MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Birthdays Are For Popping Molly w/ Devon Walker

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by friend of the podcast and comedian Devon Walker! Their mess this week? TRAVEL MESS!  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ooh, you listening to Mess. Girl. Uh-huh. All righty. Hi. Mess. Wow, that's the theme song. Yeah.

When we do the next iteration, we could do this. Mess. That sounds like a church hymn. It does. A slave song. We sound like John Legend. We do. Or Anthony Hamilton.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of him, you got some slave mess? No. Wow. Marie, what? Whoa. Hey, speaking of him, what's the segue? What are we going into? He sang at Angie Stone's funeral. And I was I got on, you know, Angie Stone funeral talk and funeral talk. Yeah. And they said that he was wiped out, you know, because he had to do Atlanta, you know, because, you know, she had two spots. She had two funerals. Oh. Yeah, she had like Atlanta and I think South Carolina or something like that. A lot of people could have drove to South Carolina. And I'm like, that's kind of dope, you know, just going on tour with the body. Dead body. Didn't Aretha Franklin have like three funerals?

I thought she just had one and it was very long. I think it was like 24 hours. There was an outfit change, though. Yes, and I'm here for that. I would actually like to do three outfit changes, one for the morning, one for the evening, one for the night. So you're going to get dead and you're going to have to get dead. Right. That's what you got. You got to get dead and get dead and do three outfits for the funeral. Well, I'm thinking about the outfits, but it's more importantly who's speaking and who's talking, who's singing.

Because the singing, the singing, Kiki Wyatt killed it. So you want singers? Yes, I think I deserve some singing. Or I was thinking about you guys doing time. Oh, but I just I just know I can't trust. I can't because I don't want it to be a roast. Well. I just want y'all to do it. If you have comics speaking at your funeral, it's going to be a roast.

It's embarrassing. And so I'd rather have singers. So you should start learning now. I don't know. Oh. Get your notes out. I'm learning how to play guitar for the funeral. I'm doing acoustic.

What? It could all be so simple. I could see you doing like a little John Mayer. You'd be black John Mayer. What song? Your body is a wonderland. Your dead body is a wonderland. first of all money is a wonderland i don't even know the words i don't know it i don't even know

the tune i'm obviously tone deaf right now give me a sweet dream or a beautiful night on guitar you know actually yeah yeah but watching that tiktok of everybody singing and like talking i was like it did it was like oh these are serious people you know i i know too many unserious folks so that that's why i would be afraid to have a wedding or a funeral well you gotta have one you you gotta okay okay and we'll figure out which one we gonna be disrespectful at um i don't know if i need outfit change at the funeral but i do want an outfit reveal i'm in the casket i got something on yeah rip something off and it's like Oh, and everyone claps.

Yeah. I could see you in, like, track pants that also rip and you, they're shorts now. Yeah. Shorts? Yeah. And at a funeral feel disrespectful. No, not at all. Dead lady knees?

Yes. Show the legs. No. You have beautiful legs. Sidney, please. Stunning. Stunning. Stunning.

Now, if you were going to go on tour as a dead body. Oh, my God. What cities would you do? Like, an Oakland funeral and a New York? Like, would you do a Brooklyn and a Harlem? Well, I would have to look at my ticket sales from when I used to do stand up and whichever ones I sold out, which I did in D.C., I did in Chicago. So Chicago and D.C., the cities that you don't live in. That I don't live in. Maybe Boston.

No, no, no one is going to a funeral in Boston. No, the departed. No, no. Maria, do you have any mess for us? I do have mess for y'all today. So, as you know, being a content creator looks very easy, but it's hard. It doesn't look easy. Oh, it don't look easy? It looks very hard.

I think people watch people post things and they're like, I want to go on a brand trip and I want to get paid to talk about champagne or whatever. So this brand had reached out to me a month ago and they were like, we want you to do this many videos for this much money. And I was like, that's a lot of videos and not enough money. So we figured out where we wanted to meet. And I did a video for them, and then they were like, where's the rest? We need them tonight, like tomorrow. And I'm like, this feels hard. So I was like, I hit my lawyer up.

I was like, how do I get out of this contract? Girl. I called all my friends. I was like, how do I? My lawyer was like, you're going to be in reach. And I was like, right. But like, am I going to get paid for the ones that I did? I said, Marie, you're going to do the videos.

It got so bad that I talked to my mom about this. My mom don't know nothing about content. Nothing about content creation. Nothing about content, nothing about creation. Maybe she'll hold the camera for you. No. She was like, my mom was like, how much they paying you? I told her the amount.

She was like, how many videos? I told her. We did the math to see, like, how much I was getting paid per video. And then we both were like, yeah, you got to do the videos. You got to do the videos. You got to figure out how to make it happen. So that's what I'm doing. I had a call with the brand today, and they were like, you know,

because I think they could tell that I don't want to do them anymore. And they were like, well, here's all the ideas that you sent us that we like. And I was like... Marie, you know, you are a good actress,

but when you don't want to act, it is very clear that you're like, clocked out for me, sweetie. When I'm done, I'm done. Like, have you ever seen someone put a cat on a leash and they try to walk the cat

and the cat just like lets them drag the cat body? You've never seen this? I've seen them. I've seen a dog do that. I don't really see the cat. Cats definitely, like you put something on a cat and it'll like be like, it'll tip over like timber, real dramatic. Like that's, that's me when I don't want to do something.

But after going through the mathematics with my mother, I've decided I will be doing the videos. So thank God. Thank God. I mean, honestly, I was like, what are you talking about? You're not going to do the videos. You're doing the videos. This is the year of doing 2025. You said yes.

We're going through it. We're doing it. We're going through with it. It's not you're going to close your eyes. You're going to boop, did it, bop. There you go. Boop, boop, boop. Yeah, but sometimes taking something from the page to the screen can be very hard.

And that's why we have to just remove ourselves. What we put in our pages has nothing to do with us. Oh, yeah. What's on my pages? None of my business. You post it. You say, hey, that's what having fans are about. That's what you have to learn.

It's like we're thinking about the people who know us. They're not fans. but the fans are like oh my god this is amazing i'm gonna buy it i'm gonna show up i love you i'm around the corner i'm at your house what's up girl you know you know how your fans do so uh yes yeah yeah yeah you'll be you me randomly in a like just a store just looking real loose real real loose and disheveled you got barbie stories no i don't know who that girl is i'm not giving I'm not giving Barbie story right now. Girl, this man ran up on me in the meat section at Trader Joe's last week.

You know, I'm there looking regular. I'm high, so I probably look a little bit crazy. And this guy comes up. He's, Marie? Are you Marie Faustin? I was like, yes. And he was, like, big and, like, buff and had little shorts on. And I was like, yes.

I thought I was about to get served. He said, Marie Faustin? And I was like, hmm. And he was like, love your stuff. Big fan of your work. Turned out to be gay, which made me feel safe. Yes. Yeah, I was by the cheese, you know, the string cheeses and stuff.

And I was like, I should have put some sunglasses on. I know I'm tired. No, it's good. It's a good feeling when somebody, like, recognizes you. I was with Helen, and I was in Union Square. And this guy was like, Sydney. And he's like, I love your work. And I was like, Helen, look at that, bitch.

My work. I'm doing it. Look at my work. She was like, you can get lunch. And you were like, no. Oh, no, I can't. I can't do that luncheon. No, my work don't.

Yeah. Sydney, what's your mess for the week? My mess is, I think I've tapped out of, like, I don't know if I can show up for people anymore. I think I'm good on. Oh, you and your selfish era. I think I want to tune in. I want to tap into that. It's very hard because I am an empath and I care and I, you know, I always put myself in other people's shoes.

And I treat people how I want to be treated, which is really kind of narcissistic because it's like I'm only treating these people good because I want to be treated like that. I don't think that's what a narcissist is, but well, it's not. OK, well, great. Well, awesome. I'm not a narcissist. No, but you're about to be about to be one because I need to be like, no, absolutely not. Does this benefit me? No, then I won't be doing it.

That's not being mean. That's not being nasty. You could just say no and be cool with it. It's hard. People, you know, people ask me, can you do this? Can you do that? And I'm like, I wouldn't like my first word is yes. When it should be. Hold on. Wait a minute. Let me see. I need to say let me see first. And so that's that's my general mess is that I'm constantly like available. My ear, my ear, my mouth. your hole your hole oh I got different itch

ear mouth heart hole merch that's the new live love laugh that might be the title though ear mouth

heart hole yes that might be the title of the episode so yeah I just need to I need to put me

first and that's hard and I need to say I need a moment or sometimes I don't want to talk

you know sometimes I don't want to talk to you I don't have space for this right now yeah no space let's talk at another time

Whenever somebody needs to talk I start singing that And let's them know Shout it in their face Yeah there's no space And you gotta make sure You hold eye contact When you go

Yeah But you know who we do Have space for Our motherfucking guest today Oh my god Ear, mouth, heart, hole Oh my god He's back

I mean I mean he's one of our faves Friend of the pod Friend of the pod SNL star baby Devin Walker is in the b-b-b-b-building that's such a long time

to not talk I know as a man isn't that hard yeah that's hard to do it was challenging also I had little things

that I wanted to comment now is your time y'all brought up the departed and one time do y'all remember my birthday party that we had at my old department

and the department was on the department was on in the background and the thing that me and my homies still quote to each other is the whole time

the movie would be on and Marie kept being like I am not a quop. I am not a quop. I'm not a quop. I am not a quop. I am not a quop. Are you a quop?

I'm not a quop. I still quote that. I still quote that. I almost said it today when I said the depatted, but I was like, they know it. They get it. They don't need that from me right now. Is that the birthday that y'all did Molly? Yes.

Okay. All birthdays are for Molly. I do think that. I do think whoever's out there, if y'all got a birthday coming up, go ahead and pop a little Molly on your birthday. No. Molly, you sweating. That was the most late I've ever seen you, Devin.

I've seen you usually handle your stuff, but that night. I think that's because when we see each other, we're not full partying. You know what I'm saying? I feel like when I'm around my coworkers, I'm not going all the way up. No. You know what I'm saying? We're all like... We're not coworkers.

We're peers. We're peers? And friends as well. I would make friends first. Isn't a peer a friend? No. It can be. it's like how a square is a rectangle but a rectangle

is not a square or which one is that I was right a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a a square is not a rectangle no a square is a rectangle I think you're thinking of parallelograms a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square a square has to have 4 equals 5

yep we learned so much here write that down one of the listeners comment below if it's a rectangle is a square squares a rectangle we'll talk about this y'all got some math people in there i'm sure yeah we got some some hidden figures listening to the pod right now i just think that like a peer i feel

like if we met in an office and then like we're peer co-workers but because we met a like i don't know an open mic or whatever it just feels more loose okay and like we can do a show together but we might not and then even if you stop doing comedy i think i would still be your friend so that's why i separate you from a peer because what about an acquaintance acquaintance is more removed yes that's less than a peer yeah that's less than a peer that's like i don't really know you but i know you but you're around acquaintance is like you we're not really affiliated no like maybe i met you through somebody or i see you in passing but i don't know your name yeah that's what we we were at the same show last night and did y'all the remember the dude came up to me when

y'all got in the uber yes remember y'all got in the uber and a dude came up that dude came up and talked to me and he was like yeah he was like you went to high school with my nephew oh and i was like oh who is it and he said a kid's name that like i was like that's an acquaintance like when he said the name i was like oh yeah i guess that was a person yeah definitely wasn't my friend and he was like yeah he said he had spanish class with you i was like oh my god hey buddy you gotta let That's how you know you made it when people are trying to piece together little things that they can be like, oh, this is my opening line on how we can chat. Right. Our lockers were in the same wing. Yeah. I don't know if that's I mean, maybe it is true, but that man had you talking for that long.

You almost missed the car. You did. We were about to leave. And they're over here talking about I almost missed the car. I called the car. It was your car. And the driver was ready to go. The driver was like, bye. I ordered the car. Somebody came to talk to me. These two got in the car immediately. And then I turned to the left.

Were we supposed to wait for you in the cold? And the car was driving up the block. I did say, Devin, we in the car. You did say that. And then the driver was like, you know, he had the seatbelt on. He had his 1010 winds on. He was driving up the street. I said, wait, my friend.

Yeah. I mean, Devin, that's what happens when you get into stardom, when you're on TV on a regular basis. I am on TV. Do you feel like a star? I don't know. Whoa. Devin. I feel cool. Didn't someone run up to you

and be like, Michael Chase? Exactly. That's how I feel. That's how I feel. It's like a bunch of people being like, oh, that's you. I know you from... Baby, what's the thing that be...

Baby, what's he be doing? You know... Baby, who is that? That's how I feel. I was opening for somebody this past weekend and we did a casino show out in Philly

and we were staying in the hotel and I like turned a corner and this dude was a little lit. He definitely has some drinks and he's an older white man. So like whiskey.

He was drinking something dark. He was drinking dark whiskey. Jameson, Jack Daniels. You know what I'm saying? Just straight.

It might have been bullet. It might have been bullet bourbon. It might have been bullet. He looked rich though so he was probably not, he was,

you know, some special, you know, some special top level. Blantons. Blantons is good. Okay, you know. We don't even know him.

I never heard of Blanton. I've never heard of Blanton. See, I ain't there yet. I'm here to help. But I literally, I turned a quarter, and he goes, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And before I could say my name, he goes, that's Michael Che.

That's Michael Che. He's telling his wife, baby, baby, look, that's Michael Che. He cannot believe it. He can't believe it because his brain is like, is it Michael Che? I don't think he ever doubted for a minute that I could be Michael Che. He knew it in his whole spirit that I was Michael Che. And he literally was taking his camera out. Be like, baby, I can't believe I saw a column before.

And now this is Michael Che right here in front of me. Weekend update. I could see. I mean, y'all are both tall. And black. And black. And, you know, wear hats. That's kind of where it ends.

But it's like, even the way we wear our hats is different. It is very different. You know what I'm saying? Like, Che going to have like a this. He does not wear his hat like that. I've never seen Che wear his hat. That's embarrassing. No, I've never seen him wear his hat like that

Michael Che, if you wear your hat like that, stop it Stop it, we do not like that He can wear his hat like that sometimes No, I've never seen him wear his hat like that Is he a flunky in school? Who turns their hats around like that? A flunky? A girl? That's like somebody who isn't doing well in school But it's like cool

With the kid Girl, that might be from before our time Oh my god Don't do that to me! Is that a West Coast thing? Is that something that y'all say that's like a too short? type of phrase? No, go to hell.

You know what? I've had enough here. That sounds very E-40. You know what? You're trying to punk me. I ain't no flunky. Skip it, not punk me. Thank you, Michael Che.

That sounds very E-40 to me. I can't wait to go to the blogs. Cindy's going on Reddit to talk about this after. Absolutely. But yes, that's the level that I feel where people definitely

recognize me, but sometimes I think I'm Michael Che. So what I hear is we got to get something, you got to do something that pops, that puts you on the map. Like, can we come up with a character that you could do a weekend update that don't make you have to come back? Can you be, can you be like Chase? That don't make me have to come back. Yeah, like they have to, like a recurring thing.

Like they have no choice. Can you be like Chase alter ego? Can we write that? Maybe we, me and Michael Longfellow wrote a thing once where it was me and we were playing the reboot, like how they're rebooting all these movies. We played the reboot of Michael Che and Colin Jost. Okay. Oh, I love that.

It didn't make it on TV. Damn. Was it the writing? Was it the writing? May probably. Writing, performance, something like, you know what it was really is we, there was like a choreographed version of it. Basically our whole bit was that we were making it sexy.

Oh. That we were like, oh. You're hotter than this? Y'all just do the news. we actually doing it sexy and then we would say we would like turn to the camera say a joke and then we do like a little body roll they said our roles was not coordinated yeah because you could look at us we're not moving in this y'all saw a long fellow yesterday yeah and i love my and i love my boy but our bodies just move different yeah but it's not on me they're not gonna look

the same first of all a white a white body don't move how a black body and a long white body don't move how a tall black body like you know i'm saying yeah just he's on the one and the three you on the 204 but also it's like y'all are also not in sync like y'all are friends but it's not like

y'all do the same y'all are peers that is exactly right because y'all are in the office if you're listening you're my friend you're my friend

you're my friend you're also my co-worker but we've y'all are colleagues we are colleagues and you are my you're more than just my peer friend aww

okay so uh devon you came in here you got some mess for us what is it what do you want to yeah what do you want to talk about i i ran this bio before because i thought i was like i was like is this a hacky thing for comedians to talk about but i really want to talk about uh my mess is planes planes planes just plane travel planes in general plane travel airports as well okay sort of everything that go along with the tsa line um the little the little now the little tsa thing where they try to take your picture before you go through the security yeah i'm not fucking with that wait whoa why because what are they doing why do they need that they say it gets deleted as soon as you get yeah that's what they would say that's what they that's like

that's exactly what they would like you to think you know what it is i feel like it's like 21 and me where like if you give them your DNA they use it for something else so maybe they're

taking your photo I think it's 23 and me it is 23 and me you might be thinking about forever 21 you know where the minds the meeting of the minds happens

and you know I have so much to give and so much knowledge sometimes they cross yeah no I know so don't hold that against you

I would never I did I'm afraid when people be like don't correct me you know what I mean you said it and then I was like

no you knew i'm like my brother and me shut up oh yeah my brother and me yeah shut up yeah but maybe they're using the photo for like like some ai generating stuff probably probably also have y'all ever signed up for clear before i yeah it just expired okay i didn't i one time like i don't know why i just i guess i had extra time at the airport and they got me to sign up for the clear and i really didn't like that process fingerprint photo situation they do a photo they do a retina scan they do and i was like that can't be good and they were asking questions that were so specific in a way that i was like this is really what did they ask me yeah what did you eat last thursday was it the brands you know legitimately asked like what car my stepmom was driving in like 2016

but maybe that's like a password thing but how do they know that exactly and that's why i was like how do they know that and they had the car that she was driving back then and i was like and they were like which of these addresses did you live at from this date to this date and i guess the information is already out there but like I didn't like I don't like that they're holding on to it

and I like deactivated my clear right after that I will say this if you don't have your ID right or you don't have like you don't have your ID you could do clear

and I know you'd be in that situation oh baby hold on now one second you don't have my eyeball you're right go ahead I don't know

sometimes you leave your passport you know on the vanity and you Cindy be using her passport as her identification on a regular basis

and I'm standing ten toes down I'm okay with that we talk about this on the platform y'all talk about it a lot it is it's a personality type a person who just like personality somebody who never has their actual id and always got to use their passport you know who else is like that michael longfellow oh okay i'm a young white guy then y'all actually got something y'all got something in common also i was talking to him the privilege i was talking

to him the other day and we went out and we were about to split something and i was like oh you want to just put your card down he was like hey man i'm not gonna hold you he didn't say i'm not gonna hold you he said it in his yeah my man my man goes i ain't had a card in like a year and a half and he just using his uh apple pay i feel like you might do you relate to that i do have a card that i don't know where it is and i've been using the apple pay for three years now okay so y'all more like insane i'm sure it's gonna cancel so i'm like i have to know when it's expired it says it on the card she don't have the card but it says it on the apple pay i think it does i think it says when it expires really i think so okay maybe when your apple pay card it's the same card

yes yeah it's at the house no it's not remember i moved to la after i moved to la i couldn't yeah it doesn't say when it expires oh no i have still swipes i don't know when i guess one day when i'm like the server's gonna be like yeah i got kicked back yeah and you're gonna be like oh well that's my main card i need that one more time so yeah so you don't like clear uh i don't like any of it you don't but you also do private you know about that i occasionally when i when i open for certain people back on the road brother you say you want to be a celebrity yeah you're doing private just ended at that private yeah no because if i see you on an economy like if i see you on a like a regular plane i'm gonna be like i know that ain't michael chen

i think he does i think he does i think he does private i think he does both i think he does both it's i think a lot of these people do both because you can't be flying your own plane all the time it's 80 thousand dollars for one out for one exactly so it's like i i've done it with other when i'm with the rich homies i've been on the pj but like me personally i'm in comfort plus Okay, Comfort Plus. You're not even doing first class. Sometimes I do first class. It depends on, and this is going to be one of the more unlikable and unrelatable things I say on a podcast,

is that I will get first class if it's less than like $300 more than the Comfort Plus. I can't sit in economy no more. Oh, no. I don't like how they treat me back there. Well, because first of all, you're tall. And so it's like you're a tall person in the back. Look at my legs. You already look insane.

Oh, those are nice socks. Thank you. That's cute. is this your gender reveal size yes exactly I got a baby girl on the way you I can't stand a really tall person in the back

honestly you have to get your tickets in advance you can't be like oh I'm gonna get it two days no no no you know you're flying a month out get that ticket right now you should be picking your seat I have to pick my seat as soon as I could afford to not sit in the back of the plane

that was like one of the first things that I was like I can't i can't be in row 26 no no i can't be in group i was and i used to always be in group f group z group r i was always whatever the most fucked up group was i was always in that and then i was sitting one time i went to hawaii and like barely could afford that my literally you went to hawaii with no money uh i had one of the one of the rich homies okay okay got me out there he was I was flewed out. I was flewed out by a homie for economy. Economy.

He said, we're not doing way too much. He said, economy, we can go ahead and put you back there. I'm sitting back by the restrooms. You know, when you end up. Seats don't even recline. Seats don't recline because you all the way back up against the wall. I don't know about that life. I can't.

I can't live like that. Cindy, you ain't never been on no economy. Don't listen to her. Exactly. Don't listen to her. This is about you, brother. I'm just saying. Why you gotta put it back on me?

You trying to put me down here. No, I'm not trying. You put yourself down there. You said you was in Z You gonna say I said you was on private This is what I'm talking about Okay what I'm talking about

See cause you trying To put me down here Like you wasn't down here before I mean I move Like y'all not peers Like we not peers I don't know the past She trying to treat me

Like an acquaintance I know the present I only know the present I don't know the past You don't remember the past See she forgot her roots I have amnesia That's crazy

Excuse me where are we Who are you You said S-N-L-I-L Yeah Yo flying in the back Of the plane is is trash especially after you've flown better that's true now i've never flown on a private jet before i know that's gonna ruin planes for me that's coming for you i'm surprised you've never

been on a private jet i'm surprised as well i'm crazy yeah i'm surprised you've been on a pj uh it's depend it's not like oh it depends like yeah if you want to say like it was it was one of those like chartered planes but it just felt like maybe it was the first iteration of a private plane it just felt very old was you on a tiktok plane i don't know i don't quite understand what you're describing yeah like it didn't seem as upscale as it should have been how about that how about that was it private though it was private okay like you didn't have to go through security no i didn't have to go through security that part is fly that part is fly when you get on those when you literally you take the car right up you drive right up to the joint walk straight up the stairs and then

you just take off wow security is really what makes you feel pedestrian that you're having to Having to take your shoes off in Cleveland. Oh, I don't do that. Oh, we have pre-check. You don't have that? Yeah, you got to get pre-check, brother. Oh, Devin, you're still taking your shoes off in school 25? Yeah.

Devin! You bending your long back down? No. Hold on. Sometimes I fly first class and I also don't, and I don't have pre-check. Devin, we have to stop that right now. You have to sign up right now. That's the thing, though.

I guess I've just been too lazy to actually do it. Your credit card will pay for it. Because everybody's always like, oh, you got to go to the airport and, like, do an appointment. And that always is, like, that's the hurdle that I have to be in. I didn't have to go to the airport to make an appointment. No, you didn't have to do that. That's for a global entry. I went to a place in, like, Bed-Stuy.

Right near my house. I live there. Yeah. Yeah. I went to a place in Bed-Stuy and the guy, like, a Jamaican guy took my picture and asked me a question and then I left. Oh, that sounds nice, actually. Devin, you can do this, friend. I love a Jamaican guy to take my picture.

You're better than this. You're so tall. This doesn't give tall energy. It feels like very 5'7". But what about when I'm in the front of the plane? You still in the back of the line. You still have to take your things off. Here's what I will say.

Another unlikable thing we're about to say. When you get the first class flight, then you get to go through the priority border. We know about that. But also, every airport don't have the priority boarding line. You know what I'm saying? Like New York got that. I fly from Austin a lot.

They got that. LA, like San Francisco. Certain cities got it. Yeah, big ones. Like Chicago, O'Hare, they don't got no priority. They don't have that. No, they don't have a priority. Honestly, normally when we go to Chicago, the lines are not that bad anyway.

But they don't have no priority lines. So sometimes you get the first class thing. You'd be taking off your shoes, taking your laptop out the bag. Devin, you don't have to live like that no more, baby. It's humiliating. You can leave the laptop in the bag and leave your shoes on. Also, you have like your people have assistants and stuff. Tell them to set it up for you.

Oh, pre-check? Yeah. Is that? Yes. Can they do that? Yes. They take in 10%. They could do 10% of it.

They can absolutely do that. We should talk about that next. That needs to be a podcast. Yeah. Because, look, I got some notes for some representatives. I'll say that. They're all listening. They're all listening.

Well, look, and they know what's up. WME3R, CAA, they're on the call right now. UTA. Sometimes you'll be breaking down them fees and you'll be like, huh, huh. Okay, I paid you. And you ain't called me back last week. Last week is crazy. Last week is insanity.

Because that was this week. You know what I'm saying? But I saw you posting on the gram, though. Right. I saw you was having fun. You was, oh, no, you posted, I saw you posting your clients. I saw you, but you didn't write back. Doesn't that, doesn't that, and now we're like, doesn't that shit feel crazy?

And this is like a very niche industry shit or whatever. But like, don't it feel crazy when you like follow one of your reps and then you see them like big up in somebody else that's like maybe your friend. They'll be like so excited for like that. And I'll be like, well, I did something cool last week. I don't really follow any of my friends. And that is why Marie is doing the work. They follow me and if they comment on something, I'll go to their page and double tap and be like, oh, I just saw your wedding pics from last year.

That's true. That's smart. I don't follow them. That's mostly the way I live now. But that's how you put up a boundary so that you're like, I don't think I know you more than I do. because that's the messed up thing about being online is like you think

you're more chummy with people than what you really are because at the end of the day you know too much it's like I shouldn't have to see your baby I don't need to see your baby

at the end of the day I don't want to see your baby the content don't mean that you know me I don't even really post my actual business online yeah me neither

everything I say is fabricated it's actually grade A storytelling not only is Cindy not showing her real life she's lying she's lying

no no no no no fabrication Fabrication is different from outright lying. You sound like a politician. You sound like a senator right now. Fabrication is like a... That's literally what lying is. Where are my glasses?

Hold on. Where are my glasses? I can't be seen. What is this? A fabrication is a professional lie. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's art. It's art.

Lying, there's no zhuzh to it. It's just flat out nasty, gross. Fabrication. You feel cheated. You feel cheated. you feel lied to Sidney talking like Johnny Cochran

Sidney talking like a straight man baby I didn't lie to you it was a fabrication yeah baby you know I'm an artist Antonio Kareem showed me the way

thank you brother he talked to you about how to lie no yeah I found out what a fuck boy was okay and I was like

oh that's not then that's not you and then people were in the comments like well how do you know he didn't gaslight you to make you think that he's not

a fuck boy and I said fuck he's good that's deep yeah that's so good yeah um but yeah yeah putting stuff on social media doesn't make us cool but uh that's real yeah that's a bar but you follow do you follow people your reps and stuff uh not really not at this point yeah put them to work not at this point make them do the stuff yeah i'm just like there needs to be a separation between church and state yeah i don't really need

to know what they i don't need to know y'all went on vacation i literally i had a rep who like literally i was like calling her about like some kind of something we were trying to figure out and uh she was like well you know i'm about to go on maternity leave and i was like what you said are you i said you pregnant i was like you said you got a man i said not only i knew she was married she had one baby but i was like not only are you married i was like you i did not only you're pregnant you're so pregnant you're about to go on maternity like and you did not know at all that means you're like nine months pregnant right now today you had no clue not even a little bit damn but i think that's the right type of distance

I think I think no that's insanity I'm gonna need you know my rep my rep texted me a couple weeks ago to tell me she's pregnant and I said oh congrats is she like pregnant like she's about to pop like pregnant she's doing like the summertime oh wow wow I mean I'm still here for you though and I was like I get that they don't even they don't even tell me I get the little I didn't wrote something and then they'll bounce back hey such and such is they'll be back blah blah blah I said what the I could have got a text

you know I'm one of the girls that would have been nice I guess you're not one of the girls girl I guess I'm not one of the girls I need to get on SNL maybe then they'll let me know come on you'll see

I see the yes wow it's Lauren Michaels Suge Knight I'll tell you what Lauren Michaels is he's a he's a good man that's a good that's a good guy that's a good guy and he provided me with an awesome opportunity thank you so much that's right and that's not fabrication or fabrication or lie that's just that's true that's the truth ain't no mess about that the truth and

the whole truth nothing but the truth yeah that's right so help you lauren you know what devon i have some mess what's that for you yes um when you first uh came on unofficial expert oh you were like uh you came on as like a reformed hoe or something like that like you don't hoe no more not at that point and you came on and you was real like you was real pussyfooting about it yeah and about i didn't want to get all the way into it yeah that's because i had situations i was juggling around oh you know what i'm saying that's because i had situations something interesting to me last night in the car he said um oh yeah when we were i love that we pull out receipts here because you saying that it made me remember you know my memory not to agree uh uh you said when

you were on the podcast i was the first person to ask you oh yeah um if you get girls cars to and from your house after a hookup or something like that back when i was back when i was really outside that's that's what we talked about on the podcast also i keep getting distracted because This guy looks like the dude who plays Mark Zuckerberg in the social network. Okay. He looks like an older version. And he keeps seeing us look at him. Yeah.

We're looking directly at him in the face. That does look like him. And to me, that is Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah. That's basically Mark Zuckerberg in like 15 years. Well, apparently he's buff now. He got muscles. I don't like anything that he's got going on.

I don't like, he got a little chain on. I don't like that. But honestly, no, no, no. You're looking mad Dominican right now. I don't like that. I love when people do the revamp because it's like, why you got all this money to look the same, sir? Sure. Fix it.

You're giving rough draft. I need you to get to the, you know, the final draft. The final draft. Do it. I do agree that he should look different, but I think the different he chose is the wrong different. Does that make sense? Yeah, we don't need a buff nerd billionaire. Exactly.

I'm not mad at that. You don't need traps. I don't think he does. Jeff Bezos, when he rebranded, too, I was like, no, that's not the right. No. You're not going in the right direction. Because they look eviler. Yes, exactly.

the more muscular that they get if anything I'm ready I'm like a fat billionaire actually big old boy big old country fat boy yeah but a fat billionaire is like the back in the day like the oil tycoons ooh I didn't meet one of those

what? like a JP Morgan Chase like a Rockefeller fat cat I'm interested I like yeah like a real fat he's just like smoking a cigar and like stroking a cat and stinking on a skinny poor person exactly But I think if you look like an evil billionaire, then that's what you're supposed to look like.

I want to know that you're bad. I don't want you looking like a meek, like, oh, I'm one of you people. You're not. You're not. I want you to pull up. I want you to show off. I want you to have that. You don't want the American apparel hoodie.

I want you that Johnny Bravo squared-ass head. I want you to be block head, block body. I need to know that you're not one of us. Well, if we're going to talk about it, Rihanna, billionaire. Oprah, billionaire. Yes. Neither of them look, I mean, neither of them are buff. I think Oprah

tried to be buff. I don't know what Oprah's got going on. I think she just did the Weight Watchers Ozempic pipeline. She's like Luther Vandross, you know, where it's like you can kind of track different. This world or mine. Yes, I saw that. Never too much, never too much, never too much.

But that's not what she's saying when you put food on her plate. But also, you gotta understand that black billionaires are different than white billionaires. I don't want to say anything bad about Oprah because I'm so scared of her. I'm so I'm really afraid of her Oprah

I too like bread but if you think that Oprah's listening to mess you're insane Gail is Gail is listening to mess is she no Stedman is listening to mess

well if Stedman shout out to Stedman shout out to Stedman you're doing great work over there yeah man you seem like you living nice well I mean we

you don't know who's listening and and they might not be listening now but when something pop off that's the thing you saw what you saw what happened to Ayo you see what happened to Ayo

she didn't think she was ever gonna She was talking that talk about J-Lo. She didn't think that she was ever going to come back for it. And then what happened? On SNL, Ayo was on the same episode as J-Lo. I was there that day. We were there that day. I was there the day when the news dropped, which was on like a Thursday or Friday.

And I remember everybody just being like. Well, you know, she's trying to put that behind her. So try not to bring it up too much. I mean, of course. I think that if you're in the industry, you should be okay. Somebody might have said something in jest. We're doing comedy here. What did Ayo say about J-Lo?

Oh, Lord Jesus. She said she couldn't sing. She said she couldn't sing. I feel like she's not the first or the last person to say that. Hey, J-Lo, if you listening to this, waiting for tonight. I don't think J-Lo is listening to this. She's going to be listening when this goes viral. Wait, this guy right here, I used to be an intern for his show.

Sir, you're ADHD. You have to lock in. I'm sorry. There's a lot of stuff going on They got a lot of screens out here That's what y'all can't see out here There's a whole office You're on live TV every Saturday

You know how to lock in Don't look at that screen I thought this was a free-flowing conversation I thought it could go wherever we wanted it to I used to be an intern for this guy I used to be a radio intern This is also what happened Marie did my podcast

I don't know when this is coming out Marie did my podcast It's supposed to be about music and lyrics and albums and stuff like that. Oh, I know y'all didn't say on television. No, not at all. We talked about it and I kept trying to reroute it back.

No, you can't do that. So now you think you're going to come back and do that here? Huh? So that's what you thought? You were going to be petty? This is revenge.

But when Simi did it, y'all was on track. We was on track. We was talking about Lil' Kim. So I need you to be 50% focused. 50% because I came. I'm back. I'm back.

What's the worst thing about flying? The worst thing about flying... Or maybe the worst thing that has happened to you while you were flying i missed a flight go i i missed a flight going to the super bowl this year what with your dad yeah i brought my dad to the super bowl i ended up making it but okay i did i was like i was like me me and my dad are eagles fans my dad's from pennsylvania and he uh you know was like oh you know super bowl this year it was in new orleans which is closed my dad lives in texas and i was like you know what that's an easy flight for my

guy like my dad getting older you know what i'm saying he getting that age where it's like he not moving around as much i was like and you know i've been i had a solid year so i was like you know what i'm gonna buy some super bowl tickets buy some super bowl tickets get a little place for me and my dad to stay out i'm gonna take my dad to the super bowl cute oh you drop bread it was not yes no it's not cheap not at all it was not cheap okay but you know it's for the it's the memories yes it's the memories yeah but that was also it was a good super bowl uh-huh it was a good super it was a good super i got you know i got to take my dad who's a lifetime eagles fan to watch the eagles win the super bowl like that's like you know that's what it's about he's got to

always mention your name in conversation bro i got i got what devon is he's doing it i got three siblings a nigga's at the top of the leaderboard yeah in a big way yeah in a big way i love that if my brothers any of my sisters are listening y'all ain't over y'all ain't gonna catch that y'all no longer in the wheel nah it's all devon top it again are you the oldest uh i'm the second youngest so i'm second to last first place i'm second to last second to last first place wait how many siblings uh i have three i have three but it was like my dad my dad had a kid in high school oh my dad yeah yeah my dad was dropping it off my dad was moving around yes also i don't think that was really doing condoms back then this is like the 70s i feel like condoms was not

really i feel like they i feel like condoms didn't really pop off to like the 80s when when or now you're a condom historian but in the 80s in the 80s they also weren't using condoms but then you know what I'm saying exactly

then then Magic Johnson made the announcement and then I feel like that's when niggas was like so in the 90s is when people was using condoms maybe so

maybe in the 90s is when it really popped off my dad's you know he was a teenager in the 70s and I feel like at that point

it was not really so your dad had his flares on yeah big old hair no he had his Kendrick Lamar's on he did he did now they not like us

he had them Kung Fu Kings on he had all those that was crazy to see too i was there for the anyway that's right to bring us back bring us back take us home i i like misread the flight times for my flight leaving out my flight coming back from the super bowl was at 8 p.m but i just read the 8 and my flight leaving out was at 7 a.m and so i was literally i had not even left my house yet looked at the clock or sorry got a text from the airline and the airline was just like oh your flight is now boarding and you're like at this point it's like 6 20 and i was like that's weird why would it's an 8 a.m flight like why would

they be i'm literally i was like let me get in the car real quick get in the car literally like re-look at the flights i was like fuck i'm not gonna get to the airport till like 6 41 flight's supposed to leave at 7 a.m i go through secure there's no security line okay run straight through okay at this point it's 644 646 by the time you're sweating baby your neck is going to the super bowl you know i already bought this ticket i'm running i was like okay what gate am i it's gate like it's all the way back there that's always the way it's never close yeah no it's never the gate right by where you at i'm hitting a dead sprint i mean i'm running as fast as i possibly can like a movie a woman sees me and she's got one of them she goes what she go what

gate you going to i was like 155 she was like okay 150 come on yeah puts me on the thing she's drives me through gets me to the gate i get to the gate they go they go oh are you are you walk at this point it's flights at 7 a.m at this point it's 653 they were like are you walker i was like yeah they were like you just missed it oh damn you took us there we were like maybe but you had already told me you just told that story and that was great great storytelling i'm pretty perpetually like i like cutting it close for flights because i don't like it i don't like being at the airport this is why you have to get pre-checked yeah i get through the airport five minutes i'm at the gate from from where the car drops me off to the gate five minutes they tired of us they tired of us

being like everybody's already settled and i'm coming in ran through the airport i run through the airport all the time nine times out of ten okay see so we're all on the same page yeah but that's a pre-check you're you're giving you're doing the pre-check but but you're not pre-check no so you have to get on board i just be hoping for the best you know i just be i know you i know you want to god's favorites but you got to do more work that's true and get that pre-check that's true yeah god's plan so you missed the flight and then what do you what's the flight that you get so so at this point it's like it's 7 a.m it's 6 59 or something like that the plane's still there which is the part that really bothers me the most once they shut that door and i feel like that

should be a vibe check once they shut the door it shouldn't be a hard and fast rule that you can't get in it should be like oh do you got a good vibe is this an important trip for you do you have the right type of spirit to come through the door is it superbowl sunday superbowl sunday you trying to bring your dad and have a nice moment or better yet are you michael chay potentially could be could be maybe if you want to be if you turn if you turn your head the right way if you squint you're right if you close your eyes and take molly if you ain't got your prescription updated hey if you look through the little readers instead of the big part michael chay could be if Do Stevie Wonder?

Yeah, sure. Whoa. I know Stevie Wonder. Stevie listening. I know Stevie listening to the pod. Stevie listening to the pod. My bad. Yeah, my bad.

Come on, man. I'm sorry. Isn't it crazy? Sorry. Yeah, go ahead. Isn't it crazy that Stevie Wonder has a song called Isn't She Lovely? Yes, because you can be lovely without seeing somebody. No.

Yes. No. Yes. No. Talk about what she looks like. She's talking about her spirit. Yeah. Yeah.

Love. Lovely, isn't she wonderful? I don't need time for that. Isn't she precious? Oh, he's also talking about his daughter, I think. That song's about a baby. Isn't she precious? Less than one minute old.

Oh, yeah. I think he's talking about when he saw his daughter. Yeah, Marie, you didn't know the song. You can't say saw his daughter. You can't say that. He didn't, but he felt his daughter. When he felt his daughter. When he felt his daughter.

When he heard his daughter. When he heard his daughter. Yeah, there's other senses, friend. That's true. Anyway, shout out to all the visually impaired people listening to the pod right now. Thank you, Marie. Thank you. Shout out to, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to ruffle any feathers. Listen, she don't want to lift any lids.

Marie's probably been canceled a handful of times. Isn't she lovely? Marie's the most uncancelable person. I do believe that. You have to be likable. Marie's too likable to get canceled. Oh, I did a whole Helen Keller joke and somebody was like, oh no. And everybody was like, shut up, bitch.

but whatever that's popular girl privilege now I wasn't popular as a kid but that's why you're popular now I'm barely popular now Trader Joe's you got buff gay dudes

coming up too is there any other type of gay dude yes we know them all shout out to the skinny gays shout out Alex English he's buff in his mind know he's he's no he is buff what are you talking about he's not buff he just started doing some

push-ups right he's skinny when a skinny nigga start doing push-ups then they meet also alex if you're listening the quickness with which you stopped you stopped wearing shirts in the summertime once he this nigga got an equinox membership for like four months i ain't seen him with a shirt that whole summer that whole summer you have to show off the process you're like listen i'm i am not where i am right now but i will be and you will see that progress no when people put up those pictures like this is how

I used to be in the before and after that's nice but I actually like to visually see it you like to see the whole process in real time

so I like I like what he was doing because there was a moment where he was wearing a tank top and I saw his clavicles and his bicep I said whoa

no he was whoa you're doing a lot he was doing a lot he had a personal trainer he did wait till Alex starts you know

increasing his protein intake then he's really he gonna be buff that's what I want then he'll be buff I wanna do that for me I wanna like

you know take off a sweater and you're like what the fuck what you been doing you know what I mean like I wanna look so people say that

when they see your butt you know what yeah no but at the show last night I was like yeah really

yeah ew Maria it's been going down it's from the the antidepressants you know whenever I take it I lose the butt

no I don't know that oh okay well you know she's a respectful sister thank you so much she not looking you're giving me stevie wonder when it comes to the mother isn't she precious um okay so devin yes you you deflected so well because i was asking you about

um when you was a hoe and now you're not and then he was like i used to intern for that guy Yeah, you saw what you did to me? I did. I'm getting you back on track. He's on iHeart. Also, wait, I never finished the plane story. Girl. Which one do y'all want to talk about?

Just tell us what time you are on the next flight. Long story short, I'm at the airport. Door's closed. You see the deflection again? I know, it's fine. Finish it. Finish it. No, go, go, go.

He not in it. He not in it. You don't see him. Come on. He not in it. He working. Come on, bro. He's up here.

Come on. so you the door's closed the plane is still there you wanted to argue for your life and it was like it was a Caribbean woman

and she was not she was having she was having none of it she was having none she ain't care where I needed to go oh no no no no I like it's the thing is

it's like I love when I see you know black people working at the airport but I know when they had to they're like they're not

they're black but they're not black they're like hey sis it's like no no no I'm a TSA it's like OJ Simpson I'm Sheila. Yeah, it's like, oh, we got it.

There's actually a distance here. Yes, absolutely. I'm doing my job and I'm not losing my job for you. I don't care what your color is. And I say, you know what? You should care a little bit. Just a little bit, but not. They don't.

And Candace Owens' behavior. Ooh, no. Stacey Dash. I wouldn't say that. No. It's just like, I don't know you. And if I do see you with a police baton in your purse, you're going to jail. Like, that's just what it is.

Sure. And that was fair. You're going to jail. That's different than opening the door. Right. Also, I have had someone open the door for me before. Really? The door's closed and they opened them for you?

Yeah, the door was closed. Was it a private jet? No, it was not a private. Because there ain't no door on the private. You know what I'm saying? They just pull it. Don't the stairs fold up? No, I'm talking about the door.

Not the door to the plane. The door to the little walkway that goes to the plane. That was shut. That was shut. And they opened it for me one time. I forget where I was going. Did you fall off the other side of it? Because I think when it's closed, that means the plane has detached.

No, no, no, no. That doesn't mean that. That means that they've closed. Like once they close that, that just means they're not letting any new people on the plane. But the plane is usually still there. Like when I, when they wouldn't let me on this Super Bowl flight, I could still see the plane out the window. They wouldn't let you know they were there. They just not letting you in. exactly uh but anyway in that moment i was like fuck this is like i'm lost the super bowl starts at 5 p.m i was supposed to land it's like maybe like a three and a half hour flight so i was like if i would have left at seven i would have got there at like seven or like 10 in the morning something like that what i end up doing is i was like okay in this moment i'm about to buy an extra flight and so i was at jfk i think i bought a flight at la guardia for like 10 30 and so i was like okay i could go straight to la guardia and then as an insurance i bought

an extra flight oh at jfk at like 12 yeah like 1 30 or something like that oh you hate your money you hate your money give me the money brother you don't it's clear i'm about to get you something oh you know i'm about to get you that soda machine oh yeah from yesterday You don't buy it for her? Norwegian. Oh, my God. No, it's for housewarming gifts. Thank you, brother.

Cindy don't really need soda. Get her a water machine. You can put water in it. Oh, Cindy don't be drinking water? No, she don't. God, I have water right here. And it's full. Somebody catch me.

I don't understand. That's really, this is how I know God's real. Because Cindy don't be drinking water. The camera, look at me. She don't exercise. She don't exercise. She don't go to sleep. She don't have a passport.

One of God's favorites, for real. Truly. I'm like, God loves this woman, for real. For real. She in the top 30. Yes. Of the world. Absolutely.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Why does it look like it hurts? That's crazy. You look like you was drinking Dymataps. Because it did feel like that. It did. Oh, no.

Yo, Devin, I hate you. That's how you look drinking that water. You've been so unprofessional. You have not been a peer or a colleague or a friend. I don't know what Dimetap is. Make sure we put that in the caption. Dimetap or Robitussin. It's like one of those cough syrup medicines that you get over the counter.

Robitussin was good. I actually enjoyed it. I did. I like Dimetap. That's what my mom used to give me. I don't know if I'm a Robitussin. Robitussin was nasty. No, it was good.

You had that little cup, and you were like, Like it's wine. You're like, On the nose, it's giving stuffy. On the tongue, it's giving. okay so you made a flight uh i made the second flight but the second flight got delayed like two separate times and then i was literally i was about to get on the second flight i was about to get on the second flight and then like literally they were like calling like i don't whatever they

call first people in wheelchairs and like military people and stuff like that people yeah pregnant women they call that group uh like one or two people get up and get on the plane and then there's like a 15 minute gap and i was like what the fuck is this like what's going on and they were like hey uh actually we've had to shut this plane down uh we're gonna have to get a different plane and i was like well where would you even find that like where's where are the other where are the other planes so thank god you bought that other flight well but i didn't end up needing it they did end up finding another they were like you know when they're like when you're like oh i'm about to get on the flight and then they're like oh the apart doesn't work on this

plane yeah i don't know they'll be like oh we got to do maintenance on this plane and then they just shut down the whole plane when i was going to brazil they we they loaded everybody in they said yeah the pilot's not here he's running late you know but you know he gonna get here and then 40 minutes they were like yeah we just gonna have to not fly tonight because the i'm like did the pilot not show up right i mean and this is when flights was falling i keep on falling the out of the sky out of the sky and so i was like you know what if he ain't here don't even try to find a new one it's just let's go to bed and start over tomorrow because i don't want to have to deal with any of this so yeah that's sometimes that's how i have to look at stuff if i miss a flight i

be like well this this the one that was gonna fall off the sky or i wasn't meant to be on this you were supposed to be on that toronto flight that flipped upside down no no because you know i'm not wearing seat belts so i would have been the one that wouldn't you know what i will say i used to be like that i used to be very indignant about not wearing the seatbelt because i was like what the fuck i need the seatbelt for like and then i talked to this lady i talked to this lady after a show i don't know how this came up i randomly a flight attendant uh i don't i don't know how this came up i don't i really don't know how it came up in conversation but it was like i like it doesn't matter i was gonna give the backstory to what show i was doing you don't

need that i was doing i dropped it on a mary beth show okay and uh literally this lady who's like Her aunt's friend was just like, oh, you got to wear the seatbelt. And I was like, why? She was like, I know somebody who like, she was like, it's not for if the plane crashes. It's like if the plane drops unexpectedly all of a sudden. And she was like, she was like, I knew a lady who like, like flew up to the top of the plane and like fucked her like neck and her back up all crazy. Yeah. And I was like, after I heard that, I was like, okay, I'm putting the seatbelt on.

And you can't sue because you were supposed to wear a seatbelt on. Okay. That's all I need to hear. Exactly. And once I heard that, I was like, they should have said that. They should have said that. They should have talked about the cup falling out and put your mask on before somebody else. Put your seatbelt on in case we drop you and you mess your neck up.

Unexpectedly drop out of the sky, then you go to the top of the plane. Well, dropping out of the sky, the seatbelt is the least of my problems. I think that's when you really need it. The most important, Marie. I think that's when it's the most important. You know what I'm saying? Like in the movies when it just goes, and you're like, yeah, exactly. Which has happened before.

You've hit the big drop? Yes. And I was, I was, no, but I didn't hit, I didn't hit the ceiling. I mean, we dropped, but like I went up a little bit, but not like hit the ceiling, go up. But it could have, but it could have, but it could have. But I was like, again, you know, I can't think about what could have happened. I'm thinking about what happened and we good. And you really can't be hitting the top of the plane because I already know you dehydrated.

You know what I'm saying? Excuse me? So your bones brittle. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly. And this is perfect. We need to be sponsored by somebody who's water, water. I would love somebody who's water, water, sponsored by the Gulf of Mexico.

um let's read some messages yes but i had some um i wanted to mess versus living oh let's go do you think it's messy to not talk to the person that you're dating every day not talk like at all yeah like it like say for instance there's a day a day y'all don't do you think you have to talk every day on some level yeah like check in yeah you need every day you at least need to like send a little you saying every day like you don't do that she does but i'm asking what if what if what What if you don't talk for a day? Is that messy or living? That's messy.

You cannot talk to the homies every day. That's fine. That's totally honest. Oh, no, I got to talk to my friends every day. When I don't talk to my friends, I'm like, what's going on? And I'd be at the house like, ooh. Damn, bitch. Now, that's mess.

Now, that's what I call mess. No, you got to at least check in and be like, what's up? It's the text. The text thing. I hope you had a good day. But I'm just about to be on the phone. oh no you don't got to get on the phone every day no no that's that's no that's too much okay is it messy or just living to not talk to the person that you're sitting next to on a flight

should you acknowledge them at all or is it cool to just i would say that's just living that's just you don't need to talk to the person that's next to you because it's like i don't know because what if they really want to keep talking and that's not and you don't have that type of vibe with them but i will say i have had some cool interactions i like met this lady who's like a she's like a therapist on tv or she uh she was like a black lady too she's like a black lady therapist who what's her name i was to fix my life no it was not her she was on like i want to say she did like couples counseling for like some people on like love and hip-hop atlanta or something something like that and you said she's a therapist she's a therapist okay and she was and i was

talking to her and she was like back in chicago for like her sorority you know like reunion or whatever sometimes you meet some cool people but did she help you give you anything she said she would i haven't reached out to her but she i got you have a card i have her card okay nice if i ever wanted she was like i do family therapy too so i might take you know i'm saying oh and you're having a girl so yeah and you're having my baby oh mess versus living yes get on the flight middle seat that's do they get middle seat is mess yeah but the the elbow rest do they get both of them um i think that's a first comes first serve thing i think if you want both armrests i think you gotta yeah you gotta fight you gotta get on as soon as you put as soon as you put your

body down don't read no book if you really want them armrests if you really want the arm don't give up that space that's your turf that's where you live but when can you like move it you don't you just you're just like this the whole flight how bad do you want it well because when you think about it the window seat can lean on the window but the aisle seat they gotta get a little bit of that arm rest i have to i think that i think that's messy not sharing the rest you go back and i go front no we're not splitting it it's not that we're not doing we're not doing shared custody that's not it's like i got it or you got it we're not doing no weekend you sound like somebody with some big forearms yeah i mean i will say and that's why you guys need to be in

the front pre-check as well that's true i did i was on a plane yesterday i was in i was in the seat number one one a one a and that's i like that except you don't got the little you don't got no under under legs storage so you gotta put all your stuff up at the top but when you get in when you in the front of the plane it's a lot of space up there it is you know what i'm saying that's also another thing this is the thing that i don't fuck with is how come they don't plan for everybody bringing a bag right no in the overhead store how and how come every time they're like oh yeah you just got you got to check your bag and they make it seem like they're doing you a favor They're like, oh, we'll do a complimentary bag check.

They're lying. I'll tell you the best. They are lying. They're lying. Every time I've ever been, like, at the gate and they're like, you're going to have to check it. I'm like, I know there's still room on that flight. And I always bring my bag on the plane. Do you bring one of them little rolly bags?

Yeah, I got a little, you know, a little away. And she takes a little tag off and I do it right in there. Bro, one time I was flying to go see my mom. Aw. I love her. She's so sweet. She's a sweetheart. Shout out my mom.

but I was flying to go see my mom and it was these two like kind of mean older black ladies and they were saying like hey you gotta like they were saying you gotta check your stuff da da da da da and as I was getting on the plane they were like they were like we see you trying to hide that bag you don't have to check it

I was like it's just a duffel bag I could probably sit I thought this was for the road they said ah ah ah and they made me they made me check a duffel bag respect your elders and then they called security on me they called security they called security on michael che yes that's crazy they did i don't

even know if i was on the show yet but yes but yes they called it was like one of them north face stuff it was a normal it was a normal duffel bag but i think it's because they thought that i was trying to like pull something over on them and then i was just like hey like i bet you i could fit this no like oh okay so you're gonna do it like that you're gonna get bucked and then they and then they straight they called like an agent they're calling an agent to the gate and then i to sit like a kid in time out while somebody came and was like, sir, you got any problems here? And you're like, yeah, I'm trying

to fold my duffel bag. I was like, get on the plane, man. I'm just trying to fly to Virginia. And you know how they are. A duffel bag, you can roll it up and throw it up there. That's what I'm saying. I was going for like a weekend. I could have literally, I could have smushed my little bag. You should have said, move that windbreaker in that little bag

that somebody's got gifted. Move that out. That's true. That's mess. That's mess. People who use the overhead for an ugly jacket get it out a backpack get it out under the seat yeah what is this little tone you got get the tone out put it on sit on the tote get out of here yeah this kind of stuff is this is really making a point for us getting rich enough that we can fly the private because that is really the actual flying process is like fine but it is like just dealing with all of the other people

and whatever shit they got going on i also think like you know they have separate now they used to have like separate sections for smoking i'd like in on the plane and stuff like that yeah like back in a day like i remember being like how old are you devin the way you talk about back in a day well like they used to have y'all you were on a flight i don't know what i'm talking about you were on a flight that they were smoking to him he's not your man delegate he mostly hasn't helped me i'll say that i keep looking at him he's doing his job he's trying to make sure we look what i'm talking about he can't be worried about showing shenanigans he's mostly been unhelpful he's been helpful to us yeah exactly that's crazy sure that you know the hair is right

and the cheekbones are shining. Get out of here. Stop getting in the way of that. Okay. Getting in the way. You know how they used to have smoking sections at different places. They used to have smoking sections

in the bowling alley. They used to have smoking sections at IHOP. I think they should have that, but for babies. A baby section. I think there should be a baby section that has a closed door. Oh.

I'm not mad at her door. And it's soundproofed. And it's like nine seats. It's like if you got a baby, you sit in this special section and can't nobody else hear you. I think we should talk to some airlines about that. I think we got to

implement that Delta make it work I do be flying Delta what's your what's your status I'm a gold

gold medallion okay gold medallion yeah talk to us when you're we gonna get diamond this year I don't want that

I don't but it's also like what happens when you get that stuff lots of perks yeah you'll never fly in the back again yeah

I don't fly in the back they respect you I ain't never fly in the back let me tell you something I'm Rosa Parks I ain't going back there I ain't getting back there I done been back there

and not today I ain't going back the first time I flew first class I was like this is decadent it's like crazy and it was a short flight

I was flying to Texas and I was like oh my god I was eating good I was laying flat I almost died up there I was eating so fast I remember like

when I first got hired at SNL I remember somebody I want to say it was like I want to say it was like Chloe Fineman we were talking about flying and I was just like

oh like I just get like a comfort plus like da da da and she was like are you not flying first class and i was like she was judging you i was i was like nah like it's it's too much extra money like she was like well she was like i don't think you should start because once you start doing that it's hard to go back and then i and then i've done it like a handful of times sometimes i'll get the free upgrade or whatever when i realized it was really different when they offer you a drink when you still on the ground yeah when you still

you still on the ground and i'm like oh actually yeah let me get a uh let me get a Let me get a mimosa before we take off. You trying to roll your duffel bag up to throw it at the top, and they're like, anything to drink? And you'd be like, huh? Yes. No, first time they take the stuff for you, let's put it up there for you.

Just lay down. One time I was going to a wedding, and they're like, oh, you want us to put this in a special closet? They got a little closet where they got a suit. I had a suit. They took my suit, they put it in a little special captain's closet. Even the pasta is different. When I was going in first class to L.A.,

they had this tortellini that had lobster in it. oh my god plain lobster let's talk about the bathroom in first class has a floor length mirror sure it does oh i have not seen that oh the flights that i've been on maybe it's more so international yeah i'm sorry oh but uh damn devon you gotta do better brother she said baby she said you look like you ain't got no passport no i've not seen the fooling i will say the like plain mirrors or plain bathrooms are tough for me because i'm tall so like i still i'm six foot three and he's taken ladies he's got a girl az love ya um okay let's get into mess yeah let's read some of our messages and then we'll let you

go devin you've given us so much today sorry sorry you're having a good time yeah i mean you really derailed us a few times, but that's fine. Do you want to ask your whole question, Sidney? No, no, no. We're done with that. We're done with that. You don't want to get into that? No. I'm curious to know what you wanted to ask. Nope. I'm good. Okay. Yep. Okay. Mess Queens.

Long time fan gets the herb. Hello, Sid and Marie. I'm a long time fan. I want to thank you both personally for getting me through COVID. Two things before we get into the mess. One, I need to see y'all as zombies for the

season finale of search party and two please start uploading these videos you're right friend you're right all right so bam after covid i gained a lot of weight and my sex life changed dramatically oh i'm black and gay and now i am fat oh oh and i was striking out everywhere that's a sentence it's so funny yeah i know but so real yeah the only people who would fuck me were race chasers oh so after a literal year of no sex and trying i finally gave in to a race chaser go ahead and drag me but i needed to fuck so what is a race chaser somebody who just wants to be with you because you black yeah i think so is this a man or a woman it's giving man it does oh okay well i can't see the images i'm so sorry friend i wish i could see a race chaser i've

never heard that phrase i've never heard of that oh yeah i'm not about that yeah you are a person of color white men and white gay men go after very specific community yeah yeah and then it's like very like racialized experience in the bedroom where they'll like say they want you like slave play yeah okay very specific we won't know this person seems like they knew they just wanted to have sex put on the kente cloth

shut up Devin okay boom I had not fucked the entire year so I stopped taking prep so I met with this guy and he's not my type I'm just horny and drunk the whole time the man is begging me to fuck him raw and I'm like nope

not on prep condoms only so i wore a condom and we fucked while this man was not my type he could wow okay oh girl wow finish say it while this sorry devin this is the this is the mess that you get okay um i'm sorry we apologize but you know you you an ally yeah i'm here okay so a few days after come on you skipped over some stuff okay you want me to read the whole thing just read it the whole time the man is begging me to fuck him raw and i'm like nope not on prep condoms only so i wore a condom and we fucked while this man was not my type he could grip your dick with his asshole while you were in his butt and so i went back another time amen

After the second time, though, a few days after, I started getting itchy bumps on my ball sack. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, so the second time he did. Yeah, yeah, that's why he needed the condom. We all have been there. We all have been there. No. Not for the second part of the story, but you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, man. I ended up going to Planned Parenthood and getting tested. And of course, your boy got the herp. I asked the lady, like, why, my lord? I was wearing a condom. What do I do with my outbreak zone? outside of the condom zone what oh she was like wearing a condom only makes it less likely the

only true form to avoid stds is abstinence i am pissed i could not fuck for an entire year what i came to a race chaser and even though i wore a condom i still got herpes i have found out that i'm not hot enough for people to want to risk herpes to fuck me oh friends so anyways i go to the guy's apartment and confront him and i'm like i haven't had sex in a whole calendar year you're The only person I fucked, I know you gave me herpes. He denies, denies, denies. Shows me a recent STD test where they could not test for herpes. Do you know this man?

Do you know this man asked me to fuck him? I was pissed and basically saw this as confirmation that he gave me herpes. Yes. So I fucked him raw and left and never spoke to him again. Girl, now. Well. Now you got to work on yourself. Well, yes.

There's some self-esteem things. Yeah. Sure. Okay. But like you got it from him. so it's like at this point we already here right you know what i'm saying that doesn't mean you won't get it again something else yeah that's very true what else yeah damn you really thought about that there's something to that

it's been about seven months and i'm in a new city so i am fresh meat and i'm handling my weight gain better so there are some prospects now but no one wants to meet with me because once again not had enough to risk herpes for a hookup i always disclose even if a hookup does not ask because that is what i would want but my question to you beautiful black queens yes should i stop disclosing if they don't ask jesus just so i can finally have sex oh my god or should i just invest in a lifetime supply of vaseline and only fan subscription oh or should i buy a strap on and use that for sex or should i stop hooking up and get a partner who would like me for me and let's be okay working out how to not transfer my hair maybe that one help me yeah help me queens

this is this mess or just living pictures below for reference of how weight gain changed my appearance oh my god but you're so cute you're not even come on you're not even big like that right you're not even big like yeah you're not what that no but the way i'm saying yeah the way it seemed like it was like this is yeah this is being in like a normal guy way you're a cutie My advice is for you, friend, is to get as get as happy and healthy as you can get and then go back in and try to date. Don't do it when you, you know, not in a good place mentally. Yeah. But also there's apps for people who have herpes that will date other people who have herpes.

So it's like, you know, I don't know. But I know it exists. Everybody knows, but don't nobody know. No, we know there's something for everything. For everybody. Yeah, exactly. that doesn't exist I can't do the footwork

for you but you know the footwork the legwork y'all knew what the hell I meant y'all knew what I meant I did

Devin what's your advice um man disclose or not disclose you definitely you gotta disclose I feel like that's just part of the deal

I hooked up with somebody who didn't tell me until after one time and it was like that they had it yes and everything was like fine but

so how did you feel after you found out after I was like well I don't want to see you again yeah i'm just like it's i mean i guess i didn't have any outbreak like i didn't have any like symptoms or anything like that i like got tested or whatever but like it just felt like i was like that feels like a base level conversation to have i've also like i've hooked up with somebody who like told me before and like had the disclosure like oh i'm taking medications like it's herpes

away less less of a big deal than i think we've thought of it to be you know what i'm saying like i think it's it's it's a it's a hurdle you could get over but i'm like we got to be able to like talk about it first and we got to destigmatize herpes i really do i really do destigmatize herpes i didn't know that this was going to be on the bingo sheet today you look at you devon you this might have been a good one for you this is good this is great i think we've got to destigmatize because obviously like nobody wants to get it like obviously that's not what you want but then once you have it now we're so far along in the medicine and the treatment and stuff like that you can get it to a point where you're not transferring it to other people so i think we

gotta stop treating people with herpes like get on the non-transferable medicine yeah exactly because you're cute yeah and i mean just like they have prep they have that for herpes yeah and you could be like the magic johnson of herpes like you know wow you know you okay sydney i don't know because magic johnson is like successful and doing great and he's like showing you like you can live with HIV and so he's also very rich

so get your money up friend get your money up friend spend a whole year working getting money doing well and then get back out there with the new improved expensive herpes that you have now and you know do your thing expensive herpes

yeah sure oh sure I heard he's got that we have heard that you know this is what I heard gotta let it burn we did hear about that he did

he kinda said it yeah he said it multiple times he said you got it you got it bat you're on the phone

with the STD people you hang up and you burn alright bat wait for real you know wait for real you for

I'm for real I know you play hold up hold up nah wait a minute these are my confessions yes

got it he had a lot of confessions this was a good time we heart you much here where can they find you on the instas and twitter at the delta lounge no I don't go in the delta lounge I get there too late

to go in the lounge I heard you running through the airport you can find me at chaythinks on instagram just go ahead and check all my stuff out there no I'm at internet devon I'm mostly on instagram at this point I'm about to start my own podcast it's going to be called my favorite lyrics uh it's going to be probably out i don't know when

this is coming out but it will probably be out in april at some point yeah sydney and marie both have episodes they'll probably be in the first few episodes and uh yeah before we go tell the listeners real quick your favorite song currently or your what is your favorite lyric oh uh i'll tell you a lyric that i like remembered recently that i'm about to talk about on the pod that really makes me laugh struck with you it's it's from the it's from the uh baby keem song orange soda where he goes uh i attack that he goes uh i hate a bitch that i can't impress when you come see the crib you better die ho yeah which is it's such a funny bar to me where he's like he's like you better he's like i got all this shit this better but you better pass out when you see

everything that i got going on i hate a bitch that i can't impress when you come to the crib You better die, ho. Anyway, listen to that. If we could add that to the outro. Yeah. How much that going to cost to get a little bit of that in there? You're not paying for it. Can we say the lyrics if we don't play the music?

You can say everything. Okay. You can say everything. In 15 seconds, they can put it. So I'll ask Brian. Yeah, just that part. Shout out to Brian. Talk to Brian.

Shout out to Men in Tech. Anyway, take care of yourselves and always disclose whatever your status is. Yeah, you got to. Keep sending messages. Y'all can cut it down just a smidge. You know what I mean? y'all sending us four page letters

and we love it and we love it but if you could condense it for me my moms please thank you for sending us visual aids

we love it yeah that might have been in the wrong word visual aids visual aids anyway that's mess

bye mess with Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast

created and hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588 i hate a bitch that i can't impress when you come see the crib you better die ho