MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Book This Box w/ Marley Gotterer

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by Marley Gotterer! The three discuss chaotic nail appointments MESS, tour mishap MESS, Los Angeles MESS, dating MESS and more.  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description oh you're listening to me summer has started no spring spring has started but it smells like summer outside it's because of the summer summer spring truly it's 80 degrees today listen i don't know where y'all are where you're listening to this episode right now but in new york today is 80 degrees and that's the mindset you should have anyway 80 degrees hey titties out 80 degrees even if it's not 80 degrees feel it feel it feel it within it feel it do you have allergies though yes yes okay today bad i went outside i was like let me get a juice first of all i went to a gym i got this little uh thing that you it shakes and that helps you with your circulation so i've just

been heavy heavy like mind body soul went outside got the juice and i had did my makeup before come back my eyes are watering lashes falling off i honestly my eyes were so pink i was like do i have pink eye interesting yeah what you got from the store a juice what kind of juice right um carrot ginger celery apple yes your juice over smoothie yes yes especially with invisalign it's like i don't need to be right that's a good question i'm smoothie over juice me too yeah because they fill me up yeah it was more of a meal right but juice is not a meal that's like you have the devil inside you and you have to flush it out yeah juice you know what beet juice is good but your boot comes out red your peas red and it always comes out red after you've long forgotten that you drank a beet

juice and i always feel like oh my god i'm dying i'm dying right i don't drink enough water i got my first hemorrhoid speaking of red oh probably before the introduction so i've got my first it's asmr just like it just happened yesterday so that's kind of it's literally fresh still got that new hemorrhoid smith no and i've literally never had and i'm like sorry to go right to But behold, it is like I am, I have digestive issues that's happened my whole life. IBS, daddy. IBS, maybe I should get tested for Crohn's. But I am gluten and dairy free right now.

So if we could just have a moment of silence. Silence, because I know you would love better tasty things. Sound like you need to start drinking juices. No, I might need to go juice over smoothie now. I think you should. I think you should. but if you have a smoothie that means you might not be having lunch you're trying to have it you know hold you over for at least five hours that i'm trying to have it hold me over i'm not

trying to think about food really a smoothie after i get out the gym will just hold me over because i'll i'll wake up or get out of recording the podcast and be like damn i didn't really eat today right i had an egg and an orange and it's like should have a smoothie and that's why the body's tea okay and that's i know i was gonna say what do you do at the gym like start to finish or maybe today i did some pilates uh this girl on um youtube who was trying to kill us but yeah yesterday i did you know i did some deadlifts i did some tricep dips i did usually i take a class but now i think i'm gonna start working out again okay no okay i do know i want to be my hottest self i think we all want to be our hottest selves this summer definitely the world is trying i know

So we got to just like at least have one solid bikini Instagram post. Just one. Like all I'm asking for is one. But I just, I think as a single person. Are you also single? Yes. And I'm ready to not be, I think. I think I was chilling before and now I'm like.

It's going to be a slutty summer. You think so? Yes. Okay. Yes. marie is saying this every episode so it's definitely gonna be a sub it's okay well every summer for the past four summers i have been like i need to have a lesbian summer and that has not happened so i might just like hold off saying that at all no but just know that that's what i

want wait what's a lesbian in the summer like i become a lesbian this summer oh I'm like um okay so this is my summer okay where I finally come out after all these years because you mainly date men unfortunately unfortunately yes okay all right unfortunately so you guys can bond over there in the arms of an angel suck a dick did you say suck a dick okay I mean you came in so hot Marley Marley

got her got her actually I have a question for both of you because I really care about both of your opinions and thank you so much for having me I maybe will want to do like because legally my middle name is Marley and so I was maybe going to change

my first name so my stage name slash legal name would be Marley Marley Marley Marley I'm not mad at that I'm not mad at that Marley Marley but also I like having just you know like a freaky last name that you know nobody

else has in a way is that your real last name? Gotterer Marley Gotter Gotterer Marley Gotter I think you gotta keep Gotter Okay.

Yeah. I like that. All right. Perfect. You don't need to. Don't change a thing. Okay. You don't need that.

Because I don't know that many other people in the industry that's named Marley. If anything, change the stage name to Marley Got Her. Right. That's true. Or Got Her Marley. Got Her comma Marley? Got Marley Her. Got Marley.

Marley Got Her. Got Marley? Got Marley. Got Marley. Got Marley is also, that might be merch. That might be merch. Yeah. And it's spelled like M-A-H-R-L-E-Y, maybe?

Molly? I like how we're brainstorming right now. This is really helpful for me. It is. It's really helpful. Okay, well, let's slide on over to our mess real quick and then get into it. Because I know you got a long list. Marie, what's your mess for the week?

Well, I don't know if you guys can tell, but me and Sydney are going to the same place after this. can you guess where we going well no you look hot i look like i work at express i look like i work for express women right now express for men yeah why would it be for men well you don't got her no because i got a blazer i have a blazer with big shoulder pads no yeah that's i was gonna say Hillary Clinton but oh how dare you and I didn't want to say I didn't want to say it

get out you need to leave gotta go Marley gotta go yeah hi it's not Marley anymore it's Marley Marley Marley Marley get out yeah we're going to Broadway Broadway

we're going to a play and we're going to go see a really a good friend of ours um io a debris and um to see her improve and so marie you look fantastic i just was like i buy all these clothes and then i put them on and i'm not satisfied so i was like what am i gonna do black black it is well you know what happened this skirt i wore it in marrakesh for my birthday never wore it again that was two years ago okay remembered i had it today last minute this bra I just bought.

Love it. It looks good. Yeah. Love it. It's for the gym, but not for real. No, no. It's for the streets. Not when you have abs.

You can turn it around. I've been working on the abs. I'm also holding my core tight. So, I'm just sucking it in. I'm like loose. I'm gut out. I'm like, I have abs. Trust me, but I'm gut out.

Gut first. The skirt is so cute. Slit to the clit, baby. I think you have to wear it at least once a week. I just, I... I forgot I had it, and now she's back. I feel like Beauty and the Beast. Beauty and the, in the yellow dress.

What is my mess today? Let's talk. So I haven't been getting my nails done. I haven't gotten gels since August of last year. It's summertime. I miss the way they look. Sydney's nails are always done. She always, they always look great.

Just the length of it, it just gives like, I don't know. It just gives, like, I should get a lifeboat on a Titanic type energy. You know what I mean? You feel me? Yes. Women and children with nails. And then if you got nubs, put them back. So that's how I feel.

Well, what about hooves? You can play the clarinet while your ship is going down. I just glued these on, so I definitely am not getting on the ship. No, no, no. You get on the ship. I get on the ship. Hey, I would already be passed out dead. Like, I wouldn't have to worry about it drowning.

I would already be fast asleep. No, don't put that energy into it. Aren't you about to do a cruise? I know I am about to do a cruise. Finish your mess. Finish your mess. Okay, okay, okay. So I show up with a photo and a dream.

Usually this place that I had been going to for years, every single girl that works there is an artist, is an artisan, is a, you know, she doing it. I think the girl that I went to last week, it was her first day. First day. because everything she was doing I was like I don't think that's how you do that I showed her the photo that she starts doing it is wrong I'll make her take it off you try again I make her

take it off I say you know what that might be too advanced for you here's another picture she starts doing that wow I'm snatching my hand it just it just kept getting worse so what I ended up doing is this is a style that I had last year that I really liked in a different shape she started doing it it's like kind of psychedelic smiley faces i love it it took her three different tries to get the yellow this color can you take your 15 for me like did you not eat today do you need a smoothie you might need a smoothie probably smoothie and a juice might need a smoothie anyway i paid um 180 for these after the tip and i heard to make all these mistakes yeah and i thought i going to be in and out in like an hour i was there why would you think that for design well

because i was i just wanted polka dots no the design that i wanted two and a half is quick honestly that's a basic that's a basic uh stop at the nail salon right yeah that's why i haven't been back because i'm like i don't have three hours we're busy right we're busy bitch well let's talk i got there at noon i left at 3 30 that's three and a half hours they're so cute though they they're they're really cute for now yeah but whatever anyway mess if you're not good at what you do that's mess yeah and that's really the theme of 2026 a lot of people don't know what they're doing they're not good at what they do but they're doing it and they're getting paid right and sometimes more than us or me be shitty but delusional confidently right right that's the

secret don't tell sydney what's your mess my mess is you know i have this show that i'm doing my black barbie story love it traveling doing it touring and it's it's going well it's going well it's going so well that when i was like oh i'm doing my new york show it's gonna go so smooth because i've been running it and running it and the last uh time i did i did it in seattle and honestly I felt I felt like a superstar that's how they made me feel so shout out to y'all at Emerald Emerald City Comedy Club it was fantastic so anyway I get to Union Hall I'm there early I'm feeling good I'm just like we're banging everything out there was set design we added Barbies Roses we're doing more we got a big ass disco ball it's just coming together the Barbies had

a little drop top jeep i saw it yeah it was great it was great then i come out like everybody's i'm like i honestly i'm like yo this this show is gonna be the best show i have madison square garden 15 18 minutes in yeah the slides are not sliding the everything i have is a slide of like barbies and everything is copied and pasted because i don't have any storage so if the wi-fi is shaky it's not gonna load so I'm getting into a really good story boom boom boom boom boom and then oh oh hold on wait a minute hold on wait oh and that happens that happens during the show but it's it's real things it's not too much this time it was it kept happening and it I kept having to refresh and then start over and then I'll tell people to close their eyes hey don't look so I

And get back to the right slides because things weren't going right. And then it got so bad that I was like, the Wi-Fi doesn't work. I guess the show is over. And somebody was like, I have a hotspot. And I said, I don't want a hotspot. And then I was like, what is a hotspot? They shamed them. And then they were like, wait, you don't know what a hotspot is?

So now everybody's laughing at me, which is perfect for a clip. But I just felt like somebody's auntie in a light pink two-piece suit trying to figure out how to do their PowerPoint presentation. It was embarrassing. And then my assistant came out and I yelled at her. It was, but the people had a great time. You didn't really yell at her. Right.

That's you yelling? Yeah, that was me yelling. That's not even Miranda Priestly. That was me yelling at her. What was the yell? What was the yell? She was like, I don't know why it's not working. I said, Molly, you're supposed to be young.

You know, you're supposed to know how to do this, this tech stuff. This is supposed to be up your alley. You did say that. I did say that to her. And then somebody tried to give her the hot sauce. She's like, you don't have enough bars. And I was like, Molly, don't talk to her like that. i mean it's like it was at union hall you're not gonna have a hot spot in a basement like

you just aren't so that's honestly on them for even suggesting that well she's trying to help me right shout out to erica erica who she comes to our shows she's very nice thank you erica yeah thank you erica thank you erica but then i used the hot spot and that and then nothing showed up and i said okay oh my god it's too much and i'm like this is why when people just do stand-up all it is is you that's it yeah but it'd be boring standard we had you know you gotta do a somersault or a split or have a have a visual presentation or something i know i i toured with a like a powerpoint show it just is so much harder yeah because it is like it's like okay the venue you would have to like know it has tech you have to know it has wi-fi you have to like

you know it's like do you need the clicker are you doing it yourself on your computer and then i was like what if i just was just me and a microphone oh no cues wow literally i felt like i was discovering stand-up yeah i was like wait that sounds great yeah get this normal stage lighting a microphone you're standing still you speak into the microphone you tell not it's a joke but who's calling me my mom probably oh my surgeon's calling me i'm getting hair grafting which is like turkey you know the turkey you going to turkey i'm not going to turn no i'm going to manhattan oh that's manhattan okay money money money money no i'm getting free oh it's called free yes it's called free health care it's called mom donnie's new york

Wait, Obama would never. Wait, hold on now. You get a hair graft. Where are you getting it? Her name is Dr. Hazel. Yeah. She does a lot of different stuff. No, exactly.

But it's like you have to like also be broke to get it, you know. Right, right. If you don't, you can stay. But I probably have an appointment coming up. Or they're trying to book me for one. But they were like, we have free slots in May or June. And I'm like, I'm going to be on the beach. I can't do it then.

You should do it now. No, no, no. Or October. No, hair grafting takes six months. You got to do it. Yeah, for everything to start looking right. You got to wait until November. It'll be like under that.

October. Wait till October. But summer, you're going to be trying to throw it up in the top nine. You're sweating. You're going to be showing me that. No, exactly. Let me know how it goes

because I want to get mine. All right, I will. I will. Anyway, Molly. Anyway. Thank you. We talked about all our mess. We talked about so much.

Yeah, we did. We really need to get to yours because you came in with a list, baby. What is one of your mess? Because we can go through the list. We could one by one. Yeah.

All right. Let's do that. It's easier for you. Say that. Say that, Marie. Say that. The first thing you hit us with, Miss Mamas,

accidentally hooked up with a landlord now how does how does one accidentally hook up did you not know he was a landlord i didn't know he was a landlord okay i all i knew is we met on an app we then and this is i will say this is a 45 year old man oh so it wasn't your landlord no no no i'm thinking it was your landlord no i tried to with my landlord and it's my first orthodox jew landlord oh you're trying to pull the no no i did not and it wouldn't be the first girl with the hot sorry with the hot with the yarmulke with the yarmulke right you're tipping the yarmulke um no but i have been you know i don't know another term for this but i was

outdoing my Hasidic landlord I haven't paid full rent since I moved in good for you I know right right because I was in like a year and a half long tenants right legal battle and now I'm kind of like oh it's gonna take so much for them it is to take me to court and to even to get to court so I'm like still live there no no I live in a different place okay yeah like you could just not pay rent for a year and a half right that's what you call squatter their squatters rights did you not know about that i was a squatter yeah i was marley i've never seen a squatter like next to me like in real i didn't know you didn't know that you've been on the train before we weren't cool

i mean we were paying for like all of that we were paying for all of that we just weren't and we and we inevitably we did have to pay back some but it was like some back rent but it was like 80% off. So it was like... And it was a lot of y'all. It was like six of us. What? How really? Now, it feels it's giving LGBTQ elemental pee.

It was giving and another adjective. United Colors of Benetton? Like you got... Oh, it was a white person in there not paying rent? It was like six transgender people. It was six transgender. Okay, well, you can't

touch that. Yeah, y'all do what y'all want to do. I mean what are they going to Hey no one wants to be Well there are people Like what's the Harry Potter bitch What's her name She wants to be Hermione

And do not bring up her name In front of me You know I always got the wand Wait not the wand Ready to go We was BYO1 today I love that you're a prop comic now I'm always a prop comic

Well, that was because I had a show last night, and I have a bit where I've been just, like, whipping it out, making people tell me their pronouns in the audience, and then trying to, like, force transition them. And I did this on tour in the South, and I did this show in Houma, Louisiana, which is, like, 30 minutes outside of New Orleans. Never heard of it. Completely. Don't know her. Not Houma. I know you know that. Yes, I know that.

Bushwick. Yes. And, like, I was doing—the venue was, like, cigarette mandatory. so everyone was like smoking inside it was you know 35 of the gayest looking straight people you've ever seen like freaky freaky freaky there was a guy in the back feet kicked up long beard who was on his phone during my stand-up comedy set and i had the wand and i was like pronouns sir pronouns pronouns and then he like wouldn't look up everybody's like looking at him And I was like, what could you possibly be reading on your phone during my stand-up comedy set?

He takes a drag, looks up, Epstein Fowles. I thought you were going to say, I'm Googling what pronouns are. No. Epstein Fowles. He's light years ahead of that. Yeah. So. You said that outside.

You need the iPad or the laptop for that. No, exactly. So there's so many TikTokers that have, they have like a seven-part, you know, video series about breaking down the Epstein's files. You don't have to actually read the files. Yeah, but some people want to do their own research. Right. They're like, I need to read this then I'll watch what the TikTokers say. A lot of those people have not even gone to school.

They don't even know how to research anything. So it's better if you just hear from somebody else. Or he's probably looking up his own name in there. I said the Epstein Files with people who got money though celebrities people who doing that well maybe he donated

some product sometimes okay wait marley the the landlord you hooked up okay so right the hooked up so the hooked up so basically this 45 this i don't have it anymore but he was like what's your snap snapchat snapchat a 45 year old landlord asked me my snapchat but you didn't know he was a landlord i didn't know he was a landlord i was just like okay like he's cute like whatever we like facetime we like talked a little bit it seems like i'm visiting staying with family and then he on his way over i get a text and this is like i have a kind of like a poem about this

because i do have a slam poetry show coming up oh my god what do you not do what do you not do it's called woke is back slam poetry so if any of you all have like something in your heart that You want to share for me? I think that's your real message. Slam poetry. You should have started with that, Marley. Slam poetry in 2026. Right.

I got to bring it back. Someone's got to bring something back. No, they've already brought too much back. That's it. Stay there. Stay there. Stay there. I mean, I'll have a Newsies hat, a fedora.

It's giving Jack Harlow. Oh, my God. I need the Jack Harlow hat. Sydney's looking at me. Marley, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you. We're on the mess podcast. You should be worried about me.

Yes, mess. Okay, so he's 45. He asked for your Snapchat. Yeah, so basically, like, and it was like a sneaky link. So it's like, I let a DL, like DL landlord trade sneaky link. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Sorry. This is the poem? No. Well, there is a poem. There is kind of a poem. No, no, no. All three of us have ADHD. No, we are going to have a streamline here.

Okay, this was the, I thought this was the haiku. No, it was going to be. Okay, so wait, what's trade? Sorry, Mona, silence. So I would say that trade is gay slang in terms of like a straight man who would get down inside. Okay. It's like a trait, like we're trading sexual kind of interaction.

I always thought trait meant they were down, but they didn't look it. Yes, that's what I thought we're trading. Yeah, I thought they were gay, but they looked straight. Yes. Yes. Yeah, that is that. That's what it is. Okay, that's what it is.

All right. And then DL is a straight man who doesn't say that he has sex with. Well, and that's the thing. It's like with trans women, it's like kind of it's all up in the air because it's you know they are straight still and they're still very like I am straight like I am straight and some of them

will be like I'm bi on cocaine that has happened to me I felt that I mean that's like cocaine from Long Island it makes you bi from Long Island Long Island gross bi

I need to hear I need to hear more of that queen's queen's coke asexual it's definitely i might right that's it's asexual because you're folded okay folded no kalani okay yeah okay so you said a dl then fold it okay so you so i spread my she shitter for landlord trade and on his way over he was like i have to admit something to you dot dot dot i'm five four oh wait he was already on the way he was he was five minutes away and you know i love a short king this was a cisgendered

man and like you know i love my short kings but i'm like five four i think you have to disclose that especially if you want to ride this five-story walk-up with a walk-in closet and dual sinks let's go now sing wait how tall are you five nine oh you are a tall one i'm tall but then yeah like and you've like seen me in my little heels like i'm a big like at sarah squirms after party all the snl people were there i was like they have never seen a big bitch like this before like i was towering over them looking amazing of course but it is just i would love someone who is six three we we all would love somebody would love you're not the only one no especially you're not i just had this like realization like i don't know if anybody's ever had this like

what if he was over six foot that's like you inventing stand-up yeah marley you're there okay so you know what honestly this is not that much mess for me because a landlord if it's not your landlord then i mean it's not really that he's a landlord in la and then he told me he was a landlord i was like oh can i stay and he was like well that like and then he got so defensive of like being a landlord and it was like the biggest ick ever so that was honestly the mess where I was like, once he disclosed he was a landlord in LA and he was getting defensive of

being a landlord, I'm like, you are disgusting, short pervert. Next mess. Let a guy with adult braces eat a banana out of my ass. Who said that? She said that. You did. You wrote that.

She said that. Now, can you, what day of the week is that? Is that a Friday, Saturday? What day of the week is that? Is that a Monday? Like, because all of that matters. Right. It's a Sunday.

Yeah. It was a Sunday. It was, no, it was either, yeah, the Lord's Day or Shabbat. I'm not sure. Shabbat? It was, I think, like, honestly, maybe like a Wednesday. A Wednesday. Like late in a Wednesday.

Were you at the box? Because that feels like something that would happen at the box. No. Should I go to the box? If anybody doesn't know about the box, it is a nightclub in New York City in the, what to the Lower East Side or whatever, and it's like cabaret, so there's performances. But they're not just any old

performances. They're in cages. There's a trans woman dancing, but then eating pizza, and then shitting on the pizza, and then eating. Yeah, it's a lot. Wait, I need to perform

there. What? Girl, you better Who is the booker of the box? Book this box. Book this box. Book this box. That's the title of the episode.

Book this box. I like that. Book this box. And now that is merch. That is awesome merch. That is merch. Hot panties. For me, the messiest thing about this sentence is the adult braces plus bananas.

I think adult braces are kind of cute though. Invisalign, please. They're cute, but I don't want them anywhere near my snatch or my tutu or my any holes. I will say I did not know that

the adult braces... This is... I need to learn more about these men. I think that's what's coming up is like, I'm just... I didn't know he had adult braces. Like, he was, I guess, just more like... They know how to smile and smirk and smize and you see them

and then you'll be like, ding! And there's like a little piece a little Sesame Seed right here. And it's like, no. I feel the same way about adult races as I feel about little kids with glasses. It just makes me feel sad for them. What? Like a little kid with the little wraparound glasses?

The little soft glasses? So sad! It's not sad. It's parents who care about them. I know, but it's sad. I feel like they can't really play sports. They can. They'll figure it out. Because that's why it's wrapped around so it stays. I'm talking about like a baby. Like a one-year-old with glasses.

No, the one-year-old. The glasses wrap around the head like, oh, it'll be fine. But have you seen those videos of the babies putting on glasses for the first time? Beautiful. Makes me cry every single time. So that's kind of like an adult getting braces. Then when you take them off, it's like, see, they don't have that enough. It's like adult taking them off braces videos.

Okay, sorry. The doctor is still called. Well, that's actually a different doctor. How many doctors do you have? That's Dr. Phil. that's dr phil dr oz is like trying out okay so can you set the scene for us at like how did you even get to getting a banana in your so uh i was bamboozled i was bamboozled i was a little bit more than bamboozled frank i was a little bit off a blunt after a night out right

and some punky guy kind of sexy in my mind was like come over lower east side i come in immediately i see two roaches intersect stop it marley the roaches was doing the sound no roaches on ice it was it was disturbing and then you know at the end of the day i think that this guy had a i have i don't think i've ever said this out loud but a scat king excuse me okay scat king do i need to explain that are you are you saying no no no are you saying you think that because the house was covered in scat the roach has got to be lurking somewhere right no exactly it should have been that but that's why he like said something like i want to be

the size of an ant so i can live inside your rectum that's that is wait scat kink are you talking like jazz no that would be good no i'm talking about um yeah you have to blur this whole thing yes no definitely i'm just like blurred except for like my eyes and my mouth i have a dull bracelet yeah okay um so it's it's it's defecation oh it's yeah it's it's disturbing it's not something i'm into it's not something i i i'm supporter of all kinks but i think fluids i draw the line okay pretty much all fluids well she uh let's marley so you wanted mess this is this is i know marley i know i wasn't prepared let's

I will say I didn't have any fat to give. Right. Okay. Because you didn't have a smoothie. I didn't have a smoothie or I only had a smoothie. You didn't have any fiber. Right. And so, and I think he was a little bit upset about that.

But before I was coming over, he's like, I just have to go to the store to get something. Cut forward, that was a banana. One banana? One banana. He went to the store and got one banana. One banana so he could put it up my derriere. and how do you peeled or unpeeled unpeeled because i think it was the mushiness but also before this he was like marley now i'm gonna have to who's your parents let me talk to them

for a little bit let's get you i got unpeeled unpeeled marley you deserve a peeled banana you do deserve a peeled banana oh wait sorry peel okay oh wait i was thinking the opposite yeah wait peeled peeled yeah i was saying i think was peeled okay yes yes sorry sorry to give you a fright there i'm scared you know you said it and i think i was i also heard it the opposite way no okay yeah so it was um it was just the fruit it was just the fruit also like before when he was like getting something he like lit a bunch of candles the back of his hair caught on this is the whole smell like before the banana he's got roaches that dance he's got money for one banana that's 25 cents he got a scat kink and adult braces and he almost burnt his ponytail off

and none of that stopped you from doing anything that you did with him i ain't got no time i'm like when do you draw the line marley i don't know i don't know there's there is i'm trying to make a line sometimes but then it's like and that's part of it is like lines get crossed lines because i didn't know any of this going in i don't know i think the lines are in invisible ink marley because you can't see them it's like you yeah it's like in the when you like go to a hotel power room and you shine like a black light and everything's covered in yes you know that's kind of what my lines are your line is the light or the room is the cum that is um seen through the black light once once the black light is on does that make sense no what's the next must well

because i know you're not carrying a black light to these people's home where's the next just let you into the house and you still stayed so don't say a black light they said no welcome no it was The roaches literally hit you with a B-R-Guess B-R-Guess But your But your anus You want a banana

Here it is, potassium Yeah, potassium Potassium I will never look at bananas like that Again, like And I love bananas I'm going to be thinking about The bananas in your

How many does he eat? We don't need to think. Let's just say right after it was a block. Okay, next mess. All right. God held off the Kristen Stewart's balcony by a cast member of Riverdale when I lived in L.A. My life flashed before my eyes. Kristen Stewart?

Twilight? Kristen Stewart. Kristen Stewart. Kristen Stewart. Okay, so you in the house. You in the, you already. I was at the house, but, you know, I'm just going to, like, because this is my trauma, like, I'm not going to give a fuck what I say. i think this was her party house like i think she has a house for party yes which i later found out

that makes sense right which makes sense i mean like we all have that right yeah no that's why we have the lake house we have the house i don't want all those people there because it's like right that's what my house is set up for but if i ever get to that place then i'll have a then i have a house where just sleepovers or you know just just parties right or just crying you gotta have a house just for crying just for tears that's where you live now no i'm the depression i'm there too okay so basically it was after party 4 a.m the vibes were like kind of bong rips and serious talks like there wasn't like laughter when it's like i'm out there it's like i want to be laugh like i want to be laughing yeah and so i was in this was when i was

maybe 22 i was in you know big my big heeled boots wearing a leopard print pink little moment um this was like very early on medically transitioning okay so i'm like ripped and hairy just just putting that out there so a beginner chance beginner trans beginning the trans and i i only say this because i think i was i think a lot of the riverdale boys felt really emasculated around my presence and so one of the ones let's just say red hair australian accent or new zealand maybe new zealand i'm hearing it yeah new zealand eyes wide yeah eyes wide was like you're taking us there was like you know we're chatting throughout the night chatting throughout the at one point i was like google riverdale so i could see right

i was done so i sat out on the balcony like my friends were there you know chatting and then mr olsi came on new zealand sorry came up to me and was like you want to fight you want to fight like jokingly i think he was on um whatever you had in long island and he was like you want to fight you want to fight and i thought he was like just like you know it's a joking little tussle thing so i stand up i have like maybe four inches on him because of these heels like he he takes off his shirt do you have a shirtless pic there i don't have a shirtless picture but i have i have pictures of him with his shirt on okay because he's like it's like washboard um it's yeah okay yes yes it's like that this is all alleged no she said she said what she said babe

if the banana was true who knows what's true i don't know anybody who would lie about that banana so basically i was like all right i'll fight he takes off his shirt i'm like whoa he's like let's fight let's fight he starts fake punching me almost in the face like boom boom boom i'm like whoa whoa whoa he lifts me up like little baby runs me over to the balcony and and and holds me off like this holds me off the balcony like below is basically like three stories then it's concrete pool it's giving death it's giving perish well no it's giving you all their money and it's the mob right no it's like what did i do be transgender apparently and then you know kristin's i i think she's probably watching

out of the corner of her eye this is probably maybe you know the third time this has happened at her house i don't even know this specific thing is the third time i don't know it can't be she's like this is how they play right yeah come on go play and my friends are like put her down put her down put her down he's like yeah you like this you like i'm like my dress is short my boop bop and dita are flapping out in the wind on kristen stewart's balcony my friends are like we're about to see her get obliterated yeah and eventually he did put me down but it was a moment of wow if you are um a quasi famous slash middly attractive man read you could do anything you can do anything to a woman yeah yeah and where's my check now

kristin i'll take a part in the next movie well we're on this kristin wait that's my surgeon i mean so was he playing or are we considering this like um beginner hate crime i think it was subconscious hate crime. I think it was playing. I think it was a guy playing around who was under the influence of the

Long Island cocaine. He looked like he had a girl and they have a baby. Well, no, they have a baby now. So, you know, congrats. You have a baby. I don't know who the girl is. No, that's not Sienna Miller. I was like, that's not Sienna Miller.

like he couldn't pull that no i'm sure he's sober now and you know and i wish him all the best oh and i don't know so nice of you i don't know i actually don't give a fuck but it's there was that point in time where i was like with a lot of the riverdale guys some you know and were y'all just friends or are you just it was like they were friends with my friend but it was i think it was maybe pre-covid so it's like i was going out i just moved there they all had really bad drinking problems like blackout we're doing like karaoke together one of them's eating actually six plates of pad thai at the karaoke yeah it was thai food karaoke well that goes hand in hand actually can you tell me where that's at no exactly no it's the we need to open one no it was i'm actually

very interested yeah the best place ever it's in like east hollywood i don't know what it's we're going to la soon so we'll check it out we'll check it out all the link babes what's the what's the next uh next mess on the list yeah because that that right there i feel like you should you should you should have lawyered up i would have i would have figured something out i mean it's just like what would i get from that that's like it's like they would pay for my therapy it's like well mom donnie is already paying for my therapy well now that's true that's true i actually yeah they should have been because i was going to planned parenthood paying for hormones out of pocket and all and all my health care out of pocket because

my insurance didn't cover it he actually she or they i don't know what is kristen stewart now she really yeah that's just that's new to me i just call everybody girl yeah girl girl i mean definitely in this and i say bitch so and she deserves that no no so she never attacked your guests yeah she never said anything she never said hey what y'all doing out there no she was you know in in the house or somewhere else like and also i was you know i was focused on my man and not dying and also everybody at the party seeing up my little skirt yeah this sounds complicated what was that series on um hbo with the weekend and lily rose the idol yeah giving the idol a little bit every the idol i love la all those shows are extremely triggering to my

life in LA like I could I could dox we could have a whole episode of just doxing celebrities in LA that feels like what your miss should have been we might need to do that on the Patreon oh I love the Patreon

yeah okay okay the next mess on the list unnamed famous musician drunk drove me in his car then dry butt fingered me saying you better not ghost me have you ever had somebody say that to you i've never i've never yeah you better i feel like you have i feel like i a certain version of that yeah i don't they don't say ghost but they're like you better call me back am i gonna see you again i'm never gonna see you yeah right and it's like you aren't well saying it out loud makes it true it's like why are you saying it's like you know it's true just be in the moment but also if you feel that way that means yeah i'm not gonna see you again exactly the vibes are off right yeah

i don't like you like that right so basically it was after an album release party this guy marley then you need a tell-all book this was what that's what it's given right now you need a like a madonna coffee table yeah with poetry right with right and pictures and pictures naked photos i actually did do a series where i would oh i have my film camera and i actually have a gift for both of you i want to it's literally nothing but dooney and burke um no but i do have a dooney and burke okay so it's just kind of these reminded me of my god this is so cute unicorns yeah and so i'm like that yeah oh my god it's so freaking cute wait i this is great okay if we could cut in yeah we have to take a picture of this

and make sure that people will be able to see this. Because they're only listening at the moment. But so at that point, like, basically he was like, I'm from here. I like,

because I was drunk too. And he's like, no, I'm not that drunk. I'm not, like, guys will love to tell you that they're not that drunk. Is this in LA again? This is LA.

Oh, LA is good for drinking and driving. That's the all, when I first moved there, I was outside the club. I saw somebody get in the driver's seat, open the door, vomit,

close it, drive on yeah la is really bad la is bad for that because considering it's like get the uber you don't you don't need to get into the car everybody just wants to drive their own car why you can't drive first of all a lot of y'all can't drive sober so then you think what seven vodka sodas in you're gonna drive better no ma'am that i see better when i shut this one because people say that it's like i drive better when i'm stoned and it's like who says that people say it all i hear it all the time no i've never heard all the time i've never heard nobody says i drive better when i'm drunk no it's scary it's scary they'll be like i'm more careful when i'm

drunk you drive it that's the most on like safe anyway whatever right but basically he he then like we get to my house at this point i'm like living in a house paying you know four hundred dollars i have like a pad on the floor in la and i was like you can't come into my you know house of all 20 year olds basically so then you know he was like he he then later was like i'm like so fucked up like i'm so drunk and i'm like you just drove me 30 minutes back home so then he like tries to um do you are y'all into butt stuff i'm into listening to people talk about it. That's okay. So I just wanted to know. How are you asking us now

if we into butt stuff? You don't talk about a banana in your ass. You talked about, what was the other? The first thing was also girl. Now the last, that's this. Right, right. Well, honestly, if I'm talking about my butt stuff, I don't have to ask y'all about it

because it's not about y'all. It's about me. So you asking now, it kind of makes sense because now we're comfortable. Now we trust you to tell you if we're into butt stuff or not. I think I was just asking because I'm like, you've been talking about butt stuff the whole time. You can't now just ask if we cool with it. We got to be cool with it.

We've been talking about it. Well, you can be cool with it. But like, are you cool with it enough that you also are enacting it? No. You have. And you have. I guess I only ask because I'm like, well, at least a little bit of spit or lube. That's all I'm saying.

I need all of the lube. No, exactly. A little bit? No, a lot. I need you to put the whole bottle inside. No, no, no, no. I mean, like, use up the whole bottle. No, literally.

That'll bring me my bananas. No, no, no. Yeah, that's what I need. No, no. Me too. And so that's why when he tried to dry rub the sphincter, it was very uncomfortable. Of course. And he then kept saying, you better not ghost me.

You better. so imagine the most uncomfortable feeling yes i was bursting out laughing i was laughing so hard imagine you like hook up with like the hottest person ever and that's what you're saying this guy was the hottest no i oh oh yeah no no no i am and then you're trying to like lay it down and you just get laughed at like over and over and over again. They're all going to laugh at you. They're all going to laugh at you.

But I'm like, he has a girlfriend who he lived with. And then a year later, he picks me up to get sushi. Were they all going to get sushi? Of course. They were open to explore himself. I said, or to find himself.

I said, you will never find yourself with me. You will lose, if anything, you'll lose yourself more. You will not be finding yourself. You're going to lose yourself. You only get one shot. Do not draw a finger that holds. Yeah.

But then he took me out to sushi and then he was like trying to. You went to Samba Sushi or? Sushi Samba. In Silver Lake. I don't know what the sushi was. Because it's like. Okay. Was it upstairs?

We were sitting outside. No, no, no. It was downstairs. The thing is, if something goes down like that, you're going to have to take me somewhere nice. I'm not saying you've got to take me to Nobu, but it's got to be maybe a little underneath. Right. Because you just, a dry finger? Who raised you?

That is no manners. Are people raising their kids to finger, butt finger better? I mean, if you're going to do it, just be like, at least. I mean, hopefully this teaches somebody, too. I'm saying that people are raising their kids to do that. No, no, no, no, no. But I'm just raising you to have manners to, like, do the right thing. The right thing is you got to prep.

Right. You got to prep the person you want to be with. Or even ask. Like, literally ask. Just be like, what will feel good if you don't know? Because obviously he didn't know. Well, okay. He didn't know.

He did know. He didn't know, mommy. Everybody knows. Everybody knows. Okay. Everybody. Something. He didn't have a Portland Spring or a Dasani or a Pellegrino in the car.

Like, nothing. Oh, you need a little bit of this. Of water? Yeah. I'm just saying better than nothing. Water's not lube. I understand that, but dry. No, he didn't, if anything.

You never use water? Water has lube? He didn't pop his finger in his mouth and stick it out? In the comments, they'll tell you. Water is not lube. I understand that, but I feel like nothing is worse than dry. No, and let's just say it lasted for about four minutes. Maybe he thought it was already moist.

That's probably what he thought. He thought it was already moist. I mean, he was drunk. Right. He was drunk and I was drunk and it could have been moist. I don't know. Let's not go there. Okay, sorry.

But anyways, right out. Because mine gets, it gets moist sometimes. I mean, right. It's moist. Yeah, it's swamp ass. You heard of this? I wouldn't call it that. I don't want to say it is that.

In front of my little pony, I saw it like this? It's more like a spa. It's more like a sauna. Right. It's like steam. It's essential oil. Oil, yeah. It's rosemary.

Yeah, eucalyptus. He didn't have none of those things. He did not have the steam. He did not have the humidifier with rosemary. But, okay, so after he kept calling me at 1 a.m., trying to be like let me get you in the stew like come on like come to the stew like come to the stew because I had been making music with my friend he had listened to it and it's like he's a musician it's like you know and that's what happens in LA is you know you just get people

you use each other yeah so it's like he wants to dry finger me and I want to be on a track be on a track yeah because as you know i can't hold back my bars no you got them you've just been hitting them all episodes i can't and so i was like i'll come to this book my box literally my box i will never get over that marley now okay you've told us a lot of um a lot of mess that might be you know a little sexual or traumatizing you have anything any light mess? I think your mess is hookups. Hookups are a mess. Hookups are a mess. Is everybody

you hooked up with that you told us about? Right. There's some normal stuff. But then there's like the emotional mess, which that's too painful to even talk about. So what is the light mess? The light mess. The light mess. Well, I was talking about comedy.

Yeah, I was like, what about comedy? Okay, when you were talking about your show, so in Williamsburg they changed, they opened up the Second City and then they changed it to an improv. so you know I've been there like every week the past like you know five weeks because we were there for Mary Beth and then they changed it and so like the booker

liked me and let's say like you know it's a lot of club comics which I'm not a club comic and now I guess I am so I'm meeting a lot of new people a lot of straight people who I love I love no I love straight people

name five straight people right now Madonna definitely not definitely not definitely not i wouldn't call her a straight right yeah but but you know i was turning those silent crowds literally one time i got them to do a standing ovation those 25 people i got them standing ovation though this one woman who was so stoned she was like maybe 50 years old wearing like a stoner shirt i made her yell faggot into the microphone oh she was loving it i think i think she probably says it's outside of the club friend it's like you didn't have to pull her finger well i was trying to get everyone to say it and then

nobody said it except for her and then she goes oh and then i was like no girl say it no like can i just be myself no man yes but then anyways the last time i was there it was probably 15 engaged straight couples that's hostile they want to laugh at all like and some of the guys you i mean you must relate to this it's like doing somebody's show or it's like a like a club show where it's like you see a guy and it's like you want to kill me or you would kill me you would kill me but underneath it it's you want to but yeah but like i was getting that and it's really it affected me i was like i affected you in what kind of way what do they do well it's just like it makes you feel like shit yeah it makes you literally feel like shit because

it's like well am i not funny am i not good enough as a person no no no no you joke that work i know and because if you think about it right when you go into a show you're not you're not performing you going in anywhere right things have to be aligned you're like did i eat am i tired did i have a good day did i just get in my phone at 22 percent yeah right did my direct deposit hit like there's so many things that have to be in order for when you to go in a show that's what 90 minutes for you to be having a good time if the host is not setting people up then you're like oh man can i trust the show is that's just how it is no it's true and like i will say it all kind of went away once they they give me a hundred dollars in cash oh my god i'm like

and you're like 15 minutes right no literally i'm like i could do this every day but it is just like that where it's like oh feeling the mess at its peak and like last night i did a show like richard Perez's show and there was a keyboardist there I'm like I did some of the same stuff I read a new poem that I just wrote it's um by polyamorous Elmo. Elmo don't even like record yeah who Elmo hooking up with now? Well Elmo is from the 70s like Elmo is old at this point like it's a new it's a new era for Elmo. Elmo is from the 70s is such a crazy sentence because he's like seven but he's old right he's old

I love Marley's mind because I am never thinking about fucking how old Elmo is and I'm definitely not thinking about Elmo being polyamorous I know

that's the thing it's like he's from the 70s it's crazy well he is Marley did you take an edible no this is you sober

I had some sips of water okay this is you hot drinking right you do not want to see me dehydrated oh I know that

I know that guy who was trying to do something and didn't want to see you dry either Well, the thing is with Elmo, it's like, because people sometimes are like, I see myself ruining their childhood. And, you know, in my mind, I'm like, so it is definitely like probably a middle-aged man doing the voice. And Elmo is, you know, was from what, 1979, 75? I don't know.

I don't know how old Elmo is. They'll know. Chat will know. The chat will know. You know what? But I actually saw, I forgot, I don't know if it's like actually Disneyland or there was, I just reposted it in my close friends. Oh, that's why I watched it. And there was Elmo doing the worm and I said, I want that job.

And Cookie Monster was throwing it back and I said, I want to be those people. Let's do it. I know they're sweating. I know they're like hyperventilating. I'm surprised. But I know they're having fun. Right. That's what I want.

I'm surprised Elmo's head didn't pop off when he was doing the worm. Right. No. Where was it? On a cruise ship. On a cruise ship, yeah.

I was going to say Brazil because you know how in Brazil they're like, they have the mascot and they're like throwing their shit back. You haven't seen this? No.

It's like Raggedy Ann doll. Oh my God. I'll send, I have a lot to say. No. I want to be that. That's what I'm saying. Let's do it.

I feel like maybe for Halloween, I will get one of those costumes. Elmo? Yes. And just start doing crazy shit, going up to people just like cat crawling, but like miming and like cat crawl. That's so grand for you in Halloween.

I want to do that. That's Sydney on Halloween. And like, yo, and some heels. You'll be like, why is Elmo in heels? I think that would be fun. Those are big boots for Elmo. Elmo loves Sydney, bitch. Yes.

Yes. Elmo. Okay. So let's read a message and get you out of here. Marlee, I just want to say, I knew you were going to come in here and it was going to be kooky. But you really, I was not prepared for this. I'm proud of you. Thanks.

I think you outmatched all of us. Everybody. Everybody. Yeah. Rock your body. Yeah. Okay, boom. This feels like a good one for you, Marlee.

Uh-oh. Hey, Sydney and Marie. Love you guys. Love the pod. Here's some mess. I have a friend that I've known since the very beginning of college, like 10 plus years at this point. He and his housemates throw these parties that are very fun. But the running joke is that I'm the only hashtag gay guy that they know. And they are never any other gay guys at their

parties. Even when I meet guys that seem to be gay, they turn out to be straight. Once there was a guy who seemed very gay to me, but he went to high school with another friend of mine and turns out he's not gay at their holiday party in december i was on the aux and there was a guy singing along to britney spears santa can you hear me and then he asked me to play dua lipa and kim petras i'm obviously getting gay vibes but later we were talking just the two of us he randomly drops that he has a girlfriend i of course immediately stood up and walked away okay a few weeks ago i was at one of their parties and was literally joking with my friends about how the gay guys i meet at these parties are never actually gay they always they're always straight

somehow at this party i met this one guy we'll call him john who had gone to college with us but he and i had never met and it was just cool chill making a new friend conversation definitely straight vibes he left with a big group left to go to public records shout out public records okay and then i went with another group later that night we run into them like after two but it's daylight saving so it's three okay set in the scene okay and i see john and he's so excited to see me he offers to get me a drink he orders white wine which was lol yeah right that's and he brings it back and gives it to me he takes a sip first but he says he's super drunk we start talking and hanging while the rest of our friends go to a different dance floor

he starts sort of dancing with his back towards me pushing his ass up against me I'm like lol am I gonna kiss this straight boy tonight he's like let's go back to find everyone else and as we're walking towards our friends he turns around and plants a big kiss on my cheek I'm like oh we're definitely gonna make out we get to everyone else he's whispering something in my ear but I can't hear it because it's so loud he's like oh it's good you didn't hear that also giving straight boy that I'm gonna kiss vibes I end up having to leave soon because I had to work the next day um the next day I text my friend the party host for John's number friend says what happens I said all good things good conversation throughout the night and he kissed

me on the cheek at some point my friend doesn't text me back for six hours then he says so I'm not sure if you're aware of this but he's currently engaged to a woman I can give you his number but I've been advised by one of his closer friends that it's best you do not reach out you know he went straight to the group chat for six hours oh wow they didn't text they got no right right it was zoom zoom zoom zoom anyway i thought it was hilarious i'm not even seeking out straight guys but they're out here trying to kiss boys mess mess mess i mean that is the truth it's straight guy i mean you don't know who's a straight guy anymore like we're past that that's the thing is it's like we're talking about trade it's like trade is something of the past like every guy's

a little bit how you doing well that you know what marley they're saying that you're just trying to push the gay agenda and that you know it's not true they're like where's the where's the real man at you know there's no more real men they're at the back of comedy shows smoking a cigarette reading the epstein fast right where they are that's the real man that's true that is a real man for sure right yeah it's like it's like they're or they're kissing you on the cheek and they have a wife to be a fiance the thing is it's like that's like a fiance a man with a fiance or man with a wife means nothing like we're not gonna go to my mess but like i've experienced that without knowing right many times and it's just like it literally it doesn't matter but i'm also

like you got to go to gay guy parties there is not i'm assuming this is new york there literally are gay guy parties every night yeah so it's like go there right literally just go there or bring that friend to your party yeah but the thing is is that this friend probably didn't even know about the stunts that his friend is probably pulling when they're not around then my only thing this mess is that the guy saying like oh he kissed he kissed me like i wouldn't have put that in the text message on the cheek on the cheek i don't know anything but that's insinuating like he kissed me on the cheek like i want his number but i like i don't know i would i would assume this guy if if he is he's not out yet i don't know if i would want to be putting that in text definitely because

you put it in text that's exactly what screenshot in the group chat my friend didn't text me back for six hours that's kind of that's kind of weird no i mean he wanted to be messy like he wanted to be messy he wanted to push the boundaries hey you keep introducing these people to me who i feel like are gay yeah some of them are gay yeah some of them even even saying that to this friend he still was like i've been advised for you not to reach out because he's engaged to a woman so maybe you need to talk to him well you know what in five years hold though maybe him and his wife will both be like hey we're both bisexual let's open it up and that has happened gay stuff and then you can make out on the dance floor like just give it a break but it's like to even

be like kiss on the cheek like kiss on the it's like if he kissed you on the lips it's like whoa that's confusing because you know i've had my straight guys who have been like kiss me on the and then, you know, the next day acts like nothing happened. You have nice lips. They're very nice. Thank you. Respectfully.

Marie, what are you doing? Great. I was also letting them see what Marley's been like. Did you have a stroke, Marley? What is that? Kissing you both, kissing you on the cheek. Marley, this has been crazy. This has been...

Tell the people where they can follow you if they want to keep up with your mess. Yes. Because your Instagram is wild. There's definitely some things happening. Yes. Unfortunately. Can't wait to see you at the box, babe.

Yeah. Look forward to seeing your box. Yeah, come to my performance at the box where I will, let's just say, I will use a banana in ways you can't even imagine. Well, I'm already imagining one. Right. Yeah.

So it's at Marley is Marley. I also have a show at the Bell House, May 6th and June 2nd, Woke is Back, Slam Poetry. If that scares you, you should come and maybe you'll have a chance to, you know, express something because, you know, it's slam poetry. But I want people to like do a dance like or like sing a song like I'm open in the audience. Well, maybe I'm thinking I don't want to have the maybe the show is not going to be on the stage. I kind of want it to be like rug on the ground.

Everybody has to be barefoot. you will not can't stop won't stop with this mess now okay so people follow you on instagram um and i mean there's other stuff but like honestly she's very free she's having a good time she's she's an artist your art and so i hope when you we take anything from this is Stop going to Kristen Stewart's party house. I was going to say book the box. Oh,

yeah, you could say that. There could be two things. Yeah, we took two things away. Right. Book the box. Wow. And everybody keep leaving reviews and following us on Patreon and making sure everybody knows about us

because we will get to that 10,000 subscribers on YouTube. Shut up in my glasses. Yeah. absolutely did you take your shoes off Marley you too comfortable that's mess mama

you too that's mess you need to leave you mad at my Cartman socks you mad at my Cartman socks oh that's who it is

it's Cartman socks yeah yeah you and them clogs gotta go babe gotta go you're the one who had the mess podcast

here I am thanks for your mess Marley bye everybody bye see you on the Patreon Mess

with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. Created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie Flauston. Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Han Sani. Super produced by Becca Ramos. Edited and mixed by Brian Jeffries. If you would like your messages read on air,

please email us at messthepodcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.