the morning.

This is after hours. Right. But why is there a last call? This bar closes at four. Yeah, but if Rihanna's there, stay open until she wants to go. Do you want business or not? It wasn't that popping of a party, y'all.

All the names that you list. Oh, because me and Amina weren't there. It would have been popping if we were there. And Sibley Wolfshire's there. Henry Fish Dish. so I I say oh here's the plan

she gotta come by me in order to leave so I sit I perched I'm reapplying a lip gloss it's not Fenty but I was like

she gonna see me doing this and be like that better be Fenty I had all these scenarios in my mind right but then I see so Rihanna has like

a black female bodyguard that I recognize she walks out first and then this white dude walks out and I was like oh they're they're clearing the path

she about to come all the minions start to come by i'm like this i'm like red leather yellow yeah you know i'm like i'm doing it she don't even look at me bitch because she's like she's with all these other people but the security guard that was standing closest to me she's like acknowledging him she just floats by me and keeps moving there was a i was on the wrong side i was on the wrong side i should have been on the right i was on the left i will say her billionaire wind her fragrance did touch me she she smelled great you know they always say rihanna smells good it smelled like light and um rich um so she didn't see me and i

was like if i was standing there with amina or even sydney somebody would have been like hey girl and she would have turned around and i would have just been sitting there other people were talking to me they're like marie you should just laugh if you laughed she would have recognized your laugh yeah and i'm like i would have just been sitting there by myself laughing maniacally when she walked by you think that's the weird part or the part that you're sitting there by yourself putting on lip gloss this is when i say hi to rihanna my lips no it wasn't even this is where i say hi to it was this is where rihanna says hi that's right she comes up to you oh my god stop the party marie it's been so long anyway but you know what as she floated by me my my my like second thought

was i'm gonna see her again like it didn't feel that pressing to me because i was like i'm a very pressing no no no i mean it sounds pressed but i really wasn't damn i wasn't putting any pressed i'm texting sitting to me and she just laughed they're like no i mean it's like chase her down i said no i'm not i'm not doing that but this is the top of the year we have so many more months and it's gonna happen listen this time last year she followed me on instagram yep a year later i'm breathing in the same air as her she was also breathing in my air as well for the record do you think she got in the car she's like what is that i feel different that oil body oil what's that lip gloss

anyway whatever that's that's my mess my mess is i should have just been like hey beach or whatever the hell i said to share what did you say you got in it you said i don't even want to get into what i said to share i just know it doesn't matter because i just stared off in the distance she doesn't share past me and she she just maintained eye contact and she didn't even blink i want to go to bed and my 12 year old boyfriend wants to be out he's not 12 years old fine he's 13 he is he is 35 he is giving i'm 107 so it's the same Anyway, that's my mess. Sydney, what's your mess?

My mess is pretty simple. I went to a event with my girlfriend in North Carolina, but I was there for her birthday. And I think like, you know, some people are really good at planning birthdays and they, you know, she did a big thing for her birthday last year, but this year she was just keeping it chill. She wanted me to make a reservation for a place.

I go um I make the reservation boom right so we go there this the place looks nice but I thought you know it would be more like more would be going on considering this is what she did where she wanted to go our table was literally right by the bar where we could see the tv which um basketball was playing and I said uh you know I don't I you know I don't know this is gonna be like distracting like we're having you know a nice birthday dinner she's like I like basketball okay this is you know what sounds like a win for her this is not about it's not about me it's not about me but there's also a draft and i said i asked the waiter is it a little cold in here is there a door open he's like no she's like they're gonna spit on our food you're asking too

much and i said for them to close the door i mean it really feels like i can let that window i'm hearing that she doesn't she's like i feel fine so uh she is like okay we're having a good time we order the food food is food is oh what'd you order but then i see all these people coming in they're going upstairs there's there's like you know tall men beautiful women everybody's going upstairs why are we sat by the bar is this the gay area it wasn't i don't know there was other two women next to us i don't think they were gay oh but they weren't they checked before they commit are you two lesbians you're not please come out this way well they're like you're not neither of you are wearing a blazer so no lesbians my girlfriend was wearing you know like a sports

jacket or whatever good also you know slick back turtleneck i mean yeah it was giving gay so i mean they had the test is the game was on and she was watching this yeah that was that was true yeah and but this is what i hate i put in the notes it is her birthday like is there anything special, it is a birthday. Even the waiter, is anything happening tonight special? Yes, her birthday. When I tell you they did nothing to make it

fucking feel special, and it was only us basically sitting down there in this area, why are we waiting like 20, 30 minutes for things? It should be very quick, because it just seems like it's us. So I look like the bitchy girlfriend that's like, I'm not satisfied. This is bad.

I'm tasting it. It feels cold. Everything's not right. It's just like, I want more. We went to a really nice steakhouse the year before. And I mean, the bill was high and it was worth it. And, you know, they had candles and everything. It made it feel special, even though the waitress, no, the hostess. So whose birthday is it?

And I said, wow, so unprofessional. I mean, it's in the notes. Is it in the notes, the person with the blazer? I said, I'm Sydney Washington under the reservation. It's my girlfriend's birthday. But how are they supposed to know which is which? Hi, I'm Sydney. Hi, I'm Sydney.

You said that to the host? Yes. Hi, Washington. Yes, me. Did you read the notes? It's my girlfriend's birthday. Make it like... Special.

But, you know, I think after a certain age, it's like you can't really be expecting much. Maybe you shouldn't even expect the cake. Why do we do this cake thing where you're supposed to... Oh, my God. I can't believe I got this cake. You knew a cake was coming. But I love the cake.

Yeah, I don't love the singing, but I love the cake. No, the singing's embarrassing. And especially at TGI Fridays, I remember years ago when someone's birthday. Well, that's embarrassing. It's humiliating because they don't sing like, happy birthday. It's your birthday.

Happy birthday. Yeah, it's very loud. Yeah. I was in high school. It was like seven birthdays that night. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. I remember we went to that nice restaurant in Marrakesh.

In Marrakesh, yeah. Everybody's birthday. And they sang. And then a couple minutes later, they're singing for somebody else. Yeah. it literally was like 18 birthday parties

at this dinner that I went to that was worse that feels worse than not singing at all but it's like I think what is special

for somebody's birthday I don't know but I'm telling you these vibes were not feeling special and you know I'm paying so it's like

hey I want it nice obviously I didn't buy her a cake oh why not well I was coming from New York I got off the plane right what was I supposed to get I got her everything

I got flowers I got a gift I'm here I brought the coochie like what else I brought the coochie I did not leave did you put a candle in the coochie I didn't need

she didn't need a candle there did you sing but Marie it's one of the firework ones that don't go out the bottle waitress no she did not there was not a sparkler in the cooch you would know the bottle waitress

it's just like a little army of fireworks are coming out I mean you're in a room there's some people who don't know it's your birthday let's make it nice

make it nice and then if you're in a room with a whole bunch of people who know it's your birthday still make it nice you know and so I

you know I wanted to be like Amina and Google and be like hey this was a birthday dinner and it did not give at all

and I think I should just be like reimbursed for something I mean tell them right now someone's watching yeah stare into your camera

what's the name of the restaurant yeah talk to them I can't pronounce it oh so it's with a French savoir

savoir savoir maybe it's with S-A-V no S-A-U-V with apostrophe over it

like yeah like how do you say taste in French we say uh so maybe it's something

okay okay duolingo niggas it's fine like listen bonjour Sydney yeah maybe you should have

walked in speaking French maybe maybe say where's the French I was upset that they put us in a terrible section and she's like I like the

I like the TV and then I was upset that but did she have a good time right she said oh after everything we get home

she's like yeah I guess I guess I guess I you know I'm just gonna go away next year because like you know this year

just didn't feel like my birthday she said that to you in your face no no no because she worked fresh from New York no no no

she worked all day she worked all day oh okay I thought she was she wasn't just referencing the restaurant and everybody guys stop working

on your birthday like it's your day your people should understand hey D&D it's my day Sydney you've never worked on your birthday

oh yeah bitch I'm working because I'm getting paid if I'm in the building oh yeah when I was a waitress I worked every single time it was my birthday

because I need customers to come in it's my birthday buy bottles tip me more take care of my girls and we're drinking for free and my ass is out

and we pop in and the DJ's playing all my shit let's go it's a free birthday is that what we're doing for your birthday in a couple weeks

no guys your ass will be out is that the thing I would like my ass out but I don't know if that's happening honestly I'll have my ass out

that's fine you will have your ass out I had my ass out at Marie's birthday you did have your ass out everyone was talking about my ass your ass

and your and your and your print yeah the big ass print thank you for telling that both of the two gifts je suis italien

yeah so that was my mess um mateo i mean you know i'm gonna make my mess about snl because i went to snl a couple weeks ago it was so fun i so share and ariana grande were the hosts i guess the singer and i was like i i gotta go to this like i i just i never asked for anything i've never asked for favors i never go out and i'm usually on the road and so i texted sarah sherman i was like sarah i i hate doing this to you but like can i please just like bother you in your green room just i just want to see this it's like a really amazing show she was so sweet she was like mateo you showed me the cellar when you moved to new york of course come and i love her i don't

get to see her that much so it was nice to catch up with her so um it was me and pat regan in her room and it was it's also cool to watch the show because like they're coming in and talking about the sketches and you're watching like the whole process is really cool and it's so fast it's so very fast yeah it's so bad and some people are chill about it and some people are just like man like i went to marcello's room and marcello you wouldn't even thought he was on snl he was like what's up come on in do you want a drink i was like aren't you like nervous but marcello's He's like, nah. He's like, I got abs now.

Hard to be young and from Miami. Yeah. My son was hot. And famous. Yeah. I mean, yeah. He's hot. He just moved.

He lives by me. I ran into him on the way to the gym the other day. No way. Okay. I was like, come over for pasta. And then I went and did abs. Yeah. But the one thing I like is like, you know, those hallways are so small.

Skinny. A couple months earlier, Nick had done a huge rant on our podcast about Jurassic World. The one that Scarlett Johansson was in. And it got like collectively over like 15 million views. Like it exploded. That's more views than the movie had. No, the movie made a ton of money. But then I bumped into Scarlett Johansson in the hallway.

And what's funny when you bump into people, one, I'm like you, I'm like, did she see the video? Like she didn't see that. She doesn't care about the video. If you think that woman is online, she's not. She might be, you know, when she's scrolling TikTok. You don't think she doom scrolls? Yeah, she might have seen all the videos. might do yeah you might be on the home her i don't think so she might go after nick the way

liza went after nick so that would be fun we're looking for another celebrity feud and but when i bumped into her i go uh she was like oh i'm sorry i'm like oh yeah me too sorry and then she like giggled to herself and i was like and then so now we're in the room and then share is about to perform and so uh sarah's like all right just come with me because when you when you go to the show with a cast member they can take you down to go like be really close to the scene yeah we're walking and it's a small space so you're you're literally on stage with them and when she was on the show she brought me out so i saw lady gaga adele ariana grande alicia keys i saw all these people like from inches away and so we get down there and security's like can't

come tonight and sarah's like oh why not like i got an email no cast members come i guess i guess just bones could because i could see greta getting ready to walk in and that big fur hat and i was like gretta and she was like bye so the rest of the show was amazing and uh then we were waiting afterwards so jared goldstein was there and we were chit-chatting and uh chloe came up i never met her before but we were chatting with each other because we followed each other yeah yeah and all of a sudden right like inches away from us there's ariana grande this is like an hour and a half after the show ended like everyone's going to the after party and then there's ariana grande day and I was like trying to act cool you know what I mean like it's so funny we must look I

must look so stupid like she walks up and I just like if you could see me at one minute I'm talking like Jared I know that like in my mind I'm acting cool of course I love her but you you probably didn't even do nothing that was like crazy on the outside I said something embarrassing well not embarrassing but she just said something along the lines of like you know I think I'm to go home i'm not feeling that well like she was probably tired or whatever and i was like feel better and then she coughed in your face that'd be amazing you said that somebody else said feel better and then you were like yeah to to yeah the cast she would she hugged sarah she was like congrats and i heard the other sketch you know congrats on this one i heard the other sketches

going online like she's so nice and then uh but that's what she said i'm not gonna go i don't feel it and then chloe was like rightfully so sarah and chloe were like we'll feel better and then i jumped in feel better but there's only four of us and i was like that's weird if i just stood and said nothing but then i'm a stranger saying feel better and she's like get this gay away from me like what are you talking about did she react of course not she wouldn't look in my direction she doesn't know who this shit well she i mean she was nice it wasn't like she was like she wasn't no no it wasn't like like j-lo you know where they're like j-lo says don't don't make eye contact with jail like it was the complete opposite you would have thought she

was just like some normal girl hanging out but that's the thing celebrities they're literally they are us no no they're not all like they are like Mariah Carey's not like okay well she's not she's also a legend right she shouldn't be like us but for the most part I think a lot of the celebrities especially coming up now they're online they're they're in the know with the people and the masses and it's like they actually like it when you just treat them like whatever you know what I mean you should have told Rihanna to feel better that would have worked

it doesn't matter just say it and she'll respond I mean they just because like you know waitressing at Rose Bar and like people will come in all the time and it's like if you acknowledge them as a celebrity they don't even

want you to really like be around them so if you just act like they're chill you don't even know who they are that's when they put their guards down and they're like oh hey cool I can chill I can have a good time this person has some sense

well I was flying to Palm Springs last week I mean you guys know this we talk everyone watching we talk every day all day and I I had made jokes

Nick and I went to go see Avatar Ash and Fire and I made a joke that it was interesting to me that Sigourney Weaver who I'm obsessed with she's 75

she voiced a 14 year old so I just was making the joke that there was a juxtaposition between the other kids who were like I didn't even realize that she was the voice until I looked at the cast

after because all the other kids like, let's go. Come on. And then she's like, hold on. Simba! Everything that my touch is is ours. Remember me. Remember me.

I put that online. I thought it was funny. I wasn't trying to make fun of her and then people got really mad about it. Why did they get mad? Because I'm making fun of Sigourney and people really like the movie. And I was like, that's not my intent. I was not trying to make fun of her. It sounds like there's a lot of bad decisions going on.

i know oh my god no the movie was bad but i mean i i love sigourney and i didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so i took it down online on instagram because like on youtube less comments because they're like there's context to it yeah i felt bad i don't want people to think that i'm that's what they intend anyway so i make that whole thing i'm feeling really bad about it i'm like god damn it like i i love sigourney weaver i i feel horrible about this you dm'd her i know I did DM Rihanna. Let's talk about it after. Oh, work.

So I sit down on the plane and who's sitting right next to me? Sigourney Weaver. No. Literally the next day, I felt bad the whole day because I was like, I don't want people to think

I'm making fun of her. I was just trying to make a joke about a character that's like, we're comics. We're just looking for what's funny. So anyway, I'm really sorry, everybody. But then I'm sitting down.

I'm inches away from Sigourney Weaver. So then what? Did you hand her that tiny bottle of water in first class? And I said, here you go first of all I want to say I watched the whole time I'm trying to pretend like I'm not

watching her I'm watching the whole time she's really tall like really tall you can't miss her how tall is Sigourney Weaver 6'1 can you check how tall is Sigourney Weaver I'm guessing 6 feet she was stunning wow

she was really stunning and she was so sweet first of all she was nice to the whole I was watching her every move she was so nice 6 foot I'm watching Traders, right? And on mute, basically. Because you're listening to her grief. Because I'm listening to her.

She was so nice to the staff. Like, could not be more gracious. She's reading the New York Times. You know, she's just kind of reading. And then she ordered a yogurt. And it had chia seeds with strawberries. Then she was reading a book about architecture. And then behind me was her assistant.

So she got up to have a conversation with her assistant. And she was like, oh my God, this one architect, you've got to read this article. It's really, and she had that voice. You're hearing the voice that you know. You know, and then she took a nap. She napped for like an hour Mateo

Not you took the minutes Mateo now Take yourself out of this moment What if somebody was watching you Like you were watching Sigourney Weaver And then telling everybody And then he was texting somebody And then he was watching Traders

And then he was in a group chat And he was laughing a lot But then I don't know He sent something in Invisible Ink And I tried to read it And I couldn't really see yeah it's a lot of our messages you don't think that's a little like i wasn't like staring at a whole time taking notes but like when you're sitting right next to somebody you just kind of

notice what they're doing that's anybody on a plane if she was on the other side of the plane and i was making all these observations that's a little weird if i'm sitting this far away from sigourney weaver i'm gonna i'm noticing i'm like okay but also if i was in ghostbusters and alien and aliens and i was an avatar and i'd won an academy award and i'd done all this pulled you better believe i want someone watching me and noticing everything i'm doing joan rivers used to do all the time she was behind like i think jack nicholson on a plane she said i watched everything he did on the whole plane listen i'm not a famous celebrity but when i step out of my house i assume everybody's looking at me anyway you know when you're walking down the street and you're having

you got your headphones in you're like every single body in every single car is watching me walk and then you trip and you'd be like i hope nobody saw that and they're like nobody is watching you walk down the street, babe? I feel bad now. Should I not have watched? She was inches away from me. No, no, no. Now I feel bad again about Sigourney Weaver. I feel bad. I'm so sensitive. No, you are

sensitive, which is crazy. Who's more sensitive in our crew? Mateo, this is your mess. It's between you and Sidney. You have a mess. You're coming in with a mess, but you as a mess, you do, you are so sensitive. It's not even sensitive. It's just like thinking.

You're overthinking. that's so that's so rich coming from you i know because i overthink but it's crazy to see it because it's like well you know i have my little 80 something thousand followers you're getting millions of followers yeah mateo i'm like everybody knows you were watching her there was definitely somebody on that plane that was watching you as well that's fine that someone's like i was watching mateo lane watch sigourney weaver on the plane and he muted his phone so he could hear a conversation about the architecture you know but i don't know like jim norton told like a really great story where he was sitting next to

I think it was what the fuck is his name? He was in that American Treasure movie with Nicolas Cage. And he was trying to think of all the ways that he could bring up something to Nicolas Cage like his embarrassing, like for five hours just thinking like, what could I say? What could I bring up?

And then he tried. Nicolas was like, you know, get away from me. Did he say something from Con Air? I didn't bother her though. I just noticed she's inches away from me reading the New York Times. I got my breakfast. She got hers. You know, she took a nap. How long did she sleep?

Only an hour. I know this because it was an hour before we were leaving and she went down and I was like, oh, like we're landing in an hour. Like, that's crazy. You know, Mateo, what you should have done when she fell asleep. You should have also fallen asleep and laid on her shoulder. Like right on the MTA. But you know what? If it would have been me sitting in her seat, you know, that's what I would have done.

I wouldn't have even known it was Sigourney Weaver because I would have been lights out as soon as I sat down this is Sydney on an airplane the door is still open people are getting out she sits down and she goes

can I just have a bottle of this is the whole safety presentation and only wakes up when they give her a silver medallion status thank you talk about this on the podcast thank you because i do a reenactment of our little ceremony they gave you on the plane sure sure sure we're sitting on the plane diamond medallion status right here almost million mile flyer okay okay and platinum medallion in case anybody

did you get your um benefits yes okay so we're sitting there and it's like the middle of a plane right where i don't remember where we were going it was like a two-hour flight but i think we were going to st louis we were going to st louis oh yeah we were doing the healing and that was a fun club it was so fun we had a good time shout out to st louis so all of a sudden the flight attendant who wouldn't look at me wouldn't speak to me wouldn't talk to me she literally like crawls over me and she was like miss washington yes it is my honor as a part of the delta not just crew family he says it's true it's true that we award you the coveted Silver medallion status.

That is motherfucking right. Silver medallion, bitch. And that's how we should be treated. Okay? Because if you want me to keep going on these planes and, you know, being a member or whatnot, you have to treat me with respect. Because I could go on an American.

He's diamond. They've already got your money, babe. You're a sucker. You're already a sucker. You spent over a million dollars. They have your money. They want to get mine I think it's you because we flew together

And the lady seemed to be upset with you She was She bought me two desserts I was so nice though Remember I kept saying I'm going to be even nicer this time The nicer he got the meaner I became And the nicer she was to me See they respect you

No one respects me I'm too sensitive about it It's better to be respected than liked You should have been like hey I need another one of these Absolutely sir Now do you know Cindy Washington Because we're all talking about as the Delta family.

I really want to get to, you know, platinum. I'm going to work towards it this year. I'm really going to make sure that it's all on one, you know, account. Because sometimes it's just spread out. Well, what account is it?

You know, it'd be spread out. You just got to put the SkyMiles number in. You know, sometimes, I don't know. Numbers are hard. Numbers are hard. Girl, just copy and paste it. If you're in the app, buy the tickets.

Oh, I'm never buying from that. But then that's how you get, that's how it's immediately linked to your account. And they give you multiple options. Or call Delta and then have them book the flight for you. And then it goes into your account. What year is this? 1992?

I call all the time. If I have to make changes, I'm calling Delta all the time. And that's why the flight attendant is having an attitude because you're like, oh. There's an option to show your name. He be calling. They're so nice, though. I'm always like, hey, Debbie, how are you? How's your day?

I learned about this woman, Debbie's grandkids. Too familiar. Too famils. Is that my problem? Should I be, should I take on your New Year's resolution and just try and be a bitch? I really do want to be a bitch. I'm doing bad. It's not going well.

It's not going well at all. No, it's, I mean, literally when I was in North Carolina, it was clear that these women are like, you know, attracted to my girlfriend and I should have been like, could like hiss and like start drooling and, you know, foaming at the mouth and like scratching them or whatever. But you know, I'm, I'm a girl's girl and I'm like, yeah, my girlfriend's hot. You want a picture? Like, you guys can take a picture together. What?

You want a picture? Yeah. I was taking pictures of all the girls. Sydney, this is the opposite of being a bitch. I know. It's so hard to be a bitch. Literally the complete opposite. Help me be a bitch.

Girl, if I can't train you, no one can. If Amina hasn't got you there, there's no hope for you, baby. Amina's not got me there. That's crazy. Amina has been mentioned. Every time we say Amina's name, take a shot. Yes. It's my heart.

I talked to Amina this morning. After you spoke to me? Yeah. and then I tried calling you back, but I think you were already out. I just, you didn't call me. Well,

I called you yesterday. Oh, you did. And did you pick, did you pick up? No. Oh, do not call.

No. Oh no, but we did talk yesterday morning, I think. Yes, we did. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I, you know what? That's another mess. It's like, you are so busy. We're all busy, but like,

y'all are very busy. How do you talk to all these people in every day? That's how I feel about you. Cause Sydney, you have 17 group chats that you in i just always assume that you're busy i'm i'm always out of town but i'm always available on the phone okay all that to say if you see any of us on a flight you know go ahead set a drink or say i love that episode whatever we're watching you know

what i'm saying i take pictures like the like a lot of usually in the flights uh the crew recognizes me and they ask for pictures and i always take pictures not you calling the crew gay sometimes it's like i i don't think like i i was on a flight to london and everyone like midway through the flight like i was waiting for the bathroom and this girl just turns to me one of the flight attendants she was like are you doing shows and i was like oh god what was i then i'm like what was i doing did i look stupid like how you know what i mean like waiting online for the bathroom in first class no you didn't look stupid you looked rich yeah she's like you're doing shows you obviously you're working right this doesn't feel like you know

you're just coming to hang you know it that's what you should have said yes queen of course I'm doing shows bitch you should have said that yo Mateo you could really can you imagine you're in the air and she's like oh my god he's such a dick

you're like oh my god Sigourney was much nicer yeah oh my god I don't know is it hard to be mean yes I've seen people it's really just because of being a waitress

I see how nasty people are and it just I'm like hyper aware of like thank you what's your name

you talking about JLo no I'm not talking about I'm talking hey she's not at the top of the list there's people who are not as

famous as her fucking disgusting you talking about Nicki Minaj I'm not talking about celebrities I'm talking about people people who

are regular people just regular job regular life I usually meet people where they're at as soon as they get in a restaurant

that has waffles and pancakes they lose their fucking mind waffles and pancakes yeah that's the tipping point I mean it's the

smallest things it's the people who oh can I have more ketchup can I have more water oh this is not clean oh wait I ordered something

like just like two seconds ago why isn't it here right now we went to the diner a week ago yeah and we're all sitting there

at the table waitress comes over you guys ready we're not ready she turns around and walks away Rosebud is already trying to order

at the back of her hand she didn't even give us a chance she was like you guys ready and we were like um she just started

walking away and I love her for that because hey y'all y'all see I'm coming up here I'm about to ask oh y'all chatting we did win her over

I mean eventually cause we started singing round and go that's how we got her we got her back yeah Cindy's like

what's your name and she's like chatting with us Joanne but it's spelled J-O-A-E or something. Yeah, Jolene. So we're like, bye, Joanne. Anyway, she was over us.

And then it felt like she wasn't really writing anything down and everyone at the table's ordering out of order. And I said, oh, she's definitely about to throw this notepad at us. But she remembered every single thing that we asked. I usually meet people where they're at. Like, I always start nice. But then if they're, like, really sharp or mean back, then I just match them.

But you have to understand, if somebody's working, they're dealing with so many people. and they're taking on their energy. And it's like, by the 20th person, somebody has been fucking rude to you and treating you like you're the dirt underneath their shoe.

Yeah, it's going to be hard to be like, hey, how are you? Oh my God. Also, her feet probably hurt. I don't know what kind of shoes, what kind of gloves. All I'm saying is like, if they come by,

I always ask the waiter, how are you? How are you feeling? How was your night? Like trying to make conversation. And we're all the same because we also work at nightlife. We're with audiences.

We're dealing with drunks. We're getting things thrown at us. Like, we get it. You know, at the cellar, you've never, like, the comedy clubs. Oh, my God, I almost choked on myself. You know, I had, like, drunks you've dealt with and people yelling at you and heckling you. Oh, my God, what's the craziest thing somebody has said to you? At the stand years ago, the old one on 18th Street and 3rd Avenue.

It was, like, a 1 a.m. show, and there was barely anybody in the audience. So, these three guys, and they were talking throughout my whole set. And I was, like, I said something. And I was like, oh, like something about like, are you guys like not paying attention? Something like that. And they were they called me a faggot. And then, you know, out loud. Yeah.

And I, I literally said, I don't know what. Invisible ink. And I was like, what? At your own show? At your job? This is a showcase show on a Saturday night, like at the stand. Yeah. And so I said, you know, being a young comic and inexperienced, thinking I'm tough.

I said, faggot. I go, you guys are three men sitting at a table with no women in here watching a gay guy perform. So who's the faggot now? They stood up and started approaching the stage and I bolted because there used to be like a little exit to the kitchen. And so I just bolted and ran back there

and I hid in the kitchen next to the dishwasher for like 40 minutes until they left. 40 minutes? I was so scared and I was like talking to Adele and she was like, well, don't worry, like we'll take care of it, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, I was probably like in 2016 or something like that.

That was a long time ago, friend. 10 years ago. 2016 challenge. Oh, my God. Yeah, the 2016 challenge. Did you look at any of your old photos? Yeah, I looked insane. Everybody did.

I didn't see that many people who were like, ooh, you eating. Like, everybody looked like their first draft of themselves. I don't know. 10 years from now, I'm going to look back and be like, ooh, look at me be... Yes. You know, because my goal for this year

is to become my hottest self possible. How much hotter can you get? We're going to find out. after the break we'll be right back come on back grab a snack and come on back oh my gosh

I'm going to tell you, what's your mess? Yeah, that was my mess. SNL. Remember I said that to you when we met? But I can change it. What other famous people have you met? Let's talk about that. I met Zach Efron at the Cellar.

I had dinner with Matt Damon at the Cellar. What? Yeah, he was with his wife and they were at Tom Papa's show and they saw me perform. Jennifer Garner? Jennifer Hudson. now Jennifer Garner so you're Matt Damon what's that like

so you're an owl who who I love the who I saw Matt Damon Matt Damon is in Born Identity right

be one of the whites girl come on I just want to make sure I think I'm getting him mixed up his wife is Luciana Barroso we don't know her I was thinking of Matthew McConaughey's wife. Oh, I met Matthew McConaughey at SNL once.

Before or after the Oscar? I was going to say hair. Yeah, she's stunning. I've seen her at Rose Bar. She's stunning. I met Barbara from Shark Tank at the cellar. The little lady with the short hair? The one that talks like this. The one that's always ready to go in and out.

How was she? Well, because I had a whole bit about her, so the staff was freaking out. They were like, oh my god, Mateo, you have to go on stage. barbara from shark tanks down there so i went on there and i was like guys i was like there's a very famous person here barbara and she's like oh boy and i was like and there's like i think like 2020 or 21 or something and i said barbara i said i have an i have an idea for an app uh i forget what it was i think it was i forget some gay joke and then she goes i think it sucks oh and

everyone laughed like she says that or you she said it i was like what do you think of my idea she goes it sucks and everyone laughed and so i was like cool barbara from a shark tank mariah in an elevator i met mariah for an mtv show did she let you look at her yes and she looked beautiful and well she was in the corner and she was lit and she was lit on the elevator they put a whole lighting thing in for her camera in the elevator this is the level of pain this is how yeah i i want my light to be on me and you you can't look at me on this side well that was on that side so she couldn't turn to me so when she would talk to me she would like lean in because look, everyone was losing their minds, but

we're dealing with adrenaline all the time, so I was a bit more calm. So I would say something like, oh, how was your recent tour in China? And she'd go, fine. And then... Wait, do it again? Fine. And every once in a while, like, a hand would come out with, like, a makeup brush and just, like, do it and sort of

curl back into the corner. What is the makeup artist really doing? Because she's not breaking a sweat, but they're adjusting and repoweling. Yeah, things. she's not sweaty maybe it makes her comfortable she looks amazing i'd say mariah carey like sure she was wearing makeup but like so is everyone but she does not look like she has all this work done like she looks naturally just beautiful and she's she did a whistle note on the elevator did

you do one no she did not yes she did you do one too yes i can't do it now i'm like exhausted a glass just broke of all of her songs Sydney you picked Never Too Far from the Glitter soundtrack I love that movie I love that song oh my god

honestly never too far away and I hate that 9-11 happened because if that would have never happened I really do think that Glitter would have gotten to the place where it needed to be I've never seen Glitter It's fine

The brat was in it It's camp Padma was in it Padma who goes to my gym She plays the singer that Mariah lip synced for And she's like you don't need them They're just background It's got a great album

The Glitter album is unbelievable Love it And Mariah can act down I don't care what anybody says She was really good in Wise Girls And she was great in Precious Yeah, she was good in Precious. Precious.

Come on. They had her really looking like a social worker. That's where they turned her light off. They said, hey. They turned the light off. They gave her a really bad wig. She had a little mustache. She was supposed to be a social worker.

What do you think? It would be crazy if it was Mariah Carey. Do you want a sexy social worker? Well, no, but I'm just saying, that's what I'm saying, it was on Mariah. I forgot she was in Precious. I did not.

I forgot all about that. She did a great job. She did an amazing job. And that's the thing. And you know what's crazy is because sometimes as performers or actors or whatever, people will put projects in front

of you and you're like, this is, you know, this is great, but this is nothing. It's going to be fine. And then, because she probably had no idea. Yeah, just, you don't want to try out some stuff? Well, I think the role was originally supposed to go to who's that British lady? They were supposed to go to somebody else. And then she dropped

out and they had two weeks. And so they reached out to Mariah. And so in two weeks, she learned that role and did it. She was great. What? imagine come on we need you in our movies and people call her

I mean she is a diva you know rightfully so but if somebody called you and they were like we're shooting this in two weeks can you do it I'd be like

you could have called me before like I wouldn't know I wouldn't know that I'm the backup you know what I mean but I think Mariah wanted to prove

after Glitter that she really can act she was great and wise girls and no one saw her that's what I'm saying she said yes and delivered delivered

I love Mariah has that ever happened to you like somebody my whole life has been I'm filling in for somebody else. What are you talking about? That's a lie, Mateo. You're not filling in for nobody right now.

Exactly. There's only one Mateo Lane. Mateo Elizabeth Lane. Yeah. I don't like making that face. Why are you making that face, Mateo? No, I mean, there's been plenty of stuff where it's like, you know, so-and-so couldn't make it. Can you?

I'm like, sure. I'll show up. That's the good thing about you is like you love your job. That's interesting. I invited you to do my show and you said you weren't going to come because it's at 10 p.m. Oh, my God. You thought it was 10 p.m. you said it was 10pm and then said I'm

a man of a certain age so I took your lead I took your lead the way run the tape back you are the father yeah and you run out Sidney follows you with that camera and you know

I can run now I went to the gym today work same I like this top it's zippers on the neck and zippers on the tip it's zippers everywhere and I didn't wear a bra so it's come on show the people only fans come on y'all deserve let's go i want to get my boobs done again so i'm prepping for that you're gonna get them done again to change the size um well you're supposed to change them out every 10 years obviously it's been more and um because you know

i've gained weight i've lost weight and so you know when you when a woman is leaning over and if they have fake boobs they ripple you know that you've seen that i do yeah i mean that was that was that was very prevalent in the in the 90s because there was like they had those um saline boobs and that's the original ones that i had which is just like you know saline water but i'm going to get saline is tears um no isn't saline isn't that what comes out of my eyes tears salt water yeah it's like what they put into when you need to hydrate aren't your tears salty it's it's like it's like pedialyte it's pedialyte it's pedialyte tits I want to get them done

and I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to go bigger or smaller. Wow. What size are they now? They're supposed to be a 32DD. Okay.

But they don't look like they're a 32DD. That's mess. Like Mateo, your boobs look bigger than me. Oh. Than my boobs. Shade.

Is that shade? I don't know. Well, you have pecs. Yeah. Work them out. i do yeah 32 double d over here all right the other day we were sitting around the table and i was there was some lady with really big boobs by me and i said girl what size bra you wear and then everybody just started going around the table saying what their bra size was

and all of the men were kind of like nothing about this is sexy and it's like it's not supposed to be sexy she just says she wears a g i know her back hurts it does I mean titties are heavy especially growing up with a lot of women in my family and I'm gay there's just a lot of conversation about boobs and bras everyone's talking

about their boobs and the thing is is that I mean and when these women were talking about boobs and bras that didn't be like oh that's interesting it was like oh no it was just I'm like I thought all women just talked about their boobs all day until it was like yuck I like boobs

you a boob guy i mean i'm saying they're attractive they look good on women they look very they the silhouette and everything yeah have you ever felt boobs of course he's a gay man gay man y'all could touch all over i don't do that though oh no no you don't you're not very touching no i mean i touch but i'm not one of those like because i'm gay i can't do this it's like no that's you're very about consent and asking i mean you worry about everything so of course you're worried about everything you brace my shoulder oh my god I wanted to ask when you were like traveling

you know you're in the airport a lot have you ever had a moment in the airport where you're like I need to start traveling like private like I need more money do you need more money let's talk about it

I think no I don't I just want to make sure at this point now like it's been i've been doing stand-up since 2009 yeah and you're in airports every single week now i i do just fly first class because i'm like number one i'm like i want to be comfortable when i get to the show but number two like when you're in an airport every week you know that your diamond medallion you're going to upgrade it anyways but yeah that is something but a private no you book a coach seat and get bumped up or you where do you book sometimes you can do you have to do the

one below and then see if you're eligible for upgrade but usually you are or i'll just buy if i don't know if it's like a bit like if i'm flying to like i don't know st louis it's not always like a packed plane so yeah you know you can buy the lower seat and they'll upgrade you um but if i'm flying to like la or san francisco or chicago anywhere that a lot of people are going in those places then i'll just buy it damn i've been upgraded oh the last time i flew to san francisco they upgraded me to first class and i was like i'm better than y'all and i sat and i was flat on my back what was your meal what meals you got um oh what was my meal i don't remember i know that they gave me a warm chocolate chip cookie right before we left yes and they've gotten better

by the way and i burnt my mouth i was like this is decadent like literally like choking to death do you know they have espresso in first class on delta i had no idea yeah yeah i just found out I had Shake Shack in the sky in first class flight to Miami I had Shake Shack yesterday in the airport in the sky? yes, sky Shake Shack Delta now does Shake Shack as a meal

sometimes now I'm going to say, I need more money I said, are there fries and can I have a milkshake she said, no girl the chips are the fries y'all doing bad up here

It's hard to do French fries traveling, like, to make them crispy. I don't think it's the same. 100%. They did give me a bag of potato chips. I flew United yesterday, and they were like, the flight attendant was, I couldn't tell if she was, like, out of it or, like, what was going on. She was nice, but she was like, you know. But I was like, oh, what's the meal?

Well, we only have one meal option. And it's pasta, Alfredo, or something with some kind of sauce. I love her. She's been there for a while. She was great. I loved her. I had a good time. So you flew into Newark.

I flew into LaGuardia So the day after they bumped me to first class To fly to San Francisco The next day it snowed in New York My flight got cancelled The only flight they could get me on was a United flight Into Newark I was economy, middle C

Row 38 In the back I was in first class yesterday eating cookies Today I'm poor I'm in the back with the horse sad and i landed in newark i was flying to miami and my flight got canceled and they moved me on another flight that was going to atlanta then atlanta to miami and so this the people at delta were like we can just get you on a flight to fort lauderdale uh you know it's an hour drive to miami

okay that's fine but i was sitting in uh the emergency room and i'm sitting and did you say yes yeah when a verbal yes yeah yeah yeah oh yeah when they come by i can't stand the people they're like hey um so we're gonna need a verbal use like no we're gonna have to hear it and they're like why are you fighting the fight just say yes just say yes just say yes if the plane crashes you don't actually have to help nobody right because we're all gonna be screaming right ripping our hair out yelling beating people and i hate when they're like in a plane crash the people in the background more likely to um survive it's like we all gonna die we're all dying i'll die with a nice shake shack burger in my mouth and let me tell you one thing i won't be up i will

be not oh sydney will be the only survivor because her body resisted the impact because she was sleeping and she'll wake up with water i'm like what happened we're like do you guys have any sun chips the biscoff floats by she go thank god thank god i was so mad because there's extra space in front of us right and so it's me and just this lady sitting next to us and so we take off and she was on the plane with like i don't know like 15 of her friends so we're sitting there and then one comes by and they're chatting and chatting and chatting and i'm like all right this will probably last like 10 minutes or whatever then the next one comes by now they're in my space three of them are standing in front of me in my space and i'm like okay like at some point like

when you're flying normal like there's no space in front of you so you can't stand you know but there's not there's enough space that they're not in anyone's way for the flight attendants now they're it's 45 minutes the three of them are standing there they're all in my space finally i just go guys come on and the woman looks and she goes are we disturbing you yeah and i was like yeah i was like you know then they walk away and then i felt bad and the woman was like i'm so sorry i'm like no i'm sorry you know da da da and this and that and then we then her and i became friends but then i was but it was annoying i was like i can't even listen to this video game podcast because there's too much yeah you were doing very important work i was doing

such important right but I'm like just because there's space in front of me doesn't mean that like there can be a whole peanut gallery no you gotta have respect like I would never stand like inches away from someone in front of me I'm like that's kind of rude that's how I feel about people who are in the window seat who pass out we're in the sky the sun is burning

my retinas shut the blind I want to be warm I like the sun or people that open their window it's like 6am and everyone is sleeping you guys don't want to be in the dark Okay, well, I think you are sleeping.

You are also in the dark. Sydney, someone's next to me. Courtney Weaver's next to me. I want to be warm. It's cold in this bitch. Put on a hoodie before you get to the airport. Hey, we have messages. All right.

Yeah, help us with some messages. We'll do one message. I won't close the blinds. I'll talk to the flight attendant. Hey, can you get them to shut down? Just shut it a little bit, and then they'll try to, and I'll be like, no.

We can't because she's silver medallion Santa. Exactly, exactly. I'm like, oh, silver medallion, and silver medallion once the door what window up if you're sleeping shut the blinds

raise the roof if you're sleeping raise the fucking roof okay is it mess that I hate my sister's boyfriend hey Marie and Sydney

I'm gonna get straight to the point thank you is it mess that I hate my sister's boyfriend they've been dating for a little more

than a year and I've tried to come around to him but I just can't we don't get along as friends he's not nearly as funny

as my sister and I and he holds a grudge like no other when we first met i made a joke about how he makes more money than us but he took it in a wrong way but what wrong way and hasn't let go of it since so to top it all off he made her pay for her own birthday dinner bitch what uh-uh he's not the worst guy she's dated oh shit that's this is bigger than i thought and but i don't like him and neither do any of our friends. They went on a break for a month and got back together recently

and my sister and I had a huge fight about it. She thinks it's selfish of me to not want to hang out with him, but I just don't see how he can change that much in a month. A few days after the fight, we made up, but now I'm not allowed to criticize him or comment on the relationship in front of her.

Should I suck it up and hang out with him anyway because I know he makes her happy? Is this mess or just living? Thanks, ladies. Mess. how does it make how does he make her happy if she gotta pay

for her own birthday dinner right ew yeah bitch I ain't never gonna not talk about that girl remember when we was doing

happy birthday to you and you had to put your car down do you remember that oh my god I love that that was so fun right yeah

yeah honestly truly I'm like girl cause I was before all that I was like oh you know you shouldn't like

let your sister date who she wants to date don't get involved and then she brought in the facts and I was like well he sounds like a real piece of shit

well she also said he holds a grudge like no other so he's really the reason why your sister won't like doesn't want you to talk about him so you mad because we said that you're making more money than us so are you not so you're not making wait a minute if he's making more money then why didn't he pay for the dinner to prove a point girl drop him drop him it's the sister's boyfriend yeah the sister you just show this clip to your sister yeah also again like i said i do not think that any nobody has to be friends with people's significant others.

Right. We could be cordial. Cordial is fine. Hey, how you doing? But this, we got to be friends. We in a group chat. We hanging out

on the weekend every other week. No. Like, like my girlfriend does not need Marie's phone number. But I will give it to her.

Like, if you're my emergency contact with you, apparently you told me. Who's your emergency contact? Carolina's still my emergency contact. Carolina's a worse emergency contact than me.

She picks up the phone. Her phone is always on 3% battery, sis It dies every time I talk to her on the phone And she's a mother now Yeah, she's a mom now She'll pick up Unlike you, who's on D&D I'm on D&D when I'm sleeping

I'm only on D&D when I'm asleep You know what? Leave it that way That's fine Mateo, I mean, do you Can she use you as an emergency contact? Sure You're not here I'm sorry

Well, an emergency contact I mean, who's a good emergency contact? Amina no she's not here she's also traveling you guys are all she's on a world tour Carolina's here

Carolina's literally traveling right now okay well she's thank god I'm not in an emergency thank god the emergency is

you need a new emergency who's my emergency contact Nick your mom Nick I wouldn't trust with a plant who when I got my hair surgery

I came out he ate all my food that I'm supposed to eat after surgery and then said let's go Lindsay Lauhan what food

they give you like sugar and like snacks and stuff because you haven't eaten all day Like sugar cubes? Like a horse? Nick H.S. Sugar Cubes?

I mean, Mateo, do you want people to be friends with the people you date or you're okay with it? I mean, we've all dealt with a situation where your friend is dating someone that you don't like. We've all been in the situation

where you date someone that your friends don't like. You know what I'm saying? And it is like awkward. But I also think that there's space to like, people should have times where your significant other comes with you and your friends but then there should be times

with just your friends because there is something about just like a group friendship where you just want to be with each other and if the significant other is there, sometimes it can mess up the energy. I think she should take her sister to dinner. You gotta pay. Take your sister to dinner. Tell her why

you don't like this man. It sounds like she knows and she doesn't want to hear it. Tell her again. But not everybody is always ready to hear. That's the problem. She could say it until she's blue in the face and I feel like She thinks she's risking her relationship with her sister. Sisters are always going to fight. They're always going to argue.

Me and my sister fight every time we travel. Literally. What do you guys argue about? Oh, she says I've been mean to her her entire life. I'm like, your entire life? Why didn't you say something in 2006? Why are we talking about this 20 years later? Like, what?

We'll also lose very much like, we're going to do this today. Let's do that today. No, because then we went to... So we got into an argument in Houston. Big fight in the hotel room. It's like two o'clock in the morning. security knocks on the door hey we got a noise complaint i like i get the knock on the door i

throw a wig on real quick i answer the door i'm like i'm like yes i'm like it won't happen again i'm trying to turn the wig around like then a few weeks later we go to miami we get into an argument again in miami and it's like the same kind of stuff so sisters are all and no one fights how sisters fight right it's true but because that's unconditional love that you know that you're gonna be back but also no one can push your buttons like us because my sister knows exactly what to say you know i don't always work on myself i'm you know i've been there would she be saying let me text her so i know what to say i would i wouldn't even know like to watch you two fight that's some pretty sharp personalities there though yeah oh sydney saw me and my sister

fight once it scarred her for life i was scared i was like i'm gonna call mom sydney i don't like this. It scarred Sydney for life. I was like, yeah, I don't like how y'all get down. It's not for me. I said, hey, guys, I'm going to go. And you know what? My sister is still mad about that argument that happened in 2001. What was that?

That had to have been like nine years ago. All I know is like, that's why you need to eat or something like that. She was like in the middle of training. She's hangry. She's weighing chicken breast on a scale. She's wearing a waist trainer. Right. She had on a

what are those things called? Like a... Like a... I know what you're talking about. Yeah. The thing that... Like her worst standard. Yeah.

I'm trying to get ready to go out with my homegirl. My sister's like, whatever... You know what I'm saying? So no one fights how sisters fight, but also...

So she's got carte blanche to say whatever she wants to her sister without risking the relationship. It's not... She's not risking the relationship. I think it's worse to let your sister

spend more time with a guy that you know is not right for her. Right. Because she even... He's not the worst person she's dated. listen hey canon event people got to go through what they got to go through it's not for us to

stop them or be they super save a hoe they're gonna do what they want to do so you grown you an adult you want to be with a dusty ass man girl you like it i love it because it's like i'm not gonna be stressing myself out going back and forth with you you're not listening to me anyway i know well that is a problem is like you sometimes like hold the emotional weight between you yourself and someone in a relationship whether that's a sister whether this is a boyfriend etc and you start to feel like you have to make decisions with them because it affects you. In reality, it kind of doesn't. Your sister's going to make the decisions she's going to make.

You can share with her how you feel, but then after that, you've got to leave it. She said it's not just her. She said, I don't like him and neither do any of our friends. They went on a break for a month and got back together recently. So they already had issues. This may be just

hey, sis. Hey, this is my thing. Diane says she don't like him either. Anyway, pass the salt. Is he verbally abusing you? Is he hitting you? Is he shitting in the bed? Is he making you cum that hard?

What's happening? If those three things are like, no, no, no, no, then it's like, I can't stop you from dating that person. So if he's not shitting in the bed, he can stay? That's the cutoff. He gotta be doodling in the bed. If he shits in the bed, but

he's not verbally or physically abusing you. No, no, no, no. Shitting in the bed is an you know and and all that note Mateo I'm so glad you got back in the building to be on video and bless us with all of your best thank you Mateo what do you have coming out where can people catch you when does this come out we don't know I'm on tour right now and you can see me

in all places like Grand Rapids and Indianapolis and Detroit and San Antonio and Houston. So go to MateoLaneComedy.com

for all tickets. Yes. And now I have it slated for February 5th. Oh, that's two days before my show that Mateo's not doing. Yeah, but you've been

promoting it on the pod so people will still be getting tickets. Yes. All right. Well, nobody else what I got going on but uh

Marie what do you have going on nothing continue to like comment subscribe and if somebody poops on your chest or you poop on somebody's chest

send us a message oh my god thank you guys bye bye ciao Mess with Sydney Washington

and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcast created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin

executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Han Sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588 what are you filming right now rihanna response what what did she say bitch so boom when amina called me and said rihanna might be at the vm at the

after hours party i hit rihanna i said hey friend hey friend i'm gonna be at the snl after party if i see you i'm saying hi she responds 55 minutes ago what the fuck i'm just seeing this now you have to say hi to them yeah marie but what else did she say she probably said something else that's what she said wait don't respond yet you don't want to be don't respond just yet we I'm not going to respond. No, you have to respond. I was getting ready

to say something. It's just security. No, no, no. We're going to put the clip out. We're going to put the clip out. We're going to put the clip out. We're going to put the clip out. We're going to put the clip out.

Yep, there it is.